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gch1995 · 6 years

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Rumbelle Happy Beginnings Conversations

I’m pretty sure that I posted this on ff.net before, and it’s still on there. Even though I didn’t watch season sucks, and I never ever will because the writing for both Rumple and Belle was so atrociously OOC, I still will always have a soft spot for Rumple and Belle, which was why I wrote this fic. I don’t really blame either of the characters for doing and saying wildly OOC fucked up and stupid things in 6A because it was so obvious that Adam and Eddy were deliberately trashing what little realistic integrity remained in Rumple and Belle’s individual characterizations and relationship together by making them look as uncharacteristically unhealthy as possible in canon with 6A, so that they could make Hook/CS look better after 5A, even though that was still objectively far worse, which was what I was afraid would happen to Rumbelle after 5x11 sooner or later, no matter how little sense it made, and exactly the reason why I quit watching after 5B.

Tbh, I wish that all of 6A could burn in a fire, and I already was losing respect for the writing of the OOC characterization of canon!Belle by the end of 4B. I kind of wish the show had just ended with 3x11.

But in 6A, canon!Rumple wasn’t just framed as an OOC cartoon villain to make Hook look better like in 4A or 5B, but he was framed as a wildly OOC mad cartoon villain with Belle, his true love, so that Hook could look better. I was tired, and I didn’t need to see that shit, so I quit. Not that Belle was behaving any better towards Rumple in 6A, 4A, or 4B by needlessly pushing all of his buttons almost every step of the way, but I knew that she wouldn’t be the one getting vilified in the narrative. I knew they would still just be the “blameless misguided hero” and the “abusive purely evil villain,” even though she said that “What have we done to each other” line, even though, objectively speaking, both Rumple and Belle have victimized each other from S4-S6 in some atrocious ways that I cannot excuse, even though every other remaining main character on this show would have been in prison or executed for at least one crime in real life by that point, and even though everyone else got away with abusing magic in ways that violated consent whenever it suited them, including the formerly truly heroic characters from S1-S3 like Belle.

And don’t get me started on how ridiculously desperate, gross, and sad the lengths that Eddy was willing to go to make Rumple look horrible. Really? Magic scissors? Playing the Evil Queen to kill Zelena and to protect Belle and the Rumbaby by getting the shears in a complete 180 after being sexually assaulted by her twice first, even though he never technically cheats people in deals, though he does toy with words to imply that he’s willing to give them what they want only to screw them over by giving them something that they didn’t expect in return when they become too desperate to notice the details.

I think he meant it when he told Belle “It meant nothing” and told the EQ that she was a pawn who meant nothing, and that he played the long game” when she didn’t kill Zelena for him, which makes me think he was never really going to bang her either way. Still, seemed kind of OOC for Rumple to “play the long game” with people in deals. He’s a manipulative shady bastard, but when he makes deals with people, they’ve generally always technically been fair, though he’ll scam them with loopholes that those who deal with him are usually to odesperate to notice. I didn’t really see much of a loophole in his deal with the EQ, though. His interest in her was obviously not serious, but this was so not his m.o., which was just bizarre...Plus, while he had used his sexuality to manipulate others before in desperate situations, the shit with the EQ just seemed over the top and bizarre, unless you consider the fact that he’s been sexually assaulted before I could see him doing that then, but we never really got his POV in 6A that much in that arc, so it just felt weird, and Regina had never shown any romantic interest in him before. I think Eddy threw it in for shock value because he was a gross misogynist who hated Rumple, Belle, and Rumbelle just as much as he hated women...I know people say that there were scripts of deleted scenes where there was more of a “romance” with the Evil Queen that Rumple had in earlier seasons. However, if that were really the case, then they should have shown us evidence of said “chemistry” back in season one, and like not ever set up Rumple in a legit relationship with Regina’s back in season two in the FTL. I’m pretty sure it was revealed that he tried to break the contract that he signed with Hades for his second born child back in season five, too, so he could have babies with Cora at one point in the FTL, which was OOC, considering how most of his attention was focused on finding Bae at that point, he actually knew that Cora’s kid would cast his curse,he knew that he would have to groom them to cast for him, and for all of Rumple’s faults he’d never try to corrupt his loved ones with dark magic, so this reveal made no sense...But yeah, he was this close to being Regina’s dad! So like this “romance” was borderline incest now...It’s a “family show,” my ass!

Nonetheless, I wrote this fic when I heard that Rumple and Belle got their blanket happy ending that retconned most of the character assassinations that never fully got explained or discussed on screen in 6B or S7 to try and explain them as sympathetically and in-character of a way as possible as to why Rumple and Belle were acting so off the rails. I know I might be harder on Belle, but the worst that Rumple had done up to 6x04 was lie to Belle. Before the character assassination to prop up Hook of 6x04, 6x08, and 6x09, he’d never been controlling, cruel, scary, threatening, reckless, emotionally manipulative, or restrictive towards Belle and her safety and well-being, and that only took place over a few days when they were both being made OOC to freak out over a dream baby in the narrative. If anything, Belle had been getting away with treating Rumple in those problematic ways for nearly three months in the narrative of their present day relationship now, and only in 6A was everyone in the GA losing their shit about how “abusive” the Rumbelle relationship was because Rumple was treating Belle poorly. By the end of 6A, they were pretty much on objectively even playing fields of who had been the worst in this relationship, but Rumple was still the only one who’s crimes and problematic behavior ever got emphasized as horrible. I wonder if it was also done partly because the writers were too afraid to call out Belle on her shit, too by 5B, so they made Rumple look just as bad, if not worse by having him overreact like a wildly OOC deranged jackass.

Anyway, I’ll stop ranting now! Hope you enjoy this fanfic! I didn’t fix everything, or make sense of everything. In fact, most of this fic is self-comforting, and in character headcanons, rather than completely confirmed canon because season sucks will never make any more sense than the plot demanded it for Rumple and Belle to be written that way, but I tried, you guys...

"Rumplestiltskin walked into his pink Victorian house with Belle holding their son at his side.

"You know, I'm so proud of you, Rumple," Belle said softly, as Rumplestiltskin closed the door behind them, and they sat in the kitchen in the chairs next to each other. "But there's so much we need to talk about before we start over. Since Gideon is sleeping now, do you think we could talk here, right now?" She set Gideon down in his basket, took her husband's hands in hers to squeeze them gently.

"We can talk as long as you like, sweetheart," Rumplestiltskin said quietly, as he squeezed her hands back softly between his. Then, a flash of fear ran through him. "But you might not like everything you hear."

"Rumple," Belle said trying to clear the lump forming in her throat, lightly brushing the tears from the corners of his fearful brown eyes, her own growing suspiciously wet in the face of the pain that she had caused him by going back-and-forth to him so many times over in their relationship, "I promise that I won't leave, no matter how painful the truth may be to hear. I'm with you this time. I know that I haven't always proven that very well to you, but I mean it truly. I promise. Would it help if I asked you questions first?"

Rumplestiltskin nodded, pulling Belle into a tight embrace, and kissing the top of her head. "I'd like that," he whispered against the top of her head.

"Okay, what's the secret behind the haircut?" Belle asked hesitantly, lightly carding her fingers through her husband's shorn locks. "It's not bad, but it's not really you Rumple. In all the time I've known you, you've always kept it long. Why the sudden change?"

"I've always worn it long, even before we met, too," Rumplestiltskin said quietly, his voice trembling with tears, as he looked down at his shaky hands to avoid Belle's gaze.

"Then, why?" Belle asked a bit more forcefully, as she put a finger underneath Rumplestiltskin's chin gently to lift his face up to her level. "Please, Rumple. I promise I won't be angry with you, or feel ashamed of you. Tell me. Why did you cut it?"

"It was truly pathetic," Rumplestiltskin said, trying to hold himself back from outright sobbing, as the tears spilled over his cheeks. "It was supposed to be a cry for help. I thought you'd see it, see that I wanted to be better, and come back to me again. I said that you'd need me, but the truth is that I needed you. I didn't know how to tell you that anymore, though, and I was afraid to try."

