#its gotten so bad that i almost refuse to talk to people irl | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

loopy-owl-thing · 5 years

Text

Our side of the Story

So, we didn’t want to go public with this information. But quite frankly We’ve gotten annoyed that whilst Myself and Twi have tried to move past this whole incident quietly and maturely like adults. All this did was leave Kit to run around telling anyone who will listen to him that he has been a victim and that his partner cheated on him and ran away for no reason, etc.. We’ve gotten a bit fucking tired of it so I’m going to clear the air a bit.

A bit of background information for everyone who doesn’t know anyone mentioned here: Hi, I’m Loopy. I’m a woman in the UK who’s also extremely new to participating in the furry community, only started making furry type stuff late last year, but quietly lurked about since 2017.

Kitsune-Youkai is a male “Popufur” artist from Florida, and popular on a furry site called Inkbunny. I discovered his art while hopping art streams one day. He was colouring a SFW picture on Picarto so I sat and watched for a while. That’s how I found his art, and spoke to Twi briefly for the first time.

Twilight AKA Twi was Kit’s writer and “girlfriend” of seven years, who lives in Oregon. Twi identified as female for a few years, but since the start of 2018 he’s been back to being his birth gender and only goes by male pronouns, with no desire to ever transition in the future. Nor did he start transitioning in the past. Any references to being called “she” in this article or screenshots are due to Kit refusing to accept his partner was male, because that’d make Kit not straight.

And he really, really hated that idea for a while.

What prompted me to start writing this the most is the surge of comment’s we’ve gotten recently of people saying things like “Gee I wish you’d get back with Kit :/” or “Things won’t be the same without Kit!” in Twi’s PM’s or comments. I got a Private Message I since deleted from a throw-away account calling me a “Home Wrecker”. But the tipping point is the fact one of my friends showed me this message they got from him after they left a vague comment on his art back in December. At first we tried to ignore it, but we’ve found Kit has been sending similar messages over the past couple months to people, some even forwarding them to Twi:

(Twi hadn’t spoken a word of his abuse to my friend, she just made an edgy comment and Kit sent this)

This is the message my friend has sent me, and the only one I will show off since she is the only one who has given me consent to show this off. Now, this is the only message I’ve seen that Kit has sent someone that’s got a grain of truth in it. Which was that he smacked Twi hard in the back of the head. But since then I’ve seen him send messages out since to people where he’s claiming “It was a small soft slap!“ or "I didn’t hurt anyone! Honest!”

So I’m going to lay it all out in the open for people. Because it’s honestly disgusted me that he’s gotten away with this because we tried to simply move on with our lives without making a scene.

Onwards with the point of this long post then eh?

(I’m going to provide people with all the screenshots I can, I don’t have a lot of the Group Chat ones anymore after my computer crashed a while ago. It was a Discord server I ended up closing after the "big fallout" happened, And I didn’t think to archive messages via a bot at the time. Names will be blurred out if I don’t have consent for their names to be used, or my personal discord name)

((Also just clearing this up right now since I’ve seen this theory ‘cause of Kit being adamant he’s straight: Twi never catfished Kit. Kit has always known Twi was biologically a man. They lived together since the second year of their relationship, so unless Twi could tuck it in like a champion drag queen, there was no way of not knowing.

So I’m going to separate this post into a timeline of events for people since that gets muddled up the most.

May 31st 2018: I saw Twi’s ‘journal’ he made explaining his situation about how Kit refused to even care for him and found him hideous for being male. Despite reaching out I had no intention of being his “fling”. I was at the time, happy with my own boyfriend irl that’d id been with for almost four years, and I don’t do the ‘poly’ thing, and most of all, I live in the UK. I wanted to check if things were okay between him and Kit. Because no relationship would do something like this if it was fine. I sent him a quick PM basically just saying Hi, we’ve chatted before once or twice in a live stream and if he needs to talk to someone I can probably lend an ear.

June 1st: Twi sends me a message back, saying he’d love to talk more with me, and he’d add me on discord whenever he got the chance, but currently he and Kit were getting ready to travel across the USA back to Kit’s house. I sent a couple PM’s back and forth over the next couple of nights, chatting about games and anime we liked.

June 4th: I speak to Twi on discord for the first time, we become good friends fast because we liked a lot of the same unpopular characters and played a lot of the same platformer games growing up. I meet Kit for the first time, he was talking to me using Twi’s laptop with him. He is pretty rude to me, tells me that if we’re going to “Yiff” (Had to look that one up lmao, was very new to furry terminology stuff) we had to use condoms so he could jerk off to it and enjoy the cuckoldry, and that my bird sona is ugly but it’d do if it was anthro. I was immediately grossed out by that, and I proceeded to ignore this strange conversation he was trying to have with me, and kept talking to and only responding to Twi. Kit stormed out of his and Twi’s room. Twi left a few minutes later found him attempting to break his nose and he kept screaming that we had to stop talking to one another or he’ll kill himself. Twi quickly apologized to me, saying he had to go and left the chat. I didn't know he had done this until the next day, and I soon found this was normal behavior for him when Twi did something that displeased him.

Over the next week or so they were still on the road, traveling to Kit’s house for Summer in a long car ride across the states. So I’d have very short conversations for a few minutes a night, these contained Twi on the verge of a breakdown, as Kit constantly threatening to throw himself out of a moving car because I started talking to Twi and he didn’t like it.

At one point Twi had to pull over his car because Kit took his seat belt off and swung the door open. He refused to set off driving again because he didn’t want Kit to kill himself. Their argument went on for several hours, when it was finally over Kit then blamed Twi for making the conversation last for hours without going anywhere.

I got a private message from Kit on the 11th of June, where he was angry at everyone. Saying that I had stolen his “wife” and chance of a happy future. He also claimed that Twi told him that if Kit asked him to stop speaking to me, he’d end his relationship with him. I was pretty alarmed at the idea that their marriage was falling apart but… I found out a day later that they, in fact, were not married, and he had never approached or asked Twi to marry him either. Their relationship was more akin to roommates who just barely got along but had no one better to move in with. From what I understand, Kit has only ever been “Married” to Firecat. Regardless, I apologized for everything that had been going on, because I truly felt bad for this. But I also understood what Twi had been saying, we were just friends talking and there was no reason for Kit to be this extreme. but I knew to point this out to him would not end well. So I just blindly agreed to keep the peace. This is also when I found out what he was doing about beating himself in the face.

I’ve lined areas I want to argue points on now that I know inconsistencies with what he’s saying I didn’t when he first messaged me, and the tiny black bits are my former boyfriend's name being blacked out.

Purple: Kit knew Twi was writing the Ad. He read through it, approved it and said Twi could post it. And didn’t object at all that day, or the day after, if he had Twi would have took it down instantly. It was only after Twi made friends with me and my boyfriend did this suddenly become a problem. Also! “with toys” would imply they never had to touch ever, which is alarming and fits with the fact Kit hates contact with anything. This is one of Kits biggest fetishes and its the only way he would have “physical contact“ with him. I find it deeply concerning Kit was willing to spend thousands of Patreon dollars he tells fans he needs to pay his bills, on fursuits (or more likely Twis money) just to go near his own partner that he found no attraction to, to pretend he's fucking him. What's the point in that?

Red: He was constantly talking about the abuse he sustained… To himself, by himself. In hopes that you’d stop everything and cradle him like a child. It’s one of the most noticeable things about him. He’ll shoot himself in the foot but be convinced you did it to him because you didn’t stop him. Regardless I didn’t know this at the time, so I was deeply concerned about it.

Blue: He was constantly trying to convince me and Twi himself, that Twi was broken mentally in every way. And only Kit could look after him properly. When in the short time I had spent talking to them I could clearly see which one of these two adults was... well, an adult. It’s the only reason I’ve highlighted this.

This was my response. I apologized profusely for causing problems that I believed I had caused. I tried not to push any buttons, I did, however, point out he was refusing to speak to any of us about what had been going on, and that if he joined us to talk we could all resolve this issue he was having. This being he believed Twi was going to run off with me somehow. Despite this issue, I still really tried to be friendly towards Kit. I wanted to believe that there was something nice about this guy. I sent him my Discord username and said he should add me on that and said we could all chat in a server together, and I’d add my boyfriend too so he could see there wasn’t any “threat”. He adamantly refused every time I suggested it, insisting that he didn’t care about speaking to anyone because he hates people. He then decided to tell me about his dick instead when I tried to get him to talk about himself. (Yet he knew I had a boyfriend, I kept having to mention this to him because he kept accusing Twi of making that up.) I was a bit grossed out but still tried to be friendly as I could bring myself to be.

But in the end just left him to it, I couldn’t do much with someone who refused to talk. But I assured him my inbox was always open and my discord always on.

((This “Love’s everyone equally” thing confused me rereading it, and when I asked Twi about this he explained that Kit doesn’t believe that you can love anyone but your partner. Even in a friendship way, that’s not “love” apparently.))

So this went on for about 10 days, I spoke with Twi every day, making sure he was doing alright and trying to find things for him to focus on that weren’t causing him any more stress than what he had to deal with. I know this all happened on the 21st because I still have these messages that shocked me:

Looking over these screenshots I’ve realized I apologized profusely even when I had not done anything. In this case, I came home from work and opened my inbox, and I felt so sorry for these guys I just said “I’m sorry” and I didn’t want it to happen because I felt put on the spot and I did still feel sorry for Kit at this point

Now If I recall correctly, this all started because Twi wanted to send a fully clothed, normal selfie of himself to me, to show me that he’s started to look after himself again and was losing weight, I’d dare say he was taking pride in who he was finally. When he asked Kit if he could do this, and showed him this perfectly normal, ordinary selfie, all hell broke loose. He got incredibly angry, threatened to kick him out, telling him to never come back… Then quickly started “apologizing” when Twi went to leave. Spamming Twi over and over and over with things like “I’m sorry you made me get angry at you!” and that he’s the only person he ever truly loved. I kept messaging Twi during this period, who was now in a separate room because I now was extremely worried for him. I talked him down from doing anything rash to himself in frustration and said that he should probably walk away from Kit at this point. As there had not been a single day since I started speaking to Twi that Kit hadn’t blown his temper at him. Calling the relationship toxic, was an understatement.

