#it's always a constant struggle too

[samarecharm]

Fighting for my FUCKING life man.

#chattin #video #(hopefully) #LOUD #bc salmon run is always so fucking LOUD. #i had to pause my music to focus and it barely helped bc i couldnt fucking see and i couldnt hear past the foghorns #that fucker didnt even use their ULT. im so upset #and they had a normal gun for that wave too. like cmon. come one man. #i cannot believe we got through any of this round. tbh. #they were like. weirdly good. but also so fucking reckless. so it was a constant struggle for like 3 matches straight

[lobotomyladylives]

people often assume when we all go out together that I'm my half brothers mom (I'm 20 years older than him) & that his parents are his grandparents & it's so funny bc I know it bothers them. old ass idiots

#my dad was 49 & his wife was 45 when they had him #the story behind his birth is actually extremely fucked up like everything else about their relationship #so my dad left her like a million times to try to go back to my mom (who kept telling him no unless he sorted out his issues) then he #would always run right back to her & she always took him back. anyways i guess he said smth along the lines of #''my wife (he was still married to my mom) will always be the love of my life bc shes the mother of my kids'' #and...she went off bc & on fertility treatments without telling him. then shes pregnant & he is still saying he wants to come back to us #so she said he will never see their kid & her son from a previous marraige THREATENED MY DAD AT GUNPOINT #and said if you ever leave my mom again ill fucking kill yoi #so then the divorce was finalized & they got married & my half brother was born. rest is history #for the record i dont feel sorry for my dad at all it was his fault too. the fucking hypocrite was having sex before marriage #and he knew she was nuts & far too attached to her #what a fucking idiot. all he had to do was get on meds & in therapy & admit he was wrong & he could have stayed with us #but he needed constant validation & to be in charge of everything & thats what his new wife gives him. she converted to his cult & now they #raise my brother in it. and she just does whatever my dad wants & lets him treat her like shit. i would actually feel sorry for her if sh #if she werent such a fucking awful person. and she tries to be all nicey nice w/us despite being a literal homewrecker. #and doing things like telling my dad he cant spend more than 50 dollars per year on each of us #while having him buy her a third car & a 1500 dollar fur coat. lol #theyre so much better off financially than us that its unreal. my mom doesnt get a penny despite how much we are struggling #but if i want a relationship with my half brother i just have to pretend none of this is weird or wrong. #anyways i just hope he never finds out the circumstances of his birth bc god can you fucking imagine

[definitelynotshouting]

I'm so glad you're liking the fanart! I'm bad at actually doing some of the in-depth commentary I've seen people do (doing that close a reading with commentary switches on the part of my brain I used for writing workshops back in college and I start trying to critique, which isn't what I want to do nor what I think you want to receive), but I still want to express "I have re-read your fic approximately 73467 times and I love it" adequately XD

I LOVE IT im truly always so shocked and thrilled to receive fanart❤️❤️❤️🥺🥺🥺🥺 its such a new experience for me and i always feel so deeply, deeply honored that people are moved enough by my work to make something inspired by it!!! Listen if u give me fanart i will save it immediately to multiple locations and then think about it for HOURS thats how much it genuinely means to me

Also this is so valid of you and i super appreciate you taking the time to express your feelings about the fic in a way thats most comfortable for you!!! I am 100% picking up what you're putting down here and im intensely flattered by it, thank you so much!!!! :] ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #compliments #DO REALLY APPRECIATE YOU HOLDING BACK CRITIQUE 😭😭😭😭😭 im nervous enough as it is about the quality of my work SJDHSJJDJSJDJ #i was talking to some friends abt this last night but its a constant struggle for me between writing the way i love to write #and worrying incessently that its just. Too Much #i can say all day to my friends and clients that u cant please everyone and that a work wont always have a big audience #but when it comes to my own its so easy to get caught up in the perfectionism of it all 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #the kind comments everyone leaves mean the absolute WORLD to me for that reason #it makes me feel just a little bit better about what im putting out into the world #txt

[ghcstcd]

Thinking about doing some $15 USD sketch comms, but they would be only portraits.

