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#i was born down here and ill die down here i say that everytime im at work
ziggizapz · 3 months
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can i just say i find it so funny that everyone is suspicious of alice because of the way she phrases things but i know with 100% certainty that its nothing to worry about shes just a chronically online tumblrite who speaks that way normally. shes just like me fr
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solardick · 3 months
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Happy BS day. Its valentines. I’m not allowed knowing love. Because god’s an asshole. And enjoys fucken with me. And it’s always ever going to be just me. And know that in dying. I dont care anymore. That stupid girl they always talking about is going to be there. Today, yay! My lung hurts. Smoke another ciggarette.
Wonder whys the dovstor arw going to say when i ask to be euthanized. Just send me a guy already so i can spend the rest of my short life being fucked. Like i have been since my first memory. And Since im never going to add anything to life. And for the first tome this year theres the semblance of winter. Its only ten degrees warmer than it should be today and not 20.
Oh and the girl is gone. Wonder who’s gonna replace her.
Yay for being punished all fucken day. Get the fuck out of my way.
And fuck tarot im done. All y’all fo id give me the oppositre of what i create and my intent. Fuck this rapist culture. Soend tbe rest of my short life gaming and hetting drunk. An dmy dragon image in now trash.
Not allowed being healthy others control my life. Wonder what having independance from malicious influences. Something id like to experiemce before i die. Ive never been. Maybe one day. Ill go. Lol.
I nailed it in that dragon image though. My perfect reflection. And the tower crumbles. Everytime.
Mmmnn i can feel it. Serpent. Its stirring. And after fetting hit in the face with a box. Fuck this. Im done. Fuck all of you. Go sit in the corner and wait.
Souffy, fuck off pls.
And… uh, maybe she realized she was in love with me. And could no longer stay. It was a nice two step dance we did though. Was fun. Bye luv. Maybe one day.
It’s always sexual. I have a very lovable image. I just be me. I always get fucked over. But circumstances won’t allow. Im locked down. Man. And they won’t leave me be. I left my family what eight years ago now. Haven’t had any peace pressence has always been there. … born in hell. I dint know what else to say.
Well you know what they say. Gotta poor your sexuality into something else. Like making love to god. Or jesus. Or blogging indiscriminately, unfiltered. It has to be raw. Or. Not at all. When uou have nothign good to say you sys nothing at all. Maybe in. Fairy tail ‘bout being saved by thee glorious father.
Maybe her boifriend, will show up and beat me up. Because she flirted to spite. Spite. Yeah, yeah. That word, works well. Think im being framed up again? Probably.
Hahah. Ugh. I mean. Im pretty celibate. So its usually from the opposing parties. Thats how it started. Even down near 6-8 yr’old. If its coming from women, its either a good desire that would play out right if present corcumstnaves werent treating me lije a marionnette or there wasn’t amole amounts of violent carnage preventing any act forward. Or its a dirty desire. And im turned off. And do the morally good thing. Ethically may be skitchy. The couple times it did. Treatment and marionnette and all that. Not in a healthy state of being. And thats beside the while line up of scripted ones. There to be serpents. Other people serpents. The white ones with the crow.
Where do you want me to step? Here?
Uh, ok. The added script. Strength from mother to the “king” the child as self. Mother to child. Leo. And death. A parental bond with mother. One showing trust and support. Missing piece to the script. My own, fuck her. Man. I cant do it. There’s nothing there. And for as long as im nothing but tred, i couldn’t afford to care even if i wanted to.
Now to see of i camt find something to watch that isnt predomiantly gay, or gradually drawn into being. Risky stuff. I live dangerously.
Like tomorrow war, where the threat is actually the russians. With there symbolic connection to man and the machine vs. Women and temptation. Gotta fight the good fight. It had monsters and russians in it. I should have known better. In godzilla it was what the Chinese? God sake. Gotta keep my uranus in sag occupied. Uh?
I soent what 20 years in a hole. Not being a part of the system. And then as soon as i do. “Covid”happens. Yeah, ok? Where the real world? I dont think ive met it yet.
Anyway. Crazy bs aside. Im grateful she left. Better pay, closer to home. Can’t go wrong. Even though she hurt me in two ways. Knowing that she wasn’t there to get in my way today. Was awesome. And the good feeling remains. The Dove and the Dragon. The dove, a portent to positive experience. This land is populates by too many crows though. The most dominate species here. Only in the spring and summer are they mostly chased away. Creating a loop of conditional experience. That of using the the functioning increases of solar energy to overcoming the negative association to growth. Its not at all different that the tv. Of fighting monsters and such. Except that there’s not an overlaying fabricated script over nature. And this function is towards the means of reproduction and establishing a suitable nesting home.
In high populated city zones, the natural is all but lacking. Amd the mass lives within a bubble of conditioning. Which cost millions of lives to make possible. While claiming peace on earth. Though millions of lives doesn’t seem so consequential considering the what now, eight billion?
Twisted metal does seem promising. Thanks justin.
No, it’s just sneaky. It hook punches you.
Well guess im goving up media. And going back to the wind.
Well y’all could give some hearts if your going to stock me anonymously. But no. Only the bad stuff.
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drkcnry67 · 4 years
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Sleeping beauty: a twisted supernatural fairytale
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A/n: this is for 4 different bingo challenges... hope people like this one! Show it some love if you loved it.
Title: sleeping beauty: a twisted supernatural fairytale
Pairing: dean x reader
Spn Dark sq: free space (shadow/fear demon)
Share the love bingo sq: sleeping beauty
Fluff sq: soulmate AU
H&H sq: Gabriel
Rating: pg-13
summery: not telling
created for @spnfluffbingo​  @spndarkbingo​  @heavenandhellbingo​  @thisismysecrethappyplace​
Once upon a time in a kingdom oh so far away lived a king & his fair queen. for many years they had longed for a child & finally their wish was granted.
a daughter born to them whom they called YN. for they named her after the dawn for she filled their hearts with sunshine. a great holiday planned to honor the princess for the entire kingdom rejoiced at her birth.
as more people graced the party, the party got stronger. amongst those to arrive were King John & his son Prince Dean. fondly had these monarchs dreamed that one day their kingdoms unite.
thus that day they announced Dean, John’s son and Heir to Castiel’s daughter be betrothed. so to her his gift he brought as he looked unkowing on his future bride.
Page: their most honored and exalted excellencies, the 3 good fairies. Mistress Claire, Mistress Jo & mistress Alex...
the 3 fairies approached, now addressing Castiel and his queen.
Fairies: your majesties!
in courtly fashion they all curtsied.
