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thdorkmagnet · 5 years

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Light of the Sun and Stars Chapter 5: Learning Curve

Summary: His whole life Marco Diaz has been raised by monsters, living under the cruel rule of their leader, Toffee. But one day Marco escapes into Mewni where he meets a magical princess and Mewman like himself, who begins teaching him all about her world. Together they will learn about life, love, and the lights within each of them, as they change their world forever.

Chapter Synopsis: Marco spends some time and gets to know Star’ s other two friends, Jackie and Janna, where he discovers the formers love of skateboarding as well as her dreams for the future. Marco is intrigued and decides he wants a dream too, only question is... what?

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Disclaimer: Star vs and all its characters are owned by Daron Nefcy and Disney. All rights go to them.

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It took Marco a few days to adjust to life in the Butterfly Castle. He spent most of the days wandering around the castle, getting a feel for the place, hoping to keep himself from having to rely on others to get around.

Star spent little time with him over the next couple of days, though Marco knew it wasn't her fault, her royal duties seeming to consume every second of her day it seemed. Though, he did find it strange that despite the fact she was called princess she acted more like a queen, her tasks seeming way too time-consuming and difficult for a mere queen-in-training. But Marco didn't question it, he new very little about Mewman life as it was, and for all he knew he was completely in the wrong. And to her credit, Star was considerate about it always asking him if he wanted to come with, but Marco always refused, to which Star simply nodded in understanding, knowing he had had enough of royal duties for a while. Marco really didn't mind, though, even though he felt himself craving Star's attention and company, he was used to doing things on his own.

Most of the time the two spent together was in the evening, the two making a habit out of watching the sunset, meeting up almost every single day on the high-rise balcony. Marco found the sunset irresistible, loving every second of the breathtaking beauty, though it wasn't the only thing he was starting to find irresistible.

Star, as well, was enjoying their time together, trying to find ways around her busy schedule to see the innocent little Mewman. Somehow, her parents were still in the dark about the boys presence there, the flaming corn field apparently distracting Skullnick from discussing the newcomer in the castle with the king and queen, and Star had chosen to wait for the perfect opportunity to let them know about Marco, just in case they overreacted. For now, he was her little secret and it kinda felt good, she hadn't been “disobedient” with her parents in... well years. And really, there was no reason to get them worked up over nothing, not when they had far more important matters to deal with. And so the days at Butterfly Castle passed by uneventfully, as they all took time to adjust to the changes the hooded boy had brought with him.

And it seemed as if it was another calm, peaceful day on Mewni, as Marco slowly followed a small, rocky trail, its path stretching long and wide as it seemed to loop all the way around the castle. He had stumbled across it just that morning, immediately curious about where this seemingly out of place path could possibly lead to, and feeling a strong sense of adventure decided to follow it, leaving his curious mind to wonder as he wandered farther down the rocky dirt path.

But he didn't have to wonder for long, as he suddenly heard a strange noise a short distance off, quickly running over to investigate, a rush of adrenaline flowing through him as he raced into the unknown. He reached the end of the path, finding himself staring at a very strange sight. The path seemed to lead to a large clearing, with all kinds of equipment and things scattered around the area, some kind of make-shift obstacle course set up there, though for what purpose Marco had no idea. But the most impressive thing seemed to be the large, wooden platform rising high up into the air. It was some kind of ramp-like things, its two sides curving way up into the air, creating a valley in the middle. To Marco the whole thing seemed like some-kind of strange playground, the question was who was it for?

The boy took a few steps forward, looking around the area, curiously, before spotting Janna a little ways off, watching the platform intensely. Guess that answers that question, Marco thought. He was about to call out to her, until suddenly he spotted Jackie, standing at the top of one of the platform's curved sides, wearing a helmet and pads, a small board with wheels in tucked loosely under her arm. She looked down at the dizzying heights below with a confident smile, hands tucked into the pockets of her shorts, seeming to be measuring some kind of distance from up there.

Marco watched in awe as she lay the board down on the ground in front of her, it's front hanging slightly off the edge, and hopping on it just as it slid forward off the curved side. Marco felt a surge of panic, as Jackie descended the steep incline, gaining more and more speed as she went, and was about to run over to her, until he noticed how relaxed and controlled she seemed on the moving plank, expertly maneuvering around the ramp heading up the other side, her white hair blowing freely from under her helmet, the single green stripe almost mesmerizing as it was tossed around in the wind. As she reached the top of the ramp's side, she quickly flew over it, her momentum sending her flying into the air, as gravity lost its hold of her for a moment. Marco's mouth dropped open at the girl's crazy stunt, as she quickly grabbed the front of her board, maneuvering her body so she turned in mid-air, doing a full circle, before gravity took hold once again and she was now falling back down to the ramp's treacherous curve. There was a loud screech as Jackie's wheels connected with the hard surface, before she continuing on down the side with no interruptions, as if her weightlessness a moment ago had never occurred.

Marco's continued to watch in awe, as the girl perform trick after trick on her skateboard, Janna watching with indifference as the girl skated across the ramp again and again, barely turning her head to watch her friend streak by. Finally, the girl seemed to have had enough, as she began slowing her speed immensely, before bringing her self to a stop in the valley of the two ramps, kicking the board up, and catching it expertly.

Janna walked over to her friend with an emotionless face. “So what did you think?” Jackie asked, removing the strap from her helmet.

Janna shrugged. “Eh, not bad.” But the two froze hearing clapping behind them. They turned, surprised to see Marco applauding Jackie's skills, a bright smile lit up on his face.

“Marco?” Jackie said in shock.

“That was awesome!” he screamed, pumping both fists high into the air and Jackie blushed slightly, tucking a lose strand of hair behind her ear.

“Thanks,” she called back to the boy.

“What is this place anyway?” Marco yelled.

“It's my training area, Star had it built for me so I could practice!” Jackie explained via yell.

“Well you were amazing!”

“Thanks, but why don't you come over here so we don't have to keep yelling everything we say,” Jackie said, trying to hold back her smile, Janna rolling her eyes at the boy's naivity.

“Okay!” Marco called, before running over to the two girl's, Jackie setting to work removing her knee and shoulder pads while they waited.

“How did you do that?” Marco asked open approaching them, practically shaking in excitement.

“I've been practicing on my skateboard since I was a kid,” Jackie explained, as she continued to remove the safety devices. “ It kind of runs in my family. My parents gave me my first skateboard as soon as I was old enough to walk. They were both pro skaters so the most time I spent with them was when they were teaching me about boarding. They'd buy me a new board every year and then we'd come to Mewni together on my birthday, to see how much I'd improved. Told me if I could skate here I could skate anywhere.” Her voice cut off, as she finished removing the pads. Marco had noticed, as she spoke, her voice and eyes becoming distant and her movements becoming bizarrely slower with every sentence. Though he could feel the air grow thick with tension, he couldn't help but ask the question that was pestering his curious mind.

“Where are your parents?” Marco asked slowly, watching the girl intently for any negative reaction. And, unfortunately, he got one, as Jackie's normally cool face fell, her eyes filling with pain and hurt, as she looked away from the boy, unable to answer his question.

“Same as yours,” Janna spoke up in her friend's place, crossing her arms. Though she was clearly trying to sound nonchalant Marco could hear the slightest tinges of emotion beneath her calm facade.

“Oh,” Marco said softly, looking at the ground, unsure what else to say. “I'm... sorry.”

“Don't be,” Jackie replied, trying to regain more of her characteristic calm, giving him a tight smile.

From next to her, Janna continued saying, “Yeah, that's the whole reason all of us are here. Star lets all the orphans in the kingdom stay with her in the palace, until they get back on their feet.”

“So where are the others, then?” Marco asked.

“Gone,” Janna explained with a shrug. “Moved on to bigger and better things, thanks to Star.”

“Wow, that's really nice of her,” Marco said, unable to help from admiring the blond girl's kind ways.

“She took me in,” Jackie said out of nowhere, her eyes becoming distant once again. “After the accident. She gave me a home. A place to stay. I owe everything to her.”

Marco nodded in understanding. “I don't really remember my parents,” Marco said his eyes looking to the floor before jumping back to Jackie. “At least you always have your memories of them.”

“Yeah,” Jackie said, a small smile on her face as put a hand to the little seashell necklace she always wore. “Whenever I skate I feel closer to them, somehow. Like their not really gone, y'know.”

