#idk I'm probably revealing too much about myself here

[thallium81]

I don't think that people actually, genuinely like me. Usually if people like me, they have their own things going on and I have the feeling that it may affect their taste in friends. But if they do, that might be worse because I'm Bad and Evil and they could do so much better ngl. I'm sorry but I'm not even bad enough to be an interesting story, I just kind of suck. I'm mediocre. I'm the type of bad friend to fade away into the background and never contact you, and you'll be asking "wait he was there in the first place?"

#idk I'm probably revealing too much about myself here #but I'll take a gamble #I don't think they'll see this lol #spoken with too much confindence for someone who has friends who follows him

[weaselshaped]

Hmm I need to make another embarrassing gender post but not right now I think

#Embarrassing in that like. I mean it's all embarrassing. It's embarrassing to have spent this long missing the point #And to talk about that in public. I am 27 years old and I have id'd as nonbinary for almost a decade and yet I could not refer to myself #as transmasc or incorporate that meaningfully into my self-concept until like. This year. Due to... REASONS??? #I literally don't even know! There IS no reason! I just didn't want to deal with it because it seemed harder than resigning myself to being #mistaken for a woman for the rest of my life??? I guess???? Stupid and cowardly tbh #Meanwhile tying myself in knots over like. Disproportionately identifying with queer men in fiction and deciding this was some sort of Crim #'Here is a thing that transmascs often do. Not me though I'm doing it for some other reason' I wasted SO MUCH TIME on this #It's not even really important i just invested a lot of energy into repression for WHAT. and like also on the internet the way I have #described myself over time is like. I am probably revealing some embarrassing things about the way I have engaged with my relationship to #gender that were not apparent until I started getting over myself/moving on from that bullshit. So that's great #I don't know man I would like to feel unequivocally good about sorting my shit out and finally doing what needs to be done #but mostly I just feel like I took too long and now I'm making myself look like an idiot. Idk man. I suck actually! #Oh look I basically did make the post anyway but as tags. Extremely me behavior

[talas-starlight]

Scarred Spirits - Zuko x fem!reader (pt.7)

Summary: reactions from team avatar when they find out your ozais assassin

warning: mentions of scars, not very happy gaang, mean katara!, angst

masterlist: here!

most previous part: here! (all other parts can be found in my masterlist!)

authors note! hello!! idk if anyone will be reading this but if you are welcome!! i haven't posted to this series in YEARS so please forgive me as I'm very rusty at writing but please enjoy!

Unified screams erupted upon Appa. “YOU’RE WHAT!”

“Aang what have you done! You literally let a murderer on Appa! She’s going to kill all of us! Katara was right, and I can’t believe I ignored her.”

“I KNEW IT! Quickly Aang, land Appa and let’s get her off!”

Unable to take it anymore, Toph lost her cool. “Can you knuckle heads shut up! I highly doubt that she will kill us, why the hell would she listen to you guys fighting all the time when she could end her misery by taking you out.”

Reality hitting Sokka and Katara, they finally piped down, allowing Toph to continue.

“Look, what you said is highly questionable. I’m not saying that I trust you, but you’re going to have to give us more information than that or else I’ll throw you off myself. Got it?”

You sighed. At least someone in the group had more sense. “Yeah, of course. What would you like to know?”

“Well for starters a name would be great. Oh and maybe, I don’t know, how and why you’re the Fire Lords Assassin?!”

You almost wanted to pull Katara’s braid for the irritating look of satisfaction on her face. “Right okay… well my name is y/n. uhhh and I was forced to become his assassin when he caught me after I broke into the palace three years ago.”

“That’s it?! Nuh uh lady. I know he’s the Fire Lord and had done some awful things but why would he do that to a child?! You’re either lying or somethings still missing.”

There was a lot to weigh up. To suddenly reveal everything about you would be too much and would get you thrown off Appa anyway. Yet to reveal nothing wouldn’t let you gain enough trust to even last a day. Leaving you to share the one thing you knew so little about yourself that you didn’t care if they knew and hopefully enough of a miserable, pitying tale that they’d let you off the hook for the time being.

“My parents aren’t in my life, they never were. I don’t know who they were or why they did it. All I had was my trainer, Zemin. In his time, he was the most notorious Assassin in the entire Fire Nation and when he retired, he never took on any students to carry on his legacy - if you could even call it that. Every other trainer was ecstatic because this meant that their students would earn the most bounties. Until there was me. I don’t know why he took me in… he just said that he found me as in infant and regretfully took me from an islands rocky shore maybe to sell me off somewhere. I suppose he realised he could make even more money from me if he trained me until I could pay off debt for him raising me. I did the one thing assassins could do, kill. All the money I ever earned from each bounty went straight to him. Luckily enough, I learned quickly, and I got to my final payment when I was 13, then he would have set me free.”

Horrified, Aang couldn’t believe what he was hearing. There was nothing like this in the Air Temples growing up. “Luckily enough?! How in any universe is that lucky!”

“Most assassins in the Fire Nation, and others, are stuck paying off their guardians or trainers well into their adulthood. Because of… certain tactics and advantages, I became quite popular if you could put it that way and most of the people, I had to take care of were…” Halting, you knew that if you verbally said some lives are worth more than others, Aang would probably go into cardiac arrest.

“Well, some had more people wanting them gone so the bounty was higher.”

“How does this have anything to do with you working for the fire lord! I don’t see why Zemin would let you go if you were doing so much for him.”

Your strength was fading. You hated yourself for how much you scretly enjoyed having people around that weren’t as idealistic as those in the Fire Nation.  “He didn’t. I got an anonymous mission to take out a high general in the palace. So high, that it was going to be enough for me to finish my debt.” After not being met with screams you felt reassured to continue…. they seem to be taking this well…

You took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. “On my way out, I got caught in the middle of an Agni Kai. The fire lord wasn’t too pleased I killed one of his generals or interfered with punishing his son. Yet somehow in his psychopathic mind he saw it as an opportunity to pledge my allegiance to him.”

The silence amongst the group was short lived.

“YOU MEAN ZUKO?”

“YOU KILLED SOMEONE.”

“AND YOU ACCEPTED?”

You scrunched your face. Maybe this was a bad idea to tell them. But it was too late to go back. “Yes, it was Prince Zuko in the Agni Kai, that’s how he got his scar. Yes, Aang I did kill the general, but to be fair I haven’t killed anyone since then… And Katara if you were being tortured every day for 8 months, I’m sure you would wear down too.”

The waterbender was unsatisfied with your answer. “Unbelievable! Of course, you did! Everyone has a choice in this world, and you chose the fire lord. You’re nothing but a coward.”

“My life was on the line! You don’t know anything about me.”

“Oh please, y/n. I do. I know everything! Sure, you were raised to assassinate others, but you can’t expect me to believe you didn’t know what you were doing when you were standing before Ozai. I would have stayed in a life of suffering than go with him.” Shaking her head, she pierces you with a disgusted look, “You’re no better than Ozai. No better than Azula.”

As Appa continued to glide through the ever-ending expanse of the sky, it seemed nothing could break the suffocating tension that encompassed everyone upon his saddle.

Toph was the only one to speak up. “Didn’t you hear her Katara? She hasn’t killed anyone since then! She’s surviving. If you ask me… she’s braver than any of us, you never know what could have happened to her if she got caught not actually killing her targets!”

Irritated Katara only grumbled, turning away while leaving the two boys to think about how they felt about you. Despite giving them answers, they still had so many questions.

It was undeniably clear that Katara has made her mind up about you, and you were sure everyone else was the same despite the earth benders attempts at comforting you. Hence, as you sat there across from the four of them, you were the first to break eye contact, turning your head to the side as you searched for something to focus on out there in the sky. Bird, a cloud, anything. You didn’t have the heart, the courage, to argue against what she said.

Unknown to you, Aang shuffled closer to you scared that his angry friend might hear him going towards you. His words only just loud enough to hear above the wind he whispered to you… “Its okay y/n. I don’t really understand what you’ve done or what you’ve been through but when youre ready.. you can tell us.

That was the first time your heart ignited a comforting warmth.

As Appas soft paws skilfully landing on the hard earth, you felt your heart drop inside you. What do I do now? Mind racing through all the possibilities, Toph seemed to have decided what to do before you could even stand.

“Hey! Come with me.”

