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abyss-mal-blog1 · 5 years

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current mind-space//word vomit

it’s amazing how much can change in a few days, but it hasn’t been a week since my finals ended and i already felt so different. i have been doing f45 everyday this week (if not then some kind of workout, but i’ve really been into that recently). i am feeling so much better now without deadlines, sometimes i don’t know if i function better under pressure or not. i guess not, but then it’s amazing how much i can do and achieve under pressure. i need the right amount of pressure, and this semester it has been a little difficult for me to get around that.

last friday was kinda my last day of finals, i just had an essay to submit, and i am disappointed in myself and my work ethic because i submitted it at 9pm, went to my cousin’s (disappointing) party, and then professor emailed me to say that she cannot read Pages format (seriously smh @ my tardiness!!!), only got back at 1am that night and sent my mediocre essay. i am a little sad about it because i know that is not my 100%. idk why but college so far has just been a series of 80% effort. this paper was an interesting one, on airbnb, on the sharing economy, it’s a performance studies paper where i analyze the hospitality platform in terms of host-user relationship, parasitism and (attempted) to talk about free online labor. it is a little too late now but i kinda want to work on it again and like, submit for feedback. maybe ill ask taylor.

last saturday was kinda meh, i agreed to go to a *social* kinda event at a bar/club at chelsea, held for Asian-ivy-alumni-people that yanlin invited me too. it was at up&up and honestly a little...i didn’t enjoy it at all. the music sucked, the people were either too dorky or gross or old or weird, and the whole time i just kept saying to myself, “never again”. they said it was open bar but they only served absolut, which was shit. and then my friend’s two friends were...i feel sorry that this was their first clubbing experience. at the beginning my reaction was look at all these ivy alumni! get hitched with one of them for ~da connectsx~ (and nothing else) but no kidding i was actually interested in talking to them just to get to know what people who graduated from ivies are up to, and what are they doing at such events...and are they actually enjoying themselves because it was really kinda gross. met my friend’s friend who seemed like a really smart engineer (he asked for my number the next day lol), and a german dude at the bar who didn’t want to get me a drink. all i needed that night was a drink.....(i’m glad i didn’t drink tho because recently drinking has made me feel all kinds of bad) we had ramen after at ramen-ya (most probably the worst ramen and charsiew i’ve had but what can we do at 3am and my friend wanted noodle and soup...)

on sunday i KNow i should have left my house earlier to workout but i didn’t. i was angry at myself that i didn’t. instead, i stayed at home and emotion-ate. i must have eaten more green bean soup than my stomach would have liked. what else...avocado? i remember..two bananas? god. this was the day i felt like i was n’s boyfriend because i had to do what she wanted to do. i know i had agreed on going, but at that point i really wanted to go thrifting or something. i mean when i got to central park it was fine and things were good but the whole day just felt like i was kinda pulled into doing something that wasn’t my first choice of plans, not that i didn’t enjoy myself lying under the sun at the park. it just felt like i was accompanying someone. i was half an hour late to meet her as well, and half heartedly got a burrito-wrap at newsbar. if you think about it it is really kinda funny, we’re just buying food and taking the subway to this grass patch 50 blocks away. we didn’t walk much, we literally only stayed at a little grassy slope overlooking the baseball pitch. anyway we went to a dance class after (the class was an hour long but i felt like n had asked me about when and what time we should book the classes for more than an hour by text so i just got really sick of it) i rushed home and got dinner with my uncle who’s in town for my cousin’s graduation. i was surprised that he chose the same japanese restaurant again, after dissing it half a year ago we ate here. the omakase was crazy and it cost 230 per person. (for the most expensive set) it was also kinda dumb because you aren’t allowed to order a different omakase set from anyone else - everyone on the table has to order the same - because of “timing”. i wonder if this is how it is in japanese omakase etiquette, but in any case it really earned them a hefty amount because my uncle decided to get 230 for all of us. qiyang didn’t like and said qiqi had bad taste, hahaha. the food wasn’t bad, i mean it’s japanese fusion, but the prices were way too steep for the taste. anyway enough about the food, during the dinner i think we talked about many things though. i kinda wanted to talk to my uncle individually because i think he is the only one who knows about ah gong, but he was sick, and i could tell he was exhausted. my aunt got a little impatient because i didn’t arrange plans to take their furniture and they were going to throw all of them away and it was actually the first time i’ve seen her get so worked up - but at the same time trying to control her emotions - because she was talking to me. i could tell she was annoyed though but i tried not to take it personally, and arranged it tomorrow.