"Oh, Rumple," Belle said gently, as she wiped the tears away from his cheeks. "I'm sorry. I should have known. I should have asked. But is that why you were with the Evil Queen? Had I truly broken you so thoroughly that you didn't want me anymore."

"No, no," Rumplestiltskin reassured Belle, gently squeezing her hands, hugging her close, and shuddering with disgust and terror at the memories of the kisses he shared with the Evil Queen, as he hung his head in shame. "That was something else entirely. It wasn't about love, companionship, desire, or a wish to move on, though."

"That wasn't how Zelena described it," Belle said a bit enviously as unbidden tears filled her blue eyes, and spilled over her cheeks.

"Belle, sweetheart, what's wrong?" Rumplestiltskin asked gently, as he brushed away her tears with the pads of his thumbs gently. "Please, tell me why you're crying? I didn't think it mattered that much to you at the time, but I promise you all I did was willingly kiss the Evil Queen twice, and led her on to believe it could be something more than what I intended to give her, so that I could get the shears, protect you and our son from her, and kill Zelena. What else exactly did Zelena tell you I did with the Evil Queen?"

"She made it sound like you two were having sex," Belle said brokenly as more tears filled her eyes, and she felt her voice breaking with sobs. "It's just that I thought I had lost you to the Evil Queen when Zelena told me that you two were together. Even if you had, I wouldn't have been truly held it against you for being involved with someone else because I had no claim on your heart at the time, but when I said I didn't care about how you two were together before, that wasn't entirely true. I-I was rather jealous, actually. If you say that you didn't lay with the Evil Queen, then I believe you. The way Zelena described it, though, made it sound like she had caught you two in the act. Were you planning to sleep with her? Did you want to? Did you enjoy what you were doing with her? I promise that I won't get angry and walk away, if you did. I loved you, I still love you, I'll always love you, and I know that I had no claim on your heart at the time. You were entitled to do as you pleased with whomever you liked at the time, but, please, I need to know. Is that darkness really what you wanted in a woman? Is that really what you craved?”

"Oh, Belle," Rumplestiltskin said with a voice full of regret as he cupped her cheeks gently, and brought her face close to his, so he could kiss her softly. "Sweetheart, no, of course not. That wasn't about love, companionship, or desire. That was about power play. I know I didn't give you much reason to trust me, I know I was being irrational, but you must know that I'll only ever love you. You're my light Belle. You and Gideon are my whole whole world. I never slept with the Evil Queen, and I was never going to be with her, even if she had killed Zelena for me first. You know how I can toy with words, so I made her believe I was willing to give her genuine affection. Do you truly think that I could ever betray our true love, betray you, and betray my own heart by sleeping with half a woman who meant nothing to me when you were still living in the same town and carrying our child? I just wanted her to give me the shears, I didn't want her to hurt you or Gideon, and I wanted Zelena dead because she could hurt me, she hurt you, she killed Bae, and she turned you against me. I know that I've given you no reason to trust me recently, but you must believe me when I tell you that the Evil Queen meant nothing to me. You, though, Belle, you mean everything to me, and I could never betray my own heart by giving it to another woman when it had belonged to you ever since that day you chipped that teacup in my castle. There truly is no reason for you to feel jealous of the Evil Queen, Belle.”

"Oh, Rumple," Belle said happily as she hugged him. Then, when she pulled back, still holding his hands in hers, she noticed how Rumplestiltskin's eyes looked suspiciously wet with unshed tears. She noticed how his lower lip seemed to tremble, and she noticed how he kept looking down, and fiddling with their intertwined hands. It was like he still was struggling to hide something from her about his whole deal with the Evil Queen that made him feel too uncomfortable to share with Belle because he thought it would make her feel ashamed of him.

"I believe you, Rumple," Belle said softly as she gently brought her hand to his cheek to comfort him by softly stroking it. "But there’s something more that happened between you and the Evil Queen that you're not telling me because you're afraid I'll be ashamed of you. The expression is written all over your face, but you don't have to worry about me leaving or getting angry, Rumple. I could never truly be ashamed of you because I love you, I know that you were scared, too, I know that you were hurt, too, and I know that I've abandoned you, judged you, and walked away from you when you've needed me most too many times now. Not anymore, not ever again. You're my husband, my true love, and my best friend. It's time I started acting like it again, so you can tell me anything, Rumple. I promise I won't think any less of you, or walk away."

"The first two times, she kissed me touched me, and invaded my personal space without asking permission..." Rumplestiltskin stammered quietly, looking down at his hands as he nervously twisted his hands together. "After what Zelena did to me by caging me, controlling me, and touching me, I-I froze up the first two times because the Evil Queen's advances reminded me of her the first two times she kissed me without my consent. I wanted to protect you and our son from the Evil Queen. She was always there, threatening mass destruction, and touching me, even after she gave me the shears. Then, I saw Zelena at Granny’s, and decided to lead the Evil Queen on in hopes of keeping you safe from her, and getting rid of Zelena. But I never intended to actually lay with her. I-I know that my decisions weren't wise, sweetheart, but I never was with the Evil Queen to hurt you. I wasn't with her because I wanted to be at all. She-she made me feel terrified by cornering me, though, and I wanted the shears…Then, I saw Zelena…How she could still be breathing, and get acceptance from everyone so easily after what she did to you, to Bae, it just makes me feel so-so angry. I don't-don't care about the fact that most of the town hates me, I don't need them. So long as I've got you and Gideon, I’m happy, but for Emma to act like Bae never mattered to her by forgiving his murderer so easily. For Zelena to use you as a pawn to hurt me…Belle, it just felt like no one ever truly cared about the ones I love. They'd let you get hurt, they'd sell you out for their own gain, they didn't care about Bae, and they didn't care about you or our son. I know I haven't proven myself much better to you, but you must know that I never meant to harm you, or our son. I only ever wanted to protect you and our son from myself, but I went about it in horrible ways and became the threat in the process, anyway."

Belle noticed that Rumplestiltskin started hyperventilating when he talked about the Evil Queen invading his personal space by kissing him, and her heart broke for him. She remembered how Zelena caged him, sexually abused him, and made him feel trapped. He was being assaulted by the Evil Queen, too. How dare that woman! But most of all, Belle felt angry with herself for never even bothering to ask Rumplestiltskin. Her true love couldn't even depend on her, and Belle hated herself for making Rumplestiltskin feel that way. How could Belle have been so blind?

Rumplestiltskin continued to look down at the ground as he tried to regain control of his breathing, and Belle gently tilted his chin, so that he would look up at her.

"Hey, shh…It's alright, Rumple, just breathe, I promise that you'll be safe from now on, so just breathe," Belle cooed softly, gently lifting his chin up, so that he could look at her, and stroking his hair to calm him in that way she knew he loved. “Just look at me, and breathe, darling."

Then, when his breathing calmed down, Belle pulled Rumplestiltskin close in a tight embrace, wrapping her arms around him, kissing his forehead, and pulling his head down to rest against her neck, so that he could weep softly against it as his shoulders shook with quiet sobs.

Belle felt her own eyes tearing up, as she felt Rumplestiltskin's quiet tears wetting her neck. If only she had pushed her husband a little more to talk to her! If only she had listened to him when he had tried to reach out to her, instead of running away! Rumplestiltskin had felt abandoned in his darkness and despair, the Evil Queen had approached him first, she had assaulted him, and she had made him feel trapped and frightened again just as Zelena had. While Belle could never excuse her husband's bad choices or his plans to use the shears by using Regina's dark half as a pawn, she was also beginning to understand why Rumplestiltskin would turn to blindly self-destructive behavior and go mad without any of her love and support when she knew that she was the only other person in Storybrooke who he could count on to listen to his suffering and understand. Yet, she had failed him when he needed her most.

