#its fucking 6am but I cant put this book down

[daisymylove]

"He (Matthew) was ice cold, but he said, cordially enough,

'James.I didn't think to see you here'"

"'No' james said. 'Clearly not.I had not thought--' He shook his head. 'That I would be interrupting anything'"

BITCHES THE DRAMA

MY BLOOD IS NOT FLOWING SEND HELP

#its fucking 6am but I cant put this book down #even if my tired eyes can barely read rn #good angel what is happening #I refuse to even acknowledge fairstairs #james x cordelia #jordelia #cordelia herondale #cordelia carstairs #james herondale #matthew fairchild #cordelia x Matthew #i wont elaborate #chain of thorns #chain of gold #chain of iron #the last hours #tsc chronicles #tsc characters #tsc #cassandra clare

[vaxxy-the-raven]

14 year old me deserved better

we shouldn't have been bullied, our parents shouldn't have emotionally neglected us, we shouldn't have been allowed free reign on the internet

i have irreversible trauma all because my parents didn't understand the difference between giving shelter & food to someone and real parenting

i felt abandoned and unloved and pushed away and hated

i felt utterly worthless to, and unwanted by, the very people who had fought to have me

my parents went through IVF to have me, you know, and yet my whole life I've never really felt loved or wanted by them

i ended up so alone and scared i fell into an older person's trap and was hurt in ways that i didn't understand back then

i felt so broken and discarded, like i truly had nothing left to give to anyone else

it really fucked me up

i understand how this all happened and it sickens me

i hate that some parents hate their children and hurt them internationally, i hate that some parents don't know love and therefore can't give it to their own children in the future

i hate that people refuse to accept that girls can be evil and predatory, i hate that we treat victims as criminals even if they "followed every rule"

its no wonder i gave up on my education in the end

its no wonder i stopped living

im stuck and I feel helpless

i was talking to people, I was getting help, I was making progress (and technically i still am but not in ways that truly help in the long run) but it got too overwhelming and i just fucking shut down again

i feel trapped in a body that doesn't belong to me

it never did and never will

i feel trapped in a cycle of anger and sadness and sickness and exhaustion

5 10 15 20 25 30

i feel so fucking stuck

so fucking done

i woke up at 6am today and i couldn't fall back asleep

i trued writing it off, literally by writing fanfiction, and I've refreshed tumblr and twitter so many times since I woke up that in kind of sick of them

its now 8am and I feel dead

but not energy wise

just emotionally unwound

I'll probably feel better after i have some water and talk to my boyfriend, knowing me

but i wanted to talk about how just fucked everything feels

i feel like a vase someone smashed into smithereens and that was put back together with paper mache and string

her name kills me almost every time I see or hear it now

i think i might hate myself less than her these days, honestly

she stole my innocence and my trust and my childish love

she robbed me of a colour, of a book series, of a movie, of a flower and of so much more

she probably doesn't even remember me anymore, if she's still alive after everything

i don't know what I'd prefer

5 10 15 20 25 30

would i rather she got help and found love and happiness?

would i rather the opposite?

i feel too tired to care

she's not the last, nor am i certain she was truly the first

but she ruined me in ways nobody else could dream to

she left a sickness in my veins that i cant get rid of

its almost become lovely

i would miss it if it were gone

the hate is ugly and hisses, but i take comfort in its heat

maybe i am broken, maybe she broke me, maybe

i woke up today with terrible thoughts of things i dont want to do to myself or to others

thats fucked up

i can't remember if i was always like this or if she did this

maybe its both

5 10 15 20 25 30

all i know is that im tired

i want to stop hurting

i want to stop being scared

i want to stop being angry

i want to stop being sad

i want to stop being so tired

i just want to live and love

i love people, i do

i hate feeling such strong hatred that im not so sure is even really my own

i just want to be happy

i feel sick

#im safe #i just need to vent #already calling my boyfriend #please don't worry #just brain busy must yell #cw whatever the fuck this is #how do i tag this shit #triggering content #is this the ocd or the trauma? is it both? (: #vent #aaaaaaaaaa #cw child neglect #cw intrusive thoughts #cw grooming #i guess??? feels wrong to me but i think?? #im so fucking tired #will probably delete later

[getitinbusan]

Finger Bang!

