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oligoweee · 8 months

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Smile Hell Info Dump

I'm going to basically info dump about my old Smiler story called "Smile Hell." I never even got close to finishing the story, I only got roughly 20k words in and that didn't even get into it all however I had lost motivation.

In this universe, the Ministry of Joy (it's not actually called that) basically has locations all across the globe that aim for bringing joy to everyone but have many faults and there was even a reversal serum in the works. The Smiler roller coaster does exist at Alton Towers and there are many rumors surrounding it, some of which are in fact secretly true. I think it is an interesting take on the MOJ and I'd love to go back to it someday but for now I will give a fairly in-depth summary and talk about what was written, general lore/ideas, and what I had planned, including the ending.

Trigger warnings for: suicide, mental illness, kidnapping, murder, medical themes, abuse, and gore.

(Not going into detail for these because this is just a summary-type thing but they are referenced so I am putting warnings as a precaution.)

This is gonna be a VERY long (roughly 4.5k words long) post so have fun reading if you decide to, you're in for a long ride :)

[Also here was the cover for it!]

So, the important characters are:

Levee Bailey

Lance Hawks

Archie Bailey

Isa [No Last Name]

Doctor Thomas Lukes

Braylen [No Last Name]

This story takes place in 2021 in Maine USA and specifically a real life county by the name of Oxford.

Many people over the span of a year were going missing and no one was able to find them or they would be found but they behaved drastically different than before.

In Oxford County, two families lived there known as the Bailey family and the Hawks family. Lance Hawks was a theme park enthusiast and would travel all over the world or just go to theme parks nearby in the US, one of these trips was Alton Towers and he offered to bring along his neighbor and closest friend, Levee Bailey alongside her two teenage brothers, Archie and Koda. This trip was only left to references in the story. They went on the Smiler of course and things were fine up until they flew back to the US.

Before that, Koda had been struggling with mental illness and it kept declining but then the trip (and specifically the Smiler) had boosted his mood for a few weeks afterward until it started to decline again. In May, he committed suicide however his sister had been there and for months afterward, she thought it was her fault and that she was a murderer despite everything telling her otherwise. His death was all over the news and attracted a bunch of public attention and many articles online.

So now we get to where the main story begins, September of 2021.

Levee is still dealing with her grief and she often finds herself standing in Koda's room just grieving. She has flashbacks of the day he died quite often. Since the loss of Koda, Levee tried making attempts to get closer with her remaining brother, Archie, but experiences a lot of pain when looking at him because of his similar resemblance to Koda.

Since her brother's death, Levee constantly feels like she's being watched. Like hundreds of eyes are on her at all times. She's constantly paranoid outside her home and is always telling herself that everything is in her head. What she doesn't know is that she is in fact being somewhat watched in one way or another. This feeling is both real and in her head at the same time.

One morning she wakes up and realizes that her best friend (and neighbor), Lance, is not in his garden and she finds that really odd because he's always gardening in the mornings unless he's traveling. Levee tries thinking logically but deep down she feels that something bad has happened. And she is absolutely correct. We soon learn that Lance was in fact abducted and a missing person report was filed however with how many people have gone missing from Oxford County with little to no updates, there's not a whole lot of hope about Lance. (Sorry, pal.)

One of the people missing from Oxford County is a woman by the name of Aria Davis, her case was by far one of the most popular because she is one of the longest lost people, having been missing for nearly a year. Levee came across an article about her disappearance and was quite panicked and that is when she stopped thinking logically about Lance not being outside. So, she did the smart thing and went to his house and spoke to his mother who told Levee the news.

She was obviously upset to the point she didn't tell Archie so he decided to go over there himself and then he got back, wondering why Levee didn't tell him. When he questioned her about it the two started to get into an argument so he left the room clearly pissed.

Now there's a bit of filler but since it's September, Archie is going back to school. Well on his first day of school that boy got kidnapped and Levee did not know until she herself got kidnapped. Fun times with the Bailey family, am I right?

So, on this day, Levee goes to her job which is at the end of her street and it's roughly a ten minute walk (or in her case, a five minute run.) She feels like she is being watched the entire time but gets to her workplace and the day goes on until she has to go back home.

Levee dashes back home as the sun is setting and while thinking Archie is home from school, she knocks on the door as he usually unlocks it for her but this does not happen so she tries calling him and he doesn't answer, she assumes that he's still mad at her from the previous day so she grabs her house key but quickly realizes that it is not inside of her satchel bag (which previously belonged to Koda, fun bit of lore) so she gets a bit panicked as that feeling of being watched is not going away any time soon.

So, she runs over to the Hawks' house and rings the doorbell because she thought someone would be home but nobody answers and this causes her even more distress as she is alone outside in the dark. Levee then proceeds to out of reflex try and call Lance who obviously does not answer and then after this she calls her mother who tells her to go back to her workplace and wait there because her mom would be out of work shortly.

And this is where Levee's fate is set.

She makes a run for it back to her workplace but since it is very dark out, she doesn't quite know where she's going and the streetlights are dimmed. Then she notices a truck going down the street and she could have sworn it was following her. This completely screws up her course and she ends up going the wrong direction and running face first into a telephone pole which breaks her nose.

Levee is pretty much stunned for a moment and sitting on the ground to try and recover and she comes to the realization she ran in the wrong direction so she pulls out her phone and tries to go onto Google Maps but has no mobile data or anything.

She sits there trying to regain her energy and strength to get up off the sidewalk and she eventually does when she hears heavy footsteps coming from behind her. So, once again she starts running and then it turns out she's being shot at by whoever was chasing her.

Levee can only dodge the darts for so long before one lands in her neck and stuns her, within a few moments exhaustion overcomes her and she passes out with one last thought in her head, "I'm gonna die, aren't I?"

---

Levee wakes up on a bed inside of a hospital-like room and it brings back memories of being with Koda when he died. She can't quite recall how she got in this place but is aware of an odd sensation on her arm, specifically the crook of her elbow which has gauze taped to it (implying that she had been poked with a needle of some sort.) For some reason, there is a very small feeling of joy that she can't quite focus on but it keeps her calmed for the most part.

She realizes there is a somewhat dull pain all throughout her head and neck but again, she can't recall what had happened. Despite her recognizing the room she's in as some kind of hospital one, she knows for certain she is not in a real hospital.

There is a description of the room which I will share a little of; the upper halves of the walls are a sandy-gray color whereas the lower halves are made of black and bright-yellow stripes and at the very bottom there is short white trimming lining the walls. The floor is made of light-gray tiles.

There's a table in this room and on top of it is a key card lanyard so once she gets herself off of the bed, she stumbles over to there and takes it. There is a name written on it alongside numbers and she doesn't quite understand what they mean. Next to the lanyard there is a note which tells her how to use it and that only her key card and her roommate's key card will work on the singular room door however the cards work on all other doors within the "Sanctuary." It also explains that she is a "employee," for this place and that she's currently on the third floor and needs to make her way up the fourth floor in order to change into uniform.

Levee looks over at the other side of the room and notices her roommate who is fast asleep, the table on their side contains the same items as Levee's.

Using the key card, she leaves the room and makes her way through a hallway with many different doors that need to be unlocked some of which are other rooms.

She makes her way to the fourth floor, changes uniform, notices there are spots of yellow in her irises (which are normally brown), then proceeds to leave the employee only floors (third and fourth) and skedaddles to the second floor which has a locked staircase as nearly all the doors in this building require a key card.

I will not be going into much detail about the second floor however, it is a living area for patients and has some bookcases that have books and brochures.

The low, somewhat raspy voice of someone catches her attention as they ask her who she is, she introduces herself and they introduce themselves. This is where Braylen is introduced, he is a patient in the Sanctuary and is implied to be a trans guy (this is canon it's just never outright said within the story.) There is no yellow present in his eyes which shows that he hasn't had any treatment yet. Levee states her confusion which causes her to giggle and it makes Braylen uneasy but he tells her the information that he knows about the place.

Braylen states that the place was in fact a real hospital back in the 2000s owned by a man called Doctor Thomas Lukes however the doctor calls it a "Sanctuary."

Levee thanks him for the information and then proceeds to continue her exploration throughout the Sanctuary. She finds the cafeteria on the first floor and there are a couple people sitting at tables some of which are employees. Then a voice calls out to her.

It's Lance, who is sitting at a table in the back of the cafeteria. The two are both in shock at seeing each other and Lance had scratches on his face which would have concerned Levee if it wasn't for her emotions being messed up. She greets him in a cheery manner and sits down by him.

They have a discussion and Lance, being the theme park enthusiast that he is, compares the place to the Alton Towers Smiler roller coaster lore. He actually goes on to explain the similarities and brings up the fact that there had been previous rumors of the Smiler being based off of real events or that the backstory was real.

Levee is completely weirded out and quite frankly thinks he's being stupid, she tells him he's not making much sense and then comes to the conclusion that he was trying to make light of the dark situation. They continue speaking some more and eventually Levee tells Lance to stop talking about the Smiler.

