#i was just trying to sleep but now its 1 and ive been crying since 11

[riveramorylunar]

Love Always Finds A Way

Part 1

Pairings: Leonora Lesso x Reader, Clarissa Dovey x Reader, Leonora Lesso x Reader x Clarissa Dovey

Warnings ⚠️: Age difference, height difference, Shouting, nightmares, crying, disappearing, animals & teasing

Pet Names/Nicknames: Beautiful, Sweetheart, Angel Clare & Nora

Word Count: 2,212

Romantic Piano

At the school for good and evil. "WHERE THE HELL DID SHE GO" Lesso shouted as she looked at the spot where Y/N had collapsed. All that was remaining was dust. Dovey just stood there frozen in place not knowing what to do. Lesso looked up at Dovey since she was kneeling down on the ground. "Clarissa snap out of it we got to find a way to get her back" Lesso growled out as she stood up and nudged Dovey with her cane. Dovey looked at Lesso before nodding. "Right right let's go" Dovey said before walking towards the tower that was in between the two castles. Lesso followed after her.

Meanwhile Y/N was still in the hospital. She was looking out the window when the door opened. "How you feeling sis" one of her sisters said. She looked over to see her older sister walking in. "Feeling a little better" Y/N crooked out as she smiled. "Well you sound like shit did you get any rest" Delilah said walking up to the hospital bed. She sat down when Y/N made room for her. "No I couldn't" Y/N sighed as she looked away from her sister. "Y/N you have to sleep you need your energy if you want to get out of this hospital" Delilah said as she looked at her little sister who looked a bit pale. "I can't, every time I close my eyes I see them and it breaks my heart even more" Y/N said causing her sister to sigh. "Scoot over" her sister said causing her to look at her confused. After a couple of seconds Y/N scooted over and Delilah laid down next to her opening her arms up. "Come on" Delilah said and Y/N cuddled up to her sister. "Now get some rest" she said as she stroked through Y/N's hair before softly singing All is found. Y/N fell asleep in seconds causing her older sister to smile.

A couple minutes later there was a soft knock on the door before it quietly opened. Everett Y/N's older brother walked in holding their baby sister Daphne in his arms. "How is she doing" he asked quietly as he walked over. Daphne started squirming so he set her down on the bed and she crawled up cuddling up to Y/N. "Not good she hasn't been able to sleep well" Delilah said causing Everett to frown before sitting down in the chair next to the bed. Delilah softly got out of the bed so the two younger sisters could cuddle. The two siblings walked out of the room before shutting the door behind them quietly. Delilah leaned against the wall as she folded her arms. "She said she couldn't sleep because every time she did she would see those two deans from that movie she loves" she said looking up at Everett who was thinking. "It is a possibility that she is telling the truth there is a thing called shifting" he said causing Delilah to look at him. "You have a point there, but I still can't shake the feeling that something else is going on" Delilah said making Everett raise his eyebrow.

As they continued to talk they heard a scream before crying. They rushed into the room to see Y/N sitting up with her knees up to her chest and head buried in her knees while she had her hands over her head. Daphne was crying so Everett ran over and picked her up trying to calm her down. "Y/N what happened are you alright" Delilah said as she rushed over to Y/N's side. Y/N looked up and had tears in her eyes. "Did you have a nightmare" Delilah said and Y/N nodded before sniffling. Delilah pulled her in a hug making her immediately hug back.

It was now night time and Y/N was looking out at the window again when she saw an owl land on the windowsil. The owl tilted its head before hooting as it nudged the window. Y/N looked over to see her siblings fast asleep so she took the IV out before standing up. She walked over to the window and opened it.

"Hello pretty bird" she said stroking the owls beak making it hoot. The owl started hopping away making Y/N frown. The owl stopped a couple feet away before looking over before hooting. "You want me to follow you" Y/N whispered out and the owl hooted. "You can't be serious" Y/N said making the owl walk towards her before pecking her. "Ow okay okay but I'm not going out the window" Y/N said making the owl hoot happily.

Y/N had successfully made it out of the hospital which took about 4 minutes since she was on the top floor. The owl was waiting for her near the hospital doors. "Alright lead the way to wherever we're going" Y/N said before the owl started flying away. Y/N started running after the owl as it headed towards the forest. "I swear if you're leading me to my death I'll hate you" Y/N grumbled out. When Y/N blinked the owl was gone making her confused. She looked around the forest before spotting yellow eyes looking at her. "Oh come on" She shouted as she started backing away. As she was backing away she hit a tree causing her to groan. She watched as the pair of yellow eyes got closer before coming out of the dark. She realized it was a wolf who was black with dark grey highlights. The wolf walked over to Y/N before licking her hand.

Y/N sighed before slowly petting the wolf on the head. The wolf started walking away after so Y/N followed it. She followed it deeper into the forest when it stopped in front of an odd looking cave. "Is this where I die" Y/N said and the wolf just walked behind her before nudging her towards the cave. "Alright alright" Y/N said as she walked into the cave. The wolf howled behind her making her shiver. She walked deeper into the dark cave. It felt like hours until she saw the moonlight on the other end of the cave. She ran out and looked at the unfamiliar surroundings of the forest. "I swear to god if this is another dre-" she was interrupted by a voice. "You're not dreaming Y/N this is very much really" a voice said causing Y/N to turn around. She spotted those familiar yellow eyes. "You're the wolf that guided me here" Y/N said and the wolf guard nodded before getting on his knee and bowing. "We've been searching for you for almost two years now" the wolf said as he stood up. "What two years but how" Y/N said shocked. "Time moves faster here princess" the wolf said and Y/N nodded. "Where's the owl" Y/N said and the wolf guard told her it went on ahead to deliver the news. "We should get you changed before we head there" the wolf said causing Y/N to look down and see she was wearing the hospital gown. "Oh uh yeah I think that's a good idea" Y/N said as she chuckled nervously. She followed the wolf towards a small cabin before entering. "It's nearing winter so I laid out a cloak for you as well" the wolf said and Y/N thanked him. After Y/N got finished she got dressed before walking out of the cabin.

"Wow you definitely do look like Belle" the wolf said causing Y/N to smile. The wolf opened the carriage that was next to him. He helped Y/N up into the carriage before shutting it. "So what's your name or should I call you Wolfie" Y/N said as the wolf got on the front of the carriage. "It's Kazan but you can call me whatever you like princess" the wolf said and Y/N smiled.

They talked the whole way there. Y/N told Kazan how she was adopted by a really loving family but she always felt like she never was a part of the family. "We're here princess" Kazan said and Y/N looked up to see the two schools causing her to smile. Kazan got off before helping Y/N down. The wolf held his arm out for Y/N and she smiled before taking it. They walked towards the good castle and entered it before walking down the halls towards the Communal hall. "Are you ready princess" Kazan said and Y/N breathed in and out before nodding her head. The wolf opened the door and everyone stopped talking before looking up. "Y/N IT REALLY IS TRUE" Dovey shouted as the two stepped into the hall. Before Dovey could rush over Lesso appeared in front of Y/N. Lesso pulled Y/N into a hug causing everyone that was in the room to gasp except for Dovey. "You don't know how much I have missed you beautiful" Lesso muttered out so that only Y/N could hear. Y/N hugged back and buried her head into Lesso's chest. "I can say the same" Y/N said causing Lesso to smile softly.

"Y/N sweetie is it really you" Y/N heard a woman say causing her to pull away from Lesso. Y/N looked over to see a brown haired woman standing next to a tall man who had dirty blonde hair. Y/N rushed over and immediately hugged the two of them causing them to hug back. After pulling away Belle and Adam had tears in their eyes as well as Y/N. "Oh we've missed you so much Y/N, can't believe you're back in our arms after all these years" her father said before he pulled Y/N into another hug. Y/N pulled away after a couple seconds and giggled when she saw that her father was crying. "I think someone's waiting for you sweetie" her mother Belle said and she turned around to see Dovey standing there not moving.

Y/N walked towards Dovey before wrapping her arms around her tightly. "I missed you Dovey" Y/N said and Dovey hugged back as she stroked through Y/N's hair. "I missed you too Angel" Dovey said as she kissed the top of Y/N's head. Dovey leaned in before whispering something into Y/N's ear causing her to giggle. "What's so funny over here" Y/N heard Lesso say. Y/N turned around and looked up at her. "Nothing Nora" Y/N said making Lesso frown. "What did you just call me" Lesso said and Y/N smiled before pulling Lesso towards her by the tie. "Nora" Y/N said again causing shivers to go down Lesso's spine. "God I could kiss you right now" Lesso said making Y/N blush brightly. "I think that's a good idea Lesso" Dovey chimed in causing the Dean of Evil to smirk. As Lesso was leaning in Y/N was pulled out from between them. Lesso growled before looking up to see Kazan holding Y/N.

