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luvanniiee · 7 months

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tonight

[ateez drabbles]

• pairings : ateez x gn!reader (individual though) hongjoong x reader , seonghwa x reader , yunho x reader , yeosang x reader , san x reader , mingi x reader , wooyoung x reader , jongho x reader

• synopsis: they work hard as idols to provide for you. they sacrificed a lot of things ……. even spending time with you. so this is what they do when they come home from touring!

• warnings : slight angst , smut mdni! , sex is mentioned but i dont go too much into detail. pet names, suggestive as fck,

• a/n : i hope you guys enjoy this , i might do a txt version or twice ! let me know! anyways thanks for all the support bookies !! okay ima not talk too much, just enjoy! oh wait also you might wanna listen to “tonight” by summer walker, that was the inspo for this!! okay byee

• story under the cut!

hongjoong

he had just come home from a 2 month tour. literally felt like hell for both of you. hongjoong felt like he couldn’t properly focus on his work , he missed you in more ways than you wouldve ever thought. but now he was home , in your arms. you cooked his favorite meal , and showered together , and put his favorite movie on, but he wasn’t interested in that. he was eyeing you like a piece of meat. take a picture , itll last longer. you said to him as you turned to him. im not interested in the movie anymore baby, i want you. i need you. please i just wanna make up for lost time. he said, need was dripping like honey in his voice. you felt your cheeks heat up. this was a first, usually you would be the one who was desperate for a touch. but he seemed like he would explode in the next 2 seconds if he didnt feel some sort of you. ive been on the road too long , tonight i wanna have good fun! he said as he pushed you down on the couch.

after playing catch up , you were left with drool coming from the sides of your mouth , legs shaking , and hongjoong still wanting more

seonghwa

you pace to get ready , seonghwa is coming home today. normally you would be happy, well you are happy that hes coming home, and he’ll be able to touch you the way youve been trying to touch yourself. but thats what your scared about. see prior to this , you broke one of his rules. absolutely no touching unless 1. youve asked and 2. hes given you permission. you were on the phone with him, and hes busy talking about how excited he was to see you, until you let out a small moan on the phone. what was that? he asked. oh..uh..nothing! you said. i hope my baby isnt touching themselves without daddy’s permission. he teased, he knew you were touching yourself to his voice. so he told you that he was going to punish you for breaking a rule. and thats how you are in this situation now. just then the door opens, revealing an angry and horny seonghwa. he only stepped forward to close the door behind him. his eyes burning holes through yours. oh…hey baby… you said trying to ease some tension. is that my name? do you need me to remind you honey? does daddy need to teach you a lesson and punish you? he said in a teasing low tone.

after that, you were covered in love marks, tears , sweat , legs are shaking hard from the times hes made you cum over and over. but after it all, he still kissed you and gave you the best aftercare ever, and even told you about the things hes seen while on tour until you fell asleep in his arms.

yunho

normally, yunho doesnt make the first move. but being away from you for 2 months really drove him crazy. you and yunho were supposed to be playing a board game. but as you were moving your peice, you kinda realized that the game was no longer yunhos interest. his eyes were on yours, eye fucking you. he wanted to fuck you as soon as he stepped in the house. but he dared himself to see how long he can go before actually losing his mind. you okay? you asked. he nodded lightly then stood up to walk over next to you. he started to kiss your neck leaving marks on you. fuck i cant hold back anymore. yunho moaned out as he laid you down. he leaned over you and started kissing you. soon it turned into a lazy makeout. then you started to thrust your hips forward for an ease in the ache between your legs. fuck baby please. please let me make up for lost time. he said as he looked in your eyes. it only took a nod for him to go absolutely insane.

afterwards, he cleaned you up. did you still wanna play the game? you asked. not really , but i do wanna play with you again. he smirked. one hell of a night for both of you.

yeosang

although he has a reserved and calm demeanor, on the inside yeosang knew he has too pent up to be calm. there was a welcome home dinner for him. his parents and yours all at one table, welcoming yeosang home from his tour. it literally took everything in him to not kick everyone out and have his way. the way you looked as you took a sip of your drink, the way you would lick your lips clean, it drove him up the wall. excuse me. he said as he excused himself out of the room. he went to the bathroom to wipe his face. he had to do something to distract himself. just then you opened the door and the. locked it behind you. you want it as much as i do dont you? he said. you just stepped forward and kissed him. it didnt take long until he was stripping himself and stripping you too. you both started to feel on each other. then he bent you over the sink, and forced you to look in the mirror.

after that you walked out, both parents gone. but there was a note. ‘if yall are gonna fuck, at least have the decency to give us the boot.’ both of you visibly embarrassed but laughed it off later.

