#i usually get over things immediately

[cillyscribbles]

dunno how other folks in customer support do it but i genuinely enjoy helping solve folks' problems so i try to sound as friendly as possible. this in turn means if i'm like "your response is appreciated" and "cordially," chances are you're 3 passive-aggressive messages past my limit and i'm exploding you with my mind

#the limit is skipped over immediately if you call me an ai or a robot #like from that point on i just hate you and will not try to look into things extra for you at all #i don't mean like i'll actively not help. i'll still help #i'll just do it 100% adhering to process with all the unnecessary steps i'll usually look over to spare you the headache #congrats! i'm your new headache now. #get fucked #okay this also depends largely on the day #like if its my first client and im fresh into my shift ill roll my eyes and decide i deserve a break after dealing with this #but if you're one of my lasts and it's a few minutes to midnight and you're also being unproductive #as in #literally explained a process to a guy today and he went 'another robot message' #like no dude you just dont speak english past a 6th grade level and anything professional sounds like a tech manual to you #get your head out of your chatgpt shaped ass and realize youre getting turned into an office meme by being like this #anyway LMAO

[heyclickadee]

Stop gaslighting myself into thinking I must be wrong and stupid every time someone who disagrees with me on something has a more openly charged response to that thing challenge level: impossible

#personal stuff #kinda fandom stuff too #I’ll be super confident about an interpretation when I’m engaging with the actual material #and then I’ll read one (1) super emotionally catastrophic take #and then immediately start doing my best to convince myself that I’m not only wrong but actively stupid #and then two seconds later I’ll snap out of it like wait the hell was that #and it’s good because it means I get to reasses things all over again #and re-examining your assessments is usually a good thing because we miss things #we could be wrong #and it’s always good to be reminded of that #but this goes a little beyond that and I need to figure out how to find a balance there

[airbenderedacted]

not feeling the greatest abt myself

#^-^ IT'S IRRITATINg #💥 MAYBE I'M STUPID?? #SOMETHING'S wrong w me that's stupid i mean that's for sure #lol. lmao. #anyway fingers crossed that me posting this will make me Get Over It. whaytever it is #like when you complain out loud about something being broken and then it's immediately good again bc the universe likes making you a fool #like that...! #ugh ykw i think im just tired #plus. about a thousand other things that're perpetually putting me through it in the background. but like those are usually in the bacKGROU

[depresseddepot]

trying to determine which parts of my relationship with sex are asexuality, which are trauma, and which are autism is like trying to have a conversation with three people talking loudly and all at once

#just to be clear: asexuality as a result of trauma or neurodivergency is still asexuality. full stop no debate. #anyway because i love oversharing on tumblr dot com: feeling very sex repulsed on this day #i was joking with some guy about fighting each other (specifically said ''you ever fight a girl over 200 lbs? id break your ribs'') #and like three different people said something like ''well that would probably turn him on'' #and. listen. i get it. that was a joke response to my joke threat #but what i felt in that moment and still feel now requires nothing short of academic study to understand #first of all: how dare they make me feel embarrassed in a social setting when i was doing so well. #secondly: why the fuck would me making a threat make them instantly think of sex #thirdly: how fucked up is my body image that i hear that and immediately think they're all out of their minds #i like fat women. i am personally attracted to fat women. not (usually) sexually but i do think they are very nice to look at #so why is it so hard for me to accept that someone else could find me attractive as well ! #i think about being in a situation where a relationship and/or sex is a real possibility and i flinch like its going to hurt me #but why???? where is this aversion coming from !!!!! i am a hopeless romantic i daydream about romance all the time #so whats the deal here. is it subconscious bc of my asexuality and i associate romance with sex? #is it because of my autism where i associate romance with touch and am afraid i am too unempathetic to have a chance? #or (most likely) is it just because im so fucking scared of trusting someone that even the thought makes me nauseous #did this all crop up from a throwaway sex joke? yes #but people don't make sex jokes to me. people don't even pretend to allude to me being cute #this same group of people said a few weeks ago ''at least you're pretty'' #which. is not the case!!!!!!! people do not say those things to me because they don't want to even slightly entertain that idea !!!!!!! #and i am extremely tired of having my life upended because of this #i have always been treated like i was ugly and teased about it and i FINALLY have managed to be okay with not being attractive #and now that im okay with it: NOW is when the pretty jokes start. im fucking angry about it actually #i can't be both. i cannot think of myself in terms that abstract. i am one or the other #and this leads me to believe that people think i COULD be pretty. but the catalyst is that i am fat and therefore cannot be attractive #which just makes me more angry!!!!!!!!!!! #how can i be completely indifferent to sex and attraction without seeming juvenile. i don't care so so much #but every time that sort of thing happens i feel like im 13 again and the hot jock is talking to me #i need to be put down. something's wrong with this one (me) #i realize i can't stop people from making sex or appearance jokes but god i wish i fucking could

