#idk any more tags but yk

[the-lavender-creator]

OKAY! I’m sleepy and tried as fuck, it’s 1 am and I feel like I’m about to slip off into the best damn sleep ever. But for some damn reason I decided NOW was the very best time for me to come and rant my heart out about your fic.

forgive me. This might be long.

AGGHHHDBDUSBSJAHIH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHH-

Sorry. Had to get that out of me. It’s my knee jerk reaction to before, during, and after reading you fic.

now onto the- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

oh! Guess I had a little more in me! Ok now I seem- AGHHHH- to be- AGHHU- a little - Hxjdsisjsi- better???

BUT GOSH ALL THE THUNDER ANGST IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVED IT AND MY POOR LITTLE PATHETIC WET CAT LITERALLY

ok on to the specifics!!

first of all. I like how you make this a whole ass overall arc about Clawdeen and Toralei getting together, Toralei dealing with her plan and her feelings. And also hee super horrible mom RATerina! While also sprinkling in some absolutely god damn DELECTABLE thunder angst scenes. Oh I ate those up so ravishingly. They were so nice and angst and the most tasty words alive!

But yeah. The opening contrast of how Lighting is a norm to Monsters. And lots of times needed and wanted, compared to Thunder. Which is something Toralei fears more than anything. It’s just such a nice highlight. Cause really. Just like Cleo had her fear of the dark. It’s an unusual fear for monsters. These are stuff Humans are afraid of. And that’s probably something that gets under Toralei’s skin as well. Because Monsters don’t fear the dark or storms. They thrive in it. So when she, a definite monster, has this fear of a species she’s been trained to despise, it’s probably just this extra level of overwhelming humiliation and shame. And it really sets the tone nicely opening up!

I loved the first flashback, how it really shows the early signs of brainwashing and toxic ideologies her Mom had ingrained into her. Toralei loves power and thrives on it. It’s an unknowing coping mechanism. But at a young age she isn’t shown that it’s okay not to be in charge, and that others can be royalty too. Thag others can be in charge as well. That she’s not better than others. She was never taught that and it’s sad to read it through a child’s eyes.

and It’s so weird to see the dynamic Toralei and Lagooona have. Not friends. And more like. Hostages. Lagoona is somewhat of a hostage in her own room. Having her most personal thing used against her- where have we seen this before OH YEAH! FROM Raterina!!!

to think Toralei has inherited some of her mothers abusive traits is terrifying. For she truly is just an abused little girl who never got the love she deserved.

And oh. Oh my dear little heart. How it shriveled at reading the part where her mom yells and rants at her for hours until she is sobbing and crying hysterically for hours on end. My poor sweet girl who just wanted a hug got nothing but hate instead.

and OH. my head as poor little Toralei who wanted to be all grown up. Left alone in the house and realizing she left her guitar outside. Poor little kitten clinging to a branch and crying for all she’s worth as she thinks she’s gonna die. And what’s worse is she’d rather risk that imminent death and fear instead of going inside and risking her mothers wrath. god that sounds like a trauma inducing fear if I’d heard of any.

Ooooo the first Clawdeen and Toralei scene. Very interesting. Tantalizing. Fun how Toralei finds her adorable but excuses it like everyone does. It’s odd to see her try and manipulate her. But also it’s just. So easy to see at the same time. Hee wirh her British accent and feline smirk. Sharp claws and predatory eyes. So complex

Damn Raterina really was pulling the strings to Toraleis entire childhood. It’s gross in a way. Like she’s nothing but a puppet to her. A plaything she can control what happens too.

Also odd. Toralei says she doesn’t actually have anything against Lagoona. But it’s rather the fate of species. Is this something her mother has said? Or something that people assume from her that she eventually went ‘Oh, uh. Guess I have to hate her then?’ Too.

OH MY BABY. MY SWEET SWEET GIRL. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DONT CRY AND SHUFFER AND FUEBUFSNAIFHSUS (I love it. Hurt me more!)

Lol. Not her having a journal that said ‘diary’ in giant fancy letters that she can’t find a way to cover up. That’s such a mood. Why do companies even put diary on the front. It’s obviously embarrassing.

still rolling in my bed over the thunder angst. Poor kitty huddled up in a ball and crying and shaking and-

ok. I’m really trying not to loose myself in the angst here!