san

you and san were just chillin on the couch. tv was background noise at this point. both of you wanted to so desperately feel each other after a long time. but the thing is, you both want to see who will cave first. san was the dominant one in this relationship so obviously hes gonna try to out wait you and make you cave first. you just wanted to push his buttons. you looked at his side profile, admiring the way his jaw would tense here and there. he took a deep breath and looked at you. you know you want me baby. he teased. you knew if you touched him first, you would not only lose a bet but you would be in for a shitload of teasing. oh san, youve been gone for 2 months, all pent up. only having to use your hand to relieve yourself. i had a vibrator. so i think you need me more. you cocked back. your reply shocked him but it also made him mad. so all he did was pull his pants down, licked his hand and started pumping himself. you cant lie, you really wanted to taste him. but youll be teased.

fuck it. you decide and replace his hand with your mouth.

you should play this game more often, you thought.

mingi

mingi has just come home that day. you and him spent the entire day hugging and kissing each other. you couldnt get enough of him, you missed his scent. so when night time came, it was about dinner time. you cooked his favorite food and you even volunteered to clean the dishes. but he insisted that he helped you. so you didnt turn him down and as you washed he rinsed. you started to lean over the sink to relieve some of the pressure in your lower back. so water was splashing on you as you washed. he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. the way your hands were moving in the water, the look of concentration, it was a bit much for him. it took a lot for him to restrain himself from doing you right then. so he waited until later that night.

baby… mingi would whine. yes? you replied. please, i need you to touch me. i miss your body so much. please i cant hold back anymore. he confessed. who were you to deny him? so you started by kissing him slowly, then marking him, touching him softly. he couldnt take this slow pace much longer. baby… i cant wait. he moaned slightly. so he flipped you on your back, he starter to grind his hips into you to relieve some pressure. you both moaned at the contact. want this? please tell me you want me as much as i need you. he whined. it turned you on because of how submissive he sounded. you nodded and thats all it took for him.

after that, he started to talk about how good the tour was, how much fun he had with his bandmates, all while youre laying there with your legs shaking like crazy, and your eyes could barely stay open.

wooyoung

this man just couldnt wait to hear you. wooyoung had some friends over, but he was starting to regret it. the more he sat next to you, inhaled your scent, it made him crazy. there was a movie on, and all his friends were watching it. you tried to watch, but all his teasing touches were really distracting you. sometimes his hands would slide a little too close to your pussy. you let out a loud sigh that sounded almost like a soft moan. his friends would glance occasionally, but wooyoung would tell them that it was because you were “yawning because your tired”. but soon after all the teasing, he finally touched you. he started to rub you, drawing small quick circles over your clit. you had to excuse the moans that would slip a little as a yawn or something. but when he started going faster, you couldnt contain it anymore. so you put your head in his neck, and bite down softly to quiet yourself. wooyoung could hear your small moans and whimpers as you came on his fingers.

in the dark it looked like you were resting your head in him. if only they knew about the dirty things that were happening under the cover you had across your lap.

jongho

it all starterd with a facetime call. you were wearing one of his shirts. he was on his way home from the airport when you started teasing him. flashing him and giggling afterwards, or moaning his name, just teasing him to the point of no return. but when he got home, it wasnt funny anymore. all the teasing you did to him made him sexually frustrated. the smile on your face disappeared when he opened the door and said strip. you wanted to retaliate but there was no way you were gonna do that. no way you were gonna fuel his fire by bratting even more. so you did as told. bad girl, teasing me like that. jongho said. his voice was dripping with lust, making it deeper. it turned you on. im sorry, i just uh wanted to play a little. you said as your voice cracked a little. oh you wanna play? ill play with you. he said teasingly.

to make a long story short, one of the best nights you’ve had.

teehee

©️ luvanniiee on tumblr !!

#ateez x reader #ateez smut #hongjoong smut #seonghwa smut #san smut #wooyoung smut #jongho smut #yunho smut #yeosang smut #mingi smut #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez headcanons

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

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aita for telling my brother that he has to break up with his gf of 3 years

⛸️✈️ (so i can recognize this ask)

tw for obsessive behavior and slight mention of incest (nothing about actual incest just creepy shit that my brothers gf did itll make more sense if you read it)

it sounds bad i know but hear me out

my brother (28M) has been dating this girl (30F) who we will call Kate for about 3 years but recently i (16X) told him to break up with her.