Kit then added me on Discord, just to demand I stop speaking with Twi because I’m interfering with the breakup? :l I tried to keep this interaction light-hearted. However. What he was actually doing, was threatening to stop making art if Twi leaves, and started telling Twi that if he stopped making art, he’d end up homeless with no money, and would have to kill himself and it’d all be on Twi! Twi got scared and stayed with him

(Screenshots say 22nd because this went on ‘till the early hours of the morning since I’m in the UK)

After that I was afraid for Twi, I felt this guy was going to start beating Twi any day now. I added both of them to a chat on Discord because I thought maybe Kit just needed to see that I’m not a bad person, and he’d relax.

So I put Kit, Twi, Myself and my partner in a chat.

Things were…Not great. Kit instantly took a disliking to my partner -who actually really enjoyed his art and was a big fan - solely for being a man and talking to Twi. He was also repulsed by one incident where my boyfriend said that he loved everyone in the chat, especially Kit despite his faults. Leading Kit to go into a long tirade about how love is an extremely strong term and that he wasn't gay and/or sexually in men... When my boyfriend had meant it platonically.

I also had to constantly explain to Kit

every, single day

that no, no one is running off with anyone. We’re all just friends and that’s how it’s gonna be. And that no, Twi isn’t going to run away to England and catch a flight to suddenly try and marry me or something.

If I had to sum up what dealing with Kit was like... It was like dealing with the spoilt, weird kid in High School. The one who never took part in anything and seemed to treat life like it was an early 80's anime, and he was the protagonist or anti-hero of said anime... And if the spoilt kid was almost ten years your senior. Every day I’d come home from work or education to see Kit yelling at or berating Twi (Over messages by the way, not in person. Kit only spoke in person if he had to, even in the same room..) over the slightest of things. Once I distinctly remember a whole argument kicking off because Twi didn’t open a window right away after he woke up, that was near Kit in their office, when he’d been up for two hours already. When I shouted at him for being childish, Kit presumed I was actually just talking about Twi, and still refused to go open this window and made Twi do it.

I started to chat to Twi in private again, often sending him jokes or just trying to calm him down in general. Anytime I called Kit out on his behavior in my chat it only escalated things. If I spoke to Twi in private about things it helped us all cope with him.

Another week passes. And Kit noticed Twi and I often spoke privately, and got very angry about this. Determined that we were gonna run off together into the sunset (Weird ‘cause as I’ve mentioned and kept mentioning to him: I'm in the UK and was still taken. He’d even met my partner now….) I constantly told him things were fine, he needs to chill out. Nothing bad is going on, just not everything has to be in a group chat. He then got really angry and tried to say he was going to “yiff” Twi in my group chat because he decided “There should be no private chats between anyone anymore.” when I calmly inquired it’s funny he’s decided that, because did he really need to know what kind of tampons I was going to ask my boyfriend to pick up for me later, he quickly took back his request for every chat everyone had to be put in the channel.

More to the point on this yiff thing and why I wouldn’t allow it. Aside from the fact it's really fucking weird to do… NSFW content was banned in there for the longest time because my boyfriend had a family computer and couldn’t look at that stuff in front of his family. I made a NSFW channel in the server and asked Kit to post art there if he wanted us to see it. So my partners family wouldn’t see anything. But he then got disgusted when we started posting other peoples art in there too and called us all gross because we weren’t allowing him to be the center of attention. In the end, he went back to posting in the main channel until I banned all NSFW stuff permanently and threatened to kick Kit out. He stopped only because he wanted to see everything me and Twi spoke about. This ban didn’t stop him from starting to send private messages to us over and over with his art in them. Later resulting in my partner having to block him because he wouldn’t stop.

So the 3rd of July: Kit and I tried talking for a while when Twi was fast asleep, and he seemed in an okay mood. As soon as Twi woke up and the two of them started arguing about the day prior. As Twi went and got dressed, I tried to calm Kit down and we chatted for a while, all seemed to be going okay. When I voiced that Twi is worried that one day he thinks Kit’s anger would get the best of him and he might attack someone, he confessed if he wanted to punch anyone it would be me. I was shocked at this and tried to turn it into a joke. He seemed miffed I didn’t take his threat seriously and went outside.

He was determined still when he got back, and said that Twi had been telling people that he would “Sacrifice” Kit for me. I presume in a figurative way and not the literal one with goats and stuff, but he never elaborated and Twi has no memory of saying this (And its not how he talked about Kit ever to me..) and went off again. Not before making himself into the victim again though.

Kit in typing this second message revealed to me he had read a private conversation Twi and I had the day previously. That he could only have possibly read by logging into Twi’s account.

For context: Yet again Kit had refused to listen to any problems Twi had been having that day with him, so I talked Twi down from being so upset and frustrated with Kit. After this I made a joke saying something like “Once again the day is saved by me!” I explained it was much easier to “save” him than it was Kit. Twi said it was much easier to “Save” me too, and preferred doing so than trying to save Kit because he knew I wouldn’t scream at him if he suggested anything. Before Kit left again he sent me this which I guess he thought was a clever “fuck you” to me but uhhh… I’ve no idea?

I thought it was a mean spirited joke, so I just sort of said if he’s insulting me it doesn’t upset me. Kit then said the joke was offensive to him (So why’d you fucking make it then??). I told him Twi isn’t gonna fuck anyone unless Kit was okay with it. (Not that I had plans to do so, it was a joke in response to his joke… self insult thing..) and told him to lighten up or I’d poison the KFC as an even more obvious joke. I got no response.

Twi and Kit went out to eat food, Twi gave Kit his phone to hold while at KFC because he often would forget or lose it in public places. Thing’s seemed fine, they got back however and started arguing in the car on the way back. Whatever it was about, Kit refused to back down as usual so Twi got extremely frustrated with him.

Twi got out and left Kit in the car, as he said he wanted to listen to music/something on the station he said he wanted to listen to. Twi went into the office, and sat down and told me what had happened over PM's. He was very frustrated and distressed, as he was starting to understand Kit didn't love him.

So I tried to cheer Twi up and made some jokes about how uptight Kit was. Things like how he really needed to stop acting like a wind-up toy with the key lodged in its ass, that sort of thing. What neither of us knew is that Kit had kept ahold of Twi’s phone, and logged into Twi’s discord on the phonewithout permission to do so, and watched us talking, saw these jokes I made, and that I had said me and my boyfriend were getting annoyed with how he’s being shitty and childish to everyone and expecting everyone to be nice in return, no consequences for his actions in sight. I suggested that he should try and take Kit to therapy.

He then snapped when Twi laughed at some of my jokes, he stormed into the house and accused Twi of cheating, and then started screaming that no one loves him. Twi attempted to tell him this wasn’t true, and Kit continued to yell and berate Twi for being “a whore.” (I thought Kit liked those though since that’s all he ever portrays women as ) Twi laughed in shock, and gave up, turned his back on him to go back into the office, and that’s when Kit smacked him in the back of the head, making his glasses fly off and onto the floor, the glass of one of his lenses popped out on the floor, and this caused his vision to go funny for a few seconds:

He blamed everyone else for what he just did, then demanded that Twi leave forever this time and that he’d never ever make art again and close his Patreon this is where this journal came from:

Sorry, it’s struck out, hopefully, you can still read this tantrum he had.

The rest of the chat me and Kit had that day is right here. He quickly started to do suicide baiting with me. Any attempts I made to point out the seriousness of what he just did aka physical assault was ignored. Then started implying Twi might have killed themselves to make me upset:

(I’ve lost close friends to suicide, so has Twi. It’s not a fucking joke or something you yell at your loved ones to scare them into obeying you. Anyone who does that is garbage. I was at a complete loss of what to say to this guy.)

(Rereading these, it honestly horrifies me anyone could talk so coldly about their partner of 7 years..)

So Twi left, apparently, this was him picking “Me over Kit” and not because he had just been assaulted and thrown out by Kit and his family, no that can’t be right, can it? Nah, obviously it was all of us who abused poor Kit.

Twi got shoved out the house late at night/early morning, and his screen monitor got cracked in the process. Twi went to a hotel to spend the night, crying and confused. I pulled an all-nighter to stay up and talk to him, advising him to be careful with his head and maybe stay up a bit later than normal to avoid concussion, and started to help him figure out the best journey home.

Kit, realized there was a good chance Twi was going to actually leave. Which meant he’d be alone with no one to beat up anymore.

He started messaging his discord frantically, saying that Twi needs to come back right now or he’ll kill himself and the fans will never get art ever again. Exploiting Twi's weakness of always wanting to please people. Twi caved in because he really thought he’d do it this time, and didn't want fans to hate him, and went back to him. All this did was cement in Kit’s head he could do whatever he wanted from here on out. He’d got to bully and abuse his partner and got away with it all. And I couldn’t do a thing about it.