”that’s insensitive to mer-folk”

ok BESTIE THAT WAS ACTUALLY SO FUCKING FUNNY. idk y but I found that so hilarious.

Toralei giving draculaura a compliment then immediately insulting her lack of appreciation for the compliment is such a mood and a her thing idk what to do.

LOL ‘how to lure in a wolf and date her’. Throw the saddest fucking party in existence and fully lean into how much of a pathetic wet cat I am, and desperately try to ignore how deeply this all plays into my everlasting trauma from my mother!!!!

No but Raterina never celebrating Toraleis birthday 😩

Toralei the DRAMA. the one woman act. Turning up the pathetic wet cat levels to extreme today.

Aww little Frankie just wants to help but was definitely shoved into high school way before they were ready and honestly that’s so much trauma in itself cause they’re parents literally created them and the first thing they do is send them away to literally live out their life. Like- um. WHAT. The abandonment and rejection they must subtly feel. Like. Wow.

uh anyway this is about toralei.

Toralei. The drama. Who decides to have along ass gay fake romance with Clawdeen to get the necklace instead of just snatching it from her while she sleeps is such a gay mood I can’t.

it’s like ‘On one hand. I could sneak into her room and jsur steal it away? I’m a werecat I’m agile and silent! No one would hear or see me. It’s foolproof. And I have the necklace to give to my mom and win her love!….. OR I COULD DATE CLAWDEEN AND HAVE A SLOWBURN GAY ROMANCE AND BE GAY AND POSTPONE THE MISSION AND MAKE IT TAKE AS LONG AS FUCKING POSSIBLE!

oooo I’ll go with the second one! Definitely a smart decision!

AND NO POOR BABY NOT MORE PAIN AND ANGST AND YES I FUCKING LOVE IT ITS SO DELICIOUS AND JUICY AND RAW AND ANGSTY AND FONDUFNSUD CLAWDEEN IMMEDIATELY HUGGING HER AND TELLING HER ITS GONNA BE OK AND MY HEART IS BLEEDING EVERYWHERE

NO MORE TRAUMA WITH RATERINA. RHAT BITCH.

KSKSKDKS OOOOOO TORALEI YOU GAYYYY. WE ALL SEEEE ITT.

the vulnerability of fears 🥹. The little heart to heart is so precious. The exact moment toralei kinda screws up her plan by falling in love with Clawdeen

DAMN MEOWLODY AND PURRSEPHONY SO SUPPORTIVE AND MEAN AND BRUTAL AT RHE SAME TIME. like on one hand they’re being good people. But on the other GUYS TORALEI IS JUST A BAY GAY. A PATHETIC WET CAT. SHE DOESTN KNOW ANY BETTER BE KIND TO HER.

THE CONFESSION. BE STILL MY HEART.

AND YEAH THEIR ALL GAY AND HAPPY AND-

OH FUCK HERE COMES RATERINA. TIME FOR MORE AMAZING ANGST

NOOO NOT TORALEI IMMEDIATELY SHIFTING TO THE MEAN COLD TRAUMA PERSONA SHES BESN FORCED TO BE BY HER SUPER MEAN MOTHER.

oh man how angry I felt when Raterina greeted her by roughly grabbing her chin and telling her she looked like shit basically. Like THE ANGER

nooo more trauma. Her mom sucks ass.

Aw Toralei just wants to protect Clawdeen .

NO. NOT A THUNDERSTORM. NOT AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIMING SHOWINB THE MOST HUMILIATING VULNERABILITY IN FRONT OF SOMEONE WHO WILL EXPLOIT IT MERCILESSLY AND MAKE THEM FEEL PATHETIC ABOUT IT! (Not me reacting as if I didn’t prompt that exact thing)

NOOOOO SHUT UP RATERINA.

YEAH GET OVER THEIR AND DEFEND YOUR GIRLFRIEND

SOMEONE GIVE TORALEI A FUCKING HUG

WHOOOOO LETS GO DRACULAURA.

