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utilitycaster · 1 year

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Bells Hells, Level 9

Disclaimers as per usual: If I said something incorrect or left out something significant, corrections are welcome and encouraged. If I simply did not expound upon every single possible choice open to a character; if my opinions on mechanics differ from yours; or if you have wild speculation, please make your own post.

Blood hunter info is taken from the D&D Beyond content, which is subject to change, so don’t @ me if it does.

Everyone's proficiency bonus is now +4, which affects skill checks, proficient saves, and attacks. Non-multiclassed full spellcasters (FCG and Imogen, assuming neither multiclass) get fifth level spells.

In general, ninth level is an important but not terribly exciting one, in that 5th level spells are a big leap up and it's a proficiency bonus increase level, but it's fairly quiet in terms of class or subclass features. The multiclassers are the most interesting part here.

Also: now that level ups are done as separate little bits rather than teasers at the end of episodes, I'm introducing a "Looking forward" note at the end to speculate on L10 and beyond, since, for example, the version of this post in my drafts had my recommended ASIs for Chet and Fearne but no one got to see them until after the fact.

Chetney: By taking a level in blood hunter - his 8th in that class - he gets an ASI, which Travis took as stat bonuses to INT and STR. This is honestly what I would have recommended; he's now got a +3 to intelligence, easily the smartest in the group; and a respectable +4 to strength, his main attack stat. Looking forward: Honestly, who knows what the story will bring narratively...but blood hunter is a really good class and higher level rogue abilities just don't do a ton for Chet. Anyway, Blood Hunter 9 gives you one of my favorite abilities ever, Grim Psychometry, in which you have advantage on knowledge checks (and possibly even cool visions) for places and objects with tragic or dark pasts.

Laudna: Laudna took a level in sorcerer, which means she gets a Hound of Ill Omen, a dire wolf-like beast of darkness she can summon to attack a particular person. She also learns 2 more spells and gains another sorcery point. I would strongly advise she take Counterspell, given that she tends to lean more towards low-level utility than Imogen's attacks (and, let's face it, eldritch blast is better than most sorcerer damage spells). Looking forward: Personally, from a purely mechanics perspective, I think leveling in warlock would be more interesting from here on out. Sorcerers just...don't get much outside of spells from levels 7-14, and Laudna's feats and existing metamagic and the fact that there's another sorcerer in the party mean some variety would be fun and welcome (and warlock levels 4-6 are really good), but I get the appeal of Hound of Ill Omen for sure.

FCG: FCG gains access to 5th level spells and can prepare one more spell! Greater Restoration and Raise Dead are now available to them, which is pretty game-changing, and I'd love to see Sam try out Commune to get some actual answers from the Changebringer. He also gets two domain spells, which are unknown since it's a homebrew class. Looking forward: Cleric's just a really solid class! I'm interested to see how divine intervention works on a cleric who is still finding their god, and please get that WIS score up to a +4 at L12.

Fearne: Fearne leveled in druid, which means she also gets an ASI and has maxed out her casting stat of wisdom - this in turn means she can prepare two more spells than before (one from the higher druid level and one from the higher casting stat). She also gets the ability to wildshape into flying creatures, up to challenge rating 1. Looking forward: I would really not pursue rogue any further; Wildfire druid is just such a great class. Things to look forward to: at L9 druid (L10 overall) she'll get 5th level spells including Mass Cure Wounds as a circle spell; at L10 druid she'll get a cool bonus to damage or healing as a class feature; and at L11? Pick a tree.

Imogen: Imogen learns one new spell, which can be up to 5th level, and gains a 5th level spell slot and a sorcery point. She gets Telekinesis and Rary's Telepathic Bond as subclass features. As for her new spells: given the loss of the skyship, teleportation circle would be a good one to have on hand. Greater Invisibility would also be a strong choice. Looking forward: As noted with Laudna, there's not a ton going on until L14, but she does get a new metamagic ability next level (subtle spell feels very thematically appropriate), and I would in fact enjoy seeing Imogen cast Chain Lightning very much when she gets 6th level spells at L11.

Orym: Orym gets Indomitable, which allows him to reroll a failed saving throw and use the new number. Looking forward: 9's a quiet level for him but the next few are big ones. He gets two more battle master moves and his superiority dice go up to d10s from their current d8s; 3rd attack is at L11; and he gets another feat at L12, and I would love to see Mage Slayer.

Ashton: Ashton gains brutal critical, meaning that they can roll an additional weapon damage die when they crit. Looking forward: level 10 is a subclass level, so who knows, but I'm excited to find out!

#critical role #bells hells

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turtleblogatlast · 7 months

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okay so just so you know, im literally in love with your prison!leo au, yesterday i spent like over an hour scrolling through the tag and i think i read every post at least twice (more for the comics). its combining ‘prison dimension has permanent effect on leo, and not just mentally’, ‘immortality angst’, ‘object or place having a form of sentience’, AND ‘leo is somehow made significantly younger than his brothers which very much changes their dynamic without him wanting it to’ all into one which is just amazing.

i love how you combined comedy and tragedy very well!! like, for example the idea of leo being mistaken for the youngest brother, than a son, then a GRANDSON, is kinda funny for a second, but when you think about it for more than a couple seconds its also. really tragic. this poor kid may never be able to fully grow up - not only is he likely going to outlive his whole family but hes also permanently in the body of a child, lacking a fully developed brain and maybe never having the full maturity of an adult (at least in path b, until hes able to find a ‘cure’, if ever). its just. so good!!

anyways aldjsldkksld enough of the gushing (i mean i could keep doing it for like two thousand more words, but if i did it would probably devolve into keysmashes at some point from the Grip this au has on my brain). i am curious, what would happen if leo got sick? i know you mentioned that things like a common cold wouldnt really affect him that much, but what about one of those sickness is that leaves you pretty delirious/feverish and can take you out in a matter of a week? (could be a type of mystic sickness or curse as well, where you don’t know if the victim will survive or not and the only option is to wait it out.) what would happen? would they sort of just decide that its better to find a way to temporarily kill him so his body could regenerate as new, or would they try to take care of him and see if they could wait it out, since i imagine it would be the only time he’d really let his family take care of him in that way. thats all assuming his body wouldnt just automatically find a way to heal the separate curse and he’d be well again within an hour (still not fully sure as to how his healing works, sorry!)

anyways, love this au and im going to be obsessed with it for the next Month thanks

[ cw: discussion of murder / discussion of mercy kill / risky behavior implied / ]

Omg I’m

So touched???

Thank you for enjoying my AU so much, it really makes me happy to hear this :’) This whole AU was thought up exactly because of my interest in the concepts you mentioned - particularly the one regarding the Prison Dimension having a permanent and visible effect on Leo.

I know I haven’t updated it in a while, but I am still working on it and have even finished drafting the next comic, I can’t say when I’ll finish it but this ask definitely pushed me to work on it more so thank you so much <3

As for your question- it depends! In most regular illnesses, Leo would get over them very quickly, only experiencing the briefest brush with the symptoms before his body throws it away, if that. If the illness is mystic in nature then things get a little more complicated, as you’re right in that it could potentially end up as an endless loop of the first part of whatever weird sickness he gets. So if the illness is something that instantly affects you in the worst ways, and it’s something you just need to ride out until it leaves…that can potentially be harmful. Of course, it needs to be a powerful illness to bypass the prison’s curse to that extent though. …then again, maybe something would prefer that for him, should it appear beneficial :)

As for whether the fam would decide to just…’reset’ Leo to get rid of the illness…that’s a tough one. It really depends on how long Leo’s been back, and even then, it’s not something they’d just do, it’s hard for them to even imagine really. More likely, a sickly Leo would merely try to find a cure himself in his delirium, and end up ‘reset’ along the way.

