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garbagepile · 4 months

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Shadow knights headcanons

Shadow knights are an interesting species. Many people seem to have various headcanons on them. So here is a post with mine.

The basics

There are four ways a someone can become a shadowknight,

Firstly, by dying in the nether. You can reject becoming a shadowknight despite dying in the nether though. Unless the nether portal is closed.

Secondly, through a ritual. It is basically impossible to reject becoming a shadowknight under these circumstances. All that is needed is a dead or alive body that is mostly intact. Rejecting becoming a shadowknight under these circumstances is basically impossible, since you are quite literally tortured into becoming one. By far the most painful method. But the ritual can be hard to pull off.

Thirdly, through a death of betrayal. Shad was betrayed and backstabbed by most of the other dive warriors. So in turn, when one dies by betrayal, or the person believes they died through betrayal. Shad empathises with them, understands them. And is able to turn them into a shadowknight through these bitter feelings. Shadowknight who died through betrayal are likely to be disproportionately upset about it. Because of these feelings being amplified. Due to your emotions being messed with, it’s hard to escape from. It can even be an imagined betrayal. The feeling doesn’t need to be anger, it could also be sadness and sorrow.

Fourthly, anyone who is able to wield Shad’s relic. If it’s because of blood, the shadow knight transformation can be rejected. But, if it’s through a similar personality, it can’t. Shadow knights from this category tend to be Shad’s favourites.

Classes

With the new nether update, I like the idea of there being different shadowknight variants based on the new biomes. I decided to mix this in with the shadowknight doll headcanon flying around. Each shadowknight class is based on another type of doll. The class you are in depends mostly on how you died. If you death falls under multiple categories of the ones listed above it’s based on whatever is the most important. Any sort of shadowknight can be from any area. Their armour and weapon design is just different depending what class they are to resemble “where they’re from” so to say.

Crimson Forest

First off, let’s start with this beauty. The most notable of this area is the wood found within this area. So shadowknights from this area are like wooden dolls. Shadowknights that are linked to this area are the ones who died in the nether.

Warped forest

The shadow knights from this area resemble paper mache dolls. Since there is wood in this area too and paper comes from wood. This area is blue coloured. So due to the biome colour, I gave it the more colourful paper mache dolls. Shadow knights from this area died from a betrayal.

Nether waste

The shadow knights from this area are the ones who died through a ritual. The stuffed dolls. All shadowknights can be found within any nether area, not just the one they “came from”. But there are especially many types of shadow knights found within this area.

Basalt deltas

The shadow knights here are based on dolls made of porcelain or wax. This is due to the higher spawn rate of quartz within this area. These are Shad’s most special shadowknights. The ones able to theoretically wield his relic and some exceptions. His favourites. The ones he saw the most potential in. Who should be in another class but aren’t due to this favouritism.

Soul sand valleys

This is where the shadow souls are. These underrated fellas.

They are shadow knights without a body. They once were shadow knights without immortality. But then they died. And now they are without a body, or a sense of self. They are quick and weak, and far gone. Gaining immortality basically means gaining an immortal body, their souls stay ‘alive’ until Shad gets defeated and they will finally be able to rest.

Other important things to note

Shadow knights are also resilient to extremely hot temperatures, and can bathe in lava. But they cannot handle the cold at all.

They also have their own food palette. They can eat plants humans can’t, and humans can eat plants shadowknights can’t. I may make a post elaborating on this.

The differences between immortal Shadow Knights and the ones that aren’t quite immortal yet.

Getting immortality basically means that they get an immortal body. It’s both gaining and losing your humanity. Mortal Shadow Knights are only partially doll-like, they still have parts of flesh and blood. Flesh that is rotting away. Gaining immortality makes your entire body doll-like, it gets rid of your human body entirely. It gets rid of the ugly rotting parts, of the horrid smell surrounding them. But something still looks off about them, as they aren’t made out of flesh. They’re like living dolls. While mortal shadow knights are like zombies with doll parts. A doll shell so to speak, easily breakable.

#aphverse #shadowknights #minecraft diaries #shadow knights #aphmau #shadowknight #shadow knight

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quotemenevervore · 1 year

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I promised I was working on fics!!!

Content warnings: soft, safe g/t vore. Mentions of slight panic on multiple parties, potion gone wrong?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Dream cackled, giving chase to the two smaller people. In the nether, normally he wouldn’t be so reckless, what with the piglins and the rough terrain, but…

~ ~ ~

He’d been collecting blaze rods in the fortress, with only Sapnap and George in the nether with him. He guessed the other three hunters were grinding for material, or trading with villagers to get better material. They’d done it before, he wouldn’t put it past them. At seven, he heard them yelling close by, and tucked himself behind the fencing of the blaze spawner, waiting to see them. Sure enough, they came around the corner pretty quickly, only seeing the spawner.

“Didn’t you say you heard him over here?” George spoke, irritation evident in his tone. “I did. Even if he’s not here, he’s still in the fortress. There’s no way in hell he got far enough to not be close by.” Sapnap bit back, stepping up into the area with the spawner. Which.. meant that he’d be spotted easily. Taking a breath to settle the nerves twisting his stomach, he put a foot on the rung of the fence, hands reaching up so he could vault over it.

The second he and Sapnap made eye contact, he swung himself over the fencing and bolted away.

Or, he intended to, until the sound of breaking glass right behind him and a strange sensation filled his body, the smell of burning earth filling his nose. Unused to the sensation, it being nothing like shrinking potion’s effects, he doubled over, slightly worried as he felt choked up. It was like everything he had on was too tight…

When the sensation disappeared, he was immediately alerted to George and Sapnap screaming at one another. “Why the fuck would you brew a growth potion!?” “I used the wrong mushroom, it was an accident, I got them mixed up-“ “You are not fucking colorblind to blue!”

Oh. So it was a growth potion. He looked down at both of them, too caught up in their argument to realize he wasn’t incapacitated by the effects any longer. Sizing them up, he noted that Sapnap would easily fit in the palm of his hand. George, on the other hand, probably would be a little under the size of his hand. So technically, George had just doomed them to lose. With a grin the other two couldn’t see, he began to slowly reach for the brunette. Unfortunately, Sapnap caught the movement and yanked George away from his hand. The grin only widened as the fireborn glared up at him nervously, dragging George with him as he began to back up.