“So is that why you do it?” Marco asked and Jackie looked at him in confusion. “Why you skate. To feel closer to them?”

“Yeah,” she replied with a small giggle, her voice much stronger. “But I'd probably still do it anyway. I've always loved skating even before, and I've always wanted to skate professionally. It's my dream.”

Marco looked at her in confusion. “Dream?” he asked, not sure what this new word meant.

“Yeah, y'know something special for you to work towards. Something, that despite everything, keeps you going no matter what.”

“Huh,” Marco breathed, deep in thought. “That sounds really cool.” He turned to Janna. “Do you have a dream, Janna?”

“Nah,” Janna replied immediately, waving a casual hand in the air. “Don't need one.”

Marco thought about that for a moment. “Well I think it would be cool to have one.”

“Then what's stopping you?” Jackie asked and Marco looked at her in shock.

“Welllll, I'm not really good at anything,” Marco said, looking at the floor with defeat.

“Aww, come on Marco. I'm sure that's not true,” Jackie said, encouragingly.

“Yeah, your really good at messing things up,” Janna added and Jackie whacked her arm, drawing her attention. Jackie looked to Marco meaningfully, before looking back to her friend, the creepy girl following her gaze to the discouraged boy, before shrugging her shoulders, as if to ask what Jackie wanted her to do. Jackie pointed at Marco with intensity giving Janna a chiding glare, silently telling her to say something to cheer him up. “Uhhh and by that I mean you've got to be good at something.”

Marco looked up at the creepy girl with hopeful eyes. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Jackie said, not letting Janna speak and mess up Marco's mood again. “I'm sure if you look you'll find your better at stuff than you think.”

Marco thought about that for a minute, before he heard a voice call his name. He and the girls turned to see Star, an entourage of servants and royals behind her, waving at the boy from across the clearing.

A smile lit up the boys face as he ran over to greet her, Jackie and Janna yelling their good-byes behind him. As he approached, he was that Star was currently dressed in what Marco referred to as her princess look: a fancy, blue dress complete with golden crown sitting atop her neatly styled blond hair. Marco waved as he ran over, Star smiling at him as she waited patiently for the boy to catch up.

“Hey Star, what's your dream?” he asked, quickly and out of breath. Star seemed surprised by the question, her face the picture of confusion.

“Huh?” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“Your dream,” Marco explained with a smile. “Do you have one?”

“Where did that come from?”

“Jackie and Janna.”

“Ahhh,” Star said, nodding her head in understanding.

“Sooo,” Marco pressed impatiently. “What is it?”

“Oh, umm...” Star began until one of the aristocrats interrupted. “Well obviously the princess' only dream is ruling Mewni as queen like her mother. Isn't that correct, Your Highness?”

Star turned to the regal figure looking at her expectantly, the sea of faces behind him reflecting his own perfectly, before turning back to Marco giving her that same cute, little grin he always seemed to have on.

She gave him a wain smile, nodding her head softly. “O-Of course,” she said hesitantly. “What else would it be?”

Marco noticed something off about Star but decided not to bring it up in case he upset her. “Oh, that's cool,” he said cheerfully, though not as strong as it had been feeling suddenly awkward. “It must be nice to have one.”

“What, you don't have one?” Star asked, she could tell the boy seemed intrigued by it all and she wasn't surprised as he softly shook his head, his eyes downcast.

“No, I'm not good at anything.”

“Oh, come on,” the princess said, lightly punching his shoulder. “I'm sure you're good at something.”

“Maybe... but how would I know?” he asked, looking at her expectantly. Suddenly, Star realized whatever he used to be good at he probably forgot after the incident. This was clearly something he valued, something important to him. And she couldn't stand seeing him torn up over this. But she had no idea what to do to make the boy feel better.

“If I may, princess,” a voice from the crowd called, drawing the two's attention. “I think I may know someone who can help.”

…

The knock on the door didn't surprise the room's occupant as he gently held the mug of coffee up to his lips, blowing on it lightly, hoping to cool it down. He took a sip as there was another knock, this time followed by a muffled voice shouting, “Mr. Candle are you in? I need to talk to you.”

Mr. Candle set his mug down on the arm of his chair taking a relaxing sigh before calling, “Come in.” He didn't bother to turn around to face his visitor, hearing the door open and close.

“Aw, Star,” he said smoothly, finally turning around to face her, taking another sip of the warm coffee. “What can I do for you?”

Star smiled sheepishly at him before replying, “Sorry to interrupt... whatever it is you do here-” she said with a roll of her eyes.

But Mr. Candle immediately interrupted raising a finger in the air and matter-of-factly reciting, “Royal Mewman Research and Development Representative for Butterfly Affairs.”

“Rightttt,” Star said sarcastically before taking on her royal mask once again. “Well, anyways I was told your also a trained counselor.”

Mr Candle's indifferent face morphed to one of surprise and honor which startled Star by the sudden change. “I knew this day would come,” he said in a soft tone, setting his coffee mug down on the table, Star giving him a confused look.

“What would come?” she hesitantly asked.

“Star, I know being queen is a big responsibility,” Mr. Candle began and Star immediately felt her heart pounding in her chest.

“Oh, no,” she whispered in concern.

“And no one can imagine the kind of suffering your going through right now.”

“Uh, Mr. Candle, you don't need to-” she began, trying desperately to get the psychiatric to stop.

“Being the ruler of an entire dimension is difficult,” he continued, ignoring the princess' pleas.

“No, seriously, it's okay-”

“And it takes a lot of getting use to...”

“Please don't, just-”

“But I'm certain that with the proper amount of counseling we can take this negative situation and turn it into a positive situation,” he said, taking his pointer fingers and gesturing them together so they were now crossed into what looked like a plus sign. Star face-palmed, trying desperately not to lose it here in front of him. “You really don't need to-”

“Now let's start by talking about your time a few years ago at-”

“Stop!” Star screamed, panic in her voice and features. Mr. Candle gave her a knowing look that made Star extremely uncomfortable. She took a few deep breaths as Mr. Candle just stared at her, trying desperately to calm herself. “I'm not here for me. This is for my friend.”

Mr. Candle nodded in understanding. “Ah I see and is this friend of yours a princess who's dealing with the overwhelming responsibilities of being a queen.”

Star opened her mouth to reply but a voice spoke up behind her. “I'm not a princess.” Star turned to Marco standing in the doorway with a confused look. Mr. Candle seemed startled to see the boy.

“Princess Star, who is this?”

“This is Marco,” she explained in exasperation. “The friend who I wanted you to talk to.”

Mr. Candle's face never lost its look of total shock as he replied, “It seems I misjudged this situation.”

“You think,” Star mumbled, crossing her arms.

“Well what can I do for you, Marco?” Mr. Candle said, completely recovered from the awkward situation, all smiles once again.

Marco took a deep breath before quickly saying, “Well, I saw Jackie this morning skateboarding on this huge ramp thing and she looked so cool, and then when I asked her how she was so good she said that she has a dream of being a professional skateboarder and then Star said she wanted to become queen, and then I thought it would be really cool if I had a dream too, but I don't know what it is I'm good at and-,”

“And let me guess, you need a little guidance to help figure it out.” Mr. Candle interrupted and Marco nodded vigorously.

“Yes please!”

“Well looks like my work here is done. I'll leave you two to it,” Star said, slowly backing out of the room, awkwardly, keeping her hands behind her back and a forced smile on her face. “You know how it is. Decisions to make, paperwork to sign, busy, busy, busy.” She threw the door open ready to make her escape.

“Oh, Star,” Mr. Candle called and Star flinched, hesitantly turning back to the make-shift guidance counselor. “I hope you will come to me if you have any problems in the future. I'm always here to talk.”

The princess gave him a weak smile, before practically racing out of the room, the door slamming shut behind her. Marco looked at the door suspiciously, unable to shake the feeling that something had been off about Star, though he couldn't quite peg what it was. He hoped she was okay. Marco heard Mr. Candle clearing his throat and turned back to his new counselor. “So, Marco, why don't you have a seat?” he asked, gesturing to the empty chair on the other side of his desk.

Marco plopped himself down in the swivel chair, staring expectantly at the counselor. “So, you can really help me get a dream?”

“Welll, let's start by figuring out what it is your good at.” Marco thought for a moment.

“I'm not sure,” he said, his face suddenly looking concerned. “Did I fail?”

“No, no,” Mr. Candle reassured the boy. “You can't fail this test.” Marco seemed to relax once again. “So do you know if there's anything you like to do maybe?”

