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vincentmacmillan · 3 years

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Good luck and I hope you can play for a few more years in the Eastern Conference.

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scotianostra · 5 years

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The Ball Of Kirriemuir

With it being the anniversary of J M Barrie's birth I was hunting around for something from Kirriemuir, this a a guid wee find and TOTALLY not for those easily offended nor is it what you would expect from Kenneth McKellar. The lyrics vary with content and the length of the song, some more blue than others........ nothing to do with Barrie, but great fun!

The ball, the ball, the ball, the ball The ball of Kirriemuir There were four and twenty prostitutes Lying on the floor

CHORUS: Singing: Balls to your partner, Ass against the wall, If you've never been laid on Saturday night, You've never been laid at all. Four and twenty virgins, Came down from Inverness, And when the ball was over There were four and twenty less. The elders of the kirk arrived And were surprised to see Four-and-twenty maidenheads Hanging from a tree Four and twenty whores, Came up from Glockamore, And when the ball was over They were all of them double bore. The village plumber he was there, He felt an awful fool, He'd come eleven leagues or more And forgot to bring his tool. There was fucking in the hallways, And fucking in the ricks, You couldn't hear the music For the swishing of the pricks. They were fucking in the Barley. They were fucking in the oats. Some were fucking sheep, but most were fucking goats. There was fucking in the kitchen, And fucking in the halls, You couldn't hear the music for The clanging of the balls. There was fucking in the parlor, And fucking on the stairs, You couldn't see the carpet For the mass of public hairs. I put my head upon her lap, and she put hers in mine. We sucked a bit and blowed a bit and that's called sixty-nine. The parson's daughter she was there, The cunning little runt, With poison ivy up her ass And thistle up her cunt. The village whore she was there, Doing a really good stunt Stuck to the ceiling By the suction of her cunt. The village idiot he was there Sitting on a pole Pulled his foreskin over his head And whistled though the hole. The mayors wife she was there Lying on the floor Every time she spread he legs The suction closed the door Grandma and Grandpa they were there Sitting by the fire Knitting prophylactics Out of old rubber tires. The village postman he was there He had a case of the pox Couldn't fuck the women So he fucked a letter box. Little Tommy he was there He was only eight Couldn't fuck the women So he had to masturbate. The blacksmith's brother he was there A mighty stud was he Lined 'em up against the wall And fucked 'em three-by-three. The village hooker she was there Feeling mighty fine Lined 'em up against the wall And fucked 'em nine-by-nine. The village rugger he was there the mightiest of men Lined 'em up against the wall And fucked em ten-by-ten. The village magician he was there Up to his favorite trick Pulling his asshole over his head And standing on his prick. Father O'Flanagan he was there And in the corner sat Amusing himself by abusing himself And catching it in his hat. Dino had an even stroke His skill was much admired He gratified one cunt at a time Until his skill expired. Jock McVennig he was there A looking for a fuck But every cunt was occupied And he was out of luck. Michael Lee when he got the there His prick was long and high But when he fucked her forty times He was fucking mighty dry. McTavish, oh yes, he was there His prick was long and broad And when he fucked the furriers wife She had to be rebored. The village dogcatcher Proved he was no slouch Went out and caught the neighbors dog And fucked it on the couch. The village gynecologist he was there On a beaver hunt Pulled down all the women's pants And probed through all their cunts. The village dunce he was there All alone he stands Amusing himself by abusing himself And using both his hands. The village idiot he was there, Up to this and that, Amusing himself by abusing himself, And catching it in his hat. The bride was in the kitchen Explaining to the groom, The vagina not the rectum Is the entrance to the womb. The village magician he was there, Up to his favorite trick, Pulling his foreskin over his head, And disappearing up his prick. The village giant he was there, A mighty man was he, He lined them up against the wall And fucked them three by three. The vicar and his wife were there, Having lots of fun, The parson had his finger Up another lady's bun. The village doctor he was there, He had his bag of tricks, And in between the dances He was sterilizing pricks. Father O'Flanagan he was there, And in the corner he sat, Amusing himself by abusing himself