Jumping off Appas saddle you landed on your feet with such a skilled silence, Toph had to sense your heartbeat to even realise you were next to her. Setting off towards where she’d set up her sleeping area, it was best you stuck closely behind.

“Don’t think about what Katara said, she doesn’t get it.”

“How so?”

Stalling in her tracks, she turned her unseeing gaze towards you. “She doesn’t know what its like to be born into a life that you don’t want. And she definitely doesn’t know how hard it can be trying to escape it.”

Unsure with how to reply, humming in understanding was the best you could come up with.

“Just stick with me and you’ll be fine. I know you most certainly don’t need me, but I’ve got your back.”

The next day had gone by agonizingly slow. With Toph trying to teach Aang earth bending you were left to your own devices since Katara decided to tag along. Although you found yourself tailing Sokka as he went his own way looking for food unaware of your silent giggles seeing him get stuck in the ground.

“...big things eat smaller things. Nothing personal. But this time, it didn’t work out that way…I admit it, you’re cute…”

You decide to finally reveal yourself, tired of your lack of entertainment. “What are you doing down there Sokka?”

Letting out a girl like squeal, he’s horrified at getting caught in this position. “Nothing!”

“You look like you could use some help.”

“I don’t want help from you!” You dismiss it. Surely he has no other choice but to make himself acquainted with you.

“Yeah, right. It’s funny, you’re probably the third person that has ever said that to me. The second in about the span of 48 hours.” you cant help but divert your attention towards the cute animal annoying him. “Aweee look at this cutie!”

“Get away from it!”

“Why should I do that?”

“Because I don’t want you to hurt it!”

“Please, I actually quite like animals. They’re a lot better than humans anyway.”

“I- well… fine! Just go away?”

You scoff, “Why’s that?”

“I don’t like you!”

“Hmm… is that so.”

“Yes, of course it is!”

You’re done feeling sorry for yourself. “Are you sure you don’t like me, or do you feel that way because of your sister?”

“I- well… argh! Fine! I don’t know.”

“Well… why don’t you talk to me and work it out for yourself? If you still dislike me so much I’ll leave you be and get someone to come help.”

A  silence fills the distance between the two of you.

He sighs, caving in, “So.. this Zemin guy. Did he REALLY not give you a choice?”

Looking up, you stare at the clear sky. “I learnt early on in my training that I didn’t have a choice or options in life other than what he wanted. Any exercise I rushed through, half assed, or tried to skip through when he wasn’t looking came with consequences.”

“What kind of consequences?”

“The kind that keeps all of my clothing and bindings on so I don’t constantly get pitiful looks or too many questions.”

He scoffs, “prove it”

Staring at all your layers you sigh, “don’t say I never warned you.”

Peeling off all your layers one by one until your down to just your tank top and pants, you decide to take off your face mask last. Your eyes meeting Sokka’s, you notice him swallow thickly. But its you to break the ice first. “In all fairness, most of them are now from Ozai. The older they look… well I’m sure you can work it out for yourself.”

“b-but-“Fuck why did I have to make him uncomfortable.

Unable to take it any longer, you pull him out from the hole in the ground. “Its fine.”

You turn to walk away after helping him, but he grabs your scarred wrist, the feeling of the textured skin making him internally wince. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you expose yourself like that. Its horrible that you had to experience that… hell we look the same age!”

“Everyone is on different paths. Look, lets just forget about it..”

Sokka feels like he could bust into tears “No! you don’t understand. I’ve seen the effects of the fire nation… hell they took away my mum. I still remember it, sometimes I have weeks where I keep reliving it in my nightmares, only finding peace when im awake. Its like im being haunted. But- but you?! You have to face it whether you’re awake or asleep”.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you can’t handle the intensity of his words. Theres nothing you can do. Nothing you can say. You hug him. You don’t remember the last time you held someone. It feels weird, almost wrong. But as he squeezes you back, tightening the embrace, you understand one thing. You have an understanding with the water tribe boy, despite how dark it may feel.

Hours pass by as you sit with sokka talking about useless topics until the other three join you once more. Feeling weariness in their gaze, you realise you forgot to put your layers back on. Now everyone can see your face and scars.

Only Aang has the courage to speak with you.

“Hey. Uhhh, y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“I just… I’m sorry for not speaking much with you since yesterday. I didn’t mean to, it was just a lot to process personally! Growing up with the Air Nomads, I was taught that killing is wrong and that under no circumstance should that be the answer. If I’m completely honest with you, I still stand by those teachings and to have someone who has… killed… so close to me and the people I care the most about is… unsettling.”

There it was. You knew despite how much he was trying; you knew he wouldn’t be able to see past what you did. What you are.

“I understand. I don’t blame you, or anyone for reacting the way they are, and I know what it feels like to want to protect those who mean something to you.” You glance at Sokka, remembering how he understood.

“Just… please understand that I’ve realised what I did was wrong and while I can’t change everything that I have done, I’m trying to move away from that way of life. I don’t want to be a killer anymore. I’m trying my best to fix it.”

“I know…. Its just-“

“You don’t trust me.”

“What?! NO! I mean…. I don’t know. You clearly have good inside of you but it’s hard to look past.”

“I get it. I’ll head off then, the world needs you Aang and I won’t be the one to stand it your way.”

“No! stop! Please! I know I said it’s hard for me to do, but I clearly see you trying your best. I know you won’t hurt me. I just… I suppose I need to open my eyes more. See you for who you are now, what you’re doing now.”

But what if you can’t? What if I’m still that person, no matter how much I try to shove it away. This is what I have been made to become?

“Okay.”

Letting out a nervous quiet laugh, he glances back to everyone. “okay well… lets eat!”

Zuko stares at the sky in the heavy downpour. “You always through everything you could at me. Well, I can take it. And now I can give it back!”

Lightning cacks in the sky before his eyes.

“Come on!”

“Strike me! You never held back before!”

Met with only the sound of the world around him, he feels helpless. Lost. Alone.

Screaming out, Zuko falls to his knees as the rain and guilt encompasses all of his senses.

His voice scratchy from screaming, he can hardly croak out… “You never held back from her."

taglist: ​​ @mangoberry43​​ @eridanuswave​​ @slythergirlimagines ​​​ @whiskeywinter89​​ @simplyfandomish @khaleesi-of-assassins​ ​ ​ @calciumcow @ilovespideyyy @callums-keith @nnon-it-up @blackhood5sos @chewymoustachio @tiffy119 @reclusive-chicken-nugget @lozzybowe​ @scarletemeterio​​ @simpinforsukka​ ​ ​ @sokkassuki​ @spearbatty @kaylove12

#zuko x reader #zuko fanfic #zuko #the gaang #zuko angst #atla zuko #prince zuko #avatar aang #aang #toph #sokka #suki #avatar the last airbender #atla #zuko x aang #aang x katara #atla aang

[astonmartingf]

YOU'VE BEEN ON MY MIND—

— co-parenting with alonso has been smooth sailing, until he starts dropping hints that he wants to be with you again

P9 ★ SEE YOU IN MY FUTURE

amgf probably 2k words? almost 3k? idk but it's hurt/comfort! i did cry, and yes so... i'm emotional because it's ending but also... it's ENDING 😀🫵 DKXJSKDJZJ one more chapter yay!!! shout out to day6, what would this chapter be without your songs... enjoy 👍

previous ★ masterlist ★ next

You weren't sure what to expect— despite your severe reaction the past week, you're now mellowed down and calm, you think back on your conversation with Seb a few months ago before his retirement.

You definitely have not moved on, and the mention of the upcoming season definitely felt like a band-aid ripped off a bleeding wound. And all the pain and resentment you felt was now revealed beneath the familial memories you built with Ales and Fernando.

Driving up to his gate, you're instantly filled with the comfort of his private home. The place you spent most of your time outside work, and even more than your own house, with Ales and Fernando. You rub away the headache slowly building in your head, getting out of your car and meeting Fernando who greeted you out of his home.

"Are you feeling better?"

You wince away, as you take a seat on the chair opposite of him. It would be much easier if he resented you the way you did. That you'd rather he treat you unfairly in the last few years, but he's Fernando. He's the father of your son, and the man you tenderly love, even to this day.