"My Gods, Rumple!" Belle exclaimed sadly, her voice breaking through her own tears as he looked up at her, and she leaned her forehead against his own gently. "I'm so sorry! I should have let you just talk to me. I should have listened to you when you tried to reach out to me in the shop instead of running away. But you should have just told me that the Evil Queen made you feel scared and uncomfortable outright. I could have helped you. I would have helped you, and if worse came to worse I would have let you use the shears on our son as a last resort after he was born."

"I didn't want you to see me as weak," Rumplestiltskin said softly through his own tears as he pulled back a bit. "I didn't want you to feel ashamed of me for working with her because I felt it was the only way I could to use the shears, I felt it was the only thing that I could do to protect you and our son, and I felt it was the only way to way to kill Zelena. It wasn't love, desire, or even companionship that I had with the Evil Queen. I didn't even want that much from her. She was using me just as much as I was using her, but she wouldn't leave me alone, even after she gave me the shears. I was so afraid she would have hurt you and our child, if I didn't offer her what she wanted, and I wanted Zelena gone. But I never actually intended to sleep with the Evil Queen in the end either way. I was just trying to keep her away from you for as long as I possibly could to protect you and our son, and get rid of the woman who has been ruining my life ever since the day I was resurrected."

"Oh, Rumple!" Belle exclaimed brokenly, pulling Rumplestiltskin's head up to face her, so that he could look at her directly in the eyes, and so she could wipe away the tears with her thumbs. "I'm so sorry! I was wrong to not listen to you when you tried to reach out, and I was wrong to ever put you down as 'too weak to be good.' That was cruel of me, and I'm sorry. You're not weak. You're the most brave, loving, and selfless man I've ever met. Your capacity for good is so strong, and I'm sorry that I ever lost sight of that." "Even at your worst, you only meant to protect our son and me from the darkness," Belle said gently as she stroked Rumplestiltskin's cheek. "But you should have just told me that the Evil Queen made you feel afraid. You should have told me that she assaulted you, frightened you, and made you feel uncomfortable. If you had told me outright that the Evil Queen was assaulted you first, and had made you feel trapped and afraid, then I would have forgotten all about the plans you had with the shears. I never would have gone to Zelena for help. Instead, I would have strangled the Evil Queen's neck with my bare hands to keep you safe from her, heard you out, and helped you overcome your fears. I would have helped you find an alternative to the shears, and I would have tried to work with you to understand why our son seemed to hate you in a dream before you'd even done anything wrong."

"Well, I appreciate that my darling wife is just as feisty as ever," Rumplestiltskin chuckled softly with a smirk as he began stroking Belle's cheek gently in response to her telling him that she would have strangled the Evil Queen with her bare hands to protect him from her. Then, his tone turned into one of self-disgust, and remorse. "But Belle, I didn't give you much reason to trust me. I'm sorry, too, and sweetheart, going to Zelena for help wasn't your fault. I was behaving bizzarely, I was being insane, I overreacted in ways that were hurting you from the moment I trapped you on Hook’s ship. I had allied myself with the Evil Queen. I locked the door for a few days, and started creating that horrible bracelet in case you tried to run away as a back up plan. I threatened to speed up you your pregnancy when I caught you. Don't blame yourself for running away when you had every right -" Rumplestiltskin started to say.

"No, Rumple," Belle cut him off abruptly, putting a finger to his lips as she felt her eyes filling with tears, and she felt her voice crack with them. "I could have called you on my cellphone, and told you to open the damned door, so we could have talked! I could have made a deal with you that I wouldn’t run away if you agreed to only use the shears on our son as a last resort. I shouldn’t have gone to Zelena, but I was angry at you, I was scared, and I suppose some part of me deep down wanted to hurt you for shutting me out and kissing the Evil Queen by playing the role of the ‘blameless’ victim running away from the ‘horrid monster,’ rather than treating you as my equal. You weren’t in the right here either, but you’re notthe only one to blame for all our problems. Please, don't take all the blame when I was equally at fault for them, too, and I owe you an apology for doing and saying a lot of needlessly cruel and controlling things that hurt you, too, which go farther back than just a few days in our relationship since we reunited in Storybrooke. You've always said that you're the 'difficult one to love,' but I am, too. Yet you never gave up hope on me, even in your darkest moments. I'm so sorry, Rumple! You say that you don't always understand how I could ever love you, but how could you ever still love me?”

"Belle, how could I ever stop loving you?" Rumplestiltskin asked gently, looking at Belle with tender eyes, wrapping her in a tight embrace, and rubbing her back gently when he felt her shoulders start to shake with quiet sobs. He felt a lump grow in his throat when he felt the wetness of her tears against his neck. He’d done this to Belle. He’d hurt her first, and now she blamed herself. "You didn't do anything that I didn't start first by not being honest with you, sweetheart, so don't blame yourself for breaking me when I broke you first because I was a coward. Besides, you're the most amazing, brave, loving, selfless, and heroic-" Rumplestiltskin was cut off by Belle before he could finish.

"No, no, Rumple, stop it!" Belle sobbed by interrupting him abruptly and harshly as she put a finger to his lips to silence him, and pulled away from him as she continued to sob. "I haven't been truly brave, heroic, selfless for months now. I haven't been supportive, or loving of you for months now! Instead, I've been afraid, proud, hypocritical, childish, petty, selfish, unfair, controlling, demanding, unreasonable, unsupportive, and cruel to you so many times over in my fear to love you, even when you did really try to reach out to me for understanding with unconditional love, honesty, gentleness, patience, and support from the moment I started abusing that dagger, even when you didn't do anything that bad. So stop praising me! I don't deserve it from you anymore because you deserved so much better from me. I failed you and abandoned you when you needed me most, and I just can't bear to hear how I'm the light of your life, brave, or heroic when that hasn't been true of me for so long when it mattered the most.”

"Belle, love, it's alright," Rumplestiltskin said gently, pulling Belle close to him in a tight embrace, rubbing his hands against her back soothingly, as she continued to sob into his chest. He pulled her back slightly to look at her in the eyes, so that he could try to wipe the tears from her face with the pads of his thumbs. "I love you, I always have, and I always will, no matter what."

"But it's not alright," Belle said, sobbing as she put a gentle hand against Rumplestiltskin's cheek. "I've done horrific things to you that most people would never forgive, too, and I never even apologized to you, or took full responsibility for my bad choices from the moment I banished you. I don’t know what came over me. I'm sorry for ever using the dagger to control you. I'm sorry that I sent you to your knees before me, and used the dagger to banish you with nothing across the town line. That was wrong. I'm sorry that I refused to listen to you, or hear you out, like a petty child. I'm sorry that I refused to let you get a word in edgewise. I'm sorry that I refused to let you make a choice, or have a say in so many things that I should have treated as rightfully yours, including your own freedom, and the chance to name our son, even when you did try to reach out to me with love and honesty so many times, anyway. I'm sorry that I tried to kidnap our unborn child with Zelena's help when I should have just been considerate of the fact that she hurt you, hurt Bae, and ruined our lives so many times. She's a remorseless and wicked witch."

