#i was maintaining that she loves them both and jc mostly knows it and also that there's basically nothing she wouldn't forgive him for | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ouyangzizhensdad · 3 years

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Perhaps you'd like a an ask that's not discourse related? If so, then I wanted to ask you if you know what jin zixuan thought of jin guangyao?

Hi anon,

I appreciate your non-discourse-related ask 😉. Your question made me realise that the novel seems to explicitly avoid giving us any real sense of what Jin Zixuan thought of Jin Guangyao, or how he reacted to the ways other people treated JGY. It seems that JZX remained unaware at the time that Meng Yao came on his birthday--and literally got kicked out. At Phoenix Mountain, JZX stops being mentioned after JGY appears and while his mother mistreats him--he’s only brought back into the narration at the very end to scream at JYL. JZX is also absent the night that WWX goes to Jinlintai to confront the Jins about Qiongqi path and in the direct aftermath. But let’s dig for crumbs and make sense of gaps, and let’s see what we can infer from them.

We know that, originally, Jin Zixuan was the epitome of the proud Jin: “The ways of the Jin Sect were proud, and Jin Zixuan inherited every single drop of this. With his high standards, he had been unsatisfied with this engagement since a long time ago.“ We could wonder if the circumstances of JGY’s birth would have been something JZX would have judged him for. We know that he took offense to WWX’s persona, although it is not spelled out exactly what offended him specifically: “Because of this engagement, Jin Zixuan had no positive impressions of the YunmengJiang Sect, and had frowned upon Wei Wuxian’s behavior since some time ago.“ However, it’s unclear whether the circumstances of WWX’s birth influenced how he perceived his behaviour. All we know for sure is that two other Jin family members--his father and Jin Zixun--never forgot about it and brought it up. We also know that in the past, JZX felt comfortable ignoring people’s good will towards him if he felt he was motivated in his view of them, as he did with JYL in the past:

Jin-furen had brought him to Lotus Pier a couple of times. Neither Wei Wuxian nor Jiang Cheng liked to play with him; only Jiang Yanli wanted to feed him the food that she made. Jin Zixuan, however, didn’t really like to pay her any attention.

At the same time, we do know that JZX had a sense of righteousness, what with him standing up against Wen Chao at Dusk-Creek Mountain. Likewise, we see with the soup incident that at least when it comes to a low-level cultivator who is a servant, a good deed done towards him without trying to gain his gratitude is enough to earn his respect, and for JZX to take action to raise the standing of that person:

Cleverly, the woman never acknowledged anything, but instead denied it ambiguously, her cheeks flushed, making it sound as though she was the one who did it, but didn’t want Jin Zixuan to know how much trouble she went through. And thus, Jin Zixuan didn’t force her to admit it any longer. However, in action, he had began to respect the cultivator. He began to pay attention to her, even raising her from a servant to a guest cultivator.

JZX even tells JYL: “Don’t think that just because you come from a powerful sect that you can steal and trample other people’s feelings. Some people, even if they come from poor backgrounds, their character are much better than the former’s. Please watch your conduct.” This underlines that, regardless of his upbringing, and perhaps even views that he might have held at some point in his life, at this point JZX seemed to want to judge others based on their character rather than their background. Of course, we can wonder if that reserve of good will would have extended to his half-brother, especially one that could try to take his place as the heir. However, considering the circumstances, from JGY’s birth to JGS’s decision to give him a name that did not align him with the same generation as JZX, we can wonder if anyone ever perceived then JGY as someone who could potentially become the next sect leader, as seen in this exchange between WWX and JC:

Jiang Cheng smirked, “Don’t carry your sword, then. It doesn’t matter. But don’t provoke Jin Zixuan from now on. He’s Jin Guangshan’s only son, after all. The future leader of the LanlingJin Sect will be him. If you beat him up, what should I, the sect leader, do? Beat him up with you? Or punish you?”

Wei Wuxian, “Isn’t Jin Guangyao here now? Jin Guangyao seems so much better than him.”

Jiang Cheng finished wiping his sword. After he scrutinized it for a while, he finally put Sandu back into its sheath, “So what, if he’s better? No matter how much better he is, no matter how clever, he could only be a servant who greets the guests. That’s all there is to his life. He can’t compare with Jin Zixuan.”

At Phoenix Mountain, while we do not see JZX say anything out of line to JGY, he is present while his mother and Jin Zixun disrespect him: and we get no reaction written for him while that takes place--he’s mostly licking his wounded pride. We also know that this disrespect by his family towards JGY was the norm, so we have to assume that JZX would have been a witness to it in other situations. In the context of that specific scene, it’s difficult to to infer something concrete from that silence: is it agreement? complicity? a certain indifference to JGY’s situation? an unwillingness of rock the boat or to seem to publicly challenge his mother? or simply him just being too self-absorbed by his romantic woes?

The next scene that would have made for an interesting case study is the night WWX comes to confront the Jins about the camp at Qiongqi Path. However, JZX is absent that night. Conveniently, or as a means to maintain a sense of ambiguity between him and WWX, we thereby do not know how JZX feels about what happened. He is also absent during the aftermath: “At midnight, in the Golden Pavilion on JinlinTai sat over fifty sect leaders from sects of all sizes. Jin Guangshan sat in the foremost seat. Jin Zixuan was away [...].” (interesting that CQL added JZX to that scene). Which means he is not there to react to the mistreatment of JGY by others or to react to the way JGY is clearly lying for the purposes of manipulating the general opinion on WWX and save the Jin’s reputation.

We also do not get to witness the conversation that leads JZX to come to Qiongqi Path to try to stop Jin Zixun. All we get is a sentence of dialogue from JZX explaining that he thought JGY looked strange which prompted JZX tp questioned him questions (we of course know that JGY was purposefully acting that way to get JZX to go to Qionqqi Path, so it’s hard to take that as a sign of clear familiarity between them that would have allowed JZX to read hidden emotions from him). Did JZX ask out of specific concern for or suspicions of JGY? We don’t know! It is interesting to note though that, in this scene, Jin Zixun refers to JGY as “A-Yao”, which the narration contextualises by telling us that Jin Zixun started calling him in a more intimate manner despite the original contemps he had held for him. However, when JZX mentions JGY to Jin Zixun, he calls him “Jin Guangyao” (for reference, Jin Zixun calls JZX “Zixuan”).

All in all, we get very little from looking at JZX. However, there is something to be said in the absence of any specific grievances expressed by JGY towards him in terms of framing how JZX may have acted towards him when they were both at Jinlintai. Indeed, when Jin Ling asks JGY why he arranged for his father to go to Qiongqi path, meeting his death, JGY mentions the unfairness of the situation of both sons, but never brings up anything JZX did specifically to him. And we know that JGY has a great memory which allows him to hold grudges.

Suddenly, Jin Ling screamed, “Why?!” He stood up from beside Jiang Cheng. Eyes red, he rushed toward Jin Guangyao as he shouted, “Why did you have to do this?!”

Nie Huaisang hurried to pull back Jin Ling, who seemed as though he wanted to fight with Jin Guangyao. Jin Guangyao returned the question, “Why?” He turned to Jin Ling, “A-Ling, then could you tell me why? Why is it that even if I face everyone with a smile, I might not even receive the lowest form of respect, while even though your father was extremely arrogant, people flocked to him? Could you tell me why we were born from the same person but your father could relax at home with the love of his life playing with his child, while I never even dared be alone for long with my wife, shivering out of fright at first glance of my son? And I was ordered to do such a thing by my father as if it was natural—to kill an extremely dangerous figure who could flip out and conjure up a bloody massacre with his corpses anytime!

“Why is it that even though we were born on the same day, Jin Guangshan could host a grand banquet for one son, and watch with his own eyes how his subordinate kicked his other son down Jinlintai, from the first stair to the last!”

He finally revealed the hatred hidden deep within him. It wasn’t directed at neither Jin Zixuan nor Wei Wuxian, but rather his own father.

As a result, we might infer that, at the very least, JZX never directly acted towards JGY in a way that reflected how JGS or Jin Zixun (at some point) treated him. At the same time, it’s difficult to suggest that he stood up for him when other people disrespected him, and we know that JZX’s mother disrespected JGY in lieu of directing her anger toward the real culprit, her awful husband. Little seems to suggest that they grew intimate after JGY came to Jinlintai. It’s really hard to divine, as a result, what JZX might have thought of JGY.

The most interesting thing to take away from this is that it seems absolutely deliberate on MXTX’s part to show us as little as possible in terms of interactions between JZX and JGY. We can speculate as to why that is: to separate JZX from the machinations of this sect? to avoid giving us more ammunition to guess that JGY was behind JZX’s death? to ensure that WWX remains ambiguous towards JZX? or just as a means to avoid having to figure out how to work this dynamic into already complicated scenes and character relationships? etc.

#mdzs meta #mdzs #jzx #jin zixuan #jgy #jin guangyao

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canary3d-obsessed · 4 years

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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 11 first part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Goodness)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Okay! This episode is a real slice of healthy family dynamics, not triggering in any way. [Uh if this is your first Restless Rewatch: that is sarcasm, dear readers]

Goodbye to You, Goodbye to Everything We Knew

Nie Huaisang asks why Meng Yao has to leave and Meng Yao says "I killed a guy without permission, so your brother fired me."

Ha ha ha ha no he doesn't. But he does give Nie Huaisang a sweet, sad smile; he seems touched by NHS's distress.

Meng Yao carefully removes Nie Huaisang's hands from his shoulders and bows to him, wordlessly signaling the change in their relationship from intimate friends to formal strangers, while Nie Huaisang looks crushed.

They will return to intimate friendship in the future, but falsely. Meng Yao believes that truly loving a person can include destroying their family and using them as an instrument in your murder plots as long as you don't directly harm them. Nie Huaisang eventually learns to use people just as brutally, but he doesn't lie to himself about what he's doing. This farewell may be the last harmless moment between these friends.

Jiang Cheng is distressed by what's going on, while Wei Wuxian crosses his arms and watches, fully in Sherlock Holmes mode, instead of his more usual concerned-for-my-friend mode. This may signal mistrust of Meng Yao, who refused his initial attempt at friendship, and not in a sexy, slice-your-face-off way. Or it may mean that he's reserving judgement on a complicated family situation. He maintains his uncharacteristic reserve through the entire encounter.

(more behind the cut!)

Nie Huaisang runs in and asks his brother WTF happened. Nie Mingjue says "he killed my subordinate without permission, when he knows perfectly well power must flow from the ruler; it's like he didn't even read that Foucault book I gave him."

Ha ha ha actually he just yells at his brother, as if NHS doesn’t have his own relationship with Meng Yao after being wonder twink powers with him for probably a couple of years now. NHS has to sit and process his loss and confusion in silence.

As a younger sibling who would make friends with my older siblings' girlfriends and then lose those friends if they broke up, for reasons having nothing to do with why I liked their girlfriends, I super feel Nie Huaisang's pain here.

OTOH, older siblings are entitled to have break ups and not explain themselves to anyone besides their lover because that's the nature of intimacy. The moral is, uhh...don't have a family curse that makes you unreasonably angry.

Jiang Cheng steps up to advocate for Meng Yao, because Meng Yao is injured, and because Jiang Cheng is actually a born leader who knows better than to throw away a useful subordinate. For example, even when Wei Wuxian is at his drunkest and most defiant, Jiang Cheng tries to reform him, not kick him out, only drawing the line at having unpopular zombie friends.

Wei Wuxian continues to keep his mouth shut, waiting for Nie Mingjue to calm down, and speaking only about the tactical situation. He clearly knows there's more to this story but he's pretty good at keeping his head down in a family ruckus, and we're about to learn why.

Yunmeng Town

The Yunmeng bros go home to Lotus Pier, where they are greeted in town with bows, smiles, and free stuff.

We've mostly been seeing them in their roles within the cultivation community, where Jiang Cheng is grumpy and anxious, and Wei Wuxian is sassy and iconoclastic. Here among common people, they are both charming, friendly, and polite, like the imaginary good kind of gentry.

They hear the news from a local lotus seller that the small clans are coming to the Jiang Clan for shelter, but that otherwise everything's ok, which doesn't sound like everything is ok at all. He gives Wei Wuxian a giant bag of lotuses for his sister to make soup from.

Home to Lotus Pier

All the disciples practicing in the courtyard at Lotus Pier are excited to see them, and one girl goes running to tell Jiang Yanli. Thanks to the admittedly beautiful design of Lotus Pier, she is running for a long time.

A long, long time. Getting around on all these insane walkways must be a real drag if you're not the flying sort of cultivator.

Discipline and Punish

Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian immediately go and kneel while they wait for their official punishment. Jiang Cheng is kinda worried about the punishment and Wei Wuxian is like, I'm good at being punished, just let me do it.

Much later, and for a really long fucking time

He also tries to get Jiang Cheng to stop being mad, even giving him skritches while he says they should be brothers after they die.

Which they will, as it happens, although Jiang Cheng after the Wen torture is only mostly golden-core dead, while WWX dies for real.

When Jiang Fengmian shows up Jiang Cheng starts to explain that they were with Lan Wangji, but Wei Wuxian hushes him; he is still keeping the secret of the Yin Iron. Although he's keeping it in exactly the manner that a teenager keeps their weed stash secret: immediately tell literally every teen friend about it, but keep it extra secret from everybody's parents.

Happy Families Are All Alike

Now we get to meet Yu Ziyuan, who is generally styled Madame Yu but who I'm going to call by her name just as if she was a male character. More on that concept in a minute. She rolls up looking, smelling, feeling like a million yuan, with her two murder bitches in tow.

Her marriage is an unhappy one, and her husband does his best to avoid her and avoid conflict, lying to the kids that she's tired and then sending her away later with the same line about being tired, which is a particularly gendered kind of gaslighting. She is obviously not tired, other than being tired of Jiang Fengmian's shit.

I'm not going to say she's the worst mother ever, because parenthood in a feudal society entails a wide range of skills, many of which she has in abundance. She starts off with a relatively tender greeting to Jiang Cheng, tuning up his always-amazing sartorial style, which is exactly like her own. They are all ready for the mommy & me fashion show.

That said, she dishes out hellacious verbal abuse to everyone in her family. She targets each one in turn, making Wei Wuxian the focus of most of her ire, but without ever directly speaking to him. He is not, in her view, part of her family.

The Stages of Family Dinner

1. Try to fix it and defuse the situation

2. Yeah no

3. Just keep your head down and be glad it’s not your turn in the hot seat

This family meal hammers home how much Wei Wuxian is not, actually, part of the family. Jiang Fengmian adopted him into the clan, and told A-Cheng and A-Yi to treat him as a sibling, but he didn't give him the Jiang name, and he didn't get his wife's approval. He also doesn’t expect him to dress like any other clan member, apparently.

Compare this to how Lan Wangji, actual good parent, fully integrates his own adopted son into his clan and family, starting with giving him the Lan surname.

The hits just keep coming as she goes after Jiang Cheng for being less gifted than Wei Wuxian, Yanli for performing labor for Wei Wuxian, and Jiang Fengmian for possibly begetting Wei Wuxian.

On first watching this scene I took her question "Is this how you raise someone else's son?" to mean that she thought Jiang Fengmian was being too nice to a kid who was actually an outsider, taking resources away from the real kids. But on rewatching, it's pretty clear that she's saying his favoring Wei Wuxian is evidence that Wei Wuxian is NOT someone else's son; that he's Jiang Fengmian's bastard.

Jiang Fengmian doesn't say a thing to this, or to her mentioning WWX’s mother. This shit is why WWX is running around in the world desperate for any crumb of info he can get about his Mom; he hears about her all the goddamn time at home, but only as insults to her character.

A Bitch is Not Wrong

Here's the thing, though; a lot of what Yu Ziyuan says is correct.

Jiang Fengmian should be a lot more concerned about the danger to the children, and should not leave it up to the kids to decide who's going to bear that danger.

Yanli does a lot of food=love, which is ok in the right doses, but causes her to pretty extremely lose face during the whole "soup for Jin Zixuan" debacle. And her doting on Wei Wuxian is...kinda excessive. I mean, yeah, she’s more like a mom than a sister to him, but still. Running out onto an active battlefield to look for him, frex, will be a skosh too much.

I have a dictionary too, mom

Jiang Cheng, as the future clan leader, shouldn't let his attachments affect his decision making, and should let Wei Wuxian, who's the superior cultivator, fend for himself more often. We love Jiang Cheng for those moments where he puts himself in harm's way to protect his loved ones, but it's not a good strategy. He constantly yells at Wei Wuxian for the exact same thing he does all the time himself; he just limits who he does it for.

After she roasts the shit out of everyone for these failings, she leaves, and everyone sits around being miserable and not talking about what just happened.

Not to be gender studies-y on main but: the awful things she says to her children are really not very different from the things that Jiang Cheng says to Jin Ling, although her targeting is more adept. JC also says a lot of mean things to WWX when he’s angry. When a man says cruel or insulting things, it's often presented as real love hidden under a rough exterior. When a woman does it, she's a monster.

If you enjoy this sort of interaction you should definitely have a look at Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf and the plays of Eugene O'Neill.

Road Runner

Oh thank god, moving on

Lan Wangji is headed back to Cloud Recesses, and gets ambushed by the roadside with the most ridiculous trap this side of Wile E. Coyote.

Wen Chao thinks the "rug over a hole" trap is a good idea for someone who can literally fly.

Lan Wangji doesn't faff about with sword riding, he just fucking goes up in the air and stays there until he is good goddamn ready to come down. A hole in the sidewalk is really not going to be a problem for him.

Wen Zhuliu does get in one kick before Lan Wanji yeets backwards away from him, in a moment that's scarier on rewatching, now that I know what Wen Zhuliu is capable of.