“We run on three.” The blackette muttered into George’s ear. He gave a small nod, eyes locked onto their now giant pursuer.

“1,” Dream had pulled himself onto his feet, crouched down so he could keep an eye on them but also give chase as he suspected he would be.

“2,” The nerves George had were threatening to choke him, breath coming unevenly. Sapnap was better at hiding his own nerves, but it didn’t mean he didn’t feel chills running through his spine at what look he imagined Dream having under the mask.

It was like time had come to a standstill, lasting an eternity and a second all at once.

“3!” And then the prey were running, and Dream began to laugh, gladly giving chase.

~ ~ ~

The terrain was getting worse, mixes of soul sand valleys and rough netherrack to traverse, all while being pursued by someone who could literally break anything standing between him and them. That, and the mobs that weren’t scared off still tried to attack them.

They’d been running long enough that the hot air of the nether burned the human’s lungs, and Sapnap’s legs burned from exertion. As if that wasn’t bad enough, George was beginning to lose his footing more and more, and the ghasts blowing holes in their path wasn’t making it any easier. Finally, George had slipped right into a hole a ghast had blown up, and Sapnap, still clinging to his hand, went down with him. He didn’t expect lava, prime no. Not with Dream so close behind them.

Sure enough, they landed with a harsh thud into the giant’s fingers, digits curling around both of them to keep them safe as he pulled them up. A sigh of relief escaped the blonde, unfurling his hand once he’d gotten the two up to a safe spot. George had passed out, exhaustion and fear making his consciousness shut off like a light, and Sapnap couldn’t say he was faring any better. “Jesus, Dream. You scared the fuck out of us.” The man in question moved his mask to the side, giving the fireborn a shit-eating grin. “Your fault for thinking potions are a good idea. What were you gonna do if you had the right potion, Sapnap?” “You know damn well what I would have done.” He rolled his eyes, falling back so he lay beside their brunette friend.

“Maybe I should return the favor, then.”

“With what potion?” Dream simply used his open hand to pull the purple elixir out of his inventory. “For fucks sake, man. You’re, like, obsessed with storing.” “You never know when you need it. I know I don’t need to remind you.” A shiver went down Sapnap’s spine at the mere mention of the incident with XD. “Yeah, yeah. Hurry up, then, I wanna sleep before the others come looking.”

George went first, easier and yet harder to get down. It wasn’t that he was scared or nervous as to why he didn’t watch, he just wanted to keep an eye out for the others. At least, that’s what he’s telling himself. He had that discussion with his fiancés already, Dream doesn’t need to request another one on one.

When he was finally tipped into the other’s maw, he relaxed instantly. If it had been near the beginning, when the last person he’d been stored by was Bad when he was a kid, he may have been more hesitant, but now he simply went limp, a soft purr building up as he let the larger do whatever he wanted. He wasn’t kept there for long, only licked enough to make it easy to get him down.

“Dream!?” He all but smashed the poor fireborn to the roof of his mouth, wincing at the angry and surprised yelp that he pulled out the other. He couldn’t focus on that long, seeing as the man’s father was nearing quickly. “What the muffin happened!?” He swiped his mask in front of his face, quickly swallowing the smaller down to join George. “Uh, potion gone wrong?” He replied, slightly out of breath. “Potion gone wrong? What were you trying to do!?” “More what George was trying to do. They tried to shrink me, and they had the wrong potion.” “Okay, Sapnap is not that dumb. He wouldn’t have let that happen. Speaking of which, where are they? Did you scare them off?” “They’re closer than you think, I just stopped chasing them.”

The demon’s eyes narrowed, glaring the mask down as he thought about the man’s answer. “Right. And they definitely aren’t in your stomach. Because you don’t have purple potions on hand.” He sighed. “What gave it away?” “You just did.” The smaller smirked. “And I heard you and Sapnap talking about the potion before I made it over here. Heightened senses, remember?” “Oh-“ “But I don’t know what you meant when you said you don’t need to remind him. Did something happen?” “I wouldn’t worry about it, Bad. We got it taken care of.” The look on the demon’s face told him that the other wasn’t gonna drop it, but he relented regardless. “So now what? Do we call it off again?” “Gonna have to. You’re down two hunters and I can’t shrink without releasing them.” “Then how are you gonna get back through the portal?”

“. . . Oh.” Dream hadn’t considered that. Bad sighed exasperatedly. “I’ll call Sam, see what he can do.”

After a bunch of time was spent grinding for diamonds to make a pickaxe and then getting a lot of obsidian, Sam and Antfrost had finally made a portal big enough for Dream to come through, lighting it after informing the other two that it was complete. Sam went through alone, Antfrost offering to stay back and watch for mobs. Thankfully, the portal spawned pretty close to where his now giant friend sat, Bad curled up beside his neck. “Hey Sam.” Dream spoke lowly, offering a sheepish smile. “I’m about to give up on these manhunts if this is all we’re gonna do anymore.” He groaned, glaring up at the larger. “Blame George. He’s the one that started all this.” “And where is he now?” He quipped, turning to lead them back to the large portal. “Do I really need to answer that?” Dream hovered a hand over the demon on his shoulder, keeping him steady as he rose up to follow the creepertaur. Sam did his best to not act intimidated by the thundering footsteps behind him, reminding himself that it was his friend. “I’d rather you didn’t.” With that, the purple swirls of the portal came into view, and Sam wasted no time going through it, beckoning the giant to do the same.

Antfrost rolled his eyes when Dream stepped through the portal. “Should have known something was up when Sapnap and George were being all secretive about a plan.” “They were trying to shrink me again, you can see how well that went.” “Are they coming? Or..?” Dream’s face dropped in shock, suddenly thankful for the mask covering his expression. “I told those two they had to collect some supplies from the nether for ruining another manhunt.” Bad filled in, tail curling slightly around one of Dream’s fingers. The giant couldn’t tell if it was for his comfort or because he was lying to save their skins. Either way, a soft sigh of relief escaped him, and thankfully it seemed that the cat hybrid shrugged the entire situation off. “Serves them right. Trying to be all secretive during what’s supposed to be a team effort, no wonder we keep losing.”

They said their goodbyes pretty quickly after that, Sam and Antfrost going their own ways. Bad counted up to a hundred after they’d left before turning to Dream. “Now what?” “I guess I make- oh.” “What?” “Was gonna make a splash potion of shrinking. Kinda can’t do that at this size.” The demon groaned. “You all are impossible. I’ll go get the stuff for it.” “Thank you, Bad.” “You're welcome, you muffinhead.”