I hope my wishy washy answer was enough! And really, thank you so much again for the kind words, they mean a lot :’)

#p!l au ask #prison!leo au #murder implication #mercy kill implication /#risky behavior implied /#I swear I’m working on an update!#path A has turned out to be very hard to come up with a solid introductory comic for but I believe I finally got it 👌#anyway- ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️#I still love my boy and his undead self to death #even if path b kinda makes him very sans Undertale esque at times lolol I swear it wasn’t on purpose

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lilysaus · 10 months

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okay. this fucking picture made me so mad i went on a 15 minute rant to my sister while she was trying to read her book.

so ive been looking at a lot of pictures of posts on pinterest because thats just where i spend most of my time. most of these posts are on the topic of adhd. ive never been properly diagnosed, but reading through these posts has made me feel so welcomed and understood (more than my parents have made me feel, pretending that this is "all just a phase that ill get over soon because pretending to have adhd is just the thing right now") that i realized ON MY OWN that "hey maybe i do have adhd." well.

i found this post while scrolling through pinterest, and it really sparked my anger.

i have a friend who was diagnosed with add before it was considered an "outdated" term and scrapped because apparently ALL FUCKING FORMS OF NEURODIVERGENCY THAT ARENT AUTISM ARE JUST "ADHD".

i read this post and it was what sparked my anger and my 15 minute rant to my sister. people who get degrees in this stuff, or counselors at schools, never really know what youre going through. all they know is that youre having some problems and they need to be solved.

which brings me back to this picture. if you look up "is add still a thing" on google, this is the first picture to pop up. and just seeing the visual aids they put with it makes me furious enough to throw something or someone out a fifth story window. the little girl is fucking SMILING while thinking about the most common shit people think us neurodivergent folks think when distracted. first off, no. false. we dont just think of video games and candy. we think of the randomest shit possible, like how long can i sit here without blinking or what kind of funny shit can i draw on this one sheet of paper.

and ALSO.

you cant just categorize adhd as TWO SEPARATE THINGS and call it good. we dont fit under two umbrellas. theres too many of us. we each have our own figurative umbrellas that only we ourselves can fit under, no one else. thats the problem with neurotypicals. they fit the typical stereotype for humans: we try to understand everything by putting it in a box. those lists of "symptoms"? i match every single one. on both sides. so ha. take that SCIENTISTS. what am i? some kind of freak of nature because i dont fit under just ONE of your precious categories?

i also looked up what "inattentive" means and it made me angrier. according to oxford languages, "inattentive" means "not paying attention to something", which doesnt seem too bad, right? it fits some people perfectly with their symptoms, right? but its not the definition that bugs me. its the example sentence thats used. "a particularly dull and inattentive student". basically saying that if you dont pay attention well to something, youre dull and boring.

im sorry, what? sometimes i have trouble paying attention, sure, but you ask any of my friends and they can agree i am NOT boring in any way, shape, or form. non of them would describe me as "dull". inattentive? sure, but not dull. so to call it "inattentive" adhd, instead of just add, is stupid! my friend with ADD (not fucking adhd, stupid scientists) is one of the funniest, most entertaining people ive ever met. shes an incredible artist, super smart, and knows how to make anyone laugh. does that sound dull to you? does she have problems focusing sometimes? yes. does she struggle with doing something sometimes? yes. but dont the rest of us?

my point is, when i see things like this, it pisses me off. like, unless all of the scientists who agreed "add" is an outdated term have it themselves, i refuse to believe its outdated and i will continue to say that my friend has it. she was literally diagnosed by the doctor telling her "you have attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder without the hyperactivity." THATS JUST FUCKING ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER YOU DUMBASS!!!

anyway, i hope im not the only one who feels this way. i just felt it necessary to get this out there. maybe someday, people wont be so dumb and single minded. in my opinion, neurodivergent people are superior in intellect and creativity, but i guess until someone like that takes over the world and dropkicks neurotypicals into the stratosphere, we'll never know.

#adhd stuff #undiagnosed adhd #living with adhd #neurodivergence #neurodivergent #add #its called add not adhd #you dumbasses #scientists are stupid sometimes #make that all the time

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ashsostrange · 7 months

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i’m (not) sorry to say, but miles is better off by himself.

idk if i’ve ever written a post this long, but i got energy tonight. y’all have been sucked into the black hole of shipping, so let me ground you and remind you of this amazing thing called being single. i’m gna talk ab margo and gwen, but mostly gwen bc she’s obv miles’ (main) love interest. i’ve said more than enough about why miles and gwen don’t work/make sense. if you wna be enlightened then feel free to click the links.

thoughts on ghostflower: here!

reblogging a moot's post w/ added thoughts: hereee!

i love ranting so let’s get it! 😛

i don't have much to say about margo bc sadly, she's barely there. what i will say though is that as cute as miles and margo would be together, there’s one more movie left lol. the third movie’s gna be busy as hell. there’s literally no time for romance, and to rush miles and margo (two people who just met) into liking each other in, like, a three hour timespan would just be terrible writing. plus, we all know she’s there for some bs having to do with miles nd gwen, which is literally soooooooo very lame, words can't describe. one, where are you finding the time to cram in jealousy/all this angsty romance mess when miles’ dad is ab to die and the universe is ab to collapse bc of a nigga that looks like the lovechild of a cardboard box and a cow?? two, is this really all margo is here for?? to make gwen jealous or “help miles realize he’s in love with gwen” ?? shameeee, like summer said. 😐 i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: margo could be SO much more than a disposable love interest!!!

gwiles/ghostflower fans, i’m going to tell you something that will make you upset. i said i was coming for you and i meant it 🗣️‼️

before you yell at me and push smoke out of your ears, i need you to put your right hand on your chest and close your eyes. you feel your heartbeat? good. now, count to three while taking deep breaths and remember that none of this shit is real so you’d look stupid af trying to attack me. 🙃 some of y’all are getting TOO comfortable being unnecessarily disrespectful and ion like that lol. don’t try it here bc i’m on another level of not gaf!

listen, even if (when?) gwen and miles team up to save his dad, it won’t change the fact that gwen was keeping some hefty info from miles, yo. she was smiling in jeff’s face and cracking jokes like she didn’t know he was bout to die. y’all gotta be so very real with yourselves. you wouldn’t wna date, let alone be FRIENDS with someone who kept something that big from you, regardless of the circumstances or lack of ill intent. one of the most important people in your life concealing the fact that you’re about to lose another important person in your life is insane.

i’m aware that gwen didn’t tell miles about his dad because she genuinely thought it’d cause mass destruction if he saved jeff. thing is, even if miles knew that, i think he’d still feel betrayed. that’s 100% valid because this is his dad we’re talking about. he just lost his uncle not too long ago, too. i wouldn’t blame miles if he never wanted anything to do with gwen again. i wouldn’t blame bro if he got sick to his stomach every time he saw her. it’d be justified, bc if he never followed her that night, then he wouldn’t have had the chance to save jeff.

my point is that you can be a “good person” and still fuck up bad enough to make someone never wna speak to you again. miles is a sweetheart so he’ll probably forgive gwen. my thing is, miles forgiving gwen doesn’t mean the two of them are obligated to be friends again. they can handle it maturely, go their separate ways, nd never speak again. it’s really not even gna hurt y’all cuz it’s the last mf movie anyway??? 😭😭

if it isn’t clear by now, i don’t want miles and gwen together at all. they have no business being around each other frl 🙃 not as friends and definitely not as lovers. like, sure, that one scene where they’re swinging/talking on the bank was my absolute fav. it was cute. i shipped them before i really thought about it. that scene is still my fav, but my adoration for it isn’t gna stop me from keeping it real.

i really don’t care what anyone says or how in love they think these two are, this isn’t a “forgive and forget” situation. if the writers truly wanted gwen and miles to be involved romantically, then not only should they have structured their dynamic better, they shouldn’t have made gwen the person she was in this movie. love, love, LOVE redemption arcs because it’s a reminder that we're human and we're flawed, but you can’t redeem yourself from that. sorry. (not) i say miles should leave that girl alone 🤷‍♀️ leave all potential girls alone ffs.

in conclusion, it’s okay for miles to be single. he's 15 anyway, it's not like he'll die without a girl. i’m the suckiest sucker for anything to do with romance, but characters in film/animation don’t need to have love interests for a project to be considered good. if you feel like it does, then maybe ts you’re watching just sucks, lmao. a girl and a boy can be friends without one having feelings for the other, or both of 'em having mutual feelings. (in the media idk ab irl..) it’s time to stop forcing ts. please.

and it’s okay y’all, i promise you. it’s okay if miles and gwen don’t end up dating. it's okay if they reconcile and stay friends. it’s okay if they reconcile and don’t stay friends. though unlikely, it’s also okay if miles doesn’t forgive gwen at all! resolutions like these go to show that you can “forgive” someone without letting them have access to you anymore. that’s what miles needs to do. straying away from the “happy ending” everyone is expecting would be nice. it’d be a different approach and a realistic way to complete the franchise. (i’m not just saying this bc i love angst)

but before the gwiles (ugly ass ship name btw) fans start throwing up and telling me to end my shit, it’s 99% unlikely that anything i just stated will actually happen. we’re more than likely getting a kiss between miles and gwen, nd that’s bc the writers are probably high off the same dope they were on when they wrote gwen sneaking in thru miles’ window, j for his parents to be way more calm about it than any other normal parent would be. i could say some more about certain scenes but that's for another night.

miles doesn’t need to be with anyone. especially not gwen when it comes down to it.

oh and i HATE peter b. fuck that nigga. he was nun but an extra in this movie and i know he’s an opp in the next. 🙎‍♀️

that’s all! if you read allat then thanks, cuz i wrote a lot. if you're feeling angry, then go for a walk. this isn’t a place for any typa criticism bc i am right, therefore, i am not requesting confirmation. 🙌 i said what i said. have a good night.