Levee then remembers her brother, Archie, and begins to worry about him to which Lance slowly states to her that he thinks Archie is in the Sanctuary too.

Levee does not take this too kindly but her rage is dulled however she still shouts at Lance asking what he means to which he then stupidly asks why she's panicking and she states that she's not but doesn't know what she's feeling.

Lance asks her a question.

"Does it feel like your emotions are just barely there and for some reason you're happy?”

Levee says yes with no hesitation as that is exactly how she was feeling. Lance is feeling this way too.

They continue talking and then Levee brings Lance up to the second floor to speak to Braylen who is sitting on a sofa reading a book that had no title and instead had a smiley face in the form of "=)" on the cover. Braylen then reveals that the book is fifteen pages long (albeit not numbered) and every single page consists of that same smiley face from top to bottom. It's not very important but goes to show this place is odd.

All three are weirded out but put the book aside. Lance and Levee ask Braylen if he has seen or knows anything about Archie. He states that Archie's appearance sounds familiar and that he saw employees (or at least, ones that looked very different and had metal armor) drag him to padded cells on the first floor.

Braylen also states it was nighttime and he wasn't supposed to be out of his room but decided to snoop around anyway and witnessed the scene.

They thank Braylen for his help and proceed to go back to the first floor and find the cells he was talking about. There are twenty in total and the two find Archie inside the fifteenth one that they investigate.

When Levee sees her brother inside the cell, she is quick to unlock it and go inside. Archie is sitting on the floor with red pinprick marks and bruising on his neck and alongside this his hands are wrapped in bandages that have light spots of blood that had seeped through.

The two siblings hug and Levee apologizes for Archie getting into this situation. Much like Levee and Lance, Archie can't remember how he was kidnapped. They exit the cell and speak with each other to which Archie explains a story very similar to the one Braylen shared.

Archie had woken up in his room and instantly panicked, leaving it and stumbling into two people who are later revealed to be apart of a subgroup in the Sanctuary called "The Ones Beyond the Walls." He explains that they saw him and grabbed onto him to which he tried to fight back and in the process destroyed his knuckles on the metal vests they were wearing before he was sedated and brought to a cell.

Levee takes note of his hands and suggests that they change the bandages. Lance knows where there's an infirmary and brings them to it and there is a somewhat gruesome description of Archie's knuckles. Lance cleans the wounds and wraps them in fresh bandages.

They all leave the infirmary and make their way to the cafeteria and discuss the situation for the umpteenth time. In the middle of their discussion, a young woman walks up and stands behind Archie. She introduces herself as Isa. Levee and Archie take note of one of her most unsettling features which is the fact that she has scars starting from the corners of her mouth going along the sides of her face.

(Lance had already met Isa so it wasn't as shocking to him.)

Isa states that she overheard the group of three's conversation and that she had information she could give that might help answer some questions.

...

But unfortunately, this is where I stopped writing.

Don't worry though! Like I said, I am going to talk about general lore and what I had planned including the ending.

---

So, Doctor Lukes' Sanctuary is the name of the hospital our main characters are held captive in. Despite what Levee kept thinking (it not being a real hospital) she is pretty much wrong because it was and technically still is a "real" hospital however it is not at all a professional one. Originally opening in 1999, this psychiatric hospital was operated by Professor Jasper Edmunds and Doctor Thomas Lukes, their hospital was open until 2011 where it closed permanently with no explanation.

Throughout the 2000s, this hospital was controversial and facing lawsuits in regards to abuse of its patients in there for treatment of their mental illnesses. However, they were dropped. This mostly took place in 2005. Professor Edmunds left shortly after this which meant Doctor Lukes was on his own with maintaining most things. In 2009, the hospital would once again face legality issues in regards to two murders that had happened. And finally, in 2011, the hospital was closed and nobody ever heard from Doctor Lukes again.

This is the more detailed form of the information Isa was going to tell the three if I had written past her introduction, I promise it wasn't gonna be a big info dump within the story lol, it was gonna be more spread out. Also, the Sanctuary info is similar to what Braylen had said. Isa was also going to go into a quick explanation on joy serum and laughing gas used in that place which answers the question on why everyone tends to be calm and strangely happy. (Obviously.)

Throughout the story, Levee and Lance try to uncover the secrets of the Sanctuary and they attempt to make an escape plan while pretty much being under the influence of drugs (joy serum) and doing their "job," of treating the patients. They discover that there had been a reversal serum in the works that would, well, reverse the effects of joy serum however there were many major issues with it. It's used within this story and the effects are shown; primarily aggression.

Who was the original one behind the reversal serum? Professor Edmunds, and then Doctor Lukes proceeded to try and complete it but was facing difficulties. And why was there a reversal serum? Because of withdrawal from not having injections of joy serum for a long period of time, it'd only get worse and worse so this was put in place to completely flush out the joy serum in a way. (Side note: Drug withdrawal is a major issue with the joy serum in this universe and it's especially shown with Isa who is constantly relying on even the smallest dose.) However, as said before, the reversal serum had serious issues with it.

So, what was Doctor Lukes' motive in taking a bunch of hostages ("patients/employees")?

Well, it changes in the timeline.

After the hospital had been shut down and with all of the legality issues, the place pretty much became abandoned and not only that but he lost a majority of his research and everything. He's stubborn and did not try and reach out to another facility or anything like that (they're extremely secretive too) so he took his remaining notes and studies, tried making a new joy serum, kidnapped some people that would later be known as "The Ones Beyond the Walls," and tested on them. Continuously tested on them. And then finally, later on, he wanted to try and reverse things and then give the joy serum again and reverse and... yeah.

Where was he working?

Underground beneath the original hospital. And this is where the main story takes place too. I find the Five Nights at Freddy's song "Below the Surface" quite fitting for this and the original Smiler lore in general (I remember seeing a Smile Always edit with it too so that's where I got that from!) And if you're wondering, "How did no one know he was there?" Well, the general public didn't know. With a lot of abandoned properties, there are still people that own the property and that's the case with Doctor Lukes' Sanctuary. The state people knew allat but not the public, you know? As I said before, these places are secretive.

---

The Ones Beyond the Walls are as the name states: special guard-like previous test subjects that lurk in a part of the Sanctuary that is inaccessible to the normal patients and employees but is very much behind the walls of the normal place. They do what Doctor Lukes tells them to and they lurk about at night. They make sure things are in place and such. They are very calm people that take action when needed.

---

Isa is a major part of the lore. It's revealed that she was the longest serving Sanctuary employee starting from being a patient and it's also revealed that she was Aria Davis from the news article Levee had read early on in the story. Aria was not in a good place and Doctor Lukes had reached out to her and offered her money (one of the only times he was somewhat-legally doing this shit) if she'd participate in his experiments/clinical trials and after a while she then got sick of it to which he then forcibly kidnapped her.

As a patient, Aria had gotten her face cut into a smile by an old employee who she later murdered as revenge and stole their identity (hence the name, Isa.) Due to the murder, she was put through a lot of "treatment," until she was left as who she is; an unhinged, overjoyed, snarky woman who seemed as though she was going to help but was instead absolutely hellbent on dragging everyone down with her as she interfered with Levee's and Lance's escape plan. And, she kept the identity of the murdered employee, Isa.

---

There was certainly gonna be filler but also it was gonna show patients and employees getting treatment with joy serum and then the reversal serum being used. Because of the aggression the reversal serum was causing (albeit temporary) the group decided it was best to give it to people and keep them in the "special" cells that had been mentioned earlier.

Eventually, Isa gets the reversal serum injected into her and since she has been under the influence of joy serum for a long time, it doesn't go too well and she is furious and tries to kill Lance who had injected it. She fails and once she somewhat calms down, she struggles to cope with the feeling of not being in a constant state of joy. She experiences withdrawal extremely quickly and this is one of the faults of the reversal serum however it shouldn't have lasted too long.

Isa still tries to interfere with the plan and eventually she kills Doctor Lukes which wasn't apart of the other two's plan but aids in the escape and when she realizes this, she isn't happy. She isn't happy that the newest group won't go through the Hell she went through and thus she attempts to murder the main group but instead gets it turned around on her and Lance kills her which leaves him guilt stricken but Levee tries to reassure him that it was for the best.

‐--

Finally, we get to the ending. The ending is a decent one and although a majority of the facility inhabitants are killed along the way (by Isa and eventually she herself was killed too), nine out of thirty people (patients and employees) escape and this doesn't include TOBW. Levee, Lance, Braylen, and Archie make it out safely albeit very much changed and still having the after effects of the reversal serum. I did in fact write out the epilogue before most of the other things because that is a habit of mine with writing.

So, the epilogue goes something like this...

Two months pass since the events of Smile Hell and our three main characters are trying to return to their normal lives. Braylen, who was cut off by his family before the events, moves in with Lance's family since he has nowhere else to go. Levee's paranoia is very slowly starting to go away and she starts leaving her house more often. It is stated that after escaping, the group had told all they could to the police and it opened a full blown investigation on the grounds of the Sanctuary and they ended up finding bodies buried far behind the hospital.

