#i wont wallow

[lightthewaybackhome]

I don't typically do big things for my birthday, but I like to plan small treats like extra writing time, favorite foods, favorite movies. Just small things.

This year, I'm spending time with two people I love but who tend to stress me out, going to a funeral for a very dear friend, and then trying to ignore my infertility while everyone celebrates Mother's Day.

Sigh.

#personal #i wont wallow #i wont have a pity party #i won't complain #I'm literally wallowing having a pity party snd complaining #stop

[n0phis]

scrolling tumblr is the best i go from 'im going to watch rick and morty all day again to hide from the horrors' to 'i think drawing and going outside would be cool and i will deal with my headache instead of ignoring it and suffering' i dont know how u guys do it but the feed and the artists i follow and the nice little animals asks r so 🫂🫂🫂

#tham talks #i wont lie boys this really sucks. but we persevere #the world keeps on turning and while nothing i can do will help anything. i can at least not wallow today

[nrvcntr]

cryin bc i rejected gale in my durge run and when he confronts you about your other love interest you can be like i didnt know you felt so strongly gale and he’s like i should have been more aloof and not shown myself so freely but i am who i am and im like baby love 😭😭😭😭😭

#gale dekarios #i rejected him so hard in his act two romance scene #literally was like aight imma leave you here to wallow #then the next day he’s like youre a good friend i wont kill myself #GALE #you are starved for affection

[manaosdeuwu]

don't hang on to the horrors king. keep those nipples hard

#dont mind me. talking to myself. shooing the horrors away with a broom while hard or something #waiting for migral to kick in so i can Do Things asides from wallowing in pain #will have to take roly to the vet another day. wont be able to handle all that noise today #nero habla

[scionshtola]

looks better with the same hair but. not a lot. to me.

#they look like. idk. they were put through a generic barbie pretty face filter. their original face is so cute and now they kinda look like #they are holding water in their mouth. and also their eyes are not as downturned. the nose looks better in this one tho #it looked smaller yesterday which i didnt like. i know it's wip but. idk #they look better in the trailer but if this is what their face looks like wandering around... #the most i can muster is that's cori. i guess. #i need a text post tag #okay sorry i wont post about it again unless its to share nice pictures from the trailer #also pls do not reply to me to tell me they look the same or its just pixels or to post on the forum just leave me to my wallowing #its commiseration hours ONLY #also i guess its annoying to me bc i LIKE the stylizing they have in place currently

[tenpixelsusie]

for a guy who calls himself silly i sure aren't feeling silly

#(i think i hauve covid voice) i think i hauve a mental illness #i hate this. i hate getting frustrated at small things and getting angry. everytime i apologize it wont make it better because itll happen- #over and over again. and especially when its the people who already see me as satan reincarnated they'll see me as the problem child foreve #vent #im a bad person 👍 let me wallow in seeing myself as a shitty person who hurts people becayse thats what i am ok

[mybreadsmybutters]

they should invent a video game for people who sucks at video games and that ISNT ANIMAL CROSSING. i want to kill people but all the killing people video games require you to “understand how to use the controls” and other such ridiculously high barriers of entry.

#dont even mention a phone game i wont do it #have tried to play phone shooting games and they SUCK #tiny screen i want to be able to actually see what is happening!!! i want to be scared!!!! #i need to just bite the bullet and actually attempt to learn how to play but i need a mouse to do that + my laptop is so ancient #and ill die before i buy a goddamn gaming system of ANY kind i refuse to do it. give me wasd or give me death #this is bc i tried playing fortnite on my friends switch the other day and got instakilled nd now im wallowing in the angst humiliation ofit

[dragonstoned]

not just ‘to’ the world in s3

ngl as much as i want to see the boys be bigshots in s3 (like fine tv version crowley was probably Someone Important, am willing to accept this and see where they go with it!! i unreservedly want fully self-actualized aziraphale using his position to gut heaven from the inside!! the shit they can do together at max levels of love wow ok let it rip!!!!)

