#it really helps me focus less on my self-hatred over a lack of real-world skills and limited ability to take care of necessary tasks

[puppysweetheart]

i'm bored so i kind of want to write a non-fetish post elaborating on disability and my relationship with my beautiful dyke husband for my tiny audience

i do address them as "daddy," which is partially just a dom title but does in part refer to the fact that they take care of me. this caretaking happens largely because my specific combo of disabilities means i need more help and guidance to live than the average adult; husband and my therapist are my main supports for my continued survival. i really do need husband/daddy's help to get along, beyond any sort of kink, and i'm coming to terms with it.

gonna stick a read more here bc this is turning into an essay 😭 (warning for a brief mention of suicide/being suicidal)

after i emotionally/physically struggled my way through college, young adult life didn't prove any easier and hasn't yet let up! 😭 without the support of my parents at first and later husband, i wouldn't make it. i'd starve, or never pay my bills, or off myself, or end up hiding in my house forever. husband and me accepting that they do play a disability caregiver role has been good for me, if difficult for me to not be upset about (i deal with lots of feelings of being a burden). fitting it into our existing dom/sub dynamic and making daddy/puppy a more regular part of our life at home has actually really helped me pull myself out of the absolute desolation of it all! we both get to have fun with it and not always dwell on the serious parts of my situation.

husband is disabled too, so the helping is reciprocal, but in general they are the one who makes sure i'm meeting my daily needs and has fidget toys on hand for both of us and helps me figure out complicated government paperwork and stuff. they recognize when i'm starting to get stressed or upset or overwhelmed, sometimes before i even realize it myself, and they know what they can do to help (like take me out of a loud bright place or bring me a stuffie...or a dab pen :P). they are also currently our only source of income because i am the unemployed kind of disabled right now.

this whole thing makes our dynamic deep, complicated, sometimes very intimate and special and sometimes incredibly mundane, and just...uniquely ours. daddy helps me learn new life skills, cuddles me, buys me plushies, makes me dinner, fucks me silly at their own discretion, and makes sure i'm not allowing myself to decay due to The Brain Problems. in return, i cuddle them to death, sometimes top and dom ("pretending to be the daddy," as they have called it) bc they're a vers switch and so am i, and make them take breaks from work and remember their meds and enforce their boundaries at work (otherwise nonprofit work will wring you dry). i just love them so, so much, and daddy is the affectionate nickname i've given them out of that deep love. the name "daddy" also encapsulates the feelings of responsibility and affection they have for me as both a caretaker and a partner. i'm unfathomably grateful to have someone who guides me through life and cares about me so deeply. they're my daddy, y'know? :)

#i'm sure there are other kinky disabled people who do something similar #it really helps me focus less on my self-hatred over a lack of real-world skills and limited ability to take care of necessary tasks #husband is the coolest person on earth and i am so amazed i get to hang out with them #the fact that they love me enough to take care of me warms my heart #i really never thought this would happen to me #both needing someone to care for me and having someone who would fully accept my disabilities #anyway. if you've read this #thanks lol #personal #disability and kink #suicide mention

[peeppeephellofatface]

In an unexpected turn of events, I’m putting the fic about Duke and Henry up.

Nothing kinky.  It’s more angst than anything.  Like uh, blatant talk of visceral hatred of other engines, scrapping, and lots of self-deprecation.  It’s very out of tone for this blog but dammit, it came out well and I wanted to post it somewhere. 

While the television show did not come until years after steam had ended in Britain, it was undeniable that most engines knew of the stories of the Railway Series.  At some point or another, they all had heard crew or passengers talk of various fictional steam engines amongst each other, and in turn told other engines about the same tales while they stood side-by-side at stations or were gathered in roundhouses.  And over time, these stories took on almost folkloric qualities amongst rolling stock.  Many smaller or weaker engines were enamored by the absurd fantasy of an E2 actually able to travel faster than walking pace, let alone pull a passenger train without running out of coal, and wondered if they too could someday overcome the restrictions of their design like that.  The morals explained to human children through the stories were shared more literally to new engines.  Banking engines would mutter the words of Edward or the Little Engine that Could as they went about their jobs.  And in the late days of steam, some engines would dream of being bought by such an idyllic railway where nothing would ever permanently harm them and everything seemed to go right.  Some even began treating the place as an afterlife, due to the fact that so many of the locomotives there were of classes long or recently extinct.

