#i have. so much mental energy but no physical energy

[keeps-ache]

hi. i woke up today and have not slept since

#art #my art #doodles #sona #i have. so much mental energy but no physical energy #this is how nothing gets done :) #//going at mach speed and not moving a Single Inch for three hours #like fr i could close my eyes rn and just. pass out #//anyway. i ended up going on a whole rant in the text thing on medibang abt p1nk space #couldn't salvage any of it tho cuz the text went aaaall the way off the canvas cuz i forgot to paragraph break lolllll #there are so many Thoughts i've shoved into p1nk space i really just. have to figure out where it all goes lol #(i know where it goes but i really don't wanna. start. putting it together. ykno??) #//also i realized just now that the fact that tumblr doesn't have commas in the tags has prolly ruined the way i punctuate lol #//anyway gtg be back with more tomorrow. ~maybe~ :)

[jils-things]

by the lighthouse.

dividers

#alright i suppose i should tell what's up lately! im mostly posting this like a mini update or whatever haha #so - since i made that last post on my disappearance i worked endlessly to finish my animation project and thank goodness it's finally over #i had to take a break from trying to be social here and just stay in my own space and i did that by having a smaller side blog to ramble #the project was very... tiring - definitely took out so much energy from me post physically and mentally and i was just frustrated everyday #so i just took my time to be alone with a few close people and i like to think im okay now? #i like to think so - since i was able to deliver a few commission drafts today so i'm relieved that im back to my usual pace #I'll post a few of my doodles here i did during my project just to fill the void haha #i've acquired a minor familial from another video game and i care for him a lot :] idk ill bother to talk abt it here but yeah thats funnn #also indulging a lil bit of t.n.m.n content as of late also thanks to my friend who knows abt it hehe #soo yeah! I don't know if ill be active like the usual but know that i'm doing alright now! hope everyone's doing okay too xoxo #ill probably still stay in my smaller blog for a little longer but will occasionally pop in here! #sooo yaaa #~ art #♥️ memoryshipping #also yea i think no.rton only had like. 10 days worth of being the blog brand here until i switched back to the usual guy lmaooo sorry 😔

[natreads]

2020, 2021, 2022, 2023 🎄

#nat talks #my face #happy holidays from us xx #aka sweden celebrates on the 24th for some reason #me #edit: is it just me or can you tell how physically and mentally AWFUL I felt in 2020 from the pic #obviously it wasn't a normal christmas anyway so I wasn't dolled up or anything #but like #idk I just remember how bad I felt #I'd gotten c*vid a month before and it took me a year and a half to recover #was losing so much hair too #edit 2: I never had long c*vid so with recover I mean I just didn't have energy and was just not doing very well #but it wasn't life threatening or anything #don't wanna pretend as if I had it super bad when it's worse for others #edit 3: tw for weight talk but I also miss how my face looked in 2021 when I'd lost weight lol anyway

[rapidhighway]

ououghhh

#oughh i need to restart my diet im feeling so baddd TwT #literally feel like garbage from the way ive been eating but ive been just so stressed and so much has been happening #that i didn't have ghe mental space to keep up with the diet and just kind of put it aside #but now i just feel constantly sick and full and im not even trying to restrict to eat like normal amounts im just going crazyy #doesnt help that my scale ran out of batteries and i keep forgetting to buy new ones #ughh #but yeag i feel reall bad and stuffed and sick constantly and the hunger cues are all over the place again and it's just #a horrible time #dude i felt so good physically when i was dieting i need to go backkkk #but it takes.... so much mental energy #i guess i have to pick one over the other ughhh #diet mention #weight mention #fuckk i dint wanna fuck up my progress either but tbh im not that worried about that rn im not going to regain everything from even a few #weeks of eating like shit #even now i just woke up and i feel really bad physically because of everything i ate ughhhh

[running-in-the-dark]

it's been a month since we moved into the new apartment -

I'm so stressed. everything is stressful. we're still not done building the kitchen but it's getting there (slowly). mostly we just need to wait until we get a couple parts that weren't in stock when we ordered the rest. I'm hoping it'll be done by next weekend.

some of it is very frustrating with my brain specifically. I'm so bothered by all the tiny little things that no one else would even notice - like, some of the handles on the drawers are very slightly crooked (as in, less than a millimeter higher on one side) - but for me it's so obvious that it's impossible to ignore. my husband didn't even know what I meant when I pointed it out to him. there's also been a few slightly bigger issues, but we've solved them now (I think).

