#im autistic with english as a second language. i get it completely. i hope this helps you anon mwa mwa | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dwindlinghaze · 5 months

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hi i hope you doing good. Can i have 🪞🩰 Firstly English not my first language. I'm autistic. I'm genderfluid, bisexual with male preference.I have long black wavy hair. I have thick black eyebrows, brown eyes. I always have rosy chubby cheeks. I have braces. My body is curvy with very big chest and little tummy. My eyebrows are constantly furrowed. Also I'm 172 cm. I'm Libra. If you interested, my mbti Infp and my enneagram 5w4. I always have poker face. I'm very outspoken, stubborn. I always doing my job alone. I find it difficult to express my feelings and prefer to isolate myself. My best feature is that I know a little about everything, I always surprise people. Those who know me for the first time describe me as cold, scary, quiet, unapproachable and distant, mature. But at heart I'm compassionate and helpful, works for the good of people. And they often think I can't speak and I'm deaf but I'm not. People say I'm extremely chaste. When I enter an environment, I listen to what people say and get to know them well, I decide if there is anyone worth talking to. I'm only close to two or three people. They describe me as cold, soft inside, calm, sarcastic, resourceful and knowledgeable. I am usually a rebellious person. I am the person who stands against injustices and lies in an environment. They say I make clever jokes and I'm the mom-friend. Actually i like to help everyone and it works automatically without me noticing. I will help anyone by giving my all. And i hate phsyical touch. My love language is words of affirmation. If I talk about myself, I've always been on my own. I have family problems, I was never close with my father. Even though we are side by side with my mother, we are distant. I'm just my own mom and dad. That's why I've always focused on academic achievement for salvation. And I think I'm very good at it. My hobbies are drawing, sewing, writing and researching, especially about mythology, cultures, politics, history, fashion. I like to visit second-hand and antique markets. I'm someone who doesn't like to waste money but cares about clothing. I always wear my headphones and listen to music, i listen every genre. I like silence, soft colors, being alone, flowers (especially honeysuckle), spring and breeze. I don't like crowds, noise, children, loud talkers and shiny things. I always wear colorful clothes with floral prints or all black. I also wear interesting earrings and different printed socks. And finally, I don't really have an ideal type. I love every person. I like the fact that there are different people. And I don't believe in love. If I'm going to be with someone, I'll be happy if we have respect, compassion, and loyalty to each other. It is enough that we are in harmony with each other. If I am with someone, I am clearly their mother.

hello and ty for participating in my 500 celebration

here's your 🪞 in case you didn't see

☾⋆｡𖦹 °✩

🩰 : i ship you with sirius black

╰┈➤ sirius thinks your poker slash furrowed face is cute. imagine him just giggling at himself by just seeing you.

"you're crazy," you said without glancing up at him. the pair of eyes that belonged to sirius black had been glued to you for the past thirty minutes. he admired the slight wrinkle formed in between your brows as the cause of furrowing them too much. "im not crazy, i'm admiring," his voice rasp and low. your face heated up but your poker face was never gone.

╰┈➤ at first it was hard for sirius to approach you. seemed like his charm wasn't working so he had no choice but to find another way. you rarely talks or starts conversations with people, the opposite of him. but it doesn't mean that you're completely unsociable.

╰┈➤ opening up to express your feelings took a while. he understood that though because he knew that some things are hard to communicate and it's not because you dislike him. so by that he gives you space and time for you to ease up in order for you to ease up your inner emotions.

╰┈➤ during the times where you were still getting to know each other, he'd do most of the talking. telling you about his hobbies, friends, favourite places, and you listen. you prefer to listen. that doesn't mean that you don't give him responses.

"-so yeah, i spent that whole day with my friends and i cherish them so," he finished at last, glancing over at you who had your brows furrowed as you listened to his words. that day you wore a soft coloured shirt with flowers embroidered from the edges. "you look beautiful today, darling," he mentioned. "thank you siri," you let out an airy chuckle as you closed your eyes briefly, face relaxing. you tilt your head to the side to see him, your brows knitted once more as you took out a piece of dirt from his hair.

