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youcouldmakealife · 2 years

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YCMAL Superlatives Write-ins (Rd 2)

Everyone continues to be hilarious.

Best Chirper:

Robbie - he maybe, might have made David smile once

Ulf or Liam, either way there’s innuendo involved

Kiro (if he can get to Oleg, I’m convinced he can get to anyone)

Liam, I am sure he is as annoying in the ice as off it

Kiro and he knows it

Stephen? in a cutting way, Dmitry in a silly way

Julius (but its in Finnish so no one knows)

Julius, if he ever opened his mouth

Devon Crane (feel like everyone is so terrified of him that deadpan chirps would go over *so* well)

Worst Chirper:

Money - I don’t know why, it just feels true

Ben is far too nice a young man for effective chirping

Bergen (“Hey Vinny, still doing that whole virgin shit to turn into a super goalie?”)

Shithead but he thinks hes great at it

Bryce because he is bad at being sarcastic and mean or David just because he is truly terrible at chirping

And...

David (anyone else is objectively wrong)

David. Poor thing.

David (but only when he’s intentionally chirping, he’s very effective at being hurtful when he’s not)

David! He tries the darling

David Chapman (I would die for him but even Max seems to be a better chirper)

david would never even try

Most likely to use a dozen hair and skin products:

I’m so caught between my dumb sons Seb and Bryce

whoever it is, they probably only do so because their [sister] told them to

Bryce - and maybe Jared after he steals all of Bryce’s products or at least his fancy shampoo

Bryce, as part of Recovering from Toxic Masculinity

Bryce the boy is so vain (rightly)

Most likely to use 2 in 1 shampoo and a bar of soap:

ScratchMoney, they are a 2 in 1 couple

Literally everyone but Bryce

Mike Fucking Brouwer. I know you’re not ashamed but I’m ashamed of you.

.... like 2/3s of the league

Mike (except he probably uses a 3 in 1)

Jared because of pettiness alone

Jared Matheson is judging his vain fashion pot husband

i hate to say it but. Andy.

Adam, out of sheer melancholia and frugality

The rest of them???

Benson (derogatory)

Most likely to win an Olympic medal in another sport:

Evan. In the summer olympics. And never tell anyone about it.

Seb for sailing. Based only on him having a boat and how hilarious Jake and David’s reactions would be to him winning medals for multiple sports

Kiro and Gally want to know if pranking is an Olympic sport

Playoff Willy (based on sheer determination alone)

Bryce, works so hard and dedicates himself to what he loves, hockey, Jared, it'd be the same any sport

Is it just me or could Oleg become a curler or something hilarious like that?

idk i feel like julius would do it out of sheer talent and pettiness, but don't ask me which sport

David (hardworking little weirdo)

I dunno why, but Willy. He just has that multiple-gold-medal vibe

Marc Lapointe (the man was born to be a champion)

And:

Marc (diving)

another write in for Marc (in diving)

Can we make the Marc diving joke or is that just for Dan?

And (100 points for making me cackle like a hyena):

.....................Aaron

Most uncoordinated off the ice:

So are ScratchMoney a single unit throughout? Because them.

Evan (he's not used to how big he is after bulking up so his spatial awareness is all off)

I don’t know why the answer is Andy, but it is

I really feel like it's Andy. Maybe Evan. Definitely one of the gentle giants.

evan immediately post growth spurt is like a teenaged dog

Sweet Baby Connie, he's like a newborn giraffe

Cody Gallagher (no clue, just vibes)

Joey if he’s drunk or feeling shy

Julius Halla (look idk if he's uncoordinated off the ice i just think it'd be funny if he were)

Most ‘ums’ in a single media availability:

Mike. Self censoring himself with all the swearing

Julius. This is not his language, he does not want this, someone please help.

ALL OF THEM except Stephen and Gabe

Charisma black hole Jared Matheson, and nobody will care because they’re all too busy staring at his gorgeous face

In my heart I know it’s Bryce

I’d say Julius but that implies that he speaks to them at all

Jared Matheson (with likes)

Liam but it was a bet

Evan Connelly (too anxious)

Most likely to get through an interview without a single filler word:

Marc. Mostly because he's ranting

David in full Hockey Canada robot mode

Dave (LISTEN I know he's not a player, but if he was he wouldn't use filler words)

Oleg has never said ‘um’ in his life

Marc when he gets going about the current dismal state of politics

Marc has his media planned out three weeks in advance

Willy, most charming man alive

Gabe. He has The Singular YCMAL Braincell

if there was any competition Marc would have taken them out already

David Chapman, if he deigns to answer interview questions

Marc and that's not even a question

David Chapman (thinks about everything before he speaks...usually)

Ref’s Favourite:

Any of the small number of people at the centre of the ‘sensible’ ‘competent’ ‘personable’ ‘plays hockey’ Venn diagram. So Gabe or Jordan

the caps as a team except robbie

Oleg Kurmazov (a no bullshit man)

And numerous (fair) iterations of:

Jordan Davies ;)

Refs' worst nightmare:

Dmitry Kurmazov (a yes bullshit man)

Jake Lourdes (every hit *right* on the edge of too hard)

Luke for fighting, Liam for mischief

Jake “i’m the captain it’s my job to argue with you while standing on top of the guy i just slewfooted in plain sight” lourdes

Have you met Seb?????????????

