#i will never forget when a math tutor i had in 8th grade who said he was going to “shame” me into turning in my homework on time

[tazzykiki]

I’m tired, angry and bored so here we go! A messy list of fucked up Public School Things that may or may not be a universal experience:

The Lunches were a mix of good and horrible:

I was usually fine with the lunches because they were pretty decent and, like, yay food! But looking back they were just, so wrong????

Like in my middle school lunches AND breakfast were a mess. I got food poisoning like once or twice from the breakfast and the lunch was pitiful. At one point they just stopped cooking the pasta and left a bunch of uncooked, powdery noodles in a plastic box like anyone was gonna grab them and be like “mm yes! my favorite! hard noodles!”. Like what the actual fuck.

The pizza was also in a box, none of the toppings were labeled so it was a gamble on what type you would get, and most of the time they were burnt. In HS the pizza was fine but it tasted fake as hell and I’m pretty sure they just took some rubber and put cheese on it.  

My HS lunches were better but even then it was just, really concerning how limited and odd the food was. Luckily we didn’t have to pay except for like cookies and stuff smaller than your hand that costs like $2 cuz they want to “promote healthiness” despite feeding us what is basically prison food.

The class sizes were horrifying: I’m sorry but what person can teach 30+ rowdy kids and be perfectly fine??? Not to mention this was the norm the whole day! Imagine grading all those papers, keeping track of every student, and making sure they all shut up long enough to teach. And that’s just for the teachers who actually care.

Like a class size should be a max of 20 with a few exceptions. Do you know how stressful it is for everyone involved? Not to mention, 30 kids was considered SMALL!! Some classes had 40, even 50 STUDENTS!!!! WHAT THE FUCK.

We never had enough books, or supplies, or anything. Usually by the half point of the year, half the books would be missing or destroyed and it was a mess. In HS the Drama and Music teachers had to deal with like, one class of 10-20, and then like 5 classes of 40-50(all mixed grades too). And you know what’s even more fucked up? There was only one of each teacher.

There was one drama teacher. Who btw deserves the world and legit cares about her job and students. I honestly hope she quit and went somewhere better. She had to put up with 40+ screaming kids, grade all of those assignments, deal with insult and harassment(she was plus-sized and white. So she couldn’t talk back, would get insulted, and more.The only white people allowed to be sassy in that school were funny white men that were laid back), and had barely enough supplies to get by.

There was one music teacher. Who also deserves the world and legit cares about her job and students. She had to deal with 40-50, almost 60+, kids. The majority of them being sophomores and freshman, with bits of seniors and juniors. She taught music, taught band, and organized events and performances. She is, I believe, the first and only music teacher in that school and that’s just so fucked up. Like imagine being one person and having to manage hundreds of students like that.

There was only one digital arts teacher but I have no idea what they did since you can’t choose what class you attend. I just know it was constantly crowded, never really applauded, and they weren’t involved in a lot of things.

Oh yes how could I forget the art teacher! Yeah no there was no art class that involved drawing and painting. Apparently that class was scrapped years ago and has now turned into a JROTC locker! :D Speaking of JROTC:

JROTC and Sports had too much support and that’s a serious problem:

Hey maybe it’s because I’m an art kid and I hate exercising(because every attempt to do so was met with laughter, humiliation, and the ridicule of my body even though I can’t control how my body grows and changes), but man did JROTC and sports(specifically football) have way too much attention.

We had not one, not two, but FOUR ENTIRE JROTC CLASSES! Classes training you to be in the military, specifically Air Force. Classes you HAD to take unless you wanted to be in gym(never had the class but from what I’ve heard, there were about 50-70 kids, mostly male, filling up that class and they didn’t do anything but play ball or whatever. All of course, taught by one guy).

Somehow this program had enough support for uniforms, 4 different classrooms, supplies, several teachers(all of whom were in the military at one point[they were chill except for the freshman teacher who called you a whiny baby for being in pain]), and more. 

Not to mention, every so often military people would come by with pretty pamphlets and fun little strength tests and have kids to sign up to newsletters and shit and ask them to join the military when they graduate so they can get free college and happy fun times!! :D

Football was given way too much attention, even over the other sports, and I absolutely hate it. Every month was about  football, football, football. So much money went into football, so much support went into football. Yeah yeah yeah follow your dreams or whatever the fuck they tell you on Disney Channel, but there was too much support on this one sport that involved kids breaking their heads open. 

Please please give me ONE valid reason why this irritating-ass sport had so much attention while art students, craft students, theater students, music students, students who want to work in literally any other field that doesn’t involve science or sports had to fucking scrape every tiny little chance they could from the crumbs that were left behind. PLEASE tell me why I had to join a completely different program that was hella exclusive and restricted to Juniors and Seniors that had a certain skill-level just to have a proper arts class while football players got a cool fancy bus, a shit ton of gear, and praise every single day(seriously their pictures and trophies were everywhere). 

Why is it that they get scholarships and full rides for throwing a ball around and bashing their brains open while I had to fucking destroy my hand and scramble around for some shit like $200 which I wouldn’t even get because I don’t have the skill to paint the mona lisa or whatever. Anywayyyy~

Hey what the fuck was up with the rules? Sorry kids but if you’re reading this, everything they tell you on tv about high school is a lie. Unless you watched the Dora the Explorer movie, then that was actually pretty accurate.

Hey is it weird we had metal detectors and legit police officers(who were armed) in our school? Is it weird that we had to wear plastic, see-through book-bags, that weren’t even given to us for free and were so weak that they had to get rid of that rule because they would break after like 2 months? Is it weird we were all stuffed into a nasty, sticky, pest-ridden, staircase right in front of the main doors in the morning because we weren’t allowed all the way inside for whatever reason unless it was for a club(i.e. sports)? Is it weird that we were all trapped in the lunch room by security guards because they didn’t want kids roaming the halls even though they already did? Is it weird we weren’t allowed to go to the bathroom and were always told “you should’ve went your last class” when your last class didn’t let you? Is it weird we weren’t allowed to use the bathroom and were always told that “you should’ve went during the transition time” even though the transition time was only 4 minutes and the hallways were so crowded that it’d be time for class by the time you’d get there?

