#is that theyre holding hands now and forcing me to realize the parallels between them in AU form | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

not-a-space-alien · 5 years

Text

hey its me again wall of text sorry not sorry

k i saw your little treatise justifying zadr and yknow its a cartoon its not the worst thing ever of course nobody is gonna sue you for reblogging fanart or burn you at the stake or w/e and im glad you decided to open yourself up to a differing opinion but zim IS portrayed as an adult. there was even an unfinished episode where zim’s childhood and growing up training from start to finish would be shown so by the time of the pilot he is definitely a full grown developed adult by irken standards especially if hes a former member of an elite military force like the invaders. jhonen has said that the irony and sad comedy of zims character is that hes a grown ass man and a war veteran to boot who VOLUNTARILY goes to an elementary school every day and throws hands with an 11 year old boy who should be well below his notice because he’s that pathetic and desperate for validation that he’ll stoop to seeking it from a child. it also sets up a dynamic between them where dib is CHALLENGED by having to go up against an adult with way more experience than him while dib is just a child, so when he wins its more meaningful, which is a common trope in childrens fiction that an underdog young hero has to take down a powerful adult villain.

jhonen might joke a lot but he’s serious about this part of the characterization of zim and dib and he even went to great lengths to make dib look and act more like a kid in ETF (more emotional and naive, designed to look smaller/softer, going in depth with his relationship to his dad and sister and needing his dad to protect him at the end when he’s too overrun to fight alone) just to drive home the point of how young he is. it was a very deliberate move and jhonen knows what hes doing ESPECIALLY since he also left zim pretty much unchanged and also includes gags about zim’s relative maturity like animating him briefly grimacing because his joints are sore and the part where he pretty much gestures to his crotch and goes “theyre afraid to look at ALL-A THIS”. like you would not see jhonen do that sort of joke with an underage character ok. dont confuse his social awkwardness and self deprecating/trolling humor for not knowing the difference between right and wrong and not acknowledge when he means something sincerely because he doesn’t just clown on people and troll ALL THE TIME 24/7 hes a human, and times have changed with more awareness on issues such as the grooming of minors so he can go back on things he may have said in the past that he doesn’t agree with now or said by mistake. he has said enough times that zim is older than any human alive that its safe to take his word for it by now. judging by the one strip he did in JTHM about johnny murdering a pedophile who was about to prey on squee i think his stance on protecting kids is pretty clear. also i wouldnt put it past jhonen to have redesigned membrane to be more chaddy looking to divert the adult fandom’s attention away from dib and throw the fangirls a bone but thats a whole nother can of worms lol.

and the justification that zim is immature so hes essentially on dib’s level is a reversal of something lots of kids hear from either creepy or ignorant adults who tell them theyre “so mature for their age”. no matter how emotionally mature you are it wont ever compensate for the number of years youve been alive so that’s not very sound logic, and even in fic where theyre both adults it’s still pretty weird because it doesn’t erase their history where zim knew dib as a kid. that’s sort of like a grownup waiting with bated breath until a kid is “legal” so they can start dating. kinda like when jacob imprints on bella’s newborn daughter in twilight then having it handwaved away by saying he’ll wait till she’s grown up, which understandably drew a huge amount of criticism. it’s a loophole that might be mildly acceptable in some cases but the context leaves it colored with a residual ickiness that sets off some red flags for me and a lot of other people.

also you said zim is an alien and therefore the situation itself is unrealistic, but the reason invader zim’s writing resonates with people is because zim is written with very HUMAN emotions and motivations and part of the humor again is how irkens despite being aliens from another planet mirror some of humanity’s worst flaws such as being petty, gluttonous, willfully ignorant, arrogantly believing they are special and better than everyone else, easily manipulated by propaganda, all too eager to greedily colonize other societies etc making them not so different from us at all. so the premise out of context might not seem realistic but the idea of a sad burnout adult who doesn’t realize how humiliating it is to be consistently outsmarted by a kid less than half their age IS realistic and applicable to human interaction since we’ve likely all met someone like this before at one point in our lives for example a schoolteacher who has a personal vendetta against one or more of their students and has nothing better to do than antagonize them, or a really dumb parent that you fight with a lot.