my eye has been twitching for like three to four weeks. not all the time obviously, but every few minutes. it's very, very annoying.

we still have no new info about when we'll have internet finally. it could take a while still.

on Monday a guy has to replace something in the electric roller shutters in one room - but we don't know which one yet. so either I'll have to let him into my room (awful, uncomfortable, will have to tidy up tomorrow so he could even get to the window), or I'll have to get both our cats into their carrier if it's the one in my husband's room (awful, difficult, one of them doesn't like that so he'll be scared and I'll feel bad).

also on Monday the electrician will install our stove (if he has time). then we're getting two ikea deliveries. and I've got an appointment with my (new) GP because I need a prescription, and I'm very (verrry) nervous about it.

I miss watching TV. I miss tumblr and YouTube and messaging my friends whenever I want and sending them photos all the time. I miss order and structure and (some level of) routine. I miss using real cutlery (we still haven't found ours lol).

when I was finally starting to get used to the noises in this place, the family above us moved in with their baby that cries all the time very very loudly and most of the time right above my room. so now everything is different again and I'm not adjusting well and once again I can't sleep.

but, I've listened to 14 audiobooks since we moved! that's been nice. it was the same way when we moved the last time (just over a year ago..). my favourite by far was The Thursday Murder Club. I've got the other ones in the series but I'm trying not to listen to them too quickly, so I'm gonna listen to three other books first (one is done already, so I should get there on Monday or Tuesday hopefully).

#long rambly post sorry #I miss talking about the random uninteresting shit that happens in my life on here all the time #I've got data on my phone again now at least so that's good. but the phone signal is still awful indoors so it's not that useful #but anyway.... logically I know I'm doing an okay job with unpacking and everything but it doesn't feel like it #also I'm probably gonna have to try to find at least a part time job pretty soon and I'm really really really scared. terrified. #not just of trying to find something and interviews and all that #but that I won't be able to handle it. physically and mentally. again. #I've only had one full time job (an apprenticeship actually) and I lasted 3 months. #and at my part time job I only lasted a month #like. I can barely get anything done in a day as it is. I have so little energy. everything is so fucking hard and exhausting #I truly don't understand how everyone does it. I don't understand how it's possible. #but if I don't find something we won't have money for food next month sooooo it is sort of kind of important #it sucks so fucking much. I can't stand or walk for long periods of time. can't do too much with my hands. I'm not good at dealing with #people/customers. I panic and can't think when I get nervous (which is most of the time). I can't remember shit. #so like. what job am I supposed to do??? everything hurts all the time already and I'm always tired and I'm barely keeping it together #fuuuuck this #😭 #personal

[disengaged]

alright anorexia is boring, let’s get yolked

#yeah so i gained 20lbs and started hitting the gym pretty hard two months ago #struggling with weight restoration/relapse urges worse than ever BUT i’m also feeling good about my progress and enjoying myself immensely #honestly didn’t realize how bad i missed lifting #and now that i have time off work i can actually focus on getting my nutrition right (i.e. actually consuming enough protein for once) #pegasus speaks #my face #my ancient ipod camera is shit quality but my abs are starting to show for the first time in like … 1.5 years lol #and im pleased with my anterior/lateral delts! although my pecs need some serious work. wtf #i train chest 2-3x/week and i can still see bones fml #ed ment tw #weight tw #ask to tag #i feel like i’m kind of relearning all my limits. like in terms of physical/mental energy and stuff. idk #doing a lot of research and figuring it out as i go. trying to avoid falling into systemic fatigue etc #as much as i love the gym i do have to compensate in other areas of my life #if i want to push myself this hard then that’s my choice. but like. i need to give up on doing other things. give and take. spoon theory #etc etc etc

[cautiousgoose]

I'm trying so hard and it feels like it's never enough.

I should have just spent the day in bed, at least I'd hurt less.

I'm so tired. I literally sobbed on the phone with my mom today.

I haven't been unmedicated since I was a teenager who thought I knew better.

My body hurts so bad. And I keep trying to fight with doctors. And I think I'm getting somewhere and then I get sidelined again.

So I try to do the little victories instead while I wait.