~ ~ ~

Dream didn’t release the two when he got to his base, sending a text to Quackity and Karl to let them know that Sapnap was gonna spend the night. He knew he should give them the choice, at least, but both were still sleeping pretty heavily and he felt bad trying to wake them up. He wasn’t even worried about his own bodily needs; He’ll just eat a lot of breakfast tomorrow and make up for missing two meals today. Not like he felt hungry anyway. He himself felt pretty tired, flopping onto his back on the couch. Should he have gone to his bed? Maybe, he was too tired to really care though. The couch is good enough. He drifted off quickly, arms draped subconsciously over his stomach.

#mcyt g/t #mcyt gt #shrunken manhunt #mcyt vore #safe vore #soft vore #g/t vore #an actual fic my god #I’ve been working on them #I feel bad cause I’m not posting them rapid fire like I used to #but I can only go so fast once the nyoom run out 😔#but I’ve got more fics in the works #as I always say lol

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atravellerstale-meg · 5 years

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I binged YDYD Season 2 all in one night and just had to write something for it. Especially considering all the spooky water stuff early on, and my own fear of drowning. Spoilers up to Episode 3.

Being dead was an awful lot like drowning.

When Gavin came to, the world was dark. So dark that for a moment he thought he was somewhere else entirely. But then he twisted in the air, and that was a weird feeling in and of itself, and he saw the familiar little house on the island below. Saw his friends, his family, milling about as though the sun was high in the sky. He twisted again to look up and saw something that looked similar to the sun, but nowhere near bright enough. Almost as though it was seen from the bottom of the ocean.

He moved, bringing his legs beneath him, and now he focused on that weird feeling. On the viscosity of the air. Or... viscosity wasn't quite the right word. It supported him, kept him afloat, but it parted when he pushed against it. He tried to move forwards and fell easily, the sensation not quite swimming but also not how he'd imagined flying.

He pushed through the air in search of his fallen friends. He found them, their figures shimmering and warping, and tried to call out for them. But he couldn't.

Everyone he knew had come close to drowning at some point, slipping beneath the waves and managing to rise again just barely in time, and he was no exception. And this feeling was similar to the water rushing into his lungs, choking him, keeping him from crying out. It was a uniquely terrifying experience, to be perpetually drowning. To have no air to breathe in.

His panic rose, crashing over his head, before something pulled him from his thoughts. He felt rather than heard Michael’s voice, calling for him, and looked up. Michael reached out to him, their hands brushing. He wasn’t quite solid, feeling more like seaweed against his fingers, cold and dead and just barely there. But it was Michael.

He tried to relax, though he couldn’t take a breath, and was reminded of feeling Michael’s ghost and how its words seemed to manifest in his mind if he focused rather than travelling through the air to his ears. Keeping that feeling in mind he managed to ‘speak’, looking up to see the others smiling at him. After that it was easier to communicate, even with the living. Though they only sometimes noticed his words, if they were paying attention.

And that became his life. Or... afterlife, he supposed. He floated around, watching the others. They built a graveyard and discussed resurrection and, for a moment, he was hopeful. But only Alfredo seemed to want him back. And he knew the others never listened to Alfredo. His stomach twisted and he made himself pull back, instead just watching as Matt made every effort to help and as Michael faded in and out of existence.

That was one of the scariest parts. He knew this wasn't the actual afterlife, could feel something pulling at him, and he didn't know if it was the Nether he was familiar with or somewhere deeper and darker with pressure that would crush any semblance of Gavin out of him. Michael always seemed out of it when he returned. And sure, he always returned, and so did Matt, but Gavin was too scared to ask what it was like and even more scared to find out for himself. So he just lingered around the island.

Not that the island was all he had to focus on. When his mind drifted he found memories that weren’t quite his alongside his own, though they were difficult to focus on. They seemed to waver in his mind, as though seen through the surface of the water. But from what little he could make out, they seemed to be about another life with faces oh-so familiar.

The feeling of arrows piercing his body and knocking him loose, the air rushing past him so different to the way it cradled his body now, was also familiar. But the face of the archer that loosed the arrow was different. One of his friends instead of a monster. It shook him, and he found himself watching Ryan a bit closer after that. Even though he was sure the other had no memories of this other life. Relatively sure.

The events after his death were different, too. He still lingered in the overworld as long as possible, but instead of Alfredo stood by his grave it was Michael out in the jungle screaming his name. And then anger gave way to sorrow and he’d fallen beneath the waves to be with Gavin again. He’d lived thanks to Jeremy, who fought so hard to save him that he’d almost entombed him instead. Who didn’t fight anywhere near as hard to save himself and dragged Ryan and Trevor down with him.

And with Michael leaving their little home behind, there had been nothing to do but to move on to the burning heat of the Nether, so different from this cold, dark limbo.

He knew in his heart that the other place wasn’t the Nether. He didn’t know what was different this time around. Wondered briefly if whatever they’d done to pull themselves out of Hell in the first place and wipe their memories of this previous life was somehow responsible. Had banished them from Hell in the same way this supposed resurrection would ban them from life forever if they fell again. He wondered if it was worth it, to meddle in these forces.

And then Geoff died and sank almost instantly into that other place. Gavin felt sadness for the first time since his death. Not just sadness at Geoff’s death, but at the distance that still separated them. More distance than there’d been with Geoff alive, in a way. He hoped that Geoff would return soon.

So distracted was he by his mourning that he barely noticed them moving into the final stages of resurrection. But he did notice the Tower. It called to him, bright and shining. Before he could do anything more than turn towards it that feeling cut off, and almost instantly he felt currents swirl around him as though water was rushing to fill an empty space. And he knew that Michael was gone.

The others made their way over to the sheep pen and he followed them, watching curiously as Michael emerged. Or, something that looked similar to Michael. There was corruption eating away at it, green skin and red eyes and something wrong in its very nature. But then it smiled and spoke and he was able to push those worries aside. He gathered himself and focused on a simple message, congratulating his boi on his resurrection. But no one noticed.

He tried again, this time making sure he could feel the words manifest, but the others seemed too wrapped up in Michael’s return to sense them. And Michael… felt cut off. No longer seaweed brushing against him, so faint he could barely tell it was there, now he was a star a million miles away, no hope of contact and knowing it would never even know you were there.