arranging the moving stuff was kinda last minute, i was walking to the library for work one day and i saw a truck that said MakeSpace. i assumed it was a kind of moving company and so i looked them up. they seemed to be pretty okay in terms of their services and so i decided to try them out. confirmation and setting up an appointment went pretty smoothly, except for the part where the guy i think his name was joseph, asked me to give my credit card details over the phone. idk why i did that! i stopped though, and asked him why, to which he replied he wanted to key in with the coupon code. this service has so much gimmicks within the first 2-3 minutes on the phone he was already telling me about how the first pick up is free, and that he will deduct 100$ off the first month...when people give you discounts too easily it just feels like a ploy and a thing they give to everyone, it’s not anything special and it’s probably calculated inside whatever we have to pay. anyway, i was just thinking it would be cheaper (assuming the maximum that i would have to pay is ~$500, as i confirmed with them on the phone yesterday), it’d still be cheaper than starting an apartment lease now and going through the trouble of finding two subletters.

well. idk, it’s also easy to have things all moved in, i have to find a place to store my perishables!

moving is so much work, and storing things. this reminds me of my paper on airbnb and about the digital nomad lifestyle. it is interesting though, that this is what it has become. but the homogenized aesthetic is something i really cannot stand, in airbnb, in coffeeshops around the world..i am sure you know what i’m talking about. a new york times writer did something about this - he termed it “Airspace” - and apparently it originated from Brooklyn. I guess that’s where the art/avant-garde stuff started. well. keep a look out im gonna write a blogpost about that

moving on

nat came to sleepover on sunday night and a few days after because the school kicks you out of the dorms you pay so much for right after your final ends. i forgot if we did something fun but i probably just fell asleep.

on monday i think i went to f45 and did cardio at Dumbo with Gi. he seems like a pretty nice trainer, the first time i went it was him and another girl Bertha (i think my first f45 was last tuesday) and i felt like i had two personal trainers with me - Gi was cheering me on and Bertha was doing it with me. it felt like such a good workout, one of the best ive had in a while. then work, where i arranged the movers stuff. i also realized i bought the wrong date for my flight ticket as my friends and had to buy one more...............

tuesday was the same f45 in the morning, and the bobst after. didn’t really get much work done at bobst. oh i also viewed a 3BR flex at 160. hella expensive and small, and dates didn’t work out anyway. also the broker who brought us to view the apartment was a very nice tall french man and his name was jean-francois which i couldn’t pronounce and asked nat but still called him jean as in jeen instead of john. this is why i have to learn french. you’re embarrassing. i also went to the itp/ima spring show with shubham which was super cool. there were many cool ideas, and i just wonder if i could create something like that. i didn’t get to see all of the exhibits which i regret, but i remember a few notable projects. one was an installation made with keyboards that randomly clicks, but when you hold your phone up it’ll stop. it’s made using 3d gestures. there’s also one at a gallery for surveillance, this team had a thing they call facebox, and it’s literally a box, that when you open it has a webcam that would capture your face, find you on facebook, and print out an invoice/receipt on how much you have earned for this giant tech company. what else...an AR project that when you scan a food, it shows you where the food comes from. nat said that she would love it if menus have something they could scan and then have pictures appear in ~holographic~ format, or maybe in the nearer future something on your phone that shows you a picture of the picture of the food. but isn’t it a surprise tho? sometimes the fun’s in the surprise, you read the description, you know what are the foods you’ll eat, leaving room to imagine or be surprised by how the chef puts it together! anyway, went for dinner with nat and jenny - got vegan shwarma (definitely wasn’t worth $14) and went to get crepes with will after.

wednesday we were gonna go to the dmv but we weren’t prepared. nat also needed to get her passport and she was lazy. wow the number of times i mentioned her, it feels like she’s my boyfriend at this point. talked to famz, sister, and beatrix. am currently considering if i should even go to beijing or just go straight home. fuck. went to bobst for work but no one was there i was just really sleepy. viewed an apartment at 55 morton (it’s a nice quiet residential street that seems to be tucked away from the loud cars and bars and people) then i went to f45 again-varsity!!! cardio!!!, walked across brooklyn bridge (a little regret although i wanted to walk, but my bag was heavy and there were too many tourists to brisk walk)

also the reason for this is that after my soba/miso/salad/shrimp dinner last night i was just watching a bunch of netflix shows and it was probably the caffeine from puerto rican roasting company - the barista made me a chai cappuccino with almond milk (3 SHOTS!!!)

me and nat couldn’t sleep, i really think i slept for an hour. i watched so many different shows, yoko and john’s documentary, while we were young, anthony bourdain, i was seriously flipping through all the shows and alternating between amazonprme and youtube and netflix and i even tried watching peaceful cuisine and making the brightness lower and had the sleep mode on and wow i just couldn’t sleep

so yeah the birth of this word vomit

i am going to create more things

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xxmudcakexx · 6 years

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A Strange Surprise

Originally posted by: wonhontology Plot: Imagine having a horrible day and getting a surprise from your favourite boyband.

