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foxilayde · 7 months

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Danny!!! I just binged Season 2 of Case 63 last night! I'd love to hear your thoughts on it (if you're willing to share them)! 💕

You want to hear my thoughts on case 63? Oh dear sweet lovely anon, please buckle up because I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS

I listened to season one probably 4 times in the past year and season 2 twice already (I have a lot of down time this week) and i took notes on the timelines because i thought i was going crazy and it honestly turned me into Charlie Day a little bit with the red string and notes and maps on the wall, “And i march down to Eliza’s office and say “Beatrix!! Beatrix!!’”

Anyway, spoilers below the cut.

I kind of want to start with season 2 episode 9, that thing that Vincent says to Eliza “peter didn’t send you here to save the world, if you’re his wife in one of the timelines and if peter lost his wife in 2060 when she was 38 because of Pegasus, his wife has to be born in 2022. And if you were, or will be, Peter Roiter’s wife, for her to be born in 2022, then you Beatrix should have died in 2022, but you didn’t. He knew you had to die, but he couldn’t lose you. Think about it, why did he need YOU to do the injection? He needed to get you to the extraction point. He tried to hide you and protect you from your death. He sacrificed millions to send you to the past to delay your death.”

That part reminded me so much of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind. I don’t know if you’ve ever seen that movie, but the protagonist, Joel, is running through his memories with his ex girlfriend Clementine and trying to hide her away in places she doesn’t belong, just so she can live in his brain for a tiny bit longer. It’s just so romantic and it makes sense why then Peter didn’t sound upset when Eliza told him that she couldn’t inject Marie, he doesn’t even give a shit about the timeline anymore. He just wants her to be able to LIVE and be happy adfdskjas;defsdfk

But i can’t talk about this without talking about the inconsistencies…. **play Serial theme** One of which here is Helen Vince, Peter Roiter’s wife From the future, is supposedly born in 2022 in one of these timelines, yet in the 2012 timeline she’s born in 2012? Did i miss something here? The only theory i have on that is related to that thing Peter says about “time protects us” and that’s why travelers can’t KILL Marie. I think it works in reverse as well, that you can’t escape your time coming, things will shift and bounce to fit your time clock. Which is super tragic when you think about how that’s Peter’s only goal, to give Eliza more time.

That bit IS confusing, but ALSO so is the inconsistencies with Peter’s age at some points. Like when he talks about the Egregor and being 9 years old and people dying by their own hand because of it, yet the math says he was 6 when the Berlin Purge happened and he says it was 2030 at one point and 3035 when Eliza asks for clarification.

And some other things too, he gives two separate dates for “the end of the world” (unspecified event!) and despite the Great Deletion happening, he claims that the Garnier Malet effect is “taught in all schools” since 2034, but the great deletion happened in 2033, and at another time he said it was actually in 2053???

and there are several more inconsistencies but what I’m trying to SAY is that he’s obviously not lying…. Right? Because the time travel is real, we have seen that. So the thing that he MIGHT be lying about is that “a traveler can only travel once” rule. I have a feeling this Peter Roiter has been alllll over the damn place. Probably unsanctioned missions? In order to hide Beatrix in one time or another to avoid her death.

And let’s TALK ABOUT THE NAMES OK. So we are introduced to an “Eliza Beatrix” and Peter straight up calls her Beatrix, so I THINK HE’S MET HER BEFORE and I’m not Fukin talm bout Helen Vince here. Roll with me, because when Eliza goes to Vincent’s timeline and meets herself, she tells her ten years younger self that SHE should start going by Beatrix! THAT’S PETERS BEATRIX. And that 10 year shift? Would explain a lot of the TIME INCONSISTENCIES ARE YOU WITH ME??

Let’s also not forget that i suspect that Beatrix is the Beatrix from the recording at the end of season 2, the one that Oliver Collins gives to Marie Caldwell. ALSO A STRANGE HAPPENING for him to be giving that to her because he was hysterically telling Eliza to discredit herself to Marie… very interesting.

Also super weird of Vincent to be acting the way that he was after Eliza DIED. Odd. Hmmm. Yes lets talk about Vincent Caldwell. The photo on the wall that made the bedroom look like Rome! To close the loop on the Garnier Malet! Such a cool twist in that. And when Eliza says, “By sending me here, he ensured the continuity of the dream” GUTPUNCH. There is one thing that bugs me about closing the loop and that would be the “take a flight to Rome on December 31st. Platform 23 at 4pm” thing that Peter said. Because BRO KNOWS THAT HELEN VINCE IS GOING TO BE BORN DECEMBER 12 so really and truly what the fuck was that about?? He knew that shit wasn’t ever going to happen, right? IT BUGS ME.

Also, bonus heartbreaking tidbit:: in the recording that he gives Eliza he makes it sound like “I’ll have 40 years to contact the organization to get this information to you” but bro knows that little baby Peter Roiter is going to be born sometime in 2023 (or 2024 depending on the inconsistencies) so he’s got 2 years max to live. And he doesn’t want Eliza to know.

Interesting tidbits, in the 2022 timeline, she’s in a bathroom in jfk terminal 4, but when she wakes up in 2012 she’s in terminal 8, so it’s not the “exact same spot” like she was telling herself. (Truly don’t know if that’s relevant.) And just a fun fact, when Peter is talking about his wife Helen he mentions that he did most of the cooking in their relationship and when Vincent talks about his late wife he says he did most of the cooking as well. So Peter is canonically skilled in the kitchen in every universe lmao.