#ya boy always struggling for his life #that's dramatic (even if true because of the mental illness) but yeah the constant only having 100 USD for gas and bills #which doesn't cover either :') it's...difficult! #I owe three??? kind sketch requests from ko-fi. Those are high on the list of priority. #but a quick little comm might be good too just to maybe try and relieve some stress?????????

[pinkopalina]

as a huge batjokes shipper i want batman and joker to hate each other in the sense they dont really hate each other, they just have really different goals and see their own version of potential in the other and right now hate is the best word for their situationship. they both love the other for what they could be but neither of them wants to be what the other one wants, and that's equally as frustrating as it is necessary for them to keep existing in their current roles. they're deadlocked and that fate surrounding each other is kind of the point -- we both have to be like this, the opposite of what the other wants, for us to keep existing at all, and for giving me that gift i both love and hate you. it's an agreement. i think the hate that's there now is born from an intense underlying love.

i think batman "hates" joker for being so amazing and smart and cunning, for being able to create grand gestures and schemes, to pull people together under his charisma and make them all believe in something, for being as extraordinary as he is but batman hates that he uses it to hurt people. he hates that joker can't channel his energy into doing something good for the world, that he hurts himself and others just because he wants to be batman's greatest enemy. i think batman wants to help joker but also hates him at this point for joker exhausting him, constantly getting hurt both emotionally and physically by him, joker never trying to improve his situation, throwing away other people's lives, showing batman he loves him by lashing out and hurting him. batman hates joker because he loves his rogues, he wants to help them, and he knows they can do better. he wants to live in a gotham that doesn't need batman but he still needs to be needed, because when there's no batman, what is bruce going to be? without joker, he will continue being batman, but it's an empty crusade. some of my favorite interactions between harvey and bruce are the ones where harvey thanks bruce for "always being there for me, never giving up on me, my very best friend." even with someone like harvey, bruce can still hold onto that hope for his rogues, never give up on them, keep going for them, even if it puts them through the cycle one more time.

i think joker hates batman in the most toxic way possible, but it's still love. i just think he's selfish and doesn't want batman to think about anyone else but him, the same way he operates for batman, but if he must think about other people then joker will make it as amazing as possible! i think he hates batman for wasting his time on ordinary people, people who are so boring that batman claims he has to protect and serve and love them but joker thinks it's all surface-level. batman won't kill joker but he'll leave room for people dying in his crusade. it's a choice he allows, and even if joker knows that's a morally fucked up way to put someone in a box, he doesn't care. batman is the type of person to train himself mentally and physically for decades and dress up in a half-silly-half-menacing costume so that everyone can have an idea about him. batman himself is not normal, and joker knows that and loves that! why is he wasting his time trying to save people that use him, abuse him, don't want him to be the best he can be? i think joker's motivations for loving batman and lashing out as if he hates him lie somewhere in between extreme admiration -- like i truly believe in your cause and that you're the right person to do it, but i'm so angry at you for wasting your time on other people and i'm so hurt and jealous that you choose them over me, just so you can be a hypocrite and let them die if i want them to anyways -- and anger at his hypocrisy -- like it's easy for joker to dedicate himself to chaos and just being in batman's life by putting batman in situations that force him to be a better and better hero, but how can batman sit there and choose and pick what morals he'll uphold and who gets to live and who gets to die?

i want to be your greatest enemy because you are the greatest hero ever, and the only way you and i can keep being the best at what we do is if we do it together, because of what we both believe in.

