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a-dragons-journal · 4 years

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My Experiences of Nonhumanity

I get asked about “what makes you/people in general feel you’re/they’re otherkin” a lot, and while the answer is far from simple and my experiences are anything but universal, I figure it deserves a write-up once in a while. A friend asked about it a couple nights ago, so I wrote up a huge long message on Discord, and decided to rewrite it into a Tumblr post for posterity. This’ll be a long one, folks; hit J on desktop to skip.

It’s worth noting ahead of time: none of these things are required to be otherkin, and none of them automatically mean you’re otherkin. In fact, most of them are little more than mildly “weird” quirks when they occur in isolation, and only start to push outside the range of “normal human experiences” when many of them occur together. You can’t look at someone (including yourself) and say “they like collecting things, they must be dragonkin!” It’s not that simple. You have to take the individual as a whole even as you examine each specific experience in more detail - don’t lose the forest while you’re studying the trees. This is just a description of my personal experiences.

Shifts

- Phantom shifts/supernumerary phantom limbs: Probably the most obvious thing and the hardest to brush off, although I still managed to do so for years. Phantom shifts, aka supernumerary phantom limbs, are the experience of feeling limbs or body parts that do not and never have physically existed. In my case, the most common phantom limbs to show up are my wings and tail; other body parts, such as digitigrade legs, horns, snout, and paws/talons, also make appearances less frequently. While my phantom limbs almost never attempt to replicate tactile sensations/interactions with the physical world, they’re often defined by very vivid proprioception (ability to tell where your body is in space, mainly via muscle stretch receptors), and I can tell where each part of the limb is at any given time - it’s not just a shapeless sense of “weight,” or it wouldn’t be phantom limbs. I can also move them at will, typically. My phantom shifts are typically spontaneous and involuntary, but they’ve been induced artificially a couple different ways as well, though I can’t typically do it at will.

- Sensory shifts: Still not something I’m totally sure I experience, but there are definitely times my sense of smell becomes insanely strong compared to usual even for me, which fits the definition of a sensory shift.

- Astral shifts: While I’m far from an adept astral traveler, when visualizing “traveling” within my own mindscape, I shift form fluidly between human and dragon - although I almost always have wings at the very least.

- Cameo shifts: Mentioned only because it’s relevant to my phantom shifts. I realized at some point that the reason I get cameo shifts of canine/feline ears sometimes is because they usually show up when they’re pricking/flattening to express emotion, and the muscles that move to do that action are basically the same as the ones that do those actions with the crest that runs down my neck, and because of my obsession with cats/dogs/horses as a young child and because that’s not a particularly strong phantom shift for me usually, I connected the dots a little wrong and created a false association.

- Self-image: This isn’t technically a shift, but it’s going here anyway because it doesn’t really fit in any other section either. My body image/self-image is weird. I know, consciously, what I physically look like. However, my instinctive self-image is... hmm. What I “expect” to see doesn’t always match up with what’s actually there when I look in the mirror. Teeth are a huge point of fixation for me for some reason; I always expect them to be larger, sharper, stronger. I expect my neck to be longer, my face to be... different. I expect scales in places. I expect claws. Even knowing consciously that of course it won’t be there, it’s still strange sometimes that it’s not. There’s sometimes some mild disconnect when I see myself. (Sometimes not. But sometimes.)

Homesickness

(Or, the sense of missing something you’ve never had - not of “I want/want to be [x], and it makes me sad/upset that I don’t have/am not that,” but of “I should have/be [x], and it is fundamentally wrong that I do/am not.”)

- Flight: I have always wanted to fly, and for a long time I thought everyone ached for the sky the same way I did. Most people don’t, as it turns out. Yes, everyone’s fantasized about flying, but most people don’t feel bones-deep, crushing, physical pain in their chest thinking about it. Most people don’t lift up onto their toes instinctively straining for the sky. I’ve felt that aching longing for it for as long as I can remember.

- Connection to dragons: For as long as I can remember knowing about dragons, I loved the idea of them and even when I was very young, when I’d only really been exposed to media where they were the great evil for the hero to defeat and received no more character development than “evil, destructive, fire-breathing beast,” I was always on the dragon’s side and wanted to learn more about them. That hasn’t faded. I’ll watch an absolutely terrible movie or TV show that I otherwise loathe if it has good enough animation and sound design on the dragons. (Looking at you, Game of Thrones.*) I would commit arson to see one of those Isle-style dragon survival games actually go through and finish production. (Holding out hope for the Dragon Game Project on YouTube; go check them out if you haven’t already.) I’ve also used dragons to represent myself for pretty much as long as I’ve had an online presence - years before I ever heard of otherkin, I was calling myself Dragonheart.

- Dragon-like creatures: Snakes, crocodilians, and dinosaurs all fall into this category - all of them give me a similar heart-and-breathing-pick-up, aching familiarity to dragons. They’re not perfect, but in a snake’s scales and a crocodile’s bellows and a dinosaur’s spectacular reptilian size I see echoes of us and I have always loved them with a passion, even before I quite knew why.

- Dragon/”monster” noises: Sound generators, creature sound design, real animal noises, etc. that are meant to be monstrous and that most people find unsettling or even frightening, I find comforting and relaxing. Alligator bellows, “monster noise” soundscapes, etc. all apply here.

* No shade on anyone who likes Game of Thrones, I’m just not a fan. :P

Behaviors/Instincts/Urges

- Hoarding: I’m still not sure how much of the crystal thing is "monkey brain say Shiney Colorful," how much is a witch thing, and how much is a dragon thing, but some of it is a dragon thing.