Jeongguk Smut

More than pleased with himself, Jeongguk stared at how wet the bed was.

Quickly undoing his pants he knew he could pull another orgasm out of you while you were still blissed out. He brushed the damp hair off your cheek and kissed it.

"I don't think I'm ever going to get used to seeing that."

It had been a few weeks since this new talent revealed itself and he was determined to perfect the craft.

If he curled his fingers just right, and dragged them in and out at a steady pace, he could make you squirt like a soup dumpling. 

"So fucking wet, I can't believe how much your pussy loves my fingers." 

So while you lay in the aftermath, mind blank, muscles limp, he'd hop on and fuck you the rest of the way into oblivion replacing your fluids with his.

Walking through the airport you grabbed hold of him. Instead of taking his whole hand, you gripped your two favorite fingers and gave them a tight teasing squeeze.

"You really like those huh?"

"I thought it was obvious?"

Pressing his digits up to your lips you kissed them softly.

"I'm going to miss them this week, do you really have to go?"

"You're not going to miss me? Just my fingers?" He laughed, "You know you've got your own right?" 

"Not the same Guk. I love you, you'd better hurry back." 

The day before he was scheduled to return he messaged you. 

JK: I can't wait to see you tomorrow, I have a surprise. 

Y/N: I thought we were going to FaceTime tonight? I miss your smile Guk-ah."

Y/N: But what's the surprise!!??

JK: You're gonna have to be patient 💜 We get in at 7am, stay in bed, I'll meet you there 😏

The alarm went off at 6am, that would give you just enough time. 

Peeling off his old ripped t-shirt you got up to shower and shave.  

Putting clean sheets on the bed you tucked yourself back in just as the key turned in the lock. 

You heard the sound of his duffel bag drop on the floor, followed by shoes, then clothes as his bare feet pattered towards the bed. 

"I know you're not sleeping, I can see you smiling." 

You laughed as he lifted the covers and crawled on top of you.  "You'd better get over here and kiss me Jeongguk." 

His lips announced his homecoming as they connected with yours. His hand drew through your hair and caressed your cheek. 

You pulled back at the strange sensation. "What's this? Why are you wearing a glove? Jeongguk are you hurt?!" 

He rolled onto his back and held his gloved hand up. "This is my surprise!" 

You looked at him puzzled, "I don't get it." 

Sliding the fabric off his hand he slowly revealed his newly inked fingers, the inflamed writing spelled out ARMY across his knuckles. 

"Oh my God, thats so fucking hot!" 

He smiled at your praise. "You really like it? I can't wait for the fans to see how much I love them." 

You crawled on top of him, "When are you gonna show me how much you love me?" 

You ground yourself onto his hardening cock, "I need you to make me cum."

"Yeah? you need my fingers inside you baby?" 

"Please Kookie, I've been a good girl waiting for you." 

"Fuck, I love when you talk like that." 

He lowered his hand to your entrance, his fingers finding you wet in anticipation. Dipping his index inside you he hissed. 

His eyes grew big and apologetic, "shit...shit, I'm sorry. I'll be right back." 

He got out of bed and walked to the washroom. You could hear him running the faucet. The light flicked back off and he stood beside the bed. 

"You're gonna be mad." 

"Jeongguk, what's going on? I've missed you, why the hell aren't you fucking me right now?" 

He grabbed the discarded glove from the bed and slipped it back over his hand.

Realization hit you, "Oh for fucks sakes Jeon. How long till they heal?" 

His head dropped,"Three weeks.." 

The sex was good but… it was no squirting orgasm. 

It had been a week and a half plus the week he'd been gone. He felt bad.

Jeongguk loved to please you and even though you didn't complain he knew he could be giving you so much more. 

He walked into the living room where you lay on the couch and made a show of dropping his book loudly onto the coffee table. 

You picked it up and read the title, 

"Tantric Alchemy and Amrita: The Sacred Nectar of a good woman"

"Have you given up Overwatch for feminist studies?" 

He took it out of your hand and stretched out beside you. 

He flipped it open, "It says when a woman squirts, its a holy experience for her." 

