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lorepossum · 3 months

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….y’all do realize that GBA isn’t just going to tell you how Bastards vs Zombies is going to go right?

Like…?

Theory crafting is one thing (but also you don’t need Geeb to confirm/deny your theory for it to have legitimacy and be fun for you), but some of y’all are just straight up asking him to spoil so much of the intrigue of a series with only 3 parts so far.

Become comfortable in having questions. It is by design that we don’t have answers yet. We’ve barely even started this story.

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tswwwit · 10 months

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What are some ideas you have floating around that you don't have any plans on writing but like to entertain as a thought?

Many of them, in fact! Though they sort of vanish from my memory if I don't make a record of them, here's a few ones I jotted down when they came to mind.

For a domestic one: Bill thought he'd hate a lot of being married! Even though he loves Dipper, he thought he'd rebel against the chains of domesticity - and in some ways he still does - but one major benefit he's found is not having to be 'on' all the time.

No need to be perfectly performing all the time! No shoving around for social influence, no intimidation, or clever tricks. No commanding attention or taking up the room. Hell, there's surprisingly little upkeep! Bill can undo his tie and pick his nose and bitch about his day to someone who isn't bending over backwards to agree with him on everything. Someone who doesn't give him a weird look and sneer if he, god forbid, actually wants to sit down, read a book, drop the grin for an hour or two.

The concept in question is Bill's very first moment of great surprise. That when he isn't being the most charming, terrifying, and exciting guy in the universe, and just chilling out for like, five minutes, Dipper comes over and snuggles up to him on the couch, or wraps his arms around his shoulders and kisses the top of his head. And when Bill asks 'what was that for?', Dipper shrugs and goes 'eh, just felt like it'. It's both baffling and extremely compelling.

A short where Reincarnated Dip is Definitely Sure he's Not Gay!!! Especially not for this Hot Demon Man who is getting so close and touchy with him with his big smile and horrible wiles. Yep. Just keeping an eye on him to make sure he's not up to something Nefarious ™.

A discussion between Dipper and Bill where Dipper insists that Bill should understand this, or not do that, because, like. Y'know, Bill's a guy! There are guy things! Making Bill stare at Dipper like he's an idiot. He proceeds to informs Dipper how that's stupid for multiple reasons! First, that Bill's Not Human to begin with, his gender can't be put into a little box! And frankly, he never filled out the paperwork for his original one, come to think of it. Sure, he/him's fine, but c'mon, sapling, thinking of the whole shebang like a binary is dumb as hell. Now Dipper has to do some mental readjustment re: his own issues with masculinity/gender.

#answers #None of this is very coherent I just saved this ask for a while and dumped some thoughts in #Though I do have like a whole scene in my head for the gender one #Probably it's Bill cajoling Dipper into wearing a dress for something. Which Dipper obviously rebels against.#Bill's very convincing but Dipper shoots back well. He's never seen *Bill* wear a dress. Thinking he's making a point #But Bill just gets the metaphorical equivalent of a lightbulb over his head. Hey! Good point kid it's been a while #Oh ho!!! I see! Pinching Dipper's cheek - you want us to *match!* Surprised to see any fashion sense outta you #Hold on a sec. Bill will whip up something in a jiffy. A real nice one #Now Dipper's spluttering. He thought it was a good counterargument but Bill didn't even *flinch* at the idea of wearing one himself #But like. C'mon Bill Guys Don't Wear Dresses!! You're a guy you shouldn't-#Bill stares at him like he's an idiot. DIpper shuts up. Dumb move actually now that he's thinking about it #Both because telling Bill he *shouldn't* do something absolutely means he's looking into doing it. If not already in the process #And second. Uh. Oh hell. Dipper remembers. That Bill's only wearing that body. Not human. Triangular so - Wait. Is he *not* a guy?? Uh.#Bill's perfectly fine with his human body and his pronouns. Even with the presumptions that his husband has made over the years #But Dipper having this idea that those mean Bill should STOP doing certain things annoys him a lot #Bill politely - for him anyway - reminds Dipper that he's very much *not* a guy. None of that crap applies!#As Dipper has seen! And hey the ideas Dipper's working with there are outdated even among *humans* what the hell #There's probably a mini-rant that's rather scathing but frankly that's Bill on easy mode for his husband #Dipper's well-intentioned and knows how things go but he struggles with masculinity especially regarding himself #Turns out being bullied and trying so hard to be Socially Acceptable means a lot of issues to unpack #Also re: the Domestic one #Dipper is present with Bill while he chills out for those five minutes. Just watching from across the room #Bill knows he's there. But he's not puffing up trying to be impressive. Not being dismissive. Just accepting. And now Dipper's *fascinated*#It's so rare to see Bill NOT 'on' that he couldn't help it. No big show. No big grin. Almost.... not 'vulnerable' he's terrifying always #But so so relatable. God does Dipper know the feeling of just wanting to find some peace and quiet after a hectic day. But for Bill. That's #Rare and strange and so - Dipper *knows* he's the Only Person who could ever ever see this. Being in Bill's presence for a full ten minutes #Without Bill flipping some internal switch to 'Impress or Intimidate'. This is Dipper's own little secret to watch and absorb and treasure #And. In a way. When Bill's not vibrating with potential energy for parties or violence he's even MORE handsome #He just HAS to kiss him. A little bit. On the cheek or on the top of the head. Maybe curl up next to him where it's warm and touch his ches #Bill spends hours afterward wondering where the hell that came from and WHY. And it'll take him *so much* time to figure it out