I loved the tidbits about our sci-fi movies being influenced by The Project ever since 1948, i thought that was a thought provoking parallel to our current time.

I really love Marie so much. She hears and accepts all this stuff from Eliza and then she says you know what? I’m going to prevent covid from ever happening. And she does! I mean, she couldn’t prevent the nuclear war, but i thought that was pretty badass of her to change the world like that, way to go, Marie!

Biggest mystery i can’t wait to have solved: how is it she’s able to co-exist alongside herself and have a conversation with herself when “one entity must die in order for the other to be born”? Hmmm? And I’d like to add, Peter cautioned her against interacting with herself saying “meeting yourself WILL create a vortex” MEANWHILE daddy Vincent says it’s okay. In FACT Vincent just drops his own little “oh btw i had a Garnier Malet that you needed to talk to yourself, byeeee” i love him— such a goober. But it all seems very key.

I’m very struck by Peter’s repetition of the phrases about broken timelines and having to travel all alone and be invisible, it sounds very personal. Idk maybe I’m projecting. But i think there’s a lot to his story that he maybe couldn’t share with Eliza.

I loooove the way Peter explains time travel, “to go into the future, the key is speed. To go into the past, the key is gravity.” I love everything about that and the “circular beams of light” I WANT TO EAT HIS WORDS and lets not forget “They call it entanglement which is a way of saying I’ve always loved you.” NOT TO MENTION the infamous, “I don’t CARE about 7 billion people” monologue. It’s like what Vincent said, this is at its heart— a love story.

I will be thoroughly shocked and impressed if anyone decided to read all that. But if you did, thanks for sticking around and please let me know about your thoughts/speculations about any and everything regarding the story!!

#case 63 #Peter Roiter #Vincent Caldwell #Oscar Isaac #Julianne Moore #Eliza Beatrix Knight

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alittlebit0fmayhem · 2 years

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Would you write a fluff/nsfw Druig imagine where he keeps getting cockblocked by the other Eternals leaving him grumpy and pouty so the reader cheers him up?

The Pay Off (Druig x AFAB! reader) xxx fic

I love this idea holy shit-

Druig is such a brat- love him.

Warnings for this fic: Honorific pet names, very slight degradation since it's mostly fluffy, General suggestive content, that leads to playful (though still rough bc it’s Druig) oral sex, (male receiving).

Also side note- I know the gender of the reader isn't specified, I'm going to stick to using they/them, but the reader will be AFAB. When it comes to NSFW, I generally pick AFAB unless specified other wise.

If a submission doesn't include the preferred gender of the reader, I will always default to gender neutral.

(Also to the submitter, sorry it took so long to get this done, my schools been kicking my ass.)

Once again, if you see any formatting/grammatical errors, please let me know!

Enjoy <3

-----------

You loved your family, truly, you did. But sometimes, spending an eternity cramped in a ship with ten other supernatural beings, made things a little...crowded.

Especially, when dating one of, if not, the horniest person on ship, required that you have some privacy.

Really, you and Druig had become commendable when it came to sneaking away from the group unnoticed. Usually, privacy wasn’t an issue, and though keeping your relationship a secret was a little difficult, it wasn’t impossible.

Though, every upside has it’s downs, and for you and Druig, there were three specific instances that broke the camels back.

The first time, hadn’t been that bad.

The air in Druig’s chambers was hot, the only sound audible, being your mutual groans of euphoria

Earlier in the day, the boys had decided to go hit up a local tavern for some drinks, and though you were invited, you respectfully declined in favor of finishing a mundane project you had started a few weeks ago. But as the moments of Druig’s absence progressed, so did your need.

You simply couldn’t help yourself, you had been working for hours, and you were just so pent up and bored. So of course all it had took, was the sight of Druig, bloodied and ragged coming back from some random bar fight to send you over the edge.

So now here you were, riding him. Nails digging into his shoulders, his teeth sunk into your neck, and the bed beneath you slamming against the wall from the ferocity at which both of you were paced.

“Fukin’ ‘ell... you take me so well, darling.”

You were both so close, Druig’s cock had just reached the perfect angle, and your voice was beginning to become hoarse from all your screams of pleasure. And so of course, just as Druig’s fingers had grazed your clit, and just as your eyes had begun to roll back into you head, reality had to come and throw a cold bucket of water over the both of you.

BANG, BANG, BANG.

As the sound of a hand harshly slamming against the door reached both of your ears, you all but squealed, and literally fell off of him. You quickly covered yourself with the blanket, and Druig, still hadn’t moved. Sitting up right, hands still in the same positon, he looked ready to murder whoever was on the other side of that door.

“WHAT?!” He barked.

“Druuuuiiig, Ajax needs you.” It was Sprite, of course it had to be Sprite.

Her childlike voice, muffled through the door, couldn’t have turned you both off faster. Druig slowly closed his eyes, and breathed in. His fist closing, and his knuckles beginning to turn white. You bit down on your bottom lip to resist smiling. You slowly crawled over to him, and as you dragged a hand up his bare chest you whispered, “You’d better go see what she needs.” He glared at you, and tensed his jaw.

After a minute of fumbling around to get clothed, all while grumbling and cursing, he had promptly opened and slammed the door behind him.

You desperately tried not to laugh too hard as you overheard Druig and Sprite on the other side of the door.

“The fuck’s got you so pissed?”

“Sprite, if you don't shut the fuck up I might actually strangle you.”

----

The second time, had been a little more annoying.