- Territorial/possessive nature: I can get... extremely territorial over my stuff and my home. This can extend right into being ridiculously protective of my people too, although I do try to rein that in to a reasonable amount. This also extends into games like Capture the Flag, because put me on defending the border during middle and high school and I got frighteningly territorial. (Fun fact, this extends to spiritual protection stuff and it has almost gotten me in trouble a few times on that front.) The other main side effect is my brain trying to claim completely inappropriate things as “mine,” like every piano I have ever touched or, that one time, the entire city of Portland.

- Prey drive: Going on a walk in the woods with me will always be an exercise in stopping every twenty seconds because I heard a small animal move in the brush and froze instinctively to track it. Prey drive ranges from "okay I can indulge this enough to track-stalk-chase without actually intending to catch-kill-eat" to "this is entirely inappropriate and needs to Stop Right Now" depending on the day and the situation - sometimes it’s fairly low-key and innocent, but sometimes it's also being confronted with the sudden and completely serious/genuine thought of grabbing someone or something by the neck/around the body with your jaws and hunt-prey-kill-devour when it's completely inappropriate and kind of disturbing or even sickening. It’s one of the more annoying things, although it’s not like it’s severe enough that I’m an actual danger to anyone - it’s just a gut thought that gets filtered out at the conscious level without significant problems. This also bleeds into games (I get... maybe a little overenthusiastic during tag) and even watching TV shows or gaming videos - most of the time at least part of me is rooting for the hunter because I relate to them as a fellow predator, even if the audience is supposed to be rooting for the prey - I mean, protagonists.

- Basking/heat-seeking: Probably only partially a dragon thing, but despite the fact that I hate heat in general, radiant/sun heat and heat from a heated surface are both fantastic feelings provided the ambient air temperature isn't too high. I'm guessing this is at least partially a reptile brain thing.

- Height-seeking: Give me a chance to climb up on top of something - a rock, a cliff, a chair, a table, a bunk bed - and look out over everything else, and I'll take it in an instant. Getting to climb up on the roof is the best thing that's happened to me this entire quarantine.

- Flight instinct: Being mildly leery of cliffs not because I am afraid of falling, because I'm really not, but because there's always some part of my brain that goes "jump, fly, this is a perfect takeoff spot" and I have to squash that before I do something particularly stupid. This manifests in other ways, but that's the most dramatic (and annoying) one. This is also one of the things I noticed as definitively not normal long before my awakening. (The Grand Canyon was fun.) Similarly to the prey drive thing, it's not like I'm actually in danger of throwing myself off cliffs, it’s just - there's a not-insignificant part of my brain that thinks "hey we should go run and jump off and take a quick flight," in the same way I might also casually think "hey I should stroll across to the corner store for a bag of chips" before I consciously decide whether or not to do that. It’s the exact same type of thought process, despite the fact that one of those things is something I might do on any given school day, and the other is, you know, physically impossible.

- Combat instincts: I get in a fight and my pure instinct is to bite or claw, not kick or punch or whatever it is humans do instinctively. I have those reflexes now courtesy of Krav, but I had to train them in - if you’d thrown me into a fight before, I absolutely would have resorted to claws/nails and teeth immediately (and I still will, when pressed into a corner). Sometimes, unfortunately, this goes off completely unwarranted, either in an anger situation that does not deserve a physical response, or for no apparent reason whatsoever. It's one of the more problematic things, but once again - it’s not like it’s a compulsion, just a gut-emotion thought that gets filtered out at the conscious level.

- Scent focus: Who knows how much of this is environmental influence and how much is instinctive, but I always have and still do focus on scent more than most humans seem to. I can identify people by scent, I seem to pay more attention to it than most people do. I also seem less bothered by natural body smells than most people do, but considering the responses when I asked around in the otherkin community once about that, unclear whether or not that's connected.

- Nonhuman noises: I make just a bunch of weird nonhuman noises, and always have. Growls, hisses, croons, hurrs, throat-clicks, chirps, etc. I've never met any human who does them instinctively like I do except my half-sister (whom I didn’t meet until a couple years ago), and she was just as surprised to hear me do it as I was surprised to hear her do it.

- Affection: Face-rubbing, light head-bonking against someone’s shoulder/body/head, and love nips/bites are all perfectly acceptable ways to show platonic affection, to dragon brain. Human society disagrees. The instinct to do these things is so strong that I definitely do give into the first two with people I’m close with, and I have physically had to catch and restrain myself when I was about to unthinkingly bite/nip someone’s skin because I wasn’t paying enough attention.

- Movement: Moving on all fours just feels better than moving on two legs, even though it’s objectively physically uncomfortable because humans aren’t built for that. I also have the instinctive want to be a lot more flexible than I’m capable of being, in ways I’m not capable of being - curling all the way around something or someone to squeeze them tight in the coil of my body, turning my head a hundred eighty degrees because my neck Should Be Longer.

- Expression: Baring one’s teeth when frustrated, irritated, or angry is not a particularly human instinct. I realize it’s something a lot of primates do do, but. *gestures at society* Humans ain’t one of them, at least not anymore. Even in Krav Maga, which is a self-defense style that focuses on being vicious and “dirty fighting” to survive a real street fight, every single time I have a new partner (and most times I have a partner I’ve worked with before) and I get tired enough to get snarly, they respond with some variation of “god that’s scary”. See also: gesturing at things with my nose because it should be long enough to make that a much more dramatic gesture than it ends up being.

- Den/lair/small spaces: I never feel safer than when curled up in a tiny alcove just big enough to comfortably fit my body curled up into it. The only position I’ll prioritize over it is getting up onto a high space.

