#i’ve always thought it was more than him just leaving yknow. dazai has always been a flight risk and i think on some level chuuya was aware

[sulliedsorrow]

going insane thinking about skk breakup dazai leaving the port mafia again because. he really just up and left without saying anything. not a word, not a goodbye, not a “chuuya would you like to come with me.” and he never said anything after. didn’t try to get in contact at all. no texts, no calls, no letters, no cryptic messages decipherable only to the both of them.

imagine being partners with someone. imagine forging a bond so strong that it’s been likened to a diamond sharpening another diamond. imagine spending three years with someone, forging a relationship, learning about each other and what makes them click and how to work together and how exist together.

imagine they throw it all in your face. they leave and not only do they leave, but they do so in a manner which shows that they never even considered you. they left as if your lives aren’t connected, they left as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

imagine everyone else finding out before you.

what was the past three years for then. what was them telling you that you gave them a reason to live for then. has it expired? has it run out? was it not enough? did they find something better?

and the lack of respect of it all. you never would have stopped them from leaving if they just explained why they had to. you would have been angry, you would have been pissed off because it’s the same story over and over again, you hurt everything you touch, you hurt everything you get close to, you’re never enough of a reason for someone to stay; but you would have understood. eventually. but they didn’t do that.

they wrote you so neatly out of their life that you wonder if you were ever a part of it in the first place.

#my writing #bungou stray dogs #soukoku #chuuya centric #he makes me sad #they make me sad #*smacks chuuya* the amount of abandonment you can fit into this boy #like what dazai did was just insulting plain and fucking simple #i’ve always thought it was more than him just leaving yknow. dazai has always been a flight risk and i think on some level chuuya was aware #but to not Say Anything #man. fucking blew up his car and thought that would be enough LMAO #one day i’ll tackle dazai’s perspective on this because i do think it’s incredibly nuanced #or at least it’s nuanced in my head #giving them the complexity they deserve #if asagiri won’t write it well i will #bsd #chuuya nakahara #dazai osamu