Which only hurts more, knowing you can never fully let go of the past, despite both growing since your separation but seeing him with Ales sparked the burning hope in you. Maybe this would be the time for you and Fernando, that this might be the future you've been longing for all along.

"I'm sorry, how I reacted last week... I thought I was okay with it, but I guess I still feel the same way." You rub your arms, looking elsewhere but Fernando's eyes, knowing well he's staring right through you. You were scared and vulnerable, all throughout the years you noticed your apprehension in communicating your feelings for the sake of your relationship. And it wasn't going well for you, or for Fernando, but this time it'd be different.

"And before you say anything, I just want to say that I'm proud of you. I'm glad you still race, and for the upcoming season. I understand if you think it's too selfish of me not to come, but Ales will, I just think I'm not ready for it yet."

You gulp down your nerves, raising your head, staring head on at Alonso who is still smiling. It breaks your heart, seeing him like this— if only he'd get up and say something about how unfair it is to him.

"I understand it. You don't have to worry, I won't force you." Silence.

The room was met with silence, until you hear the sniffles coming from Fernando, leaving you frozen in your seat. As much as you hate being vulnerable in front of him, you never thought he'd cry in front of you first.

You hear his laughter, seconds after as he wipes the tears falling from him eyes.

"Please, don't worry this is not your fault... I guess you could say I'm overwhelmed. I only ever thought about this moment, I kept thinking about when we can have this talk, but you were so focused on Ales. Rightfully so, he's our son and our priority, so even though I wanted to fix what has been broken before, maybe it wasn't the time. And when we talked last night, I kept blaming myself for rushing you, because it was my fault.

And now, you're telling me yourself, I'm happy you're here. I'm happy that you told me yourself, and every day I will prove myself to be better, not just as Ales' father but as someone who is worthy to be with you. I'm sorry if I'm being emotional, I just didn't think I would come close to this again. And with you, if you resent me, I won't blame you. I resent myself every day, after you left me, and this... this is more than enough for me right now."

It wasn't long before the tears began to fall from your eyes, you only ever thought of your pain. Choosing to leave with Ales, away from Fernando— away from the years you've been together. Away from the only man you ever loved.

Your only concern was licking the wounds of what was left from Fernando, what you didn't think was how he felt all those years.

"I'm sorry... How lonely it must've felt for you all those years. Away from Ales— I promise you, this time it will be different. One day, we will be together— I know it, because I don't think I'd have it any other way than you. I love you Fernando! I still do, even after all these years—"

Closing you eyes, your hands instinctively wrap around Fernando's neck wanting him closer, pulling him from more. Hands grabbing his face, feeling the tears fall down your fingers. Wiping them away, you kiss him once more before pulling each other in a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to kiss you without—"

"Shhh..." You hush Fernando's worries, resting your head on his shoulder, hands trailing over his back, resting them on top of his thick hair.

"I'm happy we had this conversation as well. Thank you Fernando. Thank you for still seeing me in your future. I had so many worries, and questions— all this time, I was just a coward. A selfish coward you decided for the both of us."

Fernando shakes his head, tutting his lips, "I won't let you day those things to yourself you hear me? You are brave and courageous, understand? And I love you, even though I feel undeserving of your feeling, I will work hard to be the man who deserves it. What happened, I don't blame you. But we'll figure these things out as the time goes by, don't be a stranger?"

With blurry eyes, you remove your head from Fernando's shoulders nodding your head. "I think I need to rest for a bit, can I take a nap here for a bit?"

"You want me to pick up Ales from Lance's while you sleep?"

The mention of your son immediately brought the sparkle in your eyes, which wasn't missed by Fernando who only smiled as he tucked you in his bed. "You can rest for a while, and when you wake up, we will be here. Sleep well Amor."

You feel your eyes getting heavier as Fernando's voice begins to thin out, you feel him leave a small kiss on your forehead causing you to smile before dosing off to your sleep.

yourusername

liked by lancestroll, sebastianvettel, and 41 others

yourusername may the spark in your eye, and the fire in your heart burns brighter, lighting a flame to your path wherever you go.

★ YOU'VE BEEN ON MY MIND — @namgification @nebarious @minkyungseokie @viennakarma @lxclerc @booksandflowrs @c-losur3 @lichterfee @moonyzsworld @e-nonsense @vicurious28 @dannyriccsupremacy @thearchieves @welovediaaxx @vogueprincess @mael1pastry @khaylin27 @whydowesleepeachnight @iridescent-sol @celemilii @lozzamez3 @callsignwidow @hrts4scarr

#f1 smau #f1 fluff #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #fernando alonso smau #fernando alonso fluff #fernando alonso x reader #fernando alonso imagine

[marshallsgirl]

Marshall revealing his new song to Y/N

Pairing: Eminem x Fem¡Reader

Warnings: 🔞 MATURE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

Recommended song: Remind Me - Eminem, In Too Deep - Eminem

Author's note: Hey, guys! I was so bored and I wrote this. I may delete it later or idk. Hope you all enjoy it. I love you guys so much! Sending all of you a warm hug🫂🤍

■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■♡■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■■

"I have a surprise for you" Marshall said to me as he enter the living room. Inmediatly I turn off the tv and give all my attention to him. "Guess what" he said.

"What?"

"The song is complete!"

"Whoa baby!"

Here's the thing. He told me he was writting a song about us, but that's it. He didn't talk about ever again. Even if I asked him about it he had changed the topic. So, I was very nervous about it. Because this has happened before. It was with the Revival album. That one song called Remind Me. That one was for me. I still remember when he show me that song.

" did you...That's my fav rock&roll song!" I said when I heared the beat.

"Yeah, that's the song you kept singin' and singin' while you're cooking" he said wanted to laugh at me.

I loved that song. Perfect combination but it was crazy. I mean...he did that for me? He united rock&roll and rap that was so crazy.

"Damn, that's crazy babe" I said.

"See y/n, u make me do things I normally wouldn't do"

"Awww, I love it and I love you baby!"

So, this time I was really nervous because I've been singin' a lot and very different genres. And Marshall...Well, he is so crazy. I didn't know what to expect.

"Are we going to the studio?" I asked him ready to go change if needed.

"No, let's just get in the car". So, we got inside his car. "Are u okay?" suddenly he asked me.

"Yeah, I'm good! I need to hear your song!"

I got too excited and I get very excited when I'm nervous I don't know why, but It's like I got a lot of energy all of the sudden. Anyways, so he says:

"Okay, okay but you need to know that I just got the final mix and I haven't heard it. I mean I know the entire song but I didn't hear the final mix yet" he explained.

"Omg..."

"What?"

"Wait, let me just make myself comfortable" I said while adjustin' my seat a little bit.

At this point he doesn't even hide that he's laughing at me.

"Ready?"

"Yeah, ready"

"Wait, look at me" he ordered and I obey. "I love you"

"Okay, now play the song!"

"Yo, say it back!" he replied.

"I love you, babe!"

And so the music started and he is lip singin': "This could never work, " is what we said at first. But whatever this is, it's working. But we're in two different worlds and (yeah) I'm not your husband (nah), you ain't my girlfriend. All I know is that (what?) When I'm with you, I'm a different person, yeah. And I ain't never met a chick as perfect. Girl, you're a ten, so here I am (yeah)

I literely screamed and Marshall had to stop the music.

"No, keep it goin'!" I argue.

He laughed and let the music continue: ...Can't tell if I'm cheating on her with you or cheating on you with her. But really, nobody's at fault, can't help who you love. Hope they don't ever hear us talk

'Cause we both are getting sloppy. Probably subconsciously part of me's hoping we get caught 'cause I'm not happy here (nah)

With her. Rather have you (yeah) Rather have me too. 'Cause you're not happy there (you're not happy there) With him. Rather have me (I know, but) We just in too deep (I'm in way too deep)

Marshall started singin' it out loud and I was vibin' with it the whole time. It was a good damn song. Honestly, I loved it. It truly was about us, about the start of our relationship, but there were a few things that weren't true like me havin' a wedding ring. It should say: I got a wedding ring. So it's her instead of you.

"That's it. What do u think?" he said not being able to stop smilin'

"Please, play the song one more time"

And he started to laugh again.

"Marshall!"

"Are for real? Did you loved it?" he was surprised.

"Yes, I love it!"

"Y/n..." he laughs again.

"Marshall! You're being so freakin' annoying. Play the song one more time!"