Genre: FLUFF

Words: 2582

Pairing: Wonho | Reader

Authors Note: A late night story. I hope you like it even though it was totally weird.. But I got this urge to write it due to my headache with the story that kept going on in repeat. Goodnight! ^^

It was a regular afternoon when you sat down near the window in the coffee shop. You were a regular guest who spent her afternoon studying in the cafe. The morning started quite bad with an angry mother who yelled at her son and then at her daughter without a reason. And then you realized when you came to class that you forgot to do the assignment.

The day had been awful and you were just about to relax in the cafe when an old friend came up to you, a friend you wanted to forget and move on from. But the day couldn’t get worse could it.

”Hello Y/N! How have you been? Mika asked as she sat down by your side. You looked at her with disgust and slightly panicked over how to get her away from you as soon as possible, before your rage started to get heaver.

”Hi…Hello! Uh I’m sorry, but I’m really busy right now. Can’t talk” You said as you looked at your computer.

”Is that how you treat an old friend of yours? I guess you’re the same girl I knew some years ago” She said before leaving. You looked after her and got even more irritated after thinking about her doings. She looked down at her computer once again before taking a sip of her coffee.

Time passed and the assignment was done nicely, and she was just about to relax and start a youtube video, when a text message arrived. She looked at her phone with confusion as she read it for herself.

Hello A surprise will arrive at the Coffee Shop soon. Don’t freak out. ILY / Your bae Kylie

You looked at your phone wondering what she meant by that. Apparently a guy would show up and give you flowers, if you thought right. But minutes went and nothing happened, so you started to watch your daily music videos. Music videos of MONSTA X. The best boyband in the world.

”Excuse me, could I sit here?” A voice asked in fluent Korean. You looked at your left and saw a guy who strangely looked exactly like Minhyuk. You smiled at him.

”Ofc, sit down!” You answered in Korean without thinking about it. You looked down at your computer not feeling strange about what just happened, maybe because you don’t you were crazy again.

In the last weeks with studying so hard, you had been seeing the boys everywhere standing in corners of the street, or eating junk food. But every time you asked your friend if they saw them, they said no. And the boys were clearly in Korea promoting, until two days ago.

”Oh MONSTA X! Do you like them?” He asked. You looked at him and then down at the ’SHINE FOREVER’ video.

”Yes, I love them! Favourite band” You answered with a smile on your lips.

”I’m sorry to disturb your talking, but is this seat free?” A voice asked in Korean once again. You turned to your right and saw a strangely look alike of Kihyun looking at you. You nodded your head slowly.

”It’s free” You answered and looked at your computer with the thoughts of calling for help. You were out of breath and didn’t know what to do. Had you gone crazy? Like so crazy that your imaginary world would haunt you in real life? You tried to push the thoughts away and played a Wonho fancam.

Wonho was your ultimate bias, and also bias in the band. He was the guy you dreamed of every night, and the person who you wanted to meet the most. You smiled as you looked at the video when voices were heard.

”Minhyuk, we got the table! it’s free for all of…” A voice started. You looked back and met a Wonhos look alike gaze. You gulped and looked back at the computer in shock as you stared at the screen. The video was still playing with Wonho trying to eat a plushie. You grabbed your phone and called Kylie in panic.

”Kylie, I need your help. Like now! Come here now!! I think I’m going insane. There’s guys here who looks exactly like MONSTA X!” You said in the phone. A laugh was heard on the other end and you looked down confused why she was laughing.

”Oh Y/N.. It’s the real boys! You’re not dreaming or anything. It’s MONSTA X! I texted you and told you that I had a surprise. Happy birthday bestie” She said. You laughed and looked down.

”Yeah right.. It’s not even my birthday”

A phone was showed infront of your face with todays date and you stared at it before ending the call. You looked out and then at the boys, who all now were gathered around you. You bowed at them and blushed of embarrassment.

”Happy birthday sweetheart! You were so lost in your studies that you forgot your own birthday” Minhyuk said with a big smile on his lips. You nodded slowly and looked at all of them, except for Wonho. You turned your gaze towards him a little but looked away as fast as you could when you noticed that he had his eyes on you.

”Let’s go and eat” Shownu said.

You were all gathered at your favourite restaurant in town. The boys were starving and whining about food while you were trying to wake up from this amazing dream. You studied the chopsticks with force, incase you had this supernatural power to make them move with thoughts.

”So who’s your bias?” Kihyun asked concerned. You looked up at him and blushed once again thinking about it. You didn’t know if you were going to answer his questions or not. But with the looks on everyones faces, you ended up speaking.

”It’s Wonho” You said. Everyone talked about how jealous they were of him and suddenly they knew that he was your ultimate bias too. You on the other hand tried to not look at him. You were scared of his beauty, but also on how close he was. He was the guy who ended up kissing you in your dreams, and there you were in reality with him close.

”FOOD” Minhyuk screamed. Everyone looked towards the waitress who arrived with the food. Everyone started to eat and you ate your food with pleasure as you looked at the boys sometimes. Minutes went by and two hours later you were outside of the restaurant, ready to go home.