Druig had just slammed you against your wall, your legs circled around his waist, his hand fisting your hair as your lips locked in a malleable heat. Druig pulled back for a second to remove his shirt, and you promptly followed. You started to whine in need as he kissed down your chest, crotch grinding against yours in a delicious friction. As his wandering hands groped and messaged all your crevices, you became hungry, and needy for more.

“Druig” you whined breathlessly, “Stop teasing...”

He grinned up at you, mouth open about to reply, and it was then, that the delightful symphony of disruption sang it’s tune.

“Y/N! CAN I BORROW YOUR CONDITIONER? IKIRAS KEEPS STEALING MINE AND THIS HAIR DOESN’T JUST FIX ITSELF!”

Kingo’s voice penetrated your senses, and you groaned, both of you.

His fists pounded against the door, and it was then that you unwillingly tapped Druig’s shoulders to let you down. As your feet reached the floor, he rested his forehead against yours and glared. “Don’t you dare open that door.” You sighed, and pecked his lips.

“You know he won’t go away easily love.” You replied, putting your shirt back on.

Druig’s mouth twitched, “Fine, then I’ll just kill him.” You snorted.

Finally you swung your door open.

Though your shirt was on backwards, your hair was out of place, and you were visibly disheveled, Kingo seemed to not notice. You raised an eyebrow, “Is this completely necessary? I’m kind of busy right now.” Kingo gasped as though you had just offended him to the very core. “Y/N... do you have any idea how crucial moisturizing is to my routine? Do you WANT me to go bald?!”

You groaned, “Hold on... give me a minute.”

----

The third time, had been the the worst by far.

“Ah, Dru- fuck... just like that.”

Your head crooned back against the headboard, your bottom lip captured by your teeth. Druig didn’t respond, he was to busy giving you the most mind-blowing head of your entire, eternal, life.

Druig’s fingers dug into your thighs, and as his mouth drove into your cunt, he had no issue holding you down anytime you bucked against his face. When you tried to close your thighs out of instinct, his nails dug into your skin, and the look in his eyes was enough to force you to comply as he tongue-fucked you harder. One hand firmly in his hair, another clasped around your bed frame in an attempt you keep you upright, you didn’t know how much longer you’d last.

Then, you heard your door slam open. You gasped, and shoved Druig’s head underneath your duvet, smoothing the surface in an attempt to look natural, all while a chorus of,

“FUCK, SHIT, FUCK-”

sounded underneath your breath.

Sersi was already talking when she waltzed into your room unbothered, with absolutely no regard for privacy.

“God... Thena really gets on my nerves sometimes, don’t get me wrong I love, her but she can just be so-”

Squeak.

Your hand flew to your mouth, and you tried to keep your eyes not so wide, as a small kitten lick to your core from Druig sent your composure out the window. Sersi stopped, and as she regarded you, her eyebrows stitched in confusion.

“What’s got you all out of place?” You coughed, and clasped your sheets in a white knuckle grip.

“Ah... I’m just... not feeling well...” You mentally kicked yourself.

Sersi raised an eyebrow, “Not feeling well-” “YEP.” you interrupted as you felt a small pinch to your ass. You kicked Druig underneath the covers, hard. “In fact, I actually just puked a few minutes ago.”

Sersi’s face twisted in disgust. “Oh.” You bit the inside of your cheek. “Yeah, I would actually leave now if you don’t want to catch whatever I have.”

You held your breath as Sersi ticked her jaw suspiciously at you. Finally, she shrugged. “Alright,” She hummed, turning on her feet. “Feel better soon love.”

You sighed when you heard the door click shut.

----

In the weeks following those incidents, Druig’s terrifying aura had been amped up to an eleven. Anytime Druig would walk into a room, he would find someway to make everyone miserable. The others were frankly getting annoyed, you on the other hand, found it quite amusing. To think, that a man who could be an absolute teddy bear in your arms could be such a monster after going to long without an orgasm. It was comical, for someone who considered himself a brat tamer, he sure new how to flip the switch.

Still you weren't much better, you were just as put out as he was, and you almost felt sympathy for the poor man. Which is why, when the others had all decided to visit a festival that came to town, you had promptly sent Druig a mental signal to decline. He most likely would’ve anyway, but the smile on your face when you said you’d have other things to be doing irked him.

“Just what are you planning you little minx?”

You didn’t reply to the mental message Druig sent you, instead you flat out ignored him for the rest of the day until everyone had set foot out of that ship. Everyone, but you, and Druig.

Poor, impossibly horny, Druig.

That night Druig had been reading when you sent a message straight to his mind.

“Come find me...”

He smirked as he approached your room, he had an inkling where this was going.

And when he opened to door, he was not disappointed.

There you sat, sprawled out on your bed, in a lacy little red two piece. Druig had to refrain himself from breaking the doorknob.

You smirked when you saw him enter, and as he closed the door behind him, you uncrossed you legs and leaned back.

“There you are, I’ve been waiting...”

Druig rotated his jaw, and maintained eye contact as he started to shed his shirt. “I believe you’re the one who’s been avoiding me, darling.”

As he approached you, you grinned. He came to a stop in front of you, and placed a hand underneath your jaw, tilting your head, your half lidded gaze meeting his own dark one. “Trust me, what I have in store for you will make up for that.”

You trailed a hand up his thigh, and stood up slowly. “My poor baby, you’ve been so pent up haven’t you?” You murmured, lips ghosting over his. It was then, you leaned against him, and scoured your mouth over the shell of his ear. “Sit down my love, let me take care of you...”

