#im so fucking sick of all of this why cant i just be fucking normal

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent/transphobia in fandom

I regret looking in the trans //// Dirk tag bc wow... people sure do love to shit on other people's interpretation of canon.

Someone fucking said "people are making him trans to 'soften' him and make him more likeable" like holy shit???? Am I actually reading those words?? Someone being blatantly transphobic in the tD tag, where y'know, trans people wanna read posts about tD.

If you think making a character trans 'softens' him, that's literally the definition of transphobia, and that's something you need to work on. Trans men aren't Men Lite. We're not softer and more likeable than cis men. Shut the fuck up.

I feel so fucking sick after reading that. Fucking asshole piece of shit. I did not need to read that tonight, while I'm literally suffering from a 'trapped in the wrong body' flavour of gender dysphoria and S.I. and just TRYING TO FIND PEOPLE BEING NORMAL ABOUT TRANS ///// DIRK SINCE IT FEELS LIKE I'M THE ONLY PERSON WHO FUCKING CARES RIGHT NOW.

Whatever. I will blaze my own way down the tD path. I'm doing it for ME. Not for anyone else. Fucking rancid-ass take, get the fuck out. No one wants to see your whiny transphobic arguments against tD, IN THE TAG FOR TRANS //// DIRK. Keep your transphobia to yourself, or I am busting out the duct tape. (Duct tape=block button. Yes, I blocked them. Don't need that negativity in my blogging experience.)

((Do not talk to me about anything that happens after Homestuck proper. I do not perceive those things. I do not want to know about those things. They do not exist to me.))

PS. Oh, I absolutely love finding any canon evidence to make toxic male characters into trans men (Handso//me Ja/ck, Joh//nny Sil//verhand, Br/o Str/ider, etc... actually now that I line them up like that, Bro is totally tame and normal lmao, HJ is wayyy worse of a person and there's tons of canon evidence I can argue with...)

Anyway, transing the bad guys... It's my favourite passtime. I could not give a fuck what you think about that. I like my men toxic and trans. I don't give a fuck about having "good" representation, because a trans man is still a trans man when he's a toxic asshole. That's the point. Trans men are the same amount of man as cis men. So you can SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT NEEDING A 'SOFT' BOY FOR TRANS MEN'S REPRESENTATION. DO IT YOUR-FUCKING-SELF AND LEAVE THE TRANS //// DIRK TAG TO THOSE OF US WHO KNOW THE TRUTH.

#let me preface this by saying im internally bleeding from all my organs and in a really shitty pms/pmdd mood and cramping #transphobia #vent #im so fucking sick of trans men getting pushed aside bc were not man enough to have a voice in fandom/media #i seriously cannot believe someone said that were making dirk trans to soften him #makes me fucking sick to my stomach #i dont need more reminders that ill never be man enough for people who arent trans men #jfc i spend like 2 weeks back on tumblr and its already making me sick i didnt think iw as gonna find transphobia here in 2024 #remember the time someone told me i was transmisogynistic for saying mettat//on was a trans man? lmao #good times (not) #why cant people be normal about trans men for fuckkng once #rant #angry trans man grumbling #this probably needs tags but idk what they should be bc i dont want this to end up in the associated tags #if ppl havent seen what i just saw i dont want to remind them that transphobia abounds #Cori.exe #Post.exe #i literally feel like my organs are being scraped with a cheese grater #i wish i had a different body im so sick of end/ometriosis #my body is actively being transphobic against me and i am dealt this additional blow by fandom jackasses calling trans men soft #s m fucking h

[googlyowo]

nvm fandom still sucks

#googy vent #YES this is about toa #why cant anyone just be normal about shipping in this fandom specifically its always the fucking shipping #like ok. i get it if youre unaware of all the racism and the antisemitism and the everything else #bc tbh i didnt notice it at first until i really thought about and other ppl pointed some stuff out #but also of course mfs wouldnt notice it when theyre into shit like s*uth p*rk #but anyway. being informed is (or at least should be) an easy fix. BUT IT ALWAYS COMES DOWN TO THE FUCKING SHIPPING #PPL KEEP WANTING TO SHIP THE TEENAGERS WITH THE TROLLS OR THE MFS THAT ARE CLEARLY TOO OLD FOR THEM LIKE WHYYYY #THEY DIDNT JUST SUDDENLY STOP BEING TEENAGERS AFTER THE 2ND INSTALLMENT COME THE FUCK ONNNNN #im so fucking tired man. i might just unfollow the tag altogether. im so sick of this rinse and repeat shit. #sorry to vaguepost i just had a misguided moment of hope for the toa fandom after i kept seeing so many good takes #im going back to my cave again. fuck all of you