Wen Chao talks some smack to Lan Wangji, hilariously complaining about "your patronizing tone" to a man who has literally never spoken a word to him, IIRC, and certainly isn't speaking now. Maybe it's a mistranslation and should be "attitude," or maybe Wen Chao is just that dumb.

Apparently Wei Wuxian made a stack of talismans for Lan Wangji to take on the road with him. This talisman is a twin to the one Lan Wangji brings out way, way later in Yunping, when Wei Wuxian says "you even have kept it until now." Missing scene alert! What else did he make for him?

In Yunping this talisman is used to distract some random harmless street bullies. Here it is used against a seven-man murder squad.

This works.

Assault on Cloud Recesses

Forgettable disciple #1, Su She, comes rushing in to tell Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen that Cloud Recesses is under attack.

I'm pretty sure these dudes already know it, because they are meditating extra hard with a buttload of incense, and Lan Qiren is about to cough up some blood. So I think they're trying to hold the ward, rather than just, like, chilling while their disciples get stabbed.

Cloud Recesses is super on fire, you guys; it's going to totally burn to the ground; look at that conflagration, oh the humanity, etc.

Lan Qiren Rises to the Occasion

Ok, I like to rag on Failmaster Qiren and he is definitely an authoritarian dick a whole lot of the time, but in this scene he is fucking amazing.

He starts off worrying about Lan Wangji, not just out of affection but out of strategic planning, probably in equal parts. All three of these Lans take their clan responsibilities extremely seriously.

Then he calmly assesses the situation while imperturbable Lan Xichen freaks the fuck out.

Lan Xichen is right to be alarmed, because he knows his uncle, he knows one of them is likely to die, and he knows that Lan Qiren will choose to take the hit.

I love, love, love Lan Qiren's physicality here; how centered and assured he is, as he holds his nephew steady and explains what is required of both of them.

Lan Xichen knows Lan Qiren is right. He is utterly fucking devastated, and all he can do to show his love...

...is to obey.

This whole scene just. kills me.

Su She and forgettable disciple #2 are in the room for this whole conversation, and they join Lan Xichen in this deep bow. Note: I will be reminding everyone of this fact in Part 2.

Whew. This episode is a LOT. Part 2 Coming Soon!

Writing Prompt: What other goodies did Wei Wuxian put in Lan Wangji's care package before Lan Wangji hit the road without saying goodbye?

Soundtrack: 1. Michelle Branch, Goodbye to You 2. Ludacris, Stand Up

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #the untamed gifs #wei wuxian #yu ziyuan #lan qiren #restless rewatch the untamed #the untamed spoilers #lan xichen #canary3d-original #my gifs #the untamed meta

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freddiekluger · 3 years

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please drop the essay length analysis Judas and Jesus (extra gay Swedish edition), O great and knowledgeable monarch of our times

alright, you ask i deliver! please excuse any typos, my eyes aren't exactly working rn

welcome to my probably super subjective but correct analysis, aka

Judas Was Right and Jesus Was A Victim (At Least, In Swedish)

Before we get started, a couple points: i’ll try to avoid comparisons to other specific productions, i’ve only seen the other recorded 2012 british version which i didn’t like for reasons including but not limited to the amount of white people with dreadlocks. Also, my understanding of swedish is limited to a couple words and phrases, so most of the lyrics i reference will be english subtitles from Ola Salo’s swedish translation and therefore might not be the most accurate !

There’s so much i could cover in this, but for now i’m going to focus on how jesus and judas are portrayed in the 2014 swedish arena tour of Jesus Christ Superstar (JCS) starring Ola Salo as Jesus and Peter Johansson as Judas, along with how this production more implicitly views god.

From the opening number, translated into swedish as En Dimmig Himmelsdröm (A Foggy Heaven’s Dream), Peter Johansson’s acting and semantic differences in the lyrics present us with a deeply sympathetic portrayal of Judas. Looking purely at language, the english equivalent Heaven On Their Minds instantly paints Judas as much more of a faithless doubter- lyrics exclusive to the english version like “all your followers have gone blind / too much heaven on their minds” and “they think you’re the new messiah / and they’ll hurt you when they find they’re wrong” strongly enforce Judas’ main motivation for his actions being that he has less belief in Jesus and God’s plan than any of the other disciples with strong statements judging the other disciples for following him and claiming that Jesus ISN’T the messiah. The swedish translation doesn’t paint exactly the same picture- the focus of Judas’ number becomes his fear for Jesus’ wellbeing, not because he isn’t the messiah (the production remains fairly ambiguous on this point), but because Jesus can’t cope. The root of Judas’ concern comes from fear for Jesus’ wellbeing, and the disciples are referenced as regularly misunderstanding and wilfully twisting Jesus’ words. The swedish equivalent lyrics for the above examples are “they say, “jesus is god’s son” / but you know how people can change” (judas isn’t concerned with truth, just the danger that jesus will be in if the tide turns), and “the kingdom of heaven is within us, that’s what you said / bu they sew it, stitch by stich into some kind of foggy heaven’s dream”. Judas is showing that he HAS been listening and cares for Jesus’ teachings, but ‘they’ [his disciples] are turning them into something else entirely, and Judas’ worries that the support of the masses is fragile at best- the lines “and everything you say gets twisted by your lackeys / it will be anything but what you’ve said” and “you are being used by people who want you in their battle” reinforces this again. When combined with Peter Johansson’s tough but tender performance, in which he dances between disdain for Jesus, the institution, and affection for Jesus, the man (an important distinction), Judas is the harsh realist doing his best to look out for the man he loves. The way he takes Jesus hands and looks at him with love and urgency straight away establishes that his motivations are pure- Judas is doing what he thinks is best, even though it feels like no one will listen to him.

That was long, but En Dimmig Himmelsdröm is the perfect character introduction for Judas. He’s not totally unrecognisable, still delivering digs about ‘Jesus, the little carpenter’s son’, his manner is still rough and at this point we’re not sure whether or not the claims he makes about the disciples have any truth to them, BUT we can also see how much Jesus means to him, an important point that give context to the intensity of their future arguments and really makes the whole story much more heartbreaking.

This brings me to Ola Salo’s Jesus. Delightfully camp and queercoded, Judas describes him as being caught up in his own magic and mystery and buckling under the pressure, and he’s not entirely wrong. Throughout the first act, Jesus basks in the luxuries that being messiah can give him (the oils Mary paid for using disciple funds that were supposed to go towards helping the poor, him absolutely thriving in the shopping cart in What’s the Buzz?), and is shown actively avoiding any reminders of the seriousness of his position. He’s sick of the disciples asking him for a plan, he chooses the comforting Mary, who’s theme consists of telling Jesus everything is okay and he doesn’t need to think about anything, over Judas, who is less perhaps ‘cosy’ but is actively trying to warn and protect Jesus from an awful fate. During The Temple, he starts to crack as he’s overcome by the followers begging him to make him well, fear in his eyes as he raises his arms while frozen on the spot trying to avoid being devoured by the frenzy in desperate need of a messiah. Judas’ point about Jesus buckling under the pressure is starting to look more and more reasonable, and the dashes of showbiz campness add to the sense that much of Jesus is a persona constructed for the masses to give himself enough distance to prevent him from being crushed by the weight of God entirely. Jesus, the institution, prances around, lays his hands on his followers, and projects an air of easygoing calm. Jesus, the man, is scared and alone, and Jesus, the man, really comes out in Last Supper, but before we get there, I want to circle back to the Jesus/Mary/Judas thing.

Jesus, Mary, and Judas are presented as a love triangle: so much so, that Judas seeing Mary sing of her love for Jesus (I Don’t Know How To Love Him) is actually played as the inciting incident that sends him to the pharisees. Judas, the picture of the jealous lover, storms onto the scene, breaking them up and attempting to kiss Jesus, who instead shoves him to the ground in disdain. Judas, who is perhaps a little controlling, realises that any influence he had over Jesus has gone, and it’s likely a combination of jealousy and the knowledge that Jesus won’t stop that prompts him to head to the pharisees. In his meeting with the pharisees (known in english as Damned For All Time, although that phrase doesn’t appear once in the swedish), Judas’ expresses outright that “I’m the one who sees / Jesus, he can’t handle it anymore” “the truth is that this hysteria is making him lose control”, once he can get past explaining how much this plan of action feels like a last resort. He never even verbally or physically accept the pharisees’ offer of money, he denies it twice before it is eventually thrown over him after he reluctantly gives them the date and time to find Jesus- we never even see him pick it up, unlike other productions which show Judas grabbing for the cash and place a higher emphasis on Judas making sure he ‘won’t be damned for all time’, painting Judas as far more self serving. When it comes to Jesus, Judas is active- he’s running around trying to help, caressing him, embracing him, grabbing his hand, kissing him. They share countless moment of intimacy, especially at the start, establishing the fondness between them instead of instantly jumping to their conflict. When it comes to Mary (and admittedly, this is partially because she’s a secondary character- don’t get me wrong I still love her and Gunilla Backman does a brilliant job), she’s much more passive. Other than the much more gentle kisses in I Don’t Know How To Love Him and her penchant for dabbing Jesus’ forehead, she’s mostly just ‘there’. She cares for Jesus after the fact, and even when performing acts of intimacy like the oil and the kiss, she maintains a lot of physical distance- her songs touch on this as, much like Jesus (admittedly for different reasons), she actively distances herself from feelings to protect herself, so naturally she literally places distance between herself and the object of her love.

This brings me back to Last Supper, Gethsemane ( I Only Want to Say), and the kiss of death that broke all of our hearts. Throughout this segment, this is when Jesus, the man, really comes through, and it’s devastating. In Last Supper, he properly expresses the sheer amount of loneliness he feels, reiterating how he feels everyone will forget about him once he’s gone, and doesn’t really care about him as a man (”for you, my blood is not worth more than wine / for you, my body is not worth more than bread” “you will have forgotten me as soon as i give up my life”). This devolves into the disciples fighting each other and, you guessed it, ignoring him. For the first time, Jesus meaningfully lets out his anger, and as it turns to Judas, Judas does the same. Because of the set up of their complicated romantic relationship and the stakes involved, the amount of personal attacks and anger that comes out of Jesus and Judas’ repeated fights (which get physical) make complete sense- Jesus’ frustrations come from the fact that his entire fate has been predetermined and to him, Judas is just another instrument in the ways he’s been controlled (both with Judas being his betrayer, but also the way that Judas’ constant advice and interference with Jesus’ life (most obviously, the mary thing) are acted by Ola Salo as becoming increasingly frustrating to Jesus)- these frustrations are directed at their real cause, God, in Gethsemane. Judas’ frustrations come from the fact that no matter how hard he tries to help Jesus and keep him safe, Jesus keeps rejecting his efforts resulting in “all that we’ve built up [being] destroyed”- Judas’ heart hasn’t just been broken by Jesus rejecting him romantically, but on every level. Here, he’s actually shown to be the disciple most passionate about helping people practically and long term, being the only one concerned about Mary taking money which was supposed to help people, manipulated by the pharisees with the promise of doing good for the masses, and criticising Jesus for how they could be doing so much for people, ending his part of Last Supper with “every time i look at you i ask myself why you let all your things go so wrong? / all i ever wanted was to help you”.

This is also the point where Judas’ claims about the disciples are essentially confirmed, and this productions intent to portray Judas as more of a tragic hero become absolutely clear. In the english version, the disciples chorus remains virtually the same each time it appears, generally being far too calm considering their leader is about to die, revealing their aspirations to be apostles, and their intent to write the gospels to be remembered. the swedish translation still achieve this, but with variations from chorus to chorus it becomes much more poignant. i’m just going to stick to ttwo, which are choruses 1 and 3. In chorus 1, lines roughly translate to “i’ve always wanted to be an apostle / life is so nice when you’re saved/ then when we’ve got time we’ll write the gospels / then everything will be the way we want”- the apostles declaring that life is so good when you’re saved supports Judas’ opening statement that they care more about some idea of heaven than anything else, not to mention ignoring the absolute horrors that Jesus will have to go through to be saved, while the final line about the gospels introduces their intent to change whichever details they need to make ‘everything the way we want’: once again, exactly what Judas warned us of in En Dimmig Himmelsdröm. In chorus 3, taking place after Judas storms out for the last time, these lines change to “never really liked that judas / never saw what jesus saw in him / then, when we’ve got time we’ll write the gospels / and we’ll angle it so he gets all the blame”. Judas as a sympathetic character is confirmed here, as the disciples straight up admit how they don’t like Judas anyways and intend to write him as a villain (also inadvertently admitting that, since they have to write the gospels to make it look like only Judas’ fault, Judas isn’t really the sole one responsible for everything that is to come). It’s deeply unsettling, and for me was the point where I really began to question how good any of these disciples were, and by extension, how good is this production’s God if his truly sanctified followers are acting like this?

Jesus vents out all of his anger and desperation in Gethsemane. He acknowledges his own powerlessness and begs him to change the plan, but with the dark stage and no response (along with Ola Salo’s spectacular acting) it becomes clear that if anyone is there, they’re certainly not listening (”you, who have all the power / can you please change the plan / for i can already feel the pain burning in me”). It’s worth mentioning that a lot of the imagery in this swedish version is much more intense than the english, both in this song and the production as a whole. Jesus plainly calls god “thoughtless”, begging to understand, and it’s that this point we realise that he agrees with much more of what Judas has been saying than he’s been letting on- Jesus’ faith appears to be the only thing keeping him from listening to Judas and running away. Judas’ messages about people misunderstanding Jesus’ words also come out (”you care that everyone sees / but not that anyone understands”), and his eventual agreeing to die is played less as an inspiring act of faith, and more an act of desperation as he realises, he realise has no other choice. In this song, we see just how much of Judas Jesus has valued and taken on board, and that his air of carefree aloofness which frustrated Judas was, as we’ve already touched on, a complete act. The line “might as well finish what i’ve... what YOU’VE started” is absolutely miserable, reinforcing one of the major themes of this production: the idea that Jesus and Judas were both just ordinary men tormented by futures defined by forces out of their control. Just as Jesus has absorbed Judas’ logic, as an audience so we have, and it’s difficult to view the rest of the play’s events as anything other than an immense and unnecessary act of cruelty.

we’re almost done i promise!

Even knowing what Judas has/will do, Jesus still greets him with love. Judas, still under the impression that Jesus will be okay and that he’s doing what’s best, approaches him with the utmost tenderness, and the kiss is a beautiful signifier of two things. For Jesus, the return of his love for Judas shows his realisation in Gethsemane that Judas isn’t the one who’s sealed his fate and has only being trying to help, it’s god himself who has decided Jesus’ future. For Judas, the kiss shows that despite all of the anger and frustration that has been pouring out of him, he truly does love Jesus, and the way he cradles the scared and alone Jesus to his chest afterwards shows just how much he wishes he could be the one to help him and keep him close. Even with all their arguments and dysfunction, here Jesus and Judas find comfort in each other, and it almost seems like everything will end up alright. It’s in this moment that Judas and Jesus are most identifiable not as enemies, or as villain and hero, but as archetypal lovers from a Shakespearean tragedy. Neither of them set out to hurt each other, but through miscommunications, their own flaws, and external forces (both natural and supernatural), their love is simply never to be. Furthermore, in the following torture and spectacle, everything that Judas predicted for Jesus is about to come true. Another detail I find interesting is the way that Jesus and Judas both sport black nail polish, leather pants, and similar length hair: along with just looking cool as hell, the similarities really reinforce how close they are and how much they influence each other- it feels like a contemporary version of carrying a cameo or a lock of your lover's hair with you, a way for 'star crossed lovers' to keep a piece of their beloved no matter what.

The disaffected persona of Jesus, the institution, comes back as he’s taken by the authorities and subsequently insulted, degraded, and whipped. Also the swedish version of The Arrest, when the chorus starts singing questions, contains this dick joke and I think we all deserve it: “why were you dating a whore? / talk about a huge magic wand!”

Skipping forward to Judas’ Death, this is where both his character and the production’s conception of god beautifully (and miserably) align. When Judas runs to the pharisees, minor semantic changes (along with the genuine concern and great acting from Peter Johansson) reinforce that this Judas genuinely didn’t know that Jesus would be beaten and sentenced to death the way he has been, and Judas’ concern regarding how things look is played less as ‘oh no people will hate ME!’, but how having sentenced the man you love to death is one nightmarish thing, but for everyone to think you did it knowingly and willingly and then congratulate you for it is unthinkable. Where the english shows Judas’ attempting to evade responsibility for Jesus death, the swedish is more focused on Judas’ guilt, horror, and regret. The english “I’d save him all the suffering if I could / don’t believe our good / save him if I could” is swapped in swedish for “If anyone should die here I should / don’t say I’m good / better if I died”. While the english statements are somewhat empty (sure, Judas says he’d save Jesus’ suffering if he could, but he can’t so we’ll never truly know) and are still focused on Judas’ attempt to construct himself as a good guy, the swedish translation has Judas admit his guilt (even if it’s not really his fault), and make the promise of “better if i died” which, given the name of this sequence, he later delivers on. When english Judas sings “Christ, I’d sell out the nation / For I have been saddled with the murder of you”, swedish Judas sings “Jesus, I’ve been deceived / because of my act your blood’s now being spilt”, and instead of ending this first section with “I should be dragged through the slime and the mud”, swedish jesus returns to the theme of character assasination with “i will be cursed as the one behind your murder”.

The swedish translation of the next rework of I Don’t Know How to Love Him also places much more emphasis on Judas’ genuine romantic love for Jesus- we’d be here for hours if i listed everything but here are a few key contrasts. The english has Judas sing “I don’t know how to love him / I don’t know why he moves me”, whereas the swedish has Judas crying while singing “how do I show my love / all I want is to be close to you”. Along with acknowledging Judas already loves Jesus, the entirety of this segment is shifted from Judas singing about Jesus in the third person ‘he’, to a direct address. Judas isn’t performing his sadness, or venting his emotions, he’s emitting one last desperate cry to the man he loves as he sobs on a stage completely shrouded in darkness, and it’s devastating. Peter Johansson lets his voice run raw as he’s belting, and interrupts lines with sobs, and this Judas answers the question of “do you love me too? do you care for me?” with a quiet “no”- Judas is about to go to his death convinced Jesus must hate him, just as Jesus will face his knowing his love inadvertently put him there.