my brother and i have been very close since i was little and he practically raised me. ive seen him try to find love before but never successfully so when he told me he was dating a girl online i was really happy for him. i had my doubts but i just kept it to myself because he was happy and thats all that really matters to me. they had visited before, and when i met kate she was super nice and i really enjoyed hanging out with her too. and then about a year ago they decided to move in together. however kate didnt want to move away from her family so my brother moved across the country to live with her. at this point she was 29, didnt have her drivers license, lived with her mom and worked at walmart. they had agreed that if my brother moved out there kate would get her license, they would find an apartment, and she would try and get a better job. so my brother moved out there to be with her. back then i had hoped they would break up because i didnt want him to move but again i didnt say anything because i just wanted him to be happy. a year later kate has not followed through with any of the things they agreed on. so for the past year my brother has been living with kate, her mom, her moms bf and occasionally her grandparents. kates family is all unemployed (her mom was fired her moms bf is a slacker and her grandparents retired) do the only 2 providing for the whole family are kate and my brother. as i mentioned before kate works at walmart so she doesnt make enough money. so all the financial responsibility falls to my brother who has a well paying job. about a month ago in december my brother called our mom and asked for relationship advice. eventually he said that he wasnt happy in the relationship and decided to have a talk with kate about how she hasnt done anything she promised. she got really emotional but then agreed to start working on things but that didnt last very long, she was back to her old routine in 2 days. after i heard that he was unhappy it all started to click, he never looked happy in any pictures after he moved. but when he came to visit recently i saw him actually happy and smiling. he ended up having a talk with our mom where he just spilled everything. he said that he didnt want to move in the first place but he felt like he had to for kate. after this kate started trying to keep me away from my brother. it was at this point when i told him to break up with her and move back home. the next day he went back across the country and called our mom when he got back. he had said that kate started copying all the things i do but making it kinda sexual. kate had starting being obsessive, checking his phone, not wanting him to talk to friends and family, constantly checking his location and more crazy shit. my mom and i talked about how we were going to try and help my brother because at this point it was getting out of hand and we realized that kate sees me as competition and is trying to keep me away from my brother so he wont want to move back here. i told him that he needs to break up with her and move back here for his sanity and mental health so aita for that?

tldr: kate sees me as competition for her romantic relationship with my brother so she started copying things i do but sexy even though i am a minor and her bfs little sibling so i told him to break up with her and move back home

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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dominic-sessa · 26 days

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life update!!!!

hi hello friends good morning good afternoon good evening its that time of the month again! this isnt really a big life update like the last time bcs i just thought id list down a bunch of things ive had on my mind.

first of all, im very happy to announce that i was able to watch 16 movies last march !! exciting!! i know ive said the last time that i quit the bingewatching thing but HONESTLY im in a work from home setup and the only way to keep me inspired is by watching a movie ... i am yet to find other ways to stay inspired so watching movies will just do for now... ALSO im gonna try to update my newsletter for the first time this year and itll probably be about the movies that i saw this march that i liked ! im now comfortable with turning the newsletter to be more about movies bcs nothing major has been happening in my life lol . so pls stay tuned for that newsletter post if ur interested!

another thing is ive decided to make this blog more personal! for the past year ive made this blog to be more about movies and gifs and stuff, and as much as i love getting the notes and reading ppl's tags, im going to try and make this blog work for me this time :) hope it doesnt get annoying or something... im also in the process of fixing my about pages and tags and all. ive used tumblr since 2012 so im still struggling with the setup. LIKE yes i want to maximize the fact that you can edit html pages and its cute and lets me be creative but at the same time, im on my phone majority of the time . and i dont like being on my laptop after work because ive literally just been using a laptop the whole day. for work. im rly shy to post some stuff about me (bcs i havent done it before fr insert the tom hanks dialogue from joe vs the volcano abt doing some soul searching and coming to the conclusion that hes just boring so he stops doing it) so if u see me doing it as an attempt to fix the personal pages on my blog, im sorry! AAAND as for the gifs thing, im thinking of changing my film diary tag, one thing i really enjoy is taking note of dialogues i love from a movie so i might just do screenshots. i really miss making gifs even though most of the gifs i end up with are LQ , but it just really isnt feasible now . (also some movies are just so tempting to gif LIKEEE valley girl and everytime we say goodbye 😭😭 it physically hurts me that i cant gif josh whitehouse and tom hanks in those movies....)

ALSO im really very very happy that ive gained new followers recently. i enjoy chatting with you guys and get so happy whenever i get the notif that someone sent me an ask/message!! ive been idle on stan twt/fandoms in general so its been a really long time since ive actually... talked to people... it makes me really happy talking to u and im sorry if my happiness doesnt show in my replies/posts. as i said, its been a while since ive done this and i usually go on here as soon as im off work (when my brain is semi-fried and the words are not wording anymore) . i hope i dont come across as bored/uninterested :(

and it isnt just about fandoms too, im genuinely insterested what u guys are up to lately and all... (in a non stalker way). it just feels nice to have friends in general ^__^

SO YEA, i think thats about it :) if u've read this all until here ilysm! thanks for ur interest and lmk how ur day was! or just send me something u want to talk about !

have a nice day :)