He’d heard the others talk about the consequences of resurrection, how it was a one-time only deal, but there was a world of difference between hearing the words and feeling the reality. Michael was gone. He would never again find his way to this state between life and death. If he died…

He shook himself. He just needed to wait for his own resurrection. Then he’d be able to talk with Michael again. And surely it wouldn’t take too long, they would be able to get the obsidian no problem and just needed to focus on finding gold. And he could help with that! As soon as the others were willing to listen.

Then the worries slunk in about what would happen if- when he came back. What kind of abomination he’d be. He was already part Creeper, and the thought of becoming any less human was worrying. It was entirely possible that this corruption was from the other place and he’d be safe from it. Or it might have crept in between here and the world of the living.

He made his way over to where the others were getting back to work, not wanting to dwell any longer on what-might-be’s, only to find that they were turning their resources towards building a Nether portal instead of the next resurrection ritual. Again he tried to speak to them, to plead with them, but again they didn't hear him.

He flew about the island, looking for the one person he was sure would listen to him, but Alfredo was nowhere to be found. He knew Alfredo couldn't be dead, he would have noticed a new soul passing through, so instead he must have gone exploring again. The open ocean seemed to call to Alfredo. Gavin knew it would get him killed one of these days. But he was bound to the island and could do nothing to help.

And then Ryan died. For a moment Gavin felt sickening elation. Finally, he’d be able to talk to someone! But Ryan immediately went to Jeremy's side and focused on steering him towards more gold for another ritual, managing to get the words across without any apparent difficulty. He ignored Gavin, too distracted by his quest for life, and the others still wouldn’t listen and Michael was galaxies away and Matt and Geoff were in the other place and dear, sweet Alfredo, who had fought so hard in his favour, was bewitched by the very thing that had spelled doom for so many.

He drifted away, not quite knowing what he could do. He couldn’t bear to be around the house any longer, but he couldn’t leave the island and the other place still instilled a bone-deep terror in him, despite the fact that he didn’t have any bones. Eventually, he sank beneath the earth.

It was dark down here, but no darker than it was anywhere else. He sank down and down, feeling the pressure grow, until he came across bedrock. He was startled to find that it was solid to the touch, and that was such a strange feeling. It almost made him feel alive again.

He lay down to gather his thoughts, but found them swirling and impossible to focus on. The Void beneath him wasn’t helping matters, creating a strange lethargy even though he couldn’t sleep. He could feel it pulling at him, too. Promising to unmake him, to wipe this world of his presence. He wondered if he’d already fallen in and just not realised yet.

Above there was a flash of light and a swirl of darkness and he knew Ryan was already gone. He didn’t know what projects they’d turn to next, if they’d try to bring back one of the others or travel across to the new land where the ghosts couldn’t follow. If they did resurrect someone again, he entertained the idea of using the Tower for himself, slipping in before the other soul. He didn’t know if he’d wake up in another body or if there’d be some other, more dire consequence, but he found that he didn’t really care. Though, to be fair, he wasn’t feeling much of anything at the moment.

His thoughts returned to those vague half-memories, which seemed clearer down here. How much Michael had missed him, the anger Jeremy felt at his death, the uproar it sparked as the others fell like dominoes in a cycle of revenge. He knew it was wrong, but he found himself wishing for even a fraction of that chaos again. Some kind of splashing to alert the others to his slow sinking.

Being dead was an awful lot like drowning. People rarely noticed you needed a life preserver.

#ydyd #ya dead ya dead #ydyd spoilers #ydyd season 2 #My writing #snippet time #could probably do with some editing?#and the next episode is definitely going to joss this #but eff it #i enjoyed writing this and so i wanna share it!#hope you enjoy too #<3 #ryan /

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actionjaxkol · 5 years

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Ninth Crystal - Anniversary

The crystal crackles to life, occasionally distorted by the sound of a breeze. His voice is soft and tired-sounding.

“It’s… been a long time since I’ve done one of these. I’m not even sure why I grabbed the recorder. I guess… It’s been so long since I’ve felt that feeling. This… awful feeling of impending doom. It’s still familiar, of course, but I’ve…. ya know, I’ve felt a lot of other things lately too… Love. Peace. Joy. I guess I was starting to forget.

I guess she figured it was time to jog my memory.

It’s cold out, colder than it ever got in Eversong. Colder than it got in Mulgore, too. I’ve spent the day out by the lake and it’s been snowing off and on. It’s pretty… sounds kinda romantic when I put it like that I guess… I should back up.

I knew this was coming. It always came after Pilgrim’s Bounty but before Winterveil. Maybe that’s part of why Winterveil scares me so much. All the wreaths and the holly, the red berries just look like eyes watching me, reminding me of what I’ve done. It happened this morning. I could feel this tugging, deep in my core, this awful, familiar violation. This slowly creeping dread, this feeling that something terrible is about to happen. I guess… it’s sort of like when you’re out on your own and someone buys you a drink. And it seems fine, but suddenly your head feels thick, and they seem a bit too interested in making sure you finish it. You know something bad is coming. You know you don’t want a part of it. But you know at this point it’s too late, you don’t have a choice.

So I did what I had to do. I stayed calm, didn’t let on as Pryn and I got ready for our respective jobs. I told her that I was going to be working late with some project with the Argents, so I might not be home until later than usual. She accepted the lie without even a blink and when I dropped her off at the Cathedral on my way to Argent HQ, she kissed me goodbye like always. …I deserve this.

I didn’t go to muster. I’ll deal with the repercussions when this is over. Instead I went to the Keg and left a note for Collin. Long project with the Argents, sorry I won’t make shift. And then I headed out to the lake.

I picked the lake because it’s far away, it’s cold so it’s been relatively quiet. On the north side there’s a lot of brush and boulders and things to hide around. Plus ya know. The water. And then it started.

I’ve never lost a limb. And I’ve never died. But a soul-burn is the worst possible pain I can imagine. It’s… just like it sounds I guess. Imagine if all of your blood were replaced with acid. Imagine if every breath you drew, every bit of oxygen in your body turned molten. You’re burning from the inside out and there’s nothing that can make it stop. It’s fire, under your skin, making your flesh blister and every scar you ever had open and howl with steam.