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#me doing field work with someone cool: look at me im so normal. im fine. idk why i was crying so much yesterday lol #me after opening my email and checking comments on manuscript: i... i want to say and do so many upsetting things rn #i want to spit and bite. i want to wander out into the woods and vanish. except its the middle of the fucking desert and there's no woods #i shouldnt even be looking at this stuff bc i spent fucking like 9hrs doing fieldwork and my brain is fried #but my fried brain hates me hhhhh i have so much bullshit to do. i dont fucking care about any of this #and yet tomorrow morning im gonna get before fucking 6am and im gonna get field supplies together for Friday and im gonna meet a fucking #collaborator at fucking 4pm bc i cant fucking stop. but if i can manage go to the fucking health and wellness center bc im not healthy and #im not well and idk how tf it works bc im staff and not a student but i assume they have some obligation to help if i wander in off the #street. then idk well see how the middle of my day turns out bc ive got 90 million things to do #but god i hope i go in tomorrow like i just want to not have to live like this anymore i dont wanna lurch around full of bitterness & pain #i dont even like field work that much. i cant convince my brain im not just wasting time so it stresses me out #but fucking everything stresses me out. tho today it was more useful in avoiding the things i dont wanna do #hhhh im just sick to death of all this #unrelated #also fucking shout out to my sp0tify wrap list. i forgot that i used to listen to crumb radio to fall asleep so im apparently in the top 2 #percent of crumb listners lol. also my genres were german indie. iclandic idie. indie rock and alternative rock lol #i dig the idie music

[ienvieu]

god i am so fucking frustrated

#80% of being the oldest sister of a bunch of immature stubborn bitchy siblings is crying your anger away in secret #damned if you try damned if you dont i am sick of it #berated for complaining even just a little and scolded when i decide not to share my struggles anymore like ffs pick your damn mind #compared to cousins compared to neighbors compared to random kids on the internet compared to their younger selves god i just. #and then they go and ask how my day has been and how im feeling gtfo i dont want that #either disown me and hate me or whatever or actually listen to me and not undermine everything i try to do #just pick a fucking side i HATE it when people demonize me and then smother me back to back #like i dont want to sound this whiny but god i wish they'd miscarried me too??? #man i sound like a total bitch rn lol idk i just want to leave #i can never seem to win #they dont let me express my exhaustion and anger and sadness and frustration and then they go ahead and wonder why this girl is #acting distant or passive agressive or why she keeps fracturing or bruising her knuckles or why she keeps biting her nails and #chewing on her lips and picking at her skin and just fucking lose it all the damn time #nothing i do is enough i just dont want to be here and i want to leave and take a break for a while but nooo that would make me #a family hater 🥴🥴 #and i dont even hate them i just cant stand the way they treat me all the time #i get so confused one minute she's telling me how bad i am and telling me that im wrong and wrong and wrong and how i cant do this #or that or how she used to be so much better than i am now and whatever #and the next she and i are sitting in the kitchen laughing about some random thing #i HATE that. idc if that's oh a 'normal mother daughter relationship' and 'everyone experiences it' and how 'it will pass' #well it hasnt passes and it's been years and im tired of this back and forth and constantly being shamed and i want out. just. out. #and when i tried gathering the courage to tell them i wanted a therapist to talk to she was like ' oh that's expensive and you dont even #look like you need one but if you insist we can pay for it ☹️👉👈 it's okay we will work extra hard to get the money 😖' #fuck that #thanks for once again making me feel like utter shit for asking for some help. again. #which brings me to my next point which is why the FUCK do we have to pay 50 fucking euroes for an hour of therapy?? #i can get all of the validation and grounding techniques off the internet for free why the fuck do we need to pay 50€ for talking?? #and like mental health is so stigmatized still with my family and my closer friend's family that we both cant tell them anything about it #girlie got clinical depression and she doesnt want to tell her parents bc she knows how they will react #and we both spend nights cry laughing about the fact that i have scars all over me that my parents dont have a single fucking clue about

