#it makes me sad i deleted my old blogs like the ones that had the first messages with my now best online friends but it's okay!

[spohkh]

How easy to not say exactly who broke the ceasefire. How easy to ignore the terms of agreement of who can come back where that were part of the ceasefire. How easy to forget who fired missiles at Israel 15 minutes after the ceasefire started, and how Israel DIDN'T break the agreed terms. And the way that Hamas decided not to bring back the hostages, which were the reason Israel even accepted the truce in the first place. Stop trying to reshape the truth.

K

#anon hate #THANK UUUUUUU for being the sender of the inaugural hate message to bring back this tag!!! #i used to have it on my old blog but i had to remake and in that ENTIRE DECADE SINCE... not ONE person has sent me hate. SAD! #truly from the bottom of my heart thank u for making this moment possible. i couldnt have done it without you #id also like to thank the illegitimate state of israel. whose very existence creates geniuses of reading comprehension like this one #this anon wouldnt be here in my askbox without your GORGEOUS perfect example of a fascist state in the world. thank you! #and finally id like to thank my best friends hamas. hamas where do i even begin. you were there for me through it all #thick and thin. big and small. the good times and the bad times. hamas i love you #this anon said you used some missiles on israel?? is that true??? are you guys running low??? let me know so i can send yall more! #im currently working hard on crafting my replica of the gun that assassinated shinzo abe but ill find time to get some missiles to you #*crowd cheering* thank you. oh thank you so much. *clapping intensifies* thank you! have a good night! happy december!! #anon did u sit there and read thru all of that. are u fuming. are u rolling ur eyes. are u sneering like a cartoon villain #are u my best friend? are u my bestest friend in the whole wide world? did i act up just like u wanted? #i thought abt just deleting it but i was like what if i was pointlessly petty instead and engaged with this. so i did <3

[birdantlers]

A heartfelt and grievously expanded-upon update to this—please, please read the whole thing if you can. reblogs much appreciated.

(DISCLAIMER, for all who are saying reasons like abusive parents/legal stuff/toxic ex/triggering memories/page got deleted/job/stalkers/bullying/[[insert any other shitty life thing]], This is not concerning that—personal safety & health ALWAYS comes first, and is worth more than any media ever could be. This is my biggest reason for defending that autonomy. I would be a hypocrite to say I hadn’t deleted triggering posts of mine or ones that got me in trouble with my family.)

it genuinely makes me sad and kinda upset when someone purges all their old art off the internet like. barring harmful content what if someone liked that. What if someone would have. And now nobody will ever know and it's just gone. even people's old invader zim askblogs or whatever getting deleted feels like a micro alexandria to me and that's just something I made up. I wasn't even thinking of a specific one it just stresses me out. Is this the autism I don't get why nobody else seems to freak internally abt it like I do. I see artists whose blogs I've never even looked at go like "man so glad I deleted all my old stuff it's so clean" or saying they throw out art from when they were kids I'm like. how are you not hurling. How is that not distressing that is literally your tree rings why would you do that. I want to see what's out there. people want to see it I promise someone out there likes it

...don't they??? Does everyone get quietly irrationally upset by this as me, or is this just hyperfixation/autism/some amalgam of the two. I'm not a hoarder or obsessive compulsive or anything like that so i wonder..

Anyways. reblog if you had a favorite amateur youtube animator in your childhood whose channel got nuked without a trace one day that you still think about.

I wanted to attach this video because it condenses my point very well. A TLDR of sorts. Please watch the whole thing, it genuinely changed the entire way I think about art as a concept.

(2nd vid is "Subjectivity in Art")

“The moment your art touches an audience, the ownership shifts in an irreversible way. [They're] not having an art experience with you and your intentions. They're having an art experience with the art object.

“You can't just burn your past; it's not even your past to burn anymore. It's other people's history as well. Whether or not you like it, that art is already bonded to somebody's soul, and if you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it.”

The digital age makes it very easy to distance or detach yourself from the impact your work has—be it art, fanfic, videos, even memes. Online content is as important to people now as any other media, if not more. But it's also by far the easiest, fastest, and most effective form of it to erase from public access. Media so unbelievably important to people and in general. Yes, you—with the 2010s purple sparkle dog speedpaint. I still think about that speedpaint all the time, because it was the first time i learned that you could draw on a computer, and I thought it was cool as hell. I still do.

I do wish there was a stronger culture of preservation and consideration for this, because every time I see people talk about snuffing their stuff because it doesn't personally resonate with them anymore, I just think ...what about all the people it did?

I've seen lots of people saying "get over it, it doesn't even matter," but it fucking does. It does matter. Even if I didn’t make it, even if I don’t have to deal with being the one who made it, even if I'm naturally inclined to be distressed by it—It still matters. And there’s nothing you could ever say to suddenly make it not matter, because there’s nothing you could ever say to make it not matter to me.

Don't devalue the act of creation. Don't dismiss something you made. It's out there, in people's thoughts and hearts and souls, and that is real. Even if you don't know it. Especially if you don't know it. Especially in a world where physical media is being snuffed out, the internet is constantly dying without any physical remains to recover, social isolation is rampant, and simply because independently produced content online is still media.

Fanfiction can hold equal or greater significance to someone as a book, but you can’t unpublish a book. Authors don’t have a button that can vaporize every copy of their work across all time, but fanfiction authors do. I’m not counting people who download fics either—when you buy a book, that transaction is over. But online, you have the power of unending transaction that can be terminated instantly at your will. The process of publishing fanfic vs. publishing a book may be different, but people’s connection to the art is the same intensity.

So yeah. I do get depressed about the Internet being a constant Alexandria, but the times I get the most depressed is when I click someone's page and see that all their work is gone because they're ‘curating a new aesthetic’ for their page or some shit. Or weeding out all the "ugly" art. Or just went on whatever the hell 'thrill deleting' is, because they just get a kick out of it.

Fuck it—yeah! It upsets me! I’m not wrong to say that. I’m saying it!

Under the cut, because it got long as shit! Also don’t worry the ending is way sappier and more ‘beauty of human nature’ vibe so it’s not all doom and gloom lol

What if that was someone's favorite art of that character. What if someone read that 'cringe oneshot' on the worst day of their life. What if that Warriors meme vid is still burned into a college student’s mind despite being gone for 10 years. What if it's actually not just you and the ones and zeros you rent out to the world—secure in knowing the original will always be on your computer for you to do whatever you want with it.

I really, deeply wish there was more of a general awareness of this, because even though social media can be used like a diary, that’s functionally the opposite of what it is. It’s social media. When you post, it’s no longer in a vacuum, even though you can’t see the real humans that content touches—often deeply.

Media is history. You shouldn’t burn that history just because you personally believe it isn’t worth saving.

Because it’s no longer just your personal opinion. It’s no longer just your personal work. it’s. history. Memory of media is not a suitable replacement for the media itself. If it was, we wouldn’t save anything at all. Nostalgia is an agent of that. The definition of nostalgia is grief for moments of the past that are inaccessible, and the biggest balm for that pain is accessing a physical reminder of those moments. That opinion of yours is no longer personal. It’s weighed against uncountable people across all time that your thing is ALSO personal to. People who would, and will mourn its absence.

How many times have you joined an older fandom only to discover that some of its most popular works are gone? How many times have you routed through random blogs looking for scraps people hopefully reblogged? how many times have you used Wayback machine desperately praying that a fan fiction or a YouTube video will be there? How many times do you look up crunchy old vines or YouTube videos or anime AMV‘s? How many times do you remember old fanfic.net sex that impacted you in middle school, only to shake your head and go ‘probably no point even looking.’

i mourn the absence. No, people can’t and shouldn’t have their agency over what they post revoked, but they should be conscious of that weight. If you’re reading this and getting extremely annoyed, and you’re not in the pink text above,,,, good.

I honestly do hope it gets under your skin. I hope it sits with you. I hope you feel it every time you hit that button, and whether or not you do hit that button—if you hesitate, if you remember this, even spitefully, I’ve done my job. I am howling into the void. And I may not want an answer, but I do want my anguish to be heard and remembered. Because it isn’t me just being melodramatic.

I know I sound that way writing so much, but if my favorite writing YouTuber can drop trow this week and go, "yeah, sorry, all my video essays from less than a year ago that you listen to in the car all the time? I'm "rebranding" my content so i deleted them. besides, my personal views don't really agree align with the analyses i did, or the techniques i taught in them anyway. Sorry if some of the literal tens of thousands of you used them, but I don't want to feel shackled to having youtuber "classics" tied to me”

….then i guess I'm just going to have to sound dramatic! That fucking sucks! Hours of work and knowledge gone! This was a new channel too. It’s very likely there’s no archive of any kind, because who would think someone who worked hard enough to write, record, and edit hour-long videos, would just turn around and nuke it all? I definitely didn’t see it coming, but I did just start a new screenwriting class a few weeks ago, so I’ll tell you at least one person is REALLY missing those fucking videos right now. Because a lot of them were about specifically screenwriting, which I know jack shit about. and that specific person’s pace, editing, and style of breaking down information was the best suited style I found that I could focus on and absorb. There’s no replacement for that. No alternative for his individual perspective. his jokes. his opinions.

No, they may not resonate with him now, but in this decision, he’s put up a big middle finger to everyone who might have. And he has like 100k subscribers! Those are confirmed supporters! Imagine how many silent and untethered observers are feeling this loss right now. Imagine how many will not have it in the future.

If he never posted them at all, we wouldn’t know we had it. It wouldn’t be a loss. But we did. We did have it. Until he decided that no, we didn’t, because he just happens to be the one out of millions of individuals holding the button to burn it in a hundredth of a second.

His personal work, the attachment I had to it, and the ways that it helped me are now just ripped away. I am one person out of millions, literal MILLIONS of people who saw and liked this content before it vanished. The soul has been ripped, the access severed, and by CJ’s (and my) definition, the art is functionally dead. Not for the YouTuber or anyone else lucky enough to save a link or download, but everyone else. From this point until the end of time, even if people even two weeks from now don’t know it. Even if someone who stumbles upon his channel today, doesn’t know it.

We only mourn the concept of Alexandria because we had some kind of scope for what was inside. Yes, maybe you got self-conscious and deleted your 12 year old deviant art account. Do you know who else is doing that?? THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of other twenty somethings who ALSO feel self-conscious about their old socials. Art. Fanfic. One direction fan videos. anything.

Suddenly, an unquantifiable amount of information from your age group—an entire age group in 2012, is. gone. And we will NEVER know what’s been erased from that history. We will NEVER know what could have been significant to us ten years from now. Twenty years from now. A hundred years. A thousand.

You could have deleted a fanfic that would have been someone else’s new go-to panic attack distraction tomorrow. You could have deleted a video someone used to laugh at with their friend who died yesterday. When you delete something, you risk tearing a hole in unknowable personal histories.

The Internet isn’t just a big library of Alexandria. It’s a library containing libraries. And those libraries have their own libraries in those libraries have their own as well. libraries inside libraries, inside libraries, ad infinitum. To conceive the amount of destroyed history on the Internet is crushing.

And I just can’t help but I ask myself how in gods name people can choose to contribute to that, instead of reposting everything to trash heap alts titled “hall of shame” or some shit.

You can offload to alts. Put up disclaimers. Make password locked blogs, or dropboxes, or anonymous imgur dumps. Anonymous reuploads. Orphan fics. Make a playlist or linktree of unlisted videos. Cut off the watermarks. Delete all references to it on your main. Make a dedicated unlisted playlist. make a google drive. Make new portfolio sites. Delete any questions you get about it. Change pen names. Pretend it never existed.

Give a heads up.

Something.

But don’t. kill. the media.

The knowledge that our stuff is going to forever be tied to us is a cross we have to bear, but the responsibility that comes with putting it out there in the first place, can’t be ignored.

Anyway. I'm not trying to start conflict. This is not a bash on anyone, nor a call for witch hunts. Or anon hate, or blocks and unfollows or anything of that nature. I'm not wishing ramifications or hate of any kind on anyone who does wants to do any of this.