You want to scream but you can’t draw breath. You want to cry but you don’t have enough there’s nothing wet left in you. All you can do is curl up and try to stay sane. I wish I could black out. But I can’t.”

A cough and the sound of spitting. “You don’t really blister, I guess. But Light… it’s so fucking hot… It’s snowing and it’s so hot. I bit into my tongue at some point. It’s bleeding pretty good and it’s all I can taste. I guess it’s better than bile.

Oh yeah. That’s something I haven’t had to deal with before. I guess in previous years I was close to starving, so there was nothing to come up. Yeah… Not so much these days I guess.

So… the question I like to avoid. ‘Why’. Why does this happen.” A shift of leaves as he moves.

“I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore. Why bother hiding it? This is my punishment. And today is the anniversary of my crime.

Fuck… ….Fine. I don’t want to talk about this, but fine.

My name is Jaxkol Dawnsedge. But it wasn’t always Dawnsedge. I was born Shadowfel. My family is warlocks and mages, and I was supposed to follow suit. I… was supposed to be like my mother. A warlock, manipulating souls, manipulating fel, commanding demons. But my talents lie with portals and cantrips, ya know. Mage stuff.

Mother got jealous. Tried to subdue part of my connection with the arcane. Tried to push me into demonology. One day…. four years ago today, I guess, I was put in charge of a summoning ritual. My job was to create the binding circle, mark the runes, create the inscriptions. And… I missed a line. Fuck I hate talking about this.

I fucked up the circle. No one noticed. I was fourteen, I shouldn’t have been — they shouldn’t have expected me to — ugh… I fucked it up and they didn’t notice. But the demon noticed. And it broke free. It tore my brother up pretty bad. It went after my father. It took all of us to bring it back down, force it back through the tear in the nether and banish it right back where it came from.

And… my mother was pissed. She caught me by the hair, and she caught me by the soul. There was anger in her eyes. I remember her grimace. There was hate there.

I took my athame and I cut my hair. And I took my training and I… Tore my own soul in half to get away. She… kept the other half. It’s how she’s able to do any of this. How she can track me. How she can punish me.

I was a coward. I should have let her just do what she wanted to me. I was a coward and I ran and she reminds me frequently. Four years ago today… And I’m reminded that my brother walks with a limp because of me. My father almost died because of me. I had one job and I failed. And she won’t let me forget that.

So… Fourteen years old and wandering hungry and aimless on the street. Whenever she burned me then, I didn’t know what was going on. I knew the thirst. I knew the pain and the weakness. I know I got mistaken for a thistle-head, writhing in the gutters. But I didn’t have to worry about anyone… ya know. Worrying about me. It always seemed like such a nice thing, to have someone worry about you. Care about you, want you to be okay. And it’s nice in theory. In practice it’s just… awful.

Cuz… Instead of just hurting on your own, now you’re making someone hurt with you. I haven’t… found a way around that yet. This is my burden to bear, no one else’s. Every time a wave of burn would start to fade, every time I started becoming capable of coherent thought again, I’d wake up in dread of seeing a familiar face over me. They know that it happens, I’ve never hidden that it happens. But I can’t let them see me like this. Vyn would want to go to war. Pryn… Light, Pryn would… I don’t know, but I don’t want to find out. She’d…. she’d suffer. She’d suffer and I can’t stand for that to happen to her. She already suffers so much….

I already know Sera would just march into Silvermoon again and get himself executed in some half-baked mission. Vali…

…shit… Vali.

I think she’s the one I want to know about this least of all. She’s always been clear with where we stand with each other, and I have so much respect for that. I don’t like to think of what she’d say. She’d ask the questions that I avoid, the ones that haunt me when it’s quiet. Questions like why. Why did I fuck up the circle. Was it intentional? Was it rebellion? Why did I run. Why do I keep running. Why. Why.

Her opinion of me has never been that high. Which I trust. She sees me. Not some… projection. Not something I could be. Vyn sees me as this… baby version of him that he thinks I can grow into. Pryn and Sera…. I don’t know. I don’t know! I don’t know anything anymore.

I’m raw. I’m tired. I’m so… so tired… And it’s snowing. But… at least it’s pretty, I guess….”

-end transmission-

#short story #wow short story #warcraft rp #warcraft journal #ic journal #jax crystal #sad story

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iam-constant · 7 years

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Better Ends

Here I go down the rabbit hole again.

You know this “no speaking” thing we’ve been doing, really isn’t working out for me. I’m kind of mad at myself, for how it slipped right through me. I never even notice how hard it was getting for us to just talk. You paying too much attention to what I said, on the other hand I paid not enough. I mean it was right there. But that’s what happens when you live a fools lifestyle, you actually become one. The role takes over.

- Are you alive back there? – I moved my back as if I was fixing the way I was holding you.

- Yeah…

- Are we back to no talking again?

- I don’t know. You’re just as silent as I am.

- Well, every time I say something, you make me feel like I’m destroying the world.

- That’s true, you are.

- Ouch, how cruel.

- But that never stopped you before. You should joke about how world made you feel bad and it is revenge plot or something like that. Just shrug it off like always…

- I still do that on the good days. But now I get off days too. That’s when I think I’m getting at the end of my funny bag.

- Well, that’s because you’ve been out of practice for too long. It’s your fault… you let your bag get filled with sadness and self pity. – I can feel how you grip tightens. - All you had to do was just move on and let go.

- Are you sure you’re talking to me? I mean move on? Let go? What kind of healthy life style is that? Where is my beloved self-destruction?

- Then don’t blame me…

- I don’t… I don’t care about the blame game at all. It’s just that when I’d see you doubt and leave some breadcrumbs behind, I’d always follow them. But then the trail would disappear midway, like you changed your mind. And, when I tried talking to you, you’d make me out like I was crazy for seeing them.

- What are you talking about? I never…

- That’s how it seemed to me anyway. That’s how it seemed, every time I asked to meet you and you said no.

- I was with someone else…

- I know, I know. I just never quite moved on as you did. I was never the moving type if you remember. Even now… I never stopped seeing stuff and it makes everything worse or rather better. Like, I walk the streets and on every corner, on every turn, I expect to see your smiling face or I hear your voice. But when I turn around you’re not there and it just breaks my heart all over again.

- How is that any good any at all? It seems depressing.

- Well, I’m not scared to be depressed. I welcome it with open hands and open heart. Shit, after some time I even became addicted to it, it’s like I need another hit. I’m the love junkie I guess. - Heh… yes, that’s right I said it.