Kit then made the new journal, demanding a ton of pity from all the fans, making it seem like it was just a little hiccup everyone! Nothing bad happened ever! Twi’s just soooo silly for trying to leave him for no reason, I really love him her! teehee! Kit and Twi are the best nothings wrong BTW thanks for giving me more money on patreon. I cried all night because of you guuuys. Feel free to blame Twi and speculate uwu

I'm never going to forget that day.

All while he played the victim to his fans, he bitched and moaned in private to us all, not even 12 hours later how he had to replace this monitor he just broke.

Honestly, I cried myself to sleep that night Twi went back, most of the day too. I was so worried for Twi’s safety every single day after that, I’d rush home from work and education to make sure he hadn’t been hit again. Or Worse. After this incident, I got in touch with one of Twi and Kits mutual friends, and they joined the chat and would more or less stop them fighting best he could while I wasn’t there.

Oh and you want to know what Kit told Twi, as to why he hit him? That he believed he had brain cancer that was making him violent because he got headaches a lot.

(Blocked out a bit of text that seemed far too personal and not public information I don’t think, so I wasn't sharing that)

I explained to Twi that its convenient he suddenly has Brain Cancer and has no side effects of hair loss, weight loss, vomiting, or any other of the horrifying side effect of this being left untreated for years. Just a nasty fucking temper. Twi quickly dropped it when he agreed that I was right but didn’t want to say in front of Kit. Weirdly enough, Kit never brought this up again to me after this day. Almost like he made it all up… (Twi has since corrected me that Kit has claimed on and off for years he had brain cancer because of the headaches he would get from staring at screens all day… It was the only reason he could come up with as to why he’d get head pain doing that…)

Twi said in the middle of an argument one day that he bet Kit would be happy if something happened to me. Kit agreed that he wished I’d just drop dead or die in a plane crash. Then got angry Twi was disgusted by that reaction, and angrier after that when he told me.

I just said “Thank’s for telling me” because I was just so shocked by this whole situation, I had no idea what else to say, and anything I did say would have resulted in a bad situation for Twi to deal with. He then tried to claim Twi said this to justify wanting me dead:

(Found these two screenshots in a folder when digging to see if I still had any, hence why they have current-ish dates on them) It got to the point I stopped being able to post my own art in my own server because just seeing anything I posted in there, even terrible anatomy practice scribbles or terrible first attempts at sprite art would cause him to get upset, and he’d tell Twi to leave him because in a couple of years my art would surpass his, then he’d stop making art and you can all guess what he’d say would happen after that by now. :l

Kits behavior got worse and worse towards everyone, not even his friend was safe from being treated like shit.

On the 31st of July I got home from work to get messages from Kit insisting that Twi had been trying to “fingerfuck“ him and didn’t allow him, but then kept saying that Twi was so mentally unstable he believed that Kit’s left hand was "Firecat" and uh... Well... No idea if it is anywhere else in the world. But Finger Fucking is slang for Fingering in the UK. So, here’s me at the late hours of the night thinking I’d just read some sexual assault claim about Kit’s ass and Twi having gone crazy on him.

Kit was adamant that he felt violated over these events too and wouldn’t shut up about it in my group chat, and Twi was so fed up with this childish behavior, he wasn’t talking in the group chat. So I spent my afternoon attempting to sort this out in PM’s.

“Autistic Robot Mode” is how Kit would describe Twi any time Twi got upset with Kit, and would attempt to ignore his temper tantrums while trying to calm down. I asked Twi to explain to me what had happened, he sent me this chat log that the two of them had an hour or so before I answered my messages. Twi attempted to talk to Kit about him taking things too far over him doing hand gestures with him, and Kit had “Firecat” to speak to him about rape.

I like how Kit's ignoring all Twi's points and trying to make this about consent.... Over hands touching. After being with him for seven years.

Never in my life, even from the most abused of people I’ve met over the years, have I ever. EVER heard of someone trying to tell people holding hands and doing silly gestures was similar to sexual assault. Twi brought up his understandable and valid concerns about Kit constantly pretending to be Firecat to justify his own actions. (And I’ve had one other person who’s known him IRL has also confided to me they said to him the best thing Kit could do for himself is stopping what he’s doing with Firecat, but he refuses to each time insisting it’d “Kill” Firecat. )

Finally one day after work on the 14th of August I’d had enough and stopped being nice back.

Kit got really angry at me over the stupidest fucking thing. I told him you can’t sell porn games on Steam. He tried to argue Hunie Pop was just porn. I explained that no, it was a game and it sold really, really well because it was an addictive puzzle game with cutesy anime girls in it doing lewd things and attractive Youtubers played it and pretending it was just like porn so dumb little 13-year-olds would buy it.

(Just incase anyone didn’t know what this was, here ya go)

He got madder because he couldn’t accept the game sold really well because it got taken down for a short period of time… Which happened years after it came out after it made its majority sales… I explained if it didn’t do really well it wouldn’t have gotten a spin-off game and a sequel in the works. Twi agreed with me, as did their friend and my boyfriend. This made his temper worse and worse. Because if you aren't with Kit, you are clearly against him.

Things soon escalated into Kit saying it was Twi and the friend’s fault that he would never get anywhere in life because a project fell through. (Which he never paid any of them to work on..) and that they were both useless and he hates the fact he even has to pay a tiny fraction of his earnings for Twi to write for him… Which I just found out he never did anyway!

Sorry for this interjection. But Twi has been reading and fact-checking this post for me before I post it, and he has explained to me that didn’t get paid once for working on the comics.

(Kit used to have a donation goal on his Patreon, and it said at around $300 he could then afford to pay Twi $50 a month. When this donation goal was met, Kit would go to pay Twi. But instead of just transfer money to his bank account and that’d be that, he’d go up in person then say things like “B-but remember I’m down on money this month, and/or I need it to pay for x and y. but if you really have to take it I guess.. I can go without... even though you have money..." basically, guilting him out of accepting money. Money that Twi had more than earned, and Twi didn’t have much money either but it didn't stop Kit pulling this. So Twi would refuse to take this money because he didn’t want Kit to suffer over bills because he genuinely loved him.)

So after Kit’s outburst, I’d had enough. I told Kit I was sick of him abusing everyone around him yet somehow still being the victim. And that how he treats everyone is disgusting. Especially Twi. His partner he apparently loves and treasures, but in reality, he only keeps him around for free slave labor. This is the only screenshot I have left of the chat, taken after we all told him to stop being an asshole to everyone and victimizing himself

(This resulted in this chat going down. This is the only screenshot I have left of the group chat, as my pc hard crashed a few months back, and I lost screenshots of logs I’d kept that I hadn’t backed up. The only reason I still had access to this was that it was in a folder I back up every month. (Black is the friend who joined the chat, Brown is me. Small bit blacked out is ex’s username.)

After this Kit lost it again with Twi.

Demanding again Twi stops speaking to me for a few months so they could “repair their relationship” Twi didn’t want to agree to this but felt he had to because Kit was in such a violent rage again. It lasted a couple of days before Twi fell into a deep depression. He was having panic attacks as frequent as five a day. And it dawned on him that this was his final attempt to isolate Twi from getting better and seeking help. Kit made no effort in this time to try and repair things with him either, and if anything ignored him even more.

Twi unblocked me around three days later and apologized for feeling he had to shut me out. I forgave him of course and we went back to talking like normal. Kit refused to join a new chat I offered to make and blocked me. He’d then spend his time getting angry whenever he saw Twi talking to anyone on discord. Even if it wasn’t me. He’d lose his temper if he so much as heard Twi typing. He’d blare loud music constantly at him or yell at him when he did something Kit didn’t like and would constantly watch him typing when he could, then claim innocence if Twi caught him out reading his messages.

If he was feeling particularly more abusive than normal, he’d lock Twi out of the office after screaming he was going to end it all, forcing Twi to sit and panic in the hall for hours on end before he’d emerge, perfectly fine and demand food.

This became Twi’s life for the next month, until near the end of September. Twi finally understood what a terrible situation he was in, and as he no longer had any feelings for Kit and hadn’t for a long time, only staying out of fear that Kit would do something to himself, and he had to leave no matter what Kit threatened to do.

So on September 21st Twi left Kit for good, walked out of his life and made his way back home. However, he still tried to speak to Kit as friends in hopes this would help him. Kit refused to acknowledge they had broken up at all for many days.

On the 24th When Twi tried to ignore him and keep making his travel across the US home, Kit then unblocked me and started to hound me. He lied about Twi wanting us to now “be friends.” I figured this was a lie and wasn’t having any of this behavior anymore. So I didn’t respond happily to him, and he quickly stopped pretending to be nice back. I was pretty rude, but also… I didn’t care at this point. Not after this shit I knew my friend was going through.

He accused us all of lying to him because Twi left him. Sorry “is Leaving” him. I guess him packing up and going three days ago and saying they had broken up isn’t clear enough. He also refused to apologize for anything he has said or done to anyone in my chat. He thinks saying sorry for hitting Twi was acceptable when he shows no remorse for it, only remorse that Twi left him. He got it into his head that I had abandoned my boyfriend for Twi too no matter what I’d said. We went round in a loop for a couple hours.

(I didn’t ask him to feel sorry for me. He just decided to talk about himself and explain how NOT sorry he is for anything he’s done.)

Twi woke up and came online, and confirmed what I had suspected.

I assured Twi everything was fine, and I didn’t want him to worry about me finally giving Kit a proper piece of my mind. But all while I was doing this, I gave Kit multiple chances to at least admit that he didn’t want to change or do things out of his comfort zone, because while I can’t stand lazy, partner abusing assholes. I can at the very least then go. “Well, at least you were honest about this.” But he never did, hence why in some screenshots here I am saying “You did it again.” because I kept telling him to stop making excuses for his actions and pinning everything on Twi or Depression.