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tleeaves · 5 months

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what did cassie get wrong w Jem iyo? like to me he’s very proud and stubborn in an Asian way (it’s hard to explain but there’s something very chinese about it, culturally, how he’s optimistic and dramatic in equal parts but needs to be seen as separate from his illness so badly) and very conscious of the value of life yet resigned to his own fate yet holding his head up the way people in inspiration porn do (but it’s from a place of wanting to be normal, wanting to fit in and live and have meaning and love and responsibility in his life like a teenager). I’m curious though how could his character have popped more? and what does not seem realistic?? actual so curious

Okay love, bear with me, I'm just going to go on a bit of a ramble. I haven't put a lot of thought into my answer so it may be a bit incoherent.

So, as context for anyone else, I mentioned in another post where I was examining chronic pain and illness in fiction using TSC characters that I felt that while Jem was done quite well (he means a lot to me as a character and I relate to him like I haven't been able to with other characters before), there were some missed opportunities for his character to really pop and some things I felt Cassie didn't really do realistically.

Honestly, I think the two kind of tie together. While my illness is not terminal, there were many times I either wished for death or wished to live a fuller life unhampered by the pain and sickness. This still happens sometimes, but more of the latter. It's hard to look at healthy, able-bodied people. I marvel at just... how much easier existence must be for them. And I wish we saw more of this perspective with Jem.

While we do see him having a crisis over feeling like he's only half-living, half a man, and so he must take more yin-fen to be his full self for Tessa (this really hit hard as someone who was on steroids and felt unshackled for the first time in years, only for the pain to come back again and trip me up again sometime after I had stopped taking the meds), I also feel that we didn't quite reach a catharsis or angst that truly would have rounded his experience as a character. Optimism, pride, stubbornness, and his own subtler dramatics all do come into this, but I really would have liked to see a moment of weakness.

I think that night when he first kisses Tessa and is ranting about how she acts like a nurse and as if he is her patient, that he knows she cannot even see him as a full man, one who might desire her -- that was good. That was a moment of weakness. Emphasised when he sent her away because he did not want her to see him on his knees dusting up the drugs that give him life. That was so frickin' YES. I cannot even tell you the amount of times I feared as a teenager and even now into adulthood that I will not be seen romantically because I am just someone to take care of, a liability, and I try so hard to compensate for that to not be a burden, because I need to be seen as a "full person" to anyone able-bodied. This was just chef's kiss fantastic as a demonstration of something Cassie did so, so right to me with Jem. It's a common insecurity but not to be overlooked. For Jem it is his weakness and shorter life span, for me it's physical disfigurement (so far it's just one funky collarbone) that may worsen with age and limited physical ability (I say it so many times, but it really haunts me that I turned down a dance offered by a guy I had a major crush on because I was in too much pain to move much let alone dance, and the fact that many people avoided me when I was in my worst bouts of pain because they didn't know what to do).

Anyway, that was an example of something Cassie did right. What I would have also liked to see though is a moment where Jem is not calm and it has nothing to do with Tessa (well, it's at least not centred around Tessa). For a long time, I just wanted the pain to end. I had made peace with death because I wished for it. And there was a calmness to it. The same everyone sees in Jem. Acceptance. He argues not willingness because he fights for every second of life he gets to spend with those he loves, but I really think what would have popped is seeing him realise how much he wants for there to be a cure. He does give everyone permission to look before he calls it off to take the last resort option he never wanted before to be a Silent Brother, but I wanted to see him break down -- even if it's in private because most of our battles are when you're chronically ill -- and realise he wants to live because there is so much more he wants.

I know it's seen as very cool to accept a death that's coming to you in a lot of media, but honestly once I got past wishing for it, I became so absolutely terrified of it. The idea of losing control over my body, of my joints being too stiff and painful to create or do simple tasks, and the idea of any of my chronic illnesses being severe enough to become what might kill me in the end, before my time, scares me so much. There is a frantic need in me to do and see everything before I am unable to. I feel like I am constantly in a rush for everything in life.

It's basically rule of thumb in writing that a character who is calm needs a scene where they are not calm, when they snap, when the unthinkable happens, where the unshakeable are suddenly shook, and I needed that deep, deep terror in Jem to be about him, and not just Tessa or the people he's leaving behind that he does not want to cause grief for.

Not every person who can "put up" with their chronic illness is a saint with infinite patience. I see this a lot. To me it feels unrealistic that Jem feels okay about his illness, about his impending death, about all of it, that the only thing he might feel bad about is making his bride a widow too soon and leaving his best friend who might not cope without him. This is more of a typical trope in media, and by god do I just want to see someone else who isn't me go through what I do and also scream and cry at the injustice of it all. We didn't choose this life, it was given to us, and it feels so unfair. It is rare that I ever break down right in front of a person, I've gotten good at the detachment when talking about my chronic illnesses, but in private it is a whole other monster.

Not only that, but the Jem we see post-Brotherhood is so... different. Granted he had over 100 years to come to terms with no longer dying too early or being ill and weak. But chronic illness really takes its toll on a person. You don't have to make their whole personality their illness, I think we'd all rather not, but there is a fear that every little health problem might be something worse, there is even a begrudgement of those who take their bodies for granted, the fear that your children might inherit your weaknesses and that maybe you have sentenced them to a life of pain like yours was/is, that one day the chronic illness will come back and you've only got so many healthy years left before you get old and start to lose your body all over again.

For every moment of optimism and hope, there are hidden moments of despair and fight and pain. Sometimes we have to claw and bleed for that ounce of hope, for the strength to act "normal" and fit in and not be a downer around everyone else. As restless as you can be, sometimes you just want to sleep it off, even though you know this illness isn't something you can sleep off. I would have liked to see more of that with Jem.

Again, what Cassie did was really good, and I appreciate Jem so much since I have not seen many other chronically ill characters who I relate to in fiction. I just felt some things could have added to his story and character.

#that got so seriously rambly I barely knew what I was saying half the time #anyway I finally answered so sorry for the wait #jem carstairs #chronic illness #chronic pain

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lily-174 · 2 years

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Hatred- steve harrington x reader

trigger warning: massive trigger warning for this fic, but fics like this always bring me a lot of comfort, since i deal with the things i write, i don’t like writing about things i haven’t experienced since i want to make sure i write things as realistically as i can.

so again trigger warning: mentions of self harm, suicidal ideation, disordered eating, domestic violence, poor body image, i’ll try and add as much fluff as i can too!

i hope you are all okay, i don’t know if anyone is struggling right now, but i promise you it gets better. if you’re struggling with anything mentioned or anything at all, just know you’re loved and you’re not alone. your feelings are valid.

overview: steve harrington x billy’s twin sister, post season 3 and loosing billy. steve was aware the reader had some issues previous to loosing billy, but everything’s kicked off and steve finds out the reader is struggling again

⚠️⚠️⚠️

***

weeks.

that’s how long it had been since loosing your brother. the pain that wreaked your body was uncanny. it’s not like you had the best relationship with your brother but you loved him, despite the fights, arguments and whatever else went on in your lives. out of you and billy, you accepted max into the family. you always wanted a sister…

you regretted that now, it’s not like you didn’t care for her. but that night, the night billy died, you were so focused on max and her friends you felt as if you failed your brother. that survivors guilt was ruining you.

your boyfriend steve, he tried to be there.. but you didn’t want him to be. you and steve clicked as soon as you moved to hawkins. you loved him. he loved you. you didn’t think you’d actually ever commit to a relationship not for any awful reasons, just that you had a lot of unresolved trauma, that caused you issues you couldn’t hide. the scars, flinching, body checking. the slight way you’d pull pieces of clothing away from your skin, how you’d never fully relax your legs in a chair, tiny things you never wanted to explain. it all started when he tried to hug you, him raising his arm caused you to flinch immediately stepping away from him. then you explained the problems in a way that didn’t make it sound as serious as it was, you didn’t want him to worry or think of you any differently. you’d surely get over it at some point right?

you were happy, the happiest you’d ever been, new town, fresh start, brother and a sister and your amazing new boyfriend and new friends. then billy died, your whole world came crashing down.

you and max became more distant, she tried to make an effort with you, but she felt so guilty, guilty as if she should’ve been the one who died so the twins wouldn’t be separated. you didn’t want max to feel that way but you didn’t know what to say.

