#im no good honestly. i can't even let myself scream or cry loud enough so that the roommate i don't talk to will be concerned.

[theultimatenonbinarynerd]

Choked In Confusion

Tw: Self Harm Mention, Heavy Angst, Self Loathing. Hurt/Comfort

This was the first-ever sander sides fanfic I ever wrote.

Roman was a mess, he had bruises all over his arm from hitting himself and red eyes showing that he'd been crying for a while. The creative side sat on his desk, he knew he had to take off his mask and write his feelings down. Patton had broken his heart he didn't know what the moral side wanted from him anymore. Logan always hid his feelings too. So he decided to pull off his mask in a more creative way. A monologue, he knew that would suit him a least he thought it would.

Roman conjured his feather pen and began writing his emotions. He wrote like he was running out of time. All the emotions came, he knew the others would scold him for feeling that way but he didn't care anymore there was no point in being what people wanted him to be. Anger, Regret, Sadness, Confusion and Insecure.  A knock broke him from reality, he knew it was Patton, probably wanting to scold him for laughing at Janus's name. He still kept his mask off as he knew it was time to give Patton and the others the wake-up call they needed. The King was everything they loved but then they split him and tried to create a creativity without flaws.

"Hey Kiddo, it's me, Patton can I come in?"

"Fine but not for long?!"

"Kiddo we-"

"I'm fine I have ways of getting my emotions, I honestly can't your first instinct is to come crawling back to me when you and I ignored every word Logan had to say."

"What doe-"

"He obviously feels unwanted and not listened to. Especially since he made his facts optionally. I mean I stood there and let you skip him. Me I'm probably the one out of all of us who drove him to hide and lie about his feelings."

"That's not we-"

"Right, you totally do, ever since the others started to desire being listened to you shut me and Logan out."

"That's not tru-"

"It is Thomas has the right to listen to all of us and not shun us. Go see Logan, please. Janus can apologize-"

"Roman you shouldn't have made fun of his name."

"I know! I'm an idiot I hate myself and screw up, when I make a mistake it's spat in my face but when you guys act rude nobody calls you out on your behaviour."

"Roman, kiddo aren't you over-"

"Overreacting! Patton, I have the write to express how I really feel and not have it brushed off, same for Logan."

"Alright, I'll go see Logan. I'll leave these cookies for you here but please understand we do love-"

Roman felt bad for rudely slamming the door in Patton's face but he didn't deserve comfort he just wanted to scream till he couldn't speak and then put on his crumbling mask as if everything was ok again. He thought by sending Patton to Logan he'd be doing something right for once. Roman nibbled one of the cookies and got back to writing his monologue.

After a few more minutes of writing down his feelings, Roman cleared his throat. This certainly was going to be a heartbreaking performance, deep down however he just wished someone would watch him and acknowledge his mental health struggles.

Lost I feel lost, from the day I was born I have felt nothing but lost. I feel like a statue that has to be perfect otherwise they're just filthy and an old rusting relic never meant to be touched. I am strangled by vines of expectations. Apparently, I was created to be flawless but im more than just a figment, im- actually I don't think I really know who I am anymore at all. 

Anger!

My voice feels like a cold weapon wanting to lash out when everything feels too much and when everything gets other whelming. I fire away but I can't stop myself, I am a flame of passion desperate to not die out. Life feels like thunder I want to strike and harm someone to cope but it's wrong. Justice, I get karma but the others never get it whenever they insult people and act mean.

Regret!

I'm fighting the urge to cut my throat and slice it till I can no longer speak. I feel so vulnerable myself so of course, I'm stupid enough to mock someone else in a vulnerable moment. A name defines who are you and what you stand for. I feel like I should be nameless. I hate myself so illogically I project my feelings out to someone else via name-calling. Me, I try to get better but I only seem to get worse. If I could turn back time I would stay silent and bluntly accept the truth that the world isn't black and white. My only wish is to take all those cruel worse and project them onto myself.

Sadness and Betrayal!

I feel helpless like I should have never ever been creative. Am I really that pathetic that the storybook ended sadly? Am I a hero! No, I'm nobody's hero everyone I've ever cared about have been pushed away by stupid egotistical self. My darling brother isn't evil he's better than me! He deserves my seat at the table. Janus is correct I'm a piece of trash that can be replaced it's not like there's two creativity's after all. Nobody has ever been on my side.