So I brought up something that had been on my mind the whole duration I knew the two of them. If Kit was so deeply concerned about Twi’s mental state as he said he was. And was worried about his apparent inability to care from himself, or tell reality apart from fiction. Which he clearly thought after that whole ordeal about finger fucking... Why was he still parading Firecat around, and pretending she was his real girlfriend after all these years? Why would you do this if you really believed your partner of almost a decade had a psychotic break and needed constant care because they couldn’t consent to anything? (terrible spelling because I was trying to juggle five chats at once.)

Well because my friends, here’s a Spoiler Alert: He was the one with the delusions that needed feeding, and he never gave a rats ass about Twi’s mental health like he claims he did. He can argue all he wants about that. He insists he knows Firecat isn’t real, and fair enough, that much is obvious. But he still treats her like she is.. And that's my point to him. No one would give a rats ass about her if he didn't treat her better than those in reality. But no whenever I brought up a good point to him, he immediately deflected it and tried to blame Twi.

(Just asked Twi who all these 12+ people are in his head he apparently has. He explained they are characters he's told me about. Who he doesn't treat as real people nor have had verbal conversations with them, or anything similar to what Kit does with Firecat and I've never seen him do it. He just thinks and writes about them when stressed. Which he frequently was with Kit.)

Also, sorry anyone who’s ever jerked off to Firecat porn... But Kit finds it way creepier that any of you have ever openly lusted over Firecat, than the fact he treats his imaginary fuckbuddy better than real people. Again showing he cares more about fiction than anything else.

1. The previous context for this is that he thinks I’m the creepy human being because I dont call myself a furry, (I merely produce art for the community and thats as far as my involvement gets) and he tried to say that if Twi’s character is a Yoshi and mine is an anthro bird that’s creepy because...?

Keep in mind we weren’t together at this point either! He was trying to do more deflecting

I was gonna gloss over this. But after rereading this screenshot a few times, It’s really fucking hilarious and hypocritical him blurting this out as a desperate attempt to annoy me somehow, since Kit, I know that your current Condom Crusader comic is currently about a feral dog turning anthros into ferals and fucking them. Now I can only show small parts because I don’t want readers to vomit, (and in every panel there's weird dicks and gross looking wound looking pussies so I tried to crop best I could) but here we go, under the cut:

And your previous comics are either you and your dragsona fucking “feral” yoshis, or having THE Yoshi from Mario games fuck Princess Peach. Y’know a human on an animal?

“B-but Loopy! Thats just firecat! Shes not real. Kit would never do it himself-”

As well as art of yourself and Firecat as ferals, or one of you as a feral and the other anthro.

“Am I... PREGANTE?!“

Also fantastic art here if I must say my good buddy Kit, it’s been my reaction image of choice when someone mentions you this past week.

And I know around 70% of your Patrons and fans like ferals too. I spoke to a few of them to make this post. So tell me Kit, are they all creepy too? Oh and there is stuff I'm not gonna post here for legal reasons, but the stuff with Shippo? That stuff with Lilo and Stitch? Remind me who draws that? Those are clearly children getting done by or fucking animals Kit. Is that not creepy either? Lemme guess it’s only creepy unless you draw it or do it. Then it's perfectly fine, right? You never do wrong am I right? All this hatred and these names, this couldn’t be projecting...Could it?... Nah that's crazy.

(E621 is your friend if anyone really has to see proof, don't blame me if the FBI kicks down your door.)

2..Twi was only “Okay” with Firecat, because he thought it was some harmless fantasy and wouldn’t affect you negatively as a person, and wouldn't affect reality, because Twi is chill like that. (Kit’s only started being open that she's not real very recently from what I've seen. Again saying “Me and Cat” though...)

Anyway, In the end, I got so tired of this I blocked Kit, so he went back to harassing Twi.

He told Twi he was throwing up blood, he was going to die alone thanks to Twi if he didn’t get back here right fucking now. When he had given himself a stomach ulcer from constantly screaming and shouting after Twi left. He then started telling Twi frantically that his family were going to have him live with family friends until he calmed down, claiming "I was depressing them." so he ““needed”” Twi to come back and look after him, acting like that would be the end of him and he'd go homeless.

When this didn’t happen, Kit then started making alts to previous pictures of Firecat dressed as a Pink Yoshi's in some bizarre attempt to show he still loved Twi… This also didn’t work. Kit then went out of his way to draw a picture and send it to Twi, in an even bigger, creepier attempt to woo him back. All this did was frustrate Twi, as it was the last thing he wanted to see at this point.

Kit continued to pester and prod at Twi over the week, trying to find something that’d make him cave in and crawl back to him. Still refusing to acknowledge Twi had left him several days after the fact Twi told him REPEATEDLY that it was over:

(As you can see this screenshot I took of us talking was on the 26th of September. Five days later from the break-up. And two days after He spoke to me, determined Twi and I were now “mates” :l)

Kit directly after this, all while Twi was heading home, tried begging Twi to do sexual RP’s with him, insisting that he’d never get an erection again without him or something. And was disgusting and confused when every time Twi refused. Twi explained they are no longer together, and he doesn’t want to do them anymore.

So he started telling Twi that he’ll always love him. This pissed Twi off, but he refused to stop, often saying it hurt him too much to not say it. :l

Twi eventually got home with his family and tried to distance himself from Kit as much as he could while still working on that god-awful comic we still cringe at when we are reminded of its existence.

I almost left this out, but Twi mentioned it in his journal and should be elaborated on: He was often made to work on these comics after Kit was done screaming at him and verbally abusing him for long periods of time, often hours on end. Then after a rough plot was finally agreed on, scripts would be written out, then it was up to Kit to do the art. But Kit would then demand last-minute re-writes for minor or fabricated reasons after he’d drawn the pages. So if the comics ever read like a jumbled mess, now you know why. See, He’d always leave the faces ‘till last. You could see him do this on live streams, so at the last minute, he could then accuse Twi of being a shit writer because now the art didn’t match the script. It got so bad the last few months before he left, that Twi often was made to rewrite the whole script over, even if the first couple of pages had just been produced. These rewrites would take five to six hours each time he was made to redo it. The only comic I know this didn’t happen on was that Spike and Rarity comic he was paid to work on and it had been fully planned out before he could draw the pages, as it was a commission.

On this comic in particular, he was writing while still stuck with Kit, was the “Condom Crusader” prequel. Problems arose because Twi didn’t make the totes lovable Kitsune and Firecat more likable than Twi.

When in reality, what happened was Kit would draw the characters differently from the script and layout that was agreed on, on purpose because he wanted Firecat and Kit to always be rude to Twi because he loved that stupid love triangle plot where he was worshipped and seen as the cool cocky hero, and Twi got shat on for existing and bullied by him for no reason. A perfect reflection of their real relationship actually… Kit got really confused that no one found him likable in the comics after the changes he made, so he kept demanding worse and worse things happen to Twi as punishment, which only made fans sympathize with Twi more, thoroughly pissing Kit off. That’s not an exaggeration, that’s really why that comic got as dark as it did, go look at the earlier pages and comments. It was supposed to be the Eggmaker back story, but he demanded it became about Firecat five pages in because he always cared more about his fictional life and wife than his real partner, and was mad people were worried about Eggmaker.

So he made his real partner out to be a jealous psychotic rapist while he never did anything wrong ever.

Here’s one example I found, of him publicly getting annoyed and trying to nudge his fans into arguing with Twi.

Here is another making it into a joke that he fights with Twi, which I'm sorry, but when you have a fanbase that’s not okay to do. You are painting a colleague as the bad guy/idiot, and many people do latch onto that and take it seriously (a good example would be the “Goddamnit Ross” thing from GameGrumps, and how fans quickly took that too far.):

(I just noticed he posted that on the 27th of June. 6 Days later he hit Twi… )

Around the start of October of this constant bullshit Twi was enduring still from Kit whenever he was awake, I started to notice a difference in Twi. Whenever Kit wasn’t hounding him on Discord and it was just us talking, Twi was outgoing and happy. But the second Kit was awake and pestering him, Twi was always twitchy and aggressive, scared still even though he was on the other side of the country. But I couldn’t blame Twi when Kit was constantly sending him messages like this:

After that, I told Twi he needs to block Kit, because this wasn’t doing anyone any good. Not Kit, not Twi, not me, not their friends, not either of anyone’s family around them. At first, Twi argued against doing this and tried to speak to Kit one more time, but whatever was said in that conversation made Twi see the light, that Kit couldn’t be helped by Twi. That Kit wasn’t the prey in this situation, but a skilled predator luring anyone in he could. So Twi said his goodbyes and blocked him on Discord. A week later he blocked him on other sites too. Then took a step back from most of his social media because he knew the fallout would be immense if he stayed. Kit had all the fans, he could tell what he wanted. So he hoped if he was quiet he’d stop and leave us alone.

The change in Twi’s mood and mental state was almost instantaneous, he was still very anxious, abuse victims always are. But he was no longer looking around when in video calls like he was going to be hit or in danger anymore.

October 23rd I broke up with my boyfriend. Things weren’t working out with him anymore and I wanted to move forward with new experiences and start a new career path, etc. After a few hours of late night talking with Twi, Twi suggested that we try an online relationship together due to how close we’d gotten after he became single, and if it didn’t work out it’d be no big deal for either of us to walk away. I was concerned because I was fresh out of a relationship, and I didn’t know how a long distance thing would even work. So I thought about it for a couple nights.

