#i wish i never quit drawing

[vacantseance]

It's my party and I'll die when I want to.

#old art #circa 2010 #i wish i never quit drawing #crying #emo #my drawing #my art #sharpie #permanent marker #red bunny #bunny plush #crying emo #has Gerard way vibes #mcr #mychem

[skunkes]

i have soooo much more i cld say abt him, and have explored more thru other doodles, but quick summary of talon's whole deal, which is subject to change still as he's only almost 2 yrs old as an oc

#oc text #obvs sparse description of the events bc i dont mean for it to be gratuitous #even if i decided to explore it further in some medium the focus wouldnt be gratuitous ykwim #not that there werent awful stuff within that but my focus with talon is also more exploration of like #even stuff that isnt a big deal (which it wasnt at first) can effect someone greatly #and then once it does get a bit worse the focus is still more on the effects of how he views himself and the aftermath #AS WELL AS LIKE. well. did i do this to myself? i went back. do i deserve this? #he's a lot like me and the reason i like the self insert dynamic is bc he thinks of cheye as Me If It Didnt All Go Horribly #bc ive not gone thru the Extreme but i have had interactions with ppl who very enthusiastically thought i was ummmm underage!!! #while they were already being creepy toward me and making me nervous abt my safety ! #so this isnt ''he's umm 400 but looks 12 bc i want to do weird shit with him 😏'' dude drawing him Fed makes me so sad sometimes... #we're also weird eating buddies <3 #and grief buddies <3 he actually further spawned out of my need to deal with a lot of family members passing away in such a short time #severe death phobia buddies... #i still dont know how he really feels about his Old Wrinkly Form btw all i know is he feels safe in it #as much as id love to sway toward ''he thinks he's hot like that. because he is.'' i also dont want to convey the wrong message wrt this #form being due to....disordered eating caused by Issues. ykwim #though! he can shapeshift quite well when he's fed and maybe he'd choose that form willingly if he ever got. Past everything #he does hate that he never gets to actually age...! he wishes he cld age normally like a mortal...(still scared of dying though) #but we cant knoww for certain yet ykwim. maybe he'll let me know soon. #my issue with talon other than i suck at plots is well he has too many of my issues. and. idk how to solve them. #he's growing with me. #oh and have we noticed he's mean to me when *im* being mean to me...MANY such metaphors #ok goodnite

[not-original-after-all]

The demon Crowley

If I keep practicing I might actually be an artist one day

#good omens #anthony j crowley #crowley #I always wish I could draw what my mind sees #it never ends up quite like I intend #and I can draw on paper at least semi decent #but im envious of those people who draw amazing works using digital techniques

[thresholdbb]

#wips be wipping #make bad art or whatever #working on that drawing confidence #not quite up to what I used to do imo #idk what I’m doing #looking at my old art and wishing against circumstance #my art problem I never developed any style

[mellyoraa]

and there we go with a full-on sobbing breakdown over my own feelings of inadequacy and wasted potential

#sometimes i think it's bad for me to engage in fandoms bc it just makes me mourn for all the creative stuff i wish i could get started with #i can actually draw quite well for example i can just never make myself do it bc stupid adhd and depression #and i could've been a brilliant artist actually making valuable fandom contributions if i only managed to practice the skills i do have #idk sometimes i just feel like who i am today is just a graveyard of who i might have been #personal

[blewthecandleout]

🪶

#tonight's sketching was a success #i haven't drawn properly in a while but I decided to prescribe myself a little bit of drawing a day #and it always helps! #anyway I don't feel like i got this quite right but then i never do lol #i wish procreates editing features were better #literally it's easier to change brightness/contrast on Instagram :/ #1989 #taylor's version #taylorswiftedit #taylor swift #this love

[mrburnsnuclearpussy]

If I starve hard enough I’ll be a real boy

#tw ed #lol shut up lou #i wish I was a BOYYY bro I am not a real boy what even am I help lol #but like if I become ~aesthetic ~ or whatver I’ll matter and be like the drawings people do #I’ll be a character and will matter in a way that I cannot as a boring real person #there’s a certain oc couple that’s quite popular on here and it kind of triggers me but I’m not gonna say who coz that’s not fair and it’s k #just an artist minding their business and it’s my pothole obvs I just #problem* #keep looking at their OCs and art even though it makes me ACHE and hurt and idek why lol #like what a beiaulful thing that everyone loves and cares about omg I’ll never be it!!! damn it!