Is it weird that when we were allowed to use the bathroom, all of the bathrooms were locked and only one on the other side of the school was open, and the majority of the stalls were broken? And they kept the bathrooms locked, even after school, because they didn’t want kids skipping class even though they still did?

Is it weird that if you didn’t have a belt(if you were male), or a part of your uniform, you would be prevented from going to class if there were no more temporary uniforms?

Is it weird that if one kid did something bad, the entire class would be punished and class time would be wasted and the point of punishment would be lost because the teacher wanted a taste of power or whatever?(hey one time in 8th grade, both classes had to stand in one long ass line for about half an hour because someone was talking and it was treated like it was a joke. this took up our breakfast time too)

Other Shit: One time my HS got like $20,000 and instead of using it to fix at least one thing, they wasted it on useless flatscreen tv’s and SAT “tutors” that taught us 3rd grade english & math, how to annotate(I swear to fucking god one more person try and teach me how to underline a motherfucking sentence---) and did absolutely nothing to help us. Meanwhile the football players were living like kings.

We had a strange assortment of teachers, ya’ll know about my junior and senior english teacher. But did I ever tell you about the freshman JROTC instructor? She was so much fun~ I remember one time!!! ooh this is a good one :DDDD!!!! that I was in so muuuuuch pain that I was crying and couldn’t move! and guess what!!!!???? ooh! ooh! guess! She called me a whiny baby and said I was overreacting!!!! omg? She was so right tho, I was totally overreacting to being in immense, insufferable, pain that no one even attempted to be concerned about~~ 

Oh here’s another good one: I used to cry a lot! It was horribly embarrassing and not fun~ I was either sick, on my period(which according to the multiple doctors I had to be rushed to, was normal and the intense pain was hereditary), or having an emotional breakdown~ This lasted from 5th grade to Senior Year of HS! :D

One time I was in a lot of pain, 7th grade I believe, and cried for a whole hour straight. What did my teacher do? Have me sit in class while everyone went to like social studies or whatever, talked with some teachers, and then complained about how I “cried and cried and cried for an hour straight” with no concern whatsoever. BTW the nurse was never there and even then she was kinda useless.

Don’t even get me started on the several times I was on my period and was actually screaming in pain and was still looked down on because a student screaming and hollering in pain is no cause for concern obviously~ Really surprising how a lot of the male teachers and staff were more concerned then the female ones, especially the science teacher who has a uterus, has multiple daughters, and the audacity to say I’m ~overreacting~. I’m so happy our teachers and schools have our priorities in order.

Note: If you’re horrified by this. Good. You should be.

More misc things: My HS had a shit ton of roaches, water bugs, and whatever those long disgusting things that walk around on the walls and fall off once you see them. Art meant nothing to them. Teacher sanity meant nothing, student sanity meant nothing. The principal was great and I blame whoever’s “funding” schools and working behind the scenes.  I know this was more about personal stuff, but like a lot of things like large classes, lack of supplies, lack of empathy from teachers, constant pests, horrible food, stupid rules that hurt us more than helped, really weird exposure to cops and military, and too much focus on one subject is super common in public schools and I really really want it to stop.

#tazzykiki #long post #public schools #here's that rant i promised #honestly greg was smart not sending steven to school #not telling what could've happened #cuz look at this shit #okay to reblog and even add on #plz tell me im not the only one

[etudias]

(Edit: I am aware of the typo in the title, it should be experience)

Hi there, my name is Alessandra and I am going to tell y’all about how the whole college application process went for me. I think my experience ended a little differently than most, or at least most that people will share. It honestly took a lot for me to feel comfortable posting this so I really hope that it will help someone out there. It is however a very long post, so I am going to break it up into sections, feel free to read only what you need/want.

1. Researching Schools

I got excited for college. I was excited to go to college for as long as I can remember and was looking up different schools on site’s like the college board one, bigfuture, which by the way, I recommend, since probably 10th grade. So come Junior year I had a bunch of schools I was interested in. I ended up visiting a few in Boston over spring break that year. I visited Harvard, MIT, and Boston University (clearly my sights were set high). I did not really think it was that important to visit colleges, and that I should just visit the ones I got into to help decide (I now know that college visits can actually really help you get into a top school). The summer before senior year I worked hard to narrow down my list. I ended up with 12 schools that I applied to. This may seem like a lot to some, or not many at all to others. Most people I know applied to more like 5-8, but I know some people who applied to 20+, you gotta do what’s right for you. I wanted to apply to more honestly, but based on costs that is the number my mother and I agreed upon.

2. The Schools

Okay so in alphabetical order here are the schools I applied to:

Barnard College

Brown University

Carnegie Mellon University

Case Western Reserve University

Duke University

Georgia Institute of Technology

Harvard University

Massachusetts Institute of Technology 

Stanford

University of California - Berkeley

University of Georgia

University of Pennsylvania

So, some reasoning on my choices. I heard someone say something that I fully agreed with, and after everything still do. That you should apply to as many reach schools as you can because it raises the chances of getting into just one. So with that I applied to a bunch of reaches, a few meets, and 1 safety. The one safety school I decided on was because it was in state and in my state if you have a 3.75+ GPA and some other requirements, you get full tuition to in state schools and I knew that given the money, there was really no other school that I could consider a safety school that I would choose over it. I still stand by this choice.

