#jonathan needs a tag

[yeah-thats-probably-it]

Hot take maybe but I think Bertie would be FAR more likely to survive the first two months of Dracula than Jeeves would be. Bertie has a healthy sense of self-preservation. Jeeves consistently underestimates how dangerous a situation might get (Steeple Bumpleigh, the club book) because he’s overconfident about his level of control over any given situation. He'd handle Dracula masterfully if they faced off in England, but on Dracula's home turf? Much more doubtful.

I realize this might be a tough sell, so I will explain further (or it's not a tough sell, and I'm going to explain further because I want to). (criteria taken from @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula) Without further ado.

Would Jeeves and Wooster survive Castle Dracula?

Jeeves

Jeeves' survival will depend on how long Dracula finds him more entertaining than irritating. On that basis, I don't think he's long for this world. On the one hand, he has a huge wealth of knowledge about English society and culture that he can recite perfectly from memory. That should buy him at least a little time with noted teaboo Dracula.

On the other hand, he would be absolutely no fun as a vampire plaything. Jeeves cannot be got. Sneaking up on him while he's shaving will yield zero reaction (though that's at least good for his short-term survival--given that, although he DID take the crucifix from the old woman out of politeness, he certainly isn't going to wear it. The rules of fashion don't go out the window just because you're in a spooky castle). Then, although managing the whims of rich jerks is not an insignificant part of a valet's job, Jeeves usually does this by bending his employers to his will. Dracula is not the sort of employer this will work on. It'll just add insult to injury when on top of being impossible to scare, NOW Jeeves is telling Dracula that his favorite cloak is several centuries out of fashion and he's not allowed to wear it anymore.

Jeeves will 100% go exploring in the areas he was told not to go-- though to be fair, he MIGHT actually get away with this, what with his superpower of appearing in rooms without being seen or heard. Said superpower might save him from the brides as well (though this is by no means guaranteed). Since I find it doubtful that Dracula would come to rescue his annoying ass, not being noticed is his best defense.

There are a couple other things working in Jeeves's favor; the question is just whether they'll be enough to save him.

He DOES know shorthand, and could try to send coded letters. He might even have the foresight to squirrel away some extra stationary where Dracula can't find it. But could he get them posted? Would it even do him any good?

He certainly has enough cultural literacy to figure out what his new boss is pretty quickly. If he didn't chuck the crucifix out the carriage window, he might start carrying it around in his pocket.

Psychology of the individual, sure, but the individual in question is a 400-year-old vampire who lives in an isolated castle in a foreign country and is regarded as a terrifying mythological figure in the surrounding villages. Jeeves has never come up against anything this alien before, he's cut off from his normal resources, and opportunities to play people against each other are limited.

He probably has enough upper body strength from all that shrimping and fishing to climb the wall, so he COULD escape if he wanted to, if he survived long enough. It's just, again, that overconfidence, and also Dracula has a vast library full of rare old books that are entirely at his disposal. He's keeping his eyes and ears alert for potential escape strategies, of course, but I don't see him being as desperate to get out as Jonathan was.

There are just a lot of "depends on"s here, and I'm not convinced that luck would shake out in Jeeves's favor, all things considered.

Bertie

Bertie is so perfect for the job of Castle Dracula Prisoner it's like it was made for him. Think about it. Being held against his will in big manor houses comes more naturally to him than breathing. He's afraid of things that are scary. A lifetime of dealing with Aunt Agatha has made him the world's preeminent expert in "curl[ing] up in a ball in the hope that a meek subservience [will] enable [him] to get off lightly." He will NEVER go exploring in places he's been warned away from if nobody is forcing him to (Rev. Aubrey Upjohn's office notwithstanding. There were biscuits in there). He's both fun to talk to and easy to toy with (and extremely English). A+ prisoner. Dracula adores him.