I'm also not guilt tripping— I am not saying that you should feel bad. I AM saying why it makes me feel bad. That’s not guilting, it’s a dialogue. One I personally feel is long overdue.

It's me yelling into the void: please consider the real people on the other side of the screen before you hit that button. Realize and know that whatever you're about to erase from history could be the most important thing in the world to someone.

Art is an experience. It's why we revisit it. If art and history simply lived in the matter and code of media, we would only need to look at it once. We wouldn’t put things in museums. We wouldn’t build libraries. We wouldn’t look up vine compilations.

If you're able, consider (and I do mean consider, this is not a call to action) not destroying that. And don’t shrug it off as some pretentious asshole venting on Tumblr. You only need to look in the notes and tags to see that it isn’t just me. it’s never just me, or you, or the pixels.

And even if you do shrug it off, then at least recognize that what you make matters. Whatever you think about it, if it’s out there, that's not your discretion anymore. If a tree falls in the woods and even one person is around to see it, it fucking mattered. Because it happened. Don’t mulch your tree rings if you don’t have to. Because if enough people do it, a whole forest is gone. Media is history, no matter whether you think it’s worth putting in a museum, or only has 30 notes.

Thousands of years ago, a child named onfim doodled on his homework. They’re crude, and everyone has the wrong amount of fingers, and they’re also priceless archaeological artifacts recognizable throughout the world.

the only thing separating Onfim’s doodles and your MS paint Pokémon doodles is time. The only thing separating your old MS paint Pokémon doodles from being a priceless artifacts, thousands of years in the future is time. Your creations are already priceless artifacts. No matter what you do, don't ever, ever deny that. It isn’t blowing up your own ass, it’s artistic and anthropological fact.

The mundane and the supposedly unworthy are often the first things lost to time, and that’s why they’re so precious. That’s why artists who were before their time are scorned first only to be celebrated later. Do you think they knew that was going to happen?? What if they nuked it? Many probably did! But now that’s happening exponentially and instantaneously everywhere, WITHOUT the artist having to destroy their only copy—which makes it way easier and more dismissable.

Sometimes, If you’re revolutionary enough, people will make an effort to preserve your work, but recognized and thoroughly recorded work is rare compared to unrecognized and thoroughly recorded work.

Sometimes something is beloved enough that it would be impossible for it not to go down in history, but even then it isnt a guarantee, and it’s rare. But if van Gogh burned all of his paintings in a fit of despair before his death, we would have no van Gogh. Because he wasn’t respected as an artist in his time, but that wasn’t what defined the worth of his art. The people after him did, because his art was still there for them.

If you rip the art away, you're ripping a bit of the soul that has adhesive contact to it. If you belittle your art, you belittle the very real relationships and emotions and revisitations people have with the media. You defy the inherent worth and weight of a creation. you created. That's effort. It's passion. No matter how flippant or unskilled or worthless you think it is, it matters. Because at the end of the day, you could have chosen to make nothing at all, and you didn't.

•

Muting notifs

#artists on tumblr #Artistic #digital art #art history #anthropology #humanity #art discussion #art theory #skit yells

[jj-one]

SALTY & SWEET 🥣

pairing: established relationship, nerdy bf!dom!Jungkook x gf!reader, jk is around 21/22 in this genre/tags: smut, (some) fluff, angst, degradation, praise kink, oral (m receiving), facef*cking, food play, c*m play, c*m eating, use of word daddy (once) words: 981

**old repost from my deleted blog

Oh you sad, sad little thing… always finding yourself in these compromising situations. The whole morning went as normal with Jungkook, he was super nice to you and smothered you with lots of loving kisses! But once he arrived back home from classes his entire mood shifted completely.

“Get on your knees, wanna use that pretty little mouth of yours right now.” Jungkook was hovering over you as you sat down.

You were just minding your business on the couch eating a bowl of strawberries when he said that to you.

“W-what?” Your eyes bug out of your head like a deer in headlights.

“Did I stutter? On your knees NOW!” His voice becomes more stern.

You squirm to get up, not wanting to waste another minute incase he gets angrier. Your body feels shaky from his intimidating persona, he usually comes off as sweet and caring but when he’s mad he becomes almost sadistic.

It didn’t take long for him to end up down your throat. All 7 inches of him being taken by you. You kept choking and gagging but the more you did it the more Jungkook would just keep pushing your head back down. His fingers latching onto your hair and thrusting his hips harder to get more of his cock deeper in your throat.

“C’mon, you can take it like the little pathetic slut you are. You’re my precious little pup right?”

His words made you so fucking wet for him.

You wanted to please him in the best way you could. Bobbing your head back and forth, his spit combined with your saliva all over your face. Jungkook likes it messy though, he also loves shooting his load out on your face after a long day. You acted like nothing but a toy for him to use, just a fuckdoll he can manipulate and dump all his cum into when he’s frustrated.

His glasses were sliding down to his nose as he keeps lowering his head to get a finer view of you. Your fucked out face was so angelic to him, so divine… you looked the most beautiful when you had Jungkook’s cock buried in your mouth.

“There atta-girl… such a good little slut for me aren’t you?” The way he talks to you will be your true weakness.

You had to prove your love to him. Your devotion. You wanted his cum as a reward so you had to work hard for it and push through the pain. You try humming to loosen up your vocal cords and take him better, the vibrations sent chills up his spine and he almost lost his balance for a second. Feeling the way he throbbed and twitched on your tongue made you moan against his shaft.

“Fuck yeah… good girl my good little fucking princess…”

You kept letting him throatfuck you and the tears came rolling down now. He loved seeing you become a crying fucked out mess for him, it filled his heart with the utmost joy.

“Aww.. my darling’s getting teary eyed, can’t take all of it huh??”

Your jaw hurts so bad but you can’t stop now, you have only one goal to achieve and that was to make your boyfriend cum all over your pretty face. His cock slammed into your uvula and you made a loud gagging noise, he would just grin and keep pushing hisself in you relentlessly. He laughed at your misery, the way your knees buckled and quivered while being under him.

He wouldn’t be laughing for too much longer though, one more thrust to the back of your throat would leave him nearly unable to talk. His body felt paralyzed. Eyes were violently rolling to the back of his head as he feels his release approaching. He jerks his hips back and quickly pulls out of your mouth. He doesn’t bring his cock to your face though, instead his attention is drawn to the bowl of strawberries you were eating from earlier.

He stands in front of it on the couch and viciously strokes his cock, large white ropes of cum come trickling down onto the fresh strawberries. Once he finishes he looks back at you now with an evil grin.

“Get on all fours for me doll.” He instructs you.

You do as you’re told, getting on your hands and knees, crawling your way towards him. He takes ones of the strawberries— that are now all coated with his hot delicious cum and brings it to your lips.

“Open wide.”

You open your mouth and he plops the strawberry in, you immediately close your mouth to start chewing. The strawberry was so sweet and juicy while Jungkook’s cum was warm and salty, this might be the perfect combination you’ve ever tried.

“Taste’s good right princess?”

You nod your head and finally speak “Yes, so yummy daddy, want to eat more!”

“Then go ahead, eat more.”

You dip your face in the bowl of strawberries and eat another one. You can’t get over how good his cum tastes with the savory fruit. He pets the top of your head like you were a kitten, just grinning at the sight of you eagerly eating his cum.

“Such a naughty little girl… you really are a huge slut.” He degrades you more, wrapping his hand around your neck as he lifts you from being on all fours.

You’re back on your knees again facing him while he kept a tight grip on you. The way this man had you so down bad for him, you were willing to let him do absolutely anything to satisfy his needs. Your body couldn’t stop trembling under his touch, he had you perfectly the way he wanted.

“Still look so pretty, even after sucking off my cock..” his hold on you was only getting tighter at this point.

“So obedient for me, always.”

#jeon jungkook smut #jungkook smut #bts smut #jeon jungkook x reader #jungkook x reader #jungkook drabbles #jungkook imagine #bts x reader #jungkook scenarios #jungkook drabble #jungkook x female reader

[uselesssomebody]

𝕗𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕙 𝕠𝕗 𝕛𝕦𝕝𝕪 (𝕝) - neighbor!joel miller x reader (pre!outbreak)

complete masterlist | joel miller masterlist

"𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕦𝕣𝕥𝕙 𝕠𝕗 𝕛𝕦𝕝𝕪 𝕞𝕒𝕝𝕥 𝕝𝕚𝕢𝕦𝕠𝕣 𝕠𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕓𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕥𝕙, 𝕞𝕪, 𝕞𝕪" - you can be the boss | lana del rey

words || 𝟠.𝟛𝕜

summary || in which the reader gets real friendly with one of her neighbors

next part || fourth of july (II)

a/n || in honor of that one deleted dvcree edit. may it rest in peace ➵ i became ghastly ill when i tried to write so apologies that it took a while. ➵ this is set before the events of the show, back when joel and sarah were still both alive and in austin, texas. i've never been so i dunno how accurate my descriptions are, or my accents, either. don't hate them please ➵ there is an age gap in this story !! if that makes you uncomfortable, i have many other non-age-gap fics you can browse on my page. reader is like 27 and joel is like 36. he's not old, though he is mentioned as such because he's old compared to her. also canonical dilf ➵ thinking of putting out a sister blog but with darker fics? what're we thinking, guys? ➵ send me requests if you have ‘em. enjoy!

warnings || fluff/smut ➵ unprotected sex ➵ piv sex ➵ oral (m receiving) ➵ fingering ➵ overstimulation ➵ facial & cum ig (tell me if i miss anything)

austin was hot.

she was sure that was one of her first thoughts as she’d stepped off the plane, quick to push her suddenly-heavy locks out of her face. lugging luggage and a young teen with her certainly didn’t make it better, but the light gust of fresh air when she stepped out of the airport left her sighing deeply in relief.

flagging down a taxi was simple enough, but getting her sister to help place their suitcases in the trunk was not.

“nicole - please get off your ass and help me!” she said it in such a sweet voice, that her harsh choice of words seemed to both mildly bewilder and amuse the driver.

no one called nicole ‘nicole’, except, of course, her big sister - and even then, only to frighten her. to everyone else she was just nicky and, if they were real close, nick.

swallowing sharply at the implied warning - the use of her full name - she did, indeed, get off her ass and help push the last suitcase into the trunk.

they piled into the backseat, the cool of the a.c. soothing the light flush on the sisters’ skin. she’s quick to give the driver the address, and he nods, setting off.

neither of them had imagined ever moving back to austin, but here they were.

it’d been about 13 years, as far as she remembers, and the scenery had changed significantly. more people bustled around the streets than there had been before, more businesses had seemingly popped up, and everything seemed fancier.

nicky wouldn’t have noticed the change, having moved alongside her family at the ripe age of a year old, but her significantly older sister could.

she still remembers how her parents had sat her down - on a pretty summer evening before her freshman year. they’d mentioned many things - how the family was due for a new start, how austin wasn’t so feasible for them anymore, and so on. the only thing she’d heard was change and loss.

and that's what it was for her. her whole life turned upside on its head, as the family of 4 made the move across the country to the cold state of michigan. and that’s where they’d stayed - for the rest of her childhood, and then her adulthood, too.

her parents had been young when they’d had her. very young, and she sometimes sensed the sadness that she caused them because of it. they never tried to be outward about it, and her life had been as happy as she could have realistically wanted it.

and, though she loved her young sister, she knew that she became less important in the eyes of her parents after nicky’s birth, taking the back-burner to make space for the family’s golden child, conceived with careful planning and meticulous care - as opposed to the case that she’d been.

now, though, being much older, she didn’t let that bother her, though she never felt particularly at home in michigan. in fact, the last place she’d felt at ease had been austin, and when her father had stated that he couldn’t continue to find renters for their old property there, and was thinking of selling it, she was quick to discourage him, swaying him by stating she’d be more than happy to stay there, renting under her parents. they’d been excited at the notion of being able to keep the house, she was happy to get out of there, and nicky was… well, she was, frankly, devastated at the thought of her big sister being several states away.

regardless of the tense family dynamic, the both of them had remained steadfastly bonded, with her providing the role of a caretaker as much as she was a sister to nicky when her parents found themselves unable to relate to or understand their young daughter. nicky’d begged for weeks to travel with her sister, and her parents had been - to put it lightly - hesitant, worried that the big change would affect their daughter’s development.

nicky was outgoing, for sure, and she had her friends and her school - but she knew all those came and went. the only rock she’d truly had in her life was her sister, and the notion of losing her had been too much to bear.

she’d gotten ill after that first week it was announced - it was as much a physical sickness as it was a psychological one - and the wallowing she had done at the advent of the news had only spurred the sickness to be harsher.

her parents had had to reprioritize after that, finally grasping the profound effect the separation might have on the two.

and that’s what led them here - just a few blocks away from her childhood home.

nicky wasn’t sure how exactly she felt about the suburban environment after their last few years in an apartment at the heart of the city, but when she looked over, she could see her sister’s happy - nay, giddy - face. that was definitely a big plus.

she had practically fallen out of the car in her excitement, and she spent just a minute marvelling at the fact that building hasn't changed a bit from when she last saw it.

it had transported her back to her teenage self, and, lost in the moment, the taxi driver wondered if he should remind her of her bags and his fare. nicky, who had been less of a help on the ride here, started unloading them herself, and it took until the second suitcase for him to help her.