#maybe i should start a formal tag for posts like this too heheh #*

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jils-things · 3 months

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hi again :] so ive decided to take a hiatus for a month until feb 16. i have more work to do in school which extends to me trying work immersion (which is basically internship) so that means ill continue to be away here. i still lurk around my friends' content though just without saying too much because itll drag me back into scrolling excessively lmao. (i will happily respond to them when I'm free) i also appreciate the nice words sent to me as i left for a bit, truly happy to read it!

commissions are sluggish admittedly, but i was able to make some drafts this week. that's all i can update on

to end it on a light note, i'd like to try out on the secret drawing box! saw this last year but haven't had the time to try it... ive dropped a few doodles from my mutuals' blogs and maybe ill sneak more if i can :] anyway, here!

thanks for reading! see you next month 💚

#feb 16 is the last day of my immersion #itll.start next monday. waah #lots of documents to secure ;;

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whomst-is-hex · 5 months

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hi im a cis (late teenage) woman who was a transgender man for like 5 years and just recently figured out im not. throughout that whole period there was so so so much fear about how people around me would view me, and it was a very insecure time. BUT, unlike the general expectation of detrans (the asshole idea that transitioning was for trends) i'm really fucking glad i did it.

before i fully started going by he/him and Marcus, i had a couple months where i was just switching from gender to gender, sexuality to sexuality, because i just recently started comprehending queer people and was desperately searching for identity and community. i settled on the name and pronouns one day at a playground, where i told a stranger around my age my name was Marcus and i am transgender. i told my parents shortly after (i told my parents everything in that regard) and right after that i started to strip away anything remotely girlish about myself, which i kinda started doing anyway after i started to call myself a lesbian.

a few years in i started to notice that the "femininity" was around anyway. i admired my silhouette sometimes in the mirror, but quickly switched to trying to flatten my chest. i loved being masculine, i loved passing, but i really also loved my body in all of its generally-percieved-as-woman-ness. this pretty much balanced me out for the last couple years. i stopped trying desperately to pass, and started to accept myself as inherently masculine without binding or vocal exercises (and even in drag, which i still really fucking love doing)

and now we're at a few months ago, where i presented fully female for 30 days as an experiment. obviously my brain had went through SO many chemical changes, and i think just general maturity caused me to click and realize that i don't want this anymore. not to say that young trans people are immature, or that being a man is low, i just started to realize that i messed up and taught myself to fit in another box that i didn't fully want.

right now, i have ditched that box all together. but now i know that it never had to be a box to begin with. i believe that i really was a man for that period of time, even when i admired my curves and face and voice. i was looking for identity, and i found it. but now, i'm sort of a different person with different needs in life and myself. and because i had that experience of rapid change, experimentation, insecurity, and self love, i really really know how to be a woman now. and like the post i reblogged just before writing this says, being a woman doesnt have to mean much in terms of differences. in my case, it means that i am not the basic cisgender bisexual woman cutout i was terrified of becoming when i was younger. and it means im keeping marcus as my name, and my dead-name remains as my middle name.

my point with this was to catalogue my experience, but i think i really need to bring up how actual trans people experiment at all sorts of ages, and it works for them pretty damn well. i have friends who experimented just as much as i did and are way more cemented in their transgender identity than i ever was. i think its also important to say that my experience happens a lot as well. brains change, people change, and i've heard of trauma messing with identities too. point is, we have Got to stop generalizing trans and detrans people, or at least catch ourselves when we do. brains are so goddamned complicated and we dont even know everything about gender. what we do know is it changes sometimes, its unpredictable, and its across all cultures. like my dad says, the minute you figure out something about yourself, itll change. and i believe having a brain that doesnt change is no way to live

TL;DR: i was transgender, now im not, im happy, people are happy being trans or cis sometimes and thats cool as hell. dont be an asshole and stop trying to assume things about people like identity that shit sucks

#queer #transgender #detransition #talking #trans is holy #trans is beautiful #gender is holy #gender is beautiful #love is real

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grahamcarmen · 24 days

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how do you think carmen/gray reunion would go? also if there was a spinoff what would you want it to be about

XD i actually wrote a fic? for rcweek a couple years ago i think? and even tho im not totally satisfied with it basically i am ok with one of the paths being meeting on a train somehow becuase im a sucker for repetition with intention being attention for differences highlighted

but tbh i'm not always so certain... should they be more free to just be sad and happy that HE ISN'T DEAD??

or the slight tension because carmen is grappling with the GOOD and BAD that happened? and thus she needs to let herself crack down to the root of it all? carmen tends to be a little cold and withdrawn until she's sure she can rely on said person even if what she wants is to trust them? does the broken ribs outweigh 6 months in her opinion? it must at least a little, her last words were sorrow for him not anger.

or would carmen just be too sad at what she almost did?

