#i've been pushing myself a bit more lately but now not in a stressful way. like yk in a good way like i'm not settling when i know i can | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

froggy-demon · 3 months

Text

Oh, Deer - Part Two

A/N: This is part two to my Alastor x OC slowburn story, I hope you enjoy <3

Chapter Summery: Lilly gets settled at the hotel and a stressful day of work leads her to getting a little closer to one particular staff member.

Part Three

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up to my morning alarm blaring at me, shit I didn’t even think about how long it will take to get from here to work, fucking fantastic. And I have none of my clothes, also fantastic. I book it out the door and head to my old apartment. I grab a book bag I had laying around and stuff as much of my shit in it as I can fit, the less trips back and forth I can make while moving, the better. I change into an outfit for work, a pinstriped mini skirt and a turtleneck blouse with puffy sleeves with my trademark tights and kitten heel Maryjanes, throwing my backpack over my shoulder and getting to work as fast as possible. All in all, I was only 10 minutes late which is a fucking miracle if I’ve ever heard one. I busy myself by checking in with the other assistants and sorting out who is covering what assignments and shows today. Velvette slams open the studio door and is already looking pissed off, the day just started how can it already be going to shit? That question answered itself as behind her trailed in Valentino talking her ear off, switching between whining and yelling.

“Valentino it is time for at least one of us to actually do our jobs, fuck off already and find someone else to bitch to!” She yells at him and stomps off. This pushes him over the edge, he grabs a passing by assistant and snaps her in half, like it’s nothing. I duck my head down and find a way to be very busy and as unnoticeable as possible, hiding behind my clipboard as much as I can.

“No you fuck off Velvette! Tell me what the fuck I can do one more fucking time! Try to run anything once I’m done with you precious shitty studio!” He threw the couch he had trapped that studio aid on just the other day against the wall and it smashed into a hundred pieces. He reached for a fleeing model and ripped her head off, damn and she wasn’t even an annoying model. He rampaged through the room and Velvette just ignored him and stomped my way.

I straightened my back as she approached and tried to not seem bothered by the 10ft lunatic killing my coworkers and ripping apart anything else in his reach. “We are not getting off schedule, get my designers so we can keep our shit on the air! Get them here in the next five minutes while I get fucking Piss Baby out of here.” She Barked and I nodded

“Yes Ma’am.” She seemed pleased enough and walked off to order around anyone else still breathing. I used my ear piece to try to locate the desired designers, keeping my back to the scene behind me.

“Designers, if most of your limbs are still attached, your presence is requited by Ms. Velvette immediately, bring what you have been working on for her and try not to be killed on your way.” I received 4 affirmatives and glanced back to see Velvette on her phone to presumably Vox. Thank Satan, this was definitely a big guns problem. I looked around at a few cowering workers near me and smoothed out my clothes. “C’mon, get this place straightened up. It’s a fucking mess in here, get a broom and a mop, now.” The three jumped up, though a bit reluctantly, and went in search for the cleaning supplies. I saw Velvette manage to force Valentino out the studio door and lock it behind him, hopefully keeping him out. I saw two of the designers come in and waved them over, having them stand up on a small platform that wasn’t totally wrecked and Velvette made her way over.

She was clearly still not happy, but at least wasn’t getting worse. Vox appeared next to her with a cheeky smile plastered onto his plasma face, contrasting her fiery attitude. I thought I saw him give me a small scowl, but I've never spoken to Vox, it couldn't be personal. He asked her where Valentino had gone and was back on his way.

The day continued with far fewer bumps, minus the power outage caused by Vox's tantrum. Valentino stayed away so I guess Vox was able to calm him down well enough and Velvette stayed at a manageable level of pissed off until the outtage.

“Fucking hell! Fine fuck him, everyone go the fuck home!” She screeched and no one was waiting to confirm that order. I grabbed my bag and booked it out of the building and back to the hotel. Alastor’s broadcast was all I could hear people talking about, though they kept it hushed so close to the Vs. Losing was not something they, especially Vox, liked. When I walked through the door I was surprised to find a new face in the parlor. He was a snake demon and Charlie was excitedly chatting with him while Vaggie stood to the side looking apprehensive.

“Here she is!” Charlie exclaimed turning to me, smiling ear to ear. “Lilly! This is Sir. Pentious, he is our next guest at the hotel!” She motioned for us to shake hands, which I obliged. He seemed nervous, but still gave a small smile.

“Ah, Lilly, it isss quite nice to meet another future redemption-ee!” He said and I tried to return his smile.

“Lilly he blew up the hotel this morning.” Angel added dryly, I stopped smiling and looked at Charlie confused. Angel clearly wasn’t buying whatever the serpent was telling Charlie.

“He said he is sorry! That’s what we’re all about, second chances!” She defended and really tried to sell it. I looked between her and Sir. Pentious, a little skeptical myself honestly.

“If you are confident, I will trust your judgement.” I stated and turned to Angel, who filled me in on all of the details on the fight that had taken place that morning while Charlie taught Sir. Pentious how to apologize to Alastor. Geez, you go in for one shift and miss everything!

“Say, Dear, how did my little show go over at Vs HQ?” Alastor asked, appearing behind me and giving me a bit of a fright. He sounded particularly staticy. Angel rolled his eyes at his theatrics. I turned to face the demon and met his glowing eyes for a moment before looking back at Angel.

“I couldn’t say for sure, but I’d say not well. Vox particularly was still glitching and zapping about when Velvette dismissed us after the power shut down. We couldn’t do anything with him fucking up all of the tech.” I said and he laughed, clearly pleased with himself and patted my head. Angel was deeply distracted by his phone, someone was texting him quite a lot, every few seconds his phone would buzz with a new notification.

“Wonderful to hear! I’m glad I got my message across.” His eyes glowed a bit brighter, clearly there was some contempt held for Vox, and it went both ways. Seeing him like that sent a little zap of fear through me. I know what he’s done to those he doesn’t like to get what he wants, but he chooses to be so hands off with it this time? Maybe he just wanted to give a fair warning, I don’t know, but I do not want to get in the middle of it. “Speaking of your work,” He moved to stand between me and Angel now. “Why not find some new employment now that your housing is supplied? Something less television based maybe?” He eyed me, as though he suspected me of something. I tried to look past him to Angel again, but he blocked my vision, seemingly growing a little taller, a little more menacing.

“Well, as much as I’d like to,” I said a tad nervous of the overlord in front of me “I can’t. Velvette owns me, my soul that is. As a day job it isn’t too bad at least.” I mumble the last sentence and Alastor raises an eyebrow at me. Angel is still preoccupied, but I see him throw a look my way when I mention my deal.

“Deals aren’t usually Velvette’s style, she typically prefers to leave that work to the boys, how unfortunate for you then.” He says, returning to his normal chipper self and walks off. As he disappears I finally take stock of myself, I look like shit. There is dried blood on my shoes and spots of guts dotting my outfit for the Valentino’s carnage earlier, gross.

“Angel, I’m going to take a shower and unpack a little you know where to find me if you need anything okay?” He doesn’t look up, clearly in a mood, sitting down on a nearby chair and crossing his legs over the arm and mumbles out an okay. I make my way upstairs, to my room, and then turn on the hot water for the shower attached to my room. After peeling off my clothes it felt good to let the hot water wash over me. The water pressure was better here too. A little refresh is really what I needed after today. Once I felt better I rummaged through my bag until I found my pjs, a pair of little shorts and an oversized t-shirt VTech gave out during some marketing campaign, it was at least comfortable. I started to unpack more and realized Niffty must have been here earlier because there was significantly less dust everywhere and my bed spread seemed freshly laundered. I will have to thank her the next time I see her. Just as I’m finishing up I hear some kind of commotion coming from somewhere in the hotel, what the fuck was that? I poke my head out and hear more noise, like someone is fighting, is that Angel Dust? I run down to the noise and meet Charlie and Vaggie walking up to the same disturbance.

Angel says that Sir. Pentious is working for the Vs, but I can smell the liquor on him from here, and the snake denies the accusation. Angel rolls his eyes and points out the video camera hidden between two books on the shelf, causing Sir. Pentious to panic. He screams into his watch to help him as Vaggie face palms and it's my turn to roll my eyes. Not only is he a spy, he’s an absolutely terrible one at that. I can hear Vox laughing at him though the watch, but Charlie has big doe eyes. He begs for a quick murder, but Charlie welcomes him in with open arms, despite protests from the three of us. After a set of profuse apologies, we head back to bed.

Angel has his arms crossed, the whole walk. I want to say something, but he has been in a bad mood all day and I don’t want to accidentally make it worse. “Angel, y'know I-“ but he waves me off.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Work shit, and we said work shit stays at fucking work.” He snaps, but sighs and I know he isn’t mad at me, just someone else. My guess, Val. I wonder if that’s what Valentino was raging about this morning, I hope for Angel’s sake it’s not. He slams the door to his room and I turn towards mine, just to be greeted by Alastor, he sure does have a knack for popping up.

“Take off your shirt, Dear.” He glares at it, taking me back. This is a tone shift.

“Excuse me?” I ask, taking a step back, not there there is really anywhere to go if you want to run from a shadow walking overlord at night.

“Well, I’m going to burn it and I just figured you would want it off your body before I do that, but if you prefer,” Alaster smirked and lit a small fireball in his hand “you can keep it on!” He was very serious, I look back down at my shirt, I guess I set myself up for this one wearing a shirt with Vox’s face plastered on it, but hey it was a free shirt. I yanked it off and Alastor took two big steps towards me and took it from my hands, his eyes glowed devilishly as he set it on fire and watched Vox’s face burn away while he grinned ear to ear. “Much better! I appreciate your cooperation, however,” he bent down to my height and made me look him in the eyes. His voice grew more staticy as he said “I better not see anything else with his face on it here.”

I nodded, it was all I could manage, I felt frozen in place and suddenly self-conscious as I realized I was in my bra and shorts in front of a murderous overlord, not exactly confidence inspiring for me. He stood back up straight and spun his cane, pleased with himself. “Very well, Goodnight!” He sang and I didn’t wait before quickly going into my room. Great, now I need a new sleep shirt, that will be a tomorrow night problem. I got into bed and curled up. I’m not doing amazing at staying off Alastor’s bad side, maybe tomorrow I will break that streak.

The next morning I joined everyone else in the parlor downstairs, I had some time for once before I was needed at work. Charlie excitedly explained that we were doing some bonding activities as a group today, that it would help if we all trusted and got to know each other. I wanted to check in on Angel, but he was still hung up on his phone. Okay, so I’m going to have to make a second friend, it can’t be that hard can it? What do I have to work with?

Niffty is a little… crazy… maybe not my first choice. Let’s see Sir. Pentious is eager, but do I have anything at all in common with him? Let’s see he likes building things? Nope. He likes being a leader, of his egg boys at least, uh in the right light sometimes you could kinda say I like bossing people around. I think that’s everything I’ve learned about him though, and I’m not really someone who goes out looking for a fight anymore, even if Cherri wants me to. Vaggie is a little too focused on Charlie I think to start worrying about anyone else, I can’t blame her, as sweet as Charlie is she is also a handful. I think Alastor is waiting for me to sneeze wrong to justify breaking my neck and is no where to be seen sooooo… my new friend is going to have to be Husk! The only hard part about that is he doesn’t really ever want to participate in our activities. I can work with that though.

I take a seat next to Husk for activity time and give him a small smile. I haven’t really gotten what his deal is from Angel yet, maybe he just acts tough. “So, Husk, what brings you to the hotel? You don’t really seem like you’re here for redemption to me.” I ask trying to sound cheery. He just rolls his eyes at me though.

“My job.” He huffs out, motioning over to the bar. Okay smartass. I fold my arms and lean forward towards him.

“And out of all the bars in hell, why work at this one? Don’t tell me its for the dental insurance.” I quipped and he almost smiles. He leans back in his chair and looks across the room at nothing in particular.

“Alastor, he tells me to go so I go.” He finally says. Ah, could Alastor really own his soul? I won’t press for now. Satisfied with the answer I sit back in my seat and he slumps down more in his, but then my phone rings. Velvette, why is Velvette calling me? I don’t hear from her that much seeing as I never have a day off anyway, not even extermination days. I hop up out of my seat so not to bother anyone and answer the phone.

“Yes Ma’am?” I answer, stepping out of the room. She shouts that she needs me immediately, one of the models didn’t show up today and now she needs extra hands on deck and I better be there immediately. I try not to let her hear me sigh or sound disappointed. I guess I did get to sleep a couple extra hours which is more than enough to be grateful for. “Yes Ma’am.” I reply and she stresses I better hurry or I’ll be costuming for Valentino’s sets for the next year and she hangs up. I walked back in and the group looks up at me waiting for my explanation. “Okay guys, sorry to cut the team building short, but I’m needed at work sooner than expected, sorry Charlie.” Charlie looked disappointed.

“Oh.. so when do you have a day you don’t work anyway?” She asks. “We’ll just catch you up then!” She beams at her great idea. Angel chuckles, Cherri probably has told him before if he knows my situation.