- This is so wrong, on so many levels.

- Really? For me it makes perfect sense and the rest of the world can suck it for all I care.

- You’re still living in the past, you should…

- We’re here. - I stopped in front of the house.

- Yes, we’re here and you should think about now.

- No, I mean we’re here. This is the house of my friend. – I knocked on the door. – Listen, no matter what happens, don’t tell her what you did. OK?

- Don’t worry I won’t. - I hope this goes better then I imagine. - Who is she? One of your lovers?

- OK, you can say you killed me, just don’t say that. Or we’re both done for.

I heard footsteps of Margot as she approached the door. It opened with a screech. At first she didn’t see me as statis.

- Hey Marg, sorry to wake you so late. I need a bit of help from you.

- It’s you again? What happened…. OH MY GOD…. YOU ARE STATIS AGAIN. WHAT HAPPENED? WHY ARE YOU DEAD AGAIN?

- Marg, calm down. I’m fine, I think I have the way out…

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU ARE STATIS AGAIN, I ASKED YOU ONE THING AND YOU DIED AGAIN.

- Marg, look. There is no way of helping me, but you can help her. – She just looked at you and calmed down just a bit.

- Is that her?

- Yes…

- Yes, it’s me… - You didn’t like when you were talked about I guess. – I’m sorry to put you in this kind of situation. I’ll understand if you don’t want to help us.

- Oh, so it’s us now? – Marg looked at me. – It took two of your death, for you to become us. Did you die because of her again?

- No Marg. She had nothing to do with this. I think it’s the gang, I just found her in the alley. It’s a long story. Can we come in?

- Yes, come in, come in. We should go downstairs. – We entered the house and went down to the basement. – Lay her down there. – She pointed at the bed I woke up earlier. I slowly laid you down on the bed. – What’s wrong with her?

- I think she had too much crystallizer. She was out as I said and her eyes were purple.

- Crystal, huh… Anything to do with meeting you? – I shrugged.

- OK missy, tell me how are you feeling? – She looked at you, seems angry.

- I’m feeling weak, I can barely move. – Margot put her hand on your head.

- It’s your soul. It’s exhausted, you pretty much made it hold breath for too long. It’s symptoms of crystal abuse. You also have slight fever, I’ll give you some potions, that will re-energize you. You should get some rest for a while, sleep it off here. You’ll be fine.

- Thank you, I don’t think I can do anything other than that.

- I’m not doing this because of you so don’t thank me and you can just try not to take the drug next time, but that’s none of my business. You kids work through it. Potions are upstairs, I’ll bring them down.

- Thank you Margot… - I should really make sure to pay her somehow.

- Oh don’t thank me yet mister. I’ve got half a mind kicking you with a shovel. - I’ve had enough of that. - What happened? How’d he die? – She looked at you, but you looked away.

- She wasn’t there, I told you, it’s probably the gang. They saw me and finished the job they started.

- All right, if you’re not going to say… - She went upstairs.

- Well, I guess that should work. – I looked at you, you had tears on your face. – What’s wrong? Why are you crying?

- You are so stupid, all the fucking time…

- I think we agreed on that a long time ago. That’s nothing to cry about.

- You’re so… - You turned your head. – Can you wipe my tears? I can’t move my hands.

- Sure thing princess. – I wiped your tears. – Don’t worry, Marg is the best. She is the one that brought me back into my body today. I was sleeping in this precise bad actually.

- Yeah, after I let nether take you… I remember.

- Yeah, still not cool. – I laughed. – I guess, you got tired of kissing me.

- Shut up. You being this dumb, makes me want to punch you.

- Well you being this close makes me want to kiss you. – I look at you.

- Don’t you even think about it, I’ll bite your lips off.

- I think I’ll call it worth. Well actually, if you bite my lips off I would call it wof… but you’d get it.

- This… this is the reason why you should die again. – I heard the footsteps.

- Marg, do you need help?

- No, it’s OK. - Margot came down with potions and walked up to you. – Drink this, it will help. – You drank the potion. – It’ll make you sleep now, I’ll bring some blankets. – You looked at me.

- I’ll be here don’t worry.

- No… what about soul call? – You asked almost whispering.

- Oh, now she cares. – Margot on the strike team. – Why did you not care, when you left him on the brink? What’s your problem anyway? He’s been…

- Marg, Marg… She needs some rest now. - I stand in front of her.

- And there is your knight again. You both fucking deserve each other. – Your head is turned away, are you crying again?

- Marg, I think you had something for statis?

- Yes, Marg has to fix now, that’s all you ever do. Come broken here…

- I mean it’s an illegal clinic so…

- Don’t be a smartass… You know what I mean. - She looked at me really pissed doing the whole stare down thing. I always win, it’s really hard for her to stay mad with me. - Yes I have something for statis, you big doofus. - I win. - Lie on the next bed, I’ll measure the statis strength first. – I laid myself next to your bed while she picked something out from the drawer. Seemed like a huge needle.

- Wait you’re not going to stick that thing in me right? – It was really big.

- The one I stuck you with today was way worse trust me and you won’t feel physical pain anyway. – I lie down on the bed next to you.

- No pain, but it still scares the shit out of me. – I turn my head to see your eyes teary. I sit up and clean them again. – See even she’s scared of that huge ass needle. - You smile and it’s way better than what I’ve been imagining. I see your eyes are closing, it’s probably elixir working. You whisper something, I didn’t hear.

- What did you say? - I bring my head closer to your head.

- Don’t leave. – And then you kiss me on my head.

- Come on princess, if I could do that… - I’m dead, you killed me and let me die just today, but I’m still happy because you kissed me on head. How the fuck do you do that? Yeah, that’s probably 4 more years of lingering on to go… 4 more month to dream about you and a weak of awesome feelings. Seems nice. I lay back on the bed feeling just great, that’s until Marg hits me with that huge needle in my leg. – Aaahhh…. what the hell Marg. You have to warn me first.

- Stop being a wimp. You;re dead and it doesn’t hurt. – She took the needle back up and looked at it. – Huh, that’s weird... fully charged. You should be wiped after carrying her here.

- I feel fine thanks. – Smiling my face off. – What’s the plan? How do I keep statis? I need to wake up tomorrow. I have something important to talk to her about.

