#like i say im autistic so i understand i can come across as blunt without meaning to

[zhaozi]

when someone wants to blame me and people i occasionally speak to for them hypothetically attempting something if they were in a depressed episode then maybe it’s time for the truth to be put out in the open. i’m sincerely glad you’re not in a depressed episode, but maybe you should think about whether other people are. blaming them for something you might have done given a hypothetical what if isn’t fair to anyone.

axelle (@piningbisexuals) decided that she was going to post all about how me some other people in the thai drama community were attempting to run her off the platform by bullying her but she’s strong and she’ll pull through. what she neglected to mention is that the people who were ‘bullying and harrassing her’ were lgbt voices who wanted explainations for what could be considered microagressions or homophobic behaviour. 

i can’t speak for everyone but i took my concerns to her directly through direct messages because there was no need to get anyone else involved. (important fact before we continue: i am autistic, it take 3 seconds to find out this information on my about me page). as a result of my autism i understand i can often come across as blunt but unfortunately i don’t have the luxury of turning my disability off. i tried to be as polite as possible when contacting axelle any time i had queries and she responded in ways that confused me. 

i appreciate that english isn’t her first language so i shared screenshots of a messgae with @yihwas to ask for her opinion on whether the phrase ‘you did good’ was patronising in the context of the message. upon finding out this information, axelle took it upon herself to twist the events and state them in a way that made her seem more like a victim than she actually is. however, i am of the opinion i did not do anything wrong, and if i did i sincerely apologise. if anyone says my messages were rude, it was unintentional but i know because of the autism that i can come across as blunt. 

the first set of messages we exchanged were in response to her tags about off’s hand being over first’s crotch in a photo op. i thought it was a bit weird to make a beeline and focus in on the crotch so sent an ask about it. i’m posting a transcript instead of screenshots as it’s effort to add them in on mobilt but i have no issues posting them if needed. below is the transcript:

minghao-ah:  hi there, i was just reading through your blog and some of your tags rubbed me up the wrong way and I was just wondering if you could clarify on them a little bit. On this post (https://piningbisexuals.tumblr.com/post/636938447688499200/piningbisexuals-offguntay-being-extremely-subtle), you focus a lot on First's hand and whether or not he's touching someone's crotch and that seems a bit of a weird thing to focus on. Was it intentional? Hope that it's okay to ask for clarification! 😊😊 piningbisexuals:  hi, well I found it funny that in this picture https://www.instagram.com/p/CIZ8wBugW5w/ first's hand seems to be on off's crotch bc of the moment the pic was taken. it's not that deep, the hand placement made me cringe & bc I like to share everything on my tumblr I brought it up. I'm happy to clarify, especially as you seem polite & nice, but I also must admit I'm a little lost as to why that's an issue at all? I'm a little lost lol minghao-ah: it just seemed an odd thing to focus on is all. ive seen a lot of similar photos and my thoughts never stray to oh that person's hand is close to touching this person's crotch. i guess im a little used to fetishisation coming from a kpop fandom background and was just a little worried that you might be forcing sexualisation onto a completely innocent moment, especially with the last tag. as it was all completely innocent, I'm sorry I wasted your time! maybe ive just been on tumblr for too long and worry that everyone is a bit weird. it's easier to just ask rather than mistaking someone for a weird person. thanks for clarifying! 😊 piningbisexuals:  no I wouldn't be sexualizing off & first lol, I wouldn't do that to anyone but it's not like I ship them together so yeah I just found the timing of the pic funny. yes you did good asking me, I'd never want anyone to misinterpret my words. no problem!

the second exchange was in relation to an ask she received about itsay and a comment she made that it would not have been as successful if it was not marketed as a bl drama. below is the exchange:

