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#i have survived to be 21!!!!! didnt think id get this far!!!!
vanillabat99 · 1 year
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🎉 IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!! 🎊
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feralhogs · 4 years
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I ASK EVERYTHING FROM ANGEL TO WOBBLY
COMING RIGHT UP
♡ cute asks ♡
angel; do you have a nickname?
G!
awe; how old are you?
21
baby; favorite color?
purple
bloop; spirit animal?
i know what youre trying to do bug
blossom; favorite book/movie/song?
my favourite movie today is always be my maybe. do yourself a favor and watch keanu reeves act his heart out
blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?
lucky, a little white tiger. i still have her.
breeze; most precious childhood memory?
maybe my mom making me tea or something. ow ow nostalgia
bright; mermaids or fairies?
fairies
bubbles; do you have a best friend?
YEAH
buttercup; showers or baths?
showers
butterfly; dream destination?
maybe ... the countryside, but one i havent been to before?
buttons; are you religious or spiritual?
yes, very. while feeling at war with it all the time cause of the gay angst. but lbr. i prayed for some coffee and i got some. i also pray when some real shit is happening. its just my nature. i have a very strong intuition when im not panicking. TOO BAD MY PARENTS DISHED OUT TONS OF SPIRITUAL ABUSE I CANT REALLY HEAL FROM
calm; favorite scent?
this candle that has vanilla in it. i like the smell of vanilla because it smells sweet and im like. !!!! kindness!!!
candlelight; what did you dream about last night?
i dreamed my siblings were all bickering and blaming each other endlessly and saying cruel things, and i was trying to tell them to stop but my voice was hoarse and no one could hear me. the voice part makes more sense when you consider i lost my voice talking lots at the Job and ive been Way too worried about it and its also a Passing thing
charming; have you ever been in love?
yes... overrated
cozy; eye/hair color?
red hair green eyes
cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?
the afternoon when i can take a walk with some coffee and music or, faceplant on my bed and fall asleep on the spot and then wake up feeling very well napped
cupcake; favorite flower/plant?
i really like bonsais. or ... whatever type of bonsai i keep buying. they grow fast so you can notice their progress, they can survive bad mental health weeks, and you can shape them, they kind of grow with you
cute; what did you get on your last birthday?
i .... forget a lot. i forget these kinds of things. i hope it doesnt mean it didnt matter to me. i remember being really lonely on my last birthday and pretending not to be and then crying to my diary that no one is allowed to read
cutie pie; most precious item you own?
any bonsai, any jacket, thats my soul. or my phone lol
cutsie; what makes you happy?
people saying small nice things
daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.
just the other day when i was starting to play stardew valley again and i had some tea i think... 
daydream; how do you want to be remembered?
i want to have been Known as more than just shy and polite
daylight; favorite album of all time?
idk of all time, but say you will by fleetwood mac FUCKS, i will destroy my ears on public transit with that
dear; zodiac sign?
sagittarius
delightful; concerts or museums?
?????? N/A unfortunately
dimples; have you ever written a letter?
yes, i have written all sorts of letters, not snail mail but yknow... that is my jam. i have used it for good and evil
dobby; dream job?
writer of , books or screenplays or something
doll; how do you like to dress?
behold my array of gay jackets. hoods... gay layers... with some flowers. i have some shit with flowers on it. an old man complimented me on a train once. because im amazing
dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?
my roommates say theres a ghost dude downstairs but ive never seen him. not really actually.
dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?
no, and ive thought about a tattoo but im like... i cant imagine picking a decoration and then being satisfied with it for the rest of my life, and being so... open like that, i change my mind and worry too much...
drizzle; do you believe in aliens?
yes bitch. theres water on mars im sitting here patiently
euphoric; talk about someone you love.
the demigirl reading this
fairy; do you have a pet?
no :(
fluffy; ocean or mountain?
mountain... no ocean.. im feeling ocean
forever; where do you feel time stop?
i havent felt like that in a looong time. maybe this one place with streams, when its raining really heavily and everythings Gushing
froglet; are you a good plant owner?
i have kept... 5 bonsais alive for a while.
garden; how many languages do you know?
one. with some rocky french that makes me ACTUALLY want to learn french, and then frustratingly be on the brink of speaking french
gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?
i cant find the name right now but they make this pixel art and put sentences that are kinda so gentle and pining... i love it
giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?
homemade coffee in a messy kitchen with some sun coming in, youre kind of sleepy
glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?
yes!!! i wanna talk!!!!!
glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself
ok... i know how to be Respectful, im a strong person, im good with self-expression, i like my voice... AND IM CUTE
heart; silk or lace?
silk
honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?
coffee, so much sugar and a bit of scream.
hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?
BIRD WATCHING. because watching people can get awkward real fast, and birds dont give a fuck. birds are fat little boys jumpin around. they dont worry about their jobs. i respect that. 
hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?
Harmonious People Noises. i dont actually listen to sounds going to sleep when maybe i should. because of how i grew up im fine listening to music or people playing instruments falling asleep, even with the light on
jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?
that part of autumn where its colourful and not too cold not too hot, and sun everywhere
jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?
i do stuff like take walks and do a few errands and water plants... and just chill and enjoy not having pressing stuff to do. 
joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?
i am a serious giggler but i recently got a booming laugh, or it sounds like that to me
kinky; do you blush easily?
no. apparently not. but sometimes i feel my face heat up and then im really, really counting on it that that doesnt mean im blushing because its at the worst possible times to blush
kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?
SOULMATE... SOMEONE I DONT HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO...
kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?
i feel like i already answered this but ill pick a different time. evening is nice because im a night owl and i focus better and i can relax and do whatever
ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?
fleetwood mac and bLAST it on public transit
love; what is your favorite season and why?
autumn, because pretty, haloween
lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?
i dont know about macaron but that cookie dough ice cream is some good
magic; what are five flaws you have?
overthinking, clinging to comfort zone, procrastinating, isolating, either i dont stand up for myself or i do it too harshly
moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?
they all sound so lovely im feeling warm neutrals rn
munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?
emotional labour, similar energy level
paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?
I JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH SOMEONE and there has to be food
pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?
doing THIS... all my free time... is basically by myself
precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?
you dont have to be useful to be valuable. you deserve love just because you exist, and even if you feel strongly that everything sucks, that could be your comfort zone talking. im having a mental health week
pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?
cook. id bake but then i eat stuff that doesnt make my stomach as happy
prince; how would you describe your handwriting?
oh its GORGEOUS. i have been practising my handwriting in my Diary for Months.
princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?
yes, piano mostly... ive been feeling Urges to play guitar lately that have surprised me
prinky; how do you relieve stress?
doing something restful/mentally restoring like taking a break or talking calming things to myself
pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?