in the recent two weeks, you had barely left your bed, hadn’t spoken to your friends or your boyfriend completely trying to push them all away. you’d relapsed back into old habits. you hadn’t cut for a whole year, now you were back to square one, you felt so empty you couldn’t even eat. you looked ill. steve had tried to call, tried to come over but you didn’t want to see him. he thought it would probably be best to let you grieve.

it has almost been three weeks now, steve had enough of waiting. he spoke to robin and dustin and decided to go and see you, he had made the decision. he didn’t care how bad you were, he’d try to understand and help you.

since there’s not a lot of awareness surrounding mental health steve was slightly confused by your problems sometimes. but he tried his best to understand. after speaking to robin he wanted to be there for you, he wanted to listen he wanted you to be his forever. he needed you in his life. you made him a better man. your dad had left you with max’s mom, since he couldn’t deal with you after billy’s death. he couldn’t look at you the same. it’s not like you cared, he treated you and your brother terribly anyway.

so after talking to dustin and robin, he made his way to your trailer. he knocked on the door no one answering, max is at school and your moms probably not in. steve looked under the mat where he knew the spare key was. he took the key from under the mat carefully opening the door, he stepped into the once familiar trailer. upon him opening the door the smell of cigarette smoke fills his nose, he follows the smell to your room. gently knocking on your door calling out to you “y/n, can i come in?”

you didn’t reply to him, he took a deep breath opening the door. your room had a smell, sweat, cigarette and weed mixed together. “jesus christ he muttered under his breath as he stepped in your mess of a room. you were under the covers. he walked towards your bed sitting next to you.

“y/n” again you didn’t respond he looked at you shocked slightly by your appearance. hair a mess, you looked like you hadn’t slept in months, even though that’s pretty much all you’d done. he noticed your face looked slimmer your cheek bones slightly more defined. he pulled the covers back gently finding you wearing his t-shirt that’s when he noticed the marks littering up your arms. some old some new, ranging from purple, white and even red. in that moment he felt his heart compress. he wasn’t there when you needed him.

“steve! what are you doing here? go home” you woke from your slumber pulling the covers back up covering yourself. “what’s going on sweetheart? this is more then just grief, i cant leave you like this. you need to talk to me” he explained worry lacing his features. you sighed at his words and he laid next to you pulling you into his arms. you allowed him to hold you for a while just appreciating his touch, you’d never felt so touch deprived in your life. you felt relief as he was holding you the pain that’s been constant in your chest lightened. you began to cry, it starting with just a few tears falling down your cheeks then it felt as if tears were flooding down your face, you couldn’t breathe, your tears staining his top. he tried comforting you gently rubbing your back and the back of your head, holding you close to him while whispering sweet words into your ear. you laid with him crying for a while sobs wrecking your body. after a while, you’d calmed down slightly. he picked you up carrying you to the bathroom and sitting you on the toilet and running you a bath.

“let’s try and make you feel better okay? then we can talk about everything..” steve tried his best to make you feel better, he ran you a warm bubble bath, carefully helping you undress he was shocked by your body, he always thought you were beautiful despite everything you’re still beautiful to him, but you’d visibly lost weight, he didn’t point anything out though, not the weight loss or the marks covering your body. his heart was breaking at the sight of you in such a mess. he laid you in the bath gently washing your hair as you wash yourself. “i’m so sorry steve.. i never wanted you to see me like this” you whispered tears still glossed over your eyes. “it’s okay babe, you don’t have to be sorry pretty girl.. just let me help you okay?” you nodded, as he kisses your forehead.

when you got out the bath you felt dizzy, steve helped you get changed and went back to your bedroom, changing your bed and tidying up slightly before going back to the bathroom and carrying you back to bed. he laid you back in bed and ordered pizza, in hopes you could eat and then talk, he was so worried you’d become ill. he gently attempted to braid your wet hair as you waited for the pizza. he then brought up a difficult thing he didn’t want to point out.

“sweetheart, you don’t have to explain it to me yet okay? but can you let me look after them” he looked at you then down to your arms, you nodded, your eyes rimmed red. he nodded grabbing antiseptic wound cleaner and some cream and bandages gently looking after your arms the sight breaking him, he felt as if he could cry himself. he felt so guilty he wasn’t there for you. he knew he should have got involved sooner. soon after he finished bandaging you up the pizza came, he went to the door getting the food and paying for it he brought it back to your room.

“let’s eat okay darling? just try okay?” he asked in a soft voice as he placed the pizza box on your bed.

“i’ll try stevie” you tried to put on a soft smile but it fails slightly, steve sees straight through it, he runs a hand through his hair, and grabs two slices of pizza handing one to you and taking a bit of the other. you slowly took a bite and a soft proud smile wonders it’s way onto steve’s face.

after you’d both eaten you laid in his arms again he held you close rubbing your back. “ can we talk about this now please? i want to help” he asked. you nod and sit up slightly so you can see him properly, “remember everything i told you before?” he nods. you didn’t have the energy to explain everything in detail so you shortened it slightly.

“it’s worse then that, my ex.. he was awful, billy ended up having a massive fight with him.. and then when our dad found out. he hurt billy. he hurt us.. always did. then.. then when we moved here, and he met max’s mom we thought it would be a fresh start it wasn’t. it continued her aswell. less to me.. cause of max.. our dad didn’t want her mom to think he’d do the same to her, but billy being a boy that was somehow different.. i hate everything steve, i hate myself. i’ve had this um- this problem” you look down to your now bandages arms. and continue “for a long time, a few years now i think, i was a year clean steve. i didn’t do it for a while year… now i’ve fucked it. i cant do this anymore stevie.. and billy, it should’ve been me. i can’t deal with this anymore i wish it was me” by now tears were flowing down your cheeks yet again, and steve had tears in his eyes after listening to you suffering.. he didn’t know what to say. he didn’t know what he could say to make you feel better, he pulled you into a tight hug.

“look sweetheart, you can do this. i’m here now, i won’t let anyone hurt you again.. i promise. i’m sorry i wasn’t here, but i’m here now. i’ll look after you y/n. you’re perfect. i’m not leaving you ever again okay? i’m here and i’m not going anywhere. i’m gonna help you get through this. none of what happened is your fault. nothing okay? none of it is your fault. i love you y/n i really do. i love you so much” he whispers into your ear trying to help a stray tear falling down his cheek. you smile slightly tears still running down your cheeks. you lay your head on steve shoulder moving to sit on his lap laying on top of him with your head on his shoulder. you lay there with him for a while until you fall asleep on his shoulder, this had been the most you’d done in weeks. you were tired.

once you’d fallen asleep steve let a few more tears leave his eyes and he held you against him tightly. making the most of the feeling of you holding on to him. he missed you so much, today hurt him. he just wished he could do more, he’d take all of your suffering away if he could. from that moment onwards he promised himself he’d take care of you no matter what and not let anyone hurt you ever again. he loved you dearly.

#stranger things #steve harrington #steve harrington fluff #stranger things x reader #stranger things 4 #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington imagine #steve smut #steve harrington x sh reader #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson smut #st4

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jakowskis · 1 month

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s2 time! i'm not gonna be as thorough with it as i was w s1 bc i'm not a huge fan of season 2 ff but here goes

(this post's gonna be tosh/owen + some fragments talk, then i'm gonna reblog with a day in the death stuff, and then ill make a separate post for adam bc. woo nelly. that one warrants it.)

so lets start with the tosh/owen differences. a lot of their little scenes in s2 are markedly different - mostly as far as body language. there's a surprising amount of physical affection between them.

four separate occasions (eps 3, 4, 8, and 9) where there's physical affection between them in the script that didn't make it into the episode. i find this intriguing. tosh and owen are both very... non-affectionate people. both of them could be, with someone they loved romantically, but they don't strike me as the type of people who like to cuddle with their friends. they're both naturally very aloof and non-touchy, which makes that casual physical touch very ooc. i imagine that's why it didn't end up on screen. i figure the writers here knew the show was meant to push the tosh/owen angle in s2, but it's interesting to me that it ended up being a lot more subtle and... awkward in the show itself. i've already said i'm not a towen fan, for many reasons, but one is that there's just... zero chemistry between them (in s2, anyway). every interaction is forced and uncomfortable. it's weird enough that i was thrown off by it for a long time and couldn't figure out what the show was trying to do with them, lmao. i know that their awkwardness probably appeals to some people, and is cute or smth, but i dislike it personally. mostly i'm just petty the show reduced tosh down to that relationship tbh but whatever.