Holden Chase and Shithead when their first line privilege protects them from getting anything more than a 2 minute minor

Holden Chase (I don't know why this one needed the full name)

Liam. He'd 100% brat at them all the time and I love that for him

Willy (probably not but I love the juxtaposition of Willy and Playoff Willy)

#YCMAL superlatives

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himbeaux-on-ice · 3 years

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KK deserves more than 6mil for 1 year and there is no way Habs CAN'T match that. It was so low I thought it was a joke of an offer as petty revenge for the Aho one. Literally had a $20 signing bonus tf. With both teams picking up racists this is good PR frankly to excite fans.

Sorry, I actually disagree pretty solidly with almost all of this, but the reasons are complex and lengthy to explain, so I’m going to put it all under a cut.

Listen, I personally believe based on what we’ve seen from him in the playoffs that KK can eventually develop into a $6.1 million dollar player — it seemed like he did well once the team had been put through Ducharme’s mini-training camp before the playoffs that actually allowed the chance to cement his systems, and put up good numbers generally during the run for someone his age. If they can find a way to get that kind of stuff out of him in the regular season, he could very well be worth $6.1 or more down the road. I really truly think he has it in him with the right coaching and the right work put in.

The problem is, owing possibly to how the Habs have chosen to develop him (remember, he came to the NHL pretty much straight out of the draft) and how very young he actually is, he has not yet actually PROVEN that he can be a player of that value consistently for most of a season at any point. I’m willing to put an asterisk on his struggles this year, because it was a weird fucking season and the Habs had a rough go of it in several points, especially down the stretch, and because we’ve seen the ability is there in the playoffs. But given what we’ve seen while he’s been on his ELC, there has been no guarantee so far that a team that signs him to $6.1 million is going to get $6.1 million in value out of him this coming season.

Like, set aside league-wide valuations for a second, and think about what the Habs, based on their budgeting and philosophy and management choices, are paying some of their top foundational players right now in terms of cap hit. Toffoli makes $4.5 million, so will Hoffman. Anderson makes $5.5 million, as does Drouin. Petry makes $6.2 million. Edmundson makes $3.5 million. Jake Allen, a player so valuable to this team that we risked “Price to Seattle” to keep him, is $2.87 million against the cap. Gally, the lifeblood heart and soul of this team who has given his literal blood sweat and tears to it for almost a decade, only makes $6.5 million against the cap. They apparently weren’t even willing to offer Phillip Danault, defensive cornerstone of the playoff run, the $5.5 million he got from LA. With Weber on the LTIR, if KK signed with the Habs at $6.1 million, he would be the third-highest paid player on the active team when you exclude dudes named Carey Price (who is an outlier and should not be counted). I love the kid. I think he’ll be a bonafide star someday. He has NOT earned that kind of payday yet, based on the established scale of how the Habs reward their players.

Based on my amateur understanding of NHL contracts and the market, a reasonable deal with KK from the Habs would have been somewhere in the area of $2-3 million (so, what they pay for players like Lehkonen (2.3 mil) or Byron (3.3 mil) or just signed Armia to (3.4 mil)), for maybe about 2 years. By the time that runs out, he’d be 23 years old and heading into the prime of his career, and you would probably have a better idea of whether he’s made that big next step or not — if he has, you probably just got two years of great hockey out of him at a STEAL, and can at that point sign him for a nice juicy contract that will pay him to that level and lock him up through his prime years (which is what you would dangle to entice him to take the short deal for now). And if when that short deal is up he hasn’t made that next leap, then you either sign him back at what he is worth, or if that’s an impasse, part ways. He has said he wants to help bring a Cup to Montreal, and do it with the core of young guys they’re assembling (and close friends like the other Finns on the team) — with that, maybe some performance bonuses if he really kills it, and the promise of something bigger down the road once he proves himself (plus the knowledge that he might not get higher offers elsewhere because of how he’s struggled) you could probably get him to sign a deal like that with the Habs.

HOWEVER.