”Thank you for an amazing day guys.. I guess it’s time for me to go home” You said.

”Not yet” Hyungwon said as he walked towards you. You looked at him rather surprised of his actions since he was the quiet one, except for Shownu.

”What do you mean?”

”Your best friend Kylie booked a room at our hotel. We didn’t go to your country for nothing you know. So we’re going together to the hotel and make sure that you check in safely. Everything is already done with the room” Jooheon said. You looked at him and smiled.

”Really? I must be dreaming. This is not real!” You said over and over again as you started to walk towards the subway. You looked behind and saw them looking at you already. You walked again and repeated it a few times before you gave up.

”So you guys came to my country in order to celebrate my birthday?” You asked when you got the key to your room. They looked at you and nodded their heads at the same time.

”Yes we did” They said.

”Cool.. But I guess it ends here”

”Ey, we’re going to see each other tomorrow, saying goodbye at the airport” IM said. You smiled at them and nodded as you walked into the elevator. You looked at them talking about stuff when you realised how good looking they were in real life. You all lived at the same floor beside each other.

You searched for you room and found it when you saw the boys standing outside of their rooms. You smiled at them one last time. You bowed.

”I’m really thankful for today. It was the best birthday gift I could get on this horrible day. You made my birthday worth remembering.” They all looked at you with a smile and you opened the door. You walked into the room and closed it and breathed out.

You sat down on the bed and looked around in the room before admiring the view. A view that looked unnatural and just painted. You laughed for yourself and looked at your phone when a knock was heard on the door. You walked over and opened the door seeing a tall young man. A man you recognized, a man you dreamed about during nights, your bias Wonho.

”W..Wonho, what are you doing here?” You asked. He has a serious look on his face and walked into the room while dragging you with him. He stopped as he walked to the window and looked out. You studied his back and smiled for yourself. He was indeed the most beautiful guy you could ever dream of.

”Y/N” He said. You looked at him concerned about his serious expression.

”Yes Wonho?”

He turned around and looked into your eyes before walking towards you. You gulped as he came closer and closer. You took a step back and slowly ended up with the wall behind you. He kept coming closer and you looked at him with eyes bigger than the room itself.

”W..what are you doing?”

”You’re so beautiful” He said out of the blew. You stared at him and saw him leaning forward. You closed your eyes and waited for his lips to meet yours. But instead a laughter came out of his mouth.

”You were totally sure I was going to kiss you” He said. You looked at him and then away as you walked away from him with disappointment. It was too good to be true.

”Y/N I’m the prince in your dreams. You’re expecting me to kiss you, but I didn’t. You know why?” He asked. You sighed and walked towards the door to open it up for him.

”It’s because I’m doing it when you least expect it” He said as he walked up to you and turned you around. Suddenly you were pushed against the door and his lips were on yours. You stared at him before feeling your eyes getting heavier. His lips were soft and had a taste of mint and strawberry. He pulled you closer and you put your arms around his neck.

He pulled you away slowly after a while and gave a peck on your nose before embracing your fingers together. He walked you to the bed and you laid down as he laid down beside you, holding you close.

”It’s time to sleep” He whispered against your ear. You smiled and closed your eyes as you heard his breath in your neck. In that moment you fell asleep.

”Waaaake up” Your mother yelled irritated. You opened your eyes slowly and looked around seeing your room. You sat up and realised that the whole birthday gift was a dream. He once again haunted your dreams with a kiss.

You walked out in the kitchen after dressing yourself noticing how your mother yelled at your brother. You remembered it from the dream and waited for her to yell at you too.

”You two are copies! You two can live with each other. I’m tired of your shit” She yelled at you. You looked at her confused and sat down beside your brother who shrugged not knowing about her mood.

”Mother, There’s a cookie right infront of you” You said making her quiet. She looked at it and then at you before she took a bite. You smiled proudly before starting your day once again. You went to school and realised that you forgot the assignment just like in the dream. You noticed how everything you dreamed about was about to happen. You sighed and apologized to your teacher.

”The usual one?” The lady in the cashier asked. You nodded before sitting down infront of your computer. You got your coffee and started to study when someone made a sound behind you.

”Uhm excuse me, but is this seat free?” He asked. You looked back at him seeing a Minhyuk copy just like in the dream. Just that he spoke in English this time and not in Korean. You gave him the seat before the other guy showed up asking in English. You sighed as you knew that the dream was just a dream.

”The table over there is free for all of us so…” A voice said, a voice you knew very well. You looked at your computer which was a document instead of a Wonho video. So this time he didn’t react on the video. You turned your head and met his eyes. He looked at you rather shocked and suddenly bowed.

”Hi.. Uhm I’m Wonho, or Shin Hoseok” He said. You looked at him surprised and bowed.

”I’m Y/N..”

”Wonho, she’s the Monbebe we were about to surprise. You ruined it” Jooheon said whining. You laughed a little and looked at the others before looking back at Minhyuk.

