#it's been like 8 months of pain

[minkys-world]

tw: chronic pain

i rlly love different types of exercising but i messed up my knee and haven't been able to do it like i wanted for months now. my physical therapist gave me the go ahead to try higher intensity ones to see if my knee can handle it,, and today's the first day in months i've done my leg workout and im not in excruciating pain. i could honestly cry from relief

#it's been like 8 months of pain #i had to quit my last job bc standing for 8 hours was too much #i would cry after work cuz of how bad it was #so to start weightlifting again even tho it's light rn and not be in pain is just a relief #esp cuz my life is hectic rn so im glad i might have the gym again as my me time

[firethekitty]

something about loss

orville peck - lafayette // beach house - days of candy // mitski - first love/late spring // lord huron - where did the time go? // glass animals - it's all so incredibly loud // hozier - shrike

#trigun #trimax #vash #wolfwood #vashwood #web weave #listen to any of these songs if you're in the mood to cry irl #mine #long post #trigun spoilers #this has been cooking in my brain for like 8 months and i still don't feel like i did it justice but i hope this brings you guys pain <3

[bunnihearted]

🐁☁️🌫️

#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant #nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it #it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer #ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know #it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are #but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom #bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park #i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that #i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none #my sisters havent talked for me in over a year #and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w #nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao #i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots #i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol????? #im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay #and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like #when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!! #im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing? #other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing????? #and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things #i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))

[moongothic]

You know I do feel like I talk and speculate about Crocodile's goals and the Cross Guild plotline a lot more than I should

But then again, last we heard of that plotline was in chapter 1082, which released in fucking May of 2023. Nearly HALF of the 21 chapters that have released since have been exclusively dedicated to a flashback that has not moved the plot forward one bit either, meaning we're not even CLOSE to getting to a break in the story where we can cut back to Cross Guild either to see what's happening

So perhaps my derangment is a bit more justified than I gave myself credit for. IT'S BEEN OVER NINE MONTHS SO FAR AND IT'S GONNA BE A FEW MORE STILL

#Moon posting #OP Meta #OP Spoilers #I mean not really but vague enough spoilies I felt I might as well tag 'em. The non-manga readers ain't gonna be ready for The Flashback #Also to be fair I also Became Insane About Crocodile in like September so it's barely been 5 months of me actually getting invested #But yes. Ah. The pain of not knowing when The Husband will return from the war #I mean I'm assuming we're now going to watch Egghead wrap up nicely and then cut to whatever the fuck happened with Buggy's mutiny #So I'm making my questimate of 8-16 chapters until we see Cross Guild again #If Oda can do 3 chapters per month that's like. March at earliest. I'm in pain y'all #I just want to see my husband

[finnicart]

i am slowly but surely recovering from my year long struggle with tendonitis so hopefully more art will be on the way, for now have this cos ed redraw. i’m rotating him in my mind

#fma #fullmetal alchemist #fma 2003 #conqueror of shamballa #edward elric #fma03 #cos #this is the first fanart i've drawn in actual months #when dealing with hand pain i just wanna draw the stuff that makes me happy atm and i've been fixated on my ocs for like.... 8 months now #so i have mountains of oc art ranging from painful doodles to full fledged pieces #all of which i am too scared to share </3 maybe one day though #finnicart

[galaxynajma]

My birthday is in 10 days so I thought wouldn’t it be so funny if I got a Michael Kaiser themed cake?

#for all the pain he put me through this month #i don’t remember the last time I got a customized cake for my birthday:’) I think I was either… 8 or 9 #so yeah it’s been a long time #and I honestly did not like my birthday cake last year

[vorerilla]

i think about my ex every day and it haunts me bc i never resolved it/told them all of my feelings of how i loved them but that theyre also an asshole who didnt treat me right and made me feel so insecure and stupid and i wish i could just PUT THE THOUGHTS AWAY FOR NOW