another thing, i know you and other fans probably have a lot of sentimental value and nostalgia attached to zadr because you probably shipped it back when you were a kid yourself and you cant be blamed for something you liked as a kid, but youre an adult now, and you have to listen to the portion of kids in the fandom who dont like zadr and say without question that the age gap makes them uncomfortable. those kids ARE the priority. we’re grown up now and we have to put our feelings aside for them because that’s part of being responsible and mature. i feel like zim himself is a pretty good example of how not to act at our age [shrug emoji]

and anyway a lot of the same elements of zadr can be explored with zadf just as well with just as much potential for cute moments and as a bonus is it’s not creepy

You do bring up some good points, and I’m not saying you’re wrong... But honestly I’m still not convinced. I mean, stuff that Jhonen said, the thing is even if it’s the author saying it it’s still outside of canon, that’s the reason why Neil Gaiman got flack for Good Omens because they didn’t write an actual kiss or hug or hand-hold between Aziraphale and Crowley yet Neil Gaiman went on Twitter saying they were queer representation. I still don’t really put much stock into what he says because the unfinished episodes and Jhonen’s commentary don’t really change the dynamic that’s actually in the show. And again...Jhonen said if there were going to be romance in the show it would be Zim/Gaz, so he’s either a huge hypocrite or doesn’t view Zim as being incompatible with Gaz.

I do think it’s much better when Dib is an adult and it just makes more sense, and I actually do prefer zadf to zadr and if i were going to ever write fanfiction or make fanart it would probably just be zadf, just because i know this does have some stuff to think about and I totally respect that you have a different view of it, but i honestly just don’t see it that way. The analogy with Jacob imprinting on Bella’s child in Twilight isn’t really the same thing honestly. The author in that situation tried to make it not......that....by saying that imprinting isn’t always a romantic relationship thing, and that Jacob would be more of an older brother, but honestly that doesn’t really negate the impact of grooming that kid would have with Jacob around. The idea that Zim would somehow be grooming Dib seems really silly to me although you’re right, I think his characterization in Into the Florpus has evolved somewhat especially with regard to Dib wanting to get his father’s approval, but again Zim has parallels with that in trying to please the Tallest. the world-building and characterizations are inconsistent and scattershot at best. Like no, zim isn’t waiting for him to turn legal, that’s absurd, they’re nemeses coming at each other then learning to be friends. You’re right that that doesn’t have to be zadr but I still tag it as zadr so people can block it if they want to.

Like, I’ve seen people ship Zim with Professor Membrane instead of Dib. That seems very weird to me. that professor membrane would have a relationship with someone who literally goes to his son’s elementary school and who doesn’t know anything at all about human behavior and emotions.

I feel like with this discussion people don’t really understand the problem with age gaps. With age gaps, it’s not a matter of mature/immature, it’s about development. A ten year age gap sounds like a lot right? a 25-year-old and a 15-year old would absolutely have a predatory “relationship.” But a 35- and a 45-year old, that’s perfectly fine. Having a difference in age doesn’t automatically make the relationship unhealthy. so if Dib is 25 and Zim is [whatever the hell aliens years i still don’t really take Jhonen’s word for it bc he’s not consistent], that’s doesn’t mean it has to be bad. The thing about telling minors they’re “so mature for their age” to try and convince them that a person interested in them isn’t a pedophile is that we know a human being who is 15 isn’t developmentally at the same level as a 25-year-old regardless of their behavior. What is Zim? All we have to go on is how he acts, and he acts like Dib is an equal match, it’s not “he’s immature for his age,” it’s very unclear. Raw number of years isn’t the ultimate decider, for example in DnD lore elves reach maturity at, like, 100 years old so a 25-yo human trying to get with a 50-year-old elf would be predatory to the young elf even though the “younger” one is technically twice as old as the human. Do you see what I’m saying?

I also don’t really buy the idea that Invader Zim’s writing resonates with people because Zim is ~~so human~~. The guy steals a bunch of kid’s organs in one episode and flies into a tantrum over the slightest inconvenience. You have to be reading really deeply into it and dig into some old internet archives of things Jhonen Vasquez has said to paint it as realistic. You can do some interesting things with it wrt like, Zim being defective and starting to experience human emotions but that’s mostly fanon.

Well, you’ve given me some things to think about, thanks for explaining your side to me. I’m still going to tag things as #zadr so people can block if it can’t plausibly be categorized as zadf. I’m not actually making any fan content for Invader Zim so the point is kind of moot, but if I ever do I’ll definitely take this into consideration.