- Well if it’s so important… - She filled the needle with some potion. - … this will help. – She injected it in me.

- What’s is that? I can have potions in statis too?

- It consists of static shuffles. It will put you in sleeplike state.

- Wait how is that going to help?

- It won’t help you. – I feel dizzy all of a sudden. - It will help me, help you and you’ll probably be against what I have to do. - I feel sleep getting to me, that thing works really fast.

- W… wai… don’t harm… her… pl… please… - Man I never know what Margot will do. I really hope she won’t harm you. But she isn’t that kind of a person, and she knows if something happens to you I’ll never forgive her.

- Sleep already poor prince.

My head dropped down on a pillow. I look at you, your eyes closed, you’re smiling. I wonder what are you dreaming about? Is it perhaps a little dream about me? I guess, I can I sleep with a bit of hope. I want to look at you more, but I can’t hold my eyes open. I’m starting to drift away, I wonder if statis even get to have dreams. I see a familiar smile. JACKPOT!

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iam-constant · 7 years

Text

Better Ends

#4 (WIP)

I swear its the little thing that got hold on me. It used to be so much easier before, I’d just wake up and I could just tell you what was going on, you’d say stuff that happened and we’d both hide a lot. It was fun while it lasted. Little things like the way you’d bury your face when I’d look too long, or those adorable socks you wore, that coat and clothes that made you look bigger than you were. Don’t get me started on all your badass fighting moves, leaving me speechless and bruised from time to time. Did you even understand that I saw all of you? Now I have all the fishing lines on me and hooks in all the right places, except nobody’s reeling the catch. A fish in perpetual flow.

You’re probably wondering why I’m still not over it after everything? Why I don’t just fold. I guess, I can try to explain. Think about any old cliché drowning scene, from any movie. When they drag out the body and they try to resuscitate. They do the whole CPR procedure once, twice, three times, maybe even more. Eventually they stop, the scene is over and person is pronounced dead, cut to the next clip. When I was a kid, I’d always have this unfulfilling feeling, like they had to try it one more time. Like, it would make all the difference in the world. But they wouldn’t do it and it would just make me so mad. Who told you to stop? Why are you relaxing? Try one more time, try it until your lungs give out, until your lips are blue. Try again and again until they pry you off the body, fight as they tell you that you’ve done enough. There wasn’t any amount to be enough for me. I wouldn’t recognize my own limitations and now I’ve really become a stranger to them.

Who can really tell when enough is enough anyway? For me, the line seems too blurry.

I’m lying on the ground, looking up in the sky, waiting for your decision. It makes me remember the old times and not in the good way. I barely see you, walking towards me. You must have decided to help me right? Probably decided that I could be of some use, it makes me happier than I’d like to admit. You look down on me and I somehow hate the glance you are giving me, is that anger, resentment, annoyance or all three? And now I’m scared to know what you had to go through, to be able to look at me like that. You lean forward, and kiss me on cheek.

- Sleep well. - I hear whisper in my ear.

I guess that means I’m wrong again. I have to somehow get used to that. You stand up and dawn the mask of the squirrel again. I wonder why do you even do that anymore. Squirrel face, hah… it brought smile to me every time I thought about it. I smiled this time too. I guess it counts on the cheek too, gave me some low amount of statis, a minute or two maybe. You should be really annoyed right about now, I can’t even die properly. I’d like to consider it as one of my many charm, you’d probably like to kick me in the face with your boots. I guess we can’t always get what we want, and that’s when you hit me with the boots in face, so I guess I take that back. But it’s not like it hurt, positive side of being in statis is that, you can’t really get physical pain, but it did shorten the statis span. Did nobody tell you, not to kick a dead man, when he’s down? My head is looking at the road now, change of view is always nice, but my eyes are going dark and I can feel nethers pull.

I don’t see anything I just hear the sound of the body crashing the water. Without thinking, I rush towards it and jump right in. Swimming towards distress call, as fast as I can, because I’m so fucking heroic, right? As I get to the epicenter I don’t see anybody, only the sound of water. Deeper I go, dimmer my vision gets, so I just wave hands, if you reach I grab, but nobody’s reaching out. I have to dive further. As I get to dark water, the cold cools my head and that’s when I start remembering, I don’t think you were there at all, with me. I think I just heard some splash sounds of waves crushing into each other and imagined you drowning, crying out for help. If I made it all up, I must look so stupid right now. Some fucking hero alright, just a fool waving hands in the deep waters, fighting darkness away, out of breath and drowning. Barely have the power to look back up. Already one with the idea that nobody’s coming for me, nobody even knows I’m here. But, I feel like I’m about to have the best sleep I’ve had in years. Just as I’m about to receive this nap of a lifetime, I feel my body burning up, then I see surface coming towards me. I hear screams of a familiar voice – mine.

- He’s back, Mike turn it off. – The pain of burning up goes away as I open my eyes.

- Well, I think this officially makes you the luckiest man, I have ever met. – I recognize the voice, I try and sit up.

- No Margot, that would be your husband. – I can barely speak, but I feel energy coming back. I look around and then at my hands, I’m wearing some weird watch on my hand, but I’m not statis anymore, somehow I’m back into my body. I look at my chest and it’s healed. I see a lot of Scars, but I’m not going to complain about that.

- You can cut with flattery. I already did everything I could. How are you feeling?

- Like a blast, ready to roll out after fallout.

- Slow down cowboy. You were just brought back to life. You are not going anywhere just yet.

- How am I back into the body? I thought I was a goner for sure. - I look around the room again and see Mike staring.

- That makes two of us. Mike here saved your statis on the brink. But the call wasn’t strong enough so I had little time. My guess is either it was too late or soul call from a man isn’t your thing.

- That explains the taste in my mouth, how about the body?

- Healing chamber and trading secret, but now, you have to put some flowers on Frankensteins’ grave. And by the way, you are not alive.

- What are you talking about? I feel fine.

- You should, but you are not alive, just animated. See that watch on your hand? Do not remove it for too long. That’s what binds the soul to the body.

- What happens if I do?

- Soul leaves the body and you receive another call from nether.

- Got it, watch stays on.

- I’m sorry, but this was the best I could do. Your body and soul were both at the limit, I had to rush.

- Don’t worry Marg, you did good. I’ll somehow figure the rest. - I close my eyes for a second.

- Tell me. - Margo was looking at me with the pity eyes. - You jumped in again, didn’t you? - I nodded.

