#im reliving my childhood fixation | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

autisticempathydaemon · 8 months

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Hiiii!!! this is for the match up thingy :3

im fixated on um. oh god. weight in gold - gallant, literally every hozier song ever and if im being honest - dodie. i really like the backing music and lyrics of all these songs and obviously i cant just choose one :3

ok i have no idea what this means but from highest? to lowest it’s apparently 6, 4, 3, 2, 8, 1, 5, 9 and 7

I ABSOLUTELY DO. i love learning so much,, i dont have a favourite but video games or historic events or horror are my favourite genre :3

i dont remember my childhood friends much but i conjured them up because everyone else had one and i felt left out. purely out of spite. but i loved them lots :3

ok. i sleep on my side with my leg out and switch between that and just on my stomach, suffocating in my pillow. and i never sleep in the silence. like i always have headphones on with music or asmr playing

i changed my name!!! i hated my birthname and the one i chose is much better. it also is the name of my sibling which i knew nothing about so i am basically a psychic

oh god. i reallt like gavins recent studying one annnnd ashers cookies one. and the damn bowling one. im gonna stop before i name 100 of them but i love them because they are so comforting and make me overflow in happiness :3 i love them

sam. sorry.. his videos r so boring to me BUT they make good sleep aids :3

princess and the frog, criminal minds and community. its a problem.

HUXLEY!!! oh my god i need to be his best friend and make him pottery SO bad. need to protect him with my life. oh my god. my beloved.

i talk a LOT about space and dinosaurs and the sea :3 i fucking love learning so i have a lot of lil facts from reading encyclopaedias and watching documentaries :3

oh god it changes every fucking time im in there but recently any flavoured milk and red doritos

amazing world of gumball. and uhh any other kids animation shows. reliving my childhood multiple years later smileyfaceemoji

other important stuff is probably my love language? main one is quality time and also gift giving in the sense that i WILL spend 17 hours straight on something if you merely mention it once. do not tempt me. i am the middle child of 5 but the eldest daughter and basically raised my younger siblings haha somoene help. um my MBTI is ISFP, ihave autism and adhd and have horribly high standards for myself!!! haha c: idk what else to say. i quite literallt am always chewing something and its either something that is definitely not edible and needs to be removed or strawberry gum. i also love fruit. so much. and lovingly bullying people is my love language. AND i apparently exude ‘ginger cat’ energy according to literally everyone i have the pleasure of knowing. so loved.

thank u so much for doing this, this was a mountain of an ask omgim sos sorry bff

You are such a dear- there was so much fun information in your ask for me to work with. Everything you gave me just makes me so sure and brings me such delight to talk about how perfect you would be with David!

One, ginger cat energy combined with big German shepherd energy? Cute as fuck, a match made in heaven. Two, an eldest daughter pairs perfectly with him and his only child/eldest brother in the pack vibes. It’s a lot of responsibility and obligation, I know from personal experience, and being able to chill out with that and just rely on him would be just what you need. Three, David is totally autistic, and we love an A4A couple.

Y’all would generally be just so cute and be exactly what you need in each other’s lives. Type Sixes are characterized as wanting security and support in their lives and relationships, and he heads a security companyyy (/j). Meanwhile you’d bring a joie de vivre and nurturing energy to his home and the pack that would be so appreciated. He’s not the only one who’d love to be around you; it’d be all the Shaws.

Song:

Feeling alive all over again/ As deep as the sky that's under my skin/ "Like being in love, " she says, "For the first time"/ Well, maybe I'm wrong, I'm feeling right/ Where I belong with you tonight/ Like being in love, to feel for the first time

My favorite David headcanon is that a lot of his music taste comes from rock/grunge music Gabe and Juliet (my hc name for his mom) used to play. That is exactly how I know this song, so I think it’s perfect for him. Plus, David seems like the type of guy where that first love is it. He imprints like a duck, mates for life like a penguin; he has you for his first and only love.