#does this make sense. they love each other because theyre perfect for each other #but in order to create that perfection they have to do things that build resentment #and in order to ebb that resentment they have to be in constant flux. back and forth. ebb and flow. good and evil. chaos and order. #obsession and indifference.... the two themes i think we miss out on the most bc it hurts when indifference is the opposite of love #and obviously these two cannot be indifferent toward the otther #but when they have plots that do they really fucking hurt! #like when lex luthor comes into the picture and helps joker and joker starts to make batman a little jealous #like okay maybe i dont need you to obsess over maybe any strong ideals can overtake me if u lnow what i mean #and then suddenly batmans gotta prove how well he knows joker and has to be on top of him at all times #um anyways i hope these kind of! made sense!!!!!!!!! djhdkjghijsdfhksdfh #like ideally i think joker just wishes he had batman all to himself but knows he has to share #and hes such a jealous baby that he makes it hard for batman bc of it #and batman is like yes joker jesus fucking christ i love you too but you have to let me have friends #and u have to stop killing people #and jokers like why are you friends with murderers and liars and thieves but IM BAD? #and batmans like bc i actually love everyone and want to help you all and that includes u #and jokers like jo fuck you hypocrtie hahaha see at least in my loneliness i have no laurels to rest on #and bruce is like i may struggle with my morals often but that is only because im always figuring out the best way to keep helping everyone #and if i lose sight of that ill go blind and be like you and then u wont have me anymore #lol sometimes funny tag convos get the dynamic better than the meaty posts #long post #anyways sorry i just havee 2937973957273 thoughts about them and so does everyone and i wanna throw my hat in

[parasprite]

ik she'd never play favourites and stuff but god its like. depressingly clear how much my mum prefers hanging out with my cousin over me. they have outings and regular movie nights and go on walks together and run errands and do chores they do literally everything together. and honestly its not just that like... even when im hanging out with the two of them i know she's more focused on my cousin. like she takes an interest in his interests. she asks him about spanish all the time but doesn't give a shit that i'm learning portuguese. i feel like i bore her whenever i try to speak. i always wanna let him ride shotgun the rare times im out with them because she can hold a conversation with him but not me. and whenever i'm alone with her she just treats me like a receptacle for her dumb fucking rants about facebook drama and then she seems so surprised when i have good advice for her even though i Always have good advice. she treats me like her talk therapist. she never thinks about my needs or my life or my interests. not that i even wanna tell her about it.

and like. for my cousin's birthday she got him a paranormal activity 6-movie blu ray box set because it's their favourite film series to marathon together. like they've rewatched it a bunch of times. they discuss their fan theories and everything. yknow what she got me for my birthday this year? nada. which is PORTUGUESE for nothing. god and they had that spontaneous weekend partying in london together and then a few months later she fucking planned a trip and went to sussex alone even though she knew id been wanting to go to sussex with her for literal years. she kept saying she'd take me then she didn't. what the fuck.

#honestly i don't even envy their relationship because i know shes making him her surrogate spouse #ive kinda been there before and i don't wanna be that. it sucks #but im really sad because like. i love my cousin but i never get quality time with him like he and my mum Constantly have #nobody in my family ever wants to watch movies with me #god my dad and brother saw oppenheimer together today too theyve seen it 3 times together now #fuck this i HATEEE IT #i really need to like get in touch with my great auntie or someone i neeeed a relative i can hang out with #im so sick of nobody in this house giving a shit about me!!! #im so sick of craving attention and approval from people who will just never give a shit #ive felt this way for years like i remember telling my old therapist about this too it just. keeps happening and idk what to do about it #im so sick of listening to my brother infodump about programming languages #im so sick of hearing my mum talk about facebook #im so sick of my dad making a token effort but clearly struggling to connect with me #and. im not angry at my cousin but im sick of my mum always giving him attention. #its day in day out. constant low level misery and loneliness

[high-voltage-rat]

man the CATSA website's guide to Things That Are Allowed is pretty long but somehow my Niche Things I'm Scared They'll Reject never seem to be on there

#the one I'm bringing this time seems pretty common sense acceptable. so I'm not too worried #but being the designated Southerner who brings things up to the arctic means I'm always bringing shit that just feels wrong on a plane #fans? check. toaster oven? yeah. a fucking. TIG WELDER???? you know it brother!!! liquids over 100mL because they're a prescription??? yep! #anyway my relationship with airport carry-on and checking regulations is a constant struggle #not video games #late nights with ali #I just have the pre-flight jitters (as I often do) and need to scream <3 don't mind me!

[iyliss]

See all this is making me want to rant here about kain’s trial and everything god help.