Everyone was watching as the scene unfolded sometimes laughing or chuckling. "Give her back you damn wolf" Lesso growled out and the wolf shook his head no. Y/N giggled before sticking her tongue out. Lesso rolled her eyes before huffing. "Someone's mad" Y/N chuckled out before she hid behind the tall wolf. Dovey just stood there with amusement written all over her face as she watched the three. "Give Y/N back or I'll chop your damn head off" Lesso said and the wolf looked at Y/N before looking back at Lesso. "No can do I was told to find her and protect her at all costs by your order" Kazan said causing Y/N to laugh. Lesso's eyes widened in shock for a couple seconds before she disappeared. "Do you think she le-" Y/N was cut off when she yelled. "Well you didn't do a good job" Y/N heard Lesso's voice from behind her. Lesso's arm snuck around Y/N's waist as Kazan turned around. Lesso turned Y/N around and immediately pulled her into a passionate kiss. Y/N sighed as she kissed back while grabbing Lesso's arms. Y/N pulled away as they both smiled at each other. "Why don't you go give Dovey a kiss as well Sweetheart" Lesso said into Y/N's ear. Y/N walked over to Dovey before cupping her face. "Can I Clare" Y/N said and Dovey smiled before closing the distance giving Y/N the answer. Y/N's hands dropped from Dovey's face as the kiss deepened. After pulling away Lesso walked over and hugged Y/N from behind. Dovey hugged Y/N and she hugged back.

"Love always finds a way to bring people who are in love back together" Lumiere said as he stood beside Adam. "Indeed it does" Belle said as she looked at the three who were standing in the middle of the hall clearly in love.

#Leonora Lesso my Handsome Dean Of Evil 🔥🪄 #Lady Lesso #Leonora Lesso x Reader #Clarissa Dovey x Reader #Professor Dovey #TSFGAE #Lesbian #River's Stories 📜

[silvernevermind]

mine hourly comics!!! i had a lot of fun doing em i hope you like ^_^ i know this pics here are a bit shite but i plan to clean these up with a pen later

transcription of all text in image description/below cut!

-cohost.com / oh shit its hourly comic -hey i could do that! -aw fuck! / has already been awake 4 hours 4:10

-hey can i buy a custom fetish video? / yeah of course! what do you want in the vid? -fuck yes i love money! -custom video you are a pure piggy addicted to smelly sauces. 1- you need a jar of mayo spilled mayo on…" 5:00

-where is this last person? / me playing fortnite -the circle is the size of a pea… -literally a foot away / bang bang / (still won btw) 6:40

-lalalala / (dipped donuts in coffee 4 the first time yesterday and going to get more) -lalalala -wehhhhh / (donuts missing) 7:05

-today i will learn a good method of pirating kindle books -(learning IRC chat stuff) / (it was kinda scary…) -YAY!!! / douglas adams / dont panic 8:20

-animal crossing! nooks store opened! heres todays items / baby bear -shortcake shirt -twig parasol / (the only item i didnt buy) 9:20

-ive been craying spicy ramen a lot recently… -im in an online class as i draw this… / (anthropology class) -(crying cause spicy) / but as soon as class ends im eating mine ramen!!! 10:40

-i dont USUALLY like spicy instant ramen -so since i started craving it, ive been trying new ramen brands -todays was so yucky i tossed it out / bleh! / and made another that i liked 11:40

-my sleep patterns suck -usually i take 2-3 short naps a day / and when i nap is always shifting -anyways, its time for bed! / zzz 12:00

-i had a dream about Law one piece / Beppo is here too -i was debating with someone if he would kill me -now that im awake, i think he would NOT kill me cause im so nice and cute <3 / "nice nice devil fruit" 19:20

-i feel like all the hourly comics ive seen have pretty detailed scenes / wow! -empty space / i guess thats just not where my focus goes when drawing -heres my bedroom to make up for that 20:10

-joined call with friends -they have no clue im drawing this! / BITCH! -theyll find out soon though! / END 21:50

#hourly comics day #hourly comics #my art

[doctorwhoisadhd]

im so fucking insane first love / late spring is such a fucking perfect doctorjack song throwing up throwing upppp

sorry i HAVEEEEE to lay out EXACTLY what scenes / lines i relate all the lyrics to so heres that.

the black hole / of the / window / where you sleep: jack in his bed through the manhole (small worlds) + 13 at night in her jail cell (revolution of the daleks)

the night breeze / carries / something sweet / a peach tree: jack hearing the tardis (end of days) + "i've missed that sound" (revolution of the daleks)

wild women don't get the blues / but i find that / lately i've been crying like a / tall child: "i was in prison for being me right at the point when i wasnt sure what that meant" (revolution of the daleks)

so please hurry leave me:

jack realizing that they left him (the parting of the ways)

10 seeing jack running toward the tardis and trying to get away (utopia)

"how long have u known?" "ever since i ran away from you. good luck" (utopia)

10 looking back at jack + jack winking after he gets shot by the dalek (journey's end)

i can't breathe: jack coming back to life 8 billion different times

please don't say you love me:

"it's not easy even just looking at you, jack" (utopia)

"its like when u fancy someone and they dont even know u exist, thats what its like. come on" "you too, huh?" (the sound of drums)

"and three very special people ive missed" "one of them was me, right?" (revolution of the daleks)

jack being weird abt ianto calling them a couple (children of earth)

"if it was going to be anyone, itd be you. but i cant" (legend of the sea devils)

You Know, THAT Scene (children of earth day 4)

"i think i need to do this next bit alone" (power of the doctor)

胸がはち切れそうで (mune ga hachikire-sōde; my chest is about to burst):

8 billion jack deaths

the scene with the hand (day one)

"earth 1892. got in a fight in ellis island. a man shot me thru the heart" (utopia)

9 / 10 about to regenerate (parting of the ways + the stolen earth)

one word from you and i would / jump off of this / ledge i'm on / baby:

various shots of jack on rooftops OR dying for the doctor

"i was much better off as a coward" (the parting of the ways)

"the right kind of doctor" (end of days)

jack keeping 10 from falling into the engines (utopia)

jack jumping off the roof (immortal sins)

didnt somebody fall off a cliff in the timeless children??? that

tell me "don't" / so i can / crawl back in:

jack obeying 10 and not shooting the futurekind (utopia)

the way jack looks at the daleks before he purposefully gets shot by them (journey's end)

just. all the times jack obeys the doctor

and i was so young / when i behaved / twenty five: jack and 9 in series 1

yet now i find / i've grown into / a tall child: jack realizing how to kill the 456 (coe day 5) + something something 13 timeless child etc etc

and i don't wanna go home yet: jack's childhood etc (adam) + 13 putting the pocket watch into the console (the vanquishers)

let me walk to the top of the big night sky: jack using the vortex manipulator to disappear (children of earth day 5)

anyway im SO fucking crazy.

#ari opinion hour #not bonff

[dellalyra]

hii! have you ever thought about giving reader/ y/n in family formations like a hibernation type of thing? ive been thinking about it as in like times when she uses up way too much cursed energy in a short period of time (1-5 days?) she might pass out and be asleep for a few days like 2-3 so her body can regenerate cursed energy. real animals hibernate to save food and conserve energy and i thought since her cursed technique has a lot to do with nature and animals that it might be something that could make sense. maybe the first time this happens is in highschool years, she passes out in the car after a very tough mission the elders sent her on probably plotting smth (idk) and doesnt wake up when they are back to the school or even the next day so everyones worried and when she does wake up a few days later she feels refreshed and is like “wtf happened?? how long did i sleep?” and they figure out its probably smth to do with her technique? and i was thinking it only happens occasionally when shes really stressed or overworked really bad but what if something like this happens after gojo comes back from the fight with sukuna (after primal) shes still fighting and trying to get to him but very very tiredly, shes on the floor kind of just sobbing not knowing what to do anymore when gojo comes in through another entrance and takes her into his arms. she tries to get away at first thinking its someone trying to hold her down again but when she realizes its him she starts crying and clinging to him and checking his body for wounds etc. she ends up passing out in his arms and him and shoko take her back to wherever theyre staying or back to their actual house if they placed protection on it or something and clean her body and lay her down to rest for a few days. she wakes up a few days later than usual so probably like 5-6 and is crying, gojo is with her immediately, he comforts her, they talk, she asks about megumi, goes to see megumi, talks with him, etc. etc. okay i think thats it, im so sorry its alot to read but ive been thinking about this for dayss now and i just had to tell you about it😭 if you did read all this thank you and i hope you like my idea lol and have a good day/night/afternoon!! :)

my dearest darling nonnie I just wanna say thank u sm for this

knowing that people are thinking about my writing, honestly it makes me so unbelievably happy like that you have ideas about what I write? That’s just - amazing to me. Headcanons and things? Oh my good GOD it’s so wonderful

Also YES you’ve got the exact vibe I want for the series and the reader you’re incredible and I love you