Druig waisted no time complying. You watched as he took a seat on the edge of your bed, and spread out his legs. Sat up straight, powerfully. Even when he was about to receive, he would always find a way to be in control.

As you sunk to your knees in front of him, he felt his cock hardening in his pants. The sight of you gazing up at him from below your lashes, chest exposed, and lips parted, was enough to get him going.

You began to smile as you slowly rubbed both hands up and down his thighs, and when you finally grazed his crotch, Druig’s eyes narrowed at you. “Don’t forget who’s in charge here, wouldn’t wanna have to punish such a good girl now would I?” You smiled innocently, “No, of course not.”

It was then, you unzipped his pants, and pulled his underwear to the side. His cock sprang free, and you licked your lips at the sight of it. You took him in one of your hands, though your fingers could barely close around the base. You then leaned forward, and blew on the tip. He gripped the sheets.

You began placing soft kisses up and down his length, hand messaging his base. Finally when you reached where his cock met his balls, you looked up at him and licked all the way up. You did so a few more times, until you reached the tip once more, and finally, took him in your mouth.

“Fuck...”

Druig groaned as the velvet walls of your mouth hallowed around his shaft. Even though this was nothing you hadn’t done before, you still had to take a moment to breathe in through your nose, resisting the urge to gag. Then, you began to bob up and down his cock, with a rhythmic pace.

Soon enough you were humming around his dick as you took him in and out, over and over again. He threw his head back as you began sucking his cock and messaging his balls in tandem. His hand shot out to close in your hair, not even bothering to give a warning as he started to shove your head up and down his length, fucking your face.

“God... look at you, you’re so pretty with my cock in your mouth, bet it must be difficult not being able so fucking whiney, huh?”

Still, you did whine as tears began to stream down your face, you looked up at him, and winked, causing him to only fuck your throat harder. Your hands still inclosed around his balls, you could feel them tightening, he was close.

His hips bucked up more, and he threw his head back in pleasure as your spit dribbled down his cock. It was then, when he looked down and made eye contact with your teary gaze, was he pushed over the edge.

You felt his salty cum spill into your mouth, and you happily swallowed all of it as he pulled out of you mouth. You rested your head against one of his thighs, panting. He heaved in out in the same fashion. He gazed at you with a lazy smirk, and you were rewarded with a hand petting your head softly, as you smiled lovingly up at your partner.

He sighed, “That’s what I call fucking pay off.”

3/13/22

#druig x y/n #druig x female reader #druig eternals #druig smut #Smut #unholy hours #fluffy smut #Eternals #The Eternals #marvel #MCU

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i-lionheart · 3 years

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IT'S NOT A WIP ANYMORE BITCHES!!!!!

Ok so i wrote a fic that's basically this post by the-modern-typewriter but i took the concept and some main elements and rewrote it as a kylo ren self insert because of course i did i wanted a comfort fic and i refuse to apologize its not plagiarism i cited my sources k thx

anyways this is a Kylo ren x fem!reader (but the only time reader's gender is referenced as when they're referred to as "good girl" so make of that what you will). Angst, torture mention, self harm tw, suicide tw, depression tw, safe for work but implicit nudity. Also there's none of that "y/n" or (name) shit because I just personally hate it. I made this for me not you but it totally fukin slaps so read on at your own risk lmao

Tell Me Why

“You’ve been astonishingly resilient,” Ren said softly. “What a shame it has to come to this.”

His gaze roamed over you lazily, possessively, drinking in the sight of you. You were bound, gagged, and strapped down to an interrogation table. In his personal quarters, of all places.

You would trade every star in the galaxy to be anywhere but here.

Ren picked up a syringe full of clear, thick liquid off the tray of wicked-looking instruments that lay beside you and held it in front of your eyes. “I’m expect you’re quite familiar with this," he said, voice deceptively casual. "The resistance undoubtedly trained you to resist truth serum as insurance against the unthinkable. Obviously,” he said, indicating your current predicament, “They are fools.”

So it would be truth serum. You could handle this easily enough. All you had to do was tell him the truth, but not the one he was looking for. Simple.

Some miniscule change in your expression must have given your hubris away. Ren chuckled. “You poor thing.” he said. “Do you really think that we haven’t made… improvements on this since my grandfather held your precious General captive so long ago?”

You swallowed thickly, blood pounding through your temples as your breath caught in your throat. What could he possibly be talking about? Truth serum had been perfected in the days of Old Republic and hadn’t changed for centuries.

What advantage could he possibly hope to have?

Ren lowered his face until his eyes were level with yours. Though every fiber of your being screamed at you to look away, you met his gaze, trembling.

“You know as well as I do that the Old Republic, the Jedi, were weak. Fools,” he spat. “They were afraid to do what was truly necessary to meet their goals. The First Order has no such weaknesses.”

He lowered his mouth and whispered rapidly in your ear, his breath ghosting along your skin. “Unfortunately for you, I am not a Jedi, and this will hurt quite a bit. I only wish that I could remove that gag and hear every shriek that comes out of that pretty little mouth without risking you biting off your own tongue.” He clucked his tongue softly as he stood up. “What a shame.”

He replaced the syringe on the tray and selected a small pair of medical scissors, then began to methodically cut through the fabric of your sleeve. "I would apologize for the outfit," he said sardonically, "but I rather suspect that you have much bigger things to be worrying about at the moment."

Once your sleeve was split all the way to your elbow, Ren set the scissors down and set his leather-clad fingers to the task of spreading the halved fabric of your sleeve to fully reveal your bare skin. He was agonizingly gentle, as though trying to spread the petals of a struggling flower and help it bloom.