i can't help but wonder if they had this casual physical affection with each other, and if it fit in and didn't feel ooc for them, if i would like them as a couple more. but honestly i have thought about what the show could've done to make tosh/owen endear me, and i don't think uncharacteristic physical affection would be it. i do like that first scene, the way their communication styles clash a bit and they don't know quite how to talk to each other. i like owen awkwardly trying to comfort her, i love when he does that, how it's like a baby deer walking for the first time fhsdjfkds. im very endeared by the way owen's empathy is either out of nowhere and all-consuming, or something he has to force and is awkward about wielding. whenever he tries to be kind it's very tentative, because it doesn't come natural to him (anymore, at least), but he does care enough to try. i'm so fond of it. also hes sooo nd ehehe. tosh too.

will say this: i do appreciate owen getting hugs. he does need it. tosh needs it too. if the team WAS physically affectionate with each other they'd be better off, i think.

two more tosh/owen things...

see, this is what i mean when i say i couldn't tell what the show was doing with them. the SHOW can't even tell. this whole scene is written very vaguely, with little insight into owen's head, like the damn writer doesn't even know why he finally agreed. this is probably my, like, fourth favorite tosh/owen scene, which isn't saying much, 'cause i still don't really like it. it's cute in like, three spots, but mostly it just feels... weird. i don't understand what burn was intending with his acting choices, because owen comes across as insincere and slightly snide. it's weird and gross, and it rubs me wrong. i don't know if he's trying to be casual and play it cool or something, but the way he laughs at her makes me wanna punch him. the way owen treats tosh is just about the only place i legitimately can't stand him.

one last bit about it. see, 'fondly'. in the actual scene, i would describe the way owen looks at her in this moment as.... amused (at her expense) and slightly condescending. like he thinks she's laughable. it fucking bothers me. which sucks because i wanna like them, i do. i think they could be compatible. but the way he treats her in canon is nauseating and i can't get behind it.

right, and then two fragments moments i wanna discuss

all i really wanna say here is again (as mentioned in my end of days talk), chibnall didn't specify owen crying or anything, but he spends his whole segment of this ep in tears. point is i wanna thank burn gorman for the way owen constantly is teary eyed and miserable, with those big pretty brown doe eyes of his. it means the world to me. thats all

actually it's not all cuz i also wanna point out jack grabbing owen to stop him instead of owen collapsing into tears and sobbing into jacks chest while jack holds him. the dead man walking script similarly didn't specify the physical touch between jack and owen in the three places it appears, so i imagine that was largely something decided by the actors... i'm very compelled by the three separate instances where we see owen attack jack one minute / at one point in the ep and then sob in his arms the next. their relationship is sooo unhealthy fff

#borderline girlie of all time truly #mine

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roseworth · 10 months

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As one of the most Rose Wilson blogs (excellent taste) what r ur thoughts on the first issue of her Knight Terrors ?

my biggest thoughts on it are just that its not very interesting </3 there are a few things i dont like about it (the lack of lili 😔 but ill circle back to that in a sec) but overall ?? it just didnt really do a lot. theres not a lot to dislike but theres also not a lot to like

but i can excuse the fact that theres not a lot in it given that this is the first time rose is getting the spotlight in like 15 years so not a lot of people are gonna know anything about her backstory so they had to make it accessible to people that dont know her. and i get that

like batman's knight terrors tie-in could delve a lot deeper into his backstory and feelings bc. its batman. everyone knows batman. he has arguably the most famous backstory in western media. but not everyone knows ravager so they had to make it very new reader friendly and i understand that, especially since her biggest trauma (getting drugged by slade) isnt even canon right now (😔) and her other big trauma (her mom dying) is a little more complicated than the story they wanted to tell (mostly because. wade.)

but i wish they had gone a little deeper into like. her feelings. being trapped in a nightmare that you have to escape from is one of my favorite tropes ever so i was soooooooo excited when this book was announced, but it just,, didnt really do anything. there was so much that could've been done with rose protecting and subsequently being betrayed by her younger self, not to mention the whole idea of slade hunting her down. but they didnt really use it? i was hoping for more like,,,, character exploration. but it didnt really deliver

on the other hand though. this one was def trying to do more of a plot than some of the others. like for example the jason & tim one has the basic plot of "theyre in a nightmare" but other than that its really just being used as a way to make them go through their fears n give them some character exploration (side note i wish they had been given two separate ones but thats a whole other post) whereas the ravager one is talking about murder man using rose as a conduit and trying to get into the waking world and making it like. a story instead of just introspection. so it definitely felt like the first issue was setting a lot up for more that will (hopefully) happen in issue two.

anyways back to her mom. again part of the reason that it would be so hard to incorporate lili into the story is that the circumstances surrounding her death would mean reintroducing the story from 30 years ago where she died, which slade wasnt there for so they couldnt wring out her daddy issues, and the fact that its only brought up like. 3 times ever again after that make it hard to reference her. not to mention deathstroke 2016 sort of retconned it that slade murdered her ????? then that was also never brought up again. so once again i understand that it would be very complicated to bring her into the story, not to mention if she showed up she would show up just to die 3 seconds later so i cant be.. too mad.

HOWEVER. they taunted me by mentioning her one (1) time then bringing up the foster parents instead. it seems like it's sort of working toward bringing her pre-52 origin back. but the foster parents were the worst part of her pre 52 origin. and also as my roommate (who hasnt read a lot of rose) pointed out, the foster parents are a deep cut. they showed up for like 3 pages 20 years ago then died and were literally never brought up again (not even a passing mention) until now. and while the story doesnt hinge on knowing who they are, i feel like theres definitely a feeling that youre missing something when you dont know the parents. so the fact that they were there at all seems really weird to me given the fact that im trying to excuse the fact that lili wasnt there. idk. its just hard to understand why brisson chose to put them there instead of lili, who had a major impact on rose's life and her death is the whole reason rose even joined slade at all. at least to me, the fact that lili wasnt there was extremely noticeable and felt wrong (not to mention the "i grew up in a brothel not a foster home" line is kinda iffy to me but maybe im reading too much into it). im still hoping she'll show up in the second issue, especially since they did specifically mention her in the first issue so maybe thats setting her up to show up in nightmare form later (<-delusional)

ok i think thats all my thoughts for now. tldr: its fine, it doesnt have a lot necessarily with it given the fact that rose isnt a well known character so they couldnt dive too deep into her character, but i felt like it wasnt really trying to do anything and it wasnt interesting. the only real problem was the fact that her mom wasnt there. but mostly im willing to wait until the second half before im too harsh on the book

#also im sorry this took me a sec to answer #last night i read this ask then spent 30 minutes pacing around my room talking to myself about it #then fell asleep without writing any of my thoughts down fhdskjfhsdjaf #rose wilson #dc #but idk. it doesnt feel like as nightmare as much as its just. shes in a situation #i did like a lot of her conversation with little rose though #i thought her protecting her younger self was a nice idea i just think they should've gone further with it

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kosmic-arts · 4 months

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Roxas, Namine, & the Reality That Carl Jung is Real

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OK SO. this video is great and is an even more detailed, succinct version of what i was talking about in my roxas/kh2 plot analysis post. please watch, this is such good food for thought. for a while ive really been thinking about the meaning of nobodies in kh, and how i feel the concept has been gradually bastardized over the course of the story- but disregarding that lmao! i have been making the connection myself about how similar nobodies are to the concept of the shadow in carl jung's psychology theories, and boy howdyyyy was it great to see i wasn't the only one, because violet howler mentions the same in this video. as ive mentioned before, i feel like roxas and namine should have never been pushed as being their own separate people, rather as reflections of sora's and additionally, kairi's worst aspects. or at least the parts of themselves they repress. roxas and namine should have always been vehicles to help strengthen the main characters, rather than growing into people of their own- that way the ending of kh2 would've actually been the happy ending that they were clearly trying to push that it was for roxas and namine. but only to backpedal in ddd.... in the video, violet howler tries to argue the contrary- that the further developments in the series for roxas and namine to separate as whole people from sora and kairi are logical extensions of their representation as shadows- but i just disagree. i already mention this in my post linked above, but sora and kairi should've grown as people and actually gained the memories and experiences of their nobodies when they merged; the whole plotpoint of confronting the side of themselves they wouldn't rather acknowledge should've been wrapped up ages ago in kh2 instead of being stretched out for so long. roxas and namine's stories and connection to one another should've been more tightly written to more properly lead into their ending of returning to their counterparts. i am still miffed about how roxas spends so much of days chasing after xion who gets to have all the character development and hard choices, instead of the guy you're literally playing as- ok.... although ill say namine is written a lot better, as she gradually grows into having her own initiative- and its nice that kairi in kh2 also starts to express the same urge as she decides to stop waiting for sora and riku and just go find them herself. anyway. i will say though, i am very so-so hmmm lukewarm about the whole "nobodies can grow hearts" shtick. in a lot of ways, i like the idea. BUT ONLY when you think about it through this context: through forming connections with others, and holding on to their humanity so to speak- nobodies can grow a heart of their own and regain their humanity. thats cool! kingdom hearts is about the importance of friendship and connections, and all that- so having such a thing have real physical results in the nobodies is a powerful concept. that, and it really does fit with the whole nobody/shadow carl jung representation going on. BUT THATS NOT HOW ITS IMPLEMENTED IN GAME. xemnas in ddd says the body will replace its missing heart at the first chance it gets- not when the nobody makes connections with others. which is why i hate the growing hearts bit, because its very clearly a poorly thought-out escape for the nobodies' major dilemma. same thing with how a person can be recompleted by killing the heartless and nobody. thats fucking insane because it makes it so that the answer to all the organization's problems was to commit seppuku all along!!! nothing of value is lost, everyone is technically immortal if they lose their heart to darkness and split- just shoot their two counterparts and you get to live again. its so bad help alright. i'm starting to lose the point so i will end this here lmfao. long story short, i agree with everything in the video except most of his reasoning that the weird shit at the end of kh2 and postgames made any sense and is justified by the carl jung shadow theory comparison. kthx, watch the video its cool :)