╰┈➤ sirius definitely loves the fact that you're helpful and 'mom friend'. growing up in a household of injustices and cruelty, he didn't have anyone to look out for him. he felt truly adored whenever you gave him a helping hand mindlessly.

you noticed how he was struggling to ask for the eye catching piece his eyes got caught on the store display. he was pointing rather stupidly at the glass pane while the storekeeper was trying their best to understand what he's doing. "uh- il vout la épingle," you said finally and the keeper nodded straight away. sirius looked at you curiously, raising his brow. you know everything. really.

╰┈➤ you mentioned that physical touch isn't something you enjoy so he knows how to respect that. besides, he's much better at words anyway so it wasn't a big thing that bothered him.

╰┈➤ visiting old antique shops is an activity you love. seeing the old precious objects that time forgot, vintage smells all through the store, and how it felt like travelling back to time.

you stumbled across a dusty sculpture of a human face but only with one eye made out of mahogany. "oh my god siri look!" you whispered as you tugged on his jacket. sirius made a weird face, pressing his lips together. "what is that creature?" said he in pure fright. "that's a cyclops, i've never seen it in 3d before. cool huh?"

#dwindlinghaze's 500 celebration #🩰 dancing princesses #anons <3 #sirius black fluff #sirius black x reader

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purpleyoonn · 1 year

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Hi ! I'm a new anon who find the courage to send you a (pretty long maybe ?) message..... idk why I'm so talkative when irl I'm a quiet person LMAO.

First, I hope you're doing fine and your day went well !

Second, just wanted to say that I'm in love with your writings ! You're one of my favorite writer on Tumblr and AO3 !! I'm totally addicted to soulmates + poly!bangtan x reader more than I was before thanks to you 😭 /pos

My favs ones are The Line between Love and War, Dance of Time, Baby you complete us, Doughnuts and Shell Casings and of course the My universe One shots (Yoonie as a dragon... so soft omg he has all my heart and soul omg I'm OBSESSED... Jinnie as a vampire ? YES PLEASE. And Joonie as Hades ? On my knees. )

I don't finish reading all of your stories tbh, but it's in my plans, hehe. I started Ethereal today ! I already love it, I can't wait to binge read it !!

AND if I send you this, it's because I have some questions... because I'm a writer too, and I want to try and write a poly bangtan x reader soulmate AU too 🥺

Do you plan your writings ? Like taking notes in a notebook about your ideas, characters, story, any world building when you write something fantastic ? Do you plan your chapters and everything in advance, or do you just write what pass in your pretty head ? Do you have any tips for a baby writer like me ? 🥺

Again thank you so much for sharing with us all these stories, really, I read your stories in the bus, at uni waiting for my classes or during my breaks because I don't have any friends, and I'm a very anxious person who suffer from adhd and bpd, plus I'm autistic so reading your writings helped me to cut myself to the noisy world a little, and it helps me so much so thank you...! (you'll probably find all of this weird, I'm sorry 😖)

Ah! Sorry I talk too much... it's always like that when it's about my specific interests like bangtan, writing, and fantasy world....

Also, sorry in advance for any grammar mistakes, English is not my first language (I'm Belgian, so I speak french hehe), I hope you'll understand what I'm saying 😣

Have a nice day/afternoon/night, wish you all the good things in your life, you deserve it !! ♥ - 🐋

omg hello new anony! Im gonna call you whalien❤️

My day has gone really well so far! My little sister had a field trip and used her spending/gift shop money to buy me an octopus plushie (she knows I love octopuses and that they are my favorite animal) so im super duper today!

thank you so much! im glad you love my works! (I have no clue what /pos means though)

omg so you favorite almost all of my works so far then! watch out for ethereal though, there is a loooott in there and pls pls take the warnings seriously for each chapter!

but yeah, I love dragon yoonie and pretty much any and all dragon bts aus. like there is something about possessive bangtan that treats mc like their greatest treasure!