“I don’t get any days off, sometimes I only work 10 hour days though!” I tried to make that sound like a good thing and gave her a thumbs up, but Charlie frowned again.

“Well that’s not good, you’ll never have any time for our activities then!” She protested and started pacing. “Can’t you just say you need a day off for something important?” She looked at me with those big doe and and I shook my head, crossing my arms.

“Some of us have jobs, dollface, contracts.” Angel points out dryly. He finally looks up from his phone to give Charlie a pointed look. It must be nice to be her.

“There are no days off for me, if Velvette says come in I can’t say no. It’s just the way it is. Now she’s waiting for me, I have to get going.” I slip on my shoes and head for the door leaving a protesting princess behind.

I get there as quickly as possible and as soon as I walk through the door Velvette is tapping her foot waiting for me. She looks as pissed as usual, but it isn’t usually my direct fault that she’s pissed off.

“Now, I happen to know that your apartment is all of five fucking minutes away so how the fuck did that take 25 minutes today?” She demands. Since when has she even known where I live? I straighten my back, I am not used to talking back to her, usually we even work pretty well together. “Well, spit out whatever pathetic excuse you have and get to begging for forgiveness! Some of us have important shit to be doing!” An assistant walked up to her and they quietly conversed while he showed her a different selection of blouses.

“I moved Ma’am.” I stated, adverting my eyes. She snapped her head away from her conversation to look at me again.

“Well who the fuck told you to do something stupid like that? I need you near here for when I call you, fucking move back.” She said it like it doesn’t matter where I live or what I think if it doesn't serve her needs. She might own my soul, but that is not our deal.

“Ma’am, with all the respect in hell, I cannot do that.” I stayed cool, that’s good. She walked over to me, until she was less than a foot away from my face. Her red eyes glowing and piercing into mine.

“The fuck you will. As fucking kind as I am to you every fucking day, whose dick you’re riding just to crash in their shitty bed anyway?” She snapped at me, glaring at me while waiting for my answer.

I took a deep breath. “Charlie Morningstar, Ma’am, well her hotel that is.” I added, looking down. Velvette was seething in front of me. She grabbed me and threw me to the ground. I hit my head hard on the stone floor, because exactly what I need is another head injury.

“Don’t give me that kind of bullshit ever again. Remember who you are speaking to.” She spoke through gritted teeth. She materialized the link between us, the chain attaching me to her, our deal. I knew exactly what I signed, but she was right. I should have held my tongue. She used it to pull me to my feet in front of her. “Now get to fucking work.” She spat and let me go. I stayed on my feet and smoothed my outfit and hair, composing myself for the coming day.

“Yes Ma’am.” I kept my eyes on the floor as she rolled her eyes.

“Good, now get Kelly Killjoy’s suit options ready, it’s almost time for her to be on air, then come back to me.” And then she waved me away and I was happy to be able to walk away. I did as I was ordered, bringing the approved wardrobe to the news host's dressing room for her to pick from once ready. I raced back to the studio room to see what was next and Velvette sneared at me when she saw me. "Perfect, the seamstresses need a pin cushion, go be that until they are done with their projects.” And she turned away from me again. A pin cushion, this was going to be a long day.

Twenty hours later I am still in the studio, but I have finished every task I’ve been given, skillfully I might add. Well, as skillfully as one can be a pin cushion, mannequin mover, and general studio bitch without a single moment to sit or even pee. I was back in front of Velvette awaiting her next order. She looked at me and shook her head.

“Morning, cunt. Your outfit is hideous and you look more terrible than usual.” She said and zapped me into a new outfit, honestly the highlight of my day to have on something fresh, but really it was just a toned down version of her own outfit, but is all grey. Of course she would think her outfit was better. “Now perk the fuck up, I need you to set up the lights for the shoot we’re doing for my fabulous new clothing line today! And set up all the looks we created for it. Make sure those fucking models look right too, I can’t stand shitty sloppy work.” She said and I nodded, hoping it will be easy to learn how to set up studio lights.

“Yes Ma’am.”

After falling off a ladder more than once setting up the lights, organizing all of the set groups of items for the photo shoot, and labeling them, and then adjusting every single item on the models throughout the 10 hour shoot, I was ready to beg for Velvette’s forgiveness. I hadn’t had a drop of rest or caffeine in nearly two full days.

Finally I was told to go home, but to be back tomorrow bright and early with a smile on my face. I don’t know what pissed Velvette off so badly in the first place that she felt the need to take it out on me, but maybe tomorrow will be different, unlikely, but maybe. I walked into the hotel and went straight to the bar, come to think of it that might be one of the best parts about living here. I slumped onto a stool putting my head down on the bar. Husk raised an eyebrow at me while he was organizing his bottles.

“I wasn’t sure if you were coming back when no one saw you last night, where ya been?” He asked, he didn’t sound concerned, but he did sound curious. I picked my head up and propped myself up on my elbows.

“Work. I’ve been at work since I left. Someone pissed off Velvette and that became my personal problem.” I muttered. I took a deep breath, I don’t need to bitch about my shitty day though that won’t have made it any better. No, I wanted a boost, I should go out I want to feel good about myself. I don’t want Velvette to be able to dictate my mood like this.

“My, my, someone looks a little worked over,” Alastor sang as he walked up. “Did someone mistake you for a pin cushion?” He asked lifting my arm to inspect the hundreds of tiny and sore pricks in my skin. I pulled my arm away from him, trying not to humor him.

“Hello to you too, Sir.” I said, holding back my irritation. I look at husk and he poured me a drink, I give him the best smile I could muster when he placed it in front of me. Alastor took the seat next to me, crossing one leg over the other and giving me his signature smile. I took a sip and let the warm feeling wash over me.

“Tell me, is television work loosing its charm? Such superficial work after all, but maybe that’s how you prefer it, dear.” He laughed at his own joke and tapped his cane on the ground. I drank more of the mixed drink Husk had made me, but it didn’t cool me off as much as I needed it too. I gave him another look and he went to pour me another but I looked up at him and motioned to just give me the bottle.

“Aye, take it easy kid.” He said, but still handed it over. I took three big gulps and set it down.

“Alastor, I’m not in the mood for your insults and condescension, I think I’ve had more than enough of those today.” I said dryly and took another drink. He looked at his nails, as if he didn’t have a care in the world, enjoying getting a rise out of me.

“Oh, but I’m positive they haven’t been as witty as mine will be! Humor me won’t you? It’s been so boring today.” He leaned towards me, it was another request that didn’t really sound like a request. I couldn’t push back against Velvette, but I could with Alastor, maybe. I finished the bottle for some confidence and got out of my seat.

"No." I told him flatly, that should have been enough to get him off my back, but not Alastor.

"come now, don't tell me the big bad overlords you've worked for for years just now broke your spirit! Where's your moxie dear?" the demon quipped, leaning an elbow on the bar. I could feel my misplaced anger building, but shit he didn't have to be such a prick when I clearly was in a bad mood. I can't have five fucking minutes of peace?

“I told you, fuck off!” And stomped out the door, throwing aside the now empty bottle.

Fucking Radio Demon, fucking Velvette! I’m more than that, I’m not just someone to shove around. I don’t have to take that, not when I’m not at work. She might be able to give me as much shit as she wants, hell she could actually assign me to fuck ass Valentino’s porno costuming I wouldn’t even care, but I will not go home and have some other demon make me feel like shit too. I’m worth something!

I look up from the sidewalk that I’ve been so concentrated on and realize I don’t really have anywhere to go, I’m tired of bars and clubs, but hell maybe it'll make me feel like a person again anyway. Maybe someone will talk to me like I’m just a fucking person. So at the next neon sign I see advertising a drink I walk in and order and get just that. It doesn’t take long, it never does in hell, until someone starts talking me up, buying me a drink, then another, and another, and then says we should get out of here. He's good looking for a demon, tall and thin with blood red hair and long black horns twisting out of it like a ram's. I agree. I follow him outside and he starts taking me down an odd way, its quiet and dark here, but maybe he lives on a quiet street in hell, what do I know. Then he turns around, smiling, and holding a handgun. It takes a moment to register. He closes the distant between us.

“What are you doing?” I ask, he laughs and grabs my arm. I’m not stable enough to avoid it and he pushes me up against the alleyway wall and points the gun at my chest.

“I’m robbing you, dipshit, cough up whatever you have on you. I know someone dressed as pretty as you has a couple of bucks to spare right?” He sneers and shifts the barrel to under my chin. The only problem was I really didn’t have anything else. I had maybe a single dollar on me after buying that first drink and I don’t think that’s what he wanted to hear.

Then all the sudden he was off of me, I fell a little and caught my breath which I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. What the fuck was that? I looked around and saw a familiar pair of eyes walking out of the darkness, blazing red. Shadow tentacles were holding up the attempted robber as Alastor emerged from the darkness, how is Alastor here? He was taller than his normal stature, and had a sinister smile, antlers protruding from his hair. This is the demon I’d heard on the broadcast those years ago, he had bloodlust in his eyes.

“I don’t think so.” His voice was thick and distorted cutting up the still night, I could feel the energy pouring off of him. I didn’t know if I should stay where I was or get the fuck away from there at this point, but my legs felt too heavy to run very far. I looked up at him with wide eyes, it was like a car accident I didn’t want to watch him rip this demon in half, but I also couldn’t look away. He laughed maniacally as the sinner he held begged for forgiveness and his life. The Radio Demon drew him closer “Is that anyway to treat a lady?” Static filled the air and there was ringing in my ears, it felt like it was pounding in my head to the point that it was difficult to keep looking up. Alastor met my eye for one brief moment and then, unexpectedly, threw the creature across the city rather than ripping him in half. His piercing eyes didn’t change as he began to return to his normal self as he walked toward me having eliminated the threat. The static softened and I felt a weight leave my chest. “Terribly sorry for the fright! Charlie sent me to make sure you came back to the hotel in one piece tonight, I didn’t expect to find you in so much trouble.” He put an arm around me for support, but I shook it off. As uneasy as I felt I’m not sure if he was the one I should take it from.

“I wasn’t expecting any help, especially from you.” It came out as a statement of near disbelief, but I was still angry. Recovering from the personality whiplash Alastor had given me I took a few steps away towards the entrance of the alley. How am I supposed to see that and then trust him? “I can handle myself.” My knees wobbled and I leaned my palm on the wall again for support.

“Clearly.” He said sarcastically and smoothed his hair back where his antlers had disrupted it. “You sure did seemed to have a handle on that one! Next time I’ll just let it run its course, how’s that sound?” He adjusted his tie and grinned. More of his bullshit. I took another step back, I was certainly afraid of the power I’d just witnessed, but looking at him now he was just another demon.

“Whatever, I don’t need to take this bullshit, you can’t just talk to me like that because you’re used to being scary, I get enough of this every other hour of my day. Maybe you can treat Husk however you want because you own his ass, or other people are just too scared to say shit, but I’m exhausted! I’m too tired to bite my tongue and,” I was running out of steam, and those burning red eyes were still bearing into mine “it seems I’ll never get out of that cycle.” I slid down the wall to my side and held my knees to my chest. “I just, I’m tired of filtering myself to fit the situation I’m in. Just to please someone who can’t even tell the difference anyway. Putting up the right front to help maintain her goddamn brand. I can't do it with you too.” I sighed. How disgusting. Here I am shouting at someone who would love to rip my head off my body, just because my boss is shitty and unappreciative, and now I’m pitying myself for it on the ground of a filthy alleyway. This might just be my rock bottom.

Alastor quietly walked to my side and placed a hand on my shoulder, sending a jolt through me. “If it’s any help, I’m condescending to everyone!” It was so stupid, so fucking stupid I had to let out a laugh. Geez, at least it isn’t personal I guess. I ran a hand through my hair, looking at my shoes in the dim light. “What was Charlie’s first lesson? Apologies.” I looked at him funny, his red hair nearly looked all black in this lighting, did he want an apology from me? He’s as crazy as Niffty if he thinks that’s happening. I picked at the ground next to my shoe to occupy myself. “Charlie also wanted me to apologize, I didn’t really mean to offend you. While I do find joy in watching the misery of sinners around me, on the other hand I am here to help Charlie and I can’t do that if I’m sending one of her guests spiraling now can I?” He offered me a hand up and I just stared at it for a second. “I’m sorry, Lilly.” He sounded as sincere as I’d ever heard him, which granted was likely a front to save face anyway, but I pushed my pride aside and took his hand, standing back up. It felt good to get that rant out of my system and it maybe even felt a little good to get an apology. I brushed the grime off of my skirt as best as I could, looking back at Alastor. He looked happy with his pep talk, but he kind of always had that demeanor so it’s hard to say.

“Thank you Alastor.” Was all I managed to say. Pleased, he hooked our arms and pointed us in the direction of the hotel. We were quiet for a minute, I knew it was my turn to say something more, but I couldn’t figure out what was right. I kept dwelling on how he looked back in the alley, how the energy he put off felt all the way down to my bones. Even now it made my skin crawl, I’m quite glad to have made it onto his team I suppose because I would not want to be on the receiving end of that fury. “Why do you want to help Charlie?” I said it as soon as I thought it, but it brought me back to earlier. Husk is here because Alastor is here, but why the hell is Alastor here?