And it's just not enough. I'm trying my best. I'm so tired. I'm in so much pain. It takes me so long to do things.

And then I'm alone again.

#cautious commentary #chronic illness #chronic pain #I'm not in a good place mentally because I'm not in a good place physically #if you've never had an hour grocery trip be the only thing you can do in a day and then be in agony don't respond #I only have so much energy to ask for help from the people who can give it to me #and when they refuse I have to take a break before I can try again #fuck doctors man fuck them and their policies

[the-casbah-way]

i think every university student who has a job and studies at the same time deserves everything they want forever actually

#yeah this is about me #i dont think people realise how fucking hard it is to do both and not go insane #ITS HARD ENOUGH TO DO ONE AND NOT GO INSANE #i wish uni would cut some slack to students who have to work and be more understanding w deadlines and stuff #especially bc jobs act like said job is your entire life and expect you to drop everything when an extra shift comes up #work drains me so fucking much that i just have no physical or mental energy left even back when my shifts were only four hours #how do you expect me to go to a shift then go to classes right after and then spend the evening doing mandatory reading #i rlly wanna know how other people manage it. i really dont think there *is* a way to manage it when you are neurodivergent and Sick #do not get me wrong im grateful to have a job and be able to work i just wish i didnt need to so i could focus on uni #i feel like im going to end up with a worse degree class than im actually capable of because i just cant spend the time on uni that i want

[afniel]

Every morning my brain spins a little wheel and picks what's going up be fucked up that day. Usually it's my pain perception or energy level, sometimes it's my mood, sometimes it's my sense of balance and I could do without that, but VERY OCCASIONALLY it will Mad Lib slap together, "TODAY'S BROKEN THING: your (noun:[ability]) (verb:[to sense that]) (object:[you are disabled])," and today is one of those days. I feel fucking good? I slept well? I jogged big sections of the way to lunch because I could? My legs didn't cramp up? I'm in a super good mood?

This happens so rarely that I actually register it as a problem and go through the day thinking, oh no have I finally developed bipolar, is this mania, and it's like, no, dipshit! It's functioning. Of course it feels good and you feel good about it. There's nothing wrong with having nothing wrong with me for a moment. You really don't understand how disability changes you until you're wondering if your temporary relief is a mental illness...

But enough of that, I'm having a good day and I hope everyone else is too, and if you aren't, I hope you'll have one very soon. 💜 ✌️

#chronic illness #fibro #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #disability #mental health #honestly when you got a physical illness that impacts your entire energy level at all times #the few moments of almost remission you get DO legitimately feel manic #but you just gotta accept it and not stress too much because eh. it's not harming you in the least. #(unless it is in which case y'know talk to someone about that) #but I'm not making impulse decisions and taking risks for shits and giggles or starting 1000 projects #I'm just like. having a good day. but the difference is just so stark it FEELS alarming but really the alarming part #is how tired I usually am #but if I got alarmed about that all the time I'd be even more tired and also depressed #being disabled is a long long time of practicing letting things just be as they are

[arvoze]

the power i will receive in a matter of days will be astounding. watch out

#i am making this post to ramble. idk if it will actually change anything but i am trying 2 be hopeful . #ive been very. Rough all month thus far both physically and mentally and occasionally both at the same time #i am just hoping tht wat i am getting soon will help me do things bc ive rly had no energy to do anything at alllllll #and i rly dont want to like. Explode i would like to get things done #i have things i owe to people!!! i just dont have the spoons to do it Ever and it piles iup and up in my head #it fucking blows dude i have been stuck in a horrendous loop for like almost 6 months #i just want 2 be normal u know . i am hoping something will change soon #if it does not change in the nesxt few days when my shit arrives i think im like. Done For in general #like if im unable to get anything done in the next few days then i am going to very seriously have to reconsider #literally everything i do online i think. its a bit fucked up #ik it sounds like an exaggeration bu there is noooo way in hell i am Surviving like tihs !!!!!!! slash srs #i wish twitter circles did not die so i cold blow up in there bu back to ye olde norm of tumblr tags will have to do #also it feels less invasive so like. win for me ig. i do miss rambling nonstop in tags #i miss tumblr!! i miss a lot of old stuff. reminiscing for reasons both good and bad. the tumblr stuff is the good side tho #anyways i have been slowly chipping away at writing thigns this month and ik its like. not a lot at all. #but its a lot to *me* and when youre someone whos only capable of doing so mch its like. a big deal #(im writing pmdnd stuff finally getting back into gear nd stuff i have been trying to slowly draw the npcs #that ive made whilst trying to recover in other areas bu rghghrghgrgr i dont ewant to draw #i havent wanted to draw in a long long time blows up) #i shuld. stop typing actually i am rambling too much i jsujt have nowhere to mindlessly ramble anymore technicaly #i dont want to bug my friends w me being unwell all the time DFJKGHDFKGFG #mayne i will try to ccontinue with the npcs. we will see based on if i post again in the next 30 minutes