And oh,

I’ve just posted this <3

[probablydinosaurs]

this was originally a twitter thread but mehhhh. the audience of one-two here get my insane venting instead. its 3am. I've had a rough day and I just want to list it out from worst to least worst. sorry if this is venting. again 3am. 1: my sister showed up completely unannounced, and waltzed in a fight with my other sister and her husband at their place. she had good reason to be here (she's homeless and is a fuckin ice age here. that's not a problem. we are glad she went to us for help.)-sadly she's an entitled fuck who begged my dad for cigs when we have NOTHING BUT A ROOF to give. its SCARY how poor we are. She was also VERY TRANSPHOBIC, which was not on my sister's bingo card this year. mainly about trans woman and their "complaining". my already shit sister saying terf shit was not smth i thought id hear. i was very upset about that. i haven't talked to her bc ik if i do, il cry but I've been giving her the silent treatment unless it's akward. 2: i have covid. had symptoms since like the 13th (i joked that i got it for my birthday) and its been a nightmare. i can't sleep. Eating sucks. my nose hurts. i think i blew a blood vessel in my eye. its just been the worst. 3: due to being unable to sleep, im wildly manic at 3am. i have nothing to do and no one to talk to. and im unreasonably upset that people on tiktok think Spongebob is a kid. like boi your face screams "post movie" pleaaasseee educate yourself on cartoon history. he is an adult! 4: after ALLL of this like 7 mins ago, the fire alarm randomly beeped a few times. luckily not a lot but still. stressed me the FUCK OUT. nothing is on. i think bc its the FUCKIN ICE AGE OUTSIDE, the apartment is a TAD too warm (witch its not. my feet are frozen)

5: found out today that scientists didn't start using real menstrual blood on pads/tampons till AUGUST OF LAST YEAR??? WTF WERE U USING BEFORE? That's why pads are always off SOMEHOW. SOMEHOW there's an issue. and tampons never fit right. they have been fuckin guessin for decades 6: my new cat is a needy hoe. I'm used to it but with covid and barely being able to walk/exist, her sweving between my legs is a nightmare. I always have to throw a bottle cap down the hallway just so she doesn't get in my room. 7: been on upsetting media tiktok. why the fuck is there a fandom forming around a vent cartoon about S/A???? like I won't say its bad but that's not a FANDOM THING! yall are fucked up (also it parodies the peewee's playhouse op and that bugs me. i love peewee.)

interlude: my needy hoe of a cat is named peewee (well to my mom, it's now Princess Pipsqueak but thats not a good name to say in frustration as I'm trying to exist down the hallway. also, we thought she was a boi at first and she has a face that looks like paul Reubens's. I still see it. 8: I have used up all the TP and tissues in the house and have been using paper towels to blow my nose, which is roughing up my already red sore nose. I put gold bond on my nose and it BURNED but now it feels smoother. 9: i feel like i annoy people with my Hannibal hyperfixation. i have yet to truly let it spread here but it's EVERYWHERE ELSE. (and il probs reblog this onto my hannibal blog so hiiiii) and yet it feels like no one cares. ik it's a bit niche, upsetting not everyones thing but Ive NEVER loved smth more and it hurts when i don't talk about it I just. want to get someone into it. someone else got me into it and it means a lot. I hope they are doing ok. I'm grateful they gave me my favorite hyperfixation ever. I've littrally never loved anything more. and I've been into a LOT of stuff. i was called annoying by an ex friend because i got into things too much. and to them, "too much" was anything that wasn't "i like this thing. i think this thing is good and cool. lets rp weird incest about it." (i hate my teen years) but like. that ex friend would HAAAAATE by hyperfixatiing now. i have friends to ENABLE ME NOW. 10: just added this one. kinda put two and two together that corp vtubers birthdays most likely aren't their real birthdays. everyone is celebrating a graduated corps bday and yet they moved to another company and like. no birthday in sight. and it feels weird to latch onto their old persona's bday when they are right there with probs a new (and more real maybe) birthday. you can actually go celebrate with them whenever their "new" birthday is and yet you are clinging to the past. especially since they are THRIVING where they are rn and were not happy as a bigger corp.

thats a bout it. thanks if u saw this and read. its ok if you didnt. i just had a LOT go on lately.

[autisticempathydaemon]

For the redacted match ups!! Thank you ily no rush!! <333

The song I’m fixated on right now is probably Saturn by Sleeping At Last! “With shortness of breath / You explained the infinite / And how rare and beautiful it is to even exist / I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again / I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen / I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time / That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes”

I’m an enneagram 5w4! I can never decide my mbti, something along the lines of istp or intp or entp but not estp ??? This plagues me

I love love love big youtube video essays, I’m not sure if i can pick a specific favorite!! They’re pretty much all I watch if that helps, and I have a lean toward informational ones— like, about real world events and history rather than about media— although certain media ones are really good too.

My imaginary friend’s name was Nobody. Like.. genuinely thats what i called him. I knew he wasn’t real but i felt left out ‘cause everyone else had one so when people were around I would pretend i had an imaginary friend. An imaginary imaginary friend named Nobody. He had a family too; his siblings were named Somebody and Everybody. Hell yeah

My go to way to fall asleep is in a sea of pillows (they keep my bones in place), big puffy comforter thats too big for my bed, window open, listening to podcasts til like 3am (or whenever sleep happens)

I have changed my name, and I picked it because it shares a nickname with my birth name and has the same initial— an easier transition for everyone else, they could just say my nickname if they didn’t want to say my new one. It even sounds similar. I do like the name, but it beat the other options because of that.

The first one that comes to mind as my favorite is the video where Sam heals Darlin (Vampire Tends To Your Injuries)— it was the first one I listened to and easily the one I’ve listened to the most. I’m a whore for hurt/comfort and that specific energy was too good, the mutual care and growing trust without strings attached, waaaah. I’m also really fond of the one where Avior helps Starlight sleep (Comforted By Your Demon) and the imperium one Specifically when Milo is talking to Asher about David (the beginning of Cataclysm: Last Wish) and the pain in the acting its SO GOOD. Probably my favorite bit of acting specifically from the channel, and the only scene thats made me cry. I just love when characters let down their walls and are vulnerable with each other its real good

The redacted boy who holds no appeal to me… im so sorry its caelum im so sorry it gets worse its not just caelum its huxley too i dont think i have a good reason theyre too nice and as for caelum i have a small brother i cant take any more

“Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.” Don’t say that you dont know what youre getting into. Its the entire warrior cats franchise and im ending the conversation here before i start (more socially acceptable answer: The Song of Achilles)

Hmmm I’d love to be best friends with James!!

When im tired i will usually go off about whatever random problem im concerned about that day, my most common recently is my rage about leopard print vs cheetah print WHY IS THE CHEETAH GIRLS LOGOS AND STUFF LEOPARD PRINT. THE CHEETAH. GIRLS. WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK LEOPARD PRINT IS CHEETAH??? THEY LOOK DIFFERENT??? WHATS GOING ON???

Gas station snack and drink combo is usually green tea, I dont often get snacks there so im like trying so hard to figure out what id get or whats there… oo pretzels maybe

I cant tell you about my favorite playlist because i have one (1) playlist ive had since i was 14 and its just everything ive ever listened to ever, if im in a specific mood ill usually just look up the artist, recently its been a lot of Sleeping at Last and Novo Amor

I have no guilty pleasures im unapologetically me babey (its webkinz) (not the site Just the plushies) (best plushies and im very right about this)

Im sleepy and i love my cat and i would very much like to just cuddle that dang thing all day but alas, society calls. Despite this im a workaholic and not being on my feet at all times getting stuff done stresses me out in a major way— cant be stressed if im asleep, though!:D Also i eat raw potatoes on the regular (easy 2 prepare just take it out the cupboard pop it in ur mouth bb) and recently have started putting peas in my water boba style (or perhaps like a duck?) because i dont like water but i do like frozen peas and in this situation like 1 in 10 sips Theres A Dang Pea In There! This method has gotten me to drink more water than i have in probably years

You know who would know what they’re getting into and would love it? Ollie, who was definitely a Warrior Cats kid.

You say that you’re a workaholic, and Type Fives are characterized by their capability and competency… and yet, I get really fun, goofball vibes from you that I think Ollie would really love and get along with.

You’re both hard workers, curious, and diligent, but at home, you could be chill and just be with each other, be yourselves with each other. You with your Webkinz and your Warrior Cats and him with his Star Trek- it’s a lovely, comfortable home you have that’s utterly unique to the both of you.

Coming home everyday would be a delight, a reward after a long day of work. Ollie’d grab takeout on the way, orange chicken for him and whatever’s your favorite, and he’d settle in for the night, chopsticks in hand, saying “tell me about the difference between leopard and cheetah print, Babe.”

Song:

They say in Heaven, love comes first/ We'll make Heaven a place on Earth/ Ooh, Heaven is a place on Earth

Ollie strikes me as the kind of dude who loves cheesy, 80’s pop; like, I can see him busting through the door with the aforementioned takeout and just bopping. It’s also just a really cute song about the person you love and the space you make together being Heaven, and I love that for y’all.