Confusion!

When was the last time I had an idea that was actually helpful? Even Thomas's fans think I'm useless and annoying. Back in the courtroom, I was scolded by Virgil and Patton for siding with the bad guy, the snake. I wanted to understand De-Janus especially since the others pointed out that I never treated Virgil with kindness. But no I'm wrong for giving Janus a chance, have I ever been right? Patton always gets what he wants and giving up that call back felt like I was having my petals picked off.  Then he decides to do a one-eighty and tells me I'm wrong for being the selfless Prince. Also, im supposed to trust the snake after being told he manipulated me and used me to get what I wanted. I was wrong to label the others dark. The truth im the bad guy, not the one who's being used as a puppet. Grey, I've never liked the colour but it appears I must get use to it.

Insecure!

I am the fanciful side, the ego, the passion, the good creativity. They we're wrong I'm a mirror cracked. I never ever should have been crowned the Prince. I'm not royalty I'm an earthquake bringing destruction everywhere I go. 

Janus was right I should have been crowned the Duke! I'm rude, bratty and pathetic. My fist reels, desperate to punch every single mirror I come across. I am broken! Who am I?

I'm an idiot choking on the confusion I feel.

A loud applause made Roman flinch, his brother was sitting on his bed, full of tears. He never expected his brother to be here especially since Remus had been told he's just like his twin. Warm arms wrap around him pulling him into a tight hug. Roman did not expect this he really thought his brother hated him.

"Oh, Ro-Ro, fate time hasn't treated you kindly. Part of me wishes I didn't knock you out."

"You did right you gave Logan his time to shine."

"Ro, Janus was wrong and even if have to skin all of his scales off to make sure he apologizes to you. I'll do whatever it takes."

"Thanks, bro but that won't help, I honestly feel bad for you, now you're stuck with Orange and we know he isn't a nice side to hang out with."

"I don't care at least I'm not stuck with a bunch of losers who ignore every single time you try to say you need help. Janus is a jerk, heck they're all selfish jerks."

"Remus I know I was wrong for labelling you guys the dark sides and us the light sides. We're all flawed but it's just too hard to accept."

"You know what you need?"

"What?"

"I think you need a job where you're allowed to be yourself and not strangely by people's expectations.

Ever since they've wanted us to be black and white but we're not."

"Wait bro are you proposing that I take your place?!"

"Yes I'm proposing I take your job and you take mine. Join me I'm not gonna let them bruise my self-esteem and confidence as they have done yours. Join me, let's work together and show these sides that we will no longer be controlled by their words. So are you with me or are you gonna sit here and stay silent. All I know is that you shouldn't go speechless."

"Nice Disney reference and I accept Its about time I crumble my mask! Thank you, bro I'm glad someone loves me."

"You've always been my hero."

The twins held hands and a bright flash accrued. It was about time the brothers worked together and stick together. Nobody was ever gonna separate them again.

Tagged: @full-of-roman-angst-trash @romanangstismyfuel @sandersidesfics @sandersidesfanders @romanvirgil @roman-sanders-appreciation-blog @romanocheesy @princemesscharming @lowkey-logan @misconceivedcapricorn @pwinceyroman @royalprinceroman

#sander sides #roman sanders #ts roman #roman angst #roman sanders angst #sander sides au #sander sides fanfiction #fanfiction #ts remus #remus angst #remus sanders #creativitwins

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

That Damn Sex Pollen! - Part 1

Words: 1884 (ish)

Pairings: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: SMUT and swearing

"So much for having the weekend off" i muttered quietly as i followed Bucky through the large warehouse.

"You should know its never guaranteed in this line of work by now Y/N" he smirked at me over his shoulder.

"It could at least be something exciting Buck, i mean come onnnn collecting info from a drive??"

"At least we'll be done quick and get back to enjoying the rest of our weekend in peace before they all get back to the compound".

The rest of the team had been called out to a Hydra camp Tony had tracked down, Bucky and I stayed behind as we had had back to back missions for a while and it was our turn to stay home. But when Fury called needing some information extracted there was no choice but for us to go.

Bucky walked into the back office and started the data grab required while i kept watch. It didnt take too long, Bucky was soon walking towards me showing me the drive he had pinched between two fingers "all done, lets go" he said.

Suddenly the doors all slammed shut and automatic locks were heard engaging.