You couldn't stop laughing at how serious he was.

"You've made me scream OH GOD on multiple occasions, im not sure why you needed a book to tell you that." 

"Don't make fun of me," he pouted. "I know you really like it when I make you squirt and I just want to understand so I can do it better." 

You held up his hand and looked at the Tattoos, "How much longer?" 

"Three more days baby, we're almost there. Wanna see what else I learned?" 

He flipped to the bookmarked page and read it to you.

"Tantric Kissing brings your makeout sessions to totally new, electric, and elevated levels. It allows you to experience flowing orgasmic energy with  outrageous passion between you and your kissing partner." He wiggled his brow and grinned.

Your panties were already wet.

"Jeongguk," you rubbed against him, "I'm more of a hands on learner. Why dont you teach me about it?"

You woke up in a great mood. Today was THE day! 

Jeongguk had left bright and early for rehearsal so you wouldn't see him until after the show tonight. 

Trying to distract yourself all day, your house had never been this clean. The anticipation building inside you was manifesting in your creamed panties. 

Y/N: Guk I'm gonna die...I cant wait any longer.

JK: Don't you dare touch yourself!

Y/N: You'd better take care of me

JK: I've got you baby girl.

JK: I changed the ending of Boy with Luv just for you...💜

Y/N: ?? Cant wait, see you soon.

He was a tease. Standing in the front row with your legs clamped together he danced for you.

Lifting his shirt, thrusting his hips, rolling his body, his hand falling conveniently over his cock. He knew exactly what he was doing. 

Almost at the finish line, you couldn't wait to get him home. The familiar ohs of Boy With Luv began and you watched as he flirted with you. You didn't want to wait, you wanted to be in the car already, getaway style. 

End...end...come on end...Boy with Luv…

He looked over his shoulder  directly at you and raised your two favorite fingers in the air. Holding the pose he winked and motioned with his head for you to get backstage. 

"Fucking finger guns Jeongguk? Do you want me to wet myself in public?" 

Not saying a word he grinned as he pulled you into a nearby green room and locked the door behind him. 

He backed you up animalisticly like you were prey until your legs found the edge of the couch.

"Guk..." 

He put his tattooed finger over you lips.  

You lay back on the couch as he knelt on the floor in front of you. 

Lifting your skirt he shook his head, "you haven't been wearing panties all night?"

You smiled sweetly and shrugged. 

Spreading you wide he went knuckle deep and pulled back out. "So fucking wet," he licked his finger. 

"Guk please, don't tease me anymore." Begging him, you were desperate to get off. 

He pushed his fingers into you and layed himself onto your chest. As his fingers stroked your sweet spot he whispered in your ear. 

"Remember the other day when we kissed for hours?"

You couldn't form sentences so you moaned in acknowledgment.

"How it felt like nothing else existed but us?" 

He lifted your leg to hit a deeper angle. 

"I want to give you that all the time." 

His lips moved warm and slow, his tongue dancing in your mouth as fireworks went off behind your eyes. His fingers, covered in cream were snuggly inside you, pressing, rubbing into a euphoric trance. He had you dizzy. 

His tongue swiped across your bottom lip, "can you cum for me?"  

You knew he was speaking but your brain couldn't decipher what the words were. 

As your hips involuntarily rose to press into his palm he increased his speed. Your legs were trembling and he knew it was imminant. Moving to the side he watched as pleasure took over and you released your cum onto the couch and the floor. 

"Thats my girl." 

Your head was reeling as you tried to regain your strength. He held out his hand to help you up. 

"Aren't you going to finish?" 

He pulled you into a hug, "Nope. I learnt a few things from my book, it's going to be a long night." 

He opened the door just as Jimin was walking by. Eyeing you both  suspiciously up and down he looked into the room. "Is everything okay? Why are you wet.. why's the floor wet?" 

Jungkook shrugged, "Sometimes we have waterfights."

#Jeongguk smut #bts smut #jungkook #jungkook smut #kookie #guk #nochu

[long-live-the-castaways]

Bandito tour-Nashville

So this is later than usual but here it goes, my experience of the first show after Twenty One Pilots had been on hiatus for over a year.