#invader zim #zadr #submission

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warmau · 5 years

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{Special} College!AU Bang Chan

*this post was commissioned | find other stray kids writing here

major: music theory & composition

minor: linguistics

clubs: tried to turn some members of the music club into a busking group called 3racha ,,,, lets just say they got chased off campus by some of the professors LOL, briefly did tango club against his will because yugyeom dragged him to it

sports: co-captain of the mens swim team

chan is the kind of college student who you meet for the first time and you think ‘wow he’s so social and popular and cool!!!!’

and then after getting to know him for a week or two

you realize he isnt cool at all - he’s social and popular - but he’s a downright GOOFBALL

he takes his studies seriously, music means the world to him and it’s obvious

but he’s also such a ,,,,,,, in the nicest terms possible,,,,,,a big nerd about it

because he’s gotten into heated debates in classes over who the best modern composers are

written long, detailed editorials that he’s submitted to the uni magazine about how much he adores the new travis scott album

and once had to be (forcefully) dragged out of a local tattoo shop by both felix and jisung

because he was sure he needed the lyrics from drakes ‘in my feelings’ somewhere on his body

quote on quote “dude, that song is a religious experience for me”

but he’s also just devoted to it

like he lives for all aspects of music

singing, composing, producing, rapping, he even tries his hand at a dance class as an extracurricular

much to the shock of minho, an actual dance major,

who got called “my son!” by chan in front of all of his other dance major friends

and has yet to forgive chan for this horror

chan actually got offered to join the welcoming committee at the university for his sophomore year

because he has this natural leadership ability, coupled with the fact that he always wants to make everyone laugh

like he goes out of his way to make freshman and nervous looking newcomers feel like they belong

even at the expense of looking or sounding like a fool

seriously, like he was showing around some of the new music theory majors and made a bunch of attempts at corny jokes

“guys, if a cow played music what would be called? A MOO-SCICIAN!”

“what do classical composing majors say when they’re parallel parking? BACH IT UP!”

“please laugh,,,,,im begging you,,,,,”

but of course,,,he’s not a goof all by himself

him and changbin see each other on the way to class and stop in the middle of the quad to do the floss enthusiastically for one whole minute as everyone watches in disbelief

him and felix agree to photobomb literally any photo woojin tries to take of himself

and just in general,,,,,they are that loud group of rowdy boys who sometimes can get too hype and loud

but it’s hard to hate them or be annoyed because let’s be honest,,,,,they’re all adorable

chan does of course have a serious side, he’s actually incredibly caring and sensitive to those around him

when jeongin and seungmin come to visit them on campus, he takes care of them

in subtle ways, but in ways that matter [he makes sure theyre doing well in school and have plans for college too]

he can tell when a friend is feeling down or is having trouble

and he always lends advice or tries to get them to come out and do something fun with him to lighten the mood

there are times in college when his own work is piling up, he has responsibilities to his major and to the swim team he’s on

but he’ll do his best to cram time in to take care of those close to him,,,,,

sometimes at the expensive of his own wellbeing

but it’s hard to tell if chan is ever upset - he covers it up with funny jokes and body gags

him and felix love to talk and switch between english and korean super fast, mostly to annoy their friends

but they also end up blundering over simple words and hyunjin just lowkey is like

“hmm chan maybe you should pick up korean as a major,,,,,but it might be hard because youre at like a middle school level right now-”

chan, pretending to faint from that burn “when did i raise such a savage little monster,,,,”

his minor in linguistics comes from his ability to pick up languages

he actually finds them fun to learn about, but he doesnt give it the same attention as he does to his music theory major

so he kinda sometimes has to go to a tutor

(he hides this from his friends because he knows he wouldnt able to live it down)

did i mention he’s co-captain of the swim team,,,,,,and he’s like oblivious to it,,,,,,, but there are literally students who just come and watch the practice to see him in swim trunks,,,,,,

jisung once came to hangout after practice and he told chan like “did you hear your friends screaming your name back in the pool?”

and chan was like huh i thought that was just in my head

jisung, looking into the camera like he’s on the office

but no again, not matter how packed chan’s schedule is, he always makes time for people when they need him

and sometimes he’s a little too self-sacrificing,,,,,,,,

also id just like to mention that he shows up to instrumental practice with his bag over his shoulder and his hair all messy and curly after he blow-dried it after swimming

and he looks cute

like mega cute

anyway

you’re a dance major who doesnt know chan all that well

you’re much closer to minho since you share a major and youve only heard of chan in stories from him

the first time you meet face to face is when the musical theory majors are tasked with organizing a song that’ll be performed by the dance majors

you’re being paired off, two dancers to one producer

and by sheer luck you and minho get put in with chan

the first thing you notice about chan is ,,,,,,

his big almost lopsided grin

“you guys know we have to win and make this the best collab this university has ever seen - right?”