#ffiv #i already annoy my friend about it too much. I MEAN ITS HIS FAULT IM OBSESSED WITH THIS GAME IN THE FIRST PLACE ANYWAY #but like something something kain and his very sexy conflict with his evil self who spends a bit too long talking about desire #for real not making fun of him the trial is just hitting for the way cecil hurt kain and #like all of this is about how kain feels about cecil its not even about rosa #he wasn't hurt that rosa spent time with cecil!! he was hurt that cecil went with her instead of noticing he was struggling!!! #and how it really highlights the contrast in kindness/goodness between cecil and kain #that yeah cecil is this absolute and naive force of good but that means he will hurt others adn especially kain in his unawaraness #while kain chosed to be good and kind but it's a constant choice he makes and there's always a part of him reminding him #he could be something else. and then BOUM cycle of self-hatred and intrusive thoughts #this is going nowhere i could give it such a better structure

[orcelito]

thought about the fact tht getting mental health help means talking about my #Problems again

ugh

#speculation nation #negative/ #like i dont have trouble talking about this stuff in an informal setting bc im like. not self conscious about it exactly #assuming i'm talking to ppl who r understanding #but even then i curate it. i always curate it. i never tell anyone just how ugly my thoughts can get #though if youve read my writing you probably have a Pretty good idea (akechi pov) the kinds of ways i think about things #i dont share that for common life stuff bc it's just. it always makes people uncomfortable. and i dont want them to worry about me #when people worry about me it makes Me uncomfortable. like there's something wrong with me. #like the very makeup of my brain is worthy of making people worried #bc that's the thing. this is intrinsic. it's never going to stop completely. there are parts to it that i dont even Want to stop #but people will always be worried. sooo scared for me and the sanctity of my shitty flesh prison #therapy shit is that but worse. because they Will pry about it #every time i see that lil questionnaire with 'have you had thoughts about suicide' and 'have you harmed yourself' im just like #might as well lock me up Boys cause this one's goin on my record! again. and again and again and again #im not even going for this shit. i dont have depression im depressed cause my life sucks & im stressed all the time #but they always see the bad and assume it's because of the Chemical Imbalances bc no Whole Person would EVER want to hurt themselves! #i can be perfectly happy and content with my life and still have these urges. it's not a depression thing. it's just a me thing. #i want help for my constant fatigue. my probable adhd that's been kicking my ass my entire academic career #im not fucking anxious. i'm not fucking depressed. i'm stressed and struggling to do fucking Anything because everything is always Too Much #but i just know they'll focus on those lil markers by the self harm/suicide shit because they Always Fucking Do #i'm not a suicide risk. ive long passed that stage. thoughts may float by sometimes but i'm never going to act on them #not unless things in my life go very Very wrong. aka there's no longer anyone who cares about me level of wrong. #so long as there's at least one person who cares about me then I'm going to keep on living. i'm not a suicide risk. #... anyways i looked into the mental health shit at my school again and im gonna have to call to set up an appointment i guess. ugh. #aka that's not happening tonight. not with the way i'm feeling rn. #suicide ment/ #self harm ment/ #lolololol sorry for being so blatant on main today but i'm having a Shit day

[scuffle-with-spirals]

THE WAY MASAYUKI TAGAGUCHI DREW KAZUO STILL GETTING UP, STILL NOT FUCKING DEAD YET AND JUST BENDING IRREGULARLY AT THE WAIST ALL WHILE HE’S STILL TRYING TO AIM AND FIRE HIS FUN AT THE SHUUYA AND NORIKO WITH THAT VACANT ASS EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK JESUS CHRIST FROTHING AT THE MOUTH IT’S JUST GENUINELY FUCKING BATSHIT I DON’T EVEN HAVE THE WORDS???

I’M DESENSITIZED TO MOST HORROR BUT THE ART IN THOSE PANELS WAS JUST MASTERFULLY CREEPY. WHAT THE FUCK. BURNED INTO MY RETINAS. S+ TIER TENSION AND HORROR. JESUS CHRIST.