but. i like that the first armageddon’t featured a group effort of mostly random humans. the theme of plucky kids taking down personifications of humanities’ major ills etc etc. ‘ordinary’ citizens coming together to save their big beautiful messed up world -- two of which happen to be crowley and aziraphale -- because this is their home, these are the people, that they love

and so i want humanity to truly contribute to s3, to be written well, to not just be cameos or foils for epic a/c romance, to not just exist unknowingly as doom approaches

the big one: all of us versus all of them, the book said -- tbh i can take or leave the versus part, but i do want to keep all of us, our myriad humanness, having a conscious hand to play in shaping the upcoming events instead of the boys handing earth salvation on a platter

i truly get that tv gomens is different and ngl even from the book a/c were by far the most compelling characters to me but the Celebration of Humanity of it all was just..... the intent was very lovely and very important and i really want to see it done WELL in this presumably the grand finale actually

#good omens #good omens spoilers #aziraphale #crowley #to the world #like as much as i WALLOW in scared lovesick crowley begging to bugger off every other episode #book crowley loves the world so so so much #i actually really like az having human connections this season MORE PLEASE #let him be happy to come back to them too after returning to earth and snogging his husband #no i dont miss shadwell #but i wont mind anathema and anathema and the them and madame tracy #even if madame tracy would be a little weird now lol #or new people #and no i dont want them to take over the storyline i accept and welcome ac as the Protagonists #but if were making s3 wishlists PLEASE have well written compelling ordinary human secondary characters #do i honestly trust neilman to deliver this tbh not really lol #BUT THIS IS THE WISH OF MY HEARRTTT #now that neil got rid of everyman a/c he owes me this

[myebix]

Future Disaster Twins

Leo: Donnie we are in the middle of the apocalypse.

Donnie: And?

Leo: And you're still taking 5 minutes to draw on eyebrows??

Donnie: It's my morning routine. A day is cursed if I don't have my eyebrows.

Morning After Raph's Death

Leo: Hey, you're not wearing your eyebrows.

Donnie: ... Yeah, I didn't feel like it.

Leo: Why not?

Donnie: *Shrugs*

Leo: Hey, since you don't have the energy to do it yourself, how about I do your eyebrows today?

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rise leo #rottmnt leo #rise donnie #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt spoilers #rottmnt movie spoilers #rottmnt movie #i just think that they would be looking out for each other a lot during that time #when someone notices a drastic change in routine it's time for a check in #as much as each of them might want to hide away and wallow in their grief #they wont let each other be alone #not like this

[toytulini]

.

#toy txt post #i guess i just need to find a different job since this one seems to be. not great for me #but i also like. dont know what wont be bad for me. like sorry i just dont think there are jobs that are accessible to me that arent going #to feel Like This #at least in some way. and this one has good insurance and shit. and if i can get my shit together it has fucking. paid community service #time that i could theoretically use to like. volunteer at the aquarium or smth and have a day off for it and get paid by my job #which could be a foot in the door to a career that i am interested in but im just fucking. stuck and fatigued and in pain and wallowing and #have no fucking energy and i cant do anything and im fucking nocturnal and i joke about it and i was fine with it but i hate it i hate #not seeing the fucking sun and i miss my old job which is INSANE but i know what i miss about that job was #that it was part time. and i regret not doing more with that #but im also allergic to normal hours i guess i dont fucking know #i know part of it is prolly just feeling profoundly out if control of my life so i just stay up bc at least thats quiet time for me #w no expectations but thats not even tru bc i shoukd be at least doing my fucking laundry or smth cos it would make sense #and the fucking answer to so many of my issues rn is like just do that then or just stop doing that then but i cant i dont know why im just #like this ive always been like this stupid useless cant fucking do anything cant fix my shit just fucking wallowing and angry and doing #nothing and its just gotten worse cos now i have fucking chronic pain and fatigue and now i REALLY do FUCKALL #im depressdd and anxious and in pain i should get a therapist but thats hard and i dont fucking trust ppl #i should move out and maybe that would help bc i wouldnt feel like i have to wear a mask around my own house but im barely functioning #as is w a lot of support from my mom i cant fucking live on my own #not to mention the whole country being so fucking. Bad rn. ive done nothing all day not even resting #and tomorrow ill wake up too late and be in a rush and in pain and tired and just #i dont fucking know #im so miserable and lately so many topics can just send my stupid little brain just Spiralling but i dont want to say that i dont want ppl #to feel weird for talking about fucking college. i dont want to sit here being so bitter that something in my brain broke about school #im happy for ppl who can do their fucking college shit i just. smth wrong in my brain and i cant dwell on it and i try not to be too #outwardly negative about it cos i dont want ppl to feel like they cant talk to me about it or smth idk #rambling and venting and im gonna hit tag limit lmao for sure #been having the same goddamn problems nonstop for my whole life and its just that i cant fucking do anything #i have too much shit i should rid of #whatever