“just give her a minute,” she mumbles, making him laugh lightly. hearing the conversation, she snaps her head back, realizing that most of the bags were already on the pavement.

“oh! sorry,” she fished into her wallet, producing his fare, which he accepted with a nod and salute. she smiled, the two sisters thanking him and waving him off, before turning back to their place, “excited?” she mumbles it to nicky.

“incredibly,” she said it with a faux-bored expression, but even she could appreciate the extra space this house would provide them.

she walks up the patio steps, slotting the key she’d so delicately carried the entire journey here into the lock, and hearing the distinct click it made when it opened.

the sound of a new beginning.

it'd been a few weeks, and everything was shockingly alright. the house felt more like home to her than anywhere she'd ever been, and though nicky was still adjusting, she felt infinitely better in a somewhat unfamiliar environment with her sister, as opposed to a familiar one without her. the house had three bedrooms, and nicky’d happened to pick her childhood bedroom out of the two offered to her, and, though nicky hadn't realized yet, she could see the love she’d put into the bedroom when she was younger: chipped wallpaper where she’d put her posters, a faint ring of liquid on the windowsill from where she'd kept her potted plant, the creak of the bed whenever someone would sit on it.

hey, she never said it was perfect, and they'd been quick to make their way to the furniture store closer to the city to find some new things for the place. all she was glad about was that there was no need for renovations in the old house.

they'd found a lot of time to spend together; having moved early into the summer, they'd hoped nicky would get acquainted with the change before going to school. that’d also left her to be a somewhat bored teen, so she did what she, as a younger sibling, did best: annoy her sister.

of course, she didn't mind, simply happy they had a chance to hang out, something that had been harder to do for her between work back in michigan, and her school. currently, she was also taking a break, having left her job, and having a new one lined up in another month.

that left ample time for them to catch up on all the movies and t.v. they'd had to watch, and for the older sister to teach nicky a thing or two about good music. she couldn't have her sister entering high school with a bad taste of music - it'd be blasphemous. she'd been brushing up on her housekeeping abilities as well, so the time also consisted of teaching nicky of how to cook, and keep everything in the house in order to minimize the risk of damage.

that time had begun to dwindle as of recent, with nicky being out of the house more often. she'd come into her sister's room sporadically, in order to ask her permission to meet with a friend. she'd tend to say yes, considering her sister was old enough to handle herself, though she was always a little shocked at the speed at which nicky made friends.

on one fine morning, she finally sat her down.

“so, who's this friend you've been spending all your time with?” it'd been in the middle of breakfast, and nicky'd become frozen, spoonful of cereal sticking out of her mouth. she’s quick to realize the awkward position, pulling the spoon out of her mouth, and hastening her chewing in order to answer the question more quickly.

“you haven't met her? oh my god, you absolutely have to. she's been showing me around the place - apparently she knows all the coolest spots, cause her and her dad - they've been living here for, like, forever, and-” the sudden onslaught of information made the older sister practically recoil, before it was replaced by an amused chuckle.

“well, mom and dad were worried about how well you'd adjust, but it seems like you're doing just fine.” nicky smiled too, though it was a little sheepish, “so, where did you say she stayed?” she was still slightly confused as to how nicky had met her, as she'd never exactly strayed very far from the house.

“oh, she lives next-door. didn't I mention?” the information was jarring for a moment, as it seemed a massive oversight on her part to not even notice her adjacent neighbors, but she suddenly found herself remembering something. there had been a young girl coming out of the house next door with a bag slung over her shoulder, and her hair pulled back and under a visor to protect her from the blinding texan sun. she’d been out to attend to some of the plants she had bought for the porch, and she had looked up when she’d heard the girl’s crunching steps on the somewhat gravelly pavement.

she’d smiled and waved at her, and she’d nodded back, just slightly confused by the encounter. of course, due to the nature of it, she’d promptly forgotten about it by evening, but she was quickly coming to realize that this must be the girl that nicky was talking about.

“wait - she’s the one with the big hair, wears band shirts?” nicky nods enthusiastically, and she smiles approvingly. the young girl seemed sweet enough, and she was more than happy that nicky had already found a friend.

the next week, nicky had been begging that they invite sarah over for dinner. it’d been a chill weekend anyways, so she was definitely not opposed to the idea, but she was quick to extend the invitation.

“okay, okay - invite her over on sunday. tell her to invite her parents too; it’d be nice to meet the neighbors.” nicky was quick to shake her head.

“parent, it’s just her and her dad.” she corrected herself quickly.

“right, ‘f course. invite him over too, then.” nicky nodded excitedly, rushing over to her room to get on the phone with sarah along the street.

that sunday, she did join the sister’s for dinner, but, as she’d been ushered into the house by two friendly smiles, she seemed to putting off a phrase at the tip of her tongue.

“s’everything ‘lright, hun?” she was quick to notice her guest’s guarded appearance, as she’d sat on the couch with nicky.

“hmm? oh, yeah, yeah. it’s just - my dad’s working tonight, so he couldn’t make it.” she waved her off.

“oh, don’t worry about that, we’re just happy you’re here!”

nicky echoed the sentiment, and the two young girls spent their time talking and laughing, a couple miscellaneous snack bowls spread over the coffee table as sarah became more comfortable. they’d migrated to the dining table when they’d been served dinner. she didn’t tend to cook for guests, so she attempted to pull out all her makeshift stops and, considering the end product, she was quite satisfied with the result.

no one was more excited than nicky and sarah, though - the both of them practically scarfing down the delicious meal. the conversation had turned to include all three of them, and sarah was beginning to reacquaint the both of them to austin, while they entertained her with stories of their time in michigan.

though they’d tried their very best, neither girl came all that close to finishing all the food she’d set out, so she was quick to package it up, sending sarah on her way with the food as a nod to her father’s missed opportunity.

“are you sure? i mean, i don’t know if i can take this-”

“yes, you can. unless you don’t think he’ll like it-”

“no! absolutely not, he’ll love it, it’s just-”

“sarah.” the faux-strict tone made sarah’s face crack into a smile, before she nodded, tucking the packet under her arm as she turned to say her goodbyes to nicky.

once she’d left, she pounced on her older sister.

“isn’t she great?” startled, she laughed, before nodding.

“definitely.”

june passed quickly, and, by july, she’d finished the paperwork for the house, for her job, and for nicky’s school. she was glad to know that it was the same one that sarah went to, and, with the added comfort of her sister spending increasing amounts of time exploring austin, she’d sat her cramped joints down in front of the t.v., vying at the chance to enjoy some trashy reality or game show.

though the sun still provided sweltering heat, when she left the kitchen and living room windows slightly ajar, she could feel the hint of a breeze work in place of their energy-consuming a.c. - which she’d turned off for that exact reason.

she turned her head from the t.v., the contestants on the screen continuing to speak with the host, and she let her eyes drift over the sliver of scenery that she could see through the half-obstructed kitchen windows. some of her neighbors had put up american flags. some were old, new, tattered, printed, there was even one that seemed to be homemade. of course, she knew this behavior was really only reserved in this neighborhood during this time of year, as the texans prepared to celebrate the 4th of july.

reminiscing of her own experiences with the holiday: going swimming with friends, eating good meals, and the occasional barbecue at a friend’s place - she was caught off guard when she heard the doorbell ring. it made her jump, but she quickly composed herself, standing up and brushing off her clothes.

she ran her fingers through her hair and, hoping she looked presentable, she opened the door.

it was her neighbor on her other side, a woman by the name of martha. she was a little older - her and her husband - and they were absolute sweethearts. in fact, they were the first to greet the new neighbors, back on their second day here. she was looking up at her with an excited smile.

“martha, hi! what can i do for you!”

“well - i was just wondering if you’d join us: we’re having a little barbecue tomorrow for the 4th, and i’ve invited a few of the neighbors. we’d really love to have you and nicky.”

she was just a bit taken aback by the invitation, but she didn’t hesitate in her response.

“of course, we’d be happy to be there! shall i bring anything?”

“no, of course not, dear. we’re hosting, just bring your little one.” she let out a light laugh, agreeing. martha bid her a quick goodbye, and headed in the next house’s direction - the millers.

perfect, she thought, nicky’ll have some fun too, then.

july the 4th, and a neighborhood barbecue. it’s a nation-wide phenomenon, then.

nicky’d been significantly more excited than her, once again, proving herself to be the more social one. nevertheless, as the younger girl got ready the next morning, her older sister spent her time finishing a tin of muffins. martha’d assured her she didn’t have to bring anything, but it almost hurt her soul to show up empty-handed. if she’d calculated correctly - and she’d hoped she’d done - she’d made just about enough for the whole group.

by 11:30, they were both ready, and she’d placed two boxes of them in nicky’s hand, while she carried the other two. the both of them made their way over, and she noticed the large group mingling in their yard and backyard. she could see martha’s husband, john, commandeering their large grill, a corona in his hand. she looked around for martha, and caught the eye of the woman as she turned away from greeting another guest.

“oh, you two ‘re here, perfect.”

“hey, martha. look, i know what you said, but-” martha gasped in delight at the boxes as she neared and noticed them, lightly taking them off of her.

“they look great; you haven’t stressed making them, have ya?”

“no - no, it’s my pleasure, really.” martha smiled at her, a mix of graciousness and happiness, before turning her attention to nicky.

“hey, nicky. how’re ya holding up?” nicky nodded.

“good, pretty good. thanks for having us.” she waved her hand at the notion, ushering the both of them inside.

for the first hour, she got acquainted with martha’s husband, the smiths from across from them, and marriots from down the road. they were all very curious about michigan and she, in turn, curious about how much exactly austin had changed since she’d last been here. at the same time, nicky was talking to a pair of twins a year younger than her who lived about two houses down. they were pretty cool, and were going to the same school as her, so they were filling her in on some of the school-wide drama: stuff sarah never cared so much about.

speaking of which, by about 12:30, she hears sarah’s voice greeting someone, and she turns her head, waving at her. behind her is her father, two packs of cold ones in his hands, that he sets down as he greets the hosts. sarah’s quick to detach from him, saluting him goodbye, as she instead makes her way over to nicky and the two other girls.

nicky's older sister had been enraptured in a conversation about the new dog the marriots were getting next week, when she felt someone come up to her.

john had brought joel over to the group, and he integrated without interrupting the story, letting mr. marriot express his excitement for the miniature pinscher they were getting. once he was done, he notices the newest member of his audience.

“hey! joel, how’re ya doin’?” his words turned the attention of everyone in the group, and she realized that this was the coveted joel miller: the man she missed for that one dinner. she turned her head to look at him, flashing him a friendly smile, but it almost froze on her face as she drank in his appearance.

good god, was he fine. messy hair that he’d pushed back, a full beard and an intense gaze. jesus, he was piercing straight through her, his eyes boring into hers while his mouth reflected a polite smile. she averted her gaze for a moment, before john is quick to introduce them.

