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#if you voted on my recent poll this is for u

ham1lton · 9 days

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another day, another drama.

pairing: lando norris x fellow driver’s sister!reader.

summary: the one where you think o/s is hiding something from you, so with the help of your boyfriend and his friends, you try to figure it out. too bad you find more than you bargained for.

author’s note: part of the nepo sister universe. i fear we might be coming to the end of the nsu soon…. also there is a poll at the end, help a struggling writer out and vote pls mwah.

— part one | part two (coming soon).

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liked by oldersistersbff, yourbff and 287,737 others.

yourusername: just saw these pics of my bf and burst into tears. fuck f1 for taking my bf and my sister away from me….

oscarpiastri: ur welcome ☺️

-> yourusername: SICK SICK MAN!!!! 😒😒

user1: not u acting like a war widow 😭

-> yourusername: my husband (boyfriend) has been taken as a prisoner of war (forced to do his job) thousands of miles away (no this part is actually real).

user9: i’m new to this. are they lovers?

-> user8: worse.

*liked by oscarpiastri.*

formula1: we apologise yourusername! but you’ll see him soon we promise! :)

-> yourusername: RETURN MY BF IMMEDIATELY….

-> user5: girl what about your sister??

-> yourusername: she’ll be fine 😘

user6: girl um did u see ur sister’s newest interview???

-> yourusername: no??!! BRB!

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liked by zendaya, simonebiles and 3,288,728 others.

vogue: the paddock’s princess came to talk to us about being our newest cover girl, winning her most recent championship, going viral, her love life and what her favourite smoothie combination is.

user3: shes so cute 🥺🥺

user1: o/s has been notoriously single since her breakup with paul like five years ago… why is she giggling and smiling when asked about a man???

-> user2: no i noticed that… omg is she seeing someone?

user7: face card never declines!

user4: when gav told her that she’d won and the first thing she did when she left the car was hug him and cry??? she’s so cute. i’m so glad i live in the y/n domination era.

-> user5: the edits with that video are sick… o/s is keeping the tiktok editors in business.

-> user9: have you seen the ones about her and lando to the song lacy??? INSANE…

-> user5: DM ME RN

user31: her saying she doesn’t ever want to be defined by her wins and rather by who she is a person. we love a charitable queen!

yourusername: love life… hmmm….

-> user4: oh no….. she’s plotting 😭

————————————————————————

liked by oldersistersbff, user72 and 2,833,617 others.

oldersister: family reunion.

yourusername: no credits for the pics??

-> oldersister: no. you take enough credit from my card.

-> yourusername: … fair.

user1: she’s deadass married wth.

-> user6: family reunion out of nowhere? talking about her love life suddenly after years of not even having one? photographed with two separate men?? shopping with o/s/bff in a bridal boutique and cordoning off the area?? it’s adding up sis ur not even delusional for this one….

user9: WHO’S UR MAN @/oldersister

user5: stop with the married jokes y’all…. i can’t lose my queen to some MAN….

user3: are you planning on changing ur surname from l/n.

-> oldersister: never.

-> user16: oh so you do see these comments…

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SPYING TRANSCRIPT - THURSDAY, 6PM.

- written by LANDO NORRIS, for his boss Y/N L/N.

LANDO NORRIS - i think she’s dating carlos. i’m putting my cards out there.

OSCAR PIASTRI - put your cards back. no way that’d happen. i think she’s dating someone else. look at these photos. that guy isn’t carlos.

DANIEL RICCARDO - just tell y/n she’s dating me and we can all go to sleep. i mean look at my incredible good looks, it would be sacrilegious to not want me.

PIASTRI - if she was gonna go for the hottest driver on the grid she’d go for lewis or charles.

CHARLES LECLERC - oh thank you oscar! very nice.

NORRIS - you’re moving away from the point. wait… is someone knocking on the door?

(everyone looks at each other concerned)

RICCIARDO - oh i ordered pizza. i forgot. my bad!

LECLERC - how about her dating another athlete? someone who understands this life but won’t affect her position here.

NORRIS - smart… what athlete has she been seen with recently?

PIASTRI - according to social media, simone biles?

NORRIS - isn’t she married? nah, who else.

RICCIARDO - she was telling me the other day that she went to the psg game. i asked her why and she said she had a friend who played for them.

LECLERC - kylian mbappé? that makes a lot of sense actually….

NORRIS - do you feel a kin to him? i mean, you’re both frenchmen after all.

(OSCAR PIASTRI would like the transcript to include the following: — after this, charles hit lando. i laughed.)

PIASTRI - it could be that this is all a big misunderstanding. she could have been shopping for a bridesmaid dress. why would she get married and not tell her sister who she’s incredibly close to? that makes no sense to me.

RICCIARDO - anyways….

NORRIS - what about leonardo dicaprio!

LECLERC - she is under 25….

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taglist: @23victoria @luckyladycreator2 @mxdi0 @booksandflowrs @charlesleclercsonlywife @casperlikej @nichmeddar @decafmickey @evie-119 @ironmaiden1313 @d3kstar @blupblupfish @demvnsriot @raevyng @namgification (don’t see yourself or wanna be removed? send an ask!)

— don’t wanna miss an update? join my taglist!

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hotvintagepoll · 2 months

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Propaganda

Hermione Baddeley (Brighton Rock, Passport to Pimlico, Mary Poppins)— An absolute mainstay of British films from this period. She’s an icon who never takes shit from anyone in any of her movies, dresses for the occasion, and has the best line delivery! Also she started out in silent movies, and was a close friend of Noel Coward. In a desperate attempt to appeal to a large tumblr fandom, I will also point out that her first husband and one of her children were both called David Tennant. You like that name, don’t you tumblr??

Glynis Johns (Mary Poppins, The Court Jester)—LISTEN, I'd let that woman's voice with all its gravely hoarseness (positive) wash over me all goddamn day, but if that's not enough she managed to play the straight woman to Danny Kaye's jester, all with her cleavage so plunging it might as well have been catapulted into the ocean right after Basil Rathbone

This is round 1 of the bracket. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Glynis Johns propaganda:

She walks the line between sexy and cute. Her best role for me is in "The Court Jester as Maid Jean. She's fantastic as the soft but tough captain of the outlaw band and she looks stunning in every gown she wears throughout the film. And of course we can't forget her iconic turn as the suffragette mother, Mrs. Banks, in Mary Poppins! Also shoutout to her distinctive and beautiful voice, kind of smoky and husky. Extremely hot and set her apart from many of her peers."

"Listen, listen. I was raised on Mary Poppins and "Votes for women! (step in time)" single-handedly taught me how to be a feminist. Also The Court Jester is one of my favourite movies of all time and she is UNBELIEVABLY gorgeous, charismatic, funny, and clever in it. She knocks several men out. Absolute icon."

"Like Bette Davis she has eyes to die for. Unlike Bette Davis you felt comforted by them, even when she was batting her eyelashes at you. Would glady go to Downing Street with her and throw things at the Prime minister"

"She had this wonderful wit and charm to her no matter the role and the most distinctive, striking voice!"

"She was amazing in Mary Poppins (the Suffragette song is severely underrated) and apparently she was Welsh? National pride! And she advocated for arts funding in Wales, which is very cool. Also, she died recently (RIP) making her one of the last survivors of the Golden Age of Hollywood, according to Wikipedia. Also also, she just has a cheeky energy I like? And her eyes are beautiful!"

"I mean, incredibly beautiful and talented, can do drama can do comedy. And she was a mermaid."

"I love Glynis Johns. Most of the reason is The Court Jester where she's a sensible and capable foil to whatever what going on with Danny Kaye at the time. She was also the first star I based an OC on. An OC that I still have to this day! Anyway here have some YouTube links love u bye"

Mermaid clip: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/1jUEA03mYTk

Court Jester (sharing a bed trope): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5d_qG9i054U

Court Jester (seducing the king): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-GuqFYElKg

"VOTES FOR WOMEN! Well, votes for this woman. Please."

Hermione Baddeley propaganda:

Propaganda for both Hermione and Glynis:

youtube

#glynis johns #hermione baddely #mary poppins #hotvintagepoll #ladies 1 #fuck that old woman #Youtube

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honeytonedhottie · 29 days

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HONEYS IT GIRL MAGAZINE march edition⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🎀

welcome back to honeys it girl magazine, this is the march catalog. get ready for the inside scoop on data that i've collected, things i've learned/started doing, and just general info like that organized in kind of a teen-magazine inspired fashion. a magazine for it girls ✨ and now please enjoy, the it girl magazine.