is the blame to be adressed , i think it might have to be since gray does feel shame and carmen feels at fault

would gray? be too apprehensive ?

should they address rn that gray could like be...inlikeLIKE with her now or does that need time?? because at the same time i don't think he should keep that buried , itll make him sick and don't do that to my son

but definitely some level of emotional at just. him being alive. and her willing to be there ...AGAIN!... i need them to hug. like can you imagine

tears;sad /mad, i don't care because those 2 always looked like they're about to cry about each other and are like thiiiiiiiis close to being totally honest about how deep those feelings go this could be the dam break

apologies, not i regret! i am sorry! NEED. NEED GRAY'S VOICE TO CRACK [to match carmens from himalayas :0 here at the apologies or later for an i love you is also acceptable] but also there being a bit of process along because why did you guys like...make a gordian knot?? or!like a gordian knot is it solved by -[no im not letting carmen off the hook of processing the wild explanations for her choices to keep him in the dark because the alternative was admitting she lost him]

maybe not all the ones needed yet but the big ones for sure

and maybe a little apprehensive near the end as they see they have to choose to accept it as closure ...orrrr choose to actually stay in each others lives as more than nice memories. they should stay

and it doesn't even have to be the train

him at a new job and her on a caper works too

her trying to find him in a new setting to get the fresh restart feel

maybe even that small delay because there is aLOT to adress and i'll admit that the little byline is how i HOPE it would go but those 2 are so complex that im always just...gimme popcorn and show me -.-please...one cs writer who cares about they...show me which emotions win out.

spinoffs! i would like!

-> SUPER OPEN TO LEARNING MORE ABOUT HER MOM AND HOW SHE GOT TOGETHER WITH WOLFFE and her life a bit after

-> zack and ivy doing ACME training! fitting in! interacting with julia, zari, and chase, and chief!

-> i'm actually curious to see like... maybe not a whole spinoff but like how's sonia? idk maybe in the vein of carmen starting to make an urban legend of herself seeing people she met talk about her or have fun trying to keep up a caper themselves ala ivy with maybe a chance of carmen sweeping in

->does the fanficy VILE ball that lives in my head count as valid at all

#asks #...why are they like...that ...#love them tho <3 #if you don't see any and all of gray's business as a spinoff is because that stuff belongs in the mainline if ever continued #baby photos/past/fun interactions with people/married life with carmen is all mainline stuff :)...please.

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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 4 months

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ari!! i am dropping by with some good music and new year wishes! 🎶🎉 thank you so much for being part of my 2023 🥹 you are incredibly sweet and talented, and so so so nice to talk to (thoughtful too!!). waaah i am sooo thankful for you!! and appreciate you so much 🥺

as a year end pick, my favourite read from you is: oh my destiny, how far you have sprung now, my god!! that fic did a number on me—the way you crafted it, the premise itself. so so sooo interesting. i adoooore it and you, and ofc our gojo 🥺

if i may ask!! 🥺 (pls feel free not to answer if uncomfy!!) how was 2023 for you? what’s a favourite thing (anything) you discovered this year? do you have any reflections from the past year? any resolutions for the next? 🥹

sel!!!!!!! tysm for dropping by wahhhh ur so sweet 🥺🥺🥺🥺 here is lots of good music n new years vibes for u too 🎉🎵🎊🎶🎉🎉🎶 and some cake!! 🎂🎂

and sel pls !!!! im taking every word u said n shooting it right back at u <333 ur so so sweet and thoughtful and fun to talk to!!! im so grateful to have gotten to know u a bit these past few months hehe.

AND THAT FIC…….. ur rb on it is still soso special to me 🥺🥺😥 im so happy u liked it!! aaaaaa its so tough to pick just one favorite from your works… your 11:49 p.m. gojo drabble was the first one i read from u and it still makes me feel so soft and fuzzy (also the first time we interacted i think which gives it sentimental value!!), i lovelovelove the entire vibe u built up in make this drive last ‘til the end of this song….. and ofc i am completely obsessed w both of ur sugu drabbles (my sugu bias in effect, wbk, i can never be normal abt him) BUT OVERALL….

im probably gonna have to give it to col 2 <333 mostly bc it was so so impactful and made me feel so much. col 1 is so special to me too though!!! ur writing in general is such a blessing!! ive said this before but ur gojo is my favorite ever, ill always be so weak for anything u write for him or any of our other blorbos 🥺

and aaaa to answer your question!!…… i think 2023 was a very . Chaotic year for me but mostly in a good way!!! started uni, started this blog… one of the two seems more important but tbh the one that feels most impactful to me is the latter LMAO 😭😭 this blog is my first time publishing any of my writing ever basically, and its been so so fun!!! uve made the experience so much sweeter too. u r such a genuinely lovely person!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

ngl though i have 0 resolutions for the next year LMAO im just gonna let 2024 do what it wants to me 😭😭 hopefully itll be a nice year though!!

what abt u sel?? how did 2023 treat u?? what did u discover or reflect on?? 👀👀 i’d love to hear it!!

