#i hope this gets attention! this is my first time drawing over a screencap!

[kirby-the-gorb]

reply roundup!

would you believe I was actually planning to do this the very morning the [licorice gorb] got blazed (obviously it was a better idea to put it off until after it was over)

also someone reblogged it with a screencap where it says "blazed by notpikaman" under my username and tbh I am so glad I'm not the only one burdened by that information XD and thank you to everyone who said "good blaze op" or some variant thereof, a high compliment

anyway welcome all you new followers and also folks who just wanted to reblog the one thing and be on your merry way, I do this occasionally so that I actually get to reply to y'all's tags n such <3 (without making a lot of blog clutter)

we also have a couple new image descriptions! thank you to @cherrycreamsicle for the image description on [suitcase] and @istherewifiinhell for the image description on [kirbear]! both have been added as alt text to the original posts, with credit.

on [the last roundup] @cherrycreamsicle said: Hey no worries! Any accessibility is good accessibility! I'm always happy to help! Hope you and your wife are doing well ^_^

thank you! I felt like it was important to acknowledge that putting it in alt text is not as good for some people as putting it in the body of the post, but it is still definitely better to have. (and thank you! she's doing much better now.)

on [watch] @ceylonsilvergirl said: Do it!! Watch repairs!! Those skills are so niche and needed And especially good for people inclined to pay attention to the details

it just seems really fun! I love little mechanical things and building miniatures and stuff like that so it feels like something I'm capable of! (also I can do it at home for only a couple hours at a time and possibly still make money lol)

on [watch] @macro-microcosm said: i hope you guys make big bucks in a lil watch biz some day

thanks! I'm sure I'd badger my beige-loving partner into letting me make at least one of them my signature kirby-pink lol

on [eggroll] @ceylonsilvergirl said: You felt good enough to go out without mobility aids!! You felt that good! That’s fantastic news! Of course use them when you need them, they’re good! But your body was doing well! That’s whats important

yeah!! it's important to me to emphasize to others that it's not the not using the aids it's the feeling well enough to not need to, cuz it's a mistake that's like. pretty common and even popular. (consider "wow this wheelchair user walked the stage at their graduation and was clearly in pain the whole time" type of stuff. the ubiquity of that type of "inspiration porn" has a huge impact on the disabled community, especially because a significant portion of us are exposed to that first rather than the realities of being disabled.) but feeling well even for one day means my body is still capable of feeling well under the right circumstances, and that matters!

on [kirbear] @hobgirl told a nice story I feel weird about copy/pasting directly but yknow it's there in the tags as long as they choose to leave it up

stuff like that is scary, and the doctors and veteran patients know that! I'm glad you had something comforting with you, and that it was able to lead to even more support than just what it carried by itself.

on [printer] @angst-and-fajitas said: every time I've ever interacted with a printer it has always felt like this and @ceylonsilvergirl said: I have yet to meet a printer that will just friggin’ work

honestly like 90% of the time printers work fine and I don't even think about it, but that last 10% of the time feels like Such A Trial that it really dominates the conversation lol

anonymous asked: Happy kirby day mx gorb :>

thank you! this is what reminded me to actually draw kirby a little cake so it was helpful lol

on [licorice] @ceylonsilvergirl added the [link] for the exact candy I was thinking of

so glad they still exist tbh. don't even remember if I've ever had one I'm just glad they exist!

on [meds] @queenhippolyta said: Do you find that the cromolyn helps you? I started it maybe two months ago but haven’t really noticed a difference yet

it seemed helpful for me when recovering/restabilizing from my covid vaccine, which laid me out for months, but there was a lot of other stuff going on and it was more of a, well, stabilizer than an actual boost. I really don't know if it's doing anything for me now as high vs low compliance really doesn't seem to make a causative difference. (there is a correlation, because on bad days it's harder to get up and take it in the middle of the day, but that's like. definitely not causative.) it might be that different dosing would work better for you, or it might be that it just doesn't really help you! mcas is a tricky beast, as we all know. (I hope you actually find this buried in the roundup >n< )

on [corner] @ceylonsilvergirl said: dang kirbo’s on the ceiling again, grab the broom

this one just made me laugh

on [licorice] @thesleepingnini said: hay wanna draw some silly stuff like this again, baka may sponsor ng ipad diyan

good news, I will continue to draw silly stuff again whether I'm paid or not! additional good news, for those who want more specific silly stuff drawn commissions are open on [kofi] for a few more hours (~6 probably depending how long this post takes me to finish)

@sonisis asked: iEs El Kirbo!

it sure is!

on [licorice] @jenjensd said: It’s a good thing they clarified it’s red liquorice because I legit thought they just gave Kirby a super long tongue for some reason

I wouldn't put it past me tbh (which is why I specified XD )

anonymous asked: Hi your Kirbys are very nice

thank you! I love to draw a Little Guy

on [crowd] @ceylonsilvergirl said: Like when you’re singing to yourself, and then realize people can see you

whoops you've activated one of my fun facts! whenever I am Out And About by myself (which is very very rare these days What With The Illness), I am almost always singing. I am completely comfortable singing at full volume at any time and any place (aside from general noise decorum such as "not in the library" and "not while my wife is sleeping"). so I have not had this specific version of this problem in my lifetime lol

anonymous asked: “Art” that a four year old could do? Don’t quit that day job at target.

look ma, my first anon hate! I'm big time now!

for real though, like, I wanna answer this one kinda seriously even though I'm sure this was just a driveby, because I know it's a common insecurity. why are you upset? if anyone can do it, why shouldn't I? why aren't you?

I make very very very little money from this blog (I even looked up the numbers, in the nearly 5 years I've been doing this I've made a total of ~$1650 to date), but that's because I'm really not putting in effort to make it ~profitable~. my patreon is has no rewards and my commissions are closed (except for literally right now), I only put very rare purposefully designed products on my print-on-demand stores and I haven't made my own stickers to sell in over a year. so if you're mad about people giving me money, don't be. even if you very very conservatively assume only 10 minutes per drawing and also zero other time put into running this blog, that's bare minimum 295 hours I've put into this. in reality it's going to be way way higher than that, but even if you assume I'm only drawing 10 minutes a day for 1771 days and I'm only drawing with no other admin etc, that's only $5.50 an hour, or about $0.93 per drawing.

part of why I don't put in the effort to make it ~profitable~ is because I can't. when my patreon had actual rewards and my commissions were always open and I was still making stickers, that took a ton of energy, and yes it made me a little more money than I'm getting right now, those two years are the period of time the majority of it came from, but it was energy I don't have. I'm disabled, severely chronically ill, and very vocal about it. I don't have a day job to quit because I physically can't do that. but that's also why I can't put in the energy to make this blog a ~business~, and even when I was putting in more energy than I actually had, it was not exactly big returns. I think the biggest most profitable year was like. $800. for the whole year. I made 5 times that doing data entry for a couple hours a week before that company shut down the same year, and the data entry was easier.

so okay, I'm not doing it for the money. (money sure would be nice to have, and I appreciate the patrons who stick around just cuz and the commissions that got picked up this week, but clearly that's not my motivation because there's not much money in running this blog.) then why should I bother?

because making stuff is fun. I get to draw silly little things that make me happy and sometimes other people like them too. that's it. what's the harm in that?

#text #title text #reply roundup #asks answered #long post #readmore #cherrycreamsicle #istherewifiinhell #ceylonsilvergirl #macro-microcosm #hobgirl #angst-and-fajitas #anonymous #queenhippolyta #thesleepingnini #sonisis #jenjensd

[renegadewangs]

Van Zieks - the Examination, part 2

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I'm outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I've missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly.  -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I'm using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what's said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn't matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

It’s time to take a close look at Episode 3, The Runaway Room!

Episode 3: The Runaway Room.

We're skipping the first two cases, as they have no relevance to Barok van Zieks, and starting off here.

So Ryu is tossed into the deep. The Lord Chief Justice tells him that he’s basically the defendant’s only hope; if he doesn’t at least try to fight in court, McGilded will lose the trial and die for sure. (HAH… Good one, Stronghart.) So Ryu falls for this would-be motivational speech and heads for the courthouse where he finds out why McGilded doesn’t have a defense attorney to begin with; it’s because of the prosecution. No one dares to go up against Lord Barok van Zieks, also known as the Reaper of the Old Bailey, because all who he prosecutes are damned. This should sound familiar to anyone who’s played an Ace Attorney game before. ‘The prosecution has never been defeated before’ is the implication, which would initially lead us to believe Van Zieks is another one of those prodigies. Sure enough, Susato points out he must be very talented, to which McGilded replies that Van Zieks is not talented, rather, he’s cursed. This sets the mood even further. With words like “Reaper” and “curse” being tossed around, we’re sooner reminded of a prosecutor like Simon Blackquill, who was a convicted murderer wielding psychological manipulation techniques. Either way, with the grim atmosphere set, Ryu is ushered into the courtroom before he can ask any more questions.

As a sidenote, McGilded really scored some negative points with this remark:

Feels a bit softened compared to how fan translations tackled that line, but a nasty jab all the same.

So anyway, entering the courtroom we get our first look at Van Zieks and if the foreshadowing in the Defendant Antechamber wasn’t already bad enough, he honors his eerie reputation.

So far, he’s meeting the requirements then. He’s intimidating and as a wealthy white man, he’s perfectly juxtaposed to Ryu, the rookie from another country. Meanwhile, the first micro-aggression of this trial is actually uttered by the judge:

Which also makes narrative sense. Ryu’s more practical goal isn’t to win the prosecution’s trust. Heck, he could get through any trial just fine with Van Zieks’s dislike. No, what he needs is to win over the judge and the members of the jury. For them to also hold prejudice but put that aside in order to side with the truth is another important end-game here. So let’s continue. Van Zieks also has something to say here:

Initially, the remark about Ryu’s eyes might read as a typical racist jab towards someone from the East, but he is in fact referring to the way Ryu’s eyes are ‘swimming’ when he’s nervous, as evidenced by the next lines. “They shroud your fear, your doubt, your trepidation… They run wild, clinging to some phantom notion of courage.” Van Zieks is saying that while Ryu puts up a brave front, his swimming eyes betray just how nervous and unsure of his cause he really is. So really, he’s targeting the fact that Ryu is new to the courts. He did, however, make a point of tossing the word “Nipponese” in there when he didn’t need to, drawing attention to Ryu’s race in a derogatory fashion.

After the jurors are introduced, something else of interest happens. The judge points out that Van Zieks hasn’t been seen in the courtroom in a number of years. The judge had assumed that Van Zieks had renounced his fame, to which he replies with the following:

This is a very telling line. We learn several things. Firstly, Van Zieks had retired, and secondly, he doesn’t seem to think too highly of his title of Reaper. If he did, he would have gloated. To describe his reputation as infamy implies negative associations with this ‘curse’ that McGilded spoke of. Putting these two things together, one might conclude he retired because of this curse. When asked why he’s returned to the courts, he says that he’ll leave that to the judge’s imagination. So there’s hints of a backstory already being tossed in before the trial’s even properly kicked off.

Which it does now. So the opening statement happens as always and witnesses are brought in, but once it’s done Ryu interjects to say that he doesn’t understand the circumstances. ‘How could the witnesses have seen the inside of a moving carriage’? It shocks the entire courtroom and Van Zieks is the one to speak:

“-But you’re here in London yourself. Are you really so ignorant about our omnibuses? Tell me, my Nipponese friend… Have you even travelled in an omnibus?”

I have to be honest, I struggled to pinpoint just how I felt about these remarks. Sure, I can overanalyze this, looking at how the words “I’d read-” imply he doesn’t know the following sentiment to be true and therefore doesn’t feel confident enough to say something like “I knew-”... But it doesn’t change that he’s being scummy here. In a roundabout way, he’s still saying Japan is far less civilised than Britain and that Ryu is extra ignorant for not knowing about omnibuses when he’s in London. So basically, he gets scumbag points for this. But then there’s…:

Which is just a basic jab at Ryu’s intelligence. It’s the sort of remark we’d get from every single prosecutor. I think even Klavier would say this sort of line with a smile on his face.

But definitely more scumbag points here, because this was a direct attack in more ways than one. Particularly the word “stray” was uncalled for. CEO of Racism, indeed. Something very interesting happens when the knife gets pulled into the story halfway into the first cross-examination, though. When Ryu asks about it, Van Zieks replies with this:

He’s… actually being civil? (I doublechecked with Scarlet Study, and they are in agreement on the timid nature of this line, translating “yes, Counsel” as “Quite so”.) Instead, Van Zieks turns his attention to the fact that there’s an M on the sheath, directing all his offensive attitude towards McGilded. It gets even more curious when the last juror refuses to cast a guilty verdict, instead talking about what a good man she believes McGilded to be. Van Zieks says:

So he’s not only frustrated with McGilded now, he’s frustrated with the people of London for not knowing what sort of person McGilded really is. Van Zieks reveals he’s a dirty money lender who gained his fortune through corrupt means. He even takes the time to inform Ryu of this with the words “Your client is a shylock, sir!” Edit: I feel a need to address this: shylock is a word with antisemitic roots. It originally came from a Shakespeare play involving a very bad stereotype. It later evolved to have a more broad meaning basically synonymous to loan shark and I think that’s the context the localization means to use it in. There’s absolutely no indication of McGilded’s religious beliefs and even if there were, I highly doubt the localization would use that sort of slur. Still, it’s a very unfortunate choice of words and is sure to accidentally sour Van Zieks even more with some players.

With that, the last juror votes, the scale tips towards Guilty and Van Zieks assumes the trial to be over. He thanks the jurors for their work. Unfortunately, once Susato brings up the Summation Examination, Van Zieks gets very frustrated again. This happens:

IIII don’t know what to do with this line. On first glance, I didn’t think much of it and was even willing to consider it was a compliment. Then I thought it must’ve been passive aggressive somehow; that it’s the sort of thing he wouldn’t believe until he’d seen it with his own eyes. A friend directed me to the notion that it might be referencing a stereotype that ‘Eastern women are fierce’ because they were associated with, well, certain ‘paid services’. I don’t think I need to explain, I’m sure you understand what I mean. And if indeed that’s what Barok is insinuating, that’s a new low I never thought he’d reach. However, when you’ve finished the games and know that Barok was friends with a married Japanese man, it’s entirely possible that he’s remembering a story once told to him by Genshin Asogi. So this is either a bittersweet reminiscence or the most scumbag association he ever could’ve made, but I’m not sure we can ever prove which it is. Edit: As another option, it’s possible he’s referring to the Yamato Nadeshiko stereotype, if indeed it already held the ‘touch of iron’ aspect to it back in 1900. He proceeds to toast his hallowed chalice to “the enigmatic East” and to be honest, I’ve once again got nothing. All I know is that he once again drew attention to the defense’s race when he didn’t need to, so… Scumbag point. As a sidenote, in regards to the wine… I don’t count this as a humanizing trait. The same applies to the leg slam. These are animations meant to add some more lighthearted air and breathe more life into Van Zieks, so he doesn’t just stand there like a statue. They’re just quirks meant to have him stand out from other characters. So yeah, fun as the wine and leg slam animations are, they don’t count in the redemption requirements. Anyway, Van Zieks mocks the age of Susato’s book, saying that judging by its bindings it must be fifty years old. Considering the context of the conversation, this isn’t out of bounds. The defense is using ‘outdated’ information on the law, so he points that out. Any prosecutor would’ve done it like this. Simon Blackquill likely would’ve offered to shred that outdated tome to bits for Susato. Van Zieks does toss in a “Hmph, typical Nipponese” later though, which earns him one more scumbag point. Van Zieks continues to dismiss the Summation Examination, but the judge overrules him and allows it. Law is law, after all! And this is what I meant in my previous post when I said it’s satisfying to see Ryu use actual British law against Van Zieks. Ryu is using a perfectly legitimate technique to win the jurors over, and as Susato tells him, he can only do it by turning the jurors against one another with facts. He can’t appeal to them, he can only have them see sense. Which is difficult, because some jurors are more prejudiced than others:

… Yeah. Uh. Calling Ryu a “Dark Jinx” is pretty awful. Scumbag points for Juror No. 1! Meanwhile, Juror No. 4 keeps us updated on Barok’s actions throughout this trial:

Wow. Typical prosecutor behavior, though. Regardless, Ryu manages to win them all over in the end. With enough of the scales set back to not-guilty, the trial is allowed to continue, which leads to this:

Bye, hallowed chalice. A fun animation to keep things fresh and show us that the trial is about to take a turn. Once again, nothing new. We’ve seen prosecutors lose their patience before. What does interest me, though, is that Barok doesn’t direct physical frustration towards the defense. Remember: Franziska snaps a whip at Phoenix, Godot throws coffee at his head, Blackquill sends a hawk to attack the defense or uses that aijutsu slicing move, Nahyuta throws restricting beads… These were all direct physical attacks. Van Zieks, much like Edgeworth and Klavier, directs his frustration more inward and as a result he destroys his own property.

He succeeds in intimidating Ryu, though. Van Zieks explains that he kept silent, as is the norm during Examination Summation, but makes it clear that he considers it a charade all the same.

Van Zieks has been a pretty good gentleman towards the jury up until now, speaking to them politely despite that one remark about having their head in the clouds. Now that he’s seeing them ‘buy into Ryu’s stories’, as one might describe it, he’s getting frustrated with them. Maybe he’s even frustrated they’re choosing the defense’s side over his own.

He removes his cloak, entering what he says to be the next round of their ‘battle’. More typical prosecutor behavior, this. I’m not sure there’s an underlying thought to this, other than to indicate to the audience that ‘things have gotten serious’. When the next bit of testimony is going on, I noticed something odd. Both Fairplay and Furst testify to having seen blood on McGilded’s hands, to which Van Zieks says:

“... Reported that there was no trace of blood on Mr. McGilded’s gloved hands.” So in a way, by establishing this fact, he’s helping the defense and going against what the witnesses are saying. It doesn’t help the prosecution in any way at all.