MUST HAVE FASHION ITEMS ;

for march/spring fashion in general its so fun to dress like a winx doll or a fairy. i feel magical in flowy material that shimmers, adorable mini skirts and accessories like gold bangles and waist chains.

when im going shopping, im mainly buying clothes for hot girl summer bcuz im just so excited and can't wait. plus i wanna be prepared yk? some patterns that i've noticed in my shopping patterns are that im buying lots of camisoles and sleeveless shirts.

also i've been looking for cute shorts and low waisted jeans. im looking for cute things to embroider onto the jeans and shorts to personalize them and make them feel more "summery".

something that i started was a FASHION BINDER. i followed @prissygrlsorority's idea for a fashion binder and started my own and so far im having SUCH an amazing time. i want to take time and perfect my binder but so far its going well ✨

spring traditionally has LOTS of pastel colors so formulate a color scheme based on pastel colors that look good on you. some rly good examples for color scheme this spring include

something to note for spring fashion specifically is to not look for colors that are specifically dark or bland, the idea behind spring fashion is giving fresh flowerbed, something REFRESHING.

FOR THE BLOG ;

i've been working this month on a larger project that i think you guys would really enjoy and find useful. it'll be released on the first of march and i'll announce it exactly a week before.

additionally during the month of march i expanded my blog by setting up a membership system and facilitating a way for u guys to tip my work and support my blog. i've also offered my services if u might want them.

for the month of april u can expect a variety of content but i wanted to get input from you guys on what you'd like to see the most so i'll be releasing a poll for april content later today.

HOT GIRL SUMMER PREP ;

look, ik its only march but hot girl summer is right around the corner so here are some ways that you can prepare yourself for the summer, so that you can be your most glowy, confident, and radiant self ✨

you can moisturize ur skin with the most sweet smelling and extravagant body butters and creams, but if ur skin is dull and dead you won't get that GLOW that u so desperately seek

for this i recommend juicing (i'll get more into health in the wellness girlies section) and start dry brushing to promote blood circulation and remove dead skin cells from ur body, leaving ur skin feeling baby smooth. also i recommend using a body scrub 2-3x a week depending on the sensitivity of your skin.

if u liked this hot girl summer prep section u can continue reading right one of my recent posts where i went more in depth about how u can prepare for ur hot girl summer.

OH HOW I ADORE BEING A WOMAN ;

this months catalog was in collaboration with @pastel-charm-14 and this section of the magazine was written by her ✨🫶🏽

march brings more than just the promise of spring, it's also a time to celebrate the amazing women who've shaped history. as women's history month rolls around, we can't help but reflect on what it means to be a part of this incredible legacy.

think about those bold suffragettes who fought tooth and nail for our right to vote. they weren't just distant figures in history books; they were real women with fire in their hearts and determination in their eyes. and what about the everyday heroes—the moms, sisters, and friends who quietly make the world a better place?

they might not be famous, but they have such an incredible impact. so here's to us—here's to the laughs, the tears, and everything in between. here's to celebrating our history, our struggles, and our triumphs—because they're what make us who we are.

cheers to being women, and cheers to the journey ahead. being a woman isn't always easy, but i know wouldn't have it any other way.

FOR THE WELLNESS GIRLIES ;

something that has come to my attention is that i drink a lot of fluids early in the morning. i've known that it was good to drink fluids in the morning, specifically water, but i wanted to have an in depth explanation of why it was good. so i googled it ofc.

ur body is dehydrated while u sleep so when u drink water first thing in the morning it helps ur body to recover from the temporary dehydration.

your body absorbs fluids faster in the morning on an empty stomach. so my routine has been, once i wake up to have an 8 oz cup of water, but water isnt the only thing that i drink in the morning.

bcuz fluids are so quickly and efficiently absorbed in ur body in the morning, you can drink other healthy drinks and reap the benefits. some things that i drink in the morning are ;

chlorophyll - this makes me feel so clean, it boosts red blood cells production and helps with glowy skin and weight loss. plus after i drink it i feel so clean, like a fresh out of the shower feeling

ginger shots - these are pretty lethal but they r so good for you. ginger shots are rly good for digestion issues and bloating, and it also boosts ur immunity which is always good

kombuchas - this one i dont drink on an empty stomach, but drinking kombucha in the morning though rly helps with bloating and reduces inflammation, leaving me looking snatched

FUN QUIZZES, VIDEO ESSAYS, RECIPES AND GAMES ;

what kind of flirt are you? - seventeen magazine

whats ur girl power anthem? - seventeen magazine

what kind of dessert are you? - queendom

FOOD FOR THOUGHT ;

this is the video that im going to be thinking about in order to write this section and here's what i thought about it.

ok so the conflict is unique but personally if i was the husband i wouldn't be mad bcuz its not like the wife was IN the bed with the brother in law 😭 she just said that he could use it cuz he was so sleepy. i think that what she did was nice and the husband could've communicated that he was uncomfortable in a better way then to get angry. but in that same breath the wife knows how strongly her husband feels about things like this so maybe she could've been more considerate. like bring out a pillow and some blankets for the brother in law and let him rest on the couch or whatever 💀.

if u thought differently or if u wanna elaborate on that and have more of a discussion feel free to share ur own opinions and thoughts in the comment section.

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nerves-nebula · 7 months

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this is something ive always been kind of curious about but a recent irl discussion has brought it up again.

if u wanna know my personal opinions/the conversation that reminded me of this, you can see them under the cut lol

so like. I was talking about the weird racism stuff with splinter (him being japanese and a rat and the whole history of that stuff) and i said that i personally thought it was less racist for him to have been a japanese guy who got turned into a rat because at least then he has like, a legitimate reason for the accent and the ties to the culture. If he's just a guys pet rat, that kind of makes sense- but also it's always felt to me like that was equating the animal with some innate racial characteristics. idk im not a race scholar...

i'm also not japanese, but I know that if there was a culturally black mutant monkey character, I would prefer for that monkey to have previously been a human. Because otherwise it feels, to me at least, like equating that animal to that ethnicity or culture inherently, since they were never really related to that culture and at most were exposed to it in ways they couldn't understand as an animal. which feels demeaning imo.

the white ppl i was talking to this about came around to my point of view, but they originally expressed the thought that it would be less racist to just have an actual rat mutate and just be a japanese rat, accent and all.

I've seen japanese and other asian tmnt fans express the idea that they feel like the human or the rat origin is less offensive, or that they feel one is more or less racist, so I'm not gonna say i think one is definitively more racist cuz to be honest they're both pretty bad and I've seen compelling arguments for both of them being the worse option.

and how asian people experience and think about the racism that affects them is way more important than how i think about it lol.

BUT! I am interested in what you guys think and I'm especially interested in if it breaks down differently between white and nonwhite people. I was considering splitting the vote even more and giving asian people their own options too but seeing as this was inspired by a discussion between a black person and two white people i feel like the point is more to see if this is a poc/white person split first and if so then maybe I'll put out another poll. if not and that was just a coincidence i'll prolly just leave it as it is.

side note: I will say that I think the way mutant mayhem did it where he was just a sewer rat, not even a pet who was raised by a japanese guy ?? and he learned ninja stuff from VHS's??? That one is probably my least favorite. love that movie but i HATED that.

#nnstuff #poll #racism tw #splinter tmnt #splinter #tmnt

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appendectomy · 4 months

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19th century art history dashboard simulator

🎨 jameswh1stler Follow

hey guyssss some new paintings :) kinda focusing more on painting technique than message or symbolism or anything. lmk what u think

📖 ruskin1819 Follow

delete your account FLOP

🎨 jameswh1stler Follow

check your mailbox

📖 ruskin1819 Follow

IS THAT A FUCKING COURT SUMMONS??????

#WHAT THE FUCK...

1.7k notes

🫀 girlhedonism Follow

my beautiful daughters laudanum and chloral hydrate

#opium isnt a drug shes like a brother to me

2 notes

📚 sexytruecrime Follow based on your likes!

started reading conan doyle like you all suggested. anyone else getting a bit of a gay vibe from holmes and watson or is that just me

#penelope reads #serious question like im sensing tension. am i crazy

6.8k notes

🔪 jacktheripper-beatdown Follow

JACK THE RIPPER BEATDOWN - FINAL ROUND

who do you think is the TRUE identity of infamous serial killer jack the ripper? FINAL ROUND - vote now!

🖼️ camdentownmurders Follow

ohhhhh my god i hate all of you. just because sickert made paintings that were MAYBE about murder doesn't actually mean he was a murderer. fiction ≠ reality.

