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sluttyshima · 2 years

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Hot cocoa kisses

Warnings: suggestive content (making out, light petting) but nothing explicit

Characters: Tamaki Amajiki x reader

Words: ~1.8k

AN: A repost of a request from my old account.

“It’s a good thing we booked a place for the night,” you comment. Large, wet flakes of snow hit your passenger side window as you watch. “It’s really starting to come down now. The roads are probably going to start getting bad soon.”

Glancing over at your husband, you gauge his reaction. A lot of things make Tamaki nervous, and you wonder if driving in bad weather is one of them. But he seems calm enough, one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on your thigh, which he squeezes gently when he feels your gaze on him.

“Hopefully it’ll clear up by the time we have to head out in the morning,” he speaks softly. “We still have several hours of driving ahead of us.”

Humming softly in response, you lean your head against the window and let your eyes drift closed. Something about the long car ride has left you feeling exhausted. Hours of sitting with only a couple of short pit stops leave your body feeling cramped and uncomfortable. At least you can ignore the discomfort for a little while by sleeping.

You are awakened by the sound of your car door opening and a blast of icy cold air. Tamaki leans over your body, unbuckling you before lifting you up into his arms bridal style. Ignoring your protests and claims that you aren’t too tired to walk on your own, he carries you up the snow-covered path leading to the small cabin with a large number 18 painted in gold on the door. Snowflakes swirl all around the two of you, limiting your visibility.

The indigo-haired male carries you straight to the bedroom. Barely awake, you simply blink your tired eyes as he leaves and then returns a few minutes later with your overnight bag. He helps you change into the warm pajamas you had packed, and does the bare minimum of your normal nightly routine before pulling the quilts over you and tucking you in. You try to stay awake, wanting to wait for him to finish getting ready for bed. But your body betrays you, and within minutes you are asleep again.

“-roads clear up.” Tamaki’s voice wakes you in the morning. You crack one eye open, noticing him sitting on the edge of the bed with his cell phone pressed to his ear. Not wanting to interrupt him, you simply lay back and listen. “Um, I’m not sure. Hopefully by tomorrow. Yeah. No, we’re okay. Yeah. Okay, we’ll see you guys when we get there. Bye.”

As soon as he ends the call, he turns towards you. When he notices that you are awake, he gives you a small smile. “Good morning, love,” he leans over your body to press a chaste kiss to your lips. “Did you sleep well?”

“Mhm,” you mumble tiredly. Pushing yourself into a sitting position, you narrow your eyes at him. “So what was the call about? Is something wrong?”

Your husband sighs. “Well, it looks like there’s a small hitch in our plans. The roads are too dangerous for travel. I called the office and extended our reservation for another night, so we’re fine to stay here for now. But that means we’re going to be a bit late for the holiday festivities.”

For a moment you remain silent, thoughtful. Then, a wide grin spreads over your face. “So what you’re saying is, we get a snow day today?”

At your expression, Tamaki chuckles. “Only you could be this excited about being snowed in,” he teased. Wrapping an arm around your shoulders, he pulls you closer so that you’re curled into his side. “I picked up a few things from the little convenience store in the main building. You go get comfortable in front of the fireplace, and I’ll make breakfast.”

Still dressed in your pajamas, you follow him out of the bedroom. Sitting on the Victorian style loveseat, you hold your palms out towards the crackling fire. The smell of food cooking wafts out from the kitchen, making your mouth water.

“Here you go, love,” your husband returns with a tray full of food and two steaming mugs. He places them on the coffee table in front of you before taking a seat next to you.

The two of you begin eating in silence. Lifting one of the mugs to your lips, you take a tentative sip. The taste is rich and chocolatey, the liquid creamy and warm as it slides across your tongue and down your throat. You let out a little hum of appreciation, “Mm, hot cocoa!”

“I thought you would like it,” Tamaki grins. His eyes zero in on a spot at the corner of your mouth. Cupping your face in his hands, he leans forward and kisses you deeply. His tongue slides against your lips, gathering a few stray drops of your drink before pulling back just enough to look in your eyes. “You taste sweet,” he murmurs.

Meal forgotten, you wrap your arms around his neck and tug at his hair as his lips crash against yours again. This time his tongue slides past your lips, the wet muscle exploring every inch of your mouth and rubbing tantalizingly against your own to taste the chocolate flavor that lingers there. His hands grip your hips, fingers digging in slightly as he pulls you into his lap, one leg on either side of him so that you’re straddling him.

You let out a soft sigh as his lips stray from yours, kissing a trail down your jaw to suckle at your neck. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers against your skin. “So perfect. I love you so much.”

“Tama,” you gasp as his teeth nip at the junction of your neck and shoulder. It’s so easy to get lost in his sweet words and even sweeter touches. His fingers trail along the curves of your body that he knows so well.

When he eventually pulls back, both of you are breathing heavily. “Sorry,” he says breathlessly. “I didn’t mean for things to get so heated.”

A grin slowly made its way onto your face. “I know of a way that we can cool down.”

Soon, the two of you were bundled up and plodding through the heavy drifts of snow. Tamaki had one of your gloved hands clasped tightly in his own, wanting to help you keep your balance in case you were to slip. The air was frigid, but the multiple layers you wore plus the scarf wrapped around the lower half of your face was keeping you warm enough… for now.

“Hm, should we build a snowman? Or make some snow angels?” you asked.

Your partner used his free hand to rub his chin thoughtfully. “Making snow angels would probably cause the snow to soak through our clothes and we’d have to go inside. So let’s save that for last, and make a snowman first.”

“Sensible as always,” you giggle. “C’mon, baby, let loose a little! This is supposed to be a fun snow day, remember?”

“I know,” he shot back, playfully glaring at you. “And I’m trying to make sure that the day stays fun. Neither of us are going to enjoy ourselves if we end up getting frostbite.”

The two of you continue the teasing banter back and forth even as you begin working together to build the snowman. But when Tamaki’s back is turned towards you, you suddenly have another activity in mind. The ball of snow you form is far too small to be useful for your snowman, but it’s the perfect size to throw.

“Hey babe,” you call out, trying to get his attention. As soon as he turns towards you, you let the snowball fly. It pelts him in the shoulder, catching him off guard. Before he can react, you’re running away, trying to hide behind a nearby tree.

Eyes wide, it takes him a moment to process what has just happened. But then he begins to grin, and his eyes narrow at you. “Oh love, you have no idea what you’ve just started.”

You feel like a child again as you and your husband chase each other and throw snowballs. The sound of laughter and playful squeals echo in the otherwise silent forest around you. The once crisp white blanket of snow is now covered in footprints.