LOVE THAT ZUCCHINI...F RY THAT BITCH WITH GARLIC AND ONION...
rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?
i have not read a book
roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?
realizing im trans
smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?
ill think of a nice one, moving away from my parents, theres been so much healing
shine; art or music?
MUSIC
shimmer; do animals tend to like you?
yes
smitten; do you collect anything?
bonsais?? 
smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?
one
snuggle; what is your favourite candy?
chocolate, any,
snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?
phone camera, ithas all these cool filters and things it can do, it says my plants are food
sparkle; do you wear jewelry?
occasionally. its mostly the black tourmaline bracelet
spooky; sunrise or sunset?
sunset, that is the beautifulest
sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?
with headphones. i just ... maybe this is a growing up thing but i cant imagine Taking Up Space playing my music out loud... then other people can judge my music choice... theyd Know things about me... 
starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?
save ums. i have this answer ready to go. that is because after five i stopped having a tv
soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.
my rooooooommmmmmmmmm my BED
soothe; digital or vinyl?
digital? what is this about?
squeezed; who do you miss right now?
my sister. she always says i never hang out but ... she doesnt seem interested in things i actually like... she tries and she cares but...
sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?
loyal, honest
sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?
practical, i just cant focus on aesthetic because then i get way too picky with eeeverything
sweet; do you find it easy to open up?
NO, unless i am on tumblr where there are no Laws. or it depends on how easy the person is to talk to.
sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?
yes, yes but NOT RIGHT NOW, i think kids are really Good, theyre simple and honest
thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?
i look up to the Bosses at my work, i mean they seem like they try really hard and do a good job and they have to lead everyone else too i respect that
toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?
the emotional intelligence dial. it is maybe too far. but im realizing that isnt so common.
tootsie; what kind of friend are you?
i hope, at least the kind i would want. probably very energetic, with negative or positive stuff
treasure; what was something that made you smile today?
another person at work called me by my last name. i find this funny because 1) it sounds funny to just shout 2) why are they all so fascinated with it .... yknow its because they wanted it to see if it was ramsay. did they seriously think. bunch of cooking nerds. is this their new power move.
velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?
niGHT OWL
whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?
shapeshifting
whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?
home, but i would enjoy going out with the right people i think. which has never happened.
whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?
no
wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?
tidy
wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?
yes, and no. my heart is set on being Out in the Nature though. i dont know if i can really really go back to where i grew up. theres so many complicated and painful feelings around it, and im not really welcome. 3
wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?
yes, i wish on all kinds of stuff all the time
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jupeterian · 7 years
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Ok so i was tagged to do the 20 questions thingy
@aquariusqueen tagged me but sooo long ago i was tagged by @missunderzztood to do something similar and ALSO even longer ago @moonmood (who i absolutely love) tagged me in one of these as well, so im just gonna do them all together. Im SO sorry i completely forgot! You are all so great and im so forgetful!!! I also apologize for this being so goddamn long
1) Name: Lucía
2) Nicknames: Luli or Lu
2) Gender: female
3) Sun sign: Libra ♎
4) Height: 1, 60
5) Sexual orientation: Bi
6) Hogwarts House: Slytherin 🐍
7) Nationality: Argentinian
8) Favorite season: i cant pick one!!! I love them all!!
9) Fav book: i have so many but i still think about Dan Brown’s Inferno and Truman Capote’s Cold Blood years after ive read them
10) Fav animal: there’s no way i can pick just ONE
11) Fav Scent: anything expensive and classy lol
12) Fav color: Turquoise (is that how u spell it? Idk, turquesa and also any shade of pink)
13) Coffee | Tea | Hot cocoa: Coffee
14) Average sleep hours: 6 hs give or take
15) Cat or dog person: both istg
16) Fav band/singer: my all-time favorite band is My Chemical Romance (I KNOW, but their songs feel like home ok)
17) Fav fictional character: i dont think i have one tbh
18) Dream Job: i’ll be an embassador so.. theres that
19) N° of blankets u sleep with: they are currently 3
20) Dream trip: well id love to travel everywhere really but the trip i had been wating for my entire life was my prom trip and it couldnt have been more perfect. Just 10 days in Bariloche, away from parents with the entire class, partying every night in a different club and during the day doing excursions in the snow. Idk how i survived being drunk w no sleep and high on ibuprofen bc i was sick af for 10 days but its the best thing thats ever happened to me
21) Blog created: i created my main like 2 years ago ? And Jupetarian last november
22) what made you decide to make a tumblr: i was really curious abt this site and then i stayed lol. With this blog, i just wanted a space where i could keep everything related to astrology without fucking up my main
23) N° of followers: i think Jupetarian has almost 200 now?? I never thought id have any followers lol so im v excited i love them all so much
24) Random fact: since this is not specific i could go on forever talking about myself lol but first things that come to my mind are i can speak 3 languages, play 5 instruments and i play volleyball?? But im extremely competitive and i get super angry, frustrated and judgemental if i dont win or get my way in literally everything lmfao
25) Fav book you were made to read in class: mmmm i loved The Lord of the Flies but i think my fav was a compilation of Cortazar’s stories
26) Best vacation memory: idk about “best” but there was this one time i went to california and we were in Hermosa Beach (san diego) with a friend and a bunch of guys pass riding bikes and chanting “national killing day!” And we were v confused
27) Best meal you ever had: chiken marinated in beer/wine/gancia or sidra i swear everyone needs to try it oh my goood
28) Last song you’ve listened to: ByPass’ opening song bc im a nostalgic bitch who cant let go her prom trip (its been a whole year KILL ME)
29) Last adventure you went on: like 2 weeks ago i had to lie to my parents about meeting with friends in a bar bc i was actually going on a date SOOO my dad took me to the bar, i lied to the “waiting-list lady” when i told her we were gonna be 10 people so she would let me in so i could wait until my dad left. After 5 minutes or so i got out and started walking like 8 blocks to the subway, watching my back the whole time bc i had lost sight of my dad (mind you, the city is v dangerous and i was alone and the streets were dark and empty i was so loving the adrenaline). I didnt know the guy, i was super far away from my home and i got back at like 4 am and i was SO HAPPY bc i love feeling free like that 💕
30) Fav mythological creature: prob mermaids??? Ive been obssesed with them since forever (i think its bc of my lack of water lol)
31) Fav story/myth/fairy tale: man, any old disney story. I also remember fondly pulgarcito, hansel y gretel, manuelita, and so many more
32) Last tv show u watched: Black Mirror and i still think about it every day
33) Calm or stormy: stormy but i love calm too (uuugh i can never pick smth when it comes to nature)
34) Fav painter: i just love rainassance and barocco paintings but i dont think i can decide??? How can i choose between so many beautiful things!!!!!
35) Ocean or forest: im gonna say ocean bc i feel a deep conection to it but i just.love.the forest.so.much !!!!!
Oh and i tag everyone that wants to do this (?
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vjonny2x4v · 7 years
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i'm telling you to answer all 92 as well bc you called me a loser except not really but sure why not go with that.
daintiests
1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? - She has like 0 eyebrows but she still cute as fuck so yeah I’d probably do it *wink*
2. You talked to an ex today, correct? - Nope, haven’t talked to any ex in years.
3. Have you taken someones virginity? - yes
4. Is trust a big issue for you? - I tend to trust the wrong people