[neproxrezi]

if this temporarily becomes An Armored Core Blog then like. oopsie

#im just having lots of fun KILL DIE ATTACK #SHOTGUN BLAST LASER LANCE WEAPON BAY SWAP CHARGED PILE BUNKER KICK SHOTGUN BLAST #(i want to stop using the shotguns but also i. i enjoy shotguns too much.) #(i might swap to the worse one out of guilt over using the insanely broken one) #(because i love shotguns because that thing needs a nerf) #(are they gonna.. like.. patch this game at some point do you think?) #(fromsoft's games usually launch with a handful of abysmal balancing issues that get ironed out in the first few big patches) #(that's... gonna happen for ac6 right?) #(we're not gonna permanently live in 'unpatched sword of night and flame' mode in this game are we) #(anyway.) SHOTGUN BLAST SHOTGUN BLAST KICK SHOTGUN BLAST CHARGED LASER LANCE #FUCKING ATTACKS AND KILLS YOU! #ATTACKS AND KILLS YOU AND NEW FORMS OF PERSONHOOD ARE IMMEDIATELY USED TO CREATE NEW WEAPONRY! #MAKES OWN CHOICES! FINDS FREE WILL IN A WRETCHED BURNT OUT ASH HEAP OF A WORLD! PILE BUNKER CHARGED ATTACK!!!!!!! #armored core #dibi

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so. #literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don��t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

[hyah-through-hyrule]

My crops would be so watered if I could just love a main/popular character for once

#it's not like i do it on purpose #i don't make the conscious decision to look at some less popular blorbo and go oh yes this is the one #it just happens #my current blorbo is like one of the least popular ones and when he is depicted it's usually wildly out of character in an unfun way #and so i make a lot of content for him to the point he is the main character in my au #i by no means expect attention when i try to bring up my ideas everytime #but getting posted over constantly is really taking it's toll #I'll wait hours after the last message was sent and then bam someone is there to immediately post over me without comment #or when i go oh hey i did this thing today! and get ignored but when someone else says something similar they get all the praise #cause they write for only the best and important boy of course #and aus where Wild is the main focus are all of course superior to everything else so why the hell do i even try #sometimes i think i should just stop creating because what the hell is the point when people only want the special boy #and when i did show my au Wild i got told i needed to make him skinnier??? like okay. #im sorry that i dont make stuff of the favorite character and when i do he is not good enough in peoples eyes i guess #anyway this is an accumulation of just absolute garbo that i needed to yell into the void #maybe someday i will feel confident in what i create but gods certainly not now #this is so hard

[olessan]

I love the fact that I can work as hard as I can manage with a broken tooth and a dying tooth (one on each side, I've been chewing on the cavity for a year) and I still cannot save even $10 towards getting dental treatment (2 impacted wisdom teeth, + tooth broken off under the gum, + bad cavity) because I barely make enough to cover my food and board and the insane energy bill