[davidtennantpussytulpa]

for my beloved followers still working on buffy dont read. god i just need to talk about it because its tearing me up

#like i thought id be caring more about spike but im not. sure im not totally psyched abt what they did with him for the last two seasons but #everything they were building up with him theg followed through. really what more was there to say between him and buffy that hadnt been #said to death already #but im wailing over anya. like its even more abrupt than joyce #SHE WAS SO FUCKING LONELY. WHAT HAPPENED TO HER AS THEIR FRIEND. SHE HARDLY WAS INTERACTED WITH IN THE LAST SEASON #and just at the end her and andrew started bonding. she wasnt done growing herself she wasnt done with xander #who knows if they could have been the same as they were but they fucking loved each other so much #and she didnt even get a scene to die. buffy and spike got to say goodbye but she just got cut down and XANDER DIDNT EVEN SEE HER BODY. #and then they just ended they just ended everything like that. and theyre cracking jokes. #like i know the whole series has dark comedy but they dropped it in the serious times. in the joyce and buffy and tara death times. #why not now with the death of spike and anya and other slayer girls all at once #like im fucking sick over this i know youre not joking about the mall being crushed because ANYA IS CRUSHED IN THERE TOO. DO YOU NOT EVEN #FUCKING CARE AT ALL. SHE WAS YOUR FRIEND. YOU WERE GOING TO BE HER BRIDESMAIDS. #anya deserved the fucking world and now shes just. shes nothing. the show made her that. im literally devastated #i dont even know what else to say i just cant believe the final battle was squeezed into the last half of a normal length episode and we’re #just left with that. im numb #and ive given myself a headache crying so hard so. goodnight. what fucking ever

[synchlora]

holy SHIT man..

#we have four fucking ppl out with covid at work today #out of like. 30 people. fucking CHRIST #god knows how many more of us are gonna get sick. i just had a fever a few days back and now im worried it was covid #just. fuck man! #and our management is wanting us to do random useless things today on top of the normal chores that NEED to get done and are behind #like DUDE we are missing 13% of our fucking coworkers right now we CANNOT afford to be doing stupid shit rn #but nope. our manager HAS to move a fuck ton of cats around to make new group rooms and stress the animals out TODAY #bc it obviously cant wait and we obviously have time and she definitely knows what shes doing (she doesnt. our cats are pissed) #like dude. we are usually so strict and careful abt group rooms so that cats dont get each other sick and dont fucking half kill each other #but theyre just tossing them into rooms #WITHOUT EVEN CONSULTING THE FUCKING CAT LEAD FIRST! #oughghhh. hellish day #i dont understand the fire under their asses to mess with our cats today. everything is fine we're not short on space its all good #and why today of all days when half of us are missing

[thekingofchungus]

i wait like a week to buy the brand spankin new haribo monster gummies after 2 failed attempts, in my nauseous stupor I grab one off a shelf in eurogiant and once i’m no longer unfunctionally sick i take out my newly acquired prize and i find out its literally 90 percent frankensteins. with a grand total of 4 ghosts and 3 draculas.  what and how

#chatbox #WERE ALL OF THEM ON THE SHELF LIKE THIS? IDK I LITERALLY WAS SO SICK AND JUST WANTED TO LEAVE THIS MORNING WAS HELL ON MY BODY #genuinely thought i was going to die i was so fucking sick but good news im way better!! I JUST FOUND THIS OUT AS SOON AS I RESTED UP #like what is this ronald mcdonald clownery #its already like a half full bag there were like 4 lemon ghosts and fucking 3 blood orange draculas like why is this reeses pieces?? #like for fucks fuck! whyyy im gonna have so many fucking apple frankensteins to sift through #haribo why cant you be normal....is this just a eurogiant thing....i dont know dude i am sorry for expecting normal gummies #BUT I DO HAVE. SOUR SKELETONS. with lots of blood orange if i remember that right #take THAT. hah #but hey i have haribo monsters to begin with so thats like a default W. just so odd like come on please be normal #snack corporations just be normal im begging you. evenly distribute your fucking wares to like a civil degree #looking at you Celebrations who only ever have 3 fucking malteaser chocolates #you cant comprehend it. you cant comprehend how many family gatherings you've uneased #snackscapades #nom talk #what was my tag for this again?