Past Life Work

Unlike every other bullet point on this list, most of these didn’t apply until I started actively seeking them out, because, you know. Past life memories are like that.

- Past life regressions: I’ve got a tag for these, but tl;dr I take anything I learn from a past life regression or similar meditation/visualization with a whole spoonful of salt, forget “a grain,” because I know for a fact my brain is very good at making stuff up with these types of exercises. Unfortunately, they’re the only way to get information on certain things, like appearance.

- Tarot: Got a tag for that too. I use tarot to ask questions and confirm or reject suspicions.

- Spontaneous memories: I don’t have many, but they’re clear as day when they do appear. I don’t count something as a “true” memory unless it includes senses I can’t reproduce through imagination - smell and touch, mainly. Mostly these are quick flashbulbs, nothing cinematic or anything like that.

- Noemata: Again, I don’t have much in the way of noemata, but what I do have is persistent and consistent. I know things about my wing shape and flight style despite not having really experienced that in detail during past life regressions. That particular set of noemata has been confirmed to fit with real-world physics and bat wing shapes (the closest wing type to mine that exists or has existed on Earth).

#think that about sums it up #otherkin #dragonkin #this got real long #long post #journaling #rani talks #feel free to reblog if you like

118 notes · View notes

randomwoohoo · 6 years

Link

At least I will have time for studying or other stuffs after this

- .... . / . -. -.. / --- ..-. / ... . .- ... --- -. / --- -. .

Finnick: Previously on Zoomorphia, our bunny fox cops eventually beat the silver wolf.

Bolt: Yeah, once! But you know what? I can’t even be mad at them cuz after all this time, Officer bun bun finally became aware of her feelings for the Wilde fox! Too bad, I still had to get my job done. My crew and I used Savages to lure them into a blind alley. After knocking Hybrid out, I took Officer Hopps and the cheetah officer as hostages. Since we could not locate Officer Wilde back then, I gave him like 8 hours to hand over his driver in exchange for the hostages.

Finnick: It looks like you covered everything… What’s the point of me being here and doing this recap sequence again?

Bolt: Speaking of the last chapter, where were you? Shouldn’t you be there with other minor extras?

Finnick: I was there, in Mr. Big’s house. In fact, I was the one who helped Slick Nick lose some weight. And I’m not extra! I have dialogues, y’know?

Bolt: But you didn’t get mentioned in previous chap at all! Maybe you were overlooked because of your short height. Hahaha

Finnick: Excuse you…

Bolt: Oh… sorry...I mean you’re not short, you’re fun sized. Hahahaha

Finnick: How’s that better?

Bolt: It’s not?

Finnick: I’ll bite your face off!

Bolt: Uh-oh, gotta go. Enjoy chapter 18~

Fanfiction.net

.-.. . - .----. ... / -.-. --- -. - .. -. ..- .

Sunset’s rays shone through windows of one warehouse where Judy and Clawhauser were held captive against their will with their paws tied behind their backs. Because of their ankles tied with rope, they could not move freely, which implied that escaping was out of the question.

By the time Judy woke up, she had already in this unpleasant situation with her feline friend, surrounded by a hog Savage and a hippopotamus Savage in addition to three purple beasts she as Hybrid fought against earlier to being knocked out.

Besides, the two officers were being watched by the tundra wolf in a groovy black leather jacket, Bolt, who was sitting on one of the stacks of wooden crates.

“What on earth do you want!?” Clawhauser wriggled on the floor, yet the rope was not loosened one bit.

Due to not being present at Mr. Big’s front yard when Bolt attacked, he had no clue what the wolf was after.

Bolt did not answer since he was not paying much attention to him as he, looking at Judy’s transformation belt that was still on her since he could not remove it from her without wearer’s consent as a result of the device’s system, was thinking back…

After Mittens the black and white wildcat fixed Bolt’s part which was damaged by Hybrid’s sword, a professor who is a black sloth boar bear held an urgent meeting in their motorhome.

“We must take MidniDrivers away from those two no matter what.” Professor stated clearly at a table where he, Bolt, Mittens and Rhino the tan lemming gathered.

“The sooner the better” The wildcat added.

A light bulb went off in Bolt’s head. “I can accelerate and steal them-”

“Do you know where bunny fox cops keep their morphers?” She interjected the question, shooting down his idea.

“But if there are any Savages terrorizing the city, those two will show up with their drivers for sure!” Rhino said, sitting on the table, so he could see others.

“Still, we have zero clue when the next Savages’ attack will be. There’s too much uncertainty.” Professor puzzled over the problem “except… we arrange the next attack.” before he came up with the idea.

As a result, Bolt and his gang produced a plan for luring Nick and Judy out with controllable Savages in order that they can steal MidniDrivers from them before the drivers start-

All of a sudden, Bolt jerked, shaking the stack of crates under him. Judy and Clawhauser were accordingly startled by him.

“Oh Shiitake… I forgot to tell him which warehouse...” He had just realized he only told Nick to bring his morpher to him at this warehouse district but he did not specify which warehouse. This realization interrupted him looking back.

Fortunately, he did not have to be worried about that problem because Nick Wilde the red fox appeared at the warehouse’s gate in his favorite light green Hawaiian shirt and dark indigo necktie.

“I thought for a moment that we may have to check every single warehouse to find the right one.” Finnick the fennec fox complained from the driver’s seat in his van.

“Thanks for the ride” Nick, seeming solemn, thanked Finnick for dropping him off in front of the warehouse.