minho crosses his hands and rolls his eyes from beside you

“dude it’s not a competition”

“ok, but im making it one. and we’re winning - right?”

chan turns to you, eyes bright and a bit of a dimple coming out when his smile manages to get even bigger on his face

you nod, a little shy at how friendly he’s being right off the bat

he plops down, minho following suit on the floor of the practice room and you take a second till you join them

“i think we need to make something powerful, something show stopping. i was thinking id use some old tracks from 3racha that i made-”

minho scrunches up his nose

“i dont think the professors would like that, i think theyre looking for something classical”

chan puffs out his cheeks like an upset third grader

and you cant resist a tiny giggle

chan catches it, smiling your way before looking back at minho

“well i guess we can do that. but what about something more,,,,classical meets modern,,,,,do you guys think that’d work for you two?”

you shift a little and chan points to you all of a sudden

“c’mon, you can tell me! i wanna make sure you guys are comfortable and can perform your best! so feel free to drag any of my ideas through the mud,,,,,,,or tell minho off for me”

he chuckles, earning a light punch in the arm from minho

but you actually feel a sense of relief

you were a tiny bit worried that you’d be ignored, working with two people who were already super close

but chan was putting in the effort to include you

so, you mentioned that maybe a more high tempo beat with orchestral influence could work

chan nods - whipping out his music notebook to start scribbling down notes

you notices that the pages are covered in a mix of english, korean, and musical notes

it looks like a total mess, but somehow chan gives off a trustworthy feeling

and when you guys are all done discussing, he promises to have a demo by next week

it’s when you’re gathering all your things that chan pops back in and drops a note in the palm of your hand

“my number! so we can talk about the project and stuff”

he says easily, waving one last time to you and minho before disappearing out of the room again

you stand there, the warmth of his hand is on the paper and you don’t want to think too much about it

but your heart definitely skips a small, minuscule beat

when you finally get the message from chan that the demo is done

you and minho meet up with him after classes and chan, with trembling hands, puts the music on

you can tell he’s nervous, he looks like he might pass out from holding his breath

but the moment you hear the audio - you fall absolutely in love

and just from this one instrumental it’s obvious chan is talented

when it’s over, minho says what you’re already thinking

“it’s perfect bro!”

he gets up and highfives chan, who rubs some sweat from his forehead afterwords

“now you guys have to do the actual hard part and come up with a dance”

you shake your head “this song is really great - it’s whats going to make the performance”

chan teeters a bit with his response, for the first time he’s a little caught off guard at the compliment, and you can see the reddening of his ears

“ah,,,i mean it’s ok,,,,but really you and minho are going to have to work hard to-”

he’s interrupted by the sound of the door swinging open

an upperclassmen that calls chan over to answer some questions

you stand there, holding the USB with the mp3 of the song in your hands

your mind racing with ideas for choreography

but when you turn, you see past minho whose saying something to you

and you see only chan in the blur of the rest of the room

he’s glowing, in this halo that you’re sure isn’t actually there

and you force yourself to snap out of it

because this is weird

you shouldnt see him as anything more than your partner in this project

and that’s what you do see him as

you’re sure of it

but,,,,,,as time passes and chan starts hanging around you even more

you start to be a little unsure of where he stands in your mind

most of the time it’s you, him, and minho in the dance practice room

the song on repeat as you and minho show off anything new you’ve come up with

sometimes you end up being twirled around by minho, sometimes he’s throwing you up in the air, sometimes you’re both laying on the floor making dramatic pulls toward each other

you plan solo parts for each other too

and even though chan admits he has not much experience in judging other peoples dancing

he thinks you two look great together

he’s always supportive, and he’s always being funny to lighten the mood

there’s moments were either you or minho start to panic about it all coming together

and chan is there with some corny joke

or the usual “what did i say you guys, we’re going to be number one!”

to cheer you guys up

but when you really start to worry about your feelings

is when one weekend you get a knock on your dorm door

and to your surprise, it’s not someone on your floor asking for an extra charger or an RA trying to find your roommate

it’s chan

he’s got on a training suit, the uni’s name on the back and a duffel bag you’re sure isnt big enough to fit a guitar or anything like that

“chan?”

you ask, shocked

“did you just come from practice or something?”

