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morwensteelsheen · 3 years

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I’m starting grad school this autumn and honestly I’m getting nervous. Like yes I am v excited about the whole prospect overall and I do miss being a student but am intimidated by 3 hr long seminars and thesis writing and massive amounts of reading… everyone keeps saying it’s gonna be very different from undergrad so okay, but how specifically? Is it the large amounts of reading? I already had insane amounts of reading (humanities degree hurrah) especially in my last two years but could you expound on your own experience and how you take notes/read quickly/summarize or just how to deal with first time grad students?

Oh, yeah for sure! A necessary disclaimer here is that I'm at a certain poncy English institution that is noted for being very bad at communicating with its students and very bad at treating its postgrad students like human beings, so a lot of these strategies I've picked up will be overkill for anyone who has the good sense to go somewhere not profoundly evil lol.

So I'll just preface this by saying that I am a very poor student in terms of doing what you're supposed to. I'm very bad at taking notes, I never learned how to do it properly, and I really, really struggle with reading dense literature. That said, I'm probably (hopefully?) going to get through this dumb degree just fine. Also — my programme is a research MPhil, not taught, so it's a teensy bit more airy-fairy in terms of structure. I had two classes in Michaelmas term, both were once a week for two hours each; two in Lent, one was two hours weekly, the other two hours biweekly; and no classes at all in Easter. I also have no exam component, I was/am assessed entirely on three essays (accounting for 30% of my overall mark) and my dissertation (the remaining 70%), which is, I think, a little different to how some other programmes are. I think even some of the other MPhils here are more strenuous than that, like Econ and Soc Hist is like 100% dissertation? Anyways, not super important, but knowing what you're getting marked on is important. I dedicated considerably less time than I did in undergrad to perfecting my coursework essays because they just don't hold as much weight now. The difference between a 68 and a 70 just wasn't worth the fuss for me, which helped keep me sane-ish.

The best advice anyone ever gave me was that, whereas an undergrad degree can kind of take over your life without it becoming a problem, you need to treat grad school like a job. That's not because it's more 'serious' or whatever, but because if you don't set a really strict schedule and keep to it, you'll burn yourself out and generally make your life miserable. Before I went back on my ADD meds at the end of Michaelmas term, I sat myself down at my desk and worked from 11sh to 1800ish every day. Now that I'm medicated, I do like 9:30-10ish to 1800-1900 (except for now that I'm crunching on my diss, where, because of my piss-poor time management skills I'm stuck doing, like, 9:30-22:30-23:00). If you do M-F 9-5, you'll be getting through an enormous amount of work and leaving yourself loads of time to still be a human being on the edges. That'll be the difference between becoming a postgrad zombie and a person who did postgrad. I am a postgrad zombie. You do not want to be like me.

The 'work' element of your days can really vary. It's not like I was actually consistently reading for all that time — my brain would have literally melted right out of my ears — but it was about setting the routine and the expectation of dedicating a certain, consistent and routinized period of time for focusing on the degree work every day. My attention span, even when I'm medicated, is garbage, so I would usually read for two or three hours, then either work on the more practical elements of essay planning, answer emails, or plot out the early stages of my research.

In the first term/semester/whatever, lots of people who are planning on going right into a PhD take the time to set up their applications and proposals. I fully intended on doing a PhD right after the MPhil, but the funding as an international student trying to deal with the pandemic proved super problematic, and I realised that the toll it was taking on my mental health was just so not worth it, so I've chosen to postpone a few years. You'll feel a big ol' amount of pressure to go into a PhD during your first time. Unless you're super committed to doing it, just try and tune it out as much as you can. There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking a year (or two, or three, or ten) out, especially given the insane conditions we're all operating under right now.

I'll be honest with you, I was a phenomenally lazy undergrad. It was only by the grace of god and being a hard-headed Marxist that I managed to pull out a first at the eleventh hour. So the difference between UG and PG has been quite stark for me. I've actually had to do the reading this year, not just because they're more specialised and relevant to my research or whatever, but because, unlike in UG, the people in the programme are here because they're genuinely interested (and not because it's an economic necessity) and they don't want to waste their time listening to people who haven't done the reading.

I am also a really bad reader. Maybe it's partially the ADD + dyslexia, but mostly it's because I just haven't practiced it and never put in the requisite effort to learn how to do it properly. My two big pointers here are learning how to skim, and learning how to prioritise your reading.