On October 27th I decided to see if a long distance relationship with him could work. And we’ve been together since. We met for the first time in person on May 11th. We have our ups and downs, but we are very happy together, and slowly working on making things work in the future.

My Final words on this:

Kit, Twi does not want anything to do with you ever again. He doesn’t want to talk to you, be your friend, etc. Ever. Period.

Stop running around telling people you were justified for hitting Twi. It’s fucked up and laying a hand on anyone is never justified. Oh and Yes, I’m aware of that one time he pulled your headphones off of your head after you completely ignored him, then you stood up and shoved him into your desk as a response. Just because you made Twi say it was a justified reaction, doesn’t mean it’s true.

Please just leave us alone, we tried to leave you alone and mind our own business for over six months now, and make our own art in peace. You’ve gone around messaging people that you’re the victim, and how everyone betrayed you, and we’ve had enough.

I really hope that one day you seek out anger management classes or therapy for your problems, and then you can grow as an adult and have people around you.

My advice to start would be that it is best for you if you give up this whole thing with Firecat. Stop acting like she’s real, stop treating her better than how you treat real people. And yes, you do that, we all know it, because both people I know who know you In real life have told me that too, as well as a third person Twi informed me you met who you immediately got hostile with because they were his friend. They know how you would have conversations out loud with her. Among other things… Just give her up, and move on with your life. Go out and meet people in the real world. At a gaming convention or something, it’s fun and you wouldn’t stand out there.

If anyone still wants to support Kit, after all this then so fucking be it. I simply wanted people to be aware what he’s done to us and other people, because when people stay silent on these kinds of incidents, all it does is allow predators to do this again and again.

#kitsune youkai #firecat #kit #condom crusader #furry #artist beware #furries beware #f no furries #not safe for life #kitsune-youkai #18+#furries #furry drama #tw abuse #tw assault #inkbunny

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sincerely-chaos · 6 years

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in the light of dissipating greyness

I’ve been more than a bit AFK for quite some time now. It’s been too much work (due to several factors) but mostly my absence has been due to it having been a bit grey inside my head. All in all, there hasn’t been enough executive functioning going on, and there has also been an additional lack of energy and motivation, beyond the deficits in those things due to decreased executive functioning, perhaps.

It’s been... months, really, this greyness. I didn’t really notice it at first, because my moods are changeable at the best of times. And it started with a lot of crying, which in and of itself isn’t really a sign of minor brainfail for me, but could be a healthy reaction to things, or just one of those periods of increased mental frailty, and so I didn’t think too much of it. Then came the tiredness, which wasn’t that strange, considering how much I worked. Then came the increasing sense of meaninglessness and hopelessness, of being stuck and being overwhelmed by things constantly. It was only once those thoughts and emotions became the new “baseline” of my moods (I could still have good times and I could still enjoy things, but whenever those things passed, I would return to this new baseline of feeling... grey) that I really became aware that perhaps, this was one of those temporary minor brainfails (in contrast to the more constant brainfails that are just how I work - or doesn’t work - normally) that I still have from time to time, but they’ve become more rare over the years, and they are also more fleeting, and so I don’t often consider that they might be ongoing. In this case, I guess it was.

It’s funny how you adapt to things, especially if they happen gradually, until it takes weeks or even months before you even notice. Perhaps it’s one of the quirks of having a very changeable mood - if it’s not constant, it’s so hard to tell if it’s more frequent than it usually is. And so it took perhaps two months before I came to the conclusion that things had, in general, gotten more grey. In contrast, the lovely things looked even more vivid and touched me even more, but the undertone of greyness still made things a bit harder day to day. Once realising the pattern, it somehow got a bit easier, because I now know what to do when the greyness comes. One of the perks of my job, perhaps; if you hear yourself repeat the same things over and over to patients, it’s very hard for it not to stick in your own thoughts as well, and when I hear patients talk about what helps them, I get new ideas too. Besides, fandom has helped a lot too. Most noteably the story Seeds, by thesardine, which made me start growing things as a kind of behavioural activation.

The thing that’s different these days compared to when I used to be hit by greyness in different nuances is that I keep muddling through. I don’t mean that I just soldier on and pretend things are fine. I do cry in the bathroom at work when I need to, I do allow myself more alone time and I’m kinder to myself, as well as refusing to ignore or hide from whatever emotions and thoughts might pass through my head. I allow myself to feel that heavy greyness, the sorrow, the dullness. The difference is that I keep doing the things that are important to me, at least to some degree, and sometimes in a different form than usual.

I haven’t been home from work due to feeling like I don’t want to do another thing. I have, however, allowed myself to work a bit slower at times, to take more breaks (to take breaks at all...), to do things that I enjoy more rather than the things I “ought” to do first and so on. I haven’t spend as much time with friends - IRL or online - as I would have liked to when considering how important some people are to me, but I have kept some kind of at least semi regular contact, and I have refused to change plans that I had already made, even if the thought of going through with it feels borderline impossible. I have allowed myself to think, but I haven’t directly “bought” all of the thoughts I get when things turn a bit grey, but instead I’ve just allowed myself to feel that right now, that’s how it feels. I haven’t been able to read much, sadly, but I’ve listened a lot to podfic and audiobooks. And I’ve done so much practical work around the house, garden and so on, because if I’m to feel empty and hopeless, I might as well do something while feeling it. I’ve spent hours most evenings out, even in the rain, looking for rocks that I need for the garden, planting, growing, digging... and while the insomnia has been rather bad, at least I’ve been physically tired, and I have even gotten caught up and interested in what I’m doing.

I have no idea why I’m writing, this, to be honest, but it feels pretty good to do so, so I’ll indulge myself a bit more, because I do, in fact, believe in narrative being important in terms of defining situations, but also in creating your own approach to them. Your own narrative of it.

Either way, a few days ago, the greyness began to slowly dissipate. It’s by no means gone, but it has lifted significantly. It took a while to notice that too, but I think it was yesterday that I realised that the days have gotten a bit easier, the greyness a bit less compact and the energy (and sleep - finally!!) began to return. It’s a slow shift, and it might just be temporary, but somehow I doubt it. The distinct heaviness I feel in the mornings are one of the more constant signs of greyness, and it’s much lighter now. And even if it’s just temporary and the greyness sticks around for a bit longer, I can manage that too. That realisation has been one of the most hopeful ones I’ve made as of lately - I can manage even with a certain degree of greyness, even over time. It might be painful, feel meaningless and decrease enjoyment, as well as impair a lot of functions, but it’s somewhat workable still. I can still, to certain degrees, do the things that matters to me and keep going in my valued direction, albeit a bit slower.

And so I’m hopefully slowly returning here as well. It might take some time, and writing fic is currently not even an option, sadly, as my working memory makes even reading hard, and remembering plots and what I wrote in the last chapter seems like it might make my head explode. But I’ll work up to that.

One thing that I want to point out, about all of this, though, is that what I have written about greyness isn’t to be taken as my general take on depression. This isn’t about depression - if it was, I would have called it by its name. At least it isn’t about what we call a major depressive episode. Perhaps atypical depression, which has been a constant irregularity during my entire life, but it isn’t about major depression. Why do I feel the need to point this out? Well; because it would be to make light of a very disabling illness. And also; what I have experienced felt more like a somewhat melodramatic, but still rather adaptive and to some degree functional or even rational reaction to several things in my life, at least when taking into account how my brain works and my vulnerability for these states. It doesn’t feel pathological the way we usually mean when talking about major depression. It feels more like a reaction, like the swing of a penduluum. And so this isn’t about depression, but it is about the greyness that, for some of us, might be something that will occasionally discolour our perceptions and thougths for periods of time.

The best thing about it, though, is to rediscover how easy some things might feel once the greyness is beginning to dissipate. It’s almost... thrilling, but in a silent, private kind of way...

#a lot of thoughts about greyness #my own little narrative about moods and the failing of moods #building my wings #which has been a strangely consistent and helpful thought really

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whimsymuse · 6 years

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🌻85 TRUTHS TAG🌻

— rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

Thank you @notsoguiltykpop for tagging me in this. I’m sorry this took my so long, I wanted to answer sooner, but I didn’t have time and then it completely slipped my mind and stayed as a draft.

I’ll tag @zigzagkyung, @jinsbangtan and @ibangtanthings if you guys want to do this. I wadded an 85th question because there wasn’t one and I wanted to know more stuff. :P

• Last:

1. Drink - Some creamsoda sodastream concoction

2. Phone call - My friend so that we could freaek out about something

3. Text message - My sister. We texting eachother after my mom yelled at her after someone else almost hit us with their car while my sister was backing out of a parking space.

4. Song you listened to - Don’t leave me ~ BTS

5. Time you cried - A few weeks ago I think, when I watched Coco with my sis

• Ever:

6. Dated someone twice - Nope (what is date???)

7. Kissed someone and regretted it - Yes. I kissed one person and I regret that being my first kiss.

8. Been cheated on - No, Ihaven’t dated sooo. People have cheated on my tests before. (If I wasn’t already nerdy enough)

9. Lost someone special - Yes

10. Been depressed - Yeah

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - No

• Fave colours:

12. A deep cerulean

13. Maroon

14. Peachy pink

• In the last year have you…

15. Made new friends - Yes

16. Fallen out of love - Yes, I think? Not sure if what i felt was love but ://

17. Laughed until you cried - Definitely

18. Found out someone was talking about you - Yes

9. Met someone who changed you - For sure

20. Found out who your true friends are - Yes

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list - Nope

• General:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - Almost all of them, they’re all my family and friends.