Marco tapped a finger on his chin, thinking. “No,” he said, shaking his head. “I'm not really sure if I'm good at anything.” He looked down at the desk sadly. Mr. Candle thought for a second. There has to be something he could do to...

Mr. Candle snapped his fingers, quickly pulling out the drawers to his desk, searching for something. “Mr. Candle?” Marco asked, leaning forward so he could watch the psychiatric.

“I think I might have something,” Mr. Candle explained, riffling through his cluttered paperwork. “Ah!” he said, finally finding the source of his search: a large, black book. He lifted it up with a grunt, before setting it hard on his desk with a loud thud. Marco looked at the title that was currently upside down, “Hobbies: A Guidebook to Life”.

“Hobbies?” Marco read in confusion.

“Yep, I believe this book will make figuring out what it is your good at much simpler,” the counselor assured, patting the hard cover of the book, fondly.

“How's that?” Marco asked, looking the object over with curiosity.

“Well in order to have a dream, you first have to figure out what it is your good at and then you can move on to the next step.”

“What's that?”

Mr. Candle gave him a smile. “Working for it.” He pushed the book toward the boy, flipping it so it was now facing him. Marco slowly opened the book to a random page, sifting through it, reading random passages. He looked up at Mr. Candle who watched him expectantly.

“So what do I do with it?”

“My suggestion, find some things you like and try them out,” Mr. Candle said with a shrug.

Marco looked down at the page he was currently on, a picture of a skateboard illustrated in bright, bold print catching his wandering eye. “Huhhh.”

…

“Teach me to skateboard!” Jackie and Janna stared at Marco blankly, before Marco quickly added, “Please?” He held up his hands in a begging motion, his eyes widening to the size of saucers.

“Why do you want to skateboard?” Jackie asked in confusion.

“Welllll,” Marco started, before flipping a scroll of paper into the two's face, making them lean back in fright. “Mr. Candle said I needed to try different things and so I thought since Jackie is so good at skateboarding she could show me the ropes.”

Janna's look of fear changed to her signature smug smile as she asked, “Want me to teach you how to pick-pocket?” Janna replied and Jackie turned to her with a glare.

“I don't know what that means, but no,” Marco replied, his voice never losing its positivity.

Janna shrugged, “Your loss.”

Jackie stepped forward. “Well, I'd be happy to show you a few things if you're willing to learn.”

Marco nodded. “I am.”

“Then let's get you suited up,” Jackie said, pulling out another helmet and knee and shoulder pads.

“What are these for?” Marco asked as she began putting them on the boy.

“Safety.” Jackie explained latching the helmet securely under Marco's chin. “This will keep your head from getting hurt.” Marco looked up at the helmet as the rest of pads were put on. For a moment, he remembered the other night when he almost slipped in the shower, his skull coming way too close to getting bashed in to the wet, soupy floor. Maybe he should...

“There,” Jackie said as the final pad was put in place, distracting the boy from his inner thoughts. “Done.” She rose up, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Ready.” Marco nodded. Jackie laid the skateboard down in front of him and he stepped onto it.

She began pulling him along, holding tightly on to his hands, giving him tips and advice as they went. Marco at first stood frozen in place, looking down at the rotating wheels nervously, holding Jackie's hands with a death grip, but he quickly grew use to being on the moving board, Jackie's words of advice calming him, standing confidently with a controlled smile on his face. “Wow, this is super easy,” Marco said, and Jackie smiled.

“Glad to here it,” she replied. “Want to try it on your own?” Marco nodded, now confident he had this down.

“Great! Just keep your balance and you should be fine.” With that, Jackie pushed him off, the boy now trying to keep his balance without Jackie's helping hand. Marco's arms flung around wildly for a moment, until he found his momentum once again, standing tall and straight on the board, his feet in the right positions, his whole body relaxed but ready, his-

“Marco!” Jackie screamed, drawing his attention to her as she pointed behind him. “Look out-”

Marco swerved just in time to see the wall towering over his small form, the skateboard helping close the distance between the two, before the world ignited in a flurry of brightly lit colors and shapes that consumed the boy's bleary and broken vision. Jackie and Janna both cringed as the loud smack sounded around the area, quickly running over to check on Marco and the board. He lay awkwardly on his back, the suns on his cheeks having transformed into a spinning swirl, the skateboard laying next to him, upside down, its wheels spinning in synchronization with the boy's cheeks. “Dude, are you okay?” Jackie asked in concern, bending down to the boy's level, cupping his head in her hands. Marco moaned in pain, rubbing his head from beneath the helmet.

“Ow,” he groaned. “I thought you said it would protect me.”

“Well, your not dead,” Janna stated as Jackie helped the boy to his feet.

“That was pretty good, Marco,” Jackie said with an encouraging smile.

“Up until you hit the wall,” Janna added, matter-of-factly. Marco frowned, realizing this was going to be a lot harder than he thought. Jackie picked up the fallen skateboard, pushing them into Marco's hands.

“One more go,” she said and the boy's eyes widened with panic.

“Are you crazy?!” he exclaimed, pushing the skateboard away. He began hastily pulling at the straps of the helmet, trying desperately to get the thing off. “I can't do that again! I-I-I-”

“Marco!” Jackie's voice had a scolding tone to it and Marco was so put off by the bizarre change in her normally laid-back behavior he froze, he and Janna both staring at her in silent shock. She stared back at him, intensely, and added in a much gentler tone, “Everybody falls off a skateboard at least once.” She pushed the skateboard back into his hands, once again. “The important thins is getting back on.”

Marco stared at the girl, then down to the skateboard, then back up to his friend. Her eyes were wide with intensity as they watched the boy's every nervous move. He sighed in defeat, quietly saying, “Okay, I'll... try it again.”

The light-haired girl gave him a proud smile before setting the skateboard back up for him, helping him on. Once he was situated, Jackie quickly said to him. “Now this time, just keeping looking straight ahead.” Marco nodded nervously, struggling to keep his balance on the board.

“Hey.” Marco looked up at the girl, her eyes shining with confidence. “You got this.”

Marco let out a shaky breath, as the girl pushed him forward, at first Marco seemed panicked but he quickly recovered, situating himself on the board like Jackie had shown him, maneuvering the board around obstacles and objects in the way. He was still shaky and unsure, but he seemed rather skilled there on the board.

The two girls watched in awe as the boy rolled around the make-shift obstacle course, turning in circles to watch him go. “Wow,” Janna said, her voice uncharacteristically soft. “He's pretty good.”

Jackie nodded next to her, surprised by the boy's almost immediate improvement. “Yeah, he's a natural.”

“Ow!” Marco screamed, as his skateboard hit a rock, sending him flying off it and tumbling to the floor.

“Well, almost a natural.”

Marco sat up, spitting dirt and gravel out of his mouth, as he quickly removed the helmet from his head. He looked around finding the skateboard laying once again at his feet, its wheels spinning endlessly in the air and he sighed glad he hadn't broken it.

“Not bad,” Janna called over to the boy, Marco looking up to the two smiling faces a short distance away. Marco looked back and forth from the creepy girl to her partner.

“Yeah, dude, that was pretty cool,” Jackie yelled with a smile.

Marco rubbed the back of his neck, shyly. “Thanks. For some reason it was a lot easier that time.” He stood, picking up the skateboard and helmet off the floor, making his way over to the two waiting girls. Marco handed the helmet and skateboard back to Jackie. “Thanks for letting me try it out, it was actually pretty cool.”

“No problem, Marco, any time,” Jackie answered.

“So now that that's over, what now?” Janna asked impatiently.

“Wellll,” Marco suddenly pulled out the piece of paper from his hoodie pocket again. “There are a few more things I wanted to try out and I was hoping you two would help me.”

Jackie took the list away from the boy, looking it over in her hands, Janna coolly responding from behind her, “Ah, why not? Not like we got anything better to do.”

“Really, thanks,” Marco said, sounding generally grateful and surprised at the creepy girl's willingness to help him, wondering to himself if the two were actually starting to become friends.

“Soooo,” Janna continued, taking an unnerving step closer to the boy, the two's fingers almost brushing as she gave him a weird, knowing smile. “How about we add something really cool to that list like... raising the dead.”

Marco face filled with fear, as he took a step away from the girl. “Uhhh, no thank you. That's okay,” he nervously responded, the uncomfortable feeling returning once again. Or maybe not.