This OpenU primer on skimming is a bit condescending in its simplicity, but it gets the point across well. You're going to want to skim oh, say, 90% of the reading you're assigned. This is not me encouraging you to be lazy, it's me being honest. Not every word of every published article or book is worth reading. The vast majority of them aren't. That doesn't mean the things that those texts are arguing for aren't worth reading, it just means that every stupid rhetorical flourish included by bored academics hoping for job security and/or funding and/or awards isn't worth your precious and scarce time. Make sure you get the main thrust of each text, make sure you pull out and note down one or two case studies and move right the hell on. There will be some authors whose writing will be excellent, and who you will want to read all of. Everything else gets skimmed.

Prioritisation is the other big thing. You're going to have shitty weeks, you're probably going to have lots of them. First off, you're going to need to forgive yourself for those now — everybody has them, yes, even the people who graduated with distinctions and go on to get lovely £100,000 AHRC scholarships. Acknowledge that there will be horrible weeks, accept it now, and then strategise for how to get ahead of them. My personal strategy is to plan out what I'm trying to get out of each course I take, and then focus only on the readings that relate to that topic.

I took a course in Lent term that dealt with race and empire in Britain between 1607 and 1900; I'm a researcher of the Scottish far left from 1968-present, so the overlap wasn't significant. But I decided from the very first day of the course that I was there to get a better grasp about the racial theories of capitalism and the role of racial othering in Britain's subjugation of Ireland. Those things are helpful to me because white supremacist capitalism comes up hourly in my work on the far left, and because the relationship of the Scottish far left to Ireland is extremely important to its self definition. On weeks when I couldn't handle anything else, I just read the texts related to that. And it was fine, I did fine, I got my stupid 2:1 on the final essay, and I came out of it not too burnt out to work on my dissertation.

Here is where I encourage you to learn from my mistakes: get yourself a decent group of people who you can have in depth conversations about the material with. I was an asshole who decided I didn't need to do that with any posh C*mbr*dge twats, and I have now condemned myself to babbling incomprehensible nonsense at my partner because I don't have anyone on my course to work through my ideas with. These degrees are best experienced when they're experienced socially. In recent years (accelerated by the pandemic, ofc), universities have de-emphasised the social component of postgrad work, largely to do with stupid, long-winded stuff related to postgrad union organising etc. It's a real shame because postgrads end up feeling quite socially isolated, and because they're not having these fun and challenging conversations, their work actually suffers in the long term. This is, and I cannot stress this enough, the biggest departure from undergrad. Even the 'weak links' or whatever judgemental nonsense are there because they want to be. That is going to be your biggest asset. Talk, talk, talk. Listen, listen, listen. Offer to proofread people's papers so you get a sense of how people are thinking about things, what sort of style they're writing in, what sources they're referring to. Be a sponge and a copycat (but don't get done for plagiarism, copy like this.) Also: ask questions that seem dumb. For each of your classes, ask your tutors/lecturers who they think the most important names in their discipline are. It sounds silly, but it's really helpful to know the intellectual landscape you're dealing with, and it means you know whose work you can go running to if you get lost or tangled up during essay or dissertation writing!

You should also be really honest about everything — another piece of advice that I didn't follow and am now suffering for. The people on your courses and in your cohort are there for the same reasons as you, have more or less the same qualifications as you, and are probably going to have a lot of the same questions and insecurities as you. If you hear an unfamiliar term being used in a seminar, just speak up and ask about it, because there're going to be loads of other people wondering too. But you should also cultivate quite a transparent relationship with your supervisor. I was really cagey and guarded with mine because my hella imposter syndrome told me she was gonna throw my ass out of the programme if I admitted to my problems. Turns out no, she wouldn't, and that actually she's been a super good advocate for me. If you feel your motivation slipping or if you feel like you're facing challenges you could do with a little extra support on, go right to your supervisor. Not only is that what they're there to do, they've also done this exact experience before and are going to be way more sympathetic and aware of the realities of it than, say, the uni counselling service or whatever.

Yeah so I gotta circle back to the notes thing... I really do not take notes. It's my worst habit. Here's an example of the notes I took for my most recent meeting with my supervisor (revising a chapter draft).

No sane person would ever look at these and think this is a system worth replicating lol. But the reason they work for me is because I also record (with permission) absolutely everything. My mobile is like 90% audio recordings of meetings and seminars lol. So these notes aren't 'good' notes, but they're effective for recalling major points in the audio recording so I can listen to what was said when I need to.