🫀 girlhedonism Follow

i'm voting lewis carroll anyway bc im praying on his downfall. carroll you will never be charles dickens

#polls #SICKERT SWEEP

10.3k notes

🔮 evelyndemorgan Follow

im so clearpilled its insane me and my husband regularly commune with the spirit realm if youre not on the occult wave at this point youre just ignoring the facts right in front of you

#result of an experiment #clearpilled #spiritmaxxing

14 notes

✨ lesbianbasilhallward Follow based on your likes!

my dealer: i've got some straight gas this strain is called 'the picture of dorian gray' you'll be zonked out of your gourd

me: yeah whatever. i don't feel shit

5 minutes later: dude did that painting's face just change to reflect the inner corruption of my mortal soul

my buddy Lord Henry Wotton, pacing: sybil vane is lying to us

#this came to me in a dream #oscar wilde

420 notes

🐑 holmanhunt-art Follow

thinking of displaying this at the royal academy this year. yes or no

📖 ruskin1819 Follow

you're a great painter but why did you make sylvia fucking ugly in this. serious question

🧝🏼‍♀️lizziesiddal Follow

i'm going to blow up this whole website

2.1k notes

🌿 williammorrisandco Follow

i've been getting a lot of asks recently telling me im a fake leftist bc my art is expensive and people are accusing me of catering to a bourgeois sense of materialism... you guys clearly don't care about my involvement in actual socialist causes or my contribution to marxist publications but whatever

👁️ socialism101 Follow

girl didnt friedrich thee engels literally say you were delusional. i think youre just going to have to take the L on this one

🌿 williammorrisandco Follow

at least i actually know engels??? stop replying like you actually know anything about him and focus on yourself. me and him are on good terms

👁️ socialism101 Follow

uh huh sure. so him regarding you as an impractical 'sentimental socialist' means nothing. ok then

#discourse

3.5k notes

👼🏼 williamblake69 Follow

first base philisophical debate about the industrialist scourge destroying england second base i introduce you to the polycule

#is this anything

6.9k notes

#art history #making this genuinely helped me study for my upcoming exams

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humiliatingsluts · 1 month

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totaly dont have to: but um i thought of a new poll/game we could do!!! i um have been rly greedy and had a lot of orgasms but my last one was sunday. maybe we could have a poll with like um 0-3 days for options. then um afterthe poll ends we could take the percentages and total votes to see how many chose each option. then we could add up how long i have to wait to cum >.< no hard feelings if you dont want to either sir u can just ignore this!! - shy mutual <3

For every note on this post, shy mutual goes a day without cumming. I’m not sure how long ago this ask went into my inbox so she may have cum more recently than Sunday.

#humiliating asks

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bloogers-boogers · 1 year

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Kyle Brofloski/ Eric Cartman (Sp fic)

('What up with the fatass?')

/Let me slide into your DM's/ part 3

Stan's gang meet up in discussion of their future revelation.

"If we either become queermo pussies or boring ass side characters, your choice!"

Slight warning ⚠️ slurs, and well, it's a sp fic you could either expect both good or bad outcomes from it.

Btw important! It gonna get kinda gory and sensible topics are gonna be told in this chapter and the following others, so please if you're not comfortable with that type of stuff I don't recommend!

Author's note: I managed to link the chaps! So it'll be easier for u guys to switch between chapters ❤🙏🏼 again thx for the help u guys and also for the comments! I read each one of them! I'm very grateful for u guys, I'm glad u seem to enjoy my writing even if it can be a little off and confusing at points my vocabulary can be a little limited so I'm trying to expand it so it doesn't sound to iffy, ok time to read! 🤗