”You guys didn’t ruin anything.. I dreamt about this.. So I kind of knew that it was suppose to happen” You said making Minhyuk stare.

”You had the dream too?” He asked confused.

”Huh? You dreamt about us?”

”I had a dream where we surprised you and lived in the same hotel, neighbours… and” He said before becoming quiet about the last part. You blushed and nodded your head slowly.

”I had the exact same dream.. Just in my point of view” You said. Everyone looked at you confused and concerned about what happened and you both laughed looking at their faces.

After spending the whole afternoon with your favourite band, it was time to say goodnight. You looked at everyone and bowed once again.

”Dream about Wonho” Jooheon said with a smirk. You laughed and rolled your eyes.

”Yeah.. it happens when you least expect it” You said looking at Wonho who smiled at you. You walked into your hotel room and smiled for yourself as you sat down on your bed. The knock was heard and your smile grew as you opened the door for Wonho. He laughed and walked into the room.

”Surprise” He said.

”Woooow I’m so surprised” You said faking it. He laughed and sat down beside you. You looked out of the window and then back at him.

”Wonho?”

”Mmh?”

”Don’t ever leave, okay?”

”How do you mean?” He asked concerned.

”I mean like in personality. Don’t become someone you’re not. Always stay true to yourself and to others..” You said looking at him. He smiled at you and nodded as you leaned forward and kissed him. He stared at you before kissing you back. You smiled against his lips and pulled away.

”The taste of mint and strawberry is gone. You taste like vanilla..” You whispered.

”Is that a bad thing?” He asked.

”No, it’s even better” You said before laying down beside him. You both fell asleep beside each other and the next morning you woke up, you were home once again. It had all been a dream. A lucid dream in another lucid dream.

#MONSTAX #MONSTA X #MONSTA_X #WONHO #shin wonho #SHOWNU #KIHYUN #JOOHEON #MINHYUK #HYUNGWON #IM

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mattyslittleworld · 5 years

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Victory Lap

Gripping my skateboard while we walk up the steps of the Eltingville Train Station. Waiting for the train as I look over the small little town I grew up running after my dreams in. Coffee from the usual deli - only this time shits different. Way fucking different. Clothes the same. Company the same. But shits different. Were filming a little mini doc and were going from Bepas, taking the train to the ferry, then the ferry into Manhattan. Were out here. I haven't been back to this neighborhood, on this route, since we sold Bepas house. Im mad happy with my boys, but inside it definitely feels mad weird. The last time I was here I was dumped cold blooded, and all my friends said I was crazy and I found myself alone. On this route I wrote a lot of Setting Sail by BACK AND FORTH. Especially Little Bones. Staten Island imagery. Turnstiles, Princes Bay, etc. Forgot how beautiful the ferry is. Just sipping coffee and hanging out. I saw this little kid in a north face - probably about 8 years old at most with his headphones in. Staring at the water on the deck outside next to us. I walked over to him and asked what he was listening to in his headphones. I noticed he was lost in it. Like I used to get. He said under his breathe, “beats”. That blew my fucking mind. This 8 year old kid WHO WAS BY HIMSELF MIND YOU is riding the ferry and listening to BEATS while he mumbles rhymes. I found that absolutely beautiful and SO complex. SOOOO complex. I told him I worked with Casanova and Albee Al and he started smiling and I told him to keep going and don't ever let anybody tell you shits impossible or stupid. Keep going and give this city we are staring at hell. What a trip. We got into the city and ended up in Times Square. We were burning the streets on skateboards bugging out yelling and having a great time. Out to dinner Colgan said Nipsey got shot 6 times and I froze. That man is my EVERYTHING. The self empowerment to get me up in the morning and shake off losses and the weight of the world comes from his message and music. While on top red step in the middle of Times Square, in the wind, Colgan yells from the bottom that he died from the gunshots. In that moment it felt like all of Times Square became silent and the world stopped turning. The weight of this - Jesus Christ. This changed the course of history and ill never forget that moment. We took the subway back downtown. Walking into the subway there was about 100 people and a man playing a Sax to a reggae ton beat. We walked with our heads hung cause of Nipsey in silence right into this crazy, community of ALL DIFFERENT CULTURES just dancing in the most majestic beautiful way in the subway. We sat there for an hour. It was so bitter sweet as nipseys soul hung over the city. Ill never be able to describe that feeling. It was a simple way the world showed me how people coming together can heal anything.