“and this is joel; him and his daughter live right next door to you guys.” she nods, reaching over to shake his outstretched hand.

“nice to meet you; you’re sarah’s dad?” he nods, smiling at the mention of his daughter. she made the mistake of looking up to catch his gaze, and she felt her breath hitch. the moment passed as she released his hand, but, when she looked back up at his face for a half-second, as ms. smith began talking about her daughter, she swore she saw a smirk in the corner of his mouth.

the lunch had been lovely, and the company had been better. she’d heard stories of four neighbor’s dogs, and seven neighbor’s kids, and then stories of john and martha’s holiday the previous winter, and she felt much closer to the entire neighborhood. nicky had been bustling between her and her friends the entire time, as had sarah, but with her father.

speaking of whom - joel was interesting. he seemed just a bit tired, and maybe bit quiet compared to the others, but he had managed to find a keen amusement in making her squirm. and how could she not? this attractive, sweet, hot, funny, hot, gentlemanly, hot single dad was meeting her eyes every few moments with a gaze that made it look like he wanted to make her forget her name.

did she mention he was hot?

as was she, after a few hours of this strange back and forth, where the both of them seemed to be enraptured in the conversations they were in, but couldn’t seem to take their attention off each other.

jesus christ - he’s your neighbor. and he’s 10 years older than you. and he’s got a daughter who is best friends with your sister!

she jumped when nicky had come up to her, shocked by the feeling of practically materializing her sister.

“hey, i was wondering if i could go over to sarah’s place? i’ll be home in the evening.” nicky seemed a little tired of the party, obviously not the absolute best scene for a teenager like her.

“huh? oh, um - is she and her dad okay with that?”

“i’m alright with it,” a deep voice came from behind her, and she whipped her head around. joel had a kind smile on his face, and he was looking over at nicky, nodding.

“oh, thank you mr. miller! i appreciate it.” nicky smiled back up at him, before looking at her sister with practically puppy eyes.

“alright, nicky. be home by 5.”

“by 6, see you!” nicky rushed off before she had a chance to argue, and she opened her mouth, stuck between bemusement and amusement at her gall. joel laughed behind her, a deep, quiet noise. she didn’t realize how close he was to her, feeling the vibrations of his body in her own. she turned to properly face him, taking a half-step back to allow herself a more comfortable angle to look at him.

“nicky’s always so excited to hang out with sarah, and i can see why: she’s really sweet.” he smiled at the compliment for his daughter, his eyes holding a far-away quality that indicated his reminiscing of her.

“yeah - yeah, nicky too. sarah’s always harpin’ me to be able to go out with her.” he took a breath as he snapped back to look at her, “you’re new to the neighborhood then.” she smiled.

“yeah, we just moved in last month.” he nodded, gesturing around.

“it’s not a bad place, when you’re used to it.” there’s a joking twang in his tone.

“it’s not a bad place, even when you aren’t.” a light chuckle fell from him, as he took another swig of his beer. she could feel the proximity heating her up, so she brushed some hair out of her face, “i think i’ll step out for a moment. d’ya wanna join me?” she gestured to the door, and he shrugged.

“why not.”

the yard was more empty now, as people had begun leaving the gathering, or entering the house as the food had dwindled. though, still placed on the table, were a few of the many muffins she had made. she walked over, him in invisible tow, and she took one, handing it over to him.

“do me a favor, tell me what you think.” he seemed a bit confused, but obliged her, eating the muffin with great care. maybe exaggerated, but the expression on his face made her laugh, so she didn’t mind.

“this is great! martha went all out for these.” she nodded at the praise, him oblivious that it should have been directed towards her.

“martha definitely did. those were mine, though.” he looked back at her, in a mixture of impress and awe.

“well - you’re as good a baker as you are a cook, then.” she laughed at the reference to their lost dinner.

“oh, you did get it from sarah. perfect, what’d you think?”

“i thought that i regretted missing the chance to meet you then.”

suddenly, she felt the conversation had veered away from her ability to make food, and more towards - well, her. she went to retort, but heard her phone’s tone go. she snapped her head to her pocket, mumbling an apology as she did so.

it wasn’t anything important, thankfully, but it did give her an opportunity to check the time and, true to belief, it seemed that, very soon, she’d have overstayed her welcome.

“shit, it’s later than i thought.” she looked up at him, almost apologetically.

“you’re heading home?” though she wasn’t a master at reading faces, she could almost swear there was a hint of disappointment on his.

“well, joel, you’re a hard man to get a hold of. so, mind helping me bring these boxes back?” she gestured to the four boxes, and, in her own roundabout manner, made the bold move of inviting him over.

was it even bold? he lived a few meters from the place anyway. he smiled though, and, in his own gentlemanly manner, agreed immediately. he grabbed three of the boxes before she could stop him, and she almost sheepishly took the last box back up the street with him, pausing for only a moment to unlock the door to hers, before ushering him into the place.

he seemed almost hesitant to step too far in, but she waved it off, telling him to make himself comfortable as he set the boxes down.

“want anything? water, beer? something to eat?” he held his hand up, shaking his head, but did indulge in sitting at her dinner table. she ignored his gesture, taking out two cans for the both of them, before sitting in the seat beside him. he didn’t seem to mind, though, taking the cold beverage gratefully. it made her smile: at least the heat was affecting the both of them.

she took a long, almost wincing sip of hers, having almost forgotten how strong the liquid tasted in her mouth.

“sarah mentioned you’re a contractor?” it was a feeble attempt at reigniting their conversation; truly, she just didn’t want him to leave yet. he seemed to notice that notion, as he took a moment to answer, looking up at her between sips.

“yeah, yeah. me and my brother.” it was new info, and she nodded, rubbing at her nose lightly as she concentrated on the tab of the can, “so, how’d you find the place - the people?”

“they’re - uh, they’re really nice, i guess. everyone seems really friendly.” he nods.

“sure, sure. i’m sure it’s a little annoying though - everyone’s a bit older, right?” she looked up at him, and he had an unreadable expression on his face.

“well, i don’t mind older.” she maintained eye contact as she saw his smile twist, lip curling into a smirk, one he tried to hide behind his drink, “in fact, i think it’s better. older guys tend to be more mature - put together, you know?”

“guys?” his face betrayed his shock at her directness, and she suppressed a laugh.

“well, that is what you’re asking, aren’t you?” he held a hand up in surrender.

“and if i was?” she stuck her tongue into the side of her cheek, surveying the space between them.

“well, mr. miller. i’d tell you to stop beating around the bush and just take what you want.” he set his drink down with a light thud, something more desperate swirling in his eyes.

“and what would that be?” he wanted her to iterate exactly what she thought would happen.

“you tell me.” she didn’t give in, hoping the older man would break before she would.

he didn’t need much convincing, though, placing a firm grip on her arm, and pulling her closer to him, leaning forward and taking her cheek in his much larger hand.

“you’re asking too much of me, sweetheart. what’d the neighbors think?” his breath fanned over her face, and the tone of his voice indicated his teasing nature.

“what?” he laughed against her, shaking her body, before he gestured to the window just adjacent to him.

“only been here a few weeks, and already seducing one of your neighbors? it’s bold - i’ll tell you that much.” his cologne - a soft, but distracting smell - was overpowering her, and she couldn’t exactly think clearly as he sat so close to her.

“joel.” it came out as more of a plea than she had maybe wished, and he smiled, his eyes flicking across her face, “should we go upstairs?” she detached from his eyes for just the slightest moment, to look up at the staircase leading to her room.

“if you want to, sweetheart.”

fuck. being called sweetheart? by him? she was done for.

she led him up the stairs, her steps just slightly shaky as she walked up.

what was she doing? him, she supposed.

her bedroom was messier than she’d hoped as they walked in, but she didn’t have time to dwell on that as he pulled her towards him while she shut the door behind her, pressing his lips to her ear as her back hits his thick chest.

“you sure you want to do this?” his voice is huskier than it had been before, and it made her let out a shaky breath.

“please.” he smiles against her soft skin, turning her to face him. she doesn’t waste a moment, leaning closer to his face as he pulled hers closer to him, capturing her lips in his own.

his beard tickled her chin, his breath warm on her face as she closed her eyes against him. he tasted like an interesting mix between the barbecue, her muffins, and the beer he’d been drinking, creating a festive, american aftertaste in her mouth.

the kiss made her moan against him, as her hands finally began exploring the man in front of her. his shirt was flimsy against his torso, and that made her almost more inclined to pull it off of him, as she placed her hands under the thin fabric. he broke the kiss with an amused exhale, pulling her hands out from under it with a smile playing on his lips.

“think you owe me something, first, sweetheart.” she looked back up at him in confusion, but, noticing the fingers at the ends of her own top, she as quick to pull it off of herself. even he seemed a little shocked by her eagerness, but that didn’t stop him, pulling her into him with such force that the both of them fell onto her bed.

he sat back up in a heartbeat, redirecting her thighs so that they straddled his own, pulling her towards him. the angle left her neck at eye level with him, and his nose traced the skin of her collarbone, the ghost of kisses leaving a trail up her neck as she wrapped her fingers in his scruffy hair. she let herself get lost in his touch, the softness of his lips on her chest, the sharp sting of his teeth occasionally grazing her skin, the harshness of his fingers against the skin of her thighs.

before she - or he, for that matter - could get too carried away, she pushed away from him lightly, reaching back down to tug at his shirt.

“you got what you wanted, now come on-” he laughed as he pulled the offending cloth off of him, and she sighed happily at the sight.

god, he was hot. she pushed him further back until he was laying down, and attached herself to his jaw, placing chaste kisses in a similar manner he’d done, tracing the edges on his beard with her lips. he kept his hands firmly on her sides, squeezing gently as she made her way down his body, over his chest, where the hair tickled her nose, making her smile. then, over his stomach, until she’d gotten dangerously close to his rapidly hardening cock.

he gripped her tightly, making her squeak in shock which, surprisingly, did nothing to quell his arousal.

“you’re-”

“let me, c’mon.” she said it as though there was a measure needed to persuade him. that definitely wasn’t the issue; rather he was worried he’d finish far too quickly for the mature older man he’d portrayed himself to be.

but how could he not - this fucking gorgeous woman with her head between his legs looking up at him with those eyes. fuck, those eyes.

“please, joel?” he’d grunted in that moment, releasing his grip, and she had a smug smile on her face as she unbuttoned his jeans. he couldn’t see it though, his head thrown back as he tried to even his breaths.

she wasted not a moment to tease him, tracing the outline of him lightly through the thin fabric of his boxers. he’d groaned her name - almost in warning, and she smiled as she relented, pulling him out from the confines of the cloth.

she hadn’t exactly been proud of her expression in that moment - akin to an actress on a certain screen, if you caught her drift - except hers wasn’t a fake one. older men had always been a hit or miss for her in terms of dick size, but this one seemed to be the fucking hit.

he’d recovered in time to catch that look, leaning on his forearm to be able to reach his hand over and push her hair out of your face.

“shocked, sweetheart?” she didn’t take her eyes off him.

“excited, more like.” she pulled her hand lightly up and down his cock, spitting in her hand before continuing. the added lubrication made him moan through his teeth, and she didn’t give him a moment of reprieve, readjusting so she was at the perfect angle to lightly lick his tip.

he practically shuddered at the contact of the wet muscle on him, a hand going to weave the hair falling over her face away, and gripping her head maybe tightly than he intended to, as she placed feather-light, open-mouthed kisses from the top to the bottom of his cock. he didn’t say anything, his appreciation for the act moreso communicated through the squeezing and releasing of her hair, and his shuddered breaths and quiet, almost broken moans.

deciding she didn’t want to wait any longer, she wrapped her lips completely around him, taking him deeper and practically feeling him twitch as she sunk lower on him. he guided her movements slightly with his grip on her, pushing her down as he let loose to the feeling, and pulling her up lightly as she came too close to unraveling him.

breathing in deeply through her nose, she pushed down further on him, swallowing to suppress her gag as she felt her nose being tickled by the hair at his base.