#we were only together for 8 months #but it was the longest relationship id been in #they were 40 i was 26 #i drove across town usually late after working all day to see them all the time #their apartment made my allergies HORRIBLE bc of their cat but i went anyway bc i wanted to see them #but they would constantly tease me or jokingly say my pussy smells #they came to my side of down like 3 or 4 times maybe #they always walked like 8 feet in front of me which i hates #they were very negative and miserable #and would get mad at me for asking them about their work #they got mad at me for calling them babe #it felt like i always was pushing their boundaries and it was just me talking or texting them too much #sigh #i need to move on #but my thoughts are unresolved #i miss them but i put them through a lot of pain when i broke up with them and they guilted me and guilted me for months #and i dont want them back in my life after everything #wtf did this person even do for me #i didnt even feel loved by them #i got so tired of just sitting in their apartment all day watching them play video games #anyways end rant #i just wanted more from them

[agayconcept]

.

#im in so much fuckin pain i cant move ugh #like. typing this is excruciating #but i cant just stare at the wall or im gonna lose it eventually ugh #my pain is getring progressively worse these days and the last 2 months have been hell #doctors r worried this might be my new normal for the time being #which. uh #SUCKS #bc i cannot stand or walk for more than 5 mins #and i need a walker w me bc my cane isnt enough #and most days i am trapped in bed (or on the couch if i can make it there) unable to take care of myself #bc everything hurts and i feel like i'm being tortured #oh and my lordosis & the related pain is now at a level that might need serious medical intervention #my migraines r out of control #my joint problems r also way worse #and u kno what ? i would like to die now #thanks #truly and genuinely #im so done #i cant keep going this way #my doctor has no idea what to do #and the pain clinic im a patient of refuses to help further unless i sign up for their ridiculous pain education program #which is 8 weeks long with mandatory in-person weekly attendance (i do not live near it & cant afford transportation) #where they tell u all the ways ur pain is ur own fault and give u unrealistic and ridiculous advice abt exercise and lifestyle changes #that u Cannot do bc of said disabilites and pain #jfc #our healthcare system is broken and nobody cares if i live or die or suffer #AND im stuck dealing w my mother complaining abt my existence nonstop bc she resents me for the things i cannot do independently #so u kno what ya i am done. im so done. i give up #catch me rotting in this bed forever until i die. thats the only option being given to me

[disabled-dragoon]

My back pain is getting to a point again where I am genuinely struggling to get up with it and I can't help but fear what that might mean

#its been on and off like this since February #but the latest bout has lasted two weeks now #my mother was bed bound for 8 months because hers got so bad #I dont want to be like that #not yet #please #disability #chronic pain #hereditary spastic paraplegia

[galactichelium]

I will not do the exercises given to me by my physio, whether that be because I forgot or I'm having executive dysfunction, and then be like "Man why am I in so much pain?"

#AUGH. Hate how I need to do exercises just so I can be in less pain + maybe reach an average level of strength #I have hypotonia so. Even my 16 year old sibling of whom I'm ~3 inches taller than is stronger than me #And I have noodle arms 😭 Which look especially silly compared to my stocky torso #I still need to try the other things the rheumatologist recommended #CBT therapy and a med she wants me to ask my psychiatrist abt to make sure it won't interfere with my ADHD meds #She also suggested hydrotherapy but. I'm a bit more nervous abt that considering I'm pre-top surgery. #My binders SAY that you can wear them swimming safely + are chlorine resistant but they say they're a lot harder to take off wet. #Which I worry means I'd need to get someone else to take it off of me. Which like. Augh. BUT YEAH anyway. #Iron text #Edit: Sorry a little bit more actually #My next psychiatrist appt isn't until late this month. And I am. Afraid to go through all the things I need to do to get to therapy. #With the public healthcare system you can get I think 8 psychologist appts for free per year if you get a mental health plan w your gp #But I think it also depends on the psychologist? Some might require you to pay regardless? I'm not sure #I've been to psychologists before but neither of them were that great and I'm worried it's gonna be similarly difficult now

[letnirvanarain]

u know what's wild is that I came back on my 20 follower count little blog last year bc I got obsessed with tma then bodies & was there at the start of a lovely little fandom & then I went thru a big break up and got nerve damage & disappeared only to find 700+ notifications when I log in 2 months later lol