And yes, the main group gets well needed therapy after all this Hell they've been through lol

Levee, Lance, and Braylen are all out shopping in the town square before they visit Koda's grave which is their plan for the day. Levee sits down on a bench and waits for the men who are inside a store and there is another bench across from her. Someone sits down on it and they're wearing a mask and sunglasses (which she finds odd as it's not very sunny) but she tries not to think much of it before going onto her phone to pass the time.

The stranger across from her giggles which catches her attention and so she glances up and notices their sunglasses are off. Her heart just about skips a beat when she realizes that they have one yellow eye that was fading and one normal eye (implication that this is someone from the Sanctuary.) This obviously makes her highly uneasy and she prays to whoever is listening that her friends would hurry up so they could leave.

Eventually they appear and they don't pay much attention to the person across from her, they all leave but Levee looks behind her to see that the mysterious stranger now had their mask down and was smiling, but not in the unsettling, forced Smiler sense; it was a sincere smile that pretty much said "Thank you." Not only that, but they had very faded scars present on their face. Levee does not recognize them at all before she realized the possibility of them being one of the Ones Beyond the Walls. She gives them a quick thumbs up and a nod before walking off with Lance and Braylen, off to visit Koda's grave at the cemetery.

And that's all, that is the end of it all.

---

Thank you so much if you read this whole thing! I very much appreciate it, I've been working on this lore for roughly two years but never really shared it with people until now.

If I ever do go back to this project and decide to continue the story I think there would be changes but for now this is the "settled in stone," lore of Smile Hell. I don't really know what my inspirations were for this exactly but obviously the general Smiler lore and what the community has come up with. Also I love stories that involve secret organizations and medical stuff like that. There are certainly things that I find unfitting but for my sake and everyone else's sake, I'm not going to critique my own lore for now.

Once again, thank you very much if you read this entire post, I hope it was interesting!!

—

and here's a meme before I go which sums up all of this /j

#the smiler #smiler #ministry of joy #the ministry of joy #alton towers #olive's ocs #olive's stories #smile hell #info dump #writing #but it's more just a summary #and a super fucking long post sob

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uswnt-mostlypinoe · 8 months

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I know I don’t post my personal thoughts on here very often, but I need to post something for my own therapy. Megan Rapinoe…

It’s extremely difficult for me to try and find the words to express how much Pinoe has meant to me over the past (almost) 13 years.

I used to play right midfield in soccer, but lost my love for the game nor did I enjoy watching any form of it.

One day, my dad randomly happened to be watching a 2011 WWC group stage match. He just stumbled across it flipping through channels and only knew who Wambach was.

He started listening to the broadcasters explain how a player had been benched from being a starter right before the WC started due to not performing to the coaches’ liking.

This player was then subbed onto the field and almost immediately scored, proving the coaches all wrong. She proceeded to run to the corner, pick up a furry microphone, and belt “born in the USA” for all to hear in celebration.

My dad yelled for me to come witness this player with “a shock of blonde hair.” As the highlights replayed, he explained the events that just occurred, knowing that he had just witnessed the start of something great.

After that, I was glued to the rest of the WC. Then, the quarterfinal match against Brazil happened… To this day, I have never seen a match quite like that: the highs and lows, the drama, the fairy tale ending… the cross that changed everything. Going forward, I was not only hooked to this team, but I felt a very special connection to Pinoe.

I started watching every video I could find that was about Pinoe (I will never forget roomies for life [wild turkeys, chocolate croissants, Gumby, megan rapinoe I went to the casino…], hometown visits, the video with the shins music, I could go on and on).

I fell in love with the sport of soccer again. I worked on tricks in my house, watched every game I could, started this blog dedicated to soccer, etc.

But it was bigger than just the renewed interest in sport. Megan Rapinoe became the first person who I did not personally know who I genuinely cared about. Up until that point, I had never had a hero (outside of my parents of course) like others around me did. As a socially awkward, reserved, low self esteem teenager, this was important for me.

I didn’t know what it was about her at first. But I found myself wanting to be just like her. I changed my hairstyle, my fashion, my music interests, and tried to be a more confident person. I’ll be honest, I was obsessed with her. I even questioned my sexuality, thinking it might explain why I’m so fascinated with everything about her (eventually realized I’m actually asexual).

After the team won the Olympic gold medal in 2012, I wanted nothing more than to see the team play in person. The problem was, back then, they rarely ever came to the Midwest. So my family and I decided to take an 18 hour road trip to watch them play in Rochester, New York.

I will never forget that trip as long as I live. My family happened to be staying at the same hotel as the team (I swear it was purely a coincidence). I met a lot of players that weekend (Hope Solo, Alex Morgan, Carli Lloyd to name a few). I cried like a fan girl while speaking to Rachel Buehler in the lobby due to my excitement.

And of course, I met Pinoe. I was terrified to talk to her. Thankfully my dad was there. He had no problem calling her over to get a picture as she was leaving the restaurant part of the hotel for practice. She graciously took photos with my family, but I was at a loss for words.

Later, I ran into her in the lobby. She came over to where my brother and I were standing. She asked us where we were from and was impressed to hear how far we traveled to support the team. She went out of her way to have a conversation with us, was interested in what we had to say, and made us feel like we were talking to a friend. She shook our hands at the end of the conversation and said she’d look for us at the game.

After that conversation, I’d never felt such a high in my life. I felt like if I could have a normal conversation with my hero (without humiliating myself) that I could do just about anything.

I continued to watch the games and attend as many as I could depending on the drive. It was so fun to get to watch her play in person. The creativity, vision, and play making skills that woman has makes her one of the best players the team has ever seen.

And just when I thought it couldn’t be possible to be more amazing, Pinoe started to unselfishly use her platform to advocate for others. As someone who comes from a family with some unique needs, advocating for all groups is very important to me. Her work for lgbtq rights, women’s equality, and bringing awareness to racial injustice is helping to change the world.

As someone who works with kids as well as individuals with disabilities, I strive everyday to be kind, empathetic, patient, and understanding in order to help make the world a better place. I strive to advocate for others.

Megan Rapinoe is everything I want to be. She is so genuine, confident, and empathetic towards all people. She’s my hero, she’s my role model, she’s a good person.

I truly don’t think soccer will ever have another Megan Rapinoe. I’m so grateful I got to see her play in her last game in Chicago. I will miss seeing her on the field. I cannot thank her enough for everything she’s done for soccer, for human rights, and for me. And I cannot wait to see what her next chapter brings.

#megan rapinoe #personal

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wannabedjs · 2 months

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2003 was an eventful year...Went on a reality tv show ("Anything for Love") which never aired, studies abroad in Guadalajara Mexico, visted Mexico City, and Cuba . A key new chapter in my life. Fairly quickly after starting my job at UCH in 1998 it became quite evident that there was a disconnect between the providers/staff who only spoke English and the sizable patient population that only spoke Spanish. The sole translator was Dr. Michel Choncol, a renal fellow from Venezuela. I've always felt that the monolingual culture of the USA was a disadvantage. Having only taken a couple Spanish classes in high school, I had near zero Spanish skills. I decided to start the process to learn spanish. Taking classes a couple times a week at Colorado Free University and then enrolling at CU Denver into classess for no credit. Over a period of 3-4 years I advanced my spanish vocabulary to hold simple conversations. I knew if I wanted to accelerate my learning I needed to have a dedicated period of immersion. I'd been talking about this plan for a number of months, so when I proposed the idea of taking a 2 month immersive 'sabbatical' in Mexico to my boss and coworker, it was received with support. As a student at CU Denver I was able to enroll in an study abroad program down to Guadalajara, Mexico. Guadalajara is the LA of Mexico (Mexico city being the NYC) and is located in the state of Jalisco (home of tequila, puerto vallarta, mariachi music, and dozens of large scale murals). I lived with a family that had 2 other 'renters" in their central Gudalajara home. One of the other renters was a Japanese guy who didn't speak English and worked as a sushi chef and was a lucha libre on the side.

Wonderful experience as I learned more in 6 weeks of class than I did in the previous 3-4 years of classroom studies in Denver. (The key was not hanging out with the other native English speakers, most of whom were from England. The movie, Y tu mama tambien, had a sizable impact on most of them wanting to learn Spanish). I regularly hung out with the family's young 20ish old daughter and her boyfriend, Diego, who I was pretty sure was part of the cartel. He owned a couple "bars" which were just fields of land where they served cheap beer and had hip hop music. He even had a young dog named "Sixty" (for 69..yep. no lie).

Weekend trips included a memorable evening in a cemetery in Michoacan for noche de muertos. Straight out of Coco.

I had 2 weeks at the end open for travel and full immersion traveling to Spanish speaking cities. Half way thru my time in Guadalajara, I started planning an excursion to Mexico City then Cuba. Mexico City was as lively as advertised and my prep for Cuba seemed rather simple. No US banks in Cuba and they accepted cold hard cash from the USA.