Second note: south park pov will be mostly Kyle's pov (technically just the gangs pov it'll be on Kyle's perpective) and north park would be Cartman's just wanted to make that clear! C:

~~~~~~

It's the day, the day that officially declares its been a month since Cartman moved, would this count as a 'Cartman anniversary'? Kyle really didn't want to know, he just wanted to do something.

Even if that meant having a fat bitch nagging, mocking, taunting him all the damn time. His life was starting to feel hallow, empty, numb, boring..

It felt meaningless? He's starting to feel what he assumed the adults of their town were going through; a internal crisis. Why did the fatass formed such a big part of what he's experiencing now?

How can someone so annoying make such a impact on him? On his brain and heart. Or was it that Cartman had already long gone manipulated into believing that he needed him to keep that flame in him.

Manipulated all of town, fuck, even the animals were looking bored as hell.

He layyed himself whole, flat stomach against the couch, bored looking face with his cheeks squishing against a cushion, it felt like he was going through some really bad break up, like the whole town was going through one. He grabbed the remote turning on the tv.

'Breaking news‼️: citizens across the country are now voting for the most lame uncharacteristic bland ass town of America! Polls are being equally divided between California's 'I eat fist' town, Texas 'sausage' town and ofcourse recently now unoriginal town in state of Colorado dropped by 68% to 1% in less than a month, 'South park', being one of the most demolished rates in history to beat a score of lameness about 59% in half a second! People claiming they barely even recognize the name, I barely remember the town itself if it weren't for this piece of paper that reminded of it! —'

He groaned loudly as he face slammed on to the cushions, letting out a heavy frustrating moan.

Now they were being ridiculed by their whole country for not being 'exciting' or 'interesting' enough.

He hated this feeling, he couldn't help but to pinned the blame on Cartman. He grunted reluctantly taking out his phone and opening his gallery, zoning out enough to block the new reporter's blabbering.

He scrolled to his countless pictures of family, friends, events, holidays, birthdays, trips and all that crap. He tapped on the first picture that just caught his attention; just fatass hogging his phone that day, making a collage of himself with vulgar gestures and weird looking faces.

'So original' he remembered remarking to Cartman, as the other just took out his tongue teasingly.

Scrolling once more, he halted in a picture were it was just Cartman making himself a mess with chocolate ice cream all splattered over his face; an annoyed look as his eyes darted at his hands by how ice creamy covered they were, cone half done being hold by his thumb pressed against his index.

He remembers taking a snap to make fun of Cartman later on because of how funny he thought it was, but he never actually used it and in reality he didn't find it as funny AFTER; once he second and third looked at it, more like, amusing. He found the picture amusing. Amusing enough to keep it saved in his gallery but also hogging it from others to see and share that se sentiment probably taking all the special to it.

After two more pictures, he clicked on a video, it was Cartman, once again, hogging his phone:

Rec🔴 0:06 - ⏮ ⏸ ⏭ -3:46

'Dammit, jew! Don't be so stingy!' There was a lot of movement making the camera shake viciously.

'Shut up, Cartman! Give me back my phone!'

'Worried I'll take all your cloud gigs too quickly?' Half Cartman's face seen, including that childish taunting pout of his.

'Ofcourse asshole! Do you know how much I have to pay for extra cloud storage!?'

'Stop being greedy and acting like your rich lawyer dad doesn't pay for your shit'

'My dad isn't rich'

'But he's a lawyer and a JEW'

'That makes zero sense'

'You know damn well what I mean'

Cartman than moved the camera angle in a wide frame showing both boys; one frowning angrily and the other smirking casually while he slightly waved at the camera before placing it steady and walking next to, well himself, Kyle.

Looking at his fat friend in a questioning look as he keep staring at the camera while standing next to him.

'What're you doing fat boy?' Before anything else he was gut punched in the gut.

'Ha! That's what you get for being greedy and letting your guard down, Kahal! Hahahaha!'

'That does it!' He screamed furiously standing up from his computer chair and chased Cartman around his room like two foolish kids messing around. Cartman smiling wide as he'd run from a fuming redhead.

3:46 - ⏮ ▶️ ⏭ -0:00 🔁

Kyle beamed by the memory, a nauseous revolving feeling surge in his stomach.

Moments like these is were he grasped hard into the somewhat relationship he had with Cartman, sometimes it was just hard to give up on him. Even if he's proven to be irredeemable, unforgiving, unfixable. Cartman could pathetically look at him with the most sad puppy eyes he's ever seen and couldn't bare himself but cease in and try to help once more. Which was stupid. But how can he just let him destroy himself further? That kid got issues, and as a friend, a group they had to stick up together right?

He felt more responsible over Cartman than anyone else from this whole fucking town, sometimes he even believed Cartman also shared that same mentality an unhealthy dependency on him for seeking help, get him out from trouble or just checking if he was being paranoid or hallucinating too much again, which he always did.

Kyle knew it was unhealthy what they had, but it was something strong they built. Or maybe it was just he who built it..? Cartman seemed to be doing well with out him..

Maybe he was the one being a little too attached? Which was ridiculous to believe, Cartman has always obsessed over him to point he even questioned if he was definitely a percentage away on being sent to a psycho ward.

Ofcourse that never happened, but he was damn nuts and had the ginger in his mind all 24/7, and he never denied being that way.

Shamelessly admitting he had broke into his room countless times, no boundaries were set between them, they even barge into the bathroom while they were using it. By that point nothing was 'too' embarrassing for them to encounter together. Those layers of privacy were non-existant between the two, for fuck sake he had put a finger up Cartman's ass once! What's more that could up that shit? By that point he could expect Cartman to steal a kiss from him for a scheme of his and he wouldn't bat an eye to it, probably punching him straight in the face for it; but still unbothered.

It's not like he hadn't taken up worse? He's eaten shit from a Japanese man's butthole, had swim and drink pee and was forcefully driven to smell Cartman's farts for the sake of the world. Friends with a literal talking shit, friends with a literal schizophrenic psychopath and having to endure aids for that same stupid bitch. Being turned down from the basketball league because he wasn't a tall black boy, having surgery and yet still had his knees explode mid game, traumatic. Hemorrhoids, a kidney failure, a manbear pig attack, a smug storm.. countless near death experiences.

Yeah, a kiss wouldn't be torturous. Cartman could kiss him, he should kiss him to prove his point.

Maybe he was the one to be mentally fucked up?

Nah, he's fine.

°°°°°

Kyle headed to the bus stop, spotting Stan eating some flaming chips, something odd he'd been noticing of his friend was his binge eating. Ever since Cartman left he had been hogging food everywhere they'd go; when they go play video games, he'd go to the kitchen and look through the fridge grabbing snacks and drinking high sugary beverages like mountain dew or smoothie mixed with coca, at the cafeteria he'd steal some of Butters fries or Kyle's half eaten burger, he even picked a fight with Craig for the last piece of chocolate cake they had there, even while they walked to someplace he'd always had a bar of chocolate in hand or a pack of sweets.

It was starting to be concerning but he hasn't pointed it out to Stan yet atleast until Wendy does, he knew Wendy was already planning on making an intervention for Stan soon, she's asked Kyle beforehand to keep track of what Stan's been eating to give her a list, which is why he notice right away of Stan's problem. Maybe it was a coincidence to link Cartman's absence to it, but who else had a binge eating problem that wasn't fatass?

"Morning dude," He greeted placing himself next to the now chubby kid.

Yes, Stan also have been gaining weight by the excessive food he's been eating. It was barely noticeable for the eye, but for people as close like Kyle, Wendy, Kenny and Butters, it was damn obvious.

"Mornin'," Stan mumbled out, unfazed while munching on some chips, his fingers were all greasy and hand cheeto dust all over.

"Did you see the news?," Kyle asked, looking at the road too uninterested with the small talk.

"You mean how they all we're calling south park a bunch of 'jackin' offing losers'?" He remarked the reporter's comment in exact detail.

Kyle nodded silently, they were really being pounded down to the ground with all the insults directed their way.

"Did you also hear about North Park?," his best friend added now sparking the redhead's attention.

"What is it?," he asked now intrigued.

"It's been up the ranking of wackiness and bizarre they were offered to make a show about it, can you believe it?" Stan commented incredulous.

Kyle was bewildered, no fucking way. Not even south park were offered that privilege while having fatass in town, now.. no, that's too much of a coincidence.

"It's fatass," he blurted out, making Stan look at him surprised.

He slammed the table with his right fist, now inside the meeting being formed that same night, their usual hide out; Cartman's basement, which Kenny helped barge in the locked house even if everything was empty and piled up with dust (with the exception of the table and white board they brought while entering). They were too stubborn to look for another place to meet up in so ofcourse the hide out wouldn't change until the house is actually sold.

He looked up at the group of kids there: Craig's gang, Stan's and ofcourse Wendy's.

"I think we all know why we're here."

Clyde looked concerned to his left, "because.. of the new mermaid movie..?" He winced out uncertain.

"No, fatass! We're not here for some dumb gay fish movie!," he shouted annoyed, huffing as he paced around the room in a typical Cartman manner.

"We're here to get Cartman back," Stan chimed in his seat, a bowl of chocolaty creamy strawberries in hand oblivious eating them while a concerned Wendy looked his way.

"Why?" Craig asked in his typical monotone voice.

"Because, we're nothing with out fatass," He finally blurted out, placing both his hands on the table looking at them directly.

"S-say that again?" Jimmy spoke up more confused than being sarcastic.