In my opinion, Bertie is at Castle Dracula either because Aunt Agatha got some wires seriously crossed and thinks he’s going to meet an eligible potential bride (I mean, there are certainly brides there), or because Dracula has something Aunt Dahlia wants him to steal (far less likely, given that one of Dracula’s THINGS is famously not owning anything silver). Either way, he's shown himself entirely willing and able to escape down drainpipes if a sitch gets too scaly.

He DOES take the crucifix, and DOES wear it (which is what will save him during the shaving scene, because you KNOW he's going to jump a foot and cut himself like the dickens). He's read enough supernatural goosefleshers to be genre savvy about terrified old women cryptically pushing crucifixes into one's hands. I also think his sunny disposish endeared him to the villagers, and they were particularly vehement about urging him not to go. He doesn't speak German or Romanian, but he's empathetic enough to recognize Pure Terror. So by the time he actually gets to the castle, his imagination is already running wild and he's plenty aware that he is in imminent danger.

I think the biggest risk to Bertie will be the brides; whether or not he's susceptible to trances, if he thinks they're trying to marry him, it's against the code of the Woosters to turn them down. But that only becomes an issue if he comes face to face with them, which, luckily, I think is unlikely on account of the aforementioned "won't go exploring" (and if he did, Dracula would definitely rescue him).

I'm inclined to say due to his drainpipe-escape habits that he WOULD be able to climb the wall and MAY attempt to sneak into Dracula's room to look for the keys if his desperation grows to outweigh his fear. Whether he does or not, though, he does NOT have the stomach to attempt shovel murder, and therefore won't get magic brain fever, and may very well simply walk out the front doors when the people come to take the boxes away. OR he climbs his way out like Jonathan did. Either way.

When Bertie tells this story at the Drones later, Tuppy will say that no doubt it's been greatly exaggerated and all that probably happened was that he spent a couple months in an oldish house entertaining a weird loner.

#do YOU think jeeves and wooster would survive castle dracula? let me know in the comments! #they're in the castle separately instead of together because those are the rules ok #the isolation is key #though if anyone wants to speculate about what would happen if they went together i will NOT complain #i don't even know what's going on with the tenses in this post i'm sorry #// #jeeves and wooster #reginald jeeves #bertie wooster #dracula #do i need to tag dracula spoilers? #sure there are some people new to receiving letters from our good friend jonathan harker #here it is just in case: #dracula spoilers #i have done my due diligence

[orderforbrian]

@jonmartinweek Day 1 - first kiss | season 1

do you guys remember that poll where we all debated what moment martin realized he had a crush on jon and vice versa? well i bet my money on martin falling hard and fast (and reluctantly i must add) during this prime jon 'i may be stupid' sims moment

#ive had this in my wip for like almost a year and this was a good excuse to finish it #jonmartinweek 2024 #jonmartin #jmart #teaholding #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #the magnus archives #tma #tma meme #magnuspod #order up! art tag #i need to make more stupid videos i think i was born to do it

[emblazons]

I’M CRYING OMG (x)

#HE EVEN MATCHED THE SHIRT I'M IN TEARS #WHERE IS THE JOE HEAD TURN COMPANION PIECE I NEED IT IMMEDIATELY #stranger writers #stonathan #jonathan byers #charlie heaton #joe keery #stranger things #the me tag

[sporkberries]

True Loves Kiss ( when kissing the messiah/the anti-christ please be cautious. though it may draw you out of the lonely it could also lead to severe facial scarring, but hey, you score either way!)

#jonmartin kissed in the lonely to me btw #im normal :) #jon braid agenda #also i think of jon kissing martin almost as cpr which is why martin is so despondent #my guy was GONE #lost in the sauce(the lonely) #dont like the JM one that much but i dont wanna look at it anymore :) #so fuck it we ball #need to stop posting stuff i dont like but if i dont do that ill never post anything ever and i quite like posting #im a poster #catch me posting #sorry im drunk time for real tags #tma #spork art #jonmartin #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #agnes montague #jack barnabas #i bet agnes and jack have a ship name but i dont know it #the magnus archives #thats it i think #anyways im gonna go to bed and wakeup with a hangover #gonna queue this actually #dont want notifications till i am OUT