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quietwingsinthesky · 3 months

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doctor who human!au with multiple doctors but they’re all named by their numbers because they’re all trans and picked them out theirselves.

#they’re NERDS.#and then across the street lives their older neighbors. the normal sounding professor yana (<- also trans) and. War. (<- very obviously #trans.)#akdjjflfj i think if i wrote a fic like this i would genuinely just end up using their numbers as names #and give this as the in-universe excuse to do so. maybe they collaborated.#if they’re siblings in it then they definitely did #ten voice: you know we should probably also have normal names if we change our birth certificates. something people won’t raise an eyebrow #at just so that we can go stealth if we need to. || eleven voice (<- married a woman who named herself RIVER SONG.): sorry i can’t hear you #ive already changed mine and i gave myself sixteen new middles names #(thirteen: you know john smith isn’t a normal name right? it’s too normal. it’s suspicious. || ten: >:( || twelve: (the only person trying #to sleep at the sleepover voice) Please Shut The Fuck Up)#human!sibling!doctors au

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thesoupisburning · 4 months

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the prisoner

#slay the princess #i drew this queen and scribbled on her for fun #do i have an art tag #i should make one.......................#the prisoner #i should draw her headless #prisoner is one of my favorite princesses #if ya couldnt tell #tbh tho theyre all my favorites #and shes just beautiful and a little mean #and we get to work together......................#she was the last princess on my first run through the game #i was deliberately trying to be nice for shifty bc i wanted the last one to be special #and i had already gotten damsel so i brought the knife #knowing i could probably still save her #so i guess she has an air of finality to me...#esp bc the ending i ended up getting was the one where you end up in chains next to her #just like in the larger context of the game................#well anyways i felt horribly guilty about that #until #of course #i saw her. in her full self. crawling out of it desperately #looking at me desperately #speaking of permanence and impermanence and suffering #and feeling like i misunderstood her entirely #well. i agreed to go with the shifting mound in the first ending i got.#not even making it through the fight #i love you prisoner #soup shut up challenge #burntsoupart

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lilyharvord · 4 months

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I started reading EragonxRed QueenxFrom Blood and Ashx--oh, shit sorry.... 4th Wing today, because everyone in my reading group said I had to, and... I'm 7% of the way through and I'm already so tired. Did no one edit this book? Did no one... read this book out loud?

Me currently finishing chapter 1 and going through the 5 stages of grief because I know this whole experience is going to RUIN my reading for 2024.

Anyway, I'm writing a whole ass review that is pretty much line by line my thoughts XD If I make a google doc of it I'll let people read it. Might be more entertain than the book. 🤷🏼‍♀️ plus I'll only put like 0.1%-1/4 of it on Goodreads so think about what you might miss out on (me being upset and cranky and rutheless (((: ) Updating that doc might actually help me get through reading it faster.