The trial continues on, with Van Zieks uttering things like “My Nipponese friend” and “my learned friend from the East” and lord knows what else… I suppose to soften the harshness of the original wording a bit and make Van Zieks just a bit less dislikable? Edit: Tumblr user @beevean​ has pointed out that “my learned friend” is an actual term used in courts of law. There’s a tradition (also employed in British courts of law) that when addressing either the court or the judge, a barrister refers to the opposing counsel using the respectful term, "my learned friend". Of course, it can be said with an air of passive aggression and pretending to be respectful to the court while shamelessly disrespecting it is something Barok has always done, so the addition of “my learned friend” to the localization text is amazingly in-character. Then of course we have:

This is both a scumbag remark and foreshadowing. Naturally, those playing the game for the first time won’t recognize it as the latter and therefore take it as nothing more than a harsh blow. Things spiral even further out of control when he starts talking about how people who claim the island nations of the Far East have a learning and culture of their own use those terms ill-advisedly. He also uses the words “artless backwater” and really, this is the low point of the trial right here when it comes to prejudice. Van Zieks is just plain lashing out with these sort of jabs.

Eventually, McGilded is dragged onto the witness stand to testify about whether or not there was another passenger aboard the omnibus. McGilded admits that there was, and Van Zieks snaps at him some more for using convenient excuses. Ryu is forgotten here for a moment. The whole smoke bomb thing happens, Van Zieks confers with McGilded and Gina in his own chambers, then the trial resumes. McGilded testifies, then Gina testifies… The jury votes not-guilty, buying into McGilded’s story about protecting a poor young pickpocket and Van Zieks loses it. He slams his heel down on the bench, pointing out that this is why he doesn’t like the jury system; because emotions are ruling where evidence and facts ought to be paramount. He points out while the cubbyhole Gina had been hiding in was empty now, it had been full of the coachman’s belongings during the police investigation. Someone tampered with the omnibus. This is where things get interesting, because Van Zieks addresses Ryu:

He’s giving Ryu the benefit of the doubt here. He’s offering an option for Ryu to be truthful about this matter. And that’s curious, because any defense attorney would naturally say what’s best for his client- or so it’s assumed. It puts Ryu in a difficult position for sure, but for some reason Van Zieks put the question forward anyway. The game responds as follows:

For the sake of argument, I attempted all three options. So when Ryu says he didn’t look, Van Zieks says: “Hm… Perhaps I credited you with too much intelligence.”

So when feigning ignorance, Van Zieks is kind of a scumbag about it. He is correct in his expectation that any attorney worth his badge would thoroughly examine the details of the evidence, but he didn’t need to be such a jerk about it. Now, when outright lying and saying it was empty, Van Zieks instead says:

The lines are very similar, which is an interesting note. It adds a feel of these responses being 'rehearsed', in a way. Just a default for him to fall back to. But the real kicker comes when Ryu tells the truth and says it wasn’t empty. Van Zieks is actually speechless at first with no more than a “...!” Clearly, he wasn’t expecting Ryu to respond like this. Everyone in court is baffled, McGilded gets angry… Van Zieks is a bit rattled now.

“Your task is to defend the man in the stand. Why would you say something to compromise his position?”

So really, it seems as if Van Zieks had only ever offered the question to Ryu with pessimistic intentions. He too had assumed there was only one answer the defense could give and was prepared for just that with his silly little wine analogies, only to be shocked when Ryu defies his expectations. Ryu confesses that he’s not entirely sure on where he stands in the matter, to which Van Zieks replies with “... Interesting.” 

So now the jury members are doubting themselves again, with some offering guilty verdicts. Van Zieks decides to honor the ‘Scales of Justice’ once more now that they’re back in his favor, like the hypocrite he is. Gina testifies, Ryu points out an inconsistency, Van Zieks takes that opportunity to turn the tables back in his favor by implying Gina is a liar… He passive aggressively thanks Ryu for saving him considerable trouble and whatnot with some more “my learned Nipponese friend” remarks in there… Ryu turns the tables once more by insisting the victim came into the omnibus through the skylight, Van Zieks demands evidence and points out that furthermore, if indeed such a thing had happened, the witnesses on the roof would’ve seen it. McGilded hops into the conversation to imply that the witnesses themselves were the killers, which sends the court into a frenzy. Both Van Zieks and the judge shift the responsibility of the accusation towards Ryu, even though he never said a word to directly accuse the witnesses. Kind of a douchey move. Barok even states that Ryu’s ‘command of the English tongue must be wanting’, since

Yeahhh, that's pretty unfair. McGilded was the one who dropped that implication. However, since the judge basically accuses Ryu of the same thing, it’s a narrative choice to warn Ryu he needs to anticipate where his reasoning will lead him. Fairplay and Furst testify, pandemonium ensues. McGilded eventually gets what he wants when it’s revealed the skylight can open and there’s blood in there. Van Zieks once again turns his attention to McGilded:

He knows McGilded is at the root of all this tomfoolery and evidence manipulation. McGilded is the real enemy here, in Van Zieks’s eyes. The conversation shows this by having Van Zieks point out that he’s well aware of McGilded’s involvement in dubious matters and that evidence is often ‘adapted’ to suit this guy’s stories. And now, once again, he turns his attention to Ryu. Once again, he’s giving the defense the benefit of the doubt:

The game gives you the illusion of choice here. If you choose to say it’s ‘out of the question’ that the evidence was tampered with, Ryu will refuse to say it out loud. If you say it’s entirely possible, Ryu will admit to that.

This is probably baffling to Van Zieks. It would’ve been so easy for Ryu to insist the tampering couldn’t have happened, but he doesn’t. The game won’t even let him. No matter what you choose, Van Zieks is clued in on the fact that Ryu doesn’t condone the deceit that McGilded is resorting to. But it gets even better, because a short time later, we get:

Another option to either draw attention to forgery, or to feign ignorance. Once again, I chose both options for argument’s sake, but having Ryu say he has no idea doesn’t get us anywhere. Susato will instead object to say it for him. With “I have an inkling”, Ryu says it himself. Van Zieks once again confesses, in his own words, that he’s caught off guard.

Ryu clarifies that he thinks the blood stain inside the omnibus is decisive evidence, but he can’t say for certain whether it’s genuine. McGilded loses it and by this point, is outright branding Van Zieks an enemy. Since the player at this point doesn't know whether McGilded is guilty or not, it leaves Van Zieks in a bit of narrative limbo. One might think: 'if the prosecutor is so intent on taking down a murderer, shouldn't we be on his side? Is he perhaps not as bad as he seems?' Unfortunately, McGilded points out that recollection and memories don’t matter, only evidence does. And… Well.

Which means they can’t rule on a guilty verdict and will have to let McGilded go. Van Zieks admits that he has no more witnesses or evidence to present. He’s out of options. As a formality, the judge asks the defense’s closing statement and we get one last option. Do we believe him to be guilty or not-guilty? When claiming he’s innocent, Van Zieks says:

It seems he means “abject” in the sense of “without pride/respect/dignity for oneself”, which… You know, is fair. By this point it’s very clear that McGilded is guilty, and since Ryu has already admitted that the evidence may be forged, insisting otherwise is indeed pretty spineless. Scumbag points to Van Zieks for continuing to draw attention to the fact that Ryu is from Japan, though.

Let’s instead just admit that we can’t say for certain McGilded is innocent. Unfortunately, we don’t see Van Zieks react to this, which is a bummer because this could’ve been very telling. The judge questions Ryu’s sanity (no joke) and McGilded laughs because it doesn’t matter; it was just a formality anyway. The judge scolds Van Zieks, saying that his case was flawed and it was his job to keep the evidence secure. Instead of objecting, Van Zieks just outright takes the blame for this and apologizes. Very interesting reaction, here. He stops pointing the finger to McGilded, he doesn’t attempt to accuse anyone else… He just admits his performance was flawed. Ryu tries to interject here:

(A badly-timed screenshot if I’ve ever seen one.) Ryu is making an attempt here to defend Van Zieks, the guy who has built up like 20 scumbag points by now. Ryu sincerely doesn’t hold a grudge against him. That’s very interesting. It doesn’t matter, though. The judge won’t hear of it, Ryu thinks it’s unfair, Van Zieks warns McGilded that this isn’t over and then we get the not-guilty verdict.

Hurray??? Profit??? It’s a victory that’s bound to leave the player feeling conflicted and jarred.

But after all’s said and done, we get one last cutscene to establish just how ominous Van Zieks really is. The omnibus is on fire, someone is inside and we know McGilded went into the courtroom earlier to investigate the omnibus in question. So really, by putting two and two together we can already guess what’s going on here. Van Zieks approaches the scene and watches silently.

It’s a good reminder to us that every defendant he prosecutes is ‘damned’ and he’s called the Reaper for a reason. Really puts the finishing touch on the eerie undertones of his character.

All in all, a pretty typical first time against a new prosecutor. Now I just want to draw attention to the fact that the first time we face Van Zieks in court… he’s actually on the right side of the courtroom and Ryu is not. Van Zieks presumably specifically returned to the court after those five years to target McGilded, as he knows about this guy’s shady reputation when it comes to ‘adapting’ evidence. Barok is 'cursed' in such a way that every defendant he faces is damned. So long as he stands as the prosecutor, McGilded can’t get away with his crimes. No matter how much forgery is done, the Reaper will go after McGilded and it seems Van Zieks was banking on this happening.

He likely also expected Ryu to have been bought off by McGilded; to say whatever’s convenient for his case. Turns out, Ryu is actually a man of integrity who’s invested in the truth and near the end of the trial, Barok has seen evidence of this. So what will happen next? We’ll have to play The Clouded Kokoro and find out! Stay tuned!

#dgs #dgs spoilers #tgaa #tgaa spoilers #barok van zieks

[thatsridicarus]

Gonna say something about Soup.io real quick

Ok maybe not-so-real-quick. Hooboy. Where do I even begin?

It was my LIFE for a significantly long time. It was my anti-Tumblr before I even got a Tumblr. It was a safe haven to upload things I don't really wanna share with my friends.

Starting from the early 2010s I've been trying A LOT of alternatives for popular sites, some are thankfully stable, most of them aren't. For the longest time I thought Soup was one of the most stable sites I could rely on & it did prove me right for many years. Like, whenever an alternative site failed on me I'll always store a backup of whatever important posts I have there on Soup.

Yfrog died? Off to Soup.

Twitwall died? Back 'em dreamjournal entries up in Soup.

FYI  I used to dump all my dream journal entries in the (now defunct) text auto-imports from Twitter, Jaiku, Ask.fm, etc. And it also works as a bookmarking site when all the bookmarking sites I've tried failed on me everytime.

Speaking of the anti-Tumblr part, I was pretty proud to own a Soup blog in place of a Tumblr blog & I would repost all the memes & stuff from my friends' Tumblr blog into Soup. (It was a hassle of course but I didn't even care). But the one thing I got a kick out of was copying other people's Tumblr fanart & turn them into Soup, since I thought nobody would care or even notice. To me this felt kinda robin-hood-ish, taking the love & attention of one perceived popular website & giving it to its less popular alternative. Back then I was still doing finals in university, & turning all those blues into reds lifted & kept my spirits up.

After graduating from university I moved on to actually making original fanart for Soup in the meantime, while still looking for jobs back then. A few of those fanart got featured in their ads & the developers liked it so much they sent me a Soup t-shirt & a tank top as a thank you gift which I still wore today. The thought of them sending shirts from across the globe all the way here is totally unexpected. Count this as an early birthday present (cuz it was days before my birthday) and to this day I still can't thank them enough for it.

Weird cuz in the previous year, just for fun, I photoshopped this Soup logo on a red shirt I already have, hoping I could have a Soup shirt for real. My prayers have been answered.

In a way, Soup also gave me room for experimenting in blog customization. In the early days I'd go around trying to copy my friends' blogs' looks (they're mostly on Tumblr & Blogger with multitudes of themes & Soup has like 4 other themes besides the default) & since I only know simple HTML & CSS & not much beyond that, I had to view the source page of these other blogs & tried seeing what codes can make certain pics float, or cursors change, or the likes.

There was one time when I actually made the cursor on my blog change, but I still couldn't nail the layouts like those other tumblr/blogger/wordpress/livejournal blogs. In the end, changing the background images is good enough... until Notasecondtowaste introduced Souperstyles to all of us, with lots of customized themes & even more customizable CSS-es. Also also that one time someone made a grid look for their Soup, that happened too, & that got me drawing this comic.

After getting my own Tumblr 2 years after I got my Soup, I went full matchy-matchy on both blogs in case one or the other screws up or something, then I'll still have backup on the other. Who would've guessed Soup was the first to die, after all these years. Gotta say I'm lucky I didn't really need to export my Soup content much following the site's demise, as besides my artworks, music & memes simultaneously posted on tumblr, my chat screencaps & dreamjournals are safe somewhere else.

There’s still some things I don’t quite like about Soup though, like how it doesn’t allow multiple images in a post (they used to, though, using automatic imports we can make a gallery from all the images we selected, not anymore). Also there’s not a lot of fandom comunities in Soup too, especially with my fandoms (the blame’s on me & not the website) thats why I was glad when I found out group blogs for Doctor Who, My Chemical Romance, 30 Seconds To Mars & comic enthusiasts exist in Soup.

Despite all that, Soup still wins me over with its versatility.

To me, Soup is a place where I can be alone & yet still interact with other people. Completely different people from my usual online friends I have in other social media. All the other alternative social sites I've tried don't really have a significant amount of active users, thus using those sites still feels kinda lonely without all the reactions. In Soup they’ll still react & repost your posts into groups & stuff.

Recently I’ve tried Soup clones popping out before Soup’s death, like Loforo, & earlier last year, Newtumbl. They’re light, they’re alright, though they still don’t really feel like Soup. But hey I’m sticking around Loforo for now, it’s still improving & introducing new features.

I'm really gonna miss Soup.io. Thnks fr th mmrs.

#soup.io #random notes #r2 writes

[kakashishomegirl]

Guide To This Blog

About me:

Hi, I’m Alice! I love drawing, talking to kind strangers on the internet and Naruto.

Please know that I am 18, therefore an adult, and also white, in case you are uncomfortable with that.

If you are interested in my art, @alicexdraws is my main blog with only art, though I also do reblog it on here if it’s Naruto, just search the #my art tag.

If you want to talk to me, I would be delighted, I’ll chat about just everything (but extra points if it’s Naruto-related xD).

Also, I‘m basically a library of Kakagai fics, so if you want some recommendations, HIT ME UP I LOVE TALKING ABOUT FANFICTION.

PEDOPHILES, RACISTS, TERFS, MISOGYNISTS, HOMOPHOBES ETC ARE NOT WELCOME HERE. This blog is a safe space for everyone except haters.

If you are a minor, please think about if you really want to follow me. It‘s not much, but there are some slightly nsfw texts or images here. Also there is a post of me saying Kisame/Itachi is one of my ships going around. I do NOT ship this anymore since I did research on their ages and when they met, something I didn‘t know back then. But if this makes you uncomfortable, then please don‘t follow.

Content:

You will probably catch me thinking about kakagai, Itachi, Neji, Tenten and Lee most of the time hehe.

Kakagai is my number one favourite Naruto ship, but you’ll also find some sasunaru, inosaku, gaanaru and nejiten on here.

Also I LOVE TEAM GAI WITH ALL MY HEART, they are my precious taijutsu kids and they all deserved so much better!! I will always be ready to talk about them.

And just recently, my obsession with Itachi began, I just fell right into that...

I often set out to the deeply hidden corners of tumblr to find some vastly underappreciated fanart which you will probably witness through random hours of content regarding only one theme.

What you won’t find here:

I don’t ship any minors with adults, therefore stuff like kakasaku, kakanaru, Lee x Gai or similar ships will never be here.

I don’t think I’ll really be reblogging nsfw content, and if so, then most certainly nothing too explicit, that just isn’t my style.

Also there won’t be much triggering stuff, I don’t think it’ll get further than some blood smears.

Tagging system:

I try to tag trigger warnings with “name of trigger + tw” and nsfw (though there won’t really be much to tag) accordingly, but if you have ideas for improvement, please feel free to tell me.

If I have some conversations with mutuals, that will probably include a lot of reblogs, so if you don‘t want to see them, just filter the tag #convos :)

Also I somehow got into doing some terrible „funny“ Itachi roleplay, you can filter that with #roleplay xD

Looking for characters:

Every character is tagged with first and last name, exceptions are those who don’t have one and the sand siblings which are tagged with just their first name since I was confused about that whole “sabaku no” thing. 

I write “Kurenai Yuuhi” with double u because it looks cooler, but otherwise I decided to just use one, for example in “Hyuga”.

I tag Yamato solely as Tenzo because I really vibe with Kakashi and if he calls him Tenzo, then so do I. ^^

Might Guy is tagged as Maito Gai because I love sticking to the Japanese versions and also because I think this befits him better, for some reason.

Special character group tags:

#underappreciated jonin squad: Includes all the jonin (and also chunin) from Konoha that nobody really knows the name of, as the memes say. I am proud to claim that by now, I do know their names. Examples: Raido Namiashi, Genma Shiranui (love this guy), Kotetsu Hagane etc.

#sand sibs: The tag for the three wonderful siblings from Suna. Temari, Kankuro and Gaara.

#og squad: Includes the Konoha eleven and Sasuke, but also the sand sibs. Basically everyone you would watch Boruto for. (Sorry for the shade if you really enjoy Boruto)

#hokage squad: All the hokage of Konoha.

#uchiha brothers: Itachi and Sasuke interacting.

#team 7: I use this tag to respect Tenzo’s leadership alongside Kakashi’s, so this tag includes Tenzo and Sai as rightful members of team 7.

#team gai, #team kurenai, #team asuma etc.: All other teams are named after their sensei.

#team taka: Not team hebi, I never really liked that name.

#sannin: I’m actually not sure if I have used or ever will use this tag since I like neither Jiraiya nor Orochimaru that much, but maybe for Tsunade i will.

#ninken: Kakashi’s precious dogs!

#kunoichi squad: All the girls in Naruto, because give them love!

#uchiha clan, #hyuga clan etc.: Feautures clan members from different generations.

Ship names

I’ll just list how I write them in case you were wondering why you didn’t find anything. It could also be the case that I just haven’t reblogged anything of that ship, even if you might find it in the list.

sasunaru | sakuino | kakagai | gaanaru | nejiten | hinaten | nejilee | saiino

I’ll continue the list if you or I feel the need.

Content tags:

I do admit that except for #fanart, these are all a bit inconsistent, not everything fitting into these categories is tagged as such, but in the future, I‘ll pay more attention to that and maybe also go over my posts.