#wishing u the best most wonderful 2024 ever sel <3333333 u r a ray of sunshine and i love u!!#WAIT ACTUALLY I HAVE A RESOLUTION i need to finish my wips bc they have been PILING up….#i also hope that gojo will come back in 2024 :’3 he will for SURE im not losing hope!!#ask tag ✩

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unlimitedhorsepower · 11 months

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Tagged by: @thevoiceofthanatos

Favorite color: warm bright yellow, mustard yellow & old gold, and just yellow in general. its a good colour. it makes me happy

Currently reading: idk, probably star trek fanfic my friend @rubbertplant was writing to give my opinion on it. i often read through my own stuff too lol, like whoah i wrote that??? ADHD has taken everything from me including my capability to read though, for real. ive been thinking of trying to listen to some audiobooks recently though, this cannot continue... its just that i also have no ears disease so idk how well that would go. determined to try though

Last song you listened to: havent been listening to music so much bc ive been playing videos instead but my last.fm has all my spotify listens so itll stay up to date on whatever i listened to last. currently seems to be “please play-bite” by pinocchioP. i often just let spotify play me whatever it recommends anyhow so theres variance. and i only started this account like a few months ago max so its not really a full picture of my music-listening

Last movie (in theaters): its not really a movie, but if it counts, the first ginga nagareboshi gin stageplay (recorded and released in finland in theaters with subs)

ginga was always huge in finland for some reason. idk. the anime is so violent though that i got really afraid of bears for some reason. theres so much blood... i never read the manga either i just knew of the anime and partook in my share of wolf roleplays (dogs were uncool! so i didnt do dog roleplays. iirc that really was my reason).

heres some funny wolves from my wolf rp days

2010. one of the first things i coloured digitally... i painstakingly cleaned the scanned pencil lineart with a mouse

2011. i had gotten my first drawing tablet as a birthday/xmas gift and practiced a ton around this time (more than just wolves lol)

Last series I watched: trigun stampede. even changed my phone bg into vash... but millions knives is probably my favourite. he just does everything wrong and makes his life worse. and everyone elses life too bc he sucks. but hes multifaceted so hes also my meow meow and whatever. i hope a ford explorer drives over him

if it counts though, ive seen some star trek TOS episodes and movies because my friends have been watching them. im not super into it but its always fun to hang. i also dont watch a lot of stuff. i dont even know what i do. guy who doesnt read or watch things but listens to jerma videos on youtube without actually looking at them while i “draw” and “write”

Craving: food honestly. i should cook something lmfao. i also want soda so bad but i dont have any. id make some tea but its disgustingly warm in my house so i only want cool drinks. could kill for a nice milkshake or a smoothie rn i think

Tea or coffee: tea... im the only finnish person who doesnt drink coffee for real. also got really into loose leaf tea bc i befriended a chinese lady who is really into tea and has a tea shop in the city near where i live

Currently working on: drawing this and trying to think how i want to do it. somehow want to incorporate flat colours and maybe shade his body naturally, and make the blood look realistic instead of flat colours... hmm not sure yet what i want to do

other than that im trying to proofread the chapter of my ryanyuri fanfic i already published because theres a lot of typos and strange sentences in there but its been a chore bc my body breaks down when it gets too warm smfh... not looking forward to when my apt goes over 30 degrees celsius it is unlivable. im also trying to complete a “lookbook” of my tnb sims. but i always start huge projects that take three million years to complete and im really slow lmfao

Tag people you’d like to get to know better: i could just ask these questions from everyone i talk on discord with. fuck my friends i know irl or otherwise, only asking people who r my friends through tumblr. no need to do this though. also this isnt probably meant to be answered so long-windedly... thats just me. i cant answer with one word i gotta write an essay. heres three tags though @basslinegrave @vita-divata

(record scratch before 3rd tag) and @rubbertplant bc they were streaming a game in discord when i started typing this and i was like hey wanna do it and they were like yeah

i expect replies on my desk by 5pm TOMORROW!!!!get to work!!!! no i jest, do it or dont, i dont mind either way, just if you feel like doing this. if you see this and want to do it feel free to consider yourself tagged. godspeed

#gabriels ramblings

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seyvetch · 2 years

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I will never forgive current government for destroying all my dreams for better Russia I doubt anyone will forget this war in the next 50 years

I still dont even get why it happened. The political and economic drawbacks which are obviously would happen concidering all the sanctions Russia got before the war for doing less in Ukraine are much more than any gain I can imagine. Brainwashing and lying to your population and especially the army they are sending to kill and die about why youre doing this especially makes this shitty. So many people believed trully that they were going to help people of Ukraine or something along those lines or didnt even know they were going to war. This is sick. So many people were killed who wanted to protect their home by people who blieved they were liberating them... For what?? A bit of land? To make our enemies fear us again? They made so many people die only to make their own sitizens suffer as well.