Runner-Ups:

I like Avior for you on an Enneagram basis; along with the competency and capability, there’s a dogged curiosity there that, I think, Avior would admire and would keep him on his toes. Regulus is purely because of the imaginary friend tidbit; there’d be something poetic about him taking place of your Nobody and making himself your real imaginary friend. I could totally do something with that.

Note: thank for you the Sleeping At Last song rec~ I love his whole Enneagram album, so I’ve been meaning to get into more of his discography 🧡

Want a match-up of your own? Read this post, and tell me about yourself! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

[wanderrlust0]

2/2

it ties into the female attention & peaking his interest even if its by the slightest. idk, like i said, this happened almost 3yrs ago when we were in a tough spot unfortunately and ive put it all behind me and weve been moving forward. i know how he feels about me & we would hate to ever lose each other. its just after hearing about this new news to me, i feel like it triggered my brain into thinking about how he can maybe feel things easily towards people. also, hes already apologized to me about the stuff in the past so i dont really feel any more of the frustrations that i felt bc at first he was not seeing my side of things and i was feeling so annoyed by that. luckily, thats all over now. i still get a little attentive when it comes to his classmates & any other girl i hear about bc then i start thinking, well is she pretty, does she like him, does he like her, how much do they talk, etc. which is just a normal girl thing..i think lol. im not totally insecure but it is easy to feel some type of way. so, i think i expressed everything i wanted to. i replied to the other guys msg and i honestly feel kinda bad for him but i hope they can work things out..

edit 7/29: not to add More things to this but.. i hung out with him today & i could tell that he felt terrible about himself for that happening & he felt like i was letting him off too easy. like, just not getting mad or lashing out i guess. im too shy to do that to him tho but i did say how i did think about it a lot & that you two were honestly stupid for doing that. also, how i did feel bad for her husband. i didnt say much more than that but if i did i just wouldve said like, you two knew it would ruin the friendship. even tho it didnt right away, look at it now. just bc you two couldnt put your sexual thoughts aside. but you know what, it just goes to show that it was always ever so slightly present since the beginning of the friendship. they both have had thoughts of fucking already & they finally caved. so he was given the chance to sleep with her & he took it bc 1, it benefited him and 2, hes been secretly wanting to do that. IM STILL NOT OVER THE WHOLE BREAK THING (kinda am) BUT I CANT DWELL ON IT. i just asgdjflk. like broT-T ..made me believe that we were just not gonna talk as much, yet still be friends. it was both of our first time trying out a break. he made me believe that wed be back together once things chilled out & we could hang out normally since it was covid year (honestly was torture & i was in one of my lowest moments). He made me be under the impression that he just needed some spaceeee. I didnt think it was to the point where he felt like he was single, ready to mingle!!! like dude didnt even wait that long to find a whatever rebound, then had the guts to cry to me about stuff i didnt understand at the time but then later found out it was over some other girl!!T-T posting a fricken poem on his story & telling me a lie. turning off his location. taking longer & longer to reply, then not replying for almost a day. But yeah sure, telling me we’d still talk during this time, just not as romantic. sending me snaps of his dealer writing a little “cute” ass note w a heart on it. whyy would your dealer even do that. like she obviouslyyy wouldnt do that for just anyone. posting on your story about something that had to do w him being available & wanting to date. until finally he starts talking to me like he used to bc oh yeah, he wants me back. meanwhile, i havent even thought of myself being single or looking to find a new romantic partner. idk, that all messed w my head soo much. AAND that stupid poem was hung up on his wall for literallyyy monthsD; i couldnt even loook at that wall while we were being intimate bc it turned me off so much & didnt have the guts to mention it. he finally replaced it w something i gave him & when i saw it i was like about time & i showed it to my friend. i got sidetracked but that was important to let out. back to his friend..me knowing that hes been cheated on & how much it has affected him, i would think that he wouldnt enable someone else to do it to their partner the way his ex did it to him?! that was another thing i wouldve told him. i guess i just didnt feel like hurting him more than he already felt about himself.. but to wrap it up, i think were done with it. he kept complimenting me all day. he feels like he should unfollow her off everything now. they honestly havent really talked in a long time & they havent been close like they used to be so its not like they talk. he just doesnt wanna be involved with her & her hubby at all after this. he said i should unfollow also. tbh, i sort of dont want to? is that weird.. i feel like i should be hating her more but i also dont feel enough hate to remove her from ig. idk..he also might ask her how her husband found out. idk its like a sticky situation bc i wouldnt describe my feelings as hurt towards everything. i felt shocked, but not completely surprised. i felt old feelings that i felt when i first found out he hooked up w people during our break & now there was more to uncover. i felt like my suspicions were proven.

#journal #mypost #continued in the comments

[jupio]

tl;dr my uni house sucks absolute fucking ass and its been building but one things happened today and it has. tipped me over the edge. so its either write it out or scream

i just want. one fucking week in this house where noone does anything that makes me want to beat the shit out of them

we had a couple silverfish earlier this week so i put my houseplants on a window sill in the shared hall outside my room because of the damp. this was 4 days ago and i havent watered them since so they should be bone dry. 

last night i went to bed first but the other people who live here decided to stay up and get drunk

i got my plants back in today because there havent been anymore silverfish and went to water and prune them but when i leant in closer to the first one i noticed two things. 

1. the soil was soaked through and messy 2. it fucking stank of piss

so yknow i dont want to jump to conclusions but what other fucking conclusions are there here. someone in this god fucking awful house thought it would be funny to take one of my plants and piss in it for fucking what??? for the laughs???

theyve poured wine on my dishes, they broke my kitchen scales, theyve screamed and tried to break and kick in my door at 4 in the morning when high on ket, theyve made fun of me to my face, theyve made fun of my hobbies, they make snide comments where i can tell i’m being made fun of but i cant work out what i’ve said wrong, theyve slammed doors at every hour of the fucking night for weeks, they scream up and down the stairs at 3am, they call me boring, they call me stupid and autistic and unfunny and bitchy and nit-picky and overly sensitive and i am so fucking SICK of trying to live here

every day i am masking so hard that i’m even more irritable and i go to bed exhausted and full of anxiety because i know!! i know everytime i leave a room they all look at each other like oh thank god ollie’s gone we can finally be offensive and i’m not sleeping properly, and i’m always on edge in my own home. i cant relax here ever

and idk. someone else might take this less seriously and brush it off. but i cant and i’m tired of trying to explain to them that maybe its funny to prank each other but when you fuck with my stuff it’s not funny, it completely derails my expectations of things and especially with adhd my reactions to things can be out of proportion. so its not funny at all. im just so angry that im shaking and i want to beat the shit out of someone. so no, i dont take well to it, and im not gonna laugh and deal with it, im gonna cry, and react like a kid. and then noone is having any fun because everyone acts like its so awkward that im upset when really they could just be normal fucking decent people and leave me the hell alone.

and now i have to try and deal with this and i have no fucking clue how im even meant to approach it. “hi guys, just wondering who pissed in my beloved trailing ivy? it was £25 so would love some financial compensation and also for you to hold still so i can break your fucking nose!” 

i dont even know if i should just leave it because its just not worth it. i dont even care if im a pushover at this point i am so. tired. of trying to make them respect me as a person. thats what it feels like, it feels like they dont even see me as a person they just see me as a fucking circus freak.

the plants still in my room. i dont even know what to do with that. i dont want to touch it because just touching the pot made my hands smell. so just everytime i look up i get upset and scared and angry all over again because its right there. and im 90% sure i know who did it but if i confront him about it he’ll do that thing where people go cmon its just a joke why are you being so sensitive? jeez, lighten up its not a big deal and ill look stupid and sensitive and different like i always do

ive got 4 more months of living here and then i am fucking gone and i am never speaking to these people again. 

#you know its bad if its getting me to re-consider moving back in with my parents #this is. a kinda long and very angry rant but honestly im shaking right now so its warranted #local old man #vent post

[ivyuns]

fever: the series - loving you!

jake x f!reader ft enhypen 

genre: angst, a bit of fluff

word count: 2.2k

warnings: naurr jake sees someone else while hes w reader, 1/3 of this chapter youre w niki, sunoo is your bestie, sunghoon is trying to protect nikiy/n,  cheating, niki being sad, enha being suprised, kissing, mentions of layla and konon, crying, healing, breaking up, few cuss words, broken jake, grammar mistakes, not proofread lmk if i missed anything!

synopsis: after breaking up with niki after the rumors of cheating was on you, jake came in the pictutre to heal your heart. everything was fun and you were forever grateful for him.

note: part two but its jakes turn now! sorry ive been feeding you guys w jake content i think i love him a lot

fever: the series | jakehoonki ver | jake ver | sunghoon ver | niki ver 

the first day of school was when niki introduced you to his friend group. the day jake had fell in love with you. the day he knew he had to break you and niki up.

it was the summer you and niki had started dating. his friends always wanted to meet you in person, but niki didn’t want you to meet them yet, scared they’ll get too attached to you. you always called him crazy for thinking that way, and told him you’ll always love him, no matter what.

until school had opened back up after summer break. students were dreading, walking into school like zombies after ruining their sleeping schedule. and then waking up after an hour of sleep.

however, you and niki were too excited to start your junior year together.

you two waiting for his friends, jumping up and down.