[unown]

that anxiety I had from the start of the pandemic is back and I feel like the only reason I got over it was bc i had a lot more time to just….not think about it and now im getting closer and closer to having to make life changing decisions for myself and its so scary its so scary that I tear up just thinking about it and its not healthy but I feel so hopeless most of the time some of the ppl in my life are looking forward to having fun and doing things and I just feel like I don’t deserve to

#like I’ll come up with a plan that I know i wont have to follow through with in a while and now that its that time #I chicken out and avoid everything as much as possible and its pathetic like why am I alive Im always in my head and always having a hard #getting out I feel stuck and all I can do is wallow about it #like everything for me is so much easier said than done and I wish things were different I wish I was different

[s0urte3th]

like i know i need to get my life together and shit but

#man. i dont wanna. i dont wanna so fucking badly. i feel hopeless and frankly i just dont wanna worry rn. #just wanna be some dum bum who lazes around all day and doesnt have to worry. i hate that this world doesnt allow that #let me WALLOW maam!!! let me be depressed!!! dont talk to me!! leave me alone!! #LET ME ROT IN MY ROOOOOOM!!!! i wont actually but FUCK man #just lemme be in my own world for a little bit. oh? its been 6 weeks? didnt notice! what a shame! #just let me be in my own little world man. i know im being practically useless but.. man idc right now. i really dont. #let me have the peace ive missed out on in the past 5 years. i know you dont know that these 5 years have been hard but they have been. #i want to spend the time i lost while i was worrying and in bad relationships and friendships. #do i not deserve that time back? do i not get a reward for my agony? if i do good isnt it supposed to come back to me? #i want that time back. i want to have that time with my inner child that i missed out on. the fun summers. the peaceful vacations. #please just let me have it. i missed out on so much so please. i just wanna be peaceful man.

[inkats]

hit with the realization that i can barely handle school and working 3 hours three days a week and i dont have to worry about bills and food and all of that how will i live......

#im so. crying soooo much i managed to just not think at all yesterday which was nice. i was indifferent to it all but today was double bad. #ithink its cuz of finals. so much of my grade hinges on it and if my grades dont go up. i wont get into a good enough school to #leave and still get some financial help from my parents. #and hell on earth pain and suffering. #uni apps are so scary to me i think i wont get in anywhere because my over 90s in everything arent over 98s and i dont do a sport #or participate enough in the *community* to ngh. #sorry maybe i should sleep my one hour of free time is too much as i will end up wallowing.

[24062]

i don’t understand how people get jobs. like no one wants to hire new people (me) who have no experience, or never had a real job before. like what am i supposed to do? i keep applying and looking but when i find a job im interested in i get no reply or get turned down. i have no career goals or interested in working and im a high school dropout. i am the definition of what no company is looking for in employees. like i am screwed, what do I DO????

#i hate it. #i hate the idea of working but i need a job #i dont want to be a disappointment to everyone around me #im sick of being broke #i dont want to wallow away in my room #crying typing this cause ik how distressed it makes me #but its literally consuming me #i take career tests after career tests #but i dont wnat to have to go thru college for a job #that i still wont get a position in #because no one wants to hire new employees with no experience #anyways... how r u #speaking

[dirtynamjams]

im so frustrated

#being disabled is hard af #hard to work in a physical location w that strain #even harder when youre dealing with social security #still harder when insurance wont pay for your service dog training so you're doing it all on your own #i wanna jump #i wanna scream #i wanna dance with somebody i wanna feel the heat with somebody #dont worry im not gonna kermit today #this is just an intermittent wallow in self pity as i look back at my life and see how crappy its become #i want to time travel back to before it all went downhill #id also choose better friends #and maybe i'd go get a second opinion on my diagnosis so that none of the other crap wouldve happened

[cuntstable]

tbh this book kind of fell off hard at the end but it still made me experience thoughts and emotions during the beginning and middle so im going to have to coat my brain in something really really stupid to recover im afraid

#unrelated completely but jojo thoughts have been plaguing my brain recently…. i wont rewatch/reread but maybe i should indulge in thinking #about them a little. wallow in the slop like a pig maybe