So as for writing, I do actually plan everything in my notebook! I write out like hopes for the story as well as like, a summary and plot line weird box structure thingie. I also write out anything for my characters like backgrounds and likes/dislikes. I try to plan everything in advance but I don't plan the small details. I plan ahead for the big like, plot changing things but other than that, I write what comes to my head! Its fun when you don't necessarily know where things go but have an idea of the plot! as least to me😊

My biggest tip for any writers out there is actually pretty simple.

write.

like everything.

any little or big idea that comes to your head. write it down. you are never going to get any practice or improve your skills if you don't write. for me, the little fox was the first like actual fic ive ever written (besides a twilight fic on quotev that I will happily take to my grave) and I want to go back and rewrite it so bad but I won't because I like knowing how ive improved my writing over the years.

im the same way with fics ive falling in love with. ive like perfected my straight face in public, ive got the best poker face. ill even read directly in front of my grandpa and he'd never know I was reading the dirtiest smut ever. Im happy though that I can help you escape your world and all the noise for even the slightest second. as a fellow autistic individual, I know how overwhelming and overstimulating the world can be so im glad you can find comfort in my works!

Please never think that sharing your thoughts on something you love is weird or strange. I could go on for hours about the history of fan fiction or octopuses for hours. ask me about my favorite book and you might as well plop down on the couch with a nice pillow and a snack because we will be there for hours while I bring out my white board with theories and characters connections.

also pls don't ever worry about any English grammar/comprehension mistakes when talking to me! I am goof about asking questions and my comprehension levels are usually through the roof so pls don't ever worry! I wish I could speak French! I only remember some words! my family is from one of the states that was a French colony so its pretty common to still hear some French being spoken. but unfortunately my family didn't like it, (mainly my grandma sooooo) .

I hope you have an amazing morning/day/night!!!!

#purpleyoonn #purpleyoonn ask #🐋 anon

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zhaozi · 3 years

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when someone wants to blame me and people i occasionally speak to for them hypothetically attempting something if they were in a depressed episode then maybe it’s time for the truth to be put out in the open. i’m sincerely glad you’re not in a depressed episode, but maybe you should think about whether other people are. blaming them for something you might have done given a hypothetical what if isn’t fair to anyone.

axelle (@piningbisexuals) decided that she was going to post all about how me some other people in the thai drama community were attempting to run her off the platform by bullying her but she’s strong and she’ll pull through. what she neglected to mention is that the people who were ‘bullying and harrassing her’ were lgbt voices who wanted explainations for what could be considered microagressions or homophobic behaviour.

i can’t speak for everyone but i took my concerns to her directly through direct messages because there was no need to get anyone else involved. (important fact before we continue: i am autistic, it take 3 seconds to find out this information on my about me page). as a result of my autism i understand i can often come across as blunt but unfortunately i don’t have the luxury of turning my disability off. i tried to be as polite as possible when contacting axelle any time i had queries and she responded in ways that confused me.

i appreciate that english isn’t her first language so i shared screenshots of a messgae with @yihwas to ask for her opinion on whether the phrase ‘you did good’ was patronising in the context of the message. upon finding out this information, axelle took it upon herself to twist the events and state them in a way that made her seem more like a victim than she actually is. however, i am of the opinion i did not do anything wrong, and if i did i sincerely apologise. if anyone says my messages were rude, it was unintentional but i know because of the autism that i can come across as blunt.