[uraniumglassgirl]

I love aokiji from one piece. Hes my little swimbly bimbly

#i like him a lot. i love how one piece gets a lot of morally gray antagonists #like. aokiji is kind of a really good guy in certain moments. #like he cares a lot about civillians . he just works inside of a really shitty system . hes like the idea of a ‘good’ cop #who like joined the marines with the intent of helping people but he does more harm than good . #i think it makes a lot of sense for him to have quit after the time skip. i know hes rolling with the blackbeard pirates now though #which is weird to me. bc that doesnt seem to suit his ideals. i think he’ll turn out to be undercover or some shit or a sword operative #im excited to learn more abt sword bc its apparently really important in the manga rn #but im not caught up so it’s just like. a vague thing i know now #*thinks about robin backstory* dereshishishishishi….. #also it makes me so mad how oda does so many of his black characters bc. aokiji is right there. you know how to draw black people #give that same treatment to usopp!!! or blackbeard. its lame. it sucks #related. hes a minor antagonist but i wish they did more with mr 5. hes another black character with a good design (at least in the manga) #the anime kind of connects the corners of his lips and makes them look bad but in the manga its natural yet still cartoony #he has such an underutilized devil fruit too T_T he can basically explode any part of his body. #and its usually used in the form of flicking exploding boogers at people (funny) but i was expecting him to get a cool moment where he just #fuckin. BOXES someone with explosions and some cool kicks. sadly we never get that though

[beauceronn]

My toxic trait is that all of the breeds I'm interested in are rare breeds that are impossible to find

#sigh #except collies but ive said it before ill only get a collie from 2 breeders total and like 3 bitches total between them #i think beauces besides collies are the most popular of the breeds i have an interest in #cirnechi? good luck theres like 2 around here and they almost never show #dogos? good luck theres 1 that shows consistently and 99% of dogo owners are the most toxic people youve ever met #german pinschers? good luck there are 0 that show in the state and a nonexistent breed community (that ive seen) #laekenois? good luck there are 0 that show in the state and the community is teensy tiny and concentrated on the coast #so unfair. wish i had different tastes. lol #i really want to meet a laek because i want to see how they compare to the other belgians #i know theyre all 'the same breed' but groens/tervs/mals are all different here in the states ime #groens and tervs are quite similar #but mals are a lot more intense (id say show lines are pretty similar across the three but i like mals the best out of the show lines) #also the sex differences between the belgians are CRAZY #the males look like totally different dogs #i prefer bitches in every breed (maybe not in appearance in dogos) but geez the difference is stark in belgians #the bitches are teensy tiny #cutest little pointy things #males are big and square with SO much coat. too much coat #i draw the line at a rough collie bitch. we will have one (1) fluffy dog in my house. LOL

[protonpowered]

No thoughts, head full of nefarious

#not even anything i can fully articulate rn #been having a lot of witts nef thoughts #like when the do finally get together #at first he isnt quite sure what to do with it #with himself #but then he slowly relaxes into the comfort amd security of having and being in a relationship #and then he never ever wants to leave it #the man is starved for both touch and positive social connections #ofc he is going to latch onto to someone anyone who respects and treats him well #damn i wish i could draw better

[vacantseance]

I found my sketching pencils. I quit drawing years ago after a particularly bad breakdown. It'll take time to refresh my abilities, but I am so excite to finally WANT to draw again. Here's an old drawing I did.

#my drawning #penguin #yugioh #penguin soldier #gun #sketch #my sketch #old drawing #pencil #old artwork #i wish i never quit drawing #depression sucks #i thought i sucked

[vitiateoriginator]

I'm finally taking a fucking vacation from my job next week

#I've never gotten the chance to use my vacation time at work before quitting #but Im not currently able to leave where I work and I'll lose my PTO on my anniversary date (sept 13th) #so I decided to say fuck it an use ut the first week of September #wish I could have saved it for the second week since my birthday is September 15th but again my PTO gets reset the 13th #so this will have to do #I'm not going on an actual vacation this year. just planning various enjoyable activities and day trips throughout the week #Im hoping on the first day to attend a local flea market #and the next day or two to go swimming before the pool in my apartment complex closes for the year #I also plan to visit a historical town thats about a half hour away from where I live #and I'm definitely going to sleep in a lot of these days cause I need to catch up on some sleep finally #I'll probably draw on my less busy days #and maybe I can knock out a chapter or 2 of the story I've been writing #tbh luck is never with me so the chances of me actually getting to do half of this stuff is slim #but at least I can say I have plans #I'm gonna try n do this stuff even if I have to go alone #I hate waiting around for others so I can go out and have a good time #like yeah some of these activities are better with other people #but people often find excuses to get out of hanging out or going places. or they're busy with work #and I don't want to waste the 7 days Im gonna have off so Im gonna try n do something meaningful during them #the weather also will effect how my plans turn out. I bet it'll rain the entire week lol. that'd be my luck #but Im still gonna try and have a decent time off #at the absolute least I am going to relax and unwind. thats the bare minimum I can doo #sam's rants about life

[vaguely-concerned]

zero with the helmet faceplate broken so it reveals just one of his eyes and spiderweb cracks all around it.........

