#in another life time he would’ve been mine💔 | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

m1ckeyb3rry · 2 years

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🌫OMG NEW SWEAR UPDATE??? IT WAS SO GOOD i hope y/n’s gonna be ok and the tension oml.. also i really like levi’s character in swear!! i hope y/n and everyone will be ok😭

YESS NEW SWEAR UPDATE 😭 I’m glad you liked it!! Y/N’s in a tough spot atm for sure LOL but at least she has both eren and levi in love with her 🙄 and she’s a teeny bit more perceptive than Y/N from SiTH LMFAO (which is not a high bar at all 💔).

also i want to preface this by saying that ofc i hate rod reiss ESPECIALLY the way i write him in swear. but. BUT. i must say that the fact that he’s literally Y/N x Levi’s biggest shipper kinda cracks me up. he literally brings their “relationship” up SO MUCH PLSSS. ofc he’s doing it because it’s a way for him to control her but at the same time imagining the nobility having ship wars is so funny. like duke L/N is def all “she’s an independent woman” because he’s the best father and then lord maiar is like “no she’s literally mine” and rod reiss is like “damn maiar’s right 😔💔 but in another life her and levi would’ve been an otp 😪” and starts playing “another love” by tom odell or smth

that’s definitely not at all what happens in the actual story lmfao the nobles all hate levi i just like to make up silly scenarios to offset the angst. the real question is what kenny will think of levi supposedly pulling a girl ESP one like Y/N who’s a future duchess and very possibly the next queen (considering they don’t know about historia atp)

AHAHA I’M HAPPY YOU LIKED THE WAY I WROTE LEVI 😭 him being a love interest for Y/N is VERY important to future plot events but I was way more comfortable aging him down vs aging everyone else up esp because them being…not adults is so key to the plot. AND OFC I’M NOT GOING TO WRITE A FIC WHERE HE’S LIKE 30 AND IN LOVE WITH A TEENAGER BECAUSE EW. that said I do think him being younger would affect his personality somewhat and have him be a little more emotional which is why he’s not exactly like he is in canon. he’s so fun to write in swear though…like I said he’s going to be v important SO I’m glad you like him ❤️

Anyways sorry for a long ass response and the random short story in the middle of it??? THANK YOU FOR READING AND TALKING TO ME I LOVE IT

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slippingintoinsanity · 2 years

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Okay, so the pattern emerges, again. Get closer, show vulnerably, close off, push away, sabotage. I wonder if he has clocked it yet? I know I clocked it long ago in relationships, the ones I wanted to be in (so that would be one and a half so far). Those times I didn’t have enough self awareness to step back and observe, reflect, etc. now I can do that.

The problem is, you have traits so similar to mine. It’s like some crazy joke or a test?! Idk. Anyway, it’s like in you, I see the less self aware version of me. It’s like a delayed reflection of me. It makes me so curious about you. Connected to you. Idk. Is it toxic? Fuck knows.

This weekend you fucked up. More than once and last weekend. OUR communication was shit but you had me triggered with your attitude way before and I was past the point of reasonable or logical communication but I was able to control myself somewhat. Might have said I’m fucking sick of your mind games and some other shit but I wasn’t full on evil. I would’ve been in the past.

With the help of him I was ok… ping pong. 😑 Razor blade at my wrist, he calls me. Calms me, soothes me, says everything exactly right.

I wish I could talk to YOU like I talk to him. I love you but he knows what to say to me, how to calm me, he’s talked me down from cutting myself more times than I can remember. I try to bring you in. You ask me to tell you things but then you came even handle the conversation. So I withdraw. Does that mean you don’t care????

But. You, you are stuck in your head right now. I wish I could help you but I’m in the middle of this crazy intense therapy. I can’t help you too. I’m hanging on to life, barely at times.

I don’t want him. I wanted you. I don’t know if it’s possible. You’ll drag me backwards, probably and I’ll drag you deeper into your darkness as a result. You’ll have guilt if I self harm or attempt.

How hard to make a decision to walk away. The strength it will take to loose another person. It seems unbearable, just the thought.

We are attached to each other. From experience I know it’s the early stages of attachment. I have done more work. I feel like I should be responsible and walk away now. Make it stop wiser for us both.

…but the question is can I?! And if I can - you won’t let go that easily.

Why?!

Te dua shume zemra ime 😢😔

💔💔💔💔

If it wasn’t for my abusers, then my life might be liveable. Maybe we’d have met and be able to help you. I wish I could. I see your pain. I recognise the reactions, the defences, the trust issues, the fear, the misplaced anger. I see everything in your eyes my love.

I pray that we can do this somehow. I pray that both of our intentions are good.

I’m so fucking mad at you rn but still I love you.

#bpd thoughts #actually bpd #bpd relationships #living with bpd #surviving narcissism #recovery #borderline things #bpd fp

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