#im gonna try to remember to do more of these this year

[orcelito]

As for my post this morning. If anyone was worried. Me personally I'm okay (I guess) but my dad's in the hospital and things r still very up in the air. So.

#speculation nation #bracing myself for the possibility of Major Grief.....2!!!! #well actualy more like 3 or 4 or 5 (lol lol lol) #but likely the worst one bc it's. my dad. that's my dad. #i left work early to visit him at the hospital. hes stable rn at least (he wasnt this morning) #he wasnt conscious though. and i really really hope he ends up okay #but. i still saw my dad unconscious in a hospital bed hooked up to like a million tubes and #thats my dad. Thats my Dad. #im really trying to not do my processing until after i know for sure how things are gonna go #dont wanna start grieving until after he's officially gone #so im trying not to think about it. but it's still... yeah. unpleasant. #and theres a part of me thats so so resentful. if i have to have a dead parent why would it be the Good one? #take my fucking mom instead. hell my life would even be BETTER without her. horrible as that is to say. #but it's my dad. he's not perfect. he has his flaws. but he's still tried in a way she never ever did. #seeing him like that makes me feel so... small. makes me remember being picked up by him. #makes me remember riding on the back of his harley as a tiny little 10 year old with a helmet that was giant on me #we'll hope for the best. we'll hope for a recovery. even if not a full recovery. i just want to have my dad. #sorry. this is probably too real for my tumblr dot com. it's just been... a lot today. #negative/ #death/ #hospitals ment/ #idfk. sorry

[the-acid-pear]

I never tried the option myself bc it'd probably mean skipping the Reason You Suck speech at the end (fire for speedrunners though) but I Love that you can frame your Phoneys in 3, especially so if you've already killed the previous two. Like yeah couldn't send you off to die so i'll let the goverment do it for me 🧸 like its just Peak evil imo.

#luly talks #i do relinquish in the pain and the agony but dont get me wrong the thought of any of them 3 getting jailed makes me SO sad #rog esp since he's the one im writing about and the biggest nerve wreck #gingi voice they'll be the last one to pick the board game for prison-game-night.......... #actually yknow i wonder if rog would end up almost believing it after all when you try to gaslight him for the shits and giggles #(as in: telling HE was victim of the bite of 87 and the like) he tells you to not do that bc his brain is already scrambled or something #so there's a chance perhaps he'd believe it if he had everyone constantly accussing him of it? #not like it'd matter much i have no hopes for the dsaf justice system i know its been 35 years since jack got framed but still #i just remembered when the option popped up i said ''god im really becoming steven 😭'' #first time i made the joke too was when i said ''imagine your boss sucks so bad you turn suicidal'' no clue what the context was #OH YEAH JAKE SAYING HE'D RATHER FUCKING DIE THAN KEEP WORKING HERE yeah. poor guy. #anyway im derailing my own post again uhhh. yeah. yeah i dont trust any phoney is avoiding the death sentence #dsaf #roger jones #dsaf roger #btw just for the sake of yapping longer i truly cant decide whether harry or jake would survive better in the enviroment #probably jake to be honest. I mean Harry has a lot of experience inside freddy's but he didnt really live outside it muhc #jake is so confrontational though #hey did you guys watch the hit movie felon? sure that guy wasn't framed but. i feel like jake would end up w that attitude #except for. you know. everything else that happens in the hit movie felon. #hey actually forget about this game go watch the 10/10 movie Felon from 2008 starring Val Kilmer and Stephen Dorff #because its one of my all time fave movies and probably the saddest i've seen #not bc there arent movies that are more tragic but bc no movie was able to break thru my walls of idgaf and make me cry anyway #yeah you thought i couldnt bring up my movie fixations on my different fandom posts well you were WRONG in fact #im gonna go tag my other post i left untagged yesterday bc my ass was Cooking

[thehardkandy]

Travelling back home tomorrow hoping for a smooth groove

#i did have a really nice week last week but now im back to everything feeling busy #(its not really that busy) #and oh i miss being slow like idk ever since i was a literal child doing ONE excursion weekly #for an hour #always felt like such s draining burden #and tbh i would like to know why thst is because while it's easy to see as poor habit as an adult reinforcing itself #as a kid i was always made to do things. see people. #i did a summer camp every year at least during the day #i did sports i went hiking in forests #but i remember so distinctly like an age where i stopped asking my parents to try new things #because i would get so excited!!!! but then every week it would become this overwhelming presence #despite being something that i actively enjoyed #and it eventually felt so awful i was like okay no more wanting things you dont use them wisely #like ouch yeah actually that's a big one. wanting things usually wraps back #around to shame or guilt just about always #anyway how is this relevant to travelling? #it's just that i have to travel tomorrow and i have a doctors appointment Friday i have to go to in person #ive changed beds ive slept in 3 times in 5 days #and all i can say at the end of it is that even these little things are JUST enough to be on edge #to feel like im putting my hands over my ears and closing my eyes and pretend nothing bad is gonna happen #even thougu DEFINITELY something bad is going to happen #but of course it doesnt because this is all benign stuff ive done a trillion times before of no note #crazy how complicated it can be to be a person #it is why i dream of living in a small village where i am an apprentice tradesperson and i live simple house #and the house you can walk to anywhere you need to anywhere you need in an your #but no one is that urgent about anything anyway. #beautiful little place that has never actually ever existed for anyone in anytime #but i am still wanting to scream and pull my hair out just asking why why cant everything slow down and be smaller