The one that had particularly stuck with the Duke of Gloucester, unsurprisingly, was the story of Henry.  Both had been botched engines with disappointing performance due to poor steaming.  The main difference was that Henry's controller and crew had shown some inkling of care for him, and in typical deus ex machina fashion found a miraculous way to turn him around.  Well-meaning engines would try to reassure the Duke with this, but after hearing the same thing so many times, he grew to hate that fictional Henry.  How others assumed such fundamentally flawed engines always had some easy fix to make them useful again and that everything would be well in the end.  How everything eventually went well for that bloke and damn near everyone else on that nonexistent island that must have been off the coast of lalaland rather than England, while everything was going so wrong for himself.  He was destined to be an only child by the onset of dieselization, and knew he was little more than a cheaply-made stopgap made to fill in for a vastly superior engine and would soon be disposed of and replaced by another vastly superior engine.  He spent life as a widely disliked backup for failed engines that crews hated to deal with and more than wasted the money saved on his construction by the excessive fuel he needed due to his draughting issues.  And he knew they'd never care enough to fix him- it wasn't just self-deprecation, but fact, and he refused to lie about such a thing to himself.  And the resentment only grew to hatred as his fate was sealed and he was sent off to some scrapyard after a museum took his cylinders and left the rest of him to rot.  

That time was one of the worst times in his life not because of what he saw, but how aggravating his powerlessness was.  He knew the inevitable was coming and just wanted to hurry up and happen instead of having to sit around in utter boredom surrounded by the other rotting hulks.  After a while, he couldn't even be bothered by the sight of them he'd  grown so used to it.  Sure, other engines were being saved but there was no way anyone would want something as worthless and incomplete as him.  It was a matter of waiting, and wait he did, as the scrapyard had chosen to process the old wagons first, and his wait stretched from months to years.  Leaving him to stew in his aggravation and regret, knowing how his only chance at life had been so short and squandered and miserable while the old tales of that idyllic island continued to echo inside him.  At times he found himself looking at the other engines there and imagined them as those infernal machines from that island, their bright paint overcome with rust and repenting for their past snottiness and blatant lack of care for their duties.  They got away with all kind of accidents and laziness and constantly were spared by their controller, why wasn’t it the same for the other objectively better engines dying around him?  Why wasn’t it that way for him?  Though he always cut off that last thought with the obvious.  The others were mostly perfectly serviceable.  He was a nothing but a defective back-up.  Still, that Henry was defective and he got to live, yet he kept on whining and causing trouble.  He'd never do such things if he'd been in a place like this. Jealousy burned within him.  It brought him sick pleasure to imagine that engine languishing there, repenting and begging for mercy.

------

But as many know, miraculously, the Duke was recovered and finally rebuilt more or less as actually designed with some improvement, something he'd never considered, let alone dreamed of previously.  And it was in the 90s and 2000s that he began to catch up with the world beyond the scrapyard and workshop.  Most notably, one day he realized that Sodor was indeed a real place after he was sent on a run there.  It wasn't that nobody knew it existed or that it suddenly came to be, it was just something largely kept secret amongst those that had been there for the sake of maintaining some privacy. 

Duke felt ill whenever he thought about those old stories because of how inseparable they were from his dark years.  He still couldn't believe the things he thought then, but still he remembered and understood that mindset far too clearly for comfort.  He'd tried to shove those stories all aside and forget about them and just focus on his own noises or whatever small details he could see within his narrow field of vision whenever people talked about them.  On his way to the island, he couldn't stop thinking about it.  His driver was getting aggravated with him making the train late, as he wasn't running his best with the mental state he was in.