Getting there:

So i had to work a closing shift that let out at 9:30 on monday but right after i booked it to get Kaylee and then we booked it to nashville. The drive was honestly great. It was so much better than the drive last month and me and K rolled the windows down and blasted Trench. It was so peaceful. Also,  if people heard some of the things we say out of context things would get very awkward.

The line:

wowowowow i actually missed camping out i hadnt done it since TDC. But we got there about 3am and it was so cold!!?!??! Kaylee ended up going to my car to sleep. So when we got there we set up her little brothers tent which was way to small for the both of us but we made it work. But like after 30 mins they moved the line and we were trying to get everything so we threw the stuff in the tent and just picked it up and shuffled our way. About 6am us and this dude named Ryan(?) went to starbucks. It was pretty chill the rest of the day i forgot the other dudes name but i painted his nails yellow and he let us have some duct tape so hes cool. And there were these people next to us that are my new best friends. Me and one of them went to get pizza for them and they let us have some. Despite me shivering the entire time i absolutely loved it. Me and Kaylee got 211 in line until they started scrunching for the show then we got 1163 i think? (163) im not sure how but it was really weird how they did everything. bUT bridgestone was super nice. There was a guy helping set the merch booth and when he saw how excited we were getting about the new merch he said "GA is gonna be blown away" and when they said that it wouldnt open till another 30 mins someone asked if we could still watch what was being put up and another guy said "of course!" then when we got in they made us all get in a line and told us that when we get in to sit down in our spot and they were gonna bring us water bc they didnt want anyone to pass out during the concert. It was so nice and every single one of the workers made it such a good experience for everyone. During the show they passed water around and made us waterfall it so other people could drink it too then near the end they just started handing out the bottles. Ive never seen an arena care so much it was amazing.

Max Frost:

What a dude! I had been listening to him for a tad before the concert in preparation but nothing could prepare me for how hyped he was. I didnt know he was doing everything so that was super cool to watch and uh Money Problems is my favorite and was so great live. Those high notes? He hit them. Love this guy and cant wait to see what the future holds for him.

Awolnation:

Um ok the guitarist didnt have to go THAT hard. i could lay on the ground and be at peace listening to them but i could also mosh like hell. They're super fucking good???? Like idk what i was expecting but they exceeded it. Really wanna go see them again...multiple times.

Twenty One Pilots:

Oh goodness i have so much to say. I didnt know that they could step their game up even more but they did. By a lot. This was my 10th concert and 2nd time seeing them and by far the best show i have ever seen. (Ive always loved fire so this next part is multiplied by like 986) the curtain dropped and it took me a second to see what was going on but when i did oh bOY. Josh was up there lookin like a fierce ass bandito holding a tORCH WITH FIRE. we were on his side second row (pretty much barricade)  so he was super close when he walked toward us i was yelling. tHEN I NOTICED TYLER coming up through the stage oN A BURNING CAR OKOKOKOK. I knew the burning car was gonna be there but that entrance??? Didnt have to be that amazing.but it was. During jumpsuit when all the flowers fell and some of the fans were throwing their own flowers to and it was so breath taking. The transition into levitate was better than anything i could ever do. I wasnt expecting him to do the death drop or go into the stands again but gUESS WHAT????? There are just so many moments and its so hard for me to put it all into words. NATN? My favorite song off the album? The one that means a lot to me? Him walking on a bridge through the crowd during it? I was gasping for air. Pet Cheetah? Incredible. Bandito? Beautiful. Neon Gravestones? Wow i love this song so much because its so raw and powerful and the fact that he put it on the setlist means he wants us to hear it. He wants us to LISTEN. Me and k were a mess. Of course it didnt help that it came right afteR MOTHER FUCKING TAXI CAB ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. You cant tell me for one second that this band does not listen to their fans. I cant believe i hears that song live wow. Leave the City was one of the songs on the record that i had trouble connecting with because i think i was trying to search to much into its meaning but seeing it live really just made it so special and i found the meaning of it, or at least what it means to me. WDBWOT was amazing as always and when we first yelled Yeah Yeah Yeah he was a little shook. He was not expecting. Idk what they were expecting this crowd to be like for the first show but you could tell by their smiles they were happy with how it played out. During Morph Tyler messed up and later called himself out on it but tbh we all did...we just kept singing with him and when he realized he messed up is when i did lmao and he also looked at josh and said Whoops and thats a whole ass mood. There are so many other moments that im sure im forgetting but if anything was taken away from this it was a little bit of love. Seeing everyone in yellow bandanas and duct tape, seeing myself in that, makes me feel fearless. I keep the term "they cant see yellow" very close to my heart. And i keep the term "east is up" even closer. Seeing everyone in yellow, and hearing everyone say that, none of us are alone. We all have each other's back. And tyler and josh? They have our backs too. Maybe not in such a personal way but they created this. All of it. They created something that has brought all of us together. They created something so interactive we truly feel like we area part of it. They tell the truth about fear and then they bring hope to life. They're Twenty One Pilots and we truly are too.