#naruto: Almost every post is tagged with this. I don‘t post much stuff that is not Naruto, but if you don‘t want to see that, choose this tag and have the full on pure Naruto experience.

#fanart: Contains everything that is drawn/painted/stitched etc. by fans, also comics, painted memes and everything.

#full pieces: Also fanart, but only the fully coloured ones, or extremely detailed, and with backgrounds. Things you would put on your wall.

#incorrect quotes: We all know them, the famous quotes our favourite characters may or may not have said.

#mangacaps: Images taken out of the Naruto manga.

#screencaps: Screenshots, compilations of character scenes, whole scenes etc. out of the anime.

#comics: Fanarts that are also comics.

#memes: I don‘t think I really have many of those tho lol.

#charts: You know these alignments, or reactions of various characters to a thing? These are all summed up in this tag, I enjoy it a lot.

#rankings: Things like „Who of these characters is most to least likely to do xyz?“

#my posts: Everything I did or had a hand in.

#my art: Everything I drew :)

#not naruto, #personal: Stuff that isn’t Naruto and/or concerns me. Might change these later.

#fun stuff: Things that made me laugh.

Special tags:

#personal faves: These are my absolute favourite posts, there are some absolutely stunning artworks there and it‘s just general stuff that I can go to look at when I‘m feeling down.

Thank you for visiting my blog, I hope you‘ll enjoy your stay! <3

#my posts #guide to this blog #not naruto

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

u guys know how crystalisks change color depending on element?

ohhh yeah

tl;dr: i went off on crystalisks for a while, started talking about vault monsters/guardians and siren tattoos, bloodwing, krieg, the elemental hierarchy, the bandits that got mutated by the vault key piece, the eridian ruins powering up, the moon [elpis] being teleported in that new vid we got with steve and claptrap, i rant about eleseer and technologically created pocket dimensions (heyo), and also there’s commander lily spoilers in here so be warned

i talked about a lot of things. i promise i linked them all together. somehow.

so we got the normal crystalisks that do explosive stuff

got Blue (the aptly named big blue crystalisk) that deals shock damage

(we also see a few more in hayter’s folly)

got Rouge the red one that deals fire damage

I’m honestly surprised we haven’t seen any green crystalisks since they’re pretty common in the caustic caverns.

anyway the reason im bringing this up now is because a very very long time ago (jesus christ, 2017) i had a theory that crystalisks were kinda like pets to the Eridians, like guard dogs of the ruins in the caustic caverns. which could explain why they were friendly (iirc Blue was even playing fetch with Booth) until Dahl started mining them

mostly cause of the guardian ruins everywhere

also, they show up in the Vault of the Warrior, as well. which is curious.

the other reason im bringing this up now is because im wondering if their crystals have any relation whatsoever to the purple crystals we see sprouting out of the ground in bl3.

they hang out in the ground when not active, mimicking said crystals, and there are yellow crystals sprouting out of the ground in bl2 that, when meleed, produce the same crystals crystalisks do when they die. (tho now im wondering if we’ve just been senselessly murdering crystalisk babies :|)

bonus: we know threshers are native to elpis, not pandora, and their blood is green. Crystalisk blood is blue, which could possibly hint at the fact they’re an alien species to Pandora. AFAIK rakk, skag, bullymong, stalker, and spiderant blood is all red. and so is bandit blood. (unless they’ve been huffing Eridium sludge like Zarpedon. then it glows purple i guess.)

anyway

you guys know how vault monsters change color based on element?

just recently fought this bad boy so i have a plethora of pictures

(this one is cryo)

(slag/base- which you know, makes sense. gotta slag em before u can swap guns)

(this one is shock)

nasty boy

also, interesting to note: we never got ‘explosive’ as an element with the sentinel and in bl3, explosive was taken out of the element list

you know how Siren tattoos also change color based on element?

sorry i would show amara’s green/corrosive tattoos BUT this was the leaked clip that i had on hand

ohhhh yeah.

now we know Siren tattoos are blue when using their base powers. according to amara, this blue means electricity is the ‘base’ element for sirens (which just plain isn’t true given what we’ve seen with maya and lilith, unless they show that further in bl3 where lilith uses phasewalk without her tattoos going red... which I’m guessing will not happen lol)

which has me like 🤔

we know in the original borderlands the vault key is blue for the vault of the destroyer

in all it’s technological glory

then it changes to purple in bl2. and apparently, we even get red in bl3.

so i know what you’re thinking “well blue must be the base element then” but imma posit that it’s actually not

We know the sentinel, when it comes out of the Vault, the first element it is is ‘purple’ (aka slag/eridium i guess, since slag isn’t in TPS). which, as we said above, makes sense.

we know the Warrior was a biological weapon built/modified by the Eridians for... some reason. It was under complete control of whoever opened the Vault. (the warrior actually has 2 elements afaik, the slag tail/wings and the fire)

I wanna say we were SUPPOSED to open the Vault of the Warrior first. Then open the Vault of the Destroyer and annihilate it with our new cool biological weapon

so then the order would be purple -> blue -> uhhh something something

oh and Siren tattoos appear to always be purple when interacting with Eridium stuff

like when Lily touches the vault key in the Vault of the Warrior, her tattoos glow purple

when Lilith is being mind controlled by Jack/the collar/charging Eridium her tattoos are purple

etc etc

also MAJOR COMMANDER LILY SPOILERS BELOW

her tattoos glow purple during the final cutscene i believe. bonus i’m pretty sure the vault map was glowing white when inside hector. it was still purple on the outside tho soooo take that as you will. i had a picture but i removed it because i didn’t wanna spoil anything for anyone. the whispy bits do remind me of angel’s wings

SPOILERS ARE DONE

dunno if any of this is important but i will say

when u fight a badass skag that’s been charged by an element and is implied to be the result of eridium runoff aka slag? mmm that’s the good shit.

Bloodwing?? her base color is purple. but jack is able to change her element based on outside stimuli (and, again, explosive isn’t actually seen as an element, just a joke... a really... fucked up... joke...)

we also know a lot of the bandits were mutated by the vault key (piece?) in sledge’s mine. might help explain burning psychos (the ones that are literally on fire). 

also maybe the eridian ruins are starting to give off ‘radiation’. you know how the original Eridian Ruins in BL1 were like white/blueish and then all the ones we find in BL2 are purple-ish? maybe they started charging up once the first Vault was opened and that allowed more and more bandits to start getting 

borderlands 1

vs

borderlands 2

(sorry for the shitty screencap, i hope it’s clear enough)

oh also maybe krieg’s ability to breathe fire and light himself on fire since he was a hyperion experiment. dunno if they did slag testing on him or not but... all things considered... it’s a probably maybe. wasn’t his assassin’s assassin the woman in the ECHO logs you find around the WEP?

also Terry the thresher? probably mutated like hell from living in those Vault ruins. might explain the size. also threshers being from the moon might just give them the fire/wormhole abilities inherently. since apparently the moon is some top secret eridian base that can see the future. im not even surprised. also you know. terry drops e-tech stuff upon decimation.

anyway i think Pandora is a lot older than Elpis and that’s why Elpis appears super fucking high-tech compared to Pandora’s ruins.

I mean look at the above then look down here

which makes sense, you’d make the planet before you make the moon yeah?

so elpis was probably put in place to watch over Pandora, maybe the Destroyer and the Warrior’s fight or maybe even to predict the future of that fight. maybe the eridians got paranoid and were like ‘fuck this’ and vanished because they were told they couldn’t win.

i do go into that whole theory of ‘zarpedon saw what the twins are about to do in bl3 and jack ain’t shit’ in an older post of mine so i won’t go into it here, but that’s another option as to why the eridians just booked it the hell outta dodge

bonus: in tycho’s ribs, some of the glowy lights are not actually purple, they’re red-ish

which has me thinking about the glowing red Vault Map we see in the Dev trailer. wonder if that’s going to lead up to elpis

oh! and speaking of elpis

yeah i don’t think that’s just an aesthetic thing cause holy shit

we’re all going to die!

yeah i actually have no idea what’s happening to the moon here

but im going to take a wild guess and draw your attention to that one scene with lilith

when she uhhh teleports in using her firehawk powers

we see it again when tyreen teleports in bandits on promethea

and they look

really

darn

familiar

im not saying we’re gonna teleport the moon but hOLY SHIT would that be F*CKING AWESOME

we also know ‘the moon is the key’ as shown on the cover art sooooo

it’s entirely possible?

which brings me to another point i made a while ago when the booth intro got leaked and i was talking about the ‘vault’ ‘not-vault’ area and decided it was on pandora because of the moon, but made a joke that maybe it wasn’t because i guess we could just move the moon.

what if it actually wasn’t lmao

nah im just playing, i’m pretty sure those are Rakk flying around there, but HEY it’d be cool!

also it’s pretty fucked up what’s happening on elpis considering it looks like it’s being bathed in fire... sucks for everyone on concordia but hey, if it means getting rid of pickle, im game.

OH GOD DAMN IT HE WAS ON SANCTUARY WITH TINA FUC-

anyway.

i wanna move the moon

oh also im still not convinced eleseer isn’t found by going thru a wormhole/alternate dimension/pocket rip/whatever

like, you know how to fight the Sentinel you go inside that giant purple crystal that looks like/is probably eridium? and the arena is WAYYY bigger than it ought to be? and it looks like the outside is made out of glowing graph paper and sick guy fieri flames that’s probably supposed to imply some sort of technological feeling?

oh and it does the “lilith just yeeted u to bloodshot stronghold- just kidding’ effect! which... y’know. my only gripe with that is it actually does appear to be somewhere inside eleseer given if u look at the ceiling it does look to be the same sky you see outside eleseer... but where the fck is eleseer... is it in another dimension inside the moon? bc i still refuse to believe the entire moon is being supported by that area... wouldn’t you see the crust?? somewhere? and it being in another dimension would help explain the whole ‘yeah you’re exactly where you were five seconds ago... but also you’re not because you’re in this arena and it’s clipping except it’s not so even though the sky looks the same because you’re in the same exactly spot you were in 5 seconds ago, you’re actually not (but you are)’. because what the fuck my scrub brain can’t comprehend that!

but god i wanna know if the eridians were harnessing the power of eridium and learned how to create pocket dimensions using their technology and fuckin DID IT the mad lads. i mean isn’t that what Vaults are? just little rips in this dimension. it’s the good shit.

also i wanna know why the Destroyer seemed to have pockets of slag/eridium on it’s tentacles when he’s supposed to be the VILLAIN tm of bl1 and also the eridians. might help explain why eridium only starts appearing after you off that physical rendition of him. also [see that one post i made about the crystals being corpses].

wow.

yeah.

i just spent a straight 2 hours doing nothing but typing this post. i should really go to bed. imma go do that

tomorrow i wanna talk about the seraph vendor. cause i can.

#borderlands #bl3 #borderlands 3 #borderlands the pre sequel #borderlands 2 #bl2 #bltps

[fweeble]

Episode 2: In Another Country

I hope everyone stays hydrated, whether or not they’re currently suffering through summer! I’ve got my set up all prepared (with the tissues and pillows being the most important, but that’s preference). Hope everyone else is comfy as we start episode two! 

We’re gonna need it. 

Looks like we’re jumping right in. OOF. Ibe’s face ruins me. He’s so worried about Eiji. Someone needs to hold my hand, my heart hurts and I’m already prepared to cry everywhere. 

None of this was ever supposed to happen, Charlie. Just save Skip and Eiji --just save them, Charlie. Save them.

Ibeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Your decision to cover American gangs will bring you so much heartache. So much. Q AQ

Not even half a minute into the episode and my boy Shorter makes an appearance. My heart. Look at that lighting... the glow... the colors. Oh my god, just slay me with the colors. Hnnnnnnng. Also: three motorcycles. I am secretly hoping that Shorter’s just casually commandeering Ash’s since Ash rudely yoinked his away. I can dream, can’t I? Disappointed how they cut out some of Shorter’s insightful dialogue, but time constraints, I understand.

Shorter, your gut is very spot-on. 

Seriously, Mappa could just murder me with these gorgeous backgrounds. Look at the attention to detail. I know this is a hostage situation but let’s take a moment to bathe in the beauty that is this (old, abandoned) scenery. Aaaaah.

And here is Arthur, trying to look intimidating and ominous by hiding in the shadows, but he’s sadly overshadowed by everything else. As usual. Is anyone else impressed with all the effort that goes into everything? I’ll try not to wax lyrical but look at all those gang tags and planks left around, the cracked tiles and the smudges --someone had to draw that.

Everyone knows it’s a trap, Arthur. You’re clever, but you lack a certain degree of self-awareness and ability...

but do keep talking. Your only positive point is your smooth, buttery baritone. Nice. I will enjoy your villainous monologue. It will match your laughably stereotypical evil ‘do.

Truly, subtlety isn’t your strong point, Arthur. 

Also, lying. But please, lie more. 

Eiji and Skipper together is my favorite thing. Skipper is this tiny, determined ball of controlled kick-ass. Eiji is utterly out of his depth and looking around curiously because boy, Japan wasn’t like this!

These two cuties. Please.

Fuck ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooff.

PUNCH HIS FACE IN!!!

*WILL SMITHS THIS SCENE* I have so many feelings, I have so many things I want to scream about, I want to dissect just how much this one line underlines the differences between Ash and Arthur despite the fact there are plenty of superficial similarities between the two and I just --HNNNNNNG. *clenches fist* I HAVE FEELINGS AND THEY ARE STRONG.

Skiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip. Eiiiiiiiiiiiiiijiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. So many props to Eiji for staying relatively calm in a frankly terrifying situation. 

Skiiiiiiiippeeeeeer. *STRANGLED DYING MANATEE NOISES*

*INTENSE SOBBING* SKIP, YOU ARE TOO BEAUTIFUL, YOU PRECIOUS STARCHILD. HE IS SO PROTECTIVE OVER EIJI. MY HEEEEART.

Why are you such trash, Arthur????

EIJI’S FAAAAAAAAAAAACE. SAAAAVE HIIIIM.

I’M TOO EMOTIONAL, SOMEONE FUCKING HOLD MY HAND ALREADY!!!

You didn’t even lose your fingers. You just have some scars. Talk about disproportionate retribution???

Oh my god there’s an actual opening segment, I thought they were forgoing it altogether because 19 volumes in 24 episodes, but I guess not. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t prepared. Aaaaah.

Seriously, the background???? I’ll try to keep the gratuitous snapshots to a minimum. I’ll try. Honestly.

I think from now on I’ll start all my Nanner Fish Liveblogs with this. 

Why does this break my heart. (No, don’t answer. Just leave me to wallow.)

Beautiful juxtaposition. Also, rude. I love that lighting through the trees, though. Q AQ

*HYSTERICAL SCREECHING* MAPPA, Y’ALL ARE THE RUDEST ASSHOLES TO EVER ANIMATE AND I AM SO OFFENDED, EVERYTHING HURTS, NOTHING IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THIS, LAY ME TO REST.

Yut-luuuuuung.

WHY MUST MAPPA BE SO CRUEL AND HURTFUL.

GOSH, THIS IS GORGEOUS. MY HEART. WHY DO THIS TO MY DELICATE BABY HEART???

Guys, guys, guys. Look at all that gang tagging. SOMEONE HAD TO DRAW THAT. THE COLORS MAAAAN. Also: Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing.

FUCK OFF. I HAD TO STOP FOR A BIT. JUST. WHY. FUCKING WHYYY.

MAPPA YOU BASTARDS.

Every.single.fucking.time, Marvin. 

*high pitched distressed noises*

Ash, you beautiful, sassy smartass. PLEASE BE A LITTLE LESS SASSY.

My heart. 

Just call him Florence Nightingale. 

*more strangled high pitched noises of distress* I wish Ash wasn’t so right.

THEIR SLEEPING POSITIONS. SKIIIIIIIIIIP. EIJIIIIII. MY HEART.

SERIOUSLY PUNCH THAT FACE IN.

Oh my fucking god. I thought he was just a random new mob character, but he’s that dude who looked exactly like Charlie!! The first time I read Nanner Fish I was convinced Charlie was a mole because of him!!!

HE ALSO LOST THE PORN ‘STACHE. CONGRATULATIONS. YOU LOOK SO MUCH BETTER. A LOT MORE INTIMIDATING.

I totally went off-topic. The topic being: Marvin is gross, the scum of the earth, and should be punched a lot in sensitive places.

Thank you, Skip.

I am the worst person, I’m sorry, because I spent this entire slow pan up Ash laughing hysterically. This is secondhand embarrassment at its peak. Pffffft. 

Ash, please.

Poor Eiji. Pffffffffffffffft.

Marvin, you are honestly dumber than a bag of bricks. Beautiful wounded gazelle gambit, Ash. I love how Skipper is jumping with excitement, cheering Ash on, and Eiji’s holding himself like he needs protection from the latent gross that emanates from Marvin constantly.

*side whispers* This is it.

The turning point.

*blows kisses at Mappa* GORGEOUS.

I’m breaking things up a bit since I’m just. Full of feelings. Eiji making a decision, inspired by Ash. Skip automatically assuming Eiji’s making a Last Stand, because that’s what he is: a fighter to the last. 

But Eiji is a civilian, and he doesn’t fight the way Skip does. 

And this is beautifully animated, and it definitely shows Eiji’s resolve and determination... but it bugs me.

Because they gave one of Eiji’s lines to Skip.

They turned a line that showed Eiji’s determination, his acknowledgement that he could severely injure himself --could even cripple himself --but he was willing to bet it all on a chance, and made it into an argument Skipper has against Eiji’s Hail Mary decision. 

And I hate it.

I really love the soundtrack they use, though. Nice.

How the cat fell in love with the bird.

Seriously, look at those colors? Look at that rainbow effect while Eiji’s in the sky. The textures. *sends all the kisses Mappa’s way*

Eiji... what about your bleeding. I mean, yes, run for help, but also: what if you pass out before you get help? A quick tourniquet, please!

He did indeed. It was beautiful.

Shorteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer. 

HIS TINY SATISFIED SMIRK.

I AM TOTALLY UNBIASED. IT’S NOT LIKE I LOVE SHORTER A RIDICULOUS, LOPSIDED AMOUNT. WHAT LIES ARE YOU SPREADING. *cries* I just love Shorter so much.