Sorry none of this is remotely organised because it's like 2330 here and my brain is so soft and mushy. I'm literally just writing things as I remember them.

Right, so: theory is a big thing. Lots of people cheap out on this and it's to their own detriment. You say you're doing humanities, and tbh, most of the theory involved on the humanities side of the bridge is interdisciplinary anyways, so I'm just gonna give you some recommendations. The big thing is to read these things and try to apply them to what you're writing about. This sounds so fucking condescending but getting, like, one or two good theoretical frameworks in your papers will actually put you leaps and bounds beyond the students around you and really improve your research when the time comes. Also: don't read any of these recommendations without first watching, like an intro youtube video or listening to a podcast. The purists will tell you that's the wrong way to do it, but I am a lazy person and lazy people always find the efficient ways to do things, so I will tell the purists to go right to hell.

Check out these impenetrable motherfuckers (just one or two will take your work from great to excellent, so don't feel obliged to dig into them all):

Karl Marx and Fredrich Engels (I'm not just pushing my politics, but also, I totally am) — don't fucking read Capital unless you're committed to it. Oh my god don't put yourself through that unless you really have to. Try, like, the 18th Brumaire of Louis Napoleon for the fun quotes, and Engels on the family.

Frantz Fanon — Wretched of the Earth. Black Skin White Masks also good, slightly more impossible to read

Benedict Anderson — Imagined Communities. It's about nationalism, but you will be surprised at how applicable it is to... so many other topics

Judith Butler — she really sucks to read. I love her. But she sucks to read. If you do manage to read her though, your profs will love you because like 90% of the people who say they've read her are lying

Bourdieu — Distinction is good for a lot of things, but especially for introducing the idea of social and cultural capital. There's basically no humanities sub-discipline that can't run for miles on that alone.

Crenshaw — the genesis of intersectionality. But, like, actually read her, not the ingrates who came after her and defanged intersectionality into, like, rainbow bombs dropped over Gaza.

The other thing is that you should read for fun. My programme director was absolutely insistent that we all continue to read for pleasure while we did this degree, not just because it's good for destressing, but because keeping your cultural horizons open actually makes your writing better and more interesting. I literally read LOTR for the first time in, like February, and the difference in my writing and thinking from before and after is tangible, because not only did it give me something fun to think about when I was getting stressy, but it also opened up lots of fun avenues for thought that weren't there before. I read LOTR and wanted to find out more about English Catholics in WWI, and lo and behold something I read about it totally changed how I did my dissertation work. Or, like, a girl on my course who read the Odyssey over Christmas Break and then started asking loads of questions about the role of narrative creation in the archival material she was using. It was seriously such a good edict from our director.

Also, oh my god, if you do nothing else, please take this bit seriously: forgive yourself for the bad days. The pressure in postgrad is fucking unreal. Nobody, nobody is operating at 100% 100% of the time. If you aim for 60% for 80% of the time and only actually achieve 40% for 60% of the time, you will still be doing really fucking well. Don't beat yourself up unnecessarily. Don't make yourself feel bad because you're not churning out publishable material every single day. Some days you just need to lie on the couch, order takeout, and watch 12 hours of Jeopardy or whatever, and I promise you that that is a good and worthwhile thing to do. You don't learn and grow without rest, so forgive yourself for the moments and days of unplanned rest, and forgive yourself for when you don't score as highly as you want to, and forgive yourself when you say stupid things in class or don't do all of (or any of) the class reading.

Uhhhh I think I'm starting to lose the plot a bit now. Honestly, just ping me whatever questions you have and I'm happy to answer them. There's a chance I'll be slower to respond over the next few days because my dissertation is due in a week (holy fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) but I will definitely respond. And honestly, no question is too dumb lol. I wish I'd been able to ask someone about things like what citation management software is best or how to set up a desk for maximum efficiency or whatever, but I was a scaredy-cat about it and didn't. So yeah, ask away and I will totally answer.