As you let another snowball fly, aiming for the back of Tamaki’s head, he turns. You shout in an attempt to warn him, but it’s too late. The projectile smashes into his face, crumbling away into a light powder.

Hands coming to cover your gaping mouth, you stare in shock as you wait for his reaction. Is he going to be angry at you? You didn’t hurt him, did you?

“Oh, you little minx.” The grin that he sends your way is almost predatory, sending shivers down your spine. “I suggest you run, sweetheart. I’ll even give you a three second head start.”

You spin around, immediately sprinting in the opposite direction. Your heart is racing as you hear him loudly count down from three. And then the sound of snow crunching underfoot warns you that he has given chase, and is quickly gaining on you.

“I’m sorry!” you scream, just as his arms wrap tightly around your waist. You squeal as he lets himself fall sideways, pulling you with him into the snow. He rolls over so that his body is on top of yours, causing you to sink into the cold white drift below you. Freezing cold hands settle on either side of your face, squishing your cheeks together as he kisses every exposed inch of skin.

In between peals of laughter, you barely manage to gasp out the words, “Tama, baby, stop! I give, okay? You win, you win!”

His nose nuzzles against yours, and he presses one last kiss to your lips. Then he reaches for your hand, helping you up and cradling you against his chest. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” he asks, indigo eyes roaming up and down your form as he scans you for any signs of injury.

“No,” you assure him, wrapping your arms around his neck in a tight hug. “But I am starting to get pretty cold now. Should we head inside?”

Instead of answering, he lifts you up into his arms and begins carrying you back towards the cabin. Once he crosses the threshold, he sets you down gently. “I’ll make us some more hot cocoa,” he says. “While you change into some dry clothes.”

The rest of the day is spent cuddling in front of the fire with your husband - sharing warmth, stories, and several hot cocoa flavored kisses.

#tamaki amajiki #tamaki x reader #mha #bnha #tamaki fluff

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ghostinmybrain · 10 months

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hehe i shaved again so i can cvt on my legs cause people notice less cause they look like scratches. plus spreading it out with only a few at a time is helping. i hate the look of hair on my legs when i cvt it looks disgusting 🤢

bands starting on monday too-

it’s good cause of how much working out we do but also sucks cause i see all the people in front of me that are skinnier and have thigh gaps and it makes me feel horrible about myself

gonna try and finish the workout i started this morning tonight though cause i want to loose more weight. also gonna start posting measurements on mondays or sundays to hold myself accountable. probably sundays and i’ll just start not tomorrow but the week after that.

only real bad thing about today, other than the workout not working, was that i started with tracking my cals but than ate things that i didn’t know the cal count of. i know in the end it’ll end up under my tdee, which is like 1600 or smth i don’t remember imma look it up again. nvm it’s 1571 but still, probably not going over it. after my breakfast lunch i was at 440 cals so anything i’ve eaten probably hasn’t thrown me over 1000.

off topic now but this is a lot better than just vents when it gets too much. having a place where i know people can see helps. so if these pop up more and more that’s just cause i want to talk about what i’m going through but idk how to reach out to people in my real life.

#to the bone #@nor3xia #@ana #@na vent #rambles #vent #ed not ed sheeran

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pikapelt · 2 years

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Old Tigers Can’t Learn New Tricks

Summary: Kotetsu’s tired of being teased about only being able to cook fried rice. He’s prepared to prove them all wrong. No, really.

AN: This takes place somewhere between The Rising and T&B2. Kotetsu and Barnaby are too much of a married couple in the new season that I suspect something finally happened during that time-lapse.

I also just wanna caveat that I haven’t written fanfics in nearly a decade, so I’m really sorry if this is a bit rusty. But these characters have been living rent-free in my brain for nearly a year now and after royally screwing up dinner the other night I felt inspired to write something. That something ended up being 2k words on Kotetsu being the dork we know and love. Hope you all enjoy this!

I don’t have an AO3 account so decided to just post this here.

Shitty title is shitty.

Pao-Lin’s birthday was tomorrow, and the heroes had decided to do a potluck at the work to celebrate. Karina was the main organizer and made sure to stress that there was one rule: it had to be homemade. Something about it being more heartfelt. Which Kotetsu was totally fine with. He was a great cook, ask anyone!

Or at least, he was totally fine with it until Antonio and Nathan both turned to him and ordered him not to make fried rice. Oh come on! He complains to his friend a couple times about all the flack his mom gives him and now it’s a thing? And then Barnaby, his own Bunny, had the audacity to also comment on him not making fried rice for tomorrow. But Pao-Lin loved it when Kotetsu brought them all his signature dish for the babysitting gig!

So, he grumbled an agreement, because lord help him, he was going to prove to everyone that he does in fact know how to cook more than one dish! And it’ll be so damn good it’ll knock the grumpiness right out of those new rookies.

The recipe seemed easy enough. Basically, just some cheesy pasta with broccoli. And hey, Bunny and Kaede kept insisting he needed more vegetables, so look, go him. The ingredients called for stuff Kotetsu had never even heard of before, but that didn’t deter him in the least. When he couldn’t find whatever the hell boursin cheese and malfadine pasta was, he figured gouda and angel hair would be good enough. The picture on the recipe looked like long noodles, and hey, angel hair was long. And who doesn’t love gouda?

Once home, Kotetsu tied on his apron, mentally preparing himself for the amazing dish he was about to make. Glancing down at his phone, he noted that the recipe called for “shaved” broccoli. Pursing his lips, he looked back over to the bag of greens he got and shrugged. Eh, fuck it. Florets were good enough. It was still the same damn broccoli.

Grabbing the two pots he had in the cupboard, Kotetsu filled one with water and the other with broccoli. As he worked on stirring the greens, he noticed the other pot begin to boil, and he quickly added the pasta. Or. He tried to. Attempting to dump half the box into the pot lead to a vast majority of the pasta scattering across the stovetop. Cursing, Kotetsu scrambled to pick up as much of the stringy pasta as he could before he could smell burning. Aaaand now his broccoli was burning. Just great.

Tossing as much of the pasta as he could into the pot, Kotetsu frantically stirred the broccoli to try to salvage what he could. It was going decently, until stray bits of pasta began to catch on fire from the stove’s lit gas. Shit shit shit shit. One hand continuing to stir, Kotetsu grabbed what he could with the other and tossed the flaming bits of pasta into the boiling pot. He prayed to whoever would listen that the flames didn’t decide gluten wasn’t enough and needed to feast on his very exposed wrist.

