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hedgefairy · 3 years

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So I'm stuck in Berlin, which, you know, it could be worse, but I really wanted to edit that 18th century breeches video. Anyhoo, now I have time and nothing else to do, so here's

Bridgerton, Episode 2

Missed Ep. 1? Here you go.

We start off with a birthing scene, is it the Dukey? It's the Dukey! Daddy Duke does some patriarchal screaming and Mummy Duke promptly dies, because of course she does, we can't have a happy childhood for the brooding hero, c'mon!

Dukey also has a mistress (present day Dukey, not baby Dukey). Is that Opera Girl? I have real problems telling these people apart, especially the Bridgerbros. I somewhere read that it's something that features extensively in the books, them always getting confused for one another, but in the series it just comes off as "these guys all look alike". Make it a plot point or something, but without it being acknowledged on screen this just screams "we didn't know how to make white brown-haired Regency bros look distinct"...

Where, Dreadlock Gent Extra in the background again!

I'm just not a fan of the colour coding between Dukey and Daphne, she basically does a Wendy Darling closet cosplay (don't get me started on that stupid hair... Yet) and he's all dark colours, it's all light female, dark male, even with their overall colouring (her being whiter than brioche and he being a POC) and character (she's a perfect angel and he's super broody) and I just don't dig it. Give me interesting shit, not this obvious sleeping aid! Also, Daphne doesn't even wear a spencer, girl, it doesn't look like it's that hot outside and you look like you're able out in your nighty.

Notes say "Horrid Featherington dresses, the spoon is def. not silver", which yes, antagonist fashion, and ffs, send the underpaid intern who didn't go get strappy shift Ersatz tops to a thrift store for some decent silverware. I can lend you some of mine, but ugh, really, its not that hard. The budget was obviously there.

Do we finally get plot? Eloise the Spirited goes walking with Penny and her hair just... isn't,and yes, she wants to go to uni (of course, because she's not like other girls™, don't get me wrong, YES, but I'm a bit tired of modern ideas being shoehorned into historcal settings because there is so much cool historical feminism and equality discourse and I'd love to see some of that in mainstream-ish popular culture), but Penny is very preoccupied with Cousin's pregnancy.

Of course Daphne's and Dukey's super clever ruse works like a charm, tons of suitors flock to Daphne's parlour. Lord B (you remember, her super asympatico brother who is a straight-up hypocrite) is super agitated about it.

Is that Dreadlock Gent in with the suitors?

Lord B continues to be a bitch about Horrid Suitor™ (who still has a broken nose which I very much approve of).

Oooh, shirtless boxing! AND gossip! Enter Lord B(itch) who of course wants to throw hands with Dukey. I really like Dukey's boxing bro, and the breeches. I want those! Well, I kinda made some, but the notes are from when I was just making them, so, err, yes. The notes also say "bad defense work, boring footwork" and I'm not sure if I meant Dukey or Lord B, but let's just assume it's both.

More Baby Dukey flashbacks! Daddy Duke sucks. So. Much. Let him kick an actual puppy already, we get it. Fun fact: When I hear Hastings (which is Dukey's last name, but I didn't bother remembering) I automatically think of the battle.

Yay, Penny visits cousin who's all rapunzeled up in her room for being pregnant. Turns out, lol, she got knocked up because church was so boring she started flirting with a guy and they totally hit it off (I'm not sure if it's canon, but I like to think they got it on in one of those confession boxes - idk if that's the term, I'm not catholic - or behind the organ or something juicy like that). Oh god, I hope they don't kill off the baby daddy because he's a soldier.

I refuse to believe in the existence of those high heels on the feet of that acrobat.

Lady B gets invited by the Queen and elatedly let's Daphne wear the family diamonds.

I just noticed that it's just Gossip Girl meets Pride & Prejudice. Ugh. I mean, that could have been a really good thing, but no.

Cool Old Lady™ (aka. Lady Danbury) calls Dukey out for dressing so drably. I like her.

"Make yourself terrifying" is a fucking cool piece of advice.

Oh, look, Dukey and Daphne are having fun while Horrid Suitor™ looks on, and Lord B tries to intervene like the little bitch that he is. Turns out Horrid Suitor™ is horrid inside and out and still insists that Daphne basically contractually belongs to him and I just don't have enough middle fingers for that shit.

We get another flashback of how horrible Daddy Duke is.

So the two women who are not into the whole (tiringly chemistry-free) romance thing are Eloise and Penny, one of whom walks like she's trying to emulate a seventy-year old with back problems and the other is the only non-thin person on screen aside from Horrid Suitor™ (and of him I suspect that it's to underline how very unattractive he's supposed to be). It feels all a bit very caricature-ish?

Horrid Suitor™, who has a shiner now from both Daphne and Dukey (I approve), tries to blackmail his way into marriage. It's just so laughably evil? What's this subtlety thing people keep talking about?

Wait, Eloise smokes? Yay! I mean, I don't encourage that, but in this case it's actual rebellion against the perceived ideal woman. Also, it explains her voice. Also, middle Bridgerbro gets a fucking line! WTF! I wasn't prepared for this! Their interaction is really sweet, I think its my favourite so far in the entire series.

Is the portly guy at court meant to be George IV? He's not. Aww. Also, cocain and/or snuff. Queen Charlotte is being ominous and braggy.

Enter Horrid Suitor™'s mum for gossip, because of course he's not only unsightly, of bad character, a sexual harrasment on legs and all the stuff, he's also a mama's boy. Which is bad, I suppose, because it implies unmanliness and being soft, which has so many unfortunate implications in itself. Ugh.

Cousin gets a line!

Eloise feat. bad "tomboy" hair (I feel personally attacked for some reason) and Daphne have a conversation about how they are super traumatised by their mother giving birth to their siblings.

Some of the background dresses look really bad.

Dukey and Daphne switch to first names, that's SO ROMANTIC! Aaah, the chemistry! (no.)

Ooooh, so Dukey not marrying is his revenge against Daddy Duke. His bloodline dies with him. Also, he just hadn't met Protagonist Girl yet, so it would have been such a waste, right?

And this concludes Ep. 2, which had surprisingly little in terms of annotations. I could delve more into the unfortunate implications of Horrid Suitor™ being a mama's boy but I'm still writing all of this on my phone and I need a break. So,

To be Continued.

Probably soon, because the trains still aren't going.

#Bridgerton #Hedgewatch #Stuck in Berlin #Berlinstuck #Maybe it's better on drugs?#Bridgerbore

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bethd0456 · 3 years

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hellooo lovely! i loved reading your response to my last ask - apparently tumblr is messing up my asks bc a lot of them haven’t been going through :( but let’s hope this one does! i’ve been seeing that you watch cherry magic, and it’s one of my favourite shows at the moment!! 💘 who’s your favourite character? mine is kurosawa personally, i relate so much to him and his gayness. also udon chan, the cutest little cat! what did you think of the last ep, wasn’t it so cute!!! (1/2)

i hope you’re doing well!!! i also wanted to ask what your favourite shows and ships are! i already have a vague idea formulating just by browsing through your blog and over our shared love of cherry magic, but i’d looove to hear your thoughts and your favourites!! wishing you the bestest day! 💘 - your secret santa (2/2)

Hiiiii!!!! I hope life is treating you well!

Omg I'm so glad you enjoyed reading it! I hope you're ready for this MASSIVE answer and you don't get too bored reading this one!

CHERRY MAGIC!!!!!! It instantly became a comfort show for me, as it did for many others!

ADACHIADACHIADACHIADACHI. Adachi is 100% my fave. I never fully understood what a comfort character was. I was like, "yeah! I love Tine also!" But. Adachi is the definition of comfort for me. I see so much of myself in him! Everyone sees him and is like "babie. Must protecc." And honestly? Me too. How can one character be so damn CUTE??!?!? One of my favourite moments is him seeing Kurosawa after the almost-kiss. He just like, sees him, and gets so panicked 🥺 the way his arms just flail about makes me smile like an idiot.