His work complete, his eyes and his fingers roved over your exposed arm, relishing your vulnerability. If you weren't paralyzed with fear, you would have squirmed, thrashed, done anything to flee his scrutiny.

Force, please, you thought desperately, don't let him see them. Please, anything but that. I'll give anything. Let him do what he wishes to me as long as they go unnoticed. Please.

As though sensing your frantic pleas, Ren's eyes locked onto your wrist, onto the unnaturally straight cuts and scars criss crossing your skin.

"What is this?" he said softly.

Shit.

It was the last straw. The spell of fear holding you in place broke. You twisted your arm as far as you could in the restraints, trying to hide what it was far too late to conceal. Instantly his hand shot out and pinned your wrist to the table as you writhed in his grasp.

"You know as well as I do that you cannot take back what has been revealed. The mynock is out of the bag, little one. Are you going to lie still, and let me finish what your own foolish actions have started? Or am I going to have to make you?"

Realizing it was of no use, that you were absolutely, utterly powerless, you stopped thrashing. Tears glistened on your cheeks. Your breath hitched as choked sobs pushed their way past your gag. You fought for every inhale and exhale, lungs crushed under the weight of your own rising panic.

But bewilderingly, inexorably, you were still.

"Good girl," he breathed.

Slowly, ever so slowly, he lifted his hand from your wrist. When you remained motionless, even without his grip holding you to the table, his hands moved to your elbow and, abandoning those damn scissors, he began to finish what he had started.

He tore first one sleeve, then the other, and made short work of everything else until you were laid bare before him. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

Kylo Ren's eyes roved over you, taking in every mark, every scar, every bruise on your bare skin. You wanted to fight it so badly, wanted twist yourself away from his agonizing scrutiny, but all you could do was shut your eyes and pray for it to be over. His burning gaze held you immobile like the galaxy's most powerful vice.

"I know what marks I've left on this body, little one," he said, voice unbearably tender. "I know what scars one gets from doing what we do. But this-" his fingers brushed your wrists, your thighs, your torso, tracing the bar code that you had marked yourself with in so many places- "this is not that." His voice, though still intolerably gentle, was taut, hinting at the tightly leashed rage that you could feel bubbling just below his deceptively calm exterior.

For so long, you had been terrified that someone would find out, would ask an unavoidable question, would see something they shouldn't have because you slipped up.

You hadn't expected it to be him.

What the hell was he going to do to you?

After another excruciating moment of consideration, he reached up and unbuckled the gag, carefully sliding it out from between your teeth and setting it on the tray beside the scissors and abandoned syringe. You worked your jaw, gratefully bringing a bit of relief to your sore muscles and parched mouth. You were so tired. So, so tired, too physically and psychologically exhausted to care what happened to you anymore. You had already been on this table for an eternity too long. Let him get what he wanted from you and finally, at long last, leave you for dead.

"What is it?" he asked evenly. "Control? Punishment? Or something else?"

Your eyes snapped open, wide with fear and shock, only to find your gaze locked together with his.

"What?" The word came out of your mouth in a grating, dry rasp.

"You heard me," he said. "Why do you do it?"

How dare he. How dare he. The absolute nerve he had, to strap you to a table you and torture you endlessly, and then find out about this and pretend that he cared.

"Fuck off," you said.

"That's no answer."

"You don't even care." You glanced away, eyes flooded with silent tears that you were too embarrassed about to let him see. "No one does."

You flinched as you felt a leather glove hand touch you, then realized that he was caressing your face. Stroking your hair. Comforting you, exactly where you needed it. Holding you like your mother did, so long ago. Touching you the way you had been starving for for so long.

How could he possibly know what you needed so desperately, much less be doing it of his own accord? What happened to him?

You finally mustered up the courage to look back at him, despite the blinding tears and your fear of what you might see. When you finally wrenched your gaze up to meet his, you were shocked by what you saw.

Pity. Concern. Genuine worry. Anger, not at you, but at the people who watched you spiral so far down and did nothing.

All this he told you with his eyes alone.

How was this possible? Stars' sake, he was your enemy. He hated you. So why was he looking at you like he was trying to offer you a lifeline when he was supposed to want you dead?

"Why are you doing this to me?" you whispered.

"Answer me," he said quietly, "And I'll stop."

You took a rattling breath in, and shut your eyes.

You had no choice.

"It's everything," you said softly. "The control. The punishment. All of it." You opened your eyes again and looked back at him as a sob built in your throat. "It keeps me alive, even though I don't deserve to be."

---

"It keeps me alive, even though I don't deserve to be."

The words hit Kylo like a dagger to the heart.

So that was why you had never acted on the desires he sensed in you, why you wanted to join him so badly but rejected his offers at every turn. That was why, when he offered you his hand, his teaching, his service, a position by his side, you almost took it before you wrenched yourself away. The Resistance never understood you, saw you as nothing more than a tool for a job. And you didn't think you deserved the what he could provide.

The sobs he had watched you struggle against for so long finally spilled past your lips in a tidal wave. He shushed you as one would a frightened animal, brushed away your tears with his thumb, and quickly undid the restraints at your ankles and wrist. He slid his arms under you and lifted you as easily as though you were a child, one arm under your legs to support your weight, the other pressing your head to his chest as you sobbed, the Force supporting you where he couldn't.

"Easy now," he said, voice low and soothing. "Easy, easy, easy- there we go, come on, come on, there's a good girl. I've got you. I've got you. You're safe now. You're safe. Good girl, come with me. Come with me, now."