#I'm just ranting don't mind me it's fine I am continuing to exist as usual I may delete this later bc it's a bit of a bummer to read #I prefer to keep my blogging to fun or otherwise nonserious content because it's supposed to be for decompression no real world drama here #I got into a 3 hour body language study and earned $50 so I spent that as fun money on a couple games during the Steam sale just to #take a break from the constant cycle of getting paid and then immediately saying goodbye to all but about 15 cents #(well it was 1 game Slime Rancher 2 and then 2 expansion packs one for Planet Zoo and another for Cities Skylines long play hours mileage) #I've tried to budget to buy small things like a fan or a toothbrush maybe (mine is 8yrs old and doesn't charge sometimes) but NOPE #let alone stashing away over $2000 for the amount of treatment I need given tooth extractions are $200-$500 each #I use about $50 of groceries a week ($30 USD) sometimes up to $80 if I need to buy some extra toiletries or bonuses like ham/falafel/bread #our last quarterly power bill was $1900 FOR NO REASON even for a winter one #olessan oration #the work I have is HIT/mturk type work which pays amazingly well and I am so grateful because I can't work in a traditional environment due #my inability to sleep/wake on anyone else's schedule and need for engaging work but it also means each worker is basically a contract worke #picking their own hours which is VERY HARD to stick to for me since I may also have ADHD-i but that diagnosis also costs like $2000 in Aus #so I'm doing my best fucking lmao #I have a set minimum hours I want to keep up to and move to full time but I am so exhausted by the constant background noise of #the tooth problems that I burn out very quickly #like the tooth ache isn't that bad #the tooth is actively dying but the pain isn't unbearable it just shits me off at all times #it's bearable most of the time and doesn't affect my sleep unless the temp is cold or something #it's been bad this week tho so I've gone through almost all my ibuprofen managing it #the tooth that broke off broke off earlier in the year and the gum has mostly healed over and the dead root is concealed inside my gums now #that stopped being painful in mid 2021 but when it died it was pretty bad it did stop me sleeping for a couple weeks #Christmas 2021 involved me contemplating ripping the tooth out myself lmao #the nerve eventually died seemingly without an abscess #unless I DID have an abscess but that seems extremely unlikely because abscesses are SEVERE AND HORRIBLE AND LIFE THREATENING #sometimes I can feel the tooth ligament wiggling on its own or I like flex it by accident it's so weird bc the tooth is gone so #the ligament is still holding onto the root but with way less weight #anyway I am eating my mac n cheese n veg with the side that has the missing tooth because the cavity tooth has a big bruise along the gumli #gumline which may be from overzealous brushing (I fill the tooth will temporarily filling putty and it needs to be cleaned well when the #putty falls out)

[bumblingbabooshka]

Sometimes when I start getting too down about life I picture Tuvok dozing in a patch of sunlight and I think you should all try the same with your favorite guy

#Me: -lying on the floor under the weight of it all- #Brain: What if Tuvok was warm and cozy? Maybe in a sundress? Maybe taking a little nap? Would that help you miserable bastard? #Me: Yeah.....~ <- still being crushed but it /did/ help #I also sometimes think about B'Elanna getting tired and napping near Seven #then she wakes up and finds that Seven has put pillows and blankets all over/around her...perhaps put her head in her lap #Tuvok falls asleep and immediately migrates to the warmest thing he can. Usually this leads to him buried under the blankets #but if another person is nearby....well ~ #last but NEVER least: Tuvok dozing while cuddling with his children #I'm picturing his body wrapped around at least two or three of them....like kittens #If I could draw people sleeping I'd be so powerful

[krogans-give-the-best-cuddles]

Lmao on that post where the person is like "europeans need to admit they can suck too without joking about children dying in america" a bunch of people are like "yeah maybe i suck sometimes but americans shoot each other so ha ha!"

I think they think OP is an American but they aren't. They're from south asia so like. People directly harmed by ALL of our countries fucking meddling. And they're essentially saying "if you guys can't take a joke without laughing about the death of children how tf are you gonna confront the actual problems in your country"

And the answer all these europeans gave was "we won't". Like I'm not surprised bc we are all white people here (not seen a single poc pull this shit) and we all know how fucking defensive we get when faced with a single ounce of not being treated like the Perfect Specialest Winners. Americans do this ra ra usa shit all the time too. But I think their is a higher number of white americans who like. Pay attention to the effects of colonialism bc we have to face more people affected by it in our day to day (in general) than a swede who only remembered Syria existed starting like 2014. There are studies that simply being around more people different than you can make it easier to relate to them, so no one's surprised when a white American from a small town filled w only white people is ignorant or racist.

The only thing here is that same white person from a similarly diverse area in Northern Europe points and titters at the white American like "oh ho ho racism! Look at what those stupid americans are doing!" As if there aren't Romani people living in their own country them actively being discriminated against and losing their rights. As if there is no anti black racism in their community when they have a little blackface parade with the local blackface character.

And if you call them on it they're like "ha ha children are dying in your country!"