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? - I don’t really like anyone sooo
6. What are you excited for? - To not have to work monday, praise Cthulhu 

7. What happened tonight? - My roommate abducted a small ground hog and put it in his cargo shorts pocket and it just kinda chilled there for awhile

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? - I mean, as long as your aren’t acting all Jersey shore trashy we good

9. Is confidence cute? - Confidence is absolutely cute
10. What is the last beverage you had? -Mountain Dew Spiked Raspberry lemonade . Its like crack but better

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? - All of them because I am a fool
12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? - I mean they aren’t meant to be skinny jeans but they are skinny jeans.
13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? - it is saturday night. lmao.
14. What are you going to spend money on next? - I just spend 100 on a movie alcohol, a controller charger pack, and toys.

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? - nah she ghosted my candy ass
16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? - I am different as the seconds go by 

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? - Felix the cat
18. The last time you felt broken? - Earlier today listening to sad music infront of a bonfire 
19. Have you had sex today? - no
20. Are you starting to realize anything? - 
21. Are you in a good mood? - kinda no kinda eh and waiting for the benadryl to hit.
22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? - maybe the team members from the San Jose Sharks NHL team but otherwise no 
23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? -  
24. What do you want right this second? - To stop losing

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? - I don’t love or like anyone tho :(
26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? - The sides are but the top is bleached
27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? - Absolutely not
28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? - My video game puns. Balancing the scales of war into our favor! (my sniper reticle was a judicial scale)

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? - More than I would like to
30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? - Not everyone
31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? - No sammy is good boy
32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? - Can we stop asking about shit like this jesus fuck

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? - Soda is life
34. Listening to? Gunshuts
35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? - nope, pen or die bitch
36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? - Of in the nether
37. Do you believe in love at first sight? - Nope, thats lust
38. Who did you last call? - who knows man, i don’t call people
39. Who was the last person you danced with? - myself 
40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? - she was a cutie

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? - I ate a mini cupcake from little debbies
42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? - Haven’t seen either parent in like 3 weeks
43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?
 -who hasnt”
44. Do you tan in the nude? - I am pale

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? - no.
46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? - I passed out on they ass
47. Who was the last person to call you? - Some stranger that i didnt answer

48. Do you sing in the shower? - In the the shower out of the shower popping while the shower heats up
49. Do you dance in the car? Kinda hard to dance while driving

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? - once or twice

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? - Senior photos which never even got put in the yearbook :)

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? - Oh most definitely but its what makes them great
53. Is Christmas stressful? - I am terrible with buying gifts so yes

54. Ever eat a pierogi? -oh my potato and cheese and onion please

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? - your mom
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? - An astronaut now I just wanna be an asstronaut
57. Do you believe in ghosts? - Not really
58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? - way too damn often, but its probably just our reality merging with another reality and out doppleganger memory forming with ours
59. Take a vitamin daily? - Do energy drinks count?

60. Wear slippers? - few and far between.
61. Wear a bath robe? - nude
62. What do you wear to bed? - whatever the hell i want
63. First concert? - Bon Jovi
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? - Wal-mart cause the ppl
65. Nike or Adidas? - Nikes
66. Cheetos Or Fritos? - cheetos
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? - Nuts
68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? - THAT ONE WHERES ITS ALL NOW WE GOT BAD BLOOD YEAH WE GOT BAD BLOOD

69. Ever take dance lessons? - I took lessons to do the horizontal monster mash ha

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? - Professionally loving me
71. Can you curl your tongue? -Barely

72. Ever won a spelling bee? - yeah
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? - nope

74. What is your favorite book? Zombie survival guide
75. Do you study better with or without music? - with
76. Regularly burn incense? - No but I thought about it

77. Ever been in love? - Id like to think so
78. Who would you like to see in concert? - seeing Say Anything would be nice seeing as how I miss them every time they come around
79. What was the last concert you saw? - 
80. Hot tea or cold tea? - no tea 
81. Tea or coffee? - death place

82. Favorite type of cookie? - chocolate chip

83. Can you swim well? - Like a merman
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Like a merman yes
85. Are you patient? - Much like my mother..no
86. DJ or band, at a wedding? - I mean if I had to choose I’d say band
87. Ever won a contest? - Nope, I am a loser