More smartphones trying to save the day.

And again. No more phone booths!

Seriously, I suspect I will forever be smitten. Muwah. Gorgeous. Muwah Muwah.

Finally! Plotty things! And why automatically suspect Ash, Charlie?? You trusted him enough to let him near civvies but you automatically suspect him when Golzine’s up to something sketchy? 

Oh, Ibe. You’re gonna have white hair soon, Eiji is gonna make you worry lots.

I know you are, Eiji. Q AQ

Nice, thank you Mappa! Now I know Eiji’s A pos. (Or AB pos.)

*wounded hippo noises* THEY ARE SO LOYAL AND DEDICATED TO ONE ANOTHER. SKIIIIIIIIIIP. AAAAAAASH.

CMSDKLFMLDSF. SOMEONE SAVE SKIIIIP.

Beautiful. The best part about Shorter and his garish colors is that you can always pick him out of a crowd. <3

I didn’t mention it last time, but I’m so happy to see Ash’s crew! Hi Aleeex!

Just casually taking snapshots of Shorter being awesome. That’s not a crime. I swear.

BONES! I think. I forget. I get their names mixed up. 8( Where’s the other one? You can’t be Ash’s power trio with just the two of you! (I guess Shorter’s there too. Q vQ)

Totally just took this screencap because I’m basically an embarrassing parent who likes to show of their kid. Lookit Shorter. Isn’t he awesome?

Nooooooope.

Nooo, no no no.

Marvin you idiot, Golzine said alive. Your Papa Dino? Remember him?

Nooooope.

For fuck’s sake, noooooooooo.

SOMEONE FUCKING KILL MARVIN FIRST.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. SKIIIIIIPPER. Q AQ

Skiiiiiiiiiiiippeeeeeeeeeeeer...!!!!!!!!!

KILL HIM.

Ash, what black voodoo magic did you do to get that car going??? You didn’t turn or put in any keys, you certainly don’t have the fancy electronic keys on you. What the hell? Did some lazy mafia asshole leave their fancy electronic key in the damn car?

ASH STOP LEAVING SHORTER BEHIND FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!

I love how this implies the cops are on good terms with Shorter.

Shorter, did you even tell them where you were heading??? You’ve got a smartphone now!!! Use it!

Shorter...

Because you were stupid enough to shoot Skipper. All you had to do was not shoot.

CMLKSDFMLDSF. DINOOOOOOO.

Because people aren’t pets, Dino!!!!

Trust your instincts, Ash! Turn back!!

He honestly deserved worse.

Ash....

*sigh* I’m so smitten. That’s gorgeous. (Sorry, Ash.)

Jenkins and Charlie will believe you, Ash! But...

Obligatory corrupt cop Evanstine won’t let them help you. This is his jurisdiction. 8(

Oh, Jenkins. Charlie. You’re gonna regret it...

Another asshole who deserves his face punched in.

Is no one going to dress Ash’s wound? It’s still Eiji’s tourniquet there. It’s gonna get infected you shithead.

Fuck oooooff.

Oh look, someone who needs to slip on a pickle, fall, crack their head on the counter, and die face first in their own piss. That’s you, Evanstine! 

Please. Die horrifically.

Ash... Q nQ

Please don’t take it personally, Jenkins... Skip just died in his arms... he was framed for murder... and a scumbag just ambushed him with his past...

Cmkalsdmfklsadf. DINOOOOOO.

We’re so blessed, guys! So much plot this episode!

Charlie... don’t do this. Please... don’t.

Oh, Charlie. You’re so earnest. You’re still so pure. Q AQ

And Ash... takes after his middle name. He is jaded. He knows better. He knows Dino. How do you indict someone with so much money, power, and influence? He has judges in his pocket!

And Charlie...

And an intermission from my previous thought because boy howdy am I still swooning over these gorgeous visuals. *blows even more kisses Mappa’s way*

Back to my previous train of thought: ...Charlie can’t give up.

Ibe’s face, though. It’s the face of a dad going “son, could you please stop putting yourself in dangerous situations I’ve already gotten fifteen new grey hairs and I’m only 30 please don’t do this to me.” Poor Ibe. That’s exactly what Eiji’s gonna do.

Charles Dickinson: Poster boy for Not Givin’ Up, We’re Taking Dino Golzine Down the Right and Proper Way, Just Believe in Us Ash!

Noooooo, not with the emotional blackmail, Charlie! (Besides, as much as I love Ash, preeeetty sure Eiji was incidental. He was chasing after Skip, wasn’t gonna let Eiji, an innocent civilian get caught in the crossfire of a gang war, and at no point did he risk Skip’s life. He contemplated his own, but never Skip’s.)

What a cute bird. Q vQ <3 <3 <3

*clutches chest* Eiji. Why. 

Skipper... you will never be forgotten. 

DAMMIT WHY IS NO ONE HOLDING MY HAND??? I NEED EMOTIONAL SUPPORT.

THE FUCKING ART DIRECTION. CMKSLDMFOWEMFDSLF. MAPPA NEEDS TO BE ARRESTED FOR MURDER. MY MURDER. 

It’s okay, Eiji, I wouldn’t be able to, either... Q AQ

Seriously, how is that even remotely legal????

Fuck Golzine and his connections. Fuck him with a power saw.

*intense feelings about later volumes and how this relates to both Ash and Eiji* CMSKDLFLSDFJLSDJFOEWIMSFD. *strangled dying manatee noises about foreshadowing*

*lies on ground, emotional and useless*

Hnnnnnnnnng, that’s just gorgeous. Ominous, but gorgeous. u 3u <3

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand prison wardens are also in his pocket. Seriously, Charlie, do you not see why Ash is the way he is?

There’s also a brand new ED, but I’m seriously emotionally drained after the OP and Skipper... It doesn’t really have anything particularly foreshadow-y or relevant that my dead soul can see. It’s lovely and a nice end to an emotionally charged episode. I’m going to just quietly cry into my pillows now.

<<Episode 1                                     Masterlist                                          Episode 3>>

#Fandom: Banana Fish #Banana Fish #Nanner Fish Liveblog #spoilers #tw: spoilers

[lydia-can-live]

Tired of Outlander Drama

I’ll always have the books, which I love, even though DG is problematic as hell. I’ve been here for years. Sam’s casting? I had doubts (this guy? really?...But that “Come on, Sassenach” in the promo was pretty good. Really good.) and Cait? (I thought, “she’s too tall” but then I heard her answer Dougal’s question: “what’s your name lass?” “Claire. Claire Beauchamp” and she was Claire to me. When J&C had their first stand off after she ran away from the highlanders, S&C embodied J&C, for me. “I Guess then that means you’re comin’ w’ me.” Yeah, they got it right. Didn’t we all fall in love with them? I did. I freaking loved it all. Isn’t fandom freakin’ great? I’ve been on every FB group out there (ousted out of the big, nefarious one for talking back to the asshole in charge-kiss my arse, weirdo). I’ve left most of the groups because all they post is Jamie coming out of the Mill Pond. I like to see the BTS Shots. The first time I thought there was something interesting going on between S&C was the pic of them on a horse and he’s talking in her ear and she’s laughing. Hmmm. What’s this? Then the sexy photo shoots. Heart eyes and fingers entwined around awards and C wearing 2 gold rings and their hands joined impossibly together on an antler behind them in a bar? Why do they do this stuff? (I’m just imaging things, right?) 

So yeah, it was fun to follow, for awhile. S&C were certainly having a lot of fun. That ping pong paddle Q&A? “You are!”” You are!. “She’s got wifi on set, she’s got wifi in the make up chair....” They were adorable, unfettered, and joyous. We have not seen that version of S&C in a long while. What happened? It just abruptly stopped. The last SDCC? Painful. People love that Josh Horowitz fake therapy session thing? I think it’s forced and weird. The last FB live! thing? Sam and his lame phallic innuendo? Nope. 

Anyway, I don’t post much but I read everything. On both sides.  Here’s what I think: The anti’s, NST’s, whatever they call themselves are comprised of two levels. The first is an all out PR assault to dissuade people from thinking S&C are together and encourage (through long, lengthy, posts and CAPS, and FACTS, etc.) people to consider another story line. When someone bites, they get rewarded. “Thanks for your input, @blandfollower” or they share the screencaps that thirsty followers submit to “turn in shippers”. Bloggers get a rush from the recognition, they are part of the shake down and keep contributing. It’s an all out war for fandom truth. It’s droll, boring, tedious, and uninspiring. Shippers are the other side. These are primarily women who want to believe in hetero love. That’s not wrong. When I see C hugging S in that chemistry test video I imagine vividly what he feels like, what he smells like. Yes, the pheromone theory certainly applies here. He is a gorgeous man. She is a gorgeous woman. Wanting there to be something between them is natural for some people. If you spoon feed people (women) this romance they will buy it because if you are a cis hetero woman this feels good. You want more of it. S&C and their little videos talking about “do you believe in love at first sight?”, and “ “He’s perfect” and ”So is she” perpetuate the idea of the ultimate heterosexual love and they capitalized on that every step of the way. Think of C feigning jealousy over other “actresses!” Why did she do that? Act jealous of KDS during interviews? It’s all PR.  All of that was designed, maybe innocently in the beginning, to draw us in, and then it abruptly stopped. The IFH and all that came with it followed. I don’t have an answer for this. I can’t see T putting his high heeled foot down and saying “no more! She is my woman!” Gah, come on. No matter how many photos of “Tony’s Greatest Hits” are blogged it doesn’t create chemistry. I don’t know what this engagement is but it is weird. As weird as S being in love with a young, conservative, woman who lives thousands of miles away. All of it is PR lies, initiated by Starz and fed through the PR feed hole and propagated by various blogs. Here is what I’ve pondered on regarding people needing the support of a team mate. I had a male co-worker I loved very much. We hugged when things were tough, he was always there for me when I needed anything. He could tell if my mood changed and he wanted to help me sort things out. He was engaged to his girlfriend. He was just a good guy.

That’s what I think Sam is. Just a good, attentive, sweet, masculine (in his own way) kind of guy who offers his large shoulders to lean on for warmth or support. S&C just want to enjoy the fun that is acting. So, they played it up. They saw the hungry women for J&C and they played into it because it was good for the show and good for them and so many of us got caught up in the ride.

Think of what S&C had to deal with when OL first came out. Their first fan event was like “whoa! where did that come from?”. If I had a solid dude to hang on to during something like that I would have stayed close as possible at all times. They have obviously been each other’s champions in all of this from the start. They bonded from the very beginning. They held on to each other as best friends throughout all of this craziness but they went too far with innuendo to sell the show, DVDs, cons, etc. (“hope you find your own sassenach”)  It got out of hand and then they had to shut it down. IFH, bearding, Shatner, increased Tumblr opposition, photo ops, pap walks. I’m not going to say much about the whole Shatner thing because I think “JMIAD” had that nailed down with her Camuso post. His part in celeb PR is not exclusive to OL, he’s been trashing celebs and fandoms for years. It’s repulsive and is PR at it’s worst. 

But that is how we get our Outlander information now, through PR. PR on TW, JJ, Daily Mail. Fan interaction is shut down. The most popular OL blog has been silenced. You know everyone checked Jess’s blog everyday. Jess was pushed out by aggressive PR that bullied her and her followers. That is how I see it. That is what I have observed. It was shut down to stop the S&C are together story line but it also shut down a huge portion of the fandom. Who cares anymore? These new story lines that CO and Purv are AGGRESSIVELY pushing (see the caps for emphasis? That makes it TRUE!) are boring. Uninspired. They push their story lines so hard it makes me want to take off the painful shoes I’m not wearing. Why are your trying so hard??? I suspect you’re being paid so if you can’t take a break from your PR nonsense just know that there are loads of people who see your “doth protest too much” machinations, and most people think you’re way overselling. And also, yawn. I’ve been gaslighted. I thought about all the times I was accused of “being crazy” because I felt strongly about something my husband couldn’t understand and I thought about my experience in the OL fandom. I’m a fan of many things but this is the first time I engaged online with other fans. What makes it confusing is that in the beginning it was an organic experience, and it was all new for them, That’s why it felt personal for so many people. But assholes overstepped boundaries and fans got weird. People with too much time on their hands ruined this fandom and it was all blamed on shippers because it was the easiest, most effective way to shut down relationship talk. The talk that production and the actors perpetuated for years. S&C are friends but lead people to believe it was something more and then chastised those fans for believing the bullshit they were served up. It’s abusive. Anytime you tell someone they don’t feel what they feel, that is abuse. 

TL:DR S&C aren’t a romantic couple. They played it up for years because it sold the show. They aren’t into each other romantically but they love and look after one another. People read into it because people want to believe in the power of love...but love comes in many forms. It doesn’t have to be between a man and a woman and it doesn’t have to be romantic. Production exploited our emotions; S&C exploited our emotions and I’m just sitting here thinking: I’m sure they will enjoy their next holiday. In the meantime, I’ve cancelled Starz. Cheers! Ach, what shite.   

#loveislove

[rkxsungwoon-blog]

✦ — MGA4 EPISODE 2: PANEL AUDITION #4048: HA SUNGWOON ; skill: singing + playing the guitar performance: attention — charlie puth ( 0:00 - 1:29 ) [ x ] *

when the episode airs, sungwoon is lying upside-down on the couch, trying to shovel popcorn into his mouth without choking. the house is empty, he’s bored, and the sudden influx of free time summer vacation brings has him feeling some kind of way. it’s not a bad way, really. he just isn’t used to not being busy, and laziness threatens to settle into his bones like a permanent state of being. when he’s not at work, he’s parked in front of the tv, binge-watching whatever shows he can. there are more productive ways to spend his time, sure, but the tv is right there and—

he wasn’t really planning to watch the mga episode. after the auditions, sungwoon had embraced realism and come to terms with the fact that he’d be lucky if his performance aired. it wasn’t really about skill—he just knew he didn’t belong there. woojin was right; what did people like them have to do with a show like that? he only regretted he’d wasted a whole day on the process, especially since his boss kept harping on him about taking the time off. it was a good experience regardless, but he’s ready to move on and return to the comfort of empty enigma.

but that’s him—his face on screen, his height, his voice. sungwoon drops the bowl of popcorn on his face in his haste to try and sit straight. that’s him and daniel ( oh fuck, sorry daniel… and daniel’s parents ) right there on the fucking screen—through the numbing disbelief spreading through his body, he wonders if they had to point out his height like that. he should’ve worn shoelifts. i’m going to wear shoelifts next time, sungwoon thinks, because there will, apparently, be a next time: one more performance before eliminations.

( it doesn’t feel real ).

the feeling never quite fades, not as he begins practicing and trying to pull a half decent performance together, not as he stares at the messages piling up on his phone, classmates and coworkers sending him screencaps of his form. ㅎㅎㅎ hyung you’re so short makes up the bulk of their well-wishes, and sungwoon stops answering entirely after the first few days. all empty enigma practices and gigs are put on hold, but he hangs out with daniel whenever he can. after all, in the immortal words of troy bolton, they’re all in this together.

sometimes the apology for dragging daniel into all this almost spills from his mouth, but he can’t get it past his teeth in end, not wanting to draw more attention to the situation more than they already have. instead, sungwoon does his best to hype daniel up as much as possible, believing in his bandmate more than he believes in himself. daniel has that self-effacing, easy charisma wrapped around him, and sungwoon wholeheartedly trusts he’ll blow up once he has the chance to show the judges ( and the nation ) his guitar skills.

on the other hand, dejection settles over sungwoon the more he replays the mga episode. you don’t belong there, his brain yells, the part of his brain that is completely and utterly sungwoon. squall would have choice words for him ( squall’s never felt the crawling sensation of being uncomfortable in your own skin ), but squall has choice words for everything. sungwoon wishes he could talk to someone about his doubts. but he’s not willing to prove woojin right by saying anything to him, and he can’t say anything to daniel, his champion, the one person who thinks he does belong there. in the end, there’s nothing left for him to do but swallow his fears and suck it the fuck up.

sungwoon arrives at the venue with his guitar slung over his back, hair falling over his eyes as he stares through his fringe at the other contestants passing by. a lot of them radiate confidence in spades, dressed up and ready to slay up on stage. he recognizes quite a few faces from the first episode, and several of them make him bristle involuntary; talented individuals he knows are already fan favorites. one of the few perks of having a little sister who cares about this stuff is that she keeps him updated ( she’s also in love with someone named junmyeon? which, alright, cool, sungwoon is not going to get his autograph for her ).  

swallowing, he brushes his hair back and adjusts the strap of his guitar case, trying to seem busy. it’ll be alright. he knows how to perform on stage, how to fill it with his presence and command attention. if he has to borrow from squall today, he’ll do it. sungwoon just doesn’t like the idea of leaving things halfway. even if he understands he’s a fish out of water, he’ll still do the best he possibly can—for himself, if no one else. after accepting his number ( #4048: solid, sexy ), he makes his way to where the contestants are seated, heaving a sigh of relief as he realizes he’s next to daniel. good; they could both use the moral support.

the inside of the recording studio verges on overwhelming. the stage is nice, the lighting is cool, but the cameras everywhere are disconcerting. sungwoon isn’t used to being filmed constantly like this. as one zooms in on him, he gives the camera a two fingered salute and wave before it moves on. he’s going to have to get comfortable, fast, but luckily ( or unluckily, depends on how you spin it ), he’s supposed to be one of the last people to perform. that gives him some time to go over his performance in his mind… but also more time to enjoy the rest of the performances.

and there are a lot, each one of them of high quality. the dancers capture his attention the most; it’s human nature to be envious of skills you don’t have. sungwoon nudges daniel after the first of the performances and leans over. “what if i get up on stage and—” he mimes screaming into a microphone while headbanging. “d’you think one of the judges would faint in shock?” part of him is joking, but the other part wants to get up on stage and channel squall. his persona is the safest and easiest for sungwoon, after all, and he thinks squall would shine in front of the cameras, though maybe not in front of the judges.

he settles back into watching the performances, though daniel still gets to deal with the brunt of his reactions. most of which consist of sagging against in him like a deflated car dealership noodle balloon when someone particularly good performs or sungwoon hitting him in excitement or despair depending on how he’s feeling about whoever’s up on stage. there’s one person in particular he almost topples out of his chair for, mouth forming a large ‘O’ in surprise as he sees woojin’s friend ( and the empty enigma fan! ) on stage dancing to gashina, but he doesn’t think about the potential ramifications of that just yet, choosing to instead applaud as hard as he can when the kid is done.

finally, it’s his turn. “contest #4048, ha sungwoon! please come up to the stage.” brushing his hair back one last time, sungwoon gives daniel a thumbs up and a bright grin before picking up his guitar and approaching the stage. his expression is in stark contrast to the nerves he’s experiencing inside, but he’s done this enough to know how to fake it. his apprehension will fade once he’s onstage, anyway ( he hopes ). 

standing in front of his judges, he dips into a low bow and accidentally knocks his forehead against the guitar’s neck. letting out a sheepish laugh, he rubs his forehead and quickly gives his greeting. “hello everyone! i’m your resident tiny giant, ha sungwoon.” he’s poking some fun at the whole height issue—it’s better to just embrace it, in the end. “i’ll be singing charlie puth’s ‘attention’ for you today. thank you for giving me this opportunity!”