So entering Havana with enough cash to make it for a week vacation in Havana and the beach town Varadero. Loved Havana and a highlight was walking up to the Interior Ministry government building thinking it was maybe some fancy hotel. It has a massive Che Guevera face on the outside with the tag line "Hasta Victoria Siempre." Now I should have researched the area where I was at, but looking over at the building I thought it said "Hotel Victoria Siempre.'....common mistake...one that you realize quickly as you begin walking toward it and fully armed military guards start walking towards you telling you to leave. I was like "Bet!" and high tailed it for some mojitos and grub far away from the plaza.

Varadero is the old Copa Cabana area. Like Vegas, but frozen in the 1960s. Massive hotels (previously casinos) just vacant. I was staying at an all inclusive type hotel with beautiful beaches with many european tourists. Most were topless which made it very difficult to read on the beach. One of the nights the hotel arranged for everyone to go to a nightclub which was all you can drink (For like 20 bucks) and had a full on cuban band with dancers. Kind of like an old supper club, but without food. It was fantastic, the 10+ piece band threw down cuban salsa/conga for hours. Towards the end of the show they invited the crown onto the large stage to dance. So here we are just getting down on the stage (the Italian gals with tops on just didn't look the same..hahaha) and they show ends at like 10ish. Within minutes of them stopping the place goes straight US hip hop club. With the 1st song being "In Da Club"...a very current song at the time.

If that wasn't memorable enough, I had everything planned. for the last 24 hours of my trip. Bus trip to the airport in Havana was scheduled and and I decided to spend the rest of the cash I had on gifts. Cigars, t shirts, foods, random wooden statues, etc. So I get to the airport and check in my bags with plenty of time before take off. As I approach the customs check point, I see that there is a $25 departure fee to leave the country. Again cash only. Problem was I only had like 5 bucks. Now I like to believe I'm relatively calm and collected when it comes to stressful situations. I find it rare that you end up in situation without a solution. Well, this was one of those situations . I had a moment where I was like "Fuck, I don't have a clue how I can make this work?" Then the master plan hit. The Cuban embargo that has kept the country frozen in time circa 1960 also has kept technology away. Common electronics are extremely expensive. SOOOO. I take out my yellow sony-disc man and walk around the airport waving it saying "se vende! Se Vende!" It took a good 30 min, but a dude came up with $20 and I sold him the discman...which got me out of the country. I still have the flight ticket with the PAGO $25 stamp on it.

2003 - peak meet me in the basement rock n roll

The comeback after the post grunge rock-rap (see Woodstock 99) boy band era. Was it all post 9/11?

Elefante, white stripes, broken social scene, strokes, TV on the radio

But also an electro-rock-punk scene w the rapture

No need to listen to- GREATS

OutKast: Speakerboxxx/The Love Below (Arista)

The White Stripes: Elephant (V2)

Radiohead: Hail to the Thief (Capitol) - saw at red rocks

BSS- you forgot it in people

Basement Jaxx: Kish Kash

Postal service- give up

Yo la tango

Belle and sebastian -dear catastrophe

RH factor - hard groove

Erykah badu - world wide

50 cent - get rich or die trying

Sandra Collins - march essential mix w pete tong from Miami winter music fest

Revisits and new finds

Four tet - rounds

- his debut (?) and maybe my fav. Less Asian/Indian influenced

Caribou- up In Flames.

early release with few great tracks.

Elefante - loved them back it 03 and still solid 2000 era rock n roll

Strokes - room on fire. Just the same music as this is it..but who cares? It’s great!

Rapture- Echos. an early release of the budding electro-punk-rock-dance scene (mainly from NYC). 2-3 banging tracks

Tv on the radio- young liars EP 1st

Audio bullys- ego war. Can’t believe this didn’t get on best of lists. A blend of house, punk, British hip hop, and beats. We Don’t Care is one of best tracks of the year.

Decemberists - her majesty. Still catchy and an enjoyable listen. Very 03-y

M83 - really out there with full synths, but a couple tracks which lead to his take off w “Dreaming” almost a decade later

Pernice brothers- these guys! Discovery of the week. Indie/folk/country rocky with a coolness and sincerity . Lyrically stellar

Massive attack 100th window

Death cab- transatlanticism

- was a late comer to DCFC and really didn’t listen to this record til 08ish. Can see why they have a large loyal fan base. My question, ya think they’ve made more money off tv shows and movies that have their music than off their records? Last song end like the 1st begins . So can start anywhere and the album flows if on repeat

New Pornographers: Electric Version (Matador)- catchy pop-indie rock. I probably would have been really into them had I given this record a couple listens back in 03

Massive attack - 100th Window. The OGs of trip hop! F/u to mezzanine from 98’. That alone made this a must listen to. Still their signature sound that resonates through me the same as in 03’. A truly night record. Not many of those in 03

Randomness

Wrens - pitchfork #1. Not good

Jeff Buckley - live at sin e rerelease as 2 CD set. He will always be a part of my musical journey. Maybe the largest part w regards to memories over years and stories

- NYC house of neon(?) during interview for job at montefore

- house sitting for Bud Carlsen (a subconscious influence to me going to CO). and making late night pancakes listening to his music

- late night music!

- heading to Memphis to search for his body with Angela Angstman and Allison

Lots of great music I didn’t get to…

Bad plus

Arab stap

Mad lib invaded blue note

British sea power

Cursive

Ted Leo and pharmacists

Jay z black album

The neptunes - clones

Constantine’s

Memomena

My morning jacket

Kings of Leon

Mogwai- happy songs for happy peeps

Yeah Yeah Yeahs: Fever to Tell (Interscope)

The Shins: Chutes Too Narrow (Sub Pop)

Lefty deceiver

#year in music #pkpickles #2003

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tubby1 · 1 month

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USA Tour

My thoughts after travelling the United States extensively

INTRODUCTION-

I have been to the United States several times before this trip, but in 2023 and 2024 I really went in depth and reached some of the more rural areas, the ones not many tourists/non locals visit.

I am a graffiti writer/urban explorer, although not a traditional one. The 2 main things I do while I travel the US are 1- paint hidden areas under bridges/tunnels 2- walk around/skate around downtown areas. While most writers like to stay around the big cities, I prefer to visit the smaller towns/rural areas.

Because of these 2 activities I partake in, I visit a lot of random places that normally other people would not visit simply because they are generally just boring places to your average individual.

As well as this, I stand out as an obvious outsider, being non-white and having an Australian accent, it often strikes up conversation with the locals from the small towns.

While I am painting/seeking out hidden areas, I often run into homeless people/remnants of campsites in these places. I always try to be friendly and say hello to people, so sometimes I strike up conversations where people talk to me about their living situation and how they ended up there.

The main question I always get asked by people is “Why are you travelling here of all places?” My answer to this is the same as why I travel anywhere. I just enjoy being in new places, and seeing both the good and bad of the world. It’s important to see the bad to appreciate the good.

And make no mistake, I am very grateful for the situation I was born in and the advantage I was given in life. After travelling to many different countries, I am aware of the advantage I was given simply because of where I was born.

My hometown of Sydney, Australia, as of 2023, was ranked as the 4th best city to live in the entire world. Not a single American city ranks highly on the list, and for good reason.

Ever since I was 16, I endeavoured to make a living online through internet marketing, at a time where the average joe making a living online wasn’t really heard of, compared to these days where there are plenty of kids who can make a living online doing something simple like streaming video games.

But make no mistake, I am also extremely grateful that I was able to waste many months online, making pennies before I was able to make a sustainable living. I had my parents supporting me and a safe place to live until then. If I was born in a less advantaged place, I could be already working in a sweatshop before I became a teenager, I could be in a war torn country fearing for my life daily, with no electricity, let alone access to the internet.

I will write more about the global situation and the geopolitical issues I have seen, but for now, the purpose of this write up is to write about the socio-economic issues I have observed in the United States.

The main points I will be covering are

How travelling from state to state feels like travelling from country to country

The deteriorating downtown areas in much of the rural US, while the corporations and strip malls(stroads) grow larger and larger.

How the homeless problem in the US differs from any other country I have been to

How many Americans I have spoken to from rural areas have not only no/warped understanding of how other countries are, they do not even know much about life in cities like NYC, Chicago etc besides only being a few hours drive away.

How Americans seem to become more fiercely political the more rural you go, and how they argue politics where it’s completely unrelated.

The large amount of propaganda Americans are subjected to, on the billboards/radio etc, and how it differs when you go from the city to the country.

How Americans accept a lot of things as ‘normal’, when it would not be considered normal in any other country

How the United States remains an economic superpower with a large influence over the world, especially via Hollywood TV/Films, but the vast majority of the US, is absolutely nothing like many people think, with so many people living in poverty.

Let's take into consideration 3 huge American corporations and how they impact the people and community. Amazon, Walmart and Dollar General.

Amazon

While Australia also has Amazon, it is nowhere near as widespread as it is in the US. No matter where I have been in America, I always see the Amazon delivery trucks as well as the Amazon boxes outside people’s houses and businesses.

In Africa, if you want a cheap everyday item like a phone case, you go out and buy one from a vendor on the street.

In the US, if you want a phone case, you can order it off Amazon for a few dollars with free express shipping, free returns and it will be at your doorstep before you know it.