And catching it in his had. There was fucking on the couches, There was fucking on the cots, And lying up against the wall Were rows of grinning twats. Giles he played a dirty trick, We cannot let it pass, He showed a lass his mighty prick Then shoved it up her ass. Mrs. O'Maley she was there, She had the crowd in fits, A jumping off the mantelpiece And bouncing off her tits. Jackie Stewart did his fucking, Right upon the moor, It was, he thought, much better Than fucking on the floor. Jock McDougall he was there, A looking for a fuck, But every quim was occupied And he was out of luck. The huntsman's daughter she was there, Tired from the hunt, A wreath of roses around her ass And a carrot up her cunt. The chimney sweep he was there, They had to throw him out, For every time he passed some wind The room was filled with soot. The village economist he was there, His prick held in his hand, Waiting for the moment when Supply would meet demand. The village blacksmith he was there, Sitting by the fire, Doing abortions by the score With a piece of red hot wire. The village postman he was there, The poor man had the pox, He couldn't fuck the lasses So he fucked the letter box. The blacksmith's father he was there, A roaring like a lion, He'd cut his cock off in the forge So he used his rod of iron. Dino had an even stroke, His skill was much admired, He fucked away half the night Until his cock expired. The village butcher he was there, Cleaver in his hand, Every time he turned around He circumcised the band. The village virgin she was there, All dressed in frilly pink, She took the boys behind the fence And made their fingers stink. Willy Roberts he arrived, His prick was all alert, But when the night was done "Twas dangling in the dirt." Now little Willy he was there, But he was only eight, He couldn't catch a harlot So he had to masturbate. The village veteran he was there, His balls were made of brass, And when he blew a fart, my lads, The sparks flew out his ass. Little Jimmy he was there, The leader of the choir, He hit the balls of all the boys To make their voices higher. The village leper he was there, Sitting on a log, Peeling foreskin off his cock And feeding it to his dog. Another blacksmith he was there, Tending to his fires, Making prophylactics Out of motorcycle tires. The village builder he was there, He brought his bag of tricks, He poured cement in all the holes And blunted all the pricks. The village cripple he was there, He wasn't very much, Took the girls behind the house And fucked them with his crutch. Wee MacGregor he was there, His pint of beer he'd split, It mingled with the semen That was trickling down his kilt. The mayor's daughter she was there, She had the crowd in fits, Sliding down the bannister And bouncing on her tits. The village stable boy he was there, The bastard was quite coarse, We caught him in the stable With his cock inside a horse. The village parson he was there, All dressed up in his shroud, Swinging on the chandalier Pissing on the crowd. And when the ball was over, What a sight to see, Four and twenty maidenheads A hanging from a tree. And when the ball was over, Everyone did confess, They all enjoyed the dancing But the fucking was the best. Mrs. O'Leary she was there, Swingin' from the chandelier, Spilling her menstrual juices Into everybody's beer. The village cook he was there, The bastard was quite crude, They caught him in the kitchen Masturbating in the food. The Jersey girl was standin' there, Her but against the wall, "Put your money on the table boys, I'm goin' to do youse all!" The parson's wife she was there, And she was worst of all, Pulled her skirt above her head And shouted, "fuck it all." The vicar's wife she was there, Sitting by the fire, Knitting contraceptives Out of india rubber tires. Sergeant Murphy he was there, The pride of the Force, They caught him behind the barn Jacking off a horse. The village whore, she was there Sitting on the floor, Every time she spread her legs, The vacuum shut the door And when the ball was over, All the guests confessed, The music was the finest But the fucking was the best. And so the ball was over, All went home to rest, The music had been exquisite Still the fucking was the best. And finally there was the Johnnie Rugger He seemed like quite a stud. But when it came to fucking His pecker was a dud. First lady over, Second lady front, Third ladies finger up the fourth ladies cunt. Well, McPhearson's band, they were there, A dishin' oot the licks, You cood na' hear a bloody thin' for the swishin' o' the pricks. Best Man in the corner, Instructin' to the Groom, "The vagina, not the rectum son, Is the entrance to the womb." The village whore she was there, A cunning little runt, With herpes sores and the clap on tap, She was na' mer' than a running cunt.

#Scotland #Scottish #songs #folk singer #bawdy

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