[vogelmeister]

Hi, sorry if this is unwarrented but if you want to watch de mol belgium it is on npo start, you do need a vpn to put your location to the netherlands (only the most recent episode is with a free account). I haven't used it this year, so it may have changed, but in the past I've used goplay.be (the belgian national television site) which was free but also required a vpn to set the location to belgium and where I could also watch old seasons. As a fellow widm fan I hope this helps and you can enjoy some more with accents :)

#submission #< damn. im gonna add in the tags #i think id enjoy de mol belgium im more worried bc my dutch level is roughly A1 and i do Not know how to progress #the only reason i can still enjoy widm is bc someone does english subs #i remember i got a vpn last year to watch eurosong belgium which was wild i was in the netherlands i was Next Door #i think i might try and invest in a decent one tho just so i can get dutch media here in australia #but its never unwarrented hahaha

[srkgirlblogger]

.

#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over #stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that #the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no #way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try #to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying #things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she #just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was #spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she #didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively #asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a #bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i #didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end. #but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to #embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my #brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going #to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave #she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this #i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad #delete later

[harvestmoth]

sorry for posting fire emblem. again

#did you know that i love petra macneary #because i love petra macneary #i wouldve drawn her more before but i wasn’t confident enough to do so but now i feel a little bit better about how i draw #so maybe ill be able to draw more characters i adore without feeling too much like im not doing them justice? #hopefully #anyways petra lysithea woohoo #this is the second time ive drawn them i think but please dont look for the first one #anyways something something i like them and something something putting favorite characters together like dolls #i still dont feel like ive drawn petra right yet but this is the first time ive drawn her since like. what two years i think? #im gonna try to draw her a little more now though so i hope i can get more confident drawing her and that im doing her right !! #oh right lysithea is here too i guess #petra macneary #lysithea von ordelia #fe3h #hi im sorry again. please accept my little fe scribbles once agaib #i dont even remember what the name for the two of them is but know i love them so so much

[britneyshakespeare]

let me tell you. i have read 21 out of 38 of the extant canonical plays of william shakespeare. the first one to make me close the book and think "well i wish that had been better" was henry v.

#i read it in under a week so i can't say it was a huge waste of time but like. dawg #do you guys remember how furiously i was blogging richard ii and henry iv parts 1 and 2 earlier this year??? #i was OBSESSEDDDDD #i told myself i was gonna read other things in july and put off reading henry v until august bc i wanted smth to look forward to #and i wanted to sit and enjoy the henriad more slowly #it was such a dull ending to a tetralogy that had 3 beautiful and diverse plays preceeding it #it kinda ruins the whole series for me sdfsf #no. not the whole series but i dont think i can ever enjoy all 4 of this plays in sequence like i did the wars of the roses #which i was also blogging about in a frenzy when i read them several years ago and watched jane howell's productions last month #henry v is a skip #tales from diana #there have been other shakespeare plays that i ended and felt kinda nothing about but usually bc i had a hard time reading them #like let's say i slogged through them slowly #like king lear i read on and off for months. so i wasn't really in the rhythm of it #same w love's labor's lost #i want to rewatch those plays sometime soon bc i kinda have no memory of them #but i still enjoyed the poetry and characters of them while i WAS reading them #even if my own pace kinda didn't get me the most out of it #i consumed henry v comparatively. im not sure how many other shakespeare plays ive read in under a week tbh? #i try not to keep track of time bc reading a play is different than watching it. it feels like punishment for me to try and #make scruples about how much i should or shouldn't be reading at once. bc a play is meant to be consumed in a couple hours #so if i leave off at a weird spot. it's like well. just get back into it diana #there is no 'right' place to leave off really. shakespeare's plays didn't even have intermissions #but yeah. if anything im grateful i didn't take a punishingly long time reading it or else i'd be even unhappier abt it

[matchamabs]

i’ve sorta lost my best pieces for oddie through my blog somewhere but bc i’m gonna be scrapping the ENTIRE game that took me four years to make, and remaking it from the ground up starting in the new year, i thought now was good to repost some old bits from the original game plus the new poster