[neonparades]

MAG039 - infestation

and then i burst into tears and collapse on the floor in a sad, inconsolable heap

#the magnus archives #the magnus archives spoilers #tma spoilers #not sure if i need to tag spoilers but i will juuuust in case ^u^ #jonathan sims #martin blackwood

[loktauri]

Tma au where nothing is wrong ever and Jon gets to pet as many cats as he likes

#tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #tim stoker #sasha james #its just an office comedy at this point #idk the horrors are still there but now it's the horrors of genuinely needing a masters for archival sciences #BE SO FR what the hells is the point of a masters #listen this is my gripe about the educational ladder you have to climb in order to even think about going to library sciences #and getting some sort of guaranteed work off it #oh martin got through alright by lying but he got real lucky with this boss being a literal cult leader #but nooooo I have to finish my bachelors and get another 30k or so in debt BAR student finance #as if med school isnt already a scam!!! #and furthermore-- #oh old art tag

[seaquestions]

still in S1 tma. here's jonny boy.

[id: several drawings of jonathan sims from the magnus archives. he has short hair parted in the middle, thick eyebrows, drooping eyes with dark circles, a full beard with grey hairs, square glasses & a simple silver earring. 1: a more detailed drawing of his face, 2: a chibi drawing labelled with "not mad" & "his face is just like that", 3: a full-body sketch of his holding a jacket in one hand, 4: a sketch of his drinking coffee at his desk, irritated. end id]

#the magnus archives #jonathan sims #niksartstuffs #also. some of you guys rly need to tag trypo on ur fanart btw. FORREAL.

[superpussyking]

I think being a practical researcher at the magnus Institute would suck but bc I imagine it's a whole lot of nothing and then all of a sudden it's phasmophobia. You're now the sole survivor of your expedition and then when you get back Elias is like "a tragic loss of life, truly- here sign this nda and I'll put you on a mental health leave" and Jon is staring at you like you are the last beef and cheese sandwich in a fallout gas station

#.txt post #tma #Elias bouchard #jon sims #jonathan sims #its debatable on whether that mental health leave is paid or not #i need a custom jonah magnus tag

[sadboyhrs]

Steve is the best ally-

Steve supports Nancy-

Steve is a great big brother figure-

Steve would always protect the kids-

Steve is a good fighter-

Hopper loves Steve like a son-

#jonathan solos that FLOP #i literally like steve hes a funny character but anyways !!! #anti steve harrington #jonathan byers #LOVE HIM !! #byler #AGREE WITH ME BYLERS #he is like.....so cool and awesome and i love him #i hate posts that r like 'oh mike and will would come out to steve' NOT THYE WOULDNT #they dont even like the gel man fr #he is literally a former bully bro #'he has changed' yh but that doesnt mean they have to feel comfortabel around him #so weird not tagging will or mike in this #anyways sos for clogging the tag with not byler <3 i want ppl to agree with me because i need validation at all times #AND ALSO no one sees the post if i just tag it as jonathan #his tag is so dry bro

[bepoucorp]

some quick refs I made of Scarecrow and Harley for my universe/headcannons!

#i need a tag for this lol #bepouverse #yeah #scarecrow #jonathan crane #harley quinn #harleen quinzel #character design #art #fanart #batman #bepoucorp #oh forgot to mention but Scarecrow's personality & design is based on BTAS and Batman Arkham Asylum

[syrupsyche]

So, I decided to follow along for Dracula Daily this year

And

And

Jonathan Harker is going on a road trip :D

yeah, he's pretty stoked about it! and even more excited to tell his fiancée all about it soon 😄😄

#i rly wanna do lil analysis for dracula like what i did for les mis letters... #unfortunately im in the middle of finals so that'll have to wait :(( #and i've also spent the past 2 months writing a dracula × les mis fanfic so #probably need a bit of a break.... #but ill be back!! ill be back....🦇 #dracula #dracula daily #jonathan harker #jon harker fanclub #syrup asks #syrup art tag