But like, on a deeper level, this drama makes me believe I'm worthy of love. The idea that someone like Kurosawa could be THAT infatuated with you, even though you're an awkward virgin lmao. The point of watching these dramas is to get lost in a story, right? See a situation you want so badly but you know will never realistically happen? The entire premise of the show is just really enticing to me. I am Adachi, Adachi is me. Also, the thing he said in ep6 about not having a clear dream in life? Yeah. I felt that. I'm so envious of people who have passions they work so hard for, it gives them a form of purpose. Like Adachi, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a "daze". I feel like I don't really have any specific passions or skills that I want to develop into a career. Sometimes I just wish I had ambition. Adachi makes me feel so seen and like I'm not the only person who feels like this. The kinds of characters that usually make good protagonists are characters with a clear goal/passion. In most shows this obviously really works, but I can never relate to them personally. It's really special for me to see a character who's similar to me in this way.

Kurosawa is such an amazing character too!!!!! His gay little heart 🥺 on another level, he's just so?? Respectful??? 7. YEARS. 7 years of pining and he holds himself back so well!! He's been waiting for this relationship for so long but is so patient, willing to take things slowly for Adachi. He flirts shamelessly (as he should) but never to the point where Adachi was too uncomfortable.

He cares so much about Adachi :(. But also, even before he liked Adachi, he could tell he was uncomfortable with the drinking thing, so he DOWNED the wine lmao. Clearly he's just a lovely person all round who's really socially aware.

As for other characters:

• Udon my baby!!!! The cutest cat ever!! I love animals sm :(((

• Tsuge's chaotic energy is iconic

• Minato a lovely little dance machine :))

• Rokaku deserves the world, my excitable kiss interruptor :(((

• Fujisaki my love! She's so soft and cute!! Also ace coded how iconic

I ADORED ep8!!! I LIVE for established Adasawa! Adachi coming out to Tsuge :((( I'm so proud of Adachi coming to terms with his feelings and being confident enough to share his relationship with his closest friend. Coming out is not easy and he did so well 🥺

Adachi and Tsuge are so useless bless them 😂 Kurosawa really said "well I guess I have to take these two socially awkward disasters under my wing." Adachi and Tsuge are such a chaotic duo, I love that they can communicate just by touching each other, and omg when Kurosawa said his name Tsuge was "wait maybe I know everything about you already" and if that isn't friendship idk what is

Also Kurosawa making up a poem in his head about Adachi???? Peak romance. Also iconic. I'M A SUCKER FOR HAND HOLDING SCENES SO I DIED. "I like him. I like him. I like him!!" HOW CUTE CAN YOU GET FJKHDSHSKSK

I also got another arm flailing moment when Kurosawa almost got the wrong idea about Adachi and Tsuge!! CAN ADACHI STOP BEING SO CUTE MY HEART CAN'T TAKE IT. How on earth his boyfriend is still alive I have no idea.

There are so many other shows and ships I love. I feel like I'll probably miss some, but here we go. These aren't rankings at all, just like, lists lol.

Show list:

1. 2gether

This show means so much to me. It was the first time I watched a bl week by week and it made it so much more special?? I valued scenes so much more than when I binge shows and they would like, look at each other and I'd have a heart attack. They made the first part of my quarantine bearable bc I always had something to look forward to every Friday. I actually really enjoyed quarantine overall as an introvert (not to be insensitive about the literal deaths the pandemic has caused), but I really enjoyed constantly thinking about how long it was until Friday. I'm massively emotionally attached to all of the characters in this show you have no idea. Every single one. The found family of it all,, the way all of the characters have relationships. Still2gether did a phenomenal job of showcasing all of the unexpected but very welcome dynamics and relationships, platonic and romantic alike. I could blabber about this show for so long I'll spare u for now

2. YYY

Is it well written? No. Did I enjoy it anyway?? You know it! I told you how much I love the found family trope. UGH. THIS FAMILY. Also, seeing the feminine side of the LGBT+ community represented positively warmed my heart. There needs to be more bls that do that! Celebrate femininity!! There's nothing wrong with being camp as fuck! It's so much fun!!! This show made me so happy :))

3. Start up

I'm currently obsessed. It's my first Kdrama and holy shit this is what the hype is about. The budget!! The acting! Top notch. On a sad note I really wish bls got that much funding behind them. My heart aches for a complicated story with fully developed characters and plotlines, that just happens to have a gay main couple/character. Wishful thinking for now at least. Anyways, I'm massively emotionally attached to Halmeoni and Jipyeong. Team Jipyeong all the way (even tho Dalmi's obviously gonna end up with Dosan, and I'm happy for them!). All I need is a happy ending for my darling Jipyeong. Please give him one. Also, if anything happens to Halmeoni I will WEEP.

4. Cherry magic is obviously here but I've ranted about that enough already 😂

5. 3 will be free

I would never have expected gmm to make a series like this! But they went and did THAT. Wild. It was such a healthy representation of a poly relationship. The themes of feminism were so well handled and powerful, the chemistry was off the CHARTS, I was hooked from start to finish! Time for a rewatch? I think so.

6. Feel good

Not an Asian drama, but still gay as FUCK. It's written by my wife Mae Martin who also stars in it, and I have to say, it blew me away. Story time!! My friend irl recommended it to me without saying it was Mae, so I was like "okay sure I'll put it on my to watch list I guess" without much motivation to watch it. But as soon as I found out it was Mae I watched it and I've never looked back lol. Once I finished I sent my friend a splurge of messages about my feelings. The series touches on issues like addiction, sexuality and gender. "I'm not a boy. I'm not even a girl. I'm like a failed version of both." That shit HURT.

There's a scene near the end which has really stayed with me. So Mae's character is a comedian and she does a set making jokes about the stuff that happened in the series and oh my GOD. The way I CRIED. It made me realise that people who make jokes about their experiences are using humour as a coping mechanism and when people say "Haha I have daddy issues isn't it funny" we have to remember to be respectful. It's never okay to make jokes about someone else's trauma. Don't make a big deal of it but just don't be a dick.

Anyways I could go on but would 100% recommend this series!

7. HIStory 2 crossing the line

My first bl! This series is the reason I'm so obsessed with bl lmao. The main couple are so soft :( this little series will always hold a special place in my heart!

8. Sotus

My first gmm series, we've come a long way. I miss Kong and Arthit :(

9. Dark blue kiss

Such a brilliant series. I trust P'Aof (director) with my life. This series touches on issues that are so important and deserve to be talked about so much more in bls. This is what happens when you let LGBT people tell LGBT stories! They do it with such care and love!! One of my favourite lines is "I may like men, but I'll never like your brother." One of my biggest let peeves is "I don't like men, I only like x." Like, I get the business behind it, they don't want to make the character gay to make them available for girls to fantasise about. Which is disgusting. But Mork really said "no. ❤" and I LOVE IT.

10. The shipper

I could go on and on about how underrated I think this series is. This series took over from 2gether on Fridays, and while I didn't think about this series constantly like I did with 2gether, this series made my quarantine brighter. Fridays meant I was gonna laugh at least once and forget about life just for a short while. The humour in this series is so fucking dumb lmao, but I'm here for it.

I've seen people talk about the shipper as a bl but I disagree. I think it's better described as a series with bl aspects. The main themes are friendship, family, dealing with loss, respecting boundaries of people you admire, and one of the main messages is about making sure the people close to you know how much they mean to you. Don't get me wrong, the majority of the series is over the top humour, but by the end of it I was personally really attached to the characters and their feelings. Overall I really enjoyed this series but I don't see anyone properly talk about it :(

11. Gaya sa pelikula

A series made by gay people for gay people. Shows like this are so important. This show really healed my soul with how brilliant the representation was :(( "remember we talked about microagressions" the way that means Vlad is constantly educating Karl about LGBT stuff, UGH. SO GOOD. Also this show has the most realistic representation of a crush I've ever seen lmao, soft Vlad is the best Vlad.