Fire mostly put out, Kotetsu decided to go ahead and add the cheese to the broccoli. The taste would mask any burnt crisps, probably. Except…ten minutes into letting the cheese sit on the hot pan and the little pieces of shit still weren’t melting. Frowning, Kotetsu turned off all the burners, wiped his hands on the apron, and searched on his phone for the best way to melt gouda. Huh, microwave it is.

Scooping the clumps of cheese out of the pan and into a bowl, Kotetsu shoved them into the microwave and stood as patiently as he could for the next 15 seconds. He cleaned up what he could, tapping his foot anxiously against the tile as he waited for this damn cheese to melt. It would be the only saving grace to this disaster of a meal.

As soon as the ding popped up, he opened the door with a semi-hopeful expression, only for it to drop immediately to see the still solid-looking clumps of gouda. Cursing, he slammed the microwave door shut and nuked them again. And again. And again. By this point it wasn’t so much melted cheese as weird lumpy bits of goo. Having a feeling that this was about as good as it was going to get, Kotetsu groaned and reached for the bowl, only to yelp in pain as the porcelain was significantly hotter than he anticipated. With barely suppressed frustration he yanked a towel off the oven handle and wrapped it around the bowl before grabbing it and dumping the cheese goop onto the pasta.

Mixing everything together as best he could, Kotetsu had his doubts about the food. It….didn’t look appetizing. But hey, looks can be deceiving. Don’t judge a book by its cover. All that jazz. Filling up a small bowl for a test run, Kotetsu took one bite before glaring with pure hatred at the remainder of the pasta. It was fucking disgusting.

Throwing his hands up in surrender, Kotetsu grabbed a beer from the fridge and huffed his way to the living room, not even bothering to clean up the mess he had just made in the kitchen. Pouting as he plopped himself on the couch and cracked open the drink, he took a long hearty swig of the bitter ale as he considered his options. It was too late, and he was too damn frustrated to start over, but maybe he could call Barnaby and help out with his dish? Then he could claim it was a team effort. Kind of a cop-out, but hey, Karina never said it was a rule that he couldn’t.

With a sigh, Kotetsu got back up from his couch to retrieve his phone from the war zone of a kitchen. Barnaby was never gonna let him live this down and he knew it. Hesitating for a moment longer, he let himself call his partner.

It took longer for the line to pick up than he expected, but as soon as he heard a weary hello, Kotetsu felt his lips finally turn up into a smile. “Bunny! Hey, want any help with your potluck dish? You know I’d be more than happy to come over and lend a hand.” There was a brief pause as if Barnaby was taking his time to consider his answer.

“Sorry Kotetsu, I’m just about done here. I mostly need to clean up and then was going to take care of my plants for the rest of the night.” God damn it. There went that plan. Although….

“You, uh, want any help cleaning?” This time, Barnaby did not hesitate to respond with a swift no. Well, guess he was still holding a grudge from last month.

“Aw, c’mon Bunny! You know it was an accident! How was I supposed to know you kept your dish soap and dishwasher gel right next to each other?” There was a bit of a plea in his voice. If he contributed at least something, then he could get away with “helping” make the dish.

“Old man, it took two weeks for the new parts to come in for the repairs. You are never touching my washer again; do you hear me?” An argument was on the tip of his tongue when Barnaby cut him off with a sharp “Do you hear me, Kotetsu?”

Rolling his eyes at his partner, the older man gave a nod. Remembering Barnaby couldn’t see him he quipped “yeah yeah Bunny, I hear ya. I’m old, not senile.”

“Good. Now, is there anything else you needed?” Kotetsu could just hear the smugness in the other man’s voice. God, why did Barnaby have the most punchable yet kissable face? It really gives a guy emotional whiplash.

“Nah, think I’m just gonna watch some tv and call it a night. See ya tomorrow Bunny.” He almost added a ‘love you,’ but knew Barnaby wasn’t quite ready for that kind of send-off. They were taking it slow, and Kotetsu could respect that. Trauma was a bitch.

“Good night Kotetsu,” his partner said softly, before hanging up.

Sighing, Kotetsu placed his phone on the coffee table and glanced over to the kitchen. He was going to need a few more beers before he tackled that mess.

---

Juggling four boxes of pizza in one hand as he swiped his badge on the turnstile, Kotetsu looked around nervously. He knew he was going to get flack for not bringing something homemade, but he’d rather deal with that after at least one cup of coffee. Resigning himself to his fate, he headed for the elevators.

And sure enough, one rallying cup of coffee later, Kotetsu’s ass was called out the moment he walked through the sliding door of the gym. All eyes were on him, at least of the heroes who had shown up so far, and Subaru, of course being him, was the first to say something. “Hey! That’s cheating! It was supposed to be homemade, Tiger!”

Sighing, he placed the pizzas on the table where other food was spread out, dividing the boxes in stacks of two for pepperoni and cheese. “Yeah, yeah, I know. But…” He’d been thinking about his excuse since last night. Kotetsu really didn’t want to be the butt end of a joke for the next week because he really can’t make anything besides fried rice. And he sure as shit wasn’t going to admit as much. “Well, something came up with my daughter last night so I kinda ran out of time.”

The annoyed expression on Karina’s face quickly turned into one of panic. “What’s going on with Kaede?”

Shit. Okay, using his daughter as a scapegoat was not a great idea. Eyes wide, he turned to his younger coworker with hands held up. “Oh, no! Nothing’s wrong! She just uh…needed help. With homework.”

The look of panic on the girl’s face slowly transformed into confusion. “Huh? Homework? But usually, she calls me if she’s stuck with something?” Damn it, he forgot Karina was bit of a mentor to his little girl after they met. C’mon Tiger, think of something.

“O-oh, well, it was Japanese homework.” There. That was a safe option. No one would question him on that.

Sure enough, Karina nodded, concern gone. Before Kotetsu could say anything else that could have potentially dug his grave deeper, a hand tightly clamped onto his shoulders. Startled, he looked over to see Keith with his typical million-watt smile. “C’mon guys, let’s not give Mr. Tiger a hard time. I for one love pizza!”

Goddess bless Keith and his overflowing well of optimism. The heroes that were around murmured their agreements and carried on with decorating the gym for Pao-Lin’s birthday.

---

Kotetsu had been deep in a conversation with Pao-Lin, Laura, and Ivan when he spotted Barnaby walking through the gym door with a tote bag. Waving excitedly to his partner, he excused himself from the others so he could greet him. The blonde looked around at the table, eyebrows knit together in confusion. “Kotetsu, where’s your pa-“

Kotetsu quickly cut him off, “pizza? Oh, right here Bunny! I know you prefer the one with veggies, but figured I’d play it safe and get the basics for everyone.” Damn it, he forgot he’d showed Barnaby the recipe he found while scrolling through his computer at work. Absolutely avoiding paperwork.