he laughs, “actually a swim meet - i just thought id stop by and ask if you had time to show me your solo part of the performances.”

you blank for a second

you’d thought this would be another saturday of you laying on your stomach in your mismatched pajamas

watching videos of dancers on youtube, maybe texting a friend to go out and eat

but, even after you agree, and ask chan to wait in the hall while you change

you realize this is going to be the first time you and chan are,,,,,,,,alone

thankfully one of the practice rooms is free when you get to the building

and you suddenly feel really anxious

chan slides down against the mirror and claps

“im excited, i saw minho’s yesterday and thought i should ask you out - i mean ask to see yours too. i was going to invite him, but i think he’s doing something with jisung today”

you hear chan’s voice

but because of your anxiety, the beating of your heart is much louder in your ears

he puts the song on and you try hard to focus

you know what your solo dance is - you know the moves - youve practiced it on your own

but you cant move an inch

“h-hey are you ok?”

chan sees the way your eyes have gone wide, how you’ve frozen and cant seem to snap back out of it

he gets up, stopping the song, and suddenly you feel his hands on your shoulders

you look up into his kind brown eyes

and he gives you that smile, that’s kind of silly but still somehow so genuine

“are you nervous?”

you nod slowly, embarrassed

“s-sorry, i dont know whats going on i just-”

chan gives your shoulder a gentle squeeze

“it’s fine, but minho told me that your solo is amazing. i know you can do it. just imagine that im like,,,,wearing a big clown nose or something and relax. plus,,,”

he grins

“even if you mess up - i promise im too dumb in dancing to tell”

you laugh a little and chan goes back to sit down and get the music up

this time, you focus on yourself in the mirror

and just let the song chan wrote flow through you like water

the room melts away

even chan’s presence becomes muted

and you just dance

and when it’s over, you look to see chan’s reaction

and he just looks,,,,,,,mesmerized

he scrambles to his feet, but doesnt even say anything

his mouth open, agape like a fish out of water

“i,,,,i cant tell if you liked it,,,”

you ask with an unsure tone

and chan just shakes his head, his soft curls falling all over the place

“i loved it - i didnt think it’d be that - that beautiful you know? especially to my mediocre song-”

“your song is the reason it’s beautiful”

you blurt out, but then turn a little red when you realize what youve said

even though it’s true

a dancer has to work with something good in order to create something nice to look at

and chan’s song had resonated with you

chan stops in front of you and for a second neither of you know what to say

until he puts his hand out and goes

“let’s go get lunch. all that dancing made me hungry.”

you lift an eyebrow, “but you didnt dance,,,,”

“but you did, aren’t you hungry?”

you shrug, “i could go for,,,,pancakes maybe,,,”

chan grins, and leans down

his hand takes yours and you gasp a little when he laces his fingers betwen yours as well

“pancakes it is!”

he takes you to a nearby place, and even though it’s way past breakfast and the waitress kind of stares when you two order your pancakes and coffee

neither of you really minds

because for the first time it’s just you and chan talking

and to your surprise, there’s a lot you have in common

and it just feels comfortable

he makes everything so easy and free flowing

like you guys talk about your majors, but you talk about aspirations and traveling

and chan tells you about australia with sparkling eyes and a wildly good imitation of a koala bear

and you laugh so hard you have to hide a snort when chan ends up getting maple syrup all over his chin

but he also tells you not to hide a snort, because a snort is cute

he calls you FREAKING cute

afterwords you two return to campus

but chan runs into park jinyoung, an upperclassman, who apparently works at the college bookstore

and who pinches chan on the ear and says

“instead of dates, you should be studying. but also be sure to be a gentlemen to them.”

you blush so hard, but chan is too in pain and begging jinyoung to let go of his ear to notice

you tell chan that if he has to go, he should

but chan insists that he has time - his linguistics tutor is meeting him at 7 (please dont tell minho that)

and that maybe you guys can like watch a movie before then

you stare a little and ask “w-watch one where?”