"Guys, ever since Cartman left everything has been dulled," He continued, now dragging the white board infront of them taking off the sheet that covered it; revealing their plan strategy, "south park has always had an untold curse to it, we all know about the anomaly and whack shit we've have to endure by living here"

"I always thought it was because of you four," Token commented unfazed.

"Point is," Kyle ignored, looking at the board, "not having Cartman around has abruptly lower our percentage to zero," He pointed with a marker a drawing of Cartman and a field around him signaling the 'curse'.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Annie pointed out.

"No, if we want to be seen as the pussy town of Colorado with no name," He snapped back bitter.

Luckily most of the kids there agreed with him, making him seem less crazy for wanting Cartman back.

"Kyle's right, ever since Eric moved away my parents now ground me because of boredom. They don't even care if I do good in school or not they just nag about moving away to some fart smelling city like New York to get some action again," Butters added grabbing a strawberry from Stan's bowl.

"My dad sent me to Denver the other day for a gallon of milk and asked me about the weather there," Tweek also added to the pile of complaints.

"My parents sold both my sister's bike and my coin collection away and replaced them with a pile of balloon clowns," Craig added now indulge in the subject.

"My parents bought a zoo and have been living inside the gorilla habitat for two weeks," Heidi added a little ashamed as she looked downwards, probably reluctantly admitting Cartman may need to come back to solve her issue.

"My mom has bought over 300 pair of shoes in a week were almost going broke," Nichole hesitantly added.

Wendy sighed as she intertwined her fingers defeated, "My dad has been going nonstop to strip clubs and my mom has been pimping out some male colleagues of hers," she admitted embarrassed, "it's clear south park is going into a crisis."

"And my dad has been up in sales for all the weed he's sold to south park residents," Stan complained chugging five strawberries in his mouth, annoyed, "ever-veryone's hig-gh as fuck like wi-with the tegrity b-burger sales," He mumbled out, slapping Kenny's hand away from his bowl as the blonde looked at him offended.

Butters snickering next to him as he had successfully stolen a strawberry from Stan previously.

"Cartman is like a endless void," Kyle added, now circulating the drawing of Cartman and drawing a pointer down, "with out it, there nothing that can suck all of our shit down," He wrote his points up then signaled a pile of adults destroying the town, "making everthing go into an endless loop of wanting a purpose and still not finding anything while destroying what we have left with ACTUAL consequences. A reset button up Cartman's ass to restart our day, to fix our shit. Pretty much with out it the damages we make today stays, while still being so uncharacteristically damaged were basically nothing.

For some reason Cartman is that damn reset button, he takes the curse with him it just makes sense why we still put up with his shit and he hasn't been sent to jail for all the atrocities he's done. He CAN'T leave south park, everything has to be put to an end with each day, everything has to be back to normal with each common episode. If there's a long continuity it's gonna feel dragged and force it'll become boring like the Mr Garrison election, tegrity farms and the pandemic special so the curse will start to self destruct itself until it ends it.

Technically, we're in a episode with continuity.

And we're dragging it too far, being matter of weeks or days before our town becomes nothing but a running old gag people give zero fucks about, targeting their attention to something new making Cartman's curse merge into the new hole it's in.

In this case; north park," He finished finally circulating a drawing of the town and a North park Cartman on the side.

Everyone kept silent as they were captivated by the long explanation.

"Damn, dude. Have you gotten any sleep?," Craig commented bewildered.

"Does this have something to do with aliens?" Clyde chimed in now freaked out, bitting his finger nails and looking frantically between Kyle and the group.

"That, I don't know," Kyle responded tirelessly, now sighing heavily. It's almost concluding another day with out Cartman, and if his theories are right, it could be dangerous, "we need to manage to go to North park and get Cartman."

"What if Eric doesn't want to get back?" Butters spoke up, now everyone looking at him attentively.

Right, out all of them there, Cartman updates Butters everything that's been going on around his new lifestyle.

"Do you know something Butters?," Kyle inquired skeptical with a glare.

"No.." He dismissively looked Kenny's way before looking at something else, "Eric's really liking North Park that's all," he admitted in almost a whisper, after brief seconds.

°°°°°°

Kyle walked back home with his hands shoved inside his pockets, glaring at the ground beneath him.

Cartman is liking North Park because of his curse not much because he's actually liking it, he tried reasoning with that. But it wasn't still reassuring.

He began slapping the side of his head trying to shoo away any thoughts of Cartman, but he just couldn't stop thinking about him.

'MeooOow' a distressed cat moaned, snapping him out of it; it came behind some bushes near the Steven's residence. He approached cautiously and found a old grey kitty that licked it's paw and hiss at him after noticing his presence.

"Mr kitty?" Kyle blurted out softly unfazed by the aggressive attitude, Cartman had left his cat?

He reached out for her, holding on to her tightly being scratched in the face in the process 'defensive instincts' he thought, wincing out by the stingy pain.

Okay, Cartman would never abandon Mr kitty like that. That's unlike him, if there's something he knew as a fact was that Cartman loved his cat even if he had a hard time admitting it, he'd always made sure his cat was home before midnight and would check if her food was place in her bowl.

Even though he'd angrily complained about the cat craving the food he'd have in hand instead of her cat food, Kyle has seen from time to time how Cartman would cease in the meowing giving food from his plate to Mr kitty. He thought it was disgusting seeing him eat from the same plate as the cat did but never bother commenting it, cause it was an adorable quality of his. Just like when he'd hand feed it letting the cat licked everything off his palm and then later off using that same hand to eat a pile of chicken nuggets with out washing his hands. It was gross for sure, but it was cute.

He winced by the thought of even considering Cartman remotely 'cute', he got home, still a rabid cat in hands. It's liked the cat hated him, but then again... it is Cartman's.

"Hold on there, mister," his mother stopped him before heading upstairs, "what is that?" She pointed at the hissing feline.

Kyle arched a brow, "it's a cat, don't worry I'm just keeping it for a while until a friend comes back from a trip." He explained, hoping that would be enough for his mom to let it go.

"Kyle, don't think I've forgotten about your chessing phase," she remarked, now hands placed on her hips, "is that it? Are you chessing?" She asked worrisome.

"No, ma. I'm serious, this is just my friend's cat," He rolled his eyes, still not believing his mother still thought he chessed once.

She arched a brow skeptical, reluctantly believing his words.

"Okay, bubbie.. but one showing symptom of it and that cat is out," she warned pointedly, as she walked back to the kitchen, "and keep that cat far from your father's office he wouldn't want to step on cat poop," she shouted after.

"Okay, ma," He responded back, running to his room as he shut the door letting the cat out of his arms, as he whined out from the stingy small war wounds (scratches) on his hands and arms somehow her nails got under his jacket sleeves.

Mr kitty hid under his bed as she couldn't escape from the window because it was closed.

He sighed as he approached his drawer and opened a cabinet, which he had a small aid kit. He took out some alcohol and began putting some on the scratches that actually had blood pouring out.

He glance to his side noticing Mr kitty peeking out from his bed but instantly glaring at him in a defensive stance as she growled.

Man, that cat really hated his ass.

Kyle couldn't help but wonder if Cartman could've trained her to hate him, but he then dismissed it as Cartman's wasn't the type to be too hyped on something that had no gained for him. He'll get easily bored by less than an hour, if plausible 20 minutes and 33 seconds to be exact.

He kneeled down and began mimicking Cartman's gay little song he'd use to lure his cat when she'd ran off from home. He had memorized it by the countless times he's heard him sing it out loud to the neighborhood with zero shame.

Singing has been such a Cartman's thing to do, he realized how both mother and son always had a thing to easily communicate by song and he wouldn't be surprised if that cat too was also taught to listen by musical notes.

One of Cartman's perks of singing endlessly since a toddler really brought fruit to his voice, so neighbors nearly complained when he'd sang out for his cat. His voice was marvelous, angelic, the type that'll lure you like a siren to a crew of sailors, a easy way to trick and manipulate people into listening to him or doing what he says. Something he definitely seen Cartman use for his advantage.

Even, as awful it is to admit, he's fallen for his curse various times himself. He'd be caught listening in his window as he'd watch from afar his arch-rival walking through the sidewalk singing to Mr kitty to come back and threatening her lastly to give her the garlic food instead of the tuna which most of the time worked, cause the cat would dash back to her owners arms after listening on not having tuna for dinner.

"Miaw miaw miaw come kitty, come Mr kitty kitty!" he awkwardly sing, as he watched the cat immediately tilted her head interested, "who's a good Mr kitty? Miaw kitty kitty miaw miaw.." he felt his voice cracked after a couple of 'miaws', he wasn't as in tune like Cartman was but he didn't think he was that bad either.

"Miaw miaw miaw miaw~

Kitty kitty kitty

Who's my Mr kitty? I love my kitty kitty~!" He never thought he'd be singing for a cat but there he was, now seeing the cat cautiously walked twoards him.

He carefully extended his hand in a welcoming gesture, expecting the cat to put her paw there but instead she smelled it before nuzzling against his hand with a purr.

Now that's awfully cute, he wasn't much of a cat person he preferred lizards or elephants, but he won't deny Cartman's cat was adorable.

He gently patted her head not knowing how cat owners tended to show their felines affection, he just knew by online critics that cats were evil cold living creatures and would prefer to not be disturb. The last time he's ever grabbed a cat was when he had to hide that damn cat Kenny would use for chessing, and he shoved it in his drawer not really caring much for it. He could've almost forgotten it if his mother didn't caught him with it.