#about me #fourth wing #who wants to join me on this quest???#cause god damn if it does not feel like a fucking chore already #maybe I should just listen to the audiobook. It would probably go faster #my reading #my tbr for 2024 is exactly 12 books long #and unfortunately this and iron wing or whatever the second one is called are on there #i have never been afriad to be an anti #and I aint starting now #I dont care how dope your YA cardboard cutout male love interest is #I will rip his jugular out with my teeth if he's boring as fuck #and I will tear your “I'm so frail and weak and tiny with curves cause what else makes me a woman” MC apart #I will clean my teeth with her bones #You would think I would have learned my lesson about reading “books booktok is raving about” but no I have not #and I'm about to learn it again #like a dog that keeps pulling on the leash #(*shut up lily*)#(*lily reads fourth wing*)#new tag to follow if you are interested

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bionicbore · 2 years

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I think it’s hilarious just how many abilities/apps Chase has in his roster, mostly ‘cause there’s a lot of them that just leave me wondering why you’d give that to him?

Going through the wiki, it's like almost anything that was needed for plot got thrown onto Chase. And there are a few of them that I think would’ve been better suited for Adam or Bree, considering the skill sets

Imagine if Adam had magnetism instead, and it overlapped with his blastwave ability as an EMP, making the umbrella ability electro-magnetism

Bree’s abilities are about stealth and scouting, so give her the fingerprint and facial recognition to compliment her vocal manipulation

And for things you don’t have to take from Chase, but just give all 3 of them: the senses to a minor degree. Give Bree the hearing for eavesdropping, give Adam the sight for accuracy, while Chase has both at max

‘Cause the thing is, doing this doesn’t devalue Chase at all. His intelligence, and everything that comes with that, makes him immensely valuable to the team

They were designed as a unit of weapons, so I can’t help but think of their abilities divided as such

Adam’s not the muscle, he’s the combatant. Defense and offense are his specialty, and his passives give him the ability to incapacitate at close and long range

Bree isn’t the hustle, she’s the recon. She can get in and out of secure locations undetected with the utmost efficiency and safely bring the intel home

Chase is more than the brains, he’s the support. He can process the gathered information and strategize accordingly. His ability to link with and override his siblings’ bionics can be a game changer in dire situations and makes him versatile

Idk, I just love power dynamics

#Lab Rats #Adam Davenport #Chase Davenport #Bree Davenport #None of this is like 100% or anything I'm just brainstorming rn #I also kinda wanna explore/revise the purpose of the Commando/Triton apps but this is already kinda long #So I guess ask me about that if anyone's interested? I'll probably talk about it eventually 'cause y'know. I can't shut up #ALSO it's not said in the main post but I still think Chase should keep the force field and laser bo. Those fall in line with support #As well as just personal viability #And the molecular kinesis. It overlaps with the mind angle and it's pretty powerful #It really felt like the writers didn't have any faith in Chase though so they just gave him every convenient ''app'' they could think of #Like they didn't find him useful otherwise #Which I guess tracks since half of his plots are just him trying to prove himself #As if he needed to #I think that might be why he wasn't my favorite. They overcompensated and gave him so much #That Adam and Bree felt underutilized in the bionic department #They really were just Hustle and Muscle 90% of the time #While Chase is the living embodiment of the Matrix for some reason

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surreal-duck · 8 months

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hi!! i just wanted to say that ive liked midoyuzu since i was like 14 and its been a few years since then (obviously) but seeing your midoyuzu art now is so!!! its so fulfilling to my past self who had like NO art to go off of, i guess? anyway! your art is super good and i love it so much <3

im glad omg? extremely late to the party but by god i am bringing snacks in here or die trying o7 was pretty baffled the first time finding out more abt their dynamic and looking them up on here to find maybe like two more recent posts and the rest from no sooner than 2017 or so askjdghsjkgdhjks but really THANK YOU!!!!!!!! happy to be of service to your inner 14yo somewhat ;v;

yknow what though the really funny thing is that i wasnt even that into them initially. just remembered that cute interaction at the end of xmas live and thought "huh these two r kinda sweet actually" and that curiosity is always a slippery slope into genuine investment and by god is tripping into it a favorite pastime of mine