LETS GO BLOODGOOD. SLAY BITCH

YES KICK HER ASS OUT!

Love how Frankie and Draculaura know to leave them alone. Almost as if they know Toralei showing this much vulnerability must already be mortifying for her. Especially with her mom calling her pathetic for it.

HDBSUDNS CLAWDEEN BEING SO SWEET AND TORALEI ADMITTING HER ORIGINAL INTENTIONS THROUGH THE TEARS AND FEAR. THIS WAS ACTUALLY SUCH AN EMOTIONAL RAW SCENE AND PROBABLY MY FAVORITE ONE BESIDES THE RATERINA THUNFER CONFRONTATION.

legitimately I love how she admits it. Cause she doesn’t want to keep anything away from her now. Cause she loves her so much and she’s getting love and comfort she’s so unfamiliar with and her mom truly just sucks ass and gosh. And how Clawdeen knew but had so much faith in her. Probably the first one to every trust and have faith in her. Loving her nevertheless. Finding the good in her.

YES. THEM ENDING WITH SNUGGLES AND COMFORT THROUGH THE STORM. THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING!

I LOVED THIS SO MUCH LAVANDER. THANK YIU SO GOD DAMN MCUH FOR WRITING THIS THIS IS TRULY A WORK OF ART. THIS REVIEW LITERALLY TOOK ME AN HOUR IT IS NOW TWO AM IM TIRED AS SHIT. BUT I HOPE YOU LIKED THIS. IM SO SORRY ITS SO LONG!

NUHBGYVFT AND THE WINNER FOR THE LONGEST NON-BEE MOVIE ASK EVER SENT GOES TO-

But also. AHhhhhhh thank you so much this is like legit my favorite ask ever, I love when people give me their scene-by-scene thoughts on my fics, tysm <3

For anyone who hasn't read it, the fic in question is There's Always a Storm!

#and I finally fixed the opening note on it wooo #mr-walkingrainbow #toradeen #toralei stripe #g3 toralei #clawdeen x toralei #clawdeen wolf #g3 clawdeen #toralei fanfic #mh toralei #monster high toralei #toralei x clawdeen #idk any more tags but yk

[todayisafridaynight]

journalists underestimate the magnitude of my addiction and how far i'll go for the bit

#snap chats #im lying i physically could not marathon this i got school LMAO BUT IMAGINE #my god speaking of school i signed up for a japanese history class. because of course i did #i also needed an extra class and i didnt know what else to put LMAO but i might swap it or somn #thinkin i should get back into theater..... i got like two months to decide anyway #i was thinking about how im gonna play IW during streams... if the lord will let me i might stream for 2~3 hours or so #im putting such a small time limit due to Aforementioned School but also idk if my computer can record any longer than that #when i tried saving the video to my flashdrive it only lasted about two some hours right ? maybe 3 if i remember right #i decided to record to my computer's hard drive instead of the usb since it has more space so maybe i can record longer #ill prob do a test run later today and record a nonsense video. i WILL delete it i just wanna see what the limit is #cause my plan is to just Record One -> Upload It -> Delete OG yk. Lazy Susan type of plan #didnt mean to type out my whole gameplan in the tags LOL BUT HEY I WANTED TO TALK BOUT IT AT SOME POINT #my final message is that ive Hopefully preordered the ichi statue. i say Hopefully cause i am once again doing it through jp rabbit #and i didnt get the confirmation it was successful yet so I Will Simply Wait. #point is it was a lot cheapter than i thought it was going to be <3 yay <3 #ok im running out of tags tl;dr im gonna marathon IW until my eyes bleed BYYYE

[autistic-katara]

there r fics that make u insane (so amazingly good it’s removed ur sanity) and then there’s fics that make u insane (you need to fistfight the author for how they did a specific thing that caused u to rant for hours)