[im2tired4usernames]

Ugh I was excited for today until I found out I'd have to spend it with people that actively make me hate being alive hate the future and drain me off all energy physically mentally spiritually like a vampire I can't stand to be around her she is the definition of stupidity and even then that's generous as fuck this bitch has filled her brain with so much garbage I watch her brain cells die at alarming rates every single time she uses her vocal cords her giggles make me want to jam a sewing needle into my ear repeatedly so I can never have to hear it again its a friendly reminder that my parents decisions this time my dad's constantly makes me want to die

#i cant even shes just so dangerously stupid #she thinks energy drinks with natural caffeine are safe to give people who have been told by doctor doing take caffeine with thia meds #ahe thinks of a child is CHOCKING to lie them face down n rub their back #she has the evangelical woman voice worse then women I've met n that cult ahe giggles constantly and behaves like the stereotype lil german #boy just got a lollipop over.... everyone and everything whe acts likw an 11 year old I just got the first boyfriend and all they could talk #is how perfect their boyfriend is and they're so pretty good for that I pulled a boyfriend is and it's like a God thing that they met how #SOOOOOOOOOO in love while constantly nonstop touching ahe has to be touching him her hand on his thigh her atm linked with his her heaf on #his chest she has to be in her lap they make out all over the place IT'S DISGUSTING AND EMBARRASSING STOP SWAPPING SPIT #she started a i. hwr words 'love diary of their love journey' they hadn't been dateing 2 months her kids are spoiled fake Instagram bitches #with such shitty views on politics SHE'S A TRUMP FAN GIRL SHENLOVES TRUMP MY DAD BROUGHT IN A TRUMPIE #there's so much i cant even say because even admitting it on tumblr is too embarrassing i wanted.to.likw her i liked her the first day but #THE MORE I GET TO KNOW GET THE MORE N MORE N MISS RED FKAGS #she threw away all my siblings clothes school books toys uniforms for sports their in toys i bought them that week make up jewelry #in the disguise of helping clean house #while i was at the hospital the kids call me in tears i call her beg her to wait and nope.ahe didn't i found the bags by the curb i brought #my dad sided with hwr because 'she didn't mean any harm she didn't know sje was throwing them away' #my mom hasn't bsen dead a year he started dating right after ahe died #hes talking about marrying this woman this woman who has never had an honest educated thought once in her life #WHO ASLO SPEMDA MONEY LIKE A DRUNKEN SAILOR AHE CAME FROM A WITCH FAMILY HER LAST TWO HUSBANDA WERE TOUCH SHE HAS NO KNOWLEDGE OF THE COMMON #SHE SPENDS LIKE SHE STILL HAS MONEY WHEN SHE DOSE NOT AND IT'S LIKE YOU DID NOT JUST SPEND OVER 180 DOLLARS N PASTRIES GOD #SHES SO FUCKIN STUPID AND EVERY HOLIDAY SINCE MY MOM DIED WVERY FAMILY GWT TOGETHER BECAUSE WE DON'T TALK OR.DO ANYTHING WITH MOM'S SIDE #OF THE FAMILY ANYMORE SHE'S THERE EVERY WINGLE MOTHER FUCKIN WEEKEND SHES HERE I'M EXHAUSTED SHES PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY DRAINING TO BE ARO #OUND SHES LIKE IF SOMEONE TOOK A GOLDEN RETRIEVER ON A DIET OF JUST FUCKIN COCAINE LITTLE GERMAN BOY WITH LOLLY AND CRUELLA DEVILLE AND FUSE #THEN TOOK A STRAW AND DRANK ALL THE SMARTS OUT OF THAT BEING #UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGH MY DADS GOIN TO NARRY RHIA BITCH SHES GOIN TO TRY TO BE A MOTHER TO ME AND MY SIBLINGS AND THEY'RE GOIN TO #be so fucked up because her kids are not ok SHE FUCKED THEM OVER BAD SHE HAS FOUR KIDS ALL ADULTS THEY'RE JUST WOW #I HATE MY LIFE I HATE WHAY FUTURE MY FAMILY IS GOIN TO BE THE GOOD THINGS IS I WON'T HAVE TO STAY I CAN GO N MAKE A NEW ONE WITH MY WIFE #FOR ME BUT MY SIBLINGS ARE FUCKED AND ANYTIME I WANT TO VISIT MY FAMILY YANDERE GOLDEN RETRIEVER BITCH WILL BE THERE WORMING HWR WAY IN #SHES CONSTANTLY CALLING N TEXTING MY DAD NONSTOP OF SHE'S NOT NEXT TO HIM AND IF HE CAN'T RESPOND INSTANT SHE FREAKS OUT N BUGS ME

