#it's just weird to be somebody with parental issues and all that gets steamrolled into 'mommy issues' that then become a Big Joke...

[uncanny-tranny]

It's weird how people paint "daddy issues" and even "mommy issues" as, like, a joke or a failure on part of the person who has those issues, rather than recognizing that daddy and mommy issues stem, for so many people, from abuse. What this all is is just abuse apologia, and nobody seems to either notice or maybe even care.

When somebody with daddy or mommy issues opens up about the "why," I can't ever seem to shake the fact that they tend to have gone through a ton of abuse and bullshit as a child. It's just crazy that other people would look at that and see a joke or a failure of the once-child who was abused.

#abuse #abuse tw #abuse mention tw #child abuse #child abuse tw #mental health #it really goes to show (to me) that people either can't or don't WANT to acknowledge that parents can be the ones to have fucked up #if all the blame is placed on their child/ren then you can maintain the illusion that the parent is always right... #...that parents know what is best and they will always do what is best for their child/ren #it's just weird to be somebody with parental issues and all that gets steamrolled into 'mommy issues' that then become a Big Joke... #...especially because i'm a man (and because people are misogynists who think it's just so funny that women are people)... #...i find that my own issues are expected to be treated as a joke or a punchline or something i must whisper in the dark... #...so that others may have the luxury of pretending to not hear it or to have the luxury of forgetting in the morning... #...and it just sucks because that leaves me to remember and grieve and doing that with the knowledge that my abuse Is A Joke at My Expense #if you wonder why so many abuse victims/survivors become unsavoury: this is why #i'm too bitter about this topic specifically to care about the comfort of people who don't get it and don't WANT TO... #...because it is THEY who are uncomfortable with the very NOTION that abuse happens #if you can't acknowledge that abuse happens WITHOUT downplaying to for your sense of comfort you will NEVER help abuse victims/survivors #you will find that you start prioritizing YOUR sense of comfort over the safety and continued survival of victims/survivors

[sepublic]

Luz and Alador Parallels?

Thinking on the idea of Alador being more of the ‘enforcer’ for his wife’s will, and an outsider who married into the family…

…What if Alador saw himself as his Odalia’s fearless champion??? What if there’s some cold, cruel twist in that he actually parallels Luz and HER relationship with Amity, as someone who genuinely made his beloved Blight girl happy? Perhaps Alador sees himself as a knight who is defending his loved one, taking care of them, doing things on their behalf… Like a dark reflection of Luz?

Can you imagine the show making this connection between Luz and a young Al? Like what if Alador actually used to be a pretty decent kid, a little silly and on the wild side, hence his unruly hair… And Odalia DID like him, she really did, but somewhere along the way he ended up having to fit in. And Al, who unconditionally loved his wife, suppressed his own identity for her sake, just to be with her? Maybe Odalia never asked this of Alador, but he just one day compared himself to her ‘regular’ company and felt inadequate, and not good enough for her? 

What if there’s a moment where Luz is expected to do the same for Amity, to give it all up for her girlfriend, and Alador encourages Luz to do the same? And Luz thinks she can trust his advice, especially after seeing what kind of a kid he USED to be… But in reality, Alador is unknowingly transmitting some very toxic ideas to Luz, under the impression that this is how the two of them are supposed to act around their loved ones!

I feel it’d really tie back to what this show has to say about healthy relationships that allow participants to be their own people, VS unhealthy ones that ask people to sacrifice parts of themselves and their identity to fit a certain image! Especially if Alador is a more twisted take on Luz, one who unconditionally did this to himself without Odalia necessarily asking it of him, because to him, what other purpose and joy is there in life, but to serve the one you love?

Maybe I’m overthinking this, but maybe Alador could be towards his wife, like Luz is towards Amity… except with zero regard for his own wellbeing and who he is. Someone once genuinely kind and cheerful, and a little weird like Luz… But since then, he’s wrapped his entire identity around being Odalia’s ‘fearless champion’!

And similarly, him devoting his entire life and self-worth towards his life so dutifully means that Al has little regard both for himself, but also for others… Even his own children. He’d be like Luz, but if Luz decided that ONLY Amity’s happiness mattered, that it was the only thing to focus on and that her girlfriend CLEARLY needs her, so she’d better shut up and sacrifice everything she has for her beloved!

And this unconditional, almost blind loyalty and support also proved toxic for Odalia, as it just enabled her to do more and more horrible things, until… You get the idea. Imagine if Odalia didn’t even ask her boyfriend/husband to do this to himself, but like Luz, he was just so unconditionally faithful and wanted to see her happy… And unlike her daughter, Odalia wasn’t someone who actively considered the effect she had on others, and if she was asking too much of somebody else? 

And because Alador actively repressed who he was in favor of fitting in with the nobles, Odalia never had to actually defend her beloved’s ‘humble beginnings’? Meaning she never had to challenge her own elitist and classist attitudes because Alador had proven himself ‘one of them’, indirectly telling his beloved that he too was ashamed of his lower-class background? And it’s part of why Odalia is hypocritically dismissive of Willow, because unlike her husband she never ‘proved or changed’ herself? 

Odalia never stopped to consider the effect she was having on her beloved, because Alador seemed so happy and willing and unaffected, and she could never imagine her ‘fearless champion’ actually being self-loathing, thinking he wasn’t good enough for her? Like what if Al specifically decided to do well in class and become a strong Witch, just to be worthy of his future wife to her parents? 

So naturally, years of this enabling culminates in Odalia casually steamrolling over the decisions of her children, and her asking the same of them, as she does of her husband, etc. She never stops to ask what she’s doing to her kids, because her husband did the same for and he seems just fine! That unwittingly, Alador taught her that ‘real’ love should be this selfless and totally giving to someone like her... 

She can’t possibly be wrong, because her husband continues to be by her side and support her, reaffirming everything Odalia does whenever she has moments of doubt, both as a child and now! Maybe Odalia ALSO had self-esteem issues up until her future-husband arrived and made her feel more confident in her decisions, until she became too certain of what she did. That if she ever stops to doubt herself, Odalia reminds herself that her husband taught her to believe in what she does, and he’s still doing it now! 

And she values his opinion, so if Alador thinks that much of her, then Odalia really MUST be actually perfect, wise, and completely correct! Because if she isn’t, then what does that say about her... And what does that say about her husband, and she wouldn’t DARE believe he wasn’t perfect! Not after all he’s done for her, all of the love and support he’s shown, allowing Odalia to actually be confident and feel good about herself... It’d be a betrayal to not only her own work, but HIS as well!

Just… IMAGINE Dark Lumity, where they still love each other but they’re also unknowingly toxic, enabling, and low-key codependent… Like a Villain AU Lumity! Imagine Alador actually lowkey bonding with Luz or at least empathizing with her position and struggle with maintaining her own identity, only to insist that she doesn’t need it because serving her beloved Blight is all that matters… And maybe Luz, in her infectious positivity, helps Alador see the light and remember who he was, and how to be his own person again!

#the owl house #owl house #lumity #the owl house luz #luz noceda #the owl house alador #alador blight #the owl house odalia #odalia blight #speculation #theory