Now that he has signed this offer sheet, he WILL get $6.1 million. Not only for this year, but once the one-year deal expires, any extension offered to him by anyone is required to start at that number. Regardless of how he performs. Unless he has the breakout year of all breakout years, this will really screw him over — because if he DOESN’T perform to the $6.1 million level, a team (be it the Habs or the Canes) is not going to want to sign him to a second deal at that pricetag. He’ll have to go hunting as a free agent, or get traded before he expires and become another team’s problem. (Note: I’m not exactly sure if the offer sheet process allows Montreal to match with a contract at the same value but longer term, but that doesn’t really solve the problem of being locked-in at $6.1 million after next season even if they can). I understand why he signed the offer sheet — his career earnings so far total just over $2 million, and of course both he and his agent would jump at the chance to guarantee adding triple that in just one year, with the promise of more of the same on his next extension. I’m sure he probably thinks he’s worth it, or can prove he is worth it. He probably thinks the Habs believe in him enough to match it, too — I don’t think he wants to leave Montreal, but he probably sees this as simply an earlier achievement of what they would hopefully be paying him anyway someday, in his eyes.

But even if he DOES perform up to that level, if he remains on the Habs that creates another massive problem crunching up against the salary cap: Nick Suzuki and Jake Evans are both RFA’s at the end of the 2021-22 season, and THEY will be looking for their “grown-up” contracts at that time, the SAME time KK will need to be signed again. Nick is probably going to develop into the better player between him and KK (look at where he already is right now), so even if KK performs excellently next year as say 2C, Nick looks like he will be even better at 1C — and if I’m Nick’s agent, I’m definitely starting my contract negotiations with what the Habs would be paying KK as my absolute lowest starting figure, if not higher. Jake probably has more of a 3C/4C upside, but if KK struggles and plays at a 3C/4C performance level and Jake does that well or better, then if I’m Jake Evans’ agent I am definitely putting my starting figure for negations right around $6.1 million, because I can argue “well, you’re paying Kotkaniemi that much, why not my client?”. Romanov is due up for his post-ELC RFA deal after next year too — because he’s more of a defensive defenceman who isn’t expected to score much, he likely can’t command the kind of figures that an offensively productive centre does, but you still need to have enough cap space to actually sign the guy for what he’s worth; Romanov is eligible for arbitration in that negotiation, so lowballing him too hard could get complicated and contentious fast. And all of this isn’t even including factors like depth players on one-year deals who will need to be replaced or brought back after this year, etc.

Accepting/matching this contract creates a dozen new problems the Habs didn’t have before at all. It carries massive risk and could cause problems for the cap and for roster construction even if KK takes off like a rocket and lives up to the figure on the sheet. I didn’t even touch on the absolute hell the fanbase and media will put him through if he is in Montreal on that kind of payday compared to the rest of the team and fails to live up to it. Alex Galchenyuk only made $4.5 million while he was here and struggling. Look how that turned out for him. You’ve seen how people get when Carey has a rough patch, how the $10.5 million gets brought up and thrown around, and that’s with Carey goddamn Price. I have been around this fanbase long enough to see what happens when people don’t feel you’ve lived up to your pricetag. It gets nasty. Think whatever you’ve seen hurled at Mitch Marner this year, then multiplied by a factor of “fanbase whose expectations have been disproportionately raised probably beyond what’s realistic by the miracle playoff run” and “the Montreal hockey media eats people alive even in good years”. He has been lucky so far in his struggles because he’s still young enough to be cheap. And I’ve still seen plenty of people already writing him off anyway.

Make no mistake: I love KK, I love what he brings to the team, I love how he fits in with the rest of the young core and their dynamics, and I really believe he has the potential to break out into a formidable 2C lowkey-superstar. And I was really, really looking forward to hopefully watching that growth and achievement happen with the Habs, as part of the super exciting future that has been building here. I will be heartbroken if this leads to him leaving, genuinely. My biggest worry with having this bright and shiny new core was always that I would have to watch it get torn apart and turn sad just like the last one.

But now that this contract, right now, at this point in his career is going to be the price of keeping him? I don’t know if matching it will be what’s best for the team as a whole, or even what is best for KK. I don’t know if Carolina actually gives a shit about him as a player enough to use and develop him right if they keep him, or what their end goal here even is other than definitely very literally getting petty revenge for the Aho thing, just look at their Twitter (I think the idea of this as DeAngelo counter-PR has become a bit overblown as an explanation, because surely they MUST know they could end up holding the tab for this and all the risk of it in the end, and that this will die down eventually, so either they’re incredibly stupid or there’s some other benefit here).

And regardless of which way everything goes, I can’t think of anyone I trust less to make the best choice for everyone involved than Marc fucking Bergevin.

#long post #sorry not trying to be mean just literally don’t agree with this at all #habs #Jesperi kotkaniemi #wnylanderthals #asks #montreal canadiens

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