Claire: each of us the child may bless with a single gift, no more no less.
claire approached the craddle, with a wave of her wand she spoke these words.
Claire: little princess, my gift shall be the gift of beauty...
~one gift, beauty rare. full of sunshine in her hair. lips that shame the red red rose. she’ll wake with springtime wherever she goes.~
Jo was next to approach the craddle, with a wave of her wand she spoke these words.
Jo: tiny princess, my gift shall be the gift of song.
~one gift, the gift of song. melody her whole life long. the nightingale’s her troubadour. bringing her sweet serenade to her door.~
Alex stepped up to the craddle, she walked and raised her want tostart her speech but something soon would disrupt her wish.
Alex: “sweet princess, my gift shall be...
a gust of wind blows blazing through the castle doors, they swing wide open. with wind and thunder crashing through, in a blaze of fire in the middle of the crowd appeared Rowena.
Claire, jo and Alex all in states of shock at the sight of Rowena who speaks now.
Rowena: well quite the glittering assemblage King Castiel. Royalty, nobility, the gentry and how quaint even the rebel.
alex tries to fly towards Rowena but is held back by Claire.
Rowena: i really felt quite distressed at not recieving an invitation
Alex now more than a little peaved speaks.
Alex: you weren’t wanted.
Rowena: not wa...? oh dear, what an awkward situation. i had hoped it was merely due to some oversight. well in that event i’d best be on my way. 
queen: and your not offended your excellency?
Rowena: why no your majesty. and to show i bear no ill will i too shall bestwo a gift on the child. 
the fairies back up to protect the craddle. 
rowena: listen well all of you! the princess shall indeed grow in grace and beauty, beloved by all who know her. but, before the sun sets on her 16th birthday, she shall prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel & die.
queen: oh no!
queen takes her child in her arms as rowena maniacly laughing...
castiel: seize that creature!
rowena: stand back you fools!
in a flash of fire and lightning as well as laughter rowena disappeared!
Claire: dont despair your majesties, Alex still has her gift to give.
Castiel: then she can undo this fearful curse?
Alex: oh no sire.
Jo: Rowena’s powers are far too great.
Claire: but she can help.
Alex: but...
Jo: just do your best dear!
Claire: yes...
Alex rolls up her sleeves and proceeds to speak her part.
Alex: sweet princess, if through this wicked witches trick a spindle should your finger prick, a ray of hope there still maybe in this, the gift i give to thee. not in death, but just in sleep the fateful prophecy shall keep, and from thy slumber thee shall wake when true loves kiss the spell shall break.
~for true love conquers all~
but castiel still fearful of his daughter’s life, did then and there decre that every spinning wheel on that very day be burnt. so it was done!
~this is the first jump out of fairytale reality and into our own reality where dean is picking up watching this classic fairytale & trying to get some shudeye.~
dean: if i have one more flippin’ dream about this movie im gonna kill someone.
sam: dont worry about it Dean, its not gonna get better with you yelling & screamin’... now try to get some sleep! we have a long drive ahead of us tomorrow!
Dean: yeah your right.
Dean throws his headphones on again trying to coax himself into a relaxing sleep. which Gabriel  had set so Dean would not wake from his sleep till the story would finish, then his destined quest would begin.
Gabriel: sweet dreams Dean. you have a really rude awakening ahead of you... everything you know is about to change...
gabriel casts his curse & leaves dean to his tormented slumber that which awaits him.
~jump back into the story, where we find the 3 fairies talking with Castiel and the queen~
Claire: your majesty please consider this a kind of protection detail, this will allow your sweet YN to grow up in peace without the worry of her pricking her finger when her 16th birthday hath fully passed your sweet YN will be returned to you. to ensure the curse does not come true.
queen: you 3 have always been here even when we havent always honored it, we do so appreciate your loyalty and protection. this has surely been a trying day for us and we are honored to have you 3 commited to helping us protect our daughter.
Castiel:  and it is on our honor that, you 3 shall go with our blessing. please be careful & guard our child well...
many hours later after dark, the king and his queen watched with heavy hearts as thier most precious possesssion their only child disappeared into the night..
many sad and lonely years passed for King Castiel and his peopple. but as the time for the pincess’ 16th birthday drew near, the entire kingdom began to rejoice. for everyone knew that as long as rowena’s domain, the forbidden mountains, thundered with her wrath and frustration her evil prophecy had not yet been fullfilled. 
rowena yells at her incompetant servents, they encur her wrath. rowena sends out her own raven to search for the princess. 
and so for 16 long years, dean had been learning how to live life as a prince. while the wereabouts of the princess remained a secret, the faires carried out their long laid planes living like mortals.
the fairies send Yn to collect some berries while they argue about the kind of last birrthday party they wish to give her, the dress color the cake and the cleaning something extra special for their last night as her guardians.
YN decides to stop in the glen... she feels like something is wrong thats when your real self breaks through... 
YN: omg what am i doing in here? 
as you keep singing you try to remember wht happened to put you in here. sure was your fave movie but it was not how you wanted to live.
Dean was riding Chuck the horse, the scene still happens the singing in the glade, dean hearing your singing following the animals that are stealing his cape, boots and hat. 
your still singing by yourself but now kinda talking to the animals. after that kind of normal conversation you notice that some of your animal friends have come back dressed as a prince. you started singing and continued to dance with your animal friends, but thats when Dean had snuck up and hid in the bush, he waited for his oportune moment.
YN: but if i know you, i know what you’ll do, you’ll love me at once... the way you did...
thats when your vocals were interrupted by another voice to complete your song.
Dean: once upon a dream.
though it wasnt exactly ideal, your hands interacting, it felt more real than you had this entire time. waltzing through the glade by the lake, made your real self shine through. Dean could feel his real self shine through as well.
Dean: are you real?
that question made you look at him instantly. another person whose not really the character he is pretending to be.
YN: you’re real... your an actual person, not just a fairytale character?
Dean: yes, i’m real, what’s your name?
YN: YN, outside this ever turning story book fairytale movie thing im a hunter.... this story just keeps repeating itself everytime someone watches this movie. i have no idea what the hell put me into this neverending storybook. im annoyed greatly but strange thing is i can’t feel any connection right now to my actual body...
Dean: im a hunter as well. my name is Dean. i hunt everything that goes bump in the night from ghosts to demons and everything in between. i am also not sure how i got in here.
YN: your a hunter as well... i thought i was the only one.
Dean: whats the last thing you can remember before waking up here in the story?
YN: i was on a strange case, one thing made me think it was a werewolf. one thing made me think it was a ghost. one thing made me think it was a poltergeist. i remember walking out of my hotel room and that is it. nothing else after that. it sends shivers down my spine when i think of what may be going on with my actual body. how did you end up in here?