We finally reach Judas’ actual death, and the production’s far more ambiguous (if not negatively geared) depiction of god comes to a head. Judas’ screaming at god the moment he realises that his god essentially forced Judas to be the one to kill Jesus (an act of ultimate cruelty given their love) comes across as horrifying in it’s validity, unlike in other english language productions where it follows the more common characterisation of Judas being an unbeliever who can’t take responsibility for his own actions. When he spits on the ground, screaming “you have murdered me!”, we can’t help but agree- Judas was trying everything he could to stop Jesus from dying, and yet here he is. Most notably, Judas doesn’t set up his own suicide- a noose literally descends from the heavens, already tied, and Judas is literally trapped between the edge of the stage, and the symbol of death behind him. Much like he didn’t choose to kill Jesus, Judas has no choice in his own suicide- it’s suggested to merely be another part of the plan god has for him, and Judas raising his arms to form a crucifixion pose before he finally turns and jumps, disappearing into the depths of the theatre as the rope trails down (somewhat evocative of a leap to hell), highlight the sick joke. Much like Jesus begging in Gethsemane, a plea with god that in anyway implies fault or cruelty is met with silence followed by a death sentence.

When Judas reappears to the broken and bloodied Jesus in Superstar, he appears as more of a twisted hallucination than the literal spirit of Judas. He’s the opposite of everything he was in life, draped in colour, surrounded by red lighting instead of the signature blue, his hair quite literally let down, joking and dancing. Despite singing about him, Judas virtually ignores Jesus for the whole song except when he’s taunting him, snatching his hand away after a broken and desperate Jesus reaches out for the image of his beloved (refuting Judas’ belief that Jesus would die hating him), along with the swedish additions of Judas repeatedly addressing him as “little Jesus”. Where the living Judas was serious, sometimes harsh but always well intention, often paying more attention to Jesus than he received, this Judas is the opposite: light hearted but cruel, not caring about Jesus one bit. It’s somewhat an inversion of the beginning of JCS, where the tormented Judas was constantly reaching out to Jesus, and often met with scorn and insult (see: most of their arguments, this line from Everything’s Alright: “the thought is beautiful but quite unrealistic / yes, even quite stupid”). As the song goes on, and even as Jesus is crucified, the victorious scoring of the Superstar theme ends up reinforcing the cruelty and questioning of god distinctive of this production: Ola Salo’s Jesus is one of the bloodiest Jesus’s (Jesii?) I’ve been able to find, with blood covering his torso, his arms, and all over his face, not in passive dribbles, but violent ‘swooshes’ spreading out from his eyes, emphasising the fear and pain contained within them. As the music suggests how great and wonderful Jesus’ death is, the images straight out of a horror movie before us don’t seem to match up: as both Judas and Jesus question, if no one is understanding what Jesus is saying, why kill him? instead of making a point, you’re ensuring that the falsehoods continue to circulate, unless spreading the true message isn’t really the intent at all. or, simply that Jesus was wrong: his interpretation and teachings of god were far too kind and practical, and the true god really is the one that he briefly saw in the garden of Gethsemane, and that Judas saw before his death- a cruel and vindictive god using them for his own sick purposes. If you're a strong Christian, I'm sure you could watch this production and still believe that God was right (although I think Jesus and Judas being in love counts as blasphemy), but I think in doing so you'd lose part of what makes this production so hard hitting and, as i keep saying, devastating.

that’s pretty much it for this one! i feel like jesus and judas as a queer couple is less significant to this production than the fact that it’s specifically jesus and judas that are in love - they don’t face explicit homophobia as such, although i do think the paratextual and historical associations of queerness (both with them each looking visibly queer, and them as a couple) adds a beautiful dimension by subverting the standard christian teaching of Jesus’ sacrifice as “a love that changed the world” and making the love that truly could have been transformative (and was, to a degree) the love between Jesus and another man, not to mention the way in which queerness is often viewed as radical perfectly upholding the ‘radical’ views of god and the story of Jesus shown in the production. Why wouldn’t the love between two men be the love which has us questioning god, faith, and that which many of us have been taught since birth? Ola Salo has talked about how he’s able to be positive and negative towards christianity, along with how he wanted Jesus and Judas to really represent two sides of the same coin (’faith and intelligence’), and being bisexual along with having alluded to being raised christian (not to mention Breaking Up With God, a song by his band The Ark), it’s not surprising he’s managed to present such a nuanced and layered interpretation of Jesus Christ Superstar that even me, a trans exvangelical, can fall in love with.

UPDATE: @bands-and-hobbits has just let me know that Ola's dad was a priest! Apparently he's said that he liked the organs and the music, but that was all when it comes to christianity, which (when combined with Ola stating in interviews that the JCS soundtrack has been one of his favourite albums since he was 14) makes a lot of sense about the level of familiarity he had with the text giving him confidence to go in and make changes to really capitalised off of some of the themes that are hinted at in the english version- you have enough information to understand how everything works together, but aren't so dedicated to preserving belief that you feel you can't improve/change things (and my god are we glad he did)

#thank you if you made it this far!#also the inherent rhythm in swedish as a language just makes all of the songs sound better i'm gonna say it #english is really hit and miss when it comes to music and can get especially clunky with musicals requiring exposition #also sorry there's so much i've left out !#anyways enjoy #jesus christ superstar #jesus christ superstar swedish arena tour 2014 #jcs #peter johansson #ola salo #also i have barely edited this so i hope it's coherent

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tanoraqui · 4 years

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tanoraqui

Still thinking about an au in which for some reason WWX and the Wens are left to just live peacefully on the creepy death mountain - some detente wherein they don’t leave the mountain ever and in exchange no one tries to visit ever. Borders patrolled by corpses and sect disciples. So A-Yuan grows up raised kind of collectively but mostly by WWX and Wen Qing (the one most likely to tell WWX that he’s doing it wrong), and learns healing-focused spiritual cultivation AND demonic cultivation, and then at some point starts sneaking out to be the terrifying force of righteous kindness he was always going to be

tanoraqui

Righteous kindness but also, like, having picked up WWX’s cavalier confidence (or at least some of the ability to fake it) and Wen Qing’s general attitude of Do No Harm But Take No Shit

Like IMAGINE

tanoraqui

In this au, despite the strict border-by-mutual-agreement that’s the only reason somehow no ones tried to attack, LWJ sneaks in like one a year so he and WWX can make eyes at one another but not actually say anything ever, and Wen Qing and LXC are both EXHAUSTED bc both their dumb little brothers (WWX is a sibling by adoption now don’t @ me) mope for like a week after EVERY SINGLE TIME THIS HAPPENS, and it’s been /over ten years/.

tanoraqui

Meanwhile Jiang YanLi and JZX are FINE, and JYL somehow keeps up some sort of correspondence with WWX - or at least, he’s faithfully managed to send a birthday present for Jin Ling every single year, and every time, JYL makes her son write a thank-you note and bribes some series of people to get it smuggled back to Yiling

tanoraqui

...which means, honestly, that Jin Ling is probably wildly curious about his uncle the evil demonic cultivator kept trapped within the terrible ghost mountain by the forces of Good and Right, and WILL sneak out one day to try to visit. Optimally, obviously, at the same time Wen Yuan is sneaking out to see the non-mountain world

tanoraqui

The optimal plot is that Wen Yuan ropes Jin Ling into helping him set up WWX and LWJ, because he, too, is exasperated at this point, and Jin Ling ropes Wen Yuan into arranging like a parent trap reunion for the Jiang siblings, and obviously there are monsters and undead to complicate it all

tanoraqui

They kind of acquire Lan Jingyi somewhere, somehow. He’s having a blast

There is a 100% chance that the first Adult(TM) to find them is Wen Ning and they just kind of rope him into whatever the hell is going on at the time

...you know what, I think this is just a good au where JGY fucking died at some point

tanoraqui

Maybe someone threw him down the stairs again and he just broke his fucking neck. WWX is still vilified but between Jiang Cheng not really wanting to attack and Jiang (Jin?) Yanli being AGGRESSIVELY against it, and dragging JZX along with her, they’re left in peace.

tanoraqui

Oh man and Jin Ling has YOUNGER SIBLINGS in this...

Hey for u: Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing can accidentally happen while the Teens are trying to get everyone else to meet

Today at 8:42 AM

@professorsparklepants

I love this it's so goddamn wacky

tanoraqui

I just want teenager-based shenanigans ft. surprisingly competent teenagers and all the adults running around like chickens with their heads chopped off

professorsparklepants

Jingyi: why are you two more calm about this than the literal adults

Wen Yuan: have you met my dad?

tanoraqui

Also to be clear it is not at all hard to convince Wen Ning to join Team: Teenage Shenanigans, bc literally ANYONE in the Burial Mountain village would probably be down if you were like, “we’re engaged in a conspiracy to make Wei Wuxian fucking admit that he’s in love with that Lan guy who visits a couple times a year”

professorsparklepants

"This is my father, and this is his sugar daddy."

tanoraqui

I kinda wanna say he goes by “Wen Yuan” more often bc he’s 100% the baby of the entire remaining Wen clan there, but his adult name or w/e it’s called IS Wen Sizhui, because WWX asked LWJ if he had any suggestions and LWJ said this while maintaining eye contact

professorsparklepants

OH MY GOOOOOOD

tanoraqui

They meet LXC and he figures out what’s going on in like 4 minutes, despite the teens’ best attempts at obfuscation, and instead of calling anyone’s parents is like, “okay, I’m in”

professorsparklepants

#1 wingman...

tanoraqui

Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are definitely both traveling under false names, too? Wen Yuan obviously can’t admit to being a Wen and Jin Ling is making a privileged but slightly helicoptered teen’s rebellious bid for freedom

professorsparklepants

His dad is panicking at home and Yanli is like "boys need their freedom :)"

I saw a post forever ago about how Yanli would be the most hands off parent & Zixuan is an only child who would panic every time his kid fell down

tanoraqui

With a side order of “my mother is the only one who’ll say nice things about the Yiling Patriarch and she always looks sad when she does so I’m going to sneak into the Burial Mountain and either drag him out to see her or force my parents to come get me”

professorsparklepants

"I'm gonna beat up the Yiling Patriarch" "why" "he made my mom sad" "okay proceed"

tanoraqui

^ actual real conversation with WenYuan

professorsparklepants

A-Yuan then repeats the same thing to Wen Qing and she has the exact same answer, verbatim

tanoraqui

Side note: Wen Yuan has never been scared of the undead in his entire life, and probably this will lead to getting into severely life-threatening situations when he doesn’t have more backup than 2 other teenagers

professorsparklepants

Oh absolutely

professorsparklepants

He's so used to tuning out the sound of sentry corpses that one jumps on him and almost punches his lungs out

tanoraqui

Also what if he took WWX’s sword, so he looks like a proper normal cultivator - honestly, what if WWX gave him the sword when he turned 12, or whenever one customarily gives a child a sword in this world. He also has a flute stashed in his robe somewhere but he does know how to use both

tanoraqui

But also, while obviously it’s very important that this is the sword he inherited from his father, it’s never OCCURRED to him to, like, strongly associate it with WWX, in terms of “this would be a recognizable weapon”? Chenqing the flute, obviously, but WWX just left the sword on a shelf all the time

professorsparklepants

He's very good at fooling people into thinking he's a normal rogue cultivator until he busts out the flute

LOL YES

tanoraqui

So the first time someone looks at him and is like, “That is WWX’s sword” he achieves, like, “Who’s Morales? [NOT THAT DUMB]” levels of blank-brained

professorsparklepants

It like, doesn't even occur to him that this stick named whatever will be recognizable to people until it actually happens

"this is the Yiling Patriarch's sword!" "... I've never heard of him"

tanoraqui

“What sword?”

professorsparklepants

KDJAKSNJS

tanoraqui

“Oh, THIS sword? I...found it. In a stream.”

tanoraqui

Also...at some point...once the teens have admitted their identities to one another...and possibly gotten into a couple other increasingly public shenanigans...they run into a bunch of concerned people searching from the Jin or even Jiang sect - JC being there would be PERFECT - and Jin Ling is like, “aaahh, no, I don’t want to be dragged home... kidnap me.”

WY: what?

JL: pull out the flute, summon a couple corpses, shout that you’re the dread son of the Yiling Patriarch, and pretend to kidnap me

WY: ...yeah okay

AND THEN THEY DO THAT

professorsparklepants

The dumbass energy...... off the CHARTS

tanoraqui

They’re 15 and neither of them has ever faced consequences but in...actually not too different ways

They’re 15 and neither of them as ever faced consequences nor most of the real world

Oh my god is Lan Jingyi the most sensible person here

They’re going to DIE

professorsparklepants

JXHAKAJAKKQHSJA

JC and Yanli immediately see through this probably

"dumbass kid just doesn't want to go home. I'll break his legs."

tanoraqui

I think Yanli does but I have minimal faith in JC’s ability to think logically at any time

He’s still angry at WWX for leaving

professorsparklepants

Stomps to Yiling to demand his nephew back & wwx's like "lol, A-Yuan left two months ago"

Okay my shift is starting later

tanoraqui

/snort

Though, bold of you to assume that WWX isn’t also running around anxiously somewhere like “oh god, oh no, my son is missing; I must find him”

professorsparklepants

Sizhui is a responsible boy, I don't think he would leave without telling at least ONE person where he was going

tanoraqui

Ok but it was Wen Qing who thinks it’s good for WWX’s health to stop brooding and go run around like a headless chicken instead, optimally if he runs into his totally-not-a-boyfriend-Hahahaha-why-would-you-say-that

Alternately it was, like, Granny, which, ditto

No one on this mountain is going to stop WWX from going out to cause trouble and hopefully get laid, is my point

tanoraqui

Also, the cultivation world has been basically at peace for 13 years and the reason is that this is an ideal AU where JGY is dead and whenever trouble starts to stir politically, NHS and JYL meet eyes across the room and mentally Rock Paper Scissors over who has to manipulate everyone into calming the fuck down

Neither of them actually wants this job; they’re just good at it and recognize both those aspects in each other

professorsparklepants

LOLOLOL

That is.... so goddamn in character

tanoraqui

concept: JYL and NHS are friends and no one else understands it, or attributes it to JYL just being that nice, bc NHS still generally acts useless

professorsparklepants

Nhs actively wants to be useless and life is conspiring to make sure he can't

tanoraqui

a little less dramatically useless, but why ruin a good thing when you're having fun and it's useful

professorsparklepants

Lol

tanoraqui

but JYL fucking identified him as Actually Competent one time when he couldn't hide it, so now sometimes they get tea together and bitch about politics and stupid people

professorsparklepants

He's the only person who can correctly identify when she's talking shit about people, because it's VERY subtle and her brothers & husband are too busy thinking she hung the moon to notice

tanoraqui

JYL striding into Nie sect HQ (whatever it's called) and tossing her coat over a chair. "You would not BELIEVE what my brothers are doing now."

NHS: *probably knows, because he's found that the minor investment of effort in maintaining a very good spy network pays major dividends in helping him avoid greater work* *immediately sits up and pours her a cup of very expensive tea* Oh, girl, dish.

professorsparklepants

Question: are they also friends with lwj...

tanoraqui

yes but he's obviously not invited to hte political gossip sessions

professorsparklepants

I'm trying to imagine lwj making eye contact with them at some meeting his brother dragged him to and both of them struggling not to break into hysterics

tanoraqui

but they both know that he sneaks into Yiling to visit WWX a few times a year, and every single time, JYL sits him down within a couple weeks and aggressively debriefs him as to her brother's condition

professorsparklepants

I'm sure she tried to get him to take treats in

tanoraqui

for sure

it's hopeless, though, bc there's no really predicting WHEN he'll go? It's basically just "every 4-6 months when LWJ's resolve breaks"

professorsparklepants

Too bad she's not a stress quilter instead of a stress baker

tanoraqui

she gets him to go at an actual arranged time, bearing pork soup, like once, for WWX's 30th birthday or something

professorsparklepants

tanoraqui

omg lit brain: LWJ of course is hte WORST for getting gossip, but JYL has pieced together a reasonable amount about the people her idiot baby brother (#2) is now living with. And she's mildly despairing as to idiot baby brother #1's ongoing refusal to get married and have an heir or three. So she, if not actively connives, then certainly siezes the first available opportunity to set Jiang Cheng up with Wen Qing

tanoraqui

basically, this au is PEAK romcom

tanoraqui

...also, for max happiness, i'd like to think that WWX made some strategic raids to rescue additional Wen refugees and bring them back, so there's a properly populated village and they didn't all just die

professorsparklepants

!!!