12. My engineer

My happy little Saturday show :( I miss the shit writing, shit acting and soft story of this series so much. I'm so fond of this series, I watched it after the horrible ep12 of 2gether and it really made me happy. I'm looking forward to season 2, but Ramking's novel goes DOWNHILL from here on. I know tricreation wouldn't allow the final chapter's scenes, but the entire story is so problematic and unenjoyable :(. The only valid scene is King's coming out scene but that's literally it. And the collar scene can stay lmao.

13. Oxygen

Another soft saturday series! I love this series so much, all of the couples are so bloody healthy and it makes me so happy. The communication is amazing!! THIS is how you show healthy relationships!!!

14. The gifted

S1 was so amazing!! I loved all of it! The only part of s2 we'll talk about is timegracethird. Time best boy!! Grace a feminist queen! When future Grace said they would be friends for a long time that made me so happy :(( also pangwave canon

15. Until we meet again

So I talked about the healthy relationships in oxygen. But uwma really showed the healthiest relationship ever. DeanPharm are just the softest little humans :( I would die for Pharm. He's the closest I got to a comfort character before Adachi. I just have to PROTECT HIM. My motherly instincts really kick in when I see him lmao.

The storyline of this series is just breathtaking. And the ending? I don't think I've ever cried that much. At all. It was so fucking beautiful 🥺

16. My gear and your gown

I really liked this show! Honestly I don't think I'll ever rewatch it but I definitely enjoyed it. The way Pai just seemed to breathe freely for the first time when his parents accepted his sexuality :(((( my baby :( also purefolk were brilliant

Ship list:

1. Saratine

These two are the definition of romance. They mean the fucking world to me. The fact that their story is apparently gonna be continued in some form makes me so. So. Happy. I cannot begin to describe it. My bet is on a special episode and ugh I'm so EXCITED.

2. Aini

Thonhonchonlatee in general is enjoyable but I don't like Thon at all. It's such a shame bc I was so excited for Khaotung and Podd to be in a series together :((. BUT. Aini have grabbed my heart. I knew they would bc miketap are brilliant, but wow. They're so gay my little babies :( miketap are just so natural and comfortable to watch. I love their chemistry so muuuuuuch

3. Sunmork

Coffee boyfriends :( I miss them so bloody much

4. Ramking

One of my fave ships. As I mentioned, I'm apprehensive about s2, but s1 ramking is such a beautiful story. It's just about 2 boys falling in love, no complications. Plant boy who's afraid of dogs falls in love with quiet boy who loves dogs but is afraid of children. Iconic. Also chemistry outsold, I THINK ABOUT THE KISS CONSTANTLY. When I mentioned the acting is shit in this series (shit is harsh, I mean awkward), I did not mean Perth and Lay in the slightest. They really nailed their roles and I loved it.

5. Professor Layton x Claire

You 100% won't get this reference but I grew up with the Professor Layton games and holy shit do they hold up. They're so amazingly written with beautiful stories and the most lovable characters in the world. Layton's intellect, loving nature and surprising athleticism are admirable. Adachi is the character I relate to most, but if I was gonna choose a character to comfort me irl, Layton's your man. His voice is so comforting by nature. I'm blabbering at this point but the point is him and Claire are the only het pairing that matters.

These are just the ships that I felt should be separate from their shows. I love all of the ships from the shows I mentioned.

Oof this got horrifically long, I haven't had a proper chance to rant about most of these shows so I really let it out lol. I hope you've watched at least some of these shows and I didn't just rant to u about 12 shows you've never heard of 😂

I hope you have a wonderful day love!!!!

#secretsanta'20

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etherealellaelf · 4 years

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Disney Remakes: they’re not all bad.

I submit that some of the disney live action remakes are, regrettably, a bit off. But not all of them. A lot of them are really good. Here’s why.

-Lion King did really put me off with the lack of expressions. I’m not sure if I have much to say about it, lol I’ll have to see it and let you know. Honestly though I don’t think I can because I love the original Lion King so flipping much, it’s a masterful movie and part of its mastery is the beautiful hand drawn animation and its expressive characters. I can’t think I can watch a bunch of real lions just talking. Who knows? I’ll keep you posted.

-Alice in Wonderland, one of the first of them, had some really good feminist moments. I love the Hatter and Alice’s love for each other, I guess he’s like the only human in Wonderland so it makes sense. But I get some weird ideas because the denizens of Wonderland are supposed to mirror the characters in Alice’s real life, and since the only redhead in Alice’s life is Hamish, that weirdo who asks her to marry him and he’s a total jerk.... and the Hatter is a redhead too.... idk it’s weird. Also it’s weird if he represents her dad because number one he’s dead and number two it’s incest, but the Hatter does say a few things that her dad said at the beginning....hmmm... fishy. However I feel like I can rest assured because this might just be the case of “Johnny Depp came to shoot today in a homemade cosplay and nobody can stop him because he’s just a mad genius”, in which case why do they keep letting him do that??? I don’t mind the hatter’s design, but can you imagine Just Plain Old Johnny Depp In All His Sexy Glory as a mad hatter? It would have been fine. They had to give him a gap between his teeth, CGI enlarged eyes, crazy red hair, white and pink makeup... oh well, whatever, it’s fine. I like how Underland looks a bit more like Narnia than like a Tim Burton land; I honestly don’t know if they gave him complete creative control when it came to the CGI set design. It might’ve been cool to see that.

-Cinderella was wonderful, I thought. I really love how Cinderella and the Prince interacted a lot more, falling in love over a long period of time. In fact, I feel like it was a spiritual remake of Ella Enchanted(which, in my opinion, Disney really botched up because the book was just so amazing), so they did really good in my book. My brother, however, hates that at the end she just twirls in her tower and doesn’t do anything to save herself, when in the original she tried to escape. He thinks it’s really unfeminist and he doesn’t want his daughter to act like that. I agree on that mark, but I’ll let everyone watch it. Also they threw a little bit of the Beauty and the Beast original fairy tale in there when her dad, a merchant, asks what she wants and Cinderella asks for the branch that brushes his arm or whatever; similar to a single rose, when her sisters ask for riches. I also liked the handling of Lady Tremaine; it really humanized her and I felt for her. The stepsisters were silly as per the usual. The King went from a bumbling psychopath(the cartoon) to a very melancholy, concerned father, and I cried at his death scene. Bravo, Kenneth Branagh, bravo.

-I really like all of Beauty and the Beast, although I do think that they made Lumiere & friends a little bit too important in this movie. I needed more moments between Belle and the Beast that were in the animation! Evermore was breathtaking though, let’s be honest. Although let’s be honest, I REALLY REALLY wanted to see a shirtless Dan Stevens emerge from a wall of rose petals because that sounds absolutely magical and super HOT. I’m so mad they had to redo it. Also I like the subtle crush Lefou has on Gaston; I’ve always wondered if he liked him. I do wish that Josh Gad had toned it down with his fabulousness though, because although I love fabulousness I wonder if it was slightly offensive. I really liked Gaston, and I feel like he could have gone a little bigger and with more bravado, could have been from slightly comedic to VERY comedic, but I think that’s alright. He did a great job. And as for everyone complaining about the villagers being really nasty and openly evil towards Belle, I actually liked it. It’s clear in the cartoon that the villagers whisper behind Belle’s back, but I feel like she just has a small smidgeon of an idea that they think she’s weird. In this, they freaking ATTACK her. They’re like ‘We can’t have smart bicc’s in our town! Get out me town!” It is a bit on the nose sometimes but I think it works because it helps Beast and her relate to feeling like outsiders. I do think the Beast knowing how to read kind of gave them something in common as well, but I disliked how he scoffed at her favorite book, Romeo and Juliet. I wish he had been more understanding like, “There’s this poor girl whose library is like, seven books, and amongst those seven books, one of which is probably the freaking bible because they belong to a pastor, her favorite is basically a romance. She’s not well read; I’m going to show her the classics.” Which back then was probably, like, idk, Voltaire? Too soon? Eh I’m not sure when it takes place. I do wish he’d gifted the library to her though, that was a nice gift for her in the previous movie. (Here’s the thing; the Beauty and the Beast cartoon is basically a perfect movie and I don’t think anything can live up to it, but this one was good too. It wasn’t better, but nothing can be better than that movie. Except maybe the Princess Bride or the first Pirates of the Caribbean or the stage production of Phantom of the Opera. No, not even then.)