But this one was Cartman's, she was special to him, so he had to make sure she'd be fine while fatass is away. Or Cartman could go all psycho on them if something were to happened to her once he's back.

And he had no plans on dealing with one of those episodes again.

He's learned from what happened to Scott, mitch Connor, 'cupid yee' or 'me' or whatever (he just remembers Stan commented about Cartman's little episode to him while explaining of how things lead the way it did), skank hunt (he wasn't sure to count that one, but Cartman wasn't the same at that time like if he were broken)or the 1% issue, that an emotional Cartman is a reckless 'not to be messed' one.

Cause you really don't know how'd he'd react and take it, which becomes a nerve wrecking roulette. Cartman had limits where once you pass the highest grounds, you're over. You either die, emotionally traumatized/ wound for life or spared (which is unlikely).

He remembered a kid calling him tubby it wasn't a big deal until he took it too far and 'humiliated' Cartman in the assembly. Cartman took it as if the boy was out to get him, which he technically was but his fate was counted.

Both Stan and himself knew he wasn't gonna make it to middle-school.

Surprisingly the boy was given a 'light' punishment being sent to a juvenile prison by a crime he clearly didn't commit but was then executed after three weeks cause a few inmates accused him for slaughtering another in the bathrooms.

Supposedly the aftermath had nothing to do with Cartman but both he and Stan were skeptical about it.

Then there was this other boy that had the balls to smack Cartman's ass in a football game. Yeah, let's say that one didn't last a week after the incident. For what he heard, that boy was given to pigs dismembered in bits and a bullet wound in his head. He remembered how fucked up it was for Cartman to show up to the boy's grieving parents home and gave them his condolences. It's like he gets even more gruesome with his vengeful antics each time he'd snap.

This could count as a 'group' thing but it was mostly Cartman influenced, cause it really messed them up for a period.

A fat old grumpy man almost raped him in a parking lot, it was their darkest secret yet as a group, as a whole.

He remembered that night vividly, they were at a club Butters snuck them in while he worked there, and as they were all vibing and looking at all the hot chicks there Kenny had asked if anyone had a lighter on them Cartman said he had one in his bicycle pouch, so he went out to fetched it, seemed it was more of an excuse to leave as he did notice Cartman seemed uncomfortable being at that place, and second he wouldn't offer to get it for Kenny he would straight up just tell him to go get it himself.

It took a couple of minutes and he recalls how they all started wondering if Cartman had actually ditched them, so they all went looking for him outside.

And for their horror saw Cartman sobbing uncontrollably as some man had him pinned against the hood of a blue Honda, trying to unbottoned his pants as he rubbed his crotch against his. This wasn't as with snooki, it was far worse cause he noticed bruises forming up his throat and face; weakening Cartman before the actual action.

'Holy shit' was the only thing he heard Stan blurt out in shock.

That was the night something in him snapped, and intentionally murder a man.

He remembered how everything became so blurry and slow as Stan anxiously yanked him away from the bloody body while being covered in blood from head to toes, as Kenny yelled saying he'll tell Butters to cover them up with the security footage, while Cartman whimpered and sobbed still panting frantically in the hood.

It was the most saddest shit he's ever seen Cartman been.

They dragged the body to starks pound.

Cartman was a mess, but fuck, he didn't want to ever see a friend be in a situation like that ever again.

They hid behind some cars as a police officer passed by, dragging the body with difficulty even being four boys. The man weighted over 300 pounds and with the added 'dead' weight it worsen it.

Everything seemed so surreal.

Cartman finally spoke after being so zoned out by the whole thing, they tossed the body inside a wooden boat. Took a lighter out from his pocket, the same lighter that was the whole reason they were all there to begin with.

Kenny poured gasoline all over it while puffing his last cigarette, and Cartman lit it up pushing the boat away from the edge with a small kick.

"This will be in grave a secret until we die"

That was Cartman's way of telling him 'thanks' even if it was the most devastating coldly thing he's ever done, Cartman could've use that to blackmail him or even get rid of him for good. But he never told a soul once it was all over, acting like it never happened.

He remembered he had to strip naked to get rid of his clothes and tossed it in the flaming boat, how'd he had to use some clothes from Walmart Stan had went to purchase them while he shaked tremendously by the intensity of the whole thing.

After that, they never spoked of it again and Kenny quit smoking.

°°°°

He hold Mr kitty in his arms, the cat warmed up to him very quickly than he had expected her to be.

She nuzzle with a purr against his chest, he couldn't help but visualize Cartman doing it instead.

His eyes widen, he was going crazy. That's the only explanation he could give to himself with how he was acting.

Yeah, this was bad, they had to get Cartman back for everything to go back to normal again.

He recalls of the agreement of their meeting, how Bebe asked how'd they'd be able to go to north park with out their parents knowing.

They all agreed on leaving that to Stan's gang to get fatass as they were Cartman's friends but Wendy and Craig's gang will handle the shit over in south park tricking their parents into believing Stan's gang went to some force week field trip.

It's not like their parents weren't stupid enough to believe that crap but they needed to ask for permission.

It's not like Kyle hasn't disobeyed any of his parents order anyways, no matter what answer it was, he was still going to north park.

And it's definitely not their first time ever leaving South park for longer than three days.

It was morning and he woke up with an awful smell, Mr kitty pissed all over his bed, fucking gross. He's never seen that cat ever pee in Cartman's home, it'll always meow at the door for Cartman to let her out and do what she has to do or just go to her litter box, that cat did it on purpose! Or maybe he should've just put some newspaper or a box, fucking crap.

He ran to the bathroom, took a shower and put some clothes on.

Taking his pj's and bed sheets to the washing machine, what a nice start to his morning, he thought bitterly.

Once settling his clothes in the washer he went up stairs and grab Mr kitty, and then rushed straight to the kitchen fridge and grab a can of sardines.

He sat in the table and place the tuna as he rested the cat in his lap letting her just reach out for the food herself, not thinking much of how bad it was seen as 'table manners', he felt his mother scowled him from the stove but said nothing, he didn't mind by that point he was already too numb by his mother's scolding he wasn't afraid for another.

Even though, once he started middle-school his mother mellowed down some more; saying kids their age needed space and shit like that. So she began stricter with Ike the youngest and being more free caring from Kyle her eldest son.

Which he was very grateful of to an extent.

All his family were already sitting in the table and eating breakfast, his dad didn't seem to questioned the cat and his brother just arched a brow.

"Is that Eric Cartman's cat?" He asked.

Kyle munched slowly his food as he watched him blankly, "no."

"Oh Ike, don't be silly, Eric Cartman moved a month ago I'm pretty sure they took their cat," His mother spoke reassuring, "stop bothering your brother with too many questions," she warned in a more passive aggressive tone.

Again, he didn't understand his parents, or any of the other adults. Apparently he wasn't the only one of the four that their parents mellowed down with, his friends also commented that once they began middle-school their parents seemed a little loosen around the edge when it came to them.

As if they really didn't want to deal with them.

Kyle gently caressed the cat's furry head 'don't worry Mr kitty will get Cartman back' he thought reassuring while smiling softly.

"So.. mom, dad. There gonna be this trip in like two days and-" he began his rehearsed speech of why he should be let go and how'd it'll be an improvement for his still developing mind.

"It's okay, Kyle. You can go," his father interrupted eager, somewhat anxious.

"But-"

"Really, it's alright buddy, do whatever you want," he reassured not even bothering to ask 'what' or 'when' 'who' and 'why', giving him a awkward thumbs up, his mother nodded agreeing sharing that same enthusiasm.

"Dammit, I wish I were in middle-school," he heard Ike cussed out in a whisper.

He definitely wouldn't, he would contradicted it if he actually wasn't in a rush to go talk to his friends and see how'd it went with them.

"Okay, cool—," he said uncertain, dragging the 'O', now placing the cat in the floor as he picked up his place, "I need someone to take care of mr-" he cut off, as he was about to blurt out the cat's actual name, "Mr poopkins while I'm gone," he finished awkwardly.

His family went silent and both his parents shared a look then looked at Ike.

"Well good thing your brother offered himself to take care of it, right Ike?" His dad then added, forcing a smile.

"Me!?" Ike asked incredulous, looking offended, "I don't want to-" his mother clasped her hand on his mouth preventing him to finish his sentence.

"Don't worry, bubbie, it's alright. Ike would happily take care of Mr poopkins for you," she beamed as Ike frowned by that.

"Cool," Kyle said grinning, ignoring the obvious glaring from his younger brother before heading to get his backpack and head out.

It was convenient for sure but it really made him feel like his parents no longer cared for him.

He shrugged those thoughts away as he went to the bus stop.

"So how'd it go?," He asked immediately once approaching Stan.

"My dad flinched cowardly as if I were about to murder him, dude. And I dunno whats their deal but yeah, they let me go," he shrugged, now chugging a bunch of chips, "can you believe Wendy last night told me I had a binge eating problem?" He continued, now crunching the bag in his hands before tossing it to the ground annoyed, "like, there's always something that bothers her, like 'Dude, chill the fuck out I can't eat some chips because NOW I have a issue?' "

Kyle scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, "Well.. you do kinda have a problem Stan," he reluctantly admitted.

Making Stan looked at him baffled, "I do not!," he then looked at the ground as his gestures soften, "do I...?" He asked defeated, more to himself than to his friend.

"Hey dudes," Kenny greeted as he approached them.

"Sup, Ken. How it'd go?" Stan asked now recovering from his emotional internal questioning.

"What you mean?"