“Are you sure about this?” The squat sandy-furred fennec fox asked.

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” Nick replied with determined eyes.

Finnick put on his shades, “Ciao” then drove off.

“Nick!” Judy shouted her partner’s name.

“Wow, it took you 5 hours and 2 minutes~” Bolt pretended to look at his watch on his left wrist although he did not have any real watches on him at the time. “I hope you are clever enough to make a right decision~”

“Lately, I’ve wondered...” Nick started a speech.

“Why should I care? It’s not like this city is worth risking my life for anyway.” He walked slowly into the warehouse.

“I used to be discriminated, mistreated, called names, et cetera to the point of giving up trying to be something else aside from a shifty fox. But then, the naive little bun bun stepped into my life... She was so naive that she fell for my scam easily, so naive that she believes rabbits can be a cop… believes… an untrustworthy fox can be a cop too…” He lowered his voice at the end, yet his words echoed, so others did hear him.

Nick continued. “Despite being looked down, she kept trying and achieved the impossible in the end… The first rabbit police officer, the amazing cop… I’ve been thinking… She may not be naive after all… She’s confident and hopeful. Because she is a trier… true fighter, she will try… always persist in trying to make the world a better place.”

He then smiled tiredly. “If I give up again here, she won’t likely to forgive me.”

Following that, Nick brought out the arm-sized black device, MidniDriver. Bolt therefore hopped off the stack to get on his feet in order to receive Nick’s transformation gear. However, it turned out that Nick put his morpher on his waist.

“So, that’s your decision huh?” Bolt sighed, rolling up his jacket right sleeve before brushing fur on under forearm to avoid getting a zipper on his arm stuck on fur.

After unzipping his arm, “Switch on” Bolt, uttering calmly, pulled a lever which is a part of a mechanical arm underneath fake skin.

The very next thing happened was that electric sparks ran around the tundra wolf before one quick flash of his white fur. Shortly afterwards, Bolt successfully switched into his silver chrome form.

“Carrots!” Nick shouted to Judy while she was gazing at him in worry for him.

“Thank you, for everything!” He expressed his gratitude to her. “I’ll save you… whatever it costs.” He made a promise.

Subsequently, “I love you, Judy.” Nick pulled the syringe of his morpher, then pushed it promptly.

“RELOAD” His MidniDriver spoke.

“Nick! Wait! D-..on..t...” Judy passed out.

“Judy!” Clawhauser moved with difficulty towards the unconscious bunny.

Nick held the handle sticking out the right side of his black device before “Transform” he said and twisted the handle. “IGNITE”

Next, Nick’s MidniDriver released purple steam which unsettled all of the five purple monsters and then caused boiling mist explosion swallowing the red fox whole.

After the thick mist faded away, two emerald headlamps at Nick’s eye level and purple device core shining up, the armored mammal was revealed.

Nonetheless, this armored mammal did not appear the same as usual. Normally, Hybrid was a doe rabbit figure with fox features regardless of what forms the duo used.

Despite having the same black device on the waist, the mammal has a tod fox physique with characteristics of a rabbit such as a short snout and a short tail.

Furthermore, this hybrid between a fox and a rabbit is covered with a steel blue full suit head-to-toe bio armor.

The steel blue Hybrid also had a pair of emerald headlamps for eyes, no pattern on muzzle area unlike Hybrid’s other forms, crimson claw marks on the left cheek, a red neckerchief around the neck, a pair of claw gauntlets and, last but not least, digitigrade legs (standing and walking on toes).

“Dang! Intimidating~ A bit too edgy, but still impressive~” Bolt complimented Hybrid’s new form. “Bring it on!” He struck a fighting pose while Mittens was controlling the Savages to be on standby from the motorhome.

Suddenly, Hybrid screamed at the top of the lungs before storming off.

Stunned by the unexpected harsh manner, Bolt froze in place, while Mittens ordered the Savages to stop the blue armored mammal in order that the wolf had some time to get a hold of himself.

Right afterwards, Hybrid charged headlong at the purple wolverine, then grabbed of its neck with the right paw before hurling it upward. After that, the steel blue armored mammal jumped up and thrust the left claw into the wolverine Savage. It consequently met its end in the blink of an eye.

Clawhauser, Bolt and his team, only Mittens and Rhino except the professor, who were watching the incident live from their base were stupefied by the fact that this blue form of Hybrid could finish off one Savage in next to no time.

The feral armored mammal briskly hunted down other purple beasts, leaping over large Savage s like the lion and the hippo. Hybrid then dived towards the caprid and swiftly crashed it against the ground so hard that it died instantaneously.

The next target whom Hybrid mindlessly chose was Clawhauser. When Bolt saw that the armored mammal was running on all four in the direction of the defenseless tied up cheetah officer. He, “Accel!” yelling, grasped the hog monster near at paw violently before throwing it at Hybrid in order to prevent the steel blue animal from injuring normal mammal.

However, the armored mammal dodged the thrown hog Savage and caught it in mid-air, then pinned it down.

Hybrid , screeching at the hog, pushed the silver syringe roughly “ACTIVATE”. Immediately following that, the elbows grew blades. The steel blue armored mammal struck the pinned Savage with the elbows.

Thanks to its fat layer, it took quite some time for Hybrid to defeat this monster. Hence, “Come here!!” Bolt was able to carry the unconscious bunny body and the cheetah to the further spot, away from the wild Hybrid.

The hog monster’s motionless body started to vaporize, indicating its departure from life, still the armored mammal kept cutting its flesh with the elbow blades.