the first set of messages we exchanged were in response to her tags about off’s hand being over first’s crotch in a photo op. i thought it was a bit weird to make a beeline and focus in on the crotch so sent an ask about it. i’m posting a transcript instead of screenshots as it’s effort to add them in on mobilt but i have no issues posting them if needed. below is the transcript:

minghao-ah: hi there, i was just reading through your blog and some of your tags rubbed me up the wrong way and I was just wondering if you could clarify on them a little bit. On this post (https://piningbisexuals.tumblr.com/post/636938447688499200/piningbisexuals-offguntay-being-extremely-subtle), you focus a lot on First's hand and whether or not he's touching someone's crotch and that seems a bit of a weird thing to focus on. Was it intentional? Hope that it's okay to ask for clarification! 😊😊 piningbisexuals: hi, well I found it funny that in this picture https://www.instagram.com/p/CIZ8wBugW5w/ first's hand seems to be on off's crotch bc of the moment the pic was taken. it's not that deep, the hand placement made me cringe & bc I like to share everything on my tumblr I brought it up. I'm happy to clarify, especially as you seem polite & nice, but I also must admit I'm a little lost as to why that's an issue at all? I'm a little lost lol minghao-ah: it just seemed an odd thing to focus on is all. ive seen a lot of similar photos and my thoughts never stray to oh that person's hand is close to touching this person's crotch. i guess im a little used to fetishisation coming from a kpop fandom background and was just a little worried that you might be forcing sexualisation onto a completely innocent moment, especially with the last tag. as it was all completely innocent, I'm sorry I wasted your time! maybe ive just been on tumblr for too long and worry that everyone is a bit weird. it's easier to just ask rather than mistaking someone for a weird person. thanks for clarifying! 😊 piningbisexuals: no I wouldn't be sexualizing off & first lol, I wouldn't do that to anyone but it's not like I ship them together so yeah I just found the timing of the pic funny. yes you did good asking me, I'd never want anyone to misinterpret my words. no problem!

the second exchange was in relation to an ask she received about itsay and a comment she made that it would not have been as successful if it was not marketed as a bl drama. below is the exchange:

minghao-ah: hi there. me again. just asking for more clarification because im sure i must be misunderstanding something. I'll skate over the intro because you haven't cited sources for your believe that the majority of bl watchers are lgbtq+ and i don't have the time currently to go looking for some so let's just stick a pin it that. in a response to an ask about itsay you say all mlm representation is still representation regardless of the quality. do you not think this is a harmful statement? bad representation is harmful. for example if your only representation of a gay man came from tharntype, you'd think that gay men were going to assault you in your sleep and accost you in the showers. if your only representation of gay men was the 'im not really gay, i just love you' trope then if you were a gay man you might find it wrong that you find more than one man attractive. is that not harmful for a large audience to be ingesting these stereotypes? the bl label isn't what made itsay big. the household name actors and the big production company behind the project is what helped made itsay big. plus if you're saying that labelling it as a gay series meant it wouldn't be as big doesn't that infer that boys love is good but gay isn't? should we infantalise gay men and their relationships for the sake of a label. surely if it was true representation then it would be under the title of a gay series? please correct me if im misunderstanding anything. id hate to think people were reading a message that you didn't intend to put out. piningbisexuals: okay dude, so like I'm happy to answer, but also... I kinda feel like you're purposely trying to misinterpret my words? idk maybe you don't mean it that way but also I'd love to be able to express my opinion without my intention being misinterpreted. when I said mlm representation is still representation I was talking about mediocre mlm representation, aka shows that are not very produced & written but are still bl. I was not talking about shows with sexual assault & other harmful tropes. itsay being about two guys falling in love thus being bl is absolutely part of what made it big, especially with inter fans. as someone who watches both bl & non bl thai dramas it's very clear that what most of the inter fans watch is bl & only bl. you can have a different opinion, but it doesn't mean I'm wrong. we can have different opinions & it's okay minghao-ah: i promise im not trying to misinterpret your words. i take things on face value which is why id prefer to ask for clarification rather than call you out publically or anything. im grateful you take the time to reply and that don't misunderstand the intention behind my messages. im aware we can have differing opinions and most of the time accepting those differences is healthy. it inspires debate and education, which im sure you'll agree is important. thanks again for letting me know your thoughts. in future would you prefer me not to message you? i understand that it might be difficult to have someone interpret your words the wrong way and it might cause offence to be asked to explain your reasoning. piningbisexuals: honestly I appreciate you being nice & polite and I have no ill-will towards you at all, but also I just hope that in the future you can know my character a little more & know that I've said many times that I despise real life shipping, fanservice, shows with sexual assault & harmful stereotypes, so what you might misinterpret as something I'm saying is literally the direct opposite of all my values. so yeah it can be a little upsetting to have your intentions questioned. I can't tell you not to message me about it but I'll just ask you to really read my words & try to understand where I'm coming from before messaging me for explanation. english isn't my first language so yeah sometimes my wording can be a little awkward or what not, but I still think my intent is pretty clear