Now while this is great if you want cheap items, you also need to think about how it is impossible for small businesses to compete with this giant. You cannot undercut Amazon, simply because you would not be making any profit. They even have their own shipping courier, which is unheard of in other countries. Because of how highly it is used and ranks in search results, some smaller businesses resort to selling their products on Amazon and giving them a cut of their profits.

I believe Amazon is a key reason why shopping malls in America are dying, as well as why so many stores in different downtown areas around the country remain abandoned/vacant.

Walmart

Walmart is the all-encompassing megastore which is in every major town in the USA. These days you can go out to eat at Subway for lunch, go to the optometrist, go grocery shopping, go buy some childrens toys, go to the bank to get a loan, go buy some hardware and tools, get your car fixed, all in the same building known as Walmart. In Australia, I would have to go to several different stores, and spend several more hours running the same errands. However, convenience comes at a cost. Walmart is able to effectively put many different local places out of business, and not just the retail sector. One Walmart I visited even had a medical centre inside, although this is something I only saw once.

Also take into consideration this-

When Walmart moves into a small town and wipes out all the smaller businesses by undercutting prices, they also eliminate a large amount of jobs. So the people who were paying $5 instead of $10 for a meal, this can come full circle when they lose their job and end up working at Walmart and getting paid less.

Walmarts do not exist in downtown areas, they exist usually on something known as a stroad, an exit off the highway, and are usually located near fast food chains, and other big box corporate stores. They effectively remove business from the heart of the town and move it to this new car-centric area. The big chains band together, and this exit off the highway becomes the new epicentre and one stop shop, killing off the downtown area.

Dollar General

I underestimated the power of Dollar General until I really went deep and visited the very rural areas. This chain exists in towns so small that they do not have a Walmart. I have spoken to several people who do not even regularly go to the grocery store, instead they survive off fast food and the cheap processed food selection that Dollar General has.

This corporation is also responsible for ending a lot of smaller businesses.

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How Americans are fiercely political and divided

I have never been to a single other country on the globe where its citizens are so political, and this is observed every day when I was travelling throughout it. There are always huge flags, banners, bumper stickers, and signs everywhere. It is common when I strike up conversations with people that they start diverting and talking about politics when it has no relevance to the conversation. This phenomena can also be observed online, the amount of times I’ve seen Americans arguing about politics online in the comments of completely unrelated YouTube videos, among other things, is absurd.

For many people, this truly is the most important part of their personality.

I do not have much interest in speaking about American politics, so I will not elaborate too much on this section. All I will say is that people should realise there are bigger issues to worry about, and the rich and powerful rely on this division of its citizens to pit them against each other.

While driving I would sometimes listen to the radio as well as observe billboards, which don’t really make sense to me. For example, I don’t quite understand why so many people are always discussing gay/trans rights, when, unless you belong to that demographic, it really should not affect your everyday life regardless how you feel about that topic.

I have noticed in poorer communities, people tend to be more politically inclined, compared to the city, and they think the political parties are the only thing which can save/deteriorate their town.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oblivious to the outside world

Most Americans I have met do not have too much knowledge of the outside world, and are shocked when I tell them about things in America which do not occur in other places.

For example, going to a restaurant and paying the price of the food only rather than paying the ‘server’ is mind boggling to some. Going to the doctor/hospital and not showing any sort of ID or anything, just getting free treatment is something that doesn’t make sense to many Americans.

The prison system, the school system, the way Americans are all taxed, many just believe this to be the norm and can’t imagine anything else.

Americans are assigned a ‘social security number’ at birth and set to live, work and die.

Travelling state to state, or country to country?

Painting graffiti in different states feels like painting different countries. I paint mostly underneath bridges and tunnels. This requires me to park the van in a place that may be seen as unusual. In a very populous place like California, maybe no one bats an eyelid if they see someone park and then walk under a bridge with a backpack. In a very rural state like West Virginia, this could be quite the opposite. Several times I would park the van, and start walking, and people would come out of their houses to question me, to follow me secretly, to say I couldn’t park there (regardless of actual legality), etc…

I realised I had to try and be a lot more cautious in these more rural states if I was to avoid trouble, so I resorted to not ever parking near people’s houses and forgoing certain spots if I felt it was just too rural and my presence walking around would draw too much attention. What state/town I was in would drastically affect my attitude for graffiti/stickers. In a big city, I would generally feel comfortable walking/climbing around and painting/putting up stickers if I was visible by the public as I was usually quick about it. In the smaller towns I was far more cautious, as even just putting up stickers in front of pedestrians could cause some issues.

A place like NYC does reflect what I envisioned and exactly what I expected, from what I’ve seen on television/movies. I would see lots of people riding bikes around, commuting to work, lots of small corner stores, lots of people out and about, parks full, people playing basketball, whatever you normally see in a big city etc etc….

A place like rural West Virginia/Arkansas is completely different, you rarely see people walking around or outside, the downtown areas look completely abandoned, and if you see people hanging around downtown they are likely homeless.

Another example I have to consider, is when I spent some time travelling through somewhere such as California, is most people I observed with relatively ‘normal looking’, but going to rural states, most people are obese as well as the amount of ‘morbidly obese’ is so high, it would be easy to guess if you are in an urban area or a rural area just by looking at the people walking around Walmart.

A person from NYC going to a rural town in upstate NY would be a culture shock despite being only a few hours drive away, and vice versa.

The lack of public restrooms, and why

There is a huge lack of public restrooms in the US, as well as the ones you see in places like parks are often just locked without any valid reason or signage. So much so that I generally don’t even try opening the door to most public restrooms I see, I just assume they will be locked.

The few public restrooms you see open are usually small with only one stall, very dirty, out of toilet paper etc…

In the cities, many businesses will have signs saying their restrooms are broken, not for customers or have a numerical lock on the door.

Now let's look at ‘rest areas’ on the interstate. I’m going to be honest here, these places are usually superb, very clean and very nice. While driving long distances, I often look forward to these places, to break up the drive, use the restroom, fill up my water bottles at the refill stations, and sometimes just sit and chill in a very clean, air conditioned area.

What’s the difference with the restrooms here and in the city? One caters to vehicular traffic and one caters to pedestrian traffic.

Skateboarding’s link to observing economic disparity.

One of my favorite ways to wander around a new city and explore is to ride my skateboard. While skateboarding is illegal on the sidewalks in many places, this is where I normally like to ride, and after riding through a few cities, there is something I have noticed.

In the poorer suburbs, the sidewalks are basically unrideable. I basically spend a lot of time just carrying my board as the sidewalk is full of cracks/weeds and completely unrideable.

In the wealthier suburbs, the sidewalks can be exceptional to ride. Smooth, wide and very well maintained.

It is the same city though. Just certain areas the city cares about, and certain areas they do not.

The quality of sidewalks is not something that many people notice, but as a skateboarder, it is something I have observed everywhere I went. It is one small detail out of many.

Los Angeles - rich get rich, poor get poorer

I have always wanted to go to Los Angeles since I was a kid. It’s Hollywood, y’know? LA is a big place, and the areas within it are very different. I have wandered around the train tracks and LA rivers around downtown and it’s pretty lawless to say the least. Completely covered in trash, full of homeless, and some spots I did not paint because of the hostile people living there.

I remember a particular stretch of tracks downtown, walking through giant piles of stolen bikes being parted out, and seeing masked people rob a freight train as it parked up momentarily. I have observed chaotic scenes similar to this before in poorer countries, but it’s not really what tourists think of when they think of ‘Hollywood’.

Not too far of a drive away from this chaos, what do you have? The rich celebrities, the gated mansions and wealthy neighbourhoods of Beverly Hills, Calabasas etc…

Conversations with homeless

Painting graffiti in America, I always run into homeless people. Sometimes they keep to themselves, sometimes they want to talk.

Sometimes they ask me for money and I offer to buy them food instead. Most of the time they will decline, but something they will take me up on my offer so I strike up a conversation as I walk with them to the nearest food place/grocery store.

I ask where they are from and how they got into that situation. Some people say something simple like they lost their ID, and then had trouble acquiring a new one, and then their life gradually declined into homelessness. Many people had a bad childhood. Sometimes I meet people that enjoy living under a bridge. Sometimes I see families and children, just trying to survive and get through the winter…

The fact that I paint graffiti and enjoy exploring lets me see the kind of places the homeless seek out. I am merely a traveller, a tourist passing through and painting something for fun. For them, that bridge covered in excrement and trash is their home…

It is true that a lot of homelessness is associated with drugs/alcohol addiction. I have met many people who are obviously high and incoherent and other times I meet regular people though. I treat everyone the same, regardless of whether they appear to be wealthy or poor.

Some of the worst people I’ve met in life were the wealthy, entitled ones. Some of the kindest people I’ve met were the unhoused ones with next to nothing.

Some people are in that situation because of their own bad decisions. Some people were taken advantage of and dealt a bad hand in the game of life. Many people suffer from bad mental illnesses, and are left untreated and unhoused.