“fuck, sweetheart.” the curse left his mouth almost aggressively, as he twitched behind her lips. her throat constricted around him, and she resurfaced, breathing heavily to make up for the lost air. he looks down at her, taking in her cock-drunk appearance as she sighed between his thighs. she lazily pulled her hand up and down his cock, as she caught her breath, “come up here, baby.” through both of their pants, she made out his request, getting up so that she was sitting on her knees, as he also rose to rest better against the headboard. he gestured her to some closer, and she placed a knee of either side of him, practically crawling up his legs.

the shorts she was wearing were his biggest obstacle at the moment, and he was quick to pull her up by the front of them, unbuttoning them in the process. a squeak emitted from her, shocked by the manhandling, and he was quick to pull them down her legs. her hands cover his, the both of them almost desperately taking them off and, once he’d finally done so, he focused his eyes to hers, his fingers sliding up her thigh and to her cunt. he traced her lower lips lightly, and she could feel her thighs tense, her breathing hitching.

noticing her reaction, he smiles, pulling her lips to his, and kissing her as he traced up and down her slit, placing the ghost of pressure on her clit. she almost jumps at the sensation, but the firm grip his other hand keeps on her hip stops her.

“don’t run away now, sweetheart.” it’s a whisper into the space between them, and she wordlessly nods, her hand going to his biceps and gripping as he applied more pressure, “tell me what you want.” she looked up at him, a mix of disappointment and frustration at the request.

“i…”

“you?” she cleared her throat, averting her gaze, and he used his free hand to direct her chin to look at him, “what d’you want?”

“i want you to fuck me.” she felt almost ashamed saying it, but he smiled in pride - a smug smile.

“we’ll have to get you ready, first; don’t ya think?” he dips the tip of his finger into her and she shudders again, her hips jumping lightly, causing him to squeeze her. she nods, humming, too focused on the movements of him fingers to properly answer. taking pity on her, he obliges, pushing a finger into her, and curling it up.

“oh, god.” the sensation makes every muscle in her tense, the sexual frustration piquing at the feeling, and simultaneous lack thereof. her head falls into the space between them, and he places an almost comforting kiss to the top of her head, before beginning to move his finger.

initially, he moved it in and out of her almost exploratively, as if he was trying to determine what exactly made her tick. it resulted in soft moans and cut-off breaths, before he heard something akin to a whimper when he’d found a particular spot inside her.

he pushed another finger in, making her noises only grow, gripping him tighter. he started moving in and out of her at a more rapid rate, his fingers curling, to the point where she was moaning so loudly that he was worried the neighbors would hear regardless of their relocation.

he took his lips to hers again, hoping to muffle her noises, and it worked, her mouth focused on feverishly returning his passion that she managed to swallow the majority of her moans. though, it didn’t help when she felt the knot inside her begin to tighten, her hips grinding against his fingers.

“y’gonna cum, sweetheart?” she couldn’t speak, worried she’d be too loud if she opened her mouth, so she nodded frantically, pushing more quickly against him as she chased her high, “that’s it, baby, cum for me, cum for me-” his encouragement almost made it easier, and she did cum, in something akin to a burst: her body fully stilled, as did his movements, and her eyes rolled into the back of her head, the hint of a squeal leaving her parched mouth. her voice sounded almost broken because of the intensity of it, and she practically leaped off of his fingers, unable to take the overstimulation as he had begun to move again.

“sorry - fuck, it’s too much, sorry-” he shook his head, assuring her immediately.

“it’s fine, sweetheart, you’re fine. ‘re ya ‘kay?” his accent came out more aggressively as he checked on her. she’d placed her hands over her face in an attempt to cool its warm flush, trying to catch her breath, as she nodded shakily.

“i’m - i’m, fuck, yeah, i’m fine.” she practically stuttered through her gasps, and he found it endearing, giving her a moment to compose herself. he adjusted the way she sat on him for her to be more comfortable, him fingers kneading the flesh of her thigh gently, hoping the contact would ground her.

it worked, with her taking her hands off her face after a few moments. her eyes had a far-away look to them, but she had a sheepish smile on her face.

“that was - uh, it was really good.” he smiled at her reaction, but it dropped after a moment.

“we can - we can stop, if ya want, sweetheart. if it’s too much-”

“no!” her response was so aggressive that it made him look at her in light amusement, “i mean, no. i don’t want to stop.” he surveyed her with an analytical eye.

“are ya sure?”

“joel, please?” she’d moved closer so her cunt sat inches from his cock, her warmth radiating onto him.

“i-” he went to say something, but seeing her flushed skin, her lust-blown eyes and the plea to fuck him, he seceded.

he pulled her up by her thighs, so she hovered over his cock. she used her hand to hold it steady, before he helped her lower onto him. it took a try or two, with his cock bumping against her clit and making her jolt. his tip caught her entrance in just another moment, though, and she took in a deep breath as she sunk onto him.

“fuck-” his response made up for her wordless one, her face contorting in pleasure as she tried to handle the size of him in her.

“joel-” she needed a moment to adjust, and it seemed as though he’d realized even before her.

“take your time, sweetheart.” she took a deep breath, sinking into joel’s arms further as she felt his thumb over her clit, trying to make the process easier for her.

finally, she mustered the strength to grip onto his shoulders, his hand finding a firm place on her waist, as she strained the muscles in her thighs to lift herself up. she felt a moment of aching emptiness, before she sunk back down on him, his cock catching practically every sensitive spot inside of her, making her moan.

it was a bit laborious, but along with his own effort, they came to a working rhythm seamlessly, and her moans began to be matched by his grunts at the feeling of her warm cunt, enveloping and twitching around him. she felt fucking amazing, and the warm breath of her gasps spurred him to push against her with just that bit more force. her eyes widened, her moans breaking as her breath caught in her throat. she felt her muscles turn to jelly with each thrust, practically being held up just by his hands. her head falls against his shoulder, her breath stuttering. his pace didn’t relent, though, with him readjusting just slightly to do the brunt of the work, fucking up into her as she tried not to let the pleasure consume her.

“joel - joel, you’re, oh, fuck-” she became a mess of mumbles as she attempted to just take it, but she felt her second orgasm oncoming, and way too quickly.

“c’mon, c’mon-” even joel wasn’t really registering what he was saying, focusing on feeling her cunt pulse again, like it had around his fingers. she didn’t make him wait too long, as her mouth fell open and her body tensed, clamming up as her orgasm crashed over her. his name came out in a squeak, and he resisted the urge to moan too loudly by attaching his lips to her neck, taking in the feeling of her pulsating cunt.

she slumped against him, desperately trying to catch her breath, before she was reminded her was still inside her. he helped her off of him and, before he could do anything else, she kneeled back in front of him, positioning her face right in front of his cock and stroking him to completion, his warm cum falling over her face in ropes.

“jesus christ, sweetheart.” he had to physically turn away from her, worried he’d get hard again at the sight, and she let out a tired laugh at his reaction. she rose from the bed after a moment of catching her breath, turning into her bathroom in order to clean herself up. it only took a minute or two, and by the time she’d walked back, joel had managed to pull his jeans back over him, and was desperately searching for his shirt. it was just by her feet, and she could give it to him.

but did she want to?

both of their heads snapped up when they heard the sound of the front door opening.

nicky - she’d come back at her sister’s previously preferred time, 5, and that had become increasingly problematic.

“shit-” she threw his shirt at him, and he caught it with one hand, trying to adjust the button of his pants with the other, “what do we-?” she questioned, as she pulled her shorts over her legs and shirt over her own head.

“just say ya were showing me around?” he suggested, and, through a shaky breath, she nodded.

“smart - smart, uh, do we-?” she gestured to herself, hoping she looked presentable, and the both of them gave each other a once over in approval that neither looked too disheveled, before they opened the door.

of course, those post-orgasm should never be told to rationally judge anything, as nicky and sarah could tell something was off from practically the moment their family members stepped out of the room.

“nicky? you didn’t have to be back so early, you know.” she said it quickly, without thinking, and, upon seeing joel’s what the fuck? expression, she realized how bad it sounded. nicky had, too, her brows furrowing as she turned to sarah, who simply shrugged in similar confusion.

“i’m sorry?” she watched as her sister - and then, to her surprise, mr. miller - came down the stairs.

“that’s not what i meant.” her sister mumbled, a sheepish smile on her face.

“dad, what’re you doing here?” sarah looks at her father quizzically, and he opens his mouth to speak, as she does at the same time.

“just - showing me around-”

“i’m giving him a tour!” they spoke over each other, and she glanced to look at him in slight embarrassment. he was trying his absolute hardest to keep from chuckling.

“anyways, sarah, we should get going. you two have fun?” sarah still looked between the both of them inquisitively, as nicky bore a glare at her sister, as if asking a question telepathically.

“lots of fun, dad.” it’s got an awkward delivery, so he coughs in an attempt to dissuade the tension, turning to her once more.

“it was nice meeting you, then - the both of you.” he smiled at nicky as well, before reuniting with his daughter.

“of course! it was great to see you again, too, sarah.” she mentioned, as she opened the front door for the both of them.

“see you around, sarah. good evening, mr. miller.” nicky spoke from behind her, and the millers nodded in goodbye. the front door shut with a click behind them.

there was a moment of silence between her and nicky, as she leaned against the door, before nicky broke into a big smile.

“i can’t believe you did that.” panic flashed over her face, and she whipped her head to face nicky.

“huh?”

“he’s so much older than you. and my friend’s dad, c’mon!” she sounded annoyed, but the exaggerated nature indicated that it was fake. she immediately tried to deny her sister’s completely true assertion, but the younger girl practically laughed in her face. she rolled her eyes at the reaction, brushing her off.

“shut up, nicky. he’s not even that much older than me.”

only a few meters away, sarah was trying very hard to suppress her own laugh.

“she’s really nice, right, dad?” joel, who had a faraway look in his eyes, hummed in response, prompting her to continue, “nicky’s sister. she’s really nice.”

“yeah - yeah, she is.” joel shrugged, unsure of how exactly to respond to his daughter. he looked down at her, and she had this glint of mischievousness in her eyes.

it worried him.

as he ushered her in when he’d unlocked the door, she’d made a beeline for her room. though, before she made her way up the stairs, she turned back for a moment, looking at him.

“and dad? you’re shirt’s on backwards.” she doesn’t wait for his response, walking up the stairs. shocked, joel looks down at his shirt, where the tag was practically looking him in the face. he sighed, closing the door behind him.

“shit.”

#joel miller #joel miller oneshot #joel miller imagine #joel miller x reader #joel miller fluff #joel miller smut #neighbor!joel #the last of us hbo #the last of us #pre-outbreak!joel #fourth of july #pedro pascal #lana del rey #you can be the boss

[olderthannetfic]

People going to you to say they didn't like a book instead of just posting that in their own blog and blocking the rabid fans is so fucking sad to me. Is this where we're at? Instead of blocking the sea of lost teens and 20-somethings in the dark academia tag who try to use "dark academia" as a substitute for having to develop their own interests and hobbies, we're now going to whisper on anon, "I don't like this one book"? That's how scared of negative interaction people are? It's the dark academia fandom. They're morons. They don't even argue with you that The Secret History is good, they reply with your post quoted and emojis inserted inbetween every sentence and think they're big smarty smart-smarts who showed you, or they say you didn't get it. "The fandom is absolutely insane" by what metric? Speaking as someone who's been sent suicide bait, death threats, rape threats, pictures of dead animals, Holocaust pics and actual CSEM by other fandoms, if you're too afraid of someone replying, "wow lmao ur not smart like us u no get it" or spamming your original post's text with emojis, maybe you're not old enough to be on tumblr or be reading a book aimed at adults.

The fact that people are now so afraid of pushback that they won't even say they dislike something off anon is honestly really pathetic. This is like people on Reddit who say, "I wouldn't say this if I weren't deleting my account later today, but I don't like MCU movies." It's the same vibe and I have the same question: you know you can just block people if they cry about shit you say, right? I got sent a dead rat once by a Yandere Simulator fan and the police + a restraining order is basically blocking but for RL, but most people in the fandom for The Secret History aren't going to actually interact with another person. They don't even usually bother to write fic or make art for it, they just repost quotes from it with some pics they swiped off of Pinterest for it.