Dean: last thing i rememebr is turning on the movie to watch/listen too while i try to sleep. thats it... i have no fucking idea how i ended up in here. as to you saying that you can feel no connection to your physical body, something magical must be blocking the connection, but non-the-less i want to help you. i will finish the story so i can get out of here and find you. i will slay whatever i have to in order to free you, in the story and in reality. i will not rest till i rescue you.
you both continued on in the story, as they say it must continue or the end will not come. but it was nice for both of you to know that neither of you were alone. 
the 3 fairies gave you your birthday surprise and told you of your true heritage then whisked you away to the castle where they hid you; dean showed up at the cottage where Rowena prince-napped him; you are led away by rowena’s curse to prick your finger in a hidden tower room the 3 fairies find you laying you down in “your” room; then they put the kingdom to sleep till someone can wake their sweet YN. 
~meanwhile outside the story Sam is working with other people to figure out what happened to dean. Ellen, Jo and Bobby all were doing everything they could to help Sam figure out what happened to Dean.~
 Back in the story: many sleeping people but the fairies were trying to find out who the handsome stranger was that their sweet Yn had been talking about. they figured he might be their key to saving her. 
but soon it was claire who had been doing a round to make sure all of her section was asleep but it was John’s voice that caught her ear for he started talking about how he had spoken to Dean who had been raving about some pesent girl and how Dean had said he was gonna marry her and such. 
claire managed to suss out that it was Dean that Yn had met in the forest. the words she had heard from John that had firmed her suspicions were Peasent girl & once upon a dream...
claire flies back to Jo and Alex and speaks in raced tones of panic.
Claire: the young man that YN was talking about is Prince Dean. come on girls we have to get back to the cottage.
as fast as their wings could carry them, they rushed back to the cotage but alas were too late for all they found was Dean’s hat no Dean. they conclude that it must have been Rowena who has dean trapped in her forbiiden palace. their minds made up immediately, they had to go there.
Dean, the only one true person who is able to awaken their Sweet YN... they had to find him to save her. off they went no plan in hand just ‘winging’ it as they went, weaving their way through the grounds passed the guards... 
Rowena was in her throne room watching her lackys celebrate. to her raven she speaks.
Rowena: what a pitty prince Dean cant be here to enjoy the celebration. come my pet let us go to the dungeon and cheer him up...
the raven she was just talking too cawed at her as she got up and started walking towards the dungeon where she had been keeping dean.
~*reality jump!!! Dean is still unconcious while Sam is runnning around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to figure out what the hell happened to his brother*~
Sam: i don’t want lecutures. i want to know what happened to Dean.
Bobby: dont worry boy, dean is strong, he will pull through whatever is happening to him. do you have any theories?
Sam: im thinking maybe some sort of curse or something but no signs of any hex bags or nothing surrounding dean. there has to be something we are overlooking. some angle that we have missed.
~*back in the story, dean is stuck in the dungeon not even phased when rowena walks in the door.*~
Rowena: oh come now prince dean why so mellon colly. a wondrous future awaits you. you the destined hero of a charming fairytale come true.
the fairies arrive in the window hiding from the raven and rowena but witness what rowena depicts to Dean through her Staff.
Rowena: behold, king castiel’s castle &and in yonder top most tower, dreaming of her true love, the princess YN. but see the gracious whim of fate. why tis the same said peasent maid who won the heart of our noble prince the other day. she is indeed most wondrous fair. gold of sunshine in her hair, lips that shame the red red rose. in ageless sleep she finds repose. the years roll by, but a hundred years to a stead fast hear are ‘bout a day. and now, the gates of the dungeon part and our prince is free to go his way. off he rides on his noble steed. a valiant figure, straight & tall to wake his love with love’s first kiss & prove that true love conquers all...
Dean struggles against his chains, alex starts towards rowena but is held back by Claire as rowena brings her raven back onto her shoulder as they prepare to exit the dungeon she says one final thing in Deans presense.
Rowena: ah my pet let us leave our noble prince with these happy thoughts.
she exits the dungeon leaving Dean struggling against his bonds. the 3 fairies enter the cell using their magic to release dean from the chains and unlock the door. Dean starts towards the door but is stopped by Claire who proceeds to speak.
Claire: wait prince Dean, the road to true love may yet still be barred by much more dangers, which you alone shall have to face. so arm thyself with this enchanted shield of virtue, and this mighty sword of truth. for these weapons of righteousness shall triumph over evil. now come we must hurry.
out of the dungeon they went but rowena’s raven had stayed behind after rowena and the raven exited the dungeon. he started cawing at them, Dean was thinking this would be easy escape. but he was wrong. the raven was bringing an army of lackies downt he stairs to them. dean begins to fight them off.
Claire: quick Dean jump out the window.
Dean jumps out the same window as the fairies, but some rocks start falling towards Dean. Claire notices and speaks quickly.
Claire: Dean watch out!
Claire turns the rocks into bubbles. then a wall of arrows quickly turned into a wall of flying flowers, alex went down to free chuck. dean rides off on chuck towards the gate where hot oil is thrown, claire turns it into a rainbow.
the chase of a lifetime made alex proud as she chased that raven to the top of rowena’s tower & turned it to stone. this made rowena emerge, freshly woken from her sleep she goes to yell at her raven but discovers that her pet has been turned into stone. 
she watches from her balcony as the drawbridge is being raised, dean and the fairies are heading straight for it, the fairies help him make the jump. chuck keeps running, carrying Dean as quick possible, dodging rowena’s two spells that she has cast causing them to fail. 
in straight eye sight for Dean and the fairies is the castle, but before they can reach it Rowena makes her second last attempt to stop them.
Rowena: a forest of thorns shall be his tomb. born from the skies in a fog of doom. now go with a curse and serve me well. round Castiel’s castle cast my spell.
a black cloud appears over the castle, lightning striking the grounds around, thus causes icky thicky black thorns to grow in large bushes between Dean and the castle. 
Dean stops before them, drawing his sword he fights his way through the thorns this let him out just before the bridge to the castle. rowena seeing this appears before Dean in a firey blaze for her final attempt to stop them.
Rowena: now shall ye deal with me oh prince & all the powers of hell!
Dean and the fairies watch as Rowena using every ounce of power she had left to transform herself into a huge fire spying dragon. Dean begins what turns into a short-ish fight but retreats hastly reaching a wall he climbs high. 
our prince is now trapped on a cliff, another blaze of fire this causes Dean to loose his shield off the side of the cliff. Claire jo & alex bring their collective magic together near the prince they cast this on the sword.