I remember these people I crossed paths with that I could not help. I remember being in a small town, saying hello to someone under a bridge and opting to start a friendly conversation before realising that they had schizophrenia. They started rambling to me and talking to people that were not there, and I listened to it all as I took my time to paint a piece. I normally paint quickly, but sometimes I opt to do a piece and paint longer if there are people who I feel are enjoying talking to me at the spot.

I remember reading discarded journals under bridges, of people writing about their lives. I remember people telling me about their goals and dreams, I remember the hope in their voices as they described where they wanted to get there in life, and I knew the chances of them achieving their dreams were next to nothing.

I remember meeting people who were living amongst a pile consisting of just random objects they collected of no use to them, they were obviously hoarding and had a mental illness.

Maybe when you have so little to your name and no one to support you, having a bunch of random items around you makes you feel okay.

No one chooses where they were born and what situation they were born in. We shouldn’t try and divide ourselves. We are all humans moulded from the same clay.

We laugh, we cry.

We get excited, we get angry.

We love, we grieve.

We are all one race, the human race.

#tubby graffiti #tubby1 #tubby1 sticker

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umichenginabroad · 2 months

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Madrid Week 6: The Honeymoon Phase

Hola a todxs ‼️‼️ Niko here again, and welcome back to week 6’s blog of my study abroad experience in Madrid. This post is a little more text/personal reflection heavy. We'll get to some more fun stuff next week :).

This past week was filled mainly with schoolwork and cooking — not too much exploration of the city — and I stuck mainly to my established routes between home and university. However, looking forward, I think that this routine will be significant in my international experience, too.

For the first few weeks living here, I got out as much as possible and tried my best to take advantage of everything Madrid had to offer. Trying all the cute cafes, seeing all the tourist attractions, exploring new neighborhoods, going out to all the clubs. But now that I’ve been here for a month and a half, it feels a bit like I’m actually ‘living’ here, and less like some kind of extended vacation.

I actually have schoolwork to do now — projects, papers, presentations — and that leaves me much less time to simply exist. I think I can take that as both a blessing and a curse. For one, it’s a curse, because in reality, I would love to just skip around Madrid all week without any responsibilities, who wouldn’t?

But now, I think I’m living more like how a student would who’s here year round. Let’s be honest — are Michigan students constantly going around Ann Arbor, discovering all the little nooks and crannies, experiencing all the most hyped up spots and exploring all the paths less traveled? Not really. Maybe I’ll hit the Kerrytown farmers market or the Blind Pig on a weekend, but honestly that’s few and far in between. Majority of my weekends at Michigan are spent around campus and at home.

I don’t want to say we’ve “become complacent” with Ann Arbor, because that inherently has a negative connotation. But we’ve certainly gotten used to living in this city, and simultaneously have tons of other things on our plate that we’ve got to attend to. Things aren’t as shiny and exciting as they were the first month of freshman year, and we simply have less time. It feels like something similar is happening here in Spain, for both reasons (although maybe to a lesser extent — I still have more free time than I do in Michigan, and Madrid is still, well, Madrid, Spain. Not quite like Ann Arbor, Michigan, USA).

Now, my perspective of Madrid has shifted slightly, and with it my experience. Maybe one could say my “honeymoon phase” is over, but to be honest, I haven’t really started to find a lot of things I really dislike about the city. Things are just a little more like real life, which I think I'll end up being happy for.

As some of you may know, I studied abroad over the summer after my freshman year in Buenos Aires. That program lasted 6 weeks, and I stayed an extra with my parents after the program ended. School wasn’t as demanding, and I had ample free time all week. Those six weeks were incredible. It was my first time living outside of the United States for an extended period of time, my first time ever living in a big city, my first time immersed in another language and culture completely different from my own.

Upon reflection, I think my ‘honeymoon phase’ lasted all 7 weeks of my experience in Buenos Aires. And now, I’m reaching week 7 here in Madrid. I’ll be here for a total of 15.

My experiences in Buenos Aires and Madrid have been similar in a lot of ways. The architecture of the cities, the language, the general warmth of the people and culture. Simultaneously, they’ve been different in more ways than I can count, and I think a big one I'm slowly transitioning into will be due to the amount of time that I have here.

Now, I’m left with an awareness of the challenge that comes with living in a foreign city, in a culture completely different from my own. In a class that I’m currently taking, 'Social groups and their cultural imaginaries', we had a lesson on Italo Calvino’s Invisible Cities. One of the main themes of the book: Our interpretation of a city or landscape is based on how we are feeling, or what we want at that particular moment.

How will my experience of this city change with my perception and feelings towards it? What will I desire then, and what do I desire now? How will I interact with Madrid in week 15? How will that be different from week 1?

How will I continue to adapt to Spanish culture? What pieces of US culture will I still be holding on to, and what pieces of my identity will change?

Will I continue to find excitement and novelty in this place in week 15, or will I have to make an active effort to do so? Will living in Madrid at week 15 feel like living in Ann Arbor, or Arlington VA? Or are the places and cultures so different that the experience will never be comparable?

Will this lifestyle be something that I want to continue, or will I find that I’m most comfortable in the culture and community I grew up with?

I’ve asked a lot of questions here, most of which I have no semblance of an answer to. Some of them are small, some of them are pretty big. I’ll plan on coming back to this blog, maybe in week 15, maybe in a post-reflection — and I’ll try to answer as many of them as I can. Just writing them here increases my awareness, which enables more active reflection and growth in my day-to-day life.

One action item I’ve realized after writing this blog: I need to start taking a more active effort during the week to continue appreciating Madrid for all it has to offer me. At first, it came really naturally, but now, it’s harder. Moreover, as I’ll be traveling around Europe for the next few weekends, I’ll have less chances to experience Madrid without the pressure of everyday life squeezing around me.

Taking an active effort means giving myself more opportunities to be mindful, present, and appreciative of the environment I’m in. That includes waking up earlier and trying to establish more of a schedule with schoolwork, which will give me time to do things like going out on walks to take photos in the morning, or finding a new bar to enjoy a drink at during the evenings. Also, I hope to start meditating again — which has been something that has served as a point of stability for me throughout college.

Transition periods are never easy, and I've found myself in one yet again. The best advice I can give myself for now is to remain appreciative and accepting of all of the everything lives throws me, knowing that each one is an opportunity for growth — and I'll come out the other side more experienced, wise, and grateful that it happened.

In other news, this week I saw Dune 2 (highly recommend, ESPECIALLY in IMAX), kept cooking, and did a good amount of studying. Also, this past weekend I went to Italy (for the first time ever) and spent the weekend with an old friend. I’m headed to Sevilla this weekend, and I’ll detailing both a little more in next week's blog. Wishing everyone a happy hump day and a strong finish to the week.

Hasta pronto,

Niko Economos

Aerospace Engineering

Universidad Carlos III de Madrid

Madrid, Spain

#UmichEnginAbroad #IPEUC3M #NikoEconomos #IPEWinter24 #Spain

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whiskeysfiresx · 9 months

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if you’re hearing LADY LIKE by INGRID ANDRESS playing, you have to know AVERY WILDER-SANDERS (SHE/HER; CISFEMALE) is near by! the 32 year old ARTIST has been in denver for, like, 5 YEARS. they’re known to be quite OBSTINATE, but being CREATIVE seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble ADELAIDE KANE. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those BLACKBERRY SAGE CANDLES HALF-BURNED, PAINT-SPLATTERED CONVERSE, VIVID SUNSETS vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the RIVER NORTH ART DISTRICT long enough!

TW: injury

BASICS:

full name: Avery Sage Wilder-Sanders

nicknames: Ave, honeybee

age: 32

DOB: December 21st, 1991

hometown: Denver, CO, USA

current location: Denver, CO, USA

neighborhood: River North Art District

occupation: Artist

gender: Female

sexuality: Bisexual

relationship status: Married to Christopher Sanders (@l0stpiecesx )

positive traits: driven, creative, headstrong, loyal

negative traits: stubborn, confrontational, self-critical

theme song: Lady Like by Ingrid Andress

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE:

face claim: Adelaide Kane

hair color: Dark Brown

eye color: Golden-brown

height: 5'4" (162 cm)

weight: 119 pounds (54kg)

build: slim, athletic

tattoos: crow wearing heart-shaped sunglasses on the inside of her left forearm, mountain scene around her right bicep, rose chain around her left ankle

piercings: ears

FAMILY:

mother: Melissa Wilder (nee Benson)

father: Scott Wilder

siblings: 1 older sister, 2 older brothers (eventual WC)

children: none

pets: Siberian husky named Spike

significant others: small spattering of relationships, marriage to Christopher Sanders

BIOGRAPHY:

Scott and Melissa Wilder were told they couldn't have any children after the birth of their youngest son. Lo and behold, Avery Sage came into the world a few years later. Her mother liked to joke that she learned through a fifty-four hour labor that there was no making her do something she didn't want to do.

Scott's family had lived in Denver for the past four generations, on a sprawling working cattle ranch just outside of town. The family business boasted 637 acres, along with an "equine retreat", though Avery often referred to it as a dude ranch.