Those are the people who you're so afraid of that you can't even say, "I don't like a book" lest they hurt you. You're afraid of Pinterest moodboard makers who ask things like, "what religion is the most dark academia? I want to convert to that" with a straight face who think wearing a white button-down shirt and brown pants makes them the embodiment of wealth and class and quiet luxury.

As someone who's actually had interactions with crazy fans IRL - especially Star Wars fans, as they're almost all frothing at the mouth to rant about how much they hate Star Wars - I am happy to report that this is a survivable thing and not one you need to be so afraid of that you don't dare mention it for fear of backlash.

Speak freely. Block people. Move on. Their tears are embarrassing for them, not you.

--

I spent some time in anon spaces, and it felt like a nice break at the time... but I have to say, I really notice the difference now that I'm findable again. For all the shit that comes my way, a hell of a lot of people have tried to befriend me over the last few years. I wouldn't have met any of them if I hadn't been visible.

[iluvshinytwink]

September - Jude Bellingham

"You ruined all my favorite songs."

Synopsis: After your breakup, Jude can't go through his playlist without remembering you.

Now Playing . . . September by Sparky Deathcap

RANDOM DISLCIAMERRR!!! This has references to an old fic on my blog called Sunny Days and Are We Still Friends check it out if you'd like. :)

a/n: who hurt me? idk bro idk anymore 💔

It's fascinating how a person can make you love life so much to the point where if they were to disappear, life would lose its colors.

Jude didn't necessarily find the world grey now that you were gone, but he felt grey. Everyday was a struggle, it hurt.

Jude would wake up in the morning, the same ceiling he's stared on for days still above him. His cheeks stained with tears he's cried the night before. And the worst part, the bed was empty. Days were particularly cold. He no longer felt the warmth of your arms around his, he no longer heard your soft breathing with his own.

It sucked even more that he loved music and you did too.

"Babe, check this out." Jude said, handing you his phone. Jude handed you his phone and displayed was his spotify. "What's this, Jude?" you giggled, taking the phone from his hand. "I made a playlist." he smiled, looking at you. You looked back at him, fighting a grin from appearing. "That's so cringe." you snickered, scrolling through the playlist. All your favorite songs were in the playlist and it made your heart melt. "Your playlist doesn't have a name." you chuckled, showing your boyfriend his phone. "You name it, then." Jude smiled. You bit your lips to prevent a bigger smile appearing on your face.

"We need to take a picture for the playlist cover photo!" you suggested, quickly exiting spotify and opening his camera app. Jude's face touches yours, he kisses your cheeks and you take the picture, a bright smile on your face. A giggle escapes your mouth, a dust of pink appearing on your cheeks. Jude couldn't help but smile.

After the breakup, he couldn't bring himself to delete it. But every time he scrolls through his playlists and finds the playlist he made for you he can't help but feel his eyes water and feel his heart breaking away.

Jude was currently at his team's bus, driving to go back home. The bus was silent, it was late at night and his teammates were asleep. Everyone was tired and so was he. His body ached from pain because of tonight's game. It was raining again. Jude looks out of his window, seeing the street lights run past him, seeing the raindrops falling from the sky and against his window. His eyes softened. He goes through his spotify playlists, trying to find the perfect one for this somber mood and he comes across the playlist he made for you. Even now, he still feels his heart sink whenever he looks at the playlist. He hesitated, he shouldn't. He couldn't. But he did.

Although this playlist would bring him sadness, it also brought him happiness.

He looks through the playlist, remembering every memory. Every artist you introduced to him, every lyric the two of you would scream in his car. A bitter smile wipes his face, his vision blurring due to the tears.

He remembered, every time he had a game far, far away from you he'd play this playlist to remember you. To remind himself if football was too hard, too gruesome, he could always come back to you. He could always run into your arms and you would kiss him senselessly until the pain went away.

A sigh escapes Jude's lips. Though Dortmund fought hard tonight, it wasn't enough. Even though he ran back and forth, it wasn't enough.

Jude pulled up on your driveway. He didn't know where to go, he didn't want to go back to his home. He wanted to go back home to you. Times like this where everything seemed to not go his way his first instinct was to go home to you.

Jude didn't want to get out of his car. He stared at his steering wheel.

You hear the engine of a familiar car stop at your parking lot. You waited a few minutes but Jude didn't enter your house or anything.

You went out of your house, looking at a faint shadow of your boyfriend inside his car.

Jude looks out his car, desperately looking for your eyes to meet his. There you stood, waiting for him. You wave your boyfriend hello, a soft smile on your face. Jude didn't know how a simple hello made him feel like this. A smile curls his lips and he gets out of his car.

Times where he didn't want to go out, times where he wanted to isolate himself he always found himself nearing you. He could always isolate himself with you.

Jude was now in front of you, looking down at the ground.

You wrap your arms around his waist, burying your face inside his chest.

"You did well tonight, baby." Your muffled voice said. His eyes stung. He didn't want to be in pain anymore, he didn't want to come home with an injury anymore. He wanted to be here, with you.

His arms slowly wrap around your body, a shaky sigh escaping his lips.

Jude pulls away, looking at your face. A smile curls his lips once more his cracked lips meet yours.

He knew that if everything was too much, if he felt like nothing would love him, you would. If he felt like nothing could comfort him or help him, he knew your lips would.

He felt that right now. He wanted to run into your arms again, kiss you senselessly, hug you senselessly, cry senselessly, smile senselessly, laugh senselessly. But he couldn't.

"I put some more songs in your playlist, hon." you smiled at him. "Again? There's like 60 songs in there now." Jude smiled. "These songs remind me of you." you whispered, looking through the playlist.

Every song reminded him of you. He hated it. He hated that every song in whatever playlist he would always remember you. With every song, he remembers a moment where that song was playing and you were with him. He'd hear your distinct laughter running through his ears and mind. He'd see your smile that was implemented in his memories. It pained him but it was a reminder at the same time, a reminder that he loved and cherished and would never love or be loved like that again.

Jude was walking home, his airpods tucked in his ears, the world around him silencing before his very eyes. His hands dug deep within his jacket as he walked along the pavement. Jude looks up from the ground and sees a bench.

The two of you sat on that very bench. You rest your head against his shoulder, tightening the grip you hand on his hand. Jude looks over to you with a smile before looking back to the sunset.

He hated this. He hated the fact that every night he wanted to drive to your house and look at you one last time, to see if you still looked at him the way he would always look at you, to see if your eyes would still meet his with nothing but love, he wanted to see if your body would collide with his freely. He hated that you left him with nothing but the memories he always finds himself remembering.

He hated you.

i spaced out like 15 times while writing this and i still finished it on one sitting, im so girlpussybosslslay

as always, smash that like button and subscribe :)

#jude bellingham #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham imagines #iluvshinytwink #imsoslaying #delulu hours exe

[uzlolzu]

I am so happy and relieved to see you on my dash! I stumbled on art I had reblogged from you something like 6 years ago and when I saw your blog was deactivated, I was insanely sad. What happened to it?

If you ever deactivate fully, I want you to know Tege and Sanjit have remained in my head for these 6 years. Your drawings taught me how to properly let orc teeth elevate the skin and the potential of double trapezius in four-armed backs and... Yeah. I just want you to know you inspired me a lot. I am glad to see you again.

Oh, hello. Hi. Well, haha… my old blog was deleted back in the nipple purge in… December 2018? December 3rd, if I recall correctly. When I got rid of my nsfw sideblog, the main account decided to go with it for some unknown reason. I really didn’t mean to get rid of it and I don’t think I’ll delete this one either (at least not on purpose). My art is already in the AI shredder, so it’s too late to save it from soulless regurgitation, but hopefully it can make people happy still.

And thank you! I think odd anatomy is always a fun challenge to make believable, though I guess I haven’t really explored it to any extremes. But I do remember sticking my fingers into my mouth and staring at my lips to commit to memory what they looked like when pushed up. I’m glad you feel you could learn from what I’ve done. <3

#uzloreplies #quadruple traps represent #Tege

[m7z]

In memoriam

I spent the last 30 minutes or so skimming through my Tumblr archive from 2011-2012 trying to find a post I know I wrote about my paternal grandparents’ love story, but I couldn’t find it. I probably moved it to another blog at some point and deleted it here. Along the way though I found all these other memories from my early 20s, such as my coming out/confession letter to a best friend from high school, many reblogs of sappy quotes/graphics/book snippets/lyrics, reblogs of photos of places I wanted to visit (many of which I’ve now been to), songs I liked, tech news from the era (like the death of Steve Jobs), political news from the era (like marriage equality, and Barack Obama’s reelection), many reblogs about Glee, my own photos from my early days of living in San Francisco (and interning at Twitter)… All of which is to say, it captured this whole era of my life from ~10 years ago that, in retrospect, was quite pivotal.

The reason I went looking for that post is because I found out yesterday that my grandpa passed away. My dad texted me and tried to call when I was in the middle of a work meeting. I registered the text but didn’t respond, and then called back after. It was the middle of the night in China at the time (around 2am), and he learned the news earlier when my aunt had called him, and she’d been notified by the staff at the seniors home where my grandpa had been living.

As I processed the news and decided on my plans, I told people the context that he had suffered a series of strokes and had been on the decline since last summer, so this news didn’t come as a shock. This is in contrast to my paternal grandma’s passing in January 2022 (also January) from a heart attack which was sudden, quick, and utterly shocking. As the matriarch of our family, her death had hit everyone really hard then.

At his passing, my grandpa was in his late 80s, possibly 87 or 88. Which is objectively quite a remarkable achievement for someone born into the chaos of 1930s war torn China to a poor rural/farming family. He joined the communist army as an accountant/admin, and then the local police after the war, and then worked at the state hemp/cotton company until retirement. He and my grandma met in their 20s, fell in love and got married despite oppositions (this is the story I had posted about that I was looking for), had 2 kids and 2 grandkids (one of which is me), traveled, had health issues and took care of each other, and grew old together.

I realized yesterday that I wasn’t reacting as emotionally as I did to my grandma’s passing — one because he’d been on the decline, and my dad/aunt thought he almost wasn’t going to make it after his last severe stroke in July. I think I had emotionally prepared for this back then, and so expected this to happen at some point. The other reason is that his quality of life in this last year, after these strokes, had become quite poor. He couldn’t eat or talk or walk, and had become reduced to almost just skin and bones. It had become painful to see him in this state, and I’m glad he’s not suffering anymore.

However, at the same time I still feel sad and regretful because I was hoping to see him at least one more time. Even though he hasn’t been able to speak since July, and he didn’t really recognize anyone anymore… even so, I was hoping he'd hang on until I visited again.

When my grandma passed in 2022, the pandemic, travel restrictions, and lack of flight options had made it virtually impossible to travel back. The last time I visited China was October 2019. Since then, in the last few years when we called, they’d almost always ask when I can go back again. My grandpa did this all the way up until his last stroke in July when he couldn’t speak anymore. When the pandemic largely ended in 2022, I’d always say “soon”, even knowing it was impractical with the Chinese government's onerous visa policies. When they finally reinstated the pre-pandemic visitor visa policies in March 2023, I started to say that I'll go back during the summer, then the fall, then the winter, then the spring. One reason is that the flight options were both expensive and inconvenient, but the larger reason is that I prioritized other plans in my life. I'm not sure where I could've squeezed it in, but I do regret that I didn’t try harder to visit sooner.

Circling back on the whole “eras of my life” thread — I always felt like as long as my grandparents were around, I still feel like a kid in some way. They treated me like one, still babied me whenever I visited or called, and would remind me of funny anecdotes from my childhood. I know I’m pretty lucky to have gotten 30+ years with almost all 4 grandparents in my life. I also know I’m lucky that they loved me as much as they did — because not all of my friends had the kind of close relationships I did/do with their grandparents.