He kept up the constant stream of reassurances as he carried you to his bed, holding you with one arm and the Force as he pulled back the covers with the other before setting you in the bed. He kicked off his boots and slid in beside you, pulling you close to his chest, telling you what you had needed to hear for so long.

You were going to be okay, he told you. He promised. Vowed to keep you by his side and give you everything he had to offer, fulfill your every need.

He'd give you the galaxy, if you asked for it. But all you needed was him.

The two of you stayed there until your sobs subsided, his hand absently stroking your hair, your tears soaking his shirt. Neither of you said anything, but you both knew.

You were finally where you belonged. And you were here to stay.

#kylo ren #star wars #kylo x reader #kylo x you #kylo x y/n #kylo imagine #torture mention #sh tw #implied nudity #power dynamics #tw depression #tw suicide #ask to tag #or dm to tag that works too #idk what this is but i like it #fuck it

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tyto11 · 5 years

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slowly handling shit: part 19

preface: i have gotten one major spoiler through an ao3 notification email. who titles their chapter as a spoiler. why would you do that. reminded me of getting all of kill la kill spoiled for me in a youtube thumbnail. at least it wouldn’t’ve mattered anyhow as the very next morning i overheard a guy spoiling endgame for his friend, who fortunately had already heard that spoiler. and even if i hadn’t overheard then i would’ve gotten it spoiled today because someone wrote it on the fucking whiteboard, who does that, really????

breakfast and sleep: i don’t think i missed any breakfasts this week! i took a day off school wednesday because i realized. i haven’t been having pollen allergies. i’m sick. that also sounds like a fic i’d love to read. OH SHIT THE FLOWERS I PICKED- I NEED TO PRESS THOSE BACK SOON okay done! back to the thingy. i’ve been having super restful sleep. like not necessarily a lot of it but i don’t feel super tired and it’s been kinda rad. i did sleep for eleven hours wednesday, and i’ve been involuntarily taking two hour naps. as in i set an alarm, a timer, a timer and an alarm for like. twenty minutes. half an hour. an hour. nope. nothing. did. not. work. exactly! exactly two hours later, i awake, a bit too hot and disoriented and feeling like a dry husk of a human being. but i am energized.

exercise: so i have not exercised at all this week. i am however counting this as not a bad thing because i have been sick all week. as a sick person i have been resting. i plan to assume exercise when i am BetterTM.

plants: i still have to replace teh burro’s tail soil and repot my cyclamen. i will issue these tasks to a tomorrow me. other plants are holding steady, and i washed my window for the first time in years. all this time i thought it was dirty on the outside, but nope- dirty on the inside.

face care: i finally used my sunscreen! yesterday. my face felt different kind of, but i remembered to wash it off “with water”and this week has been very good with the face washing and brushing and flossing. i think i flossed four times!

socializing: I FUKIN!!!!! I HAD FOUR PREPARED SPELLS WHEN I COULD’VE HAD ELEVEN SMH i’m gonna fuk shit up now,,,,, fuk,,,,,,,,, anyhow- i’ve been talking with friends, today i talked a lot with a girl in foods and we had a really fun time laughing and just talking and things and it was noice. i was at two dnd meetings though there were actually three- i missed a meeting due to sickness. we are fighting another evil wizard who is level eighteen compared to our level sevens. our DM was looking at his laptop and laughing. we might just die.

room cleaning: i took advantage of wednesday to bring down some dishes and do some laundry but i spent a lot of it sleeping/playing Slime Rancher so it’s getting to Chaotic levels of mess.

how i’ve been: I GOT MY FOODSAFE!!!!!! i passed with only two questions wrong and holy hecc is the certificate ugly, like, arial font, watermark, very fugly. but oo boi am i proud to have it. like fuck yeah i know you don’t use a hotholding dish to warm up food, the hot cycle of a dishwasher should be 82 for 10 seconds at least, your freezer should be -18 or lower, don’t accept oysters if the ice has melted! i’ve been physically sick but what started out as a bleugh week mental health wise is ending with me feeling pretty good about myself. good enough that i presented my poem “i love dead fish: a rancid recollection” to the class, and like. i felt good about it. which great! very great.

bonus things i’d like to mention: i still need to call the bank so i can do things like have cash money that totals to more than less than five bucks and pay my brother for when he did my paper route. calling your bank is hard. i’m getting sleepy so i may two hour nap again. why body. why. my eternal curse.... my body will sleep the amount it needs but. at the cost of my time. ALSO i’ve been watching moominvalley and it’s been very fun. super pleasant. great to destress to. i’ve rewatched several episodes. the one where snufkin is an anarchist who gets socially suffocated. tip top notch quality. very good. absolutely recommend.

#tyto stuff #tyto tries

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charredeyes · 7 years

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imma send my url for the send url meme, so now u can get back at me for all the times i've dumped ur url on people. lmao uwu

Opinion Meme

My Opinion on;

Character in general: Raimundo is one of my favourite OCs to be honest? He’s immensely well developed- if others took the time in getting to know him, they would discover that there is so much more to him. I also enjoy the creative liberties that were taken to construct him. c:

How they play them: 100/100 FUKIN QUALITY WTF MY HEART AND MY SOUL BE REKT I ABSOLUTELY ADORE NINNIE’S MUSES LIKE DAMN. I really enjoy writing with Ninnie to be frank. Her writing comes with a structure that is easy to follow and her choice of words produce a fluid reading flow- which is ideal since it is engaging and entertaining. Her characters are always larger than life and so terribly endearing. She takes the time to flesh out her muses and understand how they function.The Mun: I LOOK UP TO NINNIE A LOT OK. SHE’S V INSPIRING W HOW HARD SHE WORKS AND HOW FAR SHE HAS COME WITH HER ART + WRITING. 10/10 WOULD FRIEND ALWAYS LIKE DAMN WTF U BROUGHT A LOT OF GOOD TO MY LIFE THANK U WHAT A BLESS.