"I'm sorry that I ever went to Zelena for that stupid sleeping curse to try and stop the clock to give you enough time to stop Hades, then put myself under it without asking for your say on the matter first, and got us into this whole mess with Morpheus, the Black Fairy manipulating Gideon by working to turn us against each other, and our son getting kidnapped by your mother because I was too afraid to trust you," Belle continued on with tears choking her voice. "I'm sorry that I lashed out at you in the Underworld, controlled you with the dagger, gave you false hope, then rejected you again, anyway, and blamed you for the fact that I had darkened my heart to save you from Hades. I don't regret it, I never have, but I was being proud, childish, and insecure. It was my fault that everything had gone south with Hades in the Underworld because I wouldn't listen to you, and let you push Gaston into the River of Souls to save our family. I'm sorry that I was so cruel to you in the Underworld because I was afraid, afraid to let myself love you again, and then risk losing you to the darkness again, even though I saw that you were trying so hard to be more honest and open with me, giving me more love and patience than I ever deserved in return. I'm sorry, it's no excuse, but I was just scared, Rumple. The last time I had seen you with the curse, you had passed out in front of me, and the darkness had almost consumed your heart. I didn't want you to use dark magic for dark deeds, no matter how necessary they might have been, and no matter howwell-intended I know they always have been in regards to Baelfire, Gideon, and me. I didn't want to risk losing you to the darkness again. I'm so sorry Rumple. I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't want to hurt you, I never have, but in the heat of the moment, in my blind and impulsive anger, fear, and desire to do what was right and whatever this awful town deems to be truly heroic, so long as you're their enemy, I abandoned my own bravery and ignored your pain and suffering because I was so scared that I wasn't good enough for you, for my mother, for our son, and for myself. I was blindly insecure and selfish in my pain, and I unfairly took it out on you, my true love, and the only one, who's ever truly loved and respected me for being me, or ever truly considered me a hero since my mother died. That's still no excuse for how I treated you, though, especially because I know what Zelena did to hurt you by controlling you with that dagger, and I, your true love, and last true friend and ally in this godforsaken town, hurt you by treating you as someone so beneath me, too. I should have known better than to ever control you with the the dagger! I should have known better than to refuse to hear you out, or allow you to get a say in anything, like a petty child, even when you did try to reach out to me with honesty and love so many times! I'm not saying that you went about things between us the right way, either, but the way I behaved was just as bad, if not worse. I triggered your breaking point by refusing to hear you out, using the dagger to control you, and by going to Zelena to try and kidnap our child from you. It wasn't my intention to hurt you by going to her, or even because I wanted to take Gideon away from you, but I was scared. I was angry with you, and she was the only other person in Storybrooke, who could open a portal, besides you.

I lashed out at you and abandoned you without ever asking what was wrong, or trying to be patient and understanding, even when you did try to reach out to me, and I'm sorry I was wrong, Rumple, But it took everything in me not to rush to your side, and hold you to make sure you were alright when I saw Zelena hurt you. I was so shocked. Then, when the anger wore down, I started to understand why you would want her dead. She hurt you, she hurt me, and she hurt Bae. Yet, no one ever seems to remember how awful she was to you, they sided with her, and they all condemned you, including me, your true love. I'm so sorry, Rumple. I know that she's ruined your life, ruined our lives, but I was scared. I'm sorry that I just stood there, and watched as she hurt you. I'm sorry that I ever said that I was anything like her. I didn't mean any of that. I've never wanted to hurt you, but I was angry, scared, and selfish. I was scared that you had completely abandoned the light. I was scared that you believed that I wasn't dark enough for you, and I was scared that you would hurt me and our son-"

"Belle, sweetheart, I'm sorry, too. My God, I'm more sorry than I can ever tell you for ever giving you reason to fear me again," Rumplestiltskin said, cutting her off, his voice cracking as his own eyes started filling up with agonized tears, and he gently cupped her cheeks between his palms, so that he could pull her close to him and softly rest his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry that I trapped you on the pirate's ship. I'm sorry that I put that cuff on your wrist to stop you from running away. Most of all, I'm so sorry that I panicked, terrorized you, and threatened to speed up your pregnancy. I know I have no excuse for the bad choices I made, but you must know that I never intended to harm you or our child. I never meant to make you feel frightened, worthless or trapped. I just wanted to protect you both from my enemies, and myself. But, instead, I got lost in the darkness, and became the threat myself in the process, anyway. I went about it in awful ways, I was a fool, I know that now, and I'm sorry. I was scared and selfish. I didn't know how else to get through to you, but I never would have sped up your pregnancy. I never actually intended to. I just didn't want to lose you or another child, sweetheart, and I-I needed to talk to you. I wanted for you to hear me out, and I didn't know how else to get you to listen to me. I know my behavior and my plans were inexcusable, selfish, and wrong. I know that I have no excuse. I that I drove you away, but you must know that I never meant to frighten you, or hurt you, or our child. I was such a monster, Belle, I'm so sorry! I've never felt more disgusted with myself than when I realized how terrified you were of me, and I promise that it will never happen again. But how you could ever trust me again? How you could still want to be with me ever again after treating you in those ways is beyond my comprehension! If it had been anyone else in my shoes doing and saying those horrid things to you that I did and said these past few days, I would have wanted them dead on the spot, and now I’m hardly any better than Hook, Regina, or anyone else who’s hurt you in the past. I imprisoned you, I was cruel, I frightened you, and I threatened to harm you. Belle what have I done to you? I’m beyond grateful for the fact that you somehow still love me, even after everything I’ve done, and I love you more than words can express, but if I wasn’t deserving of you to begin with, you’d be completely within your rights to hate me forever now. You’d be completely within your rights to never want anything to do with me ever again.

Rumplestiltskin started crying again then. His shoulders shook with the force of his sobs. He kept swearing to never hurt Belle, yet even though he never meant to do it, somehow it kept happening, anyway. He tried to keep his face averted downwards from Belle's gaze, feeling ashamed, but she wouldn't have it.

"Shh, it's okay," Belle said, feeling her own eyes well up with tears all over again, and she pulled him close, so that she could shush him, and he could rest his face against her neck and weep. "What have we done to each other? We both were being idiots, Rumple. We've both been horrible to each other. I've done and said atrocious things to hurt you, too, and I've made you feel trapped too. I've hurt you and frightened you, too. I've acted like a monster that I didn't recongnize in the mirror with you, too. Most people would be wondering how I’m any better than Zelena, or Milah. Most people would have left me a long time ago, and never forgiven me in your shoes, too, Rumple. I'm sorry, too. I should have just talked to you when you tried to reach out to me. I'm not excusing your bad choices, either, but mine were just as bad. I'm sorry that I ever lost sight of the good in you, and I'm sorry that I ever called you 'too weak to be good.' I was wrong, Rumple. You're the strongest person I've ever met, and there's so much good in you. Your heart is just overflowing with so much true love, it always has been, and I'm sorry that I ever lost sight of that. I know that you would never intentionally harm me or our child, though, Rumple, and you’ll always let me go when I ask. That’s why I love you. That’s why your different from Hook and Regina, Rumple. I know that you'll make a perfect father to our son, and husband to me now.

Look, why don't we both call it even on having been the worst to each other at this point these past few months, and learn to forgive ourselves, too?” Belle asked ironically with a wry grin when Rumplestiltskin looked up at her with more anguished tears dripping from his eyes that she wiped away. “You weren’t the horrible villain you pretended to be, and I wasn’t the 'blameless' hero I pretended to be either. We were just two damaged people who kept trying to pretend we were okay to protect what we loved and what we believed in in the worst possible ways, but we didn't do it to be cruel on purpose. Those problems don’t have to define us, Rumple. We can start fresh now. We can learn to forgive not just each other, but ourselves. We will go and get counseling for help, and we will rebuild trust with time. This time, I will also be the best mother to our son and wife to you that I possibly can be. I promise that I won't just walk away again when things get rough. I promise you that I will be here by your side to listen to you and support you every step of the way, so long as you promise to be totally honest with me, and try your best."

"Oh, Belle, sweetheart, I love you, I love you so much, and you've given me far more love and patience than I could ever deserve, and that’s why you’ll always have my heart, even if you’ve got your flaws. That’s why there’s no comparison to you to Milah, or Cora, and you’d always give me my freedom back,” Rumplestiltskin told Belle, holding her to him like she was his lifeline as he tried to stop the silent tears from flowing down his cheeks, and he buried his face against her neck. "You always come back! I promise to be honest with you, and I want to be able to promise you that I'll always try my best. But I can't bear the prospect of ever failing you and our son again. I can't bear the idea of ever losing you again, but you know that old habits die hard for me, Belle. I'm afraid that I might mess up again. Do you still have any desire to travel the world?"