88. Ever have plastic surgery? - no but I need it

89. Which are better black or green olives? - neither
90. Opinions on sex before marriage? - Honestly believe that it’s something you should experience before marriage because sex can be important in a relationship and if you aren’t compatible sexually its gonna suck
91. Best room for a fireplace? - Every room
92. Do you want to get married? - Probably not, to much mess if things go wrong.
Asshat.
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Do i have to get my car repaired with the insurance money?
bout a month ago someone backed into my parked car in the parking lot and actually let me know they did it. we exchanged info and i just had a rep. from his insurance come check out my car and give an estimate for repairs and a check with the amount. The damages to bumper are reallly nothing major and its old car, can run just the same as it used to before the damages. do i have to get it fixed or can i jus cash out this check and get a nice chuck of cash?""
Is having health insurance really necessary?
Do I need it to survive if there is nothing wrong with you/me?
Should I include collision on my car insurance?
I have a 2002 Honda Civic sedan with 99,000+ miles on it. In shopping around for better car insurance (my old policy expires next month), most agents I interacted with included collision for around a $300 annual premium. Some people I told about my insurance shopping said that to carry collision on such an old car is not necessary. I'm seeking an unbiased opinion as to what are the advantages, if any, about including collision, or any other info on what to look for in a good policy. Thanks.""
Do insurance companies use mortality rates to set premiums and other costs for certain age groups? Why?
Do insurance companies use mortality rates to set premiums and other costs for certain age groups? Why?
Affordable health insurance for pregnancy in Washington DC or Maryland?
Do anyone know of a good affordable health insurance that cover pregnancy I mean everything from appointments and labor and delivery besides medicare?
Monthly motorcycle costs in Florida?
Are there any monthly costs to owning a motorcycle in Florida other than maintanence and the payments on the actual motorcycle that are mandatory? Like will my health insurance go up or anything? I know motorcycle insurance isn't required but I didn't know if like Id have to pay more for liability of others. please only answer if you are a Florida motorcycle owner. Thanks!
Any car insurance plans you can cancel or re-activate monthly?
I am a recently licensed teen going to college in a month. I won't be driving that much while I'm there but I want to for the next few weeks and will be when I'm home occasionally. Is there any kind of insurance I can get that will allow me to re-activate the insurance and cancel it on a monthly basis? Or every couple months? My family has Geico but do any other companies have an option like this? In the U.S. only. California driver.
Car Insurance Question?
Here's the quick version of the story- I'm 21 and have just totaled my Altima on a rainy night, crashing into the back of a parked SUV, also totaling that. I have received a $700 bill for the ambulance, a $1200 for the radiography and, here's the kicker, a $24,000 bill for the hospital. I do not have medical insurance or medical coverage on my car insurance and will not be able to pay off the hefty hospital bill. What options do I have?""
Looking for health insurance for our kids???
We just moved to oklahoma and we make to much for medicaid but not enough to pay $500 a month in insurance plus have a $1100 deductible per person then a 80-20 split after the deductible. We can afford to pay our own Doctor bills but if we had a serious problem (tonsils, appendicitis,surgery) we wouldn't be able to afford that so does anyone know of any health insurance we could get??? How does a HSA plan work??? Can you get one without it being sponsored by your employer???""
Health Insurance coverage?
I'm now covered by the employer's health insurance (with dental) plan. After I quit/leave current job, how does this health insurance coverage work? Before I'm hired by other company, what options do I have on the health insurance?""
Edenville Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48620
Edenville Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48620
""1yr with my license and I want a new car, will insurance be high?""
I have about 12 months with my license. I have had 2 accidents. One was from the snow last january, but I didn't hit any car. The second one was this september and it was for careless driving. Now im thinking of getting a used car by august. A car around 5-8gs, and im planning on financing it. And putting full coverage on it, because now I have a baby on the way. Does anyone think I should get a car or will my insurance be to much? How long should I have my license before I get a car around $10,000?""
Rough cost of insurance group 17 cars?
Hi all, I'm looking at a Lotus Elise for my next car. Its insurance group 17 and I'm 25 with nearly two years no claims. Anyone know roughly what the insurance would be? Thanks xx""
Which is the best insurance web site?
I just wanna which is the best insurance quotes website?
How to find affordable health insurance?
I am an international student in the US, and by law I am required to get health insurance while I am in university. I have been buying from Blue Cross Anthem and the price is getting very unreasonable over the years. The price is close to $1500/year. What company do you suggest me to get cheaper insurance from? Something preferably under $1000. Insurance Broker must certify that all of the following conditions are met: * Policy must be in English * All coverage limits must be in US dollars * Medical benefits of at least $250,000 for each accident or illness * Full cost of medical evacuation * Full cost of repatriation of remains * Coverage for the entire academic year* * Minimum 75% coverage for each accident or illness * No capped benefits e.g. $1,200 per day for hospital room * Maximum deductible of $100 per condition per plan year * Maximum out-of-pocket expenses $2,500 or less * * Must cover pre-existing conditions, with a wait period of no more than six months if attending the full academic year Thanks in advance.""
Car insurance change of address?
My car is registered in upstate but I came to ny recently because of my recently wife. I just leased a brand new car like two weeks ago and they are asking me for proof of residency. I registered the new car in hicksville li not in upstate. So i want to change my car insurance to hicksville but after a week change it back to upstate. Will there be any conflicts with my car insurance? Please help..
How dos US car insurance work compared to english car insurance?
I'm looking to get a bmw x5 but insurance is 9000k a year like $13000k I heard they do it different so its easier to get bigger cars. In england they don't allow young drivers to get big cars so the insurance is expensive How dos us car insurance work
Auto Insurance!?
i Have MetLife auto insurance at the present time, and i have a payment every other month. They have been sending me monthly bills the same price as my Bi-monthy bill. I have been given the run-around in other ways from them as well. Any suggestions for Auto insurance providers, for I am thinking of switching!""
How does go auto insurance payments work? ?
Like if your bill is due on the 18th and you have a 10 day grace period which would make it be due on the 28th but you don't get paid til the 2nd? Do they charge you a late fee or do they cancel your insurance?
Need to find Cheap Car Insurance?
I live In Wisconsin does anyone know of cheap insurance or a site where i can see how much its gonna cost me every month or something. Please Help really need insurance
Have I been ripped off? Car insurance?
Need a bit of help! I recently turned 18 and passed my driving test I drive a c1 and I paid 3060 for my car insurance this is with a black box fitted! I don't know if this is bad or good?? Considering I am being monitored?? Please help
Home owners insurance?
Are there any company's that offer home owners insurance with monthly payments instead of one lump sum?
What would the insurance and maintenance cost be for these cars?
1995 Ford Escort LX sedan M/T 1996 Saab 900 SE V6 Automatic 1994/1995 Saturn SL 1/2 M/T Im looking to buy my first car soon and I have found good deals on these and since I will have to pay for the car, insurance, and gas myself, overall price stays in mind.""
What is a good month by month health insurance company in Central FL?
I need health insurance hand don't have a job. What is a good pay by the month insurance company that has decent coverage and is affordable, by affordable I mean between $30 and $80 a month.""
Car insurance cost... roughly?
I am 15 and planning on getting my dads 1971 Plymouth duster as my first car when I'm 16, what would the yearly cost be?""