"Yo, you are just sayin that. You didn't loved it!"

"What? I do love it! Marshall!"

"Okay, okay"

He played the song again.

"I'm gonna cry" I said.

"Yo, you're hillarious!"

"That song is good as hell!"

#eminem #eminemslimmarshall #marshall mathers #slim shady #the real slim shady #rap god #eminem pics #marshall mathers x y/n #marshall mathers x reader #marshall mathers imagine #eminem imagine #eminem x reader #eminem x y/n #eminem x you

[nukaberries]

howdy! if this blog is still active, could you do new vegas companions react to courier six being a synth? idk how they'd find out, prolly either six telling them or a close call with a courser. it's up to you!

This puts anything I've ever requested on Tumblr to shame because this is such a cool idea?? I'm obsessed with crossing over the Fallout games - which is probably why MacCready's my favourite companion - so I find stuff like this so fun to write. I also just love requests like this because it gives me the chance to challenge myself, I feel like I write the Fallout 4 companions better (I definitely have more hours in 4 than any game), so I love getting the opportunity to write for New Vegas companions too!

//

Companions Reacting to the Courier Being a Synth (Includes: Arcade, Boone, Cass, Lily, Raul and Veronica)

Arcade Gannon When the courier reveals the truth to him, he's more embarrassed than anything that he didn't figure it out himself. He's never seen a robot look so unmistakably humanlike before, leaving him with a lot of questions for the Courier. After all, he's seen them eat, drink, sleep and bleed like any normal, breathing human would - can he even be sure this is the same courier that he first met in Freeside? For a while, Arcade will keep a wary eye on the courier, unsure what to believe, whether he can trust the courier, whether he's been able to trust them at all. Eventually, he comes back around, which is arguably worse for the courier, as they spend most of their time answering questions like "do you have an off switch?"

Craig Boone He doesn't think much of the strange man who'd just tried to ambush the courier, even in spite of the odd outfit that was surely far too warm for someone to be wearing in the middle of the desert. It's only when the courier appears shaken up and Boone finds some kind of component when looting the man that he thinks to question anything. The courier is dismissive at first and says that they simply just got caught off guard by the assailant, of course, Boone doesn't believe them but he doesn't see the point in pushing. When the courier inevitably tells him, it doesn't change much for him, he'll naturally be curious at to how the courier's existence is even possible, but as long as they're still willing to take the Legion down with him, he doesn't care what they are.

Cass Similarly to Boone, the revelation of the courier not being as human as they seem doesn't particularly bother her. She'll probably make a couple of jokes here and there, usually ones that the courier has heard a million times before. It doesn't make any difference to Cass though, sure, it's a little weird but she'd seen weirder just by minding her own business at the Mojave Outpost.

Lily Bowen She's fully aware that she's in no place to judge the courier for what they are and she makes that clear the moment that her companion reveals they're a synth. It doesn't necessarily change anything about the courier for her and if anything, she encourages them to talk about what they went through at the Institute, so long as they feel comfortable telling her. She'll remind them that she's still their grandma and she loves them no matter what.

Raul Tejada When you're around for long enough, you hear a lot, specifically whispers of robots posing as humans in the East, spying for their masters and replacing innocent people. Of course, none of that ever sounds like more than old myth to Raul. That is until a run in with what the courier later explains is a courser leaves Raul to deal with a revelation about his new friend. Admittedly, it's a lot for him to take in, especially after hearing so many bad things about synths for so long, but eventually, he figures nobody would want to make a synth replacement of him and if he's been able to trust the courier for this long, then surely he still can.

Veronica Santangelo Being a Brotherhood Scribe, Veronica knows quite a bit about the Institute already, but since hardly any of her fellow comrades have actually gone to the Commonwealth, her knowledge is limited. Still, it causes some uncertainty when the courier tells her the truth about their identity. She's only ever heard bad things about synths and this does seem like the definition of technology gone out of hand. It takes Veronica a while to warm up to the idea that her friend isn't going to bring her or anyone else any harm, but it'll take a bit longer that it would the others to earn back her trust.

#fallout #fallout headcanons #fallout imagines #fallout x reader #fallout new vegas #arcade gannon #craig boone #rose of sharon cassidy #lily bowen #veronica santangelo #raul tejada

[veliseraptor]

February Reading Recap

Monsters: A Fan's Dilemma by Claire Dederer. I didn't find a whole lot new in this book, as far as thinking through questions of how to deal with art made by people who have done things or hold opinions that one finds morally reprehensible, but it was a well-written and thoughtful probing of the subject nonetheless. I really appreciated the fact that Dederer was comfortable (or, if not comfortable then at least accepting) of coming to a place with no easy answers. rea

Stars of Chaos: vol. 1 by Priest. I'm not sucked into this one yet, but I am intrigued by it enough that I'm going to keep reading. I haven't hooked into the main relationship, and it hasn't had the same level of delightful banter (at least, as yet) that I have enjoyed in other Priest novels I've read, but I do have volume 2 sitting on my shelf and I'm looking forward to reading it.

System Collapse by Martha Wells. I find that I've liked the early Murderbot books a lot more than the later ones, and this one unfortunately continued that trend. I don't think the series has overstayed its welcome for me yet - I'll probably continue to read it, at least for now - but I find myself losing interest.

Three Parts Dead by Max Gladstone. I said I was going to reread it and I did! And it didn't blow me away in quite the same way I remember it doing when I read it the first time around several years ago, but I still really enjoyed it, and I enjoyed it enough this time around (and was still compelled enough by the worldbuilding, which I do remember being a big part of what stood out to me), that I plan to reread the rest of the series as well. But while, again, it didn't blow me away the way I remember, I would say that I generally recommend it, particularly as a fantasy that is doing some things different.

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation (Manhua): vol. 5 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu. I am only and specifically reading the volumes of the manhua that have Yi City in it, so I'm pretty much exclusively assessing this based on my Yi City feelings. And while overall I feel like the art style isn't working for me in a way that is impacting my ability to really get into it there was at least one panel that really conveyed something and made me Feel Things, so it gets credit for that. I am enjoying the experience of doing Yi City in a whole new format, though, that's enjoyable for the sheer "getting to do Yi City, again, but in a different medium this time" reason.

We Are Satellites by Sarah Pinker. I read this book for a book club I'm in and I found it rather too didactic and the ending a little too pat. The family dynamics were strongly written and I sort of feel like Pinker could've written a stronger book that was just about a family without the part about New and Suspect Technology. I wouldn't even say that I necessarily disagree with the points I think she's making in this book, but I would say that it went a little too hard and a little too obviously on making those points.

Too Like the Lightning by Ada Palmer. I liked this one and particularly as of the last...idk, five pages or so, I'm so on board for what comes next. I am promised that it gets even weirder and given that it was already fairly weird...I'm fascinated by the worldbuilding here, and the conceit of the Enlightenment-style contrasted with the future setting is a fun one. I'm looking forward to more.

Ring by Koji Suzuki. I was neither scared by this book (though perhaps I was ruined by knowing the whole thing more or less beat for beat) and did not particularly enjoy the experience of reading it, and then the part where Sadako was revealed to be...genderweird? somehow? unclear to me what the author was going for exactly, sort of tanked it for me. I probably will not be reading the rest of the series unless I get truly desperate for horror to read.

Ashes of the Sun by Django Wexler. I don't know that I'd say this was the highest quality fantasy I've read recently but it might be the new-to-me one I've liked the best in a while. It was a lot of fun, very fast-moving, and I was intrigued enough by the entire set-up that I pretty much immediately put the second book on hold at the library after finishing this one. Maybe it's just been too long since I read a new-to-me fantasy book that really grabbed me, but I liked this one rather a lot and even if it was maybe more "fun" than "good" I'm still calling that enough to give this one a loose recommendation.

#reading recaps #sometimes i read things

[cowardlybean]

Hey. The Times They Are A Changin’ by @bandtrees and @tigsbitties amiright (muffled face down on the floor)

more (some unsettling things) beneath the cut :3

(Image 3 is my favorite sequence from an animation for TTTAAAC I’ve been working on, so here it is just in case I never finish </3, image 4 is me thinking about Mob’s house. If. That makes sense.)