#if i had to say tho honestly these two were both the last ones of their units i managed to get attached to properly #yuzuru has definitely become my fav of fine though but my actual rst fav is kanata LOL #also finding out yuzuru likes to draw in general is everything to me you go you funky master artist #cute critter line took me out back w a metal chair why r they so. auhhg #actually my good friend who got me in here Knows i was actually on track to becoming an ibyz liker but then. anvil fell comically on my hea #before i knew it theyve taken over almost every corner of my brain get them out!!!!! get them out!!!!!!!!#and i was already a ryuseitai fan and enjoyed fine casually but oh. oh god im a yuzurup too now arent i goddammit #SORRY THIS BECAME A RAMBLE UM. THANK YOU VERY MUCH!#asks #anonymous #sometimes i forget that their actual interactions probably amount to no more than 6 or 7 times in canon and the rest is just in my head #that and i just think its rather nice for both of their characters to get along!! romantic or platonic #really sweet to see midori so pumped up and passionate about the things he loves and yuzuru getting thrown off his rhythm of the always #perfect butler who resigns himself into the background most of the time. theyre just having fun!!! silly guys #and yuzuru rly does enjoy art and nonsensical doodles even if people generally find it horrifying midori loves them wholeheartedly its. yea #okay im still rambling. ill shut up now i havent slept properly in a bed in nearly 48 hours i should go do that

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dark-visitors · 9 months

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Unfriendly and threatening reminder that gender is a social construct and anyone who wants to be transphobic or comment snide underhanded remarks targeted towards any queer identity on my posts can go fuck themselves

#I’m not fucking around #learn to shut the fuck up #also normally I just ignore it but while I’m already yelling into the void #if you could not add onto my posts that ‘you don’t ship wyclair’ or ‘I think wednesday and enid should just be friends’ I’d appreciate it #I know 90% of you probably don’t mean anything by it #and you can do and say whatever you want on your own blog #your opinions are valid and you don’t have to ship anything you don’t want to #but it very much gives the impression of saying “I’m not with this freak” and it can get kind of annoying #dark-visitors

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du-hjarta-skulblaka · 1 month

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Hmmggggggg almost got into a full fight with Cunt coworker bc she was totally ignoring one of the kids while also actively making things worse with another

#aaaand now ive had to take myaelf outside bc coming down from anger always makes me cry and shake #god i hate her #she constantly talks over everyone as well then doesnt listen when you talk to her #even if shes jist asked you a question #and she keeps scolding literally the sweetest kid we have for TALKING when its too late #shut the entire fuck up hes autistic with echolalia??? talking is how he regulates and he wasnt even loud!#uuuggghhhh #less than an hour to go. i can do this #except im in again tomorrow and in with Her on saturday #AND the sweet kids mum has tandonly announced shes visiting #which frankly i should be grateful she bothers to give us notice at all but shes also an abusive peice of shit #whom he is actively afraid of #so hes gonna have a meltdown when he finds out and probably when she visits and ill be on shift for that #i fucking hate it talks so much about how the kids specialised needs are the priority but they care SO fucking little #kids mum used to call the police on him any time he had a meltdown and lock him in his bedroom but SURE she can show up fucking whenever #why not if we're already just pissing around

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designernishiki · 11 months

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probably for the best that kiryu was asleep/passed out/??? for the whole majima/park/katsuya conversation in new serena cause I think at that point he’d have an aneurism if one more thing fucked him up emotionally

#though it’s funny to think about the fact that I think that means he’s like the only one unaware of majima’s history with mirei #which is kind of funny not gonna lie #everyone already knows and understands that they were married at one point and if it gets offhandedly mentioned later on no one would bat #an eye except kiryu who’s just standing there like #im sorry majima’s ex WHAT now #fgagshshshg #anyway i was groaning through akiyama’s dramatic read on the photograph and the letter ie the whole ‘two lovers forced to be apart…’ sorta #lines bshfjdbfndb like boy that sure sounds. not realistic at all #these are some fucked up individuals who had a fucked up dynamic (park described it herself and even if she didn’t try to antagonize him #much the situations she described spoke for themselves. also the fact that she was 19 and he was 28 but anyway) no way in hell was this a 20 #years of romeo and juliet type pining or some shit. like. be for real #dhdhfjfjdf I have some. complaints about this but. I should just shut up and keep watching probably #rambling #y5 #yakuza 5 spoilers