“A good question! It’s really very simple, I think Charlie will succeed and I like to be on the winning team. Plus,” He looked at me with a wicked look in his eyes, “If I’m wrong I’m no worse off and I get to watch everyone else suffer!” And began laughing. Not very comforting, but does make sense. Still I have a feeling Alastor is a few steps ahead in whatever plan he is hatching than he is willing to share. I wonder what else he was working up in his head, he’s difficult to read that’s for sure. The only actual emotions I’m sure he experiences are joy and anger. “If we’re asking intrusive questions now, I must say it’s been plaguing my mind, what exactly do you get out of your deal with Velvette?” He smirked, “Don’t tell me it’s for the dental insurance.” He mocked me, is there anything that happens in that hotel he doesn’t know about?

“You mean besides a boss who won’t fire or fuck me? Well,” I chewed my lip for a moment. I always felt ashamed of my deal, how ironic as I landed myself in hell for the vice of pride in life. “You know it’s not easy starting out down here, one day I met Velvette and she, well she made it look easy.” In life I was the secretary to a man who ran a fashion magazine, I was so enthralled by his work I thought every piece that crossed his desk was genius. I fantasized about what I would design if I was able to. “When Velvette told me what she was doing down here I wanted in, hell a bit of me wanted to be like her, she told me there was only one way I could be on her team, but her success would be my success too and really I didn’t see any other opportunities coming my way. I was naïve and she was happy to take advantage of that. Don’t they all kinda go like that though?” I laughed awkwardly, mentally preparing myself for whatever shitty jab Alastor would make at my expense. He let me stew in it for a minute, or maybe for once he just didn’t know what to say. The sound of my heels rang in my ears as I was aware of his lack of response, buzzing with the city noises happening around us.

“How unfortunate!” He used my arm hooked with his to pull me closer and gave me a sideways smile. “I would have given you a much better deal than that!” And winked at me. I gave a small laugh, right like being his tailor for the rest of my afterlife, how fun. He glared at the window of a TV shop as we passed it, Vox was giving some interview, but it distorted more the longer he looked at it. Just as soon as we had passed it, the screens returned to normal. Another mystery to Alastor. “Don’t worry dear, you aren’t the only soul in hell who has made an unwise deal. I think half the inhabitants of our hotel are in that very same boat with you!” As dumb as it is, it kinda made me feel better that I’m not the only sucker that I know.

We reached the steps of the hotel and he followed me up.

“Well if you need any emergency alterations you know where to find me!” I smiled and opened the door. After all of that I do think Alastor made me feel better, and I still have the entire $1 to my name that I could have lost, or worse.

“Well someone is in a better mood than she was before.” Husk snarked from the bar and I shrugged.

“I didn’t die so I guess I can’t complain too much.” I threw a wink to him and he let out a small chuckle. Alastor cleared his throat to regain my attention, which I gave him, clasping my hands behind my back.

“As happy as I am to have been of service tonight, I must bid you adieu my dear, I have much to do!” He gave my head a pat and made his way up the grand staircase without waiting for a response. I watched him go and disappear down a hallway off to whatever chores awaited him. I let out a well earned yawn and looked back at Husk. Is he always behind the bar? Where does he sleep? When does he sleep? I shook the thoughts from my head and waved him goodnight.

I made my way up to my room but as soon as I drifted off to sleep all that filled my dreams was the image of Alastor in his demon form in the alley, but this time I was his prey. I would focus on his eyes and the intense fear they filled me with, shadow arms raising me higher and higher into the air as he laughed at my pleads for help. His whole body expanded and grew more wicked and disturbingly sharp. One of his claws dragged across my cheek, drawing blood. I woke up in a cold sweat and panting to catch my breath. I went to my bathroom to splash some cool water on my face, but struggled to feel much calmer. It was just a dream, but it was based on real events, even if they didn’t happen quite like that. I decided to throw on a robe and knock on Angel’s door, it was late, but hopefully he would be awake. He opened the door, rubbing his eyes.

“Lilly? What the hell are you doin’ up at this hour?” He asked, one set of arms hugged himself and the other attempted to straighten his hair. I realized how dumb the truth sounded. ‘Oh I had a bad dream and wanted to talk to you’ I couldn’t say that, he would close the door in my face.

I glanced up and down the hallway, surely even Alastor is asleep at this time of night? “I need to tell you about my day, now.” I tried to look very serious, but I was also pretty tired. Angel stepped to the side and let me in, giving me the first proper look of his room. It was very nicely decorated, it looked just like him. Everything was pink and there were little string lights hanging from the wall giving off a soft purple twinkle.

He sat on his bed and patted the spot next to him. “What can’t wait until the mornin’ doll?” I took the seat and crossed my legs in front of me, pulling my robe a little tighter for comfort. “Husk told me you walked out pissed, but nothing else.”

“I just needed to get out. After the last two days of nonstop I just wanted to feel like a person and I didn’t here. Listen, to make a long story short, Alastor showed up to get me out of some hot shit. Apparently Charlie had sent him, but I saw him attack this demon and I, I don’t know I just can’t stop seeing it now. I’ve seen some fucked up shit here, I literally saw my coworkers get torn limb by limb a few days ago, but I don’t know something about how he looked at that demon.” I shivered. “How he looked at me after. It just, it freaked me out a little.” I pulled my legs up to my chest and rested my chin on my knees. Angel rubbed my back to sooth me.

“Ah don’t worry about him too much, you’ve got Charlie’s stamp of ‘Do-Not-Kill’ on yah so he won’t lay a hand on you!” He crossed one set of arms “even if you want him to.” Apparently still making no progress in his flirtations. “Plus, if it’s dreams you’re worried about, maybe you just wish his arms were around you in another way!” He joked and lightly elbowed me in the side. I rolled my eyes at him and smiled.

“Angel if you can’t pull him I’ve got zero luck, plus I am not interested like that. He’s just such a mystery I can't keep him out of my head.” I said, thinking on it I know shockingly few things about him for the amount that he seems to pop up and know things about me.

“Oh baby, the best dick is!” We both giggled and I felt a lot better. I asked him how his day was and he lit up. “Me and Husk got to have some quality time, if you know what I mean!” And he gave a cheesy smile. “We shared a drink is what I actually mean though. I think I’m breaking him down!” He beamed and then told me about how Husk had once been an overlord, until he was too far in the hole with gambling and ended up making a deal with our very own Alastor, confirming what I thought. Once I was caught up on the hotel tea I noticed my eyelids feeling heavy and the idea of getting some more sleep sounded better and better. Angel laughed and pulled the blanket over me and before his head hit the pillow I was out.

Part Three

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanfic #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor x reader #alastor x oc #radio demon #slow burn #angel dust

57 notes · View notes

bonesandthebees · 2 months

Note

You don’t have to answer this but I’ve always been hugely inspired by your writing and I’ve always wondered how you keep yourself motivated?

Not just on the bigger fics but even the one-shots. What keeps you going? My biggest struggle lately has been motivation after going through a bit of a mental health struggle and as I’ve been trying to come out of it, I feel like my writing is no longer as good as it used to be. I used to write all the time and it felt like I could turn anything into content but now it just feels like everything I write goes nowhere.

I feel like maybe I’m just putting too much pressure on myself to put out content rather than just enjoying it like I used to but I’ve felt a lot of guilt from not putting anything out in so long.

Anyways like I said, you absolutely don’t have to answer this but I thought I’d throw it out there to see if you had any advice you’d want to share, it would be hugely appreciated.

this is a really good question! unfortunately my answer I think only really works for me and not most people. part of the reason I write so much is because writing is my escape from whatever is going on in my life that's stressing me out. the busier I am, the more I want to write. and when I don't have the inspiration/energy to write for too long, my mental health gets worse as a result.

truthfully, a lot of the time it's easier for me to process a fictional character's emotions than my own. so when my mental health is bad or I'm getting too sucked into my own head, writing isn't just something I do for the hell of it. I need it to keep me from spiraling too deeply into my own head. (of course this doesn't always work and it depends on what I'm writing about, but this is true for the most part)

so for me, the way I keep my motivation up is that I know I'm going to feel like shit if I don't write. I find joy in plunging myself into fictional worlds and characters and, as I said, I use it as my escape. while I know not everyone uses writing as an escape like I do, the one bit of advice I think you might be able to take from me is to try and find the joy in it. don't force yourself to write something you don't want to. don't write something just because you think it's what other people want to see.

I completely understand the pressure to write for content rather than your own enjoyment, especially when you have unfinished works. but you have to remind yourself you're not obligated to update anything. you're writing fanfiction for free. you don't owe it to anyone.

and I also totally get feeling like your writing is worse now, and while I doubt that's true, even if it is, you gotta push through. the only way you're going to get back in the groove of writing is by doing it.

honestly if I have any recommendation for you, write something to post anonymously. sure, you're not updating whatever you have ongoing, but again you don't owe it to anyone. sometimes you just need to get back in the saddle. maybe you can use this as an opportunity to write an idea you weren't sure your audience would react well to. or maybe you can just use this to start a project you feel like you won't finish, but want to put out in the world anyway. I've done this before and it definitely helps to get me back in the writing mindset. you don't have to feel embarrassed for posting this other thing instead of your ongoing wips on main, because no one will know it's you.

I hope this helps! I know it's not easy letting go of the pressure and tbh it never leaves entirely, but just try to find joy in writing for writing's sake rather than content.

#ask #anon #bones writes

23 notes · View notes

natasha-in-space · 6 months

Note

Hello there! This is my first time coming into your inbox and I want to say how much your writing inspire me and makes me feel so safe especially the ones with Saeran in it.

If it's not too much to ask for, can I request a comfort fic with GE Saeran? Lately I've been struggling with my abandonment issues. It's telling me that people around me will soon get tired of me and leave me behind once they saw how miserable I am in the head.

It doesn't help the fact that I've seen several people that I deemed close to me were beginning to do things without asking or including me. I feel like I'm so easy to replace and forgotten... or maybe it's because I'm the one who's been struggling with this kind of thinking.

I know Saeran wouldn't judge me for this but sometimes I couldn't help but feel like I'm asking for reassurance too many times, or get scared of being left behind out of nowhere. It can be overwhelming whenever I feel like this.

Ah, I'm so sorry for the sudden trauma dumping. It's just that I've been dealing with the issues along with physical fatigue at the moment. Makes me easy to forget myself. Feel free to delete this ask if you're not taking any request at the moment! I guess I really need to let this out of my system. Have a good day and I hope you take care <3

Don't you worry dear anon, you're fine! I've been there, more times than I'd like to admit. It's exhausting and it's stressful as hell to deal with. I'm sorry to hear that you have to struggle so much. Even if things are hard for you right now, I hope only good comes to you soon. Please, take care of yourself and treat yourself with the same kindness and love Saeran would want you to experience. Now, onto the fic! <3

"Y/N?"

Saeran knew something was bothering you for a while now, but he didn't want to push you into telling him anything when you simply weren't ready for that yet. It hurt him to see that distant look in your eyes as you tried to keep up with your daily schedule, forcing a cheery smile onto your face that didn't quite reach your eyes, and pretending that everything was fine, almost as if you were too scared of showing anyone that you weren't doing so well on the inside. He did try to gently nudge you into opening up to him at breakfast, but you were quick to shut him down and change the subject with a clumsy joke and a kiss to his cheek. He saw that wordless plea in your eyes for him not to press the issue any further. So, he didn't pry.

Yet.

That is, until he got woken up in the middle of the night by insistent tossing and turning coming from your side of the bed, your short shaky breaths soon reaching his ears, once he was awake enough to think. You were being pretty quiet, but Saeran never slept too deeply. It was practically impossible for you to sneak out of bed without him waking up to see what you were up to. This time, however, he was grateful for his ability to not sleep through much of anything. He would hate to think of you suffering right by his side without him even knowing it. He was quick to push up onto his elbows, looking over at where you laid, curled up into a small ball, the sight of which made his brows furrow in deep worry.

He anxiously whispered your name a couple of times to try and gain your attention, a sick feeling of great concern twisting at his insides with an iron grip, once you didn't reply or even turn to look at him. Despite everything, you heard him. He could see that by the tiniest hitch of your breath and the way your body has stilled it's trembling. This wasn't like you at all...

It reminded him of the way he would get whenever his fears and doubts would leave him too overwhelmed and scared to even try and ask for help. The thought of you going through the same thing, or even something remotely similar to it, made his heart bleed for you. So, he scooted himself just a tad bit closer to you, a result of his natural desire to be near you in the moment of crisis. He couldn't help it. Even if he didn't want to touch you without you saying that it was okay for him to do so, his soul longed for him to embrace you and hold you tight until all of your fears and doubts would leave you be.