“Umm, Marco,” Jackie said, drawing the two's attention to her once again. “How many things are on here?”

“Just whatever sounded cool,” Marco replied, as Janna stepped over so she could read the list from over her friend's shoulder.

“Skateboarding, archery, karate, ping pong, mountain climbing,” Janna skeptically read. She looked up at the boy. “Geez, How long is this list?”

Just then, the list unfolded fully, spreading out across the floor, Marco having to move out of the way to let it unroll fully.

Janna sighed. “Well there goes the rest of our day,” the girl stated with a dead-panned stare.

...

It was now night, the three friends, Jackie, Janna, and Marco, had gathered together in the boy's room after a long day of fun and often dangerous activities. They had gone through the entire list over the course of the day, the boy trying and often failing at almost every activity at first, most of the attempts often ending with something catching on fire, though that may have been due to the fact that Janna had tagged along. Marco had often gotten discouraged, but with Jackie and Janna's support (mostly Jackie's) the boy had tried again and again finding the task's easier the more he did them, something just clicking in his mind.

But now the day was over and the list was finished, Jackie, and her roommate who was currently peeking over her shoulder, currently had her face buried in the paper, silently tallying up the points in her head. The boy hovered around them, waiting impatiently for the girl's to give him their results, practically bobbing up and down with excitement. “Soooooooo,” Marco said, leaning in closer and closer to the two, looking at them expectantly. “What does it say? What am I good at?”

“Umm,” Jackie said hesitantly, giving the list one last look over before looking over at the boy. “All of them.”

Marco's smile fell, looking at her confusingly. “What?”

“You did good at all of them,” Jackie explained. “Like every single one.”

“Yeah, you always started off really terrible at them,” Janna started. “Like realllly terrible...”

“Which was expected since it was your first time doing all of these things,” Jackie butted in, trying to keep the over-emotional boy from getting upset.

“But then you'd just pick it up almost immediately afterwards.” Janna finished. “I mean, it wasn't exactly perfect, but you did show some obvious skills.”

Marco looked down at the piece of paper still in Jackie's hands, feeling lost and confused. “But... how is that even possible?” he asked, looking around at the two for answers.

Jackie bit her lip, clearly deep in thought. “Honestly, I'm not sure. I've never seen anybody pick this stuff up so quickly.”

“Well I know what this is,” Janna stated, her voice sounding dull and uninterested. Jackie and Marco both turned to her in shock, simultaneously asking, “What?!”

Janna raised an eyebrow at them, saying, “Really? I mean, Jackie's not really from around here, but still I thought you, Marco, at least would know a Trait when you see one.”

“A what?” Marco asked, cocking his head to the side and Janna sighed in exasperation, looking away with a roll of her eyes.

“A Mewman Trait. A magical ability that all Mewmans posses, each specific and unique to each person, yadda, yadda, yadda,” Janna explained in a bored tone.

“Ohhh, right,” Jackie said, finally remembering the special skill the people of this world possessed. “So then Marco's Trait has something to do with his ability to pick up on things so quickly.”

“Exactly,” Janna said pointing to her friend in acknowledgment. “It seems our dear Marco has some pretty advanced learning skills. I'd wager what takes most people months, Marco could knock out in just a few short weeks.”

“So then, what your saying is I can do anything,” Marco said, his eyes widening with every word.

“More or less,” Janna said, nonchalantly shrugging.

“Of course you'll have your limits,” Jackie took over. “But you can pretty much do anything you put your mind too.”

“That's gonna save you a lot of time catching up, right Marco,” Janna teased, elbowing the boy in the shoulder, but Marco didn't respond, looking helplessly down at the list, his face scrunching up with worry. The two girl's stared at him for a moment, confused by his sudden and sporadic mood shift, sharing a look of confusion, unsure why the boy was so upset over this exciting news.

“Dude, what's wrong?” Jackie asked, taking a few steps closer, as Janna backed away from him uncomfortably, allowing her friend to take over this tense situation. Marco looked up at her with distant eyes, his whole face looking lost and hurt. “Aren't you happy?” Marco shook his head, slowly.

“Why would I be? I mean, this whole day was to see what I was good at, to help narrow it down so I could get a dream,” Marco explained, his eyes lowering to the floor. “That's step one. But if I'm really good at everything then that means that I can't narrow it down.” Marco's eyes were wide with terror, his mind spiraling out of control. “And if I can't narrow it down, does that mean I have to have a million dream?!”

“What?!” Jackie exclaimed. “No, Marco, that's not what that means at all.” She put a comforting hand on his shoulder and he gazed at her anxiously.

“R-Really?” he asked, his voice trembling with emotion.

“Of course not,” Janna spoke up, sounding annoyed. “Who told you that anyway?”

“Mr. Candle.”

The two girls sighed in harmony, looking annoyed. “That figures,” Janna grumbled under her breath, Jackie shaking her head in anger.

“Marco, having a dream isn't just about being good at something, it's about doing what you love,” Jackie explained, giving him a reassuring smile.

“But... I don't know what that is,” he said, biting his lip.

“Well, that's the fun part,” Jackie said, with a shrug. “You get to find out.”

Marco looked down for a moment, thinking over the girl's words, unable to help but think of the time he had spent amongst Toffee and the other monster's, how he had desired to learn and grow so much, to get to leave the dark walls of the castle and see what all was out there in rest of Mewni. But maybe his bizarre curiosity had been about something more, maybe what he really been desiring was to learn more about himself and what he could offer the world outside. He had always known that there was more for him out there and now here, among Star and the other Mewmans, he could finally discover what that was he was meant to do. Here he had no limits to the possibilities at store.

He smiled, knowing the girl was right, maybe he didn't have all the answers just yet. But maybe that wasn't a bad thing. Here he could do and be whatever it was he wanted and he had all the time in the world to figure it out. Not that he would be doing it alone. He had three great friends by his side to help him along the way. Marco looked up at the white-haired girl gratefully, knowing that she had given him something that he had never had before... a future.

…

Star released a shaky breath, hunched over her vanity, her whole body shaking and shuddering as tears streamed down her face. She shut her eyes tight, hoping to stop the tears from falling, but they didn't obey her commands, merely streaming down her face anew. She sobbed once, trying to hold herself together, afraid to let her mask break even alone in her room. She look up at her reflection in the mirror with bleary eyes, her hair messy and unkept, her princess' crown laying half-haphazardly on the floor as if she had thrown it, her eyes were blood-shot, her face looking pathetic with the dried tear marks running down them, her twin hearts shattered in half. She sniffed, plopping down in her chair, pulling her legs up to her chest. She looked to her small mirror phone, the text on the tiny screen reading, “7 missed calls from Mom”.

Her hands tightened around her legs, as she softly whispered, “At least you can have a dream, Marco. My days for dreaming are... over.”

With that the girl buried her head into her legs and wept.

#star vs #star vs au #My writing #Light of the Sun and Stars #Starco

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emull255-blog · 6 years

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I have grown up in New York City all of my life. Although I walk around the city with an ease and bounce in my movement, there are certain aspects of my hometown that leave me feeling on edge. Growing up, I lived in TriBeCa, a small neighborhood on the lower west side located in a ten-minute walking distance away from the World Trade Center. On the morning of September 11th, 2001, I was only three years old, but the historical and tragic event is one that shiftED the lives of myself and those around me. As I grew older I was constantly reminded about the events of that tragic day. As the events took place so close to me, there was a reminder every day that I walked through the neighborhood. Whether that be through the skyline that now seemed absent until the construction of One World Trade Center, or whether it was the number of tourists and police men who now surrounded the area, the events of that day seem almost inescapable.

Although I always felt like the was never an immediate need for panic or fear when living in this neighborhood years follow the attack, it always felt as though there was a reason to not feel completely comfortable. In 2011 I moved closer to the World Trade Center, directly across the street in fact. Due to NYC Public School Zoning, my mother believed that this move would be the most beneficial for our family due to the fact that my brother could now attend the local middle school. Ten years after the attack, this movement still felt unsafe and haunting for me. Living across the sight where so many lost their lives made me feel vulnerable and uneasy. The view of One World Trade Center from my living room window, although a view that marked both strength and hope, also marked one of remembrance and historical importance.