Good... Good thoughts

Good because 1. more people die and 2. The Yiling Patriarch will attack your village and steal your people away!

tanoraqui

(romcom being exclusively adults-focussed; the teens initiate it all but Jin Ling and Wen Yuan are both so delighted to have an Additional (But Cooler) Family Member that they comfortably cousinzone each other instantly)

professorsparklepants

*nice*

tanoraqui

...i feel like i keep characterizing Jin Ling as an only child, when really he ought to have a small horde of siblings

maybe they just...couldn't conceive more. shit happens. pregnancy is hard.

professorsparklepants

That happens sometimes

#mdzs #the untamed #ficlet #my fic #lan sizhui #jin ling #lan jingyi #(not actually here much; rip)#wen ning #wei wuxian #lan wangji #jiang yanli #nie huaisang #lan xichen #wen qing

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robininthelabyrinth · 4 years

Note

I need to know what u think of an AU where JC is the one who dies (sacrificing his life to save WWX) instead of JYL, he’s not as angry with WWX bc JYL is still alive so when he sees his brother about to get murdered he just steps in front of him while JYL and WWX see :) I don’t even know what I want u to do with this? Give me some headcanons? Is it a prompt? Idk I just want u to to see what u make of this (I promise JC is my fav but my mind likes to make me suffer :p)

It wasn’t a matter of conscious thought when Jiang Cheng threw himself between that cultivator’s sword and Wei Wuxian’s unguarded back, all his defenses down in the face of Jiang Yanli’s pleading, same as always; it was just instinct. Wei Wuxian was always the troublemaker, the crazy one, and Jiang Cheng always the one being dragged along; he’d long ago learned to spend all his time watching his shixiong’s back, keeping him away from dogs, away from angry shopkeepers, away from any harm. It was instinct, just as it had been the day he’d thrown himself out into the street to distract the Wens, and he’d always justified that instinct because he knew that Wei Wuxian would do the same for him.

Though – he didn’t know that anymore, not after everything that happened recently. Wei Wuxian had made him all the promises in the world, to stand by his side through wind and lightning, and he��d seemed to have no issue abandoning those promises, picking the remnants of the Wen sect over the remnants of the Jiang sect without a moment’s hesitation and not even the courtesy of an explanation.

The Yiling Patriarch was all but a stranger to him, and Jiang Cheng still didn’t understand why.

So it was probably stupid of him to react as if the person being stabbed at was Wei Wuxian, not the Yiling Patriarch – stupid of him to give up his life for someone who didn’t care about him nearly as much as Jiang Cheng cared for him.

But that’s why it wasn’t a thought. It was instinct.

He heard someone scream “Jiang Cheng!” as if their heart were breaking, and he thought for a moment that it was Wei Wuxian again, the one who loved him best. Wei Wuxian, not the Yiling Patriarch, who threw him to the dogs over and over again, put his sect at risk of utter destruction a second time over, just to indulge himself and his bizarre fixation on saving the Wens at the expense of everyone else. Who didn’t care about their duty to their sect, to their parents - who didn’t care about him at all.

Jiang Cheng’s heart hurt. It was probably just the sword that’d just been driven through it, though.

Hands grasped at his clothing, pulling him back; his sister’s face had lost all blood, and Wei Wuxian looked as if his world had ended – he wasn’t sure why. Jiang Yanli had her son to care for, a new life in Lanling that she refused to abandon even if Jin Zixuan was now gone; Wei Wuxian had his Wens, his new cultivation – perhaps it was some little regret, far too late, for the Jiang sect that would now come to grief, leaderless, the end of their family line and the disappointment of their ancestors. Jiang Cheng’s final and most absolute failure.

Jiang Cheng looked at them both, the ones he loved the most and who had left him without a single glance backwards, and found with his last breath that he had nothing to say to them.

He closed his eyes so they wouldn’t have to.

The battlefield was full of corpses, and Jiang Yanli didn’t care about a single one of them.

“Do you think he can be brought back, the way Wen Ning was?” she asked, holding the corpse in her arms as if it were still the baby brother she sang songs to as a child, the little crybaby who was so fierce on the outside and so soft on the inside. She had been able to lie to herself with Jin Zixuan’s body – he almost looked as though he were sleeping, head on the pillow beside her own – but Jiang Cheng had never slept well in his life, his brow always furrowed as if he was worrying about something even in his dreams, and the blank peace on his face was so wrong that she couldn’t bear to look at him.

She wasn’t asking Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian had only stopped the massacre when Lan Wangji, of all unlikely people, had bodily tackled him; everyone had always said that the Second Jade was like oil and water with her A-Xian, but he’d unexpectedly taken their side in this battle and was even now letting a barely-conscious Wei Wuxian sob Jiang Cheng’s name into his collar. He looked silently at her, his gaze a quiet reminder that her question was inappropriate – one Ghost General had already been enough to cause all of this tragedy, and certainly no one would ever accept another as a sect leader.

She looked steadily back at him, indicating in return that she didn’t give a damn about the standing of the Jiang sect if it meant she wouldn’t have to bury her baby brother.

Lan Wangji hesitated, looking down at Wei Wuxian. “You cannot stay at Yiling,” he finally said. “After this…”

They’d killed people from virtually every sect; no matter who had sympathized with Wei Wuxian before this or how much they felt he was wronged, they would have no choice but to raise up arms against him.

Jiang Yanli understood. They would be fugitives, condemned by all. She didn’t care. “Will you help us?”

He nodded and stood, Wei Wuxian cradled as gently in his arms as she held Jiang Cheng in hers.

“Will you come with us?” she asked. Anyone who loved her brother enough to defy his sect, to stain his untainted blade with the blood of his own kin, deserved a chance to court him properly, if she hadn’t misunderstood his intentions; she didn’t think she had, not with the expression so clear on his silent face.

“I will help you,” he said, and that wasn’t an answer, wasn’t the one she wanted, but it would have to do for now. “Let us go.”

It was Jin Zixuan who figured it out, oddly enough. Perhaps it was because he was an outsider, looking at the situation without affection to blur his eyes.

“You gave him your golden core,” he said, less than a week into his resurrection – Lan Wangji had been very efficient in his help, not only finding a new place to hide Jiang Yanli and the remaining Wens but also returning to Lanling to steal Jin Zixuan’s corpse and little Jin Ling before returning to his own sect at the first sign that Wei Wuxian would awaken from his coma. He hadn’t sent word since that time, whether from regret or other reasons; their only consolation was that there was no news of his death. “That’s why you couldn’t do anything other than demonic cultivation – is that right?”

Wei Wuxian looked at him through blood-red eyes. “Get lost,” he said; the phrase made up the majority of his vocabulary, these days, and because he refused to curse his shijie he mostly ended up not talking to her at all.

“Wen Qing was a famous doctor – she could have figured out a way to do it, and that would explain why you felt so indebted to them,” Jin Zixuan continued. “You never told him because you didn’t want to burden him. But instead you left him without any reason, any explanation: he must have felt that you abandoned him because you didn’t want him.”

“Get lost!”

“You broke his heart,” he said, and looked down at Jiang Cheng’s body – still perfectly preserved, but unmoving. The resurrection spell had already failed three times. “No wonder he doesn’t want to return.”

“I did it for him!” Wei Wuxian screamed, tears of blood dripping down his cheeks. “He didn’t – he wouldn’t – he has to come back!”

Jin Zixuan said nothing.

They ended up back in Yunmeng, rather unexpectedly; the new leadership of the Lotus Pier, a distant branch cousin who’d survived the massacre because he’d been night-hunting elsewhere, had all but begged Jiang Yanli to return. Against all odds her reputation had survived the massacre at the Nightless City; the loving wife, sister, and shijie that nearly sacrificed herself to save what lives she could and to banish the dreadful Yiling Patriarch who was never seen again from that day forth – she was very nearly regarded as an incarnation of the goddess of mercy.

She had no idea where that ridiculous notion came from, but it did mean that she could live in Lotus Pier again, with Jin Ling by her side – she’d told Jin Guangshan to name someone else as his heir, or at minimum as regent; the Jiang sect needed her and her son more. It wouldn’t have worked if Jin Zixuan hadn’t snuck into his mother’s room to convince Madam Jin to throw her support behind it; officially he was still in his tomb, since Lan Wangji had been very subtle, but in fact he lived within shouting distance of the Lotus Pier, spending his days playing with his son.

They all did, actually, the whole lot of them resettled into a tiny adjacent water town populated largely by civilians that relied on the Jiang sect for their prosperity. As long as Wei Wuxian never did anything, which he didn’t, the illusion that he was gone for good in a cloud of self-destruction after his terrible massacre could be maintained; no one expected they could possibly be so daring as to simply go home after all of it.

Lan Wangji was in seclusion, they were eventually told; Wei Wuxian hadn’t believed it for one second, smuggling himself into Gusu to check – he’d come back unconscious, slung over Jin Zixuan’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

“Struck by the discipline whip,” her husband, the fierce corpse that wasn’t fierce at all, said, and didn’t comment when she instinctively reached out to touch Jiang Cheng’s body, to trace the scar he had; she often spent her days next to the bed that preserved his corpse. “Many times; his body is ruined. It will take years for him to heal – the Lan sect saying he was in seclusion was their way of saving face. Wei Wuxian wants to bring him back to the Lotus Pier to hide him.”

Jiang Yanli rubbed her face, thinking not for the first time that the world would be an easier place if only her two brothers weren’t so stubborn. One who wouldn’t wake up, his spiritual consciousness all in pieces; the other who wouldn’t give up – “The Lan sect wouldn’t accept that.”

“He wasn’t planning on asking. That’s why I knocked him out. Anyway, they’re distracted with the Xue Yang matter now – my father’s still insisting on protecting him, and the Nie sect gets angrier about it by the day; without the Jiang sect, there’s only the Lan to play peacemaker, stop there from being another war.”

Jiang Yanli, who was very nice but also very much not the goddess of mercy, tilted her head to the side; something of her mother was in her eyes. “A war would be a good cover, though, or at least the rumblings of one. If we were going to steal Lan Wangji away from his sect, that is.”

He kissed her forehead. “I’ll sneak into Lanling to talk to my mother, maybe see if I can follow Xue Yang and see what he’s up to. You go talk to the Nie.”

Jiang Yanli’s visit to the Unclean Realm turned out to be more fruitful than anyone had expected. The moment she walked into Nie Mingjue’s receiving room, her Jiang sect bell rang so hard that it shattered, which it definitely hadn’t done during the war – they both stared at it wordlessly for a while.

Eventually, he cleared his throat, averting his eyes. “You know my family history,” he offered as an explanation, embarrassment at the public revelation of his problem already turning to anger but suppressed by his strict adherence to etiquette.

“That’s no family history,” she said, bemused, as she crouched down to poke at the pieces. “The silver bell of the Jiang sect can steady focus and calm the mind, and the ones made for the family are the strongest by far; it would only shatter like this in the effort to resist a spiritual poison…how are you feeling now, Sect Leader Nie?”

He considered for a long moment, and his face grew black with rage. “Better. I feel – like my mind has been filled with fog, and a clear breeze has blown it clear.”

She smiled up at him. “Perhaps you should visit Yunmeng.”

He scowled, and she realized he must know about Wei Wuxian’s presence, though she wasn’t sure how; despite that, in the end, after a roaring argument with Nie Huaisang in another room, he agreed to go, even if the idea of staying willfully blind clearly pained him to the core.

Jiang Yanli quietly approved of his decision to put family over principle.

When they put their mind to it, the Nie sect had an underrated talent for saying ‘I don’t know’ to just about everything. Neither brother blinked an eye at the Wen sect remnants that still teetered every time they went on a boat, very clearly not Yunmeng locals; they politely greeted Jin Zixuan as if he’d only been gone a while and not murdered; much to his older brother’s very evident irritation, Nie Huaisang even leapt over to give Wei Wuxian an enthusiastic hug while Nie Mingjue was still talking with Jin Zixuan about what it meant that Jin Guangshan had hidden away the still intact Wen Ning, who Jin Zixuan had found in a hidden part of Koi Tower during his most recent visit and immediately liberated.

“Definitely a case of spiritual poisoning,” Wei Wuxian said after a short examination, and the most reliable doctor they had left in the Jiang sect concurred. “The silver bell can help a little –”

They’d already shattered seven of them, but Nie Mingjue had actually cracked a smile for the first time in months, to hear a sobbingly relieved Nie Huaisang tell it.

“–but it can only help so much; that technique is really only meant for acute cases. And you really need to figure out what was doing the poisoning; there’s no point in curing you if you’re only going to get poisoned again.”

“A matter for a later time,” Nie Mingjue, who clearly had some suspicions that made him look as though he’d been stabbed in the back, said. “Now that we know it’s a poisoning, and my mind is clearer, I can take some action myself – the Nie have plenty of techniques to stabilize the spirit.”

Wei Wuxian’s smile was full of self-hatred, as it always was these days. “I don’t suppose any of those are designed to work on the dead.”

“Actually,” Nie Huaisang said. “Several are. Why do you ask?”

Jiang Cheng opened his eyes.

#mdzs #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #jiang yanli #lan wangji #nie mingjue #nie huaisang #jin zixuan #my fic #my fics #congrats!#you get a full ficlet #this one just wouldn't stop writing

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scarletjedi · 3 years

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I don’t think it’s a surprise that I read a LOT of fanfic. Recently, that fanfic has been almost exclusively in CQL/MZDS/The Untamed. I have read some truly *mindblowing* and *heartwrenching* fics. I have read some *epic* smut. I have seen some *amazing* art.

And, of course, I have read a LOT of time-travel fixits.

I think that time-travel fixits is, by in large, one of my favorite tropes. there’s something about character who have completed their arc going back in time to create a softer world for themselves, a better world for themselves and those they love, or simply addressing issues that they were too young/immature to make that just speaks to me. It’s highly reflective and deeply nostalgic and allows for a greater exploration of canon timelines.

So, I’ve been thinking, recently, about what would make my ULTIMATE time travel fixit for The Untamed. A lot of this will sound like my Sangcheng Time travel fixit AU, which should surprise nobody, but hey - it’s been a few months. I want some new things now.

Scarletjedi’s Time Travel Au Wishlist

Both Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian travel back in time

Their type of all encompassing devotion is one of my favorite features of their relationship, post resurrection, and I want to maintain that. I don’t think it would be quite the same if Lan Wangji didn’t mourn for 16 years

...and a Lan Wangji who is willing to look the Lan Elders in the face and say “I recognize that the Council has made a decision, but given that it's a stupid ass decision, I have elected to ignore it,” is comedy gold. Also, a force to be reckoned with, and one that will be necessary to facilitate change.

Sneaking Around Gusu to Fool Around Shenanigans. If this is my AU wishlist, there’s a sprinkling of cherrypicked book canon, and “everyday is everyday” is part of it. Though, please boys, use oil.

Yilling Laozu’s Wicked Tricks without the bad reputation. Subian and Chenqing. Wei Wuxian’s original body.

Jiang Cheng has traveled back in time

Jaing “Right in front of my salad!” Cheng!

Sandu Shengshou is a badass, and I love my angry purple lightning baby. I want to see the confidence that he has, the sharp tongue that tells the truth even when inconvenient, because it’ll set some necessary foxes on the henhouse.

I choose to believe that in cql canon that Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng attempt to reconcile in some way. The “lets be brothers in our next life” well - it’s Wei Wuxian’s next life, so brothers, baby! Only this time they have been learning how to talk to each other, so they don’t need to rely on Yanli to do all their emotional labor.

Jiang Cheng raised Jin Ling. He built his sect back up from ashes after losing everything and made it a force to be reckoned with. And then he’s a TEENAGER with a CURFEW and yesss

Grown up Jiang Cheng vs his Parents.

A scene where, during Sunshot when Jiang Cheng is out re-earning his title, Jiang Fengmian is forced to confront the fact that his son is a badass and it had *nothing to do with him*. ...and the cat’s in the cradle and the silver spoon...

...fuck it, reunite the Yunmeng Trio! Jiang Yanli is back, baby!

absolution for the brothers that only she can give

Let Yanli get Angry, 2021

No, seriously, this is mostly to give Yanli the opportunity to have some fucking agency and be proactive. Perhaps she embraces her Yu side more -- or, as I think Jiang Cheng has embraced his into Yu, she learns to be more Jiang. I think I’d like to see Jiang Yanli out Jiang Jiang Fengmian.

She deserves more time to be happy, so...

...Jin Zixuan and come back too...

mostly because I like the idea of having everyone come back before the Gusu Lectures start, and I want him to allow them to stay together at the inn. This pulls double duty of making Wangji wait longer for Wei Wuxian (and I would love to see him just loose all sense of propriety and lay on on him the minute they’re in proximity), but also gives us a chance to know this absolute goober.

because he is a goober. he’s a himbo who loves his wife. They can also have fun sneaking around adventures. For a treat. But, knowing what’s coming, I’m sure they’re able to not bring Jin Ling into this world early....

Give Jin Zixuan friends, damnit. Also, having a Jin on the inside of Jinlintai will also help their plans. Speaking of plans...

...Nie Huaisang, but he’s the last one, I promise!

Listen. They’re facing Wen Rohan and Jin Guangshan, they’re going to need a schemer.

I can do that think where nobody knows he’s back right away because Meng Yao is there and Nie Huaisang doesn’t want to give anything away, and he can totally figure the rest of them out first and then choose when to reveal himself - likely at the time he’ll find the funniest.

I’m 100% behind him revealing himself to the group because he starts fooling around with Jiang Cheng. I am 200% behind him letting JC know quickly, and the two of them decide to wait to see how long it’ll take for the rest of them to figure it out.

Nie Huaisang is Weak For A Nie (which means he’s strong to rival Lan Wangji)

Like I said, they come back as teenagers, before the Wen’s begin their attack. I’d like to see Lotus Pier and Cloud recesses survive, but they don’t have to be unscathed. I’d like to see the Jiang’s survive, but they don’t have to be unscathed. Wen Ning never becomes the Ghost General, but I’d like him and Wen Qing to stay Wens.

I’d like a Meng Yao redemption arc. why not. and you can kill Xue Yang. Get. Rid. Song Lan and Xiao Xingcheng reconciliation with bonus AQ-Qing.

A lot of time travel fixits do a lot of these, but none of them do all of it.

I dunno. Anyway. Feel free to chat with me about this - I’d love to discuss details!