( he also whispers a quiet ‘ha sungwoon, fighting!’ under his breath because he needs the encouragement ).

you've been runnin' round, runnin' round, runnin' round throwing that dirt all on my name 'cause you knew that i, knew that i, knew that i'd call you up baby, now that we're, now that we're, now that we're right here standing face-to-face you already know, already know, already know that you won

i know that dress is karma, perfume regret you got me thinking 'bout when you were mine and now i'm all up on ya, what you expect? but you're not coming home with me tonight

sungwoon’s initial choice had been something faster, more intense, more like the music he sang on stage night after night. his plan was to bring out his electric guitar, falling right into his comfort zone and take the judges and audience by surprise. but the more he thought about it, the more it seemed… safe. his goal during the auditions had been to prove to himself that he could sing ballads too. he wanted to showcase a different side of himself. but these auditions tempted him to fall back into old habits, the style of music he was used to. but no one got anywhere by staying in their comfort zone. this wasn’t squall’s audition anyway; it was sungwoon’s. he could leech off squall’s confidence and charisma for this performance, but he didn’t want it to be about him.

so he’d chosen an english pop song with the help of his younger sister. english was not a strength, but he’d spent hours upon hours practicing his pronunciation. it’s not perfect by a long shot, but a far cry from the country hick he expected to sound like. he sings each word with care, his fingers busy with the acoustic accompaniment. the heartbroken man is a skin he can wear easily, but there’s more than heartbreak to this song: frustration, desperation, low simmering anger tied together with repressed desire. he does his best to express that with his voice, beginning slower and gentle before building up to the climax, a more frenzied style of singing to showcase the full height of the emotions.

i know that dress is karma, perfume regret you got me thinking 'bout when you were mine and now i'm all up on ya, what you expect? but you're not coming home with me tonight

you just want attention you don't want my heart maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new yeah, you just want attention i knew from the start you're just making sure i'm never gettin' over you

there’s no awkwardness on stage here. sungwoon bares his heart as he sings, eyes shut, dividing his focus between the guitar and his vocals. a couple of his lines have a slurred quality to them on purpose; it’s a song he imagines is delivered after a couple of bottles of soju, involuntary and unhappily, with emotions running high. the equivalent of drunk-dialing an ex, if he had to say. he’d spent a lot of time to come to this conclusion too, but sungwoon believes he can’t sing a song properly unless he understands it.

it’s not the most dynamic stage, especially not when compared with those who can sing and dance at the same time, but he hopes his performance makes the audience—and the viewers—feel something nonetheless. music’s meant to entertain, but if it doesn’t mean something, what good is it anyway? he lays it all on the line here on stage; after all, he thinks it’s probably the last time he’ll get an opportunity like this and he doesn’t want to leave with regrets.

what are you doin'? hey what are you doin'? what are you doin'? what are you doin'? you just want attention i knew from the start you're just making sure i'm never gettin' over you, oh

his voice cracks slightly under the strain of emotion in the first line; technical skill means little if you can’t emote properly. it’s an anguished plea torn from his lips almost against his will, and if he didn’t have his guitar, this is the part where he’d fall on his knees with an arm outstretched. instead, he finishes with a final oh~ and steps away from the mic, eyes fluttering open. with another quick bow ( this time making sure he doesn’t injure himself ), he returns to his seat. the minute he sees daniel, his face morphs into an ugly expression one second away from crying before he remembers the cameras are still around.

either way, he doesn’t have time to dissect his performances and his mistakes. the competition rolls on, eventually bringing daniel up on stage, and sungwoon cheers so loudly he almost keels over coughing because of the strain he puts on his throat for that. but daniel deserves it and all of his encouragement. after daniel, the performances taper off into nothing, leaving sungwoon and the rest of the contestants to self-reflect about how they did. as a perfectionist, it’s tough for him to be satisfied with anything he does, but sungwoon knows he couldn’t have done more. all of them here left a part of themselves up on that stage. how can you find fault with such raw and authentic performances?

and maybe he doesn’t belong here, but sungwoon sure as fuck made himself felt. if he goes out now, he’ll do it holding his head high.

#rkmga4 #rkmga4panel #woojinrk #danielxrk #rkhyunjoon #( because mentioned ) #( c: solo ) #( wc: 2264 ) #( second time is the charm ) #( i have no excuse for this NONE ) #( me: sungwoon can we shut up / sungwoon: no / me: ok cool ) #( thank u to haru for making the gifs! ) #( and sunny for helping me with the song ) #( * denotes the original cover the audio file was spliced from )

[michelles-garden-of-evil]

Episode 9 Review: Nine of Swords

{ YouTube: 1 | 2 | 3 }

{ Synopses: Debby Graham | Bryan Gruszka }

{ Screencaps }

Another day, my darling Erica, another day without you. The storm we’ve been sitting through has subsided and I’m going over to the main island to commission the young man your sister recommended to do an oil of you. Until the day your loveliness returns from the beyond to reality, your portrait and I will share the hours.

My darling Erica, I have to go. Quito is waiting. Sleep, my love. I love you and I need you.

Don’t you want to give Jean Paul a hug? No? I do.

After an argument scene between Reverend Matt Dawson and Elizabeth Marshall that consists entirely of recap, we see Jean Paul and Quito in the Great Hall talking about how they need to find Raxl before they leave to watch the cryonics capsule. (It’s really weird how this show lampshades the absent cast members by having the other characters say things like “Where is X?” and “we need to find X.” There’s a whole pointless filler scene about halfway through where Jean Paul says, “I was wrong about Raxl. She was with my wife all the while.” If Raxl doesn’t show up and isn’t important to this episode’s plot, why does she even need to be mentioned?)

Jacques, too, has to comment about Cosette Lee’s absence from this episode.

In other news, Jean Paul has begun to suspect that he is not only damned, but is also a devil. Fearing that Jacques has cursed him, he threatens to cut up the portrait, which pleases Jacques as much as one would expect. “If you do, you just might cut your dear sweet Erica from you,” the handsome devil replies. “The choice is yours. But I do promise you this: I won't bleed.”

“Raxl is right!” Jean Paul exclaims, and Jacques does not refute the claim, but rather says, “I'm the devil? As you yourself said, maybe you are too. Now, how does the saying go? As thick as thieves.”

With this line, we get one of the first examples of a clever script-writing trick Ian Martin often used in his episodes: having the last word or line of dialogue in one scene double as the first word or line in the next scene, with different characters. Here, the scene transition line is “as thick as thieves,” used both by Jacques to describe his possession of Jean Paul and by Elizabeth when telling Matt of Holly’s closeness to the late Mr. Marshall. We shall see many more of these from now on.

Because this episode jumps back and forth from Matt’s office to the French Leave Café, I think that, for the rest of this review, I will do what I did in my Episode 3 review and lump all the scenes in each setting together instead of writing one small paragraph for every mini-scene. Elizabeth says this rather enigmatic line about Holly: “ I begin to realize why you helped her to run. Suddenly, a child seemed like a woman to you--a child who is going to be very rich very soon, a child who knows how to twist men around her little finger. I should know. I lost a husband to her.” (Emphasis mine.) What does she mean by this? Is she jealous of Holly because her late husband liked her more or gave her more attention, or is there a darker meaning behind it? Could she possibly be blaming her for Mr. Marshall’s death? This is a plot point that none of the writers ever explored, one of many plot threads dropped later on. That Matt responds, “You lost your husband to God” only makes it sound more like she’s blaming Holly for his death. Was that Ian Martin’s intent, to imply that Holly somehow caused her father’s death, or am I reading too much into this scene?

At the French Leave Café, Vangie tells Boring Artist Tim that she keeps drawing the Nine of Swords--“the card of death”--for Holly whenever she tries to read her fortune. This worries her especially because, as she explains, her ESP is accurate slightly over half the time, meaning that Holly will almost certainly die. When Holly walks up to them and asks Vangie to read her future, she refuses and the focus shifts to Boring Artist Tim and the debt that Jean Paul is just about to pay off. Cue an interminable recap of Tim’s backstory (in short, he’s in debt to the Mafia because he took out $7,500 in loans to pay his mother’s hospital bills). Also cue one Holly line that is interesting if you’re re-watching this after Desmond Hall and you consider how the writers of that arc turned her into a hopelessly naïve ingenue:

An example of the Dunning-Kruger effect? Or did Martin originally intend for Holly to be smart and later writers dumbed her down? I’m thinking the latter.

Enter Jean Paul looking especially dapper in an all-blue ensemble, to which the poor video qualty does not do justice. (He also wears it in the next episode which has clearer video, so, when I write that review, there will be good screencaps.) He goes to talk to Vangie, who tells him that she keeps drawing the Nine of Swords when reading the fortunes of everyone connected to him. She also tells him that he knows of Dr. Menkin’s death because Quito brought his body to the island (or is it mainland?) where the Café is located. And then they have this exchange:

Vangie: "I guess now you will be leaving the Island."

Jean Paul: *shocked* "Why should I?"

Vangie: "With your wife in her last months of pregnancy, she should not be so far from a doctor."

Jean Paul: *suspicious and worried that she knows about Erica* "She isn't. Her sister is with her; she's a doctor. Now...” *hurriedly pulls out paper from his pocket, desperate to change the subject* “Tim Stanton?"

He promises to pay off the Mafia so that they stop pursuing Tim. Then Vangie says, smiling, “Your wife will love his work!”

She has to be feigning ignorance, or at least pretending not to be suspicious of him. Jean Paul is trying so hard to act nonchalant, but failing because he, too, knows that she suspects that something is going on.

Jean Paul: “Will she?”

Meanwhile, Holly is discussing her plans for the future with Tim:

LOL

He flirts with her a little before Jean Paul comes over to the table to commission him. He gives him $7,500 in cash, which must consist of $500 and $1,000 bills that were withdrawn from circulation that same year because the wad of bills that he gives him is way too thin to consist of 75 Benjamins.

That does not look like 75 $100 bills.

  Jean Paul tells Tim that he hopes he can bring Erica to life, which Holly thinks is a strange thing for such a “dreamy” man to say. Tim, on the other hand, is just grateful that his debt with the mob has been paid off before the end of Week 2--which is also probably before most people in the audience have started to care about that subplot. Still, it’s downright exciting compared with his next subplot, which will provide many of the low points of the Maljardin arc and, in some episodes, slow the pace down to a screeching halt. But that’s for another review.

Vangie hires Holly, but, right after she does, look who comes waltzing into the Café just as she stands up:

It’s Reverend Stalker!

Holly: “Why don’t you leave me alone? Get out!”

Overall, a mediocre episode, save for a few good scenes and that cliffhanger ending. Other than that, it mostly consisted of filler--especially of the “where’s Raxl” variety--and recap. Next one’s better, though. I just don’t know if I’ll have time to review it this week, because I’ll be very busy. (I actually wrote this post last week and scheduled it for today, if anyone is wondering.) Granted, I don’t think that anyone other than me reads this blog yet, but I have the sort of personality where I want to do everything yesterday and so I feel like I should be writing these reviews at a faster pace even if no one else is reading them. I wish that I could publish a new review every single day, but it’s just not practical for me, especially during this time of year. So I’ll see you...whenever.

{ <-- Previous: Episode 8   ||   Next: Episode 10 --> }

#strange paradise #gothic soap opera #week 2 #episode 9 #review #ian martin #maljardin arc #scene transitions #tape recorder journal #tarot #twentysomethings treated like children #unexplored plot point

[spockandawe]

So you’ve heard Spock is the actual literal devil

Have you heard that I’m a terrible person? A plagiarist? Have you been told that I’m only into transformers at all because I wanted to make this one random guy unhappy? If you’ve been told that, you’ve probably also been told that a year and a half later, I’m still making fanworks just to upset him. You might have even heard that shhhh, don’t disagree with Spock on anything, or they’ll hunt you down and harass you.

Right, okay. This is one hell of a saga that I will attempt to tell in as compressed a form as possible. It’s a lot. Years ago, back in HS, there was this one guy who policed the hell out of one of the character tags. I’m going to call him C. He’d pressure people not to make the content they were making, decry the hateful people reading with a malicious eye who thought the character would ever do anything bad (the character was a creep). And because being obnoxious wasn’t bad enough, if you didn’t cave to his demands, he just might do things like start whisper campaigns about how you support rape, casually out you as a survivor, cute little things like that.

This is not a story about that guy.

This is a story about C’s one-time attack dog, eventual boyfriend, and current ex. We’ll go ahead and call him R. I’ve tried real hard to avoid namedropping on my blog before, but could people find him from this? Probably. Have I stopped caring? Absolutely.

TL;DR, unsubstantiated accusations of serial harassment are a little questionable when they’re coming from someone with a years-long, extensively documented history of serial harassment and a personal grudge against me.

Cut for length.

Edit 7/2/2017: R has posted that he regrets making these posts about me, and admits that he said things that were out of line. And he’s stated that he’s going to try to do better in the future. I genuinely, truly appreciate that. I’m leaving this post up because there have been lies about me floating around for a while and I reserve the right to defend myself, but I really do appreciate that.

Oh balls, none of this makes sense without backstory (I’m so sorry)

If you think I suck or my work sucks, that’s fine! You do you, go enjoy the things that make you happy.

If you think I’m the devil because this one guy told you about my evil, evil past and all my terrible misdeeds, without anything at all to back up his words? You can ask me. I don’t bite, and oh lordy do I have receipts.

To be clear, R is totally allowed to hate me! I don't care. I don't care if he hates my writing, I don't care if he hates me as a person. But now he's escalated to spreading lies about me, and people are believing him, and I’m not enough of a doormat to let that just stand.

And I’m going to cheat a little. Here’s a memo with the cliffs notes version (not the original memo, I made a copy with C’s urls cropped out since he hasn’t attacked anyone in a long while). Warning, digging any distance into this turns up violent fantasies, violent sexual fantasies, creepy interactions with a minor, and lots more, it’s all really, really unpleasant. Evidence is thoroughly documented, please tread with care.

You would not believe how truncated that is compared to the reality.

Now, the worst of this came via C. Who has calmed down a lot these days, and I’m really happy that’s the case. Good for him. I hope his life continues in a direction where he doesn’t find it necessary to do this stuff.

Lucky for me, R was standing by to pick up the slack.

It doesn’t show up as much in the memo, which is mostly C-focused, but R was standing by C this whole time, defending his right to spread around private information about someone’s abuse history, sending nasty messages on the other guy’s behalf, and much,much more. it’s long, it’s awful, it’s unpleasant. R personally hurt people in some significant ways that I don’t want to link directly, for their sake. He expressed deep remorse a few times, but it never stuck.

Here’s my personal favorite quote from R. He’s speaking to the CSA survivor that C casually outed (with information given to him in confidence), and who they’d been running a long, long whisper campaign against, and who was understandably a bit upset over the whole thing:

oh go wank to your own tears [name]

#and get your sympathizers to help #nasty fucking people #maybe if you cry enough youll be able to go into second grade in the fall #ooc

Said, again, to a CSA survivor they outed and harassed. That person is such a sweetheart, and this screencap still infuriates me.

The first time I saw C pick a fight he had lots of friends. Shockingly, as he did things like loudly fantasize about how he wants to mutilate people and rant about how autistic people should die, those friends mostly drifted away. I know one person had a friend even help them stage a faux relationship-ending fight, so they could be sure they’d be able to completely cut and run from C. R stuck with him, though. Eventually they even started dating.

‘Spock followed R into transformers to harass him and stalks his favorite characters just to harass him more’

Then, transformers. Here, let me show you the first post (by R) that ever brought MTMTE to my attention. I spent years being aggressively uninterested in transformers, but this caught my eye

and honestly, ppl (adults too!!!) shipping someone who has the mentality of a child and is quite glaringly lacking a world of experiences and general understanding of things outside of ‘good’ and ‘bad’, with an adult, is just. very alarming and gross to me.

and honestly, the fact that there is a large portion of people who want him to become romantically (and sexually!!!) involved with either one of two fucking adults in canon, and hell, esp those defending it with ‘hes an adult too tho!!’ is really gross.

you can pretend all you want that hes ‘an adult’ because his body is, but theres no way jro didnt intent to code him as a child. stop fetishizing children lmao,

#pedophilia -/-/- #cygate -/-/- #if someone comes at me screaming ‘rule 38′ im gonna shove them in a locker

I didn’t know transformers, but I was pretty sure this was some straight-up bullshit.

(but don’t worry, he ships it now! no hypocrisy here, no sir)

It’s “really gross” to ship this adult with other adults. Mm. Given the reasonableness of the claims these guys have made in the past, and given their extensive history of harassing people over those claims, I hopped to the wiki to check it out. I read a bit about the comic and the plot, and all of it sounded so fascinating that I just had to give the comic a try.

Reader, I married it.

I shotgunned MTMTE 1-47 in two days, started doing fanworks right out of the gate, and I’ve never looked back. A lot of my art was cygate, because come on, the comic wants you to ship it so bad, my first readthrough ended with issue 47, and that was the first ship I’d ever read about for the series, even before I dove in.

Now, both these characters punch me right in the heart, in some painfully personal ways. Tailgate’s the more relevant one here, but I don’t even know if I could do justice to the emotions both of them give me.