3. My Stats 

You are probably going to ask this and I’ve decided to be upfront and tell you because why the heck not. I sent in ACT scores, not SAT (although I did take it). I got a 32 (33 English, 33 Reading, 35 Science, 28 Math), I should have spent more time studying for the math as that score never changed, but it was my 3rd time taking the test and I was over it, my goal had been a 33, but to me that was close enough because I was tired. My GPA was a 3.875 unweighted and a 4.063 weighted. My school did not offer many AP courses, I took all that I could with the exception of 2 history courses that I had strong reasons for not taking and when I had my Harvard interview and I talked with the lady about it, she wholeheartedly agreed and said that as the counselor of her private school she even made her school stop offering those courses, so yeah I feel pretty valid about that. (Ended up taking 7 AP’s if you are curious about which ones, they are on my about page) I basically got all A’s in my academics, my B’s came from some arts classes and health, I know, I know. I’m going to briefly mention my school in this section because it is sort of related. I went to a public arts high school that is ranked number 2 in the state for academics and 75th in the nation. It was extremely rigorous.

4. Extracurricular’s and other application stuff

I was very involved. I participated in theater for all 5 years (my school was 8-12). I did technical theater and by 10th grade was crew head for shows and in 11th grade I worked every show (which at my school was a lot). Senior year I became a stage manager which is a big responsibility and sort of like being a president of a club, but even more responsibility. I calculated the hours I spent with theater junior year alone, 300 hrs. I was also very involved in orchestra, all 5 years. My school has 4 orchestra levels, the first two comprising the lower orchestra, 3&4 comprising the higher level orchestra, based on skill level, not age. I was in orchestra 2 for 8th and 9th grade, orchestra 3 for 10th and 11th grade, and orchestra 4 for senior year, orchestra 4 was a big deal, with only 11 members and you played not only in the higher level orchestra but also the touring orchestra. Lots of hours. I also played in my county’s honor’s orchestra for 2 years. I was on the executive board (basically president) of my schools National Honor Society (our school only opens it to seniors, so I was only in it for 1 year). I was part of Beta Club for 4 years. I was a math tutor. I founded a Girls Who Code club at my school and taught it. I was in our award winning mock trial for 2 years. I was a member of my schools Gay Straight Alliance. I babysat all throughout high school. I did more than that but this is already long enough and you can tell that basically, I was a try hard.

   Let’s talk about summers. The summer after 10th grade I went to a 7 week long summer immersion program for coding called Girls Who Code. The summer after junior year I went to a week long orchestra camp, then my states Governor’s Honor’s program, which in my state is very prestigious and hard to get into (I think its like a 10% acceptance rate). I was a software engineering major and a math minor there. (Those are really the summers that count, but all other summers I went to orchestra camp)

   More application stuff, I had a fair amount of school awards as well as the aforementioned Governor’s Honor’s. I got recommendations from my pre calculus teacher, who I founded a Girls Who Code club with, and my world history/ap psych teacher. They both loved me and I’m sure wrote great recommendations (with the exception of UGA where I did not send any). All the schools I had interviews with went extremely well. I was a legacy for Duke. I had an alumni friend write an AMAZING letter of rec for CMU. I felt my essays were strong (and checked by 3 or so people).

   My major: I basically applied everywhere as a computer science major. I felt good about this with the way I spent my summers, some of my extracurricular, and classes I chose to take. I wrote a fair amount of essays about this and I feel as though my applications demonstrated the work I had put into bringing more people (especially women) into STEM, specifically cs, and my interests and knowledge of cs.

5. The Decisions

Finally the good part right? Well at least for you readers. I’ll go in order of the decisions (although towards the end I forget the order a bit because it was tech week and show weeks for my schools biggest production, I was busy) and add some commentary on some. (All regular decision unless otherwise noted)

MIT (Early Action) - rejected, it hurt a little being my first, but not unexpected

Case Western (Early Action) - deferred, then waitlisted, then rejected, everyone from my school got the exact same decisions from them and there were people from the bottom of my class to the very top lol

University of Georgia - accepted, oh boy I cried because finally thank goodness somewhere at least

Georgia Tech - waitlisted, then rejected, this one still stings, people with all around weaker applications from my school got in that applied early. the acceptance rate dropped from 40% to 8% between early and regular, biggest regret is not applying here early, once I was waitlisted here I felt for sure I wouldn’t get in anywhere else

Barnard College - waitlisted, still waiting to hear. at this point i just felt like I was getting waitlisted everywhere

Harvard - rejected, expected as are basically the rest of these

U Penn - rejected 

Brown - rejected

UC Berkeley - rejected

Duke - rejected, but damn that letter I’m still mad about, like the fact the I got rejected was unsurprising at that point, but they sent me 3 long paragraphs of rejection bc I was a legacy saying how sorry they were and how many times they reconsidered my application. One sentence would have been better.

Stanford - rejected

CMU - rejected, and man I knew it was coming but it was the last school I heard from, my last hope, and it was closing day for my last school musical, this was a bad day, not so much for this one school but just the process in general

6. Reflections

So I got into 1 school, yup just 1. My safety school that’s it. Let me tell you I was devastated, not over any particular school, but that I didn’t get into any others. I ate 4 donuts and cried a whole lot the day of that last rejection. I got really REALLY stuck on the fact that I would only ever read that one acceptance letter, that one congratulations. I moped around and was sad and upset with my self and full of regrets like why did I not apply to more schools, it was a bad time. But let me tell you that time really showed my what good some friends could be, friends really helped me through that. Even though I had only one school I waited till the last minute to commit. So yes, fall 2018 UGA here I come, go dawgs! (and really its not a bad school, especially the honors program) I worked really hard to get myself excited for this school and as much as I am, with the major I want to go into, I know it is in my best interests to transfer, no matter how much I do not like the idea of transferring (its a good school don’t get me wrong, just not the best for my major). I am still trying to come to terms with the idea of transferring and honestly this whole process in general. I do not think I would have done things much differently, I put my best into my applications, honestly if I changed anything I would have just applied to more schools and probably only more reaches or meet/reaches at that. I have come to accept the decisions (mostly, I still get quite down about it from time to time). It was an odd year for decisions at my school in general. We usually send a good amount of students to top top schools like ivies and the equivalent, but this year no one got into any, heck our valedictorian is going to UGA too. (I think it has something to do with our class being super strong overall, 50% had a 4.0+ weighted, so therefore none of us really stood out) So yeah it really freaking hurts only getting into one school, I’m pretty sure I went through all the stages of grief, but now I am in acceptance and just getting excited for college!! and I am SO EXCITED

   If anyone has any questions about this process, my inbox is open.