"Shit! Buck whats going on??" I asked pushing at the door.

"Move, let me try" he said before ramming his metal arm into the door, it dented but that was about it.

"I cant get through" he stated before marching off and trying the other doors, nothing.

"Bucky i dont think we're getting out of here without help" i said sitting down on the floor leaning back against the wall as i pulled out my phone "shit, there's no signal in here! Maybe the panic button? It'll take them a while to get here but its all we have" i pulled back the plastic casing on my bracelet that held the panic button Tony insisted we have on mission.

"Might as well get comfy Sarge we're gonna be here a while" i stated the obvious and watched as Bucky sat across from me looking nervous.

"This place is so strange..... i mean what are those plants doing in a warehouse?" I asked noticing a load of pink flowered plants off to the side, it looked like they were growing it like marijuana!

"Oh shit...." Buckys eyes went wide suddenly "this can't be happening"

"What cant be happening??.....Jesus christ is it getting hot in here??" I asked suddenly feeling heat rush to my face.

I unzipped my tac vest and shrugged out of it leaving me in my combat pants and black tank top. I notice Bucky shuffling further away from me and it makes me frown "whats wrong with you?" I ask.

"You know what that stuff is??" He points to the pink flowers nervously, i shake my head not really caring. Its like a fog has descended and all i notice is Bucky..... he is beautiful! Heat burns low in my belly as my eyes roam Bucky's muscular form, imaging what he looks like naked! It wouldn't be the first time i had pictured that!

"They call it sex pollen! Y/N do you understand what that is??"

"Mmhmmm let me guess, makes you really horny?" I asked as i pressed my thighs together, shit this is embarrassing!

"Just stay over there..... help will be here soon. We can fight this". Bucky says through gritted teeth, his hands fisted at his sides.

It had been hours and we were still stuck in this fucking warehouse with the god damn sex pollen!! It was absolute torture!! Bucky was now only in his combat pants and tank top and i couldnt help but imagine his arms around me.... those hands on my body, his fingers inside....

"You okay over there? You’re kinda staring" Bucky asked bringing me back to reality.

"Not really" i stated wiping at the sweat on my forehead and neck "its getting worse..... its starting to hurt Buck" i said honestly.

"Thats what it does, it'll get worse until you get the antidote or...."

"Or what??"

"Scratch the itch so to say" he blushed, Bucky had thought about being with you so many times but not under these circumstances.

"You mean until its fucked outta me??" I asked with wide eyes.

"Yeah" he nodded reaching down to readjust himself in his pants. He'd been rock hard for hours now and all he wanted to do was bury himself inside you and help you both out!

"You might have to do it Buck, im not joking! I feel like im dying!" I said a couple hours later as i laid on the cold floor trying to cool down my over heated skin, i was almost crying at how much it hurt.

"We cant do that Y/N....."

"Please Bucky" i whined but he just looked away "fine, i'll take care of myself" i huffed undoing my pants and slipping my hand in my panties that were absolutely soaked at this point!

"What are you doing doll...." he asked his voice hitching at the sight in front of him.

"I have to! I need the pain to stop Buck I'm dying...." as my fingers made contact with my clit a loud moan escaped my mouth uncontrollably!

"Jesus fucking christ....." i heard Bucky mutter and looked over to see him palming his cock through his trousers as he watched me.

"You could just help me out...."

"Come over here" he said holding his hand out to me, his eyes were full of lust as he pulled me into his lap pressing me down on his hard cock and rocking me against him. My head fell back and i moaned in ecstasy at the feeling of him but it wasn't enough!! I needed the real thing and so did he.

"We cant do this....." Bucky said in my ear as his hands slipped under my tank top and caressed my naked back.

"You only want this because of that damn plant"

"Ive always wanted you Buck" i mumbled pressing kisses to his neck as my hands reached for his top, i needed to feel more of him against me.

"What?? You want me??" He asked wide eyed looking for any sign that i was lying.

"From the second i met you i wanted you" i admitted before leaning in and pressing my lips to his. He was quick to return the kiss, his tongue tracing my bottom lip....

"Please fuck me Bucky..... i need you so bad!" I begged as i rubbed myself over his huge bulge to get some friction.

"Ive wanted to hear you say that for so long doll!" He practically growled in my ear before laying me back against the cold warehouse floor. I watched as Bucky pulled my already open pants down my legs with my panties and sat back looking at my soaking wet cunt before him. He reached out with his metal hand and run his fingers through my wet folds earning him a moan as my back arched up off the floor.