At that moment, Mittens ordered the remaining two Savage s to attack Hybrid. She thought that if the monsters could slow the going out of control mixed-breed down, Bolt would be able to accelerate and make the armored mammal detransform.

When the purple lion came so close to Hybrid, the armored mammal sprang to cling to the lion’s back.

The lion Savage tried to shake Hybrid off but it was useless because in an instant, the right claw of the armored fox with rabbit features stabbed through the lion’s neck.

After effortlessly killing another monster, Hybrid got off it. Since Savages cannot bleed, there was no blood staining on the steel blue suit of armor. However, it did not make this form of Hybrid less disturbing.

“This is what happens when predator’s body is used for becoming Hybrid huh?” Bolt chuckled nervously.

“Bolt! We have one more shot. I gonna send the last Savage to charge at Hybrid. Find an opportunity to change the fox back to normal.” Mittens spoke to him through their private wireless communication system.

The purple hippo then rushed towards the armored mammal but Hybrid bent the body to avoid being hit at exactly proper time.

Soon afterwards, Hybrid pushed the syringe “ACTIVATE” to activate spiked knee pads and hopped up, twisting the body in mid-air, before kneeing the hippo in the top of its head.

Bolt, who intended to go near Hybrid at first, was watching the monster being clawed brutally by the so-called hero…

Bolt then decided “Triple accel!” to launched himself at great speed so that he could catch the armored mammal.

Even so, Hybrid could dodge him with such a remarkable agility. As a result of too high force and speed, Bolt flew farther than he expected, crashing into the stacks of crates.

When he fell on the ground, “Shoot! Hybrid is going after the officers!” Rhino’s voice could be heard from the wireless communication system.

Bolt, already cancelling the acceleration to avoid his system overheating, hurriedly got up before seeing Hybrid standing so close to Clawhauser. The armored mammal was drawing the right claw up.

“Stop it!” Bolt yelled while the speechless cheetah shut his eyes in fear.

--. --- / --- ..- - / --- ..-. / -.-. --- -. - .-. --- .-..

After Nick pulled and pushed his syringe, “Nick! Wait! D-..on..t...” Judy blacked out.

She or just her consciousness was then thrown into an unfamiliar place where she saw an adult fox presenting his business plan for a bank loan. The fox was accompanied by a young red fox.

Judy looked fixedly at the young fox because he appeared familiar to her. She then shifted her focus to the older fox walking away from the loan officer’s desk. Apparently, his proposal got rejected.

Subsequently, she perceived that the young fox held up the stamper along with two small rodent bank employees, preventing them from stamping ‘rejected’ mark on the proposal.

The rodents shrieked, so the rhino security guard came to catch hold of the fox kit. Although he had already let go of the stamper, the guard was still carrying him towards the exit.

“Dad! Dad!” While the kit was calling to his father for help, the adult fox “Sir, I’m truly sorry but please let my son go.” begged the rhinoceros.

“You’re going too far!” Judy went to stop the guard but it turned out that he walked past her as if she was not there because in reality..., she was not there.

After that, the adult fox leapt on the rhino to save his son. As a result, the security guard released the fox kit and arrested his father instead.

Before he went out with the security guard, he spoke to his son. “It’s okay, Nicky. Dad will go home soon. Until then, be a good boy and prove that a fox is trustworthy.”

Next, Judy’s mind jumped to another place. She saw a vixen raising her kit on her own. The vixen even scraped up enough money to buy her son a junior ranger scout’s uniform. The scene reminded Judy of the story Nick told her about his past. That was when Judy realized that she was going through Nick’s memory.

Judy wanted to turn away from the scene of young Nick weeping alone after he was bullied by prey animals in scout uniforms. It was the day Nick gave in to the horrible stereotypes or that was what he said to her.

She found that despite feeling conflicted, Nick occasionally tried to prove that he could be more than a sly fox. Nonetheless, the world was constantly against him. Although he studied hard to earn good grades, some mammals would claim that he cheated.

It was hard for him to apply any honest jobs just because he is a fox.

It was difficult for him to get any loan approvals just because he is a fox.

Therefore, he eventually gave up and became a con artist, a sly fox that the world saw.

Lying, hustling… If those were what mammals expected for foxes, so be it.

Subsequently, Judy reached the memory of the first time Nick met her and tricked her to pay the jumbo pop for him and Finnick. She even perceived his thought.

Back then, Nick saw Judy as a hypocrite since she carried a fox repellent, yet she acted nobly. That upset him to certain extent.

He disliked her more when she pressured him to help her solve the missing otter case. However, after seeing her working hard in the investigation and genuinely caring for the otter, he thought that he might be wrong about her.

“I think you’d actually make a pretty good cop.”

At the time Judy told him that, he just thought she must be joking because nobody would truly believed that a sly fox like him can possibly be a cop.

That was why the moment Judy handed him a police application form meant a lot to him. This mammal really believed in him. She wanted him to be her partner. Even though he did not want to serve society anymore unlike his past self who wanted to join the scouts, he was happy to be wanted and trusted.

And that was why it hurted so much when she betrayed his feelings by showing her bigotry against foxes.

Nick wanted to hate her. Then again, he came to realization that everyone made mistakes, so he decided if she changed, maybe… he could give her a second chance, which he did not regret that decision at all. She grew up, learned her mistake, came back to him and fixed the crisis with him.

He finally found a mammal who trusted him, had faith in him and believed in him while he did not believe that he could be more than that awful stereotype.

Besides, he thought She was so freaking reckless and too naive. How can l leave her alone? , which irritated Judy.

For these reasons, Nick made up his mind to be by her side as her friend and her partner.