"My love, what's wrong...?" He asked, carefully tilting his head down in such a way that would allow him to take a look at your face. Or, what surface of it wasn't obscured by your hair or pillows. Your eyes were open, but you were avoiding looking at him. A single tear slipped down your cheek. It took him all of his self-control not to embrace you right then and there. His heart was aching for you. But, he didn't want to overwhelm you. He would be patient. He would try. For you.

For you.

"Nothing. I'm... I'm fine." You sniffed, your voice sounding hoarse and so very sad. The uncharacteristic rasp in your voice was a sign that you had been crying for a while now, and it broke his heart to discover. Why didn't you just wake him up? He would be there for you. He wanted to be there for you. Why were you closing yourself off from him? This wasn't like you, and it worried him greatly.

He just couldn't take it anymore. Saeran's hand rested gently on your shoulder as he slowly rolled you over to face him fully, before moving his palm down to press it against your chest. You didn't resist him, which made him breathe a small sigh of relief. He could feel the hard pounding of your heart underneath his hand, almost as if you had just come back from an intense workout. Oh, how he wished that was the reason behind your racing heart. That, or maybe you are feeling too smitten by him to handle it. But... no, the reason behind your heart working so hard to pump blood through your system was that you were in distress. You were in distress, and your body was doing all it could to keep you safe. Even if it only left you feeling even more anxious and shaky in the end. He knew that feeling all too well.

"Did you have a nightmare?" He coaxed you softly, moving his hand up from your chest to caress some of the messy strands of your hair away from your forehead, his fingers lingering on your skin for just a bit longer than necessary. Touch was a crucial way for him to express his feelings towards you, and he couldn't help it. A way for you two to feel connected. A promise of safety. For him as much as you. He always wanted to feel you close in one way or another.

You bit onto your bottom lip harshly, swallowing the lump in your throat, before giving him a brief nod. Saeran's heart was breaking at the sight of you, but at least you were no longer concealing your pain from him. That was a good sign. Some part of him wanted to praise you and kiss you on the forehead, but he resisted that temptation for now. Instead, he moved himself farther up the bed, resting on the soft pillows and plushies your shared bed was adorned by, and nudged you to lay on your side close to him, now starting to comb his fingers through your hair. Without saying a word, he tilted his head down to kiss your temple, nuzzling into your hair just a little bit to let you know he was there. He felt you slowly wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your face into his chest, burying it into his shirt, like what a frightened child would do. He rested his forehead on the top of your head, stroking your hair and back tenderly, trying to keep his breathing even as he felt your tears soak onto his shirt.

"You're alright, my flower." He whispered into your hair, feeling the tremor that vibrated down your spine as you cried into his shirt silently. He had to battle the urge to start tearing up himself. He hated seeing you cry. It's almost like he could feel the same pain you're feeling, his heart desperate to ease your woes. But, he had to be strong right now. For your sake. "I'm here. I'm right here. Whatever it was, it was just a dream. We're safe. You're safe."

You never told him what your nightmares were about whenever you ended up having them, and he'd never push you to tell him anything: he didn't want to force you into talking with him about these things, figuring that, if you wanted to tell him about it one day, you'd tell him on your own time and terms. He was content with that. As long as you let him be there for you when you were too scared to bear your burdens on your own. That was enough for him.

Saeran laid there with you in his arms for about twenty or so minutes, without even realizing that he had eventually fallen back asleep. Your shaky breaths hitting his skin in small puffs of air and your weak and tired voice hitting his ears quickly awakened him to the reality, though. He opened his eyes, looking down at you worriedly as his hand rubbed your back gently.

You were trembling, your arms tightening their hold on his torso in a way that wasn't natural to you. He didn't have any problem with it, just keeping you close and providing the least amount of support he could. It's the least he could do for you in such a difficult moment. He could handle a tight hug just fine. Especially coming from you.

Saeran hushed you, brushing your hair out of your face to take a proper look at you, only to see your expression pained and stricken with anxiety. Despite that, your eyes were closed. Were you asleep, perhaps? He didn't like to think that you were having yet another nightmare. Something must be seriously troubling you if you're having such a hard time... He only wished you weren't so afraid of telling him.

"I'm never going to let you go, my love." He breathed softly against your hairline. He was aware from his own experience that it could be a very stressful thing to forcefully wake someone from a nightmare, so he made an effort to calm you while you were still asleep asleep. You did the same for him many times, after all.

You groaned and pressed your face deeper into his chest, almost like you were trying to hide yourself away from the world around you. And while he appreciated you instinctively viewing him as your source of safety and comfort, he would be lying if he said it wasn't absolutely destroying him to see you like this. He didn't care if he was being too sentimental right now, he just hated the idea of you being this sad or hurt at all. It reminded him of the inner agony he had to fight against back when he chose to sacrifice himself to save you and Saeyoung, back in the Jihyun's house. The way that his heart would ache and bleed with every tear your eyes would shed and every shaky breath that left your lips as a consequence of his decision. He truly wished he would never see that same look on your face ever again.

But, life wasn't so generous, was it?

"I'm right here, Y/N." He told you gently, knowing you were still asleep, but wanting to let you know he was there regardless. "Oh... my angel, what are you dreaming about...?"

He frowned, holding your head close to his chest and nuzzling your hair as he muttered his inner thoughts softly to you. If only he could have a glimpse inside of your head right now. Maybe he would be the knight in shining armor he read about in fairytales, and chase all those bad thoughts of yours away with a whip of his sword. How nice would that be?

"No-!" You suddenly jolted out of his arms, making him flinch and move away, as you sat up and panted hard, your tear-filled eyes fixating on something in particular, yet also nothing at all, your entire body shuddering in complete panic. You were in a state that he had never seen you in before. And, while usually, he loved discovering new things about you... it couldn't be applied when you were actively suffering.

Sitting up next to you, Saeran wrapped his arms around your waist from behind and gently rested his chin on your shoulder. Slowly, he rocked you back and forth, squeezing his eyes shut as he felt you shake in his arms and heard you sniffle. Your nightmares had never been this bad before. Sighing, he was at a loss for what to do to comfort you. He couldn't do much when he didn't even know the source of all this pain. But, he also didn't want to push you when you were this hurt and vulnerable. He honestly felt stuck on what would be the right thing to do for you here.

"I'm- I'm sorry..." You finally whimpered, your voice raspy and borderline unrecognizable.

"It's okay." He whispered back, turning his face into your neck and pressing his lips to your jaw lightly, not minding the salty taste as his lips brushed against your damp skin. “I just want you to be alright. That's all."

After a few more minutes of quiet, broken only by the sounds of your shaky breathing and occasional sniffling, you eventually calmed down, leaning back against his chest and closing your eyes. Your fingers wriggled together anxiously as you let out a sigh. Finally, you spoke up. "I'm sorry, I'm just- I'm just... so, so afraid..."

"I know." Saeran informed you quietly, rubbing a hand up and down your tummy. Despite his desire to express more, he felt that he should allow you to handle this at your own pace for now. You obviously had a lot of things bottled up.

"I'm so afraid..." You repeated, quieter this time, your shoulders slumping in defeat. You had never spoken about your nightmares before. Saeran wanted to hang onto your every word. "I'm so... so afraid of feeling abandoned, again. It's- It's debilitating and exhausting, and- and-"

"Y/N, I will never abandon you." He cut you off as you started to choke on your own words again, his stomach twisting at just the thought of you feeling abandoned. Saeran was familiar with that terrible feeling all too well, after all. He squeezed you a little bit tighter. "Even if I die, my soul would be right here next to you. Every moment of your life. Watching over you. Guarding you. Loving you. Forever."

"I know that, Saeran." You sighed with a small chuckle slipping through your tears, probably as a response to how incredibly cheesy he sounded. He didn't find that bothersome. He had a lot of love in that heart of his. He had to express it. But, he fell silent now, waiting for you to continue as he traced invisible patterns on your abdomen with his finger. "But, I've... I've actually struggled with feeling abandoned for a while. I'm sorry I didn't say anything, I just... I know it's stupid and irrational, but I just can't help but feel like I am nothing but a nuisance to everyone. That once you all find someone better, you will... you will leave me. And, recently, some of my friends seemed to do some stuff without telling me or inviting me, and... and, I don't know. I just feel bad. And then I feel even worse for feeling bad in the first place. Does any of this even make any sense?"

Saeran pressed his forehead against your shoulder, fighting back his own tears at hearing you talk of how you were so afraid of being left behind by the people you so wholeheartedly loved. It brought back memories of his own pain, which caused him great distress. Because he knew exactly how you felt. Then again, maybe that's why Ray felt so drawn to you back when it all started.

You knew his pain, and he knew yours.

"It is not stupid. It's okay to feel afraid. I am afraid, too. So often, and of so little. But... We'll be together, Y/N." He uttered, hugging you tighter and pressing back flush against his chest. "Fate lead us to meet one another. Just like fate lead you to meet everyone in the RFA and all of your other friends and loved ones. My heart and soul are yours. They will be yours until the end of time."

Your eyes were red and puffy from all the crying, your face flushed and wet with tears as you looked at him over your shoulder. He had to resist the urge to kiss you right then and there.

“You promise...?” You whimpered quietly, making his heart melt for you all over again.

"With all of my four seasons." He reassured you by kissing your cheek.

"You are one of the kind, Y/N. A wonderful, loving soul with an experience unique to you and you alone. No one in this world could possibly replace you. And, when you feel like it all becomes too much: think of me. Think of me and the love I have for you. Even when we're far apart, even when I'm not there to hold you tight and whisper these words into your ears myself, remember our promise of happiness. Remember that I love you, with all that I am. And remember that you are deserving of such love and care. I know it can be scary to open your heart up to others... but, let them know of your fears. Don't close your heart off. Seek out those who are willing to treasure your heart, and trust them to do so when you know you can't handle it on your own. And, remember that my heart is there for you through it all."

#mystic messenger #mysmes #mysme #mm #saeran choi #choi saeran #ge saeran #saeran x reader #ge saeran x reader #also i do apologize for how long this took!#i wanted to really give this one justice and i just didn't have the energy to write at my best for the past week #but it's done!#and i'm quite happy with it :)#writing ge saeran's dialogue is always so intriguing because he's such a poetic man #but like in a different way from jihyun #they are both super cheesy but while jihyun is all about metaphors and artistic talk #saeran is like a poet in a way #idk just a thought

29 notes · View notes

the-one-who-lambs · 5 months

Note

What are some of your favorite/most affective ways to deal with burnout?

Hey, friend.

Whoever you are, I'm proud of you for reaching out. If you want to talk privately, my DMs are open. I'm dealing with it too, on an academic level (conference coming up). I'm going to answer this in a couple of different ways: in general and as a writer. I don't know which of these you meant by sending me this ask, but I've had a lot of people asking me about writing advice lately so I'll throw that in too.

General:

Step away from responsibilities you're able to for the time being to focus on yourself. Get out in nature when you can, however it is most accessible to you. You don't have to go on a hike, you can just sit outside for a little bit. This is especially important during winter (which is right now, if you're in the northern hemisphere) so get some sunlight when you can. Reach out to friends and family-- you don't have to talk about burnout or anything, just connect with others to remind yourself you have people who care about you. Take things slower than you think you need to. Drink some tea. Take a warm bath. Snuggle with a fluffy blanket and sit by the fireplace if you have one.

I keep a "bare minimum" rule for myself using the 6/3/1 approach. 6 hours of sleep, 3 meals (don't worry about what constitutes a "full meal" if you're hurting enough), and 1 shower every day.

As a writer:

Been there. There are two ways I approach this type of burnout depending on where it's coming from. You may not be able to tell what caused it right now and that's okay.

If it's coming from a place of anxiety (thinking you're not good enough, that your stories aren't worth sharing, have some mean people making you hesitant to share your work): Recognition of your work ≠ a reflection on you. It took me a long time to understand this and I finally think it clicked a week or so ago. You are better than you think you are. If it's anxiety-induced, try to get a little done each day to push through that. Anxiety takes constant management to nip it in the bud. But-- and this is important-- don't let having discipline like this become a source of stress. Just a sentence each day is okay, but if your momentum hits zero, it's a lot easier for the anxiety to overtake you.

If it's coming more from depression/disillusionment in yourself: Step away from it for a little bit. You don't need to make progress all the time. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY (not even your favorite writers) is confident in their writing all the time. Take the time you think you need. Your readers will be waiting for you. Even if you don't think you have enough of an impact or don't have a readership yet.

You have overcome every challenge that life has given you so far. To whom it may concern, I love you and I'm glad you're here.

And don't be afraid to reach out to me. Seriously.

~Hannah 🧡

#hannah's rambles

20 notes · View notes

canonicallyalive · 28 days

Text

Let Your Heart Ignite // Alastor x Female Rabbit!Reader - Part 2

[ Author's Note: This is the readers backstory when she was still alive, ik its kinda boring but cri. ]

Characters: Human Reader , Reader's Friend, Abusive Manager, Co-workers

Part 1

16+Warning: Slight Gore, Swearing, Murder, Physical Abuse ( do tell if i forgot something )

Synopsis: Y/n works in a cafe shop that is built outside a nearby forest. It's been years yet shes still not being treated well by her manager and co-workers at work, she knew she could just quit the job but.. She couldn't, that's the only job she relies on, despite getting rejected in other jobs, this was her only way of survival.