Barnaby raised a brow, quietly commenting, “that bad huh?” before opening his tote and pulling out a large, ceramic serving dish.

Placing it on the table with the rest of the food, the blonde had a small smirk on his lips as he lifted the lid to reveal an entire platter of fried rice. Glancing over to his partner, his smile became more apologetic. “I only told you not to make fried rice so I could surprise you with mine. I think I finally got the recipe right this time.” Kotetsu’s heart swelled at the gesture, wishing he could kiss his Bunny right then and there. Instead, he settled for a gentle hip-check. A silent I love you too embedded in those actions.

“Hey Kid, come try this rice and tell me if it’s any better than mine! I know it’s been a while, but Bunny over here had to steal my thunder, so we need an unbiased judge!”

AN: I imagine Keith bringing in cupcakes with little icing pawprint decorations. Because of course he would.

#taibani #kotetsu x barnaby #t&b2 #t&b #tiger and bunny #tiger & bunny #kotetsu centric #kotetsu t. kaburagi #fanfiction

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hackedmotionsensors · 1 year

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GOD SORRY LMFAO

I’M SORRY I’M RUNNING BEHIND AGAIN ON OPENING COMMS.

They’ll be open...probably tomorrow morning. I’m trying to use Ko-fi’s commission form so everything is nice and neat but I’ve not done this before so its kinda confusing lol

Actually honestly its pretty clean and has lots of little add ons and stuff that make organizing things really nice but I’m not sure how things will look on your end or how they’ll look on my end when a comm comes in so if I goof something up on the first part I’m so so sorry lol

Also I know I was REALLY lowballing sketch coms before but I can’t afford, nor do I have the energy, to do 15$ commissions for sketches. So the base price for a black and white bust sketch will be 30$. Thats still really low all things considered but I want to make things ...cheap and fast and also...worth my time and energy. This is a reminder that that price is EXTREMELY low and that artists who charge a more sensible price than that are not over charging. I’m lowballing bc I’m fuckin broke lol

If that price is too high even little donations help me out in the long run so if you want you can leave a donation for as little as 3$? 6$?Just remember to leave a comment that its a donation so I know its not a request

I also have a few new rules so please be mindful of that. ↴

I’d say the most important rule is do not message me on any platform BUT ko-fi and if you commission me please check your ko-fi messages. Most likely I won’t have anything to say unless you’re sending me references. I have my DMs off on all platforms and I don’t really want to use my email unless I’m sending something to you. Ko-fi will be the only way to contact me and for me to contact you.

The other important one will be no real people. I’m sorry I feel uncomfortable drawing a real person being it you, your auntie, or an actor you like. (If its like...a live action character that’s different bc I’m just gonna make them anime anyway lol)

The other OTHER new rule will be I have to limit what I can draw from marvel. IT’LL BE IN THE POST but basically I’m still under NDA. You’re probably okay to ask for stevetony....bc they’re dead :) (Also my crew was well aware of my ST shipping lol) But you can dm me first to ask what is probably okay. I know i get a lot of BuckyTony which isn’t my thing but I know you guys are thirsty. But since Bucky is still in the current mcu I don’t know...if I’m allowed. Things like Billy, Tommy, Teddy....probably fine if its comic book based. Its WEIRD lol There’s a lot of grey and I just wanna be able to get hired again yknow?? lmfao Absolutely NO spider-man at all. AT ALL. I’m not risking it.

Unless you were one of my crew members then (how’d you find this account???) ....i’ll just dm you privately lol

So yea if you’re interested in MCU, since I know a lot of people originally followed me for that....you gotta let me know first before sending your comm request in...I THINK?? I don’t exactly know who gets what first on the commission thing on ko-fi.

and then the usual rules like please no gore, please no NSFW (spicy is fine but not explicit), Maximum 2 characters, try to keep them simple bc they’re sketches not fully rendered pieces, Furries are okay but not recommended (I’d rather send you to a furry artist with comms open since I’m primarily an anime artist ...more or less lol) , PLEASE be mindful of things that might make ME uncomfortable. I’m very VERY open minded and most things DON’T bother me but remember I’m not really an open NSFW artist or kink artist or anything like that. I know I can come off as really wild or loose minded (????) in terms of shipping but there’s been a few times I’ve felt really uncomfortable with comms and I just did them anyway bc I needed the money. You can always ask me ahead of time if you’re really unsure. When it comes to shipping what you might think is comfortable might make me VERY uncomfortable.

lol THIS WILL ALL BE IN THE POST SORRY TO DUMP HERE lol but i have more text space here

So yeah I need to make a graphic and then it should be up tomorrow.

#ko-fi commissions

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secretlywritingstories · 1 year

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The new year is just around the corner now. It’s already come to pass in other places of the world, and it’ll catch up with me and my little country soon enough.

Time is all a construct. The seconds, the minutes, the days, the weeks, the months, the years. We made it up for hour world, a reflection of what we saw, sure, but still all our creation. Humans do that a lot. Look at something and wish to find structure and meaning behind it. I quite like that about us.

I wanted to take a moment to reflect back on how 2022 have treated me and it has been quite a good year in a lot of aspects. I started off the year with a panic attack, and feeling quite lost and without roots. However, that was the only one I had this year, and while my brain hasn’t always been the best, we’ve been managing. I’ve gotten even more familiar with myself, and how to get up and push on. I know how, I just have to remember to do it.

I moved departments at work and went full time and came up to work that’s much more interesting and also a whole bunch of colleagues that make it a fun experience to go to work. I’ve spent the months still finding my footing and landing properly, and sometimes I still worry if I’m cut out for this corporate, adult 9-5 office job stuff. I like the stability of it, though, and the organisation I work for does important work.

I wrote and wrote, quite consistently all throughout the year and while I “only” journalled on some days, I’ve not missed a single day all year. Over 790k words written and over 550k published across tumblr and AO3. Those numbers are not even fathomable really. I had a goal of writing 2k a year and I did that and then some. But more importantly than the volume, I’m so proud of the works I put out this year. I’ve pushed boundaries, like releasing my first fic with smut in it on my actual account, and written for new fandoms and once again felt the warm embrace of a reading audience. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of that.

I also cut my hair, which might not seem like that big of a deal, and in some ways it really wasn’t. Over the last half a decade, I’ve grown hair out, had 30 cm. or so snipped off to donation and cut it just above my shoulder. But this year, I went really short, like above the ears, nothing to tie back, short. And it’s been so good. It’s so light and easy and I feel more myself. Like it fit me better.