“in my dorm!”

chan grins

but a moment later it falls into an embarrassed, worried look

“i-i-i didnt mean it- li- i just - i - we could - i just - i stole felix’s netflix password so i just thought like maybe youd want to watch like stranger things with me or something - i didnt mean i - i”

his flustering is adorable

and you do end up watching stranger things on his laptop

but it’s in the common room and you guys have to share his headphones

and when it’s nearing time for him to go

he walks you back to his dorm and gives you the longest, warmest hug of your life

when he leaves, you walk right into your room and fall face first into your pillow because

was that a date

it was totally a date

but after that,,,,,,,,you and chan don’t get to hangout one on one anymore

not to say he changes how he acts around you or anything

he’s still this sunshine goofball full of positive energy

but he doesnt,,,,,show up at your dorm asking to go out

he doesnt text you outside of the group chat with minho

and you’re just left confused

because you were sure there were signs - there had to be

it’s clear as day, the memory of chan laughing - watching you as you had leaned over the table to help him clean off the maple syrup

or how he’d let you practically lay your head in his lap while you guys watched stranger things

so why did it suddenly feel like that day,,,,,didn’t happen

as the days to the performance in front of the professors get closer

you fortunately have that to distract you

alongside other schoolwork and responsibilities

minho asks you at some point if you want to come and get dinner with him and chan

but you feel like you cant,,,,so you refuse

and it’s like being around them - your nightmare comes true, but not because they exclude you, but you start to push yourself away

the last practice before the performance

you’re running a bit late to meet up with minho and chan

and when you stop infront of the door, you hear the two of them talking

but it’s,,,,,,,,,,tense?

“so you did spend time alone with them, didn’t you?”

“yeah, they showed me their solo part. it was for the project.”

“woojin says he saw you hugging them outside of their dorm,,,,,,dude just tell me straight - it was a date right?”

there’s a pause

and you realize that they’re talking about you and chan

“no it wasn’t a date. you know i wouldnt do that to you.”

it feels for a second like the air has left your lungs

it wasn’t a date?

“i dont think of them like that.”

a second twinge of pain shoots up through you, chan’s voice resounding through the room

had you really misread the signs? was he just being friendly? did you just foolishly think that the first guy to be sweet, would inevitably fall in love with you?

you feel like running away, you really do

but you know that tonight is the last practice - after that it’s just the performance

and then you wont have an excuse to see chan, and he wont need to see you either

so you take in a breathe, plaster a smile on your face, and walk in

the two boys stop talking

there’s no change in expression from minho

he just chooses to look down

but chan does his best to match your smile, but it’s so painfully forced that you cant look at him for too long

“ok, tomorrow is the day so we just have to-”

“i know.”

you cut him off, not necessarily trying to sound angry, but just wishing that this whole thing would be over

the practice goes smoothly

but everything feels like it’s being held in a chokehold

neither you or minho is dancing to your best abilities

and chan excuses himself after the first run through

and when you find yourself in bed that night, you turn on your side and stare at the blank screen on your phone

“i guess im just an idiot huh,,,,,” you mumble

the one time something nice happens, with someone i could really come to like, it always has to get ruined

chan is nowhere to be seen in the morning

minho is adjusting the shirt he’s wearing beside you and you don’t want to admit it to yourself

but you know you’ll be super hurt if chan doesnt show up

“he’s coming, don’t worry”

minho suddenly reassures

his hand hovering over your shoulder before he pulls it back

you hear the professors call you and minho out, commenting that the instrumental had been produced by musical theory bang chan

you step out in front of the panel of teachers and scan the room quickly

looks like he really didnt come

you turn to face minho and notice he looks just as down as you do

but that’s not what matters now

you have to do a good job on the performance at least

the music starts, the music chan made for you and minho, and you let it flow through you like the first time you heard it

regardless of whats happened - the music is perfect

it fits the movements of your body like glove

you and minho look like you were born to dance this dance for this song

and because you’re so focused

you don’t see the door open quietly, chan leaning against the back wall and watching

his eyes following the tips of your fingers, the bend of your waist, the way you twirl past the professors and minho

how you take what he’s created and channel it throughout every muscle and bone in your body

he had meant it

when he said you’d made his music look beautiful

and when it’s over

you face the professors, catching your breath professionally

and then you see

chan

the professors are saying nothing but good things, praising you and minho and the music

but again - the room blurs and it’s just him

once it’s over and the other dance majors are all fawning over you two

you think that maybe you should at least go over and say thank you to chan, one last time for the music

but you cant find the strength to do it right now

instead you try to get your things together quickly and get out of there

but halfway across campus, you hear someone call your name

you turn, shocked to see chan

he’s standing maybe three feet back

and you have the urge to lie, tell him you’re late for something

but you cant say anything because the expression on his face is nothing like usual

no lopsided smile, no goofy face, no sincere and gentle reassurance

it’s pain

“hey - you heard us yesterday didn’t you?”

his voice is low, and you think you can even hear it shake slightly as he asks you