[strwbrymlkshake]

so upset and disgusted my stomach hurty </3

#mine #���� #im not upset bc of him im upset bc of something else but i wanna rant abt him anyways #he isnt good at holding conversations w me but tried to cheer me up which is nice. an attempt was made #im being less of a weirdo freak around him and distancing more ?? which is good i suppose #i love yandere culture and everything but i only want a yandere relationship thats not based on exploiting weaknesses #like a thing where each partner consents to whatever non traditional act etc. none of this weird stuff #the thing im upset about is sort of regarding my views abt it but not a ref to anything on here ugugugghrg #i dont understand why thered be people who want to see the light of their life in pain and hurting. its about worship and adoration #and treating your love like the object nearest to your heart. like an extension of you. not fucking abusing them #not abusing those who cant do anything for themselves. who cant fight back. who dont have the slightest idea #dont drag people into your sick fantasy just because it gets you off usdhwkffjdkgke im seething rn #anyway i tagged this abt my cd guy so i will continue to talk abt him. when he was messaging me i was very happy #i was so happy i could make him laugh and his happiness made me happy<3 but like literally i cant trust anyone anymore #i know one person cant take care of all my problems but i feel like they could contribute a little more. instead of ignoring me #idk maybe im being weird and everyone acknowledges me a normal amount.. i have irreversible damage in my brain<3 #im being good about not obsessing. having other interests and goals. having a LIFE on my own without craving him everyday #i dont know if im doing it purposefully though or im just afraid. i know i am afraid but is that the only reason? i really am trying #i feel so heartbroken the way i felt more love when a cashier was being nicer to me than almost any of my friends #im like oh ill get doxxed writing that. but i dont think anyone is paying enough attention or cares enough to find me out anyway. #i will settle for second best even if it means they simply regard me positively :( i want to be liked so so badly. just for who i am #not anything like talents or appearance. just me. why doesnt anyone desire me for who i am? maybe its because who i am isnt the best yet #but i want to be loved even if im not the greatest and i dont think thats too much to ask. i want to be loved the way all humans love #but there isnt much of that any more. or if there is they sure have a funny way of showing it. im not supposed to rely on people for things #like this. but i cant just keep telling MYSELF i accept me. that i love me. because i know this already. im fine with me. but no one else #is. ive submitted to the ordeal of being known. to being vulnerable. to pouring my heart out. but everyone who touches it is filthy. #ive fixed myself to the best of my ability yet why am i not being taken notice of. i make myself look nice everyday. what does it take #its so sickening that its hard to find a kind person in the world. you ignore me. i was going to go great lengths to get you a present too #i was gna try so hard but its so easy for you to not try at all. oh well i cant cntrol others i can only sit being tormented by thr actions #i cant work hard enough to make you care about persevering. to not be indifferent. to not be boring. to not be neglectful

[consciouschunkofmoss]

yoo how do i tell my father who is very much as stubborn as one can get that i dont in fact like google and dont want to use anything from it specially google drive because i think its pretty fucking disgusting to have to give this much information about myself solely so then i can store files to a place which ill forget about in less than an hour that will most likely be monitored by google too 💖