-Dumbo? I haven’t seen it yet, I’ll have to and update this.

-Okay so Aladdin is really good. I entered the film with the meme cringe in my mind, totally expecting it to look weird and bad, but honestly Will Smith was such a great actor! And I actually freaking cried so many times because number one: the genie was aladdin’s father figure that he never had! He taught him how to date! Number two: the genie got his true love as well, and you see her and their kids at the beginning of the movie! SPOILERS btw. Sorry. Also Number three: they picked Will Smith to play the genie because he’s HITCH of course! The matchmaker extraordinaire! (I just love Will Smith. I wish he would run for president; it wouldn’t be the first time we had an actor in the white house. Just kidding, I don’t want to burden him that way, and there are really smart candidates this year to choose from. I just am urging everyone to go vote, and no more harambe crap!!!!) Also Jasmine had a nice new empowering role in this movie. I just sort of wish Jafar had been more menacing and villainous. But his actor was fine, just a bit soft-spoken.

-Lady and the Tramp- I started it on Disney+, I need to finish it. I’m halfway there.

-Christopher Robin is a gift; it’s both simple and complex. It has a lot of nice metaphors and I could feel my heart hurting for much of the film. Seriously good aesthetics as well, Director of Photography!!!

-The Jungle Book is a really good remake! So much excitement, and I could totally see Bill Murray in Baloo. (I think it’s equal in terms of story to the movie Mowgli, although Mowgli had that nasty little surprise at the end, I’m still hurt about it.)(also in comparing, the CGI is similarly good, but Mowgli wanted to do a really ambitious face capture thingy and I’m not sure if it worked,(uncanny) but it was interesting! It was also a lot darker. I think they’re both good.) Ben Kingsley was superb, of course, as Bagheera, as always, and he has a really fatherly voice(I thought Christian Bale did well as Bagheera as well, but he was more of an action figure in that movie, less of a father/teacher figure). And John Favreau, as always, went the extra mile to bring the action, the writing, and the moral through, and made it super good for children at the same time!(the same cannot be said about Mowgli, as there were some violence/action things that go beyond ‘peril’, hence it’s PG-13 rating) My one discrepancy was the voice of Kaa. Scarlet did fine, but I always thought of Kaa as a boy. I think they could have found a slithery voice actor for Kaa. Benedict Cumberbatch did really well as Smaug, hissing and growling, and he could have done well. I also think that Tom Hiddleston could have done a great job; he has a really gentle and pliant voice that can turn menacing in the matter of seconds, and if it’s about the snake being sexy as Scarlet Johanssen(haha what??), I think that Hiddles can bring it.(I’m not quite sure what I’m talking about at this point so I’ll shut up now.) I do feel like Mowgli started shooting way before The Jungle Book was even a glimmer in John Favreau’s eye, and that kind of makes me want to root for Mowgli because I’m sure that different movie houses have people working in both, probably swapping stories with their friends, and I’m sure it wasn’t an exact copy, but I can totally see Bill Murray in Baloo’s face and that can’t be by accident. Just saying. Not calling Disney out or anything, but I’m sure they can take it, they have like a trillion dollars. Anyway. Still a good one.

-Haven’t seen Pete’s Dragon.

-101 Dalmations, I know this shouldn’t count but it just does. I loved watching this as a child. I’m so happy they didn’t make the dogs talk? Haha it usually works when they do, but it gave a lot of room for Doctor House and Mister Weasley to interact. Also Glenn Close is great. I think this movie’s a good example of a career woman who decides to get domesticated and her sista is like, “Girl, you can’t do this! We have to be strong women! You have to come back to work!” But Anita is all, “Girl, respect my decisions! Feminism isn’t forcing your girl to be exactly like you, it’s giving me the respect to make my own decisions. If I want to have a baby with my husband, that’s fine. I want to be a mom!” I feel like the “new” 101 dalmatians remake they’re gonna make, will have a different opinion. Similar to wicked and maleficent, it’s going to humanize Cruella, but I just hope that they’re nice to Anita. She’s such a smol soft bird and if she wants 2 billion dogs and one baby, that’s fine... ugh, that’s gotta be like so much dog poop in her house... anita what are you doing...

-Maleficent. Obviously I love it. I love how those arguing fairies are super incompetent at raising Aurora because they’re too busy fighting, so Maleficent has to swoop in and rescue the princess. I like how Maleficent is a fae and it’s so sad how there’s like this rape metaphor when Stefan cuts off her wings, and that would be reason to curse his baby, especially because they were in love and he betrayed her! Stole her wings! Married someone else! T^T Maleficent, you poor misunderstood fairy! I love her motherly relationship with Aurora. I love that she’s the one who kisses her forehead to wake her up because Philip met her just that day. However, I don’t like how they just shove Philip out of the way, because Sleeping Beauty is honestly so romantic, and I love how they dance together and everything. I also like the raven boi. I ship him and Maleficent so hard and I hope he doesn’t die in the sequel, I haven’t seen it yet.

-So technically the Parent Trap is a remake. It’s awesome. It gave my childhood so much romance and prank ideas. It’s much better than its predecessor, especially because the mom in the old one is, like, urged to look prettier by her butler(wtf?!?! YOu’re FIrEd?!?). I’m so glad we’ve come so far.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Are the remakes better? In some cases they are. I think Cinderella is better than its predecessor. I think the original Alice is very good, as a nonsense movie, and I feel like the remake is equally good, but they’re different movies with different motives and plots. The original Beauty and the Beast is my favorite and it’s perfect, so the new one isn’t better, but it is really great and I love it, too. Anyway, that’s all.

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doux-amer · 5 years

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I FINALLY SAW CAPTAIN MARVEL AND I GOT EMOTIONAL WATCHING IT. Okay, calming down now. As a lot of you know, my expectations were low as the marketing was lackluster, I was nervous about certain choices that were made, etc., and even though I avoided any CM chatter, I heard murmurs of mixed reactions...so my expectations were pretty much on the floor when I went to see it. I just hoped it would be fun even if it was okay, but uh...I REALLY ENJOYED IT. It’s not perfect and when I was talking to Alanna, she said people said it reminded them of CA:TFA (it really does in certain ways and I get why they said it, but TFA, for all its cheese and its weaknesses, is one of my favorite MCU movies lol). BUT! I! LOVED! IT! I don’t care about the unevenness because all that fell to the wayside by the sheer, all-encompassing joy I felt watching it.

This is how I wanted to feel watching Wonder Woman because I adored Diana as a little girl and it didn’t happen although I kept quiet about my disappointment because I wanted people to go support it anyway as it was super important that it did well. THIS THOUGH. I wanted to punch my fist in the air so many times and laugh and hug and hang out with Carol. I JUST. GOD.

I’ve experienced unfettered happiness and fun before with Marvel—that’s how I felt with The Avengers and with Spider-man: Homecoming. But this? This was the first time I was a fan of someone from the comics before seeing a movie and seeing it come to life the way I so hoped she would. It was extremely special because of that particular element and I got emotional because of it which I didn’t expect. I really felt disconnected to Carol from what I saw in the trailers and was afraid the movie wouldn’t resonate because it would be very white feminist-y. It wasn’t. And that hero on the screen? THAT WAS MY GIRL CAROL. I’m kind of getting slightly misty-eyed writing this. But GOD, I waited years for this and it’s just overwhelming wth!