#personal #i swear down my life has never once been fun easy or enjoyable lmfao #i was havin such a good time 4 months ago blogging abt gay victorians #ive been in miserable pain for nearly 3 months bc of this fricken nerve damage #i will say i am apparently expected to recover eventually but will likely be another several months #i also got mad depressed bc the nerve damage came with wild inflammation #it made my face look like a clown for like 8 weeks and i didnt wanna be seen in public #i was also in thailand for some reason #its been a trip #anyway if anyone reads this love ya #ill dip in and out cuz i was havin mad fun blogging about tma and bodies last year #life is wank sometimes #also dont know if it was exactly 20 followers cuz i never checked but its likely

[ozcarr]

New years resolution (hitting my insurance copay maximum) is going amazing

#i knew i was gonna meet it this year but i didnt know id be secheduling an upper endoscopy on day 2 my GOD #this isnt even the first time in 8 months thetes been a camera inside of me. im 25 it shouldnt be like this lmaoooo #cursed with the most insane medical bullshit but high pain threshold so its just like #“something horible is happening to me again naturally but im going to sit here so normal abt it” 🧍🏻‍♂️ #ayy im talkin here

[dzasta15]

It’s so nice that I’ve figured out how to manage my pain.

Like hooo my god i actually can draw for more than 20 minutes without losing the ability to properly move my fingers.

Stretches are godly ;u;

#I’ve been able to make SO MUCH ART since I figured out the pain was in my neck and not my wrist #15 min stretching turned into 8 and it actually lets me DRAW #I need to see a doc about it but I didn’t even know it was an issue with my neck until 3 months ago #I thought people just lived like this lol #d-iary

[caffeinatedopossum]

Anyway just an update, I kept going and the ed recovery is actually recovery-ing now 👍

#its been about... 8 months i think?? #and things are just so much unspeakably better #like idk how to even put it into words #i can actually ENJOY things #i can actually be happy #i dont have to worry constantly about anything specific (i am still worying all the time but about many different things now :/ #im not always nauseous or full or hungry or having severe stomach pain #i dont constantly have to use every ounce of mental and physical energy to distract myself from food and my ed #i fall asleep without having to push down ny hunger pains and i wake up happier knowing that it doesnt matter what i do next #i get a coffee and yes i still think twice about putting creamer in it and whipped cream on top but its easier #its still a conscious effort but its easier to make now that i know how much i have to lose #im weight restored for real this time and im not very worried about gaining more #but because of that this number im at now was so abstract in my mind as something i never thought i would get to #that its actually kind of a good thing?? like its like this weight is just outside of my ed #its easy to convince myself not to restrict because it wouldnt be an instant fix now that i weigh this much #it would take months and months of effort that would harm my body and my mind even more #and i just dont want tht #my joint pain is worse now that theyre holding so much more weight but im still hopeful about getting stronger #idk i just feel like ive gained so much more than weight. so many things that make it worth it

[consolecadet]

Also, I only pooped once today. I saw basically no improvement for approx the first month of trying to fully avoid gluten, but things have taken a noticeable turn for the better in the past 2-3 days. I'm still quite ill and anticipate it taking months to years for me to feel, idk, recovered, but to feel even a little less sick is exciting.

#I spent so long being like 'well I'm not in PAIN so it's not that bad' but it's been making my life markedly worse esp the past 8-10 months #you don't need to be in pain for a symptom to be serious or disabling #tbf to me this time last year I was recovering from emergency back surgery. pooping 3-10 times per day was not really on my radar #boring text posts #celiac tag #medical

[kingtankgirl]

i know i say rhis constantly but wow i am so at my breaking point

#my grandma is about 2 die so my moms mental health is gonna tank so hard. which is already is #and i cant help her cuz i dont live there anymore but god this holiday season is going to fucking suck #my chronic pain is getting worse. ive been barely eating for the last month cuz i just have no interest in food basically at all #broke down sobbing yesterday because it hurt so bad just trying to put my laundry away cuz my job is tearing my body apart #idk. i thought i wld be able to quit in a month or two but now i cant. #i dont have a light at the end of the tunnel at this point. nothing makes me happy im always hungry and in pain and fucking sad <3 #so i guess ill just sit here and cry and then go work for 8 hrs and think abt kms the whole time like i do most days