#kingdom hearts #kh #kh theory #kh analysis #ramblings #roxas kh #namine kh #we are barely into 2024 and i am still kh posting god help me

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andrews-sandshrews · 6 months

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Lisa: The Strifeful (huge ass oc post)

Lisa ocs!!! yeah!!! ill be going over most stuff ab them here :3

this would 100% a fangame if i knew how to code and shit LMAO but its just silly fun

FIRST we should start off with the "leader" of the group, Charlie!

Charlie is an alcoholic, and probobly the most levelheaded and calm minded in the group. Hes the one keeping them together to meet their end goal (ill get into that later) Before the gang was reunited, he and lincion spent a lot of their time looking through landfills like the description says. They usually resell the stuff they find. Charlie is the fourth oldest in the group, at 42.

Lincion is Charlies boyfriend. Usually more energetic than Charlie, hes mostly accompanying Charlie on his journey for the fun (also, like. They promised not to separate LMAO) Hes smug and snappy at a lot of people, that causes him to get into trouble and Charlie having to intervene from Linc getting shot. they love each other very much and kiss :3 Lincion is the third oldest at 44.

Gameplay wise:

Linc is an SP user and Charlie is a TP user

the way theyd be gameplay wise is that they switch each turn, like a two in one :D

That would make for less moves for them, but more variety

Charlie is also one of em WASD combo users, mostly it being bottle throws. Has a healing move like birdies drinks on me

Lincions are dagger tricks, and depending on the move, can give him status moves like cool and super cool.

Hans is VERY hard headed and no nonsense. His bossy nature makes for an unfavourable time for EVERYONE around him! He doesn't want anything to do with this journey at all and wants to get it over with very quickly. He would have been the leader if it wasn't for the fact that given the choice, he would have 100% called the whole thing off, and if he didn't, his attitude would have made anyone left anyways. Hans is the second oldest at 50

Gameplay notes

SP user, mostly stat moves.

moves are simular to Nern in a way, Tells people things (wether it be the group or enimies) and can give them buffs/debuffs

basic attack is an elbow jab, does little damage.

Marcus joined the posse after charlie and the others did a favour for him. He keeps a lot of his life closed off to the gang, and isint much of a talker. Marcus is the oldest at 63.

Gameplay notes

After throwing his adze, it takes a turn to get it back

SP user

Some other attacks are scraping using his adze.

Fingerbeam attacks

(hes like the newest one i made so hes not that well developed LMAO)

The infamous thief, Errett! Joined the group mostly for protection from gangs and/or warlords trying to kill her, unbeknown to Charlie, who was friends with him before the flash. Banned from most warlord/gang turfs, He usually stands outside such places coming up with excuses as to why she can't come with. Errett is the 5th oldest at 41

Gameplay notes

sp user

stat dealer, main move is to steal a status move from an enemy and give it to one of the people in the party.

Joy addict, goes through withdrawl often.

attacks are randomized attacks from the other party members.

SAGEY!!! Probably one of the only ones to actually be in this group for its intended goal and not for some unrelated reason. Despite this, she acts very snappy at Charlie, mostly for the fact that he prevents her from going on a smoking/drinking binge. Shes the youngest at 37.

Gameplay notes

SP user

Attacks are slaps

Has a move similar to Rodriguez's snap out of it

another move where she talks shit about an opponent, that can make them cry or angry.

Fireball attacks

The famous ring fighter, and the self proclaimed most handsome one in all of olathe, Prettyboy joined this journey for more havoc to wreak upon random people who dared to pick a fight. Hes very energetic and hyper, and is the party animal of the group. His huge ego is a cover up of his insecurities. Hes the second youngest at 39.

Gameplay notes

TP user and WASD combo user

Attacks are (expectedly) kicks and punches

Has an oiled up move

has a move where he flirts with the opponent to make them feel weird or scared

AND thats all of the main guys! now, what are they all doing traversing olathe?

Their main goal is to find the Carnwells' mutated brothers, Angelo and Lance, to say their final goodbyes to them. It was originally supposed to be a MUCH shorter trip, Charlie leaving the two mutants to find the rest of his siblings, but when they returned, Lance and Angelo disappeared.

(this is like the only image i have of their mutant forms ok)

AND there are side characters!!!

WHO is this ominous joy mutant? you're gonna have to wait to find out if i ever decide to draw it!!!!!

and WHO are these fellows???? Hans' Exes!!!! thats who!!!!!

AND HOW COULD I FORGET DR. FLOUNDER??????? here to diagnose and provide care of any illness/disability, she travels olathe to search for people in need of help.

ok ive been writing this for like. 3 hours i think im done. related art below. alr im done now

#lisa rpg #lisa oc #jeans doings #the very cool carnwells #lisa the painful oc #lisa the rpg #i spent way too long on this #please like n sub #lisa the strifeful

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sword-dad-fukuzawa · 1 year

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got an ask on curious cat and wanted to crosspost it here because it's trigun meta!

hihi, really really loved your thread on knives/vash and the masks they wear. it was an insightful read and i admire your grasp on vash and knives' characters! (your post-trimax kv fic is also one of my favs in this fandom, GREAT shit right there) i would be curious to hear your thoughts on vash and how he experiences/deals with his trauma in trimax (PTSD/C-PTSD, rem and tesla, guilt from the big fall, the separation between him and knives, aftermath from the July/fifth moon incidents, plant body horror and all that jazz) i know there's a lot sjdfksjh you don't have to touch on all of those points but only if ur interested ofc!

HELLO. I REALIZE YOU SENT THIS TWO WEEKS AGO. IIII UHHH FORGOT I EVEN HAD A CURIOUS CAT SKNFDKLMFKDSSD HI, SORRY!!

thanks! i'm glad you enjoyed the meta and the fic!! seriously i think i blacked out while writing "we've got to get back to that stinking garden," i was so ill about them. still am.

anyway. trauma, huh? i think i usually gloss over talking about vash's trauma only because it feels so clear to me. knives's is so easily misinterpreted for the purposes of lambasting him or woobifying him but vash wears all that pain on his sleeve. uh. literally. because of the. the arm thing. but the way he deals with it is so!! it's /so./

short answer: he runs away. all the time.

long answer: it's his coolest thematic motif because his name is "the stampede," right, a horde of animals sprinting for their fuckin lives because something behind them spooked them so bad they're going to trample everything in their path just to get away. and occasionally, when he feels he /really really has to,/ because of a sense of sheer responsibility, he runs toward the Bad Things. said bad thing is usually knives because vash believes that his brother is inherently his responsibility, and also all the guilt from the big fall. that's trauma, as you mentioned, that manifests over and over again as soul-wrenching guilt.

the reason vash fashions himself into gunsmoke's friendly neighborhood jesus figure is because he's tortured by that guilt, especially in stampede, because of that lil addition the writers made to the canon: that vash is partially responsible for letting his brother Commit Atrocities. and that's something that clearly drives him batshit insane. how can he laugh when the suffering of a whole planet sits partially on his shoulders? how can he eat when they're starving? how dare he /not/ be their meat shield over and over again when he's the reason they need one in the first place?

his trauma drives him to atone for a sin that can't really be atoned for and can't really be ascribed solely to him. he was, of course, 1 year old (mentally ~6?) when he helped knives perpetuate the fall. it's an impossible, Sisyphean endeavor, but because he's functionally immortal and never /really/ had a chance to grow up properly, he's going to fuckin try.

mf i'm running out of characters here this is evil!! anyway. i think his guilt about rem is why he develops such an, uh, oedipus complex about her that has even wolfwood thinking he's talking about a dead girlfriend. and i think with tesla he just. put her out of his mind. how the fuck do you even begin to cope with a sister dismembered and brutally killed, a sister kept in a jar, a sister you never knew you had or got the chance to love. i think vash just avoids it. it's too big, the ramifications too Much, when all he wants to do is move on and live his life.