[angelstrawbabie420]

u ever seriously wonder if ur gonna make it thru the year

#im #not even sad abt it. #just thinking. #i saw my aunt today and she bought me alc like every time i see a family member. lolololol i am mentally and physically ill i absolutely #failed at resisting temptation #mainly bc im a WRECK due to my period #i did not break the cycle of addiction that runs HEAVILY on both sides of my family 💀💀💀 #maybe one day but that isnt today. #i actually havent drank in like a month whixh is awesome for me given. The Tendicies. #anyone else also feel like theyve taken a stimulant on alc???? #like i have so much energy and joy but without the horrific heart racing symptoms #it’s bc it works on gaba receptors that seems to be what im lacking #bc neurontin (gabapentin) was the psych med that worked WONDERS for me and i’ve been on 10+ other meds that haven’t done SHIT #my doc wld not prescibe me last time i went despite being prescribed before and ir working wonderfully #she just upped my paxil which didnt do jack fucking shit #then i lost insurance so i havent been able to follow up w her But im working on that #it just sucks so much that the only time i feel relatively happy is on drugs #then i think well. at least im no longer in my benedryl phase like when i was younger💀 #and im like wow it rly cld be worse. i guess. #tendencies* #oh jesus i am NOT proofreading this. sorry

[tamagotchikgs]

i am still so weak dude even just using the trackpad on my laptop for a minute or maybe even less to scroll on tumblr was enough to make my arm tingly nd numb

#and it just spreads out through my body i am so oug...... #i slept since 1pm yesterday to 6am today i think? and i still feel so tired my brain cant function #i just feel so heavy n like even breathing is taking every ounce of energy i have #i dont even know why it's hitting me so hard right now #usually i only pass out once or twice in a month n i recover pretty quickly but this has been rapid fire n constantly getting worse #i dont even think ill be able to go back to silks this week :( #and that fucking sucks not only because i really enjoy it but also it's the only thing that gets me out of the house #it's the only thing i have to use against my anxiety #i just feel like im stuck getting physically worse n because of that ill be forced to mentally regress from all the work ive put in #at the same im. doing a lot better mentally i think just because i hav my partner n being able to spend time w them just. changes everythin #everything is so much better & feels so much more possible #maybe ill be ok if i have that #it's not the full isolation downward spiral that would usually happen #i still have something 2 push myself for #i still have a bit of a continuous thing going im still not. failing? maybe . i dont know #from the second i go 2 sleep 2 the second i can talk to them again i cam looking forward to it i am buzzing #i just wish my body would allow me to have good things o(-<

[blacknifealecto]

give it up for over a full week of not getting a full night of sleep!!!!! every night!!!!!!!