I thought about suicide more times since the war started than in total in last year or so before it bc I was so fearful that I might be drafted which fun fact I can be during war even tho Im technically not viable due to my mental state being a wreck and also being so depressed about this situation. First came economic sanctions then I realised just how much itll affect every citizen when such mondane things as microtransactions in Warframe - a game which I was relying on for like half a year to keep myself sane were not working since almost every way of payment wasnt working in Russia. I realised just how much of an impact to the Russian economy it was. Then almost a full out fucking war came on Russian culture and history (much of which is shared by other slavic nations btw) came. Ive been trying to share it for years bc of how good and underapriciated it was and then bc of actions of current government shit like redacting the name of THE FIRST MAN IN SPACE came. Then Warframe's developer company Digital Extremes or DE for short decided themselves that players from Russia and Belarus wont be able to do microtransactions. I cant convey how devistated I was from a thing that any other "normal" person would just be annoyed at. This game was almost all I was thinking about for months, it helped me not to go too insane or depressed for about half a year as I mentioned earlier, I was dependant on it to be happy at the time. I felt like I was stabbed in my back. I spent most of my savings on this game which wasnt a lot but still. And then at my lowest point at the time, already crushed by the current situation a punshiment for a crime someone else commited, a crime I was against and had no choice in came on me and many other faithful players in my shoes. It just kinda broke me. To my brain by doing something like this it was almost like saying I am responsible afterall punishment should ony come to guily. It didnt help that many people in the games community suppported this decision. I felt like I was going insane like the world was crumbling around me. And I couldnt even bring myself to play a game I relied on for moral support for so long.

Well this is the situation from my point of view. I wish that I was in the worst situation that came out of this shitshow bc I cant bring myself to imagine anyone dealing with something worse. And people do have it worse than me bc of what my government did. I wish I could strangle every single one of people who approved of this in the government myself. But even if I did that the situation wouldnt change. Even if I do feel guilty for feeling bad and venting about this in this situation I hate people who told me to "put things into perspective" bc my suffering was less than sufffering of others. An analogy comes to mind when people say that. A person is strapped to a seat in the back of a car and cant escape, the driver of the car is speeding up to ram into another car despite your protests. The driver than rams into another car killing and injuring people inside while you get less injured bc you were in the backseat. Does that mean that you should be prosecuted for murder as well just for being in the cat that was rammed intentionally into anther car causing death? Or that your injuries shouldnt be treated on the same principle and bc other people have it worse?

I recognise the nessecety of some of the actions but I am outraged just how far people are taking it in "protest of Russia's current actions". Whyd my german friend's bike tires were slashed several times just because he was born in Russia even if he moved to Germany long before he turned 18? Why are exhibits in museums that are Russian are being rid off? Why was the name of Юрий Гагарин, the first human in space was redacted in official documents during some large confirence??? Even thought he died long before Putin became president.

I feel a bit better after venting thanks for reading if you did read it.

#vent

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imnotdoingmuchbetter · 1 month

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ok. imma write my damned 3-month-plan and 6-month-plan. i honestly didn't wanna do this because i might fail my goals but who fucking cares i will write them down.

in three months, i want to lose all the weight ive gained over the past two years. my diet has been going ok, im not starving myself completely like i did back then, but im trying some things out and begging them to work so i won't have to atarve anymore.

aside from that, i will be completing my fourth year in uni. If i hadn't decided to postpone my graduation, id be a graduate by then. wow. even the thought of it is awful. i needed a year to prepare for graduation and i postponed it, and im thinking i won't regret my decision (even though I'll lose my high honour badge).

In three months, I will hopefully be done with finals and ready for a holiday. sike. i will work in a psychologistics lab to get that exp. i will also need to prepare all the papers i will need to read for that. maybe i can go for a lab in europe or something. i might try it later on.

Another thing is, in three months, my boyfriend will be done with his tournaments and i hope i can get him to stand back on his feet again. I hope we can work it all out together.

Ok now for the six month plan,

I will be going into my last year in uni. By the time the fall semester starts, i will have taken japanese 2, and i will take the third one. I will have worked in a lab, and I will have even more experience to start writing my own papers. Maybe I can try out a small scale research, even. Itll all depend on the papers I will have read until then. Maybe I'll start studying for the national exam. Maybe I'll find a good position in some lab overseas. we'll see.

Oh and hopefully I can be happy.