As we made the move a little further downtown, my neighborhood was now shifting and my train station changed along with that. As I began to take the train alone in middle school, it brought among a sense of independence yet a strong presence of vulnerability. As I took the train home every day from 34thstreet to One World Trade Center, my senses became heightened and my brain would run at a hundred miles a minute. As each stop drew closer and closer to One World Trade Center my heart would leap. As my heartbeat rose and the sweat began to collect on my forehead, I followed this feeling and immediately leaped out of the train at Canal Street, one stop away from my desired location. By doing this I had resulted in a fifteen-minute walk to my home, a drastic factor from the two-minute walk that would have taken place from the One World Trade Center stop, but I frequently took this journey as a mental precaution to protect my own anxiety and fears that arose by placing myself in an environment where a harsh act of violence and terror had once occurred. Eight years later, I became lucky enough to receive a summer job opportunity working in One World Trade Center on the 25thfloor. Although I had learned to cope with the anxiety that I once felt through living in this neighborhood, there were some moments over the summer that I would find myself feeling claustrophobic and freighted in a space where so many lives once stood before me.

The events that occurred on 9/11, 2001, shaped thousands of lives all across the nation. Through living in the city I have experienced these circumstances first hand, although on a smaller scale than most. within our society the discussion of anxiety and stress is slowly a topic of mental health that our society is being more accustomed to, and for many, this makes the events of 9/11 difficult and inescapable seventeen years after the attack. As we all integrate ourselves within a post 9/11 society, we must address the issues within a global and local scale that causes for issues of trauma and anxiety to arise. Issues such as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and depression plague our society following these events. Following the events of 9/11, the American population must address the fact that terrorism is a form of psychological warfare rather than conventional military warfare and work to educate and understand the repercussions on mental health that are linked to these attacks.

The events of 9/11 greatly impacted America both politically and socially. Following the attacks, there was a prominent increase of homeland protection, and an increase in foreign policies. The attacks that occurred on this day were highly broadcasted around the world, footage that would be shown for generations to come and adding a sense of what is typically referred to as “collective trauma”. Following the attacks, President George Bush initiated a “War or Terror”, installing the Patriot Act. The Patriot Act was established as a way to increase domestic surveillance in regard to immigration surveillance and national security as a whole. In an article regarding regarding life in a post 9/11 world titled, Reaction to 9/11,on History.com, it shares, “Despite such anti-terrorist measures, many Americans continued to feel uneasy. According to a study in the New England Journal of Medicine, nearly half of all Americans reported symptoms of stress and depression after the attacks.”(History.com Editors, 2018). This report emphasizes the collective trauma felt by the country. As individuals within New York City and across the country examined the attacks following the events it made them feel vulnerable as a country, the footage causing feels of uneasiness and unrest. While the government and citizens of America worked to find ways to come together and stand as one through memorial services and collective programs working to support those directly affected, Americans could not help but feel as though a similar event may occur again. It is important to understand that terroristic acts such as this step outside the lines of what is typically considered military warfare. A core factor and motivation behind acts of terrorism is the act of surprise in order instill fear. It is the fear and psychological manipulation of these acts that cause those effected to question their safety and their over well-being. While President Bush worked to establish military fronts and precautions for the nation, the attack alone left citizens with a fearful expectation that another attack is bound to occur. It is here that the psychological warfare takes its full effect. Before 9/11, the most recent large spread attack on American soil had been the event of Pearl Harbor during World War II. 9/11 marked a shift in terror acts due to the fact that it took place its multiple places across the country, specifically in the heart of New York City. Both of these attacks were not expected, but the attack of 9/11 struck the United States in a time where the country was not aware that they should possess any feelings of vulnerability.

For those who witnessed and experienced these events, one of the most prominent factors of mental illness that factored from these sights and occurrences is PTSD. As Dana Rose Garfin writes in her piece How the Pain of 9/11 Stays With a Generation, “Post-traumatic stress symptoms include feeling the event is happening again (e.g., flashbacks, nightmares), avoiding situations that remind individuals of the event (e.g., public places, movies about an event), negative feelings and beliefs (e.g., the world is dangerous) or feeling “keyed up” (e.g., difficulty sleeping or concentrating)”. Garfin continues to express that in order to being diagnosed with this disease, one must have experienced a traumatic event, typically through direct exposure. The feelings that are evoked from PTSD are the exact feelings that terrorists hope to evoke from the citizens they effect. The results of PTSD make even the simplest factors of life that once seemed normal- practically unimaginable or hard to deal with. For a 9/11 survivor, the sound of a fire engine horn can be enough to set extreme flashbacks and trigger emotional waves of anxiety. In an article written by CNN titled, The Psychology and Neuroscience of Terrorism,“Terrorism expert John Horgan agrees. "It's psychological warfare," he said. "Pure psychological warfare. They don't just want to frighten us or get us to overreact, they want to be always in our consciousness so that we believe there's nothing they won't do." (Lamotte, 2016). As I reflect on my own personal fear following the attack, the anxiety that I feel entering certain environments is very prominent. Whether it be quickening my pace as I walk past the One World Trade memorial, or avoiding the train spot all together. For first responders on the day of 9/11, their PTSD and trauma affects them in intense and heartbreaking ways, even making simple daily tasks sometimes unbearable.

Our country has definitely acknowledged the trauma of first responders who were there on the day of 9/11 both at the twin towers and the pentagon, although our country as a whole still must make strides to identify the psychological warfare. As we identify the issues of trauma and stress that are prevalent among first responders and those effected by the attack, we must take a step back to analyze how we can deal with this warfare on a psychological scale in the future. Growing up in New York City and examining the reaction of the public following the attack, it is clear to see that there is still psychological damage years after. There are key motivators of fear that terrorists work to gage on, and as New Yorkers and American’s across the country recognize the lives lost each anniversary, it is apparent that the memory and spirit of the attack and the lives lost still lives on. As years continue to pass and a young generation of post 9/11 children are educated on the topic- we must teach them and share what the role of terrorism plays within society beyond just the act of violence. Terrorist acts are a harsh and cruel reality of the world, one that shape societies and history. As time goes on it is important to educate, assist, and inform one another the mental and psychological traumas that can be the results of terroristic acts within our society. While military and political backing is important, we must re-emphasize the importance of understanding the effects that these traumas have on people and work to upkeep a society that can work as a community and mental support system. The realities of psychological warfare are real and prominent within our society, through identifying and recognizing these issues we can create a more supportive and prospering atmosphere.

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havenmentalhc · 3 years

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How to Recognize and Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

Some of the most difficult counseling cases that I come across are of individuals who have suffered at the hands of a narcissistic parent, partner, sibling, or significant other in their life. Don’t get me wrong. These situations are not difficult because of the victims who I see in my office. What’s heartbreaking is to see how the deep impact that narcissistic abuse has on a person. It can shape and shake the foundation of who you are. Narcissistic abuse can make you question your sanity, worth, and sense of self. And unless you’ve been through it, it may be difficult to fully comprehend just how sinister a narcissist is. For the purposes of this blog post, we’ll take a closer look at narcissistic abuse as it shows up in romantic relationships, though there will be overlaps in narcissistic behavior no matter the relationship.

Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like having the rug pulled out from underneath you over and over and over. When you dreamed of a partner, you likely never imagined a person who would wear you down with ego and arrogance. Or confuse you with subtle jabs of condescension and loads of gaslighting. You hoped to be treated well, loved intentionally, and respected daily. And you deserve as much.

However, if you find yourself in a relationship where you’re constantly feeling like you’re on the defense, questioning what you may have done wrong this time, or have a disturbing feeling when examining what’s going on between you and your partner, it’s important that you take time to honor your feelings.

Is your partner just insensitive? Are they a reformable jerk? Or is this a relationship mountain you shouldn’t keep trying to climb? Perhaps you’re just overreacting?

Maybe.

Could it be that you become the target of narcissistic abuse? Good question.

Let’s look deeper at your experience for answers:

Key Challenges of a Relationship with a Narcissist

Generally, narcissistic behavior puts a strain on a connection that should be meaningful, loving, balanced. Why? Narcissists come first in their own minds. They must focus the relationship on themselves and their own needs.

The result? You suffer. Why? Because your role is to count for less, ask for less, and expect less for yourself. And sadly, the methodical, manipulative way this occurs can do significant damage to your self-esteem and emotional wellbeing. When you’re in the thick of it, it can be hard to read your narcissistic partner. In fact, they can seem so attentive and engaged at times that you feel thoroughly off-balance as you try to make things work. To gain some perspective, be aware of the way you and your partner interact.