Claire: now sword of truth fly swift and sure, that evil die & good endure.
dean throws the sword at the dragon piercing its heart. rowena lunges one final time but falls off a cliff to her downfall. dean is then lead down the cliff and to the castle, up to the tower where you lay in slumber waiting for this moment. Dean kneeling by your sleeping form placed a light kiss to your lips. 
you wake up just as time freezes. Dean helps you stand up. both of you looking around. yes the entire movie was frozen. puzzled you both stand in front of eachother. 
Dean: now whats happening.
you went to open your hand to grab Dean’s but something fell to the floor. Dean reached down to pick it up. he unfolded it and proceeded to read what was upon it.
Dean (reading note): congratulations! Defeating that witch takes care of one of my issues, that was of course the easy part. your next task Dean is to find your destiny, yes your destiny lies within the form of this girl. you must go back to reality and find her body and wake her up once you do everything and i do mean EVERYTHING will become clear. want a clue? here it is: “in a place of myth & legend where the balance of nature is true, this place you know it all too well. what you believe isnt real is, everything you know shall change forever. the ways of old shall guide you by, this far side of _________ in the final resting place of _________...” i look forward to seeing you very very soon. try to hurry i hear there is trouble on your horizons. 
now you both were very very very confused. this is what caused you to pop up and say..
YN: what the hell kind of clue was that? any idea what he is talking about? wait does that mean im not in my hotel room anymore. that someone or something moved my body?
Dean: that is exactly what it means and i will do everything in my capable power to find you. hopefully when i get back to reality this paper goes with me... 
just as he finished speaking a portal opens, visions of dean’s unconcious body appear along with Sam and others going frantic over what happened to Dean.
Dean: Yn, i give you my solem oath that i will not rest till you are safe by my side, i will fight whoever, go wherever, do whatever i have to in order to save you. dont give up hope and pray that this loop does not repeat for you. pray this time freeze does not disappear when i walk through that portal. 
YN: i have faith in you Dean please hurry. i look forward to never leaving your side.
Dean placed a chaste kiss to your forehead before he walked through the portal. you sat on the bed and watched as Time remained frozen but you were once again alone.
Dean arrived back in his own body, he sat straight up and scared the living daylights out of his brother, bobby and several others all of whom embraced Dean. 
Dean then went to where Sam’s laptop was and began searching the lore, the myths and legends specifically. when Sam approached him about what he was doing, Dean presented sam with that note. suddenly it made mroe sense to Sam, who left Dean in the charge of Jo while he, bobby and ellen all went to grab food and booze. 
Jo: what happened to you?
Dean: one minute i was in that bed trying to fall asleep using a disney movie & the next thing i know im inside the movie. im telling you i would have preferred Hell. but i wasnt the only person from reality stuck in the movie. there was a girl, she said she is a hunter too she was on a strange case when she found herself in the movie. she has no idea of how long she has been in there. she also thinks her body has been moved. this piece of paper proves that someone or something is holding her body somewhere and its up to me to find this girl. at this point nothing else matters. i made her a promise now i have to keep it. 
Jo: let me see the paper again...
Dean hands Jo the paper and after a few moments of staring at it she takes a pen and fills in the blanks... thats when the paper glowed... and revealed a magical map... 
Dean: how did you do that?
Jo just smiled and laughed...
Jo: im really good at fill in the blanks. its a natural talent i get it from mom... your clue should have finished like this:   “in a place of myth & legend where the balance of nature is true, this place you know it all too well. what you believe isnt real is, everything you know shall change forever. the ways of old shall guide you by, this far side of Romania in the final resting place of Dracula...”
Dean hugged her, he knew where he had to go now but how the hell was he gonna get there. it was then that Dean went to load several of his handhelds and load onto his back a machete load up some ammo clips. 
he didnt know what to expect but he was certain that being cautious was better than being stupid. he was not gonna walk in there half assed. he needed to be as prepared as could be. however thats when bobby, sam and ellen walked back into the room. 
Sam: Dean what are you doing?
Dean: im getting ready before i call cas for transport. this will allow me to not get dinged by airport security and not to become sea sick either. but i hope honestly that this mission im about to embark on is gonna be beneficial. 
Bobby: what the hell do you think your doing? never mind that where are you going?
Dean: romania, Jo has the knowledge on why i am going to romania, she will fill you guys in... ill take my burger to go. put my pie in the fridge. 
once Dean is ready to go, he stands in the center of the room and smiles back at the others but then Jo pipes up and goes to stand beside Dean with a backpack on her back... 
Dean: Jo what...
Jo: im not letting you walk into your destiny alone. do not for one second think im not gonna jump at this opportunity to hunt with you, to help you to find your destiny. you helped me once to know what my destiny was, now its my turn to repay the favor.
Dean takes Jo by the hand as he in a stern voice he speaks the following words. 
Dean: Castiel get your oh holy feathery ass down here i need a lift and your my ticket to my next destination.
cas comes to the hotel room and approaches Dean & Jo.
Castiel: where am i taking you and your friend here...
Dean: transylvania and dude once we land you cant be there... it will not be helpful for you to be there. this is a mission i have to do alone. me and my friend here go through the rest of the process alone. 
Cas only nods completely understanding on what his friend has asked of him. he takes Dean and Jo to Transylvania. then once they are safe on the ground again cas leaves. 
Dean: okay now to look at this magic map and figure out where we are and where the resting place of Dracula is... 
Jo: well lets first of all make sure we are prepared before we go into town. i did a bit of research apparently they dont trust strangers here. we need to show them that we mean no harm. or just keep our noses down and pass through without being detected. 
Dean: well lets see what the map says. 
Jo leads Dean to a rock as she lays out the map... 
Jo: these 2 dots over here are us... but what is that red dot over yoner on this map... look there is a multicolored one too.... 
Dean: the multicolored one is my destiny, the red one has to be what is holding her captive. 
jo notices some writing appearing on the map after a few moments. 
Jo: whats that say...
Dean: it says, “inside the castle you face your fears, beat them out till you cant no more. fears and demons go hand in hand but if you beat them in order to save your destiny. this is to be your greatest reward.” what the hell does that mean... 
Jo: it means no matter what we need to get to that castle. 
hand in hand they get their tracks moving towards the path...
Jo: i really hope the story of transylvania is fake... 
Dean: you mean the fact that as soon as the sun goes down werewolves and vampires come out to play... you and me both but hey if they do we are fully prepared. this place is on top of a supernatural time  bomb. everything that goes bump in the night comes out after sunset. 
both dean and jo look up into the sky the last bit of light leaves the tree line. 