The more they spent time together, the stronger Nick’s feelings grew. Hence, He fell in love with her.

Nevertheless, he had to persistently remind himself to forget the idea of being in a relationship with her because he is a fox, an ex-con artist. He believed that he would bring her down… His past could come back to haunt not only him but also Judy as long as they were together romantically.

I’m a fox. The world just sees me as a shifty hustler. This thought echoed in Nick’s head.

After going through his memories and thoughts, Judy, her chest feeling tight, came across a black large free space which was burning with flames here and there.

In the middle was a savage fox on fire.

“Nick!” Judy approached the burning fox.

The flaming wild fox growled at her but she still advanced towards him.

“Nick!” She called to him again.

When she was so close to him, he leapt on her, pinning her to the hot floor and snarling at her face.

Even so, she was not scared. She reached out and pulled him into an embrace.

“I believe in you, Nick.” She patted the back of his neck, “You won’t hurt me like that. I’ll be fine. You’ll be fine. We’ll be fine… together.” tightening the hug despite the fire on him.

“I’m sorry for all this time I didn’t know what you have gone through, how heavy your burdens are, and… how many emotions you bottle up.” She then moved her paws to his face. “But please take off your mask… let me know your true feelings.”

The fires subsequently died out, revealing Nick Wilde with a depressed expression.

“I’m sorry” Nick apologized. “Even though I’m a cop now, even though I got promoted, it seems I can’t ever be good enough...”

“If you’re afraid that you won’t be as good as I hope, don’t worry. I don’t have high expectation in the first place.”

“Ha ha” Nick laughed sarcastically.

“Nick, you’re not just good. You’re fantastic! You’re better than what world thinks of you! Have more faith in yourself, O.K.?” She stroked his cheeks.

“I’ll try.” Nick rose slowly while gentally helping Judy stand up.

“And I’ll be there for you… be by your side, so you’ll be by my side too~” She beamed at him.

“Sly bunny~” He put on a genuine smile before the mental black free space faded away as both he and Judy united.

--. --- / --- ..- - / - --- --. . - .... . .-.

Clawhauser, lying on the floor defenselessly, shut his eyes in fear when steel blue Hybrid drew the right claw up.

“Easy peasy~”

He heard Nick’s voice and felt that the rope around his wrists and ankles became loosened, so he opened his eyes to see the armored mammal, who went totally berserk earlier, standing in a relaxed way.

“Are you hurt?” Judy’s voice came out of the armored fox with rabbit features.

Noticing that the rope had already been cut by the steel blue mixed-breed, Clawhauser got up hurriedly.

“Judy! Nick! You two okay now?” He asked.

“Pretty much~ I just let an autopilot run a bit and it looks like it did a fine job.” Nick jested as he turned Hybrid’s head to look around. There were vaporizing lifeless Savages’ bodies on the floor.

“Sorry for the loss of your pets~” He jokingly apologized to Bolt.

“You can hand over your drivers as an apology.” Bolt joked as a response, stepping off the pile of broken wood pieces.

“I’m afraid we can’t do that.” Judy said, putting Hybrid’s guard up.

“I figured.” Bolt uttered.

“Clawhauser, would you look after my body?” She asked him.

The cheetah picked the unconscious doe’s body up and kept their distance from the silver wolf and the armored mammal.

Once Clawhauser together with Judy’s body were out of a danger zone, “Accel!” Bolt moved near Hybrid like lightning, then “Volt Strike!” swung his glowing knifepaws at his opponent in order to paralyze the united duo.

The steel blue armored fox with rabbit characteristics briskly ducked to avoid the blow easily.

Seeing that his attack failed, Bolt lowered while sweeping one of his legs.

Hybrid could avoid the attack with ease again by springing up. However, that was what Bolt aimed for.

He assumed that it would be difficult to dodge in mid-air, so “Double accel” he straightened up and was about to attack the armored mammal in double-quick time.

Hybrid stuck the right claw at Bolt but he, still accelerating, sidestepped, dodging the sharp claw.

The accelerated silver wolf then thrust his glowing left palm with an intention to strike the armored mammal’s flank.

Unexpectedly, Hybrid agilely bent the body, which caused Bolt to miss his target in a split second.

Directly afterwards, the united duo seized Bolt’s extended arm, then drew Hybrid closer to Bolt and used the momentum to swing the kick which hit him right in the side of the face.

Next, the armored mammal released the hold on the silver wolf while he was falling sideways. He took a step to the side to regain his balance as the steel blue mammal landed on the feet effortlessly.

“Mittens… I’m gonna get serious a bit.” Saying quietly, Bolt stopped accelerating. He did not pay attention to his team’s response and went straight to “Electro blast!” discharge an energy ball from his chest.

As the energy ball was flying towards Hybrid , the united duo twisted MidniDriver’s handle back “CRITICAL BREAK” before crouching, avoiding the attack in the process.

At a later second, the steel blue armored mammal jumped up, flipping towards the silver wolf.

“Acce-” Bolt was about to charge at his opponent.

“Don’t move!” The duo yelled, making the wolf halt without being aware.

Hybrid then rushed down to land a right side kick… on the floor. Bolt stared at his opponent being down on one knee while one foot stayed in contact with the ground at the same spot that the kick landed.

When Hybrid stood up and lifted the right leg, it could be seen that the spot which the armored mammal’s foot hit a moment ago was holed. Bolt also noticed that there were spikes under the toes of Hybrid before those spikes were drawn back.

“You know that if you moved just a little bit faster, you could get kicked right?” Judy put a rhetorical question to Bolt.