Growing up, I was always pretty close to my grandparents, more so to my grandma who I genuinely enjoyed talking to and would call regularly, but I have many fond memories with my grandpa too.

I recall when my family first immigrated to Canada, I would cry about missing them. Later when I went back to visit as a teenager, I would cry on the flight back to Canada.

My grandpa liked to write simple rhyming poems after he retired, liked to drink and smoke and only quit in his 60s, and liked to sing Chinese opera. One year for my birthday, he wrote a “hidden message” poem where the first word of each verse added together would say “happy birthday <my Chinese name>”.

One really special memory of him I have is when I was in kindergarten, and during afternoon nap time (which I hated) he showed up unexpectedly and took me out of school. We didn’t live in the same city but he was in my city for a work trip, and he’d decided to take me out of kindergarten early that day so we could spend time together. I remember it feeling so unexpectedly awesome — one because I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to (skip school) but also because of the surprise visit itself.

The only time I felt emotional yesterday was when my mom told me how, even though I won’t be able to attend the funeral, I could pay my respects at both of my grandparents’ gravesites when I visit. The thought made me emotional because… they can finally be reunited again, or at least not be separated by death.

Didn’t really know what I was going to write when I started this, and the words kept pouring out, but I’m glad I did.

#my stuff #family #reflection #a real blog post

[tetrakys]

I'm sorry it's been a hot minute since I interacted with the fandom but what is happening with Eldarya??? Also what is call of the dragon?? 👀

Oh boy anon... where to start?!

Let me try to draw a timeline...

1. The company decided to cut Eldarya in two seasons, move Lance's introduction as LI to season 2, remove other LIs and give the game to another creator since around episode 22 of TO. Since then Chino has stopped working on Eldarya and, this is my personal opinion, the person who took over had no interest in romance because since then the only romantic interactions we've had in Eldarya have been a few random sex scenes. No deep dialogues, no dates, no cuddling, not even kissing except maybe one or two exceptions and this has continued all the way through season 2.

2. In March 2021 the company hosting Beemoov's servers in Europe caught fire. Beemoov's servers were destroyed, fortunately most backups were in another building so all their games and accounts were saved except for... you guess it, Eldarya. All European language accounts were lost and the american and brazillian servers were the only ones who got spared. We all lost our accounts and the company had to come up with a way to bring people back to the game. They created a new free currency for TO and opened a shop for a few months. This led to the first season becoming completely unprofitable, plus lots of people never came back since then. Mostly old players who used to spend money on their collections.

3. New games started to be developped, Uncoven and Henri's Secret season 2. The "new" Eldarya creator went off to write Uncoven at the same time as still being theoretically in charge of Eldarya. The company started to recycle events mechanics both in MCL and Eldarya so everyone has been unhappy with events in both games because they are extremely repetitive since basically two years.

4. ANE's writing has gone more and more downhill. It'd started decently but because the writer was new and had no idea what happened in TO nor what were Chino's characters backhrounds and history, the story is full of plot holes, contraddicting things all the time and all the characters' personalities have changed. It reads like a different game.

5. Lots of people have left, very few are playing the game at this point, and even less are spending money on it, so it's very very obvious that the company is just letting it die, the game is often bugged and the art quality is a hit or miss. Only 2 episodes are left at this point. Fans who still cling to it are angry. Fans who abandoned are sad. No one wants to play ANE anymore but lots of people wish there was a revamp of the game once ANE ends, with good writing and art. However, because the game isn't making money right now the company won't invest in something that is not profitable.

This is it I think 🤔

About your last question, Eldarya: the Dragon's Call is a story I'm writing and publishing on my AO3. The main plot is Chinomiko's and we brainstorm together all events and characters' backgrounds and personalities. This is the story of Lance's route and Valkyon’s routes if she were to make Alternate Eldarya games. Because at the moment this isn't planned I asked her if I could write it and share it with people and she kidly said yes. If the company ever decides to make Alternate Eldarya games I will delete it. If you want to read this story, links are in the pinned post in my blog, I've released 4 chapters so far and the 5th is coming this weekend ☺️

#eldarya #eldarya rambling #edc

[opinated-user]

out of curiosity, I searched "violate" on the comic blog again...

nothing showed up.

https://archive.li/h70Nb , tooootally unrelated link pay ab-so-lutley nooo attention in any wayyyy

it's officially gone.

i searched for it from the start of the comic and the entire arc has been scrapped. but you know what is still there? the aftermath when CLO asks G to explain why she metaphorically raped her and CLO tells her that she'd (as 14 year old, mind you) would have consented to mental sex with an adult if that adult had just asked her.

this is the comic right before the entry i just mentioned. if you're a first time reader who never heard about Violate before, you'd have no idea what G did that needed any explaining. next there's a comic of CLO and CMO talking about the situation. followed up G, the child rapist, feeling sad about being a child rapist to her then girlfriend Butterfree, CLO still putting the lock on her room, CMO talking to G and CMO using Lizzy's real name to convince CLO to forgive the creature that raped her as a child.

the comic of CLO asking forgiveness to G is still there and i still hate it just as much as the first day i saw it.

the part in red are there to remark this: this is the dialogue of a survivor of CSA towards her own rapist. in the context of this story, CLO, as the victim, doesn't have a right to be cold or mean to G because "she" (the child rapist, if you forgot) "deserves better".

this story is still asking me to forgive a child rapist and thinks she deserves better. i want to scream. it gets worse when you add the context of everything Courtney talked about and it really sounds like what LO wishes her sister had said to her after Courtney was finally able to stop the molestation at her hands. we also still have the comic of CLO assuring G "i could never hate you" and telling that they're are okay. because that's something you want to read between a child rapist and her victim.

she deleted G actually talking to CLO about the mating bond, but she still left the mess behind how the other characters reacted to this behind. she deleted the confrontation and left the abuse apologia anyway. what is even the point then? now she just made a confusing mess. the Violate arc page is still in the wiki and now i just found out that not only was only two months that passed for CLO to completely forgive G for what she did, but also G apparently was killing people for discovering about the mating bond.

either killing them or taking away their ability to speak somehow, both horrific actions that make G even less sympathetic that she was after violating a child. just imagine that somewhere off screen, there's a ditch where G kept dumping bodies because they could have told CLO about how she was basically raped as a child.

but she "deserved better". she just does. because she's actually what LO wishes she could be, a sympathetic child molester that is a badass that can kill with one look and also got unconditional love from the people she abused even when she doesn't actually deserve it.

that's not all, anon. that's not all at all.

in the section of "character development" of the wiki for this arc, the one that had all the trauma and stress was G.

"willing to attack a child". a normal, healthy and more than that, understandable reaction to your victim potentially finding out that she was molested. feel sorry for G, anon. she felt bad about raping a child, which is even worse than being raped as a child by someone you thought was a friend if you think about it! /s at least according to LO it is! also G won't even attempt to improve as a person in any sort of way after she went through the trauma of raping a child as a fully mature adult. because the trauma of raping a child doesn't make you stronger, anon. it just wounds you.

putting aside my feelings for this horrible idea, you all know what to do: keep the archives of violate and share them up as much as possible, including the wiki page. it's only a matter of time before LO starts denying the arc was ever there and start saying that we wrote Violate or something.

#lily orchard

[sickcroww30]

i found out today you deactivated your side blog and i was sad because all the beautiful art there is gone, but regardless of the reason you had to delete it i just want you to know all the stuff you create is awesome and you're a big inspo, i hope you have a nice week!

Thank you anon for the support, I'm sad that it's gone but it's for the better of my mental health.

I finally bring myself to answer this because a lot is going on in my mind and I don't know how I should put it into words. For anyone who doesn't know about its existence, don't read, not because it's embarrassing but because it may sound very weird without any context.

[rant below, wall of text]

To begin with, I'd like to thank everyone who has been following its growth from the start of it to its final end. I created the blog not only to freely show my (judge-able) interests but also more of my personal thoughts rather than having to keep this one publicly behaved. It was fun and I was super dedicated to what I was making. I poured my time and effort into it, and it quickly became an important part of my life back in 2021-2022.

I thought that if I show people what I like then I might find someone who shares the same idea. But maybe because of being so dedicated to it, it turned into a portrayal of a lonely delusional individual, or at least that's what I think I look like.

I don't blame anyone for this but myself. I thought that maybe it was because I didn't do well enough, or that I didn't make appealing posts, maybe people didn't like what I was doing and that's why there was so little interaction I got. I needed to do better I needed to be more open and show the followers that I'm easy to talk to, please engage with me. Stuff like that. So I pushed it and hurt myself in the process. In the end, I felt so lost and clueless. I even said things I shouldn't say, being harsh with my choices. I was struggling both with real-life matters and with the blog itself. I tried to keep up by posting other stuff that were not the main focus, still, I couldn't help but finalize my decision to deactivate the blog once and for all.

In the end, it was supposed to be fun but it wasn't enjoyable at all. I love to see my art development every time I scroll through the blog. And sometimes read the replies and tags in old posts. I'm sorry that I deleted it, I miss it too, but I don't want to look back at it seeing the person I became because of its existence. I do still and forever appreciate the love that everyone has given to it.

#crowwtalks #personal vent

[savedpeople]

//So uh... a post.

As much as I hate to say it and make it official, this blog's hiatus is going to be indefinite.

I love Negan to death and I miss writing him so much, but truth is I'm having a hard time finding the motivation or muse to be here. While some lovely people are still here, so many who helped make this blog what it is and who I built my most cherished memories with here are gone, and my more recent attempts to find new blogs to follow or interact with haven't gone well, so looking at this account, more often than not, just leaves me feeling sad and frustrated and longing for earlier times. And as much as I love TWD, the fandom just isn't appealing to interact with much anymore, and hasn't been for a while.

This blog isn't being archived or deactivated. The queue is still ongoing, and has enough in it to last nearly two years, so the images and gifs will continue posting for quite some time. I still have things in my likes that I plan to reblog. Any memes or threads I had, are still in my drafts (though I may delete some threads, I don't know, they are years old anyway.)

When or if the inspiration strikes, I will absolutely pop in to write or even just talk about Negan or send some memes. But activity from here on out will be extremely low, indefinitely. This has been eating away at me for a while, the idea of losing this muse or RP has a hobby (I've been having a really hard time with all creative hobbies for a long time now) has had me grieving in a weird way, so I'm just finally biting the bullet here.

I'm still very active on tumblr elsewhere and still have notifications/emails on, so if you send an ask or message me or anything, I'll see it and reply when I can. I do have two other RP blogs, one that's low activity like this one and another still under construction while I debate if I want to go through with it or not, but they're both anime muses so I'm not sure if I'll ever link to them here. From what I've seen, most people in this fandom don't interact with animated muses so I'll save myself the embarrassment lol.

That all said: thank you everyone who has stuck around and continues to enjoy and interact with this blog in any way, even if it's just to like or reblog pics of Negan and JDM. I hope you're all doing well. I'll be around when I'm around. <3

#for the time being i'm still logged onto this account on my phone so like... i'm still lurking lol #✘ || Excuse the shit out of my goddamn french ( ooc )

[theteablogger]

Follow-up Q from reading back on the timeline: is there a place on here/elsewhere where screenshots or Wayback captures from AB’s blog are, if such things exist? Since he deleted his blog (or possibly just made it private) there are a lot of dead links etc., or analyses of an original post which appears nonexistent.

PS thank you for still being here. I know a lot of AA bloggers are not, which is understandable because he seems to have gone quiet for a few years, but coming from someone on the West Coast who’s also trying to get into costuming, seeing the bullshit he’s pulled around the entertainment industry/film/TV, and then realizing that he’s also in fandom freaks me the hell out. I’ve met that ‘type’ before and body-shaming is such a rampant issue around costuming (and even tailoring more broadly) that day one of my education on the subject was “Do not ask a person for information about their body which you do not absolutely need; so not make comments on their body (including “compliments” on their figure etc); and put their physical safety and comfort as a top priority”.