The insurance cost of a year 2012 Audi Q5 2.0?
The insurance cost of a year 2012 Audi Q5 2.0?
Insurance Fraud?
Is it considered insurance fraud if someone files a car insurance claim and uses the money for something other than fixing the car?
Anybody know the cheapest way to get car insurance?
Im 18/ female and this will be my first car , first time driving...prices are soo high it's hard to get cheap insurance at my age being a new driver. Does anyone know a loophole or just a way to get it real cheap?""
How much would insurance on a gt mustang cost for a 17 yr old male?
How much would insurance on a gt mustang cost for a 17 yr old male?
No insurance ticket do i have to be under the insurance of the car i was driving in?
ok so i got a no insurance ticket but im not covered in the car i drove in. i drove my parents car and so i couldnt find the insurance card when i got pulled over. i rarely come home i live about 400 miles away. the car has insurance and i am just waiting for my letter to come. so in Californa do i have to be under my parents insurance to get my ticket cleared?
What is the cheapest auto insurance in california and can you please tell me the monthly rate for liability?
What is the cheapest auto insurance in california and can you please tell me the monthly rate for liability?
Can people tell me how much they pay for their car insurance please?
i have a 1996 vw polo and im 17. i know its different for all cars and people, but i just wanna know roughly what people in similar to my position pay please :) thanks""
What are some good California medical insurance options?
What are some good California medical insurance options?
What would insurance cost on 98-2000 ford explorer?
I want to get an older suv to use in the winter somewhere between a 1998-2001. I dont expect it to be nice so I dont plan on carrying comprehensive coverage on it - only collision. Can anyone give me a very rough estimate on what this might run? I tried the insurance quote sites but I dont want to go through all the forms. Thanks
Help with getting health insurance?
I'm a 22 year old college student and need health insurance. My mother doesn't work and has medicare/medicaid. I don't speak to my father. I'm a resident assistant on campus, which doesn't offer health insurance as a benefit of working. The school offers health insurance but it's around $2,000 a semester (four months) for very little coverage. There is commercials on TV about automotive insurance and life insurance but I don't know how to find health insurance. Where can I go to find more information on different real insurance companies and what's the average price (either per month or lump some) I would have to pay for health insurance? Any help would be great! Thank you!""
Is Obamacare insurance.?
at Healthcare.gov they will be doing quotes on October 1 so is the Government selling there own version of Insurance
Edenville Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48620
Edenville Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48620
How can I get my own insurance?
I'm 17 years old. My dad can't afford insurance because he has 4 kids and they won't give him free insurance. I live in Georgia. I need insurance cause I end up having to pay BY MYSELF like 90$ to go to the doctor. I also don't think it's okay to not have insurance. So what do I do? Where do I do this? Would they allow a 17 year old to get insurance by their self (being a minor)
How can we get health care to be more affordable?
55,000 to 100,000+ got an appendectomy is just too much for the average person with a savings under 2,000 ...show more""
How much does a checkup usually cost with insurance?
I just want to have a yearly checkup, and we have medical insurance. I know each place is going to cost more than another,etc. but what's a generaly price for a check up with insurance in alabama?""
How does a LAPC in Georgia get on insurance panels?
How does a LAPC in Georgia get on insurance panels?
Can you give me an estimate of how much car insurance would be.......?
lets say a guy under 30 in california with a 2002 BMW 325i sedan how much would insurance be?
What is the best car insurance that you don't have to pay much in any state?
I live in NJ and paying half as my car cost...
How much would insurance be on a Mustang GT for a 16 year old driver?
Please give me a price range. Not any comments like a lot or to much. Please give me a price range. Many thanks.
Insurance question?
What is better on insurance if you have a spotless record: 2007 PT Cruiser Touring Edition 2006 Toyota Corolla LE Thanks in advance!
I need help for cheaper auto insurance... any suggestions in my situation?
I was really stupid as a kid. When I first got my New York State drivers license within half a year I had gotten 2 speeding tickets, a DWI under the age of 21 (I blew a .16 and was reduced to a dwai luckily), seatbelt violation, talking on the phone while driving, and not fully stopping at a stopping at a stop sign. I got my license suspended for a year and I've been able to drive for over a year now. Ive matured a lot sense I was in high school and regret all of it but because of all the stupid, irresponsible, things I did when I was a teenager my insurance just to drive is putting me in debt its so high. Does anyone have any advice to get cheaper insurance in the same situation as me? And please no your a bad person you could have killed someone responses. I've learned my lesson and would like to go on with my life without paying thousands of dollars for insurance. Thank you!""
Do I need life insurance for my baby?
I am about to have a baby, and see lots of ads for the Gerber Life Insurance for children, but don't know if I need it. The price seems to be less than what I would have to pay at my job. Is this something I need?""
Can I drive my parents car without insurance?
Can I drive my parents car without insurance, the car is insured under my parents name, ( we live at the same address) and also can I drive someone elses car without insurance with his or her permission""
I was hit by a car. Which insurances should be reported?
Okay... I was driving my parents car to work. I am 19. No tickets or crashes since I was 15 and a half. I was rear ended when I stopped for an ambulance. My parents have insurance on that car, but I am not on their policy. I did have my mother's permission to use the vehicle. I have my own liability insurance but on a car that I sold several months ago. I maintained that insurance just in case anything happened. The woman that hit me immediately admitted blame. She also admitted blame to the officer that came out to see us. In fact, she cut him off to admit blame. I hope I am good to go as far as any sort of payment for damages. I understand if I get ticketed for not being on their policy... I just don't want to have to pay for my parent's car out of pocket, I can't afford that. Do all three party's insurances need to be reported? My dad is trying to tell me that my insurance is the only one that needs be reported as well as the woman's that hit me. I disagree. I think that all three need to be - but he's older and wiser than me. I think he just doesn't want his rate to increase so he's trying to make me call the woman and tell her to not report their insurance. Fml, i'm confused. thanks.""
Can anyone explain life insurance to me?
Can you insure the whole family? As if, if any of them passes away the rest get the money?""
What can I expect to pay for car insurance? details inside.?
I'm 18, First time car buyer, And I know little about buying. (I feel like I'm writing a personal ad haha). Here's the deal, me and my parents don't see eye to eye on buying a car, so i have to prove to them can afford car insurance BEFORE I even look at the car. So I don't have the car yet, and I called several places. they won't give a quote unless you have the car and then I still have to give them a lot of info about me first. So I'm stuck lol. Can you please give me a rough quote on what I will pay? Also make sure you include the price and for how long (Meaning tell me if that price is for 3, 6 months, year, etc.) Here's the car: http://baltimore.craigslist.org/cto/1037323276.html Details: I live in Aberdeen, Md 21001 (Town of 15,000 people, low crime, only busy certain times of day because of the military base we have) I will use the vehicle for driving to work mostly, about 10-15 miles day (I never leave town really). Clean Driving Record No Credit, but I have a co-signer ready for buying the car I want average liabilities, not state minimum but not expensive. PS I am already planning on having a mechanic check the car out before buying, please don't go on a rant about the car itself or Craigslist lol.""
Car insurance switching cars after 2months?
Bought a car from auction and got it insured ( my first car) but not liking it so looking to re-sell at auction. Just wondering how the insurance will work if i wan tto change it to a new car after such a short time??? willl it cost me alot to change ] thanks