OH MAN. OH MAN OH MAN. this fic has altered my brain chemistry in a way that has doctors baffled and leaves tragedy in its wake!!!!!!!!! Absolutely a masterpiece I’ve reread it 3 times now and every time I notice a new detail, there’s just SO MUCH CARE put into it. I think I could write an essay about every page of this fic LMAO it honestly blows me away, huge kudos to everyone who was a part of the project!!!!

Especially the multimedia aspects, they were so much fun to find and in some cases decode (Scared the SHIT outta myself with Breathe I think it’s one of my favorites). the youtube videos were so cool as well

Realizing a third of the way in that things will never get better was such a gut wrenching experience, and by the time I realized just how deep the hole Mob dug himself into was it was absolutely too late for anything to happen (the end of act 1 was horrific in the most amazing way. So many things stuck with me: the state Reigen was left in compared to how he was, Ritsu’s “surgery”, Dimple losing his best friend, Shou’s report to the police, Minori’s conversation (if you can call it that) with Mob?? Bone. Chilling.

One of the parts that has been sitting in my gut is Reigen’s fall, where he starts to ramble through fragments of old times. I genuinely thought he was calling out to Mob until just as the same time Mob did I recognized the words and it hit me like a HAMMER. I don’t know how to put it into words but Reigen rambling on like a broken record tore me apart, and then it gets WORSE. I only realized on my second read that the intro of the fic. (Correct me if I’m wrong) IS REIGENS PERSPECTIVE OF MOB SEVERING HIS TENDONS???? Holy fuck. Holy FUCK. The vague semblance of consciousness written there is so deeply unsettling I’m absolutely OBSESSED with it. ESPECIALLY THE FACT THAT EVEN IN THAT STATE HE STILL WANTS MOB TO BE HAPPY (the cheer ^^ mob bit) and idk if I’m interpreting right (this is gonna be so embarrassing if I’m not) but him recognizing the filthy jacket as well. Taking me OUT. AND. AND THE FACT REIGEN NEVER SPEAKS AGAIN AFTER THAT?????? (I could be wrong oops)

The mental states of every character in the fic are written so chillingly well. I can understand how Mob spirals, the anger and grief Tome feels, Shou's spite and anger, Teruki's conflict, Dimple's loss of his best friend, Serizawa's waning optimism, I can't name every character in this fic but they are ALL characterized so well. There's no needless conflict that make them OOC, there's a reason behind every little tragedy building upon themselves and creating a giant disaster that deeply affects the entire cast. Not to mention how its not just the loss of Reigen and Ritsu, but the loss of Mob too. If they were to have died on impact, its unsettling to think that things may have turned out better than this.

There’s a lot of things I wanna say that would basically be restating the fic (dimple losing his best friend, teru shaving, and the irony of ritsu’s powers being taken away by mob) so instead of writing 20 more paragraphs I’ll ask some questions I’ve been mulling over (ofc yall don’t have to answer if it’s revealing too much or smth)

Does Mob actually end up getting investigated or arrested? The formatting of the social media posts and texts makes them seem as if they're evidence and so does the ongoing "interview?" with Shou throughout the fic

In the party, is Reigen saying he doesn't like citrus a reference to the lemon sour :eyes:

I'm probably missing something but im curious about the metaphor around Reigen and a stray cat (hair clinging to Mob's clothes, comparing him to a stray cat finding a place to die, comparing him to a cat outside Serizawa's door)

If I'm not wrong and the "glitchy" sections at the beginning and end of the fic are Reigen and Ritsu's povs respectively, is their mind constantly like that or is it just in the specific circumstances where they have a small burst of consciousness?

last (thats a lie im definitely drawing more fanart in the future) but not least, some notes from when I was re-reading

#sorry for hiding literally everything below the cut i dont wanna jumpscare people #BUT ANWAY. #holy fuck. a masterpiece. #literally tried drawing vase scene (as ive dubbed it for convenience lmao) 3 times its SO HARD to get right #i doubt i was able to truly do this fic justice its so amazing #mp100 #tw blood #tw body horror #(not really but the animation is close enough) #TTTAAAC #mob psycho 100 #shigeo kageyama #ritsu kageyama #reigen arataka #teruki hanazawa #dimple mp100 #so many thoughts about this fic #sorry for my damn essay oh my god #< biggest TTTAAAC fan

[camp-counselor-life]

Ok, so I had an anxiety attack last night on a date and I'm trying to parse out what happened and my mental state. Is anxiety often irrational? Yes, and this definitely was. But also I feel like this would give neurotypical people anxiety, so justified? IDK.

TW: ableism

So here goes. The gal I am dating invited me to a gymnastics meet. Now, I love gymnastics (our shared university has an excellent team) and haven't been to a meet in eons, so I agreed. Did not think it through, just said yes. In the back of my brain, I knew there could be some issues, but dammit, let's just stuff those down and pretend.

I show up at her apartment nearly 10 minutes earlier than we agreed. She informs me that she thinks they have a clear bag policy (at all times, I carry a large black purse with all the stuff in it). We look and it says you can bring a purse. So cool, we will see if they'll let it in.

Now we're driving and there's traffic (the team is a big deal). And we're struggling to find a place to park (I had suggested we take the train bc that's how much I hate traffic and parking). We park somewhere that I am not 100% sure is allowed, but we're like 99.5% sure. This fact will come back later.

We get to the door. The man informs me my purse is too big. In a moment of panic, where I am about to be separated from my meds and inhaler, I inform him that it's got medical equipment in it, something my date does not know and this of course reveals that I have some sort of disability where I cannot be separated from the contents of my purse. He gives me a special tag and I get to take my bag in.

At this point, my date (who is aware I am autistic but nothing else) could be thinking one of two things: I have lied because I want to bring my purse in or I have some sort of shameful medical condition bad enough to require a purse-full of items I didn't tell her about. Both run through my head along with the thought of "I am going to hell, did I just lie to bring in my purse?" and it's not a lie, I do need to drag that stuff around, but also I probably could have made it 2.5 hours without it. I also decided that this would be a good way to phrase my discomfort to several friends, all of whom were like what?

We sit down and at this point I am so anxious and uncomfortable and ashamed that I barely talk the entire meet. It is also extremely loud, crowded, and the guy behind me is wearing strong cologne. We make small talk and hold hands, which I think was fine.

In the fourth (and final) session of the meet, probably almost 1.5 hours in, I have finally calmed down enough to enjoy myself. The shame is still there, and I don't know how to fully explain this to people, so I'm writing about it on tumblr for y'all to ignore.

So, what does this mean? I am probably not as "at peace" with my disabilities as I thought. The shame is real and strong and I feel like I could have had so much better of an experience if I had just done something differently. It's my fault.

And then I had a nightmare about the stadium last night, so that was like the cherry on top.

[anderscim]

@eventide-roses asked:

I would like to drop in something that has been.....kinda bugging me??? Not really bugging, but idk if you can even make a theory off of it. It's more Xanvid inclined anyway (and ig Teruvid if you squint really hard), but it's something that I found kinda interesting imo

Ask yourself this. How much screentime did David even have before chapter 2? I find it odd (my brother and I joke about him being the "Levi" of chapter 1 - having very little screentime) that he wasn't on screen for.....really most of chapter's 1 daily life, except for when he intervened Teruko and Xander's conversation in the dining hall (where he went on about how there is so much pressure on his shoulders from being looked up to a lot). Keep in mind Teruko knows his optimistic facade is merely an act. Lots of ppl (included myself) think that David only intervened cause he was watching Xander and Teruko, cautious cause one person knew something that they shouldn't have. But that also sounds a little too cautious, wouldn't you say? Sure, as an inspirational speaker, you are expected to be always happy and cheerful, seeing the world through rose tinted glasses. But surely, as a human being, you are also not immune to being sad. His slip up in the introduction just sounded like an introvert to me. Maybe a bit of a bitchy introvert, but not......something worth total contempt from someone. Yet, David is paranoid enough to keep to himself for the majority of chapter 1 and (most likely) just watched Teruko and Xander's interactions carefully. Why would he do this? Obviously he doesn't want anyone else to know about how his facade is just....well, a facade. But it honestly seems like he genuinely values Xander's opinion about him. He doesn't want anything negative to smear Xander's opinion about him. And keep in mind, ever since the killing game was announced, David (most likely) automatically went in his head "Well, it's only a matter before we all die" yet he still desperately tries to keep up his happy go lucky facade, even when he knows he could die the very next day