“jake hyung! heeseung hyung!” niki yelled out. you looked towards his direction and saw who you assumed, his friends. “ayee niki” heeseung greeted him. you looked at jake and could tell he barely slept.

“where’s the others?” niki asked. before heeseung could respond, you hear another voice call out his name. “niki!”

you faced where the voice came from and you let go of nikis hands to hug the boy. “sunoo!” you yelped. sunoo gave you his signature smile and patted your back. “hi y/n” he laughed.

right, sunoo has been your long time best friend since middle school. but he never told you he was friends with niki, nor did niki tell you about sunoo. but you didn’t mind because sunoo was here!

“give me back my girlfriend.” niki said, more in a demanding tone. this is how jake woke up mentally, the word ‘girlfriend’. he knew you were niki’s girlfriend, but how could you be so pretty, and perfect. a sight of an angel.

as sunghoon and jay arrived, niki introduced you to them. “my girlfriend, y/n” he smiled and giggled, the thought of finally introducing you to his friends and calling you his.

the group welcomed you into the enhypen family, more as so jake quietly stood there. half tired, half wanting to have you.

the days continued where jake would always stare at you and niki. sunghoon kept noticing his behavior, repeatedly asking the boy what’s wrong. jake shook his head, “i’ll text it to you” and left the boy at the table.

“i like y/n, and i want to break them apart”

sunghoon gasped at the table, gathering everyone’s attention, especially yours. “what happened?” you asked. “n-nothing! i mean my sister just texted me saying she’s not feeling well so be right back!” sunghoon left the table to meet up with jake.

“jake, what the fuck? are you really gonna do this? don’t you want niki to be happy?” sunghoon yelled at jake. jake took a breather. “you don’t understand. she’s the girl of my dreams. i love her so much. imagine the things i can do with her. fulfilling her dream dates.” he paused.

“remember when she said she always wanted to go on an amusement park date? but niki said he’ll have to see because tickets are expensive right now? the look on her face when he said that. he can never fulfill her dreams.”

sunghoon was in disbelief. he remembered the time you had asked niki that specific question and the answer. you appreciated the effort niki had brought into your relationship so it didn’t matter to you if you didn’t go or not. you just wanted to be with niki.

“i don’t think you understand, jake. she loves niki with all her heart. you cant possibly break them up.”

jake had enough of sunghoons words. anger was shown. “just watch.”

it was finals week, the week where some students want to get the testing done to finally be on break, others staying up late to study. and you were the others

because you and niki didn’t have physics together, you had asked jake to come over and help you understand more of the certain subject. niki was okay with it since he knew jake.

but since that night, you two became unbelievably close. after the week was over, niki kept trying to take you out on dates, you said yes but you had to make it short. telling niki you have to meet up with jake for some old reason.

niki never questioned you because he trusted you.

-

rumors said you had fallen out of love. the campus saw how you and jake were too friendly with each other, but then seeing you and niki together the next day.

everyone was confused on if you broke up with niki or not. but soon the rumors were starting to affect you mentally. you started distancing yourself from everyone, including your own boyfriend. you took a small break from school and closed the doors from the world.

multiple calls from the boys and your friends and you wanted to shut down your phone. before you did, jake sent a picture.

jake <:

1 attachment

im so sorry bubs, but i think you should look at this

the picture was niki with another girl. you took a small break for your mental health and niki is out with another girl? and he bleached his hair? you guys didn’t even break up and he already—

your mind went blank and you just fell asleep with tears streaks. and niki standing outside of your door, waiting for you in the cold.

you took another week off and you went back. everyone was excited to see you. including jake. you just smiled at everyone and tried to look for niki.

you ran into your home room and saw him alone, working on a piece of paper and your name on top of the paper. he was doing your homework for you? you heart swelled and the thought of him cheating on you went away for a bit.

but when it was time for lunch, your movements were very slow since you still wernt mentally ready. niki quickly got up from his chair and ran to you. “hi my love” he smiled. you looked up and saw your favorite snack. “konon got this for you to cheer you up.” you smiled slightly and left the room with him. with jake following you two behind.

you sat at the table alone, waiting for niki to come back with your lunches. your mind suddenly felt dizzy and the image of niki and the girl together made you feel sick.

niki came back and saw that you were just playing with your. “baby, what’s wrong?” he could tell that you distanced yourself from him and it made him scared. he thought the rumors weren’t true and denied them. but after seeing you quiet, he didn’t know anymore.

tears fell off, you couldn’t take it anymore. “you, cheated on me?” nikis eyes widen. you took out your phone and showed him the picture sent from jake. “babe, that’s from years ago? i literally had blonde hair ever since we’ve dated what are you talking about?”

he did have a point, but still. he said you were his first girlfriend and never told you about his past. “lets break up.” everyone gasped. including niki himself. “y/n wait, you’re not gonna let me explain!” he yelled across the cafeteria, which where you was at.

you ignored him, tears already falling as you tried to find jake around campus. niki was already defeated, being held and comforted by sunghoon, who had mentally hated jake for this. all this just so he could have him.

you couldn’t find jake anywhere so you went to the school garden to think what happened earlier. ‘this is all my fault’ you told yourself. you should’ve let him explained himself. all these thoughts ran through your mind that you didn’t hear someone running towards you, calling your name.

“y/n!”

they waved their hand in front of you,  you looked up and saw jake. you stood up and hugged him, “jake, i-“ “dont talk, its okay to cry right now” he said, patting your back.

since then, you two became close. since he was in a friend group with your ex, you still let him hang out with them. jake wasnt too sure about it, but you reassured him.

one day, jake has surprised you with tickets to the amusement park. you were happy, very. but your smiled soon disappeared when memories of you and niki came in. the one with you asking him if he wanted to go since it was a seasonal thing. but being in a new country and saving up to pay for bills, he had to object. he didnt want to, but you respected his choices. he always promised you that one day, youll have a date there.

but now youre here, with jake. you two went everywhere, jake won you lots of plushies, and the last of it was the ferris wheel. while on top, jake sat across from you, holding your hand. “y/n” he called out. you forced yourself from staring at the at the beautiful scenery.

“i like you”

your eyes widen. you werent too sure if you were ready for a relationship, after breaking up with niki nearly 9 months ago. but you wanted to feel loved and worth. and you had been growing feelings for jake too. “i like you too jake” you smiled.

you two shared your first kiss on top of the wheel, as fireworks show began to show.

the day you two walked into school together with intertwined hands, everyone gasped, especially niki and sunghoon. niki left the table with sunoo following along, and sunghoon was just in shock. he never knew jake would actually pull you away from niki.

“congrats!” jay was the first to say, then everyone followed him. you and jake walked to get breakfast together as everyone talked. “when did this happen?” “9 months already? she already moved on that quick.” “dont talk behind their backs” niki came in. his eyes red but he knew he had to move on. “you okay niki?” he nodded his head and and sat down, seeing you and jake all lovely together. he just had to accept it.

jake was everything you could ask for. he brought you to your dream dates, everything. all the late night city drives, you were more than grateful for him.

but when he suddenly stood you up on your date, you were confused. he never missed a date you questioned yourself. you paid for you bill and left, bumping into jay and sunghoon. “hi!” you waved at them. “what are you two up to?” “were just having a walk. you?” “oh uh, i was waiting for jake but he never came, so i’m gonna go over to his house to make sure he’s alive” you giggled.

jay side eyed sunghoon, ‘oh no’ he thought. “aight well, we gotta go y/n, see you later?” you nodded and left them, driving up to jake’s house.

when you rang the doorbell, layla ran to the front door, trying to unlock the door for you. you smiled, “layla, tell jake to open the door please.” after you said that, the door opened with a surprised look. “what are you doing here?” jake asked. you frowned, “our date that you forgot?”

“oh” was all he could say. he didnt know what to say. he would admit that hes seeing someone else, but he couldnt when he wanted to. there was no way he was going to be like niki, but niki didnt cheat actually. “can i at least come see layla?” you asked, tears brimming. jake sighed and shook his head. “im sorry-“ “youre seeing someone arent you?”

he quickly denied, but you got the same vibes when you knew niki was cheating on you all over again, but its jakes turn. “youre just turning into niki” you paused. “thank you for healing me jake.” you bitterly smiled. you walked away from his porch as he saw your tears finally streaming down. this is all his fault.

jake walked back inside and hugged layla. “i fucked up didnt i layla?” as layla rested her head on his arm. he cried all night, rethinking his choices.

he told the girl to stop seeing him. he really broke your heart again.

the next day, jake saw you walking to your locker, eyes all red and puffy. all because of him. “y/n.” you turned around and saw him, you didnt want to see him, after you knew what he was doing behind your back. “i have to go” you quickly got your books and left him. heeseung saw and ran to grab the boy. comforting him. “shes better alone jake” he told him. jake nodded, crying onto the olders shoulders.