Dean: have your silver bullets and machete ready just in case... we are not taking any chances. we have to get to that castle. 
Jo: dont worry we will... 
Dean smiles as both of them continue making their way through the forst, a little quicker than normal pace. the sun had now fully set, the light that had been guiding them was gone. 
Jo: just follow the path the map says this will lead us to the castle where your destiny awaits you. Dean are you sure we...
thats when she stopped speaking... her words cut out... Dean pulled out his machete and quickly brought it to face the enemy that now held his best friend back. 
Shadow entity: ah so the prodigal has come for his prize.. well i think ill take a  constitution to ensure that you follow the rules, to ensure the balance is complete, to ensure that we are all in clarity to our debts. to this i have something to say this to you: you are part of the same card, the girl i have sleeping right now is not going to wake up without her other half. you have not done anything to earn her freedom, so i take your friend as kind of a wake up call to the horrors that which wait you inside. this castle has its own story but to unlock its secrets you must face your fears. face them down Dean, only then will you have earned her freedom. see you real soon.
the shadow figure disappears with Jo... Dean picks up her bag and keeps his machete on hand as he continues walking. following the map as he heard the soft crunching of his boots under the snow. winter sure is warmish in whats supposed to be the coldest part of romania. 
Dean (to self): i have no idea what the hell is going on but i now have 2 bright lights to save i am just hoping i can conquer whatever appears before me... Jo for your courage please be my light. guide me to where you are... my dear sister. 
meanwhile Jo has been placed in a room, where you lay in wait for your destiny. Jo takes one look at you and she smiles. she knows that you are definately dean’s destiny and then she speaks the following words. 
Jo: in all my years i had never thought Dean would find his destiny, never after he helped me find mine i swore i would help him find his, now Dear Brother please follow my light...
Dean stops a quick moment to catch his breath and look at the map... he then sees Jo’s dot on the map glow brighter... it acts as a flashlight lighting up the path he must walk. 
after several more steps and following his light he arrives at the castle.
 Dean: here i com ladies... dont loose hope.
Dean holding his machete walked inside the castle.. the first thing he saw was the vision of himself as a demon tellig hm that he was gonna die alone and that he would become that... he told that vision that he would always have a family beside him even if they werent around that cared for him that would never abandon him.
that he went on his way still fllowing the light o the ground he comes accross the first blade which tells him that he fears being back in hell torturing souls and how good it made him feel. dean tells it that he will never and shall never go back to hell and never will he torutue those who dont deserve it again.
a few more fears tried to get dean to turn away from this quest, tried to get him to fail but nothing worked. the last area on the map was a long corridor it looked as thought there was a figure about mid way down. 
the map let off a warning flash meaning there was danger approaching. Dean speaks once more to whatever is trying to face him down.
Dean: i address the entity in front of me. who are you? why have you brought me to this awful place?
Shadow: i am the demonic shadow of Count Dracula and I have brought you here so you can face me in the ultimate battle. Either I will be finally put to rest or I will be made whole again. do you accept my challenge?
Dean drops the bags and keeps both his guns and his machete as he speaks.
Dean: look dumn ass, i dont know who your the spirit or entitiy of but this is not how things are run in my world. in my world the good guys win and the bad guys loose. now if you stand aside and let me wake my destiny and save my sister then you might just get to be put back to sleep again. or ill succeed and kill you right now. your choice, i’m good either way. 
Shadow: you dare to think you stand a chance against me, how cute. very well, if its death you choose then allow me to help you with that.
Dean moved out of the way as the shadow lunged toward him, missed and just landed again.. Dean then shot out 6 rounds of dead mans blood rounds all aimed at shadow-Dracula, he dodged those. 
shadow: tell you what, ill make you a deal if you surrender now ill give you ten long years to spend with your so called “destiny” in exchange for you letting me out of here with my life. 
Dean: how bout not a prayer. eat bullets instead.
Dean unloads the rest of the bullets in a circular form at the ground around shadow-dracula. completing the devils trap... 
Dean: oh wait you dont need to eat the bullets cause your history pal... 
Shadow-dracula looked down and around himself, the look that he now sported was one of fear. he was the one that now was terrified. 
Shadow: this is impossible no one imprisons the great Dracula. 
Dean: oh buddy im gonna do alot more than that, time for you to go back to where you came from. 
Dean stands up tall as he then speaks the same words he had spoken previously hundreds upon hundreds of times. 
Dean:  Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica, ergo draco maledicte, ut ecclesiam tuam secura, tibi facias libertate servire, te rogamus, audios bitch!
that was all Dean had to say the shadow of Dracula was no more. he went back to grab the bags and continued forward... he shot the lock on the doors and kicked them open. 
Jo: Dean you found us... i believe you know what to do romeo... put everything down ill prepare to treat any wounds and such that show themselves once you wake her. 
Dean: Jo it was dracula, the shadow outside the door was dracula’s shadow. i cant believe his shadow was so hostile. i mean if i hadnt wasted 2 clips of amo drawing out a devils trap i would have lost the fight. 
Jo: ya ya ya okay dude, you have an overdue appointment with destiny over on that bed, now drop the bags and go. 
Dean knew jo would have kicked his ass if he didnt listen. he did as told, he dropped the bags and walked over to kneel beside you. he brushed some hair from your forehead..
Dean: together now and always i have always been your once upon a dream.
his lips met yours in a gentle kiss. he pulled back after a few seconds and waited to see if it workd. a while later you open your eyes and touch Dean’s cheek. 
YN: you found me?
Dean: did you doubt i would? i said i would and i keep my promises. this girl over here is my sister Jo.  she is gonna give you the once over and then ill call for our ride out of here once she has you in a clean set of clothes. im gonna make sure we are still safe... i will call cas once we are all ready.
Dean leaves you in the hands of Jo who hands you some clothes and assesses you making sure you are not hurt. Dean comes back a few moments later and calls cas to come bring you all home. 
Cas came brought you, dean and Jo back to the hotel. you and dean were gonna take some time to figure out what everything meant. this was when a bright light came upon the entire room. 
Dean: whats going on?
thats when Gabriel appeared in the room. everyone had hand guns on him immediately. but he speaks not with hostility but with normality.
Gabriel: ah winchesters and friends. do not be alarmed for YN and Dean have been written in the stars since the beginning of time. Dean and Yn im sorry for trapping you both in that sleeeping curse it was the only way to get you both to listen to reason. to listen to your hearts. i was only trying to get you both to follow the rules that destiny had for you. 
Dean: then why show up and tell us about it now...
Gabriel: cause i knew if i didnt it would have been alot worse later on. 