I’m going to do my usual bullet points. If you want to avoid spoilers, scroll past this long post:

I was turned off by the silliness of the trailers and Carol’s more serious moments came off as unconvincing in them, so I expected not to connect with her. I WAS WRONG. I GOT MY GIRL. I’M WEEPING! She’s emotional! She’s feisty and bullheaded. She can be serious and fueled by anger. She can be fun even when she’s a fierce warrior, but not to the point that it’s distracting! Her humor is very much her own and very much Carol. It’s not witty. It’s goofy. She clearly finds herself hilarious which I LOVED. SHE’S SO DORKY, SMILING AT HER OWN JOKES.

The movie stayed away from what could have been a cringeworthy white savior undercurrent by making Carol culpable in the suffering of the oppressed. I know the Skrulls are aliens and look like them unlike the other aliens we’ve seen who you can’t exactly forget are played by POC characters, but lbr that narrative is about refugees and...look at current events lmao. As a Kree warrior, even if she unknowingly participated in the Kree-Skrull war ignorant of the truth, she hurt a lot of innocent people. And that’s great! It’s not that she was this pure person swooping in to save the weak or whatever. This is something she had to grapple with once her memories came back and her eyes were opened and she knew she had to make amends.

It reminded me strongly of Tony in IM1 with Obie dealing under the table to terrorists and becoming a part of a corrupt machine without meaning to. It didn’t matter that that was the case; he still felt responsible and accountability became a huge part of his story.

This origin story reminded me of Cap’s, not because of the whole military aspect to it lol but because of how she’s “just human.” Carol never gives up and Steve doesn’t either. They get knocked down? They’ll shake it off and stand back up. I might’ve gotten a little emotional here too which I didn’t expect. Plus she wanted to prove to herself that she could do whatever the hell she set her heart on. The other parallel was the whole fighting for the government/military who end up not being so great and going rogue thing.

It made me sad because we won’t get the Steve-Tony-Carol friendship we so deserve, but lol while the credits were rolling, my sister was like “Yeah, Tony’s going to die” because she’s the obvious successor. Originally she said it was because of his powers when I asked why and then she agreed when I pointed out that it’s not just because of his powers, but in terms of personality and a whole slew of things that reminded me of him AND Steve (it’s like Peter in CA:CW and SM:H). She feels like the linchpin holding the MCU together like them too.

Like the fact that Carol was the reason for the Avengers’ existence! That was obvious, but that scene where Fury’s typing on the computer and he looks at that photo of her before changing the name of the initiative? HM....I WAS VERKLEMPT.

Also, I loved how they made her get her powers. It wasn’t an accident. No one sacrificed their life for her. She got her powers because of her own actions. She got her powers because she was being a HERO. SHE IS WHO SHE IS BECAUSE OF HERSELF. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!

Speaking of that, I was surprised by the Mar-Vell plot twist because we all thought that would be Jude Law and I expected Annette Bening to be someone else (who she sort of ended up being anyway) lol. I didn’t mind that they did that. Love that she was Carol’s mentor.

I loved the female relationships. CAROL AND MARIA’S SCENES. MARIA BELIEVING IN HER. MARIA TALKING ABOUT HOW HARD IT WAS FOR HER AS A SINGLE MOM AND A WOMAN IN THE AIR FORCE, BUT CAROL DIDN’T CARE ABOUT THAT. THE PHOTOGRAPHS OF THEIR LIFE TOGETHER...BINCH...I MAY HAVE BLINKED OUT A TEAR!!!!! Carol being cute with Monica! Monica urging her mom to be a hero while Maria wanted to watch out for her because she has Monica to think of now, not just herself. Monica being responsible for Carol’s Captain Marvel getup! Carol and Maria getting involved with Lawson because she was their ticket to proving themselves and moving up!

And yet the movie didn’t get too hammy and heavy-handed with feminism (I hate it when some people write stuff that way because I find it extremely sloppy and ineffective)! We didn’t have to have a female villain just because we had a female lead superhero. We didn’t have to have moments where Carol says preachy lines. That moment where she just raised her eyebrow at the motorcycle dude? Fantastic. She didn’t have to deal with that scumbag. That moment where Yon-Rogg tried to pull a typical Man Move TM by trying to make her prove herself to him (and trying to take ownership of her development and strength)? She didn’t have to be all cocky and say some quip or cheesy af line. She wasn’t even that angry because he’s not worth it. He’s an ant beneath her foot. He’s irrelevant. She just says it straight up that she doesn’t have to prove anything to him, and that was what made that so powerful for me. It resonated because she said it like it was the truth, plain and simple, and it WAS.

No romance shoved in not because Carol didn’t need no man as a Strong Woman but because there are more important things at stake and honestly, the romance was with her wife Maria her relationships with other humans and the Skrulls were the emotional crux. They’re an important part of who she is and of rediscovering her identity. God...like her relationship with Fury? So well done. It was the buddy cop movie that I so wanted. I loved their jokes and their mutual respect for each other. I love how they became so important to each other and we saw Fury deeply care about someone and showing that. One of my favorite scenes is the one where they’re washing dishes together.

They also didn’t shove Coulson in too much which I was afraid of. We got to see where Fury started off, a greener one but one who was as compelling because he was so human. We got to see Fury deeply caring about someone and so openly (this is the guy who said, ��I'm just an old man who cares very much about you“ to Tony in AoU). It was nice seeing how the whole belief in superheroes thing truly started with the both of them (Coulson had his whole Cap thing, but I feel like this was the moment where he imagined having a hero like that in his own time was possible).

Uh let’s see. I love Goose. I don’t particularly care for animals in movies even though I know people obsess about them, but they didn’t overdo Goose’s part.

All the little callbacks to the comics! KSD showing up!

The period part of the period piece wasn’t overdone which I appreciated. Carol typing made me laugh, the slow download and AOL shoutout made me laugh, and damn, the fashion and music? I was over the moon. You didn’t have to go over the top to make us immersed in the 90s. Also, my heart sang when we got Carol on a bike on the open road in a leather jacket. The bliss I felt is indescribable tbh.

Ooh the special effects were good for the most part! Loved seeing her fly and loved seeing her gut ships and destroy missiles. It felt real. Space didn’t feel cheesy af to me which was a problem I had with GotG 1.

Speaking of flying and punching things, it was so viscerally satisfying to see her do that. One of the things that really did it for me was how she enjoyed her powers. It was exhilarating seeing her fly for the first time (similar to seeing Tony taking out the suit for a test flight in IM1). Her little laugh/whoop of excitement? That’s what it would be like to discover you can fly! That grin when she breaks free of the Kree dampening her powers and she can feel her powers at full force running through her? That’s what it would be like to be at 100% and have all that. I wanted to jump out of my seat and feel what she felt. It made her powers not feel very OTT-overpowered? Carol has....too many powers and is super strong to the point that she’s overpowered, but uh...idk I didn’t have a problem with it here, mainly because of this.

