#idk my tatto0 is fucking itchy >:'[

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I'm walking. Fast. The world is tilted. There's green peaking up from flat gray. Short, stubby moss. Like an ooze. Like the sidewalk is compressing it sideways. Persistent even in a concrete jungle. This little thing. This tiny thing. Reaching up toward the sun from under trampling feet. Toward a distant star. And I'm walking, but I'm light through a prism. Splitting seven different directions. A billion and a billion and a billion years brought this tiny crumpled organism to the crushing weight of my foot. And I want to scream and I want to run and I want to cry. Because it's beautiful and I'm worried I'm the only one who sees it. I'm worried it'll burn through me. I'm worried that when I walk this path for my hundred thousandth time, I won't see it like I did this first time. That my world will fall to ash again and I won't see the moss growing up between the seams in the sidewalk.

#cringe writing. bc in my grant writing class we switched to public outreach. so i have to write a thing that will go on the radio #and its better if u add a personal component. the lady gave us a prompt: take a memory of being out in nature and write like u love it. #like u hate it and write it nutral. we only had ten min. and for some reason i was like. hm i will write #abt one of my 1st times walking to this building and i saw some moss. maybe not a typical out in nature memory #but for some reason it came to mind. bc my mood was a lil elevated so i was like a lil insane. i think thats when i went out onto my deck #and was like weeping like i see the clouds and the sunbeams and they feel like angels lol #idk wtf im gonna write for the radio tho. like i just wanna talk abt algae but i dont wanna do it infomative. which is the intention. i #just want vibes. like who cares if it relates to ur life. appreciate the green goo. its cool as fuck #idk. its only 9.30 and im sweepy. im back to being knocked tf out at night after my medication dosage went up lol #maybe itll stop my world from returning to ash. hopefully #idk my tatto0 is fucking itchy >:'[ #unrelated

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#im pretty sure im having a mild allergic reaction to my tatto0 :-[ #its so itchy. like im sure itchiness is normal on some level but i dont think after a week it should b raised and so itchy its hard to slee #it only started to get bad yesterday and i mean im not covered in hives and its not fucked up and red but its not fun #im guessing its a metal allergy? but i got a black tatto0 years ago and thats fine. i guess its whatevers in the blue #so now my whole upper right arm and shoulder r so so itchy. its also possible this is bc i put expired aquaphor on it #but the itching started 1st and all i had was the aquaphor so idk maybe i made it worse or maybe it did nothing #and now ive gotta go to the psychiatrist tomorrow and shes gonna b like: have u broken out in a rash or anything? and ill b like well no #but im extremely itchy for probably unrelated reasons #or maybe this is caused by the lamicta1 and the tattoo didnt cause it. god dammit if she makes me stop taking it ill b sad. i want it to #work :-( ugh #or it could b infected? but each ring is separate so it would b weird if all of them go infected simultaneously #i want it to go away so i dont have to worry abt it tomorrow 😩 #unrelated #lab mate: when r u gonna leave today? me considering how long i cab stand it before i have to go home and take my shirt off: uhh idk

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#love that when ur stressed and having a bad time it makes ur menstrual pain worse so you feel even more awful #like. yes. id love to get things done but unfortunately i need to go home immediately at 2pm bc i feel physically ill. vibes wretched. #im considering sleep here at 6pm but 2 b fair i think i only slept 4hrs last night. woof. tomorrow is gonna b interesting #i think the allergic reacting is abt over now tho. like im not really itchy anymore. the rash is still visible but i think its just dry now #bc of the cold. so was i ever reacting to the tatto0? or was it all the medication? im so interesting in what happened #would i not have had a reaction if i hadn't got a bunch of holes poked in my skin? or was it just a coincidence #that the rash started on that arm? ugh. so frustrating. and i think the psychiatrist forgot to actually book my appointment from when we #last talked so idk. maybe if i watch t4skmaster over and over it will heal my soul #ay. its all very frustrating. and i still dont have fucking autoclave access. fuck off. just give me the fucking key code #i just wanna pour plates 🫗 lol that actually looks a lot like pouring solid media. i dont wanna have to steal someone else's card to open #the door. who even locks up an autoclave??? they didnt at my old school and u could wheel a body into that thing. im pretty sure it was #bigger than this one. also there's another unlocked on on campus. why?! i ask ppl and fucking no one knows. that's just how it is #ugh. i should go to sleep. my tummy hurt #unrelated