After he was silent for a few seconds, “Triple accel” he uttered calmly, then disappeared into thin air.

Clawhauser was going to shout in celebration of the victory but suddenly, Hybrid turned back and stuck the sharp claw out at the silver wolf. It appeared that Bolt accelerated his system to attack his opponent by surprise.

“Wanna continue?” Nick asked.

“Just wanna give it another shot.” Bolt tittered before he vanished.

“Where is he now?” Clawhauser wondered.

“He’s gone now.” Judy answered.

Subsequently, the armored mammal went to Clawhauser, asking him to kneel down, so the rope tying the unconscious body of the doe could be cut. Following that Hybrid removed the rope from Judy, the united duo pulled the syringe, drawing the blood into it, to detransform.

The suit of armor released purple steam before it disappeared. Nick consequently turned back to normal while Judy woke up in Clawhauser’s arms.

“Wakey Wakey princess~” Nick pushed the syringe to inject his blood back to himself in order to cure his tiredness.

Without hesitation, Judy got off Clawhauser’s arms, then approached Nick hurriedly.

“We did it, Carrots~ We won-” No sooner did Nick finish his sentences than Judy punched him right in his gut. Nick collapsed to his knees as a result.

Jaw dropping, the portly cheetah covered his mouth in shock.

Next, she pulled Nick’s tie to draw his attention to her before she ranted.

“Dumb fox! What the heck did you think you were doing, risking yourself like that!? What if everything didn’t turn out fine? What if that transformation made you’ve gone completely berserk and will never recover!? You think that I’m naive, dumb and too reckless to be left alone, don’t you? Then why did you decide to sacrifice anything to defeat that wolf… especially after you confessed to me…?”

Her eyes then started getting watery. “If something horrible happened to you, I...” She shed her tears.

“Sorry… for making you worry...” Nick averted his eyes, feeling guilty.

“You gave me too credit… I almost gave up several times and I did give up once before.” Judy clenched her badge on her chest, remembering the time her badge was nearly taken away during the missing otter investigation.

She remembered the mammal who saved her from losing her dream was none other than Nick.

She remembered that she returned to Zootopia and successfully crack the Night howlers case after giving up because of none other than Nick.

“All this time…, the reason why I can keep trying, fighting and protecting our city, our home, is… I have you, Nick.” She touched his cheek gently, turning his face, so he would look at her.

“I love you.” She stared into his emerald eyes.

“I love you too.” He stared back into her amethyst eyes.

“Aww” Clawhauser exclaimed, moved his paws to his chest.

And then, both Nick and Judy closed the gap between them, hugged each other and shared a kiss. Their lips were pressed against the lips of one another. They felt a warm sweet sensation radiating throughout their bodies as they got lost in time.

.- ..-. ..-. . -.-. - .. --- -. .- - . / -.-. --- -. ..-. . ... ... .. --- -.

At a later time after Bolt lost to the steel blue Hybrid and came back to his team’s base, the motorhome,

“What actually happened? Shouldn’t predators go out of control if they use MidniDriver to transform with their bodies?” Mittens the wildcat wondered, swivelling round in a seat.

Meanwhile, Rhino was busy waving a hand fan for a large mammal like a bear to cool down the tundra wolf, Bolt, who was lying on one of the couch.

“It’s probably because the fox has received quite amount of the rabbit’s blood mixed with his blood.” Professor the sloth bear theorized. “Plus, their synchronization’s possibly increased.”

“If it was the case of what I’m thinking right now…, oh, dear, I’d be seriously worried about the bunny officer.” Professor’s face grew concerned.

- .... . / . -. -.. / --- ..-. / .--. .... .- ... . / --- -. .

- --- / -... . / -.-. --- -. - .. -. ..- . -.. / .. -. / .--. .... .- ... . / - .-- ---

#zootopia #zoomorphia #zootopia fanfiction #zootopia tokusatsu au #the end #for now

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a-dragons-journal · 5 years

Text

Otherkin Challenge

Putting this under the cut so I don’t spam the tag.

1. What name do you go by? What is the significance of it to you?

Rani! It is, as near as I can figure, the name I had when I was physically a dragon.

2. How old are you? (If you don’t mind sharing.) What is the gender you identify as?

18, nonbinary woman.

3. What is your Otherkin/Therian species?

Dragon.

4. How long have you known that you are Otherkin? How old were you when you Awakened?

Around a year and a half now; I was 16-17 when I awakened (the period I label as my awakening happened to fall over my birthday, inconveniently enough).

5. How did you find the Otherkin community?

I stumbled across an Otherkin FAQ - I have no memory of how that happened, only that it was entirely accidental - and that led me to tomorrowlands.org and the rest of the community.

6. How does being Otherkin affect your life?

Not hugely, tbh - I’ve long since learned to override most behavioral urges, people learn remarkably fast to translate nonhuman noises and even respond in kind, etc, so there’s usually not a huge tangible effect. (It’s also hard to tell, given that nothing has changed since I awakened, I just have a name for it now - so what’s affected by being otherkin and what’s not? Hard to say.)

7. Are you “out of the metaphysical closet”? If so, to whom?

Yes! Mostly. My family does not and probably never will know. Most of my friends do, and those who don’t don’t know because it doesn’t come up rather than because I make any effort to hide it.

8. How did/would your family react to you being Otherkin?

I suspect it would be hard for my mom to believe, but other than that, I don’t think she would respond hugely negatively - just skepticism and neutrality. Still. Better not to bring it up.