#krogans thoughts #idk i guess my thoughts are. when i learn about racism in europe im like damn they gotta work on it just like us #and uh white europeans just. dont learn about racism in the place they live #instead they get angry someone made a joke about their food (after centuries of them oppressing the world) #and immediately jump to 'well at least we dont have mass death! i think its funny when children die in ur country' #like i always want to respond to those with just pages of the vilest shit their country has done historically and is doing today. #bc it seems like theyre resting on their laurels (which they only got from profitting off of slavery and genocide too much) #but you cant. bc if you do you play into what they think is going on #they think its some little popularity contest with like the same importance as eurovision #something to get nationalistic over and complain about. #and they have a fundamental privilege of their children not regularly dying in mass shootings so to them its not real in the same way. #its just part of the nationalistic gamr #so if you try to take it srsly and be like 'true but you also have these problems the same way as we do' #they will just be like 'well racism is worse in the us' bc they are still thinking this is a fucking competition. #the northern europeans get to dictate this conversation the same way as usual. by refusing to engage in these things as they are #instead making it this fun lil nationalism game. #they never have to think about where their wealth comes from #which... is not unique. my southern us white grandma does the same thing all the time #but i think this is an interesting way to see it function. #the people who created the problems (racism imperialism colonialism) get to control the conversation about it entirely #and in new inventive ways like changing it into a fucking body count game where the one with the least can still be nationalistic #instead of just saying 'haha yeah my ancestors DIDNT use all the spice they stole from the world' they get it more serious #bring out child death. and if you respond in kind. well now we are all playing the body count game #and the european is still not owning up to the legacy they were given by their ancestors #no winning. just an endless squabble that treats anything srs as as important as whether or not u feed guests

[paradife-loft]

dark souls hates the idea of me finally winning a successful super ornstein fight so much that I've now managed to, in the process of trying (and almost exclusively failing) to kill smough first in phase 1, accidentally one-shot ornstein with fire tempest instead... twice. with ng++ health pools.

#did I end up finally getting the super ornstein fight and beating him? yes. eventually. #the thing with e.g. all the good souls youtubers that I've noticed though #is that they're either genuinely very good; and/or (often by their own words) they're very *patient* #I am neither! I'll usually try fighting 'safely' and 'defensively' a few times like people suggest #almost immediately get my ass handed to me in the first minute of the fight #and then look back over at my spell list and go '....but what if aggressive with giant dps nuke??' #anyway ornstein. babygirl. stop running into the spells I throw at smores. wait your turn. I'll barbecue you next just fine dw #dork souls tag #James liveblogs video games

[hella1975]

very hot of the kitchen staff yesterday to fuck up every single thing ever. like yesterday's shift was fucking HORRENDOUS there was zero communication between the supervisors and the chefs and the kitchen was just super understaffed and my boss had me MANAGING the food pass (like yes im very capable and good at my job and hot and sexy and have spent so so so many gruelling hours working the pass that i can do it in my sleep but i am still NEW) with the only other person on it to help me being some 17 year old boy who has NEVER had a job before and it was his first shift (like he was nice and i dont begrudge it him bc we all start somewhere and god knows my first job i was a terrible worker but still he had no initiative for anything to do with the catering industry and it was a Very Bad Day to have a first shift). so the thing with the food pass is that the waiting staff are in their own sections right and they'll take the food orders and deal with the customers, BUT if you're on pass then you're the one who gives the customer their food, so despite not being the one to take the order or being the one to make the order, any complaints go directly to you and it's just super shitty bc you're like my brother in christ i have no idea what you're talking about. like a mistake in the order either comes from the waitress writing it down/sending it out wrong OR the kitchen making it wrong, neither of which i had any control over yet the staff on pass are the ones who get the brunt of it. like i had a good 20 orders come back bc the kitchen kept sending them out cold or making them wrong and complaints either went to me OR the kid who would then - naturally, again no hate to him - bring them to me and either way it was very much My Problem and i have never been closer to smacking a customer in my LIFE

#this one lady's food was cold and she wanted it sent back #and the annoying part of all of this is that i immediately want to hate on the customer for making my life difficult #but they were honestly in the right like where i work is super expensive you want to get your money's worth when you go #BUT THEN when i did the usual 'im so sorry ill have the chef remake it for you can i get you anything on the house in the meantime' shit #she just really dramatically put her cutlery down like 'no i think we'll cancel the entire order and go somewhere else >:(' like HUH #and it was so frustrating bc her bloke was reasonably nice like he kept acknowledging that it obviously wasnt my fault #but they still dont seem to realise that being angry and shitty with me even if it's not directed at me #while simultaneously three other tables are doing the same thing on a ten hour shift #is really fucking draining #like i KNOW it's not my fault but no matter how many times you're saying that #i still have to fix this bc your bitch of a wife is having a hissy fit over a sodding beef sandwich #and this one lady complained about her lamb and wanted the entire thing redone #and in the meantime my manager told me to get her a free drink on the house #so i offered and she - with the tone of someone doing ME a favour - was like 'oh just knock the bottle of prosecco off our bill' #LIKE WHAT? you cheeky fucking bitch i offered you ONE drink bc you're fannying about with your food #and you want me to knock off the £20 bottle of prosecco? piss off #like i need u guys to understand that when shit hits the fan in a restaurant it is almost ALWAYS either kitchen or management #who have fucked things up. but who is on the front lines? the waiting staff #and customers apparently dont have the thinking skills to realise that the teenage girls they're releasing their frustrations onto #actually aren't responsible for their meal #BUT there was a silver lining bc while kitchen and management stabbed each other the waiting staff really pulled together #like it was a real solidarity moment and made me really feel part of the team which is always nice when ur still Anxious and New #and one of the managers literally came over to me and two other girls at the end like 'thank you for being here today we needed you' #and that was just really nice #i also felt really accomplished bc it WAS shit but i also managed the pass really well like i couldnt have done a better job #like i know shit was hitting the fan but i knew nothing i was doing was adding to it if that makes sense? #doesnt justify the fact i only had a 15 min break on a ten hour shift but still. swings and roundabouts #hella slaves to capitalism