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bubacorn · 4 months

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it's so strange to me that humans give the word 'ugly' several meanings. like if your skin is scarred, people can say 'your skin is ugly', meaning that it's not perfectly smooth, but at the same time it means the same as if they just told you that your skin in itself is inherently ugly. like 'you possess ugly skin' and that's a bit sad. because someone probably just means that your skin looks hurt and painful, but they say that it's 'ugly' and your brain processes that differently. especially when there are people who actually mean it like it's disgusting and you should be ashamed.

generally, we really should be a bit more aware of our words, because telling someone that their skin/face/whatever looks ugly is beyond wrong, and you could have worded it more carefully or said what you really mean, or even better! you could have just not said anything, because it's rude af to comment on other people's appearance. and then you're surprised that they are insecure? like yeah, if you continuously insinuate that they should be ashamed of their appearance and you use the word 'ugly' repeatedly, then maybe they internalize it really quickly. fucking hell. pointing out imperfections that bother your eyes (fucking poke them out or smth) is literally what a child does who hasn't developed a filter yet and doesn't realize that it's rude. like, fuck, man, maybe your words have impact and saying whatever you think of first is not exactly a good look. just a thought.

#vent kinda #fucking hell people are so unnecessarily rude sometimes #i hated this since i was little but harsh words and playing them off as jokes just continue to irritate me cause that's fucked up man #i'm just so fed up with how little people care about their words #if you put in the effort to say something at least think about what your words imply?#and then it's 'you're so sensitive'#no i'm not i just think you should be a bit kinder and not hurt people with unkind words #because they are probably already aware of their imperfections and if you don't even want to help then you should keep your mouth shut

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yuridovewing · 11 months

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doesnt matter much bc idk how much content ill make for it anyways but i am so conflicted on whether i want the hawkleaf au to be in my hypothetical rewrite or not. because like i like the idea for that au because the melodrama gets pumped up even more and i love the whole "oh theyre firestar and tigerstars grandchildren.... but not the ones you think" thing, and how it makes the secret even more devastating, but also like. where the hell does that leave the windclan soap opera

#i mean feathertail lives in my au but i never liked feathercrow and even tho im aging up most of the cast #i still dont feel like pairing them up #so much of the interesting stuff you can do with crowfeather by leaning into him being a shitty guy is only possible if you keep #feathercrow and leafcrow #i want to keep breezepelt as a potential antagonist that eventually gets better but like again. SO much of that is rooted in leafcrow #i dont mind not seeing the windclan stuff as much bc hawkleaf would focus on the thunderclan consequences #as the only one in riverclan who'd care is mothwing who. honestly would probably already know #leopardstar and mistystar would probably hate that but leopard kicks the bucket soon after anyways #and tbh mistystar is so inconsistently written i just have no clue how to write her #maybe she hates it but shuts up when the brothers get exiled #ooooo maybe for an extra bit of nastiness riverclan grabs this whole thing and goes ''and this is why you cant take in loners''#and clan xenophobia only grows all that more powerful #anyways back to crow. i feel like since hes still going on the journey he should still be more involved afterwards #i like my initial idea i rambled about on main where hes still a shitty person but its less motivated by manpain #and more motivated by windclans civil war and perhaps that whole event made him turn against thunderclan #i soooorta want to do a thing similar to the po12 au where the other clans have prophecy cats?#but probably not bc the three's powers are seen as curses from the dark forest after the secret gets out #altho if i did do that then hmmm how would the other prophecy cats besides thunderclan react to all this #rewrite

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jacksintention · 1 year

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I can't with the previous post. It's just so good applied to Levi, Lacie, Oswald and even Jack.

Levi has his hands tied by the Baskerville system that is a sort of scam by the Jurors‚ like every Glen. But he says "let's just create a change" and gives a will to the Core. And he does so with the full intention of changing the narrative, if just to avoid the boredom of spending eternity watching the same thing happen over and over again from a sit in someone else's mind.

Lacie goes along with it because of her desire to ease the Core's loneliness, but in her idea of the children of misfortune being a consequence of this loneliness and her feelings of doubt or reservations, perhaps, revealed even before the tree scene in the scene in which she talks about this with Oswald, we could interpret this as her desire to end the existence of the children of misfortune and thus the cycle.