I’m still not a fan of how R’s lies about me have edged me into needing to say this in public, but okay. I’m developmentally delayed. It’s been a rough ride. And Tailgate hits me in some of those spots so hard it just takes my breath away. I’ve got a lot of baggage over not being a real adult, and not in the funny oh-no-how-do-taxes-work way, more like an extended months-long meltdown my first year of college because I can tell that my friends are years ahead of me and I don’t know how to even start catching up, and just existing, as myself, is humiliating.

All of my relationship milestones have come painfully, painfully late. The whole thing is still one awful emotional bruise. I hate it, and I hate how easy it is to convince myself that yeah, of course you don’t actually deserve to be treated as an adult and you never will. Just look at you. So then it is unbelievably important to me that I can see someone someone who is like me, being treated as a legitimate adult, and being able to have an adult relationship.

Hearing that shipping someone like me is essentially pedophilia is the opposite of that.

But he ships it now, so everything is fine :)

Yeah, you know what? Another fucking receipt.

uGHGH im so tired of all the rabid cy// /gat// //e fans like even cy’s giving em a look like ‘leave my fucking child alone’

#i just #im hoping jro has some taste tho and doesnt make an adult date a child #and if not im hoping the outcome blows over soon bc im so tired of seeing people defend pedophilia #pedophilia -/-/-

Parental.

This continued even after JRO explicitly confirmed Tailgate was an adult.

Bonus ableism: shipping Whirl (another character who hits me way too hard) isn’t okay either. Even though there isn’t the excuse of ‘but he only lived three years--’ No, at that point, you’re saying that an adult who fails to adult correctly does not count, and isn’t allowed to have romantic relationships. It makes my skin crawl, and it is an issue which is very personally and directly important to me.

So some of my cygate was porn from the start (it’s what I write. it’s what I draw.), and some of the porn was made because I was upset over discourse that says someone like me needs to be treated as a child. I played with cywhirlgate too, because omg how could I not, and some of that was porn as well. It was ages ago, so I don’t remember the details for every little thing I made. But when I saw someone saying that Cyclonus and Tailgate had a parental relationship, I’m sure that helped nudge me in that direction. Maybe R thinks I should have channeled my emotions by starting a whisper campaign to exclude him from fandom spaces. But I think my way of working through bad emotions might have been a little healthier than that.

So when R accuses me of making cygate content to spite him? Half true. Just true enough to be real fucking dishonest. R spent a nice long time insisting that cygate was pedophilia. I channeled my outrage over that ableism into fan creations.

I didn’t attack him. I talked about him some – on a private forum, with people who’d already been aware of him and had been watching him and C hurt people for years, plural. I haven’t told people on tumblr any real details about him until now. And R still is happy to talk about how it was his toxic ex’s right to post torture/rape/murder porn vent fic about actual people.

Tell me, how exactly am I in the wrong?

Bonus pettiness: I posted some cywhirlgate porn. The next day, R vaguely whined about robot pedophilia and turned around and wrote some obviously-a-response cywhirlgate. Where it was super platonic and the text explicitly said it was super platonic and it even had platonic thigh nuzzling. With two “children” involved. Of course I turned around and wrote more fic of my own, because jesus h christ that made my skin crawl. You want to play this game? I guarantee I can write faster than you, let’s do this. (he did not follow through on that)

I’d also like to say that forgetting inconvenient little details like this is a thing with R. Hard to call me terrible for writing spitefic when you write it yourself.

A history of Spock’s personal involvement

Let’s backtrack a tiny bit. You may notice I am up to my elbows in this nonsense for no clear reason.

I was friends with some of the people C was taking shots at, and I was unfortunate enough to believe his original smear campaign about that one artist (I’m still ashamed about that). I cared about a number of people C was trying to hurt. I think one or two fanworks of mine upset him, but he already had loads of targets. I kept tabs on him and R, because anxiety is the gift that just keeps giving.

Eventually, C fantasized about wanting to put my former datemate’s hand through a meat grinder (ey wrote a fic that portrayed his fave in a negative light). And R defended his right to do that.

The person he posted about is still feeling the effects of that incident. I’m still feeling the effects of that. And it wasn’t even directed at me, just someone I care deeply about.

R has recently posted that ‘oh my goodness, C sure was awful, remember when he posted this thing about a meat grinder and how unreasonable it was?’ Thanks buddy, glad you noticed, now just go ahead and keep on blaming me for the aftereffects of what your boyfriend did, and what you defended.

After that, it was months before I could properly look away from either of their blogs.

C posted extensively about trying to track down the street address of his ~enemies~ (including the one whose genitals he fantasized about mutilating). He posted about how autistics should die. He had skype chats about wanting to do amateur brain surgery on people. All while posting very often about finding real addresses.

Yeah, it’s more than a year later, and every so often I get a stab of anxiety and have to head off to double check on what these two are up to.

I will repeat that C has been pretty chill lately. He’s got a career he’s aiming for. Good for him, go find success, please don’t slip back into being an internet bully. It’s sad and upsetting to see R echoing some of the early patterns of his ex, and it’s so strange to see me labeled as his own personal enemy.

‘Spock will totally come harass you too’ and/or various accusations of ableism

So there are some things I did in the mix in this history that I regret. Occasionally, I went out and flipped through the blogs of C and R’s friends, seeing if maybe they’d had said something in their notes, did they have any vagueblogs C liked, did they post about— It got unreasonable. I admit that. Anxiety was at the root of it, but it absolutely got unreasonable. And also it is a massive time sink, and I can’t remember the last time I bothered with it. I enjoy life much more when anxiety and paranoia issues don’t have their claws in me. This hasn’t been an issue in a very long time.

I came down hard on some of the kinfeels and system stuff too, which I do walk back a bit. C’s approach was… hahaha. It was something. And he was my intro to the kin and system paradigms. I saw R talking about C’s approach being unreasonable too, pretty recently. So that was an unfortunate bit of poison in how I processed the next people I met who did that sort of thing. I don’t do kin stuff, but I get it. And DID may not strictly apply to all systems, by the formal diagnostic criteria, but I’ve learned there are plenty of other dissociative disorders out there. And I met people who were multiples and who did kin things that weren’t these two guys. Which helped a LOT.

But the big one, hmmm. C wrote a fic. The idea was interesting, but the execution frustrated me. Everyone but the main lead felt so… flat. Everyone was constantly cruel to the main, for no reason. I saw a way to riff on the original text while staying true to its shape, and writing my bad emotions out is also a major, major thing I do to cope. Now, my big thing is that I should have asked before I remixed. I’d been thinking in terms of, y’know, transformative fanworks. Even with authors like Anne McCaffrey and Anne Rice, who fought against fandom, people have still felt that it should be allowed, even against their wishes. So I wrote the remix. I gave full credit on ao3 in the ‘inspired by’ box, linked to the original with positive words, the whole shebang.

The guy was still furious, and… that’s fair. I thought I’d written a thing on self-sabotage that was pretty sympathetic and compelling, and the self-sabotage actually drew a lot on my own personal history. But I gave the main flaws he strongly disagreed with, and I didn’t ask for permission. I get why he was/is angry over it.

I’ve been a fixture on their shitlists ever since :P

It’s remarkable, even while R posts now about ‘oh my god, remember how C wrote the creepiest things?’, I’m still the one who’s the the actual worst, for being skeeved out by the creepy things and finding a constructive way to deal with it. R’s controlling ex gets full freedom when it comes to vent fic, even when it’s about wallowing in torturing, raping, and murdering an avatar for a real person (the original one they harassed!), or punching someone in the face until they agree to be your friend (another artist these guys targeted). But R’s position seems to be that only C is allowed to vent (even if it’s genital mutilation fantasies), and I’m definitely not.

Oh, and R has now expanded this remix into me totally having a consistent pattern of stealing ideas and plagiarism and so many remixes that are obviously done as revenge on anyone who pisses me off. So that’s nice.

So R hates your writing. Is that seriously why this post exists?

Ha, no. Let’s look at the concrete things R is saying. Here, let me post a little sampling of evidence.

These aren’t just things he’s shouting into the void, people have responded saying wow, I never knew that! These are lies that people are believing about me. And then yesterday, June 30, 2017, he warned a friend not to disagree with my meta, or I’d come harass them. A friend I’m aggressively leaving out of this, just as I’m leaving out other responses, because these people don’t deserve to be dragged into R’s bullshit.

Let’s have bullet points. Some of these are the silly spock-is-bad-at-writing complaints. Those are here because this whole mess is pretty fucking depressing and the ridiculous claims make me laugh, but these are all things he says.

Spock is evil – You know what, he’s not calling people pedophiles, which is a step up. I’ll take it.

Spock is a plagiarist – I remixed one fic with full credit, said only good things about the original, and linked to it in extra places so that people would have extra opportunities to click through and check it out. I arguably remixed inappropriately, but that’s not the same thing. Words have definitions. If I’m a plagiarist, so is everyone who’s ever written a fanfic.

Spock is something something mean when people disagree – I don’t even know, man. I’m actually shockingly conflict-averse. Is this because I make walls of text and explain why I hold opinions at great length? I enjoy talking about a thing I love. I’m autistic, I’m hyperverbal, and this is my special interest, so is it that I talk a lot? That’s the best I can do. I’ve talked about things I disagree with on a private forum, in which case mister pot has had a lot of fun in public on twitter, not only talking shit, but also spreading outright untruths. Maybe he wants to rethink this one.

Spock will come harass you if you disagree – You need to back the heck down, pal.

Spock’s meta/fic/characterization is bad and they should feel bad – Hahaha, fite me. He won’t, because I can articulately defend myself at significant length, and his criticisms seem to stop at ‘spock sucks’, but hey.

Spock used ableist language about Whirl - I... what? This one confuses me and makes me laugh so it stays here. Also, holy double standards, batman.

Spock is only into transformers to harass R – I checked out transformers because I was pretty sure R was being disgustingly ableist (he was). I stayed in transformers because I adore it. I had to adore it a lot to make me willing to share fandom space with these two. My god, I have better things to do with my life than spend all my time on something that bores me just to annoy one asshole on the other side of the internet. I’d ask if he thinks I spent dozens of painstaking hours cross-stitching Starscream just to bother him, but….. yep, pretty sure he does.

Spock goes after all of R’s favorite characters to upset him – R latches on to just about every interesting and/or sympathetic character that shows up. When he was dating C, they covered most of the cast between them. I don’t care who R likes best because I don’t agree with his opinions. I tend to stay away from his opinions because I don’t like reading things that bother me. This is asnine. I’m only allowed to like the characters R despises, I guess.

Spock makes fanworks for things R likes just to make him see them – Oh my god, I don’t caaaaaare. I write about things that interest me, unless I’m venting. Say, venting about the way R and his ex have deliberately hurt a shockingly high number of people I care about. ‘Spock made rodistar because I liked it--’ I made it because I wrote a thing about their parallels, and shipping was the obvious next step. R isn’t that important to me. Promise.

This is just exhausting, man. The anxiety bugs had been dying down, and it had been ages since I checked out this guy’s anything. C, who drove the whole initial blowup that led to this, has been quiet and chill on tumblr. But R has learned from his ex’s old example and has been having fun spreading lies about me.

In conclusion

Some fun history.

R was 18 when he told a CSA survivor upset about being outed and harassed to wank using their tears for lube.

He was older than that when he defended C’s right to post about wanting to mutilate someone’s genitals (for the crime of saying C’s logic didn’t make sense).

He was older than that when he complained about that person’s spouse being ‘vicious’ for reacting badly to C’s genital mutilation fantasy.

He was older than that when he nodded along as C called autistic people retards and said they should die.

He was older than that when he talked about being happy that someone he disliked was triggered, and nodded along when C fantasized about that person drinking bleach.

And he was older than that when he defended C, his twenty-something boyfriend, against the thirteen-year-old that C had been having incredibly inappropriate conversations with, despite skype log proof and everything.

And despite all this, I’m still the bad guy, because I didn’t think what they were doing was okay. I’m the bad guy for being upset by C's actions, even though... R is now upset by C’s actions. The ways I responded to C were inexcusable. My only motivation is to hurt people. Every thing I did that ever upset them still means I’m terrible, even though R is saying this while he’s busy posting about how awful C is. And this all means that he needs to warn his friends not to catch my attention, or I’ll come harass them.

So, I’m tired.

I’m very tired.

I’m glad he’s trying to grow past that history. Good. Maybe he can do that without making up a story about how I’m unrepentant villain who lives for villainy and who only takes joy in causing him pain. I’m sure it helps him, because it’s a story that brushes aside the shit he did that he regrets, and makes his past less painful to think about. But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with him telling lies about me.

I don’t know why I’m the one boogeyman he has left (I kid, it’s because I’m in transformers, and because he thinks I’m popular. he harps on it a lot, and it’s weird for everyone). I mean, whatever. I’ve aggressively avoided publishing drama details on here for a very long time. But there are two blog tags, miscellaneous other untagged blog content, three forum threads, and hundreds of pages of skype logs with hard evidence of this bullshit.

I’m pretty sure that if he tries to defend himself, one, he’ll place some blame on his ex. That’s fair. C was pretty darn controlling and demanding. But R is still absolutely responsible for his own actions, and is especially responsible for the harm he personally caused. He’ll talk about how it’s bullshit to pull up all these receipts from so very long ago. In that case, his receipts for me (whatever he even has) are equally old, so aren’t they null and void? No, because Spock is the devil. And it’s not so much bullshit if he’s clearly learned nothing, and has gone back to spreading outright falsehoods about people.

To be clear, a lot of the lies he told about me were told a while back. Weeks to a few months to a year. I was letting it sit, because I’d really, really hoped this was over. Yesterday, June 30, 2017, he warned a friend not to publicly disagree with my meta or I’d come and harass them.

It’s been three years since I first saw him doing this. I’ve watched him hurt a lot of people, and I’ve watched him admit, multiple times, that he has hurt people. I thought he’d learned to stop following these toxic patterns. Apparently he has not.

Edit 7/2/2017: To repeat the edit up above, R has said he regrets posting these things about me, and that he's going to try to avoid slipping into this in the future. I very much appreciate that.

#drama tag #abusaa tag #tw: all #i can't list them all it's too many #just tread with care

[woe-and-grow]

tbpdfw*

Those Childhood behaviors & experiences that I now get knowing I have bpd like:

Oh yeah identity issues:

Not understanding why when actors’ spoke about a character they were playing they treated it like a separate person because for me playing pretend meant becoming that character, another version of myself

Transfixing on my friend’s TigerBeat magazines even though I didn’t care about celebrities and getting a subscription myself just for the quizzes 

Getting really attached to specific words or phrases that you thought fit you or that other ppl used to describe you (for me it was “unique”, “empath”, not “normal”)

Using others’ descriptions of you as the way to describe yourself and your role in your own life (has big eyes, has nice smile, intelligent, artist)

Going to the bathroom in school to escape and end up just staring at myself in the mirror and asking who am I? I don’t recognize myself

Taking in bad descriptions of yourself and mean comments as truth as well (annoying, loud, talkative, sensitive, judgmental; you interrupt too much, you complain too much, you always think you’re right)

Getting really attached to IPod Touch backgrounds and saving ones that I thought represented me

Saving screencaps of the results of random silly quizzes as if collecting “facts” about myself

Taking on personality traits from a TV show character I liked and wanted to be like, wanting to dress like them, and wanting ppl to call me by the character’s name as a nickname

Quoting “Forgive and forget, that’s my motto” from a TV show character because it sounded cool and Right even though it wasn’t at all true about myself

Trying to copy some self-harming techniques I had heard to make my depression feel more valid

Throwing out a chocolate with caramel inside even though I liked it because I had previously always said I hated caramel and couldn’t contradict that

Acting like moments between you and another person or you in general were part of a movie and you had an imagined script of what dramatic thing you should say

Wanting attention & validation:

Doing and saying whatever to make adults you liked laugh or give you positive attention 

Finished painting a picture I was proud of (around age 3-5), my friend/neighbor who I’m painting with just finished finger painting something as well. My mom praises her and calls her choice to finger paint creative. I immediately smear my entire picture with my fingers

Carrying around a book of writings that I covered the outside with notes about it being “top secret” and “do NOT read” in the hopes of attracting interest so that someone would try to read it

Telling my best friend I *insert suicide ideation here* to hear her reaction in the hope of concern and attention

Biting at my mouth and lips in attempts of (unsuccessfully) hurting myself and getting attention after reading the book Speak in which a girl does the same in response to trauma

Talking nonstop, loudly and quickly in attempts to be heard; Having problems interrupting people in conversation  as I was used to being ignored and having limited time to be heard

Oversharing in class about personal experiences

Black and white thinking

Seeing my darker shift in mood as the new “bad” me vs the younger happier idealized version of myself as the old “good” me

Drawing images of broken mirrors, broken hearts, and thorny plants to represent this Bad new me vs regular hearts and thriving pretty plants as the old Good me

Seeing ppl as either minor acquaintances or Best Friends, no inbetween  

Feeling like ppl, even best friends, couldn’t get me and therefore we shouldn’t be friends anymore

Getting mad at ppl for having different opinions because they were Wrong

Unstable moods; Depression and thoughts of suicide or self-harm 

Feeling broken, wrong and messed up constantly for not being as happy as I once remembered

Writing dramatic sad poems about a perceived loss of innocence aka growing up which I concluded was the reason for the change

Leaving class just to wander under the guise of going to the bathroom, linger at windows and fantasize about running away somewhere happy

Continuously thinking about and wanting to break the mirrors but knowing it would be messy and probably hurt and I’d get in trouble

Feeling like I wanted to die before knowing what that meant and feeling like no one could save me

Punching my desk and the school porcelain sinks to feel my knuckles sting; scraping my hands with pens by drawing rough repeated lines over the skin to “punish” myself for being “bad”

Self-harming before knowing what that meant

Prolonging eating to punish yourself with hunger but giving into eating eventually

Feeling weak about not being able to commit to doing serious harm to myself

Having episodes of loss of interest in all things I found fun; feeling numb

Erratic sleeping patterns

Wanting to call in sick from school or pretend your sick to stay home because you just feel awful and don’t know why

Wanting to die on the way to school, passively feeling okay with the thought you might get hit by a car or bus

Unstable relationships; Imprinting, FPs, (Perceived) Abandonment & Splitting

Getting super attached to my first best friend in kindergarten and being convinced we’d be best friends forever 

Coming home crying every other day the next year when she got new friends who all didn’t want me around them

“Testing out” a new friend group everyday to try and find a place I felt like I belonged  

Spending recess after recess walking around alone and watching all the other kids play together reasoning everyone has a friend but me

Not playing with other kids who invited me to because they weren’t my Best Friend (cough baby’s first FP cough)

Getting super attached to my new neighbor/friend and jumping at any chance to hang out with her even when she was mean to me or didn’t really want to hang out with me

When she suddenly started avoiding me and stopped talking to me after years of friendship I went from hurt to completely uncaring as if we were never friends at all

At my new school, I once again spent my time trying out new friend groups and dropping them when they didn't fit me and ended up in the small assortment of “rejects” 

Going back and forth between being best friends, feeling better than them, feeling bad that they were putting energy into someone who really didn’t care

Feeling like I was pretending and didn’t care about them as much as they cared about me (none of them were my FP) and therefore we shouldn’t be friends at all 

Getting super attached to a new girl in school because I didn’t have any close friends and we were both Guyanese and therefore somehow connected; saying embarrassing things to her about how I felt detached from other friends and much closer to her in the span of only a few days

She told my other friend that I was like an annoying “dog” following her around and she switched schools within the next few weeks

I immediately into the “she never existed” mode of detachment 

Writing dramatically “I’m sorry I wasn’t a good friend to you when you were such a good friend to me” in my friend’s yearbook (knowing he wouldn’t see it until years later)

Getting super attached to and oversharing with teachers who showed me particular kindness and attention

Getting depressed when I noticed they showed kindness and attention individually to other students

Feeling not good enough or healthy enough to be in relationships

These are my personal experiences but maybe they are relatable to others with bpd.