Yesterday on a run I get an invite to a private event Jesse Malin was holding on the Lower East Side. So again - I brought Rob and Colgan along. We didn't know what this really was - or who will be there, but we went out and im glad we did. What I appreciate the most about these two is on car rides, or walks, or just small talk in general, we talk about business. Trading business advice, or just maybe progression and financial support in general. My old friends used to sit in a Taco Bell parking lot and talking about other people. Now we talk about money. And how to make it. We park and walk up to the door and are greeted with access. I love this building and this place its so sick. The red vibe, the formal Gatsby - like attire and people who linger in the shadows. Cause everything is so dark. Jesse Malin is holding a private show, playing his whole new album plus the hits. I feel SOOOOO fortunate to be invited to this personally. Jakob Dylan is in attendance, Dude from Counting Crows is there. Jesse literally saved my life and pulled me out the mud. I feel like the luckiest punk in the tri state to be thought of. While the Saxaphones and trumpets are BLARING and everybody is dancing, I get a DM from a very very very famous rapper who got me through so much shit. Out of the blue. It says “Call me”. LITERALLY WHILE STARING AT JESSE MALIN. The inception and depths to this makes me want to cry. I am losing my mind. I exit the show im not even supposed to be at in the first place, to call this rapper who I feel like is just my ex girlfriend or somebody playing a joke on me, to call them. I feel like this is a joke. Boom its really him. He wants me to write him a song. Im outside this venue just freaking out internally. We say we’ll talk tomorrow more and get it done. I go back downstairs and enjoy the show. So amped - all three of us - we walk over to St. Marks to get dollar slices. Jesse is the king of NYC in his genre. This rapper is the new 50 Cent who is the king of NYC in HIS genre. How they both collided in that moment almost blew me into the stratosphere. So so grateful and humbled and just happy. All we wanted was dollar slices. We go cop them and just talk about how cool this is. After Colgan suggests we get Citi Bikes to ride around for a little bit. We buy 3 of them shits. As soon as we get on those bitches WE LIIIIIIITTTTTT. Burning through traffic!!!! Swerving and carving. Screaming in peoples faces. Throwing shit. We were fucking bandits on them shits!!!! We rode from St Marks all the way to Times Square. From Times Square all the way back down to the World Trade. World Trade all the way to Battery Park. Battery Park we just dropped the bikes and chilled in silence. Just feeling free and liberated. But not bum ass no job free. The type of free that youre on a life path confident free. I felt invincible. We rode by the water and the mansions. It was a movie. I was so inspiring to one day buy one of them. Wake up go to the kitchen on a Sunday see my family my wife my kids in the kitchen having breakfast, looking out the window drinking my coffee and seeing that view in the summer. Its possible. In this moment I realized we’re on our way and im so happy these fuck boys and fuck girls fucked all the way off because they're all dead beats still doing the same exact played out shit they were doing 4 years ago. From false toxic friendships like that ive learned how to treat people who come into my life now. EVEN IF THEY TALKING CRAZY who the fuck am I to know whats in their heart? To know their intentions? Always encourage and be there for them and to help AND TO KEEP THEIR BUSINESS BETWEEN YOU TWO AND NO ONE ELSE. Every single crazy thing I told my people who discouraged me - I did. But I don't do beef or negativity or issues or bad tension these days. So I wish all of them well, success, and good health. God speed. We went to see our old skate spots by battery park - I remember those days so well. Went up to the Brooklyn Banks and the guard said they'll be open by summer!!!! Skate city lets go!!! We rode all the way back to Ludlow St back to the car and stopped at a Mexican food truck to get burritos. We sat in literal New York city trash and ate them and they were so good. The Citi Bike Bell Bandits tore up the streets with burritos and bells private events dollar pizza soda and coffee. Again - another wonderful inspiring night in Manhattan with the bros. Cant wait for the summer. Cant wait for LIFE in general because my mind is blown and its proven to be full of endless opportunities if we apply the right energy. A 10 minute ride on Citi bikes turned into a 22 mile ride all over the fucking city full of laughs, shit talking, clowning, and beautiful inspiring energy accompanied by proper brotherhood and companionship. 115 collective shit. lets get it. lets sell out this pony show May 17th.

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captain-jagk · 7 years

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Answer all of them 😎

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? my gf

2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy lol

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my gf ON HER BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!

4. Are you easy to get along with? lol idk i guess

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? i hope so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? people that are the exact opposite of me but not really idk

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yes

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? jack barakat

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? no

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? my therapist

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? ur doing great though

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? dirty laundry, last young renegade, technicolor, take it all back, nookie

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? yes

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? eh

15. What good thing happened this summer? it hasn’t happened yet

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yes

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? this is a big question for me i don’t have time

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? no

19. Do you like bubble baths? YES

20. Do you like your neighbors? she’s old

21. What are you bad habits? being negative

22. Where would you like to travel? everywhere if i wasn’t afraid of flying

23. Do you have trust issues? kinda

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? doing my makeup

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my legs

26. What do you do when you wake up? cry

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? uh i don’t really care tbh

28. Who are you most comfortable around? my gf

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? no

30. Do you ever want to get married? yes

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? yes

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? lol (jack barakat and alex gaskarth bye)