(in contrast, nai is forever stuck in that room, in that horrifying moment. he can't escape it even as vash runs and runs and runs away.)

The same thing happens post-July. Post-fifth moon. Vash sees the horror he’s wrought (that knives has wrought) and goes. Fuck this shit i’m outta here. Fight or flight more like flight or flight even fuckin faster amirite. But knives always catches up to him in the end, is the thing—nai is the physical symbol of his trauma, the narrative vehicle for vash’s pain. He is everything that has traumatized vash made flesh. It’s part of what makes every fight between the two so gripping, imo. By overcoming knives, by putting his brother in the ground, that’s him trying to atone and appease the guilt. This is vash overcoming his trauma. Trying to, anyway.

Which is what also makes the ending of trimax so. So utterly vash. Because he says fuck this there’s another way, and it happens in a split second when he has to decide if he really and truly wants his brother dead. His trauma!! Does he want to overcome it like this!! With violence and blood and the corpse of nai rotting in the ground!!

No. the answer’s no.

He saves knives. He declares that even though nai has done all of these things to him, he still doesn’t have it in him to kill his brother. And that’s a way of coping with trauma, too, isn’t it? The declaration that you won’t let it rule you. Won’t let it dictate what you do anymore, how you live your life. It makes me so, so fuckin emotional ;-;

Anyway, thanks for the ask! Didn’t touch on the plant body horror as much because i haven’t. Uh. read enough of trimax to properly talk about all that. My reading order is a little unhinged. Hope it satisfied regardless <3

#trigun stampede #trigun maximum #trigun meta #vash the stampede

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the-ark-awaits · 1 year

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Hello all you may remember me from such bangers as 'show me the proxies in marble hornets' and 'and another thing'

oday um here to talk about how we've fucking regressed as a fandom since creepypasta and marble hornets on ao3 got. presumably merged as a fandom tags bc sorting for exclude crossovers still shows creepypasta fic. in fact doing that just now to confirm this, the very first fic on the list was creepypasta.

so obviously this is a huge pain in the ass for anyone who wants marble hornets fanfic and only marble hornets fanfic. you cant even remove creepypasta fics with exclude crossover, youd have to do it manually with filtering options not everyone knows how to use. and we shouldnt have to yknow? you should be able to go in your fandom tag on ao3 and find only that fandom and crossovers (which should be easily filtered out by exclude crossovers) same as here on tumblr crosstagging is a huge issue but the worst part of it is that the continuous crosstagging in recent years has caused the fandom tags to be merged (not fully as shown by the fact that the numbers for amount of fic in each tag is different) but enough that they're considered the same universe by ao3 which is. blatantly untrue.

creepypasta is a catchall term for internet short stories made by a community, marble hornets is one single webseries online. fuck the creepypasta fandom wouldnt be what it is without huge swaths of shit stolen from marble hornets (like yknow, the pages, the operator symbol, masky and hoodie) but that doesnt mean they are marble hornets fans that doesnt mean theyre making marble hornets content. that would be like saying that since fnaf and batim are kinda similar and the fans have an overlap that means theyre the same and should be tagged the same. they arent, and shouldnt be yknow?

also apologies this isnt the best post im kinda fried rn and im stuck on mobile

that not withstanding its fucking depressing. this did not used to be an issue. thr only fics tagged with both were generally easy to ignore or a real honest to god crossover, but now i swear you look at the mh tag on ao3 and the majority of the recent fics are crosstagged crp fics with giant tag lists that tack up the whole page and tag anyone who is so much as mentioned

and maybe this is a step too far here. but i really think this is bc of tiktok. the people crosstagging posts and fics seem to be the same type to complain avout the 'ao3/tumblr algorithm' not favoring them. but there is no algorithm, just annoyed fans who have to dig for their actual content because people dont have common decency anymore. theres an etiquette you need to follow for shit like this. like how would you feel if like. i dunno. fucking... genshin (just an example of a large fandom or whatever made a character cameo out of like jeff the killer and suddenly all the crp tags were filled with genshin posts not even related to or barely mentioning the character, just ti try and get more clicks?

youd be pretty fucking annoyed having to scroll past all that to find actual creepypasta content huh?

thats the same issue happening here, and honestly i think its a huge issue. for obvious reasons but also bc its so much harder to find mh content now that im sure its incredibly disheartening to be a creator in the fandom rn and foe the past few years. you work and make content for your rather small fandom and its buried under barely related shit, its gonna feel bad yknow? especially when that content gets more clicks bc. frankly theres more creepypasta fans than mh fans just bc of what creepypasta is format wise. its collectively made shortstories. you can like one or two and bc a crp fan, its not like that for mh

this is going kinda off my starting topic but anyways if theres any ao3 tag wrangles following me or who see this.

please for the love of god i beg of you to do anything you can to unmerge those tags i will do anything ill get receipts proving they're separate things please unmerge the tags im dying here

#marble hornets #ao3 #sorry im still reallt spacey rn cause i was high earlier today and im big adhd at the best of times #so someone with more brainpower than me rn id love some input #ill write a more coherent version lf this when im back home with my laptop after new years

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thereareeyesinsidethetrees · 9 months

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cracks knuckles. so, been just trying to gauge overall reception with this, but what are your thoughts on the fan made return to the bunker episode? i’ve noticed glowing reviews from people who vaguely describe it—hit the character vibes right, jokes were cool, i liked the art, etc, but scathing ones from people who go more into detail—stan would never be this explicit in his desperation, ford was never this outcast or terrified of himself/others nor did he consider dipper as below, the entire thing was misogynistic, etc. so, what’s your opinion?

i did say i wasnt going to talk/reblog anymore posts about return to the bunker, but ill answer this anyway

i feel its kind of important to say right off the bat that i never finished the episode and i certainly dont intend to. i never even got to one of the b plot scenes with stan and dipper. i stopped around the bit where they got into the bunker and ford started trying to warn them about the shapeshifter. the clearly-not-ford-ness radiating off of 'ford' was too much to ignore and i couldnt finish it

anyway- what was good about the episode? well, the art and voice acting, for sure. during the first part, it also seemed like they had gotten the characters down pretty well and i thought some of the jokes were good.

in the first part.

and then mabel comes in. this is around the time real ford goes missing and fake ford shows up. no there arent two fords in the actual episode, its just that the difference between them is stark enough that theyre completely separate entities in my mind. anyway

i noticed that the sweater thing was weird to a lot of people. glad im not the only one that was extremely confused by the guy wearing a sweater saying it was too hot to wear a sweater. maybe it was meant to be a joke? it really just came off as ford trying to make excuses not to wear mabel's sweater.

which- its not like him not wanting to wear the sweater cant coexist with him liking mabel. maybe its a situation where he doesnt want her to see all his scars, or maybe he doesnt want it to get ruined when he goes to beat the shit out of the hawktopus (since yknow that was kinda the whole point of him being outside)

the point im trying to make here is that it really seems like the episode is just trying to paint ford as unreasonable and not liking mabel. speaking of which-

the way ford treats mabel is uncharacteristic. the first time we ever see ford smile in the show is when he's meeting mabel. he literally says 'i like this kid, she weird!', why are we acting like he doesnt like her?? genuinely confused. who looks at the way he was treating her in the episode and goes 'yeah fords just like that'?

sorry, anyway, last thing i have to say-

the entire bit where theyre making their way through the bunker struck me as a bit odd. it sorta felt like the episode was trying to make a joke out of ford and his wariness about the place? hes trying to guide mabel and some other kids he barely knows through the place, theyre rushing ahead (which cant be good for his paranoia), and for some reason when theyre getting close to shifty and hes trying to warn them its framed as him being melodramatic?

shifty locked his friend in a cabinet and pretended to be said friend so it could catch a look at the creatures in ford's journal and start transforming into them. i think hes allowed to be a bit cautious/afraid about meeting shifty again

and some bonus stuff ive heard about below:

ive heard that ford wipes their memories with the memory gun. he was a victim of it (implied or directly stated multiple times- who wants to bet hes got brain damage from that?) and he struggled so much to use it on stan in a situation where it was necessary to keep the world from ending. no, theres no way ford could just hit them with it like that

ive also heard fiddleford shows up and ford is weirdly antagonistic to him? 'im sorry fiddleford' is a phrase running through ford's mind on the constant for over thirty years and his first reaction to seeing fiddleford again is to apologize to him and assume he hates him. according to the journal, he actually mentioned to everyone else in the shack that he was wondering what happened to fiddleford. its implied he did that several times.

i dont have anything else to say and i dont know how to end this so. thats all. thank you for the ask and sorry if anything i said here sounded aggressive at all. not my intention.

uh moral of the story: i didnt like it :(

#not tagging because were kind of done with the whole return to the bunker thing by now arent we?#back to working on that other ask! hoping i can get it done today but maybe not

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derekscorner · 10 months

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The Universe

Spoiler warning for anyone who hasn’t played any version of Persona 3. With the remake announced I’m sure there’s more than one of you intrigued but new to the story.