#literally love how he just casually says 'oh i added drive to your bookmarks btw' on my fucking laptop wihout any permissions #sure they bought it therefore they can totally use it if they want #but as far as my own privacy goes i cant help but feel disgusted at how ignorant he is to my boundaries #i said i hate windows. i hate google. i hate crypto #and yet he throws it all down my throat like its normal to just ignore a persons opinion if its something you disagree on apparently #and i know it may sound petty but i just try so much to stay out of his way #not talk negatively about the things hes interested in even if its fucking crypto or whatever #but dude it makes my blood absolutely boil to see how he just doesnt give a fuck about my own personal space and belongings #its a fucking browser for fucks sake ! why should he be so annoyed at how *I* use my own things #why should he feel the need to scramble around places where hes not even supposed to be on #im a kid in their eyes but fuck it hurts to see how incompetent he thinks i am #and if he really doesnt then hes doing a pretty fucking shitty job at showing that he trusts me #as far as privacy and comfort goes im willing to listen and genuinely interested in knowing of what he knows #but as soon as he casually starts to disregard the boundaries ive tried so clearly to set then im turning a plain blind eye #we both love computers. we both are amazed by how such systems work and its connections like the internet #but its impossible to have a conversation when he wont even try to understand Why i dont like certain things and why i do things My way #i dont go around messing on his things and yet he feels so entitled to do so in mine that i just feel sick sometimes #i hate to vent here but sometimes there really is no other place where people will actually think im a fucking human being #anyway i just #idk

[homo-house]

i am losing. It

#i have three different appointments tomorrow which I feel I should prepare for but I can't #because of a multitude of things #first of all that my room is dirty and i myself am dirty... and i have been struggling with doing anything at all for a month because of it #its not the worst but any amount of dirty is too much for me its enough that i dont know where to begin but my threshold is low #so that means even just five things out of place can and will drive me insane from choice paralysis #i feel so filthy for existing really #anyways the second thing is i cant start preparing for the meetings before i finish this one thing ive been putting off for a month #i juat have to edit a text i wrote based on a tutor's feedback which i received last month but havent opened yet because im so terrified!! #so far 9ve read one page out of like 7 and im scared of going further #its so pathetic but i genuinely feel i need someone to hold my hand so i can open this thing #and third. third im just plain anxious for tomorrow because i will be seeing my profs + parental figures for the first time in 2 months #and i want to be presentable... and to behave properly and contribute meaningfully. to the meeting #BUT IM SCARED!!! im always so scared of everything im so scared of meeting with people i love #im scared of disappointing them etc #Hjhh why why why. why cant i heal faster why cant i be normal #im sickkkk im sick of being sick of being mentally ill im fighting demons just to stay awake!!!! fuck!!! fucj

[starsonmarsy]

.

#imagine a world where im not autistic #and i catch on sooner #or a world where im not just a ticking time bomb #where i dont implode #and kill everything i care about with the shrapnel #or a world where i can just respond to tjings like a normal human being #oooo my mother was meannto.me and my oarents beat me as a kkd ooo #so now i cant manage my emotions and have the emotional maturity of a moody 15 year old ooo #IMAGINE A WORLD WHERE I STOO FUXKING UP #AND THEN TJIS WHOLE FUFK ASS POST AND BLOW UP ANS EPISODE IM GONNA APOLOGIZE FOR LATEE WNS FEEL WORSE #BECAUDE RHATS ALL I EVER DO ITS A FUCKING CYCKE #APOLOGIES WITH NO ACTION MEAN NOTHING LET ME FUCKINF JUST DIE ALREADY #im sick of myself. why cant i be someone else #why am i so selfisb #putting my problems on others when theyre dealing with stuff too #im sorry im sorry im sorry km sorrh im sorry im sorru im sorru im skrrh im skrru #i shouldnt exist #vent

[racingmiku2018]

i cleaned my room and now the nightlight actually has room to illuminate the place and i can finally see in the mornings. the world is dark and rainy and shiny through the blinds of my window and its so lovely but it doesnt stop me from wanting to get out of this place

#racing! #i am burdened by life and everything within it. its a rucksack i carry with me underneath a large heavy jacket and it bends my spine #i feel like i havent been able to stand tall and straight since i was seven years old #when can i be free of it all #and why cant i fucking talk normal. im so sick of myself it physically hurts #just be fucking normal. why cant i be normal. im so tired of being myself cant i please be literally anyone else in the world #i just needed to get thjs out please dont bring it up anywhere. i just need to be frustrated somewhere #so i can keep it compartmentalized somewhere that isnt my head and maybe i can get on with my life a little easier