"Rumple, all I want is a life with you and our son," Belle said, as she leaned up to kiss the tears away from those beautiful warm brown eyes of his. " I'd love to travel the world with my wonderful husband and our son. Besides, don't you see? The fact that you realize your mistakes, and feel guilty over them means that you've learned from them."

"I want to believe that," Rumplestiltskin said, pulling away a bit to catch a chestnut strand of her soft hair that fell across her eyes to twirl it between his fingers. "But, Belle, sweetheart, I've been thinking for some time, and Storybrooke's not a good place for us to stay. We only ever seem to get into trouble here, and we keep making the same mistakes over and over again because this town is toxic."

"Rumplestiltskin, I couldn't agree with you more," Belle said with a smile, leaning in to kiss him again, and cupping his cheeks. "I've spent too much time in this town pretending that all of these people are my friends, and avoiding you. But I know that you're the only one in this town, who has ever truly loved and respected me for being me, rather than for what I can give you. The others only ever want me when they can use me for their own personal gain, and they often do it to hurt you. I've realized that over the past few weeks, and I'm sorry it took so long for me to real. I love you, I love you so much, and I'm with you forever. I promise. No more running back-and-forth to you this time. I promise to stay by your side, even when things get tough between us. But where would we go? Without your magic, won't your curse consume you outside of a realm with magic? I'm never going to force you to choose power over me, Rumple, but I can't lose you to the darkness again. I won't lose you to the darkness again."

"That's just the thing, Belle, I've been thinking that I've held the burden of this curse for too long," Rumplestiltskin said with a slow smile, as he squeezed her hands gently between his. "I don't ever want to hurt you again, or our son, and I feel like the temptation of magic living in Storybrooke will always be too difficult for me to escape because there will always be enemies and threats that I'll feel that I need to protect you from, but if you break my curse with true love's kiss, then we could leave Storybrooke together with Gideon in the land without magic."

"Rumple, sweetheart, are you certain about this?" Belle asked him, softly, as she cupped his cheeks in her hands, and brought his face closer to hers, so that her lips were lightly brushing against his. "You don't have to do this, if you aren't ready. I promise that this time, if you ever struggle with the curse, I'll be there to listen and help you every step of the way, so long as you keep working on being honest with me, and promise to try. I was wrong to always walk away before, and never listen, even when you did try to reach out to me. I always say to do the brave thing, and bravery will follow. But I haven't been very brave, lately."

"Oh, Belle," Rumplestiltskin said softly against her lips, as he nodded his head gently. "Yes, I'm certain, love. I want this. And even if you haven't always been perfect because you're human, you are still capable of being very brave and heroic. The most heroic and brave thing you've ever done was agree to live with an ugly man to save your people, and show him that true love and hope were still possible when he thought those things were no longer possible."

"Hey, now," Belle said disapprovingly, pulling away from him, so that she could gently stroke Rumplestiltskin’s cheek. "Rumple, don't put yourself down like that. You're brave, intelligent, caring, funny, protective, passionate, romantic, and you love more deeply and purely than anyone I've ever met." Then, she tugged him towards her gently by his tie, so that she could flirtatiously whisper against his lips, "And if you must know, I have always found my husband to be quite handsome, too. But before we do this, could I ask you to use magic for me one last time to show me something?"

"Belle, thank you. I don't deserve any of those compliments from you, but I still appreciate them," Rumplestiltskin said gratefully, as a faint blush colored his cheeks at Belle's flirtatiousness when she pulled him closer to her by his tie. Then, he reluctantly pulled away when Belle asked him to use magic for her one last time. "Of course, sweetheart. Anything that you wish for me to give you is my command. What is it that you want?"

"Could I see your heart?" Belle asked him hesitantly, as she brushed her hand against his cheek softly. "Don't worry, I promise I won't crush it."

"Belle," Rumplestiltskin said gently, as he cupped her face in his hands. "If there's anyone in the world, who I could ever trust to hold my heart in their hands it's you. But why?"

"Just trust me," Belle said softly, as she stroked his cheek with light fingers. "I want to tell you something important, and I want to be able to explain something to you that will be much easier for me to tell you with the physical weight of it in my hands."

"O-okay," Rumplestiltskin said nervously, as he thrust his hand into his chest to pull out his heart from his chest, and placed it into Belle's cupped hands.

"This is mine," Belle said, as she laid gentle kisses to Rumplestiltskin's heart that he could feel in his very soul." Just look at how beautiful it is. It's not perfect, but it's pure nonetheless."

"If I had actually gotten what I deserved, then there would be nothing left of my heart, but darkness, and I would be dead," Rumplestiltskin said self-deprecatingly.

"But I'm not a good man, Belle, and I still should have fought harder," Rumplestiltskin said with a sad sigh, as he covered his face with both of his hands. "Besides, I've done so many awful things, and I didn't lose the curse because I chose to give it up at the time. It was removed from me by force, then I took it back because I was weak, and I thought I had nothing left. Not every dark deed I've ever committed was pure and well-intended to protect the ones I love, as you think. I killed my first wife by crushing her heart because I was angry that she had abandoned Bae, and I wanted her to suffer for it at the time. I-I attempted to kill Henry, Bae's son, my grandson, just because I wanted to save my own skin. I killed Gaston by turning him into a rose, simply because I was annoyed by him, and I didn't even think much of it."

"Rumple, you-" Belle tried to reach out to comfort him, but Rumplestiltskin raised his hand to silence her.

"Please, sweetheart, let me finish," Rumplestiltskin said to her, his voice cracking with more tears, as he continued on. "Even the well-intended bad choices I've made still don't justify the means I've used. I was inconsiderate, scared, and selfish. My god, Belle, I was such a blind and heedless fool in my desire to keep you and our child safe from myself when nothing bad had even happened yet that I actually threatened to do something to you that I swore that I would never do! I was never going to actually speed up your pregnancy, I just wanted to talk to you, I was selfish, I was scared, and I didn't know how else to get through to you anymore. But I still cornered you in an elevator with the threat of it before your eyes, and terrified you! I promised myself that I would never give you reason to fear me ever again when I threw you out of my castle over thirty years ago back in the Enchanted Forest, if you ever came back to me, and I did, anyway, because I was afraid and selfish. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

"Hey, it's alright. I forgive you. I never wanted you to be perfect, Rumple," Belle said softly, as she leaned in to kiss away the tears forming in his eyes. "I'm sorry that I ever made you feel like you had to be. You've made bad choices and mistakes, but so have I. So has everyone. Besides, I know you truly regret doing most of those things. I know there's darkness in you, but there's so much true love and genuine remorse in you, too. That's what I mean when I say your heart is true, Rumple. Regina, Zelena, and Hook have never felt so much genuine guilt over their crimes, but you, Rumple, you do because you have a conscience. You would never intentionally harm the ones you truly love for your own personal gain, like Baelfire, Gideon, or me, and you feel genuine remorse for most of your crimes, whether they were well-intended or not. You'll sacrifice your own happiness and made dark decisions by taking the weight of the world on your shoulders, so that your loved ones don't have to. You've made selfish choices, but even then, there's generally also been some sense of nobility, purity, love, and selflessness mixed within most of those, too. That's what I mean when I say that your heart is true, Rumple. Besides, look at how much goodness has been sprouting in your heart since the curse was removed, and you took it back."

Rumplestiltskin examined his heart. Since the apprentice had removed the curse from Rumplestiltskin's heart and cleansed it of the darkness, and then he'd taken it back again, it had changed. It was still mostly a blinding white, he still sometimes felt empty and blank, but amidst several slivers of reemerging darkness, there were also several bright pink spots that were forming too.

"I love all of you, Rumplestiltskin, the light, the dark, and the in-between. I always have and I always will. I'm sorry that I ever lost sight of that," Belle said, as she placed several light kisses to his heart in both the light places and the dark places, and then gently held it out for him cupped in between her hands in an offer to take it back. "Now, here, take this this back, remember why your heart is worthy of love, and remember that it is mine. Before we break your curse, though, I do have to ask if Zelena will still be able to hurt your heart?"