Dean: what happens now?
Gabriel: well with your permission i could marry you and Yn right here right now... if you both agree. 
you and Dean exchange looks before smiling.
Dean: when do we begin?
Gabriel snapped his fingers and the room transformed into a garden glade type thing. before you and Dean could say anything else you were taken from grungy hotel room to garden glade. 
Gabriel: we are gathered here today to join Dean and YN in the ever holy bonds of Matrimony. this holy bond is a sacred gift, that deserves to be protected cherish it now and always. now i am assuming that there are no objections to this holy union.
the room was silent as Gabriel held his hand out and 2 silver bands appeared clearly made for you and Dean. 
Gabriel: vows or no vows.
Dean: what more needs to be said, we already said everything we needed to... we know what we are. we have our feelings, we need no words for them.
Gabriel: very well, Dean take the band and tell Yn what you think should go with this ring!
Dean takes the ring and slowly slides it on your finger as he reveals whats in his heart. 
Dean: YN after the movie and what i had to do to rescue you. i have to say that im 100% positive about you being the single most best thing that has ever stepped into my path of life. i promise now and always to honor, love cherish and whatever else goes with that... i love you Yn your the best part of me now.
you take the ring and you do the same thing.
YN: Dean, when i met you in the movie i was unsure of your intentions. then it was your beautiful green eyes that made me swoon. now i stand here to say i too now and forever more will honor, love, cherish and everything else that goes with it for the rest of my life. you are an amazing man Dean Winchester i love you so much and i cant wait to be your wife and have your last name. 
Gabriel: by the powers and laws bestowed on me by Heaven, i now am honored to pronounce you husband and wife. Dean you may now kiss your beautiful wife. 
Dean kisses you with so much passion. there was nothing to do for everyone else except cheer and clap. 
everyone lived happily ever after. well at least once upon a dream!
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warmau · 6 years
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{Circus!AU x Monsta X}
someone asked for another monsta x au or all the members, so here ya go!! other monsta x crossover aus: alice in wonderland | androids 
Shownu
strongman
basically does a bunch of strength orientated stunts like breaking a tower of boards in half, bending metal, picking up participants with one hands
swole, standoffish looking, can lift (but the reality is,,,,,he’s a sweet guy who looks out after all the other circus performers)
always tells the danger act performers to be careful and complains that kihyun is getting too skinny
can lift like,,,,,six kids at once and they just hang off his arms
kids always call him ‘tree guy’ or ‘big building’ and shownu is like,,,,,,,yes. that’s me
gets to wear one of those tanktops that show off the Arms and,,,,,,a lot of people stare. like a lot
shownu’s oblivious to it
just like you assume he’s oblivious to you,,,,one of the circus makeup artists
you know that to keep up his strength shownu eats a lot more than the average person
so you always make a habit of giving him healthy snacks when you see him
and shownu is always like,,,he does the soft smile that smushes his face up and makes you melt
and is like thank you! you’re so kind!
and minhyuk is like where is my snack and ur like,,,,,,,it’s just for shownu,,,,
and everyone is like of course ;) it’s just for ;) shownu ;) cuz you ;) like him ;)
and you’re not even TRYING to be subtle about it like you basically have heart eyes when he comes around,,,but you’re also like shownu will never know
because he’s super bad at reading signals
but one afternoon as you’re getting ready to do makeup shownu drops by and hands you a crepe from one of the foodtrucks 
and you’re like oh! this is my favorite kind how did you know
and shownu is like,,,,ive seen u look cute and happy eating it before,,,,
and you’re like ohh wow- wait did you just call me cute?!??!
and shownu goes red and he’s like “y-yes,,,,i like you i thought it was obvious but-”
and you’re like WHAT I LIKE YOU?? it wAS SO OBVIOUS TOO
and you’re both staring at each other in shock,,,,before breaking into nervous embarrassed laughter
but it’s cute you guys make a plan for a little date after the circus performance tonight
maybe go,,,,get something to eat? hehe
bonus: you’re like he asked me out and everyone is so happy but then kihyun is like his hand is like ten times the size of yours how r u going to hold it and everyone is like kihyun shUTTUP
Hyungwon
magician 
his whole act has a sarcastic undertone where he’s like “i bet you all think im using a mirror for this trick to deceive you because magic isn’t real blah blah blah well you’re WRO- right. completely right.”
wonho once observed that hyungwon is the most,,,uninterested magician he’s ever met
hyungwon: yeah. but im good at what i do right?
wonho: well-
hyungwon pulling a dollar from behind wonho’s ear: you were saying?
wonho in awe: :O 
he does all the basics; card tricks, disappearing acts, floating acts, slicing people in half, coin tricks, you name it - he can do it
likes getting into arguments with participants 
like he’ll pull someone up and they’ll be like 
“i know this is all fake” 
and he’s like
“it is, and yet here you are - paying to see it.”
you’re one of his assistants for the trick where he saws you in half and everytime you practice it before
hyungwon is like so lazy about it but ur like hey hey this is my liFE
even if it is just a ‘trick’ of the eye,,,there’s still dangerous things involved and hyungwon swinging the damn saw around is like “it’s fine im a pro!”
but once he really does give you a big scare,,,and you get mad because like
he can be as sarcastic and as uncaring as he wants,,,but you wish he’d at least show some empathy toward you
someone who he’s worked with for a long time
and,,,,usually you get over it but you can’t
and hyungwon finds you outside of the circus grounds and he’s like 
“hey,,,,,” and tries to do something like pull a flower from behind your collar but you’re not having it
and he’s like
“i know,,,you think i don’t care but you mean a lot to me. ill even throw away the stupid cutting in half act if it makes you feel safer,,,” 
this makes you turn,,,hyungwon is usually hellbent on keeping things the same - it makes it easier
“i,,it’s fine i just wish you would be more careful - i mean,,,i don’t want to die hyungwon.”
he gives you a small smile and your heart skips a beat
“id never let you die,,,,,id pull out all the magic inside me to save you.”
you:,,,,,,,,,,,that’s corny. i didn’t know you had it in you
hyungwon holding your hand now: don’t tell anyone - you know i have dirt on you too.