"Duke, what's gotten into you?"

"Nothing, nothing.  I just need to go harder.  You know how I can be.  I need to be pushed.  It's okay, I'd rather people be too harsh on me than too lax.  It's really quite difficult to be that way with me, actually.."

"That's understandable."

Duke enjoyed being run hard, and the exertion helped cloud his mind and blur the scenery.  But inevitably, he did arrive at his dreaded destination.  He knew it had to be the place by the bright green engine standing at the station he was approaching.  He knew he'd never see mainline engines that vivid anywhere else.  He could only hope it wasn't Henry, as the thought that all these years the object of his aggravation had been real made him feel so... profane.  He couldn’t remember what color he had been, though.  He was ready and plotting try to find some excuse to just get the job done and get out of the place and never have to meet the engines there and just bury that part of his life again. 

As he approached the engine, he caught a brief glimpse of it before his smoke deflectors blocked his vision.  He wasn't familiar enough with the finer points of most engine designs to tell them apart but he was certainly one of the classes of unremarkable mixed-traffic ten-wheelers. That was reassuring.  Supposedly, Henry had been some sort of Pacific to start with and this clearly wasn't one.  He heard a soft voice beside him as he stopped.

"You're the visitor?"

"Yes."

"You're an interesting looking fellow, who are you?"

"A-A Standard."

"I know that, but what's your name?"

"It's irrelevant."

"Well aren't you friendly?  I was just wondering who you were.   Ages ago I swore I saw an engine around Crewe with odd valve gear like you."

"Pfft.  Plenty of Standard 5s with that.  Caprotti valve gear's not that unique."

"Oh.  I could have sworn it had smoke deflectors like you, but it was awfully long ago.  I'll leave you be. I understand.  I'm that way myself oftentimes."

Duke was silent for a second while passengers got on and off the trains and photographs were snapped of the two engines. As he realized that he was going to be here a while, he decided he may as well kill some time with that other engine.  He really didn't want to, but he couldn't see it and the lack of visible face calmed him a little.  He could just pretend it was another regular engine or even a very loud human.

"So this is a the fabled island of Sodor?"

"It's funny how you folks from the Mainland never believe this place is real."

"So how accurate are the stories?"

"The books are fairly close.  The show not so much, the creators seem dead-set on showing all my worst traits and it's horribly embarrassing."

"Shame about that.  Hope the workers here know to look past reputations. I've dealt with plenty who didn't.  But that was the past."

"Usually once people are at that sort of skill level they know well that the show is often just a load of rubbish.  It's more the general public that irritates me."

"I'm sure glad there's not too much out there involving my early years.  I'd be happy to forget them all entirely and trick myself into thinking I'm a new build."

"If only they could forget about mine.  It was ages ago but it's the early stories that most seem to be familiar with, and they'll never shut up about mine and how "inspirational" I was.  Oh, please, there's nothing inspirational about going from being a disgrace who can't do anything to just a regular disgrace."

"I was so awful I didn't even have any classmates."

"I'd be impressed by that if I weren’t a one-off myself for that exact reason.  Used to be, at least.  I'm still not sure what they did to me to make me what I am now, but I'm not complaining."

"I know all the details about what they did to me, but I'll spare you from it all, it was.. certainly a lot.  Unless you absolutely insist."

"Not really.  This is probably a bit sudden, but I kind of like you, whoever you are.  It's rare to find someone who'll take me seriously and understands me.  Funny how we're so similar, unless you're full of rubbish."

"Yes... same here..."

Duke trailed off, becoming increasingly concerned about who this was.  Plenty of engines had been rebuilt before.  This didn't have to be who he feared.

But then he said exactly what Duke had been dreading.

"It's been nice to meet you, I'm Henry."

His eyes went wide in panic and he had to clench to keep the rest of himself from doing anything that could alarm the passengers or... him.  He had had never been more thankful for having his smoke deflectors.