“w-what are you talking about”

you play dumb, clutching the strap of your bag so hard you feel the texture dig into your skin

“you heard what i said to minho, that i didnt think ,,,,, what we had was a date. that i didnt see you romantically,,,,”

you swallow a lump you hadnt known was in your throat

you dont feel like dealing with this now - being humiliated after a performance that took every ounce of your energy

“so what if i did, i get it. it’s fine. you don’t have to pity me or any-”

“i was lying.”

you catch yourself on the last words of your sentence

staring at chan you see that his shoulders are stiff

“i lied, to minho and to myself. it’s just,,,,,i know he likes you. and he’s my friend so i want him to be happy but i,,,,,,but i ,,,,,,”

he takes a moment

and there are students walking past you

the world is moving all around

but it doesnt feel like that, you cant tell the faces apart, you cant overhear their conversations

“but i like you too and i dont,,,,,,,i dont want to hide it anymore.”

you think this should be a happy moment, a moment that overflows you with warmth

but it feels like it cant be that

not when you now know that there are minho’s feelings involved

but past that - you know your feelings

and you know that they’re for chan

so you step forward

and so does chan

until the distance is closed between you two and you look up into those brown eyes

that are always so sweet, so kind and nurturing

“i like you too. i dont want to hurt minho, id never want to see him sad. but i want you. i want to be with you.”

chan’s lips twitch a little, like he’s fighting against a smile or a frown

“i want to kiss you”

he suddenly whispers

“but i think it’ll be bittersweet.”

you agree, eyes shifting from the curve of his mouth and back up into his gaze

you both decide that the first order of business is to tell minho

you think it’l be awkward and hard

but the moment you and chan walk through the dance practice room, minho just sighs

“i already knew it.”

he announces, before even you or chan can get to the apologizing and explanations

he looks at you gently, “i didnt want you to find out this way - but dont worry. chan is the best guy and the only one i think deserves you.”

you dont even get to thank minho

because chan throws himself into the other boys hands

sobbing about how nice that was of him to say and how he’s going to do everything in his power to find minho his soulmate

and minho is just like

“please get your boyfriend off me”

you manage to pull back chan

but you’re also like, ,,, huh,,,,,,boyfriend,,,,,,right i guess he is

but just in case

as you two are leaving the dance studio you ask

“are we like,,,dating”

chan puts a hand under his chin

“well, let’s see. i like you. you like me. minho seems to not be hurt at all about this. i want to kiss you so bad im going dizzy. i think it’s safe to say we are dating.”

you giggle, lifting up to kiss the side of chan’s cheek

“there, it’s a kiss i think we can both agree on for today.”

chan pinkness, but agrees

your first,,,well second? date is the next week

you have to wait for chan to leave class and you’re surprised to see him carrying a guitar case

he explains that he isn’t all that good, but it’s part of his major to learn instruments

and when you guys grab lunch you end up having chan teach you some chords

it’s a simple kind of date, you get to talk a lot and just enjoy each others company

but of course

chan finds some way to make it funny

(like when he tries to play the instrumental to a song you said you liked and you could tell three seconds in he had no idea what he was doing)

as you two continue to go out and grow closer you come to know more about chan

than just his goofy and caring side

there’s the chan who, in one way or another, is the dad friend

you see first hand how he worries about younger friends, how he reminds felix to call his parents after finals, how he shoves all the snacks he has in his bag into jisungs hands when jisung says he hasnt eaten

there’s the chan whose a perfectionist, critiquing his own work and musical abilities to hell and back

there’s the chan who also,,,,,,is super naive and new to this whole romance thing

surprisingly, he’s unaware of how attractive he is

and when he wears a lowcut shirt under his jacket out on a date, he keeps putting his hands over the skin and getting all shy

and you’re just like

“chan,,,,,you know you’re hot right?”

and he almost hits the ceiling like

“WHA,,,,,stop joking around!”

you: “i can’t call my boyfriend hot?”

chan, digging a whole in the ground to hide in: “yo-you’re the only hot person here,,,”

but really, dating him is such a great and positive experience

because he really is your number one fan and supporter

and it’s impossible to really argue with him - because if you want to do something, chan is down for it

even if it’s something he’s new to or owrried about

you can tell he fights through his own worries in order to make you happy

which you actually tell him he doesnt have to do

you sit down with your hands on his and youre like chan i want you to be happy too, relationships are about equality

it makes him so happy he tackles you in a hug ,,,

gosh he’s like an overexcited and loveable puppy

he does this thing where you’ll just be doing something like scrolling through your phone

or looking through a magazine

and he’ll stare at you and go “i love you”

and you’re like,,,,i love you too but why are you just saying it

and he just shrugs

“felt like it”

“when do you not feel like saying it then?”