#college #studyblr #appblr #study masterpost #college masterpost #college apps #college applications #studyspo #college advice #advice #university #college help #school #studyquill #emmastudies #evergracest #tbhstudying #focusign #mine #text #masterpost

[thinkingaboutyoungroyals]

We Keep This Love In A Photograph

 (This one-shot request is from an anon and is based on some of my headcanons. This is also available to read on AO3. Hope you like it, anon!)

Locker doors opened and shut. Feet shuffled against the cold but clean linoleum floor. Students chattered left and right, hugging, giving each other high-five’s, and exchanging stories from their summer vacation. A couple expressed their lament about the end of the summer, but others were thrilled that they could see their friends every day again.

Amidst the throng of excited students, Cyrus stood in front of his locker, eyes trained on the neatly-arranged books and notebooks. He made sure they were all arranged according to his class schedule for easy access. Satisfied, he turned his attention to the back of the locker door. It was bare for now. 

Cyrus reached into his book bag and took out a mini pouch of fun-looking magnets, post-it notes, and a single photo.

With his lips jutting out in concentration, he neatly arranged the magnets in a line. Above them, he stuck 3 stacks of post-it notes in yellow, pink, and green. And above those, his class schedule, already color-coded. Then, he took the photo and placed it underneath the line of magnets before taking one of the said magnets (one with a bright smiley face on it) and used it to hold the photo in place.

TJ’s signature smirk stared back at him, his arm around a smiling Cyrus throwing a peace sign. They had taken it during one of their many dates at the park.

Cyrus sighed, sadly. God, he missed TJ.

He thought he would be able to handle his boyfriend’s absence in school a bit better. But, now that that day had finally come, he realized that it just felt too strange and odd not to have TJ waiting for him with a chocolate chocolate chip muffin or meeting him at his locker so he could walk Cyrus to homeroom. 

His chest was all tight and he kind of felt like crying, but he had to try and remain strong. He promised TJ that he would be fine and he would do his best to be. He couldn’t rely on his boyfriend always being there to give him the push he needed. It was time to do that, himself.  

“Hey, Cy! Ready for class?” 

Andi and Buffy walked up to him, all smiles and cheer. But, seeing Cyrus’ face, their excitement turned worried.

“Are you okay?” Andi asked.

Cyrus cleared his throat and nodded, forcing a smile. “Of course! Why wouldn’t I be? I get to see you guys every day now!”

He turned back to his locker to grab his things for the day, still smiling. But, when he moved to close his locker, his eye caught the photo. His smile disappeared again and he sighed before he could stop himself.

Quick as lightning, Andi and Buffy sidled up to his sides and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, offering comfort.

“It’s okay, Cy,” Buffy said. “You guys will meet up again.”

“Yeah,” Andi agreed. “And for the record, I miss Jonah too. So I totally get it.”

Cyrus suddenly felt sheepish, realizing that she, too, must be feeling forlorn. Jonah had also graduated (though, he was going to a different high school than TJ.)

“Sorry,” he said to her, feeling guilty at forgetting. 

“Don’t be,” Andi reassured him with a smile. “We all miss our boys.”

Buffy snorted. “Your boys. Not mine.”

Andi looked offended. “Oh, come on, admit it. You miss them too.”

“I miss that I can’t beat TJ on a one-on-one in front of the entire team anymore. That’s what I miss.”

At that, Cyrus felt himself laughing for the first time all morning. Buffy would never admit it but she probably missed her frenemy more than she realized. After all, no one else in school challenges her competitive side more than TJ did. (Except maybe Marty from the party but they didn’t talk about him much anymore.)

 Like always, his friends always knew how to make him feel better.

“Thanks, guys,” he said to them, gratefully. “Let’s take a selfie to commemorate this day! We’re 8th graders!”

With a cheer, Cyrus took out his phone and handed it to Buffy, who had the longest arm among the three of them. 

“Say, baby taters!” he said.

“Baby taters!”

Buffy took the photo and Cyrus immediately posted it online, captioning it: “8th Grade! Will be a blast with the GHC! #friendship #GoodHairCrew #Squadgoals.”

As he clicked on “post”, he got a sudden idea. He opened up a text window and typed, “First day of 8th grade! Feels weird without you. Miss you! *kiss emoji* *sad face emoji* *heart emoji*”

Satisfied, he sent it to TJ. He hoped it would make him smile on his first day of the oh-so-scary new environment called high school.

Taking one last glance at the photo on his locker and smiling at it, he closed the locker, grabbed his things, and linking arms with his best friends, they walked to class.

......................

A mile or so away, in Jefferson High School, TJ was also at his locker. He had taped his schedule to his locker door, taking the tip from Cyrus to color-code it so he could keep track of what he needed for the day. 

A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips as he thought of his boyfriend, only a couple of miles away yet he felt even farther than just the 20-minute walk between the two schools. He knew he could still see Cyrus during weekends but it was different seeing him every day, walking him to class, eating lunch with him, and doing homework with him... and, maybe, sneaking in a kiss behind a locker door or a book when no one was looking.

Well, one thing was for sure, his first year of high school was not going to be fun. He had gone to Middle School with some of the students here, but it wasn’t like they really talked to him back then. 