((This is super long but I just felt like it needed to be said and shown that ppl with bpd often have signs of early symptoms in childhood that get worse later and that they often don’t understand until later. Hope this gives others with bpd some clarity.))

(EDIT: Remembered some more)

((EDIT - PLEASE READ:

This post is making large rounds recently and I feel I need to address it. A lot of time has passed since I made this post and I am in a much better place than I was when I made it. All of what I posted here is still true, in that they are my personal experiences. HOWEVER, I am no longer certain if bpd is what I have/had experienced. I have dealt with depression, anxiety, and extreme emotional highs and lows, as well as the symptoms listed in this post, but as I have grown and removed many of the more toxic elements and behaviors from my life, I no longer feel the daily swings that fit bpd. I am removing the bpd tags as such. I believe mental illness can be complicated and overlap with various disorders/conditions. Life and its effects on us as children and adults can be complex as well. 

I am glad people can find some comfort or clarity in this post, but my intention when I made it was NOT for people to use it as a clear sign they have borderline personality disorder. I want people who read this to access what they are experiencing and take everything here with a grain of salt, before self-diagnosing and talk to a trusted professional.

Take care. 

#mental illness #woe's personal #posted by woe

[callmeblake]

Selections from Kerrang Issue #1642 (screencaps from pressreader)

Photo Credit: Paul Harries and Ashley Maile

Magazine Release Date: October 19th, 2016

Issue Label: October 22nd, 2016

I just LOVE Frank’s face in this

(you can read it, on presssreader, you just have to play around with the size of your screen to see it all)

OMG it has a an audio as WELL. It’s a computer voice! It calls Gerard “Jared”!

Transcript for selections below 

REJOIN THE BLACK PARADE

It’s the mcr album that changed your life. 10 years on, we retell its amazing story…

Kerrang! (UK)

19 Oct 2016

In the autumn of 2006, My Chemical Romance’s third album, The Black Parade, landed in the lap of this magazine. In Kerrang!’s world, the quintet from New Jersey were already stars, the band having graced our covers since the release of 2004’s Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge. Two years on from the grief-stricken purge of their second album, MCR were ready for a leap into the great wide open of superstardom with a capital ‘S’. The Black Parade would serve as a down-payment on this new exalted status… The review that preceded the album’s release described MCR’S soon-to-be-blockbuster as having “flamboyance in abundance”, but also depth. “Beneath the surface is where to look on this album,” we wrote .“underneath the imagery and the concept is where you’ll find all sorts – hope, resignation, anger, defiance, self-loathing and a thousand more emotions aside. It’ll take a few listens, but when The Black Parade reveals its secrets to you, you’ll be dazzled by its brilliance.”

Turns outthe Black Parade revealed its secrets with such resonance that a decade on, we’re still talking about it.this week, the 13-song set (14 songs including hidden track, Blood) celebrates its 10th birthday.

“I remember reading an early interview with [frontman] Gerard Way where he said something that I think best sums up My Chemical Romance,” remembers former Kerrang! writer Catherineyates, who in August of 2006 spoke with the band in Camden Town for their first cover story in support ofthe Black Parade.“before he found success with the band, he was talking about how he was living in his parents’ basement, working a crappy retail job and was unhappy with his life. He thought,‘i’ve just got to get out of this basement.’ And he did. I think that serves as a powerful metaphor for anyone unhappy with their current situation. It’s a powerful metaphor for anyone.”

By the time of The Black Parade, Gerard Way had left behind not just his parents’ basement, but also the My Chemical Romance music that had preceded it.

For the latter part of the 20th century and the first years of the 21st century, the terms ‘concept album’ and – Shock! Horror! – ‘rock opera’ were about as appealing as being run over by a car.with the release of American Idiot, in 2004 Green Day changed all that. Suddenly, thematic ideas splayed upon vast canvases were as artistically acceptable as they had been in the 1970s.

It is testament to MCR’S moxie that while clearly influenced by Green Day’s magnum opus – as well as utilising the services of that album’s talented producer, Rob Cavallo – the only debt The Black Parade owes to the 2004 smash is the notion of an album as a thematic concern, and a sense of fearlessness in its blue-sky thinking. Recorded between April and August of 2006 at Eldorado Recording Studios Recording Studios in Burbank, California, the album encompassed themes of death, life, disease, childhood recollections and the triumph of the human spirit in the face of adversity. The songs Welcome To The Black Parade, Famous Last Words, I Don’t Loveyou andteenagers were picked as singles. In the spirit of the ‘surrogate band’ in Pink Floyd’s The Wall and David Bowie’s alter ego Ziggy Stardust from the The Rise And Fall Of Ziggy Stardust And The Spiders From Mars set, on the tour in support of their third album the group appeared under the nom de plume The Black Parade.all the while they were dressed in black marching uniforms that resembled a monochromatic incarnation of the clothes sported by The Beatles on the front cover of their 1967 classic Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band.

Released on October 23, 2006,The Black Parade debuted on the U.S. Billboard album chart at Number Two and in the same position in the UK. In their home country, the album would go on to sell some 1.6 million copies. worldwide, the collection would find its way into the homes of no fewer than three million people. Success, though, came at a cost.the recording of The Black Parade and the mammoth tour undertaken in its name – which included a sold-out date at London’s O2 Arena on November 15, 2007 – would take its toll on this sensitive band.at various times on the road, bassist Mikey Way and guitarist Frank Iero would absent themselves from the line-up, vacancies that were filled by stand-in musicians; it would also be the last time drummer Bob Bryar recorded with the group. The album would also prove to be MCR’S creative and commercial high-water mark.as of 2013, as you will know, the band are no more.

“The Black Parade is significant not just for its music, but for the fact that it was probably the last rock album to become really popular before the internet took over,” believes Catherine Yates. “These days it would be really hard for a band to establish themselves with such a strong visual ethic because there’s so much music competing for people’s attention.”

With The Black Parade, MCR defined their legacy in musical form. It is a testament to what was, and what will always be.

IT'S NOT A FASHION STATEMENT...

Andy BIERSACK TALKS us THROUGH The FASHION OF The BLACK PARADE…

Kerrang! (UK)

19 Oct 2016

■ “My Chemical Romance coming back with The Black Parade and the look that went with it was like someone planting a flag and saying that, in 2006,‘This is how we – the weirdos and the outcasts – look, and this is how we feel.’ It’s a fantastic aesthetic, and there’s an incredibly talented costume designer at Warner Brothers [Colleen Atwood] who designed it with Gerard, and that collaboration resulted in this incredible visual style that you can’t ignore. At the time, I didn’t know Gerard was such a comic book enthusiast, and there’s definitely a costumed hero vibe readily noticeable in those outfits now. One of the things that makes me smile is that if you asked the average person to draw the costumes, I’d bet they’d draw the same jacket for every member. But the reality is that each member’s outfit was nuanced enough that they retained their individuality. while I’ve never taken explicit influence from their actual aesthetic, when I designed the costumes for the Wretched And Divine I specifically drew each member’s outfit the way I thought it should be, and then worked with them individually to give each that personality, and that was hugely influenced by The Black Parade. For me, it’s never been just about the music.the whole package is what provides that escapism, the music is the soundtrack to the feeling, and that feeling is one of being disenfranchised. Sometimes you want to show your differences from others, and the aesthetic of The Black Parade empowered so many people to do so.”

THE FIRST GIG AND WE WERE THERE!

MCR ANNOUNCED THE BLACK PARADE IN TYPICALLY ENIGMATIC FASHION IN LONDON ON AUGUST 22, 2006. OUR EDITOR, JAMES MCMAHON,WAS THERE…

Kerrang! (UK)

19 Oct 2016

“I’ll be honest, for me, I didn’t quite realise the significance at the time. I went to the show because I liked MCR, but I didn’t understand the sheer gravity of what I’d just witnessed until much later.‘due to unforeseen circumstances, My Chemical Romance are unable to perform this evening…’ boomed the venue’s PA. I remember the boos.the detritus being thrown at the stage. I remember the pregnant pause. ‘However… My Chemical Romance’s good friends The Black Parade have kindly stepped in as a replacement…’ I remember the confusion.the realisation The Black Parade and MCR were one and the same.the euphoria.and then I remember one of the greatest gigs I’ve ever had the good fortune to be present at. I Don’t Love you, House Of wolves, Cancer… all songs being played live for the first time. I remember thinking,‘this could be to emo what American Idiot was to punk…’ and I think I nailed that one from the off. I have to say, that Hammersmith Palais was one of the greatest venues. So yeah, I didn’t realise the significance at the time, but now, I’m aware I was in the presence of a legend being forged.”

#gerard way #frank iero #ray toro #mikey way #kerrang #bob bryar #hae you found a scan of this? #please link me if you have #K!1642 #october 2016 #2016 #mcr #black parade era #i just love frank's face in this #2006 #platinum gerard #fingerchin photoshoot #paul harries #ashley maile

[kuwaiti-kid]

The Force of Funding: How Star Wars Fans Stay Positive

Fandom has always been a challenging field to navigate.

When you take a large group of people who are passionate about something, mix in contradictory opinions, disappointment, and the internet’s ability to instantly connect fans with content creators, actors, and other creatives, it’s easy for fandom to turn toxic. But what happens when fandom takes their disappointment and their passion and turns it into something positive? 

The Star Wars fandom has never been immune to toxicity. Infamous fans — or rather haters — are known for harassing Star Wars: The Phantom Menace performers Ahmed Best and Jake Lloyd. Despite the critical success of Star Wars: The Last Jedi, actress Kelly Marie Tran deleted Instagram due to fandom backlash, following Daisy Ridley’s 2016 social media departure.

In 2018, an academic report revealed that haters had been weaponized by Russian trolls to sow seeds of discord in the wake of The Last Jedi, leading a strategic campaign against director Rian Johnson, members of the cast, and vocal fans on social media. Data analyst, Katie McCort, identified a systematic pattern of targeted harassment against female Star Wars fans by analyzing thousands of tweets between 2017 and 2019. 

It would be easy to counter hate with hate, but fans have actively fought against perpetuating a toxic narrative within the Star Wars fandom. Following the release of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, disappointed fans of Adam Driver’s character Ben Solo banded together to show their gratitude by raising funds for Driver’s non-profit Arts in the Armed Forces.

In one month, over four thousand fans contributed to the fundraiser, raising a total of $90,000 (after processing fees, $86,413 was donated to AITAF). This is the sort of positivity that should be uplifted and celebrated in fandom space. While people from all walks of life contributed to the fundraiser, the majority of the fans were members of the Ben Solo fandom and the overlapping Reylo fandom (those who ship the characters Ben Solo and Rey). 

When Star Wars author Charles Soule announced on April 15th that he would be hosting a benefit auction for the Book Industry Charitable Foundation, Star Wars fans were quick to jump at the opportunity to lend their support to comic shops and indie bookstores. For the first auction item, Soule agreed to appear on a Star Wars podcast for an in-depth discussion. 

The second auction item was a signed copy of Soule’s wildly successful Rise of Kylo Ren comic, as well as a 500-word non-canon and unofficial story about Ben Solo or Kylo Ren with art by Will Sliney. Brad Whipple started the first GoFundMe fundraiser to help “fans around the Star Wars community who want to contribute” and “guarantee Ben Solo’s newest story is told to all fans!”.

Yet again, the draw of Ben Solo inspired fans to come together, already raising over $13,000 between the two auctions in just four days. Brad Norris organized the second GoFundMe fundraiser to bid for Soule to appear on the What The Force podcast.

Interviews 

I spoke with a few of the fans at the forefront of the campaign to get a closer look at their involvement, their love for Ben Solo, and the impact of positivity in fandom. 

Brad Whipple is the host of Friends of the Force Podcast and the driving force behind the GoFundMe fundraiser to bid on the unofficial short story.  Whipple explained that “the majority of people, especially during COVID-19, can’t afford to donate $700+ individually on a comic book. But when we’re talking about a $5 donation? That’s a lot more realistic.” He was shocked by how quickly the fundraiser grew: within 45 minutes, they had raised over $1,000. 

“A lot of people are saying [that] this is the happiest they’ve felt in months because we’re getting a new Ben Solo story in addition to helping charity.” The draw of Ben Solo has certainly helped the success of this campaign, as well as past efforts. “I think [it] shows that movements like #SaveBenSolo do ultimately have a positive impact.” Whipple believes that a character like Ben Solo “gives us all hope that even in the worst circumstances, we can come out on top, and I think that’s why he resonates with so many fans.” 

Whipple noted that the money that has been raised by the campaign would help to change someone’s life and help businesses stay afloat during the COVID-19 crisis. “At the end of the day, I think everyone will be thankful for whatever new story that we get because it will help us keep the love for Ben Solo alive, give us hope that maybe we haven’t seen the last of him, and enable us to be a positive force for change in our communities during one of the most pressing circumstances of our lifetime.” 

Brad Norris started his GoFundMe page after seeing Brad Whipple’s. He was drawn to the fundraising efforts, “As a person who worked in an independent bookstore in Chicago all through college, and who loves comics, and my local comic shops, it is a cause I can get behind in a heartbeat.”

Once he saw that Soule was auctioning off an appearance on a podcast, he knew exactly which podcast he wanted to have that honor. As a Patreon supporter of Marie-Claire Gould’s podcast What the Force, he reached out to her to see if she would be comfortable with the opportunity before he set up the GoFundMe. 

Norris believed that the campaign was one that all Star Wars fans could get behind. “However,” He was careful to point out, “within that fandom, it’s Reylos who have moved monetary mountains to support causes like this that center around Ben Solo.” A sentiment that the author of this article agrees with. Consistently over the years, Reylos and Ben Solo fans have turned frustration into donations, making a positive impact in the world. 

“Charles Soule knocked it out of the park with his The Rise of Kylo Ren comic series, and the fandom was so hungry for more Ben Solo content after The Rise of Skywalker.” Norris continued, “I don’t think there’s another single character in current fiction that has united as many people around them as fervently and continuously as Ben Solo. And it’s great to see that love translate into real-world charity and assistance for people in need.” 

Marie-Claire Gould was overwhelmed by the opportunity to interview Charles Soule when Norris reached out to her. Before the GoFundMe began, both he and another fan and friend of the podcast had already committed to a $300 bid. After Soule upped the ante by offering to answer an ‘I shouldn’t answer the question’ if the fundraiser reached $1500, and additional questions for each additional $500s, she has been looking for ways to drum up interest on social media. 

“There is an [misperception] on who consumes Star Wars media now. The base of fans interested in feminine gaze has grown over the last five years to the point of pushing comics to be sold out. Ben Solo fans are a huge factor in that, as a character, he is identifiable to many people who consume feminine gaze media, and [he] drives a desire to have more content and stories about him.”

While Ben Solo is certainly a draw for the short-story auction, Gould also praises Soule as “a trusted creator of Star Wars content for a long time, his handling of Poe, Anakin & Obi-Wan, Vader and the Fall of Ben Solo all required a careful touch. He is a thoughtful, thematic, and symbolically driven creator that many in especially the female side of the fandom were drawn to even before he took on Ben Solo.” 

Gould tempers her enthusiasm, wary of the double-edged sword of positivity. “[When] anything positive happens in fandom [it] tends to come with backlash driven from the global village wanting to judge what others enjoy in fiction. I think people should focus on the positive things we produce and ignore the negative. As George Lucas said, “Seek Joy,” and you will know you are on the right path.” 

Evie Giacomo used to work in comics, she was inspired by everyone’s enthusiasm for Soule’s campaign and found herself quickly outbid. “The fact that everyone wanted to pool their money together so we can raise more money together than any one person alone and share Soule’s story widely meant a lot.”  

She also participated in the AITAF campaign, “I especially love how Joonas Suotamo threw his energy behind the campaign, too.” Referencing the Chewbacca actor’s promise to participate in the viral #BenSoloChallenge if fans got the fundraiser to $75,000. Vee noted that this is how the Ben Solo and Reylo community responds, “We turn those negative feelings into something positive.

We really latched onto the AITAF campaign and poured a ton of energy and money into it.” She also pointed out that the fandom “decided to channel our misgivings with Episode IX into campaigns thanking Daisy Ridley and Kelly Marie Tran for their performances and role in shaping Star Wars.” Her favorite fundraising campaign, however, was the Reylo Charity Anthology, which raised $25,000 between two volumes for non-profits like RAICES, Save the Children, and many others.

For those who donate to the campaigns, Giacomo decided that she wanted to find another way to give back and incentivize supporters. “For the past few weeks, I’ve been making little needle-felted blue butterflies inspired by [Star Wars Roll Out: Ben Solo and the Bug Hunters Chapter 2]. For anyone who donates to the campaigns and shares a screencap confirmation with Giacomo, she is raffling off a handmade felted blue butterfly.