“i loved her so much” heeseung nodded his head.

as school ended, you saw sunoo and niki together. you smiled at them and quickly went to your car. suddenly hearing rushed footsteps, you felt someones arms hugging you from behind. “i know what i did wrong and im so sorry. please y/n. ill love you more than him. niki. please i love you so much.” you turned around and saw jake begging.

“dont ever say you were better than niki. if you didnt make the rumors of him cheating on me, this wouldnt have happened! he would never do this to me. now please leave me alone jake.” he was about to say something until sunghoon stopped him. jake sighed, knowing this is his last time with you.

before he could head back to his car, he saw sunghoon jumping into your car, being there for you. and turned back and saw niki looking at him, smirking with his arms cross.

jake rolled his eyes and entered his car. he broke down when he saw a picture of the two of you on his speed-meter. he just lost the most precious human being in his life, and theres no way he could get you back.

end.

(2022) © dont repost or copy | @ivyuns​

#enhypen #jake sim #jaeyun #enhypen angst #enhypen fluff #kpop #kpop angst #not a lot of tags bc idk if i wanna still do this series

[jenniefromdblock]

Drained

[Originally posted on JULY 21, 2021 ]

I rushed my mom twice to the ER the other day (7/16/2021) due to her complaining about an excruciating pain on her left side.

I woke up with her moaning in pain around 7am, so I immediately got up and packed a lot of disinfectants and my laptop (I had to work) and drove to 2 goverment hospitals’ ER. The 1st one just referred us to the 2nd, the 2nd just prescribed meds. They were prioritizing COVID patients, even though their ERs are empty (shoutout to the 2nd which is QCGH). I’m not going to comment on how they handled our situation because I know they have their “reasons”. Since Mom was still in so much pain, we went ahead to Capitol Med. Yes, I know it is private and expensive but fuck it. It’s Mom.

We arrived at around 11am (I had no concept of time, I just wanted the day to be over) and we were immediately attended to. Mom was hooked up to an IV (omeprazole at first, then liquid paracetamol), blood works, urinalysis, and xray were done. When I asked her, she says the pain was level 8 and went to intermittent. There were also times that it goes away. According to her urinalysis, they found specks of blood, so they Rx’d Mom to be CT scanned for suspected kidney stones. During that time I kept on asking her if she can manage the pain, etc. She was like meh, and we were already given prescriptions so we decided that we will sign the waiver to not perform the CT Scan at that moment (the reason and backstory later). We were discharged around 4pm.

I was able to settle a bit when we got home and go back to working. Not even two hours later, Mom was again writhing in pain and she was crying “Lord, please make it stop.” Her pain tolerance is so high that seeing her in that situation was very alarming, so thats when I decided to ask my sister to call an ambulance (I was no longer in the right mental and emotional state to drive at that moment) while I prepare the stuff we need in case she gets confined.

We were brought again to Capitol Med because at least they already know us, the guard was literally like “Uy, parang kanina lang…”. We agreed to do the CT Scan and results says the pain is caused by kidney stones.

Also, even though my Mom doesn’t feel anything, they saw an 8x12x12 benign cyst on her right ovaries. While the doctor assured us its nothing and can be treated easily, they referred us to an OB GYN, who explained the next steps for treatment to us.

Honestly at that point, I hear garbled messages. I can no longer process anything because all I worry about was how the fuck am I going to pay for the hospital bills because I am super bankrupt.

The Backstory: I was retrenched in December 2020 and we were trying to survive off my separation pay (which isn’t that big amount so if you ask me, no I didn’t even have the chance to enjoy it). In April 2021, I got a freelancing job and I am in contract until December, which I am very thankful for. But what I earn is just enough for the utility bills and monthly groceries for 3 people. Yes, I also have been the provider in this house.

I only have Php 1,000 ($20) in my bank account. I have 2 credit cards that I have not been using and been paying off so I can cut it.

But I had to. I maxed out the limit of my first credit card to settle the hospital bills during our ER Visit #1. I had no choice but to do the same for my second to pay off ER Visit #2, not to mention the prescribed medicines worth 2 weeks. Oh btw, the OB GYN consultation fee needed to be paid in cash, so yeah goodbye 1k. Before, I psych myself bankrupt but I still have like 10k+ in the bank. But now, I am literally, really, very, zero balance.

At this point I am not sure how will I be able to bring her to a urologist, another OB GYN session and possible operation.

Well, going back to the main story… we got home around 12am. Mom was still in pain but at least we know the cause. Also, the pain reliever works so Mom was able to sleep enough.

I am still mentally and emotionally drained. Most of all, financially.

So that’s how the day went.

#mentally drained #emotionally drained #keep fighting

[mindovermatterismagicc]

finally the time i can write on here as youre asleep.

you look so beautiful tonight

i just miss you so much and everything been happening lately has just confused me so much. for you it might have been that you dodged a bullet by not coming here but what about me? what have i done to be receiving this? like just one day of all that excitement and joy for what? i saw that being stolen right from my own hands. like why, what have i done to deserve it and all the times you couldnt come here before? im not saying its your fault baby i know you try your best each time but when will i be capable enough of getting it. im just so tired man, ive been looking forward about it since the initial month we started talking but till this date even after fasting for it and doing as much i could, you decide to steal it right from my hands all between a span of a day? why god why.

its the voice in my head, what do you mean im not ready still what the fuck is to be ready to literally her come see me for days. why do i have to be ready for that like how does that make sense. what do you mean when the times right? 9 months. how long are you going to make me wait? and forget waiting why would you give me so much hope each time and take it all away like why the taunting, i feel so humiliated.

if youre reading this baby this was just a monologue of me and the voice in my head please ignore this last paragraph

but yeah, man is greedy, its true. im a greedy man but im a greedy man for the things i love, well ofcourse every man is like that but whatever. i want to take a moment to just rewind and stop crying and begging for a second. im typing this at 1:33am on 11/10/2023 as i watch you sleep. you, its you. youve been my dream girl for years, 3 years ago i wish i could be in this position and 9 months ago i just wished i could see you once. wow. years ago i just wised someone would love me and now that i have that i beg that it be physical, atleast its something but like damn. im a loved man, a girl i love so much, loves me too. wow. i love you so much baby. but then its like if i had to wait 3 years just to get love, ill have to wait for it be physical too, its that i know that day would come but the thought that when will kills me.

i just want to cry in your arms, i just want to ball my eyes out i just want your arms to wrap around me and say its all okay im here now, im typing this and im crying on the inside but i cant find the tears for it just today.

im sorry this isnt a physical relationship i know you stick w touch a lot but i wish baby, i wish, and i hope everything i give you is enough just please dont leave me. im so scared.

i love you so so much.

i miss you and well here it goes another post to the mindovermagic account on which vivaan begs to see her but like all the previous 72 posts and months of wishing, another one down the hole. when will it ever be enough? 100? probably not then too but my fingers hurt.

fuck man, another post. i feel like a speaker with a stuck audio. i just want to see you and ill do anything to do so, just please the next one not be false hope, only give me a sign if youre really going to make it happen, im tired of the heartbreak.

[blackvail22]

9/24/23 — 1:10am

theres a lot that happened within the past two days its insane. on the 22nd, i had to train this new associate for the whole day. he's rlly nice, and he's fun to talk to. he caught on really quick! im excited to work with him

also, that same day, i got back with my ex!!! it could be a dumb decision (because this is the 3rd time) but i really want things to work out. again, no one is going to know besides you... and... my coworkers, but thats different

the coworker that gave me his number, he gave me a note at work that says "im awkward so i dont know how to say this out loud, but i like you" and then taped a soda tab on it (it was the "hug" meaning one, which... i dont like but could be worse). so! ive told the new associate i have a boyfriend. im going to tell them i have a boyfriend, but im telling those im closest to at work that its because i dont want my worker to hit on me anymore

if he keeps going after that, i have to report him. im not letting someone get away with that, not this time.

i have to start standing up for myself... im just scared because of that teenager who got killed because she rejected her (adult) co-worker, im afraid its going to be me. this is the reason i dont like hearing abt death.

on another note, back to abt my boyfriend....