23. Do you have any pets - No , but I have many plants

24. Do you want to change your name - Yes! My parents did this thing where they gave me two names and called me by my second name and I din;t know I had a first first name until I was 8 and it started mesing up my school files. I live both of my names, but now that people are calling me by both, I feel so detached from both names.

25. What did you do for your last birthday - Went to a board game cafe with some freinds. Let’s just say I will not be eating cake again anytime soon and that I am just as clumsy as my bias.

26. What time did you wake up today - 7:40 and its a weekend =.=

27. What were you doing at midnight last night - Reading fics probably.

28. What is something you can’t wait for - For me to be done all of these exams!!

30. What are you listening to right now - Distant cars driving down the highway and my fingers type on my laptop.

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - I spoke to a Tomas. I don’t think I met a Tom, but odds are I have.

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves - When people dragg metal across metal, or glass. Omlll I’m cringing just thinking about the sound.

33. Most visited website - Instagram or Tumblr I think

34. Hair colour - Dark brown with some lighter brown around the bottom

35. Long or short hair - Medium. I recently cut it myself for the first time beace I was bored.

36. Do you have a crush on someone - Nopee

37. What do you like about yourself - My ability to see the bright side of situations and people. It just makes life simpler and happier imo.

38. Want any piercings? - Yess! I want a couple small ones on my left earlobe and maybe a cartillage piecing.

39. Blood type - A+ (my parents asked why it doesn’t show in my math marks)

40. Nicknames - Bittah bittah, Caramel Macchiato, Brokoro, Half of the full moon (the better half)

41. Relationship status: Single

42. Zodiac - Aries

43. Pronouns - she/her

44. Fave tv shows - Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Avater the Last Airbender and Game of Thrones

45. Tattoos - No my parents would skin me alive

46. Right or left-handed - Right

47. Ever had surgery - No, though considering the amount of times i’ve hurt myself I should have by now.

48. Piercings - One in each ear, but I’m hoping to get more!

49. Sport - Yes! I used to by on my school’s volleyball team, until people got good and I couldn’t play at all in high school. I ADORE dodgeball (with the soft foam balls cause I refuse to whip the big rubber ones at people).

50. Vacation - I’m going to Europe for the first time this summer!

51. Trainers - No

• More general

52. Eating - Nothing, but now I’m hungry

53. Drinking - Nothing

54. I’m about to watch - My computer turn off casue I’m too lazy to get the charger

55. Waiting for- My exams to be over so that I can finally relax.

56. Want - To pass my exams and BTS tickets

57. Get married - Hopefully in the future. I want a family, but I also want to explore the world first, so we’ll see how things go.

58. Career - I want to work in something pertaining to international relations. I adore learning about and encountering different cultures and I reallyy want to help as many people as I can around the world.

• Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses - Hugs!

60. Lips or eyes - Eyes

61. Shorter or taller - I’ve fallen for both, so I don’t think that matters to me.

62. Older or younger - Older, but again, not a big deal to me. As long as you’re sweet and we’re both mentally on the same maturity level.

63. Nice arms or stomach - Arms. I see abs and the first thing I think is, ‘this person watches what they eat... Idk if we’ll do we’ll together’

64. Hookup or relationship - Relationship.

65. Troublemaker or hesitant - Troublemaker, but i keep falling for hesitant people.

• Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger - No

67. Drank hard liquor - Yes?

68. Lost glasses - No

69. Turned someone down - Okay, so quick story time: A guy approached me in the store while I was listening to my music with both earbuds on. I only realized he was talking to me and managed to take out my earbuds when he was already half done what he was trying to say and all I caught was, “very beautiful, and I just wanted to know if you were single.” And me being the awkward egg that I stuttered out a ‘s-sorry no’ and I wanted to just casually say that I’m not interested, but immediately after he said ‘oh you’re not single’ and stupid me said “N-no, I’m not interested.” GODDD it’s been a week and I still feel so bad!!!

70. Sex on the first date - No

71. Broken someone’s heart - Doubt it

72. Had your heart broken - Yes

73. Been arrested - No

74. Cried when someone died - Yes, it was for my grandma when I was 4, but I barely knew her so I was only crying becasue my mom was.

75. Fallen for a friend - Everyone I fall for starts off as a close friend (With one exception)

• Do you believe in

76. Yourself - Most of the time

77. Miracles - Yes

78. Love at first sight - I believe in profound attraction, but I think love is only felt after seeing someone at the best and worst and then caring for them so deeply regardless.

79. Santa Claus - Of course! My presents are on the line

80. Kiss on a first date - If I really like the person, sure. But I’m so awkward so probably not.

81. Angels - Sometimes. I’d like tot hink someone is watching over me.

• Other

82. Best friend’s name - Abby, Sharon and Sharu

83. Eye colour - Dark rown

84. Fave movie - Princess and the Frog/Tangled (I’m a child, but a child with taste)

85. Anything you recommend to check out? So I’m a huge nerd and recently got into dnd. If you’re into that, I’d check out The Adventure Zone podcast. If you’re into crazy medical history I’d recommed the Sawbones podcast!

#about me #me #I apologise if there are any spelling errors #i'm typing in complete darkness and i'm too lazy to fix things

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bigbrothernetflix-st · 4 years

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EPISODE TWO

“I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my position in the game.” - dem

HOH: Josh C UPSIDE DOWN: Nick & Joshua NOMINEES: Emma & Nash POV: N/A FINAL NOMINEES: N/A EVICTED: Dem (Expelled)

EMMA

I been struggling in this game which is sad i want to have fun but yesterday made me feel like maybe having a meltdown and leaving 90 percent of servers was a good idea for me i really hope not i just really want to have fun and win for some reasons i always have trouble prejury in games trying to find my footing but at jury and late prejury i always know how to rise ASDFGH the people i really like rn are Jakey loml jev loml aria queen saira queen and also joshua is easy to talk too!!! nathan is also great

DEM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSgjyUhGTng

NASH

i simply think men should stop winning hoh and trying to nom me. its week 2 go target someone else j*sh. jev and i are cool now though <3 love him

DEM

I'm starting to feel more comfortable with my position in the game. I think I'm not in anyone's bad graces so far, which is good. But I really need to win one of these next HoH's so secure my social relationships. My plan moving forward is to see win HoH's. I want to win the next to HoH's I'm eligible in back to back. I also want to try to secure my relationships with Gina, Jev, and Jake. Those are three people I want to be close with in this game. Also maybe Joshua? He's pretty cool and chill.

SAIRA

I'm still getting a sense of how the game works but I feel pretty good, there are some people that are much easier to talk to than others but everyone is still so nice! i feel good about josh c as hoh! we get along pretty well and I don't THINK im in any danger but you never know! imma be honest, I don't have an actual plan, i'm mostly playing this by ear, just talking to people, bullying beck when the chance arises, and being myself!

JOSH C

HELLO GIRLIES!

well, we won HOH and that's really EXCITING. i probably didn't need to win this week but i figured that i'd get a win under my belt while nominating people would still be EASY. i can establish trust with some people and get a "i didn't nom you, please don't nom me" situation going on. i also feel like the two people i'm going to nominate would have NOMMED me anyways because we just haven't talked..

who those people are? nash & emma. (vl don't hate me for only nominating women i didn't want it to come to this either)

but i just.. both of them have really only put in any effort to talk to me now that i'm HOH and i don't really LOVE that tbh. i've already told a few people that's who i'm thinking so i kind of accidentally locked myself in on these noms because there isn't any sense in throwing out more names than i have to!!

i have an alliance with kiki, brianna, jacob, jake, and aria. (i think that's the people in it? i wanna say that's right. LKFMSDG love this game for me) and i feel pretty good in that because i like all of them enough and they're people that will watch out for ME and each other. but i know my social connections go beyond that so i'm feeling pretty good with my spot in the game? i have a solid relationship with almost everyone in the game and i think i should be able to play a cute lil utr game for a few weeks. i don't think that i'll get targeted first if my alliance gets outed and if so.. i have ENOUGH faith in my comp strength and relationships to save me against MOST of the cast.

people kind of want me to nominate DEM because apparently he starts drama with people and has been a bit inactive. he's talked with me more than other people so im not super keen on throwing him on the block RIGHT AWAY but i'm thinking he's a good replacement nom because if people think he's MIA then no one other than him will be upset with me. maybe a backdoor? could be spicy..

i don't really know what else to say here so.. i hope this is enough! love u guys <3

BRIANNA

https://youtu.be/mJw3qxsZ-Bg

JEV

Okay so I feel like pretty comfortable this week because me and Josh have gotten pretty close and bonded over our mutual love of Lucas HOWEVER he's just let me know he's gonna be nominating Nash and Emma which isn't GREAT since I'm in alliances with both of them and they're the only 2 alliances I have so I really wouldn't want to see either of them go home this week, this SUCKS ASS

JAKE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt2xRQqqax8

ARIA

how is it ONLY week 2 i feel so hecking exhausted fhsabfd, but that might also be the fact that is 2 am so,,,oop. Um okay recap time!!!! Recaps are so hard because theres minor details that i still want to note without seeming super annoying so heres a minor list of things im noticing

-Dem wants to "start playing the game" I told this to Jake (wish i could bold names ugh)

-Gina & dem told me they were gunning hard for hoh- i told nathan/monty/nick/,,,,and someone else this

-emma feels unconnected from cast

-Jake doesnt like Gina

-Josh likes Me Jev Kiki (told joshua)

-emma knows alliances are starting to form

-joey can get pwr hungry and chaotic + good comp ability

-told gnia my thoughts on the sides being "connected v unconnected" and other tidbits of info

-GIna (potentially joshua) doesnt like nash

-Nathan/Nash ARE CLOSE!!!!! WEE FUCKING WOO!!!!