Runner-ups:

Vincent would be a cute runner up because he also has ginger cat energy once he dropped that flirty, Lestat-esque facade, so you’d make a fun, chaotic pair. Elliott, I like because I think you’d like a lot of the same things. He strikes me as the type of guy who would love a good Criminal Minds binge.

note: you’ve got great taste in movies and tv Community is one of my favorite shows 💕 also, thank you for being my fiftieth matchup 💌

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

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wirtsroom · 2 years

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about to play runescape while my tamagotchi is asleep. I Am My Own Creation And Far More Powerful Than Time's Grasp

#OHHHH YEAH. RELIVING PEOPLES CHILDHOODS. GOD YES #weird fixation with 2000s stuff is a warning of something but idc im living life #later im gonna boot up my ps2. time isnt over till i SAY its over bitch #wirt scrambles

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2021ssajka · 3 years

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This month has been very challenging for me. (personal post below, you can read it)

From having plans to go back to the Philippines, to cancelling that plans all together. I initially wanted to go to the PH because I wanted this to be my gift for myself as I am graduating with 2 majors. I wanted to visit my family there and spend time with them, as well as my dad (sick).

My dad and I dont have the best relationship, so it has been even more challenging for me.

Ive been in America for 10 years now and this whole time Ive always wanted to go back and be with my family there since I love them very much and they are a big part of my life. Ive always imagined a nice vacation and going on trips with my cousins. Painting in my little terrace of my childhood home. basically reliving my old life when I was 12. I still kept that dream till now.

I am only now realizing that, that perception of the Philippines I had in my head is still the vision I had when I was 12. I am realizing now that its a fantasy and not the reality.

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This planning process for the Philippines was super last minute and impulsive, given the pandemic and me finding out my dads condition is not getting better. I booked a flight right away without any plans whatsoever. I was hoping it would be a spontaneous time where my family would bring me around to places and etc. I was even just fine with just staying home and just being in the company of my cousins that I missed so much.

Everyday since I booked that flight, there were complications and drama rising. My dad has becoming paranoid and his narcissistic ways are coming back and has been triggering me. We have been fighting a lot since then which turned into getting more people involved with this fight. Resulted with me having a major panic attack and meltdown that I do not want to go at all.

All the bad memories I had of him in my childhood came back. Everything was coming back to me- everything that I have burned at the back of my head and forgot about. I thought time has healed me but I was wrong. my past trauma came back and I felt like I was stuck into this trip without knowing what I signed up for.

I was not okay for many days. I felt like I was a helpless child he were able to control, manipulate and emotionally/mentally abuse again. I kept praying.

It was then that the Philippines announced that there were implying a travel ban on the day I booked a flight. I felt that this was God’s interfering in order to protect me from him

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This has been an eye opening experience for me.

Growing up in a traumatic household and moving to another country made me deal with things differently. I realized that me being overly positive and optimistic and being grateful for everything is a trauma response. Its a survival response.

At a young age, My body did not know how to process these traumatic events and emotions so I shutdown. Its like when you have an accident and your body go on emergency mode and you wont feel the pain. I think that is what my body went through. I remember a time when I was a kid and I was numb for a year. It was through art when I tried healing myself and holding on for hope.

for a long time- till now, everytime those events in my childhood are being talked about, i literally have a panic attack and I shut down. I cannot listen to it or talk about it without crying.

When I moved here. I started a new life. I had a clean slate and I tried to forget everything bad that has happened. Its like I cleared out all the bad memories and held onto the good things, thats why I had such a fixation in my childhood in the Philippines because after a while, I only believed that I had a good childhood there. (i didnt have a right grasp of my real past). This also explains the reason why I wanted to visit that place so bad- bc i can only remember the good things, and I had a breakdown when my bad past caught up to me because that no longer existed in my head.

This explains my fixation in my memories of the Philippines in my art work and why I use happy colors. I only saw that place as the “good place” when in reality there are many bad things happening in that country (not only in my personal life).

ive only realized these things now... 10 years later when everything came back to me as flashbacks when my trauma was triggered. and it explains everything in my life especially in my artworks. it explains why I do what I do and I have such empathy for myself because I realize that the artist in me is the kid in me 10 years ago.

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I realized that when I moved here, I viewed the Philippines as my ESCAPE. my safe haven, the place I would want to go back to and retire to since this was my home at the age of 14. I had such yearning for that familiarity when I was living in a foreign place that I developed such fantasy in that place.