Part 2: Life Before Death

------------------------

Coffee splashed all over the floor as the cup shattered to pieces. My knee hurts from preventing myself from the fall. All of the customers laid their attention towards me, wide eyes suprised from the accident i caused.

“I-i'm sorry..” I panicked, apologizing to the customers while cleaning the mess on the floor. They began minding their own business. It was a good thing that my.. manager, isn't in the cafe and went somewhere. I was a lil bit relieved. Though, judging by my co-workers, in the end my manager will still be informed.

After i picked up the pieces of the cup on the tray and stood up holding it. “How stupid can she be?” Still hearing my co-workers murmurs, giggles and continued working, i shrugged it off. I've gotten used to it after years of working in this cafe. They're all two-faced, all kind and polite towards me infront of the costumers, brutal and filthy without them. The cafe dosen't have costumers much since its built far from the cities, no one even asked why it's built near the forest. Perhaps for the aesthetics? That didn't came to my mind that often.

“Y/n, can you throw the trash outside? The bin is full.” One of my co-workers asked, the other one came up behind her with a smirk on her face and leaned closer to her ear for a whisper. My co-worker gave a small chuckle. “Also, throw yourself along with it. You belong there anyway.” She added with a smug, the other's laughing in a distance. I clicked my tounge. “Oh, so you'll be the only trash left?..ahh.. not yet, i don't want you to feel lonely.” I took the trash bag with me to place it outside as i left, leaving them wordless. “You think you're all tough? Let's just see if your confidence is still present after i tell the manager what happened.” She yelled, yet i immediately closed the door. I already know that.

Walking down on the small stairs and threw the trash bag in a large bin beside the building, i turned my head to look at the beautiful forest infront of the cafe. The sunlight peeks through the branches, rays of sunshine creating a pattern on the ground, the trees dancing with the wind. Birds nowhere to be seen yet heard chirping.

I thought that just a little adventure won't hurt. I walked towards the forest, fallen leaves crunching beneath me, my hair dancing along with the trees. My mind cleared, nature is such a stress relief.

Hearing the sound of a bush, rustling. It caught my attention immediately, i walked closer to see what or who is behind it. I stretched my arm and pushed the bush to the side and discovered a fluffy rabbit, staring at me, not moving. “Oh..” The rabbit immediately hopped away as soon as i spoke. I didn't mean to scare it, but it was too late. Well, at least i know something is living here in this forest now. Assuming that nothing does.

“Y/N!! Where are you? What's taking you so long!?” I turned around after i heard my co-worker yelling from the cafe, then looking back to the path where the rabbit ran, i let out a heavy sigh and walked back to the cafe.

-----------------------------

“Agh!” My manager kicked me on my stomach, causing myself to drop on my knees as i wrap my arms around my waist to endure the pain. “You worthless scum! Just how many times are you gonna create more disasters in my cafe?! I could've fired you since the start!” his eyes filled with immense anger and dissapointment, he won't stop breathing me up by his kicks.

“I'm.. I'm sorry, please.” I grunted, laying sideways on the ground and kept my eyes shut as he proceeds. “Is that the only thing you can say?! Do you think that will fix the mess you've made?!” He hissed, his hand gripped my neck, not letting me breathe. My manager pulled and forced me to sit up. His other hand tilting my head up, i opened my eyes to look at his.

“Be grateful that i hired you due to lack of staffs, or else you'll be wandering on the streets by now.” Releasing his grip from my neck i started coughing, filling oxygen back in my lungs. “Get your fucking ass back to work if you want everyone to go home.” He says while turning his back towards me and left his office.

“Understood.”

Months has passed, things has changed alot since the last time i got beaten up. I worked as hard as i can to my job to prevent from being alone with my manager in his office, i was tired from all the violence and insults so i chose to be best. My co-workers didn't bother me that much anymore since im not clumsy as i used to be. For my manager, well.. His attitude towards me turned from shit to i don't know what the fuck just happened but he's now being nice to me.

Our shift has ended and we're about to close the cafe now. “Everyone is doing great these days, good job.” My manager complimented while walking back towards his office. I continued sweeping the tables clean and neat, humming my favorite song while i do so. Until an idea came in mind, i haven't got a day off ever since i started working here.

I immediately went to his office and knocked on the door. My manager heard and opened the door to see me. “What?” He asked, I could see that he's in the mood right now for me to ask this, i took the risk. “I know that this is a bit too much to ask, but can i have a day off? I've never had one since my first day here, if you remember..” There was an awkward silence between us, but i chose to be patient as i do not want to anger him.

He let out a chuckle, “No problem, a day won't hurt. Besides, you worked really hard.” His words made me jump in relief and excitement, smiling as the corner of my lips almost reaching my ear. I paused when he added something, “But..” I tilted my head slightly to the side as i raised an eyebrow, confused on what the condition is about.

“Yes?” I asked, waiting patiently for him to continue. “After your day off, go back to work and then after that, meet me in my office.” Well that is simple. “Got it?” he asked for clarification.

“Got it! Thank you, sir.” I bowed my head slightly to bid farewell. He shuts the door afterwards without saying anything, though i didn't mind much as i went to my locker to change, get my things and head back to my apartment.

-------------------------

Sitting with my friend at the park, chatting about almost everything interesting that happened in our life one by one. we would all laugh and end up cackling with each other at the hilarious moments. At the end we just watch the people, specially the kids and pets at the park. The silence wasn't awkward but rather comforting, as we enjoy each other's company. It's been a long time since we last met, i missed it.

“So, how's work?” She asked out of nowhere, her question made me flinch and returned her stare, my reaction gave her a suspicion.

“I just.. had a rough start but there's nothing to worry at all! I currently managed to fit in.” I gave her an answer, chuckling but she wasn't taking it that much. “really? nothing bad happened?” She then added, worry starts to fill in her face. Shes still laid her eyes on me but now with sympathy. The topic is slowly getting uncomfortable.

I heard a sigh “You know, whatever you're going through right now at work, keep standing and remember that you're not alone. Tell me if you need help, and i'll be there for you.” Her words reassured me, she's the only person that stayed by my side through all the challenges. However, this time i don't want to give her more burden than i should, so i just kept it to myself.

“Thank you.” I didn't wish to get this conversation any further and thinked about what to do. and it clicked. “Oh! I seem to forgot to do my laundry.” I broke the silence and quickly stood up from my seat on the bench, she chuckles softly.

“You still forget things, nothing has changed.” she also stood up from her seat as we face each other, and gave a warm embrace. “I'll see you soon again, Y/n.”

“I'll make sure of it.” Responding, then pulled away from the hug. We both walked on different paths, waved and gave each other farewells. my day off wouldn't be complete without her.

Back to work again. I held the handle and opened the glass window, seeing the sight of my co-workers busy serving costumers.

“Y/n! we need help.” One of my co-workers said. I quickly began what im supposed to do as a staff in this cafe. I did my job as fast as i could then started taking over others so they could catch a break, everything i did was flawless. We kept and continued working hard until the end of our shift, the moon's already up as we started cleaning the cafe.

Checking every spot, cleaning the tables and sweeping the floor. So does everyone else. I let out a yawn, i did alot today. After a few minutes, we we're done with our shift and the others already left to go to their homes.

“Give this key to the manager, i'll be going now” There is only two of us co-workers left, she gave me the key since my manager needs something to me. He hasn't been out from his office since afternoon, i wonder why. My co-worker placed the key infront of the table between us then waved goodbye and left the cafe. I waved back, grabbed the key and went to the staff room to get changed to my clothes. Holding my stuffs and walked out to my manager's office afterwards. Stopping on the outside as i arrived and knocked the door.

“Sir?” I called him, he dosen't seem to answer. Attempting to knock again but slightly jumped when My manager agressively opens the door, hitting the wall and made a loud noise. I immediately sense alcohol from his office, his drunken eyes looking at mine. “Ooohhh..Y/n! you're heree.. come inn!” he moved to the side as he invited me to enter.

I gave a nervous chuckle, moving my hand on the back of my neck. “U-uhm, no thank you, i just want to leave the keys sin-”.

“I insissst!” My manager ignored my rejection and stretched his arm behind me, he pulled me inside his office. “Ahahah.. maybe i can stay for a little bit.” An awkward smile i gave while he drinks a can of alcohol in his hand.

“So.. do you need anything, sir? You told me you want to talk after my day off.” I asked, not get things more awkward between us. He gave a heavy sigh, standing infront of me, he layed his hand on his desk to prevent from losing balance. “Y/n, i don't really have anything to give you as an award..”

“Oh, you don't have to, Sir.” I responded with a forced smile. Then added, “I didn't do anything that much.” He gave a chuckle, took a step towards me and leaned forward to reach my ear. I slightly pulled my head away, it's getting uncomfortable.

I sense a stronger scent of alcohol and sweat from him, his hot breath reaching the side of my neck. He whispers to my ear with his breathy voice. “I think you deserve one..” His words sended shivers down my spine, i began to panic and tried to push him away yet im trapped between him and his desk. “Sir, i said i don't need one nor i do-” I gasped, his hand sliding to my sides up and down, then stopped at my hips.

Trembling in fear, i turned my head to the desk to see any object i could defend myself with. He quickly moved his hand to grip my chin and forced me to look at him. “Just relax, y/n.” No, i reached the pen on his desk and immediately stabbed it's tip deep in his shoulders.

He groaned in pain and immediately backed away, pulling the pen out as his shoulder starts to bleed. “Y/n. get back here!” I quickly ran towards the door and out of the cafe.

I don't know where else to go, i looked around yet theres only trees i can see. Loud footsteps echoing through the quiet surroundings, i immediately ran towards the dark forest that's located near the cafe. Hiding behind one of the trees, as i try to take slow breaths.

“Y/N!!” i heard my manager screaming my name from outside of the cafe and began finding me. He knew that it's late and there's no vehicles everywhere, that im just around here somewhere. He started finding me in the opposite direction, far from where im hiding.

Sighing in relief, i peeked on the road to see if its clear. Only a few vehicles were present since it's late as they all drive to their homes.

My eyes widen when i saw a rabbit in the middle of the road, it was the one whom i saw months ago. Wondering what caught its attention that made it hop in such a dangerous area, the rabbit might get hurt. Until i saw a light that's approaching in its path, there's a bus running this way.

“Shit.” I stood up and stepped out from behind the tree and ran as fast as i could. The bus was driving past the speed limit since there's no cars around.

As soon as i reached the road,i jumped in the middle to hold the rabbit and gently threw it back to the forest, not enough to hurt the rabbit from the fall. It went through the bush and landed safely. A loud honk, the driver holding the break. I ended up getting hit by the bus.

The last thing i heard was the voice of a person yelling my name. “Y/n!”

------------------

Author's Note: I hope you liked it :'))

#hazbin fandom #hazbin fanfic #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #alastor × reader #Let your heart ignite #hazbin hotel fanfiction

8 notes · View notes

cattimeswithjellie · 2 years

Text

Bird Grian Behaviors

So I've been binging a ton of Hermitcraft/Traffic Series fanfic lately, and a lot of them have worked in an "avian hybrid" concept where some characters, most often Grian but also Jimmy or others, have feathery wings and tend to exhibit birdy behaviors. Some of them are very popular and appear in a lot of fics (wing preening, nest building, shoulder perching) but there are so many more things that birds do! Have you considered:

Poking colorful bits of paper and other decorations into their feathers because it is pretty!

Taking baths by rolling around in powdery dirt!

Attacking mirrors that surprise them!

Angry head-bobbing and mock-lunges to show aggression!

Napping on one foot with head tucked under one wing

Constant, constant, constant chewing! (This is beak maintenance behavior and most bird bybrid characters don't seem to have beaks, but still! So much chewing on toys, mineral blocks, snacks, friends, etc.)

Seeking the high ground in any given situation because they like to feel tall!

Also a couple of considerations about wing-preening, for those who might be interested. Birds spend up to 30% of their awake time preening their wings! It's a big job and very necessary for flying. Part of preening is cleaning, but the bigger part is keeping the feathers in order and properly waterproofed. Feathers are super-complex little structures and the beaks of birds are designed partially to keep the barbs and barbules properly zipped together and in flying shape. If you've ever played with a feather, you probably know how you have to very carefully smooth them out to get all the little pieces properly stuck together and feather-shaped. Birds also have special glands that produce a waxy, oily substance that they spend considerable time working into their feathers to keep them healthy and resistant to water. A bird hybrid character without a beak and talons or oil glands might need tools and products to help them stay in good flying condition.

When a bird grows a new feather it comes in as a pinfeather first, basically a feather wrapped in a keratin tube so it can push through the skin. They eventually groom off the tube bit and the feather spreads out, but a bird who is molting and has a lot of pinfeathers coming through is likely to be touchy and crabby. Birds who are very stressed, anxious or bored may resort to overpreening or feather plucking as a maladaptive behavior, starting first with the small downy feathers of the chest and under the wings. Birds can also pluck or overpreen one another if they live together.