-Told Jake that Jacob has the power (and the bs excuse he told gina pretending he doesnt have it,,,sure jan)

-jake is GREAT at lowering his threat lvl im sick

-Jev-Josh-Nathan-Nash all bonded p well on vc potentially an alliance

-jake tried to get gina nominated

-Emma Nash noms

-Jake doesnt want emma to leave

So,,,thats what you missed on GLEE! Honestly glee sucks but yeah thats all my info i would weave everything together with cute transitions but im TIRED and lots of this information doesnt really connect well so,,,have a bullet list!

okok nvm heres some general thoughts bc JUST a bullet point list is so boringgg im honestly not too sure what i want to do this week bc i think emma doesnt have a lot of people (although she has jake apparently,,,she might just be putting up a front of being unconnected ffs) so i would rather keep her around based on our relationship alone esp compared to nash whose been busy w/ irl things to reply i think (nash would prob do gr8 in old school bb,,,but new school is a whole other beast) HOWEVER!!! I need to protect gina who isn't the best conversationalist (sorry bb ily but its true <3) and keeping nash around ensures people have another "inact" target besides her but also nash is such a god connection for people like nathan and jacob and i would rather get her out sooner than later before we have another renee on our hands ...

Also i havent talked to the pasio peeps (omg if we ever make an alliance,,,that should be the name hehe) in a while and idk if theyre distancing themselves or if theyre just busy fndsjafd god im too paranoid for this game its awful. Also i think i mentioned the alliance with josh kiki bri jake jacob last time and it still isnt made and im PRAYINGGG it never gets made bc i have SUCH an awful feeling like SIX FUCKING PEOPLE??? S I X?? THAT IS GOING TO FAIL AND BLOW UP!!!! but i cant say no to an alliance so here i fucking am :/ also im trying to think of my longevity in this game and like,,, idk im nervous. I mean ive mentioned going to the end with multiple people but i have such a bad feeling im gonna go out 9/10 as a big move and i REFUSE to let that shit happen, not on my fucking watch no sir!! Not sure what to do about it yet but i feel like monty in particular doesnt trust me and i need his ass OUT! or maybe not if he comes around but like??? sir pls talk to me- i mean this phase of the game is early im setting up the pawns for later, but before later theres gonna be a couple explosions of my game which i'll have to deal with,,, or maybe not actually i mean in my first org i did a really well mastermind game with it- nvm it did explode on me once FDBSHFDS yeah so theres gonna be an explosion period but i think im getting good at dealing w/ the backlash from it and reintegrating myself..

oh also yeah im safe this week lol

anyway sorry for rambling so much LMAO have a trust ranking!

1.Gina (MY QUEEN!!!!!!!! i LOVE her!)

-BIG BIG FUCKING GAP-

2.Jake (listen,,,my thoughts go back and forth but he did tell me the noms so,,,have some rights)

3.Saira (we never talk game but i dont think she talks with anyone about game beyond maybe nick and also shes nice and im a sucker for nice girls)

4.Emma (if this isnt all just a front shes gonna make a great number for me,, might need to fact check some of her statements tho)

5.Joshua (honestly? i love him hes so funny and i think he has my back although he could be more act)

6.Nathan (literally havent talked in 3 days but also i have a soft spot for him <3)

-GAP-

sorry the Js are just kinda scary lmao JFNSDKF

7.Nick (!! we gotta an actual connection folks!! heck yeah!)

8.Josh c (im safe! but he D E F trusts others more than me such as Joshua and Jacob)

9.Jev (honestly a king but hes a little quiet although his reccs are the BOMB)

10.Jacob (i know youre being sneaky,,,idk what youre being sneaky with but im getting the vibes)

11.Dem (might be weird but i think he trusts me? at least a little bc he ranted about losing to me so O.0)

12.Brianna (youre adorable and deserve the world but everyone likes you,,,is this how people view me omg fhsabfhds)

13.Kiki (youre SO hecking sweet and actually u probs have a connections to nash but we havent talked ANY game yet)

14.Nash (p,,p-please talk to me uwu)

15.Joey (i dont trust you at ALL! Why? good question-)

was that mean? sorry in advance ilyall but also its 3 am brain empty no filter

NASH

i think jev and nathan might end up being good allies of mine (inb4 betrayal)! despite the mistake he made nomming me, talking to jev has been lovely so far he's getting me into loona LMFAO. and i just love nathan's energy & i feel like as the season goes on i can see him winning comps. i'm excited :3 hope josh c does not end my existence this week

JOEY

I feel FANTASTIC about Josh being HoH. I’m making sure that others are coming to me about gameplans, and I’m making sure I don’t come off as too pushy or aggressive in PMs. With most of the players, I’m trying to give them all the same energy and hype. It seems kinda weird to say this, but I’m not concerned about being nominated at this point. What I need to ensure is building my social relationships with people outside the “Crackhouse”, and yes that big ol friend group moved to Discord in 20 minutes like 6 months ago.

This is the first major game I’ve ever played with Skinny Nick(yes, I’m absolutely confused as to what to call them, I’m so used to calling Nick “Eve” that its going to take time to adjust.) Speaking of Nick, my social relationship with him is actually surprisingly similar. In the past, I felt as though it would be as “on-sight” as Tom & Jerry, and it actually isn’t turning out that way, which is surprisingly refreshing. Every day, I’m making sure I send Nick something different to diversify my social game with them. Yesterday, I asked Nick about his preferred streaming services for music and TV, and I discovered we have the same music service(Apple Music).

I’ve played one game with Monty before, but it was a disaster. We were in pairs, and it felt like we were on different planets. I did tell him to not worry about personal feelings when it comes to this game, because I compared the relationship of BB Netflix and the Crackhouse to the separation of church and state. I made that comparison because the two entities of church and state should never cross, but when they do it becomes disastrous, and I feel as though that same principle applies to this game.

Overall, I feel good, Emma may be going up on the block, but it shouldn’t affect me that much. We’re in the early stage, I want to make sure I’m good with everyone.

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFeox7LM1-E

JAKE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLkZ-BIIjTU

HOUSE MEETING

https://youtu.be/BZMorvWvyKY

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT WEEK 1 & 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc-iMpkfrdw&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=3&t=0s

#bbnetflix st

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survivorkvaloya · 7 years

Text

Episode #4: “Things Are Getting Kinda Fishy Here And I Don't Like It” - Christine

IM. SO. HAPPY. RIGHT. NOW. Ok, well sort of. I'm sad Connor was the one that went home cause I adore him but on the bright side....he gave me the legacy advantage! So essentially at F6 I'm gonna be safe (if I make it that far) which means I might possibly be able to beat my placement from my last season! Connor if you're reading this thank you so much ily ❤ It's kinda scary though cause if this is out there, what other kinds of advantages are there? I've also noticed a pattern that Chelsea and Ryan have both been going to the majority of the rewards so I'm a little worried about that but we'll see. On the bright side, I'm finally in an alliance! I really like the group so hopefully we can do a little damage but for the meantime I'm excited!

Ok guys, I didn't think that I would be in such a good position but I??? Everyone seems to be falling to place for me right now. I think that everyone on my tribe likes me and if we lost once more (which would be really shit), I wouldn't be voted out. I have had a lot of things going on IRL and it's given me an excuse... because guess what America, I have an idol clue. I need to get the lowest score out of everyone to get a piece of an idol, which I need. Ryan has one piece and if I have the other one, we just need one more to make a full idol, which could be pivotal moment for us. I think we're strong mentors and I just want to get as far as I can while proving that I can fucking do this. Last time I sucked really sucked at this series and I want to prove that if I play the game I do, I can make it to the end based on making good moves!!

-sigh-

These people need to stop coming for me premerge.

for editing the music video challenge, ryan and I got a reward that was pretty useless. we have to get the lowest score next challenge to get it. we made a pact not to tell anyone, and what does he do that very night? tells willow. jackson. quilynn. I don't really care though. I made a joke alliance with him just to have some cross tribal communication. i want our tribe to lose so we can send someone home. this is getting boring

I don't like throwing comps. Its wayyy too early for that. I don't know what the heck Lauren's thinking right now, especially if the girls want Brett out, cause I know Brett wants to work with me and Lauren soooo yeah. I just wish Lauren talked to me about this kind of stuff instead of kinda going rogue. It scares me. I refuse to throw anything so sorry :)

I'm still waiting on immunity results, but I'm honestly hoping that we lose it. Ryan has confirmed to willow that the "majority alliance" of

JD & Liam

Andreas & Jack

Colin & Brett

Ryan & Jackson is real. I want us to be able to go to tribal and take out brett or jack before we have a swap or something and lose numbers.