Do I:

RP with them: HECKIN YEHS Want to RP with them: ALWAYS TO THE END OF ETERNITY EVEN IN DEATH. I’LL BRIBE, FIGHT AND COMMIT VARIOUS UNSPEAKABLE VIOLENT ACTS THROUGH HELL JUST TO GET INTERNET ACCESS AND A COMPUTER TBH

What is my;

Overall Opinion: Ninnie is not only a talented writer and artist, she’s also a genuinely good friend to have. I’m really grateful to have gotten the opportunity to meet her? She’s very patient and steadying. Plus we also have similar senses of humour so that makes it extra fun! I enjoy just talking about random things or the bakurais with her weeps. NINNIE IS AWESOME OK THANK. @raimpire

#raimpire

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fool-ichor · 5 years

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Im fukin drunk ya bih

I had a nightmare of shifts at work this week. Everyone was calling out so i had to do it all alone. I had a lowkey mental breakdown at one point but i smoked it off. Theres a beautiful woman that comes thru often but she never gets coffee, usually she smiles at me (and im filled with butterflies; my heart easily melts) but today she came thru with her friend and i probably looked terrified and mortally exhausted as i took the order. I was melting inside out and blushing but she was too 🤗 yo i squeaked out a good night and it made me feel so much better about covering all of these fucking shifts. Ive no friends to tell the story to and im slightly inebriated so this needs to be documented. The eternal lover and its infinite daydreams, the honey and fire in the eyes of allure. I wonder if she thinks im adorable :3 ja feel

#purrsonal

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veritytm · 6 years

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The confrontation that just might drop kick butterfly whip my fear of attachment in the fukin spleen

To Derek:

I have a lot to say, and I will do my best to keep this as objective as possible. But fair warning, this is not something I am naturally capable of being objective about and I will tell you why. First, let me preface this talk by saying that I am expecting the worst in return. I am expecting you to do nothing with this information in order to protect myself from any disappointment. The reason I am finally having this talk with you after contemplating on it for over a month, is that I need to lift this burden off of me, for me. So theoretically, I could even text or what the fuck I don’t know, email this to you. But knowing myself best, I express things best face to face in verbal communication. So anyways.

I don’t know if you even have a clue what hell I’ve been through in these past few weeks, but you’ve given me enough evidence to believe that you don’t care enough to find out. And here’s why. You and I both know that you can read me like no one else has, even by just my eyes. So that being said, I know you know something’s up but just evidently don’t care. I don’t know if you realize but you left me completely in the dark. You put on a show of empty promises that first night we kissed, and hell I fell for it. I remember that night better than I remember most things. It took you literally 3 hours for you to break down my walls and successfully win my trust over, and in those 3 hours I told you my one biggest fear. I told you that I’m deathly scared of attachment and abandonment. I told you that I’ve been through countless instances of being abandoned after someone got me to trust them. You held me while I saw a completely vulnerable side of you. I even told you about my BPD. I tried to push you away and you understood why, and reassured me by telling me all the words I wanted to hear. You once told me that you think you’re a bad person and that you fear hurting someone unintentionally. Well guess what, I think you proved your own fear true. I get super super super attached to ideas, and my biggest weakness in that would be relationships. That’s literally what BPD is. If you couldn’t live up to your word, you should have never made those promises. I get that it’s not your fault that things have been hard for you, but you had no right to use that as an excuse to not keep your promises.

You don’t realize what you were doing when you broke down those walls and left me hanging with unfulfilled promises of who you would be to me. You promised that you wouldn’t be like one of the guys of my past, and yet you proved yourself to be just that. Of all people, a rare person that I connected to an trusted on a whole nother level. Do you even realize what this has done on my already strained ability to trust people or have intimacy with people?

I was doing fine on my own, but you basically inadvertently insisted that I needed you to complete me. You painted this beautiful picture of the person you were and what we could be, only to ghost me emotionally. I should have believed you when you said you’ve done that in the past. Even during sex, you told me verbatim that “I was made for you” and that “I am the one for you.” In the most intimate way we could possibly be, you told me those words and made me fall for you. Of course I was drawn to it, like, finally someone in the world says he wants to show me the love I’ve always deserved. And you couldn’t fulfill any of your promises. Not even sexual promises. And you went on living like it was okay to disappear with no consequences.

I get that you were going through a hard time - so was I. But that doesn’t give you the right to say all those things to me, and return void in almost every future circumstance. In fact, I was going through so much shit you weren’t aware about, but I always considered you first because although I don’t know shit about what romantic love is, I loved you like I love my roommates. I know I loved you because I was willing to make sacrifices that I wouldn’t make for other people. I became extraordinarily selfless for you in a time where I desperately needed and deserved to be selfish for myself & my own shit. You made me attached. I feel like you got what you needed out of me. You took advantage of my selflessness. I’ll give you some examples that honestly haunt me to no end.