#asks

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iamwhoalexia-blog · 5 years

Text

first oral w/ chan

n: this is why i love you lol. okay so here we are, i had this idea that is actually soft but i found it also really hot in my mind, just read it.

chris and you had been together for a while

but you never made the next step

you only were a little scared like everyone

but your relationship wasn't only to look forward to sex

so both were okay with it

when both feel like it's the right time it will happen

but

of course that you wanted to get fun anyway

you don't need to exactly fuck to feel good

you really enjoyed just making out

and giving him a good blowjob when he was stressed after a long day

it never escalated from that unfortunately

and you will ask

why if you do he doesn't

the truth is that you didn't want to press him in that sense

it's not like no one haven't come down on you before

you had already been with other guys

and he was with other girls too

the problem was to break the barrier between you two

and it was completely understandable

so time did its job

and your hormones too

one particular night you both returned from dining out

and from the moment you left the apartment you couldn't stop checking the other

both looked so good

both felt the same tension

the same desire

so in the exact second that you opened the door again

you were already trapped between the wall and his body

mischievous smiles decorating both faces

and too much heat between your bodies

the friction

the touches

the caresses

the kisses

they were insane

discarding clothes and space

you found in the room once again

but it already felt different

his lips didn't leave yours for a second

despair became present without being too abrupt

it was so much need coming to the surface with every little action

your hips rolling on top of him just built more of that desire

and you felt it perfectly

his hands discovering new parts in your body

both guided each other to each time go a little further

when you were only in your underwear you really wanted to take the initiative and make him feel good like always

but he had another idea in his head

he stopped you before you could do anything

and moving you under him once again he began to leave a trail of kisses along your body

his lips going down

his slowness was killing you

and you knew perfectly well where they were directing

your inner thighs marked by him

so pretty

your breathing agitated when his lips began to kiss over your underwear

he was just following his instinct

but he really wanted to make you feel as good as you did with him

so removing the piece with the same slowness he stared into your eyes

"help me do this"

he asked with an innocent smile

but absolutely hungry for you

"you never did it?"

you asked naively in a sigh

he denied and caressed your skin until he found your hand safely

you were completely exposed to him

and when you felt the confidence you let his hands spread your legs for once

starting with the kisses again until you started guiding him

“wherever you lick it’s gonna feel good, but the clit is made for that” you said between a chuckle

he would start with small licks

and changing his pace

making you start feeling the pleasure slowly

but sending shivers through your whole body

your free hand roaming your own skin

sometimes placing on his face by impulse

besides he was doing well, you had waited a long time for this

so every single touch was like fire

he paid attention to your reactions

your gestures

every sound

the way your body took his actions

and he seemed to understand fast

too fast

but he still felt that it wasn’t enough

even though you were starting to lose it

he stopped for a second

but keep admiring you until you opened your eyes and saw him

“you think i can use my fingers?”

he sounded so curious

and what were you going to do?

say no?

you nodded and let his hand go

"use only two”

you took a breath

“and start slow"

your voice was a mixture of whines and lack of air

he followed your words

and inserted two fingers going as slow as you said

you forgot to tell him something

and it was a little too late when you remembered

because you were so consumed on the feeling that your words didn’t come out

and he noticed that

and smiled satisfied

only to put his mouth back on you and increase the feeling

how could he be that good?

he muttered something that you didn’t hear

but he was just talking to himself

wondering what you would feel if he curled and twirled his fingers inside of you

and once he did it, oh god

he discovered a side of you that he didn’t know he needed to see to keep breathing

“are you sure you never did this before?” you managed to ask openning your eyes and looking at him

he chuckled and nodded without stopping

following a stable pace you felt closer as you tightened

and your hands couldn’t help but get tied to his hair

you needed him to not stop

but also you wished you could pull him away

because it was too much

“babe-”

your hips unconsciously lifted

your grip on his hair became a little stronger

that made him crazy

both hands kept his head close

with caresses and maybe some push towards for him to not move away

your movements began to be a little clumsy under him

and he decided to accelerate his pace even more

that caused your moans to be more prominent

and audible

it was the most beautiful sound he had heard in his entire life

he didn’t want it to stop

never

but well

you had a whole orgasm burning inside you

a series of gasps escaped from your mouth

followed by a longer moan

making him and the neighbor aware of the reaching of your high

he bit his own lip and replaced his mouth with his thumb

cleaning what was left of you

nothing could stop him now

he realised how turned on he was

only by pleasing you

rolling his hips on the sheets unconsciously

he let it go for once

and saw you closing your eyes in pure ecstasy

his fingers still inside you while you tried to catch your breath

your chest raising and falling

your hair a mess

your body fully exposed to his sight

you were gorgeous this way

now that he saw you like this he wanted to see it all over again

he took his fingers out making you almost shake with the sensation

he licked his lips and flashed you the most raddiant smile

“that was hot”

he said moving above you again

you smiled and came back to catch his face in your hands while kissing you

letting you feel your own flavor

"that was amazing"

you assured him

you continued with the kiss a little more

and dropped your hands down his abdomen to get to his waistband

you touched him and smiled when he let out a small sigh by cutting the kiss

"my turn"