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rippeds0cks · 6 months

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10/29/2023

Tomorrow is the day. Yippie! Just kidding I’m already dreading it. My ptsd is always worse this time of year cause of what happened 7 years ago and i also have what happened 2 years ago haunting me so I’m gettin beat up fr. Have had some nice dreams last couple of nights tho which is cool but also i dread waking up cause my life is always perfect in my dreams and it always feels like real life months in my dreams. Ill be 3 months deep into a perfect life where nothing bad ever happened and outta nowhere be woken up by my alarm. It’s weird when i dont immediately recognize the difference between my dream and reality cause yesterday i sent her a text while she was out on an errand then immediately woke up from my alarm and i layed there half awake listening for the special ringtone i have in my phone for her before i snapped out of it and realized im awake. Its shit like that makes me wanna kill myself cause it’s shit like that makes me unable to move forward in life. Cause i dont wanna ever experience the guilt of falling asleep with a significant other and dreaming of a life with someone else. I dont even wanna have these dreams cause while Yeah how i wanted my life to be and i would still want that if it were possible, its not. Itll literally never happen ever. Its just not physically possible ever. There will never be an instance where it happens. Maybe in some parallel universe where that version of me is living the fucking dream but not in this one. Everything has gone bad in this one. The dreams are comforting and im happy while theyre happening but its a net negative cause after i wake up im so unbelievably miserable. If i was capable of crying im sure i would be every time they happen. Instead i just try to go back to bed then lay in bed with a lump in my throat when it doesnt work. Anyways

#Spotify

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highschool-rooftop · 6 months

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oct. 27th, 2020

man its weird to think this blog is 2 years old isnt it? like when I started this i thought that i was anyday from just killing myself, i had no hope, no job, and was about to love my living situation but thanks to a few nice friends and accepting people, i was able to land a job at *generic sounding name for local seafood joint* and then after that place stressing me to the point of panic attacks and taking it out on the wait staff... then i ended things nice with that place despite how much i hated it and i apologized to the wait staff alot.. probably too much...

now ive worked at *big store chain* a year now and i hate it just as much as i hated *generic sounding name for local seafood joint* for a similar reason too!! i fucking despite the people that run the places i work because i know i could probably do their job 30× better, i just choose not to because thats also 30× more responsibility on my shoulders and ive already got broken legs from the shit i feel like im dealing with outside of work.

the more i focus for a minute the more i feel like my life is in shambles and that im barely functioning right anymore. ive been horribly depressed again as of the past couple months and my family i live with barely talk to me because im always in my room which is like totally fair, but if im not sleeping up there im using whatever energy is left from work to hang out with my friends because theyre actually engaged in the topics i talk about, they show interest and actually talk to me not at me. my aunt and uncle and i have few interests in common so its incredibly difficult for me to keep a conversation going for long with them. theyre always playing card games or board games but im not interested in them, theyre not really that fun for me. my uncle plays xbox but hes typically on COD which i dont enjoy because of how toxic those communities are, hes got minecraft but the last time he played he never told me he was getting on at all otherwise i would've joined! then theres me and my cousin who are currently on nearly completely different schedules and really only see each other when hes taking me to and from work which makes it hard to hang out and play games, and thats of hes even willing to play any of the games im comfortable with and not trying another Survival-Crafting-RPG-Game of the week or something like factorio which is hyper complicated and i dont have the time to dedicate to learning how to play correctly so i just end up being a resource collector and its kinda boring..

and all of thats just the at home situation. my friends at least hear from me more but since alot of them have moved out of town for college at this point i haven't hung out with a friend outside of work irl in like 5, maybe 6 months... and i dont interact with many people at work. im really really lonely.

small bit of good news i feel i should add here in case i dont come back again for a few months is that ive scheduled an appointment to see someone abt getting hrt, itll be Jan 19th! ill also be seeing a few of my online friends in December too!! i hope i can stay alive at least until then. sometimes i feel like im in the same situation i was in when i started this blog but those two things are the two things giving me the hope to keep pushing on i guess.

oh and my old friends birthday will be this weekend, i probably shouldve just forgotten them by now like they probably have me but in the off chance that they ever find this stupid blog: happy birthday BXXXXX, hope you have been in good health and that you are happy ! please be well and enjoy Freddy VS Jason and the Scary Godmother, and the live action Scooby Doo movies again this year !

with that i think thats all ive had to say. im neglecting mentioning new speaker of the house, Mike Johnson, and all the terrible horrible things i want to say abt him and how im worried it will fuck with my healthcare before i even recieve it due to the fact that im typing this up outside, its cold out, my phones almost dead, im tired, and i still have a bit of this bowl of the married iguanas to finish up with before unwinding and going to bed to repeat this living nightmare of a life all over again tomorrow. maybe ill watch adventure time before bed ..?

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