9. What does being Otherkin mean to you?

I don’t know that it does mean anything, beyond the literal “identifying as something other than human” bit. It’s just a state of being. It’s not something I choose, so it’s somewhat counterintuitive to me to try and apply a deeper meaning to it - the same way I don’t apply a deeper meaning to me having blonde hair, or being asexual, or whatever. It just Is.

10. How do you believe you came to be Otherkin? Is it a psychological connection? Were you reincarnated? Explain.

I believe my draconity stems from a past life - that I lived a life as a dragon (on another planet or in another universe), and that for whatever reason my soul resonated particularly strongly with that shape and still remembers it, causing it to “bleed over” into this life.

11. What do you hope the Otherkin community will be like in ten years? Are you for public awareness or against it? Why or why not?

a) A little less... conflicted than it is now. I hope things will have settled down somewhat, and that we can sort out this issue of “Tumblrkin” (for lack of a more accurate but equally concise term) that’s arisen in the last decade or so - people calling themselves otherkin without really putting enough thought into it, or even actually understanding what it is first. On the other hand, I also like the shift away from “grilling” that the community seems to be taking - but that’s so recent that we’ve yet to see if it’ll stick.

b (and c)) ...Yes and no, honestly. Would I love public awareness that’s truly accurate information? Yes. Am I 99.9% sure that any large- or even medium-scale documentary or similar thing done on the subject will be sensationalizing and attention-grabbing at the cost of accuracy, making us out to be “crazies” and “wolfaboos”? Also yes. It’s happened before, and I have great faith in patterns.

12. Do you have phantom/astral limbs? What are they and how often do you feel them?

Yes! Most often, wings and/or tail (several days or weeks at a time, usually). Less often, horns, claws, paws, teeth, muzzle/snout, and digitigrade hind legs.

13. Do you mental-shift? Have you ever harmed yourself or someone else during one?

If I do, it’s so subtle/gradual that I’m not really aware of it. No.

14. Have you ever mental-shifted at a time when it could be considered inappropriate?

Not that I’m aware of, though I probably lean more draconic when I get tired/worn out and that does happen a lot during class, soooooo...

15. Do you Astral Project or practice any occult crafts?

I’m a witch, so yes. Haven’t gotten the astral projection thing specifically down yet, though.

16. Do you feel you are any sort of danger to society?

...No?

17. Does your nonhuman identity complicate every day life for you? If so, how?

Not particularly.

18. Why do you believe you are here as a human?

Because I was reincarnated here. :P

More seriously, I do tend to believe that we learn lessons across all our lives and thus life is about the living and the learning - but I don’t know if I chose to reincarnate here or if it’s determined by chance or some outside force.

19. Are you active among the Otherkin community?

You could say that, yes. (Thanks for 1200 followers, by the way, y’all.)

20. Are you religious? What faith do you follow? Does it contradict your Otherkin identity or do you feel that the two are synonymous somehow?

I am, though I’m not sure spiritual isn’t a better word. I’m Pagan, and please don’t ask for any more specifics than that at this moment - I’m in a bit of a questioning phase right now. Nothing about otherkinity inherently contradicts literally any religion, as far as I know, unless there’s a religion I don’t know about that has a rule about identifying as something other than human. The fact that I already believed in reincarnation sure helped pave the way for my explanation for my otherkinity, though.

21. Have you ever been emotionally, verbally, or physically harassed simply for being Otherkin?

Verbally, yes, though only online. Emotionally, not really, mostly because not a single antikin I’ve ever met is actually good at being cutting and insulting. They’re all boring and mediocre at it, and rehashing the same handful of bad insults a thousand times.

22. Do you feel you are oppressed because you are Otherkin?

No.

23. What is your take on fictionkin/mediakin? What about machinekin and appliancekin?

As far as I’m concerned, it’s really not my place to judge whether someone’s identity is “valid” or “real” or not. As long as they’ve clearly put thought into it and understand what otherkin is before they call themselves that, I try to live and let live. If they don’t seem to have a good understanding or seem to be misinformed, I try to gently correct them.

24. Did the awakening process seem relatively easy, or difficult to you? Why?

Somewhere in the middle, for me. On the one hand, it was less complicated than for many because there was never a doubt as to the possibilities - either I was a dragon, or I was a human (or, as it turned out, both). On the other hand, I loathe change, especially to something so integral as my labeling and identity - so I probably spent longer agonizing over it than I really needed to.

25. What do you think of the information provided online about Otherkin, is it relevant or not?

As with everything on the Internet, some of it is good, and some of it is bad. Read critically.

26. How has your Otherkinity/Therianthropy defined you as a person? Do you feel as if it has given you morals that you didn’t have before?

Not really? It’s something I’ve always had, whether I knew it or not. Trying to figure out how different I might have been if I wasn’t a dragon is both time-consuming and pointless.

27. Have you learned any life-long lessons due to your Otherkinity?

See above. Also, I’ve only known I was otherkin for a year and a half. Check back in in another five or six years.

28. What do you want to do with your life?

Marry my girlfriend, love and take care of my family, not have to constantly stress about money (or anything else, preferably). Chiropractic medicine.

29. Do you have any tips or advice for young and newly-Awakened Otherkin?

Take your time. You can’t rush self-exploration, nor should you. Furthermore, there will be some questions you can’t (or don’t want to) find answers to, and that’s okay. You’re not obligated to explain yourself to anyone but yourself - and your obligations to yourself are only to be truthful, to do your research and make sure you know what you’re talking about, and to be kind to yourself (and others).

30. Anything else you’d like to share with us?

I am very tired and I would like to sleep for a thousand years. Thank you.

#otherkin #dragonkin #rani talks #journaling

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