#i know i just posted that other thing but ffs that is NOT how u handle someone in that situation everyone involved made everything 10x worse #yet it’s being treated like the right thing to do (which again ofc they’re cops they don’t understand harm reduction but still) like #seriously everything’s so forceful like u seriously think forcing ur friend to talk to u or forcing a patient to talk to a therapist under #the threat of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital is gonna make her feel comfortable talking to u? or anyone? she’s just gonna trust u #less and get better at hiding it and speaking of which the taking away all sharp objects thing makes sense in theory but like think abt it #for a minute she confirmed she isn’t suicidal and this is her only way of coping so do not just forcibly take away all her coping mechanism #like yes she is hurting herself but it’s a COPING MECHANISM. she’s coping with something. help her with that don’t just take away her penci #sharpers or whatever (which btw since she’s an adult she could easily buy more stuff and yk learn to hide it better) which again has to be #voluntary it isn’t gonna work if u force someone to do smthn they don’t want to like as ur friend u could’ve made it clear u care abt her #and wouldn’t judge her for anything and r here if she wants to talk don’t just say “you have to talk to me” and casually threaten #hospitalisation when she isn’t ready in the moment like seriously if this wasn’t a badly written fanfic she would completely stop trusting #bcz given that this wasn’t even done out of panic i would like ffs u are NOT doing any of this right #oops sorry ranted abt the bad fic in my tags- #it’s not where the author’ll see it and know it’s about them i don’t feel bad abt it #this was my first time even looking at stuff for this fandom so #cw self harm in tags #idk if i need to tag anything else for that 😭 #fanfic #ao3 #ryan shut the fuck up

[devotedlystrangewizard]

the school arc to me is so good because it drags ciel out of his position as a powerful figure and literally places him in the shoes of the person he could have been. the circus arc ALSO drags him out of his position as big bad queens watch dog/head of the phantomhive estate but the school arc feels like a mockery of a future that never was. this is what he could have been had his parents not died. and even then its NOT because he will never be that kid.

he never was.

#ramblings #incoherent beyond belief its 4 am #and im trying to avoid manga spoilers #might add a reblog with more coherent thoughts when i wake up but im off my meds so i cant promise anything #actually correction im being vague w the manga spoilers #manga readers know whats up #idk if there are any anime only ppl who havent been spoiled on The Plottwist Ever yet #but i figured there will be new fans and though im not tagging this it might still get seen so #cant WAIT to see our boy absolutely miserable in animation form should they recreate that arc LMAOOO #which ofc is after the germany arc so thats still a long time away #but STILL. itd be fun i need to see this young teenager lose his mind in color with sound #him relying on sebastian to do all his fag duties (sorry. dredge) so he can work his way up the social ladder #trying to gain power while simultaneously proving that he cant do anything but rely on others #hes always needed help in basically every way and he hasnt CHANGED he just got a demon to do it for him #he learns to lie and charm and cheat and all the while hes a fucking CHILD WHO STILL STRUGGLES WITH NORMAL THINGS #ciel is my little baby and i love him deeply no matter how much of a little bitch he can be #his helplessness isnt just 'oh he was raised in british high society' its also that he never got the chance to learn anything #which to elaborate on that id also have to go into manga territory. iykyk #like absolutely at this point he just refuses to learn how to do things he has a pet demon to do it for him #but. #hi the phantomhives backstory is killing me again its so late #both atlantic and the school arc are just setup for the Big Arc but theyre very good in their own right i SWEAR #also when i rewatched the circus arc a while back and i realised how some scenes were shot #the heavy foreshadowing that i didnt realise. yk. 7 years ago or however long its been since i first watched it #CRAZY #if you are new. to kuroshitsuji. and you havent read the manga. dear god. read the manga #ALSO GRELLE IN THAT ARC IS SO BEAUTIFUL & OTHELLO IS TRANSMASCULINE. OKAY GOODBYE

[mitamicah]

.

#just me wanting to rent in the tags #i feel so self concious about being at my parents' house #how much or little i eat #every single microexpression i make is pointed out and laughed at #every odd sentence i say is mentioned so i know it was odd and weird #i know they dont mean any harm but i feel judged #i feel like me trying to be civil and nice is only making me feel awkward #there are times i feel okay but honestly i have been feeling a bit more of these less than ideal moments #that on top with having allowed myself to enjoy treats since its christmas has made me feel odd with my body as well #at least rn #i feel bloated and awkward #wanting to hide away in big shirts #the skin under my skin is falling in a way that is uncomfy and make me fear having a double chin #i try to tell myself this doesnt matter and my body is fine enough #channel käärijä yk #i am not doing a good job however #idk i might delete this tomorrow #sorry for ruining the christmas spirit #micahs thoughts

[rocksandmirrors]

I’m so confused about apple blood tbh-

Like ??? It’s implied that it’s alc0h0l and that Eda gets dr^nk off it-

But also ????