33. Spell your name with your chin. no

34. Do you play sports? What sports? no

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? yeah

37. What do you say during awkward silences? nothing

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? sierra

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? target bc im basic

40. What do you want to do after high school? find out who tf my room mate is

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? depends

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? im being myself

43. Do you smile at strangers? sometimes

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? seeing sierra

46. What are you paranoid about? everything

47. Have you ever been high? yes

48. Have you ever been drunk? yes

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black

51. Ever wished you were someone else? eh

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my weight

53. Favourite makeup brand? i don’t have a particular brand

54. Favourite store? don’t rlly have one

55. Favourite blog? see above

56. Favourite colour? red

57. Favourite food? pizza

58. Last thing you ate? macaroni

59. First thing you ate this morning? bagel

60. Ever won a competition? For what? a writing competition lol

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? no

62. Been arrested? For what? no

63. Ever been in love? ya

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? 1st grade and it was in my closet

65. Are you hungry right now? no

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? no

67. Facebook or Twitter? fb

68. Twitter or Tumblr? tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? its background noise

70. Names of your bestfriends? sierra bc shes my gf and makala and ryan

71. Craving something? What? not rlly

72. What colour are your towels? white and gray mostly

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? too many (7)

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? a GIANT PLUSH BEAR THAT COST $100

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? A lot

75. Favourite animal? bear

76. What colour is your underwear? gray

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? mint

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? white

80. What colour pants? black

81. Favourite tv show? walking dead

82. Favourite movie? pirates of the caribbean

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? mean girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? : )

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? nemo

87. First person you talked to today? sierra

88. Last person you talked to today? probably sierra as well

89. Name a person you hate? taylor

90. Name a person you love? sierra

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? yes

92. In a fight with someone? no

93. How many sweatpants do you have? like 2

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? like 2

95. Last movie you watched? hidden figures

96. Favourite actress? i don’t really have one??

97. Favourite actor? ????

98. Do you tan a lot? no lol

99. Have any pets? 2 dogs and 2 fish

100. How are you feeling? tired

101. Do you type fast? kinda

102. Do you regret anything from your past? almost everything tbh

103. Can you spell well? no

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? no

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? no

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? maybe??

107. Have you ever been on a horse? no

108. What should you be doing? not this

109. Is something irritating you right now? kinda

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?sierra

111. Do you have trust issues? didn’t i answer this already?

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? myself

113. What was your childhood nickname? rose(y)

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yes

115. Do you play the Wii? sometimes

116. Are you listening to music right now? no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? no

118. Do you like Chinese food? yes

119. Favourite book? lol

120. Are you afraid of the dark? yes

121. Are you mean? yes

122. Is cheating ever okay? no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? no

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? eh

125. Do you believe in true love?yes

126. Are you currently bored? yes

127. What makes you happy? all time low and sierra

128. Would you change your name? no

129. What your zodiac sign? virgo

130. Do you like subway? yes

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? i have a gf bye

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? i also answered this

133. Favourite lyrics right now? “you were my last young renegade heartache”

134. Can you count to one million? why

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? probably saying i was drunk/high when i wasn’t

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? closed

137. How tall are you? 5′5″

138. Curly or Straight hair? curly

139. Brunette or Blonde? brunette

140. Summer or Winter? summer

141. Night or Day? niight

142. Favourite month? october

143. Are you a vegetarian? yes

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? none

145. Tea or Coffee? neither

146. Was today a good day? it was a day

147. Mars or Snickers? neither

148. What’s your favourite quote? “no” -abraham lincoln

149. Do you believe in ghosts? yes

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? i don’t have a book anywhere near me i am illiterate

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goddess-complex · 7 years

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8/29: first day back, long ass personal journal entry

my first day back at school has been amazing. i procrasstinated packing (of course:P) so i was up all night stuffing suitcases and at some point, i put on a channel called METV cause it was playing an episode of alfred hitchcocks show and ended up losing the remote and spent several hours in a sleep deprived, early AM twilight zone of packing while weird old sitcoms kept playing?? like the facts of life, and this weird show about a teacher and the donna reed show and one show about a train?? a family who runs a hotel near a train? then at like 5 am i love lucy came on, by that point, i was practically delirious. but i went shopping with my mom and got shoes and wine and hair stuff and then came home, my brother made eggs and my sister made sausage and we just ate breakfast and i said bye to everyone and left with my dad. i was feeling a liiiittle sentimental and eating my leftover frozen cookie dough custard in the car but then i knocked out while we were in NYC and woke up in CT. getting to hartford and getting back to campus was actually so nice.

