#i obv dont mean all allos

[whoviandoodler]

No offense to anyone in particular, but allo people will literally be like ‘romantic love is the most beautiful thing in the world!!!! It’s the peak of being human and the human experience!!! Aro people are a tragedy and should be pitied!!!’ and then will be thoroughly heartbroken and traumatized and have several issues from numerous unhealthy/toxic/uncommunicative relationships they got into because they believed romantic relationships will fix them and/or fill in the hole amatonormative media has left in their chest when it told them they’re not whole until they have ‘another half’, and will keep chasing the possibility of finding The One at the detriment of their mental wellbeing and possibility to discover who they are when they aren’t chasing that high. like... thanks, babe, but I don’t want that.

#hot 2 am take #aro stuff #aro #aromantic #relationships #i obv dont mean all allos #i dont usually make aro related posts #bcs i dont wanna interact w allos on this topic #it can be tiring #but sometimes i just get random like lmao srsly moments #where im like #wow stuff is so stupid huh #so many allos will be like uwu poor aros they cant experience what i do #and li #i dont want to hun??? #theyll gen think all of us have this longing to have what they have #and are somehow damaged and sad bcs we dont #and some do obv but like #i lit could not care less to lead your life tbh #and those allos will tell u its like. part of the process!!! to find the one!!! #like they cant even hear themselves #sometimes i just wonder which one of us is the sad one here #yeah also disclaimer allo ppl pls dont try to convince me of something yall have tried to convince me since i could comprehend reality #ive had a lot of time to think abt this and im where i am #if u wanna add something constructive feel free #dan talks

[extreme-technicality]

Being aro with a romantic crush fucking rules. When I’m not stressing over what exactly romance is and all, I’m just kinda. Floating along on the Romancey Feelings. Or I completely forget about them altogether (though that…might just be The ADHDs at work) and we’re nothing less and nothing more than bffs. I get the best of both worlds–the light, fluttery Romancey Feelings and the more grounded Platonic Feelings. And a lot of the time, they mix into something truly incredible that’s honestly really really hard to put into words.

The best part, though? I don’t feel entitled to anything but Her friendship. Allow me to explain. In the course of figuring out what it means to Be Aromantic, I’ve unlearned the idea that anyone can force attraction of any kind to anyone. Of course it applies to me and other aros, obviously, but it applies to allos as well (i.e. gay men can’t force romantic/sexual attraction to women, lesbian women can’t force romantic/sexual attraction to men, and m-spec people in general can’t force attraction to people they aren’t attracted to for whatever reason). Therefore, if I cannot be expected to force attraction to anyone, regardless of their personal qualities, how can I expect anyone else to force an attraction of any sort to me? I like Her. I am attracted to Her. That does not mean She has to reciprocate. That also means that if I get genuinely butthurt cuz She doesn’t like me back, I’m high key an insufferable hypocrite.

Honestly, this mindset is the result of the simultaneous deemphasis on Romancey Feelings and the aforementioned understanding that nobody can control attraction. And that mindset (the one I cultivated after spending two years in the aro community) feels much healthier and much more respectful than the mainstream “oh they don’t like me back, boohoohoo, woe is me, why am I not enough” bullshit. That comes across as really really whiny and guilt-trippy, like people think if they throw a big enough pity party the Object of their Affections will relent and be all “fine I’ll date you” (this is literally the logic that Nice GuysTM use to harass people into dating them). Tldr: allos would probably be a lot better off if they talked to aros more and actually made an effort to understand where we’re coming from.

#kingdomheartstrashmouth #aro ramblings #The Romancey Feelings #aromantic #actually aromantic #actually arospec #couple things i couldnt figure out how to cohesively work into the post itself: #romance (in my case) is like a garnish to an already great friendship dish. the garnish alone does not make the dish and you also dont NEED #the garnish to make the dish good #why do i use food analogies for Romancey Feelings so much?? #how do you spell analogies?????? #also i use the phrase ‘Object of their Affections’ very very intentionally #as in: Nice GuysTM objectify women as vending machines in which they deposit all their hopes and dreams for a family and expect attraction #and commitment in return #but thats not how that works!! thats not how ANY of that works!!!!! #and frankly im not sure whether thats the result of amatonormativity; toxic masulinity; or both #its probably both actually #the toxic masulinity aspect makes it more prevalent in cishet allo men obvs #but the amatonormative aspect means that Nobody Is Safe #again tldr: allos would be much better off if they talked to aros and actually made an effort to liSTEN TO US FOR ONCE #anyway