#ill b honest i rlly wanna keep all the pixel assets i made but #im actually considering hand drawing everything now #which sucks bc i REALLY like the face sprits #idk what to do #rpgmaker #horror #oddie's oddyssey #finally i remember what tag this was #i rlly miss my babies not gonna lie #i miss drawing them im still trying to rewrite some of the #bigger plot points #do u like character based rpg games #do u like trauma #do u like horror games that actually aren't that scary #bc i too am an enormous wimp (paranoid) #im forcing myself to having a proper work schedule next year so i can start working on this #and another extra game hehe #i might actually start planning this out more when im home for christmas #i started this in like 2017 #the entire game is like 5 hours playtime lmao #i should dust off the old server for it actually

[mizzmellos]

i didn't really like the finished piece as much but i loooooooooooved this WIP idk i was getting so close to capturing how i see them. anyway just posting randomly cuz this stage of the piece is lost to time at this point.

#i'm not gonna tag this cuz it's not done but. this was a fun piece. i think it was for somebody? but i'm too lazy to go dig through my blog #okay so anyway i'm gonna write a really long tag hopefully nobody's determined to scroll this far. if they are hey what are you doing here? #want to try sending me some stuff instead? i'd love more anons <3 #and more of your guys' headcanons/whatnot #and song recs and everything #okay are we far enough in the tags? #are you sure we're far enough? is it just the two of us? #hiiiiiiiii i really really need content of this ^ i think i read a fic once and it was sooooo hot and well-written but it wasn't THAT long #and i lost it. literally one of the worst moments of my life. been so many years. only ever read it through once. no idea where #i can remember some of it but not much. GODDDD It was so goooooooood. anyway talk about rare content. #okay godddd this is a public blog i need to stop being disgusting. but i think mello being railed by L and matt could fix me #OKAY IM DONE FOR REALLLL Im gonna have to delete this. ._.

[skrunksthatwunk]

im finally going to replay y0...

#it's been a little over 2 years #and ive never replayed any of the games before so im very interested in what this is gonna be like #i just played them slowly and in order + lad ishin at the end #i kinda wanted to do the judgments first but uh. they're never on sale <3 #someday though #ugh im nervous though #not about this but like. ok real ones will remember that a couple of months ago i mentioned i finally asked my mom for like. mental health #assistance that wasnt her telling me to stop spiralling. the two appointments we could do were like. next week or october #i technically have enough time to get my shit together but ive also like. never talked to an actual doctor about this stuff before #and she kept asking me if i could be more specific than 'general longterm mental health issues' (and anxiety which she added) #but like. i dont wanna tell her Shit about that yknow #especially not like. just woken up at 2pm no preparation #also she added anxiety on her own. so you KNEW it was an issue and you didn't fucking do anything about it? at all?? #truthfully i don't think it's nearly as big of an issue as before. i get stressed about stuff sure but it's pretty circumstantial #like these days i dont have anxiety about much of anything because im not trying to decide my entire future between 8 hour days in the #bright lights and eye contact factory #girl you don't have any idea what we're getting into by doing this #anyway if i get an ocd diagnosis that'll be the most awkward because that's the only one they actively joke about and that i've butted head #with them on. (i mean theyre also shit to npd/aspd ppl i just haven't chewed them out for it yet bc every time i do that i end up useless #for the rest of the day at least and i gotta pick my battles) #and idek what i wanna do about the Probably Autism going on man. i've been thinking about doing foster care/adoption for years now #when im older/if im ever financially stable. a diagnosis could basically nuke my options for that #but they'd NEVER believe a self diagnosis #whatever FUCK JT ITS YAKUZING TIME!!!!!!!!! #OH AND IT'S THE FIRST TIME DOING ONE ON LEGEND #which im nervous about bc i never really play stuff on anything but normal #so uh. 😬😬

[lesbiten]

hey so not to still be stuck on this because i always will be but i feel like yaz living in that other tardis for Ten Months just gathering notes on how it works and ways she can try to find the doctor is like. severely overlooked. just in general

#like that shit HURTS are you kidding me #theres so much with them and being separated for long periods of time #the 10 months for yaz vs However Long that was for thirteen (i forget i just know she was in space jail for a While) #the 3 years for yaz in the 20th century w/ dan vs...how long was it for 13? not as long i do know that #and then theres just like the smaller stuff too......idk #they get separated so much i feel like its hinting to what this finale is gonna be #hey remember doomsday? not to be like 'thasmin has been paralleling doomsday since EPISODE ONE and this finale will most likely end in yaz #being separated from the doctor permanently just like rose was in doomsday' #but Thats Whats Going To Happen Im Telling You #thasmin is just 10rose but with more yearning #anyways what was this post about #OH YEAH. yaz. tardis. 10 months. #when graham and ryan go to visit her and theyre just gently trying to get her to go out with them ..... Yeah #and when 13 finally comes home and is acting all peppy and like nothing happened and yaz shoves her and goes 'we were worried about you' #and 13 doesnt even KNOW the weight of that coming from yaz. SHE DOESNT EVEN KNOW!!!!!! #shit is insane. its insane. im going crazy #simon says

[chaos-and-cookies]

Couldn't sleep. Decided to do a little bit of journal manifesting and wrote a page of stuff down. Now it's an hour later and 6am lol and I have pt in the afternoon....whelp.