Kid Raine gives kid Eda a box of Apple Blood at hexside??????

Gus tells Camila you can get apple blood at the apple butcher which implies gus or one for the others asked for it

Eda calls it “mama’s night juice”

So I’m just ????? I’m so confused bout what it is and what the boiling isles dr!nking age is…… but also Emperor Belos is a human from the 1600’s so I mean that could answer the second part

ahjsfajs yeah i thought about it too. when we first got told Eda got drunk with it i was like "ah, so it's the equivalent of wine on the BI i guess. got it" but then kids are given AB as well??

there are two explanations for me: one, you might be onto something with the drinking age, maybe it works differently in the demon realm. like the kids are under the adults' supervision and as long as they don't drink too much of it, they don't have any of the side effects

two, maybe it's just like good old wine/grapejuice!! when it's made straight from apples, it tastes just like regular juice, but when it's prepared in a specific way, then it becomes alcohol. i'm not an expert on how wine is made, but that could be it lol (it just doesn't help that, if my theory is correct, they don't make a distinction between the two types of drink and just label it as apple blood)

(also dw there's no need to censor any mention to alcohol, i tag this kind of stuff accordingly and can add tags if so desired)

#alcohol #ask to tag #headcanon #ig?? more like theories but yk #feel free to add on this!! #idk if any of the toh creators ever talked about this

[ratgingi]

oh yea i dont think i ever showed her off but i technically have a third gingi. the littlest :-]

#this is a shitty finger doodle of her but she Exists. specifically only in the little idk verse i have nd i have more fleshhead doodles of- #-her than object head ones but yk thats how it be #the other two gings are full grown adults obviously but shes a kid #just as unhinged though #yall are like. never gonna hear abt her or anything about the 'au' in which she exists because im self consious #but take a doodle of her anyway #im not putting this in any main tags though audgqirgwkrhe #best routes #gay phones #hobos creations

[insert-neologism]

sugar water by flower face

#yellowjackets #jackieshauna #this is the 4th installment of 'making edits to every song from the album 'shark in your water' to jackieshauna' #guys weve come so far im so proud #only like. Idk 6 more songs to go? not sure but I WILL do it. #anyways so I dont fully like this one. like I think it's good its an alright edit #but doesnt live up to my standards. but Idk what i couldve done to make it better just yet soo #mostly i dont like the ending (the song is like 3mins with an amazing solo but I didnt have any ideas for that) #but I am very proud of the like fast parts #notably 'he likes to keep me half way out' and 'he's got a sharp twist no he's wicked in the heart etc' #REALLY proud of yk girls like me weve got a slow pulse. TRUTH #lol I always use that for anything that has to do with sleeping/cold ive come to realize #just like the bridge is synonym for dreaming Idk why #mine art tag #omg also love the float up to the sky part #the beginning not though which sucks bc the beginning is definitionally (?) the first thing ppl see. #BEAR WITH ME IT GETS GOOD #anyways this was the firdt song in which i had like any problems with the lyrics. curious #still loved making it #i have SO many ideas but I cant rlly make two edits at the same time like I hab to finish one and then I can start the other ones #soo youre gonna get them but probably after the shark in you water thing is donee #stay tuned gamers #mitos incredible life #jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water

[oathofkaslana]

i do not have a particular way for tagging these btw. Sorry.