I’ve kept a lot of the same wonderful friends that I had last year and they continue to be something to bring me joy in my life. Both the online crowd and the ones from real life are invaluable to me, and it’s always a pleasure to hang out with them, virtually or otherwise. I’m hopefully seeing a lot of the online friends for the first time in the new year, which is exciting.

My family is still doing well, as are the dogs and my dear horse. I’ve spent a lot of time in the family house, and in some ways that feels a bit regressive but in other ways I really needed that stability of people around me. And the dogs. Dogs to cuddle with most nights are very essential. I also know that this family home won’t be here forever, in a few years my parents will probably sell it and move into something smaller and I selfishly want to soak up everything I can. Though I do home to get better at splitting my time between the family house and my apartment.

This is already getting entirely too long, but I am always a sucker for reflection and introspection. Perhaps you’ll see me again tomorrow with a spilled thoughts post about my hopes for 2023. I will end by saying that 2022 felt like I finally uncurled a little from the defensive position that I’d taken late 2019/early 2020. It had been a tumultuous earthquake of time that I think I still needed to recover form.

Now, I feel more like I’ve evened out my ground, patched the ridges and holes, and now we can actually start building again. I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

#2022 #spilled thoughts #personal #new years eve #Happy New Year

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thessalian · 2 years

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Thess vs Exocolonies

Just finished my first playthrough of I Was A Teenage Exocolonist. And ... well, the ending I got was a gut-punch. The game in general was a lot deeper than I expected from the demo, which is obviously a good thing. Just holy crap.

The way they’ve set it up gives a serious amount of replay value, too. Precognition mechanics are generally a little weird to handle, but they managed to make it work here, more than adequately - mostly by hardly ever using them except for either as flavour or a few times it really mattered. All in a game that looks like a basically cute life management sim / card game thing with really cutesy graphics. There’s layers, and so many paths you can end up taking, and the ending sets it up to just ... have another go. Well. I say ‘just’ - depending on what ending you get, you may not entirely want to do another run-through for fear it’ll all go wrong. And then you have to wonder ... what if none of the endings are happy? But there must be one, right? I guess it depends on what you consider ‘happy’. So ... yeah. Deep. Cute, and deceptively simple mechanics-wise, but deep.

So ... indie games, am I right?

Seriously, while it’s a bummer that today’s D&D shenanigans had to be cancelled on account of ill fortune, it’s probably just as well. It’s been a really rough week and I need the chill-time, and I have whole new game that’s begging to be played again some more. Thing is, it’s one of those serious hyperfocus games (almost as good as Lego) so there are things I should probably do before I start up another game. Like, painkillers, and I need to nip out to the shops quickly, and also I need to order dinner because I couldn’t get grocery delivery until tomorrow, forgot to take anything out of the freezer and ... well, I’m not using the Tesco gluten-free pasta unless things are seriously dire. That stuff is gross.

On the subject of the groceries, though, the Making Of The Things continues apace. I am just really into making my own snacks right now, so I got the means to do it more. Like, I’m going to be doing the three-ingredient peanut butter cookies again, but I’m also going to make the peppermint patties that were another successful B Dylan Thomas recipe find. And, while it obviously won’t be ready right away, I decided to make better use of the mint in my windowsill-and-balcony garden and am going to start making my own peppermint extract so I can make more of the peppermint patties later. And on top of all of that? I’m going to be making my own gummy bears. I got some moulds, some gelatine, some honey, and some fruit juice, and that’s all I need.

But today? Today I am not making anything except for a trip to the corner shop. Just going to sit quietly eating a takeaway and playing I Was A Teenage Exocolonist. With maybe finishing Take 2 of Solasta: Crown of the Magister. Though that reminds me I have to finish the IC liveblog for that one and I’m at the perfect point. Maybe I’ll make something after all.

#Thess plays video games #Thess cooks

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pennyserenade · 2 years

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this is not any fanfic related content, but a little section i’ve written for my own personal enjoyment (because it has been a long time since i’ve written anything, it feels like). it’ll probably go somewhere in today, tomorrow, yesterday, because it is about those characters, i’m just not sure where. anyways i’d thought i’d share it because why not

when she fixed her eyes back onto him, charlie felt the warmth of her heavy lidded gaze, and he knew he felt it because she wanted him to feel it. everything was so exact with ruby, as though she was the director and he was the actor; charlie stood on his marks and sculpted his pretty face to the emotions she wanted him to feel, and at the end of the day, he felt like he was her very best muse. maybe he should’ve known then that this sort of thing wasn’t meant to last - when she fixed her pretty brown eyes on him and he responded accordingly, looking at her as though she was the most clever woman he’d ever seen, just to see her lips rise in a smile. given that he was once married and once divorced by then, and that he was getting to that age where love was not something to be taken by, but sensible about, they would write that charlie knew that she was like this. that he was cruel to tire of it later. they would say that he once liked the puppet strings, or even that he held her up by his very own, and that they played some sick, sordid game that made for quite a lot of fun behind closed doors. in some ways, maybe they had captured a sliver of the picture in their misguided attempts to understand what had made he and ruby beautiful, and then what made them ugly after it was all over. however, they failed on every account to understand that charlie could not foresee the future, and that ruby acted the way she did, not because she was devious or wicked, but because she wanted his trust. through her calculated movements, ruby was telling charlie, “let me take it for a while, let me guide you” and he let her, because he loved her and because he was tired and he had badly needed a person like herself to prop him up. he was an actor in every sense, and ruby was a director in all the ways a woman could be back then; it was ideal. he could never have foreseen how that would ever turn ugly, even if it was obvious to everyone else. he would never have wanted to. maybe he still would not, if you asked him now. maybe he would tell you that he would never change a single moment for the world.

#today.#misc.

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dirty-icon · 5 months

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Know your place.

Nanami laid out on his bed, reading a message he gotten from Gojo. A link to an Instagram reel. He watched it cause he does receive from pretty good ones once in a while. The link opens up the Instagram app and plays said video. It was corny. Nanami immediately exited the video but he didn’t close the app. He scrolled and scrolled, not interacting with anything. Not until he got to the suggested accounts. One profile in particular had a very familiar face. He should know as it belonged to his ‘sugar baby’, YN. He tapped on her icon and was taken to her most recent stories. Immediately blaring loud music and chatter in the back as he takes a selfie with her friends. He could barely see her outfit but wasn’t focused on it as much since he was smiling at her beautiful face. The next story came and it immediately had him sitting up. He held the photo down as he scanned the entire screen.