I found your blog because of the Strange Aeons video and was sad to learn that much of the early bullshit happened in my hometown, but when I came back to this blog I was far more horrified discover that this person is also a serial sexual harasser and body-shamer not only had gone viral one here (the “cis people can get dysphoria” tweet went around costuming tumblr for obvious reasons) but also was/is in this industry. That is such a dangerous position to put him in, not just because he’s clearly a sexual predator, but because bad costumes regularly cause people serious injuries. This is especially likely to be the result of directors trying to make women look skinnier or otherwise “more attractive,” and the harm is often most serious in scifi/fantasy contexts where lots of stunts happen. Good costuming requires ETHICS when it comes to things like health, body image and, yes, gender. Mr. “Complimented his ex on her weight loss when she was literally starving because of him” should not be trusted with such a job ever imo.

I hope there are no dead links on the timeline--all the links on there should be to screenshots of Andy's posts rather than directly to his blog. There are definitely dead links in a bunch of my old tumblr posts, though.

As far as I know, the timeline is the only place to find a significant number of screenshots from Andy's blog. The Wayback Machine has captured some of it, but it's scattershot and some of those links don't work. archive.is also has a little bit.

“Do not ask a person for information about their body which you do not absolutely need; so not make comments on their body (including “compliments” on their figure etc); and put their physical safety and comfort as a top priority”

I'm glad to hear that this is emphasized in costuming education, and sad to say that Andy has violated all three of those rules at least as recently as 2018, which isn't that long ago. I agree with your concerns, and those are some of the reasons I'm still around. I hope this blog is a good resource for people in the industry to find information about Andy's past and decide for themselves how to respond if they encounter him.

#andythanfiction #thanfiction #andrew blake #andy blake

[nhasablogg]

My goals for this blog in 2024

'Tis the season of overanalyzing everything about your life! So naturally I've been thinking a lot about the different spaces I occupy, such as this one, and decided I need to be a bit more intentional with how I spend my time online and offline. I'm trying not to overdo it though. Sometimes you also just have to exist.

Be transparent when I want attention. This makes it sound as if we're in a relationship LMAO, but honestly, a lot of the time I will pop in here with a random post, or a request for prompts, and it will be more a cry for attention than the actual need for prompts (although not always). Prompt + filling of prompt = validation and love and attention. But usually that won't be enough because I'm not always in the mood to write, or I'll write something short and not very good, and then I won't get the attention I was craving and I will get sad. Also not every fic will be a hit anyway. It's a fickle thing to base my emotions around. SO. Solution for this is to just tell you when I want attention, because that way I won't feel annoying and bad about myself afterward. Obviously this might not result in attention whatsoever, and also why is it your job to give it to me anyway, but that way I won't feel as desperate as much as I will at the very least feel authentic about my neediness. I am human. Sometimes I need things and have no idea who to turn to. I often turn to social media. It happens. I just want to be more honest about it next year. Maybe as a sort of therapy.

Kind of related. I want to be a bit more intentional with the fics I post. I've gotten better at leaving fics be if they're not working, rather than trying to finish every single project, but I want to let them take their time and not post fics just to post them if I'm not happy with them. That doesn't mean I can't post shorter, sillier fics I had fun working on even if they're not masterpieces. My enjoyment is just as important as the final product.

I'd also like to write more long, intricate fics, kind of like my Criminal Minds case fics. It's fun to challenge myself, as longer fanfic writing isn't my forte.

Figure out if I want prompts to mostly be open or not. I keep opening and closing them, mostly because I sometimes get in the opposite mood of wanting attention and get overwhelmed and don't want people to "demand" things from me (I know they're not demands, but you know how your brain sometimes gets). But I feel like the best prompts are the ones people will send really randomly because they suddenly got an idea. But maybe, if I stop making those "send me prompts!!!" type of posts I won't get overwhelmed by the amount of them. Does anyone have any input on this?

Stop thinking I need to do certain things to be a part of the community. I keep thinking that I should maybe interact with other people's fics more, or try to be a part of the community in ways I used to when I was younger, but the truth is that I'm not a fanfiction reader at this stage of my life, and rather than lamenting that I need to just accept it. Maybe that makes me a hypocrit, but I don't believe in forcing things like that. Maybe once I stop pressuring myself it will come naturally instead, but if not I need to just be okay with the fact that I'm mostly here for my own fics. Maybe that's selfish, but it's the truth. I have enough problems in my real life to create new ones for myself here.

Stop trying to restore the old blog. It's gone. I was the one to delete it, and with that a lot of followers who never returned, and everything I did on there. It's fun getting to give advice, but people don't turn to me for them like they did back in the day and that's okay. I'm not who I was back then. I don't have the same amount of time. Instead of trying to bring back traces of the old blog I just want to focus on what I want to do with this one, in the moment and in the future. This community has changed anyway. It's time I accept that. (this does not include my Throwback Project, which I will be doing as a way to honor the past rather than try to bring it back)

Do you have any goals? Did any of this make sense? Am I overanalyzing things TOO much? Let me know your thoughts if you have any!

#text #2024 goals

[hxdrostorms]

@eternalstarlights has sent: 🌸 = my roleplay petpeeve, 🌵 = a disliked canon character in my fandom,💐 = my favorite part about the fandom, 🌿 = my least favorite part about the fandom

Send me a symbol and I will tell you… [Accepting]

🌸 = my roleplay petpeeve

// Bc this has been happening across several blogs, not just here:

Reblog karma: If you have no plans of sending something back, then the least you should do is reblog them, from the source or look elsewhere in the posts' notes to reblog from.

I'm constantly going back in my prompts tag to delete old reblogs. BUT THERE ARE STILL, complete strangers who dig through it and reblog it from me. Like?????????? That has the same effect as a 'fuck you' in my DMs. It's 10x funnier, if it is one of those blogs with a long ass pinned/rules page. And they still had no qualms in doing this shit. It's not quirky, let me tell you that much.

Notice, I'm not complaining about not receiving asks whenever I reblog something. That's not an issue for me (mutuals/rp partners should only send stuff, when they genuinely feel like doing so, without any obligations). All I'm asking is to not make me feel like, I'm just a RP memes archive type of blog, that's only there to provide writing prompts & nothing else. I may not be the most active RPer, but none of my blogs are abandoned.

This has been a long running peeve I've been having to deal with, for YEARS. And it made a resurface as of lately.

🌵 = a disliked canon character in my fandom

// Hades & his spectres/Judges are overrated as fuck IMO LOL I say as a clown, bc I'm a classic golds dweeb fan. Clearly, I'm not in a position to say what is or isn't overrated.

Jokes aside. It may have been a result of the way I tried watching the classic series (by binge watching the entire thing). BUT when I got to the Hades arc, I got SO mad when I realized they brought back those drawn out battles. Like those were my least enjoyed bits of the early parts of the anime and the Sanctuary arc, meanwhile the Poseidon arc didn't have any of that (which is why I rate the Poseidon arc as my favorite one of the anime adaptation. 15 episodes with NO filler??? HELL YEAH.).

You can say I was already pretty burned, and should have slowed down with the final part of the series. But even then, I don't think that would have changed a thing about my general disinterest towards Hades' servants. Visually speaking to me, they are the messiest and most boring looking characters from the classic series (they only ever wear 1 color and look way too much like a toy, than some form of proper armor).

Rhadama.nthys is the biggest bitch in the club, to me he was the most insufferable. "He is the strongest*tm of all judges." *= only when Hades is straight up cheating and the story feels like unnecessarily drag things out. Reminder that Kanon killed him without any cloth equipped, and he went out the way HE chose to. He literally didn't even have to TRY.

My favorite part of the Hades arc was seeing Kanon wipe the floor, with everyone he crossed paths with. This feels 10x more satisfying, after reading the Destiny & Origins extra chapters.

💐 = my favorite part about the fandom

// I truly mean when I say, this is the chillest community I've been in a long time. Case in point: I haven't felt THIS artiscally inspired in YEARS. I've been doing so many works, I'm literally running an event in the main fandom. I've been brimming with inspiration to do so many things, that goes beyond the RPing aspect. And it has improved my general mental health SO much!

I'm forever thankful for getting into Sts LOL

🌿 = my least favorite part about the fandom

// If you exclusively speak English, you will suffer to find anything or anyone else from this fandom. Which isn't a problem for me at all but, I can see how frustrating or sad it must feel like, you can't get into a community due to a language barrier.

And the community itself isn't exactly the friendliest one towards gringos. Which I mean............ You can't blame us for feeling defensive, when literally every other fandom went down to shit, when things became very American-centered.

Not to start the whole Anti vs proship debate. BUT It is a fact that all antis (ppl who want to be cops/have no qualms with harrassing or policing others/etc.) I've come across are an American, who's way too enthralled in their lil bubble they call world. Then they have a breakdown bc as it turns out, the rest of the world isn't AT ALL like them. And there's genuine pushback/retaliation from the community, against these kinds of whiny bitchass mfers LOL.

Obviously, this doesn't mean the fandom is perfect nor it's an Utopia, where there isn't drama at all. BUT when compared to others, it feels a lot tamer in comparison. Unfortunately, it comes at the cost of coming off as a very closed off fandom, that's centered around overseas things for a change.

#ooc / #would you like some salt in your tea? #thank you for the ask! #eternalstarlights

[frecklystars]

noticed i had some old steeljaw posts getting notes... went onto my blog to delete them... only deleted maybe 2 and didnt have my heart to keep deleting... kept scrolling and saying i'd force myself to look at 5 pictures and to tell myself it's safe and it's ok etc etc.......... managed to be somewhat ok........ saw my abuser's URL/post in a very old reblog from back when we were close... deleted it without even looking at it............. got rly shaky and angry bc this person continues to try to maliciously harm me as i was reminded just 2 days ago in regards to what happened w/ pink (iykyk) ................. consumed my filet sandwich in less than thirty seconds............. closed out of my blog..... only a little shaky now and moving along to think about julian again.............. not crying? not spiraling? success??? missing steeljaw and starlight and honeybee terribly and ok ok ok yeah im crying a little bit. actually. but hey wow i looked at 5 pictures of my wolf bf. i dont know if that helped me or hurt me. maybe both. this is how exposure therapy works right. little tiny baby steps or something like that

i miss steeljaw so fucking bad. but looking at him doesnt make me feel as shaky as looking at other TF characters, i just feel... uh. immensely sad and like i miss him but he does not miss me. like i love him so much but that love would not be returned and that i'd be stuck in unsafe situations and that they'd cater to my abuser's every wish just like i used to. i cannot wait until the day that i wake up and i no longer associate my old comfort characters with the person who is still actively seeking to hurt me. i can't wait to finally get some peace, i just don't know when, but god please one day i am BEGGING

maybe next month for my reclaiming robots tag i'll draw myself holding his hand ;-; god i miss feeling safe with these characters so bad. seeing my abuser a couple days ago set me soooo fucking backwards. seeing her actively changing her color scheme to barbie pink because she KNOWS im into barbie and she KNOWS seeing her S/I in the color scheme triggers me and she KNOWS those commissions trigger me. it's malicious. that's really fucked up. i've stayed in my own lane this whole time and i wish i could just cry out to the world "here's who hurt me!!! get this person away from me!!! help me out here i'm so tired just help me i am so sick of feeling so scared all the time!!!!" but i won't do that. but god i wish i could

but!!! one fucking day so help me god even if it takes me ten years i WILL self ship with these alien robots again. starlight's VA steve believes in me, his agent believes in me, uhh the fucking breaking bad hitmen actors believe in me 🥺🥺😭 i will reclaim every single robot even if it takes me DECADES it WILL HAPPEN i will eventually separate this person from this franchise and i'll take back everything that was stolen from me

#vent #i miss my werewolf robot boyfriend #augh. i want a driver werewolf AU. or a colt werewolf AU #i need to indulge in werewolf stuff just to fill the void of missing my steeljaw 😞 #he made me feel so safe and loved. what happened. WELL i know what happened. BUT STILL. WTF HAPPENED #i wish i could turn back time #ok i wont spiral. i refuse. i have 7 drawings to finish by the 3rd i dont have time to mourn #[smacking myself with a broom and chasing her out the door] CRY ABOUT IT LATER