Is The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle at Play?

This cycle of interaction is broken down into three key stages: idealization, devaluation, and rejection.

Idealization Marks Your Initial Connection

Romantic relationship carries with it a wealth of infatuation, and exhilaration in the initial phase. It’s the desire to reclaim that seeming adoration that can keep an abused partner with a narcissist. For the narcissist, those early days serve a different function. They idealize their partner and place them on a pedestal early on. They see perfection in their partner and claim that person as their own, pouring affections on them, even overwhelming them with their dedication.

But of course, their partner is not perfect. Perhaps you know what it’s like to be thrown off your partner’s pedestal?

You’re Disparaged and Devalued

For most couples, the euphoria fades as a contented routine emerges. Most partners grow closer and learn to work as a team. Not for those in a narcissistic abuse cycle.

Instead, the narcissist affection fades as perceived perfection of their partner fades. For the narcissist, your value is how well you boost their own self-image and significance. Is your narcissistic partner putting you down or withholding intimacy? Do they flip things around and play the victim when you call them on their behavior?

It’s not all in your head.

Rejection Becomes Routine

Narcissists can’t reasonably, respectfully communicate and resolve their differences equitably. Rejection plays a big part of manipulating their partner. If you never measure up and feel at a loss as to how to stay in your partner’s good graces, your relationship is not good for you. Which is how a narcissistic partner prefers it.

What’s worse, if you don’t stop it, the abuse cycle will continue to do damage until you partner tires of it. They likely have a string of broken relationships, never realizing that they are the problem.

So… Can You Heal and Live Well Again?

Definitely! But it isn’t easy. Your partner’s manipulation is likely very thorough; thus, you’ll need the help of a professional.

How can therapist help?Learn How to Disarm Your Narcissistic Partner

Narcissists are fueled by reaction and conflict. This maintains the perception that you are the problem and they are the solution. To disarm a narcissist means maintaining the self-control that allows you to remain calm, self-confident, and capable of not feeding the drama. This is no easy feat when the narcissist in your life knows exactly what buttons to push to get a reaction out of you. Their jabs may infuriate you, rightly so, and make you want to explode. However, doing this only further empowers the narcissist and gives them ammunition to further the smear campaign against you. Your best solution is to remain calm, as impossible as it might seem, and therefore remain in control of the situation. Trauma therapy is an excellent resource to learn these skills and ones that your therapist can help you develop.

Learn to Set Firm Boundaries

Healing means setting boundaries. Holding to what you feel is physically or emotionally unacceptable is everything. However, if you grew up in a home where boundaries weren’t respected or landed in a relationship where you’ve been made to question yourself, this can be quite difficult. Boundary setting is easier said than done and require consistency and confidence in its implementation. You’ll need validation and support in recognizing your needs and limitations while also developing the strength to stand up for yourself. The consequences of this may include the narcissist in your life becoming more intense in his/her efforts to disparage and villainize you. This is the time to remain firm and consistent, but requires courage. Thus, your therapist can help you prioritize your needs and stay committed to them, while helping you determine how (or if) the relationship proceeds.

Experience Support Without an Agenda

Professional counseling is essential when coping with a narcissist. You need a safe, compassionate space. You deserve to be seen and heard. Narcissistic partners don’t provide that. In fact, vulnerability is a liability with a narcissist.

We’re here to provide help and hope. Please don’t suffer in silence. Read more about trauma therapy and reach out soon for a consultation.

#individual counseling #premaritalcounseling #couple counseling #mental health support #mentalheathawareness #marriage counseling

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thesurfacetensionofbirds · 6 years

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(heads up this post talks about food and ableism)

people often don’t believe me that i am really sensitive to many foods, i know because they sometimes tell me this directly and also indirectly by asking questions that indicate that they think i’m overreacting.

i have a number of “true” food allergies, the kind that have been documented through the kinds of medical tests that make people believe you because you can point to a measurable thing printed on an official paper, but i have way more food “sensitivities” or whatever you want to call it, but like, foods that make my body freak the fuck out in some way or another

anyways because so many people around me - even the well-meaning ones - question how all of these foods could possibly be making me feel sick (”but c’mon they never used to?”) sometimes it makes me question myself. like, how can all of these foods possibly be making me feel sick? what if they’re right and i am overreacting? it’ll probably be fine? at which point i then get annoyed with myself for letting their questions get to me... rinse. repeat. it’s tiring.

so yesterday and today, in some kind of petty act of bravery, i tried eating a food that i had stopped eating years ago because i was noticing it made me feel sick. it’s a food i really like, so it wasn’t hard for me to convince myself to try it in that respect, but it took me a few days to build up to trying it because i worried it’d make me feel sick like before. but then i tried it, and both times i have had symptoms that feel very much like many of the allergic reactions i have had - including very intense itching - which are not reactions i’ve had to this food before so it’s not even like i could’ve worried it into being. when i stopped eating that food, it was because of its effects on my stomach, but i hadn’t ever had itching or any of the other reactions i had yesterday and today. and the reaction today is worse, so the repeat exposure was definitely a mistake. message received body, sorry about that.

sorry about not having listened better. not having remembered that i obviously know better than that, and it’s not theirs to tell me what makes me sick. so often how i know that people don’t believe me when i have to refuse eating something is that they imply i’m making some kind of choice, which, is true in the sense that i am choosing not to eat something that experience tells me makes my body feel really bad. if i could choose not to be sick all the time, and to be able to eat foods that i like, you best believe that i would. but since i don’t get to choose all those things, i make the choices i can. i frankly don’t see that it’s really anyone else’s business which foods i can eat, but apparently lots of people don’t agree with me on that.

what i’m saying is that i’m not making it up and neither are you. listening to your body is already hard enough and it would be fucking great if so many people did not keep insisting on making it so very much harder. even if i am not allergic to oranges, good grief do they make me itchy and ill. so hopefully next time i’m tempted to try such an experiment, i’m hoping i’ll think really carefully about whether it’s because i am genuinely wondering for my own reasons if i can tolerate a thing, or if it’s that i’m wondering because people keep telling me i can’t possibly be right.

#i'm so itchy right now #and bummed that i was right about oranges #sick kids club #food #bodies

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crossgartered · 4 years

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P5R liveblog (8/?)

(Makoto arc end)

[[MORE]]

Oh, hey, Chihaya.

Idk if I'm remembering the timing right, but it looks like they took out Ryuji's interaction with those two entirely. I told him to wait outside bc of his uniform and he said he'd kill some time somewhere until I was done

It really does seem kind of awful of us to volunteer Mishima for this, especially without him knowing.

OH HERE THEY ARE

Oh, hey, they think he's interested in drag bc of how he was looking into Crossroads. They want to help him out. Still sucks that this supposed to be something funny, and that they're dragging him off without his wanting to, but it is better than it was.

UGHHHH MISHIMA IM SORRY

Oh, this translation seems different. A bit more natural, I think. Still really harsh, though. Sae...

Makoto...

FUCKING PRIESTESS LISTEN TO YOUR INNER SELF THIS IS JUST DOING SOMETHING FOR THE SAKE OF DOING ANYTHING PLEASE PULL BACK AND THINK STRATEGICALLY INSTEAD IF GOING ABOUT THIS SO EMOTIONALLY

Honestly her charm stat is in the pits. It's kind of hilarious since you need high (max? Idr) charm to progress past rank 5 with her.

Huh, if she had social stats... High knowledge, low charm, good guts, not totally sure about proficiency & kindness but I'm leaning towards okay-low proficiency and middling-decent kindness.

Now, the others...

Ryuji would have low knowledge, good guts,

Listen, I'm having trouble with quantifying their kindness. Because, they all have differing levels of what I consider personal-kindness and general-kindness

Wait. Do I really want to get on this tangent right now? ...Not really. Hold that thought. Back to the game.

GOD this was so dangerous I am honestly amazed that she got out of this okay.

GOD THAT IS SO DANGEROUS I AM HONESTLY AMAZED THAT HE GOT OUT OF THAT OKAY

Honestly I'm kind of surprised Kaneshiro doesn't have a doorman or anything.

Jeez, Kaneshiro's face looks off compared to everyone else. Like, on its own, it's a decent face, but it looks like it doesn't belong with the rest.