You in a very sexy poster girl dress with a small brown heart emoji near your head. He was riled. He’s never seen you in anything like that before. As he looked around the background he could see multiple people staring and ogling you. The next story was like the frosting on top. It ended so fast he almost didn’t have time to process it. He had no idea you can move your body like that. He went back, instantly getting hard. Your ass moving in multiple directions, bouncing on beat and jiggling like jello as you try to hold your dress down. He went back to the other posts and tried looking for a name or location. Nothing. Then he checked your actual location in the ‘Find My’ app. ‘Location sharing off’, the screen read.

At this point he was getting a little ticked off. He never really asked for your Instagram but now he knows he should’ve. You never act or looked like that around him. You said you were going to a dinner, even showed him what you were going to wear. It was no where near as revealing as what he just saw. Then on top of that you had your locations off. He sucks his teeth and calls you. Nanami paces around the room as the phone rings. One call, two call and finally on the third call you answer. “Hello?” You speak loudly. Hoping it’ll drown out the club music in the background. “YN, how’s the dinner?” He asks. His tone as calm as normal. “Oh, it was good. I should’ve invited you.” You again shout into the phone. Lying to him makes him even more angry. “Where are you at? I want to pick you up. You can tell me all about your night.” He tries to keep his composure, wanting to let you know that he knows you’re lying. But he holds himself back, just trying to have patience and forgiveness. “Uhm, actually, we might have to link tomorrow. I’ll be staying at Gabby’s tonight.” You lie yet again. Biting your lower lip, knowing damn well he hates when you lie. But what can you say? You’re at the club, never went to dinner and is probably gonna just hook up with some guy. He’d be fuming. And you’re right. He is fuming. You, his perfect girl, have made him jealous, horny and upset. So he stays silent on the phone, just hoping maybe you’d say something to redeem yourself. Instead you say you got to go and hand up.

You were nearly shitting bricks the entire call. Why did he call you so off a sudden? You told him you’d be out. You panicked as your mind fills with irrational thoughts. Your friends band into the bathroom and began to confront you on your sudden disappearance. “Girl who was that? I’ve never seen you look so scared over a phone call since you snuck out the house that one time. ” they all laughed and you giggle a little too. You told them everything that was said. Explained how you like to upkeep the image of a ‘good girl’ around him. “He has no idea about this.” You referred to your original lifestyle. The party girl inside of you. “Girl don’t worry, it’s not like he knows anything. He doesn’t have your social media right? Then you’re fine. There’s nothing to worry about.” “Shit, I say we take a short for all the niggas we lied to!” Everyone loved that idea and immediately exited the bathroom to the bar.

After a few minutes of more pacing. Nanami suddenly remembers he placed a tile tracker in your car. He opens ‘Life 360’ and sees the vehicles location. It’s in the city, so you must’ve driven it to the place you went to. ‘She can’t drive home drunk.’ He mumbles and grabs a coat and his own car keys. Nanami's GPS gave him the smoothest and quickest route to the loud and crowded club you may so often visit. He found your car parked, not so far away. He parked close and watched the line to the club get smaller as more people were lit in and out. Most likely, keeping a constant amount of patreons in the establishment. Manami waited, scrolling through all your posts over and over. You were drinking more and more. Spectating as you filmed your night like a dumb Alcoholic. Downing shot after Shot. Your new story popped up, and he was gagged at seeing you grinding on some unknown Stranger. Were you that drunk to circle your ass against a man's pelvis? Infuriated , Nanami jumped out of the car and made his way to the club. A few $100's, and he was inside within seconds. His eyes scoping the room, in Search for you. "Oh my god!" Your eyes widened as you saw him standing in the middle of the club. He stood out like a sore thumb. His blonde hair and overly priced clothes made everyone give him a nasty, envious look. 11 Girl,what?!" Your friends looked around, panicked, and a little startled "He's here. How is he here?" As if he heard you, his head snapped over to where you and your friends stood. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." Although you were drunk, not even the liquor could blur out the quilt that sat within your gut.

Nanami leers over you. A look of anger and distrust displayed all over his face. Hey, what are you doing here?" You almost felt like living prey right before the predator sinks that teeth in for an insta kill. He leans forward and whispers in your ear. Your friends silently look at each other, smirking and raising brows. Your face flushed as you nodded your head. When he pulls back, you put your cup down and turn to your girls. "I'll Zelle you $85. If you need more, just text me. " Manami pushed your phone away and dragged you to the bar. " Close your tab, I'll pay." You quickly nodded and waved the bartender over, asking to close the tab for you and your friends. After Nanami handed your friends some lash and told them to get home safely. Dragging you away by the hand. You kept quiet, knowing you'd only fuel the flame that is already out of control. Nanami, still the gentleman he is, opens the passenger door for you. The door slammed when your buckle clicked. You took a deep breath. His body burning, tossing his jacket into the backseat before he sat in the driver seat. He slammed the door loudly and started the car. Your phone dinged, and you opened it. I see you, girl! - ' Is that who you're always with?' - ' Does he have a friend? The messages just flood in. You text back the Shh emogi and put your phone facedown in your lap. "Who's that?" He asked, driving slightly above the speed limit.

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miloucomehome · 1 year

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some thoughts (esp on school -- got some grades...)

I’m waiting to get my grades and got one for the visual communications course...it’s a C-. I’m not happy at all. I’ve passed the class, but we never got a copy about our grades and she’s been giving me Cs from the beginning and I do not understand why.

What’s worse is that her grading technique is to include assignment grades in the grading calculations for projects.

I’m not joking here. In my typography course with her and even this one, I would’ve probably ended up with a B- or C+ but instead since she includes the mountain-load of assignments in the grading, my grade for the first project (which includes a few assignments) is a 6/10 (about a C or C-). If you end up submitting anything late, it’ll impact your project’s grade, not the separate assignment grade.

edit: also, late assignments aren’t docked X% per week, like the other profs, but instead are docked a full letter grade.

(TL;DR here: Our assignments aren’t being weighted correctly as outlined in the syllabus and are instead combined with the project’s grades)

Add to this, she doesn’t provide a complete syllabus (PDF or printed) and refuses to. With this method of grading, she’s not even following her grading system by combining the assignment grades as part of the project’s grades. I’ll actually double check this, because if she’s not following her own syllabus’ grading system then I don’t think these evaluations can fly. I don’t want to deal with my department and I may just file something with the ombuds office anonymously.