"No, she won't have any power over me anymore, sweetheart. That deal we made for that potion which my heart from blackening further only applies, if I try to hurt her as the Dark One, but Belle, thank you. I…" Rumplestiltskin trailed off, as he squeezed her hands gently between his own. He really wanted to tell his darling Belle how much he appreciated her faith in him, how much he appreciated being given a second chance that he never felt deserving of, but the tears forming in his eyes and the lump forming in his throat at the beauty of her words were making it feel difficult to speak. He took his proffered heart from her hands, and gasped slightly, as he placed his heart back into his own chest. Then, he tried to tell her just how much her acceptance meant to him again, as he took her hands in his. "Belle, I-I…" Rumplestiltskin trailed off, as the tears started streaming down his face, and he felt his shoulders shaking with sobs, even though there was a ridiculously wide grin spreading on his face that made his cheeks start to feel sore through it all. He was so damn happy and emotional today that he just couldn't seem to get through most of it without crying.

"Shh, I know you're grateful, but it's true. Besides, you don't need to be talking for what I'm about to do next," Belle said teasingly pulling Rumplestiltskin close to her by his tie again, wiping away his tears, and melding her lips against his softly.

As soon as Rumplestiltskin felt Belle's lips meet his own, he was fervently kissing her back, licking the seam between her lips with his tongue, seeking entrance into her mouth, and she was opening her mouth to welcome him. Suddenly, he felt the warmth of magic flowing through him, and the darkness of the curse in his heart felt a bit lighter. True love's kiss was working. Belle pulled back to look at him for a bit, but then he brought his lips back to her mouth, and whispered the words "Kiss me again, it's working."

"Really? Oh, Rumple, I love you. I love you so much!" Belle said excitedly, as she leaned back in to kiss him again with happy tears filling her cerulean eyes.

Rumplestiltskin continued to kiss Belle back passionately, as he felt the rest of the curse being lifted away from his heart. Then, he stumbled a bit, as he felt his limp returning, but he didn't care. He had his true love and their child by his side. He felt happier than he had in a long time, and he actually felt hopeful.

"Are you alright, Rumple?" Belle asked, as she grabbed his arm to keep him steady, so that he wouldn't fall over, and pulled him close to hug him. "It worked! How do you feel?"

"I'm more than alright, sweetheart," Rumplestiltskin said softly, resting his head against Belle's forehead, as a wide smile spread across his face. "I feel happy. Happier than I have felt in a long time."

"Here," Belle said, leading Rumplestiltskin by the hand to sit in a chair at the kitchen table. "Sit here for a moment, while I go and fetch your cane for you from the living room. Then, we can go upstairs to put Gideon in his nursery, and go to our room to sleep together."

"Our room? Sleep together?" Rumplestiltskin asked softly. "Oh, Belle, are you sure you want me back?"

"Rumplestiltskin," Belle said, sitting down in his lap, being careful to avoid his bad leg, cupping his cheeks gently between her hands, and wrapping her hands around the back of his head to bring him close to her, so that she kiss him deeply. "We just shared true love's kiss. We've been together countless times before, and I've never regretted being with you. We have a child. Besides, I've missed my husband. I want to feel what it's like to be yours again, I I want to feel what it's like to have you inside me…Unless, that is, you don't want me…"

"Don't want you? Belle, sweetheart, I'll always want you, and I've missed being with my little wife in bed" Rumplestiltskin said, pulling her close, smiling, as he leaned in to kiss her, seeking entrance to her mouth with his tongue against her lips again.

Belle melted into Rumplestiltskin's kiss, opening her mouth to give his tongue entrance to her mouth, exploring the caverns of his mouth with her own, and getting lost in the combined sounds of their low moans of pleasure. Then, Rumplestiltskin pulled back from the kiss as Belle tilted her head to the side to expose the creamy expanse of her neck for him to kiss, and he pulled his head down to her neck, so that he could kiss her there. Rumplestiltskin wasted no time in hesitating from what his sweet wife was silently requesting of him, nipping tender kisses up the side of her neck with his teeth and tongue, and then sucking on that spot just below her earlobe that he knew drove Belle wild, long enough to leave a mark.

"Oh, Rumple! Oh, Rumple!" Belle said breathlessly, holding him close, but then she remembered that they had a newborn baby, who they still had to put in his nursery, and she pulled him back to look up at her. "That feels so wonderful, darling! I've missed my husband, and we shall continue this in our bedroom upstairs, I promise. But we should put Gideon to bed first."

As Belle went to grab his cane, Rumplestiltskin peered down at Gideon in his basket. He was breathing deeply, fast asleep, and Rumplestiltskin leaned down to kiss him softly on the forehead. He was so lucky to have his true love and his son back, and he never thought that he would get the chance.

"Here you go," Belle said, as she handed him his cane. "Now, let's go upstairs, put Gideon to bed, and then go and have some fun together."

"Sweetheart, I'd love nothing more," Rumplestiltskin said with a smile as he grabbed the basket with Gideon in it with his free hand, and he and Belle walked upstairs together.

~Finis~

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aceofwands · 7 years

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it wants to give us the exciting parts and the emotional pay off without actually doing any of the work, is the best way I can think to explain it Ria hateblogs Discovery: Episode 7 “[Poorly Written Time Travel] Magic to Make[s] the Sanest [Wo]Man Go Mad”

liveblogged to @kendradaynes

we had entirely 'last time on Discovery' before the intro credits, like not even a teaser ...

kendradaynes... That's an unusual choice

aceofwands I thought so too!

it was just Mudd being left behind on the Klingon ship. probs cause Mudd is gonna show up (we saw in the teaser last week). seems an odd choice too, like it was only a couple episodes ago, we haven't forgotten what they did???

close up of Michael's face, giving a personal log

oh lord

already paused it to write an awful line of dialogue down: "despite my fears, I seem to have found my place on this discovery"

discovery of WHAT

the dialogue is so bad Shin, so bad

kendradaynes..... What? That is...That makes angsty teenage fic seem well written

aceofwands: she's talking about the ship's settled into routine ... which ... what? aren't they in the middle of a war?!!!!!!!!

and about how she's made a friend in Tilly, and how she's taken comfort in her work

and how "this ship has become the most important weapon in the Federation's arsenal"

and I can't even

it doesn't even feel like they're at war! the way they go around on this shiny ship and talk about how it's settled into routine??????

kendradaynes... I want to send them all of DS9 s7 and Voyager's Year of Hell 2 parter and maybe Enterprise season 3 to show WHY THAT WOULDN'T WORK

aceofwands: Stamet's wacky drive piloting ability has "Given him access not just to unseen parts of space but his personality as well" and like ... that's a worry! WHY IS NO ONE WORRIED ABOUT THIS

kendradaynes THAT IS NOT A GOOD THING GET THAT MAN TO A PSYCHOLOGIST

aceofwands I keep pausing this ONE PERSONAL LOG

she confesses she finds some members of the crew more interesting than others (lol what others, they feel even more like background characters than any of the other shows somehow???) and it's her talking to Voq-Tyler

(people online have been debating how it's too obvious that he's Voq, but I don't have any faith in these writers not doing the really fucking obvious)

"Lt Tyler has suffered so much and still maintains such dignity and kindness" I really really hope he actually is Voq like wow I want them to be this bad at writing (and nothing I've seen so far makes me think they're any good at it)

“I fear my personal history interferes with my ability to forge relationships. I am among the others yet also apart." I can't get over this, it's like bad self-insert fan fic (I'm not even 5 mins in lol, I'd better let her finish her stupid log and stop pausing it lol)

oh lord, she's facing one of her greatest challenges so far ... they're having a party

they're ... playing ... beer ... pong ... on Star Trek

this is like a gross noisy college frat party ... on Star Trek ...

why is Michael not wearing casual clothes ...