Now please note that none of this stuff is supposed to be proscriptive, or the One True Way to write bird stuff. Part of the fun of fantasy characters in fic is that you check logic and basic biology at the door, and once you do that you can do whatever you want. And it's not like I'm being particularly scientific myself here, I'm just mostly sharing what I know from living with small parrots for a decade. All this stuff is just throwing out ideas for fun things to do with bird characters. Write what makes you happy!

#hermitcraft #traffic series #fanfic ideas #grian #avian hybrid characters #bird characters #honestly no idea how to tag this well #but i have Ideas and i'm going to make it tumblr's problem today

247 notes · View notes

jumpingthroughclouds · 3 months

Text

Swim

A/N: Hey guys, I've noticed a lack of Zimo smut so I wrote some myself. It's not beta read or edited because my editing app broke so it's probably kinda bad. Title from that Chase Atlantic song

Posted on AO3 as well: Swim

I think letting that man help me with my stance at gun range that one time was the best decision I've ever made. We've had ups and downs but Zimo, my Zhiqiang has helped me become a better person for it.

The stress and trauma that comes from this job in Specgru leaves Zhiqiang with a lowered libido and the combination with insomnia leaves me writhing in my skin for more every long night. Everything about him, those starry night eyes, that dragon tattoo on his back and those little glimpses I get if he wears grey sweatpants, everything drives me insane and honestly maybe makes me a bit of a pick me girl to my own boyfriend.

Maybe the universe had heard my anguish or maybe she was just being nice tonight but I had noticed the signs. A day of sun in the midst of a barren February, a break from missions, the shine in Zhiqiang’s eyes when he stares.

He does that a lot, stare I mean. He stares at his friends while they talk, at supervisors when they walk by and at me when I do anything. Lately though, his stares have grown suggestive in nature, fleeting down to private areas and drawing my own gaze to unsavoury areas. Of course anyone who looked for more than 3 seconds could understand exactly what he wanted. Roach ended up teasing me for an entire afternoon once.

That’s how I ended in this position. I am leaning heavily against Zhiqiang as I straddle his lap. His hand runs across my back and down my spine in a comforting manner as he keeps me lifted with my cunt directly over his red hard cock.

“Your first time, we’ll do this slowly, Ok? Nice and slow.”

He slowly pushed me down by the hand on my back while pulling me off of him slightly to gain access to my flushed sweaty face. There was a sudden stretch as I tried to accommodate the cock now breaching me and I made sure to let him know of the pain by trying and failing to grip his buzzed hair.

“Awwww poor little soldier.”

However, he continued to push me down against the blunt head of his cock. Almost unbearable, the pain continued as he bottomed out inside of me and stilled for a second. To distract me, Zhiqiang leaned forward and took me in a gentle kiss then swallowed my pathetic whimper as he rubbed his finger over my clit just right.

Pleasure blossomed throughout my whole body and nulled the pain from the stretch to fit him in. More moans fell out from my lips as he flicked my clit in a way that had me believing he could have been a fertility god. Suddenly he grabbed the flesh of my hips and pushed me up again, finally properly fucking me. My legs shake as his cock hits every sensitive spot deep inside of me and sends waves of pleasure that leave me breathless and soundless.

I squeak and wrap my arms around the man in front of me for stability. Zhiqiang let out a little raspy laugh that permeated straight to my chest and kissed me on the cheek.

“Feels good, right?”

“Mmm hmm” I mumbled into his shoulder and kissed his neck as I felt him continue to fuck up into me. The familiar knot in my lower stomach begins to grow and I move my hips up and down slightly in a rhythm like Zhiqiang. A growl escaped with his lips and I could feel him twitch inside of me. Still with care, he starts to thrust into me harder and suddenly the knot snaps. I grip Zhiqiang’s shoulders and scream silently while my eyes roll back into my head from the sheer overwhelming pleasure flooding my body. As tears prick my waterline, I could feel Zhiqiang hold my hips down and fill up the condom placed around his cock. He slips out of me and smiles at me again, petting my hair like a cat.

While he takes off the condom and throws it out in the small garbage can, I slowly sit up and stretch out my limbs as I regain feeling in them. My boyfriend walks back over to me and helps me up by my armpits so that we could go to the bathroom to shower. Of course I ended up groping him at least once.

Afterwards we cuddled like we had many times before. On top of him with my head in his neck, his arms around me and calm conversation filling the space between us. We fit together like puzzle pieces and it didn't take long for me to fall asleep. He took a little longer due to his insomnia but in the end he ended up sleeping, holding me like a teddy bear.

#zimo #cod mw2 #zhiqiang zimo huang #zhiqiang zimo wong #call of duty #x reader #zimo x reader #zhiqiang zimo wong x reader #cod x reader #cod mwii #call of duty modern warfare #chase atlantic

4 notes · View notes

winterburnwriting · 3 months

Text

Better Than I Thought! Progress for Jan 18

I was originally going to write a blog today about how I had not written as much as I wanted to in the last week. I started writing this blog earlier today, when I was on break at work after getting a little bit of writing in. I thought I should almost use this as a little confessional. I had made progress, just not nearly as much as I should have. Then I got home today, ate dinner, procrastinated for an hour or two, and sat down to write.

I just finished up a 3 or 4 hour session of good solid work. I feel quite good about the progress I made. When I was writing about my disappointments, the short novel was only at 7,300 words or so. That meant I had only written around a thousand words over the course of a whole week! Not great. Not nothing, but definitely not what I needed to accomplish.

As of writing this, the short novel is now at 10,226 words. Still a far cry from my goal of 45,000, but I'm almost a quarter of the way there! And the goal number is a rough estimate. Ultimately the content of the story is what will decide its length. I am proud of myself for actually finally sitting down, putting on some music (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure and a lot of America, both of which I've been using as background music for my writing lately), and getting some writing done.

Chapter 3 is officially done, and with it, the slow opening part of the story is too! The next chapter will mark the shift from the opening where the characters and tone are established to the crazy fantastic elements taking hold of the newlywed protagonists' lives! In other words, moving day! They are moving into the house unaware that it has some vampiric squatters, led by the eccentric and terrifying creature known as The Duke. This is a chapter I am excited to write.

Moral of the story? If you are having trouble writing due to procrastinating and getting distracted, music may help! And when pushing through chapters of your novel or short novel that don't capture your imagination the way you think future ones might, try to focus on those ones you are excited for when pushing through the current work. You can always change things and spice them up later!

Thank you for reading my little blog post. I hope you are enjoying this series, as I am really enjoying having somewhere to talk about the progress I am making. It's a nice tool for holding myself accountable. That being said, I think I might be getting more writing here done than on Google Docs! Ha! Well, this goes faster. Anyway, here is an excerpt from Moving Blood (temporary title).

The rest of Lucy’s shift was fairly standard. The alternating experiences of serving customers like normal and hearing her coworkers talk about the new busboy potentially being found dead and mutilated in a shit tunnel gave her some whiplash, but it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. After the diner started to empty out and the cooks turned into cleaners, Lucy punched out and went to her car.

Lucy pulled out of the parking lot and began her commute home. Dusk draped itself on only the horizon now, with the town now being lit mostly by its many streetlights, cars, and townhouses. She kept her windows rolled completely down to breathe the evening air. Music played from her stereo. She thought of Bram. She was quite excited to see him. As ordinary as the day was, she was stressed out. The move combined with the murder in town may not have had her shattered, but she definitely looked forward to getting home. That is, even if it was one of the last times she would come home to that dinky shithole apartment they called home.

Thanks for reading! This isn't a weekly series, necessarily, but I might post around that often! Albeit, not always at this length. Have a good time. Take care of yourselves. I will catch you all later!

#author #books #creative writing #novel writing #writing #writers on tumblr #fiction #vampire #dark fantasy

2 notes · View notes

amive2567 · 1 year

Note

I just finished reading your other match ups and oh my gosh i love your style so much! my names Rachael (she/her) straight, and I'd like MHA please:) i love collecting books and being alone when it doesn't feel lonely. I'm an introvert, love cozy foods and being warm like sunbathing or warm blankets. I work out way too much and tend to over work and over think and I'm always in my head. I'm about 5'8 and have long brown hair and light brown almost orange eyes. I'm so excited I've never done this

A/n: Actually the match ups were already closed, but because of your nice message i couldn't bring myself not to do your match up. Have a nice day/evening/night <3

P.s: I haven't re-read it so maybe they are some errors.

Why?:

You both help each other when one is overthinking

He will cook you your comfort food every time you need it

Even if he's an extrovert himself, he understands why you need to be alone from time to time but never lets you feel lonely

Your small story:

The sweat was dripping down your forehead, and your muscles began to ache long ago, but you couldn't get yourself to stop. "Oi, brat, stop overworking yourself," called Katsuki from the kitchen. You couldn't hear him because of your loud music. "Brat?" he shouted once again. Still no answer. He stood up and walked towards the living room. There you were, still continuing your workout. Without warning, he took off your headphones. You turned around, startled by his action. "What are you doing? I was completely focused." you pouted and made grabby hands, to get your headphones back. "You are enough focused. Working out for an hour and a half won't help you. It's enough." Your eyes widened. "Is it that late already?" you questioned, more yourself than him. "Yes, go take a quick shower, your food will get cold."

You cleaned up your sports mat and stowed away your handles. As fast as you could you cleaned up your sweating and hurting body. After quickly drying your hair and throwing on some new pair of clothes you walked down the hallway into the dining room. "Alright, I am ready. Sorry for forgetting the time," you said as you entered the room. "Don't be," he mumbled and you took the seat in front of him. "Is something on your mind lately? You've been so obsessed with working out, that you always forget about important stuff." He picked up his chopsticks and mumbled a quick "Itadakimasu" YOu grew silent now, all the energy was drained from you as you thought about all the stress from work you've been hiding from. The feeling of not being enough crosses your mind multiple times. "It's just a bit stressful at work," you confessed, more hesitantly than usual. Katsuki quirked up an eyebrow and looked at you in disbelief. He slurped his noodles, and as he was finished he simply shook his head. "Tell me the truth. You are overthinking again, aren't you?"

After a while of thinking if you should tell him you nodded your head. "I won't push you to say anything that is on your mind, but remember the voices inside your head aren't the most reliable source. You will be okay, and these problems will disappear. Remember it will be alright." His demeanor turned softer as he said those words. They melted your heart. "Thank you, I needed to hear that." you sniffed and also began to slurp your noodles. You knew you could always count on him, even if it sometimes didn't seem like it.

Your special surprise:

A short playlist: Your relationship with Katsuki Bakugou

#300 follower event #300 followers #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugo x reader

9 notes · View notes

thisdreamplace · 7 months

Note

hi dream. it’s 😵‍💫 anon. it’s been a while. life has changed a bit since my last message. somehow pushed through for myself. i’m still not into all of it anymore. i can’t even stomach looking at anything manifestation related lol. i just missed your account 🤍. i’m a professional dancer now. which has become a mind-freeing space for me. life does not feel better but i have dance. i can’t explain how freeing it is. dance has changed my life so far. i’m surprised. i’m just riding the waves. i don’t remember how bad my last message was but i haven’t cried since then. although i cannot find my footing in this world, i just try to maintain a life with less stress as much as i can. it’s kind of like you just keep going.

good news; i’ll be traveling in January. for the first time. i hope i can enjoy the experience. 🌴

how have you been, dream ?

hi 😵‍💫anon, my beloved my dear i've missed you ! i always think about you since the last msg you sent me, wondering how you are and ofc, hoping that all is well. 🥹 i'm so glad to hear from you once again

i support you NOT looking at manifestation related content. if its not helping, don't ! i LOVE hearing youre a dancer <3 thats seriously so, so amazing. and i love how positive its been for you, even if everything else is difficult at times, i'm glad you have that as an outlet.

its true, sometimes in life you just keep going if thats the least you can do. its actually SO much, and youre doing it. i'm really happy for you, that at least in some ways, there's some small light in your life now.

your first trip will be so beautiful, i'm so excited for you !!!!! :') i love traveling hahah, and i hope you get to enjoy it just as much.

as for me, i've been on a self-inflicted roller coaster of my own. i actually sat down w/ myself the other night and just, thought of how lovely of a year i've had and how emotional ive been regardless. i've traveled a lot and with every trip i come back with a lil self wisdom of some sort :') and i just realized how... there's so much peace and calm and love, but i have to remember that it's there myself. bc if not, it's really easy to just get washed away into the dramas of life. or even just the dramas of the ego, and all the fears and what ifs. and it can be hard to get back to that quiet, loving place when we get so caught up in the "problems"... but more than anything, it was remembering how the sweet, heavenly place within never disappears. even when it seems like its gone, it can't go anywhere because its our true self. its god. and just remembering that and tapping into that on a moment to moment basis. remembering the power in allowing and surrendering, accepting how i may feel and how things may look. and know how its just okay. and things are so beautiful and okay regardless, even if i cant see how in a moment. i know that i will eventually.

maybe more than you asked for :))))) but i wanted to share this bit lately but didnt feel like making a whole post about it either hahah

stay in touch :') <3

5 notes · View notes

such-a-downer · 7 months

Note

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. Learn to know your mutuals and followers.

