#i thinkt hey should be happy forever (they are not) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tswatch · 7 years

Note

tw for suicide mention. i am sorry if this question is, idk, weird? but i have to clear something up for myself. does it count as a suicide attempt when i sat there, suicidal, struggling with myself if i should take these pills or not, knowing that if i take them they would kill me for sure, crying, shaking, feeling sick because i dont know whats gonna happen and ending up taking a hand full and spitting them out because i couldnt swallow them and they started having a disgusting taste? - lexie

hi, this is lexie again. i wrote you a few days ago, but i think my message wasnt answered yet, i hope tumblr actually send it. anyway.. somehow my mind is playing more and more with suicidal thoughts and ways to do so and i am thinking about all the pills i could swallow and it actually feels like i am going to do that. idk if i manage it to take them all, probably not, i’ll probably stop half way.. but idk.. i feel so hopeless i just want it to end, idk what to do anymore…. i feel so lost

Hey Lexie,

as you see, we did receive your messages, we just didn’t get to it before. Still, it’s really good that you send in another one because tumblr indeed sometimes eats messages.

Now concerning your first question, love. I have no idea if this counts ‘as an official’ suicide attempt, but to be honest I also don’t thinkt his matters at all. Your suicidal thoughts and your attempt (yes, I think for me it is one) are really serious and definitions don’t matter here. What matters is you. And your safety.

Love, this won’t be a solution to your problems. Life has so much more to give and I’m more than sure that you’re a person who deserves to feel the happy and beautiful parts of life. Give life another chance. And if it doesn’t work out right away, give it another one. Give every day a chance because every day could become wonderful.

I also really really think you should talk to someone about your suicidal thoughts. Is there a person like a family member or anyone else you trust? If yes, you should definitely talk to them. I’m sure they’d want to support you getting through this harsh time. You should also consider talking to a professional about it. How about seeing your school counselor (if you’re still at school) or many work places have counselors too. I’d really really recommend that. I also recommend to read trough that page. Are you feeling suicidal right now? If that’s the case you should consider calling one of these numbers or talk to someone online.

The page I’ve linked before names a few steps that one can follow when feeling suicidal:

1.) Talk to someone every day, preferably face to face. Though you feel like withdrawing, ask trusted friends and acquantances to spend time with you. Or continue to call a crisis helpline and talk about your feelings.

2.) Make a safety plan. Develop a set of steps that you can follow during suicidal crisis. It should include contact numbers for your doctor or therapist, as well as friends and family members who will help in an emergency.

3.) Make a written schedule for yourself every day and stick to it, no matter what. Keep a regular routine as much as possible, even when your feelings seem out of control.

4.) Get out in the sun or into nature for at least 30 minutes a day.

5.) Exercise as vigorously as is safe for you.

6.) Make time for thing that bring you joy. Even if very few things bring you pleasure at the moment, force yourself to do the things you used to enjoy.

7.) Remember your personal goals. You may have always wanted to travel to a particular place, read a specific book, own a pet, move to another place, learn a new hobby, volunteer, go back to school, or start a family. Write your own personal goals down.

Now, I want to show you a song love. It is German, but I’ll show you a translation:

Always wanted to escape from the dog’s lifeFrom the kitchen table made from an upside-down cardboard boxAnd away from the vermits in the closetto be more than the subtenant of the man on the street, one day.Imagined it differently, moved into the distance to Atlanta.Only pictures of the big world smash to pieces without money in the trailer park, on the outskirts of the city.Mama was fed up with it, we were simply poor, simply miserable, you were there one year, then one year in the warNever knew where that was, when you’d come back againPainted you pictures of suns in every letter to the front.“My son,” you said, when we were shooting in the woods,“Never put up with anything, never forget this bang.As frightened as you get, still face your enemy,real man get back up, only cowards don’t!”Dad said: “Son, take my gun.One time you’re the hunter, one time you’re the bear.But ifyou have to be the bear, for God’s sake, then fight!And I’m a grizzly now. (I’m a grizzly now)And you also said: ”When life only hands you lemons,then, damnit, make lemonade.Speak frankly, chin up, never cowardly, son.Don’t play with hearts or with those, who play with yours.We’re not rich, we never will be.Problems that are too big for life, but too small to die for.You know, it doesn’t rain heavily forever,Always only up to the chin and listen, time to learn to swim.As much as I’d like to always be there, if worst comes to worst, take your fist, point your finger.Look for the biggest guy of the gang, jump on him, take a hard swing.You’ll only lose once, because when all has been given,they’ll think twice the next time.The meaning of live is living, that’s it.The meaning of life is living.Everyone sometimes inadvertently misses their footing,The trick with that is always keeping the balance between taking and giving.It wouldn’t be as it is, today,if it hadn’t been the way it was. The meaning of life is living!

(source: Casper- the Grizzly Song)THE MEANING OF LIFE IS LIVING.It sounds so easy and still is so hard, I know. But at the same time I’m sure it is worth it and I’m sure you’ll make it through the hard time.

Please, always remember that there is a reason to live, no matter what. You might not see one right now but there are thousands. Maybe try to make a list of your own. Really sit down and think of things you would miss when you’d committ suicide. Really try to do this, I think it is very helpful.If you need some inspiration in doing that check out this list. I’d strongly recommend that you try to do it yourself first though because it’ll be more personal then. Take as much time as you need.Whenever you are feeling very down and sad I’d recommend that you try to do things that you enjoy. I know this might be hard sometimes but really try it! So what are things you like?Going out at night? Walking through a park? A forest? Going to a beach? Swimming? Lying in the sun? Eating an ice cream? Hanging out with a person you like? Make a walk around your house? Listening to music? Reading? You could go to a library or bookstore and get a new book or read through your old favourite book for the 101st time.

It is really important that you take care of yourself and make yourself feel better.

Remember love, that things take time. Time heals wounds and that’s what you need: time. Don’t take your own time.

When you’re struggling think of exactly this: Things get better eventually, although it might not look like it yet, but it does. Even dark times have to have an end!

I do not know if this is the answer you wanted to receive. I know I’m probably not telling you new things and I didn’t really give you a solution to your problems but I hope I was able to make you feel better. You are a wonderful human being and you’re best for someone. Please never forget that.

Another thing I want you to remember is the following. Always say this to yourself when you aren’t feeling good and when you are suicidal:

As long as you’re alive, you have time. As long as there is time, there is a chance that things get better.

Try to believe in yourself; I do believe in you. You are a wonderful person.

Take care of yourself and please don’t harm yourself.

I wish you all the best!

- Leila

#lexie #-lexie #support #leila #anonymous #anon #TW #Trigger Warning #TW pills #trigger warning pills #pills #Trigger Warning suicide #TW suicide #TW suicidal thoughts #suicide #suicidal thoughts #trigger warning suicidal thoughts

0 notes