The two sat there, silent, while Duke felt too sick and horrified to respond.   This was the Henry he wanted to see rot with him so long ago.  The one he so despised.  He was real and right here and now he couldn't stand the guilt of his conscious for his invisible crimes knowing what he did.   And there was no escaping, he couldn't just outright tell him while they were little more than strangers but also couldn't bear with being around him with that cloud hanging over him all the time.  Thankfully, the whistle was blown soon and he was off.  Henry tried to whistle to him as a farewell, still confused by his silence, but Duke did not respond.  He was wordless on his way back as well, even when questioned by his crew.  

"What happened between you and that other bloke?  One moment you two seemed to get on fine and then that sudden silence?  What's gotten into you?"

Duke wouldn't answer.

To this day, Duke has never returned to that island, for fear of seeing him again.  There was too much that he knew that Henry didn't and he didn't think he could ever speak to him again without it coming out and souring things further or pressing that kind of guilt on him for something that may have been augmented or entirely fictional even. And a thought lingered in the back of his mind.  What if Henry knew of him?  What if he quietly had the same resentments about him and was just as paranoid about running into him as he was?  That felt like too strange of a coincidence, though.  His life had already been a string of miracles and luck, there was no way something like that would happen.  Most likely Henry had never known who he was, or only been told about him once or twice because their experiences had been similar.  He was overthinking all of this.  All he could do was cram it away in the back of his mind.  No way could he make up for that sudden departure.  Best to forget that island ever existed and fake whatever illness needed to not go back.  Thank god he never told him his name.  

#pphfffics

[jswdmb1]

Old Man

“Old man

take a look at my life 

I'm a lot like you”

- Neil Young

I seemingly have no skin in this dumb “OK boomer” thing, but I would argue that I have the most right to be offended by this generational nonsense. You see, no one has bothered to ask my opinion even though I, as a proud member of Gen X, am in the current position of what I like to call generation stuck in the middle. It’s like being on a bus in between two screaming lunatics who don’t even notice that I am there. Yet, no one is better equipped to help referee this dispute other than us in Gen X since we are the only ones who have actually talked among all of the current generations.  If you talk to anyone from Gen X, I think most would tell you that we are actually OK being left alone.  I mean, since we are the parents of Gen Z, bosses of Millennials, and the adult children of boomers, they all need us way more than we need any of them.  Now, I’m not trying to start a fight here, my point is that every generation thinks theirs is the best when it’s always somewhere in the middle.  Since middle is my game now, I am here to present the pros and cons of all our current generations:

The Greatest Generation: born before 1946

Pros:  Sadly, this generation is leaving us more and more each day, and we need them more then ever.  For me, this is the generation of my grandparents that was born in the 20′s and 30′s, lived through a depression and a world war, and then did their best to raise the next generation in a way that allowed them to succeed without ever having to go through what they did ever again.  Their bravery and willingness to sacrifice were at levels we will never see again.  We need to take as much advantage as possible of those that remain to gather whatever wisdom we can from them that can be applied to the troubles we face today and moving forward.  We cannot also forget to thank them for everything we have and generations of the future will have because of their efforts.

Cons: The greatest title unfortunately comes with an asterisk.  While this country fought oversees against bigotry, hatred and oppression so that all could live freely, many Americans were not so fortunate back home.  People were excluded from the “American Dream” based on race, ethnicity, gender and/or sexual orientation.  Often, this exclusion was carried out in brutal ways designed to oppress individuals of their rights not just as Americans but as human beings.  I am certainly not suggesting that every member of this generation is a racist or intolerant, but the significant pain caused in this country during the time that this generation was in full power cannot be ignored.