Huh, I wonder how many of them actually have mommies and daddies to beg money from. Let's see... Makoto is being raised by her prosecutor sister. Parents dead. Ryuji is being raised by a single mom. Dad left a long time ago. Canonically poor. Yusuke was being raised by Madarame. Mom dead. Dad out of the picture, idr how. Canonically poor, with poor money sense. Ann has parents. Successful fashion designers that she doesn't see half the year. And the protag has an ambiguous family situation. Of course, I have my headcanons, but that's nothing. Anyway, if we were going about this the way Kaneshiro wanted us to, Ann would probably be able to provide the most, followed by Makoto. (Again, leaving Ren out of this).

Guh, thinking about it like that feels shitty.

...can you even imagine an ATM with Ann's pigtails though? I mean I know the other ATMs don't have any distinguishing features but still

Anyway

Godddd, I really love when people are given reaction shots when something another character is saying is resonating or otherwise meaningful to them

Makoto: "A lot happened after we lost her father three years ago, so it's just us living together... But I'm still a child, so all I am is a burden to her..."

Yusuke: *cut-in* "......"

Me: *chef's kiss*

...it happens at other times in this game (and other stuff), too, but I just wanted to point it out. Especially bc you kind of have to infer a lot of the time when it comes to Yusuke.

OHHHDJDJSJDJJDS HE LOOKED SO SAD WHEN MAKOTO CALLED HIM A CANINE

"IT'S FOX" HE SAYS

Both Makoto and Ann called him specifically a monster cat. I wonder if the Japanese calls him a cat ayakashi or something.

What property damage did any of us cause?

Why is Shadow Kaneshiro purple anyway?

JOHANNA IS SO FUCKING COOL GODDAMN

I love Makoto's awakening ngl

But honestly, is there a /bad/ awakening in the bunch? They really killed it with the game aesthetics, you know?

"No weaknesses. Our only chance is to make them confused" or whatever she just said about confusing them. Idk if I just tune her out or if that's a new thing

Didn't Makoto have Flash Bomb or whatever that multi-phys + chance of Dizzy skill was called? Maybe she gets that at a higher level

*heavy sigh* Okay, Makoto

"I will crush him like a fly" I see what you did there

It really is nice that they're bringing up the advisor thing instead of just her doing it herself. I still feel like there should have been a little more talk about it amongst the 5 of them instead of just the 3 human-shaped guys but w/e

The references to English songs and memes is a little jarring, ngl

Man, Sae's gonna flip her shit when she hears what Makoto did to get here.

Awww Ann & Makoto are bonding

*sigh* listen, I like Makoto, I even dated her in my first playthrough of vanilla p5, but I really dislike how they just keep shilling her around this time. It's a little off-putting. I think it's a thing Atlus likes to do.

Hmm? Is the man getting joint pain on rainy days going to affect his Mementos fight?? Interesting.

Ughhhhhh Queen choosing her name and then the """strategy""" thing is exactly the same. Like her being there even changes anything about how we go about things. And we do think about what we're doing, actually! Well, mostly Morgana bc Phantom thievery is his whole schtick. But like, outside our usual plans, we successfully pulled off the heist in the Madarame Palace, for example. We also opened the locked door and dealt with that. We go about the palaces with intent! Blugh.

"it's my role to be the brain of this team and give out orders" BLUGH

And then Ryuji & Mona are into it... -_-+

I hate this part. It's awkward and dumb. There are better ways to make her their advisor, Atlus

Also someone mention that I am field leader pls. I know you did in vanilla p5 do it now as well

I wonder if they've changed her s.link abilities? They at least have to have given her 1 more thing due to the baton pass thing

I WONDER IF EIKO WILL HAVE A SPRITE NOW?!?!? I hope so ^u^

GUH I love Makoto's Queen outfit.

Oh, whoops, I forgot about that conversation. Maybe I should have put Morgana in my party.

But heck yeah, let's do a finisher! I wonder how to get these for people.

RYUJI WANTS TO DO A SHOWTIME WITH FOX "We could call it Art Run or something" I LOVE HIM

SHIT WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME I SAVED

Ugh, it's really frustrating that they're trying to get me to showtime w Ann & Morgana when all the enemies here are weak to Zio & Bufu (with a little bit of Psi & Gun thrown in for good measure).

Okay, have reorganized my party so I don't have to use an Agi-weak persona to go after enemy weaknesses. That was so embarrassing.

Oh, neat! My sleuthing instinct kicked in! ... Makoto's abilities have to have changed.

YOU MEAN SHOWTIME CAN KICK IN EVEN WHEN ONE OF THE MEMBERS IS NOT IN THE PARTY?!?!?! AHHHH

Maybe even both, idk. Morgana seemed like the best choice to heal/lucky punch so he's in my party rn but maybe when he gets swapped out later I'll find the answer to that

...this is being surprisingly easy. But I don't think I'm overleveled... Jeez, I haven't bought weapons since Kamoshida's Palace. And they give you so many clothes in this game... And accessories! Really!

But yeah, I finished that security guy in 3 moves. Morgana - Garu (absorbed), Yusuke - Bufu (inflicting Freeze), Ryuji - Headbutt (Technical) -> All-Out Attack. I remember it being a lot harder in the original. Idk.

Okay, the next one was slightly harder. It took two All-out-attacks to beat it. But hmm.

Maybe I am overleveled, though. Apparently that miniboss (??) Was only level 21, and I am 23.

Oh, I'm getting Sigma feelings. Ann's counting down for opening the vault-like door.

I don't think I've ever noticed before how neat Kaneshiro's palace music is. Well, at least the Laundering Office, anyway. What is this, exactly? It's some version of Price - that's the same melody line, but the instrumentation is all different. That's not to say that Price isn't good; it's just that I'm weak for strings & orchestra instruments in non- orchestral songs. It sounds darker and more intense. I love it

Oho? That gold vault door seems new.

Or maybe I just don't remember it.

Anyway. I really do appreciate that Morgana mentions Shadow personalities in negotiations. Like, I read the tutorial on it, but it's nice to have him like "what's this one so happy about? Well, guess we'll play long for now" or whatever he says for an upbeat shadow. It's pretty neat.

"I wonder what it'd be like if we had Palaces instead of Personas." SAME, RYUJI, SAME 👀👀👀👀👀

Hmm, I know Joker Palace has some fics, and I think I remember seeing a Crow Palace fic, but I wonder about the others...? Hmm 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

I don't want to accidentally spoil myself, though. I'll go through the archive after I finish this.

"Your Palace would definitely be a beef bowl shop." ANN OMG

"Why'd you gotta give a straight answer right off the bat? I can't argue with that!" Ryuji pls ;u;

Why do Will Seeds all look like that? I know there are those death things with the hollow eyes like that, but is that what it is? It just seems so out of place in this technical setting. I'm kind of surprised they don't change appearances to suit their Palace. Tbh, it doesn't really look like anything that comes from Mementos, either. But I suppose it must...

WHOA, why did the Velvet Room door turn red? "I have an uneasy feeling" Same, protag, same

WHY IS THE VELVET ROOM ON HIGH ALERT

A fusion alarm? OH COME ON IT HASNT BEEN THAT LONG SINCE I FUSED ANYONE

Is this because I still have Jack Frost with me? But come onnnn I already had most of this palace's inhabitants alreadyyyy

By /fusing/ them

Could this have come at any time? Or was this scripted for now? Oh, wait, I overreacted, this says that my Personas will be stronger if I do it during a fusion alarm. Kind of incentivizes him to slack off, though, doesn't it? Lol

Oh, interesting. Look at all those accident possibilities. Nvm.

Orpheus... ;-;

Huh, I didn't realize the Picaro versions also were not just dlc

"You would like me to become your mask? Well then, let us search for the answers of life together."

*lie down* *try not to cry* *cry a lot*

Anyway.

I need to go to Mementos and find an Eligor. Gotta get that Flauros.

YES FINALLY MY GUTS INCREASED

Aww, the newspaper club girl is rooting for the phantom thieves. She's so angry at akechi rn

Oh, speaking of! Hello, Akechi!

AHHH RYUJI AND MAKOTO TEAM UP IM SO PSYCHED

Oh man it's bc of the motorcycle ISNT IT, RYUJI : DDDDDD

JDSKSKXNXJKS

The voice acting there was. Wonderful. Omfg

Actually, now that I think about it, it makes a lot of sense that Ryuji's tried to suggest team ups twice now, ever as soon as he learned they were a thing. He was on the track team, and the team aspect of that was very important to him. He likes cheering others on and being cheered on by others. Specifically by training and sweating and testing limits together - by fighting together. Of course ryuji is interested. Of course he is.

