#i started watching poi in 2014 and i probably watched this ep in 2015 so i wasnt suicidal yet

[throwing-summers-at-the-walls]

Oh boi it's thinky thoughts time

#tw suicide #probably not the first time im talking abt this but oof #when john shows that bullet to joss and she asks if it got somebodys name on it #and he says 'mine. there was a time i thought abt saying goodbye' #fuck i just. #john did your suicidal ass walk around with a bullet you planned to shoot through your brain ????? #i started watching poi in 2014 and i probably watched this ep in 2015 so i wasnt suicidal yet #this ep and pilot (and 2πr or whatever its called) really hit different when you know what its like to be suicidal/try to kill yourself uh #anyway. ofc he couldnt keep that bullet on himself at all times lol but its the symbolism. his suicidal ideation never really leaving him... #yeah before carters death he has his little family with harold and bear and he helps people and he even says he feels happy so. progress #but still that one scene just kills me. + the fact that he actually dies in the end... #like. in the 1st ep harold straight up said theyll probably both end up dead in the end so its not surprising #but yeah it hurts me little heart that hes suicidal then gets better somewhat and then dies #pls let him have the life he deserves. the life he doesnt think he deserves but he DOES #yeah talking about that shit in tags > talking about it in an actual post #idk i prefer to hide in tags when it comes to suicide and when my thoughts arent super clear lol #anyway im going to sleep #person of interest #john reese