The post-credits scenes were good too like....WOW, HUH. I watched this in Dolby (my first Dolby experience!) and I GOT EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY, EXTREMELY THIRSTY OVER STEVE IN A BEARD AND OUT OF HIS SUIT AND A TIGHT WHITE SHIRT!!! I DON’T KNOW HOW I KEPT IT TOGETHER BECAUSE I ALMOST DIDN’T WHICH WOULD’VE BEEN EMBARRASSING. BUT PHEW!!!!!! STEVE? WHAT A *****!!! Thought the scene was nice too even though I wish Carol got better hair. I assume she flew and that’s why she looks so bedraggled, but uhfhghdaoifhas I hated her hair in this and want Carol to get the nice hair she deserves (preferably a short butch cut...thanks. C’mon, Brie wants it too). OH, ALMOST COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION THAT IT BROKE MY HEART TO HEAR HER SAY, “YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHO I AM. I DON’T KNOW WHO I AM” AND TO NOT KNOW WHERE SHE BELONGS. SHE’S NOT KREE, BUT SHE’S NO LONGER FULLY HUMAN NOT ONLY BECAUSE OF HER POWERS BUT BECAUSE OF HER LIFE ON HALA AS WELL. I loved how we saw her journey to accepting that and who she is now and how that was all tied up nicely with her wearing her old leather jacket the Rambeaus kept for her and her new suit as she goes into space. What a great moment and a nice visual cue to a comics cover I really like of Carol wearing her jacket over her suit and staring up at the stars. I feel like trying to find her place and her identity are important to her so I loved that we got that here and we’ll hopefully see more of that.

There are a bunch of negatives here (a bunch of stuff about the Tesseract that go against canon, the Skrulls (makeup, personalities, nerfed powers and threat level imo, etc.), subpar writing and acting at moments, etc.), but I seriously don’t care at all because I enjoyed the ride. My happiness dwarfs every little thing I could have nitpicked. I don’t care!!! I had so much fun! I liked the movie a lot!

#captain marvel spoilers

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surveysonfleek · 6 years

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832.

5000 Question Survey Pt. 49

4701. What is your reaction to beggers and homeless on the streets? Are they lazy? Why? i feel bad for them. they may have put themselves in that position, they may have not. no one can judge until you hear their story. 4702. Does pure altruism exist? Why or why not? not in my world. 4703. Is 'You like me and I like it all' an attitude you might have? nope. 4704. Finish the words. Ch: air An: al Ge: ar So: ul Ne: ver Bo: il Wi: ll E: ye

4705. What's your favorite science fiction movie? Make it a double feature. What's your second favorite? does black panther count? definitely that. second fave is probably the xmen series. 4706. If you had a remote control for people who would you set on mute? haha no. i’d just avoid them. 4707. When have you felt like you were living in the twilight zone? no. 4708. Do you have penis envy? Do you have vagina envy? haha no. 4709. The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user doesn't see it. What is it? idk. 4710. A child is born in Boston, Mass., to parents who were both born in Boston, Mass. The child is not a U.S. citizen. How is this possible? this boston, mass must not be in usa. 4711. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain on Earth? mount everest. unless there’s still one undiscovered somewhere. 4712. If you had to choose between being 3ft. tall or 9ft. tall which would you be? probably 3ft. 9ft is huge. 4711. If you could know the answer to any 3 questions, what would they be?: idk. 4712. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the body or the mind of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? probably the mind. you could still do a lot with your mind even if you’re frail. 4713. Would it disturb you much if, upon your death, your body were simply thrown into the woods and left to rot? Why? it depends. it would if i knew about it. 4714. Would you like to know the precise date of your future death? hell no. if it’s sooner than i expected i’d freak. 4715. Would you be willing to give up all television for the next 5 years if it meant 1,000 starving children in Indonesia would eat and get medicle care? if i could still stream shows and movies on my laptop i’d do it in a heartbeat. 4716. Name a close friend of the opposite sex: ok. Imagine they are from another country, visiting yours. Their visa is almost expired and if they get sent back to their country they may never get another visa to leave again. Would you marry them if after two years you could divorce them and they would be allowed to stay in your country? yes, i’d marry them. i chose my boyfriend lol. 4717. Do you always call/email in when you take a day off from schol or work? i always call at work. otherwise it’d be written down as an unexplained absence. 4718. A fatalist believes that the future is mapped out in a pattern. A causalist believes that every event is tied to a previous event. Neither believes in free will. An indeterminist believes in total free will. Which are you? not sure... a causalist i guess. 4719. Would you rather have a masters degree in ecconomics or creative writing? economics. 4718. Do you feel the need to defend the honor of your family and demand respect? always. they’re important to me. 4719. What do you think about that no one else thinks about? around my circle of friends... probably doing surveys lol. 4720. Which of the following best describes you: A laid back person who enjoys watching sports and playing with computers. An apathetic person who is open minded and passionate about music. A fiesty person who lacks an attention span. <----- this. Avant garde and over confident. 4721. Why are so many letters silent in French? that’s just the way it is? 4722. For all the freedoms that people in the United States enjoy what are some of the ways that these people oppress themselves willingly and why? idk. 4723. What, besides genetics and besides your environment and experiances, makes you what/who you are? i feel like that’s exactly what makes us who we are lol. 4724. What bands do your parents listen to that you: hate? anything hip hop. like? pop and older music. 4725. What do you find: impressive: a lot of things. skills, talents, knowledge. unimpressive: number of instagram followers lol. 4726. How easily do you understand Shakesphere? about halfway there. 4728. Translate into regular english: 'Romeo Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?' romeo romeo, why are you romeo? 4729. What's your favorite girl scout cookie? Is it made from real girl scouts? never tried them sadly. 4730. How do you open your car door when it freezes shut? it’s never been frozen shut. 4731. Why is it that 95 percent of the letters in french words are not pronounced? idk. 4732. What are you Dreading? work. 4733. When will your ship come in? what ship? 4734. Do you craete your art for free? i have before. 4735. The Pope's recent message to George Bush is 'Go into Iraq and you go without God'. What do you think of this quote? quite truthful. 4736. Have/would you ever taken a botany (plants) course? nope. 4737. Are you using your own computere or someone else's to take this survey? mine. 4742. Is it true what they say about Star Trek movies, that only evey other one is worth seeing? never seen any, so i can’t say. 4743. Someone once said, 'Every possible outcome of something takes place in a parallel universe. So there is free will, but your choises only determine which of those parallel universes you live in.' Your reaction? ok cool. 4744. Why do you think a man 25 or above might date a teenager? Why do you think a woman 25 or above might date a teenager? Any moral objections? i think it’s a weird territory for both sexes. i think it’s wrong until we’re all adults. 4745. Is there a difference between what is legal and what is ethical?Should there be? i think there is. 4746. Point out something obvious: we all make mistakes. Point out something that isn't obvious at all: there’s good and bad in everyone. 4747. How do you stay so thin? haha i don’t. 4748. When looking at a clear night sky what constallations can you locate? southern cross. 4749. What movie has the worst ending ever? The best ending ever? lol idk. 4750. Are you feelin' groovey? no. 4751. Oh the tangled web we weave when: idk. 4752. Do you own anything velevet? If yes, when you wear it can you keep from touching it? nope. 4753. Who have you been friends with the longest? How long have you two been friends? probably mel. 23 years. 4754. Who do you feel like you are in competition with? no one. 4755. Is american culture more like mexican culture or more like japanese culture and why do you think so? it can be a mix of both. i’m not american so i can’t say. 4756. What subject are you so familliar with that you could you write an FAQ (frequently asked questions) list about it? travel. What would one question on that list be? book everything myself or with a travel agent? What is the answer to that question? yourself, duh! 4757. 'Don't use the rules. They're not for you - they're for the fools and you're a fool if you don't know that. So use the rules you stupid fool' How do you feel about these Clash lyrics? cool. 4758. Are you for or against: Unconditional Religious tolerance? for. no religion preaches hate. World Peace Under One Government? against. Total Freedom? in between. Feminism? for. Love For all Creatures and People? for. Organized Religion? against. The Freedom to be Homophobic? i mean if you don’t go about spreading hate then whatever. The War on Terror? against. The Green Party? idk. 4759. Have you read any of Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty books? If yes, what did you think of them? nope. 4760. Can you do any voices or impressions and if yes, what ones? no. 4761. Guys, is it true that gentlemen prefer blondes? Girls, do blondes really have more fun? no. 4762. Do you enjoy sneaking up on people? to scare them, sometimes. 4763. Do you often break plans? haha not usually. 4764. "Angry" and "hungry" are two words that end in "gry". There are three words in the English language. What is the third word? Everyone knows what it means and everyone uses it every day. Look closely and I have already given you the third word. What is it? hmm i don’t see it. 4765. Does anyone smoke in your home? If yes, does that bother you? just me. 4766. Have you ever actually seen a pink elephant? no. 4767. The answer to 4764 is "language". Did you get it? Get it now, then? nope. 4768. What was the most embaressing or crazy thing you ever dreamed? idk lol. 4769. Are you depraved (marked by corruption or evil; perverted)? no. 4770. Who or what comes to mind when youhear the words: the dangerous objects factory? the dude who says dude? the man in black? the catastrophy involving food? the duct tape incident? lame. 4771. In blackjack, do you often double down? only for 9, 10 or 11. 4772. Who's the big winner? idk. 4773. Who do you care more about, your close friend in elementary school that you lost touh with or your first lover? first lover. 4774. What's your favorite part of a cat? tail lol. 4775. What was on the last cd you burned? no idea, it’s been years. 4776. If you wanted to learn a new language would you consider buying a Disney movie in that language to pick up pronunciation? What Disney movie? aladdin. 4777. Is there a modern plague? What? flu? 4778. Are your baths and showers so hot that your skin gets red? no. 4779. When you dry your body after a shower do you dry your parts in the same order each time, almost automatically, or do you dry your prts in a random order each time, thinking about it while you're doing it? same parts like a routine. 4780. Do you feel like those who are speak a language around you that you can't understand are making fun of you? nah unless they’re obviouslly looking at me. 4781. If you were blindfolded and your love/partner was placed in a line of fifty people could you pick him or her out only by: touching the face of each person? yes. feeling one elbow of each person? no. smelling the breath of each person? no. licking the neck of each person? no ew lol. listening to the breathing of each person? no. psychically sensing each person? maybe. 4782. Close your eyes and turn your head towards the room you are in. Open your eyes. Describe the first object you see without telling what it is: it gives me cold air. 4783. What three questions will you never say NO to? do you want some money? do you want to eat? do you want me to drive? 4784. Would you like to see an American in Paris? haha why. 4785. Are you more of a couch or a scratching post? Is there a difference? couch. idk lol. 4786. What is more important, imagination or knowledge? knowledge at this point in time. 4787. Would you consider modern life to be rubbish? depends on how you’re living. 4788. What's the most sinful food? fried shit. 4789. Name one thing about yourself that you are excessivly proud of: idk lol. 4790. If you went to Hell (imagining there is one) rank these punishments in order of the one you would most prefer to the one you would least prefer. being broken on the wheel: being put in freezing water: being force fed rats and snakes: being smothered by brimstone and fire: being dismembered alive: being boiled in oil: being thrown into snake pits: no thanks. In my mind hell is not like this. It's just a place where all the interesting people go to drink, talk and tan. 4791. What other windows or websites do you have open on your computer right now? youtube, itunes. 4792. What kind of student were you in kindergarten? i was a troublemaker, curious but always willing to learn. 4793. What misjudgement do many people make about you? i’m mean. 4794. If you had been named according to your personality what would your name be? haha idk. 4795. What is made for kids but you love it anyway? board games. 4796. Do you believe that China shuld cease to occupy Tibet? idk. 4797. What is your opinion about the north american free trade agreement? idk much about it. If you don't know go here: http://forums.transnationale.org/viewtopic.php?p=502 4798. Dedicate a song to someone now. What song? no. To who? What line from that song most makes you think about this person? 4799. Can you live completely in the moment giving no thought to past or future? sure. 4800. Can you honestly say that nothing bothers you? haha hell no.