[tarudce22]

the great thing about working in the same place as my twin, also in basically sister departments is we share the same manager. So even though I was off today I got to hear some lovely bullshit said manager is about to step in cause she damned herself no matter what

never give us absolutes and never threaten to writing us up to have us to do useless shit

most of fresh is about to make that managers life hell as she realizes she fucked up threatening to write up a whole department over NOTHING

its gonna be so fun to watch her shit explode in her face

#tarudce rants #tarudce talks #made my twin do all of his freezer fright so her was there TIL ALMOST MIDNIGHT #you know what we're not suppose to do OVERTIME #and my twin was to get off a 8pm NOT FUCKING ALMOST MIDNIGHT #also no food food for the hot bar cause you know why my twin id the one that orders it ALL with the team lead on short term #but NO the manager just HAS to listen to the new to the department person that wants to start drama over EVERYTHING #so no food order cause foolish asshole manager told my twin his job is fright only so twin is being vindictive about it cause FUCK YOU MANAG #everything is imploding in such a perfect way that can all be traced back to our current manager and i cant wait til shes gone #this is fucking hell with her #we did better and mind you I had to do 3 HOLIDAYS with out a manager we did better without one #a rock is a better manager then my current one fucking GET HER OUT OF HERE #make the pigeons that walk in the manager they'll do better then the current one #i missed spelled so many of words in the tags but im to lazy to fix them #im fucking sick cause of the normal seasonal stuff and the stress and bullshit of my 'manager'

[flamingo--ing]

at this point im just tired of it

#sick shit #how would you be normal through this? #how would you continue on like nothings wrong while youre on the verge of throwing up at all times #or your body is in so much pain you cant even hide it anymore #i cant fucking drink WATER without getting sick #every time i eat theres the potential ill either vomit it up or itll give me an immune system response #i hate this #i hate living like this #i hate that they refuse to even TRY to figure out whats wrong with me #my mother will tell me that ive had these problems since i was an INFANT #and they STILL tell me its entirely anxiety #and then they wonder why im still so depressed #im tired #and i want my boyfriend to be home and to hold me while im sick #im tired of being alone and sick and scared #i just want this shit to kill me already

[tgirljoker]

well well well if it isnt the hindsightly predictable consequences of my own actions

#they should invent a me thats normal #ignore this one please i need to go insane in the tags on my own for a second #theres so much to explain! and i realize that it all sounds insane but its still affecting me #i hate being so avoidant and emotionally unavailable that im fully willing to jeapordize one of the most important relationships in my life #i hate taking the easy way out all the time #i cant believe the lengths im willing to go to and the things im able to convince myself of to avoid being known #i hate being like this im supposed to be the one that sucks it up and just listens to other peoples issues cause i hate talking about mine #i dont know why i cant just ignore things like i used to #if this had happened a year ago i couldve told myself it didnt bother me and that wouldve been the end of it #anytime i even think about sharing or where to start i give up practically immediately and go to the next extreme #im so sick of being an enigma but i literally dont know what else to do #ive built my entire identity around the fact that i know exactly what to do or say to make people like me #because i cant function without that level of control #i hate everything about this #i hate that its my fault exclusively #im so fucking sick of myself its a miracle im able to lie to people so well so they dont hate me too lmao #im so tired of being who i am #but being envious is just another thing that furthered this so i guess i cant comfortably feel anything without hating myself about it #what am i even supposed to say #if i do have to explain myself #how do i explain everything #how do i explain all of this to someone who thinks im relatively sane #all this is going to just land me exactly where i dreaded being in the first place #clinging desperately onto someone who just cant wait to get rid of me #i wish i could even cry about this but im so unbelievably numb to myself that even through all of this ive remained completely stone faced #i feel like a monster #im so tired

[vampire-squids]

i want to bash my head open

#i am so unwell #i've been half sick whole week #stupid cold ass fucking weather making me kind of sick but not actually sick so i cant get rid of it #i've also done fucking nothing this week #and my mom is gon scream at me tmrw when she'll come for me #i just want to die #like theres nothing or no one that will make me be/feel better #cuz NO ONE FUCKING CARES #I AM SO SICK OF FEELING THAT WAY #i am so pent up #i will cry #one moment i want to scream and now im crying #im so tired #why cant i be normal #mentally exhausted #i want to end it all #mental issues #i dont know whats wrong with me but i want it to stop please stop being so messed up