I’m about to ramble about the finale of the story so be warned~

The Universe & The End

This post was initially about me hoping they don’t change the protagonists final arcana. Yes, I know that’s a silly worry but it was late and I had spent twenty minutes doing the best I could to make up slots for @personabingo ‘s card generator.

I had meant to add ‘The Universe’ to that card but I honestly doubt they’d alter such a crucial plot point. That said, I’ve got Persona 3 on the brain and OST in my ear so I’ll ramble anyway.

Not from a worry of story change but solely for how important this story moment is. The MC of Persona 3 is the first and the only protagonist (either the male or female) to obtain the Universe.

For those who’ve only played 4 & 5 with only hearing of 3 may be confused as to why. What is so special about ‘The Universe’ compared to ‘The World’.

Different Ends & Differing Messages

The two key differences of the world and universe arcana isn’t just the power granted but the theme of gaining it. The World is presented to the protagonists of Persona 4 and 5 at the end of their journeys.

They began with the arcana of the Fool and through their connections and experiences they found their place in the world. The world arcana itself represents the end of this journey through life. The leads of 4 & 5 know who they are, what theyre about, and what they have to do to set things right.

Thus their bonds transform into The World and their ultimate persona arises from that card to stop the threat. This journey is possibly felt stronger from Yu Narukami (P4) over 5 (Joker) thanks to it’s themes of lies and seeking the truth of the world I think but that’s a separate tangent.

“How is this relevant?”

Simple, The World arcana is the end of your journey but the leads of P4 & P5 as well as their teams have found their place in the world. Their lives will continue, they’re a part of the world. All doubt and conflict is resolved.

‘The Universe’ by comparison isn’t just granted from finding one’s place in the world. The Persona 3 protagonist went beyond that, they found the answer to life.

What they understand is a question that everyone asks but no one gets their answer. It’s a universal constant, a rule, a cornerstone.

Life & Death

Persona 3′s whole theme is death. The finality of it, the importance of ones journey towards it, and the answer you gain once you reach it’s end.

Everything about the P3′s leads life is marked by death. The experiments of the Kirijo Group, the aspect of Nyx’s Avatar that was sealed within the protagonist as a child, the awakening of their persona (Orpheus) and the persona Thanatos, their ill fated trip through Tartarus...

So many things happen in P3 that results in a death or is related to a previous death. The way it pains and moves the characters- hell, the whole loner vibe of the lead (at first) is due to them having no one left.

That’s where their journey takes on a tragic meaning. Every social link, every member of SEES, isn’t just you fulfilling game sh*t it’s the lead forming bonds again. They’re living life and finding deeper attachment to it.

The game even eludes to the protagonists infinite potential as being caused by them housing an aspect of death (Nyx’s Avatar) within them for a decade. In this regard the protagonist even contrasts Nyx.

While one is answering the call of humanity for death the MC is fighting for life. In a sense, the world (perhaps causality/fate) shaped the only possible being that could resist Nyx.

But that kind of miracle comes at a cost.

“To live is to die; they are one in the same..."

Again, you likely ask how any of this drivel is relevant. It is because what I’m trying to convey is that the protagonist of Persona 3 didn’t just find their place in life. Through their bonds and journey they became a facet of life itself...but only in death.

Not once does P3 refute the actual event of death. Cast may cry and moan the pain it causes but they ultimately do understand that it is unavoidable. That’s what makes the final climb up Tartarus so melancholic.

Even if they will die they try anyway because that’s what living is. When faced with Nyx itself and their lives about the end the lead feels the honest emotions and thoughts of everyone they’ve met and helped.

In those final moments what the lead hears isn’t just SEES support but the support of everyone and the words being sent aren’t a final breakdown over the end but their genuine desire to live and help them.

The lead had already found their place in the world and it was time to go beyond that. In that moment they come to their answer and Igor presents them with ‘The Universe’.

The Miracle

On the offset you could interrupt and say “P4 and 5 also end with that power of friendship moment!” and you’d be right to an extent. The outcome is what differs these moments of triumph.

With ‘The Universe’ the protagonist of P3 ascends alone and with their newfound power that even Igor considered limitless the lead performs the great seal and stops Nyx’s descent.

This victory wasn’t as simple as stopping a shadow/deity that humanity created subconsciously. You can’t just stop death itself. The MC understands this and that’s what makes it tragic.

Nyx will always be there, death will always be there, they are a facet of the universe and in order to save everyone the protagonist has to become the same.

This also ties into why I consider the story of ‘The Answer’ so crucial to the P3 experience. Death is immutable and even with ‘The Universe’ the only thing that could be done was to seal Nyx away from Humanities cries for death.

People may make “door-kun” jokes but that door is a part of reality. A soul with limitless power doing the only thing it can to prevent a premature end.

The saddest part is that the protagonists soul will always be there. The SEES can only take solace in their leaders sacrifice and try to live fulfilling lives. They can only hope that humanity has a turn around so that the seal is no longer needed one day.

But even then death is immutable. There’s no body for the MC to return to, even in peace they can only hope that his soul will know rest one day.

Conclusion

In the end I have no deeper meaning to say, I’m not trying to praise how busted the universe arcana is, what I wanted to get off my chest is just how deep it is. The whole theme of death for P3 is tragic and inspiring to me.

And for the few out there that actually argue who’s strongest among Persona characters I hope you set that aside. Sure, ‘The Universe’ can do many things but it’s a power that costed the lead their life.

What matters to me is the theme of it. Those who have the world have found themselves in the world but for the lead who found the universe they went beyond that to safeguard life. They found the answer to life and that is just infinitely more beautiful.

bye now~

#persona #persona 3 #persona 3 reload #ramblings

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bonesandthebees · 4 months

Note

okay rose time lets go lets go i love this fic its so fun already

(i started this note on 11/23 oopsie doopsie)

okay okay chapter three was posted this is my sillies for chapter two ill make chapter three a separate thing presumably

they wait for tommithy

nervous tells are so like interesting because like each person has their own unique ones and even the most stoic people have some too theyre just like harder to find and yeah human behavior is just so intriguing

crown throat stabby

my brain keeps going “thats foreshadowing pointy crown will be important later someones gonna die with that crown” but then i sit back and go “well. probably not actually”

okay so actually its december now im a little behind

okay so… its december 11th oops i dont but enjoy me catching up

i love character descriptions its so fun

keeper of knowledge is a fancy lil title

newcomer come on bring tomathy on out

tomy!

HELP THAT WAS A MISTYPE ON MY END AND IT WAS RIGHT

hes so tiny

a septum piercing is so iconic

puffy!!

jack manifold!

hey a little script never killed anybody

THBBO!!!!!!

theyre SO silly i love them

theyre so cute just two buds

hes so tiny

no more awe for wilbur!

i just love all their names its so fun

hehe lord sneeg snag

LORD WILLUM IS TO WHAT

yes obviously opportunity come on wilbur play the game

woah phil can be gentle big gasps large gasps

sorry these thoughts suck

wow cursing already tsk tsk tsk (hes so silly)

theyre soooo silly bee

HES A PLANT KID

woah! why are we being so hostile

im a tad confused

tommy is so silly

said youll understand when youre older

hes just so tiny so so tiny poor tiny boy

ugh phil like annoys me which is weird to say like on chapter two but its like this game of politics is everything and its like wilbur jas to win his praise which like i mean idk this is literally one like thing he did but hes irking me just because of that

woah wilbur big shocker

ugh phil

like idk when wilbur is not complying phil does that thing and then wilbur feels like he has to and he might anyways just because of the politics of it all but it just feels ugh idk how to describe it anyways lets go read chapter three now

- 🪿

I am answering this ask so late whoops

I love coming up with nervous tells for characters it's so fun to think about body language and what makes a person tick

lmaoooo trying to figure out my metaphorical foreshadowing vs my literal foreshadowing vs if it's actually foreshadowing at all

"keeper of knowledge" is basically a fancy title for royal librarian/scholar

the script is helpful!!

i love tommy as a plant kid it's one of my fav hcs for him

phil's parenting in this is uh... questionable, to say the least

#ask #goose anon #rose ch 2

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