minghao-ah: hi there. me again. just asking for more clarification because im sure i must be misunderstanding something. I'll skate over the intro because you haven't cited sources for your believe that the majority of bl watchers are lgbtq+ and i don't have the time currently to go looking for some so let's just stick a pin it that. in a response to an ask about itsay you say all mlm representation is still representation regardless of the quality. do you not think this is a harmful statement? bad representation is harmful. for example if your only representation of a gay man came from tharntype, you'd think that gay men were going to assault you in your sleep and accost you in the showers. if your only representation of gay men was the 'im not really gay, i just love you' trope then if you were a gay man you might find it wrong that you find more than one man attractive. is that not harmful for a large audience to be ingesting these stereotypes? the bl label isn't what made itsay big. the household name actors and the big production company behind the project is what helped made itsay big. plus if you're saying that labelling it as a gay series meant it wouldn't be as big doesn't that infer that boys love is good but gay isn't? should we infantalise gay men and their relationships for the sake of a label. surely if it was true representation then it would be under the title of a gay series? please correct me if im misunderstanding anything. id hate to think people were reading a message that you didn't intend to put out. piningbisexuals:  okay dude, so like I'm happy to answer, but also... I kinda feel like you're purposely trying to misinterpret my words? idk maybe you don't mean it that way but also I'd love to be able to express my opinion without my intention being misinterpreted. when I said mlm representation is still representation I was talking about mediocre mlm representation, aka shows that are not very produced & written but are still bl. I was not talking about shows with sexual assault & other harmful tropes. itsay being about two guys falling in love thus being bl is absolutely part of what made it big, especially with inter fans. as someone who watches both bl & non bl thai dramas it's very clear that what most of the inter fans watch is bl & only bl. you can have a different opinion, but it doesn't mean I'm wrong. we can have different opinions & it's okay minghao-ah:  i promise im not trying to misinterpret your words. i take things on face value which is why id prefer to ask for clarification rather than call you out publically or anything. im grateful you take the time to reply and that don't misunderstand the intention behind my messages. im aware we can have differing opinions and most of the time accepting those differences is healthy. it inspires debate and education, which im sure you'll agree is important. thanks again for letting me know your thoughts. in future would you prefer me not to message you? i understand that it might be difficult to have someone interpret your words the wrong way and it might cause offence to be asked to explain your reasoning. piningbisexuals:  honestly I appreciate you being nice & polite and I have no ill-will towards you at all, but also I just hope that in the future you can know my character a little more & know that I've said many times that I despise real life shipping, fanservice, shows with sexual assault & harmful stereotypes, so what you might misinterpret as something I'm saying is literally the direct opposite of all my values. so yeah it can be a little upsetting to have your intentions questioned. I can't tell you not to message me about it but I'll just ask you to really read my words & try to understand where I'm coming from before messaging me for explanation. english isn't my first language so yeah sometimes my wording can be a little awkward or what not, but I still think my intent is pretty clear

following this exchange, she blocked me so there was no way to discuss if i was misunderstanding something. throughout the exchanges i tried my best to be polite and open but i felt the response i got was standoffish with the aim to shut down conversation. as i said, i’m not good at detecting tone due to my disability to i asked sophia for help sometimes. 

in addition to this she has repeatedly deleted asks that i have sent her about her sexualisation of actors including the use of the title ‘daddy’. (as someone in her replies inferred, no i wouldn’t prefer it if she infantilised actors. there is a huge spectrum between daddy and baby.) in an ask she did answer she said it was because off was 30 thus old, his nickname is papi and it’s a meme and not sexual. if calling him daddy is because he’s old, then surely grandpa would be more appropriate. if his nickname is papi then stick with papi, you don’t need to translate it? finally, it’s not a meme, don’t kid yourself. i hope the following screenshots provide an understanding of what i was talking about when i said ‘sexualisation’ 

but off isn’t the only actor she’s done it too, so what’s the excuse there? she did it with drake who would’ve been 17 at the time of slam dance but okay he’s a ‘thicc daddy’. is it because of his age or does he also have a nickname i don’t know about? and what about ryan hawley? her tags speak for themselves about whether it’s a meme or sexual. 

i kept this private because there was no reason to make it public. if she would have apologised for the misunderstanding or just stated her case it would’ve been done. she was repeatedly dismissive and sometimes downright rude. she has had evidence bought to her in private of things that could be considered transphobic for example tagging a gifset of joss wayar in drag as ‘if this set flops youre transphobes’ and she deleted the tag but didn’t apologise for it. 

after speaking to sophia and shannon (@1akorn) all anyone wanted was an apology. all you had to say was ‘i’m sorry, i will listen to lgbt voices and experiences’. instead you chose to actively shut down lgbt voices, disrespect someone’s disability and cause upset when you didn’t need to. i understand i might have done some things wrong, i am willing to learn from this and continue educating myself. i can only apologise for things i’ve done wrong if those things are bought to my attention. 

there was never an attempt to push you off the platform. there was an attempt to open a line of discussion which you closed. that’s not my fault and i won’t be made to take the blame for it.

#morgan talks #its midnight and im tired #depression isn't a cheap tactic #if anyone wants to talk about my messages my inbox/dms are open #like i say im autistic so i understand i can come across as blunt without meaning to