#the untamed

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restingdomface · 4 years

Text

Okay I can’t believe I’m going there, but, Lan Wangji’s magical healing cock and also mpreg AU:

Okay. So. Instead of Jin Zixuan being a dick to his crush, he genuinly never had a crush on her at all, and in fact, it never came to light until the Sunshit Campaign started, but JZX had a crush on Jiang Cheng all along. Jiang Cheng, who, reluctantly, returns his affections. Wei Wuxian is disgusted. His brother has terrible taste in men wtf.

So. Things went differently this time. What’s the change here? Meng Yao never left Nie Mingjue’s side. Of course, he did the spying thing, but he never betrayed him (this could be a part of my idea where NMJ and MY plan to actually have him be a spy and send him off after a planned execution of a soldier that NMJ decided needed a death sentence more than banishment, or, an AU where MY presented the idea to Wen Rouhan that his coming to WRH’s side was the betrayel itself). Now how does this change things? Because I honestly and truly think that if MY didn’t go to Jin Guangshan’s side afterwards, JGS wouldn’t have had the sway to execute anyone else in the Wen Family, or do anything horrible like that.

TBH he tries to wipe out the rest of the Wens, but it goes so badly and this time MY isn’t on his side (lol you know JGS would have tried tho, imagine how humiliating it would have been to be publicly denied by your own bastard son at the banquet after wow) and so JGS ends up removed from power entirely and JZX gets made sect leader instead.

This means, that since JZX is about to marry JC, they’re going to have to move to LanlingJin instead of both of them arguing over if they’d move to Lotus Pier or not. Cause they would argue over that. This means that Jiang Cheng is going to be the next Young Master Jin and Jiang Yanli is now officially the Jiang Sect Leader. Nice.

So. We’re rid of JGS and everyone’s happy and MY probably isn’t gonna kill anyone cause now he can marry NMJ in peace and not have to deal with anyone else, where does LWJ’s magic healing dick come in? Hold on I’m getting to it. Impatient.

So. The Wens. Of course, before JGS was removed from power, Wei Wuxian was actually running around saving Wen survivors and gathering them in the Burial Mounds, so he actually has to be coaxed into leaving by his siblings and LWJ and even JZX and NMJ (who thinks this is rather like that one time he had to coax Nie Huaisang out from under his bed when he became convinced NMJ’s cat was a demon because it wouldn’t stop attacking his songbird and he couldn’t come out cause she was in the room and she would steal his soul but she’s just sitting on the windowsill and meowing at them and NMJ is just silently planning to feed her more and keep her away from the atrium and tbh plz NHS you’re 16 years old you’re too old for this plz stop crying) and it’s great. It’s just great.

Anyways. WWX is paranoid af. Like so fucking paranoid. Cause they have been attacked. He’s got 12 year old girls talking about what the adult men in the Jin sect did to them. He’s got a traumatized toddler on his hip that screams when he sees Jin robes. He’s got children with branded scarring on their faces and wounds you can’t even imagine to come from anything but torture. He’s paranoid. He’s trying to keep the kiddos safe. They’re healers, and he’s given them the tools to heal, but they’re scared, and he’s paranoid without his Golden Core, and he’s scared, and he’s not putting down the toddler plz stop asking, he’s keeping this one, shut up.

So. What can he do but make a few demands? The Lan sect may have strict rules, but they would never attack innocent civilians, and they have rules about killing even animals in Gusu. He asks them to send all the Lan guards they can to escort them to GusuLan. He doesn’t think they’d hurt them in YunmengJiang either, but he can’t risk it. He was there when Lotus Pier burned. Cloud Recesses didn’t lose nearly as many people, and he’s still too traumatized to spend much time in LP rn.

So they go to Cloud Recesses. This actually, also gives the other sects a lot of time to get some glimpses at everyone that came from the Burial Mounds.

Not a single one of them was a cultivator.

This is a little different than canon. WWX can’t handle the loss of his golden core in this one. Not to say that he shouldn’t have done it, but that the resentful energy is dragging him down to the point where all he can feel is paranoia and fear. He’s almost completely unresponsive at this point. He follows after LWJ when told to, and he holds little A-Yuan in his arms, but he doesn’t pay much attention to anyone.

Wen Qing tells them of the loss of his core, but not how it happened. Lan Qiren doesn’t much like WWX still, but he accepts that a cornered animal will bite, and WWX lost his main weapon right before a major war. Of course he would do all he could to keep himself safe.

Jiang Yanli offers for the Wen Survivors to be integrated into YunmengJiang, since they lost so many people. It could help a lot. They accept, since she’s offering them protection and help.

Of course, Wen Qing and Jiang Yanli used to Spend A Lot Of Time Together in Cloud Recesses, so love is blooming there between the two sect leaders, and by the end of a year, they’re getting married themselves.

WWX doesn’t go back to LP with them. He couldn’t do it. A-Yuan and Granny and Wen Ning stay with him in Cloud Recesses. Granny talks with Wen Qing regularly, and A-Yuan is attached to Lan Wangji enough that Lan Xichen starts mentioning that he could attend classes there when he’s old enough. LXC is a WangXian shipper and is trying to get his brother to adopt the child. Y’all know he would. WWX spends his time arguing (loudly, but in a room with magical wards for sound so they don’t get in trouble) with a Lan mind healer that talks through his bullshit with him, sleeping the day away in one of the rooms of the Jingshi (because LWJ made him move in right away and WWX couldn’t even argue cause A-Yuan loves him too and he can ask LWJ to play Their Song whenever he wants to hear it) and following after A-Yuan as he enchants (and terrifies) all the rabbits in the field. Also getting yelled at (softly) by LQR for breaking rules. LQR and LWJ have been making it their personal mission to find a way to either purify the resentful energy so WWX can go back to his normal cheerful self that doesn’t jump or hide when startled, or to regain a Golden core so the yin and yang energies can balance each other and keep him stable.

Of course, JYL sends him a message that she’s getting married, and WWX pulls himself out of the fog enough that he can ask them to go to the wedding (he’s being polite, he’s going no matter what they say lol,) and LWJ accompanies him to the wedding. His siblings are so happy to see him there.

Anyways. Things get rocky when WWX hears them talking about kids.

Jiang Yanli will carry Jin Zixuan’s children, and they’ll keep the Jin name. They’ll know that all four of them are their parents, but it’s a way to pass on the name.

Wen Qing will carry Jiang Cheng’s children, and they’ll carry the Jiang name. This also helps to keep track of what kids are heir to what sect.

Of course, Wei Wuxian, the master of ‘I know The Most Obscure Bullshit Ever’, asks why they don’t just have their spouses children. There are spells and potions for that.

Well. No one else in the room knew that but him apparently. Well, they’re still going to go with their idea for the first few kids, and then they’ll decide if other means of pregnancy options are viable.

Anyways. Guess who else didn’t know it was possible for men to get pregnant? You guessed it. Lan Wangji. Who was also in the room at the time.

So. Wedding is lovely. They all have an amazing time. WWX is able to pull himself out of bed every day. He was even able to work on some cultivation items that LQR begrudgingly admits are amazing items and very useful to cultivation.

They go back to Cloud Recesses, and Lan Wangji combs through his and his uncle’s notes till he finds a viable solution to a return of a Golden core that they had originally scrapped because WWX wasn’t a girl.

To return a Golden core to a body by means of very careful pregnancy. Of course, such a thing would be considered stealing under normal circumstances, and most mothers would rather die than harm their child in the womb in a way that could kill them. But this was a method made to keep both parent and child from harm. A way to build the slightest lump of core in the parent, enough to stick and allow a base to build off of later.

Of course, without consulting Uncle (because the man would be horrified at the idea, and LWJ would rather be rejected by the man himself thanks very much) he takes the proposal to the man in question.

WWXA has to think about this one for a long time. He thinks about it while helping Wen Ning with zombie stuff so he can maintain a stable body. He thinks about it while writing letters to his siblings. He thinks a LOT about it while tucking their two year old into bed and reading him a story with the funny voices. He thinks about it when he spends a night in the cold springs with LWJ one night, close enough to touch the man, because without a Golden core, the water is too cold for him to survive in on his own.

He asks why LWJ would besmirch his honor like that. Having a child out of wedlock, his uncle would throw a fit. His name would be in tatters.

LWJ blinks, once, and twice. He quietly tells him the offer could involve marriage if WWX thinks it’s of import.

So. They get married. So they can have a child. Another child. Just. Yeah. Let’s get married so we can mate like rabbits.

They’re in love. Of course they are. But they’re also shy idiots. LWJ is a sex fiend like usual, and WWX quickly gets addicted to it, but they’re both too shy to say anything sappy yet. Well. No. Scratch that. LWJ is fully willing to admit his love to the world. But he’s a very quiet person. So he mostly just tells WWX how much he would do anything for him, and even eats his horrible poison cooking. Not even A-Yuan will touch that shit.

A-Yuan is so excited to be a big brother. His favorite place to lay is curled around WWX’s big belly and giving it kisses while A-Die scratches his hair and reads him stories.

A-Yuan finally gets his baby and Wei Wuxian gets the stability that a Golden core provides so he can continue using resentful energy to dodge the many many scrolls Shifu Qiren will throw at him over the years to come. LQR swears that if that man hadn’t given his nephew happiness and also many great nephews-

Anyways. The Lotus Flowers are all gay and all happy send tweet.

#jiang cheng #jiang yanli #a yuan #mdzs #the untamed #the grandmaster of demonic cultivation #jin zixuan #meng yao #nieyao #wen qing #jc totally carries at least one of jzxs babies #idk why the whole fandom thinks jzx could never top #let jc be a pushy bottom plz #all the lotus flowers are pillow princesses in this one lol #jc and wwx get pregnant at the same time at one point and theyre both horrible about it #wangxian #chengxuan #mpreg

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adhd-wifi · 4 years

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Jiang Cheng’s Deepest Personal Struggles

I spent more time on the title than I did the actual post.

Note: Wei WuXian is also very present in this meta, because Jiang Cheng’s entire story and development is so heavily tied to him that you literally cannot separate Wei Ying from him. And I thought Lan Zhan was bad.

Personally, I find Jiang Cheng’s traumas and internalized issues so much more interesting than his siblings’. Wei WuXian’s issues were much more dramatic and intense, but not uncommon in fiction, while Jiang YanLi’s issues were not explored in canon. With Jiang Cheng, we see so much of his development and how it is mostly negative in nature. However, even though Jiang Cheng’s development is negative more than positive, it’s very interesting to see how it affected him and how he does maintain his old personality even despite what he’s been through, which makes him the most realistic character out of the three siblings in my opinion.

In other words, I fucking love Jiang Cheng as a character so fucking much even though there are times in which I would gladly throw a book in his face and if you tell me he’s a badly written character I will break into your home at 4am on a Tuesday night and rearrange all your furniture before stealing all your spoons and leave a 27-page essay on why you’re wrong in their place.

(I won’t actually do that. I’m lazy. But not lazy enough to not write this long ass post I guess.)

So Jiang Cheng’s issues are extremely obvious to us, the audience, even more than WWX’s, despite WWX being the POV character. (This is probably due to WWX being a bit of an unreliable narrator, ignoring his own problems for JC’s sake, but we’ll get to that in another WWX post.)

We know the main problem is how he was raised, with JFM and YZY as parents. Between the two, we see that JFM’s neglect and favouritism towards WWX was actually much more impactful and damaging to him than anything from YZY. JC wanted his father’s approval and love, and while YZY berated him for being worse than WWX, JC at least felt like his mother cared about him in some way. YZY’s abuse was still extremely damaging of course, and she definitely contributed to JC’s problems by constantly yelling about how JFM cared more about WWX in front of JC. Still, the main problem was this: JC felt like he wasn’t loved by his own father, and then felt like his mother spent more time being angry at WWX than caring for him.

WWX and JYL also weren’t as there for him as they maybe should’ve. Yes, they actively showed more love and support to JC than their parents did, but the problem between the siblings is that WWX and JYL were unable to give JC what he specifically needed, and also JC lacked the communication skills to tell them what he needed. Of course, this is none of their faults. The three of them were raised under the same abusive parents and all had their own ways of coping with their traumas, as I’ve mentioned in my previous posts (WWX version, JYL version). Something both WWX and JYL had in common despite their difference in character and responses was that they tended to internalize things and smooth out the conflict present in their family, but while JC did also internalize things, this coping response didn’t work for him as it did with his siblings (well, it’s not that great, but they don’t struggle with it the way JC does). When you realize that both WWX and JYL are more reflective of JFM’s nature, but JC is closer to YZY instead, it makes sense. Like his mother, JC is someone who needs to vent and get his emotions out, but he doesn’t get that chance. Or rather, he FEELS like he can’t, because no one else does except YZY, and YZY isn’t exactly a prime example of healthy venting (Pls Madam Yu your children are crying.) It’s hard to talk about JC without bringing up how he compares to others, especially WWX, since that is the core of his problems and insecurities in the first place. So let’s talk about that.

JC’s competitive nature is mostly the result of his abusive home, but also because he’s the youngest sibling. Youngest siblings in general tend to be taken less seriously than their older siblings and thus often end up with the need to prove themselves more. This, combined with his parents’ lousy parenting, just made a recipe for a self-esteem disaster that blames others over himself. In WWX’s case, his self-esteem problems are “I’m the burden, I’m to blame”. In JC’s case, the problems are “They keep comparing me to others, I’m not as good as they are”. So, with JFM seeming like he doesn’t love JC (at least not as much as WWX), and YZY always berating him for not being as good as WWX, it’s really hard to fault JC for having an inherent idea of “WWX is to blame for his suffering”.

Despite this, JC had also actively spent his life fighting this idea of his. He loved WWX and very rarely let his jealously show at all. Even during the time WWX had been recovering from fighting the XuanWu, and JC was angry and frustrated at his parents fighting in front of them all again, and voiced his concerns about how his father didn’t like him or his mother, leading to WWX comforting him and making the promise he would eventually break (along with my heart but it’s okay I didn’t need it anyway ;-;). This is after JC walked from Qishan all the way back to Lotus Pier without stopping, desperate to save WWX as fast as possible. With his inherent idea of blaming WWX for his problems, on top of not being recognized for such a valiant effort for his brother, JC was in the perfect position to take it out on WWX. But he never actually said it was WWX’s fault, even though we knew he believed it at the time. Yes, he blatantly told WWX that he was upset about his efforts being ignored, but JC’s wording at the time didn’t contain a single line of actual blame towards WWX. (WWX probably heard it different, but those are his problems, not JC’s.) Considering JC is someone who doesn’t think about his words when he’s angry or frustrated, it says a lot about just how much he tries NOT to blame WWX, because he still truly, genuinely loved his brother. As children, JYL told WWX that JC was secretly very happy to have a new companion, even though WWX was the reason for his dogs being taken away. And then we see baby JC crying about being unable to find WWX when he tells him to go away. Yes, there’s probably some fear of punishment from JFM, but if that was the only thing he feared, baby JC didn’t have to promise to chase dogs away to protect WWX for the rest of their lives together. JC loved WWX just as much as WWX loved him, he just has a very, very different love language from his brother.

And then...the fall of Lotus Pier happened. And all of that came crashing down, burning away along with their home. JC finally blamed WWX for what had happened, years and years of pent-up, painstakingly internalized jealously and blame exploding at once. Because no matter what WWX did before, no matter how much trouble WWX caused before, it never cost them THIS much. WWX coming into their lives had never been any REAL trouble, and JC had been able to forgive everything else, because he loved WWX, and because WWX kept him from being lonely. But now his parents, who he desperately wanted the love from, were gone. His home was gone. WWX kept him from running in and taking revenge. WWX was the only person there when he let his emotions take over, and WWX happened to be someone he could blame. So what else could JC do but blame him?

“If WWX hadn’t saved Lan WangJi, if WWX hadn’t provoked Wen Chao, if WWX hadn’t won the archery competition, if WWX hadn’t come into their lives...”

JC’s default response to grief and trauma is anger fused with bargaining. He finds blame in someone or something and focuses on the “What-Ifs”, because that’s what he was raised on. That’s just what he was used to, because JC could never vent like he needed to. WWX and JYL, his only real sources of comfort, never truly listened when he did actually say something. WWX would tell him “You’re better than you think”, while JYL would tell him “That’s how things are, but don’t worry”. While these were said and done out of good intentions, JC’s needs are never really met or even fully acknowledged. No one addresses or even really listens to what causes the problems, often knowing the cause but almost blatantly refusing to really talk about it. Again, this isn’t their fault. Both older siblings had their own coping mechanisms that clashed with JC’s, and their entire family have CLEARLY never been taught proper communication skills, so no one really knew how to communicate in the way they needed to. However, it’s still true that this affected JC the most, given his character. He NEEDED someone to listen to him, he NEEDED the validation that his feelings and person mattered, but he never got it.

And yet...the sad thing about this was that JC himself clearly gave up on trying ti get it himself after Lotus Pier was gone. He let his emotions rule him, seeking revenge against the Wens with every intention of slaughtering them as they did his family during the Sunshot Campaign. We see his loss of morality and hypocrisy when he shows how he was perfectly willing to let WWX, as the Yiling Patriarch, stay by his side as long as he was the enemy of the Wens despite how much he used to be against WWX using resentful energy. We see the innocent child who had only wanted the love and approval of his family become a vengeful man burdened with trauma and the responsibilities of a Sect Leader at too young an age during a time of war.

JC was clearly traumatized by Lotus Pier, and to me, it seemed that he had manifested a fear of seeing his home fall a second time. We see this especially in his passiveness towards the other sects when he was put on the spot during the times WWX “caused trouble” as the Yiling Patriarch, and how much more reactive and unstable he was when talking to WWX before WWX decided to leave the sect. JC had been desperate to keep things stable, safe, that he was willing to abandon the debt he owed towards Wen Qing and Wen Ning. He didn’t want to make enemies of the other sects, because his family and old home were gone. When WWX brought up JFM’s teachings, JC was obviously really affected by it, and I think that’s why he accepted WWX’s duel right then.