#personal #bc its not like ill tag all of the art yk. #hm idk should i add more tags? like should i specify between CG's and like. other art? #<- gimme your thoughts if you have any! #i dont want to make another blog for this bc im not that committed to it yk im really only posting ones i find interesting/want on my blog #if i was going to upload them all then id be a lot more organized and itd have its own blog i promise akjdbkjasd

[fifteensjukebox]

YESSSS I searched your amyp tag 🤭

LOVE that! she has such a special place in my heart

#ameliapondmd #user-amys12 #aaaand as always the majority of my answer to an ask has ended up in the tags: #on top of just. HER. it helps that her era is the first one i watched end in real time (s7 was the first one i watched as it aired) #and i have not seen enough appreciation for her on my dash lately until u! i have been following the wrong people! or rather not following #the right people - i realized i must've unfollowed anyone who was remotely a hater of anything dw years ago and ended up w no dw on my dash #or maybe it was more dw blogs who were hating on taylor.... that definitely lines up timing wise and i had a zero tolerance policy for a mi #oh i was saying by s10 i had barely any dw on my dash so ive been working on fixing that since then #and finding u might be my favourite part of this journey? idk feels like old times yk in a way i can't quite articulate #les messages

[mccleans]

there was a moment during today's arsenal game when i wanted to be like, team, wake up! you're all looking sleepy and lazy and slow! but then randomly remembered your post being like, look, they get enough hate and i don't want to be that to them, and it just made me realize that, yeah, me too. anyway, your kindness is so powerful and i hope you know what a source of light you are in the world 💖

me reading this right now at 4am

#this made me CRY #sometimes i worry i'm coming across condescending or whatever bc i know everyone deals with stuff differently #and approaches situations differently and whatever works for them works for them #but i personally hate that attitude of just dropping them and being mean as soon as they aren't doing the absolute best #it just reminds me of aftv and football twt and i think it should stay there #and it makes me sad to see BUT like i said everyone handles stuff in their own way which is OBVIOUSLY fine i'm not the sheriff of gooners #but idk the thought that the gentle parenting unconditional positive regard love them despite it all attitude is spreading.... #it's enough to make me cry! #i just think it's so much more fun for everyone to approach it like that yk #and obviously i get pissed off w them too but this is just so lovely to see #is any of this making sense ? it is 4:45 in the morning #anyways NONE of this is directed at anyone i'm just trying to pour my brain out in these tags and there's some lumps in it #(just took a closing my eyes break from typing these btw) #but YA i'm so flattered and honoured and emotional and in love with u #feel what you gotta feel always my love but positive choices are always lovely to see!!!!!!!! #now. i shall sleep 🫶 #asks

[astrumocs]

wren is the kind of person i love seeing interact with any oc because u always ask da best questions :) <3

Liiiiiiin I'm too eepy for this!!!! but.... m' glad, I try my best to ask fun or interesting questions when my brain is working good...

#wren speaks #ooc #i try!! I know what its like to not get any asks or just have a hankering for using a certain oc or what have u yk? #my first rodeo in the com was pretty low on interaction outside my in person friend! and I know it sucks #i want people to enjoy the community and if I can be a part of that I'm gonna try my best.. even if I wish I could do more sometimes #so many ppl i wish i had the brain to send more asks to more often.. #sigh sigh #IDK why i went off on this ramble in the tags I blame the 3am sleepies.. #anyway i lov u Lin!!!! #this means a lot 2 me #testimonials

[blueprint-han]

did i make a mistake?