I found it kinda odd he never really played a big part until after chapter 2, episode 4 where he became the so called 'leader' and started the plan to share secrets again. But wasn't this also after the end of the first trial where he says "I lost hope, I won't bother to keep it up anymore, we are all going to die here" <- paraphrasing rn, don't kill me. And yet he STILL tries to keep up the persona. I remember one blog made a post about how David's plan was actually better than what the cast could've done (sit around the let the motives be revealed or reveal them without permission) which I agree with. But then it backfired and everyone started to gain up on David during the trial. I think the straw that broke the camel's back was when Teruko said David has been faking not only his personality, but also being a good person. Like damn girl, you think he's a bad person just cause you caught him saying a few negative things to himself? It fits with her character of not trusting people, but still. All that was revealed about his 'true true' personality was that he was some mildly bitchy introvert that wanted to sleep in I have no idea where I am going with this, but these are some findings that I thought was interesting enough to share with you (hopefully I'm sending it to the right blog as well). I guess what I'm trying to say is not only does David truly care about Xander, but possibly everyone else in the cast (he probably even had some respect for Teruko, until Xander died, which is a whole other can of worms, but I also think he blames her for Xander's death and her secret he received in chapter 2 only verifies his belief) And (this is also an extremely long stretch but also worth considering) the gag comic that the dev made I think? 2021 ish? Where David received too many letters and he was worried how he would get through all of them? It wasn't even his idea to throw them out, it was Whit's (to which, David even asked him isn't that a little mean?). It shows that David still cares about his fans (again, it's a really big stretch, but still has the character's canon personalities, since the dev themself made it)

first off, thank you for the submission lexi! i hope you don’t mind that i transferred your ask to this blog ^^

and yeah, i noticed these things too, but in my opinion it may mostly be an indication that david is adamant about maintaining his persona and what the cast expects from him.

(take this with a grain of salt)

despite his (at the very least) pessimistic dialogue at the end of chapter one, i think he tries to consistently keep the “ideal image” that the rest of the cast expects from him as the ultimate inspirational speaker—leading the group, presenting that entire plan (despite likely making it up on the spot), etc—in the beginning of chapter two. similar to what you said, i think it’s a very interesting contradiction to have david act so pessimistic and say that they’re “all certainly going to die here,” and then suddenly find him within the next few days leading the group and doing everything he possibly could to keep his plan going. like i mentioned in this older post, david’s plan was likely better than any of the alternatives—and based on the fact he could potentially convince everyone to follow a separate path from what he outlined in ch2 ep4, it’s likely that he wasn’t actually attempting to “foster the right atmosphere for murder to occur,” like he claimed in episode 11.

so if he was trying to help and prevent another murder despite the (very) limited means to do so—despite him clearly saying how they’re all going to die the chapter before—it might point to the fact that david is pressured by his own reputation to act in a way that is fitting for an inspirational speaker, regardless of all of his slip-ups from earlier. after all, david may have felt that it was wrong to watch all of the discourse happening in ch2 ep4 and not do something about it, especially since he has a career that literally helps other people for a living.

however, this internal(?) pressure could imply that he sets unrealistic expectations on himself to maintain that image—which might explain why, despite his slip-up in the prologue only showing us that he was more pessimistic and lazy than the cast expected, he was paranoid enough to check on xander and teruko. as implied from the MV and all of the secrets that it has, there’s a lot of evidence that points to david not feeling human (the dolls, the albino mouse / arabidopsis / footnote 2)—instead, he thinks of himself as a sort of “model organism” and someone who’s supposed to hold up an ideal for everyone else to follow. if this is true, this may explain why he felt cautious enough to go out of his way and monitor(?) the two people who may know something past his persona/reputation—true, it is only human to feel negative emotions and express them outwardly, but in david’s case he may hold incredibly high expectations for himself as a role model and pretend that he’s immune to those emotions. after all, he doesn’t feel like he’s human.

i also agree on the “he at the very least had an iota of respect for the rest of the cast at one point” part <-paraphrased. no specific evidence for this but i might get to it later

i hope you get what i mean. (-.-;) thank you again for the submission!

#bagel’s asks #bagel’s train of thought #drdt #danganronpa despair time #despair time #david chiem #fangan #fanganronpa #slightly shorter post #again thank you for the ask!

[fuck-customers]

There are just some customers you never forget.

I will never forget the guy who said my 'attitude was disgusting and that I should be ashamed of myself' cause I said I couldn't sell him the paper cake box since it had the logo of the company on it (such a stupid policy).

I will never forget the woman who gave me a business card for some sort of makeup technician(?). The reason she did this is because I have HORRIBLE acne. I'm not exaggerating, red irritated bumpy dry+oily skin, blemishes all over my forehead, cheeks, chin and jawbone, sometimes I get cysts along my jawbone or near my nose. I get flare-ups when my period is approaching. It didn't help that the hair net I had to wear would reveal all that. Because you know makeup will totally solve the problem. It might hide the redness but all the bumps, scars and cysts? How is makeup going to hide that?

I will never forget the other woman who said I should blend spinach in a drink to help my acne. She said it helped her so much with all 'this', motioning to her stomach area, and said it would help me too. Maybe she meant ovaries since hormones can also cause acne but idk. She was kinda vague about it and I didn't want to talk about it. Seemed like it was a personal struggle to her.

I will never forget the mid-age Spanish dude who said I should get the large aloe leaf I didn't know the store sold in the produce section and rub that on my face which will help with my acne. He came back a couple days later, another aloe leaf in his cart and asked if I tried his method. No fuck off I don't have a sunburn my skin is irritated with all the hormones, genetics and probably all the stress I get from customers like you. Even if it helped with the redness, it won't help with literally all the other problems.

I will also never forget the guy who said I need to eat more carrots to help with my acne.

Also the woman who gave me an attitude cause she wanted to buy a cake topper, but she wanted it for free cause it comes free with a cake. She was not buying a cake. I told her how much it cost and she started giving me 'tude saying that's a new policy she's never had to pay before blah blah blah. Ma'am. I've never seen your face here before and I've been working here for a year. Buy the 8$ topper or not I do not care. I do not get commins for this.

ALSO this one woman who made zero attempt to communicate with me. She only spoke Spanish and my white pale-ass self does NOT. I could say very very basic things regarding orders but anythin other then what's on the form (not in Spanish, only English) I don't know how to say. There was no one else in the department with me who spoke Spanish and they guy who I usually call to translate was not at work at that time. I could ask what flavour, what day do you want the cake for, basic stuff. This woman did not want a basic cake. She wanted a fondant cake with a popular luxury fashion brand on it. I know this because she pulled out her phone showing me the cake. The part that makes me mad is that I pull out my phone to use Boogle translate so I can tell her, 'no, we can't do this, fondant cakes needs two weeks in advance and we can't do logos'. She wanted a two tier fondant cake for the next day. She was not getting it, not using her own phone for translation, I'm clearly struggling over here tryin to pronounce everythin tryin to not sound like a gringo, typing in my phone responses and she's not budging. She eventually throws her hands up and leaves clearly frustrated. I tried to help lady🤷 She wasted so much of my time too.

[nerdgirlriot]

The plagiarism video and my brain

I need to gather up my thoughts because my brain has done some really heavy lifting with some of my past experiences and it's a wild ride. Not sure how coherent this is going to be, but! I'm going to try and unpack some of it.

Hbomberguy, a video essayist on Youtube, recently released a hefty video (it's, like, 4 hours long) about plagiarism on the platform, focusing on a few other content creators before getting to the bulk of the video, which is about James Somerton, a commentator who does videos about LGBTQ+ representation in media. hbomberguy has come with ALL the RECEIPTS proving without a shadow of a doubt that Somerton stole most of his content from other writers, reading their words and claiming them as his own. It's shitty, but unfortunately not inherently illegal, particularly since Somerton almost always backtracks when accused and then reups those videos with the barest of efforts to credit the original writers.