unloading the first bags, i saw the CUTEST, TINIEST LITTLE CORGI PUPPY!!!! SHE WAS SO SMALL!! the guy walking her was a fuking angel or smthn idk and i was so happy to just pet her!! two of my roommates (the two im closest friends with sarah and matt) were home when i got there and we said hi and my dad helped me unpack. then my dad took me to walgreens to pick up some stuff (i realized i forgot my toothbrush and showercap while we were ten minutes away from home) and he gave me some money and left. its always a little sad, initially, being left without all of ur family?? like you know? even if they bug you, like, you spend so much time with them thats its a little disconcerting to suddenly be 2.5 hours away in another state without any of them. and im very attached to familiarity (taurus rising, cap moon!!!) so being at home where i spent 16 years of my life is very natural and comforting to me, idk. im trying to get over it a little, bc its limiting to me, i wish i felt as comfortable in new places as i do at home, anywayyy

i really love the apartment. we only have two folding chairs for living room furniture lol but we’re going shopping soon. the kitchen is full of food and appliances already cause everyone else moved in before me. theres two full bathrooms, the upstairs on has a tub! we have SO MUCH fucking closet space its amazing. im rooming with sarah and the room has 3 decent sized windows, plus one full floor to ceiling one near my bed! its cozy and it lets in a lot of light. we’re close to the campus market and subway and not at all far from the academic buildings, its like, perfect. i half-assed unpacked a little, my other roommates, ryan and chris came back and everything was just really chill.

so then, sarah and matt were talking about smoking and our friend liam came through because he happened to see sarah through the window. so the 4 of us grinded up liams weed and made tea and just chilled listening music. theres this big ass bag of mini chocolates that i have eaten like 7 giant handfuls of. i hit up my bud guy, and went over to get a dub (a hugeee dub) and got lost trying to find his apt lol. i stopped to say hi to my drama club friends and find out THEY ALL LIVE 2 APARTMENTS DOWN FROM ME!! its literally 3 apartments in a row thats all my friends!!! i live so close to my favorite people on campus its so cool.

but i got back and matt had gone to bed cause they have an early class. so me sarah and liam smoked in our room. then liam left, and sarah went to bed but my OTHER friend kaia came through! she dropped out to go to a community college but she lives near the school so shes on campus a lot. and ryan and chris were up, so i poured everyone huuuge glasses of the wine i brought and ryan gave me some mac and cheese and we just hung out. i was really obviously high but like it was ok?? theres so much freedom in the village (the dorms where i live) i love it, its amazing. so kaia brought her dog lilli and it was so fun. we ended up going outside to smoke a cig and drink boujie wine spritzers i made with like, 7up and white wine (which were surprisingly good?) and ran into some of my drama friends, (different) chris and katey. so 4 of us just sat outside and chatted then MORE people came by, a DIFFERENT liam who kaia’s good friends with and his gf jackie who i know from a club we have together. and this kid andrew from rugby. so liam invited us over to his to smoke (again!!) and we went and he had flavored papers and we just chilled with his roommates and smoked in his room. so im SLUMPED at this point, remember i only slept for like 2 hrs in the car, so i go back to mine with kaia and we hang out for a bit. she has work at 6am (shes like, the captain of a row team or smthn?? but she gets paid? idek) so its like 12 or 1 and shes gonna sleep for a bit over in our living room until she has to leave. so i went to bed. it was SUCH good first day, i just KNOW its gonna set the tone for the year!

so today is the first official day of classes and i still have to finish/ (start) registering..... i dont have a schedule yet....i figure ill do it today and start tomorrow, which is only one day late, so its not that bad right?? lol. i mean i KNOW its bad, but the consequences aren’t dire, i just have to find classes that are still open, which i registered late last time and it wasnt so hard to find open classes. thats my dirty secret of the moment lol, i have NO CLASS. so today i woke up early a little weed hungover (foggy brained ugh) and its such cool, gray weather. its almost 10 am.

i had a cup of coffee and my adderall and when im done writing this, im gonna shower and wash my hair. then i have to go around to different spots on campus to ask if they’re hiring. hopefully ill get a couple job applications. then/or before that, i have to go to housing and get my apartment keys (they were closed yesterday) then i figure ill probably come back home, hit up some of my friends i havent seen yet, and do some more unpacking/ laundry.

around 4, im gonna take my stuff and go to starbucks for lunch and register for classes. then ill probably do some quick food shopping at the campus store. i have 1000 dining dollars for the semester so thats about $250 food budget per month, which is cool. i also have 100 dining hall swipes, but im probably gonna save those for eating with people. i feel like all the bad things about last year are gone. like, living in an apartment is so much better than a dorm. i just like living with people i actually like, know and can talk to. vs my roommate last year who got really fucking weird like 3 weeks in and we dead just stopped talking at all to each other whateverrr though, its a new year!

after shopping im probably gonna come back, finish unpacking/ decorating/laundry and find out dates and times for club meetings and auditions cause i missed the club fair. kaia’s coming over later bc i left my ipad in her bag, so we’ll probably do something or at least smoke. i have a really fat dub lmaoo. kaia knows so many people she just always has something going on. its gonna be a good day and a good year im optimistic, but realistic!! im gonna MAKE it a good year

#me #personal #diary #journal

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