“never. i always want you to know i love you.”

is the boyfriend who claims you think all his jokes are funny

and you’re like sure :-) *shaking your head no the moment he looks away*

pulls little, cute surprises for you every now and then

like he left a teddy bear outside your dorm with a heart balloon once

or stuck a sticky note in your bag about how you’re the cutest person ever

“love you possum”

“did you,,,did you just call me a possum”

“it’s an aussie thing. plus possums are cute”

guess who got a plushie of a possum for valentines day? you did!

guess who got a plushie of a koala for valentines day? chan did!

to be honest get ready to be called every cute pet name that’s available in english, korean, and any other language chan can remember

you become known on campus by a bunch of upperclassmen when you start dating chan

like this kid named yugyeom walks up to you and is like “did chan take you somewhere fun yet!”

or you met jinyoung again and he told you to make sure chan is studying for his minor

you and chan were just sitting on the quad once, with your legs over his and his hand stroking your hair

and it was super cute and adorable

and then woojin plopped down next to you and was like

“we found old 3racha videos we want you to see”

and you’re like “3racha?”

and woojin is just like OH YOU HAVENT HEARD

chan tried to chase him off, but jisung - who isnt embarrassed of 3racha era at all - whipped out his phone and was like “let me show you”

jokingly rapping chan’s iconic lines at him and him scrunching up his cute nose

remember when chan got those little cuts in his eyebrow ,,,, you didnt say it but you were like ,,,, ok wow,,,,,how did he get even more handsome

kissing chan? an experience

he shyly admits that his knowledge is kind of limited - and at first it’s a little sloppy

but he knows what to do with his hands, you dont know how, but he pulls you close or holds the back of your neck

and you melt

but the moment you get flirty, it literally K.O’s chan

if you as much as wink at him or slip your shirt off your shoulder he turns to color of a tomato it’s hilarious

he also really likes when you sit in his lap

he always pulls you in when he has you listen to something he’s composed

or when he’s got his computer open and he’s like come watch this

and you’re like scoot over

but he’s like no, you just can sit on my lap, it’s yours, forever

swim team chan! coming out of the changing rooms with his hair still wet and shaking it so some of the water gets on you

you get to wear his team jacket :-)

chan lowkey takes all romantic holidays and stuff super seriously, like he goes all out for anything that involves couples

and even if you’re a little embarrassed by it, he’s like no we gotta do it

matching from head to toe? probably corny - but chan is living for it

you and chan mutually agreeing to dote on jeongin like he’s a baby is just a given

because you’re both busy in college, lots of dates are like getting coffee and holding hands and being cute around campus

jisung and bangchan making gagging noises in the background

but chan always muses about taking you somewhere abroad

traveling with you and just being alone

you tell him that neither of you has the money right now but maybe in the future

you bet chan is like “oh yeah, im talking about it like our honeymoon”

“h-honeymoon?!?!”

chan, covering his outh and turning red: “i ,,, uh,,,, what,,, huh,,,”

but honestly does he daydream about marrying you? im just going to let you decide that

(it’s a hard yes. of course he does. he’s a romantic fool)

OH how could i forget

the corny texts

sure there are chan’s bad dad jokes, his selfies where he’s doing dumb faces, and the usual complaining about bangchan being mean to him

but there are also the

‘forget to tell you this, but you’re always on my mind’

‘im such a mess, im thankful you still love me’

‘when the world overwhelms you, ill be there to listen to your fears’

and the one that made you nearly break your phone in half because ,,,, cuteness and corn overload

‘im yours, so you better take responsibility for that’

chan is the kind of guy who’d let you draw on his face with a sharpie or lipstick and he’d wear it outside proud because this is my s/o’s art!

if you asked him to run across town to get you cheesecake at 2 am? consider it done

he just loves you with his big heart and,,,,it’s amazing

but you love him with as much passion - and that’s what makes him truly feel like you’re the one

because you match him perfectly

slow dancing in his dorm to the sound of a self composed instrumental he made just for your anniversary

and then kissing softly with his hans on your hips and your hands on his face

and him leaning back to tell you

you’re the best thing that has ever happened to him

yeah that’s just one night dating chan, can you imagine dating him forever??????

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