- What can I say Marg, it gets me every time. – I said it, like I was ashamed.

- Yes, yes she does. – She looked at Mike. – He told me that she was inside the pub with you.

- Well Mike, I guess you kiss and tell, you should be ashamed of yourself.

- Fuck you man. - Touchy as ever. - without me you’d be dead already. I carried your statis and your body here.

- OK, knock it off Mike he’s just joking. Go up and wait for me.

- I’m going out, but I’m telling you, I should have left his dead ass back there.

- Thanks that you didn’t. – I told him sincerely. He looked at me confused. – I do mean it Mike, I can be hard on you sometimes, but I do appreciate you looking out for me.

- Ye, whatever man, I do it because Margo asked. But one of these days nobody will be there and then you'll die for sure. I’m out Margo, call me if something.

- OK honey, take care. - He walked out of the room. - He’s right you know. I don’t even understand why you survived this time. You should be with nethers right now.

- Oh, yeah she must be so pissed.

- Who?

- Nether, I’ve evaded her so many times.

- Wait, nether is a she? And you know her?

- Yeah, it’s a long story and I’m kind of in a rush now. How long was I out?

- About half an hour. Why are you in suck a rush? Don’t tell me you’re going to meet her?

- Yes, she is probably at my house.

- You are kidding right? She left you to die and you’re still going to her. What does that girl have on you? - She rolled her eyes. - You know that this is getting really pathetic.

- Well you know Marg. Some see it as pathetic, some see it as romantic. Where are my clothes?

- Over there. It’s all bloody and torn up. – She pointed to a chair. – No, this is not romantic, this is plain pathetic.

- Well I hear pathetic is the new sexy. – I started dressing. – I’ll lick my wounds and live to die another day, you don’t have to worry.

- The hell I don’t? You were dead 3 minute before and right now headed towards another kind of death.

- OK then, you shouldn’t be worrying right now. You should be thinking about yourself and that stomach of yours soon to be child. Where is Mr. Franko by the way?

- I don’t know, on some road trip. Said we need more money for the baby.

- Oh that’s good, he’ll be so pissed that I made you worry again. But I’ll take care of myself now. – I started putting my shoes on. – I just have to see this thing through.

- Honey, we both know, you are the worst person to take care of yourself. But I know you have to do it. I just wish you could understand. She made the choice and you have to let it go.

- It’s not about that Marg, it was never about that.

- It’s about that and don’t tell me, you don’t want to be with her. Every time you get drunk you start talking about her. Everybody in town knows your story.

- I won’t lie. I want to be with her, but I also know what reality is. At this point I can’t even dream about that, it more like fairy wish or Jesus miracle. We both know that world is fresh out of fairies and Jesus is not coming until the big doom event.

- You can joke around all you want, I can see the truth, you are lying to yourself.

- At least, I’m getting pretty good at it.

- Why did she even come here for?

- I don’t know exactly. I think I called out to her. She was standing over my dead body when I passed statis.

- She was standing over your dead body? What if she’s the one that killed you. Have you thought about that?

- That’s not funny. - But the thought did cross my mind. - I don’t know how I died though. It’s all jumbled up.

- Yeah, you lose some memory before statis. Now that you’re alive, it’ll start coming back.

- Oh that’s right, she did ask for the key. But it’s possible she was lying and wanted to make me think that the key was the only reason she was there. I’m not sure though.

- Wait, she asked for the key and left you to die? Maybe she was actually the one who killed you.

- Can you not say that? She didn’t kill me, I was already dead and she saved me from Nether in first place. Besides this was a child’s play compared to things she has already put me through.

- There you go defending her honor. Knight in the bloodied armor.

- I’m not def… I’m going out, OK. Is there anything I should know? Anything else I shouldn’t do after the procedure? I wouldn't want to accidentally undo, what you did.

- Not besides the obvious one. Don’t go to her.

- Yeah, well, I can’t do that for now. Wish me luck.

- I would, but I think you’ve used up the entire luck world has to offer. Now we all get to be unlucky for some time. Just watch your back; someone might try to kill you again.

- Will do Marg. Say goodbye and thanks to Mike for me. - I took the torn jacket off the chair.

- Bye and please try to make it at least full month before I have to bring you back.

- I’ll do my best. – I walked out on the street.

It was raining hard. Suddenly the scars on my chest started to feel weird. I guess it wasn’t fully healed yet. I stopped the cab and went towards my house. I wonder if she’s still there. Will she be happy now that I’m alive(animated whatever) or annoyed again? What should I even say? What will she say? I was in these kinds of schoolboy thoughts when the cab pulled up to my house. I paid the cabbie and stepped out on the street. The building is pretty old so, obviously the lift is dead. I had to walk up to the 6th floor. Then weirdest thing happened. The door wouldn’t open. The lock Wouldn't budge. After trying like 10 times, someone opened the door from the inside. It was my neighbor from upstairs, Mrs. Bulkin.

- Is everything alright son?

- Oh, hi Mrs. Bulkin. I’m sorry I must have mixed up the floors.

- Are you alright? Are you drunk?

- No, I’m fine. Just little tired that’s all. Sorry to disturb you.

- It’s OK, I don’t get a lot of work with this door and it’s always refreshing to meet accidental guests. Come on in, don’t be shy.

- I can’t Mrs. Bulkin, maybe later. I have to get home now. Goodbye and I'm sorry to disturb you.

- It’s alright now, take care. - Such a nice lady. She locked the door. I went down the floor. Now guess what happened when I tried to open the door. My goddamn neighbor from downstairs grumpy Garry opened the door and he wasn’t as trusting or happy to see me. I had to run like a dog down the stairs. I ran outside and crossed the street, took shelter from rain under the bus stop, thinking what the fuck was going on. I can’t be that stupid to mix up the building. No, Mrs. Bulkin is definitely my neighbor for years. I walked down exactly one floor and who can forget grumpy Garry. Then I looked at the building. When I realized what had happened, I took one of my survived “sweet pills” from my torn up jacket pocket and gulped it down. I could really use a cig, right about now. I'm looking at the building and my fucking flat is gone. The building is missing a fucking floor, how about that, huh? I count it ten times and it's one floor shorter. It’s supposed to have 13 floors and it has 12. How the fuck did that happen?

- What kind of mess did you get us into this time, princess?

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