I think I've answered a similar ask before hahaha but I'll go ahead with this one.

I'll be honest. I just happened to read this right after waking up and the first thought in my mind was, "fuck. am i still happy?" and then i realized "no, I'm not. As of now.". That's why i couldn't answer right away.

Don't feel sorry for sending this to me. It gave me a way to check myself more closely.

These past few months pushed me back hard till I'm cornered. Inconvenience due to weeks of flood, stress from thesis, fatigue from chores + sleeplessness, financial crisis, family problems. And most of all, i still can't get over from blaming myself for the death of 3 puppies out of stress and negligence (and of course I still hate my sister for causing a big share of my stress).

BUT.

That doesn't mean i no longer have anything to make me feel better 🤷‍♀️

And here they are:

Compliments on my craft: recently, this is the first that makes me happy. I've been doing fanart and fics, especially for sxf fandom currently. Every bit of attention that my craft gets, the more it lifts my mood and makes me forget about my problems even for a moment. I may not be able to afford consultation but i want to do everything i can to keep me afloat. Fandom love and appreciation makes me feel that at least i can still value myself for the things i can do

Free time: my list is surely weird 😅. But yes. Free time means a LOT to me.

Doing my craft: i have fun doing fanart and fics. This might sound funny but sometimes, the ideas i come up with makes me euphoric 😂🤣

Kalafina: I've been listening to them a lot lately. It's a shame that they broke up. But since we'll be getting Black Butler s4 and Madoka movie, I'm in desperate hope for them to come back. Keiko, Wakana and Hikaru are sooooo divine when singing 🎶

Comfort foods: ice cream, mint tea, pineapple juice, anything delicious or anything I'm craving.

Thanks for the ask 👋 with lots of 💕,

Dani

(Yes, it's my nickname given by my friends irl hahaha)

#ask #tumblr buds #aightt imma try to sew my skirt now #then feed the dogs #i hope i can finally finish a chapter of my sxf fic

3 notes · View notes

unlikelymilkshakedream · 2 years

Text

Teasing him

A/N: felt inspired to write so here ya go. Like for part 2!! Hope you enjoy 😉:)

It had been a long week, finally Friday was here, and me and my boyfriend, Sapnap, could not be happier about this little detail. I had barely seen him all week and I've been stressed beyond words due to finals and my job.

I saw him in the halls Friday morning and went up to him with exciting news.

"Hey, I have big news," I told him to which he looked at me suspiciously.

"Mmkay, what's up?" He asked me cautiously.

"Well, since you don't have plans tonight, and it's my off weekend at work..." I took a step closer to him, "and my parents will be gone for the entire weekend, I was wondering if you wanted to come over," I whispered.

To this, he smiled and his eyes seemed to have darkened a shade.

"Is that so? Well in that case I would love to come over tonight." He said as he took a step closer to me and put his hand around my waist, pulling me into him. "And what exactly will we be doing?" He smirked

I bit my lip. "What do you wanna do? I figured we could play some board games, watch a movie, maybe," I said.

"Well, I wanna do whatever you wanna do, and oh, so much more," I giggled quietly.

"Well, what if I told you, that, I-" I put myself right against him, leaned into his ear and whispered, "I want you to fuck me until I only know your name, and I want you to use me for your pleasure," I bit his ear and sucked on it as I heard him take in a sharp breathe.

"Fuck, baby. Why don't we skip right now." I pulled away and saw his pupils were almost completely dilated. I didnt even need to look down because I could feel his raging hard on against my thigh.

"Haha, nice try." I said as I let my arms fall away from him. "I unfortunately have to go to chemistry today, otherwise maybe I would." As I was turning to leave, he grabbed my arm and pushed me against the lockers behind me, not harsh, but enough to know he was aroused.

"You cannot say something like that to me just to leave right away." I giggled as I bit my lip, pouting slightly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I promise it'll be worth the wait." I smirked at him just as the bell rang.

"Whats going on here?" Mrs. Norberry came into the hallway and Sapnap took a step back from me. "You're both late to class," ratty old bitch I thought in my head.

"Sorry, I'm on my way there now." I smirked and gave Sapnap one last kiss and I snuck past him to go to class. He just stood there and glared at me.

"And you?" Mrs. Norberry turned to Sapnap.

"Yeah yeah, I'm going im going." I giggled as I made my way to class, knowing the hell I just put him through. This was going to be a very long weekend.

#sapnap x y/n #sapnap x reader #sapnap smut #sapnap fluff #sapnap imagine #sapnap mcyt #mcyt sapnap #sapnap

25 notes · View notes

straykidsworldwild · 2 years

Text

DUSKWOOD

PhilxMC - Pregnant (part 3/4)

Plot : Phil and MC are going to the store to get stuff for the baby.

(I don't own the pictures. I only own the collage. Credits go to the owners.)

----------------------------------------------------------

~ 3 months later ~

- Hey, you're ready? I hear Phil asking me kindly before he places a kiss on top of my head.

Phil and I have grown closer ever since the day I had my ultrasound. Ever since we saw our baby for the first time. It really all started to grow more and more from there. The feelings for each other were here but with our baby on the way... It's different. I can't put words to explain how different it is, all I can say is that it is a good different.

We haven't moved together yet though. Phil still has his apartment and I still have mine. But he spends most of his nights here. With few exceptions... Whenever he closes the Aurora late... Or early in the morning, he goes back to his apartment to "not disturb my sleep", he says. I think it's a kind thought but I honestly sleep better when he is with me. I grew to be used to have him next to me at night.

- Yes, I'm just counting how much money I can put in the baby's stuff for now, I respond to my boyfriend as he takes a sit next to me. Phil and I have officialized our relationship about a month and a half ago. It surprised more than one person. Some even thought it was a prank or a bad joke that Phil made because he had me in his bed. And I think some still don't believe it. Sadly, I can't do anything about it...

I am staring at the little piece of paper before me and the calculator, hoping we can at least afford for the furniture this month. I just hope we can find the minimum and the essential for now... I pass my hand over my face, feeling tired and a little bit stressed. Phil gets his chair closer to me and places his arm on the back of the chair behind me.

- How much do you have? He asks with a calm voice, looking at the equations I did.

- I can put at the very maximum $600, I answer as I show him what I've done so far. I look up at my boyfriend's fair face, watching a lock of his hair falling free from his messy bun. Phil gently takes the pen from my hand and add a number under the $600.

- That's a start. I also counted and I can put $700 for now, he says as he puts the pen down and looks up at me. He did? When? Our eyes meet one another for a brief moment. His eyes are always so comforting and spreading so much love. I know Phil knows how to charm a girl, but I like to believe those emotions are just for me. Maybe I'm a fool... I can't help but to crack a smile. Phil smiles back before pushing softly my hair behind my shoulder.

- So we have a total of $1.300. That should be enough for now, I say with a positive tone. Despite having a few problems and a minimum of help, I still manage to keep it positive. We're doing this together after all.

- What do you want to look at first? He asks me gently as I feel him playing with the tips of my hair. I smile as I let a small sigh out. There's so much we need to look for...

- Well, I thought we could look for the crib first and for a baby car seat. Oh, and a few clothes, a plush and maybe a pacifier. I think that's what we should look for at first. The next three months, we can buy supplies time to time to finish everything, I answer with the same sweet tone he used as I softly rub my belly. I'm 6 months pregnant now, we really need to start buying the stuff we need. We still don’t know the gender of the baby though. We’ll know it only next week. But I don’t need to know the gender to buy a crib or a car seat. I watch my boyfriend nodding his head up and down as he smiles charmingly. Phil leans in and kisses my cheek sweetly before stealing a tender kiss.

- Let's go? He whispers after pulling away from the kiss. I nod and let Phil help me stand up from the chair. I could have done it by myself, but Phil has been extremely caring and careful with me.

On our way to the store, Phil is driving his car. I am sitting on the passenger seat, listening to the radio and having small talk with Jessi's brother. Jessi... She's been so excited ever since she learned about the pregnancy and even more since we decided to keep the baby and to start a real relationship. Jessi has insisted to give us money to help us financially. I didn't want to accept her money as I think it is Phil and I's matter. But she wouldn't stop insisting, so I told her I will accept the money only to give it for the baby later.

Anyway... Arriving at the store, Phil parks his car. He turns off the engine and steps out fast. I take off my seat belt and start to step out of the car as well when I feel a hand helping me. I smile at Phil as he is holding onto my arm. I let him close the car door for me before we walk up to the store. His hand discretely snakes to mine, interlocking our fingers with a rather firm grip. His thumb is softly rubbing the back of my hand as we step inside the store. Okay, first thing first, the crib...

Phil and I walk up to the crib section and look at all of the furniture they are offering. There's really every style. Some look huge, some are small, high cribs, low cribs... Some look very beautiful though. I could really see it in the baby's bedroom. But the price is way much more than what we can afford.

- They're all so adorable. Look! That one's so cute! I exclaim to Phil as I approach a crib where the head of the bed has the form of a cloud. Phil releases my hand as I approached the furniture to show it to him. My boyfriend smiles amused.

- Isn't it a bit high for you, Gorgeous? You'll need a step to get our baby, he says with that amused smile all while being serious. It's true, it's a bit too high for me. I stare at Phil with a smile, surprised by his words. I've never really heard him say "our baby" before. He did, but not so confidently. And I'm still surprised in how much he invests himself into this. I mean, not that I doubt Phil, but we're talking about a baby... What? He asks me, looking a bit confused. I snap out of my thoughts and look down, shyly.

- No, it's just... You said "our baby", I whisper with a happy tone. It just sounds so right to my ears. Once again, Phil smiles as me as he comes closer. He takes my hand back into his while pushing a lock of my hair behind my ear. He makes me blush... I can feel the heat on my cheek... Flustered, I bite my lower lip and clear my throat as I look at the cribs surrounding us. So, can we not take a white bed. It's too... I suddenly tell him, my eyes daring to meet his gorgeous ones.

- Yeah, I agree, he tells me, nodding positively as he seems to know what I meant. The two of us continue looking around for the perfect crib when Phil gently pulls me with him. Look at this one. It's not white, there's the bed for the baby, a space to change him or her, some drawers to put the stuff. And it's not too expensive, he tells me as he checks the crib he just saw. I approach it and check it as well. It's not too high either which is good. It looks rather stable.

- Yeah, and that way we won't have to buy an extra furniture which we probably won't be able to, I state while looking alternately at the crib and Phil with a happy smile. I'm actually impressed by how Phil is investing himself in this. I mean... I didn't think buying stuff for the baby would have been something he likes... I take the reference to compare it with other beds later. The two of us keep looking a little more at the cribs but we constantly go back to the one we found earlier. It's fits in our budget and it's the best one we've seen. I guess we found our bed so... $-400 which leaves us $900, I tell Phil, scratching the word "crib" out of my list. I smile and look up at my boyfriend.

- Okay, so far so good, he responds with a kind smile, looking just as happy as I am.

- We should look for the baby car seat, what do you think? I suggest him, replacing my smile by a confused frown.

- Yeah, let's go, he agrees before putting his arm around my shoulders. I feel protected and so well with Phil. Honestly, at first, I have to admit I didn't know if being together and keeping the baby was right. I had my doubts... But seeing how protective, careful, and caring Phil is, I couldn't help but to change my mind about him. He changed... He really did. In a good way.

There weren't many car seats in the store. Not as much as the cribs at least. But we still managed to find one that seemed safe and strong. Alright, so $-140, it means we have $760 left. We're doing pretty well to say we don't ask anyone for help and the both of us are new to this. I'm pretty sure we'll actually still have money left for next time we'll want to purchase something for the baby.

- Okay, we have the crib and the car seat. I think we got the most important for now, I inform Phil as I let a small sigh out, relieved to have at least those stuff. Those were really the first things I wanted. I don't want to look for it later because, knowing myself, I already know I'll feel in a rush, and I wasn't going to welcome my baby into a bad environment. We need to be fully prepared.

- What do you want to do now, Gorgeous? He asks me gently as I see him giving a look at the list in my hands. Do you want us to go back home and get some food on our way? Or you'd like to look for something else while we're still here? He questions with the same gentle tone.

- Well, I would like to go get a few stuff for the baby. Just to have at least one or two pyjamas first and maybe a pacifier. And then one of us, or together, we could come back to get more when we'll have our pay next month, I suggest to my boyfriend as I fold the paper and put it in my bag. I won't need it anymore for today.

- Sounds good, he says before grabbing my hand and interlocking our fingers together, one more time. The man takes a step forward and places a kiss on my forehead before turning around and pulling me softly along with him. Clothe section. Awnhhh, those pajamas are so adorable!! I look at the pajamas which seems to be mainly for girls in this section. But I think it is right. I don't know why but I'm pretty sure we're having a girl. I can feel it. Girl section?