"So fucking pretty!" He said before reaching for his own pants and finally freeing his hard cock.

"Oh god, look at that thing!" I said seeing the size of it as it sprung free.

"You like what you see doll?" He asked smirking down at me.... smug bastard!

I bit at my bottom lip and nodded as i reached forward to wrap my hand around the base of his cock before lining it up with my entrance.

"Fuck me James" i begged looking into his almost black eyes, almost all of the blue had disappeared.

"Yes m'am" he smiled before pushing forward and finally giving me what i needed.... what i wanted!

The sounds he made as he fucked me were absolute sin, i swear i could cum just listening to him!!

"Oh Buck you feel so fucking good....."

"Yeah? You like feeling my hard cock filling your tight little pussy??"

"God yes!! Dont ever stop" i cried out when he thrust harder into me going even deeper than before.

"You’re gonna feel me inside you for days baby!" He said before kissing my neck. His hands were on my breasts kneading and pinching.....

"I need to cum! Please Bucky let me cum" i begged for my release.

"You gonna cum all over my cock??"

"Yes!! Shit yes!!" I cried out as i felt his fingers start to circle my clit and he increased the speed of his thrusts, my stomach tightened and then i was screaming his name my eyes squeezed so tight i saw stars! He gave a few more thrusts and then i felt him release inside me. His hips slowly coming to a stop but his cock remained inside me.

"Wow..... that was...." i panted as my hands run up his chest and over his shoulder to rest on his back. Bucky leaned forward and kissed me again but this time it was much more passionate.

"That was amazing. So much better than i ever imagined...."

"I know the feeling" i smiled "i love you Buck..... you know that right?" I suddenly said as my thumb traced over his bottom lip.

"I do now" he smirked "i love you too Doll".

After another round of mind blowing sex we started getting dressed.....We didn't want to risk any of the team catching us.

"Y/N..... what are we going to do about this?" Bucky asked avoiding eye contact. I couldn't believe this was the same man who had been saying such dirty things to me as he fucked me 10 minutes earlier.

"I don't know Buck..... i meant what i said before. I do love you.... it wasn't the sex pollen making me say those things"

"I know, me too" he nodded taking my hand and entwining our fingers.

Suddenly there was a banging on the main door we entered through earlier.

"Y/N..... Buck?? You in there?" Came the loud booming voice of one Sam Wilson.

"Yes!! Sam we're in here!" I called back grabbing my tac vest and pulling it back on and zipping it up.

"Hold on sugar we'll have you out in no time" he called back.

When the door finally opened Sam was grinning at us like an idiot "i cant believe you two got locked in here".

"Makes three of us!" I laugh and head towards the door, im rushed by a flustered looking Steve Rogers.

"Oh my god are you okay?" He asked wrapping his arms around me "i was so worried when i saw your panic button had been activated!!"

"Im fine" i nodded quickly "the download must have triggered an old security measure.....all the doors slammed shut and Buck and i couldnt get them open"

"Dont scare me like that again baby okay?!" He said before pressing his lips to mine "lets go home".

"Sounds good to me"

"You okay Buck?" Steve asked his best friend who had stayed standing away from us.

"All good Steve" he nodded grabbing his tac jacket from the floor and heading to the door.

"Hey, thanks for looking out for my girl Buck" Steve called after his friend. Bucky just gave him a quick nod before walking out and joining the rest of the team on the quinjet.

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #winter soldier #bucky fanfic #bucky imagine #bucky x you #sebastian stan

[monstrous-beauty]

Monstrous Beauty Text Posts

Jake: What (and i cannot stress this enough) the fuck/ sure. blame the guy who's a huge idiot who causes a lot problems, again/ Me in jail: so are you guys familiar with the cell block tango/ Apparently "the vibes are off" isn't a just excuse to leave work early/ what, from the bottom of my heart, the fuck/ what doesn't kill doesn't kill you/ yesterday at target the cashier said "your receipt is the bag* and I responded with "you too" so I've been dealing with that for the past 18 hours but I'm slowly coming to terms with it which is cool/ *enters my own password* i'm in/ due to personal reasons I will be cheating death/ *gets down on one knee* *gets down on the other* *doesn't get up ever*/ Not to be dramatic but if I don't get my life together I will die/ I have pure intentions, bitch! you can't kill me/ cop: can you describe the guy who stabbed you me: yeah he was not very friendly