#Battle Royale #battle royale manga #battle royale manga spoilers #gun tw #gun mention #kazuo kiriyama #rambles #i'm glad that takami's words in the end-commentary agreed on the fact that tagaguchi's art was perfect for the manga #I've always struggled putting it into words myself but the way tagaguchi can genuinely fluctuate from- #drawing something tranquil or taken from a genuine slice of life #to drawing incredibly accurate expressions of sadness and anger #to just obliterating your senses with viscera makes for his art just a constant source of stare material for me LMAO #i think kazuo's final scenes in the manga show off his work best. in present time i don't think he's drawn smiling ONCE #But the way he moves #the way his body is- even before he gets back up AGAIN - #like when you add that to the BRIEF context we FINALLY get on his backstory it's like #it SHOWs so much to the viewer and it just completely freestyles on your heartstrings #the fact that after 15 volumes too the fact kazuo's backstory is still kept incredibly brief (giving answers. but not like. overindulging-) #is just. immense self restraint jesus christ. #characters like kazuo never stop rotating in my microwave brain

[aneetca]

i think there's a certain type of bitter old woman who takes pleasure in pestering teenage girls who seem shy/anxious

#some men suck but I've never seen one intentionally take advantage of my shyness for their weird sadist power fantasy #everytime this happens its always from some 40+ y/o wealthy looking women with bleached hair and 10kg of makeup #i feel like this is an oddly specific experience #but it's been a constant theme with older women in my life ever since i started highschool #like ma'am it's not my fault you're an old wench kys #and they are cowards too #like if they wanna be sadistic they should take it up with the confident feisty girls who talk back #not the anxious ones who struggle to get a sentence out

[dmdumouchel]

me after one day of snowboarding

#it was BRUTAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL #doesn't matter if you have skateboarding experience....doesn't matter if you ice skate. doesn't matter if you ski #snowboarding for the first time will absolutely beat you black and blue #EVERYTHING HURTS #I didn't even manage to learn turns fully..... #lessons are too expensive so you can imagine the struggle #but at least I tried #the frustrating thing is I can tell it would be really fun and totally my thing if ya know. I could actually fucking do it #at least there's always skiing #which I never fall while doing #my skating skills transfer over for that sport #but snowboarding? CONSTANT FALLING THAT PUTS YOU IN A WORLD OF PAIN #it was supposed to be a powder day but the snow was hella slippery and flat and hard as cement #OWWWWWWWWW #if I were to try it again it would be at a cheaper resort where I can actually afford a private lesson #but until then....back to skiing #personal

[jiatiful]

.

#been feeling horrible these past 2 days and i havent been to art school #the schedule is a mess bc i have to take the bus everyday and it doesnt really match with my afternoon classes #so i get stressed bc i have to wait for hours and then run to get the last bus and skip the last 2h or sometimes the last 3h of classes #and i know i have no control over that but the fact that we're also struggling with money issues lmao like the cherry on top #+ mentally im not doing alright ive been battling with ocd since i was 10 but its getting hard so it doesnt help with my anxiety either #i have constants heart palpitations since 2 years ago bc of anxiety and these 2 days ive been feelings useless for not going to school #but i dont feel strong enough and im scared of going out its like everything's too much right now and i know itll get better #it always does #but i had a huge anxiety attack this evening and im just so tired physically and mentally i dont even have the energy to care about school #it drains me #i hope i can start some schoolwork tomorrow tho #or else ill have too many stuff to do soon and ill have more anxiety lol #anyways ik no one's gonna read this but i needed to rant #rant

[a-little-ray-of-fantasy]

An analysis on how Sir Pentious' character design represents his personality and development perfectly (beware of Hazbin Hotel spoilers)

Let's get this out of the way: Sir Pentious is a snake, an animal mostly known for generally believed negative traits such as poison, deceit and betrayal. We don't know WHY he's in Hell, maybe he was a "snake oil salesman" considering he comes from the Victorian times and he's into hyping up what he does, or maybe he was into war. Thing is, he's a Sinner whose design just scream "Evil".

(BTW, a snake could also represent "fertility": looking at you, Egg Boiz!)

He always had eyes all around him not just because of a stylistic choice.

Sir Pentious always felt like he was watched, and had to watch out for any danger.

"Everyone here is too nice: obviously it must be a lie! I can sense they are planning to kill me, but when?! HOW?! I must be PREPARED!"