#sigh dawnie crush issues in the tags #so yeah fair warning #........................................................................................................................................... #idk man I just. i feel like instead of getting closer weve grown more distant ever since he asked me out and its killing me man #i dont wanna be hurt. im so fragile rn and just starting to heal from the years of trauma i faced in my family. when i try to talk #about any issue i have to him he just. ignores the text #or gives me a very dry response which hey. im not trying to say u should listen to my issues all the time. i get that some people dont want #to. but i would just much rather have someone tell me that directly yk? just a hey i dont do well with rants. but the thing is he said hes #fine with them. but then when i get nothing to address it i just. i feel hurt. like... ive started to wonder if hes just keeping the #relation for namesake at this point but ik that isnt true. weve only been dating 2 weeks or so i shouldnt judge so soon. but man its hard #to not overthink ive always been conditioned to do that. ive always been super excited when he plans a date (which he doesnt even call #a date) but when i try to plan smth its always that he has some other plan to attend to which again i get it im not the jealous date who #asks her s/o to be for her every waking moment but yk it does hurt and i feel instead of just letting it bottle up its better to admit it. #i tried to ask him to get cotton candy once and he said wed go the next day and then he forgot. never asked me a time or anything. i didnt #think of it much cuz hed gone to meet a friend outside the city and he mustve been tired. yesterday i asked him again and he said he was #again going outside the city to meet his 12th grader friend. man am i jealous of that girl who gets to spend more time with the guy #who asked me out than ive collectively spent with him #and no i dont mean this in a toxic way like “oh hes meeting other girls he shouldnt do that” i just. man i pictured so much out of my first #relationship. and i got nothing. not one thing out of it. i guess it makes sense cuz my love language is mostly physical touch and u cant #really do that in a campus in India. and its also wrong of me to hold him to such high standards of a perfect relationship when the guy #himself has been in one for the first time (i assume?) but like i said id rather not try to hide my emotions and express them out openly. #theres still so much more about this that i feel wrong but the thing is its confusing cuz i feel like the two years of torture in my house #has made it so that the trauma from never hearing i love you wnd words of affirmation from my parents has been reflecting off this place. #its wrong of me to do this but i expected everything that i couldnt recieve to be fulfilled in a relationship and i now realise how stupid #i was yk? cuz its wrong of me to put such harsh expectations on him like that. i feel like such a shallow person for getting depressed over #a relationship that has just been going for 1 week #theres also the thing where he generally seemed more excited to talk to me before? and now i just get the dryest responses ever out of #which no conversation can be built. and again im not expecting him to be online and respond immediately but a thoughtful response goes a #long way. again ik im being so harsh on him cuz its his first time too and he must be facing the same awkwardness im facing but jesus. i #ok my tags are over im continuing in a reblog

[caruliaa]

zukka is kinda wild to me a little bit just bc like. atla has been ever for so *so* much longer than cs and yet a ship for it w minimal amnts of actual canon subtext outside one episode regularly takes up an insane amnt of my dashboard meanwhile carulia has like. the level of overt romantic subtext as a if a hypothetical different show had a relationship intended to be made officially romantic in the last season of a show only for that season to get botched somewhat due to quarantine and yet im the only one making content for it even semi regularly

#TO CLARIFY. I TIHNK ZUKKA IS GOOD AND CUTE AND FINE AND IK THIS IS IN PART BC THE ATLA FANDOM IS BIGGER #im jsut using zukka as an example yk #esp bc i remeber ppl arguing over shit like 'the red roses isnt romantic >:(( its just carmens colour !!' #and its jsut insane to me bc like. iv seen ppl be anti zukka somewhat but never anyone argue its bc of a lack of subtext #and its jsut inanse bc i see huge long posts on the dynamic of zukka and im like. babygirl where are u getting that from other than boiling #rock #meaningwhile iv seen like 3 semi long posts on the carulia dynamic evne when ppl see that theyre gay they dont wanna put in the work #to see shit thats write in front of them in regards to theure dynamic or at least talk abt it #AGAIN THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO W ZUKKA PERSONALLY IM V GLAD FOR EVERYONE MAKING POSTS LIKE THAT GO ZUKKA SHIPPER GO !!!!!!!!!! #im just using it as an example #actually i feel like i get this from luce saying to me 'like i thought carulia wld be like zukka like its the popular gay ship #but it doesnt have a lot in canon subtext but it isnt its actually like. insanly obvious' #(<- IM PARAPHRASING IF UR A MAD ZUKKA SHIPPER PLS DIRECT UR HATE TOWARDS ME NOT THEM PLEASEEE TY) #but also a lot of it is more just like. how fandoms treat mlm ships vs wlw ships.but idk maybe im justt being dumb #(ALSO THE LAYWERS OF @CARULIAA.ORG WOULD LIKE TO CALRIFY THAT THEY DO INFACT BELEIVE THAT ZUKKA HAS SOME CANON ROMANTIC SUBTEXT #MOSTLY WITHIN THE EPISODE 'THE BOILLING ROCK' BUT THAT THEY ARE HAPPY AND GLAD FOR ANYONE WHO FINDS ANY BOTH WITHIN AND OUTSIDE THAT EPISOD #AND THAT ONCE AGAIN THEY ARE SIMPLY USING ZUKKA MORE AS AN EXAMPLE) #(thats a joke i dont have laywers. obvs. but its kinda funny) #but also what do i know iv never even read the the prince and the fool thingy FGHDFHDFHDF #anyway. i just realised idk if tumblr still puts post in a tag if u mention them within ur tags. if so im like DEAD #oh well #tbh i more want my zukka mutuals to know i love their zukka posting !!! keep at it im just using u as an example while studying fandom stuf #also ik the lack of carulia content thing is kinda my fault but also at least im trying to make more !!! no one else is is the tihng #but i Am i have an amv in the works rn !!!!! and a fic in my brain #also the big group animatic kinda uh. forgot abt that ig other ppl are also working on carulia stuff. sorry #<//3 #anyway it soo late. been listieng to our love is god on loop did u kno tht jd just killed kurt and ram omg dont do that !!!!!! #flappy rambles