#stray kids #stray kids scenarios #stray kids reactions #stray kids smut #bang chan #chan stray kids #chris #this was so bad #but so hot

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catch22inareddress · 6 years

Text

Halloween Confessions

You have yearned to meet Sebastian from afar for years. When the stars aline and you are hired to do a contemporary dance routine at a Halloween Party that he will attend, will you have the courage to follow through and finally meet him? Tonight is all about Halloween and Confessions....now, where is the bar because your gonna need a stiff drink?

Words:3600+

Your body throbbed and your nerves were tattered at every end. Weeks you had trained with your partner and friend, Travis, for tonight's event. Although it was a friendly and "casual" party of sorts, every detail was designed to the tiniest measure.

Robert spared no expense in his endeavor to entertain his guests and was always generous to everyone associated. You were a contemporary dancer and met Robert years ago through your boss and close friend Travis. Robert's wife was a fan of So You Think You Can Dance and followed Travis' career and was thrilled when a performance was orchestrated for this evening. Tonight he had arranged a number for you and while you were no stranger to dancing, doing so in front of your crush was going to push you over the metaphorical edge.

Travis came up next to you with a smile. "So a little birdie told me that Sebastian came alone tonight. He and Sadie broke up months ago." He wiggled his eyebrows at you while you resisted the urge to hide under Robert's ridiculously overpriced armoire. "Fuck me. Please, shut the hell up. I know he's dress to kill as a Priest and my libido can't handle images of him right now." Travis let out a chuckle while adjusting your dress and applying the sinfully Red lipstick.

"Please, after he sees you doing the number he will undoubtedly pull you in the closest closet and have you confess your transgressions." The blush that rose up your bosom was enough the tint the heavens themselves it was so extensive. "Leave me, Travis! I will cut you... and not with affection!" He laughed as he held his hands up in surrender and walked out of the room. "I am going mingle and do some groundwork. You'll see, darling." After that, you waved him off while you and Jeremy did stretches and final touches.

Sebs Point of view

He sat in the living room with legs spread in his typical fashion, welcoming. Even if that was the last emotion, he felt at that instant. If anything he wanted every person of the female persuasion to leave him the fuck alone. Save the one woman who walked in and then instantly disappeared. Messy hair, sweet face, casual clothes. She was with Robert's dancer friend Travis, and there was something so natural and alluring about her that he couldn't quite pin, and pin he wanted to do indeed. He had an instant hard on that he couldn’t suppress when his eyes laid on her.

He felt his phone vibrate again from his pocket and growled in acknowledgment. Chris smirked from the seat across him and welcomed Travis as he sat down next to Sebastian, a mixed drink in hand. "Sadie callin' again?" Seb nodded wordlessly. "Yea, she won't take no for an answer, and it's been driving me insane." Seb turned to see Travis sitting there and smiled kindly at him. "Hey man. Nice to see you again." Travis agreed and shook his hand.

"Flying solo, Sebastian?" He nodded and thought this was the perfect time to ask about the girl he saw the blonde man with earlier. "Yea. Actually, I noticed you with a stunning woman earlier, not to sound like a creep. Where did she go off to?" Travis smirked deviously, and Sebastian caught it, unsure of what it implied. "Oh, Y/N. She had to ...work." Seb's face instantly frowned at the thought of missing the elusive beauty but hoping that if he stayed close to Travis tonight, he might be able to talk the man in arranging a meet with her. He was sure that he came off as an ass, talking about Sadie then his friend. He had to make it up and make sure Travis knew he wasn't a prick.

Robert came out into the cleared area and clanked a utensil on his glass. "So my better half has introduced me to the art of dance and her lovely and remarkably talented friend Travis has a treat for us tonight." He beamed as he waved Travis up in front of everyone. "So I have a special treat for everyone here. She is one of my best friends, and I've had the privilege to dance with her on several occasions. I choreographed this routine special for tonight, so I hope that you enjoy it!"