I started painting when I was dealing through traumatic events in the Philippines, just when I was about to move here. I used to paint encouraging words in my art, having it as my sense of hope in those challenging times.

I guess that still lives on in my today. I still use my art as my sense of escape and I am only realizing that now. I have always mentioned that these landscapes are my “safe haven” and now I understand why. Ive always referred to my art as a “healing act” but i never really understood why.

I realized that my view of the Philippines is different from reality. I made this to be a romanticized place where I had a nice childhood in but that was not the whole story.

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This is why it is so hard for me to reference anything negative in my work. Ive always used my art as a positive act, to bring hope and encouragement. I still stand with that. I still resonate with my work and it is still valid. but now I see my work as two sided. Its not only that narrative but also the past that I have forgotten about.

I have always had trouble with my art classes because teachers would always push me to do negative emotions in my work- so not just positive but also the negative aspect of the full spectrum of emotions.

This has always been a difficult task for me because I dont want that. My body rejects it. I used art to heal and they would want me to express the nasty emotions here. now I understand why I react that way.

My mother is also a trauma survivor of my dad. So her, my sister and I share these experiences together. This also comes from an immigrant narrative who had nothing on her back when she came to this country, literally building herself up from dirt. My mom is the one who would always teach me to be grateful, to appreciate what we have and to be positive- to the point that thats all I did. to the point that it buried all the negative emotions and memories that I was not able to heal completely and is now still in that place.

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its a lot. its like I just found out a different past that I never knew of. but im so glad I figured this out now. Its like I finally have an explanation why I am who I am today. Everything is valid, there is a reason why dealt with that problem that way and I dont regret it.

Im just so glad I finally have answers. It just explains so much and im mindblown lol

I am not comfortable having this as a narrative of my work even if it is probably the main influence of the work i do. Im also not comfortable of talking about this personal story with other people and in my work.

I just refuse being an abuse survivor as my story... I am more than what I have been through... so im trying to figure that out.

I am now trying to know myself again, my full self.

Im excited to see how this changes my work hehe

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occidentaltourist · 5 years

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How do you think Lena’s trials and the resulting death of Adam will come back into play? Clearly Lex knows about it, but im pretty confused as to the logistics surrounding it all. We still have no idea if it was legally done, or if the DEO knows about it. Clearly Kara doesnt know but the way Lena kept it from Supergirl, im wondering if/when its going to come out now. I dont really see why she didnt come clean with it when she told Kara about helping Lex if it wont be used against her later

The legal and logistics issues around the trials are, in my view, more of a fandom fixation than something the show is going to spend time on. This was confirmed to me when we saw the outcome of the ‘black budget’ angst wasn’t actually about Lena; it was about money Lex and Eve were stealing from L-Corp to fund their Red Daughter project. Plot-wise, its purpose was to bring Lena and Kara into investigative teamwork mode and propel them to Kaznia.

For the purposes of the show and story, it was enough for the writers to show us that Adam gave his explicit consent; any more detail about clinical trial regulations is not, IMO, relevant to the story. Beyond that, Adam was a vehicle for us to learn more about Lena and move her story forward: backstory about her mom’s death, later to be raised again by Lex; and his death convincing Lena of how unstable the harun-el serum is and the need to separate its curative properties from its power-enhancing ones.

Regarding the scene in Lex’s jail cell: I question what the purpose of telling Supergirl in that moment would be? They’re in crisis mode with a mass murderer on the loose; what Lena did say - that it’s part of the same destructive pattern Lex and Lena have had since they were children - was exactly right, and all Supergirl needed to know in that moment. Lena is in problem-solving mode - and is already being forced to relive her childhood trauma besides. So I don’t honestly see it was the right time to bring it up.

Having said that. :) It is possible Lex will raise it again, because he knows it bothers Lena and unlike him - consent aside - she cares that Adam died. It’s an easy button to push. However the season’s Luthor-Super denouement plays out, he could throw out a line like you’re a murderer too! - even just to throw her off her game for a second while he aims a gun/sword/taser/grenade. Maybe even Lilian will do it, given how she wavers between her children depending on what suits her at the time.

#supergirl #lena luthor #lex luthor #asks #Anonymous

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