Before Cyrus, he was just an unapproachable bully whose only saving grace was being captain of the basketball team. And after he and Cyrus started hanging out and eventually dating, he mostly hung out with him and his friends. But, obviously, the GHC were all still in 8th grade and Jonah Beck had gone to a different school that had an ultimate frisbee team. 

Great. He missed Cyrus AND made himself feel even more like a lonely loser who had no friends.

Just as he closed his locker door with a loud ‘slam’, his phone ping-ed with a text. It was from Cyrus.

His lips twitched into a smile as he opened it up. A photo of his Cyrus, Andi, and Buffy stared back at him. They were all smiles but he could see that his boyfriend’s smile wasn’t up to his ears.

“First day of 8th grade! Feels weird without you. Miss you! *kiss emoji* *sad face emoji* *heart emoji*”

TJ’s chest felt warm as he giddily texted back: “I miss you too. *cry emoji* *broken heart emoji*”

It was a simple exchange, but he felt his mood improve and he felt more ready to start the day. Cyrus had a way of doing that.

God, he really missed him.

........................

Every day, for the entire week, Cyrus would start his school day by staring at TJ’s smirking self on his locker door before taking out his cell phone and taking a selfie. Then, he would send the selfie to TJ with a cute text about missing him and how he hopes he has a nice day at school.

He kind of felt silly doing it so much, but he couldn’t help it. He just really, really, really missed TJ. They couldn’t even meet after school because apparently, high school meant having a lot of homework in the first week so TJ had been staying after school working with his Math teacher since they hadn’t found a tutor for him yet.

On Wednesday, TJ had sent him a photo of his locker. TJ’s middle school locker had been bare except for his books, but this time, it wasn’t. Tacked on to the metal door was his class schedule (specially color-coded by Cyrus himself), a pad of post-it notes, and, Cyrus’ favorite, a photo of the two of them. It was one they had taken at TJ’s graduation dinner at the Spoon with the GHC and Jonah. Cyrus had wrapped his arms around TJ’s neck and tucked his head onto his shoulder, both sporting tooth-y smiles as they looked at the camera. It was one of Cyrus’ favorite photos of the two of them and now, clearly, one of TJ’s as well.

Thursday came and went with nothing remarkable happening. Except for when he got hit in the head with a basketball during Gym class. He told TJ this, who, in turn, told him that they would continue working on his basketball skills.

(”I’m a lost cause! You know this!” Cyrus had said to him on the phone. 

“No, you’re not, we can work on it,” TJ had replied, calmly.)

And before he knew it, it was Friday.

The week couldn’t have ended faster. Cyrus just wanted Friday to end so Saturday could start and he could see TJ again.

And, finally, finally, FINALLY, the final bell rang. Cyrus joined his fellow classmates in heading out the door and to their lockers. Andi fell into step beside him. Buffy didn’t have the same last class as them so they would have to meet her at her locker.

“So, are we going to the Spoon today?” Cyrus asked. “Since we survived our first day of 8th grade, I think it’s a cause for celebration with some baby taters, and milkshakes! What do you say?”

Andi flashed a smile. “Yes! Of course! Meet with Buffy at her locker?”

Cyrus gave a thumbs up and headed for his locker while Andi broke away so she could run to hers. (Why must their lockers be on separate floors?!)

Opening his locker, Cyrus’ eyes immediately locked on the photo there. He smiled, touching the image of TJ’s face, softly. He couldn’t wait to see him. Maybe he should text him and see if he could meet them at the Spoon later.

So, he took out his phone and sent a quick text before putting it away and gathering all of the things he needed for the weekend. He didn’t have much homework. His teachers were merciful this first week.

Ready for the weekend, Cyrus strolled through the halls towards the first floor where Buffy and Andi’s lockers were. Andi was already there, chatting with Buffy. She caught sight of him and waved him over.

“Hey, guys, ready to go?” he asked, smiling with excitement.

“Actually, I think I need a minute, I can’t find my Science textbook,” Buffy said, pouting.

“Oh, do you need help looking? Maybe you left it somewhere.”

“Yes, we’ll help, definitely!” Andi piped.

Buffy looked through her locker once before sighing. “I think I might have left it in the Science lab. Or in homeroom. Or maybe the library. I’m not sure.”

“Oh, I know! I can look in the Science lab and Buffy can look in homeroom. Cyrus, why don’t you look in the library?”

Cyrus furrowed his eyes in confusion, wondering why they just couldn’t look together. Nonetheless, he shrugged and headed back up the stairs towards the third floor, Buffy trailing behind him. The Science Lab was on the first floor and Buffy’s homeroom was on the second.

He scanned the library tables, in between bookshelves, and even rummaged through the “return” box, but Buffy’s science book was nowhere to be found. He thought about getting on his hands on the floor and check the gap under the bookshelves when Buffy sent him a text, saying that she found it in the lost and found and to meet them outside.

By then, there were barely any students left. A few had stayed behind for extracurriculars but otherwise, the halls were empty.

Finally, he made it out of the school and he was more than ready to just head to the Spoon and indulge. Just as they said, Buffy and Andi were waiting outside.

“Ready to go?” he asked them.

The two girls flashed each other mysterious looks before Andi looked down at her phone. 

“Actually, can we wait here for about 2 more minutes?” she asked.

Cyrus frowned. “Why? Are we waiting for someone?”

“Yes, yes we are,” Buffy said with a smirk.

Confused, Cyrus just said, “O... kay?”

All of a sudden, Andi let out a squeal. “He’s here!”

“He?”

Buffy grinned. “Cyrus, turn around.”

Still confused, Cyrus obeyed, slowly turning on his heels. At first, he wasn’t sure who or what he was supposed to be looking at. But, the sight of familiar light brown hair bobbing in the air had him gasping in shock and surprise. He blinked several times to be sure he wasn’t imaging things.