following this exchange, she blocked me so there was no way to discuss if i was misunderstanding something. throughout the exchanges i tried my best to be polite and open but i felt the response i got was standoffish with the aim to shut down conversation. as i said, i’m not good at detecting tone due to my disability to i asked sophia for help sometimes.

in addition to this she has repeatedly deleted asks that i have sent her about her sexualisation of actors including the use of the title ‘daddy’. (as someone in her replies inferred, no i wouldn’t prefer it if she infantilised actors. there is a huge spectrum between daddy and baby.) in an ask she did answer she said it was because off was 30 thus old, his nickname is papi and it’s a meme and not sexual. if calling him daddy is because he’s old, then surely grandpa would be more appropriate. if his nickname is papi then stick with papi, you don’t need to translate it? finally, it’s not a meme, don’t kid yourself. i hope the following screenshots provide an understanding of what i was talking about when i said ‘sexualisation’

but off isn’t the only actor she’s done it too, so what’s the excuse there? she did it with drake who would’ve been 17 at the time of slam dance but okay he’s a ‘thicc daddy’. is it because of his age or does he also have a nickname i don’t know about? and what about ryan hawley? her tags speak for themselves about whether it’s a meme or sexual.

i kept this private because there was no reason to make it public. if she would have apologised for the misunderstanding or just stated her case it would’ve been done. she was repeatedly dismissive and sometimes downright rude. she has had evidence bought to her in private of things that could be considered transphobic for example tagging a gifset of joss wayar in drag as ‘if this set flops youre transphobes’ and she deleted the tag but didn’t apologise for it.

after speaking to sophia and shannon (@1akorn) all anyone wanted was an apology. all you had to say was ‘i’m sorry, i will listen to lgbt voices and experiences’. instead you chose to actively shut down lgbt voices, disrespect someone’s disability and cause upset when you didn’t need to. i understand i might have done some things wrong, i am willing to learn from this and continue educating myself. i can only apologise for things i’ve done wrong if those things are bought to my attention.

there was never an attempt to push you off the platform. there was an attempt to open a line of discussion which you closed. that’s not my fault and i won’t be made to take the blame for it.

#morgan talks #its midnight and im tired #depression isn't a cheap tactic #if anyone wants to talk about my messages my inbox/dms are open #like i say im autistic so i understand i can come across as blunt without meaning to