#twenty øne piløts #twenty one pilots #TØP #top concert #top #twenty one pilots concert #nashville #banditotour #we are banditos #bandito era #bandito nashville #i'm a bandito #trench #trench album #my concert #concerts #my babies #my experience #my concert experience #my boys #josh dun #joshler #joshua #tyler joseph #meerkat #im a bendy toe #is anybody even reading these anymore? #pet cheetah #taxi cab #trees

[clowns-on-my-wrist]

I want to shave my head and eat mcdonald’s chicken nuggets and lay on the beach and break my leg and drop out off school and cut my face and have a sauce with my nuggets and burn polish flag and scream george michael’s songs kiss my dog’s nose and scare my classmates and die on the beach and wear my grandma’s clothes and slap myself in the face and have some curly fries and drink cola not alcohol and kiss someone but it’s gross and sleep on the floor and gouge out my eyes and paint my walls and punch someone and cover myself in glitter and dance and I still want those chicken nuggets and I want to talk and complain to someone and I want a hug and I want to play some games and eat meat and move my hands and rip my dick off and cut off my breasts and eat chicken nuggets and choke someone but with love and cut my arms and move move move and walk around till I die and drink cola not alcohol I’m hangover and have a read eyeshadow and wear only boxers and sleep and talk and eat chicken nuggets with cream sauce or idk it’s śmietanowy in polish idk the translation and eat it right now at 6am at mcdonalds and then dance and sing on a streets and scream and smoke and roll on a ground and cry cry cry cry cry and laugh laugh laugh laugh and scream scream scream scream and talk about everything and nothing and about people I find cute and how I don’t want to live and how much I hate school like some angsty emo teenager and I want to stick a needles in my body and cut my arms and shave my head and fuck someone and love someone and hate someone and kill someone and explode my head and pull out my brain and eat chicken nuggets and tear out my lungs and put something heavy on my chest and smash my phone and stop taking my medicine and drink water go to hospital and burn my books and paint my face like a clown and touch someone and make them feel good and slap them and suffocate them and make them cry and burn myself and go back to feeling absolutely completely numb and smoke and move and dance so that I pass out and I want to feel drained and dead and tear some paper and shave my head and shave my eyebrows and cut off my ears and pierce my nose and lips and brow and make my friends think I’m insane and jump in a water and eat chicken nuggets right now and kiss and eat flowers and sing marsz marsz dąbrowski z ziemi włoskiej do polski za twoiiiiim przewodem złączył się z narodem and spit and do something with my eyes they annoy me and faint and hit my head on a ground and throw my cat but not hurt him but hurt someone so that they love it and voicetalk and talk nonsense like I’m doing right now and i want someone go go to mcdonald with me and i want to smash bottles and get rid off all chocolate in the world and i wan to sufforcate him and leave bruises on his pretty neck and i want to hit his face then fuck it and tie him up and tear apart some kids plushies and then cry over them and cut my ears of and hold him down and break his back and break my neck and shave my head and pull his hair and lock him in a closet and spit and fall over and lay on a ground and cut my stomach and make my friends think i fucking lost it and stab my eyes and eat chicken nuggets with him and watch him eat them and lick his lips and buy him cute things and kiss his cute nose and break his arms and legs and tear him apar and he would love it and moan and cry and go somewhere where noone can understan my language so i can curse and insult everyone and scream mickiewicz’s poetry and how much i  hate this little drunk fucker and how słowacki was much better and how i fucking hate romanticism in general and hit myself in the face and paint him and eat my chicken nuggets with śmietanowy sauce and cry cry cry and laugh and sing frank sinatra and shave my head and eyebrows and cut off my arms because tey contain every positive and negaive thing about me and i want to explode and let pieces of my body cover him and I want to go back to hospital and i want my doctor to see it so they can lock me up and drug me and i want to hug him and i want to be dead and feel nothing and not be able to move and just lay on a ground and sleep and i if he saw this he would be disgusted by me and i am too and i want someone anyone to read this and to know just know and i want to know if someone read this and if someone knows how fucked up i am and that its 7 am and i want chicken nuggets right now and my arms are shaking and i just want o get rid of them and i want to take out all my insides so i cant feel mybody anymore and u want somebody anyone to know 