So that challenge... Wasn't that hard. It was very much a 'whoever has no lie' kinda thing. But what really blows is that I had a 24000ish score and fucked up! I fucked up hard, like I forgot to put JD in the URL bar... Noob mistake, ended up with a like 11000 score, but in the end we won and most people here can still think that I'm lame in comps

ALSO. THIS LILY. Created an all girls alliance. WITHOUT ME. literally quilynn is in it BEFORE me. I’m the only girl on the tribe not in this fucking alliance I’m GONNA SCREAMMMMMMM

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my second confessional. Sooo I guess since the last time we did this, Jules and Connor were voted out and then we won immunity (right?) Socially, things have gotten a lot better for me though. Not gonna lie I felt pretty lost at the start of this swap, but I feel very comfortable now. I'm a lot closer with Ryan and trust him as my closest ally (along with Chelsea and probably Lily, who was not mad about Jules getting axed thank God). Chelsea has suggested that me and Ryan make an alliance with her and her mentor Gage for after the next swap/merge, which I think is a good idea, especially since Chelsea has an idol piece and we might win more collectively. Right now, I'm in an officially established alliance on Ersfjorden called "pool floaties" that includes everyone except for Danielle and Nicholas. Honestly, I'm not a huge fan. Liam gives me bad vibes and JD, who I'm almost certain has an idol piece, seems to be an extremely paranoid player. She probably only tried to push for the alliance because she's so eager to feel secure. Either way, I wouldn't mind voting Liam out if we went to tribal again. The Connor vote was basically the easy way out I guess, and I felt bad because it's clear being paired with Zoe put him at a huge disadvantage (part of our reasoning for choosing him was that he didn't have a partner to protect him or avenge him). But whatever so it goes. Anyway, Kaldfjorden is finally going to fucking tribal tomorrow. I'm extremely worried for Chelsea who tanked the challenge to get an idol piece, but I think the tribe is considering taking out a bigger threat (unless her intel is wrong). Personally I would prefer if Christine or Jack went, but the most likely option is Brett, which is fine I guess. I don't want to get too involved, but if Chelsea's looking like she's in trouble I may start having some conversations. Okay that's my thoughts have a good day

UPDATE: they're calling themselves The Rice Girls. with a spice girls picture. What did I do to deserve this!?!?! im ejecting.

So Willow is trying to figure out these idol pieces but she's a bit off. I got the into the box piece and chelsea got cassanova. We already combined them with chelsea's lowest score piece so she now has a full idol. Willow is my mentor so I want her to believe she is my number 1, but honestly it is chelsea. Together we have an idol and are able to work together even though we are also working with different pockets of people in this game. It also has me less worried as the odds are that currently she is the only person with a full idol. Hopefully tribal goes as planned and Brett will be gone.

We did that! Feels good to not have to scramble through another vote to send someone packing (and add on to my respectable collection of premerge votes.)

Guess who's got more good news :D I got a piece of an idol! I wish it was a whole one, but I'll take what I can get tbh. Also I'm bummed we lost immunity and I'm even more bummed it looks like Bretts leaving. I don't support this move at all, but I feel like I can't reject it cause I don't want them to think I'm part of the majority alliance they think exists since QuilLynn already suspects me and Lauren of being in it, which we aren't. I'm gonna try and see if I can push the target onto either Jack or Gage but we'll see. It's way too soon to make big waves and if there's a tribe swap next, I don't think it's gonna end well for us.

Alright so things are getting kinda fishy here and I don't like it...Apparently Chelsea told QuilLynn about the majority duos alliance which doesn't make sense cause why isn't Chelsea in our girls alliance? If she's willing to give out info wouldn't that make her trustworthy? I'm just....sketched out. I don't like this, at all. Hopefully a miracle happens and I can help Brett but we'll see.

So I feel pretty good. I keep telling people I'm nervous so I appear weak and non threatening later in the game we will see if it works. I've got an alliance with Lauren Christine willow and QuilLynn and love it. We are called the rice girls and we are gonna win this whole damn thing. By we I mean we are gonna get too 5 and I'm gonna win it all. Muh hahahaha #letsgo

I've started operation save Brett because it's literally my best option right now. I get the hype behind Big Moves™ but what the fuck! It's way to early for it. I know Brett will help me and Lauren in a heartbeat so this is the least I can do for him. QuilLynn keeps mentioning this phantom alliance which I honestly am starting to think doesn't exist but who knows. There's been no reference to whose in it or how many there are in it so I'm just sketched out...I could be shooting myself in the foot by doing this but I came into this game saying to trust my gut and my gut says to save Brett.

Hi okay so i'm sorry its been a while since I did one of these. SO, pretty much my strategy to play a pretty UTR game has been going according to plan. We voted out Jules and Connor unanimously, which was largely because they just couldn't interact socially with people. I'm happy Connor is gone because I knew he would probably slide by far, so i'm pleased he won't now. On my current tribe we have a lot happening, which is really reminding me of Mali. Theirs a side alliance of JD, Colin, and I but I don't think they 100% trust me which is fine. We also have an alliance chat of us 3 plus Jackson and Ryan which isn't a real alliance but whatever. Then we also have Danielle, Ryan, and I in an alliance chat for the sake of talking. Now, I have a feeling that if we can continue to win a lot of challenges, this group would more then likely take the next phase of the game rather easy. My student and I, Jack don't really talk strategy or talk much for that - which is kind of weird but whatever. I think our games are really similar which kind of works for me. I also think right now that people have slight ties to me which I'm 100% here for. I think when we need to work together we will, but I'm not about to throw my game away for him - BUT i'm going to tell him I would. Overall I need people to think I have a bond with them but that i'm just way too busy to do anything. Also sorry to hosts because it makes me not wanna do confessionals. But I know that the next vote will have me put in a place where I have to make a decision that I don't really wanna make. I don't know who I'd vote for, or If i'd become a target myself. ALSO - I finally won a challenge this season. I had been half assing my challenges this season and even sat out for lip syncing when i was free lol. I want people to not view me as a super threat. But I knew I didn't win yesterday my game would've been more damaged by voting someone out. So, here we are. It's a risk i'm willing to take. Anyways I expect us to switch into 3 tribes of 5 after tonight or 2 tribes of 7 after the next vote, and either way i'm fine because I'LL HAVE REACHED 200 DAYS OF TUMBLR SURVIVOR IN 2 DAYS WTF....... anyways don't know if I should be happy or not... anyways.... bye

These people are all so cutthroat where the fuck did you find these people

Episode 3 I knew to expect a music video challenge, so I didn't bitch too much at this one. Chelsea did all the editing but somehow didn't manage to film 5 seconds of her doing anything to put in the video? Christine, Willow, QuilLynn, and I were the only ones to star in it. No Lauren, no Gage, no Jack, and Lily was on reflection island. Come on, Lauren! I'm trying to help you out here by working with you, but by you being MIA and inactive, it's not helping me--and you seem perfectly fine with it. Fortunately, we won.

Episode 4 There was rice. I couldn't be bothered. We lost, but fortunately all the heat went to Chelsea because she couldn't bother to get 10 grains of rice from even one question, so...I should be fine for now. Lauren sucked again as well and it's so difficult because she doesn't seem to care that she's performing substandard and that doesn't make for that great an ally. Sigh. Christine, however, is the person I'm the most intent on working with, so I have to just roll with it. I also like Jack, but Chelsea has chosen to target him and I don't want to stick my neck out for the kid. Ultimately, I see the vote being 8-1 for Jack going home, but who knows what could happen in the next three hours. Jack leaving sends Andres to Reflection Island, and he's one of their better challenge performers, so hopefully we can clean this next immunity up easy. If Jack leaves, I'll be the only person with a partner on the other tribe. Lily's got voted out already. The rest are in their pairs. So cross your fingers that Jack leaving doesn't put a spotlight on me. Let Lily leave next instead. Most of the tribe seems interested in having a working relationship with me, so I feel like things will be okay. We'll see.

Well after like 4 challenges I finally have to go to a tribal, and I'm a little unsure. Haven't really talked to very many people, but I'm hoping others agree to vote out Chelsea who didn't participate in the challenge, since I at least did my fair share of the work.

Okay so I think the first thing I remember is Lily suggesting to QuilLynn to make an all girls alliance of me, QuilLynn, Lily, Christine and Lauren. So what I did notice about this was I was alright with it even though I wasn't sure about what I thought of Lauren and Christine just bc they dont reply to me a whole lot, and they might be in the majority alliance of 8ish. Anyway QuilLynn told me that Lily suggested it to her and I said yeah bc you should never really turn down an alliance. And when I said yeah I thought QuilLynn was gonna wait for Lily to talk to Lauren and Christine then create it or something, but nope QuilLynn just up and made the chat. I mean I love QuilLynn shes wonderful, but she probably should have waited and let Lily create the chat. I think it was good that Chelsea turned in a 0 for the challenge so that we could get the idol, but Im also trying to get Ryan to trust me so I told him I was upset that Chelsea was gonna get it. So then Ryan tells me about how everyone on his tribe has been added to an alliance chat besides Danielle and Nicholas, which literally confirms the majority thing we've been suspecting, so of course I went and told the alliance of me Gage, Chelsea, and QuilLynn. Anyway I told QuilLynn that we probably shouldnt tell the all girls alliance that there's a majority alliance bc we arent sure if we can trust Lauren and Christine. Then Lauren says in the all girls alliance chat that we should throw the challenge to get rid of a big threat, and I say that I've noticed Brett is a big threat. But then said that we shouldn't throw the challenge bc thats dumb af and its just gonna cause a mess. but anyway of course we actually do loose the challenge, and I think at this point everyone is alright with voting Brett which is good bc hes a big threat and he doesnt reply to PMs which is super annoying. But then Christine decides to be sketchy af and push for Jack bc hes UTR but then Lauren was like yeah I agree, and I was like wtf Lauren youre the one who originally wanted to throw to get rid of a threat. I like the idea of an all girls alliance but I just dont trust Christine and Lauren. Anyway then QuilLynn in order to defend wanting to get rid of Brett was like well hes in the majority alliance, and I was like yikes I told her to not say that since we arent sure about christine and lauren. and anyway they end up asking questions and stuff and now I sorta think they are with the majority. But we still hopefully got them on board to vote Brett so I really hope its Brett and not me. Other stuff has been happening like idols and shit but Im too tired to type up the rest of the confessional so I'll just do it later tonight maybe.

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