One thing I would like to say is this: At this point in their relationship, WWX absolutely wronged JC. Yes, it’s fully understandable why WWX did so, with his horrible misplaced guilt and unwillingness to drag JC into his choices any longer. But JC didn’t deserve this. He reacted badly to WWX after Lotus Pier, but we know for a fact that he was overwhelmed with grief and pain when he did, but despite how much he’d changed, it’s obvious that JC still loved WWX (still should’ve apologised tho). JC didn’t need to try and protect WWX, but he did. Some might argue that he did it for JYL’s sake or to keep power, but I doubt that. If that was the case, he wouldn’t have argued with WWX the way he did, screaming “I won’t be able to protect you!” if he only wanted WWX around for power or for JYL. JC did try, but WWX didn’t. WWX saw their relationship as a debt he owed to JFM and the Sect, and with the transfer of the golden core, he saw that debt repaid. Not once, however, did WWX truly consider JC’s feelings about it, too caught up in his own guilt and thus deciding what he thought was best for his brother. Again, it’s understandable, given what he’s been through. But after the war, WWX was definitely the main reason they fall apart, not JC. Not the mention the whole golden core transfer itself. WWX made the decision for JC, then refused to tell him and let his little brother abuse him as YZY did until they finally separated, WWX willingly breaking the promise he made to JC himself. WWX didn’t even try to reconnect, using the excuse of “the Wens needing him more”. Can you imagine how that must have felt for JC? He didn’t know what WWX did for him, so to him, he could only see his brother abandoning him for almost no reason. WWX was his closest companion his whole life, as well as the person who shaped him the most throughout his childhood. His life and character were dependant on WWX, both positively and negatively. WWX could live without JC, but JC couldn’t live without WWX, and he knew that.

When JYL died, the trauma of Lotus Pier returned, and once again, JC was consumed by grief. So he did the exact same thing he did back then: Blame WWX. And this time, he no longer had a good reason to give WWX leniency. After all, WWX pushed him away. WWX didn’t care about him. WWX chose the Wens, strangers, over him. WWX neglected him just as his own father did. JC’s complicated feelings towards his beloved brother had finally morphed into hatred, and WWX had let it happen. So WWX died, and JC no longer had a physical target to blame. But he needed something, someone, to blame, because that’s how he copes. It’s unhealthy, it’s damaging, it’s cruel, but it’s his coping mechanism. It’s the only way he knows how to deal with things because he never had a single chance to learn to cope in any other way. Thus, he hunted demonic cultivators and tortured them, but his hatred could never be resolved because he would never be able to receive the closure he desperately needed.

Then WWX came back, and JC learned about the golden core transfer.

If you’ve ever had someone sacrificing their time for you without needing to, for example a friend staying up for three days straight to finish a birthday present on time while on a busy and hectic schedule, you’d probably know the momentary guilt of “OMG you didn’t have to do that!” while being grateful to them. Now imagine that guilt times almost 20 years of hating the person who did something so selfless for you while also knowing you mistreated them for a portion of that time. JC was absolutely devastated to know what WWX did for him, because what the hell, the man he hated and blamed, the man who pushed him away and abandoned him for a bunch of strangers from a sect that destroyed their first home, did something that was essentially cultivator’s suicide? For his sake? Because he actually cared for JC despite everything he did? But also, with WWX’s core instead of his own, didn’t it also mean that he was still Not-As-Good as WWX, because he never truly achieved anything great without WWX’s help in some way? The main, EXACT, cause of his insecurities and problems in the first place? Bruh I can’t blame him for having an existential crisis here. I really can’t.

At GuanYin Temple (admittedly I’m basing this off CQL cuz I haven’t gotten there in any other adaption so I don’t know if this scene actually took place there or not), when JC shouted at WWX for everything, JC was finally given a chance to properly vent and finally have someone listen. Yes, WWX being shouted at isn’t favourable, but honestly, I think WWX truly deserved it from JC here. JC was finally able to say things against WWX to WWX’s face, and most importantly, have the last person he grew up with that he used to truly love and treasure tell him his feelings were valid. But even with this, I still find it fully believable and probably even narratively better that JC and WWX never fully resolved their relationship (as much as I want them too, for my heart’s sake) by the end of the story. Because even knowing what WWX did for him, honestly, how on earth could JC trust him again? JC was too hurt for too long, and besides, they were incompatible in the first place. WWX and JC’s personalities and coping mechanisms and all that simply clashed with each other too much for them to go back to being brothers like they used to be. But at least there’s now closure between the two, and Jiang Cheng might be able to finally move on from the past he’s trapped in.

Like I said in the beginning, I find Jiang Cheng the most interesting as a CHARACTER out of the Yunmeng Siblings, and I haven’t even finished what I wanted to talk about with him. Gonna do a post next time about his relationships with others aside from WWX, specifically with Jin Ling probably. Also I don’t actually think Jiang Cheng was neurodivergent to begin with, but that’s also another post all on its own. Anyways I hope y’all survived this long ass post LMAO.

#jiang cheng #jiang wanyin #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #the untamed #chen qing ling #cql #my hcs #my posts #my ramblings #my metas #mental health metas

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fyeahwynonnaearp · 7 years

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What Just Happened?!?: Let’s Pretend We’re Strangers (S02E05)

So many things happened. So many things are happening. So many feelings were felt and so much screaming at the TV was done.

New Character(s)

Ewan (@unrealfehr): Volunteer firefighter by day and cult leader by night. Likes big shiny axes, red cloaks, bird masks, and working out.

Juan Carlo (@The_Real_ShaunJ): Re-introduction of the mysterious mechanic/watcher(?). Still uselessly helping and provides more questions than answers. Has a teleporter!Truck? because he drove in with it and disappeared with it.

The Order: A cult of volunteer firefighters whose motto is ‘Praesidium et Conservatio’. Under the (sometimes) guidance of Juan Carlo, they help protect the Ghost River Triangle.

Monster(s) of the Week

Miksun, or The Goo™: Have apparently infected a crap ton of people that The Order had to hunt down and kill. Put down by Peacemaker, but is it fully gone?

Final Thoughts (No Spoiler)

Game changer indeed.

Although The Goo™/Mikshun was the focus of the episode, so many little things happened that may ripple out and have huge repercussions in the future. It was such an intense episode and, as of now, I have watched it three times. Back to back. I am emotionally drained.

Honestly, before watching this show I take one or two or three shots of Fireball and after the show I chain-smoke like Doc Holliday and hug myself to contain all the feels.

Jump into the rabbit hole for some spoiler-filled rants, theories, and fun!

10 Things That Happened/I Learned

1. Ewan and The Order - ‘Praesidium et Conservatio’: We find out that the Purgatory Volunteer Fire Department (or VFD, which makes me giggle because Lemony Snicket) has an impressive battle axe collection, hunts down Goo-infected citizens, and likes nachos as an after-beheading snack. Based on Ewan and The Plate™, it seems that The Order used to have a relationship with the Earp heir. Now in possession of The Plate™ and open to partnering with Wynonna, we will probably see more of Ewan (or FitBit, as Melanie likes to call him). How The Order and The Squad™ will butt heads will be very interesting and I’m ready for The Squad™ to have help because IDK if people remember/realize, but The Ghost River Triangle is a huge freakin’ area.

2. Nicole, the kicked puppy. The first-half of this season have completely REKT the Officer. Goononna was especially in top-shelf form with the emotional beatdown. I expect Nicole and Wynonna to clash because Nicole is clearly the (mostly) by-the-book rookie and Wynonna is the free-spirit protocol-lel-what-protocol Black Badge Deputy. Perhaps Nicole never understood how or why Wynonna got to be in the super secret government agency and was maybe a bit jealous, but damn! Goononna definitely knew her weakness and insecurities and hit where it hurts the most. I’m excited to see how they move on from this and how they form a relationship outside of Waverly. (I’ve read somewhere that Nicole was constantly being mean and a bit of a bitch to Wynonna; I honestly will have to rewatch, but I don’t remember Nicole being an outright massive bitch to her.)

3. IN MEMORIAM: AGENT JEANIE LUCADO.Goocado, or goo-infected!Lucado: Head exploded. Tentatively dead because regeneration is a thing and where the hell did her body go?!?

4. Doc Holliday has a new car. It is red and has a cassette player and I wonder if he constantly avoids eye contact with Nicole while at the station because she knows he doesn’t have a driver’s license and definitely has an unpaid speeding ticket.

5. Purgatory Fair 1952. The plate is important enough that it was hunted down, wanted by BBD, and people were killed for it. It was definitely important to The Order. Not only does it bare their seal, but it might be connected to the broken seal because Ewan was talking about it to JC and it seems they are also responsible for maintaining it.

6. “I will shoot anybody for you”. Not only is Nicole whipped, but this line just cements the notion of the Officer being loyal to Waverly despite her position as a police officer. It might be nothing, or it could be the overarching struggle Nicole will face throughout the season and beyond. Being a good cop matters to her, and being involved with Waverly could mean ignoring things for The Squad, covering things up, and breaking protocol and maybe the law. And, I think we know how she feels about covering things up. I’m excited for this ride because this could be such a wonderful character development storyline and gives their relationship depth and substance many shows ignore. Because Nicole will never ask Waverly to be someone other than herself, but Nicole might have to change and compromise her morals for the woman she’s totally not-in-love with.

7. Hot Uniform for Officer Haught. Is Nicole being Lexa-levels of extra with her new uniform? Gone are the khakis and barely-buttoned long sleeves and the has-anyone-seen-me-this-season stetson. Enter the Black Widow-inspired, Alex Danvers-might-steal-this long-sleeved form-fitting zip-up top and is-this-gay-enough vest and no-really-is-this-too-gay boots and the I-am-a-gay baseball cap. I love it. I do. It would be equally horrifying and funny if the entire Purgatory Sheriff Department changed uniforms because Officer I’m-Too-Haught-For-This hates khakis, but I hope the department also forked over the cash for the super expensive extra-lightweight concealed body armor to wear under that tight-fitting top. Because Officer Haught did not ask for the most gay, hot, are-we-sure-this-is-not-a-sexy-cop-costume uniform just to be a bullet magnet.

8. MISSING: BLACK BADGE HQ. Honestly, I’m confused about the actual organization of the...well, organization. It is introduced as a joint task force between the US and Canada, even the badge shows both flags. Like, cool. But is Moody (AKA Orphan Black’s Art Bell), the Head of Black Badge or is he only in charge of the Purgatory/Ghost River Triangle branch or whichever branch is overseeing Purgatory? When Dolls, Lucado, or Jeremy mention HQ, do they mean the place where Dolls was broken out from? Because that means BBD HQ is near the Ghost River Triangle. So when Jeremy says Black Badge is gone, does that mean just the HQ/where Dolls was being held? Are there more BBD sites like in the comic books? Where are the other agents?

9. Waverly and her ‘dark corners’. Is Waverly an Earp? It’s the question that can be easily answered if only the Earp Sisters didn’t have major communication issues. In all honesty, all it takes is one over-due conversation and a saliva swab, then one DNA test later we get our answer. But, no. Waverly will probably never ask Wynonna “so, our mom was pregnant with me, right?” and Nicole probably won’t overstep and compare the Earp Sisters’ DNA behind Waverly’s back. I just want this issue to be resolved before Waverly crumbles under the pressure of meeting Wynonna’s expectations of what being an Earp entails. Because this season shows us that Wynonna does give being an Earp so much meaning and expects Waverly to act accordingly and this might cause issues between them and it might be hard to remember, but they just found steady footing with each other. If Wynonna keeps expecting certain things out of Waverly all in the name of being an Earp while Waverly is struggling with the idea if she even is an Earp, we might have the Earp Sis angst-fest we don’t really want but we might just actually love because it means they come out of it (hopefully) stronger together.

10. Baby Earp, the game changer. There’s a divide in the fandom: Pro-baby storyline and what-the-fuck-no!-pregnancy-storylines-ruin-everything. No matter what camp you reside in, you must admit and eventually realize that this baby-bump of a game changer is going to be the catalyst for several major character development.

Wynonna: No longer can she numb herself and drown her issues in whiskey. Even though she says her job is to protect her baby sister, we have to remember that she’s been MIA for three year prior and have been mostly absent from Waverly’s life. Yes, she was placed in a mental institution when she was 14 and has been in juvie at least once, but she also willingly spent time away from her sister and ran with the Banditos, a gang that was mentioned in season 1 and explored in the comics. Wynonna joined a gang which could have placed Waverly in danger. With a baby, Wynonna has to be responsible for another life and now has to actually think about the possible consequences of her actions.

Doc: The chance of Doc being the father is really high. Let’s assume that he did get his best friend’s great-great-I-actually-forgot-how-many-great-grand daughter pregnant. Because he’s been established as somewhat traditional, in the loosest sense of the word, he will want to meet the duties and obligation of being a father. That means he can’t really just take off anytime he wants. It means being open and having an honest line of communication with Wynonna, which can be hard for him and his Slytherin ways. While he does let Wynonna be Wynonna, I think that will change when he learns he’s a father. Also, he might start actively searching for a way to reverse the Stone Witch’s curse on him. Meaning, he might have to dig out Constance from the salt flats and OMG is she still out there or did someone dig her out?

Dolls: As much as I would love for DocWynDolls to be one happy polyamorous family raising Baby Earp, there is a good chance that Dolls might feel the need to take a step back and let Wynonna straighten out her priorities. He will be there for her, absolutely, but he might emotionally distance himself and choose to focus his attentions on BBD and figure out how The Squad will continue without a government agency backing them and how to proceed without the power of a badge and probably start figuring out what exactly he is.

Waverly: Protective acting-like-the-big-sister Waverly will be adorable and fluffy and amazing to watch. Waverly questioning her role and childhood and how she was treated will be heartbreaking and will make me leak from my eyes. I think Waverly will be worried about her place in Wynonna’s life now that there will be a baby. Waverly is so used to being pushed to the side that she probably won’t talk about her concerns and will just keep supporting and helping Wynonna. On the other hand, a baby Earp can just be the prompting for Wynonna to start reminiscing and talking about a Baby Waverly and the biological origins of Waverly will finally be settled.

Nicole: A part of me hopes she won’t get shut out and Waverly will start incorporating Nicole into her life and that Nicole will help Waverly with pregnant!Wynonna, but I can see her being shut out. Again. I can see Nicole figuring it out for herself (like always) and subtlety helping Wynonna by giving her food and giving her coffee, it’s caffeine-free of course, but Wynonna won’t know that. I really hope Nicole gets to be involved in some capacity because it will be just one more thing that would strengthen her relationship not only with Waverly, but with Wynonna as well.

Overall, I am happy this show is still true to itself. Some people have said that the show doesn’t treat its villains as actually villains and it all ends up being anti-climactic. To those people, I say to you, this show is not the episodic procedural of monster-of-the-week and one big bad a season kind of show. This is about the people that have to deal with those monsters and demons. This show is about their relationships with each other. It’s about how they grow as people and how they deal with their issues and personal demons. Sure, demons are killed. But unlike other shows, our heroine still questions her humanity and still have issues with the fact that she is destined to kill, whether they are demons or creatures or humans-turned-demons.

It is often overlooked and no one talks about it enough, but I think we need to remember that even though these revenants and demons are all trying to kill her, Wynonna Earp still tells them to “make your peace” and sure she sends them to hell, but she tries to make sure they get some semblance of peace in the afterlife.

#Wynonna Earp #what just happened

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diegest · 4 years

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A decade recap

This is gonna be long.

I started this before the new year but ended up getting too busy to work on it and add to it and forgot about it. 😅 It’s unfinished and there are details missing, clearly. But it’s still nice to be able to look back at what I remember and how I’ve overcome specific events in my life. ❤️

2010 - age 15

I live in Cali MO. I’m a volunteer vet assistant. I help take care of the animals and help with procedures here and there. I’m pining over my childhood best friend of 9 years. However, the cute guy with a goatee in my Desktop Publishing class who makes me laugh is also getting my attention... I’m going into my last year of track and field, as my knees can’t take it anymore and I no longer enjoy it. I’m small, tan, love to run, but I’m extremely socially awkward and shy. I’m going through a lot of family issues. I see my brother for the last time in years. I spiral into depression. My body doesn’t cope well with the stress. I wish to die but fail. I almost start the decade out not with a bang, but with a bottle of pills.

2011 - age 16

I’m not very eager to get my drivers license. The freedom sounds great but I’m not ready for the responsibilities. I’m scared, actually. I pass my test on the third try because this time I’m finally able to take MY car for my test. I drive a black Pontiac Grand Prix GTP, supercharged with stripped decals. I’m hit on for my car a lot. I’m very much an art student. I got that guy in Desktop Publishing’s number and I took him to a concert for our first date, where we became boyfriend and girlfriend. First date lol. I work at McDonalds for my first real job but only briefly, as I couldn’t handle the social pressures and many people there are fucking mean. I go work at a store in town instead and like it a lot more. Sophomore year isn’t too bad. I was scouted for a dual school program because of my passion for graphic design and art and am accepted into next years program. I’m an honors student.

2012 - age 17

Junior year. I’m attending two schools. I go to JC High in the mornings and Cali High in the afternoons. I’m admired for my drawing ability using Wacom tablets. I’ve been with Travis for a year now. It’s cool dating a senior to me. I’m still driving my Grand Prix. I work at a gardening center during summer and a store during the other seasons. My friend group is disbanded, but it’s okay. I attend my first year of prom. Mom got us a limo which was super unnecessary looking back at it but we had a great time. I have to go to court against my father. I have to tell them that during my time there, I had to be a stand-in parent for my brother and he would often forget to feed us or I would have to leave my homework to do on Sunday nights when I was finally back at my moms which makes my grades suffer. Making me swear on the Bible was kind of a weird thing to do. My mom and I win the court case but I’m absolutely heartbroken and crushed that I had to stand at a podium and tear my dad apart. But at the time I was so angry and bitter.