While her family had skills with ranching, Avery was a rising star with anything involving a horse. She competed in rodeos and various shows, including show jumping and dressage. She attended camps and was trained under the finest coaches with the hopes of joining the US Equestrian Team. During one of her qualifying shows, a jealous competitor sabotaged her saddle and it caused Avery to crash the jump. What followed was the longest two years of her life.

Doctors told Avery she would likely never walk normally again, but she took it as a challenge. She took the surgeries and the physical therapy in stride in hopes of proving everyone wrong. While she was able to walk, she lost everything she had ever worked for. Art had been a hobby of hers, but during rehab, she threw herself into it. After graduating from rehab, she applied for SCAD (Savannah College of Art & Design) in Georgia and continued her hard work.

With her parents' blessing, she eventually decided to transfer to École Nationale Supérieure deus Beaux-Arts in Paris and it was there that she met Chris Sanders. While Avery was considered an extremely careful individual, it all went out the window when she met him. Within a few months, they not only traveled together, they ended up getting married. After getting over the initial shock, the Wilder family accepted their new in-law with open arms.

Things have become somewhat strained with Avery and her family since her homecoming to Denver. Instead of her taking over the family dude ranch, she decided to pursue her career as an artist.

#chq;intro

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pearlcscent · 1 year

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☆ ana luisa fun facts

libra sun leo moon, my venusian fiery girl

her family moved to the usa before she was born; her parents were able to secure great jobs but they require a lot of travel/commitment so ana doesn’t see them very often.

she was raised in a brazilian community, and she had relatives that would watch her after school from time to time.

she became close with her neighbours and often hung out with them and their kids.

as ana’s interest in singing grew, her parents got her a vocal coach at age 9 that ended up mentoring her up until recently.

ana took a “break” a while after seven left; she just needed some time off and hasn’t gone back. she started smoking then.

her vocal coach is still very present in her life, acting almost like an aunt to her. she’s one of ana’s closest friends and probably the biggest mother figure in her life.

ana was quite a lonely child although she could mask it very well; on the outside she was a happy girl with a big smile on her face, always down to play, as charming and friendly as can be; she did everything in her power to fit in and be liked (still does).

i haven’t settled on how seven and ana met although i know she befriended him much to his dismay.

she looked at seven and saw herself in him, so she had to get to know him the way she wanted to be known herself.

ana was definitely annoying at first, always sticking by him regardless of his disregard for her. she didn’t ask a lot of questions at first because she knew she’d find out why and how and what eventually. she talked to him like they had known each other for years, treating him like an imaginary friend who was supposed to know all of her trauma and experiences since day 1. it led to seven asking questions and overall curiosity, which lead to regular conversation, which lead to them becoming actual best friends

eventually you would never see one without the other and they’d spend hours and hours just talking. they’d spend nights together on the roof of ana’s apartment with snacks and eventually alcohol, talking. some days just being in each other’s company was enough, and it was nice.

one day seven heard ana singing and it blew him away. she hadn’t shown that part of herself to him yet and it was the final puzzle piece she was holding onto. something about sharing that with him felt very scary, since all that people would praise her for or pay attention to her was her singing. she didn’t want to perform for seven in order for him to like her. she wanted him to like her for just who she was so she never sang around him or mentioned she was part of the choir in her church.

ana grew up religious; relying on God for comfort and company. all of her community was very involved in the church, and the most time her and her parents would hang out together would be at church. she was part of the choir and she adored being on stage; it was the only time her parents seemed to pay attention to her and they’d parade her to show off the precious doll they call daughter. this was the start of her superiority complex but also need to be constantly performing in order to get an ounce of attention.

her relationship with God changed once she and seven became closer. suddendly religion was in his voice and mind, then his stare, his touch, his company and loyalty… she didn’t need God anymore, she had seven. and once he left, her sense of faith crumbled and i think she’s still trying to figure that out.

ana thrifts a lot! she also has diy-ed quite a lot of the stuff in her room. she loves to find antique and cool looking items, she loves clutter and making her room look lived in in contrast to other spaces in the house. ana has painted her room a million different times.

she bagged a job at her local thrift shop after going there so much and helping out people in the store (her friendliness and charming smile make her very good at costumer service) despite not having any openings at the moment. the lady that runs it grew a liking to her.

i think ana is looking for a seven replacement unconsciously, and g is the one for the job. we’ll see how that goes for her <3

#posting this now so future posts dont get massive #im loving developing her sm #i cant wait for chapter two #c: ana luisa da cruz #s: infamous #also if there are typos. no there aren't

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godofjoblessness · 2 years

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Movies have always inspired me and captivated me. I always learn something or the other from films I watch. It's always been more than just a visual representation for me.

The movie 'The Namesake' by Mira Nair is an adaptation of the novel 'The Namesake' by Jhumpa Lahiri couldn't have come at a better time than what's currently going on with me.

As always it's an offbeat movie...with Irrfan it's something about offbeat movies which just pulls you in, in so deep. I hadn't thought about watching it earlier thinking not all of his movies are going to be that great-(how foolish of me).

This movie resonates with me because I am at that stage in life where I need to make a decision whether I want a life abroad or in my home country. Just like Gogol says 'Pack a pillow and blanket and travel the world'. Experiencing stuff is really important. It's really crucial to tackle life outside of your comfort zone. And that's what Irrfan did in the movie. He left Calcutta and went to USA in search of work.

Traveling half of the Earth and settling in foreign country makes it really difficult for you to see your family. I just realised that. The faces you see daily would be limited to phone calls and video calls only. I would love to start a family abroad and have children who would be born there just as Irrfan thought so that they have a good future but I would never like to settle over there. For me, it's like being isolated. Sure you meet new people new opportunities but I guess home is where you have a sense of belonging. And that's always going to be your own country.

Can't believe how amazing he looked when he was young. Lately, I have had a deep connection with him and Calcutta. Not sure what it is but I definitely want to visit it properly. I have been there once but for a very brief moment.

The casting in the movie has been so great. Love Tabu as the mother. She gave proper justice to her role and both shared screen in Life of Pi as well.

According to me the movie was based more on Ashima and Ashoke rather than Gogol. How they adapt to newer challenges and start fresh in a new country. After Ashoke's death, the film is solely on how Ashima gets back to reality and finds her bliss back.

I think I am more like Ashima, rooted to culture and family oriented person who loves being surrounded by well wishers and loved ones. If I were in her place, even I would have left everything and come back to your own home after Ashoke's death.

And the other thing which keeps you hooked to the film is the amazing soundtrack. That classical background music always makes you feel like you are at home no matter where you are.

And the last scene is one of the best climax of a movie I have ever seen (the above image). With Gogol finding the book Ashoke had given him at his graduation ceremony. After knowing the real meaning of why Ashoke named his son Gogol, the book becomes really important for him. And how he will set on his own journey.

And finally this scene:

It's a really powerful scene. I had seen this shot and just based on that I judged that this is going to be an amazing movie. It's a scene of a father and son - who have walked far for a good view. Upon reaching the view point Ashoke realises that he isn't carrying a camera to capture the moment. So he tells Gogol to remember this moment for the rest of his life. It really is an emotional one. That smile, that damn smile

It's a must watch movie. It tells you to not regret things in life and expressing things at the right time, living in the moment and about the beliefs of your traditions and culture.

#the namesake #irrfan khan #jhumpa lahiri #mira nair #gogol #ashima

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the1975attheirverybest · 10 months

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Also I find it a bit sad. I love the 1975, I love Matty, they are my safe space, this community. But, I find it a bit sad. How these people travel from Asia to Europe, to USA, to New Zeeland all because they want to attend every show. Dont they have their own life? Even if I had all that money I wouldnt adjust all my life to their tour schedule and being constantly on the road recording and shit. is that their whole life? Dont they have anything outside of it? I think it's crazy thing to do. It would be fun for a while but these people are doing it for over a year now. Like wow damn.

No EXACTLYYYY!!! I said that and I was told to stop being jealous that they’re living their best lives lol.

But I feel like….let’s say you’re LOADED and you can afford all that. Don’t you….have a job? School? A boyfriend who misses you cuz you’ve been acting like you’re part of the 1975’s crew? A girlfriend who misses you and wants to spend time with you or go on a date or whatever? Laundry? A cat? A dog? A mom? A landlord who’s convinced you’re scamming him and you don’t actually live there? A hobby? A restaurant you wanna try in your town? A friend you wanna catch up with? Literally anything. Anything at all.

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theniftycat · 1 year

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My thoughts on cultural appropriation

I never liked the term due to its power dinamics. I guess a good way to put it into perspective is mirroring. You wouldn't tell me, a person from a small Asian nation of Sakha (Yakut) that I'm not allowed to wear cowboy boots. Especially, if I came to like the town of Tombstone and bought them there. I'd be supporting local economy.

Same thing is if you came to Yakutsk and bought Yakut clothes. It would be welcome. If you wore these clothes in Yakutsk, people would find you weird or funny, they would even maybe find you inspiring if you wore them well. Because seeing someone else do a local thing makes it seem bigger.