im writing this as soon as i ended the call with him. i miss him already. i wonder how and why my brain changes how i react to things because of a label. i feel so clingy. i want to talk to him more. he does make me happy, and i hope i make him happy too

oh, i also bought this candle... its supposed to "smell like london" and it says the scent is "afternoon biscuits and tea" so thats nice. i bought it to think of you, nd its nice that the color of the candle matches my room

oh last thing ! i took my permit drivers test and i passed it! feels so surreal because i never thought i was ever gonna end up driving but here we are lol

anyways i like this song

6:06am —

dude i couldnt fall asleep until like 4:30am and my mom woke me up at 5:30, screaming at me to find something i didnt have!!! i found it! and it was in her bag, a place she didnt look (because she only looked one place!!!!!!) at least i can sleep now, but idek if i can do that because i feel awake now. im going to sob. FUVKKK I HAVE A HEADACHE AND SINUS PAIN NOW IM GOING TO CRY DUDE. and the fact that she walked up the stairs to scream at me (she never walks up the stairs)???? ooo. im so mad bro! like im going to wake up whenever i have my alarms set and im going to punch a wall because i cant sleep without getting interrupted. IM PISSED TF OFF NOW bevause i havent had adequate sleep since my last off day (a week ago) and i dont have a lot of sleep for tomorrow because i have to wake up at 6am for an appointment thats 2hrs away. sure, ill sleep in the car, but with my mom? she wont let it happen. and i dont have another off day untl thursday, and i cant sleep in for that one either becahse i have another goddamn appointment in the morning. like, is this what being an adult is? being harrassed by coworkers, never having enough sleep, never able to fall asleep.... it cant be cause those all haopened when i was a teenager too. stuck in that cycle, though, and i cant wait for that cycle to finally end.

bad things always tend to happen to me. is it because i bring bad energy? AHHHHHHH i just need to scream cry

i am going to try to sleep now. I've rambled on for way too long

11:17pm

been incredibly sad today. i think it was my lack of sleep, or maybe it was my mom yelling at me and waking me up. still, my heart feels so ... heavy. i cant help but feel bad for people who love me. if i was them, i would choose anyone else to love endlessly. im undeserving of it all, anyway. i dont feel happy tonight. i hope tomorrow's better. i dont know what changed and made me feel this way because when i woke up and went to work, everything was fine until half way through my shift. it didnt really effect me, but them saying "oh, fun's over.. [my name]'s in a bad mood again.. everyone get away" keeps playing in my mind. it didnt affect me then, so i dont know why i keep thinking about it

i just want to fit on my roof and look at the moon, but its been rising really early so i dont think ill be able to see it now. ill watch some livestreams from space of the earth/the moon instead. something to comfort me while listening to music. i havent been able to watch any videos all the way through recently.. havent even been able to watch those gaming streams i like. hopefully ill feel better before i go to sleep

#Spotify

[valdederon]

FLAMES JOURNEY CHAPTER #21 creak side training

the next day after having set up camp and slep through the night nova for the first night since loosing her master sleeps with out a nightmare nova wakes up grogily half burried in valdederons tail fluff and yawns with a soft whine in the same breath .

valdederon--- good morning sleeping princess.

nova--- mmmph my stomach hurts..

valdederon--- your just hungry my little aoran berry come on lets get you up out of my tail

she growls crankily as he says that making draggo chuckle.

draggo--- guess shes alittle testy thismroning.

valdederon---well.. im not surprised.ill let her relax and wake up more.. can you prepare breakfeast for her.. i can take out some food stuff out of my item box spell that i have from my old world.. bread pancake mix and some other stuff.

draggo--- sounds like a good idea .

valdederon gives verything to draggo that he will need for breakfeast while nova continus to lay up against valdederon inside his tail and yawning as she slowly wakes up. evnentualy getting out and stumbling face first into the soft grass with a yelp and rolling on her back ..

nova----ouch… my face…

draggo chuckles alittle as she sits up.

draggo--- you ok nova..

nova---- yea.. just fell on my face abit..

valdederon-- we saw that sleepy.. lets get you some coffee.. just be sure to take it easy on it

she nods as he uses psychic to make coffee after gently sitting nova in his lap and bringing a cup of it at room temp to her and waiting to see her reaction to it.

nova--- it smells good..

she tastes it and her tail shoots up in serurpise at its bitter flavor and her eyes widen as it begins to wake her abit faster.

draggo--- you know shes going to be bouncing off the walls now.

valdederon.. i think she will have it focused into training to be honest. raykore wants to focuse her energy into defense for now.

nova---mmmmph .. im. im abit worried.

valdederon-- dont worry yould be fine ill always be with you to help you when you need it..

she nods drinking the coffee slowly and giving a soft purr and watches as draggo continues to cook breakfeast after a couple hours they all begin eating. while eating nova looks down at her food and looks up at valdederon.

nova---why are you so protective over me.. ive noticed it while training and when others interact with me.. you keep a death stare at them if they as much as whisper an insult.

valdederon stops eating and sighs..

valdederon--- i had a baby sister once ive told you that before.. but never what happened to her.. you and her both are similar in personality strong willed persistant stuborn but soft and kind. untill your family or friends were beeing bullies then you both get testy.. when i was 8 years old my family… my friends.. they were all murdered by a demon controlling a hoard of monsters… the demon .. didnt give her a quick end. and decided to leave me alive thinking my wil to fight shatered.

draggo listens in quietly as nova whimpers hearing that.

valdederon--- that demon is the reason my soul is so heavily skared up. the deep acrid darkness you saw .. i slaughtered 5,8ths of the demons entire population.. much like the demon did. i gave him a slow end.. 7 years slow. untill his mind shatered and he became a shell. a mindless broken shell. if not for the king and the demon king coming to a peace arangement and an ordered cease fire.. i might have eventualy succeded in my goal of readicating demon kind in revenge at that poiint i would have been no beter then that 1 demon. ….. thast why im so protective of you nova…your my family now and i dont want to loose you… or any one ever again.

she folds her ears seeing the tears streaming down his face and sets her food down and hugs valdederon trying not to cry her self .

draggo--thats…gods above thats dark..

raykore comes out of the shadows and clears her throat

raykore--- ok lets all finish eating that way we can start some arua training.

she nods nervously and continues eating and valdederon stays back with draggo watching raykore begin her training with nova explaining what her aura is first

raykore--- first things first nova. your aura is both yoru sword.. and your shield.. more then that it is an extension of your will.. your will to protect and defend.. or in your case seek justice.. your frurstration witch brought forth that golden aura sphere is why im here.. this aura were im from is called devine life essance.. your people may have thier won name for it but the principles are the same behind them all regardless of name. dip into that rustration from before.. but imagine it as a shield.. dont try to punch or throw your paws froward. . cross your arms like an x.. and imagine that frustration.. that anger you felt of not beeing able to hit your big brother in training.

she whimpers trying when raykore gives firm kick to her for arms sending her flying into the creak with heavy splash and she yelps whimpering.

raykore--- come.. we try again..

nova-- that hurt . mis

raykore--- COME.. NOW.. and its not miss raykore.. its master.. we are in atraining session.

she stands up whimpering with a nod and shakily and shyly drudges forward blushing .

raykore--- no.. again arms forward.. x formation.. and delve deep into your memories recall your frustration your inability to land that hit.. how upset it made you.

draggo--- that was way rough.. should.

valdederon--- no that was no were near what she did with me.. shes going light on her ..im surprised abit but happy to see it.. guess with me i as just to stubborn to learn other wise.

after a few hours of repetitive training nova growls and pulses her aura witch knocks raykore back

raykore--this is a good start.. stit down and rest now.

nova exaustedly flops into the gras on the side of the camp site and whimpers alittle blushing as she has to go

nova---val… i need a litterbox…….i gota go real….

valdederon--- go behind a bush silly were out in the wilds.. no one will care if you leave a little fertilizer under a bush…

she nods and goes alittle ways out of site and hides in a thick berry bush

draggo--- im not going to lie that was down right cute..shes like a puppy all of a sudden.

valederon---well shes still adjusting to a new family dynamic.. im half way tempted to put her in pull ups.. or somthing more.. permanantly but.. shes 19 and i dont think shed like that and she doesnt have any medical need for them either.

draggo---- it would still be cute..

raykore chuckles and nods in agreement

( to any who may be wondering i my self am an ABDL furry.. if any are interested in ocasional moments of such content. let me know and ill keep it sparse./ far and few )

valdederon--- i do know shes atleast regressed a few years back probably 10 or 12 mentaly .. its not uncomon for stress to cause that its.. kind of like an instinctual survival coping mechanism .

[bandsfvck]

Justin,

I hate that you leave me on read so often. It brings back those feelings of you not caring. But I shouldn't really complain since we aren't together and we've never talked about what we are or what we want to be. I just figured that maybe this time you'd stay around and show that you cared. But how stupid can I be? if you didn't stay when we were together, why would you stay now? I still find myself picking myself apart. Look at who you're following and question if I looked like them if you'd like me. Ill sit and think about everything ive ever said to you. One night I got sad and got high. I texted you telling you that you're a good person. But I dont truly believe that. I think superficial you're a good person, but deep down you're still that same guy that didn't have a problem cheating on me, never telling me about it. You only seemed to try to "fix" your actions after I had found out. I still have times where I wonder how long it would've gone on if I hadn't found out. Would you have married me or had a kid and still be texting those other girls? It makes me feel sick. I am such a wonderful person. I am so kind, im smart and pretty. I deserved so much more then the 3 1/2 years I was put through. I still wonder why you did it to me. Did you ever cheat on Alex? You always compared things I did or didn't do to her. Its like you wanted me to be her. Like she was the one you should've actually been with. I hate that ive written you so much, we haven't been dating for about a year and here I am. Writing to you alone in bed, listening to sad songs and crying. I wish you loved me. I say it all the time. But I wonder if you had loved me, if things would be different. But maybe you are just some horrible person that finds cheating okay. You used to tell me that I could sleep with anyone and you wouldn't care. But was it you that wanted to sleep with others and get away with it? I knew I had a bad feeling about you cheating when you first brought up the idea. I think you're just some horny guy that will forever use me, because you know ill always want you to come back. You seem to take advantage of me and my love for you. You'll love bomb me, then when you get what you wanted then you ghost me. You randomly text me again if I ever look pretty. But why can't you text me when I dont post a cute selfie? You dont think I notice, but I do.