You came out and met Travis when the lights were low. "Easy, darling. Just pretend I'm him." You smirked at his jest, but you knew that having him in the room with this song was already sending adrenaline through your body at accelerated speeds. "Shut up and dance with me, Trav." He kissed your cheek playfully as the music started and the lights came up.

Link to Dance

While there was plenty of room, you felt Travis throw you exceptionally close to Sebastian on one move and made eye contact with him. His blue eyes were leaving marks over your skin wherever his orbs kissed your flesh.

Sebastian took a sharp intake of air, and you wanted to smother the gremlins in your stomach. The dance was a narcotic, and when the line hit of “Give Me all your love”, and your body was slung over Travis' muscular one, Seb's hands fisted at his sides in sheer possessiveness.

You were hoisted in the air, and then you spun down and around his body. Travis was facing Sebastian with a cold yet theatrical face as he slammed his hands around your body. Seb's body took a step towards you of its own volition, but Chris grabbed his arm holding him back. Sebastian snapped out of the lust infused haze he was drugged under and looked to his feet as both you and Travis ended the routine on the floor, amidst cheers and applause.

Both of you bowed and smiled as you thanked everyone and while you were talking to the Downeys you felt your body pulling you towards Sebastian, like a gravitational pull. It was all-consuming, and as soon as you could politely excuse yourself, you did, finding the bar and ordering a whiskey sour to assemble your thoughts... hopefully.

When you turned around to start walking you ran into the very person that made your body shutter and squirm with delight and unrestrained anxiety. Your drink spilling down his sinfully snug suit. He gasped at the cold liquid running down his pant legs while you cringed at the entire exchange.

"Oh fuckity fuck!" You recoiled at your first meeting going so very well. All of the shameful times you had rehearsed it going straight out the window and shattering on the sidewalk. You caught Chris and Travis laughing and giving you an obnoxious thumbs-up behind Sebastian's head, while he was laughing at your outburst unbeknownst to the audience.

"I am so sorry, S-seb. Sir?" His eyes shot up to you, losing his laugh and garnering a smirk instead. His shoulders straightened and you pulled at your dress and tried to compose yourself under his scrutiny. You cleared your throat.

"That's ok. These things happen. Although, I would've thought you were far more graceful by your performance earlier." The sex appeal this man exuded was positively unfair, how he was so put together was just plain wrong. You were damn near ready to pull him into the closest closet and beg for forgiveness in varying forms while he was in this priest costume. He, however, was unaffected by you. You needed to pull your shit together if you wanted to get this man and make him yours

"I-um. I'm not used to all of this--" You waved around to all of the drunken actors and actresses and noticed a few women cutting eyes at you and paused a moment, trying to will the intimidation away. "What? Bullshit?" He laughed, and it brought you back to the moment and the fact that your arms were still soaked and so were his pants.

He nodded towards the other side of the house. "C'mon, let's go get cleaned up." You swallowed hard as you followed this magnificent specimen of a man through the crowds. You started to lose him, but he took your small hand in his and closed your eyes for a moment. He leaned into your ear, over the music, "After I get you clean up, tell me I can have a dance?" His voice was low and gritty, and you didn't trust your voice, so you only nodded.

Sebastian meanwhile, didn't know what came over him, but as he saw you in that little red number standing so small and timid, he knew this was his chance. As you stood in front of him, he almost lost his words but when you said "sir" in a fit of pure anxiety, a switch was flipped, and he loved seeing how you unraveled in front of him.

He put on his best act to get you to follow him to someplace quiet to get cleaned up, trying to get his nerves to calm down long enough to form a plan after that. When you agreed to a dance he was fucking thrilled, just a few more minutes longer with you would be enough...for now. Hell, he would take every damn second he could press out of this scenario, every thrilling moment you would give him. Because that what this was, you were an adrenaline rush for him since seeing you dance. You were a drug for him since he saw you walk into the party.

He found the secluded bathroom and entered it, locking it behind you two.

You washed your hands and arms under the sink as he watched from the side, such a mundane task seeming so intense under his blue eyes. "So I'm

Y/N." He finally threw you that gorgeous smile you had seen before in the movies. "I'm Sebastian, but you can call me Seb, or sir ..if you like." He was smirking like the devil in a midnight mass now, and you dried your arms hiding the crimson shade and biting your lips.

"Sir? Is that because you want me to confess my sins to you?" His breathing had picked up as you took a small step closer to him, taking the damp, clean towel and drying off his hands. "What confessions would you like to make, darlin’?"