2013 - age 18

Senior year. I’ve been with Trav for two years. He’s in college which is hard on me. Hard on us. He surprises me at homecoming by texting me to turn around and bam, he’s behind me after not seeing him in probably 2 months. I drive Matthew to school with me as he’s starting his freshmen year. I’m class president of my Graphic Communications course study and I’m sure that graphic design is what I want to go into. However, I hate being told what to do and the lack of creative freedom. My Grand Prix’s transmission gives out on my way home from school one day and I bawl my eyes out. My mom gets me a Kia Forte because I wil have to commute to college so it’s best to have a reliable car. Unrelated but still important, I’m involved in the record number of cars involved in a pileup in my city (6 cars) and am the only one not charged from the ordeal. Kinda nifty and cool but kinda shitty at the time. I graduate high school and see some family members for the first time in years. I’m not thrilled. I spend my graduation wanting to get out of my dress and gown and go hang out with friends and our boyfriends instead. I go to Kansas City to be with Trav when I can.

2014 - age 19

I move to Jeff City with my mom. Trav and I have been together for 3 years. He gets into a terrible car accident which affects him for the remainder of our relationship. People question why I stayed with him because of his inability to do a lot of things we were able to prior and I tell them it’s because I love him. He moves back home to do college online, which makes things a lot easier. I’m not excited for college whatsoever, but attend anyway since my first two years are essentially free. I’m an art student, mostly working to tweak my finer skills in fine art. I love painting and drawing and especially doing life studies and figure sketches. But I’m losing my passion. I work at a store as a cashier and want to tear customers into pieces when they’re rude. I’m getting anxious about college and am starting to question whether I’m on the right path or not. My cat, Tiger, who I had for 10 years, also goes missing. I never find him despite searching and doing everything I could in my power. That still kinda gets to me. I work as a server and hostess. My days typically are as follow: wake up, go to school, go to work, stay up until 3am taking tests and doing homework. Rince and repeat until losing it mentally. I made the deans list. This continues for months and it’s absolutely mind-numbing.

2015 - age 20

I got my Associates, which I forget exists 95% of the time. I’m about to move to a university finally! And live in a dorm finally! With my best friend! Oh, now she’s not coming. Oh. And now someone else has taken her spot in my dorm. Oh. She speaks very little English. She’s rude. She wakes me up in the middle of the night. She’s gross. I can’t handle this. I have to drop a class for the first time in my life because I’m failing a class for the first time of my life. I move up the hall. I retake the class with the newfound ability to rest in my dorm building and pass with an A. I’m angry and bitter at who I used to consider my ‘friend’ for landing me in this financial predicament. I gravitate toward her brother who becomes my best friend since we’re both stuck in the same city together and go to the same college together. Trav helps me make the most of having my own dorm and helps me move out when the time comes. I work at Dairy Queen. I secretly develop an eating disorder while living in the dorm because what is basically my freshmen 15 sounds terrifying to me and it’s extremely important to me I maintain my weight to break that standard. No one catches on to my knowledge.

2016 - age 21

I celebrate my birthday by going to my favorite chill bar in Jeff City. Trav and I have been together for 5 years. We get our first place. It’s a short walk from campus and I love the balcony. It’s spacious enough for our two desktops and for his cat, Ivy. It’s also big enough to have friends over!! If I had many friends...and if he had any friends...I love having my place with my significant other for a while but it loses its luster when I become the only one being able to pay for the bills and rent. But I’m also going to school full time. And am in an honors fraternity and another honors society. I’m a research assistant. I’m working at Dairy Queen. I’m just one person. Now my brother is in the hospital and I’m told about it after he has been admitted for over a month. His condition is affecting his heart among other things. I’m so far away. I’m basically a state away but I can’t leave because I’m the breadwinner and I have to complete school. This is too much for just one person. My college friends are fantastic though and keep me floating with my head up when I constantly feel like I’m drowning.

2017 - age 22

I can’t handle the pressures of completing my bachelors degree and being the only one in my apartment getting work hours. I can’t handle not knowing how my brother is fairing in the hospital. I can’t handle the extracurriculars along with working, tests, having my own psychology research experiment on top of being a research assistant. I can’t handle my own feelings for others. I’m detached from my boyfriend. I can’t handle the strained relationship and do everything to leave and get away. I end it just before the 6 year mark partially out of guilt for my feelings for someone else, partially because I know I can do better, partially because I know it’s ran it’s course, partially because I feel like I don’t know my type or myself, partially because I know I need a partner more fiscally reliable, and partially because I’m scared he will propose to me. Because I intend to say ‘no.’ Everyone pushes it but I know I would say ‘no.’ I work at Dairy Queen for a few months after I graduate to figure out my next move. When my boss makes a comment that Psychology majors don’t amount to anything, I go home and apply to a psychiatric hospital nearby and get an interview within three days. I work my new job and work at Dairy Queen until December, as she’s not giving me any hours anyway to spite me and quit DQ in favor of the hospital. Two jobs doesn’t feel that bad when one is slashed so hardcore to spite you. I’m promoted from Expressive Therapy Assistant to full on Expressive Therapist within months. I feel loved. I feel needed. I feel nervous. But I feel like I’m making a difference. I also begin to fill the gap of my long relationship with several short term relationships. Oops. It was unintentional.

2018 - age 23

I’m working at the hospital and I’m thriving. I’m loving it. I feel like a badass. I feel important. I drive a lot. I have to stay overnight when it snows. I’m maintaining my apartment by myself as Travis moved out. It’s expensive and scary. I invest most of my energy into my work and when I’m not working, I’m doing everything I can to leave town to be with my boyfriend - my childhood best friend I almost dated in high school whom I’ve known for 17 years by this point. Whoops that didn’t last. I date a coworker. Whops that didn’t last either. I dated my ex’s friend. That actually lasted longer than I thought it would. I move into a much cheaper apartment - a two bedroom duplex. I traded in my balcony for a yard and an awning to park my car under.

2019 - age 24

I fucked up and lose the job I love, but it’s okay. They even tell me I was damn good at what I did and they’re only forced to fire me because of policy. I have a job the very next day much closer to home. I hate what I do for months because it’s mind-numbingly boring compared to my old job. I’m promoted. I have authority. I have a say in whether clients can stay with us or not. I have a say if someone needs to get fired (though I haven’t had to exercise that yet). Things are shaking up. The company isn’t doing well because of grants. But we’re keeping our head up for our clients. The grant-funded program I’ve been writing for months gets approved. Also I have a dog! He’s awful, I love him. I meet some of the best people I’ve ever met in my life and consider them to be some of my greatest friends I’ve ever had. But I’m still not brave enough to tell them I was fired from my last job. And I don’t intend to for as long as I can keep it a secret. I date a few good guys but none of them stick but maintain friendships with them if they want to. My grandpa passes away which affects me more than I can admit truthfully. This does help me rekindle my relationship with my dad though which I’m grateful for. I still don’t know what I want to do as a profession. I still don’t know what I want to go back to school for. I want to move to a bigger city and live with friends but I’m using this time to train my dog, make money, and just try to live. I get very comfortable with my own body and delve into photography, only this time being a model rather than the person behind the camera! It’s fun. Can’t do shit in winter though lol.

2020 - age 25

I started the year surrounded by friends I sincerely hope I still have years from now. I was given a promotion and a raise of a few thousand dollars. I’ve met someone who can stay up late with me laughing about funny memes and videos and will sing to music with me while driving down the highway. People come to me for mediation at work and clients say thanks for my presence. I still very much want to move away, but it would currently be foolish of me to leave while the grant-funded children’s program I’ve slaved over writing on and off for months is finally getting off the ground and going around by word of mouth. Plus, my savings is able to increase again. Plus plus, being a boss is fun and being in charge of so many people feels rewarding when things are done right by your word. I’m happy and things are going well ❤️ who knows what else will come with this year?

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vinnystreets-blog · 5 years

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All 10 Play Summaries and Analyses + Monologues

Julius Caesar is the story, mostly of the aftermath of Caesar’s death. There are essentially two schools of thought regarding the character of Caesar himself. One is that his arrogance is what leads to his death, as numerous warning signs are greeted with apathy my Caesar. The other theory is that fatalism or divine intervention brings about the events which occur on the Ides of March. I favor the latter interpretation, as Caesar’s death is also the result of Cassius’ envy and pride, Brutus’ dependence on others to do his thinking for him, and Antony’s hedonism which distracts him from protecting his friend and sovereign. One monologue from Marc Antony stands out as an exceptionally emotional piece to include. Shakespeare is always more brilliant than anyone when it comes to conveying attachment and emotion in written form:

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;

I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their bones;

So let it be with Caesar. The noble Brutus

Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:

If it were so, it was a grievous fault,

And grievously hath Caesar answer’d it.

Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest–

For Brutus is an honourable man;

So are they all, all honourable men–

Come I to speak in Caesar’s funeral.

He was my friend, faithful and just to me:

But Brutus says he was ambitious;

And Brutus is an honourable man.

He hath brought many captives home to Rome

Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:

Did this in Caesar seem ambitious?

When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept:

Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:

Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;

And Brutus is an honourable man.

You all did see that on the Lupercal

I thrice presented him a kingly crown,

Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?

Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;

And, sure, he is an honourable man.

I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,

But here I am to speak what I do know.

You all did love him once, not without cause:

What cause withholds you then, to mourn for him?

O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,

And men have lost their reason. Bear with me;

My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar,

And I must pause till it come back to me.

2. Jesus Christ Superstar is in many ways a parallel story to that of Julius Caesar , and not just because JC is the main character. It begins with Judas criticizing Jesus’ popularity in much the same way the conspirators in the beginning of Julius Caesar do. Judas criticizes Jesus’ vulnerability and weakness just like Caesar was humanized by Cassius and Brutus’ conversation. What does exist in JCSS is more of a dialogue between the titular character and his followers. Judas is quick to criticize Jesus’ flaws without looking at his own ambitions. In this same way, Brutus believes he is looking out for the people of Rome, but fails to examine his own or Cassius’ reasons for violence and acquisition of power thoroughly.

Uniquely, the play touches on specific instances of how such a man as Jesus would have lived, maintaining relative biblical accuracy while taking creative liberties. The scene in which Jesus tries to heal the lepers, only to be overwhelmed exhibits the struggle of draining oneself to take care of others. Mary Magdalene then struggles with loving Jesus, as how does one love someone without destroying a part of what that person is, or trying to possess them? The only monologue/ solo song I could find that I wanted to do is for Jesus’ tenor part, but maybe one day I can pull it off:

JESUS

I only want to say

If there is a way,

Take this cup away from me,

For I don't want to taste its poison.

Feel it burn me, I have changed,

I'm not as sure as when we started.

Then I was inspired,

Now I'm sad and tired.

Listen surely I've exceeded expectations

Tried for three years seems like thirty,

Could you ask as much from any other man?

But if I die,

See the saga through and do the things you ask of me.

Let them hate me, hit me, hurt me, nail me to their tree.

I'd want to know, I'd want to know, my God.

Want to know, I'd want to know, my God.

Want to see, I'd want to see, my God.

Why I should die?

Would I be more noticed than I ever was before?

Would the things I've said and done matter any more?

I'd have to know, I'd have to know, my Lord.

Have to know, I'd have to know, my Lord.

Have to see, I'd have to see, my Lord.

If I die what will be my reward?

Have to know, I'd have to know, my Lord.

Why should I die?

Oh, why should I die?

Can you show me now that I would not be killed in vain?

Show me just a little of your omnipresent brain.

Show me there's reason for your wanting me to die,

You're far to keen on where and how and not so hot on why.

Alright, I'll die!

Just watch me die!

See how I die!

Then I was inspired,

Now I'm sad and tired

After all I've tried for three years, seems like ninety,

Why then am I scared to finish what I started,

What you started - I didn't started it.

God, die will is hard,

But you hold every card.

I will drink your cup of poison,

Nail me to your cross and break me,

Bleed me, beat me, kill me, take me now - before I change my mind

3. Macbeth - William Shakespeare: Though Macbeth wasn’t my favorite play at first, as I failed to see how it differed greatly from Julius Caesar in terms of general themes, I later came to enjoy it upon reflection. Macbeth mirrors Brutus in that he is a good man brought to crime by circumstance and ambition. Unlike Brutus, he has his ambition and pride guarded by a supernatural prophecy in which he believes wholeheartedly. Macbeth paints the picture that while hard work is important, ambition unchecked by morality is not viable. Furthermore, the harder one grasps onto power and status, the more quickly they seem to fly away. The true depth of Shakespeare’s work comes mostly not from examining what transpired, but creatively imagining how things could have turned out differently.

If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well

It were done quickly. If th’assassination

Could trammel up the consequence, and catch

With his surcease success: that but this blow

Might be the be-all and the end-all, here,

But here upon this bank and shoal of time,

We’d jump the life to come. But in these cases

We still have judgement here, that we but teach

Bloody instructions which, being taught, return

To plague th’inventor. This even-handed justice

Commends th’ingredience of our poisoned chalice

To our own lips. He’s here in double trust:

First, as I am his kinsman and his subject,

Strong both against the deed; then, as his host,

Who should against his murderer shut the door,

Not bear the knife myself. Besides, this Duncan

Hath borne his faculties so meek, hath been

So clear in his great office, that his virtues

Will plead like angels, trumpet-tongued against

The deep damnation of his taking-off,

And pity, like a naked new-born babe,

Striding the blast, or heaven’s cherubin, horsed

Upon the sightless couriers of the air,

Shall blow the horrid deed in every eye

That tears shall drown the wind. I have no spur

To prick the sides of my intent, but only

Vaulting ambition which o’erleaps itself

And falls on th’other.

What I like particularly about this soliloquy is that Macbeth seems to have knowledge that this deed will not be the last, and when he ends, seems to resolve not to kill Duncan. Yet I imagine those seeing it for the first time rarely imagined that this resolve would only last until his wife returned to convince him once again to murder his liege. The reversing of gender roles in her strong will is unique, but is also paid karmically in turn when Lady Macbeth cannot bear the guilt of murders committed by her word on her conscience.

4. Death of a Salesman - Arthur Miller: Though DoS strikes many as a tragedy regarding the mundane workforce lifestyle, capitalist competitivism and mental illness, I see more as a tragedy in Willy’s failure to be a good father figure. From the beginning of the play, he is critical while taking little action. This is perfectly understandable, one of the continually stressed themes of the play is the great fatigue put on Willy by his job and travel. It may very well have killed him. But he also commits adultery, chooses, a profession which he clearly has no passion or talent for, fails to assist or guide his children morally or practically, etc.

Despite this, one can’t help but pity him. He’s wise enough to regret some of his choices, like not going off to Alaska with his brother. And he still makes a fair deal of effort to support his family. It’s just that his miserable job, lack of friends, mental illness and general difficult circumstances overwhelm him. Linda seemed like a very flawed character to me. She tries to support Willy, but can’t muster up the courage or will to drive him to change his situation the way Lady Macbeth does with her husband, albeit she goes too far. At the end, she says, “we’re free.” This is a hauntingly familiar feeling for anyone who has lost a loved one who was also a burden to them.

And when I saw that, I realized that selling was the greatest career a man could want. ’Cause what could be more satisfying than to be able to go, at the age of eighty-four, into twenty or thirty different cities, and pick up a phone, and be remembered and loved and helped by so many different people?

5. The Crucible - Arthur Miller: I enjoyed this more than Death of a Salesman for a couple of reasons. The first was that, While DoS is an American tragedy written for a modern audience (modern at the time), Crucible is a play set in a foreign time and somewhat foreign culture which already seems to take some of the qualities of a historical artifact. What do I mean by this? I mean that people in a future society will see the way John Proctor acted to maintain his reputation in exchange for death, and ponder it in awe. They will have no idea how to relate to such a concept, though I hope the same honor propagates itself in society consistently.

In a way, Elizabeth kills John. She refuses to corroborate his story of the affair. Ostensibly, this is to protect John’s reputation. But this makes no sense, as his reputation will be tarnished as a liar, and is, when she says that he has been faithful. More likely, it is that she cannot bear carrying the shame with her and her name, regardless of whether John lives or dies. Perhaps she even wishes his death as justice for his affair.

Reverend Parris, I have laid seven babies unbaptized in the earth. Believe me, sir, you never saw more hearty babies born. And yet, each would wither in my arms the very night of their birth. I have spoke nothin’, but my heart has clamored intimations. And now, this year, my Ruth, my only – I see her turning strange. A secret child she has become this year, and shrivels like a sucking mouth were pullin’ on her life too. And so I thought to send her to your Tituba – Tituba knows how to speak to the dead, Mr. Parris. Who else may surely tell us what person murdered my babies? They were murdered, Mr. Parris! And mark this proof! Mark it! Last night my Ruth were ever so close to their little spirits; I know it, sir. For how else is she struck dumb now except some power of darkness would stop her mouth? It is a marvelous sign, Mr. Parris!

6. The Importance of Being Earnest - Oscar Wilde: Wilde’s bombasity and artistic character are reflected in much of this play’s jovial nature, in Cecily’s and Algernon’s respective characters specifically. There are few monologues as the dialogue is quite witty, playful and back-and-forth, but most of the scenes are quite entertaining. In particular, I love the scene where Cecily and Gwendolen are piecing together the stories of the guys’ fabrications and giving each other suspicious cobra eyes, while also intending to be as polite as possible. The ending scene in which Lady Bracknell is entirely only interested in Cecily’s monetary prospects also has hilarious stage potential. Overall, this is an ideal comedic example for those who haven’t seen it. I’d love to do Act 1, scene 1 or 2 someday. An excerpt:

“How you can sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are in this horrible trouble, I can’t make out. You seem to me to be perfectly heartless."