But, sure enough, there was TJ, in the flesh, running up to them, his backpack hanging loosely from one shoulder. 

Cyrus was no athlete but he felt his legs willingly move forward, breaking into a run towards the high schooler who had now stopped in his tracks and dropped his backpack on the ground. Cyrus, with all the little strength he had, practically leaped into TJ’s waiting arms, wrapping his own arms around the older boy’s neck.

“You’re here!” Cyrus cheered, happily as TJ’s hold on his waist tightened. “You’re here! I missed you! I missed you so much! You have no idea!”

At his ear, TJ let out a laugh, making Cyrus’ heart skip a beat. How he missed that sound too!

“I think I have a fair idea,” the older boy said, teasingly. “I missed you too, Underdog. Really, really missed you.”

Cyrus wasn’t sure how long they stood there, hugging. But, he was perfectly content staying like that. TJ’s hug. TJ’s smell. TJ’s little chuckles. They were all overwhelming his senses, he was afraid his knees would buckle.

But, all good things had to end, sometimes.

“Come on, you gross lovebirds! Aren’t we getting baby taters and milkshakes?” Buffy called out, sounding annoyed.

“Yeah! And Jonah is already there waiting!” Andi added, a bit more playfully.

Reluctantly, Cyrus pulled away from TJ, but refused to move more than a step away from him. He had missed him so, therefore, he would invade his personal space until Cyrus was satisfied.

Buffy pretended to throw up as she linked her arm through Andi’s and began to tow her away from the sickeningly sweet couple.

Meanwhile, TJ had picked up his backpack from the ground and swung it onto his shoulder. With a soft smile just for Cyrus, he held out his hand to him.

“Shall we, my kind sir?” he asked, politely.

Cyrus felt proud as he slipped his hand into it, linking their fingers. “Lead the way, my gallant knight.”

Together, they followed after the two girls, hands swinging playfully between them.

Even though Cyrus knew that they were going to be apart again, at that moment, all that mattered was that TJ was right there next to him, holding his hand. And he wasn’t planning on letting go any time soon.

#tyrus #tyrusdrabble

[biopsychs]

Don’t Let Calculus D(e)rive You Mad

I was always one of those people who thought some people were naturally good at math and if I wasn’t one of those people then there was nothing I could do about it. I thought I wasn’t “a math person” and would use that description as an excuse. Is math one of my weaker subjects? Sure but that’s mostly because I let years of bad habits get in the way of my current work. This caught up to me in my first semester of calculus (calc I) at university, where calculus was my worst class. Here’s the thing: if you’re not “a math person” make yourself one. In my second semester of calculus (calc II) I improved my mark by an entire letter grade (something I never thought possible). How? Through hard work and by understanding that I would have to work harder than some people because of my past study habits.

Know your pre-calculus well! You will struggle so much if you forget the basics. My prof said not having a good grasp of the basics is the number one reason why students will struggle with calculus. Invest time before/at the beginning of the semester to really review the stuff you learned in high school. (Khan Academy is the best way to review, in my opinion. They have challenge questions you can do for each section. Try a couple of questions for each section. If you can’t answer the question easily, watch the accompanying videos for that section first. Do this for sections you forget or know you struggle with.) Be confident in your basic mental math too, especially under pressure. I wasn’t allowed a calculator on any of my midterms or finals for calc and you don’t want to waste time on easy math that you should know lightning fast anyway.

Attend every lecture, especially if you’re even slightly confused. If you’re behind, try not to get even more behind by skipping class (obviously use your own judgement, but don’t skip unless it’s totally necessary). Don’t sit near the back of the class if you know you won’t pay attention.

Don’t just sit there and copy down notes. Be attentive in class and follow along with examples the best you can. If you get lost at a certain step in a problem put a star beside it. After class, study and attempt the problem on your own. If you still don’t understand, go to a TA or prof for help. They will be able to provide better help if they can see exactly where you got lost.

Keep your notes simple. I would use either blue or black pen for the majority of my notes and use one other colour to emphasize parts of my notes (indicate where I got lost, circle important follows, highlight which section of the textbook the class was at, etc.) Keep your notes neat and leave a gap, if you fall behind during a lecture (just remember to get the notes from someone else later). I also recommend using a grid paper notebook, for when you need to draw graphs.

Get a mini notebook! I bought a tiny notebook for cheap and filled it with a (very) condensed version of my notes, throughout the semester. I wrote down common derivatives and integrals, shapes of common graphs, important theorems and formulas, etc. This is especially helpful for calc II, because you’ll have all the necessities from calc I handy.

Advice for using Maple for math labs (if this applies to you): Pay attention to tutorials and ask questions. Complete as many assignment questions as you can in the lab/when a TA is present. If you have any other assignment questions to finish up make sure you work on them at least a few days before they’re due, so you have time to ask for help if you need it. Also, Maple can be a stupid program. You could be missing just one number, letter, or symbol and it won’t work. Or you could have it exactly right and it still won’t work (retyping your input in a new worksheet usually helps). To remedy these issues, I would work on assignments with friends and compare what our worksheets looked like. Oh and TAs love if you give your variables funny names or change the colours of your graph, because they’re all nerds (and so are you, so embrace it).

Do as many practice problems as you can. Calculus is a class where you learn by doing. Do questions till you understand the concept. If problems are recommended, treat them as if they’re actually due (otherwise you’ll just tell yourself you didn’t have enough time to do any practice problems). My number one mistake was not doing enough practice problems and just assuming I knew how to answer the problem (if you can’t answer the entire question from start to finish, then you don’t actually understand the concept).

Please don’t fall behind. Stay on top of things and prioritize what needs to be done (i.e. treat practice problems from the chapter you just learned on equal footing with the lab report you have due -- if you treat it as a priority, you will get it done). But, if you do fall really behind, don’t wait until it’s too late to ask for help. Just remember, there’s always something you can do (even if you feel like you don’t know anything and there’s not enough time for any practice problems before your midterm). Identify what you need to learn before you can do anything else (i.e. work on understanding basic integration before you try to do something more complicated like trigonometric substitution) and fit in as many practice questions as you can.