kendradaynes... #weneedtheorville

aceofwands Orville's party in Pria had more dignity??? which y'know, the show is full of dick jokes

oh it's okay though, Tyler is giving a speech

wait did he just point to a guy who's "sacrificed for us" who had some sort of disability? I went back - there's a guy sitting on what I think is supposed to be a futuristic wheelchair I guess?

how did we get from It's Only a Paper Moon to this?

kendradaynes There are also... Very few disabling things that can't be at least partially cured by the 23rd century

aceofwands yeeeeah my thoughts exactly. but it was unclear and part of a dramatic speech so

Tilly left Michael and Tyler alone together at the party, but they were asked to report to the bridge

I still don’t know why everyone loves Tilly ... she doesn't seem like a cadet, unless you count the AOS crew as cadets ... again, everyone's too 2017

ummmmmmm. so Michael and Tyler were walking along the corridor. when she bumped into Stamets and knocked a container of whatsits over. and he hugged her and asked why she's apologising for a random moment that makes life so gloriously unpredictable and WHY IS NO ONE CONCERNED FOR HIM

kendradaynes... That makes sense. He sounds high

aceofwands ohthe Doctor has just shown up in this conversation out of nowhere. "I deeply apologise for my partner, lately he's been acting ... different"

WHY ARE YOU HERE IN THIS RANDOM CORRIDOR DOC! YOU WEREN'T WALKING BESIDES STAMETS??? WHY DID YOU TURN UP JUST TO BE PART OF THIS CONVERSATION

(I keep pausing it, I'm only 7 mins in, I might uh ... stop pausing it and try to keep up lol)

kendradaynes There are so many plot holes in this show

aceofwands they made a cybernetic augment for his arm??

then they asked what the deal between Michael and Tyler is ... and I just ... why is this show ... so ... clumsy? there is no nuance, no subtlety, it’s like they have to hit us over the head with everything like MICHAEL AND TYLER LIKE EACH OTHER OKAY AUDIENCE, DO YOU GET IT?

kendradaynes Honestly it feels like 18 year old self-insert fanfiction

aceofwands cut to the bridge. Saru and Lorca found an unidentified signal ... its some sort of biological space organism

which Michael knows a lot about

kendradaynes Of course. Because she knows everything

aceofwands protocol requires them to take care of it, because it's endangered, which is nice because actual Star Trek things

and um what

kendradaynes I hate her, jsyk

aceofwands they just beamed it into the cargo bay???????????????????

IT LIVES IN SPACE

IN VACUUM

HOW WOULD IT SURVIVE IN ATMOSPHERE AND GRAVITY???

kendradaynes welp that thing would be dead

aceofwands OMG IT HAS A DEMOGORGON FACE

some dude in a helmet hitched a ride inside its mouth and used it to get on board

its killed a bunch of people, but Michael escaped

oh its Mudd, to no one's surprise

kendradaynes Of course. Because self insert

aceofwands "did you really think you could leave me in a Klingon prison and suffer no repercussions?"

what have they done to his character

good fucking grief

kendradaynes*sigh*

aceofwands he's come here to find out why the Discovery is special, and is talking about how he's gonna sell it to the Klingons, but "not this time". so Mudd's causing a time travel loop. exploding their ship. the Discovery is blowing up. but now it's back to the party

this sucks

usually I LOVE time loop episodes

they're usually so fun! but this show is boring and dumb

oh man ... if you're gonna repeat scenes ... THIS IS THE BEST YOU'VE GOT???? them walking along a corridor talking

OH LOL it's Stamets. he's the only one who recognises the time loop. and everyone thinks he's crazy! "I need all of you blasted people to start listening"

why is this episode not about Stamets talking to someone?

why wouldn’t they listen to him???

Michael's all "oooooh how did Stamets know what it was going to be???"

.....had to pause it. Michael requested being in charge of the operation. Lorca: "I don't give a damn, I just want it done". then Tyler requested being in charge for security. and Lorca: "I still don't give a damn"

this. is. not. Star. Trek.

seriously

when there was a time loop on Next Gen and they started realising they HELD A FUCKING STAFF MEETING! and they realised through the poker game, which was clever! and everything about that was more fun and impressive than this shit has been in the first 15 mins!

the spore drive just activated, and they're all like 'why is this happening?". but obvs Mudd's in engineering

Tyler and Michael are threatening him with phasers, but haven't shot him on sight. oh they finally did. but there was a forcefield. Mudd's trying to figure out how the drive works.

Michael: "You are mad."

Mudd: "No, I'm Mudd."

WHY

I wish the idiots who wrote this garbage would get stuck in a time loop and forced to watch this awful episode over and over until they figured out how to stop it from being so bad

then he yelled at them to tell him how to work it AND STAMETS WAS BEHIND HIM AND SHOT HIM IN THE BACK. and said: "As days go, this was a weird one" which is hilarious

except that I'm not even 20 mins in and somehow bored?

how can they make time loops boring?

they keep saying different things???? in the scenes????

is it a time loop or isn't it?

do they know or don't they?

this doesn't make sense!

kendradaynes That's... not how a timeloop works. It only changes when they realise it

aceofwands yeah it's clearly trying to jump to the parts later on, cause Stamets implies that they've looped many times already. but instead - as usual - it just comes across as .. confused? muddled? like it's not really a time loop because they clearly know it's a loop enough to change what they say, but not enough to realise they're looping???

kendradaynes Yeah that's not how time loops are meant to work and I'm mildly vexed

aceofwands Mudd has got Lorca to come down with him "I really can't take it from the top again Lorca"

ummmm Mudd's talking about how he's explained this to Lorca before, but needs his help to access part of the ship ... if he's aware they're looping then ... why is he so bad at ... I don't even know .... [I stopped being able to explain everything wrong with this episode’s plot around this point]

this episode is a primer in How Not To Write Time Travel

Stamets is explaining how he thinks he's outside of the loop: "it's getting really hard to keep it straight" lol

he needs Michael to talk to Tyler but they're about to loop, and Stamets wants her to tell him something so she'll trust him straight away next loop. and she did??? and he made a sad face and said he was sorry

don't make me have feelings with your decent acting Anthony Rapp

but also do they not have protocols for time travel or like anything else to share???

"now is usually around the time he kills the Captain" - can we stay in that when we fix the loop lol

"you kill a Starfleet captain they lock you up for ever" ummm do they really

LOL WE'RE GETTING ALL THE LOOPS WHERE MUDD KILLS LORCA AND IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY SATISFYING WATCHING HIM DIE

HE'S EATING A SANDWICH AND HAD LORCA BEAMED TO SPACE

53 TIMES LOL

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

OKAY

ACTUALLY HILARIOUS PART

loop back to the party: Michael and Tilly talking. Stamets appears, taps Tilly, "I just spotted the hottest guy over there and apparently, he's in a band! Have fun!" (she was explaining earlier how she used to be into soldiers but is lately into musicians, cause that's what passes for character development on this awful show)

genuinely made me laugh

Michael's secret is that she's never been in love ... which we knew from the way she acted earlier in the episode??? not even a secret

HIS DIALOGUE IS DIFFERENT

THIS ISN'T HOW TIME LOOPS WORK

oh that was enough for Stamets to prove he was telling the truth ... and she now has to talk to Tyler about mudd?? idk it's super unclear why this is happening or what they're hoping to achieve ?????

honestly this episode is a terrible muddled mess

...................had to pause it again

to explain this scene

I'm leaving out so much and you're probably confused (I'm watching it and I'm confused)

she blew her chance to talk to Tyler because she likes him, which Stamets points out, and she says she's out of her element, so he says 'dance with me, for science, so I can see what I'm working with ... 'and like .... helping Michael talk to the guy she likes .... .... so they can save the ship from a time loop ... is the worst idea for a Star Trek episode I've ever heard. and I've watched Threshold

stupid space lizards make more sense than this plot

she's wondering how people make connections

and Stamets is explaining how Dr Culber and he got together

because the Doc was humming terrible opera

I ... I ... this

I can't Shin

you'll have to watch this dumb show with me if you want to make sense of it

I have to go back and attempt

no I'll just type out this conversation

see if it makes any sense to you

kendradaynes This sounds like it's impossible to make sense of even while watching

aceofwands

"Hugh and I fell in love after I told him to get lost."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Love isn't logical." (they're slow dancing while this happens)

"I was in a wonderful cafe on Alpha Centauri when three seats down comes this hideous humming. Have you ever heard someone try to hum Casselian opera?"