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

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no-rx · 6 years

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(heads up this is a post abt family and it’s not a fun read so dont read if u think reading it might bring up bad stuff for u accidentally! sorry idk how to be more specific than that. i guess its abt my relationship w one of my fathers, who, despite but maybe because of his distance from me, performed the abuses which i think were some of the most male-coding on me. it doesn’t get very specific though i don’t think)

i think an important reason i keep coming back to ‘male socialization’ is that my biodad very explicitly tried to condition me to become an ideal subordinate of his, that is to have the same thoughts and hobbies and training and social/economic relationships, so that he could exploit me as a companion, artificial intelligence, work mule, social/familial mediator, etc. which sounds really far-fetched i know but u don’t understand the ego on this guy lmao!

so like while this relation was like feminizing in some respects, at a basic level he considers women to be simple (yet fundamentally irrational) machines for his emotional, sensual, and reproductive use. and like i don’t know how he would have treated an, idk, assigned-daughter since he only had assigned-sons, but essentially he considered me semi-rational and worthy of his knowledges and intimacies in a way that i don’t think he could even comprehend doing with someone he considers female.

at the same time i think like, while he idealized a son-companion-partner relationship for me, and forced that idealization onto me, i like.. wasn’t a boy or at least was not a becoming-man. i think the latter had a more dramatic effect in my other family relationships , but my biofather is particularly stubborn, forceful, and ferocious, which placed me into an especially andro(id)gynous and fraught relationship. certainly he was the only person with direct control over my life who consistently explicitly pushed me to become manlier, or whatever, rather than abusing or exploiting me in ways that were more suitable and effective.

i think this ideal was based partially around a long relationship he had with Alph//onso Lin//gus, kind of an adoptive son-pupil-partner type deal. i mean its very possible that was the only remotely healthy relationship he’s ever had so maybe it’s not surprising he would base ours off of it lmao, especially as a major component of his way of forming my dependence on him and trying to coerce me into giving him full custody (even after i was no longer a minor lol)

so like despite his more limited in-person influence on me than a lot of other people, all this still put me into a position, materially and psychologically, that even as a young adult was forcing me into a very very specific path that was really traumatic for me and i think really highly gendered in the specific context in which it was happening.

it took me i think a year after coming out the first time to begin to realize that to move forward i needed to break away from that relationship, but it still took another year after that for it to become clear to me that i was still being traumatized by the material echoes of our relationship. i think for me personally coming out meant not just a sharp break with my prescribed potentiality, but a sharp break with my prescribed history, in other words an actual break from the conditions that constituted my life. this wasn’t a choice that i made: the onset of intense, prolonged psychoses in that period was already me breaking with those conditions. i think if i made a choice it was to seek out reality by seeking a reality that i could live in.

so anyway, things are much more complicated than I’ve talked about here, and there was a lot going on at every stage of my life that really makes it hard to create this kind of meta-history, especially when ppl (him and others) were working so hard throughout my life to manipulate both the history and the meta-history. like i think really, this is all a fiction, one of many possible stories i can plausibly create (and one of many that i have created).

i know this is badly written and doesn’t make sense but i guess to tie things back to the beginning: to address things in this way i can’t avoid using certain tools, or attempt to recognize the competing psychologies which shaped events for me, as well as my participation in them. i am keenly aware of how non-neutral of an actor i was because of how hard and painfully i tried to maintain a neutral positioning. & one possible set here is that something describable as male socialization was enacted on me, which i participated in, which i harvested the fruits of to at least some degree, and which i eventually rejected. without being able to hold this set, even to reject it thru developments, i think many other possibilities become incomprehensible for me.

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5/12/17, 11:11pm - gettin cucked up

me and a particular group of my melee friends have been using the word cuck a lot still and I never really thought about where it came from. Like 4chan probably repopularized the use of the word because I saw that cuckold porn became a really big trend on there, but the way we use it isn’t like cuckoldry exactly, it’s more like getting fucked over, or stood up, or most specifically teased with a promise of a good time and then having someone back out at the last minute.

More on that later I guess. This week’s been so hectic. Wtf it’s only been like 5 days it feels like it’s been weeks already. I’ve restrategized my Get Your Shit Together (4.0) list, and the big three things are 1. pass the RPSGT, 2. get moved out of my apartment, 3. get some surgeries.