Man, I wish I had better context for the "you filthy fly on dirty money" line - I mean, obviously he's Beelzebub, who is apparently in charge of gluttony, but like, is that a phrase? Is this just a Beelzebub reference or is there more to it bc it feels like there's more to it and I don't understand bc cultural reasons

Blegh I don't want to give up my expensive items...guess I'll do this the tedious way.

Ah, here we go. Let's see how these hired guns are. Hopefully I can see the Makoto & Ryuji showtime? :3 ?

Wait, Bael? Not Beelzebub? Really? Huh?

YES IT'S SHOWTIME

HOLY SHIT I LOVE IT

I wonder why that briefcase was related to his distorted desires. We really know so little about Kaneshiro, relatively

Yusuke's kinda on the ball today.

...*snerk*

Wow, damn, Akechi was potentially onto us since the Kaneshiro calling card? He gave a list of potential candidates, maybe we were on it...

Makoto, really, it was unfair of everyone to put the burden of resolving the Kaneshiro issue on you. You really can't be blamed. you know that, right?

Oh, hey look, it's 'Gaudy Student' there in the background

Hhhhhhhhhhh there are so many choices I have 5 potential social links to do tonight. I could start Kawakami, Ohya, Chihaya, or Hifumi, or I could level up Yoshida since it's Sunday

AHH KASUMI IS SO CUTE. FUCK!

BWAHAHAHAHA justice rank 3 is. Amazing.

"I've seen everything. A vision of you groveling on the ground..." IS THIS THE THING IN DECEMBER SHES TALKING ABOUT

#p5r liveblog #p5r #p5r spoilers #spoilers #persona 5 royal #long post #no like seriously #this one gets emotional at video games

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monkeyandelf · 6 years

Text

New Post has been published on Buzz News from Monkey & Elf |

New Post has been published on https://www.monkeyandelf.com/why-we-should-consider-banning-social-media/

Why We Should Consider Banning Social Media

On December 3, 2017, 23-year-old Canadian porn actress August Ames became embroiled in a Tweet storm that would drive her to take her own life two days later. Her decision to drop out of a scene that she was scheduled to do with a male “crossover” performer (a guy who has sex with both men and women on camera) was perceived as homophobic by the masses of angry human beings that lurk on Twitter, even though she has appeared in many dozens of scenes with other women. Her ownership of a stance that others disagree with provoked a furious backlash.

One crossover star, Jaxton Wheeler, tweeted “the world is awaiting your apology or for you to swallow a cyanide pill. Either or we’ll take it” and he was backed up by an online lynch mob who peppered her with abuse and insults. On December 5 she sent out her final Tweet—”fuck y’all”—and was discovered by her husband, porn director Kevin Moore, soon after. Silicon Valley might peddle utopian propaganda that frames social media as some sort of dreamy promised land where information is freely shared and connections made for the purposes of our collective enlightenment, but over the past couple of years it has become abundantly clear that it has become an utter cesspit and the death of August Ames is a far more accurate representation of the reality of internet discourse. This is why, in my opinion, we should consider banning social media.

JGI / Tom Grill / Getty Images

Although August’s death cannot solely be attributed to Twitter—indeed, Ms. Ames was candid about her battles with depression and the sexual abuse she suffered as a child, so she was quite clearly a particularly vulnerable individual—I firmly believe that had this incident happened 15 years ago, she would still be alive. As someone prone to making controversial, provocative statements, I’ve endured a sizable share of abuse online. Just several weeks ago an old article that I wrote pondering whether Japan might be the world’s most overrated travel destination got a second wind of life, and I opened Twitter to find over 100 notifications from disgruntled Japanophiles who took issue with the fact that I voiced an opinion that they disagreed with.

For hours new notifications kept rolling in, many of which contained insults and ridicule rather than reasonable rebuttals or well-thought out counterpoints. Their tone was overwhelmingly combative. Now I don’t expect any sympathy because I knowingly brought such a reaction upon myself, but even as someone who gets a kick out of poking people in the eye, I couldn’t help but feel the back of my neck tense up every time a new flurry of tweets came my way.

just being so candid and one with nature and my phone and shit omg vegans amirite 🌸

A post shared by August Ames (@msmaplefever) on Sep 10, 2017 at 9:25pm PDT

Social media platforms are designed to mimic slot machines as a way of getting users addicted to them. As a result, overstimulation on social media feels like sensory overload. I couldn’t help but feel mildly overwhelmed and a degree of aversion began to creep in. There’s something about Twitter that made all this hate feel much louder than a silent notification icon at the bottom of my iPhone screen. If someone with a lot less Twitter followers, much less of a profile and not nearly as many issues as August Ames can feel themselves begin to look away, I can only imagine how cornered she must have felt. Communication before social media lacked that instantaneousness; there was a buffer that made it seem more distant. Maybe Twitter and its users can’t conclusively be blamed for Ames’s death, but they can’t absolve their conscience completely.

I’m sure there are those who would accuse me of hysterically overreacting, but this is so much bigger than a solitary tragedy: over the past couple years we’ve seen social media distort our very perception of reality as it became a vehicle for fake news. Russian spy factories weaponized social media during the Brexit referendum in Britain and throughout the U.S. presidential election in order to undermine the western political order. Soon after Donald Trump’s victory, The Guardian pondered whether the Internet has become a failed state. Peer down the wormhole of Breitbart or 4chan or the myriad of misogynistic subreddits out there and it becomes quite clear that it has. Social media may have enabled mild conveniences but many are beginning to question whether we’ve reached a tipping point where it causes more harm than it’s worth.

lil snowflake

A post shared by August Ames (@msmaplefever) on Aug 6, 2017 at 10:21pm PDT

But it’s not only the alt-right that have turned online discourse into a mud wrestling match in a puddle of proverbial diarrhea: supposedly high-minded social justice warrior types are clearly just as odious. After all, it wasn’t neo-fascists that drove Ms. Ames to her death, but people who seem to believe in tolerance so intensely that they’re willing to mentally lynch someone that deviates from their world view. Rather than spewing bile, Ames was ham-handedly referencing the fact that that gay and bisexual men make up a much greater proportion of HIV infection — roughly 70%, to be exact. This isn’t homophobia, it’s a scientific fact: HIV is 18 times more transmissible via anal penetration than vaginal sex. Her wording may have been untactful, but it was by no means hateful, yet she was bullied to death by people who would probably claim to have a deep concern for other human beings.

This shows that the cruelty that’s so rampant on social media has nothing to do with political affiliation. The anonymity and detachment from reality facilitated by the Internet clearly brings out a profound cruelty that lurks in the dark recesses of human nature, one that the light of an smartphone screen cannot illuminate.

To those who would disagree with me, I posit the question: why shouldn’t we ban social media? What have social media platforms added to human civilization that’s so indispensable that we should simply shrug off the fact that it makes the democratic process vulnerable to tampering by foreign agents? Snapchat filters, perhaps? Do the benefits of Timehop really outweigh the erosion of human civilization by fake news? Facebook might save us money on long distance phone calls because we’re able to stay in touch with distant friends and relatives, but it allows allows firms like Cambridge Analytica to harvest our most intimate personal data and use it to wage psychological warfare via those very same platforms that gave them said data in the first place. Bit of a crap trade-off, if you ask me.

A post shared by Kylie (@kyliejenner) on Sep 7, 2017 at 2:43pm PDT

Seriously, ask yourself: who has really benefited from the rise of social media? Silicon Valley robber barons, unremarkable influencers who’ve managed to monetize their minimal talents, marketers who are now able to invade our consciousness with targeted ads that most of us invest concerted effort into avoiding and, of course, the unimaginative masses who have nothing better to do with their lives than record inane Instagram stories that are forgotten quicker than they can disappear. The gains, by any measure, aren’t enough to offset society’s collective loss of dignity.

Of course I’m not naive enough to think that a social media ban will ever happen. We haven’t even been able to make a break with fossil fuels despite the fact that it’s making our planet uninhabitable. Money speaks louder than the sound of a thousand trolls shitposting in unison. The best we can hope for is that all decent human beings on social media decide to sign out permanently once the stench emanating from this raging dumpster fire becomes too much to endure any longer. That said, though, don’t forget to follow me on Twitter.

Next up; here’s how to stop procrastinating online.

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