I’ll need to copy-paste the syllabi for both courses I had with her that she copy-pasted to the moodle page menu awkwardly and save those in docs with screenshots before I lose access to the pages. (they’re in a div/table that will not print)

On another class--not typography but a 400-level course I had to submit everything late on--it looks like I’m set to fail terribly with 30-something percent (which doesn’t make sense) but I think it’s because Moodle is only calculating the numerical grades this prof inputted and is confused about the random letter grades she put in. (Or maybe it’s only taking into account the letter grades (there’s only 2; one’s an F for 10%-weighted assignment I missed bc of sickness. The other is an A- on the proposal stage of the final assignment and is the only letter grade inputted while the rest are numerical)

Otherwise maybe it’s just indicating the mean number (not points) calculated is 32.4. It makes no sense. Even the points I got make no sense. Are they percentages? or points out of the total the assignment is worth? I feel like I’ll find out this course’s grade tomorrow but I still might send an email in the morning if I wake up early enough.

In any case-- if I have to retake that 400 level course then fine. But if I have to spend another class with *that* prof (PM) then I will entertain the option of delaying my own graduation to avoid her and her bullshit killing my GPA (if I can’t find another course to substitute it with). I plan to even write a detailed warning on Rate My Prof because the typography course is one she’s always given so students will eventually get her. I just want them to not be surprised and be prepared in case if she won’t improve her teaching and grading methods from all the lengthy comments we gave her in evaluations.

EDIT forgot to add but I’m not going to lie here--my confidence in my skills is just so incredibly low. I know it’s because I got terrible profs this semester, but it’s just bad. I’m going to try and busy myself and use my UdeMy accesses and, when I get a job, try that Domestika course on wayfinding design and architecture that I’ve been eyeing and even just make my own things and print them out to rebuild my confidence. Like, it’s no joke. It’s in tatters. I don’t even want to share any work at this point on Behance.

Anyway, I have a cute story I should share and preserve here of a call I had with my aunt on Tuesday where she was excitedly trying to figure out what other possibilities there were for my profession and how I could approach my early stages of my career when I graduate. (”what else can a designer do as a job”)

#milou thoughts

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gay-kurapika · 1 year

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Also I wanted to vent about this all day but I fucking had the worst customer ever, and like I was five seconds away from slapping her, I had to like do deep breathing exercises during my lunch to stop myself from getting mad. So she came in, she had an online order. Our policy is that you pick up your online order within 48 hours, we have limited space to store them, this is not that big of a store. It automatically canceled on the third day, got put back on the shelf, and sold to another person. She came in to pick it up. The woman in charge of receiving informed her that it had been cancelled because she didn’t pick it up in time. Which would have shown up in her email by the way. The bitch got really, really mad, right away, with no fucking escalation from my manager Deanna. Like I was there, I heard it, Deanna wasn’t using a tone or being rude in any way, she was just saying that we don’t have it anymore because it wasn’t picked up in time. The customer started yelling, like legitimately yelling, in front of a lot of other people, saying “Where’s my money then?” Repeatedly. Deanna was stressed at this point and said “It will be refunded to your card” every time, getting increasingly more irritated because when someone is yelling at you, you get irritated. I walked over and said, nicely, today is thursday, returns take two to three business days of your bank, so it’ll probably show up in your account on monday. That is literally how all returns work everywhere I’ve ever worked. Lady wouldn’t let it go. I could tell Deanna was getting like close to tears and worked up, but she dug through our cluttered back room and found something to replace this woman’s order with, brought it out. I loaded it into the woman’s car because obviously, of course, she couldn’t possibly lift this 70 lb bulky item, and couldn’t help me either because she has a bad back and don’t I know that and what’s wrong with me. I had no one to team lift it with me because we only had three people here today including myself and Deanna and Dale were busy. So she fucking watched me struggle to lift this item into her goddamn car while swearing at me, telling me she was going to get my boss fired, I was incompetent, she would get me fired too, this was for her mother’s 90th birthday party, we were all such assholes for cancelling it on purpose, fucking on and on, while I just pretended to be sympathetic and apologize because I’m at work and I have to. And she did end up calling our district manager and apparently ranting on and on about Deanna so that now Deanna has a meeting with management tomorrow. Apparently in her complaint I wasn’t mentioned, thank god, so I was just her punching bag because she was pissed, not actually the one she’s mad at, but honestly? I told Deanna I would back her up, and if she’s in trouble to call me in and ask for my side of the story, because I saw what was happening and it definitely wasn’t what the customer probably said.

#and yes before you even ask she was an older whiten woman #shocker right?

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imtheworst-imsorry · 1 year

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I’m gonna write my new year’s resolutions here to hold myself accountable:

Shower at least every other day, wash hair once or twice a week

Only smoke weed if I don’t have work the next day

Put away my laundry once it’s done, not when i need to put the dirty stuff in the hamper to take it to the washing machine

Get up earlier and take Henry out earlier

Talk less/unmask less/just be less annoying/stop being myself

Look for and switch to a new therapist

Take less naps during the day, if I don’t sleep at night then I just have to be exhausted

I realize point 5 is literally the exact opposite of everyone on the planet’s advice that they give everyone, but it’s pretty clear to me that I’m the problem every time someone gets upset, so I need to just stop being myself. It’ll be better for everyone else if I just try to be a completely different person. And the putting away my laundry and not smoking weed if I have work the next day shit can start tomorrow bc I’m too tired to fold all my shit and I wanna get high before I have to deal with 8 hours of standing up and getting yelled at and working with new coworkers who I don’t know very well and who are very new and therefore very slow. I know work tomorrow (today at this point) is going to suck and I’ll probably end up at the register most of the day even though I can do production a lot faster than two newbies, but I’m the dispensable one so it doesn’t matter if I always draw the short straw because I’m no more than a warm body.

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keefwho · 1 year

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December 23 - 2022

1:01 PM

I have to get a LOT of snow off the roof and it’s pushing my frail little body to it’s limit. I’m young and energetic but I am smol and twiggy. And it just keeps snowing. It feels like only scraping off the top layer won’t do very much. The bottom layer is much more difficult. And I still have another Christmas present I can still get done on time so I wanna do that today or tomorrow. Then I gotta grind out the late one. There are 2 people’s gifts I scrapped completely which is okay because they probably don’t expect anything from me anyways.

Today I’m GIGA ADHD so I gotta do something about that. Theres so much I want to do.

6:53 PM

I didn’t really end up handling how sporadic I was earlier. I wanted to be creative today but I REALLY didn’t feel like it, I’m banking on feeling it more tomorrow so I can do that present and this Loona pinup I loosely promised. All I’ve been doing today is watching Twitch and setting up my new Skyrim save.