There was this time when you said verbatim “you have helped me in 2 weeks more than anyone else has in 20 years.” And hell, I believe you, because I know the lengths I went to help you. I was the one who helped you through realizing you had ADHD. I gave you adderall, gave you connections to my psychiatrist, and told you about CAE. Without me, you probably wouldn’t have the appeal to UCLA you have now, and if you get to stay, you owe it all to me. What you didn’t realize is how hard that was for me. I had to dig through my own trauma of realizing I had severe depression and I had to learn all this on my own. It’s something that’s so painful in my past at UCLA fall quarter my first year, and yet I dug through that turmoil because I knew my experience would help you. I have a special place in my heart for people with mental illness - you knew that, and took advantage of that. You even went on to say, that same night, that you want to keep me a secret from APhiO. You said that if anyone asked you if we had a thing, you’d lie and say no to protect your reputation or whatever. How do you even treat someone who helped you that much that way? You said that you might have to be “eternally grateful” for me - is running away how you show that? I remember responding saying like “I think that’s selfish” (which took a lot of courage btw) “but ok.” And I just took that shit like I always did. In fact, in compliance with your selfish desire to keep me a secret despite who you know damn well I was to you, and because I cared about you so much, I didn’t tell anyone about this. I just kept bottling up my feelings of abandonment inside to honor your wishes. I cared about you that much. The only person who knew how I was feeling was my best friend on the east coast. Literally you forced me to trap my feelings inside, and it was killing me like you have no idea. Like how do you treat someone you begged to be with that way?

There were always things I wanted to say about us, but I just felt like they weren’t relevant enough because I knew you were going through other shit. I just kept holding off my feelings and invalidating how much they hurt just to protect you. I didn’t want to burden you with more problems even though they were hurting me so much. It was literally killing me on the inside. You just always seemed to talk about your problems and never wanted to know about mine or how I was genuinely doing. I told you that my main fear of the idea of us, was that I would fall so hard that I’d lose myself. You again proved my fear true.

I just kept making excuses for you and putting you before myself. I kept holding onto the Derek that I was fooled into believing in, and trying to justify all your actions with the image you portrayed of yourself in the beginning. I kept having faith to a fault in you. I fell for the Derek that poured his heart out to me. I told you that your absence is louder than your presence. You even had the audacity to be the one to say that if people care they will stay, after I got dp’ed, and yet here we are. I don’t think any of that meant anything to you. I don’t believe it now. Like nevermind the whole fact that you were back on tinder and I don’t know how many girls you’ve been with since me, but I’ll tell you that I literally cannot have intimacy with anyone else anymore. I don’t trust anyone physically or emotionally anymore and it’s literally ruined me.

If you want another example, that night that I got taken advantage of I already knew you were getting distant but I just needed someone more than anything that night. Someone I knew had the capacity to care for me if they really had to. And I made a mistake of believing that you’d stay, because you chose dance over me. And I get that dance is really important to you - I’ve respected that this whole way. But you make time for things that matter, and from that you showed that I was never going to be important enough for you.

Like I don’t even want to go into more examples even though I could, because in my mind it’s only reinforcing the feeling they left me with that I’m not worth it.

After everything you know I’ve been through, which, you hadn’t even scratched the surface, you knew I deserve more than this. I deserved better. You led me on to believe an idea, and you decided in a matter of days that you couldn’t keep your promise when times got hard, and you ran. Whatever you felt about me didn’t match your actions, because if you really felt that way about me you would’ve stayed no matter how hard things were for you. I mean, I did it.

Like I acknowledge that there were times when you were there for me. They just weren’t consistent enough to show that you could withstand the test of time or inconvenience for me. You just slowly faded out from my life, even when shit was getting worse. And yeah, I get it, you just “couldn’t do it.”

You took like 3 hours to get me to be open & vulnerable after I tried to push you away physically and emotionally over & over in the wooded spot. You learned some of my deepest fears and reassured me with utter sincerity that you had the capacity to be a different person from the rest. You looked at me and said things to me the way no one ever has. You made it clear what your intentions were and made me believe that they were unconditional, hence you actually said verbatim that you would wait for me. Of course I’d get attached to the idea of you, I mean you really sold your case there. I don’t deny that you were sincere but you only were for the moment. I get that things have been so difficult for you, so that’s why I tried to justify you leading me on and also why I continued to put your needs above mine. However you don’t even have a clue what it has done to me for you of all people to do this to me, from having freedom to share anything we wanted, to me unable to convey my emotions. You were the last person in my whole life that I thought could make my deepest fear come true, & for you to change your mind and become a facade in a matter of days after I let myself open up finally and fall for you I can’t even accurately depict how depressingly polarizing that feels. You told me all the things I’ve wanted to hear for 20 years and even you, of all people, had the nerve to lead me on and play on my extremes. I literally had a panic attack the morning we had sex because I felt so completely vulnerable - you didn’t understand the extent to which you broke my walls and made me feel safe, and my bpd mind went into overdrive. Did you ever think why I have those attachment and commitment issues? Because people like you tell me that I am the person who was made for you and the one for you, and this time I finally chose to believe it. and you even say I helped you more than anyone has in 20 years, and you still want to conceal me from your circle for your own gain. You instigated my mind of extremes to cling to an evidently false image you created, so I don’t think I will ever be able to let anyone in anymore because if there was one person who I finally wanted to welcome in, it was you. And so I completely give up in the idea of relationships. But this whole thing bout us doesn’t have the same gravity on u and I’m not saying that you don’t have feelings but I know this meant more for me bc of who I am. I’ve had so many panic attacks, so many bad dreams, and so many times I sobbed since this. And you just don’t even know.

(A very, very rough draft that I do not plan to return to and polish.)

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