Don’t give up! If you don’t understand a concept right away you just have to keep trying! For practice problems, try to find an answer without looking at your notes. If you can’t figure it out from there, look in your lecture notes and textbook for any relevant formulas, examples, or similar questions. Try to answer the problem again. If you get it, be sure to fully complete another practice problem without any outside references. If you can’t figure out an answer then you should seek help from another person!

Don’t forget everything you learned at the beginning of the semester -- review, review, review! Check out this explanation on the curve of forgetting. If you continually review what you learned, for only short periods of time, you will remember so much more and save yourself time in the end!

Utilize the resources available to you. I have a list of online resources at the end of this post, but don’t overlook what’s right in front of you. Go to your prof’s office hours, ask a TA for help, and take advantage of any tutoring or study groups. My uni has a math and science centre where upper year students are always available to help other students with practice problems. If you join a course union, they sometimes offer free tutoring.

Study in a productive environment. This varies by person but personally I need a quiet environment, with ideally no noise or only instrumental music, bright/natural lighting, and nothing to distract me (I hide my phone and only have one pen or pencil out). If you like to listen to music when you study, math is one of those subjects where you can listen to music with words.

Improve your test-taking skills. (1) On an exam, understanding a concept is no use if it takes you forever answer the question. Do lots of practice problems till you immediately know how to answer any kind of question. Speed can be key on exams. (2) My strategy is to flip through the exam booklet as I get it. I answer the questions I can do easily, first, and leave the really difficult ones till the end. (3) Show all of your work! Don’t lose marks because you didn’t show all of your work. (4) Expect your exams to be challenging and prepare accordingly. Overlearn the material. Prepare specifically for the exam by completing past exams/practice exams in an environment that mimics the test-taking environment.

Get every mark you can, because the little marks make a big difference. If you don’t know how to answer a question on an exam, write down any formula or theorem that could relevant. If you try to figure out a solution and know that it’s most likely incorrect, but don’t have enough time/knowledge to find the correct answer, just leave your work there (don’t erase it). There’s always a chance you could be on the right track or nice markers will give you a point or two for trying. Something is always better than nothing.

Focus on the applications of calculus (it’ll make the semester a whole lot more interesting)! A physics major won’t necessarily use calculus the same way a bio or chem major might, but that doesn’t mean some calculus isn’t useful for all of those majors to know. I’ve always planned to major in biology and looking ahead at classes I will need calculus for biostatistics and genetics classes. Never tell yourself something isn’t useful because then you’ll never treat it like it’s useful. Also, my prof taught a whole lecture about how calculus could be used to account for all the variables that could affect population if a zombie apocalypse ever happened, so obviously calculus has at least one really important use :)

Resources

A bit of advice: These are called resources for a reason. It’s okay once in a while to use some of the resources to find a full solution for a practice problem, but don’t abuse it. It is so so easy to just look up the answer but you’re only hurting yourself in the end.

Desmos (Online graphing calculator - I’ve made it through so far without actually buying a graphing calculator)

Khan Academy (Step by step videos and practice questions! You can go your own speed with the videos! My top recommendation!!!)

Paul’s Online Math Notes (If your prof doesn’t provide you with decent lecture notes, these ones are great!)

Symbolab (They have a calculator for derivatives, integrals, series, etc. and I like the way they split up the steps to solve.)

Slader (find your textbook on here and they’ll give you all the solutions to questions!)

Textbooks: I used the Single Variable Calculus: Early Transcendentals (8th edition, by James Stewart) and it was awesome. The way it was set up and all the examples really helped me (I just wish I had used it more)

This post by @quantumheels is seriously fantastic (and she has lots of good advice for other topics too, one of my favourite blogs)

My Other Posts:

AP lit tips, high school biology, how to ace intro psych, organization tips, physics doesn’t have to suck: how to enjoy and do well in your required physics classes, recommended reads, reminders for myself, using your time wisely on public transport, what i learned from university (first year), what i learned from high school

#studyblr #calculus #phctcsynthesis #quantumheels #etudiance #academla #inteqrals #intellectys #focusign #revisicn #heysareena #heyscholarly #studybuzz #studyquill #elkstudies #mine

[veneficiumitas]

SHADOW WORK CHALLENGE ► Day 2: Childhood - The Birth of the Shadow

Tarot Q: What facet of my childhood have I overlooked or otherwise need to reevaluate?

THE HANGED MAN

it seems as if the hanged man is telling me i should spend time in (transpersonal?) meditation and/or reflection of my past. it is through suspending myself with my own discernment and intuition, will the answer come to me. only time will tell.

🍂

“Infancy, childhood, and adolescence all set the stage for the development and reinforcement of the shadow. For the sake of brevity, I am using the term ‘childhood’ to cover all of these life stages, however. Bear that in mind whenever I refer to childhood throughout this challenge.”

“Trace back your memories as far as you can. Try to overview your early life in as much detail as possible. Articulate or otherwise express how you experienced childhood as a whole. Heed to any areas of resistance you encounter. Note pivotal turning points or memories that stand out. Attempt to recall the first time you experienced emotions like sadness, anger, jealousy, anxiety, remorse, and contempt.”

🍂

i had a relatively decent childhood. the only abuse i suffered was at the ‘disciplinary’ hands of my mother who was toeing the line of physical abuse until my aunt intervened. i still ran from her, hid under tables, and cried a lot. i was a very oversensitive child who couldn’t bear the brunt of jokes, and i’ve soon come to find that i exhibited symptoms of RSD. both my parents had also emotionally neglected me, so i guess that explains my fragmented sense of self and my perpetual confusion with my emotions.