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tumblunni · 7 years

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Man i cant stop thinking about that ‘tappy talk’ app post now... I know I’m able to talk but still I feel like using something like that would be incredibly helpful to me. I dunno if this is common to all autistic people but I kinda think in pictures and have to like.. translate my thoughts into english before I write them down? Its why i have a lot of trouble being coherant when I speak out loud as opposed to writing, its hard to mentally edit stuff without like... pausing for ages and getting stressed out that everyone thinks you’re dumb. And man like I dont even get the idea of an ‘inner voice’, the only ‘inner voice’ I have is how I sorta read my own dialogue out loud in my head to try and understand what i just said and convert it back to proper thoughts, to make sure I ‘translated’ correctly. I dont hear my own voice in my head unless I’m actually speaking or writing to somebody else. And god its just SO HARD sometimes to remember what the words are for a concept, or untangle a big abstract picture or emotion or sound or smell into a word that can explain it... But the problem is really that if I actually tried communicating with pictures then it’d be intuitive to *ME* but I dont think anyone else would understand it! It’d be like a code they’d have to puzzle out, and I guess at least they’d understand how english looks to me, lol. God, the idea of learning a second language is so impossible when ive spent my entire life ravenously reading and writing 90% of every day forever and I STILL stumble over speaking english! And dont even get me started on SPELLING and READING CURSIVE, gahhhhhh! I think maybe its even why I get attatched to characters that talk uniquely in videogames or books, cos i spend more time decoding their english and thus i focus more on them than the others? And pulling off a joke that relies on uncommon grammar rules is like MAGIC to me, I laugh SO MUCH when I finally get it, even if its something ridiculously minor like an egotistical character trying to hide their greedy plots through silly euphemisms. or, at least, thats the best excuse I have for why evil characters talking uniquely is even better? maybe just cos evil characters are more likely to have smart sassy jokes. And its SO FUN to try and write fanfics for them cos I have an excuse to practise learning to write in that unique speech style, which helps me figure out the rules and learn stuff that can improve my comprehension of regular english too! And GAHHH this is also why I love drawing but why its so easy for me to get demotivated and unconfident with drawing. I have very vivid pictures in my head of what I want to make, and then i get way too worked up when i lack the skill to recreate it on paper. And I suck at putting it in words so I can find reference images or tutorials. And it especially sucks when im trying to express an emotion that I cant express in words, cos i also suck at reading people’s faces thus i suck at DRAWING them! But maybe thats encouragement to be more creative, cos I like to find ways to express emotion through metaphor and actions rather than faces. Maybe its why i ended up gravitating towards games instead of comics? You can express so much through animation or through the choices you give a player! its a way to make someone get inside my head and finally hear the stuff I suck at saying!! also im sorry i always make super long posts, i think this is part of it too I suck at explaining what im trying to say, and i overcompensate by overexplaining, and my grasp of writing is bad so i cant tell when ive said the same thing twice with synonyms or if my grammar is hard to read GAHHHH basically i am just SORRY and also the guy who made that app is amazing and i hope it helps a lot of kids live happier lives and i think it could be very useful for people with anxiety problems or other cognitive difficulties even if they arent completely nonverbal it might be cool if it could expand into a full series of different variations geared towards different disabilities, maybe with some sort of customizeable functions to help crowdsource suggestions to add to the dictionary? (or just to customize it because not all pictures are universally understood the same in all cultures) MANNNN it makes me think so much about how powerful games can be in helping people with disabilities!! so many stuff on my dashboard all about this!! im so proud of indie developers using their power for good and just seriously i wish i could try this app, cos just seeing how it translates pictures to words might be able to help me learn better at some of the pitfalls i still have in grasping the english language even after 24 years of speaking it. And man if there was some sort of app that could teach me all the spelling variations that’d be awesome too, there’s a huge gap in my vocab where I can grasp a lot of unusual pronounciations and then it IMMEDIATELY stops as soon as we get to the stuff that wasnt given to us as a game or worksheet in school. and lol i can remember the grammar rules for the extra letters of the welsh alphabet even though i cant speak any more words of welsh and its totally useless in english! You’d think that “dydd is pronounced deeve” would be more difficult than figuring out if its thier or their! (I STILL CANNOT GET THAT RIGHT) (...also when im supposed to put the apostrophe in its) ... ANYWAY SORRY LONG POST

#sorry long post #thats my tag now #ill try and consistantly tag #also its annoying that my bad spelling/grammar means that sometimes i keep spelling the same tag differently #aaaa im so baddddd

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