"Well, I can’t eat muffins in an agitated manner. The butter would probably get on my cuffs. One should always eat muffins quite calmly. It is the only way to eat them."

"I say it’s perfectly heartless your eating muffins at all, under the circumstances.”

7. Long Day’s Journey Into Night - Eugene O’Neil: This piece is the ultimate tragedy. While a glimmer of hope is seen at the end for Jamie and Edmund (Jamie admits some of his faults, Edmund’s father finally concedes to send him to a state-of-the-art sanatorium in hopes to cure his tuberculosis), Mary’s situation only gets worse. The play also gives a general sense that permanent situational betterment by the Tyrone family is impossible. The scenes in the play are very repetitive, often including arguments, and always around when the family gathers for a meal. Through this repetition, the fall of the brothers deeper into alcoholism, and a general familial obsession with past issues, it seems very unlikely that any of the Tyrone family’s issues will be confronted head-on. My sense is that O’Neil wrote this play as a reflection of typical families, including his own. The positive note he wishes to highlight is simply that some familial love is still built into the family, and you see it in Jamie’s drunken stupor in the final scene, and in Mary’s last words about falling in love with James Tyrone.

You've just told me some high spots in your memories. Want to hear mine? They're all connected with the sea. Here's one. When I was on the Squarehead square rigger, bound for Buenos Aires. Full moon in the Trades. The old hooker driving fourteen knots. I lay on the bowsprit, facing astern, with the water foaming into spume under me, the masts with every sail white in the moonlight, towering high above me. I became drunk with the beauty and signing rhythm of it, and for a moment I lost myself -- actually lost my life. I was set free! I dissolved in the sea, became white sails and flying spray, became beauty and rhythm, became moonlight and the ship and the high dim-starred sky! I belonged, without past or future, within peace and unity and a wild joy, within something greater than my own life, or the life of Man, to Life itself! To God, if you want to put it that way. Then another time, on the American Line, when I was lookout on the crow's nest in the dawn watch. A calm sea, that time. Only a lazy ground swell and a slow drowsy roll of the ship. The passengers asleep and none of the crew in sight. No sound of man. Black smoke pouring from the funnels behind and beneath me. Dreaming, not keeping looking, feeling alone, and above, and apart, watching the dawn creep like a painted dream over the sky and sea which slept together. Then the moment of ecstatic freedom came. the peace, the end of the quest, the last harbor, the joy of belonging to a fulfillment beyond men's lousy, pitiful, greedy fears and hopes and dreams! And several other times in my life, when I was swimming far out, or lying alone on a beach, I have had the same experience. Became the sun, the hot sand, green seaweed anchored to a rock, swaying in the tide. Like a saint's vision of beatitude. Like a veil of things as they seem drawn back by an unseen hand. For a second you see -- and seeing the secret, are the secret. For a second there is meaning! Then the hand lets the veil fall and you are alone, lost in the fog again, and you stumble on toward nowhere, for no good reason!

*He grins wryly.

It was a great mistake, my being born a man, I would have been much more successful as a sea gull or a fish. As it is, I will always be a stranger who never feels at home, who does not really want and is not really wanted, who can never belong, who must always be a a little in love with death!

TYRONE

*Stares at him -- impressed.

Yes, there's the makings of a poet in you all right.

*Then protesting uneasily.

But that's morbid craziness about not being wanted and loving death.

EDMUND

*Sardonically

The *makings of a poet. No, I'm afraid I'm like the guy who is always panhandling for a smoke. He hasn't even got the makings. He's got only the habit. I couldn't touch what I tried to tell you just now. I just stammered. That's the best I'll ever do, I mean, if I live. Well, it will be faithful realism, at least. Stammering is the native eloquence of us fog people.”

8. Medea - Euripedes: I admire the simplistic form in which this play is such a straightforward tragedy. Jason abandons his wife, Medea, in the attempt to bolster his status by marrying Glauce, daughter of Creon, king of Corinth. In the one day that Creon gives Medea to plan her departure, she plots the murder of Glauce and Jason and her own two children. Fascinatingly, her wish to make Jason miserable overwhelms her maternal instincts and she murders her children before leaving in Helios’ chariot. Apart from some light comedy, there’s not much to uplift this play besides the badass (albeit gruesome) female-empowering theme of a woman who murders her children just to revenge her honor and make her husband suffer as much as possible.

“Human misery must somewhere have a stop; there is no wind that always blows a storm; great good fortune comes to failure in the end. All is change; all yields its place and goes; to persevere, trusting in what hopes he has, is courage in a man. The coward despairs.”

How I wish the Argo's sails had never swept through the dark blue Clashing Rocks into the land of the Colchians; I wish the pine trees had never fallen in the groves of Pelion, cut down to put oars in the hands of the heroes who went after the golden fleece for Pelias. Then my mistress Medea would not have sailed to the fortress of Iolcus' land, her heart battered by love for Jason. And she would not have convinced the daughters of Pelias to kill their father and would not have come to live here on Corinthian soil with her husband and children, winning over the citizens of the country she had come to as a refugee, and obliging Jason in every way. This is what brings the greatest stability at home: when a woman does not challenge her husband. It has all gone sour now, affection turned to hatred. Jason has cast aside his children and my mistress, and now goes to bed in a royal marriage with the daughter of Creon who governs this land. And Medea, in despair, rejected by her husband, howls out "the oaths he swore" and calls upon the right hand, a potent symbol of fidelity, and invokes the gods to witness Jason's treatment of her. She won't eat; she just gives in to her grief, washing away all her hours in tears, ever since she realized her husband had abandoned her. She never looks up or raises her face from the ground. She is like a rock or wave of the sea when those who love her try to give advice; except that sometimes she lifts up her pallid face and mourns for her dear father, her country, and the home she betrayed to come here with this man who now holds her in contempt. The poor woman knows from bitter loss what it means to have once had a homeland. And she hates her children, takes no pleasure in seeing them. I'm afraid of her, in case she has some new plan in mind. She is a deep thinker, you know, and she will not put up with this kind of abuse. I know her and I am terrified that in silence entering the house where the bed is laid she might thrust a sharp sword through the heart or kill the princess and the one who married her and then suffer some greater tragedy. She is frightening. It won't be easy for an enemy to come out victorious in a battle with her. But here come the children from their play. They know nothing of their mother's troubles for the childish heart is not used to grief.

9. The Seagull - Anton Chekhov: The play’s title comes from a scene in the first act. Treplev shoots a seagull and brings it to Nina, his love, to win her over. Trigorin, his literary rival (and Nina’s love interest) comments that he will write a story one day on how a girl is used and ruined by a man who has nothing better to do, just like the seagull. Towards the end of the play, Treplev has gained some ground in his career as a writer, but is still mostly receiving bad reviews. If Trigorin is a popular contemporary writer for his time, Treplev is the starving artist whose work will perhaps be remembered only after he is gone. Or perhaps, his ideas are too lofty and abstract, and it’s Treplev’s fault for not grounding them more concretely. Regardless, Treplev shoots himself after Nina confesses that after several years, she still loves Trigorin. While his death is perhaps not preventable, Treplev fits the allegory of Trigorin, only in reverse. He is ruined by his hope for a love with Nina. In part, she uses him by leading him on, and in part it’s his own fault for his obsession with a girl who is clearly passionate, independent and not very considerate, and who clearly loves someone else.

“NINA

Your life is beautiful.

TRIGORIN

I see nothing especially lovely about it. [He looks at his watch] Excuse me, I must go at once, and begin writing again. I am in a hurry. [He laughs] You have stepped on my pet corn, as they say, and I am getting excited, and a little cross. Let us discuss this bright and beautiful life of mine, though. [After a few moments' thought] Violent obsessions sometimes lay hold of a man: he may, for instance, think day and night of nothing but the moon. I have such a moon. Day and night I am held in the grip of one besetting thought, to write, write, write! Hardly have I finished one book than something urges me to write another, and then a third, and then a fourth--I write ceaselessly. I am, as it were, on a treadmill. I hurry for ever from one story to another, and can't help myself. Do you see anything bright and beautiful in that? Oh, it is a wild life! Even now, thrilled as I am by talking to you, I do not forget for an instant that an unfinished story is awaiting me. My eye falls on that cloud there, which has the shape of a grand piano; I instantly make a mental note that I must remember to mention in my story a cloud floating by that looked like a grand piano. I smell heliotrope; I mutter to myself: a sickly smell, the colour worn by widows; I must remember that in writing my next description of a summer evening. I catch an idea in every sentence of yours or of my own, and hasten to lock all these treasures in my literary store-room, thinking that some day they may be useful to me. As soon as I stop working I rush off to the theatre or go fishing, in the hope that I may find oblivion there, but no! Some new subject for a story is sure to come rolling through my brain like an iron cannonball. I hear my desk calling, and have to go back to it and begin to write, write, write, once more. And so it goes for everlasting. I cannot escape myself, though I feel that I am consuming my life. To prepare the honey I feed to unknown crowds, I am doomed to brush the bloom from my dearest flowers, to tear them from their stems, and trample the roots that bore them under foot. Am I not a madman? Should I not be treated by those who know me as one mentally diseased? Yet it is always the same, same old story, till I begin to think that all this praise and admiration must be a deception, that I am being hoodwinked because they know I am crazy, and I sometimes tremble lest I should be grabbed from behind and whisked off to a lunatic asylum. The best years of my youth were made one continual agony for me by my writing. A young author, especially if at first he does not make a success, feels clumsy, ill-at-ease, and superfluous in the world. His nerves are all on edge and stretched to the point of breaking; he is irresistibly attracted to literary and artistic people, and hovers about them unknown and unnoticed, fearing to look them bravely in the eye, like a man with a passion for gambling, whose money is all gone. I did not know my readers, but for some reason I imagined they were distrustful and unfriendly; I was mortally afraid of the public, and when my first play appeared, it seemed to me as if all the dark eyes in the audience were looking at it with enmity, and all the blue ones with cold indifference. Oh, how terrible it was! What agony!”

10. Our Town - Thornton Wilder: I chose this as my last play to read, both because I had never read Thornton Wilder’s work and because small towns hold a special place in my heart. I grew up in a town of about 2,000 people, Cooperstown, New York. Besides being ultimately somewhat tragic, a unique blend of gallows humor and breaking of the fourth wall serves to lighten the tone of the play to a hopeful lesson, rather than a complete tragedy. Some of the scenes, like Emily and George talking from the windows, and the morning of her twelfth birthday which Emily visits after dying, all seem very familiar and nostalgic to me. For me, Our Town represents the smaller things in life and how important it is to appreciate them. George wants to go to college, but rightfully gives it up to stay with Emily. Emily in turn, only lives a few short years with George. Yet she doesn’t express regret, even though she has every right to. She died in childbirth, and could have lived much longer. She finally only wishes to lay next to George, and reflects that the living never understand the truly precious and amazing nature of life. Her remark that the poets are the only ones who come close to understanding this essential nature, bolsters my courage in pursuing a starving artist lifestyle.

GEORGE: After a pause, very seriously. Emily, I'm going to make up my mind right now. I won't go. I'll tell Pa about it tonight.

EMILY: Why, George, I don't see why you have to decide right now. It's a whole year away.

GEORGE: Emily, Fm glad you spoke to me about that . . . that fault in my character. What you said was right; but there was one thing wrong in it, and that was when you said that for a year I wasn't noticing people, and . . . you, for instance. Why, you say you were watching me when I did everything ... I was doing the same about you all the time. Why, sure, I always thought about you as one of the chief people I thought about. I always made sure where you were sitting on the bleachers, and who you were with, and for three days now I've been trying to walk home with you; but something's always got in the way. Yesterday I was standing over against the wall waiting for you, and you walked home with Miss Corcoran.

EMILY: George! . . . Life's awful funny! How could I have known that? Why, I thought

GEORGE: Listen, Emily, I'm going to tell you why I'm not going to Agriculture School. I think that once you've found a person that you're very fond of ... I mean a person who's fond of you, too, and likes you enough to be interested in your character . . . Well, I think that's just as important as college is, and even more so. That's what I think.

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adhd-wifi · 4 years

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Wei WuXian, Trauma, & ADHD (Part One???)

What’s up y’all I’m here with another ADHD-Wei Ying post, featuring his trauma this time. In case anyone is wondering, here’s the first one. Full disclosure, I have not formally studied psychology and mental illnesses, speaking only from my own experiences plus what I’ve researched to understand my own conditions and otherwise. Specifically, I will be talking about ADHD and its relationship with PTSD, but not as much about the latter as I know less about it.

As usual, this is long and rambly and contains a bunch of spoilers, so it’s under the cut we go. :P

== Line Break ==

Wei WuXian grew up with a strong sense of loyalty towards the Jiang Sect, especially Jiang FengMian, believing that he owed them for giving him a home, a happy life, and the chance to become a cultivator, but never truly considering himself a proper family member, mostly due to Yu ZiYuan as her abuse towards him often targeted the fact that he wasn’t a “true” son to her and JFM. She also often compared Jiang Cheng to him, and JFM never bothered to address that problem and continued to favour WWX. As a result, WWX, who didn’t see JFM’s flaws due to gratitude and being spoilt by the man, ended up blaming himself for YZY’s abuse of himself and JC, and this led to him growing up internalizing the idea that he was a “burden”.

This is a common response in children with ADHD, since ADHD causes difficulty with emotional control and children in general tend to blame themselves when they are put into such a situation, so an ADHD-WWX would take this to quite an extreme (more on that later). Of course, we must also remember that he had been alone on the streets as a child for months, and there are surely factors of trauma involved in there. But I’ll also get into that later when I talk about this trauma as a whole.

Moving on, after Lotus Pier fell, we know WWX’s sense of guilt and debt to the Jiang Sect increased severely, and then he went through three more extremely traumatic experiences, namely; the golden core transfer, being thrown into the Burial Mounds, then actively taking part in a literal war. This was basically the most traumatic period of his entire life, and he was incredibly driven by a terrifying desire for revenge against the Wen Sect, which JC encouraged.

WWX maintained his sanity (for the most part) throughout all this. Of course, we do see him change drastically, his happy and positive personality almost completely gone, but for the most part, he seems…”alright”. Now, it’s important to note that WWX not EXPLICITLY showing signs of trauma is in fact fairly common, as people suffering from PTSD do often repress things and pretend things are okay, so take this theory I have with a grain of salt.

That theory is because he’s “alright” because he’s used to the trauma symptoms already. To elaborate, ADHD and PTSD (assuming this is what he ended up with), actually have a lot of overlap, to the point that even today there are multiple cases of misdiagnosis between the two, especially in terms of childhood trauma. In my theory, I’m guessing that WWX honestly thinks “he’s fine, because the symptoms he’s experiencing are basically things he’s already lived with throughout his life, and they just “got worse” because he lost his golden core”.

Of course, this begs the question: “What if he just has PTSD (as a child) and not ADHD then? He does have trauma from being on the streets and abuse with the Jiangs.”

It’s certainly possible, and I will admit that part of the reason I so badly want to think that WWX has ADHD is because I have it and I relate to him, but it really isn’t the only reason. I do see signs of ADHD that aren’t inherently related to PTSD (they could be, as everyone reacts and responds to trauma differently, but it’s not likely). Said signs which I mostly copy-pasted from my previous ADHD Wei Ying post are:

Came up with a wild and unorthodox solution for a difficult question despite already knowing the “proper” solutions (Literally just his head being full of thoughts and ideas that aren’t necessarily anxiety-based)

His idea of organisation is a chaotic mess to everyone else (Inability to recognise mess rather than the inability to keep things organised)

Obsessed with spicy food because everything else is is too bland (Sensory issues)

Locked himself in a cave to work on inventions while forgetting to eat and sleep (Hyperfixative behaviour)

Somehow remembered a short, nameless tune Lan Zhan played for him once despite there being several factors that should’ve led to him forgetting, all because that tune was a special moment between him and Lan Zhan

Now, I want to talk about one specific trait that is a symptom of both ADHD and PTSD-related trauma responses, which is the fact that WWX reacts explosively when he’s angered, though he never reacts like that for his own sake. Let’s examine the two scenes when he punched Jin ZiXuan for insulting/hurting Jiang YanLi.

In the first incident at the Cloud Recesses, he punched JZX and fought him badly enough to get himself expelled and caused JFM and the Jin-Thot himself to directly speak to Lan QiRen about it, but WWX is shown to have gotten over it fairly quickly, even playing with ants during his punishment and being proud of punching the peacock. In the second incident, which we know as the war camp soup incident, WWX again punched JZX but instead of fighting him, he angrily leads JYL away while making it clear that he thinks JZX doesn’t deserve her. We also know that WWX remained angry for quite a bit afterwards.

While it’s obvious the second incident is much more severe than the first, with JYL actually present and brought to tears because of JZX, and also the stress factor of them being in the middle of war, it’s still also very obvious that WWX’s explosive anger response has very significantly worsened. The main difference here is the fact that remained angry afterwards, meaning he’s lingering on the incident longer, while he got over the first incident easily. This alone leads me to believe that the first incident was more of an explosive ADHD response, while the latter was the result of both trauma and ADHD.

So anyways, this post got longer than expected and I’m honestly still not done. For now, I’ll leave this post as “Basically why I think Wei WuXian has both ADHD and PTSD”, and MAYBE post a part two about the specifics and comparisons of the two conditions.

I would love to discuss this further with anyone who may have better knowledge of PTSD and trauma responses, because I do find Wei WuXian’s relationship with his mental health a really strong point of his character. So if you do had knowledge in that field, please let me know if I made any mistakes and feel free to ramble on right back at me.

Thanks for reading!

#wei wuxian #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #wei ying #the grandmaster of demonic cultivation #the untamed #chen qing ling #cql #mdzs headcanons #my hcs #adhd wei ying #my posts #my ramblings #my metas #mental health metas

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