So, I have no idea who Somerton is. I sort of(?) recall some sort of controversy about a Youtuber who stole from The Celluloid Closet (a famous documentary about homosexuality and Hollywood) but I do remember that the person apologized and pointed out that there was very little research in the way of queer people in American media so of course he HAD to borrow heavily from Celluloid Closet. I sort of shrugged at the time and moved on, never thinking about it again until I watched the hbomberguy video

And hoo boy it's a lot to pack. Somerton apparently never had an original idea in his head. All the great points he's made in his videos were made by other people whom he stole words from, and when he DID have original content in his videos, it was largely misogynist and...rather racist too? Ouch.

So in the middle of the video, hbomberguy points out that Somerton did a video about the fascist themes in the anime Attack on Titan.  And I started to freak out. I, myself, wrote an op-ed for syfy.com about fascism and anime, and I mentioned Attack on Titan. it was originally posted in October of 2018, a full 4 years before Somerton did his video, so i was rather worried that he'd also plagiarised ME (this is how my brain works, and considering the full extent of obscure sources Somerton used for his videos, I don't think my fear was unfounded). The original article doesn't exist on syfy.com anymore, as they decided that Fangrrls as a vertical just wasn't working for their brand and they stripped years of work from female writers from their site. I have a backup of the article here for reference. 

As for whether Somerton plagiarised me, I feel icky but I ended up downloading the transcript for the video in question and perused through it. I don't THINK he stole any of my words, because the bulk of the video is about the anti-semitic elements in Attack on Titan's later seasons. When I wrote my piece, the fascist elements were still fairly subtle and the big reveal about the Eldians being treated as second class citizens, a once great power (given holy gifts by "God" no less) reduced to living in ghettos and wearing armbands and definitely being coded as Jewish people, hadn't come in yet. My op-ed was about fascism in anime in general, and I mentioned more than just Attack on Titan. I imagine that if my article were still widely available, Somerton might've taken from it. But is that my ego talking? It's probably my ego talking. But I know for SURE that this particular piece still sent a ripple through the larger anime community.

I know this because I am a woman who dared share an opinion on the internet and suddenly anime weebs were spreading the article through twitter and facebook and calling me out for writing a shitty take. 

Was my take shitty? IDK, I still got paid for it and I actually wish I'd written more about it but my editor said that it was fine and the article's like 5 years old at this point and waaaaaaay out of date now since AoT's fascist themes have grown so much more blatant. I only scratched the surface, while newer takes on AoT have the benefit of more story to make their arguments more sound. Some of THESE articles, the more recent ones, Somerton definitely stole from because hbomberguy proved it in his video. I'm just watching from the sidelines right now, very bemused and my brain is coming up with what-if's by the truckload.

I'm just unpacking this now because I don't think I ever fully faced the criticisms I received because of my initial op-ed. My editor warned me that my work could be inflammatory and that I should brace myself. I locked down my Twitter account (as my editor suggested) and ignored any messages from people I didn't recognize for about 2 weeks after the article was posted. Sure enough, the article was spread tens of thousands of times on FB and Twitter. Some of the comments I'd seen called me "misinformed" (fair), "ethnocentric" (I suppose), a "dumb bitch," (possibly?), a "woke SJW" (thanks!), and, most horribly, "white", which for some reason offended me more than the ones calling me a dumb bitch.

One big argument against my op-ed boiled down to the fact that I, as an American, am not aware of the subtleties in Japanese media and I didn't understand Japan's own relationship with its past and I put a Western viewpoint on it (ethnocentrism at its finest). Me...a Filipino-American. Me, a descendent of people (Filipinos) who were subjected to Japan's imperialist expansion in Asia. The Philippines became a battleground between Japanese and Allied forces in WWII. Bataan Death March? Hello? I know my history, but I didn't place this in the article. I thought my mentions of Japan's occupation of China and Korea were enough to show that Japan definitely had imperialist and fascist tendencies in its history and MAYBE that might provide a throughline to why Japanese media is still fascinated with this stuff but it wasn't enough, I guess. It is...a puzzle.

Oh and the original idea for "srsly what's up with Nazis and anime?" came from J, my significant other, who is Japanese-American.

Where's my brain going this? I don't know, but I think I'm happy I'm getting this off my chest now?

I'm sorry and if you read this all the way through, I'm grateful to ya'll.

EDIT: and America is as guilty of burying the sins of the past as much as any other country. Think about the historical revisionist movements which claim that African slaves liked working in plantations because we need to tell American kids these lies to feel better about themselves and not hate their own country. When my views were called "ethnocentric", what POV did my critics think I SHOULD have used? Or are we looking at a case of me "interrogating the narrative from the wrong perspective"?

#long post #these things i think #it's my life

[cidthesquid]

My First Look At: Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA Mega Mix+

If anyone here has been wondering what's been eating up all my free time recently, it's been this game.. "Hatsune Miku: Project DIVA Mega Mix+" I don't know if I've mentioned this here, but my three favorite game types are actually ARPGs, Fighting Games and Rhythm games! And now I've found a really fun Rhythm game with Fashion elements!

Clearing songs, and improving your scores gets you points that you can use to unlock new outfits for the various characters, and there are a TON of choices:

Not only that, but you can even mix and match outfits and hair styles, to find something you think suits the look better.

(This changes the hair, and some face features such as makeup)

You'll have multiple accessory slots as well, and you can attach one item in each spot to further customize your look:

(Some of these are very silly, But they're fun to try out!)

I'ts really fun to try out various custom outfits when playing songs! You only get 4 'Custom slots' but for songs that have multiple singers, you'll be able to edit all of them, still only taking up a single slot.

The game only has one standard 'mode', with a few difficulty options. But you'll also have the option to practice specific parts, or you can watch a 'music video' of the song, where it plays its self with the hud removed. (show in the above gif)

As for the characters... I was never much of a miku fan before, Only hearing a few songs in other games, I never sought out her content. And while I won't break down all the characters, I will talk about my impressions of Hatsune Miku.

One game is not much to go on, but she definitely feels like one of those “Universal Appeal” characters, I'm by no means bother by that. But it just means they can't really give her any kind of personality,

On the other hand, it is nice to know that means they don't simply confine her to sticking with one style for her songs.

The game offers a wide range of Vocaloid music, each with a (swappable) lead singer.

And even though Miku's song's are mostly cute and up beat, there are a few edgier and slightly darker ones too. So I'd argue my opinion of Miku has improved overall, as before, I'd really only hear her more popular hits in 'Taiko no Tasujin', and just seeing her posted everywhere as gifs and avatars, I'm not sure if I'd call myself a 'huge Miku fan' but I am enjoying this game.

-- And, as for what character I played the most.. Well, If you've followed my content for any amount of time, You probably already know what type of characters I generally gravitate to:

It looks like Meiko is supposed to be the 'Cool Girl'/Mature Character, But much of her outfit selection feels a bit off to me:

(sorry for the small preview, it's just for reference) It looks like they wanted to give here the tomboy style personality, but they don't really have any outfits that match that, (...Okay, maybe I'm just projecting the personality I want on to her, but the But this game does not really give you a whole lot to go on..) Lots of 'cute' outfits, with only a few mature ones thrown in, (And some of the mature ones honestly feel a little generic) And then there's stuff like these, feels like the start of a good outfit, but then goes a little off the rails... (they look way too busy)

I have no problems with offering revealing outfits as an option, I've play games using some myself. But I just don't personally find these visually appealing. It really feels like they were too afraid to branch out with her outfit styles I really feel they should have given her better variety, or at least a specific style that stood out more from the rest. I'm not even sure what's going on with here 'modern' outfit (left) I feel they could have used some of the cool designs from luka (right)

But anyways, I really don't know anything about Vocaloid culture, maybe I missed the point, and this all perfectly fits Meiko's personality, IDK, (let me know in the comments) ..But I still work have preferred more options. --- Anyway, I've still been having a blast playing this game! and even though the fashion elements are fairly light, I still enjoyed them. Oh and just as a disclaimer, I was using a few QOL mods in this post, So be aware that some things (like having English subs) may be different from the vanilla game! Anyways, thanks for reading! (comments/constructive criticism is always welcome!)

#fashion game #cute #dress up game #dress up #hatsune miku #vocaloid #project diva #mega mix #steam #modded

[crush3dmary]

Okay I gotta ask. Tales of Symphonia for the fandom one.

(claps hands together) LET'S FUCKING GO

send me a fandom and i’ll tell you…

the first character i ever fell in love with:

Genis!! I actually fell in love with him before Zelos because when I played the first time it was with a group of friends and I played Genis so I already had a bias, lol.