- Yep, I say as I unfold a pajama to look at it better.

- What if its a boy? He asks me with a smirk. You can't make him wear a pink pajama, I smile to his reply and give an amused look at Phil.

- It's a girl. Trust me. Woman/mommy instinct, I tell him playfully, yet, with a point of seriousness. Phil laughs amused before putting both his hands up in surrender. I smile and continue looking at the baby clothes. I can feel Phil's eyes staring at each of my moves. I glance time to time at the boy, unable to stop myself from smiling. This really makes me happy!

- Phil? I suddenly hear a woman calling for him. Oh... I keep my head down and just mind my business while he turned around to look at who was calling for him.

- Andy? He calls the girl back. He sounds surprised to see her here...

- What are you doing in a baby store? She asks him, sounding confused. I discretely look up and see her frowning a bit confused before a smirk appears on her face. She looks so fake... Lost my number? Want us to have a little time together like before? She asks as she places her hand on his chest. Wow, back off!!

- No, I didn't lost your number. I deleted it, he answers so calmly as he rejected her hand from his chest. Suddenly, the girl stars giggling and insists, putting her hand back on his chest. She's going to eat one of those pajamas by her bum hole if she doesn't leave him... Hormones, not good.

- Very funny! She says through her idiotic giggling. Seriously, what are you doing here? She asks him a second time as she seems to get even closer to Phil. He is not going to step back?

- I'm going to be a father, Andy, he responds seriously to the girl as he rejects her hand harshly and make her step back from him. How can he keep his cool like this?! Despite feeling upset at the moment, I can’t help but to smile a bit when I heard him saying “father”. And I completely stopped looking at the stuff I wanted to look at for the baby...

- What tells you it was an accident? He suddenly answers. Oh... Maybe I am in a healthy relationship and my partner and I wanted to create our own family, he says to the girl, speaking as if this was the most common thing he would have said. But everyone knows Phil isn't like that... He would have never said those words before... Not even while being drunk.

- Right, she replies, clearly not believing him. Phil, seriously? I'm not buying this bullshit. You're not the kind of man who wants to be in a healthy relationship and who wants to be the perfect father. You like running after women and have them in your bed every night, she states seriously, reminding the past he used to have. Have them in his bed... It's been long since I heard someone say that..

- I've changed... He begins to say.

- Yeah, no, people don't change this much... She interrupts him, clearly not buying his words and not wanting to believe them for a second. I watch the girl shaking her head left to right before she chews her lower lip. Oh come on! I grab the first pajama I was looking at and go stand next to my boyfriend.

- Believe what you want, he tells her, clearly not giving a damn about what she says or thinks.

- Excuse me? She questions, looking at him like she's doubting his words. Though, at the sight of his eyes, she slowly seems to realize that he was actually not joking. And who's the woman you accidentally got pregnant? She continues to ask him. Accidentally... I know that me being pregnant with Phil's baby was an accident, but hearing someone saying it like this... It feels different. It hurts. It hurts because that's nothing that Phil or I planned and I know things could have gone differently in many ways...

- Okay, I found everything we needed so far, I say, not sounding very pleased.

- Okay, let's go, he tells me as he grabs my hand. The moment I came up to him, Phil just completely ignored the girl and smiled at me. Andy looks down at our hands before she frowns upset.

- MC? I hear Andy calling me. I stop and look at her.

- Yes? I answer, arcing one eyebrow in confusion.

- MC LN is the girl you knocked up? She asks Phil with an upset tone, actually completely ignoring me. Great... What a mature reaction...

- Hello, I'm right in front of you, I say with sarcasm. Andy looks at me with such an unpleased look. And maybe a disgust one...

- I don't care, she spats at my face before looking at Phil with disgust. And I'm sorry for you. You're ruining your life twice more than I thought, she tells him which made me frown with sadness. I can't help but to feel a pinch on my heart. Am I ruining his life? Is that really what people think when they see us together?

- Okay, enough! We came here to do our business, if you're not happy, it doesn't matter. It is what it is... Tells, Phil, starting to raise his voice a bit as he speaks with a a harsh tone. Honestly, I've rarely seen Phil angry before. I did see him that way once or twice at the Aurora when people were provokating him or when someone would not respect the rules in his bar. I even saw him fight with a client that was too close to me once... But that's it. I grab his arm and try to make him calm down.

- Phil... I call him softly as I notice a few pairs of eyes looking at the scene.

- I told you, I've changed. We're having a baby. So I'm not going to let you disrespect MC and my child just because it doesn't please you or because I didn't choose you. Now, we'd like to pay for these, should we address to you or should we find another person? He tells her with the same harsh tone as before while giving her the darkest glare ever. Honestly, if I was her, I would feel so intimidated... The darkness in his eyes looks so dangerous. Andy stares at him with surprise because of the way he spoke to her. However, the surprise didn’t stay long on her face.

- You're a loser, Phil, she tells him before taking the pajama from my hand and going to the checkout.

- Yes, glad to know, he replies as he takes the money out to pay the pajama. She scans the code and gives us the price. Phil gives him the money and asks her to make an order for the crib we saw and the car seat so we can come pick them up later in the week. Reluctantly, Andy takes note of the order we made and gave us a receipt with the number of the order. Phil takes it before grabbing my hand and pulling me gently along with him to leave the store.

That was... Intense. Weird. Upsetting. Awkward. Ugh! I know I'm going to have to face few women that Phil got in his bed, but it always feels like a challenge whenever the moment comes. When I stepped out from the store, it’s like I could breath again. I felt like I was keeping my breathing for so long...

- You didn't have to... I say to my boyfriend as we reach his car.

- Yes, I did, he responds, sounding upset.

- Phil... I call him calmly. The man faces me as he opens the car door for me. But I don't go in. I just stare at him instead, showing him that I want to talk. Phil lets a small sigh out before taking my hand in his to squeeze it.

- MC, you and I started an adventure together. We agreed, the both of us, to keep this baby. I'm happy with you and I love you, just like I love this baby already. I'm doing everything to change and to prove you that I am going to be here for you both all the time. Protecting you and defending you is part of this change, he says with such a protective and serious tone mixed with love in his voice. I can't stop staring at him. I know he changed. I know he wants to do well because of how his father was with him. He doesn't want to make the same mistakes. But I know he won't. He keeps proving it to me. Today, one more time.

- Thank you, I whisper sincerely as I crack a smile at him. My boyfriend seems to relax as he smiles back at me. Delicately, Phil places two fingers under my chin and brings his face closer to mine as he gently lifts my head. His lips connect with mine, tenderly kissing me. We pull away, still having that smile on our face.

- Let's go home, Gorgeous, he says as he holds the door for me. I get in before he carefully closes the door. Phil gets on the driver's seat and drives us home.

Back home, the only thing I wanted to do was to relax. I just wanted to lay down and think about nothing. Try at least... On our way home, the sky has started to become dark. The sun left, replaced by dark clouds and the rain falling hard. I guess we're having a storm tonight...

I enter the bathroom and start running some water in the bathtub. It’s been a while since I took a warm bath. I usually take a shower to not use too much water. But a bath is sometimes what I need to relax completely.

Sitting in the bathtub, I let the water get higher slowly as the foam is surrounding me. I love the smell that comes from the foam. It always reminds me my childhood somehow. I play with the bubbles, popping them one by one or making some shapes with it. I somehow find it relaxing. And I guess I never stopped doing that ever since I was a child... But what really relaxes me is certainly the pair of hands massaging me.

Right behind me, Phil is sitting in the bathtub, giving me a massage on my back and shoulders. I can feel his lips kissing the back of my neck time to time, making me giggle. His hands give one last squeeze on my shoulders before they slide down my back and come to cover my belly.

- Lay back, he whispers in my ear as he gently pulls me with him. I let him lay me down until my back rests on his chest. I can feel his thumbs softly rubbing my belly. Sometimes, Phil draws some shapes or words on it, tickling me.

- I love you, Phil, I whisper lovingly at him as I cover his right hand with some foam.

- I love you, too, MC. I love you so much, he whispers with the same loving tone before planting a kiss on the back of my head and resting his cheek against it.

For a good half an hour, we stay in the bathtub together, enjoying this moment together. I have to admit, even though it was really relaxing to be in the warm water and to have that back massage, I couldn’t stop thinking about what that Andy girl said about Phil’s life and how I ruin it. I know he has proven to me so many times that he is working hard to change. He said it. He proved it to me. But still... I’m... I guess I’m scared to lose what I've been living those past few months with Phil. He makes me feel safe, loved, and protected. I’m scared to lose that one day...

I am in the living room, I'm scrolling on my phone to change my mind when I suddenly felt the tears coming up. Hormones... I hate it. Why does it always happen when I over think or when the situation involves to much emotions...? I log off my phone and get up from the sofa to go find Phil. I need to ask him... Again. I need to be sure.

I enter the kitchen, finding Phil smoking by the window. Ever since he learned about the pregnancy, Phil has always been careful to always smoke in a room where I am not standing. He is always either by the window or outside, but he insisted on not smoking in the house and especially not while I am in the same room at him. Another thing that proves me he changed...

- So, pretend that I don't have tears rolling down right now because those are actually hormones but, do you really not miss the life you had before? I ask him with a shaky voice as I look at him and the wall alternately. Phil turned around to look at me when he heard the sound of my voice. He looks a bit stunt, seeming surprised of my sudden question and the tears. I can’t maintain the look with his eyes. I can’t stare at him. Phil smashes his cigarette and closes the window. I'm just asking because that girl at the store wasn't all wrong and I know you did a lot to change and I'm really happy and proud of you for changing this much but I think she might have a point and I can't stop thinking about it and worrying that you're not happy and maybe I'm actually keeping you from living the life you always wanted and then I keep saying to myself that it is not be true but what if you... I tell him absolutely every single thought that comes up to my mind in one single breath. I'm just sharing my fear of losing him... and I think Phil saw it. My boyfriend comes up to me and takes my hands in his, stopping me from talking.

- It's alright, breathe, Gorgeous. I don't remember when was the last time you breathe in between all of those words, he says with a chuckle as he stares at me. I nod and look away as I feel new tears streaming down my face. Phil releases one of my hands and gently wipes my tears away. The life I had before is very different from the one I have now, but it doesn't mean I don't like it. Before, I enjoyed my life as a... How did you call me? A womanizer? Yeah, he tells me gently, slightly mocking me with the words I used to use against him. I hear him chuckle which makes me crack a faint smile. but the tears are stronger. Phil continues to wipe my tears off every time one falls down. I was this womanizer loving to flirt with women to then have them in my bed. I wanted nothing less or more from them. Today, I am someone else thanks to you. I have the chance to have a family, to share my child with you, and to just live a life with you. Something I secretly always wanted to be honest. You're giving me more than anyone has ever gave me and I love you more every day for that, he admits with a serious tone before forcing me to look up into his eyes. More tears spill down my face, but they rapidly disappear as Phil wipes them away. He always wanted to be with me in the first place...? I didn't know that... Why never saying it before? So no, I don't regret my old life and no, I don't want to go back to it. I want to stay with you two. Forever. So don't worry, okay? He tells me sincerely, caressing my cheek with his thumb. He does...? I don’t reply to his words. I don't know what to say. Well, I have hundreds of words running in my mind but it's like I don't know how to formulate what I want to tell him. Instead of speaking, I hug Phil, snaking my arms around his back. Phil hugs me back instantly, running his hand up and down my back. You know what? I think we should get some fries and nuggets tonight, he tells me with a suggestive tone. I smile through my last tears as I remember it is the first "meal" we shared together.

- And ice cream with vanilla flavor. Or mango. Or lemon. Or maybe vanilla and caramel, I say, adding some food to the list. Phil chuckles before he pulls away from me.

- I'll try to remember all of them, Gorgeous, he says with an amused smile. He wipes the last tears off my cheks one more time before I get on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. Well... That's what I thought I was going to do. Phil turns his head and captures my lips with his, tenderly and passionately kissing them. Our lips move in synch as we share our love for each other. He's really the one for me... I feel it.

- You'll be a good father, Phil, I tell him with a sincere tone after pulling away from the kiss.

- You think? He asks me, sounding unsure about himself. I nod positively. I think you'll be an amazing mom, Gorgeous. He or she will love you so much, he says as he looks down at my belly. Phil places carefully his hand over my stomach, smiling happily. I smile as well as I cover his hand with mine. I hope he’s right... I’m scared to not be a good enough mother for my baby. I guess we’ll discover if we were meant to be parents once this baby will be here. We’ll do everything we can to make our baby happy and for it to grow in a heathly environment. We love it already too much. What will it be once it’ll be born? I can't wait to meet you baby.

#multifandom #duskwood #duskwood game #duskwood jake #duskwood jessy #iamjake #duskwood phil #phil duskwood #phil hawkins #duskwood dan #phil x mc #philhawkinsxmc #duskwood hacker #jake duskwood #duskwood everbyte #everbyte studios #duskwood thomas #duskwood hannah

29 notes · View notes