#I am not in drawing mode right now so I can't make this happen for me but by GOD I wish someone would haha #campaign star wars #agent zero #evil campaign #I'm so sad we never got to see zero get to go completely ham in battle #the closest we have is the mandalore arc but he's clearly reeling a bit from his lil guy getting thrown off a roof in that one lol #that's his emotional support lil aged out boy king and without him he lost two arms in one night. rough times for zero #I simply think zero should get to go full beast mode and kill a bunch of people in cool ways audiotorially on-screen. as a treat! #a treat for him a treat for me a treat especially for blue there are no downsides here. except for the people he'd kill I guess #I love what we got but I mourn what we might have had (zero with his faceplate cracked in a metaphorically coherent and pleasing way #killing fools and looking cool doing it. imagine someone almost managing to kill blue and zero going To Town on them. imagine.) #steadfastly not looking at how many of my comfort characters have their eyes or faces habitually covered in some way #it quite simply means nothing and signifies nothing

[nutcraxker]

.

#I want to quit drawing #it's useless... last time I checked it only reached people who don't give a flying heck to my drawing #if you said why are you trying to get more like? Genuinely because I want more people to reach it #So perhaps I can open commission or something #maybe it's my drawing that sucks as hell and not the algorithm #I'm a garbage for real! Useless piece of shiyt I guess #why do I bother drawing at all... no matter how hard I try it'll never reach more people #even my friends ignored it #so I guess yeah it's alright #I hope I don't need to draw again because now I hate it soo much #I hate how people near me made drawing is good only if it is famous or something #I'm tired #can't I... can't they stop? #I wish I have someone who remember what I like... just one person is enough for me #I'm tired being the one who always have to do the best for people #but they'd... they scarcely remember #I'm happy with that drawing but I feel reaaly stupid for hoping that it'll reach more people #I thought I can get new friends... I guess no #it's alright I'm the forgotten one. It's not their fault.

[arolesbianism]

Shakes the bars of my cage I need to draw soooo bad I need to draw I need to draw let me draw I have to draw I need to draw I must draw (<- has been too sick to be on electronics much and doesn't like doing traditional art)

#rat rambles #Im starting to feel better tho Im betting within a day or two Ill have made a full recovery #but I just have so many things I wanna draw all the sudden and its killing me #its because I've been thinking abt ocs again and that gives me a lot more options lol #in particular I've been thinking abt marci and toon more again recently #its just the two of them flirting in their mutual workplace environment with toon being dead serious and marci doing it ironically #the main thing is that marci was rly under the impression that toon like. hated her and was taunting her since they're friends with loonie #who long story short is marci's ex childhood best friend who she fell out with after the death of loonie's mom #the two are not on good terms in the slightest and marci knows very well that loonie would want her dead if she had been more honest #so as toon starts to like get more casual and like genuine with marci as the two spend more time together marci warms up somewhat but still #doesn't rly see toon as a friendly figure until they take her out to a museum and marci kind of snaps a bit and asks toon to stop beating #around the bush and is caught off guard when toon seems genuinely kind of hurt and meekly explains that they were just trying to help her #because she had seemed rly stressed and sad all the time and they thought that their lil dates had been helping her relax a bit #that confrontation left marci initially feeling confused but after the initial shock she was mostly left with a sense of dread and guilt #partially because she had just snapped at someone who she had grown to care abt for no reason and partially because she now felt that she #was hiding stuff from toon that would cause them to change their mind on her immediately if they knew #aka that she and loonie are divorced and that she thinks its mom sucked absolute ass (which she did) #oh and also that she used to have a crush on the guy that killed its mom who was also his mom which is also the reason she hates said mom #said mom treated him (aka midas) like shit and tried to get him killed several times #so when all hell broke loose marci at the end ended up mourning midas much more than his mom who everyone else was mourning #including loonie since it actually had a very positive relationship with its mom and a very distant relationship from its siblings #now marci never admitted all of this to anyone but she did act on those feelings to eventually lash out at loonie causing a huge fight #basically she yelled at it for being pushy and clingy and forcing her into a job she didnt want and expecting her to solve all its problems #the two dont necessarily hate eachother but they definitely heavily resent eachother #they still often long for eachothers companionship but not nearly enough for either to wanna make ammends #so toon quite liking both of them causes some internal conflict for the both of them #loonie is fully aware that toon has a big ol crush on marci but doesnt stop them from being friends with her even if it makes it sad #and marci rly wishes that toon wasnt friends with loonie but feels guilty for feeling that way #its a complicated situation and one that rly isn't helped by the fact that one of the three has the dead god queen mom #loonie could get away with a Lot and everyone knows it

[vi-enti]

nothing quite encapsulates the wlw yearning in my heart like Susie Save Your Love by allie x ft. mitski

#god i wish i could draw i want to paste the image in my head into everyone's heads #there's nothing quite like a silent car ride at night. maybe some music on low. you're driving and you're glancing at the girl next to you #she doesn't even know how much you love her. she's looking out the window. #this for the record has NEVER happened to me irl (i did have a very vivid dream like it) but it's about the feeling of the situation. #street lights go by and roads are empty and silence is enveloping you like a blanket. too many things left unsaid #hhhaaaahhhh. so hard to be 'in love' if that's what this is #god anyways i love allie x and mitski so much #moon babbles