You shrugged innocently thinking to yourself. While you wanted to have a relationship with this man earnestly, you knew that the chance of that was slim. However, there was a chance of having a naughty time with him that you would never forget, so what the hell. Let go and throw some caution to the wind.

"Wouldn't you like to know, sir?" Your towel-clad hand traveled down to his wet pants and attempted to dry them, but he ripped the piece of fabric out of your hands and lifted you onto the expansive counter.

"I do. Tell me your confession." He held your hands as your chest heaved against his, blue eyes begging you to ask for something, anything.

"I've thought about you. I’ve cum saying your name before." Your eyes dropped at the statement, but when he moaned at your words, you looked up and saw his jaw twitching. "Fuck me. How long?" You smirked just now truly realizing how turned on he was becoming from this revelation and the fact that he was most certainly a word man.

"Years, please. Sir. Can I have you tonight?" The only description of the sound that he emitted was a whine as his lips crashed on to yours with a force that was almost painful. He bit your lower lip as your legs wrapped around his torso and pulled his flush with your body. You felt the rigid and impressive length of his cock against your thigh and moaned as he rutted against you. "Fuck, doll. You're so responsive to me. I knew as soon as you walked in tonight, I needed you to be mine."

The words edged you on as you ran your slender fingers into his long mussed hair, tugging on it. "I'm all your, Seba." He growled at the new name you picked for him as you suckled on his sweet spot earning a delightful moan and securing a love bite. If you only had one fuck with him, you were going to make it memorable.

You slid down the counter and started unbuttoning his shirt taking off the collar and tossing it across the room while he watched you with lust blow eyes. "You are so fucking breathtaking; I could cum right now. Watching you undress me. Got me so hard, woman." You smirked as you roughly tugged the shirt off the expansive and broad shoulders then nipping and kissing down his chest and abs to his belt.

You made swift and impressive work with his pants, and as he stood in front of you in all his naked wonder, you wished you had time to work out all of your favorite fantasies on this work of art. Those thighs had many filled dreams alone for you. You licked your lips and focused on the intimidating but luscious cock dripping with precum in front of your face, begging for attention. "You don't have to, doll." As soon as he said those words you were all in. You yearned for more sweet nothings to fall from your intended lovers' lips.

You licked up the underside of his shaft while he let out a deep moan that bellowed from deep within him, vibrating out and making your pussy wet without even touching you. "You mouth is fucking divine. I can only imagine how the rest of you feels against me, underneath me." You hummed in response as you took as much of his length and girth in your mouth, allowing your hand to encompass the rest of him, leaving no part unloved.

Your head bobbed back and forth as you hollowed your cheeks out and forced your gag reflex to back the fuck down. He braced himself against the counter, and you pulled back.

He looked down at you with a lip in protest. "Don't be gentle with me, Seba." You went to take him back in your mouth, but he had other intentions and pulled you up against the broad naked chest. So roughly that the air was taken from you. His eyes looked wildly betwixt your own.

"Tell me you want me, Y/N." His voice was ragged, and his breath was strained with desire. "I-I want you. I need you." He bit his lip so hard you thought it would bleed in objection. "And you want it rough? My girl wants my cock hard?" You shook your head. "I'll take whatever you'll give me, sir. I'm yours."

He claimed your lips then, savagely and took your leotard and dress off your frame roughly. He dropped to his knees before you and without warning dove into your wet folds causing you to weep out. He looked up at you with a smirk you could feel and the quirked brow that only aroused you further. Your hands went to his hair as his hands dug into your thighs, guaranteeing bruises. "Ah-Sebastian. Your mouth feels so good on my cunt. Your lips are so sinful." He moved his head from side to side and your legs closed around his head and right before you came, you grabbed his hair pulling him up. "What is it, doll?" He seemed concerned that he had injured you and gently caressed your thighs causing you to smile because that was not the case.

"I want to cum around your thick cock, please." He smiled salaciously. "That can be aranged, princess. I'm gonna wreck you." He lined up his cock and thrust into without warning, and you surrendered your head back, one hand on the counter and one hand on his rippled shoulder.

When you finally had enough senses to look back at your lover his eyes were on you, taking every bead of sweet and bare flesh in for his memory. You bit your lip, and when his eyes found yours, he gave you a particularly hard thrust and called out his name with praise.