Wonho:
firebreathing 
don’t tell him he can breath fire because he’s so smoking hot - he’s heard that one before
but his act does include breathing fire while shirtless,,,,so 
cool tattoo of a dragon on his chest,,you know,,,to go with the ‘firebreather’ aesthetic
everyone always leaves thinking he’s some badass who breaks hearts or whatever
but again,,,he’s nothing like that. the most badass thing about wonho is his firebreathing everything else is like 
him being friendly to animals and getting spooked by the shittiest pranks kihyun and minhyuk pull
whenever someone is being annoying hyungwon is always like wonho - breath fire on them 
and wonho is like hyungwon,,,i can’t do that you know that
he’s cute and he’s like safety first! when it comes to fire
you’re a standby EMT that sometimes works with the circus when they’re in town
and if there’s any act that makes you super nervous - it’s firebreathing/eating
because so so so so many things can go wrong
and so when wonho performs you’re always on edge, sweating in anticipation
there’s a moment where wonho seems to wince in pain and you damn near run out onto the stage
but it’s just a false call
and you think that if something really bad was to happen,,,,you’d probably faint
and you attribute it to the fact that like well,,,you know,,,it’s scary to watch someone risk their health like that
but your fellow EMT is like “when are you gonna tell the hot fire guy you like him”
and you’re like WHAT,,,,,i,,,,dont like wonho,,,,,,,like that
“like what?”
you turn, almost getting whiplash to look into wonho’s smiling eyes
“oh - i just,,, well-”
your fellow EMT clears their throat “they like you”
“WHAT DID YO-”
wonho goes “oh! im flattered, they’re pretty cute too!”
you turn back like huh wait what’s going on
“take them out sometime?”
“ok, i will. do you want to go out sometime?”
your head almost snaps off as you look back and forth but then you’re also nodding,,,because a date with wonho would be nice
(plus you could teach him some fire safety tricks because that would ease your heart)
bonus: you’re letting wonho look at your EMT tools and he like presses your hand to his chest and is like “what’s my heartbeat like?” and you almost die he’s so cute
Minhyuk & Jooheon
acrobatics 
minhyuk also specializes in contortion while jooheon can do trampoline tricks
most of the time though they work together to do balancing acts 
and boy do they ,,,,,, not match AT ALL
it’s amazing - their personalities are nothing alike and they’re always mocking each other but when it comes down to it they can do amazing things together
but minhyuk is always snorting at the fact that jooheon gets an act where he just “jumps” around
and jooheon is like just because you were born without joints or whatever doesnt mean your better than me
minhyuk: I HAVE JOINTS THEYRE JUST SOFT
shownu is always getting inbetween them so they dont like,,,kill each other
but it’s like a switch - when it’s time to perform they deliever
and have super great coordination 
no one gets it,,,,but it works
minhyuk is always pushing for more bright colored leotards and jooheon is like please jesus no 
that one time they dyed their hair blonde and hyungwon called them ‘egg twins’
but yeah,,,you sometimes also work with them - even though your main act is trapeze 
and minhyuk is always like ,,,,,,,,,,,,, hey if you ever need a trapeze partner ;)
and jooheon is like they’d choose me - obviously, i do flying work too
minhyuk: JUMPING is not trapeze 
jooheon: bite me
bur if you pick minhyuk it’s like he wants to do this super duper hard, fancy trick and you’re like i ,,, dont think you can
and minhyuk is like it’s fine!!!! i wanna make sure we do something AMAZING
and you’re like minh-
but he’s already getting excited
and OF COURSE he hurts himself, you blink and he slips off the launch board onto the netting and twists his damn ankle and you’re like ill go get the medic from the tent
and as minhyuk is getting it bandages,,,,looking shyly down away from you
you’re like WHY did you do that
and he’s like,,,,,,,he mumbles something
but when you get closer you hear its him going ‘i wanted to impress you’
and you pull back,,,embarrassed like o - oh 
but also how,,,,stupidly adorable,,,fine you’ll take care of him and his dumb twisted ankle 
if you agree to do it with jooheon he’s super excited about having you guys incorporate trampoline too
and you’re like i just need you to throw me off this bar and catch me
and he’s like,,,,,,,,,ok,,,,,,i can do that 
but also ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, god hes bad at trapeze
it’s like he has all this coordination with minhyuk but he’s been working with him for yEARS
and you’re just like hey jooheon it’s ok we can try again
but he’s totally beating himself up about not being good enough and having to practice till her arms break yadda yadda
and you just go “it’s ok,,,,,,,,,it’s OK”
and he’s like the show is RUINED
and you’re like “pleASE it’s not, ok you know what? let’s do the trampoline idea ok”
jooheon’s eyes suddenly shining: r-really??!?!?
you in your head: holy shit he looks so cute
you: yes, fine we can jump around
jooheon: its NOT jumping around
but also jooheon kinda loves the idea of just jumping around on a trampoline,,,,holding your hand too,,,,,,,,,,,
Kihyun
ringmaster 
micromanages literally everyone and everything
like his job is to lead the show, make some funny comments, be charming
which comes naturally to him
and yet he’s out here trying to figure out which shade of eyeshadow the makeup artists are going to use for the show three weeks from now
also you know he’s like “shownu are you practicing? want to pick me up with one hand for practice reasons?
shownu: you just want me to pick you up don’t you
kihyun’s tiny butt: no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
looks cute in the top hat that’s part of his costume
wore the cape for sometime but some little kid was like that’s corny so kihyun trashed it and says NO ONE better bring it up
you’re not even part of the circus team,,,you’re actually a manger - you just make bookings and stuff
but kihyun,,,,,,loves to know everything,,,,,,,,,so you see him a lot
and sure he asks a lot of questions but you think it’s pretty adorable that he cares so much
so you’re always like excited to answer questions
and kihyun always gets super flustered because you’re the one person who seems to really really want to listen to what he has to say
so you’ll answer him with the biggest energy
and kihyun is also a big energy
and he’s just like blushy all of a sudden because you’re standing so close to him
and showing him the planner for the next week of show
and he’s just like woah,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,oh,,,,,,,,,,,,,
one time you’re both talking about doing a holiday special 
and kihyun suddenly goes “,,,,,,do,,,,,,,,,,did you remember my cape?”
and you’re like AH the red velvet one??? i miss it you should wear it!!!!
and kihyun is just like
that’s it,,,,they’re the one
“can i kiss you?”