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not:

Not really anyone. I don't think my character opinions have changed a whole bunch in the last 15 years, though I definitely have more of an appreciation for Colette now than I did when I was 14.

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not:

Ehh... again, not really any of them? I've been pretty firm in my otps and notps, but I used to be "meh" about c*lloyd and now I fucking despise it because of the fans, so. Lol.

my ultimate favorite character™:

Zelos Wilder (derogatory) I love to put him in Situations

prettiest character:

Pronyma. I enjoy her.

my most hated character:

Not hate by any means but I'm very meh about Kratos. I can see why people would love him but he just doesn't hit it for me.

my OTP:

Zelloyd by a long shot. 15 years going strong! Still writing em!

my NOTP:

C*LLOYD AND SH*ELOS I HATE THEM SO MUCH I could probably write an essay on how much and why I hate them but I won't I'll just make content I like instead!

favorite episode:

I'll do favourite scene here. Tower of Salvation reveal with Remiel. That part of the game just fucking hits.

saddest death:

Corrine :'((((( especially in the anime!

favorite season:

Favourite stretch of the game is dad reveal onwards. The last like 10 hours of the game are just fucking stellar.

least favorite season:

Sylvarant arc is kind of a slog to be honest. It's cool going and back and replaying and seeing all the foreshadowing but it wasn't until you start to find out about Tethe'alla and whatnot that the game really started to hook me.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:

Lmaoooooooo Kratos again sorry. Again, I see where the love comes from! Just not my fav.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:

Zelos. I can't even defend all his actions and sometimes he just straight up sucks. But the man unfortunately has owned my ass since 2008, so. There's no getting out now.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:

Pronyma deserved better. They could have done sooooooo much with her and they didn't. But that's okay, I can open up google docs and pretend.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:

Idk I don't really ship anything super problematic to be honest, unless you count zelloyd because of the (whispers) age gap... proceeds to rinse my mouth out with soap and recite prayers so Martel doesn't smite me for shipping something with two characters who look the same and have the same maturity level

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship:

Genis/Mithos. Not OTP level but I do love them. Lots of potential for angst there, and I've even written some myself.

[dumplingsjinson]

sooooo, i know i said i wasn't going to post anything personal, at least in regards to my dating life, on here but lo and behold! i'm a liar, but the person who found out about this account might never go onto my blog again (if you're here for some reason then hi? idk why you'd come back here but okay. i hope you're okay. and if you're not, i hope you will be okay. and also, this is NOT about the long distant guy that maybe one or two of you are familiar with). so, here goes: we broke off whatever it was that was going on. i don't like them back that way, and i don't see myself liking them back that way in the foreseeable future.

so we broke it off on good terms.

we're not going to talk anymore, and it definitely will take time getting used to since we did text back and forth everyday for the past two months, up until today. it will take time to get used to not seeing their name on my phone constantly, or waking up to their messages, but it'll eventually go back to how it used to be, when we never spoke before.

i admittedly do feel a little empty as of right now, which is a me issue entirely. maybe i'm dealing with the sadness of losing a connection i've made with someone? maybe i don't deserve to feel this sadness. i don't know. there was definitely a bit of a connection there, though ephemeral, even if it wasn't a romantic one. i think (i know) i'll be okay, and i really, really hope they'll be okay, too (because rejection doesn't feel good. it's never an easy pill to swallow, knowing you're not the one for that someone. it doesn't feel good to reject someone, either).

i think it'll be good for the both of us in the long run.

i'm still processing this whole thing, but i think it'll be okay soon. :) and i hope they find someone who will like them back, just as much, and if not, more, because they're someone who truly deserves that.

goodbyes aren't easy, and they hurt even when it comes to short-term bonds that were formed. that's all i can say.

(also that whole unmatch thing rant in which i've deleted by now is because i got my feelings hurt for like a day, and then i got over it really quick lmfao. i was talking to some other guy i matched with, and we vibed for a few days, and then he unmatched while we were setting up the date and that hurt translated into frustration and anger and a bruised ego, but i'm okay now, and to whoever said it was a bad break up or something - it wasn't lmao, i was just being a little wuss and had to vent. but i will die on the hill on how you're an asshole if you unmatch without any explanation, especially when you're in the middle of setting up a date. you're just bad at communication and it really, really shows. please work on that if that's what you do to other people, because it's never fun being on the receiving end of being basically ghosted.)

anyway, i'll try to post another prompt list tonight. these babies are pre-written, so my mood right now's not gonna affect them aha.

i will probably post more of my love life (read: online hoe life) again to the one person who bothers reading this shit, simply because nothing's stopping me, and i ALSO am NEVER going to be so dumb to accidentally give too many hints and reveal my tumblr like that to someone ever again lmfaooo. my mask stays ON, bitches!!

(and on an entirely different note that's not so fucking depressing and also very non-serious, i'm going on a date this sunday, and we're going to have oysters lmfao - i might end up calling him oyster dude - but i also don't have much expectations lmfao. they did ask me if we're still on for sunday just earlier today, and i said yes, but i'm prepped for getting unmatched outta no where because some of you men are Cowards. aNYWAY.)

this was a rollercoaster and a very undelightful mess, i'm tired, i have to wake up at 5:30 am tomorrow for work, two of my brackets came fucking loose so i have to go to the ortho on monday to get that fixed, and i lowkey wanna die because of that, goodBYEEE.

#long post #i probably won't delete this but yeah #personal #putting my clown ass on display rn

[folklauerate]

That neighbors AU sounds really good. I can't wait to read it! Do you think it will be just as long as that oneshot where Anthony is the one that's older? And I'm very curious about the baby. Do you know if it will be a boy or a girl? And who will the baby call daddy, Tom or Anthony?

I’m glad you’re excited!! I’m excited too!!

I have no clue how long it will be. I thought the Older Anthony one would be around 10k and then an extra 27k just happened. Right now I’ve written bits and pieces of the Older Kate one, and I have a basic, bare bones plot outline, and it’s a little under 3k. Truly, who knows! I get in the zone when writing and I discover more and more about the characters as I go sometimes; I also discover more about the story I want to tell and that helps shape it, and ends up changing my estimated word count.

It’s really important to note that the Older Anthony oneshot felt really different and was really different from the way I write most of my other fics. Literally 99% of my fics are lucky to have a second pair of eyes on them before I hit post—sometimes I don’t even proof-read them until I hit post and then I scan the page for mistakes and stuff lmfao. I am genuinely always flying by the seat of my damn pants. I think about the fic, write the fic, and go post! And then the cycle starts anew. “lost in your current like a priceless wine” was SO different because the beautiful wonderful amazing Kara (the lovely Amalinwrites on ao3 and @amalinwrites here)was basically betaing/cheering me on/in the trenches with me for this au from the get go, like we’d wake up and text each other about this 😭 so she was there to help me bounce ideas off of and she was the one who inspired the ending, where Anthony goes to a conference and they miss each other! Then I asked the literal loml Nel ( @grantairesbottle here and starkswinterfelling on ao3) to beta/vibe check/read over a significant chunk of the oneshot, probably about 60-70% of it, so I got her feedback and some notes. I also took much longer to write this oneshot than I usually do. It took me a little less than two weeks to write it, which is markedly longer than any other fic, and I was also reading, re-reading, and editing bits of it. It just felt like I was on the cusp of something new and different and I wanted to get it right. I also have been kicking myself for not sitting on things long enough with my writing—I’m very impatient. I always read things back and wish I’d changed things or sat with it longer to allow it to percolate in my brain so I could edit and make it really proper and good. This oneshot was me doing just that, and trying to see what would happen if I did do that.

All this to say—I have no clue how long the other oneshot will come out though I might try and take a similar amount of care and time with it. Or maybe I won’t! Idk! I also have a ton of wips that need updating lmfao.

I also won’t spoil anything about the gender of the baby because I have some ideas but I also don’t know if I’ll even reveal it or not or if I want it to be a surprise at the end 👀 However, the baby definitely won’t be calling Tom dad lol; he’s the sperm donor and he’s Kate’s longtime friend and he was happy to be there for her when she decided she was going to get pregnant by herself!

Sorry for the HUGE response lol

#bridgerton #anthony bridgerton #kate sharma #kathony #fanfic #age gap AUs