The Baby Boomers: born between 1946 and 1964

Pros: The contributions that the boomers have made to our world are almost immeasurable.  Where would we be without the technological advances that came along in the 70s, 80s, & 90s that set the stage for the world as we know it today.  Boomers were on the cutting edge of social change as well demanding the generation ahead of them include all Americans in the nation as full and equal members.  My parents were on the edge of the boomer generation, but I consider them a part of it and I identify now what they went through as a “sandwich” generation during the 70s and 80s.  People make fun of it now, but those days had a lot of stresses and pressures.  I would love to see how today’s world would react to the inflation and real unemployment of the late 70s or early 80s.  What would you do if gas prices doubled tomorrow?  They also took care of parents with many less resources and much poorer health than our older generation has now.  They were truly instrumental in the massive transition this country made to get us where we are at this point, and that should not be forgotten especially as many like my dad are leaving us far too soon.

Cons: Boomers made a lot of mistakes.  Even as kids, we knew it and wondered what exactly were they thinking sometimes.  Personally, I don’t fault the boomers for all the choices they made nor do I think that all our current problems are squarely on them.  What I think irks the younger generations is their general unwillingness to concede that they made mistakes which prevented them from learning how to help fix the messes they made.  Our president is a perfect example with this, and he is just a reflection of the group that was largely responsible for electing him.  The other issue with Boomers is that they refuse to step aside and give up the notion that this world is theirs forever.  The most ridiculous thing I heard with this OK Boomer thing was that is was bigoted and would hurt the prospects of many boomers who plan to be around for a lot longer (living off of Medicaid and Social Security we can’t afford, but I digress).  Boomers just can’t get that it is not all about them anymore.  Remember though, that they were initially part of the “Me” generation in the 70′s so we can’t be surprised by their behavior.  The problem now is that their unwillingness to cede power is hurting us.  That is why I think their should be an age cap on running for political office of any kind of 65 years old.  Agism you say?  I guess maybe, but I call it self protectionism.  It’s the same logic that sets floors to the age limits to prevent people from being too young to hold such important responsibilities.  I say, if you are between 25 and 65, you can be in politics, and after that step aside and let the generation who has everything at stake drive for a while.  

Gen X - born between 1965 and 1980

Pros: It’s hard to point to exactly what we in this generation have done so far, but I think as the current “sandwich” generation, we are doing our best to advance the concepts of inclusiveness and awareness of our impact on this Earth to the generations below us that we are either mentoring or raising.  I don’t think history is going to look back at us as the “greatest” and we don’t have the same flair as the boomers did, but I think we will be remembered as the generation that quietly did our part to set the table for those coming up behind us to be successful.  I also think many in our generation will gladly step aside much sooner than the boomers to let those we have nurtured take over.  I envision being the generation that really provides the mentoring and support needed to hopefully get us to the point where hope is restored in our younger generations.  Maybe the best thing we bring to the table is empathy and we can use that to bridge between a generation that seems to have lacked it and ones coming up that crave it.

Cons: Our cons are the same as our pros.  We have been too benign and let the boomers get away with far too much when we had a chance to stop some of the nonsense they are spewing now.  Protests and social activism were unheard of when I was in college in the early 90s and our focus was too much on being good students to get good jobs to become good corporate citizens when we needed to move out of our comfort zone more.  I also think we are the generation who is to be blamed most for the current state of the climate.  We are the main generation fueling the economy right now and have been for the past decade or so, yet we have not made the changes or demands to turn ourselves towards green practices.  The barriers to green technology have come down greatly during this time period and we have been slow to adapt.  We also didn’t put pressure on those above us when we were younger and science presented evidence that our earth was being destroyed, which they dismissed.  That goes way back and we were asleep at the wheel on what arguably is the most important issue facing us today.  That may stain our generation in a way that can never be repaired.