Jack plays into this in his attempt to take the "real" world to the "Abyss" world, but when he most consciously twists the narrative the Jurors had settled was when he intently made the decision to take the power from the Baskervilles. And I do think it has to do with ending the very system that doomed Lacie and Oswald and he deemed cruel and like torture, but mainly it is so that no one would interfere with him in the future.

Oswald tries to destroy the new narrative Jack has or is creating first by trying to stop him, but later on by trying to stop Levi's schemes before everything happened, resettling the narrative he was controlled and doomed by, serving still as their tool. And then he literally faces the truth, in the most explicitly way no one ever has been told this in that "real" world before, and threatens to kill the instigators of that narrative. And then just renounces, in a lack of action that is him at his most active ("not with a bang but a whimper", how fitting is that?!!!).

Ultimately there is a middle ground but the narrative is changed for good. For better or worse. With uncertain future consequences. But it is changed, and it feels kinder. And as a thank you the source of every narrative, the ink and paper of the narrative, lulls someone who shouldn't have existed but changed the world to sleep by telling him a different story. Because that's it. They're stories, and Oz deserved to go with a kinder one, because the ink and paper of the narrative loves him. And it's so interesting how that works metanarratively too. The author tells the story, but the author tells the reader a story about the stroy telling a softer version of the story, so that the reader too will get it alongside Oz. That works on several levels and it's so so interesting.

#I talk too much #I should probably delete this later #I was thinking a couple of days ago about how Lacie states that to Oswald in chapter 101 and how it seems to hint towards her choosing #to go through it not just in an attempt to ease the Core's loneliness but also trying to end the cycle if the children of misfortune really #originate from that. Ultimately it doesn't seem to work because even after Vincent there had kept existing new children. It could be argued #that perhaps it's due to the Will's own loneliness and isolation‚ or to the Core now being more sure about what loneliness is‚ or maybe #the author just didn't think of it further. Even after everything that happens the existence of the children of misfortune is necessary to #access the Core‚ that will now speak through Jack's body‚ Jack's mouth. So maybe Lacie's theory is true. And I like to think it is‚#but I'm biased bc I like how it works narratively and I love the concept of the children of misfortune being like emanences of the Core #and the parallelisms drawn from it. Like with Jack. Lacie's attempt to ease the Core's loneliness + chance the cycle works so well with #Jack's own intention and methods but in a twisted way‚ which works so well with how he misinterpreted her desire in his will to keep living #The Core gaining a certain sense of personhood through Lacie works very well with Jack both gaining first and then losing it for the same #The Core having a vague feeling of loneliness that Lacie recognises and knowing to acknowledge it thanks to Lacie works well with Lacie #learning to do the same through Jack‚ and with both Jack and Lacie recognising that loneliness in each other and feeling some kind of #connection and understanding due to that‚ yet not knowing it in themselves until facing the other. How that dooms them both in some ways #And now it's the typical Core/Lacie/Jack parallelisms that get a thousand faces and mirages through the story #of which I always talk and that makes me end up talking about pretty much every character in the manga and Cantor's transfinite numbers #so I will shut up already. I've already talked a lot. And sorry for the post but I couldn't fit everything in the tags #and I don't want to lose the idea‚ I want to keep on thinking about it more thoroughly #Pardon also my denomination of the worlds. Understand the " in the nietzschean sense please #Also that goes to my future self if I forget but I think I'll understand what I mean with that #I'm myself after all‚ if slightly altered‚ and live inside myself #I think there was some other clarification I wanted to make and perhaps some correction but I can't recall right now #It doesn't matter much because this is a draft for future personal pondering‚#but I hope it's not too grave as to confuse my future thoughts or that at least I will catch it later on

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youremyonlyhope · 2 years

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Officially crying over sad Disney songs yay.