""If a car insurance policy cancel your policy, can they still charge a cancellation fee?""
I have held a full uk driving licence for 14 years.......my husband (who has a provisional licence) was put on my new policy last year as a named driver. Today, he passed his test, so to keep it all legal, i contacted the insurance to advise of change of circs. I expected the monthly premiums to rise a little, but what happened next confused and angered me and I really need to know if there is anything I can do......he we go....they said they could no longer insure me and my husband and that they would cancel the policy and were gving me 7 days notice before this happened, (why cant it just be amended, i know loads of people that have done this) they said it was a special deal for me because i had a provisional driver as my named driver..(to me this makes no sense, they work on risk, surely they wouldnt give special deals for unexperienced drivers?) but the icing on the cake they want to charge a 40 cancellation fee, however i am not cancelling they are??? also i can take out a new policy with them which i have to pay an admin fee for making a change to the policy, however it is supposedly a brand new policy??? Has anyone any idea what to do or any ideas? i know I could just change insurers however it would be easier and cheaper to stay with who i'm with and I was never told when I took the policy that if my husband passed his test this one would be void..........and this is more principle as I dont like being hadover, I am going to phone and kick off tomorrow, but want to know if anyone has any solid rules and regs on this. Any help will be appricated........bloody insurance company.....also they have ruined the whole pass day for my hubby who wanted to go and drive around on his own and now cant!!!! grrrr""
Do I use car insurance or health insurance in a car accident?
I had a car accident (three cars)last week, my car was the fist car ( third car hit second car's back and second car hit my car's back). Although the second car had serious damage and my car's bumper had minor damage, but we didn't call the police. I felt my neck, shoulder and back painful in the first day when I woke up. after 5 days, i don't feel any back pain, but i still feel painful from my neck and shoulder. Do I consider about hire a lawyer (minor car damage)? If I don't find a lawyer, how can I ask the driver to pay my med bills? Do I use my health insurance first then claim the driver's car insurance company? or pay by cash first? what kind of doctor I need to see? Thanks""
""If my car was severely keyed, and i want insurance to pay for some of it, will my geico insurance rate go up?""
psycho ex bf keyed every single panel of my jeep, including F^&* you and cya boo and a couple of X s. fml. there's no way in hell i can pay for it on my own but it is so embarassing. if i try to get insurance to pay for it, will my rate go up?""
""How much would insurance be on a 2001 Porsche 911 Turbo, im 16?""
okay how much would first the down payment be? wich my parents will pay for, how much will the monthly payment be when i have nothing on my credit and im 16, and how much would ensurance be ? i live in northern california if that helps near sacramento""
Health insurance question?
This question came to mind as my husband attended the annual insurance meeting at his job. The premium is going up 2011, the deductible went up, he got a 5% cut in pay last month, has not had a raise in 3 years, took away overtime and shutting down a week every couple of weeks. As if we could not pay for insurance right now hardly, when he retires in a few years he will have at least medicare but I am 9 years younger and will have nothing. Any ideas as to how to get affordable health insurance at 55 years of age. Appreciate any suggestions. Thanks""
How much do you pay for your motorcycle insurance?
I just check for a quote for a cbr 600 f4 I wanted to buy and it quoted me $2,200 a year! Does that sound right? I'm 19, live in New york city, male. Whats your state, age, bike model, gender, and insurance rate?""
""Im 16 and have been for nearly a month, still havnt had anything about a national insurance card?""
Right, well i turn 16 like back in august, and i never got sent a national insurance card or anything about it. does anyone know who i have to phone to find out why i havnt had it??""
Any cheap motor insurance company for 19yr old?
19yrs old, licence since May '05, planning to buy a Fiat Seicento Sporting (grp. 3), Bradford postcode. I know insurance below the tonne is hard to come by in my circumstances, but any help/suggestions would be be appreciated. Thanks in advance.""
How much would a car insurance cost?
I am living in NYC and I'm almost 21 and im planning to get a car pretty soon and by that time i will be 21 but i just got my drivers license. And the car i'll be getting will probably be a 2006 honda civic. So, how much would a car insurance cost me per month? Your help will be appreciated thanks :)""
Do I need car insurance ?
Ok so u just got my learners permit today and my mom said she's pretty sure I don't need car insurance that I'm automatically covered since I'm a minor and can only drive in the car when they are in it so am I covered I live in Tampa Florida if that matters I just want to start driving immediately but dad says I need to make sure I'm under his policy so I can drive
Edenville Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48620
Edenville Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48620
Why make a deduction for medical insurance?
I just started a new job, my first full-time job. I guess first thing first: is medical insurance the same thing as health insurance? And my employer handed me a form for payroll deductions. medical insurance is an option. Why would I have money deducted from my paycheck to go to medical insurance? And when the money leaves my paycheck where does it go? I know I could ask someone but weirdly no one else is in the office this week, but I need to fill it out before the new year. Thanks for any and all information!! Happy new year!""
Who has the cheapest auto insurance?
I must have full coverage. I have gotten a few quotes but I need suggestions. Thanks in advance!
""Insurance policy,,,,,,,,,,,?
I signed a life insurance policy on the spot. It was an error at some point. I realize that what i needed was a retirement insurance. Is it possible to request the insurance company to change my policy?
""Car Insurance for young drivers, first car. Helpppp!!!?""
I passed my driving test 3 months ago, my sister passed hers last week, we're both 19. We are now looking for a small, cheap car to share, with one of us being the main driver and an additional named driver. We've looked at a KA 1.3 ltr engine 2003 W reg 3 door hatchback. After getting quotes from a few companies it's clearly going to be expensive to get insured. Could anybody please point me in the right direction for affordable insurance for young drivers?! Thankyou!""
""My sister in-law hit another car, she only has a permit and no insurance?""
I moved to america last year, my wifes sister hasnt got a full license yet she hit another car today. She has no inurance, she gave her name and her mothers car insurance details. ...show more""
Cheap insurance in NC for a young driver?
- I am 19, had a license for 9 months. - I have had auto insurance one time for a month just to get my license (does that mean a lapse in insurance) - I want a non owners policy, so I can go get a car at a dealership - I am a girl - I have had""
""I am finally getting my own insurance policy, but what is pip insurance?""
I am trying to get a quote from geico and they are asking me to select a type of PIP insurance. Which should I choose? I just moved out of the house, so I don't have a lot of money. PIP full pip primary PIP full health primary PIP med only PIP primary PIP med only health primary""
SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME OUT WITH THIS (CAR INSURANCE)?
i'm a learner driver with my 1st car that im covering with 3rd party fire & theft since i'm not able to go out alone either my partner or dad will be with me while i drive but just say say for whatever reason they had to take over would they be covered to drive my car even though neither would be a named driver on my policy? They both have fully comp insurance for their own cars does this cover them?
I'm looking for the lowest car insurance I can find?
nationwide offered me 200/monthly liability allstate 123.00/month esurance 89/month Any idea if I can find the next lower one?
Canceling car insurance?
im 19 and have had car insurance for 4 months or so. i had a bunch of money from working with my parents.( own their business). well there business is bad due to the economy. plus a month ago i injured my ankle bad and it still gets a little swollen if im on it for long periods of time. so i cant get a job unless its one where im sitting and there isn't much with just sitting. so i have been thinking of canceling my insurance till my ankle is better and get a job then. my question is how much will my insurance go up when i get it again? my parents are saying its bad too do but i don't see any other option. if i don't cancel it the insurance and gas will drain my bank account in a couple months and i wont have a choice but to cancel it...