"Your pussy is so tight just like it was made for me, baby. So sweet and snug. I can't wait to taste it again." His massive hand wrapped around you and pulled you close to his sweat-slicked torso. The grunts and moans alone only brought you that much closer to release. As if he knew, his fingers found your clit and flicked it just right causing you to bite his shoulder and he growled at the pain mixed with pleasure.

"Ah-Fuck, doll. Where have you been all my life?" His thrusts were getting sloppy as he drilled into you. "Cum inside me, Seba. I want to feel you. Give it to me. Now."

He grabbed your face. "Look at me! I want to see your face when you cum, and I want to see you when I make you mine. Understand me?" You tried to nod, but he held your face so firm you were unable to. "Yes, sir." He smiled and kissed you, his lips are what sent you over the edge of reason into the stars.

He pulled back, and his eyes were deep enough to swim in and lose yourself for all eternity. He let out a moan and said your name as he came inside, painting your velvet walls with his seed. As he finished, he lent in for a soft kiss and then laid his head against yours.

"I-I've....you are lovely, and that was extraordinary." He was out of breath and absolutely exhausted but took the time to take a washcloth to clean you up.

"Are you blushing? Even after all of that." You snickered at his observation. "Yes, well. This was a first for me. I mean one night stand?" He stopped what he was doing with a frown on his face and then silently nodded. "I see." He threw the washcloth in the hamper and handed you your dress while he began putting his clothes on.

There was an awkward silence, and you felt as though you had done something wrong but didn't know what to say or do to make it right. "So... " You stood before him all dressed and went to open the door, and he was silent. You would be lying if you said that you didn't want to cry, you assumed that he wanted to just get this over with, so you would only do it for him instead.

"I guess, I'll let you get back to your friends then?" You walked out of the bathroom, leaving him there.

Sebastian watched you walk out and cursed to himself. He wanted you to stay with him; he wanted to talk to you. Fuck! Why did he have to sleep with you? You were just so fucking lovely and sexy and...

At that moment he knew he would be damned if he let you slip through his fingers with a handful of what-ifs. He ran down the hall and found you talking to Travis who had a concerned look on his face but a smile when he saw him approaching you.

"Y/N?" You turned around, and he could've sworn that there were unshed tears. "I-I think you promised me a dance?" You stood there a moment with confusion on your face, but as you took in Sebastian's face, you only saw a timid man asking a woman to dance, hoping that she would say yes. Gone was the alpha male who just dominated you in the loo.

"...ok." He gave you a genuine smile with a fleeting look to his feet then back to you, taking you to the dance floor.

Link to Song (If you like contemporary dance I love the choreography for this song)

While you didn't like John Mayer, you were always a fan of the acoustic version of Slow Dancing in a Burning Room and as he pulled you close you were silently praying that this wasn't your song. The way his body held you to him and swayed to the rhythm felt hypnotic, but the words brought the tears back up.

"Hey, hey. You ok?" You frowned. "Oh, yea. Just this song. I fuckin hate Mayer but this song and you and ...dancing like this..." The words just flowed out of your mouth, and you covered it for a moment. He pulled your hand gently from your face and kept dancing but somehow pulled you closer.

"Confession?" You just looked at him, then nodded. "At the risk of scaring you off, I have a desire to know you. I know we started off unconventionally and for that, I can't say that I'm sorry because the moments that I spent with you in there, out here, they are burned into my memory. I need to know you and I am at your mercy." Your brow furrowed as you took in his words.

"What-What if I'm not who you think I am. I mean you seem to have some idea of me?" He put his forehead against yours. "Damn straight, darlin', I want you, and I don't care. Hell, I'm scared shitless too. You have me on a pedestal, and I don't deserve to be in your arms. Will you take me though? Take me as I am?" You smiled as he laid it all out before you.

"And how is that, sir?" He stopped dancing. "As a shitty actor who only wants to make this lovely beautiful woman smile as often as I can?" You wrapped your arms around him. "Shitty actor? Never. And yes but only if you stop stepping on my toes and let me teach you how to dance properly."

"Fuck...seriously? I am so sorry, doll." You smirked as he looked down at your feet before pulling you in for a delicate and chaste kiss. "Also, you do know you're comin' home with me tonight?" Your hands threaded through his hair at his admission. "Oh thank goodness. I have like a dozen fantasies that I want to play out with your thighs alone." His eyes widened before he grabbed your hand and started walking to the front door with you laughing behind him.

“Fucking hell, woman. I love your confessions.”

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