#there's more than just disney that's causing this cry but disney was the trigger #Ma Belle Evangeline hurt me enough already #When She Loved Me got it started. i didn't realize how hard that song would hit only a month after losing my grandma.#but. wow. i still had some tears and sadness built up that didn't come out yet. and i probably still have some too.#(leave it to toy story to make sadness come out months later. this has now happened twice in my life specifically relating to toy story)#then stupid me thought just riding the cry out and going to Dos Oruguitas was a good idea. no. NO. made me cry more.#though When She Loved Me was the harder of the cries. I can't even type that song name ugh that song should be illegal.#then I listened to Le Festin while reading the english lyrics since that song is bittersweet instead of just straight up sad #hoping it would uplift me and it helped but i'm still like. messed up.#doesn't help i had way too stressful of a day at work that made my anxiety go through the ROOF #different stress than my old job but still stressful since it triggered my ocd to make me literally freak out and shut down.#like i haven't felt that anxious in a LONG long time. so i already knew i was in a fragile emotional state. i brought this on myself.#tonight was not the night to listen to sad Disney songs but also i guess it was the perfect night #so good night i think this is my cue to go to bed

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tardis--dreams · 1 year

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So tomorrow i have to/should

- give presentation (obligatory; fixed time)

- talk to my professor (!!!) (After class; rip)

- study korean (!); write dialogue for oral exam

- work on thesis (finish theory; start transcribing data)

- clean apartment (!) + do laundry

- exercise

#making to do lists is fun #doing them is impossible lol #the worst thing is really the talking to my professor part #but i have to so I'll just have to hope he won't be too [mad/judgmental??] upon learning i still haven't gotten anywhere #(he probably doesn't care but i personally am mad at myself and i judge myself Hard. so it'd be fair if he does too)#and the rest is just ahhh #how do i fit all of that in one day #like i know it's Nothing compared to other people's schedules and I'm already not working at all #so i should be fine #but it's so overwhelming I'm gonna cry lmao #also that presentation will be fun ahahah #i die #but yeah #exercise #actual exercise would be Great! (like hiit or kickboxing or something like really intense #i save myself with pilates and yoga and low intensity stuff these days but i want to Feel the rush of high intensity training again #I'm too lethargic for my own good so i keep avoiding the hard stuff but i actually Want it #(let's see if that holds true tomorrow night when i haven't slept in 36 hours again ahaha)#shut up amy #kill me #life is not for me

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fingertipsmp3 · 1 year

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Playing a game called ‘how long can I put off talking about my various mental problems with a medical professional’. It’s going badly. I recommend no one play this game, 0/5 stars

#so basically i had an appointment booked tomorrow to talk about potentially getting a prescription for microgynon or similar #just to even out my cycle. but i already got a prescription from boots because i discovered that’s a thing you can do #but i was like ‘no i’ll keep the appointment and finally talk about my anxiety’#my idea was to go in there and be like ‘so here’s the deal; i got my pills already and you should probably check my blood pressure #i’m like 99% certain it’ll be 100 over 80 as always but we should make sure it hasn’t shot up because i could like. die.#second; everybody in my life is begging me to get help for my anxiety. what do now’#but then i thought about it and i was like…… do i really want to go to the doctor’s BEFORE WORK and also talk about all these complex issues #like i WILL cry if i talk about my mental health or lack thereof with a random stranger. i will. because it’s a humiliating conversation!!#i don’t like having it!!! there’s a reason i quit therapy 13 years ago and haven’t gone back #also i don’t want to get up that early. lately i have not been sleeping well and i need all the sleep i can get and my shift doesn’t start #til 11; which WOULD allow me to sleep in if i didn’t have a doctor’s appointment at fucking 9 #i was also thinking in my own brain like. what if i chicken out and only have them check my blood pressure (which is a pointless exercise #because it Is going to be 100 over 80 and also i could just buy a blood pressure machine and do that in my home. then they’ve put aside a 30 #minute block for someone who literally doesn’t need it. i should cancel it in case someone needs an urgent appointment #so i called them and cancelled it lol #listen. one day i will stop playing this game and just TALK to somebody. but it is not this day #i genuinely think that for the moment i can manage my anxiety with herbal remedies and meditation and just reminding myself that i am being #stupid and to shut up. like i’m fundamentally okay. i am going to work. i am functioning at work. my manager is happy with how i’m doing #and says other coworkers have told her i’m great. everyone is commenting saying i’ve lost weight and i look well #i take my little mabel for walks and i read books and enjoy my hobbies. like. i’m OKAY.#i know things could still be better but fundamentally i don’t think i have anything meaningful to tell a medical professional #like maybe everyone gets nervous and sad and feels like it’s all pointless. what do i really expect to happen #would antidepressants even help me? who can be sure. not me #tl;dr i’m FINE except when i’m not but even then i think generally i will be fine #personal

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