[akemiskirts]

Hey since I haven’t been active in forever, who wants to hear a story about how I became a local cryptid in my town?

#stories

[lorenbufeteramos-blog]

back on tumlr

Hello, So I guess im back on tumblr. What's new? TONZ. I think the last time I was actually really active on this thing was like 4 years ago when I used to write stuff everyday. But life happened and we all cant always keep track of all the apps we have on our devices. What made me want to come back? Well i guess one of the reasons is that im actually using my tablet for this lol and i purchased a bluetooth keyboard for it so now its literally a mini laptop amongst all the other laptops i have that i hardly every use. So why not put it to good use. Another reason is that I guess I now have a little more time to just reflect on my day to day lifestyle. So lets talk about my day.. I woke up today at 5am to get ready for work. I didnt get up til 5:15am though. I literally snoozed through 4 different alarms. Typical me. What makes it even more funny in that I woke up to a wake up phone call instead which was nice. So I got up took a quick shower, threw some scrubs on, fixed my hair, made my coffee and left. I get to work and theres literally 10 patients outside the PSC already waiting to get their labs one. -_-" the start of my Monday. Thank god i started at 6am so that I could get off earlier and still have the rest of the day. Drew several patients. Did a stat call. Layed in my car dduring my luch. Vaped. And towards closing I had a mess of specimens I still needed to manifest into the system. I totes fucked up though becaus I had scanned the stat tubes and left the window on stat. So when my co worker went to scan regular tubes for the lab they all ended up being scanned under stat. SOOO i had to delete them all and rescan everything. Woops.. Finished the day around 2:30 and drove home. It was already traffic and hot and I was already tired. I think I only had 3 hours of sleep last night after a long weekend of activities and helping Gerry put together her new loft bed. So now we both our lofting it in our bachlor pad. Super effecient living btw. So I got home and the first thing I did was pack clothes for the week because ill be staying with gf for a little bit. Once i got everything packed i made a shake and ate a protien bar and left the house. Ofcourse at this time it was still traffic. I finally got to gfs house around 6ish and the moment I got there i passed out on the couch. I woke up to her cooking us dinner and she made baked salmon with salad no dressing and asparagus on the side. Damn. That dinner was heaven. We watched a few shows on tv on the couch and i started editing a new video from the weekend i had witht he kids in SF. We started getting sleepy so we migrated over to the room. Gf took a shower and I layed in bed still editing videos. Afterwards i put the laptop down and got up to take a shower. Let the dogs out cus they started barking and wanted to pee i guess. We watched some modern family. and gf called it a night. So shes literally passed out next to me. Haha. Its cool though she does have an early start anyway. Oh crap so do i. And thats pretty much my day. I guess ill talk more about everything else later on down the road. I think tomorrow might be the same thing anyway. I live a pretty boring life during the week but the weekends are a lot more interesting. I have a 9 day vacation starting next week. So i guess i booked a flight to socal. I originally was suppose to go to mexico. But my passport was still locked in the safe in my room with a dead battery so i couldnt get into it in time to book the reservation with them so i decided on a lowkey trip to LA with my cousin and his family. TURNup. So now im off to bed. Its about 11:17pm. And its crazy how early it still may seem but im soo tired and sleepy already. Goodnight everyone who is still on Tumblr. We'll blog about it more tomorrow. - Loren Ramos