And the rest... - born after 1980 -

I know there are distinct generations within this group, but as an old fogey I get to lump them all together because those damn kids are all the same to me!  Besides, kids don’t use Facebook or read long-form essays on Tumblr so they’ll never see this anyway.  And, I’m not doing pros and cons for them because everyone gets the same grade in the post Gen-X generation: “meets expectations”.  That last part isn’t a joke as if I were evaluating the generations behind me that is the grade that I would give them.  I think they are doing a good job so far, but their immaturity and lack of experience holds them back from being great.  I actually see many of them fitting more into an “exceeds expectations” category if they continue with their true embrace of inclusion of all people and their commitment to the environment.  It is also a very service oriented generation, and I would argue far less materialistic than generations before them going back to the boomers.  They need to work on communication skills for sure and definitely need to learn how to develop a bit of a thicker skin, but I see a lot of hope in this group.  I am particularly excited to see them start taking control in politics and I hope it is sooner than later.  We cannot afford to wait for their innovation as our future lies in the balance with little hope if the status quo stays in place.  Let’s face it, whether I believe any of this or not, don’t we have to?  I mean if this is a horse race, I’m certainly putting my money on these kids to get the job done over anyone else.

And, I guess that’s the conclusion that I have come to as I reflect on this particular essay.  It’s that the youngest generation is always the most important as they have the most promise as well as the most at stake.  At the age of 47, I don’t plan to sit on the sidelines or not help out, but I can acknowledge that even at that relatively young age the spotlight is no longer on me.  Whether it be my music, or education, or technology skills (or lack there of), my opinions and tastes don’t matter anymore.  The other day, someone gave me an “OK Boomer” in jest and at first I took offense.  Mostly because I am not that old, but it initially stung to hear it directed at me even as a joke.  I soon realized though, that it is just that - a joke and that brings me to the best thing I think Gen X has going for it - our sense of humor.  So, if I have any advice for the Gen Zs or whatever they are called and the Boomers is to work together and laugh while you do it.  And quit yelling over Gen X while you fight.  I’m trying to watch Seinfeld reruns.

Cheers,

Jim

[momentumgo]

Hannah Churn

Animator/Illustrator www.hannahchurn.com Washington, D.C. Age 29 She/Her

How did you get your start in motion design, animation, or whatever it is that you do?

As a kid, my mom had access at her work to Macromedia Flash (aka Animate). She told me it was a program that made cartoons, and that just blew my mind. I made really bad Flash animations until my junior year of high school when I realized it was actually something you could go to college for. Again, mind blown.

My focus in college ended up being 3D animation. I really wanted to be a 2D animator, like the older Disney movies, but my drawing skills sucked. Halfway through college my professors advised me to take the 3D route so I wouldn’t have to worry about my drawing skills, so I did.

My first job out of college was working for a mobile games startup doing 3D animation. 

I was finishing up college and working a part-time job at an office supply store. With graduation coming close to an end, and my hatred for my retail job – I once got screamed at by an old dude because he had to pay shipping for pens – I was motivated to find work that got me out of that job. I considered myself pretty shy and introverted, but I forced myself to go to networking events in the area. After a few months, I connected with a guy who was looking for a 3D animator to help him make games for the iPad. I was hired a few weeks later and put my two weeks in at my retail job (they tried to get me to stay by offering me a 0.25 raise…).

For the next 9 months I created and animated assets for a series of educational games for young children. Unfortunately, none of them made it far, and in less than a year I was let go because of the lack of revenue flowing in.

Although this job had been for a company that had just started, with two employees and no name recognition, I was happy. It was my first step into the animation world. Not only did it allow me to put something on my resume that wasn’t retail, but I wore many hats at that job: doing illustration, animation, learning techniques for best work practices, and managing & estimating my time for projects.

After being laid off, it was about 2-3 months before I had my next job. Again, I hit the networking events and eventually got a job lead. I was hired as a 3D animator for the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. They had some really great animated prevention programs about internet and real-world safety for kids. This job was the first time I got to practice my 2D skills. They weren’t the best, but I had a really supportive co-worker who encouraged me to practice. Over the next couple of years, I continued practicing my drawing skills with some online classes, and I improved a lot. Unfortunately, after about 2 years, the layoff train rolled in, and they gutted the creative department.