#im already feeling crappy too oh boy hope i dont gotta call out #i found/remembered i have a exercise journal tho just in time too since i started pt back up this week #i havent touched that journal since January rip i did do small basic stuff and even tried redoing ring fit but never journaled about it ig #now i gotta try AGAIN for my ring fit since i couldnt touch it after surgery lol whelp #i think theres a reset profile option so imma just do that next time when i can start playing it again #i gotta get more consistent with my pt and my manifesting/spiritual stuff tho #and my streaming... hell i just need to start being more consistent with everything in my life rn #im gonna be 30 next year and these covid years... i just let them float by #i need to start doing things on a schedule. maybe i should try making a schedule for a week and see how it goes.

[skieswcrld]

its weird with long distance relationship, esp if u have severe trust issues and keep asking urself if ure good enough for them, if they might lose interest in u, or worse if I might lose interest in them— but the moment we start talking (after what weeks?) the whole conversation is me just heart eyes on the screen and smiling asf that I think ppl rlly could guess from a mile far that I looked like a puppy in love.

and they're not wrong. I'm genuinely happy to be with them and for them I deeply wish them the best and I have and always try to be the bestest friend and lover for them.

i have know this for long that as long as I can, I'll give my full support on them and give them the treatment they truly deserves. who knows what'll happen in the future: if we do stay together, or we break up again, or we stay friends, or something more— ik that I'll try to be there for them.

#and we havent even get in call for years? months at least #and its sad to say i vaguely remember their voice but im exageratting it when i say i probably would just go full danhowell heart eyes mode #one of my other friend said that even if our interest is different now #if we do care for each other #it wont matter as like its more than just that #yeah i might be not the biggest kpopers now like im used to heck ive missed a couple comebacks but i dont disregard their interest— #but i do listen to them sometimes #and not reject their interests and try to understand the hype #idk if theyre gonna read this but hi ilysm <33

[fishyartist]

new day resolution TALK TO PEOPLE!!!!

#im an ambivert in that im always tired and can never figure out why #like i will assume im tired because i capped out my human interaction somehow after talking to literally no one for three days #then wonder why im sad!! its silly!!!! #anyways #im also shy <3 #personal #<- im probably gonna do more self-reflecting posts like this so if u wanna mute feel free! #feel free 2 rb or w/e if u want btw. i know how to turn off rbs if i wasnt chill w that ^u^ #if u have any tips for the worlds silliest fish (moi) feel free 2 offer input. #i have wonderful friends+mutuals im just bad at being a human sometimes #especially w online social stuff #tumblr seems better for these personal rambles then twitter. #something about twitter makes going fully pessimist really easy which blows #u know what i've been slipping on my positivity goal recently... ! #idk if i remembered to mention it anywhere? basically im trying to think self deprecating shit less. bad habbit #ive been doing pretty good this year until october (had a shit temp job lol) #but! its ok! #gonna have a good weekend so i'll start that up again #ok it 3 am now i take a snooze

[crippledanarchy]

.

#i hate August #its been years i don't wanna remember new details now. why can't i just move on? #im trying to stop my brain from remembering but I'm losing. i just don't wanna know any more than i do #I'm an abolitionist but if i have to remember who did this to me I'm gonna be tempted to smash his teeth in

[gaym3bo1]

i hate that we are never taught how to describe pain to doctors so when i'm asked what's wrong u say it hurts and then i try to describe the feeling and the doctors always look at me like i'm stupid or they say "no actually that's not anatomically possible" and i have to go home with no solution to my problem because it got misdiagnosed or just overlooked

pain is such a subjective thing and i don't have the tools to express it anyways so i just don't say anything i thought doctors were meant to find out what's wrong with me why do i have to tell them like i don't know that's why im here all i know is i'm in pain all the time

#and then u have to wait weeks or months for an apptmnt with a specialist #and then tjat specialist gives u 10 minutes to try and remember ur entire pain history which is impossible for me #and then they give u reha sport for a year and make u leave #like i know im being dramatic but i'm so annoyed just thinking of finding an orthopäde rn i dont even wanna start #but my knee keeps getting worse literally every day #but if i go to one more doctor who tells me to just do more sports im gonna commit a felony #or 3 #rambles