► MEMORIES THAT STAND OUT:

4-6 YEARS OLD

my mom hitting me with a wooden spoon for shaking and dropping my medicine on the couch; i hid behind my dad who argued with her.

despite all this, i was bold somewhat as a child, holding hands with the boy i liked (then getting yelled at for doing so when there was size order) and having seen a budding friend of mine in kindergarten play fight with another girl whom i mistook at first glance as serious, i tore them apart forcefully only for the girl to grumble that they were only playing. i never came between anyone after that because i took it that i was too dumb to realize that or anything of the sort. i had also asked the other girl in 2nd grade to be my best friend, which she agreed to.

in kindergarten, i had a bully who i can only remember having ripped scissors out of my hand at some point and me subsequently bawling amongst other mean-spirited jives at me.

i was somewhat friends with another girl who was a chronic thief, and due to this alongside her bullying personality, she had a bad reputation.a few grades or so later, i became the bully for a moment when i sneered at her while teasing her about a ‘loser crown.

at some mcdonald’s playground, i was playing with some girl and some random boys would call me an “ugly booger face” or whatever unimaginably horrible insult a 6 year old could come up with, and i remember feeling relieved they weren’t talking about me but the girl i was with, thus i laughed along until it was evident they were talking about me. i told my uncle who mistook what i said, and told all the boys in this particular roomy area of the structure to let me play with them. i felt obligated to crawl in and just started awkwardly jumping around, playing by myself in the end

7-13 YEARS OLD

i wanted to be like one of the ‘cool kids’ and jumped over a single step; then got yelled at by my teacher. i wouldn’t stop incessantly crying, declaring “i hated school” as my dad told my teacher upon seeing me, and i wouldn’t stop well until a few hours later despite my mom’s lackluster efforts in comforting me until she’d yell at me to shut up.

in 2nd grade, i pointlessly fought with a girl over her stuff spilling over into my side of the desk, until we both ended up crying.

i cried until i got a bloody nose over the division of farm animalsbetween me and my group members for some silly project???

a lot of the time in middle school i’d forget things in my bag. in 3rd grade, i once left my folder in my cubby and once i mustered up the courage to ask to go get it, i got yelled at. i held my tears in.

in 4th grade, i accidentally got a small hairbrush tangled in my hair as i was playing with it. incredibly embarrassed, i asked to go to the bathroom to sort it out myself, and stayed for the longest time trying with my ‘friend’ at the time. when i came back to class after going to the nurse despite my humiliated judgement, i got yelled at and the rest of my day was sour.

got cyberbullied due to a shoddily-filmed video of my 5th grade school supplies. in the comments, people would continuously call me a myriad of things-- the most common of them being “whore” and “slut” for some reason? i wanted them to hurt too, so i fired back with replies of my own.

PIVOTAL POINT: in 6th grade, my mental health took a turn for the worst. this was the beginning of the downhill battle i’d still come to fight with today. my hygiene was poor which i’d be self-conscious about, but my mom never taught me basic things i should know growing up so i never bothered with it. one day when a girl was crying because of some other mean girls at my table, another girl i knew said “well at least they didn’t say anything about amaris” to which the girl viciously lashed out with “YES, they have; they talk about how ugly she is!” i always knew people talked shit about me behind my back, and this solidified my belief. i’d also come to overhear the first girl playing “would you rather” with me and presumably a few other ‘ugly’ people. this is the year i started to romanticize mental illness, depression, and suicide.

a friend i had made in 7th grade who was a pathological liar (she was a leo of course lmfao) always got on my last nerve. can’t begin to list all the instances my blood would boil around her (anger?)

other friend had agreed to a jab i had made myself at my mother and i got very pissed off at that.

in 8th grade, i broke down during in-school math tutoring, triggered by the teachers there talking about me and how i would look pretty in a dress or something of the sort. i remember crying out that i thought that i had body dysmorphia. i got sent to the guidance counselor who would basically tell me to practice affirmations in a mirror

broke down again about figuring out how to get home when i was hanging out with a group of stoner kids at a bonfire, having one of them who apparently had a crush on me invite me. i think this was because i felt like a nuisance and bother

14-17 YEARS OLD

real jealousy happened when i met a group of juniors as a freshman with my only friend at the time who was considerably more conventionally attractive than me. the only two guys of the group who we both semi-crushed on pined after her in a oddly manipulative dance of sorts while i got pushed to the sidelines just to witness it all.

i’d get jealous every time she’d mention something about her boyfriend at the time who ended up being one of the juniors we met freshman year. i eventually told her “i didn’t want to hear it” when she told me he called her ‘sweetheart’ for the first time

more jealousy when we both crushed on the same dude later in the year, and she’d supposedly subconsciously flirt and hold his attention for longer than anything i had to offer, or so it seemed

i broke down after talking to an internet friend of mine about aforementioned crush via text, i’d come to dub this night/break down as the first time i’ve ever really felt raw and what it means to feel alive

my melancholia would begin sometime during junior year

anxiety was prominent all throughout my early life, mainly during the night in the dark. my paranoia due to particularly watching the bottom feeder and chucky made me believe they were always just about to jump out and kill me, so i’d constantly lay wide-eyed in bed during the night. in the 3rd grade, i would sleep under the covers due to how big of a thing bloody mary was at the time and my friend group was heavily involved in it. (PIVOTAL POINT) i think the brunt of anxiety started this year, in my senior year, 17 year old me at the start of september would constantly cry/have anxiety attacks before school. come to think of it now, the anxiety became more visceral in my junior year

i’ve never felt real, palpable contempt; maybe the only time i’ve come the closest was when i told a kid who targeted me constantly to annoy, “kill yourself.”

remorse is not an emotion i’ve felt often, i don’t think. i’ll have to contemplate more on this.

(x)

#entry #shadow work challenge #shadow work #deviant moon tarot