"Did you asked your parent about the 'field trip'?" Kyle gripped his backpack now remembering how fatass would just barge in and say his latest stupid fact learned from the internet or some magazine he read.

He's not missing Eric Cartman, okay? He's just missing the familiarity and the casualty of it all.

"As if I needed to ask, my parents don't give a crap. I just left them a couple of joints and three packs of beer that'll keep them out for an entire week," he said disinterested as he took out his phone that was buzzing, "fuck, it's Eric."

Kyle eyes widen as he had predicted the obvious, he gripped harder on his backpack expectantly, maybe even hopeful he could hear his voice?

"Cartman calls you?" He heard Stan ask, but he was so damn far lost in his mind he zoned out a bit.

"His calls are random sometimes, I gotta pick this up man," Kenny answered, putting some earphones on, now walking away a couple of feets apart from them unintentionally making Kyle's heart shrunk and his stomach twist.

Kyle questioned himself why he felt disappointed by that, but he shrugged it off like usual, looking at the blonde who chatted animosity as he walked in circles.

Cartman hasn't called both he and Stan not even once since his move, he couldn't be angry at them for the party right? Or were they just nothing to him?

Fuck, even Butters gets to talk to him more than either of them.

That's a douche move even coming from Cartman.

Kenny walked back to his place now phone back in his pocket.

"So what did he say?" Stan asked.

"He was telling me that he had to go to the doctor yesterday and was told he was developing 'pussy-itis' "

"What's that?" Stan asked genuinely confused.

Kyle rolled his eyes, 'my god that was a Cartman thing to say.'

"He said that it's a disease that spreads to new comers when being exposed for too long, he has like vaginas growing inside his ass and the doctor warned him that he could turn into a giant pussy if he keeps it up," Kenny shrugged, now looking at the road.

That condition actually reminded him of the time Stan got growing vaginas in his face and skin because he had stopped eating meat when they were protesting for the calves safety. It was similar as the time Butters accidentally blurted out that Cartman had sparkly cleaned vaginas in his stomach because of the huge amount of vasagsil he ingested as a kid.

And as much as he hated how fucking bizarre and impossible it is for that to happen, he couldn't deny actually witnessing and be proven wrong countless times that it WAS possible. So it wasn't unbelievable to believe Cartman got diagnosed with yet another odd condition.

"Okay, so technically Cartman wants to come back now, right?" Kyle inquired, subtly leaning forward.

"No, he was given medication so he's now 'skwel'," he made a similar impression of Cartman, "he also said to tell Stan about the uh.. something about a— gnome in the cooler or some shit like that? I didn't understand well cause he cut off immediately after that," Kenny shaked his head in disapproval.

Stan flinched, eyes wide and a blank expression adorned his face immediately knowing what Cartman meant, "HOLY SHIT," he exclaimed bewildered before running off without further explanation, leaving both friends confused ass hell.

Kyle looked at Kenny expecting more from that call, but he didn't add anything else. He frowned looking at the ground still gripping his backpack while bitting his lip.

Kenny gasped as he had forgotten something making Kyle flinched in surprise.

"Cartman said 'up your ass, jew' when I told him you called him a pretentious north park bitch," he remarked casually before looking at the school bus stopping infront of them.

Oblivious of a now beaming Kyle, both entering the bus picking a seat behind Butters.

Kyle didn't know why, but he jolted excited stomach feeling all twisted and his heart pounded loudly he could hear it inside his ears.

°°°°

"I haven't told them yet," Butters said as he rubbed his knuckles, heading to class.

"Dude, why not? We're leaving in two days, man," Kenny spoke while holding on to a notebook.

"They're not gonna let me go you guys," He admitted unfazed.

"Okay, so you're planning on sneaking out," Kyle added.

"I'm not sure.." the boy hesitated saying, looking at some flyer.

"You're Eric's best friend and your telling me you're NOT going to go get him?" Kenny inquired, kinda spiteful, "it's not like you haven't sneak out before and for Eric of all people too!

Like, your stupid schemes required a little disobedience from your part to handle all the shit Cartman gives you.

You're Eric fucking Cartman's best friend! It's pretty much not even a choice to not be a little shit head, stop being such a pussy," he blurted out, extending his arms up in the air for emphasis.

"NO, Kenny. I'm NOT Eric's best friend-" he pointed accusatory at the blondes chest, poking it hard, "YOU ARE, so quit your yapping!," he shouted annoyed, causing Kenny to frowned from the tone use.

God, those two have been up their necks since Cartman left, and Kyle couldn't point out why.

Kyle stood there awkwardly as he watch the two bark back at each other like two hounds with no leash, spitting venom and acidic slurs at each other.

'They should shut up already and go make out somewhere else, fuck' he thought annoyingly tired by the dragged banter.

Oblivious of the irony of his own thoughts.

Not wanting for them to escalate any further he stood between them, like a peacemaker.

"If we either become queermo pussies or boring ass side characters, your choice!" he threatened, pointing at the pissed off blonde.

Butters sighed contemplating it, grumbled a 'why should I choose?' As he kicked lightly the ground.

"Or do you have something you're hiding from us, Butters?" Kenny inquired suspiciously, tilting his head.

Butters clenched his fist, fuming, "fuck you!" He screamed out, pushing Kyle to the side before lounging at Kenny starting a fist fight in the hall, now everyone gathering up around them.

Kenny slammed his notebook hard against Butters face while Butters pushed Kenny against the lockers.

'This was some serious shit,' Kyle thought before taking out his phone and recording the fight for later on send it to Stan.

Prev — Next

#south park #eric cartman #kyle brovlofski #stan marsh #kenny mccormick #kyman #sp kyman #'what's up with the fatass?' fic #i feel like not many acknowledge kyle's little psycho side #i think he'd snap if something were to happen to his friends infront of him #he was willing to go kill Butters to not get grounded and kill who ever was in charge of the meterosexual trend burn down the school #kenny too y'all can't tell me he wouldn't do something if he ever sees something bad happening to the people he loves #i see kenny and kyle being the protective ones of their group that'll go to high extents just to keep their people safe #ken would go all rabid while kyle would just go full maniac #difference between cartman and kyle?#kyle is emotionally impulsive #cartman's calm and calculated with all the intention to do it #kenny's impulsive too and stan is more emotionally driven #technically what im saying that it's intentional to view Kyle as a little psycho in this fic #friendly reminder this fic isn't to be taken seriously!:D

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conartisthaiji · 10 months

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tagged by @literalliterature! thank u jack :)

Current time: 12:15 AM

Anything you've been doing lately: trying to make lunch plans but my friend hasn't answered me in a few days >:( so maybe i won't have lunch plans lol

What you intend on doing later: going to sleep!!!!! hopefully

Anything you've recently watched or played: yesterday my best friend and i finished the first ace attorney game! we are now starting the second one (they're the phoenix wright ones idk what they're called). i also just finished bitch x rich and jigokuraku/hell's paradise; both shows are very good in my opinion

Anything you want to watch or play: ...more ace attorney LMAO. i also wanna play stardew valley again; i miss it.

Anything else you want to say: please vote runayachi in the runayachi vs kanoyachi poll

Tagging: @kanoyachi @mistarover and @reineyday as well as anyone else who wants to do it!

#lyz talks #i wasnt gonna be like vote runayachi and then i was like sigh. i think i have to #since like. its my brand now

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kidukami · 3 months

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wip summary poll!

thank you for the tag @talesofsorrowandofruin <3

Rules: Pick a bunch of your WIPs and summarize them as badly as possible, then ask your followers to vote on which one they'd be most likely to read. Multiple/all/none options are completely optional.

tagging @hallwriteblr @ashfordlabs @fleurtygurl + anyone who wants to do this!

#mika.txt #writing #polls #writing poll #wip poll #including my side wips + stuff i can't say much about for the time being hehehe

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hotvintagepoll · 10 days

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Propaganda

Eartha Kitt (Anna Lucasta, St. Louis Blues)—My friend and I have a saying: NOBODY is Eartha Kitt. A thousand have tried, and they've all come up empty and will continue to do so. Everyone knows her for something: from "Santa Baby" to Yzma in Emperor's New Groove to Catwoman to making Lady Bird Johnson cry for the Vietnam War. She was a master of comedy and sex, an extremely vocal activist, and she aged like fine wine... I honestly don't know what I can say about her that hasn't already been said, so I'll stick to linking all my propaganda. Like what else do you want from me. She was iconic at everything she ever did. Literally name another. How can anyone even think of her and not want to absolutely drown?

This is round 4 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Glynis Johns:

"She had this wonderful wit and charm to her no matter the role and the most distinctive, striking voice!"

"I mean, incredibly beautiful and talented, can do drama can do comedy. And she was a mermaid."

Mermaid clip:

Court Jester (sharing a bed trope):

youtube

Court Jester (seducing the king):

youtube

"VOTES FOR WOMEN! Well, votes for this woman. Please."

youtube

Eartha Kitt:

"A hot vintage woman who was not just known for her voice, beauty, poise, and presence, but also her unapologetic ways of speaking about how she was mistreated in the show business as a girl who grew up on cotton fields in South Carolina in the 1930s through the 1940s coming to Broadway first and then Hollywood."

"Have you watched her sing?? Have you seen her face?? Have you heard her talk?? How could you not fall instantly in love. She makes me incoherent with how hot she is."

"She can ACT she can SING she can speak FOUR LANGUAGES she is a GODDESS!!! Although she is (rightfully) remembered for her singing, TV appearances (Catwoman my beloved), and later film roles, her early appearances in film are no less impressive or noteworthy!! She’s an amazing actress with so much charisma in every role. She was also blacklisted from Hollywood for 10 years for criticizing the Johnson administration/Vietnam War, so. Iconic. Also Orson Welles apparently called her “the most exciting woman in the world.”