"I can't say that I have."

"Well I told him to stifle it or sit somewhere else. Instead, he sat right next to me. And he's been there ever since." [Michael looks as confused as I am]

"After such a rude exchange. Why would he do that?"

"I told him how I really felt. And he did the same. And we liked that about each other."

"I'm good at honesty."

"Never hide who you really are. That's the way relationships work."

... ............... I have no words for how little this scene makes sense. that is not how relationships work???? that is a terrible way for them to get together???? and most importantly WHY ARE THEY SLOW DANCING (hint because they realised having them stand around the corridors was fucking boring probably)

kendradaynes THAT IS NOT HOW RELATIONSHIPS WORK

aceofwands I KNOW RIGHT

THEY'RE OUT OF TIME ALREADY? NO WAY IT HAS BEEN HALF AN HOUR

lol Michael is pulling Tyler away to dance in this time loop, the lighting is very purple with lots of close ups of their hands on each other

had to pause it again I am dying of bad laughter at the nonsense

they're dancing and it's kinda sweet and they've got an almost hint at a sexy vibe .... and then Burnham goes "So I hear you were locked up in a Klingon prison cell with Harry Mudd"

whyyyy are they not having a staff meeting about this?

I mean I know Lorca is a jerk and all. but this approach makes ZERO SENSE! she's telling him the whole truth, while they dance ... Stamets is watching and looking bemused ....

Tyler is like "why would he think I'd trust you?"

"Because I like you. And he thinks you like me too."

and he's like 'oh ... tonight's gotten weird but also very interesting'

WHY DO NONE OF THEM ACT LIKE REAL PEOPLE?

like ... how is it that Shakespearean, larger than life characters in previous series somehow feel more real and genuine????? these people just SOUND LIKE THEY'RE IN A TV SHOW????? like it sounds like TV dialogue!

I can't explain it

"if time really is repeating, this won't matter" and he kisses her. of course.

maybe less dancing more saving the ship?

they're talking while dancing "he used to brag about robbing a Betazoid bank"

!"a non equilibrial matter state" - a time crystal, which she learned about at the Vulcan science academy. which they haven't been able to perfect, but a 4 dimensional being must have perfected it, according to Burnham

good thing she knew all of this ??????????

IT'S SO BADLY WRITTEN SHIN

WHAT THE FUCK

there's no figuring anything out!

they just already know!!!!!!

cut back to the bridge, wondering where Michael and Tyler are. Mudd appears, playing music

hahahahaha the computer addressed him as Captain Mudd: "I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually tired of gloating"

he's found a weaponised dark matter ball in Lorca's stash of dangerous shit. and he's blabbing on about it "and if any of you were planning on being heroes - including you, random communications officer man" LOL (the guy just ran up to try to stop him) "you'll find there's very little I don't know."

Tyler and Michael burst out onto the bridge for some reason ????

tried to shoot Mudd, the forcefield is still there ... he chucked the dark matter at Tyler .... who dissolved ....

Mudd: "well that was new"

why would they listen to him? Michael you KNOW IT'S A TIME LOOP

STAMETS WHAT ARE YOU DOING

WHAT

THE

FUCK

he told him to stop, because he can't watch Mudd kill any more people

I PAUSED IT UNTIL I STOPPED FEELING CONFUSED BUT I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER STOP BEING CONFUSED

why

would

tell

Mudd

what kind of plan ....

why did ....

why

kendradaynes Is your brain broken?

aceofwands yes

Stamets gave himself to Mudd????? even though he knew it was a time loop?why would he do that?

Michael has figured out the space whale has a ship in its belly .... with Mudd's crystal energy source in it .....

how .... does Michael know about Stella ???? I can't explain this episode to you any more Shin ... you'd have to watch this nonsense for yourself

she has come to sacrifice herself .... because the Klingons want her more than the ship

"you'll get a lot for this ship, but what would I be worth to them?"

"what's in it for you?" "Lt Tyler" "Lt Tyler is dead" "Not for long" ... and then she ATE A DARK MATTER BALL .... to force him to reset the timeline ....

NO NO NO NO

HOW DOES STAMETS KNOW

WE DIDN'T SEE HIM AGAIN AFTER HE WENT OFF WITH MUDD

SO HOW DID HE KNOW TO TELL MICHAEL HER OWN PLAN

or are we supposed to believe she remembers?

this episode MAKES NO SENSE

has Stamets finally told the Captain? why is he on the bridge

yes ... she did tell them .... everyone there knows and Mudd's confused

Lorca greeted him "Captain Mudd, your chair" - offers his chair

he realised Stamets was "passing on notes"

"don't try to con a con man" "I'm not, I'm negotiating with a business man"

"why would a Federation Captain do that?" "I will not have a repeat of the Boran [sp?] [his past ship]"

this episode is complete rubbish

he's leading Michael and Stamets off to the transporter room to meet the Klingons

lol Stamets has found out about his wife Stella. they found out he's been running from Stella, not to her lol

this episode would have been clever if the time loop wasn't so poorly done!

they rewired the captain's chair to send the message to Stella and her father .... who's come to get him lol

why ... why are they even doing this? they're so obsessed with making a new Star Trek series, why keep bringing in old characters for no reason?

Michael and Tyler waiting for a turbolift, Stamets told them both that in a previous timeline they danced .... they're super awkward

OH LORD

"What I'm feeling is complicated, and strange" "It's okay, I'm not going anywhere”

STOP TELLING US YOUR FEELINGS MICHAEL

I actually think they're really cute? I would usually like so many of these characters! but wow the plots are so. bad.

and it's so clumsy!

holy crap that was bad

oh lord, Saru in the next ep, they're on a planet, there are Klingons and the Admrial being tortured

wow. that's over. and took me ages to watch because I had to stop it so often lol

I have watched a lot of time travel episodes in my decades as a Trekkie (and on other sci fi shows) and that has got to be worst I’ve ever seen! It was SO confusingly done!

they just have no internal consistency!

you have Mudd getting revenge and Stamets working against him ... really really poorly ...

and all of their solutions to the problems just made no sense???

Stamets giving himself up to Mudd???

and then the final solution of them all working together ... it wasn't like in the Next Gen episode I keep thinking of, where they eventually realise they're looping and find the message in Data and it feels like they worked together to solve it

it feels like this show ... cuts corners

it wants to give us the exciting parts and the emotional pay off without actually doing any of the work, is the best way I can think to explain it

it was ... choppy and confused

that sums the show up to be honest.

they went on and on about how they’re telling a big serialised story, but it isn’t even? we’ve had these weird interlude episodes with Sarek and now Mudd where stuff just happens just because? and they keep TELLING us they’re fighting a war but it doesn’t feel like they’re in one!

if they’re going to do serialised season long arcs then they need to do way way better, like I just binge watched 9 episodes of Stranger Things yesterday! I know what a good serial narrative looks like and this is not it!

and if they’re going to do episodic then they need to do way way better

the plot of this was just confused nonsense that was weirdly focused around Michael and Tyler’s relationship more than anything else ... it just feels like they’re mashing a bunch of random rubbish together and hoping it works, rather than like a carefully crafted story on either an episodic OR a serial level!

and now I’m just thinking about how much I want to go watch some fun time loop episodes - like man, give me SG1 stuck in a time loop doing stupid shit any day, at least that was fun AND made sense

#hateblogging #STD #seriously so much hate for this episode #long post #extremely long

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