I ended up deleting the MASSIVE modpack I got for Skyrim in favor of the old one I claimed not to like. I love the way the old one looked too much, and it ran much smoother without crashes. I guess I’ll deal with the difficulty and weird respawn system. It’ll just be a different experience than I was expecting but not necessarily in a bad way.

Earlier my anxiety was creeping up but I dismantled it and moved on. I think it was based on how tired I felt because fatigue can indicate illness but I literally worked my butt off today so I knew what was up. I gotta stop thinking that every little thing that feels different could mean I’m sick. Technically it could but it’s always EXTREMELY low chance. Even if it did mean I was sick, its not like I can do anything about it. I’ll feel like shit either way so the best thing I can do is hope for the best and keep living my life.

Tonight I had wanted to attend the drinking night hosted by this guy in town that I met on Barq. It’s held at 10pm thought and that’s pretty late for me. It also sounds like I’ll be watching stuff with my bestie around that time so at most I’ll probably make a brief appearance. It sucks that it’s such a late event, I can’t commit more than 2 hours any Friday event. I also will be done or almost done drinking by then. Oh well.

Casually horny posting here seems weird and I don’t know where I can do it. Its also kinda weird to do it on my personal Twitter because it makes me seem like a shameless coomer. I reckon thats why people make AD accounts but I don’t think I do enough to warrant that.

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tired-cals · 1 year

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TW ED

I was really stressed about my two week fast but I have got out of my head and I’m genuinely excited for it now.

I’m in deep shit with my uni because they can’t communicate between departments and won’t listen to me telling them the answers so I’m probably going to end up being sectioned whatever I do. I’d rather spend the time happy and productive than sad all the time so I’m carrying on with this starving bullshit.

Say it with me, “I don’t lack capacity to make decisions just because you don’t agree with the decisions I make.” Plus I’ve said that if they think I lack capacity then they need to actually do something about it (ie have me assessed and treated appropriately) rather than just sending me home to my parents (who are very busy and stressed out as it is, and who don’t need a sick dependant adult in their house) and cutting off all my MH help in an attempt to avoid accountability because they told me to prioritise my attendance over my health.

I think I’ve gained a fair amount of weight from binging these past couple of days but it could just be a bit of weight plus some bloating from volume. Either way, it doesn’t matter. I’m having the remainder of my salad tomorrow so that my fast starts in the middle of the day (because that’s the easiest time for me) and then I’m not eating until at least 336 hours later (in the middle of the day on Thursday 15th December). I have yet to decide what I’ll break my fast with but I’m sure I’ll write it here when I do decide.

During the fast, I’m literally just going to do uni work and go to an occasional lecture and sleep loads. I’m aiming to get all my assignments done and handed in before the uni have time to kick me out. I have an exam on the 14th so if I miss that I’m in trouble but if I miss it it’ll be the uni’s fault not mine. We’ll see.

Stay safe <3

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squeakysleeper · 1 year

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11/28/22

trying something a little new here. i’m in a spiral, having trouble holding myself accountable to things i need to do so maybe this will unlock some cheat code where if there’s a possibility that someone else could hold me accountable to my goals, i might do better with achieving them. that being said, not expecting any interaction with these or people to read them, though if you do, that’s also cool! i’m just trying to journal style jedi mind trick myself and we’ll see how it goes!

these posts will be journal entries, nothing like, personal in the way of social security numbers but that being said, dunno how personal i’ll feel like getting any given day, assuming i manage to keep this up. ‘snapshots in life’ is my personal tag, feel free to blacklist it if you like! (don’t tell me though, the idea that someone could see these is the point of this attempt) i am going through some serious stuff, probably won’t be all positive, but there is also positive stuff going on too which i will do my best to focus on as well.

that said, here we go for the first entry.

my brother got out of the hospital today, which is good, I suppose. sounds like the hospital has flagged him for a charity case which means for him that they’re aware they messed up so bad they’re trying to make sure he doesn’t sue, but as long as there’s no long term complications from their actions, that’s far better that a 30k debt. fingers crossed, there.

bit of a scare later, which my father got very combative about. he was a doctor for over thirty years, but he’s never had much in the way of empathy, and five minutes of medical advice was a big ask, i guess. i’m glad he was less combative with my brother than he was with me, and actually gave good counsel, and calmed him down when things got dicey, but still.

coming to terms with the actual lack of care from my parents is��a work in progress, i suppose. one of those things you always know and then coming to find out it’s far worse than you thought is an experience. to inject some positivity here, i’m having good luck building a new family in this new place. and there’s always my friend’s parents who I’m spending holidays with, it’s nice to love people and have them love you back. i haven’t had as much of that as i thought i had in my life, and to have it now and realize what i had been lacking for so long is both a blessing and a hell of a head trip.

my other brother paul has been checking in with aaron, the one in the hospital, which is good. they haven’t spoken consistently in years, and when i talked to aaron and he told me paul had checked in every day, he started to cry. i know how much he loves and misses paul, and how much he wants his brother back so here’s hoping something changes. we used to be inseparable, the three of us, and i miss him too. but maybe this will be the thing that brings paul back to us. i guess we’ll see.

i’m flying out to texas in a few days so I can be with aaron in case of any emergencies, it’ll be good for him to have someone nearby and I’m always happy to be that person. he’s there for me all the time. plus, us kids gotta stick together. sometimes i wonder if the lack of emotional connection from our parents is what made is so close, or if we’re just lucky. could be the large age gap, too. i hear people sometimes talking about how they hate their brothers, but i love mine very much, even if one has run off for now.

haven’t heard from david, my soon-to-be ex-husband, which is a relief. my stomach drops through the floor every time he calls. i still feel trapped some days, but i try to remind myself it isn’t forever, and a day will come when it’s the last day i ever speak to him. hopefully it will come soon.

tomorrow is my five week check-in for my break at work. i’ll start back up at the end of december, which i know, but i should also be getting a raise. i’ll find out during that phone call, i suppose.

oof, five weeks. i haven’t done shit. there are still unpacked boxes in my bedroom and the living room, it’s kind of a mess. i’ve been playing ark which is not a good thing probably, it’s an easy game to hide in. i need to clean this place and organize, but baby steps, that’s why i’m doing this.

LIST FOR TOMORROW TO BE FINISHED BY 5PM

do one load of laundry

shower

find aaron’s church books including a neil a maxwell quote book

label boxes in living room and attic and take two (2) upstairs

put away kitchen boxes

pay repair loan (update: apparently not due yet)

clip moose’s nails

start stone tumbler

buy batteries

*BIG TO-DO*

make the closet easily accessible

#snapshots in life #okay let’s fuckin see if this works

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