[ickypuppi3]

Hey, I need a full, like, 30k+ fic of nasty!Steve. Please and thank you. I will send all my love and money.

It's Steve being an ass out of fear and Billy not caring too much to start with because he's just enjoying the tease of him. And then Steve being an ass because he enjoys the power, he sees Billy wanting it more and he starts to enjoy it more with less fear but he still needs to feel a control so he's a little cruel, baits him and toys with him. And Billy starting to feel it but still not wanting to give this up, goes along with it.

And then maybe eventually he draws a line and Steve gets angry and fearful and mean, maybe messes with another guy in a way so that Billy finds out to make him jealous or finds out Billy is messing around with someone else and he starts trying to take them away, but when it pushes Billy further and he gets cold with Steve, he realises he's just hurt and starts to crawl back a little sweeter when he realises he misses Billy and not just what they were doing.

Or maybe Steve just realises he wants to hang out with Billy and not always be doing something, just be around him, talking and laughing and just leaning against him whilst they smoke or watch tv, with no other agenda. And it's difficult and he missteps a lot but they get there and he realises all the shit he done to Billy and starts trying to make up for it, being kinder and sweeter and caring and the way hes been with other partners before, and Billy is overwhelmed with getting what he wanted deep down. Maybe it's hard to navigate and he doesn't react well, scared to give in to it just for Steve to return to that cruel way before? But Steve doesn't. He deals with his issues and communicates more, cares openly with Billy. And Billy starts to learn to believe in his own self-worth and when he struggles, Steve makes sure to help him know it. And they actually start being happy.

I just love what you've done and how you write it, but i hate how it's consumed me and its the only type of relationship I wanna read right now.

I'll live for any little mentions of your nasty!Steve though. Thank you ❤️

genuinely so surprised that people like this whole asshole steve thing ?? but i’m living for it because SAME it’s all i can think about rn.. literal brain rot over over this

and god i love all of this !! it hurts so bad and i love it </3

i kinda don’t consider myself ‘a fic writer’ i’m ngl & i only really post stuff on here rn (apart from like two fics on ao3 that i’m not willing to discuss /hj) & idk if i could promise a whole fic to be completely honest because my brain simply does not work properly & i have the attention span/memory capacity of a goldfish (no joke)

however !! if i do write something longer then i’ll keep this in mind !! i do still have another ask(s ?) to answer about the sad boys dynamic so there’ll be more of me talking about them anyway dw

& my ask box is always open for prompts, suggestions etc etc i love it all (even if i do take ten years to answer i’m sorry) so !! yeah <3

how i look when i think about this dynamic btw just for a visual - it feels fitting

#nasty!steve #asks #that’s me when i’m listening to my playlist specifically for this dynamic #i guess i do write fics #but it’s more like one shot things idk #if i did a whole fic i would be so annoying and abandon it i could just see it happening #i guess it’s bc i never really wrote anything for any other fandom ?? #like one or two things yeah but that’s it #idk it feels disingenuous to call myself a writer for some reason is that harsh #i don’t wanna get anyones hopes up yk #wow not the tags turning into a therapy session #ANYWAY #someone sent an ask about billy being done with steve’s assholishness so that’s like a wip (ish) #so more of this to come <3 #ao3 is the same name as here for anyone curious