Just like before, I hit the networking scene. I emailed one of the founders of a small motion graphics shop whom I had previously met at networking events to ask about work, and coincidentally they were hiring. I had very little After Effects knowledge and my portfolio was full of 3D character animation. In one of the interviews they asked for more of my After Effects work, and I said I had a bunch, but needed time to put it together. That weekend I watched as many After Effects tutorials as I could to put together a fake reel, and I ended up getting hired. To be honest, I was pretty nervous those first couple of months. I was worried that they’d find out I didn’t know as much After Effects as I had said, and be let go. Ironically, being thrown in the deep end sped up my learning process for After Effects. I was constantly consuming tutorials, and my co-worker was very supportive of my constant questions.

Now I don’t do any 3D work, and I get to draw and animate all day. It’s the best.

What are some best practices you use today?

Work smarter, not harder. I want to create the best work I can create, but I also don’t want to burn myself out, or make something harder than it should be. I find myself constantly looking for techniques to help speed up my work projects, whether it be creating a new action key in Photoshop, or adding animation presets to FT Toolbar in After Effects.

Another practice I try to use is staying organized. In folder structures, project files, and even my Google Drive, staying organized makes life easier for my future self. I try to implement this in my After Effects workflow. Staying organized not only helps out my co-workers if we have to share the project, but also keeps me sane for future changes from the client when I have to reopen a file I haven’t looked at in 6+ months.

How do you define success? What would success look like for you?

Creating something awesome for everyone to enjoy, while still enjoying it myself. To me, when I create something that is supposed to evoke an emotion, and a person watching the video tells me they felt that said emotion, I know I’ve successfully created something great. On top of that, feeling like what I’m doing isn’t really work, but just creating awesome content – it’s just a win win.  

How do you balance your work with your personal life? How do the two influence each other?

A great production manager. The company I’m currently at tries to really invest time in scheduling a project so that it fits within regular business hours. While we do have the occasional late night/weekend work, there’s an effort to keep everything balanced.

Although I don’t take work home, I do have a hard time not doing art. I find myself working on personal projects after work a lot. I’m fortunate that my husband is also an animator, so we both understand each other’s urge to always create art.

While I’m always creating, I do make time for family and friends. The moment I make plans, I always put it on my calendar so I know it’s a “no-art night,” or that I have to leave work on time. I’ve never wanted to be that person who always cancels plans because of work, so I really try to keep my plans with family and friends.

I struggle sometimes with the art guilt – if you’re not creating, you’re failing. This concept was pushed a lot during college. I try to overcome it by scheduling personal days for myself: No agenda, just taking a mental and physical art break.

State your privilege – What circumstances may have helped or hindered you along the way?

I’m privileged to have had my parents as a financial fall-back if necessary. After I got laid off from my first job, I blew through the little savings I had quickly. With no job yet, I was broke. My mom helped me pay my rent, and gave me some extra money for other bills for a couple of months until I got my next job. This was a huge privilege because it let me continue working towards my animation career without having to worry about finances. Both of my parents have been very supportive of my career choice, as well.

I’m also privileged to have a partner who’s in the same field as I am. If I have to work late or the weekend, he understands because he’s been in the same position.

How have you learned to practice self-care? What do you do to take care of yourself?

By seeing others not practice it. Hearing about people working 60+ hour weeks, pulling all nighters, and putting off seeing family and friends to make deadlines has opened my eyes to take self care. I try to take a “mental health day” every couple of months, where I take the day off of work and have no agenda. I also really like sleep, like a lot. I try to make an effort to get at least 7+ hours of sleep a night. Sometimes that means I don’t have as much time in the evening to work on side projects, but I’d rather be well-rested then pushing myself too far just to have something done a little sooner.

What advice do you have for those just starting out?

Getting good is a combination of practice and time. I think a lot of new animators see the work of their heroes and try to push themselves to that level, following in the steps of the “live, breath, and sleep” motion lifestyle. It’s important to keep in mind that a lot of the talent is made up of their experience over years, sometimes decades, of time. To jump into the deep end like that, while a great ambition, is a fool’s journey. Find a mentor, keep learning the basic principles, and keep practicing – time will make you great. Also, network.

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