With these clothes being just clothes, hardly anyone would see it as truly disrespectful. This is what people do when they travel: they eat local food, they learn local words, they wear local clothes.

Whet about spiritual significance of Yakut clothes? What about spiritual significance of your t-shirt? If you don't wanna buy shaman clothes, don't buy shaman clothes. Somehow, you don't dress like a priest in normal life.

Now, when you leave Yakutsk, you probably won't be wearing these clothes anymore because it would be socially confusing. Unless the item of clothing looks cool, of course. I'd also wear good cowboy boots outside of the USA. You can also display them or show them to people like you do with fridge magnets.

What you did there is perfectly normal for people to do. You did cultural exchange and you supported Yakut economy. It's not cultural appropriation.

It would be cultural appropriation if you started manufacturing Yakut clothes on a mass scale and making money without admitting these are Yakut clothes. If you made a copy of them with your hands, it's not appropriation, it's just making clothes. You're not stealing a whole lot by just making one copy. If you manufacture Yakut clothes properly crediting them but without hiring Yakut people (not like it would help, trickle down economics don't work, especially if you just pay money to one person or they move out of Yakutia which many people would), you're an ass hole, but you're also spreading awareness of Yakut culture which is not evil. You'll probably get backlash, especially from white people.

You might get backlash from posting your pics in Yakut clothes from your trip to Yakutsk too. But only if you have a big enough online presence or are very unlucky. I think it's wrong because as a single person just buying things and enjoying them on your own, you don't do anything wrong except for participating in capitalism.

By the way, capitalism. Cultures have capital. The more likely a culture is to sell, the more capital it has. The more capital it has, the more likely it is to be exploited. How many souvenirs are made in China? Buy hey, guess what? They're sold in local places. To buy them you have to go there, eat local food, learn local words and maybe even buy local hand made clothes. If you do all these things locally, you're supporting local economy.

Cultural capital means that if you refuse to buy local things locally and refuse to talk about these things, that culture loses clout and becomes weaker. So, as long as you're saying that interaction is appropriation, you're taking away from smaller cultures and making dominant ones stronger.

Now, what if you wore Yakut clothes on Halloween? It's a dick move, but it's not like it's illegal. Neither is it cultural appropriation, more like cultural alienation. It's cringe and gross, but you do you.

What if you use it for sex stuff? Why do you want me to know? You don't harm anyone with it. If you tell people about it, they'll feel weird. Why do you think people should judge your personal behaviour that's unknown to anyone? Escape the panopticon of your own mind, jeesh. Grow op already and live with yourself.

Not everything you do should be subject to social capital. But buying things in small economies is generally good.

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tumblasha · 11 months

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a review of the first week of cabo verde

so i've officially landed in the praia, cabo verde, airport seven (7) whole days ago, and i want to share my initial thoughts. this will be long, so here's a numbered list :)

1 . i feel like i'm a kid back in brazil but also a 21 y/o tall kid

so caboverdians speak portuguese (bc it's taught in formal schools) and they also speak kabuverdianu (creole, different across all the islands). being someone that can translate / speak at the store for the person they live with [1], it just feels like i'm a kid with a limited vocab

living in a beach town where everything is at a slower pace and is within walking / bus / taxi distance made me feel happy :) vacation!dasha is alive and well

2 . cabo verde is also a tall kid (but 48 y/o)

this one is sorta very much on me.

so i did the classic American Tourist thing and never actually learned anything about the history of the country i will be traveling to (sorry). since coming here and asking my co-workers and friends-of-misti about the general vibes of this country, i've learned so much! a lot of which Make Sense, a lot of which Confuse Me

older caboverdians tend to see themselves as not-african. i also learned that some ppl in some countries in mainland africa also don't consider themselves african bc of the way that the label "africa" comes with various histories, most of them negative bc of europe. this is why "kriolu" / "creole" are such popular words ! also younger caboverdians acknowledge that they are african / black if that applies to them

race is phenotypical here. which is what i expected (closer to how latam sees race ig?? more like how brasil sees race ig??). what i'm trying to say is that if you introduce yourself as "from the usa", they'll always say "no, where are u Actually from" and won't rest until u say something like "peruvian, chinese, etc." bc a lot of ppl outside of the usa don't believe that the usa has "actual indigenous ppl anymore" [2]. it also means that speaking english in the street invites ppl to ask you ur race

being east asian (chinese) in cabo verde is sorta .. rough. the microaggressions that i've seen in the two (2) days that my chinese-american roommate face is kinda Wild. when the person leading our cultural training said "oh sometimes ppl will call u 'china'" to my friend i thought that it meant that it would replace "ma'am" in the usual "yes, ma'am" / "no, ma'am" conversations with strangers, not that random ppl will yell "china!" multiple times to my friend when we're sitting on the sand. this has ties with macau and the rest of the chinese gov't building universities, casinos, and having a Business Presence in the country. but at least we got tourism industry students to invite us to clubs bc my friend is chinese-american??? [3] it's just really weird to me bc i haven't faced any racial / appearance-based ... acknowledgements ... even tho i clearly look like a foreigner in a sorta-racially-homogenous place (talking abt the mostly black island santiago)

independence day is not really celebrated here : ( ppl have conflicting opinions on the independence of the country. most of the country likes the day (july 5) bc it's a day off from work. other ppl say that it's hard to be a country with growing pains and would rather have portugal's gov't deal with building the infrastructure. other ppl are putting in the work to ease the growing pains. kinda sad since massachusetts, rhode island, and brazil (afaik) have big celebrations (fireworks and everything) rather than just a random ceremony where the president speaks for a bit and everyone goes home

a lot of the night life is european. someone pls teach me how to vibe to edm and house music and general non-lyrical music fjewiaofj but also shoutout to that club with brazilian funk. if only i learned the dance that my são paulo friend taught me </3

3 . the food is sorta fantastic here ngl

yes, i'm behind on the foodposting, and idk if i'll ever catch up lmao

for my lovely friends who eat meat, cachupa / caxupa is one of the loveliest things to eat. it's a meat-based (with veggies!) soup dish ?? it usually has either fish or pork tho. it's the national dish for a reason <33 also the seafood is good. sola-approved!

for my lovely friends who don't eat meat, i found a vegan place like 8 min away from my apt! also bc i'm in a City, it's easy to ask for things to be made vegetarian (plus there's always couscous and salads lol). also veg cachupa exists

for all my lovely friends, the food isn't Too too varied. i feel like the most common foods are pizzas, pastas, burgers, and shwarmas. also chinese foods are translated in an interesting way: noodles are pasta / spaghetti, dumplings are pastels (the empanada-esque brazilian translation), etc. there are also a bunch of brazilian churrascarias and one (1) indian restaurant

also i tried to be Cool and add some hot sauce to one of my pastas and i had to pretend i didn't want to kill myself in front of the Adults on the table

4. kabuverdianu is a cool language

i learned duolingo's haitian creole to get the vibes of a creole language. though this is attached to portuguese instead of french, a lot of the characteristics are the same. the words borrowed from the european language are spelled in a way that makes sense (maybe in a way that makes more sense to spanish-speakers?). i also like how gendered things tend to just be made gender neutral (usually defaulting to the masc way). i can hear it and understand it if spoken to me slowly, but after that ... oof!

5 . marcha do orgulho made me v happy

what if i change my "go to carnaval in every continent" goal to "go to pride in every continent" hehe. i think it was so Good how the pride that had 30 ppl last year exceeded their goal of 100 ppl this year by A Lot. even though there were a lot of ppl from the EU who backed the event (logistically spread the word i think??), the ppl who showed up were mostly black and made it such a fun time :,)

i also met a trans woman who claimed was the only trans woman in her island :,0 [5] she traveled all the way to santiago for pride

6 . overall i'm excited for the summer

i think that i'll spend a lot of my time reading a book by the beach and learning kabuverdianu while telling myself that i can maybe be an immigrant like my parents [4] or at least work abroad for a few years maybe. i'm excited to be an adult. i went to the beach (one on the other side of the island) today, and i just feel refreshed. i got to swim in the water like if it were a pool and hang out with the fish lol

---

[1] my parents as a kid, my roommate as a taller kid (now)

[2] overheard at a bar in barcelona

[3] my roommate will prob talk abt it more since she's doing the indentityX blogposts that misti hosts lol

[4] for those that don't know, there's at least a two-gen moving maternal history in my family line. my grandma moved across the country after high school. my mom moved across the continent after college. i wanna Continue that somehow bc i feel like it'd be cute

[5] lots of gays and lesbians, according to her, but being trans is a whole different thing there

#'but lately i've been crying like a tall child' -mitski #call points 1 and 2 a Reference #okay i realize that the italics sub-headings make the numbered list kinda useless #but y'all love me so you'll stand it #heart #also i've been watching the politician with ben platt and i kinda get how my silly little theatre friends ended up really liking ben platt #he's a lil silly but he can Act and Sing #dash rambles #cabo verde #cv #oh yeah also work is going well LOL #i forget abt the fact that i have to do Something to justify me being here lol

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