"She had such a stunning, remarkable appearance, like she could tear you to shreds with just a glance- but the most undeniable part of her hotness was her voice, and it makes sense that it's what most people nowadays know her for. Nothing encapsulates the sheer magnetism of her singing better than this clip of her and Nat King Cole in St. Louis Blues, she pops in at 2:49. Also I know it's post-1970 but her song that was cut from Emperor's New Groove is likely to make you feel Feelings."

Even with as racist as Hollywood was in the 1950s and 60s, Eartha Kitt STILL managed to have a thriving career. She also once had a threesome with Paul Newman and James Dean, and called out LBJ over the Vietnam War so hard that it made First Lady Johnson cry. Eartha Kitt was talented, sexy, and a total badass activist.

#eartha kitt #glynis johns #hotvintagepoll #fuck that old woman #ladies 4

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dominantslasherking · 2 years

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i had a dream u posted kurt kunkle fic thing and tbh now that's what i've been thing about all day 😭

my skrunkly little virgin streamer <33

Kurt Kunkle with Dominant Streamer! Male S/o

My Stories are meant for the much more mature audience, 18+.

Backstory: Kurt was planning to have you as another part of his lesson, but things seemed to be going...a little different.

Walking along the sidewalk, you waited for your Spree, in the meantime, you turned to look at the reviews on your horror book that you recently published, it was doing extremely well so far, and racking up many fans of the book.

Letting out a quick yawn as your spree quickly arrived.

"Uhh, [Name] Right?!" The spree driver pulled up, as you stared at his big doe eyes, finding it rather cute.

"Mm, that's me." You pulled up into the front seat much to Kurt's surprise, normally it would be awkward to pull up in the front set however this spree driver was rather cute to look at, and you needed a good view in the meantime.

Tilting your bleak and cold eyes at him, you recognized him from somewhere...ah--isn't he that killer uber driver...I mean you have seen him on a streaming site, murdering people. However, it didn't really bother you, as you pretended not to know who he was, who knows if you survive this you could have a really good plot for your next horror story.

"So, a spree driver?" You hummed out, making conversation as Kurt started driving..

"I'm---Uh also a streamer!" Kurt blurted out showing you his phone which was recording, and then you took notice of the cameras all over the car.

"Follow me for a follow! KurtsWorld96..." Kurt asked with a smile, as you couldn't take your eyes off the murderer, he was awkward, cute, and enticing...how is he a murderer? Hmm, seems he really wanted fame.

Kurt's eyes draw to his phone, looking at some of the comments. As he turned to look at you, to see you already intently staring at him. "Uh--hm- Do I have something...on my face?" Kurt bashfully asked out turning away from you, a blush formed on his cheeks from your fierce gaze.

"You're just rather cute, big fan by the way." You suddenly made it known, that you knew who he was, as his eyes widen and started to smile while letting out a small laugh.

as Kurt started awkwardly, thanking you while suddenly asking his viewers a question.

"I'm [Name] And your Kurt right?" You asked out Kurt nodding his head while paying attention to his phone.

"Soo, what should I do guys?" Kurt suddenly tapped on his phone, pulling up a poll for his viewers, noticing that he was racking up more views when the camera caught a glimpse of you.

Even though you were a fan, which he really appreciated, not to mention he found you attractive, he wanted to know what his viewers thought.

Once Kurt let the poll finish he brought up the results, it was a pretty evenly tie between fuck and marry, with only a few votes on kill. However, the majority said marry.

As Kurt was driving you to notice he passed your destination, "Uhm? Kurt?" You gently asked out as he glanced towards you, "Yes?" He asked with a smile, "We passed my destination."

Kurt bobbed his head, as he started to drive in an unknown area that you did not recognize.

"You- see I was doing this uhm poll, Fuck, marry, kill...and Marry won- soo--" Kurt spluttered out, showing you the poll as you took the phone, and started smiling while looking at Kurt.

"That's rather cute you know...are you really going to marry me Kurt?" You clearly teased him as he awkwardly bit on his plump lips, "It's...what the viewers want right?" He asked his chat, which suddenly began to spam yes.

#kurt kunkle x reader #Kurt Kunkle #slasher x male reader #slasher x reader #spree 2020 #spree 2020 x male reader #Kurt kunkle x male reader #Joe Keery #kurtsworld96 #kurtsworld96 x reader

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irlcats-bracket · 10 months

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Brackter 3 Round 3 Poll 1

Pricetag vs Bandit

PRICETAG

also named price in another submission

shes fat shes a terrible bitch and shes the love of submitter's life. they dont technically know her breed but she looks like a calico kinda. white and black and brown all over. their favorite spot to kiss her is the little brown diamond on top of her head, but she has all kinds of pretty markings. she'll cuddle submitter but not their parents and hisses at anyone else. hence the bitch. its SO funny. she doesnt "meow" so much as she chirps and yells. u touch her n its the worlds loudest MRAP. submitter leaves for work and they go "bye price!" and she goes "meep" and they say "i love you!" and she goes "mow" and it always makes them smile because she rarely does it to anyone else. shes so fat. she has a big ol premidorial pouch because shes 100% indoor and u can hear her claws go clicclicclic on the floor because shes so heavy. she likes to climb on peoples back. she chases moths but no other bugs and likes to make friends with neighborhood critters. she hates bellyrubs from everyone but submitter. if they leave their door open at night she creeps in and lays in the worst possible spot and makes it impossible to sleep. she makes the best bread loaf. shes so fucking round. SPHEREICAL. submitter love her more then anything ❤❤❤❤❤❤ (here submitter said that i can shrink it if i want to but no fucking way i am shrinking things abt a cat aside from their name maybe)

shes named after a canadian hockey player. submitter hates hockey. thanks uncle C dhsbdjjsjsjsjs

PROPAGANDA

THATS MY FUCKING CAT!!!!

GO VOTE FOR MY CAT!!!!!

how could you possibly vote against this face 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 shes the roundest, bitchiest cat in the whole world and shes my best friend. stealer of cream cheese and hearts.

heres a small collection of price pictures where i think she looks exceptionally round

vote for price orb. shes practically a perfect circle. what more could you want

BANDIT

submitter's sweet baby boy. He passed away recently, and submitter misses him dearly. He was the softest cat they'd ever pet, and that's not just them being biased. His fur was silk. He was the friendliest cat too, and when he heard new voices he was always up to come meet people. He also enjoyed being around people, and you could always find him in a room with the family. He enjoyed terrorizing the family dog whenevr he got riled up (dont worry, she enojoyed it too), and he loved to bother submitter's parents when they started working from home. Any call submitter had with their folks, he would always make a background appearance, yelling quite loudly. He also had some of the loudest snoring theyve ever heard, and they're so lucky to have a small audio recording of him sleeping. Submitter had him since they were 8, and he was nearly 17 years old when he passed away. Submitter tries to sleep with a crook in their knee so if he's ever lonely, he can come cuddle.

#polls #cat #cats #catfight three #catfight three round three #death ment tw

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giggleplanet · 9 months

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vote for your fav of my kink ocs! the basics and propaganda are under the cut 👇

info 👇👇👇👇👇👇

MAX: she-her / cis woman / bisexual / 50 sex: vers tickling: top role: soft domme

APPEAL: recent divorcee getting into kink for the first time. a gentle and encouraging tickler. milfy. big boobs (WILL let you suck on them)

DR MIN: they-them / agender / bisexual / 57 sex: top tickling: top role: dom

APPEAL: mad scientist. wants to strap you down and experiment on you. always wearing medical gloves. might test out a serum that makes you 10x more sensitive. meanest tickler on the list.

DAWA: he-him / cis man / gay / 41 sex: top tickling: top role: dom

APPEAL: hairy muscly bear. um.. sweaty and musky. loves to wrestle and chase ... look out he's gonna getcha!!! my fav of my ocs I LOVE U DAWA

PR♆NCE NEPTUNE: they-them / nonbinary / bisexual / 33 sex: vers tickling: top (...most of the time) role: neutral

APPEAL: pop star. hedonist. they'll lay you down on silk sheets and stroke you all over with a peacock feather. huge on praise/worship. exhibitionist.

0 (oh): they-she / android sex: top tickling: switch (...literally has switches. that you can turn on and off) role: neutral

APPEAL: curious android who wants to poke around your body .. curious about having you poke around in her wires too. just discovered gender and wants to get dressed up pretty.

PHILIPPE: he-him / trans man / bisexual / 31 sex: vers tickling: switch role: sub

APPEAL: fairly vanilla + new to kink. belly fan. voted most likely to go easy on you, but that doesn't mean he won't tease you about it all. super playful (and he plays fair!)

EVER: she-her / trans woman / bisexual / 33 sex: bottom tickling: switch dominance: domme, brat

APPEAL: huge flirt. foodplay thing. does NOT play fair. will let you wreck her just so she can get you back twice as bad after. hugely into genital tickling especially.

NICOLA: she-her / cis woman / lesbian / 28 sex: vers tickling: bottom role: sub, neutral

APPEAL: shy girl. hard af to make her laugh. not very ticklish at all but she still loves it. oral fixation, loves giving head, loves getting head. will do anything to get her sides gently stroked <3

SACHA: they-he / nonbinary / gay / 29 sex: bottom tickling: bottom role: switch, power bottom

APPEAL: hardcore endurance player. you WILL tap out before they do. has a million body mods and sensitivity enhancements. strong contender for most ticklish person in the galaxy.

TIM: he-him / cis man / bisexual / 38 sex: top tickling: bottom (but will not admit it) role: sub

APPEAL: most embarrassed man you will ever meet. TERRIFIED of being tickled but thinks about it 24/7. extremely sensitive ears. don't whisper in his ear he'll cum in his pants!!!

#🪐#i think this is the most comprehensive breakdown ive done of my ocs .. go figure a poll would make me finally get around to it #polls #crew #SIGH ok .. tagging time again here we go #max #min #dawa #neptune #oh #philippe #ever #nicola #sacha #tim

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