Sadly, he's been constantly berated by other demons, far more effective in destruction, status, cruelty and charisma. Alastor won't ever bother to remember him, Cherri always ones up him, and the Vs, the ones he admires to most, won't care less about him.

To the point that Vox sent him as a spy without the intention to save him if things were going to fail. Heck, he even openly tells him to die while calling him a failure.

So of course he's got reasons to have trust issues, or taking everything so seriously, being constantly reminded of what he can't accomplish. So he puts an air of grandure that may be very flamboyant, but is VERY frail.

But, if we have to be frank here, his biggest source of insecurities... is himself.

He has eyes on his tail (his softer, more vulnerable side, which is ironically made even MORE lieable to getting hurt because of how sensitive those organs are), and inside his hood, so he could look out better for danger when on alert mode.

Heck, even the mark on his hood kinda resembles one eye.

Problem is, when you see his hood folded, when he's at ease, neutral or sad, those are not looking at outside sources.

They're looking at him, at his back. A constant stare that happens everytime he lets his guard down and shows how vulnerable he is. A gaze that can sense all of his weakness, his struggles, his insecurities.

And it's all him.

Pentious constantly believes that his inferiority complex will fade away once he'll accomplish something grand that will make others accept him. But he is his biggest critic, his worst enemy: HE is the one who believes he's a failure, that he'll never gain approval from others.

This show takes place in Hell, but this is Sir Pentious' personal Hell: insecurity born out of self hatred. Doomed to feel everyone's gaze upon him, including his own. Believing the danger to his self esteem is from others, when it's really from him.

But then he's accepted at the Hazbin Hotel: Charlie forgives him, he bonds with Angel, Husk and Niffty who don't care a bit about what he's accomplished or not, or what he's done in the past.

He feels more comfortable in showing his vulnerable side, and no one judges him for how easy it is for him to get emotional.

Of course he's still very insecure, considering how he struggles to confess to Cherri, but notice how he stops building machines or planning to attack others as soon as he starts bonding with the others: he doesn't have a reason to destroy or attack, now that he knows he's loved.

And his final design, when he goes to Heaven, shows how much he's changed, yet stayed the same. He may have died a hero, but he's still the same awkward snake we've come to love.

Speaking of love, let's talk about that!

No more eyes on his tail, now it's just on his chest (showing he's opened his heart), his glasses are now heart shaped, and even the markings inside his hood resemble kiss marks more than anything else.

And look: the mark on his hood is now heart shaped!

Why all these hearts? Why did all the eyes disappeared from his body? Even his eyes that were looking at his back?

Simple: love. Love defeated his insecurities and self hatred. He died for love.

He died protecting his friends, his new family, his new home.

He confessed and kissed Cherri knowing full well he wouldn't have made it, and yet he went anyway.

The usually cowardly and timid Pentious actually faced a great danger with courage and determination: he acted selflessly by putting himself in harm's way, he didn't steal (naturally) and by going against Adam he did indeed "stick it to the man"!

He used his weaponry knowhow and battle experience not to conquer, but to save his loved ones.

His only thought up until his demise was: "I'll go down protecting them".

And he's been rewarded not only by becoming an angel, but also being spawned directly in front of Emily and Sera, two Seraphim, the highest rank for an angel to have, who have also been depicted as snakes of fire throughout history! Sir Pentious, the lowly demon considered a failure by everyone, actually has been noticed by the Seraphim! He's come so far!

He's now come to represent the REAL symbolism of a snake: the duality of death and rebirth, transformation and immortality (ironically a reference to the fact he's been around since 1888 without ever dying from any Extermination or blessed weapons).

And isn't so poetic that a snake, the "source of the original evil", was the first sinner to ascend to Heaven? Or that this episode was released on February 1st, or National Serpent Day?

And of course, as the Bible itself says:

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

(John 15:13)

And knowing him, I'm confident in saying he'll keep helping his friends even in his new position, like the soft hearted noodle he's always been, but was to afraid to show it up until now.

#Vivziepop #Hazbin Hotel #Hazbin Hotel Spoilers #Hazbin Spoilers #Sir Pentious #Fave Character #Comfort Character #Personal Rambles #What a wonderful lovable character he turned out to be 🥲 #Character Analysis