#im so fucking mad im p sure i could start blowing things up with my mind #especially since i have a BUNCH OF SHIT TO DO LOL #SHIT THAT REQUIRES MENTAL AND PHYSICAL ENERGY #THAT I'M NOW NOT GOING TO HAVE THAT MUCH OF BECAUSE I DIDNT HAVE UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP

[dutybcrne]

Me BSing hcs like: The fact that Kae is not only able to create a shield when he is dangerously low HP but also the fact that he is able to regenerate HP when he hits opponents with Frostgnaw is definitely due to him receiving his Vision when Diluc had tried to kill him in their Confrontation...but could it be possible that his familial ties to the Abyss Order could have influenced that HP drain of his-

#//And that's without mentioning the fact that Glacial Waltz's duration increases FOR EVERY OPPONENT DEFEATED #//Between that and his lil teleporting trick like an Abyss mage's (minus the flurries of ice); I have SO many thinkings #//Deffo love the abilities of his being an amalgam of Vision based and Abyssal energy imbued #//Deffo love that fact meaning it hurts a bit to use his Vision at all; esp with the teleporting being such a Staple to his combat style #☆ ┆ ( .ooc. ); #//Sidetracking a bit; but I also like to think that even after the Abyss is defeated/beaten back enough to not be such a threat; he'd still #keep his abilities from it/some connection to it. Bc he's so used to it being such a big PART of his fighting style/assets to use in a pinc #//But also bc keeping that connection means it'd help him keep track of any remnants of the Order far easier #//He could track them down with far more ease; sense if they are growing stronger; get intel from Domains/abyssal traces #//Of course being very mindful to keep it a secret & trying to not involve his loved ones/fellow knights of it all #//But he very much is careful esp bc of risks of him being corrupted by it; keeping a keen eye on his mental/physical/emotional states #//Deffo has plans to leave Mond and/or end his own life if he starts seeing the Abyssal corruption affecting him irreversibly #suicide mention tw #//Kind of but also kind of not; considering some of the ways how he'd go abt it #//Knows it'd be harder to the further it goes; so he has particular criteria he keeps tracks of to ensure if they come to pass #//he; in a clearer state of mind; would either 1) use his Vision to try & purge the energy out of himself (extremely painful; COULD kill #if the corruption runs deep enough & save him the trouble) or 2) use the aggressiveness of the corruption to provoke someone (esp Luc) #into taking care of him &thus ending the problem all together. Bc he KNOWS he's strong; only a handful of beings could actually kill him #//& actually be WILLING to; without hesitation. Luc comes to mind first bc of their Confrontation. But also bc Kae'd be happy w him being #the last person he ever sees. Thinks it'd be comforting more than anyone else. Esp since a lover would just break his heart to see them #//Worst case scenario is him falling to the corruption & sb breaking it out of him in the moment #//Bc the Instant he realizes what's happening; esp if they are crying and/or angered at him; he WILL fatally wound himself #//And make SURE it's not something he can come back from; save by a miracle (or 'curse' as he'd see it) #//Probably making an icicle and slitting his own throat; if not jamming the thing into his heart #//he won't hesitate; wont offer explanations; final words or apologies; he cant risk that moment of clarity being too short for it #//he HAS to make sure he can't hurt anyone any further; no matter what it means for him #//Which is partly why he'd be so keen to make sure it's not found out; bc he KNOWS he can be talked out of keeping those abilities #//Or worse; he'd fight them on it; and thus make for a fucken MESS in the aftermath if he's been too far along in the corruption #//But he KNOWS that even with the risks; the powers are a VALUABLE asset to him; &thus desperately wants to keep them #//'sidetracking a bit'; I said. Proceed to write a wHOLE FUCKEN NEW HC IN TAGS; I did; kjfbgkftg. Whoops lmao

[flickeringflame216]

and if all the people who told you one day it won't hurt all the time and there will be a sunny day and you will be able to notice how beautiful it is were right. what then.

#the number of times over the last week I've nearly burst into tears because I realized I was experiencing joy untempered by sadness! #for the first time in so so long! It's over two years since I've been this at peace! #only by the grace of God am I still here at all #and I don't know I guess I just got used to being miserable but now I'm getting reacquainted with joy. #she's a good and loyal friend and I've missed her dearly. #I think the most peace I've known was on Sunday #It was the two year anniversary of the single worst day of my life #And two years out....I didn't feel like mourning. There's still a sense of loss but what God has given me instead is so much better. #I'm in such a better place mentally and emotionally and even physically with just being safe and being in school and doing well in classes #And I have friends I trust and love and who love me and a balance of work and rest that I never thought I'd have #And in class today we were talking about generalized anxiety disorder which I believe I used to have and...probably don't anymore #Like I used to spend so much time and energy just worrying and then also trying to avoid anxiety attacks and I just...don't anymore #It's been such a slow process and there are of course good and bad days and weeks but overall my brain has healed so much #and realizing that was wild #on healing