“sure - wait what?”
kihyun, blushing but also ready to kiss you: is it ok?
you,,,,,,,,looking around to make sure no one is going to come into the office,,,,,,,,,,,, “go ahead”
you guys kiss and it’s soft because,,,,,,,,like,,,,,,,,,,you’re both so excited and jittery but also,,,,,,,,,,
you should have kissed like way way before 
bonus: kihyun stops micromanaging because he spends all his free time with you,,,,,,,,,hehe
Changkyun
sword swallowing/knife throwing
how did he get into that? no one knows
kihyun is convinced changkyun was just born you know,,,,,,chaotic 
he always wears the same fitted white shirt and vest,,,always this victorian air
and he looks so apathetic when he’s you know,,,,,,,shoving steel down his throat,,,risking death every second
the common question is,,,,aren’t you scared?
and changkyun just shrugs like nah. it’s not that scary when you’ve been doing it since you were a kid
someone: you’ve been eating swords since you were a kid
changkyun: ,,,,,,,, anyway the weathers bad
his knife throwing is also super scary,,,,,but not for like changkyun ,,,,, for the assistant and audience 
because the audience is like,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,he,,,,,,he looks like he isn’t even tRYING to aim
but the assistant 
who happens to be you
looks terrified (and you’re not because you know how good changkyun is) only because it has to be entertaining
and everytime after the show 
like people come in hoards to ask the same question, have you ever been hurt? has he ever cut you by accident?
and you’re kinda like,,,,,,,,oh no but we’ve had heartwrenching slipups!!! or whatever just to keep the suspense
when in reality changkyun ,,,, if he knew something was off would be the first person to force you not to do the act
and it’s kind of funny,,,,changkyun comes off as this emotionless danger stunt guy
when in reality,,,,,with you,,,,he’s different
not only is he more expressive but he’s incredibly affectionate
he loves hugging you from behind while you’re helping unpack the equipment
or giving you little shoulder kisses
because,,,,,,,i know it’s a cliche but he’s the knife thrower and you’re dating him and don’t even fight me on this it’s a cute concept
every now and then changkyun will be like “should i try to eat an even BIGGER sword?”
and you have your full trust in it but you’re like please for the love of god just stick to the standard
also,,,,,you know like i was saying the semi-victorian getup is kinda a turn on like amiright 
also your boyfriend can literally throw a knife with the aim of a god,,,,,somehow that’s also a turn on 
but also i imagine ur the only person who gets to see the great, aim perfect changkyun miss his mouth with the spoon when you guys are eating ceral together in the morning
and u have to kiss him cuz he gets grumpy about it hehe 
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ashalaughs · 7 years
Text
An Annotated List of Quotations From Men's Tinder Profiles part 5
It’s been a long time/ I shouldna left you...Friends, I have decided once again to share with you my commentary on the wild world of Tinder’s most inexplicable dudes. For those joining us for the first time, this is an annotated list of actual quotations from men’s tinder profiles, loosely ranked from the mildly confusing to the most obnoxious/absurd. Enjoy.
1. I like touching things, asking why and red wine: This might be the profile of an alcoholic toddler?
2. I am here to wake you up so you may become YOU. Getting Back to Nature. Know Thyself! Seek The Truth & Nothing But The Truth. Love YourCellf: I didn’t realize tinder was the place to go to offer strangers self-actualization. Also, I didn’t bother to transcribe the 25 emojis interspersed in this profile. 
3. Softty in a though shell. Crack me open and ull see what is at my core...a whole bunch of CHEEEEEEEZZZZZ!!!!: This dude is not calm about his own cheesiness. 
4. Also you can call me cake boy, cuz I go straight to your ass (cake emoji, cake emoji, pig emoji): He cannot let you go another second without knowing of his passion for rimming
5. Just like the delivery man, i am out standing: You tried to be clever. You failed, but you did try. 
6. Juggalette friendly: Well, good for you, my friend. Someone has to be, I guess.
7. I can’t die a virgin: Oh, but you can.
8. Hard to find a good man now a days!: Thanks for the reminder?
9. I got suspended for watching porn in grade 8: Cool story, bro. 
10. Searching for friends on Tinder is like searching for a plumber fixing tubes on Pornhub: This is not a very successful simile. 
11. “He’s hung like Jon” - said the Horse: Look, don’t bring any talking horses into your poor seduction attempts, man. 
12. Something you should also keep in mind is that as we grow, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will.You will have you heart broken probably more than once and its harder everytime. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken...So take too many pic: This conclusion is kind of a let down after that lecture. How will taking too many pic solve heartbreak?
13. I’m looking for someone who stands out in a crowd where every girl looks the same: No one else is to blame for your poor eyesight, my guy.
14. MAYBE ONE DAY I CALL YOU BY YOUR NAME, WHICH WILL BE “WIFE”...FUTURE GOALS:): Does this guy think a woman’s name becomes wife when she gets married? Also, gross. 
15. I just want to meet a girl that if the condom breaks and you get pregnant, that I wouldn’t be terribly upset by that outcome: I can’t decide whether this guy should aim higher or lower or just read up on the morning after pill. 
16. Boning. Things of that nature: What is of the nature of boning other than boning?
17. Yo i know all you girls have a whole lineup of dudes who your talking to but ill tell you right now im not: not what? Lining up dudes to talk to? Allowing yourself to be lined up? Willing to adhere to any rules of spelling or grammar?
18. If you use a Presto Pass. Don’t talk to me. Ruins my day seeing that ugly ass pass: This fragile fella must have very few good days. 
19. Fun facts: Banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour. Hitler’s mother considered abortion but the doctor persuaded her to keep the baby. In India it is cheaper to have sex with a prostitue than buy a condom: The categorization of these as “fun” and “facts” is deeply suspect. 
20. If She smokes she pokes: This is on the profile of a guy who claims to have studied “community welfare” and “justice,” so, promising. 
21. I have a tattoo of a cat licking a molotov cocktail and a Canadian Goose with a winter toque on...I think that sums me up pretty good: Okay, I would like to see these tattoos because they sound simultaneously amazing and hideous, but an interpretation of what they actually say about him could go in a bunch of different directions. 
22. I wish I was born in the 40’s where women were ladies, men were gentlemen and sophistication was alive and well: This dude is bad at math. Being born in the 40’s means being of dating/marrying age mostly in the ‘60s. Your nostalgia is not only eye roll worthy, it isn’t even based on stereotypes about the right time period. Also enjoy having your dad die in WWII, punk.  
23. There are three kinds of people. The scholars, the seekers of knowledge and all the others are a waste of humanity: woah, pretty judgey claim for a dude who works as an actor at somewhere called “Spookers Haunted Attraction”. 
24. Saving the world, one hate fuck at a time: (From the profile of a couple). This seems like a bad strategy. 
25. Non-Beta, Non-clingy male. I’m battle hardened and can handle what life tosses my way. I also have your body mastered. Ive had four sums, public sex, into bdsm & making sure every woman understands my sexual prowess. Oh and I’m an electrical engineering student: Look buddy, how could you possibly have every woman you have never met on tinder’s body “mastered”? Also, having every woman in Toronto understand your sexual prowess seems like a tiring and useless goal that will take away from your electrical engineering time.
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