With two days left in the campaign, Whipple wanted to “thank everyone who donated to this cause. It has been such a bright spot for many during these tough times we’re living in, and I think this will all be something we can look back on with our Star Wars family and remember the positive impact we made.” 

Conclusion 

Unfortunately, toxicity tends to garner more attention and page clicks across pop-culture news. It’s important to remember that there is an incredible fanbase that is dedicated to spreading positivity and helping where they can. It is often easy to listen to the loudest, angriest, and most hateful voices — but there are forces of good within the Star Wars fandom that are giving their time, money, and creative efforts to make a change wherever they can.

The Ben Solo and Reylo fandom are just one part of the Star Wars fandom, but they deserve a round of applause for everything they have done. While the character of Ben Solo may have met an untimely demise in The Rise of Skywalker, fans keep the legacy alive through charitable acts of goodwill. 

Charles Soule’s auction ends on April 20th. At the time of this article’s publication, fans have raised nearly $15,000. 

The post The Force of Funding: How Star Wars Fans Stay Positive appeared first on Your Money Geek.

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[littlethoughtsandfeelings]

The Bachelor Australia 2017 Recap – Episode 4

“Hey! Your reviews are too boring!” They say. “Get some screencaps like the other reviews!” They say.

Well, I can’t get copyright free screencaps at this stage, but do you know what I can get you? Stick-figure drawings.

That’s right – I will now be adding my (very bad) stick-figure drawings to the reviews. And you’ll damn well enjoy them.

We open with Matty overlooking a pond, which is apparently at the Sydney Polo Club. It’s raining, and he’s a little too proud of himself for making a pun about dampening the spirits of the day.

Matty says, “Cobie loves animals, and I love horses, so I thought it would be good to join our passions together.” A horse is an animal, though. So it’s not really a joining of two passions, but more like the same passion?

Wait, we’re going straight to the date? No Osher delivering a card or anything? Righto then.

Matty rides in on a horse… with a helmet. I’m all for being safety-conscious, but it definitely takes away a bit of the fairy-tale element. 

He hops down, he greets Cobie, and then… Harry the horse does a massive wee. Wow, horses do really big wees, don’t they?

Back at the mansion, the girls discuss how Cobie is going on the date. They’re all super jelly. The evil squad decide that Matty’s tactic is to “save the best for last”, Villain Number Two Jennifer makes a comment that she’s the greatest, someone compares Matty to a schnitty, which I’m assuming is a chicken schnitzel… a lot is happening.

Right, back to the date. Cobie has never ridden before, so Matty has to instruct her. He says, “I’m well aware that she’s on the back of a horse for the first time”, proving his ability to state the obvious.

Cobie uses the word “beautifulest”, so we’ll deduct points for that, however she does acknowledge that it’s not a word, so I guess the points go back on?

They horse ride for a bit, and then get to wash the horses. Peppy, Cobie’s horse, is loving the bath.

But then things escalate and soon Matty and Cobie are hosing each other down, she’s wearing a white singlet, and he’s already calling her “Cobes”… dude, calm down.

Matty’s talking head says, “I know that Cobie and I get along the best when we’re being silly and having a laugh.” Dude. You’ve met her once. How do you even know how you get along at all?

Back at the mansion, Villain Number Two Jennifer thinks that Cobie will fall in the friend-zone because “she’s too cutesy”. Her talking head says that, “Matty’s a man and he wants a woman… I know I give off sex appeal, and for me it’s quite natural.” So, let me get this straight, he doesn’t want an adult acting like a bitchy teenage girl, then?

Still on their date, Matty and Cobie find a SEXYTIME couch in a room “that Matty’s planned out”. Yes. It was definitely all his idea. Wait, this is the date? Horse riding for five minutes and then washing a horse? So we’re saving the big-budget dates until the fifth episode, right? Then it will start to get more interesting, right?

They discuss their dating history, and Cobie opens her heart. She says that she wants to date her best friend, but wants to have a connection too. Matty agrees, saying he wants to be friends first and then have it progress from there. Ha! Take that friend-zone naysayers!

Oh God. She wrote him a poem. It’s the first poem she’s ever written. She explains that because it’s her first time dating in a while, she’s finding it difficult to express herself. So she should definitely try a medium she has no experience in. (Side note: Remember last year someone wrote a poem? Or was it Sam Frost’s season where there was a rap? Let’s hope it’s not as cringey as that.)

It’s a bit cringey, and a bit sweet, and they’re playing romantic music so I think she’s in the clear.

Matty pulls out the rose. She says she really wants to kiss him. I’m cringing so hard. She wants him to go halfway. He’s being all romantic. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THEY’RE MUSHING! IT’S ROMANTIC! IT’S GOING A LONG TIME! Hghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghghgnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

I can’t cope. I’m not coping. I have lost the ability to cope.

We cut to the next day, and the girls interrogate Cobie. Nothing much is said, but now it’s time for the HYUNDAI SPONSORSHIP. There are literally twenty shots of the car from all different angles. I feel like the cameraman was like, “Yeah, work it, work it.” 

Anyway the point of this sponsorship is that Matty is driving to the mansion to surprise them all.

They go to another part of the mansion, which is miraculously sunny, as opposed to the first part of the mansion, where it was pouring with rain.

Osher is holding a giant dice (or die, I guess), and that is not a euphemism. Although it might be, I have no idea.

Osher reveals they’re playing The Bachelor board game and I AM SO ON BOARD. For those who don’t know, there are few things I love more than board games. If you could purchase this game, I would literally be signing over my life savings.

So, the Monopoly knock-off game works like this, they roll a dice, and move a set number of squares. If they land on a square with Matty’s face, he asks you a question, if they land on a square with a rose, Osher asks both of them a question. There’s also a golden cage, for reasons that I’m hoping doesn’t involve BDSM.

Alix goes first, and she and Matty choose different answers for the multiple choice. Thrilling.

Simone is up next, and she lands on “choose a girl to cream pie in the face”. She picks Liz, who she says “never smiles”. It appears that Leah (Villain Number One) and Jennifer (Villain Number Two) also don’t like Liz. What the heck has Liz done? And who is she?

Michelle is next and she lands on a “go to jail” square, which involves the golden cage. But she’s allowed to take her glass of wine, so it’s not that bad really.

Some other girls go and I have no idea who they are. Basically, we learn some facts about Matty: his bike is named Cindy (no you did not read that wrong), his worst trait is that he’s late, and he has no pets.

Matty says that Florence is the biggest surprise, and I agree – the biggest surprise to us is that she’s there.

Cobie lands on “move ahead or free kiss” with Matty. Her talking heads says that she wanted to kiss him, but decided to move forward. Jennifer says that if it was her, she’d totally do it, because she understands and that “everyone’s here for the right reasons”. Yes, Jennifer, I can definitely envisage you being very calm and accepting of it if Cobie chose to kiss Matty in front of you. It seems like your tolerance of the other girls is very selective. 

The rest of the game is heavily edited so I don’t really know what’s going on. Basically some ladies get swapped for others, there’s more cream pies to the face, and Michelle gets out of jail. Jennifer is one of the women with a pie to the face, and makes sure to get Matty’s attention before rubbing the cream all over her cleavage. I’m willing to give her characterisation to the producers of the show, and she is doing very well being so unlikeable.

Michelle wins the game, and won… a hug? No extra time? Nothing? What was the point of this stupid game then?!

Afterwards, Cobie says she’s disappointed for not taking the kiss, because as she says, it could have just been a kiss on the cheek. She flags that she wants to raise it with Matty tonight, which seems perfectly reasonable to me, but I guess I haven’t been plied with alcohol and locked in a mansion with 17 other girls who want to date the guy I’m into.

Cocktail Party Time!

Cobie says that she came into this experience not wanting to have any regrets, and she regrets not kissing him, so she wants to clear it up. See, perfectly reasonable.

Florence (who? Ah, the Dutch one) has something to show Matty. He’s getting a lesson in Dutch (side note: what’s that thing to do with fluffs and blankets? Isn’t that something about Dutch?). She puts Matty in a red, striped tie and circular glasses. She dresses up in a half-open white shirt over her black corset-dress, also dons some glasses, and holds a cane/pointer thing, which just gives the overall feel of some light BDSM. Is this the theme for this episode or something? 

She teaches him how to say, “You have beautiful eyes” in Dutch. She then teaches him to say, “Will you accept this rose?”, and the whole thing is lightly flirtatious and a bit weird and a teensy bit awkward, like the time we played ‘Let’s Get to Know Matty J!’. 

Next girl to chat with Matty is Simone, and it seems like she spends three minutes talking about how nervous she is.

So then the dramahhh: Cobie sees them talking, and approaches. She asks (very politely, I might add) if she can borrow Matty once she’s finished talking with Simone. I’m not really sure why this is an issue, because she gave him an option, but I guess the weirdness was the fact that she just stood off to the side, staring at them. 

Simone leaves Matty, and goes to chat to… the Evil Squad? Wait, I thought she was one of the good ones. Simone, wasn’t it like two episodes ago that you hated these girls? And now you’re confiding in them? She says, “[Cobie]’s had two group dates and a single date”, and she isn’t impressed with the interruption. 

Villain Number Two Jennifer says that Cobie “plays sweet, she plays cute, but she’s a hustler, she’s a bitch.” She also uses the word “hustler” again in a talking head. Jennifer, I’m not sure that word means what you think it means. Isn’t a hustler a gambler? Someone who, in fact, hustles? Looking this up, there is an alternative meaning, which is a prostitute, but I’m not sure she was going for something that aggressive. I can only assume she was going for “hussy”, which Google says, is a “brazen or immoral woman”. And that’s been your vocabulary lesson for today, class. Just, use words correctly, Jennifer.

Anyway, in the actual chat with Matty, Cobie explains why she didn’t choose to kiss him. Matty’s totally cool with it, saying it totally wasn’t an issue, unlike last season when Georgia Love had the issue of Courtney not giving her enough attention in group situations. You can’t win with this show.   

Now for the second dramahhh: Leah walks in on their chat and asks if she can take Cobie back because she upset a lot of people. Cobie says she just needs two more minutes, and Leah says again, that she upset a lot of people. It’s very awkward and Matty seems annoyed. 

Then, histrionic Leah takes her information back to the Evil Squad, saying that Cobie said she doesn’t care that she hurt other people’s feelings (for the record, she did say “I don’t care”, but to me it came across as more of a “ok, cool, leave me alone” than a “I hate everybody!” kind of thing).

Some of the girls try to defend Cobie, including Laura. You know what, Laura? You’re really growing on me. Anyway she says that Cobie wouldn’t have meant it in a malicious way, which is the way Leah is relaying it, and she’s so done with this shit.

Oh man, now she has to bloody deal with Jennifer. FFS this is so bloody frustrating. Laura says that she loves Cobie, and Jennifer says, “WE ALL LOVE COBIE”, and I let out an actual witches’ cackle. Lisa says she’s really happy Laura stood up for Cobie, and I’m on any team with Lisa and Laura on it. (Readers, I know what you’re thinking. Last episode I was on Simone’s side, and now she’s turned out to be one of the bad ones. Look, I guess I’m just on the side against evil, ok? I’m bloody Harry Potter.)

Cobie and Matty walk out into the group of girls, and Jennifer basically pounces on her, saying, “Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Cobie.”

It’s a bit awkward, but that’s mostly thanks to the editing and sound effects. We don’t get to see any more of the fallout, because this is The Bachelor, and if there’s one thing this show doesn’t know how to do, it’s transitions.

Rose Ceremony time!

Osher introduces Matty, saying the ladies look a bit better than during the “Crème de la crème of board games”. They have literally said that phrase three times this episode, and for once, I’m not exaggerating.

Matty picks a few girls, and he asks Florence to accept her rose in the Dutch he learnt, which is pretty sweet.

For a second, I’m thinking that maybe he’ll get rid of one of the villains tonight, and squash the issues in the house. It would be fitting with his ‘I’m not taking any shit this season’ attitude he’s displayed so far. Like he gets a say in it.

He clearly doesn’t, and Jennifer and Leah both get roses. Jennifer sashays up to him, and I feel like she really treats him like a prize to be won, which in fairness, he kind of is in this context, but you don’t have to treat him like that.

This is the one thing I really dislike about this show. It’s not like Matty is going to pick either of these mean girls in the end. They’re clearly there to further their radio career, or their red carpet reporting career *cough Laurina cough*. They’re easy fodder to just add some manufactured dramahhh to the show, and look, it works: the show is selling a product, and we’re all buying it. But how cool would it be to just see a bunch of nice people and them all behaving respectfully of each other, and Matty just picks who he likes best? Huh? WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT UTOPIA?! 

The other thing is that it is definitely not his choice to keep all of these girls. There’s clearly a stipulation in his contract that the producers would get a say in some (if not all) of the girls chosen. Which means we’re basically waiting ten weeks for him to get rid of the ones he knew on the first night that he didn’t like. 

Anyway, tangent over – It’s down to Elise (apparently a montage girl) and Belinda (apparently the Love Coach who made Matty stare into her eyes). Elise gets the rose.  

Later, Belinda. Good luck with your love coaching.

 Next Episode: A high building, and some more dramahhh with Cobie. And a face-off date?! Not like the movie, I’m assuming, although that could be cool. (Side note: Remember when Sam the model was on that kind of date and he had to go home? Hahahaha it was great.) And Sian gets grumpy at the cocktail party. Ummm… who is she again?

#tv #tvreview #recaps #thebachelorau #thebachelor #tvrecap

[drink-n-watch]

I’ve been whining about this in all my posts this week – but man is it cold. It’s the type of cold that sort of threatens you from the other side of the window. None of this has anything to do with the episode. I’m from Montreal, we complain about the weather. It’s a hobby.

Share. Australia’s breaking all time heat records around the country and even though I love hot weather right now I can’t even run my computer without air-con because it keeps over-heating. Not to mention, the water coming out of the cold taps is hotter than the water in our hot water system most of the day. Hopefully we both get a bit of relief next week. I guess it could be worse…

I guess everyone has their own problems….

Anywho, here we are at episode 3. Egen-dono, a Yokai observer from the Underworld is sent to Abeno and Hanae’s school hoping  learn methods and techniques to improve education in the Underworld. However, Abano is starting to get really suspicious that the powers of the Underworld are plotting something greater. Considering that Ripou’s his boss, I’m surprised Abeno hasn’t sunk into full fledged paranoia yet.

Is it really paranoia when there are plots afoot and Ripou usually is playing with him? Now if we want to discuss paranoia, I’d say Hanae has a real case of it this week given how wound up he gets as he micro-analyses every interaction he has with Abeno. Of course, given it is played for laughs I don’t think we are supposed to see this as anything more than Hanae being Hanae. Of course, I kind of like this focus on Abeno’s job within the underworld because this was definitely not looked at enough in season one and it is by far the most interesting part of the show.

how can you suspect this guy…no wait, I see it now…

This time we get to stick to the mundane world. I like coming back to it every once in a while. That way it makes the underworld look even more spectacular by contrast.

Agreed. After two episodes pretty much exclusively in the underworld, it was good to remember that Hanae isn’t very good at keeping seeing yokai to himself. There were some fairly amusing moments in the classroom as a result.

Speaking of classrooms. You know, I found it really charming how amazed and enthusiastic Egen was about the school. It seems the underworld still has some improvements to make in that area. Education is one of those luxuries we think is annoying until we can’t have it. And the school system really is one of our greatest achievements. I think that was nicely illustrated.

They did deal with that nicely though it is probably just me but I find the pro-school theme running through so many anime a little intrusive sometimes. Every character is thrilled to go to school. Even aliens, visitors from other worlds, and supernatural creatures want to go to school. I’m very pro-education and I do think some positivity about schools is important but at times anime carries it to the extremes.

I’m a sucker but I got a bit sentimental at the PE class. A well rounded and balanced education for all, is essential. You go big bird monsters thingy!

look at these happy students

It was much more like a school set slice of life episode than anything we’ve seen so far from this show. I must say, I enjoyed the little breather. We quickly got pulled back into the main storyline though.

I did love how they managed to draw this seemingly random aside into the narrative they established in the first two episodes. While we’re still kind of getting episodic issues there feels like there’s a greater direction this season.

So the big beast creature is actually the Justice. Ripou is the Legislator and it seems there some potential turmoil between the Mononokean and the Executive. This is turning out surprisingly involved.

It does seem more complicated. I’m looking forward to finding out why and what and how though.

I,m still not entirely sure what the Mononokean is

I enjoyed Hanae and Abeno’s relationship. Hanae really is like a little kid mind you. I thought it was hilarious that Abeno was just being his usual aloof self while Hanae imagined he was being scorned and ignored. They looked like an old married couple.

I also loved Hanae’s problem solving skills at work. He thinks he may have accidentally insulted his boss and a guy who can beat him up. No problem, just run out the door and lock him on the roof. This should have no repercussions whatsoever!

This was a hilarious moment. I absolutely loved it. Hanae really is very silly sometimes but it adds some needed levity to the show. Abeno is far too serious and dry so even though he’s interesting, he couldn’t carry the show alone. Then again, too much Hanae would be too much. It is definitely the dynamic between the two that carries it.

he was…just not on purpose. Ouch!

So, are we supposed to think that crow may have been a spy or something?

I’d say now you are being paranoid except clearly the episode was leading us in that direction. But then it seemed like Abeno dismissed it. Still, it does seem like too much attention was spent on that crow to not be anything.

The bigger storyline is continuing to take shape with surprising consistency. I think they need to level out Hanae and Abeno’s personalities a bit as they tend to be a little too caricatural but otherwise I am really enjoying this series so far. Not enough fuzzy obviously.

And that would definitely be my episode complaint this week. Other than the first scene Fuzzy is nowhere to be seen in this episode. Admittedly, we had more than enough other stuff going on so it isn’t as though things go dull, but, I want more Fuzzy.

for some context, check out past entries:

The Morose Mononokean Series Review

Season 2 Episode 1

Season 2 Episode 2

dum dum DUM!!!!

You know the drill by now. I didn’t so much watch the episode as maniacally screencap it!

  The Morose Mononokean 2 episode 3 w Karandi and Irina – School Daze I’ve been whining about this in all my posts this week - but man is it cold.

#anime #blonde bishie #Collab #comed #episodic #morose mononokean #slice of life #supernatural