[napolean-but-cringe]

People keep talking about the whimpering horror podcast men and how distracting it can be but as a (maybe) asexual person, all I ever heard were men in pain. Other people find the whimpering weirdly erotic while I hear a guy in desperate need of a Hospital and a Therapist

#“Hahah he is whimpering so much people will think Im listening to porn” #he is in immense amounts of physical and emotional pain????? #if it wasnt clear this is mostly about Jonathan Sims and Arthur Lester since those are the 2 I know get mentioned the most #but feel free to think about anyone else #also im not hating #sexualize that man #god knows he needs a break from the torture #tag time #the magnus archives #tma #jonathan sims #tma jonathan sims #malevolent #malevolent podcast #arthur lester #malevolent arthur #podcasts #horror podcast

[nineraeix]

Started listening to tma, I am unwell.

#currently just finished season 3 and holy shit it’s so good #it’s been so long since I’ve had a true fandom obsession #I can feel the artistic improvement arc at my fingertips #making an effort to figure out posting on here because I need to yap about it #my condolences to anyone following me for genshin #and to anyone reading the tags #going on record to state that WolfytheWitch’s Elias animatic is 100% to blame for this obsession #tma #the magnus archives #the magnus archive fanart #the magnus pod #jonathan sims #jon sims #the archivist #my art

[emblazons]

One day we’re gonna talk about how the only characters fully privy and accepting of queer characters in the actual canon of Stranger Things are Steve & Jonathan—

—and how it’s likely enough that (because of her proximity to both of them) Nancy is going to get a lesson on her own socialized expectations when both her ex and boyfriend are the ones educating her on acceptance of queer people as she finds out both her first female friend since Barb and her own brother are gay ☠️😂

#Jonathan ‘our brothers might be in love’ Byers and Steve ‘Robin isn’t my girlfriend because she likes girls’ Harrington will be a TRIP #I’m excited for it though. because honestly Nancy needs to get out of her own head just as bad as several other characters atp too lmao #stoncy #stranger things #the me tag

[witchinatree]

i know the whole "do you think jon ever used his powers to Know what his parents looked like" thing is far more devastating than this but what if he tried using his powers to remember original sasha? jon and sasha always seemed closer than the rest, he picked her (and tim) to work with him and tolerated a lot more nonsense from her than anyone else (using his password to access his computer [161], debating his pronunciation of calliope [25], etc)

and ofc jon and martin became significantly closer as the podcast went on, but in the beginning he was cruel to martin when he gave a statement but accepting of sasha? idk i think their friendship was a lot deeper than we realized (ESPECIALLY since his first murder in season 5 was because NotThem provoked him about sasha) and i think jon wouldve used his powers to Know the original sasha, not sure if it wouldve worked though

so so sorry to distract from the post but can yall read the tags for me because i suffered immensely for this post

#they make me ill #sasha was so cool i miss her every day #i think we need more sasha content #idk i wish we got more of them specifically #THIS POST. HAS CRASHED. 4. TIMES. #i am trying to write about the magnus archives and its like “hee hee tumbeast ate your post” give it the fuck back? #it saved to my drafts after the 4th tag but this is pissing me off #every time i try to tag it as “tma” it crashes so im not doing that #just pretend i did ok #16 more times total of 20 every time i try to write tags it crashes #it wont let me write the archivists name im genuinely so serious #please help me please help me #im gonna sit here for a second and let it save as draft #6 more times #ur joking #total of 26 crashes over this one post #hate to distract from my incredibly brilliant insight but this is unusable #i think its okay again actually? #gonna try tagging with real tags wish me luck #jonathan sims #jon sims #sasha james #tma #the magnus archives #the archivist #notthem #notsasha #tma theory #tma spoilers #holy shit it worked

[cosmicisbored]

martin <3 and doodles

#tma #the magnus archives #martin blackwood #jonathan sims #henry jekyll #dunno if I need to add jekyll as a tag cuz he’s just kinda there but whatever #art #sketch