[pidgefudge]

.

#mother dearest decided to look through some old photos #and every time she finds one of me she shoves it in my face #and goes on about how i was “such a sweet and cute little girl” “she was my baby” “i miss her i want my little girl back :(((” #i dont usually feel incrediblt dysphoric but DAMN that was awful #i wanted so badly to just tell her that i'm not a fucking girl!!! but that would make my situation exponentially worse #so i shall just deal with this ig #need someone to gender me right for affirmation/confidence purposes.... feels like it's been so long #no ones ever actually called me a boy before the whole transmasc thing is very recent but it's the first gender label i've clicked with #it just immediately felt right when i considered it #but i'm out to a grand total of 6 people irl so i find myself doubting it a lot when everyone refers to me as a girl anyway #rant over !!! if you read this whole thing for some reason you get an internet cookie and some hearts as thanks 🍪💜💜💜

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Do you ever listen to someone speak and marvel at how smooth, free-flowing, and free of pauses it is?

Because I sure do. I can’t do that.

Maybe that’s why I feel like most people’s speech is insincere even when it isn’t… because it sounds like how I would recite or read a script. That explains why I view people who aren’t native English speakers, have a heavy accent, and take long pauses to think of the words they need to say as being more trustworthy… because my cadence is similar to theirs; and we both stumble over words.

#I feel like that little kid “If you ever had a dream where— you want— you wish— if you could— you want….” #I’m not that bad; but I come very close to sounding like that sometimes LOL #I feel like I spoke more smoothly as a little kid… #but that’s probably because my verbal communication is almost at the same level it was at when I was eight years old #Like those people who have a growth spurt but end up being on the short side as adults because they stop growing immediately after #I figuratively shot up to 5’0” in third grade and never grew past that point #(with regard to clarity and flow specifically; not vocabulary… my vocabulary has definitely grown a LOT #but that’s only because I get sick of writing or talking in the same way for longer than a year… which is why I currently sound #like a pretentious 20th century englishman whenever I write fiction) #I have no “real” vernacular because I don’t feel comfortable with having a personal vernacular… #because using the same patterns of words over and over again for the same situations counts as para-scripting and feels fake #(to me) #sometimes I hear someone use a new word I’ve never heard in conversation; and I say “Cool! I’ll use that word myself.” But I later realize #it’s not just a fun one-time usage of a word; but it’s a catchphrase they say all the time and forsake any common synonyms of the word #— I assume — solely for the purpose of sounding smart to others (their behavior usually justifies my assumption; because these people #act like they’re better than everyone else) #And sometimes I catch myself doing the same thing; and I switch to a different word or format than I’ve been using; out of nothing #but embarrassment and twisted perfectionism #Or sometimes I come off the high of using lofty words and want to speak in a more commonplace way #and after awhile of that I start thinking “Wait a minute wait a minute…. Now I’m just trying to sound cool and normal. #This isn’t how I talk.” #But the truth is I really feel spoken language is an insufficient medium for communication. #I want a language in which the speakers pry open each others’ chests #rip out each others’ hearts; and rub them together #But at the same time it kills me that I cannot do the same amount of tonal shapeshifting when speaking #especially when my default (socially-acceptable) speaking voice sounds extremely airheaded #I’ve been trying to use larger words and more archaic sentence structures in speech lately and it feels good #but also like I’m trying to show off (even though I’m not and that’s just how I’d prefer to speak) #even then… all my speech patterns are copied from somewhere #It’s been a years-long identity crisis and I want it to end