-M

[unoriginalmess]

A Second Mask: Chapter 4

Did that just happen?

Hello guys! It's me. I'm finally writing again. Sorry about the delay. I'm going to explain more at the end of the chapter, but I'm just going to keep the beginning short. So here is chapter 4:

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To say Adrien was concerned would be a huge understatement. He was downright disturbed. Its been weeks and still Marinette hadn't changed back to the happy, peppy, nice girl that he knew. AND SHE WOULDN'T EVEN TALK TO HIM ABOUT IT!

He tried to talk to her for a whole week after her original trasformation, but after the repeated firm rejections, he stopped altogether. He figured that maybe with some space, she might be able to work through whatever she was going through, but at this point, he's losing hope.

When he is feeling this distressed about something, he usually turns to his lady, but she has been acting weird too. Ever since she suggested they start sparring, she's started to show that she is going through kinda a rough time as well. She is the same ladybug when everyone is watching, but when it's just the two of them, she looks sad and tired. She has also started saying some concerning things while they are sparring. She has started talking about how she has started taking being Ladybug and the Guardian more seriously, and how she has less distractions now, which would be a good thing if she didn't say them so sadly.

The good thing is, the sparring has given him a chance to get out his aggression because of the whole Marinette-situation and his anger at his father in a safe environment. He didn't like the idea of hitting Ladybug at first (especially in the face) but with her not holding back on her hits, he felt more comfortable doing the same. It has helped them fight better too. He hopes that whatever Ladybug is going through in her civillian life will work itself out soon, but until then he will be there for her. He just needs to figure out how to be there for Marinette.

•••

Felix was making good progress with Marinette. After they first asked marinette about (insert fashion question of your choice here, I legit know nothing and I didn't have time to research anything for this chapter), she had started answering their questions on a daily basis. After a couple of days of that, she had started to rant to them about different things in the fashion world that were bothering her, exciting her, or confusing her that particular day. In response to that, they had started to respond to her rants with their own opinions on the subjects and even start their own rants.

It had gotten to the point where Felix would now consider them to be friends, though they know that Marinette would never call them as such, it was fine with them. They know she has trust issues, and they can understand why, so they are fine with being friends in everything but a name.

Felix was looking forward to their daily banter as they waited in their seat for Marinette to arrive. When she did, she was followed by a very pissed-looking Alya. Felix turned to look at her and noticed that she had what looked to be tears forming in her eyes. What they didn't notice was the little black butterfly that had entered through the window in the back of the room, and was making a beeline towards her.

•••

Marinette walked to school in yet another one of her newest fashion creations: a pair of oversized grey ripped jeans and a navy blue sweatshirt. She was actually really liking her new look, and the comfort that it offered was just an added plus.

She was actually feeling excited to talk to Felix about Gabriel Agreste's newest fashion flop. They were the only person that she had met that actually cared about fashion as much as her. It made her happy to talk to them. It kind of scared her how excited she was. Shouldn't she be distancing herself from everyone? she thought to herself. No. Felix isn't my friend, they aren't close to me, they are just someone I talk fashion with. Like a coworker, yeah. Totally. Felix is just a coworker. ("Liar" says the inner voice in her head)

She was shocked out of her thoughts when she was pulled to the side by someone as she entered the courtyard. Her mind immediately thought of an akuma, when the person spoke.

"Marinette! Girl," Oh it's just Alya. Wait Alya? "How long are you gonna keep up this cry for attention? Are you really THAT jealous of Lila? I know that Adrien likes her, but that doesn't give you the right to act like this! And you are hanging out with Felix, who accused her of sexually harrassing Adrien on their first day here-?" She looked absolutely furious at her, but Marinette had heard enough. She cut Alya off in the middle of her presumably long rant.

"ALYA!" Said girl jumped at both the inturruption and the tone of voice used, "First of all, this isn't a cry for attention, if anything its a cry for leaving me the fuck alone. Second of all, I'm not jealous of Lila. I'm not in love with Adrien anymore, and haven't been for a while. You knew that I was dating Luka right? Why would I care who Adrien likes? Lastly, I am allowed to hang out with whoever I choose, whether you like them or not. It's none of your fucking business Alya, and if you think that I'm just some jealous, attention-seeker why do you even care?" With that last question she stormed off to the classroom, leaving a speechless Alya behind her.

When marinette sat down in her seat, she just kept thinking about how Alya was just talking to her. How could she think that about her? They used to be best friends, and Alya wasn't even concerned about her not talking to her anymore, she was just concerned about her being "jealous of Lila". It made her so furious that she could feel tears trickling down her face. She sees the black butterfly out of the corner of her eye and without hesitation grabs it out of the air.

(Next part is taken from this post by @bigfatbreak)

"Go ahead and akumatize me- See what happens, Hawkmoth!" She screamed the words with a slight madness that the energy of the akuma was giving her, "Every leash has two ends! I just have to pull until I find where you're holding it!"

At this point, the entire class was frozen in place watching her and listening to her crazed-sounding voice threaten an actual terrorist. Marinette felt Hawkmoth's confusion and terror through the bond. What in the- She's sensing me through the Akuma?! The akuma then started to fly away, and when it couldn't it zapped her hand like it was made of lightning and fluttered through the same window it came from. Marinette felt like she had failed yet again and collapsed down on her desk, muttering, "Uuuuggghh. It escaped anyway... What a waste. I didn't realize that Hawkmoth was such a coward. He usually likes grandstand..."

She was startled when her hand was picked up by Felix's, "You likely scared him off by managing to locate him like that... A risky move, I should mention. I would ask that you not attempt that a second time. No one knows what his akuma is truly capable of. You'll want to keep off of this hand for a while, too."

"Oh, are those the doctor's orders? Why, Felix, it almost sounds like you care about meeee." Marinette was all too amused by Felix's concern for her. She also liked to tease them... AS COWORKERS DO.

"I have an investment in your presence. Now don't be cheeky and let's get you to the nurse's office," They said while holding her wrist and gently pulling her in that direction.

Marinette scoffed, "'An investment in my presence'??"

Felix chuckled while still semi-dragging her by the wrist towards the front of the room, being careful not to hurt her injury even worse, "What did I just say about being cheeky?"

On their way out of the door they passed a VERY distressed-looking Adrien. He seemed to be sharing the sentiment with the entire class of: Did that just happen?

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And thats chapter 4. It is VERY LATE! I know. I've been swamped with work, and when I went to write it, I had zero ideas on how to write this chapter. I never ended up getting those ideas. I just went where my writing took me, so if it doesn't really match the characters that's why. I will try to be better at updating regularly, but it probably won't happen. Sorry to everyone with a normal sleep schedule, but this is the time that I write things. Also I didn't have my outline with me while writing this chapter, so it might not have everything I planned to write in it.

I would like to thank you all for all of the support I've been getting on this fic. Despite all of the chapter delays, you guys have stuck with me through all of it, so thank each and every one of you. I love seeing so many people loving this au as much as I do. Without you guys this story wouldn't exist, and I would've stopped writing it after the first chapter.

As always, constructive criticism is always accepted. I love being able to improve my writing whenever possible.

Thank you for reading. Have a nice day/night/whenever you are reading this. See ya next time guys, gals, and non-binary pals.

Taglist

@queer-illusion @apasponsor @heckinggremlin @1-ahiro-1 @hewantedbeefintheparkinglot @sassakitty @lennauts @rianoel @dorkus-minimus @khneltea @welp-that-was-unexpected @mlnchlymrshmllw @lovelyautumnsunflower @chariphrasis @lovesbooks @komatsuna-yuki @polyvirnl @innocentlyguiltyfrenchfry @qhobias @ive-tumbled-down-a-rabbit-hole @hammalammadamdam @cloudydaysomewhere @alcoholic-barney @basenikon @xxbehindthemaskxx @corporeal-terrestrial @shadowymemoirs @moonlight-densetsuu

#a second mask #feralnette #feralnette au #felinette #miraculous ladybug #ml fanfic #adrien agreste #felix culpa #marinette dupain cheng #here it finally is #idk why some of the tags arent working