Tony actually wrote my letter for real, so I put in my application to take the test this week! My cpr aed certification is outdated so I got an online one and I’m not allowed, so I have to do a course this weekend and fix that, but otherwise I’m all set. Gotta study hard, I’m pretty fucking pumped to get a raise. Glad I’m not dying for the money rn though, the $500 to take the test and get a new cpr cert would have me stresssssed the fuck out, dude. No progress on getting someone to take my room just yet, my room’s a fucking mess, I need to do laundry, I’m kinda putting all this shit off for now tbh. We’ll wait until I’ve taken the exam I’ve got vacation this week anyway. And I talked to my dad, who gave me his blessing so to speak to get a vasectomy. I fudged a number that I told him, said that it’s 90% reversible (most numbers say 95% or greater w/in 3 years, about 50% at 10), but with the potential for in vitro fertilization even if the reversal fails I’m sure that’s about right. He told me that my mom had told him that she wasn’t trying to get pregnant for a year or so and then ‘was practically pregnant the next day.’ coupled with how mom was talking about being pregnant at their wedding I can see that lol. He basically told me that he loves all of us a lot, but yeah I would’ve definitely done that because it’s worth it to not have that kind of surprise when you can’t make money for a kid. I definitely can’t make money for a kid right now lol that would kill me. So I’ve already called the doc to get a referral and I’m gonna get a vasectomy. Gotta figure out how much my septum surgery will be too, but that’ll be a lot more -_- Me and dad were catching up for a bit and I helped him get in touch with Dr. Bruce to fix a hernia so he’s gonna be giving me some more money so that’ll help with that too though. Plus I’ll FINALLY be making sleep tech money. I’m so fucking pumped.

Plus basically the past 3 days I’ve Actually just been working. 3 patients a night for the first time this week was stressful as fuck. I mean not exactly. Just time consuming and pretty frustrating. As jimmy said “if you were still trying to get through Zelda you probably would be dying right now.” Made it through fine and that should sweeten up my paycheck just a smidgen.

Still haven’t eaten french fries, but definitely gave up on cigs. Practically like two days later. I was out drinking for Josh’s birthday and smoked a bunch. That shit was so fucking cash omg. I got blackout drunk for the first time in forevvver. Was hanging out with Jimmy, Josh, Ian, Jack, ran around with one of josh’s friends trying to pick up chicks at a bar after smashing beers into our head and shotgunning them. I have a video lol I’ll try to upload it once I have internet. Was trying to ‘flirt with all the ASA bitties’ but got too drunk and ended up boxing someone in Josh’s friend’s basement (w/ boxing gloves) lmfao. Reminded me of middle school boxing Cory Winters and having our little fight club ring lol. Drunk snapped a bunch of people, ian drove me home, it was a great fucking night. Oh and at Josh’s friend’s I ran into one of my asian friends who I could not remember for the life of me. I wasn’t sure if he was a league friend or one of brosciouss friends or a smash friend I was just so lost, but played it off really well (as always) and did jager shots with him. Fuck. Ing. Lit. First time I felt so happy and natural to be drinking in forever, too. Even got to see brett3 for a bit. Nice to be back in chapel hill. Especially when they’re good old drinking buddies like Jack. It’s so strange that I don’t really talk to anybody else from chapel hill, but then again it really isn’t.

The date with Brianna went pretty meh. We met up and joked around a bunch and thrift shopped and I bought a whole fuckton of new pants to ease the process of spring cleaning and two new sweatshirts so I’m not wearing fuzzy shit all the time now that it’s getting warmer. Ate at Ms. Winner’s and it was some delicious ass cheap fried chicken, might be my new go to in gboro now. But she like barely wanted to kiss me at the end of the date idk what’s up with her, I’ve kinda bailed out since she’s all preoccupied with her family anyway.

Instead ive gone back to what I call my “harem strats” You see, by chatting up as many girls as possible (right now juggling 4-5) I divert my attention and stay aloof enough that I don’t seem like a crazy fuck. Instead I’m just an asshole who’s two timing girls, but yknow fuck you stop judging me. This girl hit me up on snapchat saying I looked cute in my story and that we should smoke sometime. With the snapchat name Smokeahontas I could’ve sworn it was Kat, so I just go along with the convo. But then I see kat has a diff username and I was like wtfff who is this lol. I didn’t ask her though, just played along and eventually remembered when she asked for my insta that it was this girl I matched with on tinder months ago that I never followed up with (like most of them), probably because I got lazy lol. Had a sort of date with Jamie, we got some food because she was getting off work, we smoked a bit, but she was like texting the whole time and fuckin bailed out after just an episode of south park to ‘go to the beach with her roommate.’ I still have been talking to her a bunch, but Idk what the fuck is up with that, kinda whack. Super cucked by how that went. Especially because when I walked her out to her car I didn’t even get a kiss goodnight it was this weird lasting embrace like she pressed her cheek into mine to make sure I didn’t try to kiss her I guess, but still held me tight for a really long time, I was like rubbing her lower back hoping she’d like loosen up and kiss me but hooooly shit it all felt super fucking awkward. I’m hoping she’s just really conservative about dudes since she’s such a cutie, but idk. it makes me actually not give a fuck about her. I have a date tomorrow night with the other textiles girl idr if I wrote about her, but she’s cute, going to ncsu. “allergic to smoke” lol I told her I quit. (I mean I had that day before but I lied and said I did two weeks ago hahah goddamn I’m kind of a twat maybe.) Also actually got cucked by smokeahontas. It was like a situation that was too good to be true though, to be fair. She didn’t have anything to do yesterday night and wanted to hang out; when I told her I was stuck at work and said she should just smoke with me in the morning she said she actually wanted to and would stay up all night to meet up with me when I got off. Ofc she fell asleep, and when she woke up she said she wanted to go back to bed, so I flippantly said “well you could always sleep over here.” and surprisingly enough she said she was actually game for that, so our smoke and horror movie date turned into a naptime date. But an hour passed while I was eating breakfast and in the shower so I was like ‘wtf is up’ and she said she got sick and threw up. Figured I was super cucked once more by another flaker, kind of a bummed out, but not as bummed as after the dates with Jaime and Bri both went so poorly lol. Just happily told her we can try again another time, and now she’s saying she wants to do the same plan for tomorrow morning.

So There. Is. The potential for me to get laid twice tomorrow. Pretty exciting. I haven’t told anyone that I remade plans with her though. RIGHT after I told some friends about how the nap date got planned out she said she was sick. I FUCKING swear that every time I brag about one of my dates I have lined up it falls the fuck through the floor. So I’m gonna try to never do it again.

Then there’s this other theatre major girl I started talking to yesterday. Talked about horoscopes and transitioned from talking feminism to her (woke as fuck teens smh) into asking if she ate ass (jokingly) into asking if she wanted to hang. Turns out she’s actually a really cool super geeky chick and I’m really excited to spend time with her since she wants to show me jurassic park for the first time and learn how to play melee. Kinda weird that she’s only 18 still though O.o oh you, tyler.

SO yeah. That’s the sitch with that. Went from supppper fucking bummed a couple days ago about my dating situation into thinking that I’m the shit again. I think I want to establish that “i’m the best” mentality once again. Because I really am. I’m fucking amazing lmao.

Ultimately though, I’m still getting cucked left and right and I have little to no faith that I’ll find anybody I actually care about ever again but we’ll see yknow. I think that’s the strats to how I fell in love last time anyway.

hmmm. what else is there... Work in burlington is still super shitty, my commute went from an hour to like an hour and forty minutes today bc people in NC can’t drive through a little bit of fucking drizzling.

Idk that’s about all I’ve got. Next week’s lake week so gonna have to work again in a few days after some date shenanigans and hopefully I’ve got some more good stories and shit.

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