How much adding coverage for substitute vehicle to my insurance will cost me?
I live in Mass
When do you have to get your own health insurance? ?
im 17 will soon be turning 18 and will be starting college in the fall . i have a medical card and im under my moms health plan/insurance. but when do i branch off to get my own insurance/plan ??
Insurance coverage for home birth?
I know some insurance companies will cover home birth as an out of network cost which mine will as well but I have a high deductible so that's pointless. I was looking for a back up insurance that will cover home birth. I have had no luck locating one. Does anyone know of one or small insurance company that does? I am in AZ. Thanks!
Do you know any cheap car insurance providers for young driver?
Do you know any cheap car insurance providers for young driver?
Cheap car insurance for young drivers?
does any 1 know any insurance companies that insure young drivers as the cheapest on moneysupermarket was 2000! this was trying out many cars that have an engine size of about 1.2 litre :(
Am I payin the right amount for car Insurance?
I'm 20 years old and I drive a 2006 Hyundai Elantra an pay around $117 for car insurance every month for 6 months. I hear my friends payin cheaper and was wondering if I can get a lower quote. I've been driving for 2 years.
How come insurance is almost double for 2 cars.?
I can't drive 2 cars at once, only one at a time. Therefore, the odds of causing an accident are the same as if I had one car. Why don't insurance actuaries know this?""
Can someone else insure my car and put me as a driver?
I got a car out the dealer with my stepdads help (co signer) now I'm only 19 & I have a good job I can do my payments with no problem, the only problem is insurance is really a pain because since I'm young & I only have about 3 months with my listener my insurance costs so much a month. I was wondering if my stepdad can just open a new insurance & put me as one of the drivers. Would it be a difference on the paymets ? I'm trying to get the cheapest I can & I need help :/ & the car us under both of our names. Thank you!""
""Where can I get the best, most comprehensive earthquake coverage for a condo in san francisco, california?""
i have already seen what the california earthquake authority (CEA) offers, which is not a whole lot. what are my other options for greater coverage?""
What is the best insurance website?
i need to know so i can go to it and get insurance
Getting car insurance - online quote?
hello, why shopping for some online car insurance quotes, i came across the below questions. what do they mean..i live in florida. Does the driver require an SR-22 or Financial Responsibility Statement? (If unsure, select No) Yes No Does the driver require an FR-44 or Financial Responsibility Statement? (If unsure, select No) Yes No""
I have title to my exes car and pay their insurance. How do I get out of it?
Me and my girl broke up a year and a half ago. She's a real piece of work. We lived together for 3 years and had everything is each others names. Utility bills, cell phone bills etc. She never paid any of her bills on time and it destroyed her credit. I signed for a car for her because she's had multiple DUI's and didn't have the credit to get her own. She made the payments on it and I never put any money down. The car title is in my name and she has paid it off. She can't get insurance because of the DUI's. I just want to be done with it so I don't have to deal with her anymore but she wants me to hold off until she finished her DUI classes to get a reasonable rate on insurance. She's been telling me the same thing for a year plus. I'm not even sure if she's taken or taking these classes yet or not. I asked her about it the other day and she never responded to me. I had left her a voicemail and she never called me back. This really pisses me off. So my question is if I sign the title and make her sign it as well do I have any more resposibility with the automobile? I just want to drop her from my insurance and give her the title. Is she wrecks or, god forbid, kills someone while driving am I liable for anything?""
What is the average salary for an insurance marketing rep?
I was wanting to get some information on what the average salary might be for a marketing rep for a non-standard auto insurance company might be? Any info or personal knowledge on this would be greatly appreciated, Thank you!""
Insurance rates for 05 Hyundai Tiburon?
2005 Hyundai Tiburon. 2 door. Coupe. GT V6 4-Spd Auto Would insurance rates be any higher because it's a sport-sy car? And do you know how much it typically is to add another person & car to your insurance?
What happens if your car is totaled in an accident and the Insurance company wants to pay less than you owe?
The guy that hit my car was at fault and cited by the police. Now his Insurance company wants to total my acr and give me 1300 less than i owe. This seems wrong.
Edenville Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48620
Edenville Michigan Cheap car insurance quotes zip 48620
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/north-carolina-insurance-agency-sale-autumn-benjamin/"
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waterofthegods · 7 years
Text
Living Inside My Head
So guess I should tell you my story, let you know whats behind my mask. Well I’ll start as far back as i can remember;
I think before secondary school (before 11yo) I was your typical kid, loved being outside and being with my friends, life was good, I had a great upbringing and learned manners & what it is to be good person. My issues started with going to the “big school” aka secondary school, I was a small skinny kid with spots/pimples, I was an easy target for the bullies and popular kids to find fault with, I had the usual name calling and the being pushed around, even had items of my clothing taken from me and burnt or thrown around between people. that was the beginning of me feeling weak and powerless which eventually lead to a self loathing and a deep feeling of worthlessness, over time a mask formed and I became incredibly good at hiding in plain site, just on the fringe so no one noticed me enough to care. During this time I’d had a few mini relationships but one girl I fell in love with and because of her friends telling her to leave me she dumped me & my heart felt the pain of rejection (just this evening I was told that the feeling of rejection isn’t real, its just in our minds, in truth we must see it as the other person looking out for themselves just as we would do, self preservation, YES it does hurt still because we have an investment in that person but we must respect them for being brave enough to make that decision. It wasn’t until I was 15/16 that I’d built relationships with the right groups so that I was left along 95% of the time but by this point the self loathing and fault picking (Body Dysmorphia as I refer to it now) had kicked in so I craved to be liked & loved, this lead me into the arms of and quickly the pants of a girl in college, I didnt want to sleep with her but the pressures of the situation lead to her forcing herself on me several times (yes a man can be sexually assaulted/raped) this was my first experience of sex & it has dictated every sexual experience since. once I’d finished college I had begun working out, this would be a journey I’d continue on until this year (2017), it became the thing I did to feel better and to try and look better, to build myself to a physical size where i was small enough so that the big guys didnt want to fight me & I was too big for the smaller guys to bother with, already I was in a strange & unhealthy mindset. I had a relationship until I was 21 but I felt I’d drifted apart from that girl, what I didnt know then was that my depression was dictating my every move and this lead to me dumping that girl which broke her heart and I watched for years as she struggled to deal with that fact as we still hung out with the same group of friends, also we still hooked up from time to time because I was lonely & that interaction made me feel good for a short time but with every relationship and one night stand from then until i was 25 had been one girl saying ‘NO’ or ‘dumping me’ saying i was ‘boring’ or ‘not the guy they wanted’ or plain old just stopped talking to me. Within this time I had attempted to hang myself, only at the last minute did I stop because in my mind I saw my mothers face upon finding my body hanging there & her breaking down into tears. My depression was in full swing by the time I met Nat (the second girl I fell in love with) from day one I was hooked, she was amazing & beautiful and I was best mates (still best mates) with her brother, that was truly the most I’ve felt happiness since I was a kid, her family was amazing, we loved being together, I spent as much time as I could with her, we even saved to go travelling together with two of her other friends, travelling was our downfall because the stresses of being away from home, having to make decisions with other people who where so indecisive it pained me, started putting cracks in my mask, couple that with us being in a tiny city in Australia with dwindling funds and the group separating meant I felt trapped and instead of being able to talk this out I just shut down & disconnected, went out socialising and drinking & then made the biggest mistake I feel of my life, I dumped Nat and broke her heart, little did I know then but I’d feel that exact pain in years to come. I stayed in contact with Nat & as I watched her spiral into her own depression and pain it ate away at me inside, week by week I realised I’d fucked up n there wasnt anything I could do to help her feel better and with that knowledge I internalised my hatred for myself and fed my illness the fuel it wanted, pushing myself deeper into my own head & into a lot more one night stands than I’d like to admit, I’m not proud of them but I cant ignore them either, they happened as a result of feeling disconnected, worthless and not worthy of the love I’d gotten from Nat, I felt I was bringing her down and it wasnt fair to do that to a wonderful soul like hers. Now a 28yo ‘man’ (scared lil boy) I had just returned home from Australia & began talking to an English girl I’d met travelling, by valentines of that year (2015) we’d decided to meet up in Edinburgh (my third love Lucy), It was fireworks for me the second I saw her again, that shy cheeky look on her face, it was a great first few months even though we lived 6hrs apart, me in Tow Law and her in Lochness, once again my demons crept into my head and said your going to hurt her because your not good enough for this girl, so we fought a lot and i broke up with her, I then did the only other thing i do when I’m in pain which is get drunk and slept with a girl from work, realising this wasnt what i wanted i tried getting back with Lucy a few weeks later, she did take me back but knew I’d slept with someone and asked me about it, Im always honest so i admitted what had happened, this broke her heart again and Im not sure she ever forgave me (also at this time her best friends died) so I can understand I was at fault too. Everything was good until i found a guy she had gym classes with flirting with her on texts, granted she wasnt replying but she wasnt stopping him either, confronting her made a big issue and caused tensions which begun my second mental illness ANXIETY, I became paranoid & on occasion I get a bad feeling so I’d check her phone and I found sexual messages between her and a guy she’d met in Australia, now any normal human being would have told her to fuck off but as I was in love and in a fragile state I needed her love so after confronting her and arguing she agreed not to talk to him again and Id try to forget it, well im sure by now you can guess that didnt happen and by Xmas I’d found sexual emails from her to her ex (the guy she thought was her perfect man) and vice versa so again i told her i knew, she said she’d stop talking to him and we’d move on, (what a fucking idiot I was) by now my self worth was almost zero, my depression and anxiety in full swing and in a long distance relationship without trust, Valentines day 2016 the weekend to patch things up as bring back the love we first felt, I book the same hotel as the first time we met, I get there early in the day to get flowers and rose petals and chocolates and make the room as amazing as possible, I pick her up from the bus station and we have a great day and evening but I just cant sleep i sense something so I go and look in her phone and there are emails time stamped for that day as she travelled to me, between her and her ex talking sexually, I can not describe how worthless i felt in that moment, I literally became numb to the situation, unwilling to believe what was happening to me, this time i said nothing about the messages and just continued the weekend. Over the coming months we spent more n more time apart and I’d become dependent on alcohol to sleep and 7 cups of coffee to get through the day as I was lucky to get 2/3hrs of sleep a day before starting my 7-5 shifts, which could be 6/7 days a week, I over trained in the gym to try and look better for her and only ate 1 meal a day if I as lucky (I lost 14kg in weight), I injured my knee in the process and it still to this day isnt fixed. we’d decided to go travelling together, which in my mind was how we’d fix things because we needed a fresh start with fresh scenery. All that happened was that she disconnect mentally and sexually, started talking (and maybe more) with a guy she’d met in the gym, the guy shes dating now (definitely cheated on me with him) in November of that year I had enough and told her I’d been so sad with her I had previously gone to get drunk and cut my wrists because her actions and the way she made me feel, she has upset but at this point it was days from our break up, one night on a video call i had been drinking heavily and started to take Tramadol tablets, after her obvious hysteria I stopped taking them after about 4 tablets and went to be sick. 2 days later she broke up with me and only talked to me in regards to the flights we’d booked to go travelling (she was cancelling her flights). At this point Im mentally at my lowest point, numb to everything & planning my death, unknowing to me everyone around me knew I was going to do something because I was no longer able to maintain the mask. NYE day my parents sat me down and told me they didnt want me to leave and go travelling but I insisted I was going and need to get away from the memories, so I got rid of all Lucys things. January 4th 2017 came round and I got on the plane bound for SE Asia having planned to just get through the 2 months in Asia and then fly to NZ wait a month (April) until my birthday and buy whisky, lots of painkillers and then find a quiet beautiful place to just drift off this mortal coil, to relieve my self of over 15 years of feeling exhausted under the weight of these illnesses, just feeling like i was drowning on the air I needed to survive, taking bigger gulps & drowning quicker with each breath. Thing is I met a guy & girl in Asia, we traveled on and off together, experiencing fun and laughter and distracting me from my illness, at least for a while, a few days before I left Asia i crashed a moped and injured my leg and arm, it got infected and once I got to NZ I went to A&E to have it looked at, this is where I met Christina (my final love) she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, we got talking and hit it off, but shortly after she messaged saying she was interested in a guy she’d known from years ago and couldnt continue talking to me. It hurt me because to me it was another rejection so i moved to a little town called Te Puke (sounds like cookie) there i stayed with a wonderful couple and their dog while i got my foot better and found work to build up my savings, during this time Christina asked my to come to Auckland and meet her before she went back to the USA for a new job, this is where we got talking again, eventually we hooked up and each weekend I’d finish work and drive the 3 1/2hrs to see her for the weekend and drive home Sunday or Monday Morning, this was the case for about a month and then I moved to Auckland to be with her, I felt that she was the one, everything about her was perfect but due to many stresses including money, bills, no job & one of her kids having abandonment issues, which were hard to deal with, caused unrest and upset, she also wasnt over he last guy who was her twin flame, the guy who made her feel perfect and he was her person, only thing was he chose the girl he was dating and not Christina, this devastated he & so because shes not dealt with that she, disconnected both mentally and sexually within the relationship and so my depression, anxiety attacks and self worth took a massive hit once again and right now I feel alone, devastated, lost and numb, my heart is broken into more pieces than there are stars in the night sky, walls are up, mask is firmly in place. Along with all this shit my anxiety causes me to feel nauseous and all I can keep down is an apple a day so I end up being very ill and if I eat anything else I throw it up. I question why these things happen to me and why I cant just kill myself and leave this all behind, the same phase is told to me over and over again, The world has a need for you in it! this is true for all of us Im beginning to see, hence why Im writing this blog to show others they’re not alone and you can find a peace within yourself, just reach out and ask for help.
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