Storm: Which is messier my life or my hair/ "I am unknowable" I say as I overshare my biggest childhood trauma's in the first conversation with someone/ I love laying the FUCK down and sleeping/ me: [vibrating slightly because I had too much caffeine] everything in the world is my fault/ my only goal in life is to destroy the space-time continuum/ i am a huge fan of space, both outer and personal/ Yeah sex is great but have you looked at common English words and then followed their systematic time changes back through Old English and Proto-Germanic all to the way to their Proto-Indo-European roots, whispered one of those roots out loud, and been overwhelmed by a sense of Lovecraftian insignificance as it dawns on you that you just reached back across scores of centuries and spoke a word older than civilization itself?/ but i don't have a hyperfixation i'll die

Adrienne: im so tired of this life. i want to be a roomba. i want knives taped to me. i want to be set loose./ are my prophetic visions a joke to you/ There has been a lady inside my head screaming for the past 10 years and u think taking a bath and doing yoga will stop her? U are wrong. She is a very mad lady and she will not be silenced/ Cranky because you haven't had any prophetic dreams to aid you on your quest aren't you/ i wish it was 1600 so i cood spelle words howe everr my harte destyred/ me: *hangs out with little kids and tries to teach them self love and feminist ideas*/ Pros and cons of wearing all black pros: hot as hell cons: hot as hell/ If someone points at your black clothes and asks you who's funeral it is, a look around the room and casual "haven't decided yet" is a good response

Solais: mentally i'm at least 5"11. physically? don't worry about it/ don't call yourself edgy unless you talk to dead people and have daddy issues/ im a simple gal. people raise their voices at me, i cry for an hour/ once i figure out how to hold a conversation it's frienship for you bitches/ me: *is tiny* me: (;'._.');/ no homo bro *thinks about you* thinks about you* *thinks about you* *thinks about you* *thinks about you* *thinks about you* *thinks about you*/ Listen man I'm just trying to wear soft sweaters and read my books and love myself/ i was put on this earth to eat bagels and be gay/ actually Ratatouille is the dish's name, you're thinking of Ratatouille's monster. im what the kids call

attention seeking/ me gay? why yes thank you for noticing/ on all levels except physical, i am a little heart shaped candy that says "i'm all yours!"/ nothing is awkward or cheesy if you don't give a fuck. i'm on this earth to have a good time. not to be cool./ i aspire to be one of those people who is known for always smelling good and treating people kindly/ big heart energy/ me @ you: >> this is my protecting women and girls knife/ doing violence tonight so watch out if you're weak to attacks/ why did my last two braincells have to be a sad one and a stupid one/ goes to the kitchen holds a knife in my hand for a while. puts it back. goes back to my room

Mal: these hands rated e for everyone/ forgive me father for I have sinned in all the coolest and most glamorous ways possible/ "I expected better from you" well that was your fault lmao i got nothing to do with that/ im beautiful im delicious i literally cannot die i want 200 dollars/ friendly reminder that i literally cannot die, and id love to see any of you fuckers try to take me down/ Slutty in theory but not in practice/ I just wannna be vaguely unsettling, not even scary or creepy, I just want people to look at me and feel like there's something A Little Bit Wrong but they don't know what when they tell the story of the slighty cryptid being to their friends later/ Hmmm gay rights but only for me i think? The rest of you are on your own/ i say i'm gay a lot for someone who is technically bisexual/ occupation: the family disappointment/ [steps on my emotions and grinds them under my heel] anyways/ i am evil and not straight/ me: breathes parents: I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR ATTITUDE/ you ever listen to your dad talk and be like "why are you like this?"/ dont you hate when you wake up and you're awake/ oh god...oh fuck...*yearns*/ Due to personal reasons I'll be going feral/ Quitting school to become a plant who wants to join me we can make a forest/ Anyways! *climbs out of the scattered and ruined debris of my feelings*/ so what if i love you. shut up/ i ask myself 48 times a day "am I being dramatic? Is this #toomuch?" the answer is always yes of course/ *lawyer voice* eat a dick, your honor/ I may seem like an asshole but deep down I'm good person and even deeper down I'm a bigger asshole/ in my defense, i was left unattended